


Shifting Lines - Book Two

by DovahTobi



Series: Shifting Lines [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Body Horror, Bullying, Child Abuse, Depression, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friendship, Future LGBT+ rep in series, Gay Remus Lupin, Gore, Hogwarts Second Year, Indian James Potter, Internalized Homophobia, MWPP, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders are very good and close friends, Neurodivergent Remus Lupin, Nightmares, Oblivious Remus Lupin, Original Character(s), POV Remus Lupin, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Protective Sirius Black, Puberty, Questioning, Remus "Literally Runs Away From His Problems" Lupin, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexuality Crisis, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Soft Marauder friendship, Touch-Averse, Werewolves Turn Into Actual Wolves, Whump, Wolfstar won't be getting together until a later book in the series, smol Remus Lupin, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 133
Words: 573,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23003809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DovahTobi/pseuds/DovahTobi
Summary: Long haul Remus story. Book two covers his second year.The Marauders are growing even closer but how are things going to change once they reveal they know his deepest secret? Navigating through the change of becoming a teenager, Remus begins to think he might have another secret, one that is very confusing to figure out for a young wizard in the 70s.The world of Shifting Lines will eventually include Wolfstar. Mostly canon with a few exceptions.There should be more tags but I don't want there to be a wall so I'm trying to keep it short. I took some of the fluffier tags out & mostly kept in the darker ones as warnings. I promise there is more than angst in this. I'm sorry the tags were such a disaster before, tagging is confusing to me haha.Updated every Tuesday and Friday(Don't really need to read the 1st before this I think)I also want to make it clear I do not agree with Rowling's views. This is a very pro LGBT+ series, there will be a lot of LGBT+ characters once they're older. That being said, the general wizarding society in this is very anti-LGBT+. I will keep the hate to a minimum, but it will be a story where the characters are afraid to/cannot come out publicly.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & James Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Series: Shifting Lines [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1438801
Comments: 4637
Kudos: 1381





	1. Chapter One - October 21st, 1964

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there is anything you need warned about just let me know. If you need warnings at the start of the chapters in which it happens I'll be glad to do that too. I want my readers to be comfortable. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the story!!  
> Other warnings for this story include emetophobia: Remus gets sick a lot but I tag chapters where that happens. In addition, this story is the Marauders growing up. There's pre-teen drama, kissing, developing relationships, etc. Also in Shifting Lines the full moon lasts multiple nights. As little as two to up to four. I do use a guide for this to determine the nights. Finally, apologies I did not have a beta until around chapter 60 I think.

His mother's hand, stroking his temple.

"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamt I held you in my arms. When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken... and I hung my head and cried."

His mother's voice, gently crooning.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you'll never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away..."

"Can you sing it all, Mommy?" he asked, mostly wanting to put off going to sleep.

"That's the important part, the rest doesn't matter," she said, her fingers brushing against his cheek. "Goodnight, baby. No arguing, now."

"Okay..." he sighed, pulling his stuffed dog up to his neck. "Night night, Mommy."

She bent in and kissed his forehead, then his cheek, the same spots her fingers had been. Then she made sure he was tucked in tight before leaving the room, keeping the door slightly ajar. There was a softly glowing orb hovering above the rocking chair in the corner of his room, giving off a purple light for him to sleep to. There was also the light of the full moon coming in from the window.

Four-year-old Remus Lupin yawned loudly and rolled over, settling in for sleep, still hearing his mother singing to him in his head. He was almost asleep when he heard raised voices from downstairs. They were really loud, upsetting him. He shifted around in his bed then wriggled out from under the blanket, walking over to the door and crouching down.

"...orts of him being nearby, that doesn't scare you?" his mother said, rather loud, very frightened.

Remus stuck his fingers in his mouth, feeling afraid at hearing his mother so afraid.

"We'll be fine," his father snapped back, causing Remus to flinch at how angry he sounded. "It's not like it understands anything this time of the month anyway."

"You said he's different, what if he wants revenge for--"

"It, not he!" Remus stepped back at the tone in his father's voice, sucking on his fingers even harder. "If it wanted revenge, it could have done so last month." He heard a soft noise behind him and turned around, staring around the room but not seeing anything. "We'll be fine." He turned back to the door, wanting to hear more about what his parents were fighting about. "Besides, what can it do? If it tries to attack the house, I'll kill it."

"Lyall..."

Another sound. Remus turned and felt even more afraid. He thought he'd feel better with his blankie so he began going back to his bed when a cool breeze stopped him. His window hadn't been open before. He tugged his blankie off his bed and went over to the window, climbing up onto the seat and looking out at the bright moonlight filtering through the trees. His eyes traveled downward then his small body stiffened when he saw something on the ground, in the yard. There was a big shape moving back and forth, and it frightened him.

He scrambled down off the windowseat to go tell his mama but when he turned there was a man in his room, standing so close that all Remus could really see were legs. He craned his neck back. Up, up, up, into the pale face of a stranger whose sharp teeth gleamed as he grinned. His arms darted out, blurring. Remus opened his mouth to scream but a cold hand was pressed hard against his mouth. He began thrashing in the arms of the stranger as the stranger picked him easily up off the floor with one hand, the other still holding back Remus's screams. The stranger's body and arms felt different, harder, colder. Almost like a statue than a person.

 _MAMA! PAPA!_ Remus struggled as the stranger jumped onto the windowsill then jumped down. They were on the second floor and Remus thought they were going to hit the ground and splatter like the plum he once threw out his window. But the stranger landed in a crouch, still holding Remus who felt nothing more than a jolt.

"Got'm," the stranger hissed out, straightening up.

Remus wet himself as a huge monster stepped out of the shadow of a tree.

It was a wolf. A huge, hulking wolf with bared fangs, raised hackles, the moonlight showing every inch of its muscled body. It was _so_ big, the fur ragged, the tail swishing back and forth. Almost wagging. Remus suddenly didn't care a stranger was holding him, he twisted around, trying to climb up onto the stranger but the stranger held him stiffly. He couldn't move except to kick his dangling legs, his pajamas damp with urine. He kicked the stranger hard in the belly though it seemed to have no effect.

"Want me to drop'm?" the stranger asked.

The wolf padded out to the middle of the yard The stranger followed, carrying Remus who began kicking harder, tears streaming down his face. Where was Mama and Papa? Why weren't they doing something?

The giant monster paused, looking right into Remus's eyes. He tried to scream again but the stranger kept his voice muffled.

The wolf looked up at the house then at the stranger, nodding. The stranger laughed as he threw Remus down onto the ground. He began sobbing loudly as pain filled his small body, having never experienced anything like this before. The wolf stepped closer. It was so big, its eyes were glowing, saliva dripping down as the lips curled back to show the long fangs. It growled, stinky hot breath washing across Remus's face as he sucked in some air then screamed as loudly as he could, his tiny voice filling the air. He was hurting too much to move though tried as the wolf was on top of him now. One paw came down on his leg, holding him even more still as he thrashed about, trying to get away. The weight against his thigh hurt so bad.

"Remus?! REMUS?!"

"DAAADDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Remus shrieked. He was vaguely aware of his father appearing at his bedroom window.

The wolf moved its mouth in a strange manner that almost looked like it was grinning in glee, teeth an inch from Remus's face now,

"That's right, Lupin! Watch!" the stranger laughed.

Then even worse pain filled Remus's body. His scream tore through the air as those long fangs sank into his arm. His body jerked, head smacking against the ground, back arching as the wolf tugged at his arm. His arm burned as everything started going grey and dim. The wolf lifted its head, picking Remus clear off the ground.

"NOOOO!" Lyall screamed, seeing his son dangling out of the wolf's mouth. He blasted a spell which the stranger deflected, then Lyall jumped out the window, using a spell to soften his landing. Hope was at the window, screaming, sobbing. Then she disappeared.

The wolf shook its head, and let go, Remus flying out, hitting the ground, a haze of pain blinding him. He lay on the ground, the world spinning around him, trying to figure out _what was happening_. The wolf bent its head in and Remus thought it would eat him but instead it gave the bleeding bite mark on his arm a great big slobbering lick, blood and drool splattering across his body. Remus gave out hoarse, shaky sobs. He didn't understand. He didn't understand why this was happening. The pain. The wolf. His child mind tried to find an answer but it just slipped away.

The stranger was laughing and then a bright light filled the yard as Lyall shot a spell once he landed.

"Enjoy your soulless son now, Lupin! Does he deserve death too?" There was a loud cracking sound, and the stranger Disapparated while the wolf took off towards the forest. Lyall ran after it, shooting spells, screaming obscenities.

Remus just stared at the sky, sobbing at the pain he was in, wondering why his parents hadn't stopped it yet. Then arms went around him. He tried to scream, thinking it was the stranger again, but it was his father.

He was crying, tears landing on Remus's face as he was carried inside. "Shit, shit, shit, shit." Remus wanted to tell his daddy to stop because mommy didn't like those sorts of words but all that came out when he opened his mouth was a wail.

Remus faded in and out as he was set on the dining room table. Lyall was sobbing, just clutching at him. His mother was crying, the sound of jars clinking as she brought healing potions in.

"Won't work, it won't work."

"He's bleeding to _death_! We have to do something waiting for the Ministry to come!"

"Ministry?! We can't call the Ministry! Hope, he's been BITTEN! They'll just KILL HIM!"

"Then I'll take care of it!"

"It bit him, it _bit_ him!"

"Lyall, _move_!"

"He's going to become one of them..."

Cold goo slathered onto the bite. Remus began crying again as the world sharpened into focus then faded again.

"Shh, baby, it's okay," his mother whispered.

"He's gonna turn. He's gonna become one..."

"You're scaring him."

Bandages pressed down to try and stop the bleeding.

"Hope, you _don't understand_! HE WAS BIT!"

"I KNOW HE WAS BIT I CAN SEE HE WAS BIT NOW SHUT UP, LYALL!"

Remus began bawling as she screamed. She began hushing him again, then singing in a shaky voice to try and keep him calm as she worked.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey..."

His mother's hand, stroking his temple.

"You'll never know, dear, how much I love you..."

Her voice broke as she sobbed the last few words, fingers sliding in her son's blood as his eyes fluttered shut.

"...please don't take my sunshine away..."


	2. Chapter Two - Letters and Lies

_Make some scratches on my floor Crawled out on my hands and knees_

_In old movies people scream_ _Choking on their fists when they see shadows like this_

_But not one screams cuz it's just me_

_Locked up in myself_

_Never gonna get free_

_\- In Memory of Satan by The Mountain Goats_

*

Remus woke up with a loud gasp in the wee hours of July seventh, then began panting for air. He had been having a nightmare though couldn't quite remember what. He remembered blood and teeth, fangs scraping against bone in a clicking sort of manner, though even awake the clicking continued. His eyes darted towards the window, shrinking back a little bit for a second until he realized it was just an owl.

_Merlin_ , he thought as he slid out of bed, legs so shaky he nearly fell over. He went to his window, cautiously opening it because the owl waiting for him hated him. Sure enough as soon as the window went up the owl gave an angry hissing sound, flinging the letter in, pooping on the windowsill, then flying off.

He shut the window, picking the envelope up off the floor. Beautiful calligraphy-esque writing on the front stated his name. _Remus J. Lupin_ with floral doodles around the edges. Remus shook his head, snorting a little at how over the top Sirius had to be. He put the envelope under his mattress then left his bedroom, listening careful to make sure he hadn't awoken his mother. He squatted at the top of the stairs for a few minutes then, once assured she was still sound asleep, went to the bathroom to splash his face with some cold water. He could practically taste the blood in his mouth.

_Oh_ , he thought as he spit some pink water out. He must have bitten his tongue or something in his sleep.

He splashed his face again then returned to bed, pulling the envelope back out. Near the end of his first year he had told himself he'd cut off contact over the summer, to cut _them_ out in their second year. It was the safest thing to do to keep his secret. But... he couldn't help but write to them. His _friends_. He decided that he'd just cut them out in the future. Not quite yet. That would be all right, at least so he hoped...

His finger traced along his name before he opened it up, pulling the letter out.

_Dear Remus, 5/7/72_

_now that its happened i can officially tell you the Big News. My cousin Andromeda is no longer a Black. by that I mean not only is her surname no longer Black but as of five-ten pm today she has been blasted off the family tree. I dont know if youll remember the one time you met her but that Hufflepuff that met us too? Edward Tonks? They got married. I've known this for a while but didnt want to tell anyone until it became public in case the family somehow found out. In case you dont remember, Tonks is a Muggleborn. So my family isnt happy._

_Merlin i cant believe it. Andy's married. To a Muggleborn. I mean i dont care hes a Muggleborn its just super weird to me? i cant wrap my head around it, especially since her older sister is a bloody insane Blood Purity All The Way witch. ugh i dont think ive ever mentioned my cousin Bellatrix but she should probably be locked away in Azkaban. She is CERTIFIABLY INSANE! Anyway so Andy elopes, see, and leaves a letter for her parents. They came over today since my father is the Head of the Family, you know, Patriarch and all that, so they had to tell him, and i have not heard so much SHOUTING and YELLING and SCREAMING in ages. And crying. Uncle Cygnus and Aunt Druella were both screaming and Mother was shouting and cursing and Father was all quiet because when he is angry he goes quiet and Bellatrix was there too threatening her own sister. The rest of us hid out in my room. Us being the 'young ones'. My brother (Regulus) and cousin Narcissa (Andy's little sister, have I ever mentioned her to you? She's one of the ones that got hit by the Bat-Bogey Prank, haha). Cissy was crying. she loved Andy, and i think that might scare her cause what if the family gets mad at her thinking she knew something? but Andy never told Cissy a single thing. the only person she ever told was me. maybe she was worried Cissy would rat her out. honestly i dont know if she would have or not. Cissy is the sort of Obedient Daughter type so even though she loved Andy she might have. Who knows._

_Mother gathered everyone in the Tapestry room so she could show us what it means to Betray The Family and Marry Filth (her words, not mine, I swear). Off went Andy's name and I wanted to throw up. Is that weak of me to say? i just cant believe it. I mean I am happy for her. i am. she married for love which is not something many purebloods seem to get to do, let alone my family._

_I just hope Andy is happy. She must really love this Tonks guy so I'm guessing she is happy. I mean if she wanted to just escape the family she could have easily married a pureblood that doesn't hold with the whole Blood Purity ideal and run away that way, and it wouldnt be this bad. So obviously its love._

_Anyway. The first week of the hols is almost up and i am MORE than ready for school to start again. i miss James so much. i miss Pete. and i miss you too. I really hope you're doing well. i cant help but worry about you sometimes. which probably sounds dumb but i dont care. please write back soon?_

_Sirius_

Remus read the letter multiple times before folding it up into as small a square as he could. Once that was taken care of he got out of bed, pushing his mattress up to find a tiny little nearly invisible bump. He proceeded to get a knife out of his bedside table's drawer, cut a slit into the mattress, pushed the letter in to sit alongside the five other letters he had gotten since school let out, then he got out his wand to use a quick mending spell. The hole disappeared, leaving the vague sort of ridge. He put his mattress back down, patting the top carefully.

Maybe he was being being a little paranoid, but he just didn't want his mother to find the letters.

*

"Morning, baby." His mother kissed his cheek as he came into the kitchen. "Sleep well?"

"Yes," he lied, sliding into a chair.

Hope beamed as she piled food onto his plate. "No nightmares?"

"No." He picked up his fork, feeling quite nervous as he always did when he lied to his parents. Lying to his parents was something somewhat new to him, and he expected to be caught anytime he did. "Did you sleep all right?"

"Mostly." She smoothed his hair down then began filling up Lyall's plate as he came into the room. They exchanged a rather passionate kiss (Remus tried not to gag) then Lyall sat down across from Remus. They told each other good morning then Lyall disappeared behind _The Daily Prophet_. Remus wondered if Andromeda Black's marriage was mentioned somewhere in there.

He really didn't know a whole lot about the Black family, truth be told. A lot of what he knew he had found out from that letter. Things he did know before the letter included the fact a member of the Black family attacked and blinded a wonderful witch then was killed by said witch's werewolf sister, who was immediately executed by demand of the Black family. He thought the Blacks were mostly crazy and Very Dark, judging from some of the things people said about them (Sirius included). He also knew Sirius hated his family and didn't like being home for the holidays. And finally he knew they had let Sirius have a broken arm for _two weeks_ without healing it.

All right, so that last one he wasn't so certain of. Less of a fact, more of a possibility. During the Christmas holidays of their first year Sirius's handwriting had been absolutely horrid then when they returned he had a broken arm--his dominant arm. It just seemed like too much of a coincidence for Remus, however he had zero evidence.

"You all right?" Hope ruffled his hair.

Remus snapped out of his thoughts, realizing he was probably just blankly staring at the wall. "Yeah, just thinking about things." He began poking his eggs, stomach twisting a bit as he added, "Thinking about school."

Hope sharply drew in her breath while Lyall glanced over his paper. "More sausages?" Hope asked, quickly getting to her feet. Lyall raised the paper again.

They had somehow managed to avoid discussing school for the nearly two weeks since he got back. Remus had expected it to come up right off the bat, however Hope had said _nothing_. So Remus said nothing. Lyall said nothing. They were all saying nothing, waiting for the other to bring it up and now Remus had but his mother just acted like he hadn't.

He sighed, scooping up some eggs and shoving them into his mouth. They _needed_ to talk about it something this month. He wasn't sure when the Hogwarts letter would arrive, probably near the end of the month? Or did older students get their letters at a different point? Either way the sooner they could have the argument the sooner they could get it out of the way.

While he ate he looked at the front of the newspaper, figuring he'd read it after his dad left. The headline was about some Ministry scandal then there were other smaller articles. A new broom coming out, someone who received an Order of Merlin, some ex-Wizengamot member who passed away, so--

"Oh!" Remus dropped his fork.

"What's wrong dear?" Hope asked.

"Erm, c--can I see the paper for a moment?"

Lyall frowned but handed the paper over. Remus carefully folded it over to read the article. _Henry James Potter, 1_ _1_ _3, passed away Thursday 6th of July, 1972. Henry is most notable as having served on the Wizengamot from 1913 to 1921..._ Remus scanned down the article talking about Henry Potter's success then landed on what he had been looking for. _Henry is survived by his sister, Caroline Potter (104), two sons, Fleamont Potter (68), Charlus Potter (66), and two grandsons, Boreas Potter (31), James Potter (12)._

Remus pushed the paper back over to his father. Of course Lyall wanted to know why Remus had been looking at that particular article, so Remus explained James Potter was one of his dormmates back at school.

"Just a dormmate, right?" Hope asked nervously.

Remus pretended to look confused. "What else would he be?" _Besides one of my best friends_. He'd have to write a letter to James with his condolences. James had been saying his grandfather was very ill... or dying... or something like that, so it hadn't been completely unexpected; still. He hoped Arthur would get back from Lily's soon so he could write to James. And Sirius, he needed to write back to Sirius. Shame Filibuster was such a bratty owl and wouldn't let anyone besides Sirius touch him (in Peter's letter he had complained that Filibuster had bitten him and drew blood).

Finally Lyall put the paper down, took one last slurp of coffee, then kissed Hope goodbye before heading off to work. Remus finished off his breakfast then took all the dishes to the sink to start cleaning. When he was about halfway done he saw an owl making its way to the house. Arthur! He peeled the rubber gloves off then hurried to another window, throwing it open. Arthur landed on the table, hooting in a tired manner.

"You okay?" Remus stroked him gently. "You poor thing..." He took the envelope off of Arthur's leg then carried him over to the perch in the living room. He refilled the water and food dish then just watched with worry until Arthur slowly fell asleep. Maybe he would wait to write to James. Arthur didn't seem in any shape for another trip.

He heard his mother in the kitchen and took off, running in as fast as he could, snatching the envelope from the table before she could see. She turned just as he shoved it up the inside of his t-shirt. "Sorry, Arthur came back," he said, going back to the sink. "I'll finish the dishes now."

"You don't need to--"

"I don't mind," he promised. Except sometimes he splashed himself while doing dishes (most the time) and he didn't want the letter getting wet. Hope was leaning against the counter, sipping tea, looking at one of the hanging plants. "Erm. I need to go to the bathroom first." He hurried off, transferring the letter from inside his shirt to his pocket, having to fold it up.

When he returned to the kitchen, Hope had a strange look on her face. "Where did Arthur go?" she asked.

"In the living room," he said, stepping back up onto the stool, pulling the gloves back on.

"No. I mean, when he left the other night."

Remus ducked his head, scrubbing hard at the plate. "I don't know. I speak wolf, not owl."

"REMUS!" Hope shrieked, causing him to drop the plate. "Don't you _ever_ say something like that again!"

"S--sorry, Mum," he whispered, hands shaking a little now. "It w-was j-j-just a joke."

"No, it wasn't," she said sternly. "Jokes are supposed to be _funny_. That was _not_ funny." He thought it had been funny. "You're not a wolf. You're a _were_ wolf and that is different. You're not an animal. Remus. Look at me. Say that, all right?"

He sighed, brushing his fringe back. "I'm not a wolf," he repeated obediently. She raised her eyebrows. "I--I'm not an animal?"

That was the right thing. Her face relaxed into a smile and she kissed the top of his head. "You're not. No matter _what_ everyone says."

_Everyone says I'm an animal_?, he wanted to ask, keeping it to himself since he knew that would set her off again. "I'm sorry."

"We need to get your hair cut. It's getting far too long."

"I like it long, Mum." It wasn't even that long either. Just past his ears. He liked it long so he could hide behind it when he needed to.

She raked her fingers gently through his hair. "We'll get it cut soon. Before the beach trip, all right?"

"Okay."

Now he smiled, thinking about the trip she had been talking about for ages. She had saved up some of their tiny income so the two could take a day trip to the beach sometime in the summer, and now it was summer. He was _very_ excited about that. They had been to the beach once before when he was a toddler but he could barely remember that. Pretty much most things pre-werewolf he couldn't remember well. Some post-werewolf stuff wasn't too sharp either. A lot of the early months were pretty blurry, except for a couple memories he had re-seen over the past year, such as his first transformation.

He shuddered now as he resumed scrubbing, wishing he could banish _those_ memories into the abyss of the forgotten. They had been, until he started taking Occlumency lessons and they surfaced. He now knew what he had looked like--four years old, covered in gashed, broken bones, sobbing in the dark cellar because he _hadn't understood_ , all he knew was his parents locked him up--a toddler--in the darkness for his body to be tortured.

A few tears plonked down into the soap water.

He sucked in some air then plowed through the rest of the dishes, emptying and cleaning the sinks, then hurrying up to his room so he could read Lily's letter. He climbed up into his window seat, the window open to let in the warm summer breeze. As long as he didn't look down he was all right.

_Dear Remus, 4/7/72_

_Well it's only the start of the summer holidays and already I'm grounded. I might have let my temper get the better of me. I hope yours is going better than mine. Of course you don't have a sibling who seems to hate you no matter how hard you try. Oh, I tried so much talking to her as soon as I got home! I overheard her talking on the phone with her friends about this boy so I tried talking to her about him and she shouted at me to never eavesdrop again. It was an accident that I did. Then the other day I asked her to go have some ice cream with me, my treat, and she just gave me this_ look _and told me she'd rather be run over by a car than be seen with me. Then last night she started complaining that she couldn't bring her friends around. Mum and Dad and I all said of course she could but Pet just stuck her nose in the air and said it was too risky with_ me _around. It's not like we've got magical stuff stuck up everywhere! I have some stuff in my room but her friends wouldn't come into my room. Then today she started complaining about Bessie making all kinds of racket (Bessie was NOT!) and I lost my temper. I know we're not supposed to use magic out of school... I couldn't resist. I was so angry. She was taking a drink of tea and I turned her cup into a mouse right in her hands. She started screaming so loudly, Mum and Dad are furious with me. I'm grounded for a while now. Which is awful since I was supposed to be meeting up with Severus tomorrow._

_Of course knowing you, you're probably laughing at what I did._

_All right maybe I was laughing too. I feel so bad for doing that but I hadn't done anything to her and I am simply SICK of her treating me like this! I should try harder though._

_Anyway, I really hope you're doing well. You looked so peaky on the train ride home. How is your mother doing? I miss you so much already! I miss school. I miss being able to do magic all the time. All the classes. Reading the books are not the same thing. SIGH! It's going to be a long summer._

_Love,_

_Lily_

Remus read the letter multiple times then repeated the process to hide it as he did with Sirius's letter in the night. Now he owed three letters. Arthur was _not_ strong enough to go anytime soon, so they'd have to wait. Probably before he sent them off Peter would write again. At least Peter's owl liked Remus, somewhat. Most animals disliked him because they sensed the wolf inside of him (he didn't care what his mother insisted, he knew perfectly well he was an animal). James and Lily's owls both mistrusted him. Peter's owl did too, but Cocoa was, ironically, the bravest out of all his friends' owls when it came to him. Ironic, since Peter was probably the most cowardly out of all his friends. He wasn't really a _coward_ , really, just the most He definitely had his brave streaks. Occasionally. Sometimes. Though he was certainly the sweetest out of the group; they often called him the Nice One (or Blithe, if they were using the dumb B nicknames Sirius had given them).

Thinking about Peter made Remus push up his mattress again, cutting into another section and pulling out a photograph album. He sat down on the floor, rifling through the pages until he got to the last picture. James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus were sitting on the front steps of Hogwarts, arms around each other, big smiles on their faces. It had been taken about two weeks ago, though felt like an _eternity_.

Remus touched the edge of the picture which had been developed the Muggle way so it wouldn't ever change no matter no. Nobody would leave the picture, nothing would happen. That was one thing he liked about Muggle photographs: they really were a snapshot of that second in time, preserving the instant forever.

Footsteps coming up the stairs.

Remus shoved the album back into his mattress, performed a quick mending spell, then hopped on top of his bed just as his mother opened the door. He smiled at her, trying to breathe normally and not seem out of breath, not wanting to get her suspicions up.

He hated lying like this. Sneaking behind her back. But... if she knew he had friends... it would make getting back to Hogwarts a lot more difficult than it was going to be. She absolutely didn't want him having friends and knew if she even suspected he'd be forbidden from going back to school.


	3. Chapter Three - Urges

Remus stared in absolute horror at his reflection. That day he and his mother had gone into a nearby Muggle village for some grocery shopping, and they had stopped by a little hair salon first to set up an appointment. The employees had an opening right away so he had gotten his hair cut. The probably had a slot open because they were _terrible_ hair cutters.

"M--Mum!" he hissed as they left the shop. "This looks terrible!"

"What? No, it looks sweet," Hope said, patting his head. "You look like Christopher Robin. You like those books."

His eyes went huge. It was worse than he could ever imagine. " _Mum_! Christopher Robin is _five_! I'm twelve! _Twelve_! Twelve year olds don't have this haircut! Unless they're girls!"

"I'm not appreciating your attitude right now."

He pressed down on his head, flattening the hair, very glad nobody would see him for a couple months. "This better grow out. I'm going to ask Dad if he can use a spell to fix it."

Hope sighed. "Stop fussing, you look fine."

"No, I _don't_! If I go back to school with this haircut I'll be a laughingstock! It makes me look even younger than I already do!" He could easily see his old nickname of 'Baby' coming back with a vengeance. He also easily saw the other Marauders busting up at the sight. "You shouldn't have paid them."

"Remus, _stop_!" Hope snapped. "You're certainly acting more like you're six and not twelve right now. Besides, you're not going back to Hogwarts." With that she pulled him into the grocery store.

Oh. Of course. _Now_ she brought it up when he couldn't argue about it since they were in a public Muggle location. He folded his arms, hunching his shoulders, brooding miserably as they wandered through the store. If she thought he'd forget about it when they left she had another think coming. Even with bribes which he could tell she was doing when she put some steaks in the cart then a tub of double chocolate fudge ice cream.

Once back in the car he took in a breath to begin his argument but Hope just slumped forward, pressing her forehead against the wheel. "M... Mum?"

"I'm fine," she whispered, turning the key. "It's just been a long day."

He sat back, not sure whether to bring it up or not. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, sweetheart, it's just really difficult seeing you growing up." She twisted in her seat to look at him. "One minute you're my little baby and now you're nearly a teenager. It doesn't help that I've hardly even seen you this past year. I don't want you to become a _stranger_." She reached over, stroking his stupid hair. "I know you don't like the hair but snapping at me earlier really hurt, darling. A lot of how you've been acting since you came home has been hurting. You've been holed up in your room more than you used to. Sometimes you look _so_ angry. You're so lovely when you smile but you were _scowling_ the entire time in the store. I suppose I'm just... not ready for teenager hormones. Mood swings. Growing pains." She turned back the right way round in her seat and pulled out of the parking spot. "It's just really hard," she murmured. "Please know I'm here for you, though. I know it's not easy talking to your _mother_ but... I'm here for you. Anything you need. I love you."

"I love you too," he said earnestly. Honestly. "I do, Mum. I--I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I just... really don't like this haircut. But it will grow out before I go back to Hogwarts."

Her fingers tightened on the wheel, her knuckles going white. "Remus, I don't think now is a good time to discuss this."

He glanced forward at the road then flopped back. "Yeah. Um. I am sorry, though. For upsetting you."

She reached over to give his hand a squeeze before turning the radio on. Remus watched out the window in silence the rest of the trip, heart pounding as he went over his argument for returning to Hogwarts. He didn't want to pull out the Big Argument so early in the summer however he might have to.

He reached up, touching the small bump under his shirt. His fake silver necklace he had gotten to throw suspicion off of him being a werewolf. His Occlumency teacher, Miss Fawley, had sent it to him. She had also been the one to give him the idea to possibly convince his mother to allow him to go back to school, which was to inform his mother that there was every possibility that _he_ might come up with a cure for lycanthropy--with plenty of education of course. He _knew_ this would pretty much guarantee him going back to school... but he didn't want to use it unless he _really_ really needed to. He just--didn't really get why she was so against him going to Hogwarts. No. He _did_ understand. It wasn't _safe_. Which was true, really; home was the safest place for him to be to keep his secret. But it wasn't exactly _un_ safe. He had kept his secret for a year. He could continue the charade.

He pulled the chain out, twisting it around his fingers, aware of his mother's glance. The first time she had seen the necklace she had literally screamed until he explained _why_ he had gotten it (plus the fact it wasn't at all silver, just looked it, and if it was silver he couldn't have it on at all as far as he knew).

After a short, tense drive back at Lupin's little cottage, Remus pushed his necklace back into his shirt and helped his mother carry in the groceries. He took care of the pantry items while his mother filled the fridge.

"Um, mum?" he asked, kneeling on the floor as he rearranged some cans. "About Hogwarts..."

"Would you like chicken tonight?"

"Mum--"

"Or fish?"

" _Mum_!"

Hope turned to look at him. "Remus, what did I say earlier about your attitude?"

"I--I'm n-not giving _attitude_..."

"Yes you are."

He ducked his head then winced when no hair fell across his face. _Curses_ , he thought miserably, going back to the cans. "Why did you say I'm not going back?" he asked quietly. She didn't respond. He cleared his throat, raising his voice a little. "Mum, why did you say--"

"I heard you," she said, head inside the fridge. "I just think it was a failed experiment."

"It... w-wasn't an experiment, though. Going to school isn't--isn't an _experiment_." He found a can way in the back. It was old, so they needed to have it soon. He set it up on a higher shelf then returned to organizing everything, new stuff in back. "Was school just an experiment for you?"

"Oh, that is entirely different, darling. You're different." Hope shut the fridge then came over, kneeling down next to him. He looked up into her sad eyes as she placed her hand against his cheek. "I want what's best for you."

He swallowed heavily. "I love school. I love learning. It's only for--for a few more years anyway. Nobody ever suspected a thing. It's safe. Professor--Professor Dumbledore made sure of that." He took her hand off his face, holding it in both of his. "I love school. Please. Mum. Please." It definitely wasn't the eloquent argument he constructed in his head during the car ride. Worst of all, his nose began itching as he felt tears welling up. Just what he needed.

Hope bent in, kissing his forehead. "We'll talk about it later," she said, then got up. Remus watched her go back to putting food away then angrily finished in the pantry. He heard her words from the car as he stormed up to his room--about him holing himself away--however he just wanted to be alone.

*

"What the bloody hell?!" Lyall stared at Remus when he came down for dinner, eyes locked on the stupid haircut. "What did you do to him?"

"He got his hair cut today. He looks sweet." Hope smoothed down Remus's locks, sounding rather stiff.

"He looks like a _girl_."

"He does not!"

"He looks _nine_."

"Lyall...!"

"He looks like a nine year old girl! Why does our twelve year old boy look like a nine year old girl?" Lyall pointed his wand at Remus however just as he shot out a spell, Hope knocked his hand away so the spell hit the ceiling.

"You're not going to waste the money spent on that haircut by growing his hair out!"

"You _paid_ money for him to look like a nine year old girl?"

"People usually _pay_ for haircuts, yes," Hope retorted, folding her arms, lifting her chin stubbornly. "Besides, he's very _delicate_. He's going to look--er--young no matter what."

Remus looked down, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Great, even his own mother thought he looked bloody _nine_. He thought he at least looked eleven.

Lyall heaved a sigh, rubbing his forehead. "Remus, can you stand that haircut for the summer? It'll grow out by the time you go back to school then you can just get your hair fixed there."

"Yes!" Remus burst out without hesitation. If it meant going back to school he could one hundred percent deal with looking like a nine year old girl all summer. "It will be fine. No one will really be seeing me anyway, except you two."

Hope pursed her lips together, eyebrows going down. Before she could say anything, Lyall waved his hand. "Then it's all settled. Let's have supper, I am _hungry_."

_Is that really it_? Remus wondered as he helped his mother serve the food. _Dad said... so does that mean I can go back_? He practically bounced into his seat, grinning from ear to ear. He thought his father was on his mother's side when it came to the whole possibly-not-returning thing however he had said it just like that, as if it were a _fact_ that he'd be returning. He'd be going back. He didn't have to start a fight with his mother--though... he might possibly have to in the future. There _was_ a chance she could convince Lyall over the summer, so he couldn't let his guard down. Not yet.

*

_Dear Peter 10/7/72_

_Okay I must admit I am having quite a difficult time imagining you trekking across "humongous mountains" and "craggy terrain", battling "vicious beasts", carrying five hundred pounds on your back as you go. I think, perhaps, you might be exaggerating a wee bit? Though I've never been camping at all let alone the Muggle way, so I can't really say much except I hope you survive the trip. I don't really want to be down a friend when school starts up. Without you around to balance out James's big head and Sirius's smug attitude I'd probably go mental._

_I'm sending your homework back with the corrections as well as a list of sections of the books to read to further aid your educational endeavors. You've done really well so far though. Stop being down on yourself. You've got brains! You do. I think the biggest problem is doubting yourself. As well as your spelling. Which is atrocious. Sorry, Petey._

_I hope it is all right if I borrow Cocoa a bit. Arthur's still off sending letters to James and Lily, and I really need to reply to Sirius too. You know how his owl is, I didn't even have a chance to say hello (speaking of Filibuster, how's your finger doing?)._

_Remus_

_Dear Sirius 10/7/72_

_Wow, that's quite a big piece of news! I suppose congratulations to Andromeda and Tonks? Will you be able to see her again? I hope so. I know how much you care about her. It does sound that you're right: that she did marry for love, so at least you've got that. Also it is NOT WEAK AT ALL for you wanting to be sick after her being removed from your family tree (I confess, though, I don't quite understand that part of things). It's also not dumb of you to worry about be although I wish you wouldn't. I'm doing mostly all right. I've had my up and down days, as has my mother. We were both bedridden for nearly all of last week but we're doing better. Mum more than me. I'm still a little tired. But I am recovering quite well now._

_As for your essay on creatures found in the Forbidden Forest... Acromantula are NOT found in England. I suggest taking out that bit. In addition, I've crossed out some of your misspelled words and written in the proper spelling. I will not, however, write your entire History essay. No matter how many cauldron cakes you promise me._

_Remus_

_PS: Isn't your brother starting school next term? I'm looking forward to meeting him._

_PPS: How old do I look?_

*

_Dear Remus 9/7/72_

_Arthur doesn't look very well so im gonna send this with Godric. Thanks for your letter & condolences (maybe had to look at your letter to get that spelled right). its been really werd tho like we knew Grandad was going this summer so its not a shock or anything but its still hard to believe hes gone._

_Im gonna tell you something that i dont want the others to know. Well the first part they know about & that is: i was there when he went. me & dad both. dad held grandad's hand. grandad told me he was proud of me so that was kinda nice to hear i guess. anyway the part not telling Sirius or Peter is this: im having a lot of nightmares now. ive had them every night since. i dont know what kind of nightmares you have probibly not the same as me but since you have em too i know youll understand._

_Grandad is in his coffin & i reach in to do something i dont know if im patting his hand or what but then suddenly he grabs me & tells me its my time too & pulls me into the coffin & we get buried together. grandads always been good to me so i dont know why im having this all the time. _ _is that weird? i just wish it didnt happen every night. I want to ask for dreamless sleep potion but i know everyone will want to know why & i dont want to say why._

_James_

*

_Dear Remus,_

_Nerd_

_Sirius_

_PS: Yes and i dunno Ten?_

*

Ten?

_TEN_!?

Remus did NOT look ten! He looked _at least_ eleven! Probably twelve! Some twelve year olds happened to be _small_ just because he was _small_ didn't mean anything. Though he supposed ten was better than nine. But _still_. Ten?! Stupid Sirius.

He wasn't even really sure _why_ he was suddenly so obsessed with looking his age, just that the thought of looking so young really irritated him, especially to Sirius! He stood in front of the mirror, arms folded, lips turned down in a frown. He was so _scrawny_. He had a hard time putting on any kind of weight because a few nights out of the month he essentially burned off any excess. He didn't eat enough to make up for the energy lost during transformation, even though he ate a _lot_ (especially after full moons). Maybe if he had been naturally big to start with but he wasn't, both his parents were on the smaller side... so he couldn't blame the wolf on his _height_.

He turned to the side, poking his chest then raising his arms, trying to flex. He knew the stereotype of werewolves were Big, Hulking, Monstrous Brutes even in human form. _Don't worry about that then, Mum; I'm entirely safe from anyone with that notion in their head_. He dropped his arms in defeat, grabbing a shirt to pull on. The last time they had gone clothes shopping they had found some t-shirts whose sleeves went far enough down that he felt safe wearing them in public (aka: down to his elbows). Which meant the t-shirts were big, but at least he could wear t-shirts publicly now and not have to wear long sleeves in hot weather.

Before he pulled the shirt on he looked in the mirror again, this time at the horrifying ring of scars around his upper arm. They were puckered and old, but pretty obviously the scar from being bitten by a large animal. He wouldn't get any other scars thanks to the regeneration ability from his wolf, but he'd have this one forever. Marking him as a monster.

He yanked the shirt over his head and went downstairs for breakfast.

Ugh. Ten?

*

Lyall worked six days a week, his only day off being Sunday--the day the antiques/thrift shop he worked at was closed. Usually his Sundays were spent puttering around the house, fixing things that he hadn't gotten to over the week, and taking a nap listening to the radio. He didn't really tend to spend much time with Remus, so he was really surprised after breakfast when Lyall asked if he would help him in the garage. Garage typically meant potions which they all knew Remus was crap at, but he agreed, following his father. Lyall moved the car (not very well, he was about as good at driving as Remus was at potions) then set up the cauldron. Remus perched on a stool, the potions book open in his lap. _25 Essential Household Potions for Everyday Use!_ They'd be working on a cleaning solution.

"How are things?" Lyall asked as he began working.

"Um. O--okay. I guess?" Remus shifted, not sure what was going on because _something_ clearly was.

Lyall nodded. "You know, you never really talked much about friends in your letters home."

He froze up, terrified that his parents had somehow found out. "I--I didn't _make_ friends," he lied, ducking his head, mentally swearing when his stupid haircut meant it couldn't cover his eyes. "I'm not supposed to."

"No, no, of course not." Lyall began adding ingredients, avoiding looking at Remus. "You mentioned one girl a few times. In your study group? Er, Evans?"

"Yeah. We're not friends though."

"No," he said again. "Just... I noticed that you mentioned her a few times." Remus began chewing at his thumbnail, no idea how to respond. "Your mother's been telling me about the days I'm at work."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." Lyall moved over to the counter space where he could chop up some ingredients. "Said you've been moody. Surly."

"I'm not surly," he protested. "When was I surly?"

"Talking back to her," Lyall continued, ignoring Remus completely. "Being sassy."

_What_?! "Oh well _excuse_ me if speaking my mind is considered being _sassy_ now!"

Lyall turned around, raising his eyebrows. Remus pressed his lips thin, shrinking back. "I think that sort of tone is exactly what your mother means. You used to be such a nice, quiet boy. Now you're... hmm. I guess you learned some of that lip at school."

"What lip?" he demanded, blood rushing to his head. What on earth was his father rabbiting on about?! What did this have to do with Lily? Did they think Lily corrupted him or something? "I don't have any kind of attitude. Or tone." This seemed a bit much all things considering. Getting a lecture on his nonexistent attitude.

Okay maybe he did have a little bit of an attitude sometimes.

Lyall brought the chopped up ingredients over, dumping them into the boiling water. It was getting really hot in the garage. "I'm not really here to talk about your attitude, Remus. That's your mother's realm. I... have to talk to you about other things."

Remus sighed, shutting the book since it was clear his father didn't really need his help. "What other things?"

Lyall gulped a little, bending in close to the cauldron as he stirred. "You're at that age. I suppose your mother thought it might... not be a problem for a little while since you've always been... so... well, I suppose your size doesn't have anything to do with that."

Merlin, he was being called a shrimp again. This was ridiculous.

"Your mother noticed you've been... preening, more than usual."

"I do not _preen_."

His father sighed, wiping some sweat from his forehead. "Perhaps not preen. Just... you're more interested in your own reflection than you used to be."

"Dad, wh--what are you trying to tell me? What's this about? Did I do something wrong?"

Lyall didn't even seem to hear him. "I was about your age. I remember her very well. Monique Dubost." Remus tried not to groan as his father seemed to be going off on a tangent that had nothing to do with anything. "Her hair is what got me. And her legs, I suppose." Was his father going to seriously talk about some girls legs from his childhood? Why?! "Now, I know at this age it's hopefully just innocent, passing, fleeting thoughts. But you'll be thirteen soon. Things are going to be changing. Maybe not now, maybe not for a few years, but you mother feels I should be discussing this with you now."

"Discussing _what_?"

Lyall licked his lips, giving off an aura of anxiety. "You see. When a boy starts liking a girl, a lot, he gets these... urges." He gave a knowing look to Remus who literally had no idea what he was even saying. "Now, these urges can be... intense... at times... erm, _pulling_ , even. The sort of urges that makes... your brain not work properly."

"Um. Okay?" Remus put his feet up on higher rungs so he could wrap his arms around his knees, hoping whatever this was about would be over soon.

"However... your... position in life makes these urges _dangerous_." Lyall began nodding, as he thought Remus was on the same page as him. "I'm certain you understand this, don't you?"

"Dad, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about, I'm sorry."

Lyall frowned. "I just mean right now, things are _innocent_. Flirting, maybe some hand holding. But eventually you'll want more. Which you can't do."

"What do you mean hand h--" Remus stopped as it suddenly dawned on him, then felt incredibly stupid for not realizing earlier. "Oh--D--Dad, no, no, please--"

"Sex can be a powerful need--"

"NO!" Remus clamped his hands over his ears. "NO! MERLIN! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! I swear to you I have NO urges, ABSOLUTELY ZERO URGES! Oh Merlin I think I'm going to be _sick_."

"Remus, you're growing up, you're already going through puberty--"

"NO I AM NOT! PLEASE STOP!" What had he done to deserve this?

"--and soon you'll be wanting to... _do_ things--"

"NO I WON'T! Dad, _please_ , I--I'm not going through puberty at all!" Ugh the word sounded so disgusting. Puberty.

Lyall gave him an exasperated look. "Yes, you are. The moodiness, attitude--you're starting to get hair."

Remus flushed deeply. It was true. He had started to grow some hair... in certain areas... which his mother had seen during the last full moon when he tore his body to pieces the first night and had to spend pretty much half the day naked in the tub while she took care of his wounds and cleaned his body.

"I swear. I have _no_ urges. I'm--I'm, I'm not thinking about hair or--or anything!" The only person whose hair he ever really thought about or paid any sort of attention to was Sirius's gorgeous locks, so that definitely didn't count since he was... well, a he. "I'm d--definitely not l--looking at legs either!" He buried his face in his hands, wishing he could Disapparate already. Or just... somehow die on the spot. He felt like he could.

"This is all perfectly natural--"

" _Please_ ," he moaned out. "Please. Can--can we have this talk another time?" Like, never? His father didn't seem completely convinced. "Dad. I promise you. I do _not_ have-- _thoughts_ \--about girls. Much less _urges_." He gave his father a desperate stare, partially wishing he could explain to him that this was a slight sore spot with him since his friends noticed girls and he didn't. It made him feel a bit broken sometimes, but of course that would be admitting to having friends. "Please believe me, I swear. I'll swear on anything you want to swear on. I swear on my books. I don't notice girls!"

At least Lyall seemed to know that was a serious promise. His books. "Well. All right."

Remus breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Though, perhaps we should talk about masturbation--"

"GOODBYE!" Remus leapt off the stool and bolted into his house, wondering if it was possible for werewolves to die of humiliation.


	4. Chapter Four - You Are Cordially Invited...

Remus did his utmost best to avoid his father over the next few days in case he tried springing _the_ _talk_ on him again. He wished that he had a book about puberty (still a disgusting word) that could help him figure out whether he was or not; he knew if he asked his parents if they could find him a book about that it would result in _the talk_ again. There'd probably be one at the Hogwarts library whenever he went back.

He also tried his best not to be surly or sassy towards his mother though with how often she sighed at his responses he figured he wasn't doing too great a job at that. This made him feel very guilty, and he marveled at how _horrible_ he was at being a normal person. He couldn't be a good person at school, now he couldn't even be a good person at home. What was he doing wrong?

On the nineteenth Hope and Remus packed up a huge picnic basket full of food (magicked, to stay cool) then drove ages to the beach. Remus was super excited, especially once he could start smelling the ocean. He had the window rolled all the way down, his arm on the edge, head against his arm, wind whipping his (dumb) hair back. Hope beamed the entire trip, very excited. She had grown up near the ocean so was excited to be bringing Remus. Not anywhere near where she grew up, of course. Not even to a magical beach. Just a Muggle beach, for extra safety.

But it was amazing. Remus ran barefoot through the sand, all the way to the surf. His toes dug down as the cold water hit his legs, then fell over when it crashed against him a second time. Hope called for him so he returned to her side, helping set up the towels and umbrella. She slathered sun protection on herself then tried to smear it on Remus who kept wriggling.

"I don't _need_ it!" he whined, wanting to just have fun in the sand. "If I get burnt I'll just heal!"

" _Remus_!" she snapped, clamping down on her grip.

Remus swallowed and sat still until all exposed skin was protected, which wasn't as much as others as he was wearing a very baggy t-shirt over his swim trunks, to hide his scar even around Muggles. "Can I go back now?"

"Go have fun. Stay within sight."

He ran again, playing in the surf a bit before going a little farther down the beach to peer into tide pools. He got a stick, poking at a dead jellyfish. Then got stung by something inside a tide pool when he tried to catch some critters. He fell back, sucking on his pinky until his werewolf healing ability kicked in and the pain subsided. He tried to find what had stung him but couldn't figure it out. He did find a crab and picked it up, bringing it back to show his mother who screamed and told him to get rid of it.

"You want to see the dead jellyfish?" he asked after the crab scarpered off.

" _No_!"

There were a few other families there, mostly little kids, a few teenagers. None seemed to be close to his age so he stayed by himself. He walked down past the tide pools, continuing until he heard his mother shout at him to come back, then turned and went the other way. He waded a little into the water however since he didn't know how to swim he didn't want to go too deeply.

He returned to his mother to eat some lunch, starving now. She was talking lightly to another mother, obviously uncomfortable with the conversation. Remus ignored her, getting into the picnic basket for some sandwiches. He flopped down next to his mum, gladly stuffing his mouth.

"Your daughter's adorable," the other mother said. Hope stiffened while Remus choked on his sandwich, then he gave her a 'see?!' look. Hope blushed very faintly, murmuring a thanks.

After eating he took his dad's camera to take some pictures. Of the ocean, of some tide pools, of a cool looking sand castle someone had made. He returned the camera to its bag then returned to the tide pools since there wasn't much else to do. Plus they were fun. He spent most the rest of the afternoon there except occasionally wading, his mother snapping several pictures of him throughout the afternoon... then finally it was getting late so he helped his mum pack everything up.

"Did you have fun?" she asked as he shook sand off himself, wishing he could use a spell to blast it all off.

"Oh yes! Thank you so much!" he said, grinning up at her. "It was a _lot_ of fun."

Hope kissed the top of his sun-bleached hair. "I'm so glad, sweetie."

"You must agree now, though, that this haircut is dumb."

Hope gave a long sigh. "You're right. I'm sorry." She tousled his hair before they both got into the car.

As they drove away Remus couldn't help but think how much more fun it would have been if the other Marauders had been there too.

*

_Remus 19/7/72_

_This is an OFFICIAL INVITATION! TO JAMES! POTTERS! BIG! SUMMER! SPLASH! PARTY!!!!!!!! 28TH OF JULY TO 30TH OF JULY! BRING YOUR SWIM TRUNKS BECAUSE WE HAVE A POOL (and i know you have swim trunks cause you just said your going to the beach) ALSO WE HAVE SPECIAL GUEST ROOMS FOR ANY PARENTS WHO WISH TO STAY OVER AS WELL WITH THEIR POSSIBLY SICK CHILD JUST IN CASE!!!!! CANDY! SNACKS! BUTTERBEER! ALSOOOOOO... INTRODUCING JAMES POTTER'S NEWEST COMPANION: the ONE the ONLY.... STARSHOOTER 900!!! (imagine crowds cheering here please) AND ANY PARTY GOERS WHO WISH TO TRY THIS BEAUTIFUL NEW BROOM WILL HAVE THEIR CHANCE!_

_Please come? i really need some friends right now these nightmares wont stop_

_James_

_PS: here's my Herbology essay, is it okay?_

_Dear Remus, 20/7/72_

_Youre going to the beach tomorrow (well yesterday)? You are actually going to the beach? Remus Lupin is willingly spending time outside doing outside things instead of reading? Alert the Daily Prophet!!!_

_James invited me over next weekend but im not going to be able to go. family dinners and all that. i think peter is going. are you going? i wish i could go i miss you guys and want to get away from my family even for one night that would be great. but oh well. July is almost over then we just have august to deal with then finally school again! or Hogwarts really. the school part is boring. youre probably scowling now arent you haha i bet youre alllll done with your homework arent you? i havent really done much of mine except that defense essay which why do we even HAVE defense against the dark arts stuff? dedumb is gone and we will have a new teach. i wonder who its gonna be? i heard rumors Dumbles is trying to get someone from the ministry. least thats what my familys been complaining about. i dont know could be weird to have someone from the ministry working at the school. maybe an auror?_

_Sirius_

_PS okay fine you look 12 happy now?_

_PPS wat do you mean dumb haircut please include photo so i can see i promise i wont make fun_

*

An auror? As a teacher? He read Sirius's letter again then began pacing, chewing at his fingernails. A Ministry worker? Could--that really be happening? A Ministry worker couldn't be told about him, they'd automatically just turn him in! Dumbledore... wouldn't risk that, would he? He couldn't imagine someone working at the Ministry just _letting_ a werewolf... exist... without being... tagged or whatever they did. _If he has, Mum and Dad will NEVER let me go back._

He collapsed to the floor, yanking Gwyllgi off the bed so he could cuddle his companion, a black stuffed dog he had had since the Christmas after he had been bitten. He was pretty worn out by this point however Hope did her best to keep him in good condition, as did Lyall when Hope wheedled him to do so. He wished he could take Gwyllgi to Hogwarts except anyone who saw him would tease him mercilessly. _Baby_.

Course he probably wouldn't be going back, if Dumbledore really hired on a Ministry worker.

Remus sighed, curling into a little ball around Gwyllgi. He wanted to ask Sirius more about the rumors, not sure if that'd be suspicious or not. Surely not? It could come across as mere curiosity about the teacher, right?

He was so concerned over the end of Sirius's letter he didn't think about James's letter until he woke up in the morning. Then he recalled the excited bold writing slashed all over the super nice parchment. _Oh_. He rolled out of bed, debating whether or not to cut open his mattress to look at the 'invitation' again. He remembered James inviting his parents too, then the 'please come?' at the end. He rubbed his forehead, feeling _awful_ for having to say no.

_I won't reply yet..._ He trudged over to his dresser, pulling clean clothes out rather absentmindedly. _Or, I'll say yes, then send a letter a couple days be--_

"REMUS!"

He spun around as he heard his mother dashing up the stairs, bursting into his room without even knocking. "M--mum, I'm getting dressed!" he squeaked, even though he was still in his pajamas.

She looked furious. She held an envelope in one hand, brandishing it out. _To the Parents of Remus Lupin_. In James's handwriting.

Remus felt like he might vomit.

"What's this?" she demanded, voice rising. " _What's this_?"

"Um, an envelope?"

She pulled the parchment out. "This is an _invitation_! To a--a-a-a _party_! Remus?!"

"Is it?" He pretended like he had no idea what it meant, hoping his acting abilities were good enough. Inside it felt like he might explode into a million pieces, terror overflowing from his body. "Can I see it?"

_Dear Mr. and Mrs. Lupin_

_You and you son are cordially invited to the Potter Manor 28th - 30th July..._

Remus scanned the letter. It talked about the party a bit, then some stuff about 'I know Remus is prone to illness which is why I'm inviting you as well', etc., etc. Not once did it mention they were friends. Thank Merlin. What could have been an unmitigated disaster might be salvageable.

He took in a deep breath, handing the letter back. "I said before that J-James Potter is a dorm mate. He must be inviting all of us to this party. I hardly know him." Hope just stared at him, breathing heavily. "I _promise_. I b--barely know him at all."

"Why would he invite you, then?!"

"Because I think he must be inviting _all_ of us in that dorm," he said again, speaking slowly, praying that she'd believe him. "I don't know why he'd invite me otherwise. Remember Easter holidays? When he said we were friends, on the platform? He just... assumes. He's popular so he just thinks _everyone_ is his friend, even people like me who barely know him, who doesn't even _like_ him!" He injected as much annoyance into the last part as he could, trying to sound like James was just some idiot who got on his nerves.

Hope studied the words on the letter then held it up, ripping the paper in half, watching Remus closely for his reaction. He just smiled. Hope smiled too now, and ripped the letter into little pieces. "I believe you," she said, calming down, pulling him close to kiss his forehead. "Sorry I didn't, sweetie."

"It's okay, I understand why you didn't," he replied. "Um, can I get dressed now?"

After she left he slumped to the floor, pressing his hands to his face, unable to be _lieve_ he had gotten away with it, also feeling supremely guilty for the deception. He had considered slowly easing his parents into the idea of him having friends but after seeing the look in his mother's eyes at merely seeing an _invitation_.

*

_Dear James, 22/7/72_

_I'm so sorry you're not doing too well right now. I hope you're starting to sleep a little better, though. I think you should talk to your parents a little bit, if you really need some dreamless sleep potion. You don't need to tell them exactly why. Just tell them you've been having nightmares or perhaps sad dreams? I don't know if that would work or not though._

_Your Herbology essay is rather good, but it's Venomous Tentacula, not Venomous Tarantula. Also I suggested changing your list of 'Top Five Uses For', as I highly doubt Professor Sprout will appreciate your number one use being 'to throw onto unsuspecting Slytherins' or your third reason of 'a fantastic Christmas gift for people you don't like'. Normally I would say just do some more research but I did lose that bet (thankfully!) so here's some new suggestions: home security? Potion ingredients?_

_Thank you for the invitation to your party, it sounds amazing (do you really have a pool?) however my mother is not doing so great right now. Hopefully by next week she might be on the upswing however I really can't promise to be there. I'll let you know next week. I'm really sorry._

_Remus_

*

_Remus 21/7/72_

_Im alive!!! barly. the camp trip was HORIBLE!!!!!! I got bit by a spider. grandpa told me it was fine but it still iches. im not dead though so i gess he was rite mum isnt to good at healing spells but she cheked me over and said it was ok. im just glad its over exept grandpa is talking about another camping trip. have i done some thing wrong?? to desurve this? grandpa says i need to do more out side stuff to help make me a man. i said i was only 12 and he told me all the better to develip my maskulinity. please send help. he kept saying stuff about wen he was my age and had to walk HOURS in the snow to get to scool but im prety sure he went to a bording scool to? may be they lived away from there classes? may be he was lying? im sorry. your probubly crying over this letter and all the wrong spelling haha im sorry!! i say the word out loud if i dont know the rite way to spell it but i know i get a lot of them wrong._

_at leest we have James party to look forword to!! I am so exited!! Mum and Dad alredy told me I can go! you are going to rite? James said he invited your parents to so that way you shuld be able to come! i cant wayt to see you guys!_

_Peter_

_PS thank you so much for your help with my esays becuse im realy having truble by myself doing them i dont know what i wuld do with out you!_

*

Remus had long ago finished all his homework so looking over his friends' homework gave him great joy, as well as headaches. The only one who didn't send him anything to look over was Lily though she talked a lot about their essays. She wrote to him asking if he'd like to join her on a trip to a magical creatures reserve her parents were taking her on, which he had to decline stating that he had fallen ill. Considering the fact the trip would have been during the full moon it wasn't a total lie.

The first full moon of the summer had been awful. The wolf _hated_ the cellar, so whenever Remus went from the house he had at school to the cellar it was always violent. He hoped this second stretch wouldn't be so bad. It was strange, he hadn't ever really thought twice about his transformation location before Hogwarts: a small room underground, no lights, no bedding... nothing whatsoever. That had been his life for nearly seven years. Then once he started Hogwarts he found himself with an entire _house_ to roam around in. Fireplace in the winter, furniture to lay on (or chew up, as the case may be).

Now the cellar at home was...

Remus peered into the darkness with large eyes, not really wanting to go in. He considered asking his father to spell a light in the corner however didn't want to seem ungrateful or... demanding. After his mother hugged and kissed him multiple times he stepped inside, retreating into the darkness to take his clothes off. His mother waited just past the door, arms wrapped around herself until he held out his clothes.

"See you in the morning, baby," she said, shutting the door. Because of the spells on the room once the door shut he couldn't hear anything outside (nor could anything outside hear him, the entire point) however he could imagine the locks sliding close.

After a moment of utter silence he stepped back until he reached the wall, then knelt down on the ground, shivering from the chill. This was the worst part. Waiting in the dark, naked. Normally he could see very well in the dark except he needed _some_ light--even the slightest bit--and in this cellar there was absolutely nothing.

He hoped the moon would filter onto the earth. He _despised_ nights where he remained human all night long. Turning into a slobbering beast was awful enough but laying exhausted on the cold floor, horrifying nightmares plaguing him whenever he attempted sleep, his bones crying out from the sense of the moon behind the clouds... those were worse, because he _remembered_ that. At least as a wolf he didn't remember.

Remus winced then began whimpering as the transformation began until the whimpers became screams and the screams became howls.

*

The morning was a haze of blood and pain as his mother helped him to the bathroom to clean out all his wounds, letting him stay in the bathtub until he began healing. Once he stopped bleeding she cleaned him, got him dried off, then helped him to his room. She was oddly quiet during all of this, which was explained in the afternoon when he woke up enough to eat lunch. His mother sat by his bed, watching him eat, lips pursed, brow furrowed.

"Is something wrong?" he finally asked.

Hope shifted a little, nipping at her bottom lip as she debated whether or not to tell him whatever was on her mind. "This came for you, last evening." She pulled an envelope out of her pocket. Still sealed. His name was written on the front in James's handwriting. "The owl seemed quite insistent on leaving it."

"Who's it from?" he asked innocently.

"I don't know. I thought you could tell me."

"I've no idea." He held out his hand but after his mother handed it over she just watched him, expectantly. So he had to open it up, sliding the top of the letter out.

_Dear Remus,_

_Sorry to hear your really sick again, i wish you could make it to the party but if you cant i understand_

"What's it say?" Hope asked.

"It's from Potter," Remus said, pushing the parchment back in, not reading any more of it. "I wrote to him saying I was too ill to go to the party this weekend. I--I thought perhaps it would be nice to at least send a 'no thank you' to his invitation," he mumbled, tossing the envelope into the rubbish bin by his bed. "He just wanted to say he was sorry I was sick."

"I don't like it," Hope said, smoothing her trousers out in a nervous manner. "It's too familiar."

Remus looked down at his lunch tray. "I'm s--sorry," he whispered, poking at the curry on his plate. "He's a very... friendly sort of person so I suppose he thinks... Well, I've hardly ever said two words to him. Except when we're forced to be partners in class." Remus lifted his head, giving his best 'how silly!' smiles.

Hope didn't smile back. "You've been using Arthur a lot this summer."

Remus kept the smile frozen on his face. "Not a _lot_. He's been doing his--his own thing a lot. He's getting old. I thought he might enjoy going out when he wants, doing whatever. I have used him some though, for study group. Homework."

She studied him closely. "I see..." She looked past him at his bedroom window then back at him, at his plate. "Would you like more?"

"Oh, yes please, I'm _starving_." He shoveled the rest of the curry in his mouth then pushed the tray back to his mother. As soon as she left he pulled the envelope out of the bin, took the parchment out, grabbed fresh parchment from his desk, scribbled a few words in the best imitation of James's handwriting he could, put _that_ parchment in the envelope, then let it flutter back into the bin. He tucked James's real letter under his mattress, settling back just as Hope returned with his second helping.

He had thought perhaps he was being overly paranoid but after he took another nap when he woke up he found his rubbish bin empty. His heart began pounding at that, a strange feeling creeping in about his mother. Then he shrugged it away. She loved Remus and was just worried about his safety. She _had_ to be a little over the top, obsessive about his relationships with other people. He _was_ doing wrong having friends. He knew he needed to _stop_. He _shouldn't_ be friends with James. Or Pete. Or Sirius. Or Lily. In fact, he had been planning on _ending_ all those friendships in their upcoming second year.

He curled back up, closing his eyes, wanting to throw up at the mere thought. It felt like they had become _part_ of him, somehow; were normal friends like this? Or was it because he was a werewolf? Wolves were pack animals. Was this feeling he had towards them because of that? Did werewolves have that sort of--experience?

He sighed, wishing for the millionth time he knew more about his own species.


	5. Chapter Five - Contain The Savageness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys just wanted to throw my tumblr out there which is DovahTobi just in case anyone wanted to add me there :)

"No, Remus--darling--be careful...!"

"I got it, Mum--OW!"

" _Remus_!"

"I'm fine! No, don't come any closer--"

"You can't use your wand--"

"I _know_ , I'm _fine_! I'm just threatening it."

"Watch out--"

"OW! Stupid thing!"

"You're bleeding."

"Won't be bleeding long, I'm all right, I promise. I'm built for this, you're not."

" _Remus John Lupin_!"

Remus flinched, then yelped as he was bitten again. He swore under his breath so his mum wouldn't hear then back out of reach of the _volantes mordices_ plant that had taken root in his mother's garden over night.

"You can't talk about yourself like that!" Hope continued then stormed over, inspecting his hand. "It's still bleeding."

"It will heal in a moment, they're not _that_ dark of magic," muttered Remus, pulling his hand back so he could suck at the bite marks. He glared at the plant which snapped at the air at him. He drew his wand out again. "They won't know it's me, not Dad," he said when Hope drew in a quick breath. "Just one quick spell." He didn't want to say he had been using underage magic all summer and it had been going fine so far!

"No. We can't risk it." She gently pushed his hand down. "Lyall shall take care of it when he gets home."

"Mum, it could lay down a dozen more seeds by then," he said anxiously. "They're very... prolific. Let me try again. If I'm bitten it's fine. Really." He knew his mother hated it whenever he referred to his werewolf abilities, but it really wasn't that big of a deal. He got the kitchen knife back out then approached the plant, trying to remember everything he know about the thing which wasn't much. It was in his Herbology book however for a future year, not his first, as it was deemed rather dangerous. However he _had_ read about it (he had read everything in all his books) so he knew a bit.

It bit him five more times before he finally managed to slash the head off, sending the teeth-covered flower rolling across the ground. He ran over, picking it up before it could burrow down. The teeth gnashed a bit, biting him a sixth time before finally giving up. He tucked the thing into a bag then went to dig up the roots which were still pretty shallow. He put the entire plant in the bag then brought it back into the house, dripping blood everywhere.

" _Remus_!" Hope cried out as blood began pooling on the table where he set the bag down.

"I'm fine," he said again, feeling exhausted. It had just been over twenty-four hours since his last transformation so he still felt rather tired. "We have to burn it."

"Burn wh...? Oh. Of course." She delicately took the bag, dumping the contents into the sink. Then she tossed a lit match in. They watched the smoke rise up as the plant withered into ashes, then she rinsed the sink out. "Thank you, sweetheart, but I feel it was unnecessary."

"Told you, we'd have'em all over the garden if we waited. It wouldn't be good."

He had no idea how bad it really would be until supper when they told his father who immediately went pale. " _Volantes mordices?_ Flying Teeth? There was one in the garden?" He set his fork down then bent his head, pressing his hand against his forehead. "Perhaps it was merely a... lone incident..."

"What's wrong, Lyall?" Hope asked, reaching over to hold his free hand.

"If it is a sizable enough incident the Ministry gets involved," he said, looking directly at Remus. "Especially near a Muggle community." Remus dropped his own fork, no longer hungry. On the verge of throwing up. "I think I'll tell Ottilie I need a few days off, just in case."

"In case of what?" Hope asked, voice choking with fear.

Lyall finally turned back to her, reaching down to wrap his hand around hers. "If there is an issue then the Ministry will need to come around to destroy all mordices plants they can find as well as erase Muggle memories if need be."

"Merlin's beard," Remus moaned.

"Language," Hope warned, halfheartedly. "Could it just be one plant? One stray plant?"

Lyall sat back, rubbing his chin as he thought. "Might be. If there was just one in the garden. We probably don't have anything to worry about. I'll still contact Ottilie though. Just in case."

*

_Knock knock knock_!

Lyall and Remus both went absolutely still. It was mid-morning the next day. Hope was in the kitchen while the two male Lupins sat reading in the living room. Lyall lowered his book while Remus pulled his own to his chest, feeling like his heart might leap out of his mouth.

_Knock knock knock_!

Hope came to the doorway, eyes wide. Remus hopped off the couch, scurrying over to her while Lyall approached the door. Hope and Remus retreated into the kitchen, hiding out of view. Remus slid to the floor, listening as Lyall cracked the door open.

"Yes? Hello?"

"Hello there," said a deep voice. "Sorry to disturb you, Mr.....?"

"L... Lupin."

"Mr. Lupin. I'm Mr. Clock, from the Ministry of Magic."

Remus covered his mouth, suppressing a cry of fear, feeling like he might pee himself. The Ministry, only a few yards away from him. Hope slid to her knees, wrapping her arms around Remus tightly. He knew it was probably about the plant however he couldn't help worry it was about _him_.

"Can I help you?" Lyall asked.

"Yes, I work for the Department for Herbology and Vegetation Incidents." Remus breathed out a quiet sigh of relief, burying his face against his mother's chest. "It seems in Cwy...Cae... Cywr... ahh, the small wizarding community up north had an occurrence recently, involving _volantes mordices_ _._ Have you seen any around? Do you... er... know what they look like?"

"Yes," Lyall said rather weakly. "Or, shall I say, yes to the latter, no to the first. They look rather like daisies only with... sharp teeth?"

"Precisely. You haven't seen any?"

"No, sir."

"Your... family? Perhaps they've seen some?"

"My wife hasn't mentioned anything. What exactly is going on?"

"Ah, well, you see an amateur herbologist in Cwer... Cway... up north, was breeding them illegally--trying to breed various colors, see--and left a window open in her greenhouse. One of the modices escaped and has been spreading. There have been incidents all along the countryside that we've been containing. Is it all right if we look around your property? That was a garden we saw out back, was it not? They tend to prefer gardens."

"Ah... y--yes. Of course. If you don't mind taking the outside route, the--the house is rather messy. Wife would never forgive me, I'm sure you understand."

Lyall stepped outside, shutting the door. Hope pulled Remus out of the kitchen but he pulled free from her grasp, going upstairs to his room. He tiptoed to the window, peeking out just as his father and two men came into view, heading to the garden. Remus pushed the window open, listening in as they talked about various subjects, mostly the plants. Lyall took them around the garden, the workers complimenting him on how pretty it all looked.

"My wife takes care of it all..."

"She does a wonderful job."

They also spoke about having to erase the memories of several Muggles in the town that Dragons' Field was attached to. "People dabble in dangerous things they don't truly understand. They think they can contain this savageness when in reality all they're doing is risking the lives of those around them. Positively pathetic, don't you think?"

"Yes. Of course." Lyall's voice probably sounded normal to the Ministry workers but to Remus he felt they were empty.

Remus slumped to the floor, hugging himself. He felt as if the Ministry worker's words had scooped everything out, leaving him raw and hollow on the inside. It was if he knew, saying words specifically to slice into Remus's skin (of course he didn't know, otherwise there'd be the Werewolf Capture Unit there and not the Department of Vegetation Incidents). Still, the barbs stuck. _Contain the_ _Savageness_. He looked at his hands, at his stubby nails chewed down. Then he slid his finger into his mouth, running his fingertip along the edges of his dull human teeth. Except for his four canine teeth. Those were very sharp. He pressed his finger against one of them harder until it broke the skin and the all-too-familiar taste of blood oozed into his mouth.

He turned back round, peeking out the window. The Ministry workers were going off to the forest now, and he heard the back door open and shut. He scrabbled along the floor, hurrying downstairs, wanting to run into his father's arms for reassurance. Lyall's arms were tightly folded, though Hope's were open. So he went to her, once more pushing into her chest as she rubbed his back.

"They've left," Lyall said. "It was strictly about the plants."

Hope sighed, squeezing Remus tightly, slipping into her native Welsh in her relief. "Diolch i'r arglwydd." She kissed the top of his head.

"They admired your garden," Lyall continued, giving Hope a small smile. "What a compliment. Official employees in the Department of Herbology complimenting your garden."

"Oh, they probably just said that," Hope said though Remus could tell by her tone she was flattered. "I wonder what they'd say if they knew it was taken care of by a Muggle."

Lyall began chuckling at that then came over, hugging his wife, kissing her cheek. "Probably an apoplectic fit! The Clock family is quite old." He stroked Hope's hair then kissed her on the lips quite passionately. Remus felt awkward still being in his mother's arms and began wriggling free. "Either way, it's over now. We're all right." He glanced at Remus, giving a tight smile. "You're still safe."

*

_My dear Remus, 30/7/72_

_Thank you so very much for the shawl. It is one of the softest articles of clothing I own, made all the much dearer that it was knitted by your own hands. I am suitably impressed! I've found myself simply stroking it, and intend to wear it as often as possible, even if it clashes with my clothes. One perk of being blind is I wear whatever colors I wish and hardly anyone says a thing._

_I'm pleased to hear you've been practicing your Occlumency whenever possible. I'm looking forward to resuming our lessons in September. A reminder, though, not to expect much when we get back to it. Two months without actively practicing against Legilimens means your mind will have gone back a bit. However you'll soon return to where you were before, soon exceeding._

_Now, I don't mean to alarm you but there is an important piece of news I must share. A good friend of mine, Ant (I think you would like him), keeps me abreast of any werewolf reports whenever he can. It seems there is a proposition being pushed forward at the Ministry this summer involving branding werewolves. I highly doubt this will go through. While anti-werewolf sentiments run strongly through the Ministry of Magic, this is largely viewed as going to the extreme--Thank Merlin for that! If this does go through it will be all over the papers. If it does not go through, it will shock me if it's even mentioned in a tiny article near the end of the_ Prophet _. So this time no news will indeed be good news. I'm told it should happen around the Tenth of August._

_Also I am very sorry to hear about your unfortunate hairdresser incident, and that your hair isn't growing out at the rate you desire. I regrettably inform you that my Legilimency abilities do not extend to psychically being able to grow someone's hair out, as fun as that would be. Also I will_ not _tell you the hair-growing spells as you are not permitted to do magic out of school. I am sorry._

_Until we meet again in a few weeks,_

_M. Fawley_

*

On August first his second year letter came from Hogwarts, listing the few books he'd need. Most his first year books would carry forward so there were only three listed to buy: _The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2, History of Dueling,_ and _Battling The Dark_. He looked at the two needed for Defense Against the Dark, wondering again who would be heading the class. Dueling? That did make him think it'd be an auror, which sent a chill down his spine.

No other new items, nor new uniforms since he had mostly grown into his old ones. They were still a little baggy here and there, very worn out, but absolutely no need to purchase new since they fit.

"Mum?" Remus held up the letter, heart pounding hard as he awaited her response. They hadn't really discussed school since his haircut. He hadn't pressed it, his mother never spoke about him not returning.

Hope took the letter, a crease forming in her forehead. "Dueling? I don't like the sound of that. Sounds dangerous."

"I won't be dueling myself, just learning how to protect myself if the need arises," he explained. "We learned a few very simple spells last year. It's not actually dueling." Her finger traced over the words while Remus waited. Confirmation. He just needed... confirmation... "Mum?" he finally asked when she remained silent. "When I came home you seemed... as though I shouldn't return to school." He scratched lightly at the table, throat choking a little as he couldn't wait any longer for a yes or no. "Am I? Returning?"

Hope let out a long sigh then pushed the letter back to him. "Lyall insists," she said and Remus fought back a grin. "I wish you wouldn't. It's safer here, for you. If... you tell him you'd rather stay home..."

"No," he said a little too quickly. Hope gave him a _look_ , and Remus did his best to sound a little less... excited. "You know I love school. Not as much as I love you, of course." He took her hand, giving her his best smile. Hope smiled back, reaching out to stroke his cheek. "But, I mean, even after I graduate at eighteen I'll have spent less than my life there, so it's not so much time. In the long run."

"But an important time," she murmured. "You should be safe--"

"I am safe there."

Hope withdrew, shaking her head. "I'll never believe that however Lyall has put his foot down. Perhaps by next year I can convince him."

"When should we go get my books?" He stared at the letter again, wondering what would be inside the new books, wondering what sort of teacher the new one would be. Would they be like another Professor Dedenne? Despising him because of his curse? Purposely failing him? Or would they at least tolerate him enough to give him fair grades? Whoever it was, they were obviously wanting to focus on dueling. _James and Sirius will like that_ , he thought with a snort.

"No need to go in," Hope said, getting up. "I'm sure Lyall will be able to find them himself."

Remus felt a little disappointed but his overwhelming joy at the certainty of going back to Hogwarts overrode any other feelings. He mumbled a 'thanks' then went up to his room to sit in the window, watching the rain fall, wondering how he'd make it through the next couple of weeks.

*

_Dear Remus, 1/8/72_

_My letter has come in! I'm assuming yours has as well. Two new books for Defense Against the Dark Arts! I wonder who our new teacher will be? I still cannot believe Professor Dedenne left like that though I suppose I shouldn't say much considering why she left. I mean, I am surprised but glad. I'm not trying to sound not glad. Does that make sense? I am GLAD she is GONE! In any case, when are you going in to Diagon Alley? I'd like to go in on the same day as you so at least we can see each other a little bit before school starts. Four more weeks. One month! Exactly! Then we'll be sitting on the_ Hogwarts Express _again. It's a little funny to me now to think something as Muggle as a train is what takes us to Hogwarts. Doesn't it seem funny to you?_

_I can't wait to be back among magic. It seems so strange here now. Mother sets the food on the table instead of everything appearing. Nothing floats, nothing changes form. If it weren't for being able to visit Sev I think I might go a little mad. Isn't it awful? I love my family so much. Mum and Dad and Pet. I adore them. But now it sort of feels like something more is missing. I hate to think I've changed so much, but there you go. I tried talking to Severus about this however he didn't understand at all. He kept saying, of course something is missing, magic is missing. He looks as me as if I were crazy when I talk about how I wish I could be more content during my time at home. He asked me how I could be content when it's all 'so mundane'. His words. Mundane. Muggle. Dreary. Dull. Sometimes he sets my teeth on edge with the way he talks but I can't really blame him all that much. I know it's difficult for magic folk to imagine a life without. It isn't dull at all. I think you, from what I can imagine, would understand that?_

_Things with Petunia aren't going so well. It seems every turn we fight. What a sneer she had on her face when I got my letter this morning. She promptly complained about 'dirty birds' fouling up the dining room. Says if magic is so 'neat' how come they haven't thought of a cleaner way to send messages? Personally I like the whole owl mail thing. It's super. Plus Bessie is wonderful, and I do like Arthur too._

_Well hopefully see you in Diagon soon!_

_Love,_

_Lily_

*

James's letter hurt Remus's heart. He sounded positive however only Peter had come to his party. _Sirius's family had some dinner thing_ , James wrote, _and i hope your doing better_. He included a photo of him and Peter sitting on the edge of an indoor pool, feet dangling in, both of them with big smiles. Remus frowned, touching the picture, wishing he could have gone.

"I'm sorry," he said to the photograph. He felt even worse since Sirius couldn't go, so it had just been the two of them. Hopefully they had fun. Judging by their grins they did, at least. James also asked when Remus was going into Diagon. He wrote back the same thing he had told Lily: _I won't be going into Diagon Alley. There is a used bookstore near where my father works and he is going to try to get my books there. I'm sorry_. He also apologized for not going to the party.

_I'll see you on the train though. I can't wait to see you guys again_!

Remus folded up the letter, attaching it nervously to Godric's leg while James's owl fluttered just as nervously, not liking Remus so close. "Sorry," he muttered. "Okay there you go."

He watched the eagle owl fly off then went back to bed, stomach hurting from all the guilt, wishing he could just be a regular kid so he could meet up with his friends.

*

_Dear Remus, 5/8/72_

_this summer is agony. asbolute agony! time is just crawling by. it feels like every day has fifty hours in it. im so BORED! i wish i could have gone to jamess party at least that would give me a break from this. the big family dinner was awful without Andromeda. her absense was miserable. at least i still have Uncle Alphard._

_but enough about my dumb family (exeptions of regulus and uncle alphard of course). when are you going into Diagon? we're going in next weekend. james is going in then too and were trying to get pete to go too so hopefully you can too. i miss you guys too much. i have nothing to do exept talk to Regulus. which isnt BAD hes great just theres only so much you know? i miss pranks. i even miss detention. i guess maybe i should do the rest of my homework but im probably going to wait until the train so you can help me?_

_Regulus keeps asking me questions about school but then sometimes he will look at me and then say something about me being a gryffindor and not a slytherin so 'i guess you cant tell me too much'. i hate to say reg is definitly going to be in slytherin but... hes going to be in slytherin. i wish he wouldnt be. but maybe its better he is. i feel like whenever i try to get off the topic of my family it just goes back. i guess since there all i have right now. exept for letters from you james and peter. thanks for keeping me sane (ha ha not theres much of sanity in me right?)_

_ugh 4 weeks to go_

_Sirius_

Remus got a headache finding out that Sirius hadn't done his homework yet, that he was putting it off till the first of September. Or later, as the first was a Friday so they'd have an entire weekend before classes started. He figured the other Marauders would be super excited about that. He was too... but he was also excited for classes to start again. He missed them, missed _learning._ Sometimes he couldn't fathom how his friends were so... dismissive of their education. Learning was _wonderful_. Pushing yourself mentally, reaching for new knowledge... augh, he loved it. Had always loved it, had read through all of the books in the house, a lot of them multiple times until Lyall realized and began bringing new (well, used, but new to him) books home to Remus to consume as well. He knew his son was a precocious reader and even when he was eight he was reading heavy tomes intended for adults. But reading was nothing compared to classes, to learning _that_ way.

He had never expected to go to Hogwarts in the first place. He still remembered that day Professor Dumbledore came to the house, wondering why such a (gifted) young wizard wouldn't be attending. He shivered remembering his words. _Hogwarts welcomes you with open arms_. Indeed it had, for the most part (he decided it'd be better not to count Professor Dedenne). More than he ever expected including some pretty great friends even if some of them were _idiots_. Putting off homework until school started, for Merlin's sake.

*

Remus hadn't told his parents about the contents of Fawley's letter, namely the whole branding-werewolves thing. On the tenth he made sure to carefully read every inch of the _Daily Prophet_ which made no mention of this proposition. Nor did it on the eleventh. On the twelfth he got a letter from Fawley who told him it had been shot down. _Too far_ , she explained. _Too much. Praise Merlin_.

He felt joyful over this news but also curious. Who said it was too far or too much? Who at the Ministry actually said, no no, don't do this to _werewolves_. The Ministry hated them. So who was it? Why? He wasn't _complaining_ , just very curious.

_Contain the savageness_. He went to the bathroom to stare at his reflection. Pale skin, dark circles under his eyes, limp hair (finally starting to grow out of that dumb style). He reached up, running his fingers across his smooth skin, wondering how different he'd look if he hadn't been bitten. Bigger? Healthier, for sure. Rosy cheeks? Bright eyes? It seemed incomprehensible to him to even try to imagine.

_One thing for sure, I'd be in Ravenclaw, not Gryffindor_. He stalked out of the bathroom, hugging his thin arms around himself. _Probably wouldn't have made friends with the Marauders, or possibly Lily_.

That seemed incomprehensible to him too.


	6. Chapter Six - The Marauders' Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note about Sirius's side story! I haven't updated lately because I am quite unhappy with it. I feel like it's not as strong as this main story, and feel I rushed it a little too much. I am currently deciding between scrapping it and starting over, or just continuing with it. Either way it will be continued I promised, just not quite yet.

Lyall brought home used copies of the three books Remus needed for school, though the one about dueling was relatively newly published so Remus knew it had probably cost a bit more even used. Still, he had them now, and began reading through them voraciously; it was exciting seeing the new spells they'd be learning in Charms, as well as learning about various famous duels throughout history and the spells used in them. _Battling the Dark_ was pretty interesting too. If these books were anything to go by, the new Defense teacher might be a really hands on/active sort of teacher.

 _Will they hate me though_ _? Do they work for the Ministry_? Remus sat in his window, watching the rain outside, hugging the dueling book to his chest. He wanted to write to someone, ask them. There wasn't anyone he could, though. He considered Professor McGonagall but as nice as she was to him he didn't want to bother her over her holiday. He'd just have to wait. Only a couple more weeks anyway.

He found he was agreeing with Sirius's most recent letter, about being bored. He was bored. _Very_ bored. He skulked about the house, wishing the first would come already, wishing he could see his friends, wishing he could just go to class. He redid his essays for the millionth time, editing, reediting, adding new, taking out. He also wrote a few essays based on the new Defense books, just to get a feel of it. He practiced wand movements without doing the spells, trying to memorize flourishes and flicks. He asked his dad for some tips on a tricky dueling spell he saw in the _Fighting_ book but Lyall just frowned at him, telling him he'd probably learn in class.

On nice days he went outside, puttering around in the garden, occasionally going out into the woods to explore or else read by the stream. But boy was he bored. He began counting the days down, staring miserably at the calendar every day. _Sirius was right, the days are now fifty hours, not twenty-four_. Wasn't summer supposed to be the best part of the year? Remus just felt depressed.

*

_Remus, 13/8/72_

_hey is it possible to die by heat if you dont have magic around to help you not be over hot? or by getting completly tired? cuz grandpa is taking me camping aGIN!!!! this time its a LONGER HIKE! and its SO HOT! im definitly going to die. if i do you can have my books_

_Your soon to be dead friend, Peter_

_Dear Remus_

_this is summer is absolute bollocks. your smart is it possible to die of boredom and misery? please let me know because i think i may perish before school starts. if i do die you can have all my books._

_sincerly, Siriusly Bored_

_Hey Remus!!! 15/8/72_

_is it possible for someone to die of exitement? HOLY HIPPOGRIFFS MY NEW BROOM IS SO PERFECT i go flying every day now & am perfecting my turns & twists & loops & I CANT WAIT TO GET ON THE TEAM!!!!!! i wish try outs were right away. even after school starts i have to WAIT LONGER it ISNT FAIR! if i suddenly keel over from all this anticipation (fancy word, huh? mum helped me there it means im waiting with excitment) you can have my library_

_From Future Gryffindor Chaser James Potter_

*

 _Less than a week till the full_ , Remus thought, cheek against his arm as he watched the rain fail. _Two until school_. Hope watched him as she cleaned the living room then poked at him with a feather duster until he agreed to help out with the chores instead of 'moping about'. He trudged around, grumbling as he worked. He didn't want to clean, he wanted to _brood_. Which was probably what his father was talking about weeks ago, about his 'attitude'. Sure enough Hope kept cutting him annoyed glances.

"Stop complaining," she said. "I can hear you muttering and griping."

Remus scowled, dragging a bucket out. "I need to do some homework."

"No you don't, you've done it all. _Multiple_ times. You said so, the other night. Therefore, you have plenty of time to clean." Hope said then she whipped around as Remus muttered something. "What did you just say?"

"Nothing, Mummy."

" _What did you say_?"

"I didn't say anything," he whined as she stormed over. He fidgeted uncomfortably. How could she have heard that?! She was a regular person, their hearing couldn't be that good. "I said it's boring."

"You most certainly did not!" Hope's face was white with fury. "You tell me right this second what you said."

He fidgeted more, looking at the ground as he scuffed the toe of his slippers against the rug. "I said it's _bloody_ boring." He peeked up through the tip of his fringe, hoping that would do it. Hope folded her arms. Nope. "I said it's bollocks," he mumbled.

Hope sniffled loudly. "That is what I _thought_ you said. We do not use language like that in this household."

"Dad does," he grumbled, folding his arms too.

" _You are not your father_!" Hope snapped.

"It'd be weird if I was," Remus retorted then immediately regretting it.

" _Remus_!" Hope looked livid and he knew he had gone too far. She marched over, taking hold of his shirt, dragging him to the stairs. "Go to your room."

"Okay."

"Wait." She stopped, still holding him. "You'd like that. You're... you're _grounded_!"

"Grounded? From _what_?!" he snapped back. "I don't _do_ anything! I don't _go_ anywhere!"

She stared at him for a moment then looked over at the table by the couch. "This." She went over, picking up the book he had been reading. "You're grounded from this."

"You—you're grounding me from a _book_!?" he demanded, completely taken aback.

"Yes! You never spoke like this before school. School is having a bad influence on you! Now—now go sit down for a few minutes and think about what you've done. You can have your book back in a couple days."

Remus stomped over the corner and sat down, arms crossed tight over his chest, scowling. He glared as Hope continued cleaning then after about ten minutes he asked if he could go. She said no, so he had to wait longer until she told him to just get back to cleaning. He banged about, keeping his mouth shut, until finally they were done and she released him. He ran up to his room, flinging himself onto his bed as he hugged Gwyllgi. It wasn't _fair_. He wasn't doing anything, why did she have to go and make him do chores? He would have done them later, if she had asked, just... he had been _enjoying_ laying there brooding. Now she was probably going to complain to his father again, and Lyall was going to be annoyed. It really wasn't fair.

Sure enough Lyall gave Remus a bit of a lecture that evening, about respect, using proper language, blah-blah-blah. Remus nodded in all the right spots, promised he'd be nicer to his mother, then hid out in his bedroom the rest of the night.

*

Remus didn't just need the books he also needed other things for school as August approached its end. Parchment, ink, new quills, a refilled potions kit. He rather hoped he could go into Diagon for this but Lyall got everything after work one evening. A little disappointing, which he kept to himself. Instead he focused on going through the potions kit, checking out the new ingredients. He didn't open any of the little vials or bags, dreading when he had to use most of them. Potions was his weakest subject. Mainly due to his strong sense of smell. He knew he'd have some problems even without that—for some reason instructions didn't seem to stick to his brain. He tended to stir the wrong way, cut up the ingredients the wrong way... no matter how hard he tried, his potions came out less than perfect. It drove him a little batty, not that he told that to anyone. He was good at everything else, everyone had a weak subject. It just... burned him that something like that was his weak subject.

Then the days trickled by slowly. Remus felt his mood growing sourer. He had to fight off the urge to snap at his parents. It just seemed like with school just on the horizon every little thing bugged him. Especially as the moon grew closer. On the morning of the first phase he felt even more irritable than usual. He glared at his breakfast, ignored his mother when she tried to make small talk, slept on the couch, grouched about school still being a week away, then stormed about the house feeling like he wanted to pull himself inside out.

Of course that night he more or less did. His body ripped apart in the darkness, bones cracking, skin peeling, fur sprouting, teeth elongating into fangs which sliced into his still-human lips until they pushed out into a muzzle. His screams turned to howls, his mind shrank into nothing. When he woke up at dawn—the wolf shrinking painfully back into human—he found himself in a large puddle of drying blood, gashes and cuts all over his body, great big teeth marks ringing one of his calves.

The next morning was worse, then the third not quite so. He spent the day dozing on and off, eating the food his mother brought him, sleepily snuggling next to her as she stroked his hair and sang Muggle songs. He felt quite bad for being so rude to her over the past few weeks and mumbled an apology before drifting back into sleep.

*

Remus tried to stay on his best behavior during his last week at home. He bit back his sarcastic responses, tried not to roll his eyes, and wished he didn't feel this way. He supposed it _was_ puberty which was absolutely gross. Everything he knew about the miserable process (which admittedly wasn't as much as he probably should) seemed disgusting and annoying.

But finally, _finally_ , it was the end of August. He packed everything up in his trunk and after thinking about it for a while he put Gwyllgi in as well. He'd keep it in his trunk probably, intending to only use it for emergencies when no one else was around. He packed away clothes, books, some candy his parents bought him for his time at school, all his school supplies. He also cut into his mattress which was bulging with letters by this point, putting them all in his trunk as well as the photo album. Then he packed up his school satchel with some stuff for the train. His uniform to change into, a couple books, more candy.

He barely slept that night. _Only a few more hours until I see all of them again_. He tossed and turned, finally giving up to open his window and lean into the chilly night breeze which felt good against his face. He looked up at the moon which was already at the halfway point, feeling glad that he wouldn't have to worry about the next one until nearer the end of September; his first year the full moon happened right at the beginning, his first weekend.

He did manage to get some sleep and woke up with a stomachache realizing he had a problem on his hands. The platform. He could see his friends coming over to greet him before they got on the train, his mother seeing them, _hearing_ them chatter about being friends. He ate breakfast slowly, trying to figure a way out of this. _Maybe if we get there last minute_... So he slowed down eating. It took him ages to finish, ages to take a shower, ages to get dressed. His mother didn't seem too worried. Of course, she'd love it if he missed the train entirely and had to spend the rest of the day with her until Lyall got home from work to sort things.

But he had miraculously timed it well. They got to the car park with a few minutes left. Remus got a trolley, sprinting through the station with his mother on his heels. She hesitated when they reached the barrier.

"You can stay out here," he said, trying not to sound excited.

"No, I'll go in with you." She took hold of his sleeve as they ran through. The platform was crowded with parents waving goodbye to their children. The train workers were blasting their whistles, demanding everyone get on board _now_ if they wanted to make it. "Oh, Remus, we hardly have time!" Hope said, squeezing his arms.

Remus put his arms around her, hugging tightly. "I love you, Mum. I'll write loads, I always do."

She kissed his forehead, keeping her hands attached to his shirt. "Please be safe—"

" _All aBOARD_!"

"I will!" Remus wriggled, trying to get free. "I need to go. Please..."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Mum!" He got loose and pushed the trolley over. The clerk looked annoyed but helped him get it into the luggage compartment. Remus waved at his now-sobbing mother one more time before jumping onto the train. He barely got down the corridor when the train lurched, beginning its journey.

 _I couldn't've cut it closer_! he thought, putting his hand against the wall to steady himself. He nearly fell over anyway. Once he got used to the train's motion he began walking again. _Time for the arduous task of finding my friends_. He tried to pay attention to the myriad of scents assaulting his nose but there were too many and he was overwhelmed. He considered knocking on doors but when he reached his first door he felt crippling shyness take over. He couldn't bring himself to even raise his fist. _You won't find them if you don't_ , he thought as he tried peering through windows. Most of the curtains were pulled back so he was able to see in, however several had their curtains closed.

Finally he began knocking at doors with closed curtains. Students he didn't recognize opened up and he'd mumble an apology before wandering off to the next closed-up compartment. He finished the first carriage, then the second, making his way towards the front, feeling sweaty that he hadn't seen anyone he recognized. Maybe this was a nightmare. Maybe he was asleep, dreaming this entire thing.

"Remus!" A door slid open and a lovely face surrounded by a cloud of red hair poked out.

"Lily!" Remus's face split into a smile and he hurried over. She pounced at him, hugging tightly. He anxiously hugged back, glancing into the compartment to see who else was there. Thank Merlin it was Snape who looked ready to murder Remus. He hated Snape (and Snape hated him) but it wasn't her female friends who'd be giggling over their hug since they didn't seem to believe a boy and a girl could be just friends.

"How come you're not with Pettigrew, Thing One, and Thing Two?" she asked when they pulled apart. She had gotten a lot taller over the summer which irritated him; she was now a good two inches taller than him! It wasn't fair at all. Her dark red hair had been cut to just below her chin and she had _fringe_ now, straight across just above her eyes.

"Haven't found them yet," he replied. "Do you know where they are?"

"I believe they're in the carriage ahead of ours," Snape hissed out, getting to his feet. "So I suggest going there. As quickly as possible."

"Sev," Lily warned. Snape just pursed his lips, glaring at Remus some more. "Er, I'd invite you to join us..." Lily trailed off.

Remus shook his head. "Thank you however I do want to find the others. I'll catch up with you later?"

Lily gave him another hug then Remus hurried to the next carriage. He immediately knew which closed-up compartment held his friends, or at least assumed so: a sign was tacked up on the door saying 'do not enter'. He knocked at the door as loudly as he could, then he heard someone shout 'go away!'. James's voice. Remus tried the door (locked) then rapped his knuckles once more against the glass.

"I said go aw—" The door slid open slightly, one hazel eye behind glasses going from narrowed to wide as he realized who stood there. "—REMUS!" The door was shoved all the way open and James grabbed him, yanking him in for a tight hug. Remus choked a little as James swung him around into the compartment, shutting and locking the door behind them.

Then as soon as he was let go he was hugged again, this time by Peter. "Remus!"

"We were getting worried about you," said Sirius as he gave Remus a one-armed-half-hug before tousling his hair.

"We were running late." Remus tried not to beam too much, feeling utterly relieved at the greeting. Part of him had been worried that despite their letters they really hadn't been looking forward to seeing him again, that they decided _not_ to be friends. Especially James, because of the party. But they were all grinning at him, crowded in the small space between seats. Remus wanted to hug _all_ of them again but kept his arms to his side. _They still like me_.

"Very late, by the looks of it," James said.

Remus took in his friends after not having seen them for so long. James had gotten a bit taller and scrawnier, his hair a little longer and therefore a lot messier. He was dressed in clothes very sixties—vivid tie-dyed shirt, bellbottoms. His brown skin was even browner from being outside all summer. Sirius had gotten a lot taller though didn't have the same gangliness that James seemed to have. He was still as pale as ever and his inky black hair was down past his chin now in beautiful waves. He was already dressed in his Gryffindor uniform; brand new, of course. Peter hadn't grown taller much though he had grown thinner (probably from all the hiking) and tanner (also from the hiking). His usually mousy-brown hair had turned nearly blonde from all the sun. He was in simple denim jeans with a mustard-colored polo shirt.

"You've gotten taller," Peter remarked to Remus.

"A bit," he said cheerfully. He was almost the same height as Peter now! Though looked littler due to his very small frame.

"You're still a shrimp," Sirius said with a wicked grin.

Remus scowled at him. "No, you're just unnaturally tall," he said as he slid into one of the seats. Pete perched next to him while the two black-haired boys sat across from them. That was when he realized they weren't alone. He hadn't noticed before at all, being too excited to see his friends.

This new person was a slightly smaller version of Sirius, pushed far back into the corner of the seat, obviously trying to make himself look even smaller—Remus did this plenty of times and recognized it. He had the same pale skin as Sirius, the same inky black waves (only a bit shorter), and very similar facial features except his face was a little bit broader, his nose not quite as long, and his eyes a dark brown instead of silvery grey though framed with the same lovely long lashes. He was wearing a high-necked black silk shirt, black trousers, and a slight scowl.

"Remy, this is Regulus," Sirius said as he propped his very long legs up on the seat between Remus and Peter. "Reg, this is the final member of our group—Remus." Sirius's little brother just nodded slightly then turned to look back out the window. "Reg, at least say hello."

"It's n-nice to m-meet you," Remus said with what he hoped was a friendly smile.

"Hello," Regulus said stiffly, not even looking.

James clapped his hands. "Now we're finally together again! The Marauders in full force."

"Hogwarts watch out," Pete said, making them all laugh.

"Hogwarts most certainly better watch out," said Sirius, tossing his hair back. "I had a _very_ boring summer and spent most my time thinking up pranks. Or... possibilities of pranks, I should say, that Remus can smooth out."

"Why me?" Remus asked, not particularly put out but not wanting to just give in.

Sirius bent forward and tapped Remus's head. " _Brains_ , duh."

"Oh. Right. Thanks, Beauty," replied Remus, rolling his eyes.

That got Regulus's attention. He turned away from the window, giving Sirius a puzzling look. "Beauty?" he asked, eyebrows raising.

Sirius grinned. "My nickname. I'm Beauty. He's Brains. Peter's Blithe since he's the nice one, and James is Brawn since he's the athletic one."

"... Beauty?" Regulus asked again, disbelieving.

"Blacks might be crap but there's no denying we're all beautiful," Sirius said simply. Regulus's lips twitched downward when Sirius said 'crap'. "Mostly. There's a few not-so-pleasant-to-look-at cousins." He then began coughing which had the name 'Bellatrix' in it.

Regulus lowered his gaze. "You shouldn't be so rude about Bellatrix." Then he looked back out the window.

Sirius rolled his eyes then mimed using his wand to hex his own brains. James snickered.

"So, er, Regulus, are you looking forward to school?" Pete inquired.

Regulus blinked, glancing back over. "I suppose. I'm looking forward to being in Slytherin." His eyes darted towards a now angry Sirius then back down.

"I'm sure Slytherin w-will be a g-good fit for you," Remus said but it was no use.

"That your own thought or did Mother tell you to say that?" Sirius demanded. Regulus pressed his lips thin, not responding. "Slytherin isn't the end all be all."

"For anyone worth anything it is," Regulus whispered, fingers curling into little fists pressing against his thighs.

Sirius's nostrils flared while James looked nervously over at Remus and Pete. "Hey, uh, Sirius—" James tried, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"You're just miming what they told you," he hissed out, shaking James's hand off. Regulus shrank back even more in the corner. "Slytherins are bullies."

"Stop that!" Regulus went a little white. "If you're just going to insult everyone, I shan't stay."

"Oh and who am I insulting?"

"Me!" Regulus cried out in a thin voice. "I'm a Slytherin."

"You aren't." Sirius leaned forward. "You don't have to be," he added in a whisper so low Remus wasn't sure if James or Peter could hear it.

Regulus drew back as if Sirius were pouring poison onto him. "I am," he said, trembling.

Sirius stared at him a moment then got up, taking his brother by the arm and pulling him out of the compartment. James and Peter both looked uncomfortable while Remus shifted in his seat. The two Blacks were talking quietly outside but Remus could still hear them well enough.

"You don't have to do everything they tell you," Sirius said darkly. " _I_ don't."

"Look what it's gotten you," Regulus replied, sounding horrified. "A miserable existence—"

"I'm _happy_ at school. I've got friends—"

"Yes, well, I know all about them."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Mother and Father told me about them. Two half-dirty-bloods and a blood trai—"

There was a thudding sound that even James and Peter heard. They both stared at the door. "Don't you _ever_ call them that," Sirius snarled. "Ever."

There was a whimpering sound. "You're hurting me."

Quiet. Then, "Shit. I—Reg..."

"I'm—I'm just trying to help..."

"Being a mindless servant isn't helping."

"I'm _not_!"

"You're just spewing out whatever _they_ tell you."

"I do not!" Regulus sounded like he might cry. "You're just... being stubborn. If you'd try a little harder..."

Sirius let out a barking laugh. "I'm sick of trying with this family."

"Yes, that's quite evident by how you acted this summer." Then Regulus's voice dropped so low Remus couldn't quite make out everything he said next. "...get about me... tent on destr..."

"I'm in _tent_ on living my own life," Sirius replied very coldly. "You should be too."

"I am," Regulus replied, just as coldly. Their voices sounded so similar in that moment that it sent goosebumps down Remus's arms. "Just because what _I_ want happens to align with the Black ways doesn't make me less than you."

"Is that what you truly want?"

Quiet. Then, "I want to be a Slytherin."

"Then go be a Slytherin. A cold-hearted, bullying, nasty _Slytherin_ who loathes anyone who's the slightest bit different, just like _them_."

Another thudding sound then the door flung open and Sirius stormed in while Remus caught a glimpse of Regulus looking pure white and completely dejected; but then Sirius slammed the door shut behind him. He took in a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair before putting on a vague smile. "Sorry about that," he said in a fake cheerful voice as he threw himself into the seat by James again. "Brothers, eh?"

James, Peter, and Remus who were all only children just sort of nodded in agreement, not sure what else to do. It wasn't a great start to their new year at all.


	7. Chapter Seven - Bad Luck With Beans

Things were a little stiff for a bit after Sirius fought with his brother but soon James began chattering about his summer, easing away the tension. He talked about his new broom and all the rides he took, about how his parents already bought him a uniform for the Quidditch team. Then Peter complained about all his hiking trips and showed them the spot on his arm where he had been bitten by the spider though it was long gone. Sirius spoke briefly of his summer, mostly just highlighting how boring it had been, then all of them looked expectantly at Remus.

"You spent most the summer sick, didn't you?" James asked, adjusting his glasses.

"Er, yeah," Remus said. "It wasn't a very good summer. Except the beach trip, that was nice. I saw a dead jellyfish."

"Ooh!" all three of them chorused excitedly.

"Did you touch it?" Sirius asked.

"I poked it with a stick. It was all..." Remus flapped his hand to indicate. "It was cool. I have a picture!" He dug around in his bag, pulling out the stack of photographs which Sirius snatched instantly. "Hey!"

"Where's your dumb haircut?" Sirius shuffled rapidly through the pictures.

"Hey, that's right, you complained half the summer 'bout that!" Peter said, leaning forward to look at the contents of the photos. "None of these are of you!"

"For th—that reason!" Remus grumbled. "I left all the ones my mother took at home."

"That's rather rude of you," James said. "You talked about that hair. We want to see."

"No."

They all crowded on one seat so Remus could talk about the various photos. They all oohed again over the dead jellyfish, as well as the other little critters Remus saw. Then Pete got out a huge album full of pictures he took on his hiking trips which were all very lovely. Peter had talent as a photographer, so several of the photos were artistic. Bright light shining through leaves, dew glistening on a mossy log, the shadow of gnarled branches across a sunny rock. Then there were some of his grandfather who rivaled Professor Slughorn for rotundness and didn't look at all the sort to go hiking across perilously rocky trails. After the album James showed off _his_ photographs which were mostly of him on his new broom.

"I can't wait to show you two," he said to Sirius and Remus. "Peter gave it a go."

"Don't talk about it," Peter moaned.

James grinned. "He fell. Broke his wrist."

"It _hurt_! All _you_ did was laugh at me!"

"Well you laughed at me when that bird hit me."

"That's different, that's _funny_."

Remus studied one of the pictures closely. It looked like there was silver on the broom. "What kind of broom is it?"

"StarShooter900," James said which didn't help any since he knew nothing about brooms.

"I'd've taken photos of my summer however it would just be dozens of pictures of my bedroom ceiling," Sirius said, flopping back, blowing his hair out of his face. "I wish I could have gone to your party. Be better than that stupid dinner thing. Course almost anything is better than dinner with extended family." Sirius rolled his eyes. "An army of snobby cousins."

"Ew," James said. Sirius nodded. "Speaking of cousins, did you know we're related?"

Sirius sat upright. "Are we? I wondered."

"My Uncle Charlus," James explained, "married your Great-Aunt Dorea. I asked, when they came to visit for Grandpa's funeral."

"I never see her," Sirius mused, rubbing his chin. "Grandfather's sister. Grandfather does't like her—I suppose I understand, now. Though she's not blasted off the family tree so I guess they don't _fully_ consider the Potters as Enemies."

James snorted. "That's good to know."

"Didn't they have a kid?"

"Yeah, cousin _Boreas_." James gagged loudly. "Boreas. More like Bore-My-Arse. You're lucky you don't have to deal with his _speeches_. He doesn't talk, he gives _speeches_. Ugh, plus he _always_ looks down on me like I'm a bug."

"Um, I saw in the paper your father's age," Peter said. "So your parents didn't have you until they were quite old?" Remus thought that was a rude question but James didn't seem bothered.

"Yeah. They were both in their fifties," James said, settling back as he shuffled through the photos from his summer. "Mum wasn't supposed to be able to have kids. Or, maybe it was Dad? I dunno. Either way, I was a very, very, very, _very_ big surprise." He grinned broadly at that. "Actually I think that's why Boreas hates me. Cause until I came along, he was the in-line-Heir to the Potter fortune. Cause if Dad died without a kid, the fortune would've gone to Uncle Charlus then to Boreas. But, here I am. Heir to one of the biggest Pureblood fortunes in the country."

"Are you really that rich?" Remus asked.

James blinked a few times then pushed his glasses up. "Um. _Yes_. Potters are one of the richest families around. Course a _lot_ of that is cause Dad's a _genius_. Doubled our money. Or trebled. I don't remember. Oh! Look at this picture! Pete took it right when I belly flopped..."

Remus had always known James had money, just never realized how much. It felt a little weird knowing this now, that one of the richest (maybe _the_ richest?) kid at school had befriended one of the poorest. _It shouldn't make me feel as self-conscious as it does_ , he thought, barely paying attention as James rambled on.

He phased out for quite a bit, mind in the clouds, until finally coming back to reality. They all talked more about their summers. Remus talked a lot about being so sick. He wanted to tell them about the Flying Teeth incident but didn't want them to know _exactly_ where he lived. He could easily see James showing up one day, 'hi I'm Remus's friend!'.

Then the treat trolley came by. James pretty much bought everything, piling the sweets on both seats for all his friends to share in. The first thing they did was open up the Every Flavor Beans to dare each other. Peter had had good luck in their first year with choosing good flavors and this luck seemed to be continuing; Remus's luck was crap. Every single one he chose tasted awful. He complained so Peter chose one for him. James and Sirius leaned forward, anxious to see who's luck would win: Peter's good luck or Remus's bad?

Remus put it in his mouth. "Are you kidding me?!" He spit it out into his hand, making a face. "I think, really, we both got it, though."

"What?" Pete asked.

"It's technically a _good_ flavor," Remus sighed, dropping the chewed bean into the bag he was dumping all his half-chewed beans into, "but I hate it. It's grapefruit. I don't like grapefruit." James and Sirius bust up laughing. Peter offered to try again but Remus shook his head. "I think it's quite clear Bertie Bott hates me."

"Hates you specifically?" Sirius asked.

"Yes," Remus grumbled, pushing the box away and picking up a chocolate cauldron cake instead. "I'll stick with safety for now, thank you."

After they filled their bellies with sweets, James wanted to go mess with the first years. The others trooped off while Remus volunteered to stay in the compartment to prevent anyone else from taking over. Once they left he pulled his feet up, getting a book out of his bag. The quiet felt good. He had forgotten the auditory problems of being around other kids, and would have to get used to it once more.

A few minutes passed then someone tapped at the door. It was Lily, slipping in, saying she had seen his friends wandering around so she wanted to take the opportunity to see him. She sat next to him, avidly talking about the parts of her summer she hadn't mentioned in her letters. In return he showed her the beach photographs as well as shared some of James's sweets with her (he would just say he ate it, if James even noticed). They discussed at great length what their new Defense teacher might be like. He told her what Sirius had said he heard, about them being from the Ministry.

"A government employee?" Lily scrunched her face up. "I don't know a whole lot about the Ministry of Magic. What are they like?"

"I don't know," he said cautiously. "I've never really been around many." His father used to be one, but he didn't want to say that. "A good amount of magic folk wind up working for the Ministry, so I'd say they get all sorts. There's also _loads_ of various departments. The new teacher could be from the sports division, or the creature division, or the potions' division. Probably from the law enforcement division, though, that'd be my guess."

"A bobby?" Now she frowned.

"If I had to wager a guess, it's an auror," Remus mumbled, hoping he didn't sound too nervous. "They're pretty much the top fighters against dark arts. That's their living. There are other law enforcement employees who take care of more minor issues, however the aurors... they're the ones who deal with the _dark_ arts." He shifted in his seat, feeling sick to his stomach. Worst case scenario would be someone from the W.C.U., however an auror was number two. Dumbledore surely wouldn't...!

"Sev said it was probably an auror but he didn't explain what they were," Lily said, nodding absentmindedly. "He seemed to think I should already know..."

Remus wanted to say 'of course he thinks that'. Instead he actually spoke on behalf of the slimy git by saying, "It can be hard for people who grew up immersed in this world to understand that others don't know stuff they've known for ages."

Lily looked surprised. "You just defended—"

"I know! Please don't remind me, I might vomit." He clutched at his stomach to further prove his words while Lily giggled. "I didn't _want_ to. Just... that unfortunately it's a common mindset."

She leaned against him, then put her head on his shoulder. "I'm glad I have a friend like you. I mean, don't get me wrong, Sev's my best friend but—sometimes... it's difficult."

He put his arm around her shoulders to comfort her but just then the door banged open and his friends came tumbling in, laughing. They all froze when they saw Lily, then began snickering.

"We interrupting something?" James asked, staring at Remus's arm.

They pulled apart, Lily going brilliantly red. "Only an intelligent conversation which you couldn't understand anyway!" She stuck her nose up at him then looked at Remus. "I'll see you later." With that, she huffed out of the room. James stuck his tongue out after her then slammed the door shut behind her.

"What _were_ you two doing?" Sirius inquired.

"Just talking," he replied awkwardly.

"With your arm around her?" Pete asked. Remus just shrugged, mumbling incoherently as a response.

"Romeo, Romeo," joked James.

Remus sniffled loudly. "Considering the fact Romeo and Juliet A, were absolute idiots, and B, committed suicide, I really do not appreciate the comparison."

"If I was with Evans I'd rather be dead too," James said, flinging himself into a seat, knocking sweets everywhere.

Remus figured changing the conversation would be best before James went into a tirade about her. "So, did you suitably terrify the first years?"

"Indeed." Sirius began smirking. "We managed to convince several of them that in order to be Sorted you have to participate in a tournament duel."

"Then we gave them suggestions on spells to practice," added Peter.

Remus dropped his head, pressing his hands against his face, moaning loudly. "You—gave spells—to—first years?!"

"Yes!" James bounced in his seat. "We just left two trying out the jelly legs curse on each other."

"Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?!" Remus demanded. "No!" he continued, not even letting them respond. "You don't!"

"Aw, they're just babies," Sirius said, flapping his hand, ignoring the fact they were only second years and therefore just one year older than the 'babies'. "They won't be able to do anything."

"One of them might manage to accidentally do something awful!" Remus folded his arms, glaring at his friends. He should have gone with them. He should have known better than to have left them on their own for more than five seconds. "If they hurt themselves—or each other—McGonagall is going to be _livid_. You'll get into heaps of trouble for that."

"Not _our_ fault," James argued. "We merely told them some helpful spells. Not like we forced them to _use_ them." He tapped the side of his nose knowingly.

Remus just rubbed his forehead, figuring it'd be better to not argue with them over it. Besides, he didn't feel like lecturing, he was too busy still being happy that he was with them again. Though if they got into trouble over this he'd definitely say 'I told you so'.

"Speaking of dueling, who do you think our new Defense teacher might be?" Remus asked, wondering if any of them had heard anything which they hadn't. Pete had _zero_ idea while Sirius repeated the rumors floating around the Black manor, which James confirmed. His father had said something about how strange it had been for Dumbledore to turn to the Ministry for an employee. "Why is it strange?" Remus asked.

"He's turned down the position of Minister twice now," James said with a shrug. "I don't think the Ministry's too keen on him. Especially Jenkins."

"Why?"

Sirius cocked his head to one side. "They wanted _him_ for Minister instead of her. Same for Leach. Some people blame Dumbledore for why Leach became Minister but that's dragon dung."

Remus tried to remember anything he knew about Leach, the previous Minister. "He... died, didn't he? Leach?"

"No, just got really sick with something nobody knows about," said James. "Whatever it is made him leave office."

A chill went down Remus's spine. _Something nobody knows about? Made him leave?_ His fingers began twisting into the hem of his shirt, heart pounding heavily. For some reason he couldn't help but wonder if that mean _lycanthropy_. There weren't many illnesses one would go to extreme measures to hide, nor make one leave office. "How did he g-get sick?" Remus whispered.

None of his friends seemed to notice how weak Remus sounded. "Nobody knows," Sirius said which just made Remus get sicker. "Rumors say that the Malfoy family were involved but nobody knows for sure."

 _Malfoys_. He sort've recognized the name, having read it in the papers. One of the Sacred Twenty-Eight (like the Blacks). Rich. "Why?"

James studied Remus. "Boy, you're in a curious mood today."

"I j-just don't really know about this," he admitted.

"Wow, something _we_ know about that _you_ don't!" Sirius said with a grin.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I really d-don't know much about the _politics_ in the community. I want to know about this." _I want to know if he was bitten by a werewolf, if he's... like me..._

"Leach was Muggleborn." It was Peter who spoke up and they all turned to him. "That's why."

"Yeah, the first Muggleborn Minister of Magic ever," said James, scratching his head. "He faced a _lot_ of hatred against him cause of that. People kept saying stuff. Like, there were also rumors he fixed some sort of Muggle sport so England would win, back in '66. But my dad says that's just people saying anything to undermime his authority—"

"Undermine," Remus corrected automatically.

"—er, right, undermine his authority. Anyway, in '68 he contracted the illness and then left his post," James finished.

"Nobody's really heard much about him since," said Sirius.

"What illness?" Remus asked, hoping he wasn't annoying his friends with all these questions. They didn't _seem_ annoyed at least. Actually they seemed pleased to be able to explain things to him instead of the other way around.

"As we said before, nobody knows," James said in what he probably hoped was a spooky voice. "He never left the country or anything before catching it. He just suddenly got this illness, and quit. Then disappeared."

"Then the Ministry wanted Dumbledore again but he said no," Sirius said. "Course that second time he had a better reason, it was when he had just become headmaster. So we have Jenkins. Who doesn't particularly like Dumbles cause they wanted him instead of her."

"And now we're getting a Ministry worker as a teacher," put in James. "Which, in my personal opinion because of all this, is _weird_."

Remus nodded in agreement then looked out the window, head whirling with all this information he found out. He barely even paid attention to politics today, let alone stuff that happened when he was a little kid. He wanted to find out more about Leach. Anything he could. Because even though it probably wasn't lycanthropy, it kind've sounded like it. Something mysterious nobody knows about, him disappearing... what else could it be?

The rest of the train trip went by pretty quick. They played cards for a while, then James and Sirius left to do some pranks, then they tried playing a drawing game for a while which didn't go so well for Remus since he had James as a partner and James couldn't draw worth beans ("How can you not tell that's a cauldron?!" "It's SQUARE, James!!! Cauldrons aren't SQUARE!") and Sirius was an amazing artist which meant Peter guessed very easily, getting it right almost immediately every time. Eventually a Prefect came by to let them know they'd be arriving in Hogsmeade shortly, so James and Peter began changing into their uniforms, right there in the compartment. Even though he wouldn't need to take off any of his underthings, Remus still went to the bathroom to change so they wouldn't see his scar.

They divided the sweets up (James refusing to take more than a fourth) then looked out the window as the train slowly came to a stop. The four boys left the train, leaving their bags which they knew would be magically taken to their dorms, starting to head towards the carriages however James and Sirius veered off to the enormous man calling for the first years.

"Hey Hagrid!" James said, waving.

"Hullo there, James! Sirius!" The groundskeeper of Hogwarts beamed at the two boys. Had a good summer?"

"Brilliant," James said. "We'll talk later?"

"Yeh kin come by my hut tomorrow fer some tea if yeh like," Hagrid said.

"Okay, see you tomorrow!" Sirius said then they went back towards the carriages. "Blimey, I'm happy we come back on a Friday. We should start on a Friday every year, always have a weekend first to get used to being back at school."

Remus hesitated at the carriages, seeing the giant horse-dragon-skeleton things that pulled the carriages. All three of his friends just went to one of the carriages as if they couldn't see them; he was pretty sure he was the only person at Hogwarts that could see them except then who attached them to the carriages? Remus glanced back towards Hagrid. Maybe _he_ could see him. He had suspected Hagrid might have giant's blood in him which would make him partially not human, so... perhaps...? _Maybe I should ask_?

He climbed into the carriage after his friends, quiet the entire trip though none of them seemed to notice. Finally they arrived at the school. Stepping into Hogwarts felt like stepping into home, especially with his three friends around him even though they all snickered when he tripped over one of the stairs and would have gone sprawling if it wasn't for Sirius catching him by the back of the robes. They made jokes about how clumsy he was but it didn't bother him at all. He was just _so_ happy to be _back_.


	8. Chapter Eight - Mature Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been really down/depressed so thought I'd get out an extra chapter to maybe make some others happy :)

As soon as the Marauders went into the Great Hall all four sets of eyes went to the High Table, to get a glimpse of their new teacher. Except, there wasn't anyone new at all. In fact there were _three_ empty seats, which confused the others until Remus pointed out that Hagrid was bringing the first years across the lake and McGonagall would be waiting for them.

"So where's the new Defense teacher?" Sirius asked as they found seats.

"Maybe we don't have one," suggested Peter.

Remus shook his head. "We have new Defense books on the list. We must have a new teacher." He switched his focus to the Gryffindor table, looking for Lily. She was sitting several seats down with her two female friends—Alice Colgate, a pale girl with very curly hair, and Cassandra Inkwood, a black girl whose hair poofed out in an afro. Inkwood looked really different though Remus couldn't quite figure out why.

" _Bloody hell_!" Sirius hissed out, following Remus's gaze. He began smacking James's arm rather violently. "Look at her. _Look at her_."

James's jaw dropped a little. "Jumping jarveys."

"Holy hippogriffs," Peter agreed.

Remus didn't know which girl they were staring at though all three—sensing the stares—turned to look. Immediately James and Peter looked away however Sirius just flashed a grin, giving them a salute and a wink. All three girls turned their heads away, clearly irritated. Remus wanted to ask what that had been about however as James and Peter seemed to immediately know whatever grabbed Sirius's attention and Remus did not, he didn't want to appear stupid.

"Oh drat. Spinnet made it back," sighed Sirius as he looked past the girls and saw the other two second year boys; Morrander Spinnet and David Struthers. Remus liked Struthers well enough. He was a decent guy. Spinnet, however, had quickly become not only his enemy but the enemy of all the Marauders. He particularly hated Sirius.

"Snivellus is back too," said James, eyeing the Slytherin table. Snape was looking at the Gryffindor table though not at them but at Lily.

Sirius snapped his fingers. "You'd expect him to drown in his own hair grease or something."

"Urgh, I just hope the feast starts soon." Peter rubbed his stomach miserably.

"Even after all those sweets?" James teased. Peter kicked him.

"It'll start soon," Remus said, hearing vague chattering from outside the Great Hall doors belonging to the first years. The doors swung open, and McGonagall led the children down the middle aisle.

"Man, they're _little_ ," James said. "One or two might even be shorter than you, Remus." Now Remus kicked him though he did notice he wasn't bigger than the first years at all.

Sirius was watching his brother. Regulus kept his face forward, on McGonagall and the Sorting Hat which began singing its new song; Remus barely paid attention to the words since his mind was more on the whole missing teacher thing. Everyone applauded when the song finished except for most the first years who merely looked frightened (and a couple who were looking around with annoyed looks, Remus thought probably the ones who had believed his friends about a duel).

Regulus was the fourth one called. The Slytherins were all murmuring and giving Sirius _looks_ as Regulus walked forward, chin held high. Sirius just watched his brother, whispering under his breath. " _Not Slytherin. Not Slytherin_. _Come on, Reg, you can do it."_ His hands were curled into fists so tight his knuckles were white. Remus wanted to reach out and comfort him somehow but kept his hands to himself.

Regulus sat down. The Hat was put on his head. Sirius held his breath, staring so intensely that Remus thought a fire might spark. The Hat opened its brim and...

"SLYTHERIN!"

The Slytherin table exploded with applause. Remus distinctly heard several variations of 'That's where a true Black belongs'. It seemed half the table got up to shake Regulus's hand as he went to find his seat, looking _very_ pleased with himself.

"Damn it," Sirius growled out, eyes still on his brother. Regulus looked over, his expression reading more concerned than anything else as he took a seat among the Slytherins. Sirius slammed his hand against the table, swearing again.

"It'll be okay," James said, touching Sirius's arm.

He yanked himself away from James. "You don't know Reg. Slytherin's going to destroy him. I know it will. He's..." Sirius trailed off, voice fading. "He's too trusting."

"That... doesn't sound like a bad thing...?" Peter asked, confused.

Sirius shook his head miserably. "He believes in what our parents say, what _Slytherins_ try to uphold. Purity, _tradition,_ all that crap. He's just going to end up like the rest of them. I thought if he was somewhere else maybe I could..." He stopped again then remained quiet, looking quite depressed.

Finally Alpretha Whitespring was put into Ravenclaw, finishing the Sorting off. Then Professor Dumbledore stood up, announcing the start of the feast. No mention of the missing Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Food appeared across the tables and everyone began eating. Remus just continued staring at the High Table until James nudged him, asking if he was all right since he seemed so out of it.

"He didn't say anything about a Defense teacher," Remus said as he began getting food, not really noticing _what_ he put on his plate. "Isn't it strange?"

Pete said something with his mouth full of food making his words incomprehensible until he swallowed and repeated, "Told you, we don't have one."

"We have to have one," James said, stuffing chicken into his mouth. "Dumbles wouldn't just _not_. Remy, why are you eating vinegar on fruit?"

Remus froze with the fork halfway to his mouth then set it down. "I wasn't really paying attention to what I put on my plate."

"Might be interesting," Sirius said, reaching over to stab a bit of fruit then popped it in his mouth. "Urgh. No. Not good."

Remus surveyed his plate. Vinegar had gotten on everything, which surprised him that he hadn't noticed the smell. He pushed his plate away and used a bowl to eat from. "Guess this doesn't help my loopy reputation," he mumbled, wondering if that nickname would persist.

"Not really," James said.

Remus glared. "You weren't supposed to _agree_!"

"Oblivious," Sirius said.

"Absentminded?" Peter added.

James pointed his fork at Remus. "Preoccupied. The Preoccupied Potions Professor."

"Ooh, I _love_ that comic!" Peter said cheerfully.

"I am _not_ oblivious, absentminded, or preoccupied!" Remus complained bitterly.

"You put grapefruit on your plate," Sirius said, waving his hand at Remus's abandoned meal. "Didn't you say you hate it this afternoon?"

Remus just scowled, poking at the food in the bowl. "Oh, shut up. I was... distracted. A little."

"Yeah, only a little," Sirius said, smirking. "When you're distracted a lot you tend to run into walls."

"I hate you." Then when all three of his friends laughed he added, " _All_ of you." Sirius just tousled Remus's hair.

The conversation turned to other matters, eventually leading into Quidditch. James got up, heading down the table to talk to a fifth year girl who made room for him to sit down. They talked animatedly for a while, a burly boy sitting by them patting James on the back. Then James back back, a bounce in his step.

"Bell was made Captain," he explained as he sat down, referring to Patricia Bell, a Chaser on the Quidditch team. "She says tryouts won't be too far away, she wants to get the team going as soon as possible." He was practically vibrating with excitement. "Oh man, I can't wait. James Potter: Gryffindor Chaser!" He spread his hands out for emphasis. "Are you going to try out?"

Sirius shrugged. "Probably not. There's only room for a Chaser and a Keeper, isn't there? You'll get the Chaser position and I don't like being Keeper."

"You could be a reserve," James pointed out. "Always need those."

"I wish I was good at Quidditch," sighed Peter. "I'd _love_ to play, even as a reserve."

James poked him. "You should try out too!"

Peter's eyes got wide. "Me? Everybody'd just laugh at me."

" _I_ wouldn't," James said loftily. "I'd hex anyone who laughed at you, too."

"Brilliant way to get on the team, mate," Sirius laughed. "Hexing people at tryouts."

James stuck his tongue out. "I wouldn't _at_ tryouts, dummy. After. Anyway, Bell says she's gonna try to get the pitch booked for next Saturday. One week. That's it. Oh man. Oh boy. Remy, you'll be coming to tryouts too, won't you?" Remus nodded, unable to talk since he just took a big bite of potatoes. "Okay good. I need _all_ of you there. It'll make me better."

"We'll be your cheering quad," Pete promised.

Sirius punched James's arm lightly. "Not that you need it. You might as well already be officially on the team."

James beamed brighter than all the floating candles combined.

After dessert Professor Dumbledore stood up so he could tell everyone a few rules. He reminded that the Forbidden Forest was named so because it was Forbidden (he glanced towards the Marauders at this making Remus wonder if he somehow knew about their fort they had been building last term in the forest), Quidditch tryouts would be the second week ("And we'll have the first," James muttered), that there's a list of rules posted in each common room which were now updated with new rules (again looking at the Marauders, making James and Sirius both grin).

"As some of you may have noticed, we have an empty seat up here," Dumbledore said which caused some whispering. "Your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has been held up a little. He'll be here Sunday. Now, let's have a nice rendition of our school song then everyone can go to bed!"

Words appeared in the air, the lyrics to Hogwarts' song. Everyone began singing to their own desired tune. James and Sirius shrieked them out to popular rock tunes, standing on their seats to be as noticeable as possible. Remus just mumbled so quietly nobody could hear him. Once everyone was finished, they all got up to shuffle slowly out of the Great Hall. It was especially crowded just outside the doors since prefects were trying to gather first years to show them the way to the common room.

"Come on," James said, shuffling along the wall, away from the stairs. The rest followed him down a side corridor and into a secret passageway that took them to the next floor up, where they could get back to the main passages and up to their tower without issue. They were the first ones there which gave Sirius the idea to string up some spiderweb spells. Remus was tired but helped James and Sirius while Peter stayed close to the slightly open entrance, to keep an ear out (which should have been Remus but he didn't want them to know how well he could hear). They only strung up single threads that could hardly be seen, crisscrossing them all over the common room.

"People coming!" Peter squeaked, shutting the painting. Remus helped guide him through their webbing then all four hurried up to their dorm, giggling. They left their door open so they could hear the shouts and protests from other students being caught in the webbing.

"We should hide out in the bathroom, so Spinnet doesn't see we're already here," Remus suggested, so the four of them hurried across the hall into the bathroom. They waited a good ten minutes (chattering quietly) until finally they heard their dorm door shut, waited a few more minutes, then returned to their dorm.

Struthers and Spinnet were busy picking bits of web off themselves. Spinnet glowered as soon as the door opened. "Where were you? Probably hiding somewhere in the common room to enjoy your handiwork, eh?"

"We just got here," Sirius said.

"Yeah, sure." Spinnet pulled his robes off, throwing them into his laundry bin. "Everyone knows _you_ did that."

"The sticky threads in the common room?" James shook his head. "They were there when we came in."

"Andy, just leave it," sighed Struthers.

Spinnet was definitely not leaving it. "You can't even go one evening without causing chaos! You know, _you_ two are why I dreaded coming back!"

James put on his best Potter smile. "Glad we've left such a lasting impression!"

Spinnet's lip curled and his hand jerked towards his pocket. He stopped, then spun away from them to change into his pajamas. Struthers cast them a rather exasperated look. "It's the first night back, can't you just..." He stopped, shaking his head and retreating to gather his stuff so he could go change.

Like on the train, Remus went to the bathroom to change. When he returned he found his friends sitting on James's bed, motioning for him to join. "The spells are still strong," James said as he shut his curtains. "So they can't hear everything if we're really quiet."

"D'you think you still need the spells?" Sirius inquired.

Remus looked down at his lap. "N—not sure. Probably."

Due to his problem with nightmares... or, rather, his tendency to wake up literally screaming from his nightmares, Professor Flitwick had placed sound absorbing spells on all their beds the previous year. Well, except Sirius who insisted on being able to hear Remus so he could go to him if Remus needed him.

"I wish we didn't have to share with him," grumbled Sirius, glaring at the curtains. "Spinnet's such a twat."

"So our new Defense teacher is a guy?" Peter asked, not paying attention to Sirius at all which, in the circumstance, was the best choice.

"Apparently." James rubbed his chin. "Held up by _what_ though?"

"If he works for the Ministry, maybe something with them?" Peter offered.

"Guess we'll find out more Sunday," James said, leaning back against his headboard. "It's probably just all stuff to make us more interested in him, like... build up the mystery."

They talked for a while, accidentally getting louder until Spinnet told them to shut up; at that point it was fairly late, but they didn't have class in the morning so they just gathered cards, sweets, James's record player, and headed down to the empty common room. There weren't any cobwebs left, so someone had gotten rid of them. Remus figured they were probably in the clear since no prefect had sought them out.

They settled down near the fireplace, Sirius popping a record on while James shuffled the cards. They played Jarvey for a bit then they played the Muggle version of Jarvey which was called Cheat, that Peter taught them. It was pretty much the same but since they used Muggle cards the cards couldn't speak to trick the other players (or call Jarvey on the person who set the card down). It was really weird, but fun in its own way. They were laughing a lot, being louder than they intended as someone did come down the stairs to complain about the fact their laughter could be heard up in the dorms.

"Sorry," James said, flashing his Potter grin. "We'll quiet down."

"It's after midnight," the boy complained. "You should go to sleep."

Remus glanced up, unable to hold back the snark. "Your suggestion has been taken into consideration, thank you."

The other Marauders snorted with laughter while the older boy scowled so deeply that Sirius told him, "Careful, your face will stick like that."

"I _never_!" The boy spun around and stormed back up.

They all dissolved into giggles. " _Your suggestion has been taken into consideration_!" James said, pounding the table with his fist. "Brilliant."

"We should use that next time McGonsie gives us detention," said Sirius.

"Merlin, can you imagine her face?!" James shrieked and they all began laughing again which just resulted in one of the girls coming down the stairs to tell them to be quiet. This time they tried their best; Sirius even turned down the volume of the record player. They stayed up for another hour at least before finally being too tired to continue on.

"Oh, before we go to bed I want to show you something," James said in a way-too-casual voice. "Wait down here. I'll be _right_ back." He dashed up the stairs.

"Wonder what that's about," yawned Peter as he gathered the cards up.

"Hopefully it doesn't take long," Sirius said, leaning against the back of a couch. Remus perched on the back of the couch and Peter waited next to him.

A moment later Remus heard faint footsteps coming down the stairs. "Okay face the other way, count to ten, then turn around," James instructed. "Count slowly."

Sirius and Peter turned, Remus just covered his face, not feeling like getting off the couch. Sirius did the counting. As he did Remus could hear James come back into the common room. At ten the others turned back around and Remus lowered his hands... but James wasn't there.

"Come on, James, hurry up," Sirius called towards the stairs.

Remus blinked, tilting his head. He _heard_ James come into the common room. He could... _sense_ James there, somewhere. Very, very faint breathing. Hardly audible. Muffled by something. Remus's heart began going a little faster as the hairs on the back of his neck rose up. Something wasn't right. The wolf didn't like this at _all_.

"James, it's one-thirty," Peter complained.

Sirius threw his hands in the air. "Git," he grumbled.

"Oi!" Suddenly James's head appeared. "Git?"

All three of the Marauders yelped in fear, jumping. Peter even grabbed at Remus's arm who nearly fell backwards off the sofa back. James's head began laughing. "Your _faces_! Perfect! More than PERFECT!"

"You got it?!" Sirius ran over so quickly one of his slippers became loose nearly tripping him.

James's body appeared as he pulled a strange cloak off of him. Remus and Peter cautiously approached. "Yes!" James hopped from foot to foot. "He gave it to me last night, said he thought it was time. I was _mature_ enough. Puhhhlease, I was mature enough last year!"

"Is that an invisibility cloak?" Remus asked, eyes huge.

"It sure is, my brainy little friend!" James held the cloak up then wrapped it around himself so once more he was a floating head. "It's been handed down in my family for generations! I should have gotten it for my first year 'cept for some reason Dad thought he should wait."

Peter reached out, hand pressing against thin air. "You're still there."

"Yeah it just makes me invisible, it doesn't make me... ummm... not solid."

"Incorporeal," Remus muttered automatically. "But that doesn't make sense."

"Huh? Yeah it does, why would being invisible make me go through walls?" James asked as he took the cloak back off, handing it over to Sirius who looked just about ready to pass out from bliss. He put the cloak on the same way so he was just a floating head, spinning in circles.

Remus shook his head. "No, not that. The handed-down bit. Invisibility cloaks don't last that long. They barely last one generation. Spells wear off. They become visible. Or rip. Or— _something_. May I see it?"

Sirius took it off but Remus didn't put it on, he just held it in his hands, feeling a shiver go through his body. His fingers slid against the silky fabric as he inspected it closely, turning it about in his hands.

"If you're just gonna gawp at it give it back, I want to wear it again," Sirius complained.

Remus sighed, handing it back. This time all three of his friends disappeared under it. "It doesn't make sense," Remus said again.

"Shut up and get under here, let's see if we all fit," said James's voice as he lifted the edge.

Remus went under the cloak, finding it uncomfortable the second he stepped in. They were crowded against each other though the cloak covered all of them. At least, until James began jumping up and down making joyful shrieks almost right in Remus's ear.

"WE'RE GONNA DO SO MUCH WITH THIS!" he shouted then began laughing.

"Someone's coming," Remus said.

James hesitated then smiled. "Well, nobody's here," he whispered, returning to their side so they were all hidden.

A girl came down the stairs, mouth open to complain. She peered around the room with narrowed eyes, pressed her lips then, then stomped back up the steps.

"She didn't see us at all!" Peter squeaked.

"Course not," James said. "We are in _visible_!"

Remus ducked out from under the cloak since he was starting to get too warm. His stomach twisted when he turned around to see thin air but smelling all of his friends there, sensing them. The wolf began clawing at his brain miserably. Thankfully James yanked the cloak back, revealing all of them once more.

"This is going to be _incredible_ ," he said, folding the cloak up. "We are going to cause _so_ much trouble!"

"Good thing you're 'mature' enough to handle the responsibility," laughed Sirius as they headed back up to their dorm.

Remus was still thinking about how strange it was the cloak was in such beautiful condition after being 'handed down' through generations. Unless Mr. Potter lied to him and merely bought him a brand new cloak. _That_ was a possibility. After settling on that idea, Remus finally drifted into sleep.


	9. Chapter Nine - Who Needs Brooms?

Remus didn't sleep too well his first night back at Hogwarts. He didn't really have nightmares however he tossed and turned a lot, waking up several times. Finally he dragged Gwyllgi out of his trunk and curled up, hugging his dog against him, sleeping decently for the rest of the night. He woke up when the others were waking up, hearing their voices, hearing one of his friends say to wake him. He shoved Gwyllgi under his pillow just as his curtains opened. He sat upright, rubbing his eyes.

"Morning," Sirius said in a strange voice.

"Morning," Remus replied, sliding out of bed, wondering what was going on since Sirius's heart rate was faster than normal. A big prank planned? "What time?"

"Nearly ten," James said from where he was getting dressed. "We've missed breakfast."

"We can get something from the kitchens though," said Peter.

"Then outside," James said quickly, sitting down to tie his trainers. "It's a nice day out so we're gonna have some broom time!"

After all four of them got dressed in casual weekend clothes (with James hauling his carrying case) they trooped to the kitchens. Remus and Peter greeted the house-elves while James and Sirius got a large basket full of food. They ate next to the lake, sitting in the bright sunshine, occasionally tossing bits of food into the lake for the giant squid. Remus wasn't too hungry so he wound up laying on his belly with a book in front of him though he wasn't reading. It felt _so_ good just relaxing like this, being with them again. All too soon they were done eating, brushing crumbs and grass off their clothes as James unlatched the broom case.

"Lads and—er, other lads. Behold!" He flicked the lid open, flourishing his hands proudly.

" _Blimey_!" Sirius looked in with big eyes. "Jimmy, it's beautiful!"

Remus was frozen on the ground. His bones were aching slightly, his skin crawling. He didn't dare move. Didn't dare even _look_.

"It's amazing, one of the _top_ brooms _ever."_ James pulled the broom out, putting it in Sirius's hands. "It can reach a hundred miles an hour in fifteen seconds!"

"That's how I fell, James convinced me to accelerate real fast," said Peter.

Sirius turned so Remus could look at it. "Yeah it's, uh, quite a broom," Remus said, sitting up cross-legged as an excuse to edge a little farther away. The handle was chestnut, the twigs some kind of pine which gave off a lovely scent. However... the metal binding the twigs to the handle as well as the metal stating the name along the handle, and the metal in bands along the top of the handle were most assuredly _silver_. Real silver, not just looks-like-silver.

"Sirius, give it a try," James said.

Sirius grinned and mounted the broom, fingers closing around the handle, fingers touching the silver _StarShooter900_ label. He kicked off, zipping up into the sky, shouting gleefully. James and Peter cheered him on as he began looping and rolling through the air. Remus gave polite claps, feeling super ill. At least they all knew he disliked flying so he had a ready excuse not to try it. Still, it was _awful_.

Sirius landed with a fancy sort of bounce. "James, James, it's _perfect_!"

"Isn't it?" James ran over, taking his broom back, caressing the handle lovingly. "They're completely sold out. Or were over the summer. But Dad knows the owner of the company so that's how I got it. Remus, your turn!"

"No thank you," Remus whispered, scooting away as James came closer. "I don't like flying." He fought hard to keep his voice steady as the silver was _so_ close to him. He had no idea what silver did exactly to him, just that he could physically feel it when he was close and that it did something _very bad;_ he was pretty sure it would burn him since that's how his skin felt when it got close. That sort've burning prickling sensation. Besides, it was the only way to actually _kill_ a werewolf. Silver blades, that sort of thing. He didn't think the silver on the broom would kill him... unless maybe someone clobbered him over the head with it. Would that work? Or did the silver have to go _in_ him? Most werewolves were executed via silver ax chopping the head off. He wondered about a silver club...

Then he wondered why he was even wondering about this. Especially with James taking another step.

Remus sprang to his feet, wiping sweaty palms against his ancient jeans. "No. Really, I—I'm all right."

"I can take you," James offered. "You can sit behind me."

"Or I can take you, if you're worried about James being too flashy on the broom," Sirius said.

"You don't want me taking you," put in Peter. "I can barely fly myself."

Remus tried not to look at the broom, at the silver. "I'm fine. Th-thank you though. You fly. I want to see you fly."

James frowned, brow furrowing rather deeply. "If you're afraid of me flying I'll be careful, or Sirius can take you. Oh, go on. Try it. It's nothing like those stupid school brooms." He held the broom out so closely that Remus jumped back without even thinking. "It's not going to bite."

All of them looked surprised at his reaction. _Not normal_ , he realized, wanting to pull the collar of his shirt up around his mouth. _This isn't normal, most kids would leap at this chance_. "I—I—" He didn't know what to say. How to get out of this. "I'd rather watch you fly, really."

"Remy, you can't be afraid of flying your whole life," said Sirius, folding his arms. "How are you gonna get around?"

"There's this fancy little magic called Apparition," Remus replied rather grouchily. "Once I turn seventeen I can learn and who needs brooms? I won't ever play Quidditch."

"Learning to fly is an important part of a wizard's... errr..." James trailed off, squinting in thought. "That a wizard can do."

"It's not _that_ scary," Peter said.

"I've learned to fly," he pointed out, feeling as though something was scraping against his skin. He had this sensation several times before, when he was getting overwhelmed. When things were too much. First day back, and he was already feeling like this. _Not a good sign_. It didn't help with the silver pulsating into his very being as James started towards him again.

Peter had been watching Remus with a frown, eyes going between him and James. Now he took a few steps towards them. "Um, well, if he doesn't want to try the broom, you can't _make_ him." Remus felt so grateful, resisting the urge to run over to hide behind Pete.

James tilted his head, eyes on Remus and he had a feeling he knew what James was thinking even without Legilimency: _Why is he acting like this?_ or something similar. "Okay," he finally said. "If you're sure..."

"I'm sure," Remus said quickly.

James gave him another puzzled look then offered the broom to Pete who gladly got on it, flying around for a while (though closer to the ground than Sirius had). Remus sat back down on the ground, trying his hardest to keep his breathing even. He wrapped his shaky hands around his knees, holding tightly so it wouldn't be noticeable. Sirius and James sat on either side of him as they watched Peter, cheering him on. Remus hugged his knees harder. Why did James have to get a broom with _silver_ on it? Why did anyone put silver on a broom?

Remus excused himself, telling them he needed to go to the bathroom. He hurried to the castle, to one of the closest bathrooms he could find; thankfully it was empty. He shut the door then turned around, leaning against it, letting a moan of frustration out. He banged the back of his head against the door a couple times then slid down to the floor. He felt so _stupid_ , allowing this to get to him so much. His fingers twitched, scratching at his wrists since he still felt that scraping feeling. He knew scratching wouldn't stop it but he couldn't help it. His nails were so stubby, though, he barely left any marks and any he left healed immediately.

Someone tried opening the door. Remus pressed back. "S—sorry, had a spell problem, try a d-d-different one!" he called out, digging his shoes against the floor for added strength.

"Remus?"

"Sirius?"

"Can I come in? What do you mean spell problem? Merlin, what did you do?"

"I-I'm busy..."

He tried opening the door again, pushing. "It's a public bathroom!" he grunted. "Let me in." Remus bit his bottom lip so hard he drew blood then he moved away from the door. It flung open, slamming hard against the wall. Sirius fell in, stumbling as he tried to regain balance then tripping over Remus who whispered an apology as Sirius hit the floor. He twisted around, sitting up. "What's going on?" he asked, kicking at the door to shut it. Remus moved back against it so nobody else could get in.

"I feel sick to my stomach," he lied. "Dizzy, too."

Sirius brushed his hair from his face, adjusting his position so he was on his knees now, leaning in to study Remus's face. Remus pressed back, trying to keep distance. "You need to see Pomfrey already? But—" Sirius stopped himself. Remus wondered what the 'but' was for.

"N-no, I'll be fine," he said, pulling his knees up, pulling his shirt up so the collar was around his mouth. "I threw up. Feeling better now."

Sirius glanced at the stalls then back to Remus. "Is that why you didn't want to fly?"

_Brilliant_! Remus tried not to let the excitement show. "Um. Y... yeah... I didn't want you guys to know I wasn't feeling well."

"Idiot." Now Sirius sat next to him, back against the door as well. "You're an idiot."

"I guess." Both their legs were stretched out. Remus's sneakers were old, worn out, a hole in one side. Sirius's were brand new. His jeans were brand new too; Remus's were worn out, old, still a little too big for him. They'd probably be too battered before he grew into them.

"You _don't_ have to keep things from us," Sirius said which sent a chill down his spine. "Do you need to go lay down?"

"Nah, I'll be all right. Did... you need to go to the bathroom?"

"No, I came to check on you."

"Oh. Th—thanks. You d-didn't need to..."

Sirius rapped his knuckles lightly against the top of Remus's head. "Idiot," he said again then got up. "Take as long as you need."

He left the bathroom, Remus returning to pressing against the door. He put his face in his hands, trying to take in deep, calming breaths. He also tried emptying his mind. Like he did for Occlumency. Emptying himself of thoughts and emotions, letting them drain away... which he was _not_ very good at. He had too much anxiety for that. Sometimes he wondered if the only things inside of him were a wolf and anxiety. It sure felt that way.

After a few moments he got up, going to the sink to splash some cold water against his face. He was feeling better now, a bit calmer. _You'll be okay_ , he told himself as he went to the door. He started to open it but then stopped, hearing voices out in the hall. Ones he unfortunately recognized. _Oh, crap_! He backed away from the door then bolted into one of the stalls as the door to the bathroom opened. He locked the stall door then got on the toilet, pulling his feet up, panic pounding in his brain.

"—crop of first years look interesting," said an oily sort of voice that Remus knew belong to Avery of Slytherin, one of the meanest bullies in their year.

"There's a few we should keep our eye on," agreed a thicker, heavier sort of voice that belonged to Mulciber of Slytherin, one of the other meanest bullies.

They went into two of the other stalls, discussing the first years. Remus considered making a run for it however as he reached towards the door to unlock it they began talking about Regulus.

"Least _he's_ a proper Black," said Avery. "Not a disgrace like that disgusting brother of his."

"We definitely need to keep an eye on him," said Mulciber. "Make sure it's clear where _his_ loyalties lie."

They talked for another minute or so before flushing the toilets then leaving without washing their hands. Remus counted to twenty slowly then left the bathroom, running outside as fast as he could (tripping a couple times). His friends were where he had left them, James on the broom now. Sirius and Peter smiled when they saw him though the smiles faded when Remus breathlessly told Sirius what he had heard.

"Going after Reg?" Fury flashed through Sirius's eyes. "Oooh, if they do anything to him they're going to regret it."

"It sounds more like they want him on _their_ side," Peter said. "Um, by the way, are you feeling better? Sirius said you were sick?"

"I'm doing a bit better yeah, thank you."

Sirius began pacing around furiously. " _Their_ side is awful, and if they try to befriend him they're going to regret it." He stopped then snapped his fingers cheerfully. "You know, with James's cloak we can easily find the Slytherin's password. Break in, do stuff to their dorm. And Snape's."

"Don't do anything to the _entire_ dorm room though," Remus said quickly. Sirius gave him a suspicious look, demanding to know why. "Because he shares with Silverlocke, and Silverlocke's my..." He trailed off, trying to think of a good term. "I suppose... study buddy?" He sort of wanted to call him his friend however he doubted they were on good enough terms for that. He _liked_ Aegis Silverlocke, the only Slytherin of the study group Lily had put together the previous year. He was very nice.

"You know their dorm layout?" Pete asked in surprise.

"I know who shares with whom," Remus replied. "Silverlocke told me. It's him, Snape, Wicket, and Fox in one, then Mulciber, Avery, and Bulstrode in the other."

"The three _bullies_ in one," snorted Sirius. "I shouldn't be surprised."

"HEY!" James landed, looking rather annoyed. "You guys weren't watching me! I just did the most terrific of loops—oh, Siri, what's wrong?"

"Don't call me that," Sirius snapped. "And what's wrong is Mulciber and Avery want to try to get Reg on their side, in their little stupid group. Plus I realized we can find out the Slytherin's password with your cloak."

James's jaw dropped. "Holy hippogriffs you're right, we can! We're totally doing that later tonight. Oh. Remus. Are you all right? Feeling any better?"

"Yeah, a bit," he said. "I'm sorry for lying. Or, um, for hiding. How I was feeling."

James clasped him on the shoulder. "It's all right. I know you're really touchy about that sort of stuff."

After the other three flew around on the broom a bit more they all decided to sneak into the Forbidden Forest to see how their fort was doing. They went in their usual way however the trail they used to use didn't take them directly to the area, it somehow shifted over summer. So it took them a while of wandering around before finally finding the large rock shaped like a sleeping dragon, with four crudely made stick walls set up nearby, still in good condition. They played there for a while, mostly James, Sirius, and Peter seeing who could jump the farthest off of Dragon Rock while Remus sat nearby watching. He wanted to jump too, but had to pretend he wasn't feeling well which he regretted. He should have just sucked it up and tried the broom. He did run around with them a bit, tripping a few times getting quite muddy in the process.

After that they headed back to the main grounds, forging a new path through the woods. Remus thought it was strange the old path had grown over in just one summer. It didn't seem possible... though the forest was strange. Maybe this sort of thing was normal for the Forbidden Forest? It wasn't as if they could just ask anyone otherwise that'd be pretty much confessing to going where they weren't supposed to.

Sirius and James were going to go to tea at Hagrid's, inviting Remus and Peter along, insisting Hagrid wouldn't mind. It didn't appear as if he did; the groundskeeper boomed out a happy greeting to all four boys, letting them into his hut. His enormous wolfhound bounded around them, going straight for Remus. Rocky stuck his scruffy face into Remus's and began licking exuberantly, wagging his tail so hard it beat against Peter's body. Remus had to shuffle along the edge of the wall to reach one of the seats, sliding back so far into Hagrid's chair his legs stuck straight out. Rocky jumped up into the chair with him, taking up more space than him, resting his head against Remus's chest.

"Looks like you made a new best friend," Sirius said as he, James, and Pete sat in smaller chairs around the table.

Rocky licked Remus's chin so Remus began scratching him behind the ears. The tail began thwumping again. Hagrid passed around tea as well as very hard biscuits. Remus covertly tapped his against the wooden armrest then, seeing how it was like stone, stuck it into his tea to soften. He stayed hidden behind Rocky for almost the entire visit while Hagrid, James, and Sirius spoke enthusiastically about wild creatures Hagrid knew about and Peter listened in. Hagrid spoke a _lot_ about being in the forest as well as some of the things he had found in there while James and Sirius listened with wide eyes and blissful smiles.

*

" _There_ you are!" Lily practically tackled Remus as soon as the four of them went into the Common Room then crinkled her nose when she noticed all the mud on him, though didn't mention it. "I have been looking for you _all_ day! Where have you been? Never mind," she said before he could say anything, glancing towards the other Marauders. "I'd probably be better off _not_ knowing. Anyway, Frobisher asked me to give you these."

"Who?" Remus asked as she pawed around in her school satchel.

"Charon Frobisher?" Lily pulled out four thick pieces of parchment, handing them to him. "Prefect."

It was their new schedule for the year. James, Sirius, and Pete all crowded around him as they looked over how their year would be going. Remus gave them each a copy so they'd stop breathing down his neck. "Ugh, we have Potions twice a week now?!" Sirius complained immediately. "We have to see Slytherins more?" Lily glared at him though remained silent.

"Hey on Wednesdays we can sleep in," Peter said excitedly.

James adjusted his glasses as he examined the schedule closely. "Wow, Mondays and Fridays are _busy_. Four classes."

"Only going to be busier next year, when we take our electives," pointed out Lily with a sniff.

"I almost forgot about those," Sirius admitted.

"Just let me know what you two take, so I can _avoid_ those classes!" Lily told James and Sirius.

"There aren't teacher names on here," Remus noted.

Sirius gave Remus a strange look. "We kinda know all their names by now?"

Remus just shook his head, folding the parchment up carefully. "Not Defense. I suppose we'll find out very soon. I was just really curious."

Lily nudged him. "By the way, I spoke to Craft earlier today. He's keen on starting up study group again however I think we should cut back to three times a week instead of every night, especially since our curfew is eight now, so that would give us six hours a week, if we do two hours which seems a bit much though I suppose we don't need to... well, either way, Florence, Kyra, and Bones agree. I haven't spoke to Silverlocke yet though. Twycross thinks we should meet every night but... most of us didn't make us every night anyway. What do you think?"

"Me?" Remus asked.

"No, Pettigrew," Lily said, putting her hands on her hips. "Yes _you_."

"Oh. Er. W—well..."

"Cause you have to see Madame Pomfrey once a week anyway, right?" Lily asked, this time in a softer voice.

Remus nodded slowly. The lie he had used to explain his whereabouts when he disappeared for Occlumency lessons, insisting that Pomfrey needed to give him a check up once a week due to his illness. "I'm not sure which evening works best for—er, I mean, when I'll be going to see her. I haven't spoke to her yet. I'll let you know when I do. But... I think perhaps three times a week would be good, or four, even, we can meet extra on the weekends or something."

"I agree with that idea. All right, I'll see what the others think. D'you want to talk to Silverlocke?"

"I can, yeah," he agreed.

Lily beamed. "I was thinking maybe meeting tomorrow after lunch to go over summer's homework?"

"Merlin, you are so _boring_ ," James complained.

Sirius folded his arms. "It's the _weekend_! Who wants to do _homework_?"

Remus turned to look at him. "Don't you still have homework to do?"

Sirius glowered at him. "...maybe," he grunted.

"You haven't done some of your homework from the summer?" Lily's eyes widened. "How stupid are you?"

His eyes flashed angrily. "I'm not stupid. Homework is just boring."

"I second that," James said. "Actually doing stuff is fun. The written parts? No thanks." He got his wand out and began flourishing it without using any spells. "Man, I can't wait to get into dueling, if that's what our new Defense is meaning with that book. Oh! Hey Evans, wanna see my new broom?" He immediately began opening his carrying case. As soon as he took it out several students ran over, gasping in admiration as James showed the StarShooter900 off. Even Lily looked a little impressed.

"You know what kind of broom that is?" Sirius asked.

"Of course I do!" she replied haughtily. "Just because I enjoy _studying_ doesn't mean I don't like Quidditch."

"Remus doesn't like Quidditch," Peter said.

"Wow, it's almost as if Remus and I aren't the same person," Lily said, causing Remus to snort with laughter until he noticed Peter flushing with embarrassment. Lily must have realized too, as she went on to say, "Though, I can understand that line of thinking." He still looked embarrassed but not quite as much. "What an absolute idiot."

Remus was about to defend Pete then realized she was talking about James who had gotten on his broom in the middle of the common room, hovering a foot off the ground. "James, that's not a—a good idea," Remus tried.

"It's fine," James said, inching a little bit higher. The students around him applauded as if he had done some great trick. They were all talking about the StarShooter, excited to see one in person. James's chest puffed out as he answered questions, casually mentioning the fact they had gotten it from the MidnightFlight owner himself. He rose a little more so the broom was somewhat eye level for most the crowd.

"POTTER!" An older student pushed through the knot to stand in front of James, fury filling his face. "Get off that broom right now, you're not allowed to ride _inside the castle_!"

"Says who?" James bent way forward on his broom, folding his arms across the handle so he could casually rest his chin on his arms. It was quite the spectacle since it meant a great deal of ability to lean forward without making the broom go forward. He was really showing off. Judging by the expressions on everyone's faces it was working. Except for the Prefect.

"Says the _rules_!" The Prefect eyed him critically. "Which you are supposed to have read!"

Everyone waited to see what would happen next. James straightened up, did a quick loop-de-loop, then landed. "My apologies," he said rather dramatically. "Won't happen again."

"Two points from Gryffindor," the Prefect snapped before storming off. James just gave the watching students a wink before putting his broom away, feeding off all the attention.

"Such an idiot," Lily muttered under her breath.


	10. Chapter Ten - The New Professor

That night the Marauders stayed up till midnight before going to bed, but an hour later Remus was torn from his dreams by Sirius shaking him awake. "Wanna be lookout for us again?" he asked. "Jimmy and I are gonna explore."

"Oh, su-uuuu-ure," Remus yawned, slithering out of bed to pull on his robe and slippers. He grabbed a book, took James's fancy watch, then followed his friends down to the common room.

"I mean, next time you guys can come too if you want," James said a little nervously as he fiddled with his invisibility cloak. Obviously it hadn't really occurred to him how awkward it might be not inviting Remus along tonight but asking him to stay on watch,

"Next time," Remus agreed, not feeling up to exploring tonight anyway. He figured the maiden voyage, so to speak, should be the two of them anyway. "Be careful."

The two of them disappeared, the entrance opening and shutting seemingly on its own. Once it shut, Remus drew his feet up on the chair to read. The previous year he had only snuck out once, when they hung up Professor Dedenne's underwear in the Great Hall. He _enjoyed_ being out after hours except it also felt awful. He felt super guilty for betraying Dumbledore. Breaking a few _small_ rules (like playing pranks on other students) was one thing however breaking _big_ rules like that he thought he really shouldn't do. As much as he wanted to. Really, really wanted to.

Then he realized he had been out after hours at other times. On accident. He hadn't _snuck_ out, both times he had been really upset and hidden somewhere, falling asleep. One of those nights everyone had gotten really worried about him being missing with all the teachers actually searching for him. He shuddered with disgust, thinking about what had _caused_ him to be so upset he wound up essentially going missing.

_Stupid Dedenne_ , he thought, looking at the tapestry across the little area from him.

_You are a Five-X beast!_ Dedenne's voice echoed in his head. _You’re not natural, you’re not_ _human_! He lowered his book, swallowing heavily. _You should be locked away from real people. You. Don't. Belong_.

She was right. Of course. But it still hurt.

_I hope the new teacher at least tolerates me a little_ , Remus thought desperately. He deserved to be hated but... didn't he also deserve to be treated fairly? His other teachers that knew treated him fairly. Professor Flitwick treated him the same. Professor Slughorn... well, he acted kinda weird sometimes. Remus thought there was something sneaky about him though maybe it was just because Slughorn was the Head of Slytherin. Then there was McGonagall.

Professor McGonagall, whom Remus adored so much it was verging worship. _She_ treated him fairly. Kindly, actually. When he went to her with issues she was always willing to lend a hand. It had been her idea to spell the bed curtains. She had also once called him the most Gryffindor student she'd had in a long time which was a praise he still kept locked up in his heart, giving him warmth. When Remus had told Dumbledore everything Dedenne had said, McGonagall had put her arms around him. Like she cared. Like he deserved her caring.

McGonagall was pretty much the most amazing witch Remus had ever met. And since his mother was a Muggle, he could say that statement with absolute surety.

James and Sirius didn't come back until nearly four in the morning. Remus was nodding off, waking up whenever the watch made noises at him since he kept setting the alarm every ten minutes. He was very cross with his friends when he opened the door and was bumped into by their invisible bodies, wanting to snap at them for keeping him up so late.

"It was so amazing," Sirius said as they pulled the cloak off. They were both bright-eyed and pink-cheeked, not at all seeming as though it were nearly dawn. "Oh, wait until you come with us."

"It's incredible being able to go wherever without worrying about being seen!" laughed James as they headed to the stairs. "We walked right by Filch!"

"Though, his cat seemed to suspect something," Sirius added quickly. "Don't like _her_."

James paused right outside the door, Sirius and Remus running into him. "I was thinking, remember when we started writing down information about the school and were sorta doing a map? Now we can _really_ do one, a _proper_ one! Since we can _really_ explore the entire school like this, it can be a super _cool_ map!"

"Brilliant idea," Sirius said. "We can start doing that soon."

"But for now can we go to bed?" Remus grumbled.

"Ooh, sorry," James giggled, tiptoeing into the dorm. "Night guys!"

"Night Jimmy, night Remy."

"Good morning more like it."

"Grouch."

*

If he was grouchy before bed, he was even grouchier in the morning when he was awoken before nine. It was Sunday. They could sleep in! He didn't even get five hours of sleep! James and Sirius didn't look at all like they only got a little bit of sleep. They were both bouncing around all over the place, talking about the map. Peter was on board for the map. Remus was on board for more sleep.

At the Gryffindor table the others ate while Remus just dropped back into sleep, waking up about half an hour later when they finished. He wasn't really that hungry so he just took an apple, following his friends out of the Hall, wondering if they even needed him. He considered just going back to the dorm, especially if they were just going to go explore. In fact he had just decided to do that when they ran into trouble.

The four of them were walking down a third floor corridor going one way, while three Slytherins were coming their way. Snape, with two Slytherins they hadn't had much contact with the previous year: Wicket and Fox. Wicket was the tallest of the three with broad shoulders and a thick look to his face, while Fox was the shortest of the three, very burly, very scowly.

"Such a shame they let people like that walk freely around the castle," Snape said loudly once he saw the Gryffindors.

"Funny, was thinking the same thing," James said.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Brilliant comeback. I suppose for a cub that's considered wit."

Sirius tilted his head. "Insulting Gryffindors for being Gryffindors? I'll let your girlfriend know."

The affect was exactly what Sirius intended. Snape's sallow face began flushing slightly and he was visibly upset. But before he could come to Lily's defense, Fox said, "Girlfriend? What Slytherin would ever even _consider_ a Gryffindor?" then he and Wicket began laughing. Snape glanced away.

"Oh, didn't you know about your _friend_?" James asked. "He—"

"Shut up, Potter!" Snape's wand was out, pointing at James whose eyes widened. "Nobody wants to listen to your... _drivel_!"

James smirked. "Don't want your Slytherin pals to realize how clo—"

"FLIPENDO!"

James went flying back, slamming into the wall. Remus's jaw dropped a little at how strong the spell had been. He, Sirius, and Peter all stared at Snape who was breathing heavily, looking a little startled himself at what just happened. Wicket and Fox began laughing. Peter ran to James's side while Sirius got his wand out, and spells began going flying. Remus grabbed for his wand, putting the shield spell up just before one of Wicket's spells hit him.

"Peter!" Sirius shouted, ducking under one of Snape's spells.

Peter scrambled over, wand flinging outward. "Flipendo!" he tried, making Fox stumble a bit.

The six wizards began fighting more intensely than Remus expected. Spells bounced off shields, walls, the ceiling. Occasionally one hit. Sirius began stumbling with one of his legs jellified, Fox began sneezing rose petals, Peter's hair began going every which way pulling at his scalp, and then Remus felt something sharp slice into his arm. He staggered back, staring in horror at the rip in his sleeve and the blood pouring out. One of them had cut him, not super deep but a couple inches long. _Snape had cut him_!

He looked up, furious. If they were going to be that disgusting, so be it. " _Incendio_!" Snape's robes caught fire. He began spinning wildly around. "Petrificus—" But Remus was cut off by something slamming painfully against the side of his head. He went down, seeing stars.

"Don't TOUCH HIM!" Sirius screamed then physically jumped on Fox, sending both of them crashing to the ground. They began rolling back and forth, fists flying. Wicket dove towards them but Peter got the tripping spell off and Wicket went sprawling.

"Petrificus totalus!" Remus managed to say, throwing the spell to Wicket. His body went stiff as a board. He was taken care of.

Snape had managed to put the flames out; he and Remus aimed their wands but since Remus was still rather dizzy from being punched in the side of the head Snape was faster.

"Langlock!" he got out, and Remus's tongue was glued to the top of his mouth with that bizarre spell he suspected Snape had come up with himself.

Snape turned his wand on Peter but before he could do anything he jerked backwards. Great big furry globs of boogers crawled out of his nose, forming bats. Remus looked over at Peter who looked just as surprised. The he glanced backwards. James was getting up off the floor, glasses crooked, blood smeared on his face. The furry bat bogies began flapping around Snape's face, interrupting his spells.

There was a crunching sound and Fox cried out in pain. Sirius was on top of him, punching him in the face. Blood flowed from his nose. "Locomotor mortis," James snapped and Fox's legs were glued together. Sirius took his wand, getting up as well, rather precarious on his feet due to his leg issue.

"Give up, Snape?" James asked, wiping the blood off his chin.

Snape swatted a bat away. "Four on—three—isn't—fair!" he got out, ducking away from the bats as they tried to get into his mouth every time it opened.

"It _was_ three on three since you _knocked me out_!" James stood tall, chin out, looking quite heroic in Remus's opinion, like out of a book. If the book was about a bespectacled twelve year old wizard dripping blood everywhere. "You're going to reg—"

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!"

The four Marauders turned as Professor Flitwick came running down the hall, shock etched on his face. He stared at the Gryffindors then the Slytherins.

"Snape ambushed us," Sirius said immediately.

"They—CHOO!—attacked _us_!" Fox whined from the ground.

Then everyone who could talk (aka not Remus or Wicket) began talking at once until Flitwick snapped his wand, making everyone go silent. He surveyed the scene before him, taking the curses off of Wicket and Fox. Well, the leg-locker curse. Fox still sneezed out rose petals. Another wand movement from Flitwick at the furry bat bogies glopped to the floor. Finally he got rid of whatever spell was on Peter with his hair.

"Come with me," Flitwick said sternly. " _All_ of you."

*

They sat in Flitwick's office miserably, waiting for their respective Heads of Houses to arrive. Flitwick sat at his desk with his arms folded, glaring at all seven boys. Occasionally he'd say something about how he couldn't believe such a thing, never in all his days, blah blah blah. None of the boys spoke. Of course, Remus couldn't still due to the tongue thing. Sirius's leg was still rather twitchy from the jelly-leg curse, as Flitwick hadn't noticed it. Snape had been given some burn cream for the scorch marks and was rubbing the spots while glowering at Remus.

The door opened, McGonagall sweeping in, Slughorn waddling in after her. "I should have known it was you four," McGonagall said right away, glaring at the Marauders. "Now then, let's find out what happened."

Everyone but Remus began talking at once. Slughorn held up his hand then slowly looked at each student. "We'll start from the right. Mr. Wicket?" Of course _he_ started with the Slytherins.

So Wicket said he, Fox, and Snape had been walking down the corridor when suddenly the Gryffindors jumped out of no where and started attacking them. Naturally they had to defend themselves. Next was Fox who agreed with Wicket's story, then Snape who also corroborated their lies.

"Mr. Lupin?" McGonagall asked, as Remus was next to Snape.

"Nnnglglg." Remus pointed at his mouth.

"What was that?"

"Hnnglglg. Glghhghh."

McGonagall bent in, peering into Remus's mouth. "I see. Filius, would you mind taking Mr. Lupin to see Poppy? She managed to get this curse off him before. Also, while you're there, find out his side of the story. We'll see if it matches with what Misters Black, Pettigew, and Potter say."

"That isn't fair, they got to listen to each other!" Sirius protested.

McGonagall looked down her nose at him. "If you speak the truth your story will match Mr. Lupin's, won't it?"

Sirius fell silent.

Flitwick took Remus out of his office, guiding him along to the hospital wing where Madame Pomfrey was able to get rid of the weird tongue-to-roof-of-mouth spell after several minutes. None of them knew the origins of the spell so it was a little difficult. Then Remus told Professor Flitwick the truth. Snape insulted them, James snapped back, James was about to mention how Snape was friends with a Gryffindor when Snape attacked James. That's when they all started fighting. He wasn't sure who did what for the most part but he held out his arm, showing them the rip.

"Snape cut me," he said as Pomfrey inspected his skin which had healed already. At least there was still blood soaked in his sleeve to back up that statement. "Fox punched me. Sirius tackled him, then Snape used this tongue spell on me again. James used the bat-bogey hex, then that's when you showed up, Professor Flitwick." He paused then blushed slightly, looking down. "Oh, also I set Snape's robes on fire. After he cut me." He didn't want to confess doing that however felt he should tell the whole truth. He hoped his friends were telling the whole truth too.

Back in Flitwick's office everyone had been done telling their story. Flitwick talked to the other two teachers outside in the hall, informing them what Remus had said.

"You told the truth, right?" Remus whispered.

"Yeah of course," James replied, rubbing the back of his head. "Unlike _some_ people, we don't lie."

Snape snorted loudly at that. "Whoa, don't start a tornado there, Snivellus!" Sirius said, leaning forward to look over at him.

The door opened, all three teachers coming back in. None of them look pleased so Remus had no idea what they were thinking. He squirmed a little, crossing his fingers at his side.

"Ten points each from Mr. Wicket, Mr. Potter, and Mr. Pettigrew, as well as one night of detention each," McGonagall said. Peter squeaked slightly. "Fifteen points each and two nights of detention for Mr. Fox and Mr. Black, for getting into a _fist_ fight as well as magical duel," she continued. "Twenty points, and three nights of detention for Mr. Lupin and Mr. Snape. For slicing into another student and knocking Mr. Potter out for Mr. Snape, as well as setting another student on fire for Mr. Lupin." She gave Remus a very stern look.

"That isn't fair, Professor!" Sirius protested. "Remus was just—"

"Fair, Mr. Black?" She arched her eyebrows high. "I believe your punishments are very fair. Lenient, in my opinion. Seven students getting into a fight both magical and physical? Setting each other on fire? I am _extremely_ disappointed. You best be glad I don't give you worse. Now go. Before I change my mind."

All of them scuttled out, hesitating right outside the door before the Slytherins headed down while the Gryffindors headed up. Sirius was still having trouble with his leg so Remus began trying to fix it, complaining that he should have mentioned the leg to Flitwick. Sirius was too angry to notice what Remus was saying.

"Fox _punched_ you, and you get worse than him," he grumbled, limping forward while Remus chased after him with his wand. "It isn't fair."

"Course it's not, the Slytherins do what they want," replied James.

"At least they didn't get completely off the hook?" Peter shook his head. "They should have gotten worse though. Especially Snape. He cut Remus! He knocked you out! It's not right."

"No, it isn't right," James said. "We should do something about it."

"What can we do about it?" Peter asked. "

"Sirius, stand _still_ ," Remus finally snarled.

He stopped in his tracks. "If the teachers aren't going to do anything—"

"Locomotor solidus." Remus had to jab at Sirius's leg a few times before it stuck.

Sirius bounced a little on the leg to test it out. "Thanks. As I was saying—"

"I set him on fire, I deserve the detention," said Remus as he tucked his wand away. Detention, already. Three nights of it! He felt absolutely miserable, almost like he might cry but his nose wasn't itching so he didn't think he'd start. Thankfully. _Should have just stayed in the dorm this morning, gone back to sleep_.

"It isn't your fault he burns so well, with all that grease," said James as they began walking again. "He knocked me unconscious, he should be expelled. Or at least suspended. I'll write to my dad, he's on the board of governors—"

"The board of governors is for important matters, not squabbles between students," Remus interrupted.

"It's not about the fight, it's about them getting let off easily," James replied.

Remus threw his hands in the air. " _We_ got off lightly too! I should have gotten in a lot more trouble for setting him ablaze!" James eyed him suspiciously. "Look on the bright side. We _won_ the fight. All four of us standing versus just Snape, who was too busy battling the bogies to do much."

Slowly James began smiling. "Ah, true. True. We did do brilliantly. Okay, let's go back to the dorm, get the cloak, then we can hang around the Slytherin common room till we get the password. Then we can get some _gooood_ revenge."

However once in the dorm Remus just kicked his shoes off so he could climb into bed for a nap, waving off his friends begging him to come along. They didn't need all four sets of ears to hear the password; besides it wasn't even noon yet and he was already done with the day. He slept soundly through lunch, only waking up in the afternoon when there was a knock at the dorm door.

"Um, c—come in?" Remus sat up sleepily, blinking as a prefect came in; not the same one who had snapped at James the night before. "If you're looking for James or Sirius—"

"No, I'm looking for you," replied the prefect. "I was asked to tell you to please report to Office 2C immediately."

"2C?" Remus got out of bed. "But that's—" He stopped then thanked the prefect, quickly getting his shoes back on. 2C. That was the office for the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

Looks like their new professor had finally arrived, and wanted a word with Remus.

*

Remus stood in front of the office steps, looking up at the door in confusion. Slowly he went up the few stairs then knocked. He nervously smoothed his hair down while he waited to be answered, wishing he had thought to brush his hair after his long nap. He was a mess. His shirt was all wrinkled with a tear in the sleeve and blood everywhere since he hadn't thought to change his top, and he wore the same mud-stained battered jeans from the day before. He regretted knocking, wishing he had time to run back up to the tower to get changed.

"Come in!"

He took in a deep breath then stepped inside. Immediately he smelled a delicious scent, some sort of baking scent like fresh bread or something. He glanced around, seeing few bookshelves; some of them were full, some of them empty. There were also three dummies used for training, and loads of posters that showed diagrams of useful spells.

Remus finally saw the teacher. He was leaning against the desk, a smile on his face. He was rather young, probably only in his twenties, with flaming red hair, hundreds of freckles, and bright blue eyes. "Hello there," he said pleasantly. "You must be Remus." He crossed the room since Remus was standing there like an idiot. "Fabian Prewett," he said, offering his hand.

Remus slowly took it, marveling that he was actually touching him. "Um. H—hi." Professor Prewett's hand was very warm.

"Did I interrupt something?" He looked Remus up and down.

"Er, n—no. Um. No." He self-consciously tried to smooth his shirt down.

"Something happen then?" Prewett indicated Remus's blood-stained arm.

"Er. Uh. Earlier—um, this m-morning." Remus tugged at his sleeve, not sure how to react to this man. He _seemed_ nice enough. But you never knew. "I'm fine."

Prewett waved his wand and the sleeve fixed itself. "I'm not too good at getting bloodstains out," he said as he went back to his desk. Remus trailed after him, taking a seat when Prewett motioned. "Now then. I thought it'd be nice to have our first meeting like this, out of the way of class, yeah?" He sat down behind his desk, linking his fingers together.

_Here we go_ , Remus thought, looking down at his lap. "Yes s—sir." He remembered the first things Dedenne ever told him, about how she 'didn't care' which was a big lie, then went on to basically insult his intelligence. Did Prewett see him as a dumb, dangerous beast too?

"I admit, I don't really know much about werewolves," Prewett said and Remus's stomach twisted hard; it was so similar to Dedenne. _I have no personal experience with your kind_. "So it will be a bit of a learning experience. I'll do the best I can." Remus remained silent, still doubtful. "Between you and me this whole year will be a learning experience. I never expected to be a teacher."

"Did you w—work at the M-Ministry?" Remus asked.

Prewett's eyes twinkled. "Yes, I did actually." He sat back, drumming his fingers against the desk. "I didn't work for the W.C.U. if that's what you're looking so anxious about." Remus blushed very slightly, ducking his head. "As I said, I don't know much about werewolves. I've been trying to learn, since Professor D—Albus told me, however most the media is full of anti-werewolf propaganda so I have no idea what's true and what's not."

"Which de—d-department d-d-did you w-work in?"

Prewett tilted his head. "Law Enforcement, Investigation department."

It took a second for that to sink in then Remus's eyes got wide. "You're—you're a detective!"

His smile broadened. "Guilty."

He didn't know a whole lot about detectives, though one of his favorite book series was about a wizarding detective in the Victorian era. "I—I assumed you d-did something inv—volving dueling," Remus admitted. "Because of the—the book on th-the list."

Professor Prewett nodded as Remus spoke. "I love to duel. I'm quite good at it, really; the auror department tried to recruit me however while I feel like dueling is my strongest talent and I would say it is truly my passion in life, I do prefer investigations over hunting dark magical folk down." Remus wondered how he ended up as a teacher then, but didn't think it was his place to ask. Before he could figure out what else to say Prewett asked, "What sort of things do _you_ like to do? What are you passionate about?"

Remus shifted in his seat, tugging at his bloody sleeve again. "Read. Um. St—study. Hang out with m-m-my friends." What was he passionate about? Did he have any passions? Learning? Could that be a passion? "I... I love learning." He wasn't sure if that sounded stupid or not.

"That's good," Prewett replied. "Learning is a great love to have. Anything in particular?"

"No. Everything. I—I want to know as m-much as I can."

Prewett grinned. "Excellent. Very encouraging to hear. Speaking of learning... one of the other reasons I wanted to see you was these." He pulled a thick folder out of his desk, letting it thwump against the surface. "Your test results and grades from last year." Remus's heart sank a little as Prewett opened the folder. "It's very _dis_ couraging."

"I, er—I—the—well... I—I'm s-sorry, I'll d-d-do better—"

"Better?" Prewett looked up. "I can't see how you could possibly do better."

Remus sat stunned. So. Prewett had decided he was just a dumb beast, then. "Oh," he forced out, all good feelings about the new teacher dissipating.

"These are already top grades as it is."

"...What?"

Prewett pulled a few papers out. Remus could see the Ds and Fs even where he sat. "Oh, not the actual _grades_ she gave you. I read through these. You deserved Os in _everything_ you've done. Everything. I didn't see a single thing here that warranted less than a hundred percent. I've spoken to Albus, and he's given me permission to retest you. Fix these." He waved one of the papers at him. "It's going to be a bit of work on your behalf, so if you don't want to—"

"No!" Remus shot forward, practically falling off his chair. "I mean, I want to. Yes. Please. I—I want. Er, to." He felt dizzy with ecstasy, unable to believe his ears. A chance to change what Dedenne had done to him? His grades, at least? It felt as though his heart might just pound right out of his best.

"I thought as much." He shoved the folder back in the drawer then began scribbling some things down. "Here's a list of essays I'd like from you over the course of September. We can work out days for you to retake tests another time, I know the start of school is a pretty distracting time..." Prewett began speaking about the various tests he'd be taking, some of the things expected from him, etc, etc. Remus kept nodding, astounded at his _luck_. How did this happen? Did Prewett have a werewolf relative, like Fawley? Why else would he be going to this length to help a monster? Except no, he said he didn't know much about werewolves. So... why...?

Then, suddenly, Prewett stood up. "I need to get some more things together this afternoon. I believe I won't be seeing you until Tuesday afternoon, but if you need anything in the mean time you know where to find me." He offered his hand and this time Remus gladly shook it.

"Thank you, sir," he whispered. "Thank you s—ss-so much."

He left the office, clutching the essays to his chest, unable to believe what just happened.


	11. Chapter Eleven - Food Fight!

It wasn't until after Remus climbed all the way to the tower to get his stuff and _all_ the way down to the library that he realized he was still in the bloody shirt and muddy jeans. The thought of returning to his dorm was too much so he just marched into the library, not really caring. He wanted to find books to help him work on the essay list Prewett had given him... until he realized that he was supposed to be meeting up with his study group after lunch. He glanced at the clock. It was nearly two. Were they still there? He wasn't sure exactly what time, just that Lily said after lunch. He was also supposed to have talked to Silverlocke and hadn't. He couldn't believe he had forgotten everything, however between the fight and Prewett...

He crept towards the table, immediately relieved to see Silverlocke there. Everyone else was there too. Florence Buckling of Ravenclaw was the first to notice him standing off to the side. "Oh, hullo Lupin," she said, and everyone looked up.

"Hi. Er, s—sorry I'm l-late." He slid into his usual seat next to Lily, ignoring the stares his bloody shirt was being given. "How much d-did I miss?"

"We've been going over the assignments for the summer," said Raven Craft, also a Ravenclaw and one of the snobbiest people Remus had ever met.

"We're almost done with them," chimed in Matilda Twycross, a Gryffindor, one of the _other_ snobbiest people Remus had ever met. There was also something about her that rubbed him the wrong way, he just didn't know exactly what it was.

"We were just about to discuss when we should meet," put in Simon Bones, a Hufflepuff who always seemed to have a smile. Remus liked him.

"We were thinking about Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, just to make it simple," said Kyra Pierce, also a Hufflepuff as well as the only other Muggleborn besides Lily in the group. "After supper," she added.

"That w—would work out for me," Remus mumbled. He wanted to apologize to Lily and Silverlocke for not seeking him out the evening before, however didn't want to get into that sort of thing in front of the others. Or rather, in front of Craft.

"I have something else I'd like to bring up," Lily said in an Important sort of voice. "The matter of other students joining our group."

Pierce raised her eyebrows. "Anyone's welcome," she said. "That's pretty obvious, isn't it?"

Remus knew she was meaning Silverlocke, the Slytherin. Craft and Twycross both held bitterness over the fact a Slytherin joined them, even though Silverlocke was very intelligent, and very nice.

"She's a first year," Lily said.

That got surprised looks. They had never once discussed the possibility of students from other _years_ joining them. Last year it had only been them, first years. Remus had sorta expected it to remain merely students in their own year. He didn't like the idea of _older_ students joining—they made him extra nervous—though younger students might not be too bad.

Craft folded his hands on the table. "I don't think that's a good idea. A first year can't help _us_. It wouldn't be fair."

"I disagree," Silverlocke said softly. Craft glowered at him. "Just because we're second years doesn't mean we should forget everything we've learned in our first. Going over these lessons with a first year can only assist in furthering our education."

"That's true," Remus agreed, garnering Craft's angry gaze. "Wh—when I go over things with m-my friends, it helps me s-see things I might not have thought about in the—the first place."

"But they're the same year as you," Twycross pointed out. "Plus I really don't see how going over _Pettigrew's_ homework helps you in any way, he's an idiot."

"He's n-nnn-not an idiot!" Remus snapped. _He's nicer than you in any case_ , but Remus didn't say that out loud.

Twycross opened her mouth however it was Buckling who spoke, interrupting before Twycross could rant about Peter. "Who were you thinking about asking?"

Lily brushed her hair back. "Her name is Mary Macdonald. She's Muggleborn. And really overwhelmed by everything. I thought it'd be nice to offer a helping hand. She—well, it's like—um..." Lily suddenly blushed a little, quickly stopping then saying, "In any case, I thought it would be good."

Remus, Silverlocke, Pierce, Bones, and Buckling all agreed. Craft and Twycross didn't seem pleased however they were clearly outvoted. On the way back to the tower (Remus with a bag full of books he checked out for his essays) he inquired about what she hadn't said when she mentioned Macdonald, that made her blush.

Lily glanced ahead at Twycross then slowed down a bit, to make sure the other girl couldn't hear them. "She went through a similar thing I did," she explained. "Being called names. Teased. Bullied. Called weird. A—a freak..." Remus knew that word in particular hurt her since it was what her sister sometimes used. "I heard crying last night, in the first years' bathroom, and went in. She was so scared of everything. Very... overwhelmed, like I said. I chatted with her to try to calm her down and we just ended up comparing our lives. How similar they were, with how we were treated by our Muggle peers. Afterwards she just... felt so happy, is what she said. Like she wasn't alone. It probably doesn't make much sense."

"No, it does," Remus promised. "I'm glad she has someone like you around. I mean, you had—had Snape so when you came here you weren't all alone."

"Exactly." Lily gave him a brilliant smile which quickly faded. "Oh. You—you didn't... did you... I mean, you knew a lot about magic but you weren't used to people..." She trailed off, flinching. "I'm just making a mess of things."

Remus gave her a tentative smile. "It's all right. And you're right. I didn't have anyone, and I was absolutely _terrified_."

"You could barely even speak. Except in class, answering questions." Lily stopped walking altogether. "You hardly even stutter anymore, except when you're around people you don't know too well. You don't stutter at all around me and those idiots except when you get mad or upset."

"Even after a year at school it makes me nervous being around people..."

They began walking again then after another flight of stairs Lily said, "So Gryffindor's down fifty-five points already." Remus closed his eyes, wishing she hadn't brought this up. "Your friends have anything to do with that?"

"Y... yes..." He tugged at the strap of his satchel, hoping she wouldn't press. Course, she'd find out eventually. The moment she met up with Snape he'd probably tell her how he was set on fire. "I did too," he said, not wanting to confess, not wanting her to know.

" _You_?! What did you do?"

Remus sighed. "Got into a—a fight. They started it."

"They who?"

"Does it matter?"

Lily's eyes narrowed. "They _who_ , Remus?" she demanded.

Another sigh. "Slytherins," he mumbled, tugging at the strap now. "Wicket. Fox. Um."

"Um?" Lily stopped walking once more, grabbing Remus's arm, spinning him around to face him. "Tell me."

"Snape," he said, meeting her stare. "Snape started it. He used the knockback jinx on James. Knocking him _out_ , I might add. Then the rest of us got into a duel. That's why Slytherin and Gryffindor lost points today."

"Potter probably deserved it. Don't look at me like that, he's a total _git_!" Lily released his arm and began rubbing her shoulder, eyes flickering away from his. "Who started the duel?"

"I told you. Snape. He threw James back."

She didn't look entirely convinced. "Is the duel how you got blood on you?"

Remus looked down at his arm. "Yeah. Snape cut me."

Her face paled at that. "He—he didn't." She bit her bottom lip, shifting her weight to her other foot. "Did he?"

"He did." He told her about the fight, the spells used including him setting Snape on fire which made her go red now, with anger. He did not tell her _why_ Snape had thrown James back... that he hadn't wanted his Slytherin pals to know how close to Lily he was. Not to defend Snape, but to protect Lily. It would only hurt her. He also told her about the punishments they received.

Lily pursed her lips, remaining silent during the entire explanation. Once he finished, she began grumbling. "Potter and Black deserve worse. Potter probably started it." Then she stopped, looking a little awkward. "Oh dear, I'm doing it again, aren't I?"

"Yes," Remus said. The previous year they had had a big row about Snape, and Lily had said she'd stop automatically assuming he was the victim all the time. Although to be fair she _had_ said she'd merely stop when it was between Snape and Remus, she never said anything about when it involved the other Marauders. " _He_ started it, _he_ knocked James unconscious, _he_ cut my arm open. Perhaps I shouldn't have set him on fire but frankly the git deserved it." He hesitated then added, "I know James and Sirius do a lot of things, I'm not trying to say _they're_ always innocent because they're not. But neither is he."

She nodded, head ducked a little as she looked quite guilty. "You really set him on fire, though?"

They began walking again. "I did. I was so mad he cut me. It was really painful! But still, I shouldn't have. I deserve the det—errr..." He began panicking as she took his arm, pushing back his sleeve. "Pomfrey healed it," he explained.

"You still have dried blood all over you," she said, seeing the red on his arm. "You never even took a shower?"

"I-I w-was tired..."

"For Pete's sake!" She began pushing at him gently. "Come on, tower, shower, now. Clean clothes."

He allowed himself to be taken up to the common room where she gave him another light shove towards the boys' stair. He gave her a smile then went up the stairs to get cleaned up, at least that was his intention. When he got to the dorm he put his bag down and took the books out intending to stack them on his desk for after his shower. But he got very distracted, remembering something in one of the books so he sat down and flipped through. After reading ten or so minutes he got parchment out to begin his first essay, forgetting entirely about the shower.

*

Professor Prewett was introduced at supper. As soon as the four Marauders went into the Great Hall they began whispering at the sight of the redheaded man at the table. Then Sirius dropped a bombshell as they took their seats.

"That's my cousin."

" _What_?!"

Remus stared in shock at Sirius then up at Professor Prewett. How on earth could _they_ be cousins?! They looked _nothing_ alike! And if they were cousins how come Sirius didn't know about his appointment of Professor?

"Not immediate cousins," he explained, noticing the surprised expressions on Remus and Peter's face. "I never see him. But his uncle married my aunt. So, cousin by marriage, and I never really see those cousins." He shrugged, as if it didn't really matter. "Uncle Ignatius is welcome around the family dinners, but not the rest of the family."

Dumbledore introduced him a little bit later after most the students arrived, and _everyone_ was talking about him, wondering who he was, why he hadn't shown up till today.

"He's probably an Auror," James theorized. "Is he?"

"He _does_ work in the Ministry but I'm not really sure what he does," Sirius replied. "He's got a brother, and they both work at the Ministry. One of them _is_ an auror. It's probably him then," he added, nodding up to Professor Prewett.

Remus bit back the comment that no, he was a detective. He didn't want to tell them he already met Prewett. That he was nice. That he knew what Remus was and shook his hand— _twice_!—and was giving him the opportunity to make up for the abysmal grades Dedenne gave him the previous year.

"He looks pretty young," James noted.

"He's in his twenties, that's about all I know," replied Sirius, obviously not caring to talk about his cousin. He seemed a little disappointed that the mysterious teacher was a relative of his.

"Not as young as that professor," Peter said, indicating a young witch who really couldn't be older than twenty.

"I want to take _her_ class," Sirius said, gazing rather adoringly at the witch. "Which one does she teach?"

"Her name is Vector. She's an assistant in Arithmancy," Remus said, vaguely recalling what Cassandra Inkwood had told him a couple months ago.

"Arithmancy?" Sirius frowned. "Ew. That's gonna take a lot of thought, whether or not to take it. Just an assistant? Not the actual professor? So we might get a different teacher?"

"Plenty of time," James said, shoveling food into his mouth. "We don't have to decide for ages. So anyway, I was thinking, detention on the second day isn't good enough. I think next year we should aim to getting detention as _soon_ as possible, like, the first _night_! How epic would that be? We'd have to do something big to—Sirius? Hey, Sirius? Are you even paying attention?"

Professor(?) Vector was talking animatedly with Professor Prewett while Sirius and Peter both were looking at her with expressions that Remus personally thought was better reserved for Honeydukes Finest chocolate, or a really good book.

James nudged at Remus, making a face. Remus grinned back. James scooped some mashed potatoes onto his spoon, aiming for Sirius, raising his eyebrows at Remus who nodded. The potatoes flew, squishing into Sirius's beloved hair. He yelped, hand flying to the back of his head. "J-James!" he gasped out while James and Remus laughed, along with a few other Gryffindors who had seen. "Why'd'you do that?!"

James shrugged, scooping up some more potatoes but this he put in his mouth. "You weren't listening to me."

Sirius blinked twice then, without breaking his stare on James, scooped up a handful of peas and lobbed them at James. They went everywhere. Most went into James's clothes but several went rolling across the table and floor, some on other students. James stared open-mouthed at Sirius then grabbed a small plate with butter on it.

"Don't," Sirius said.

It hit him right in the face.

All around them students had gone quiet as they waited to see what happened next; Remus hesitated then dove under the table just as the food began flying. He heard shrieks, laughs, screams, protests; he heard the splattering of food, the clash of dishes. The food fight spread from the Gryffindors across the hall until _everyone_ was involved ans the teachers were yelling, trying to get things calmed down. Remus wasn't alone under the table. A few others had taken haven there. Remus glanced around seeing under the other tables. Snape was hiding under the Slytherin table, watching with wide eyes. Not seeing Remus.

Remus slowly took his wand out. "Locomotor tureen," he hissed out, flicking his wand at a tureen of gravy that still sat on the Slytherin table. It wriggled then slid off the table, tipping over right onto Snape who shouted, flailing. Remus only half-hoped it wasn't too hot. Snickering, he tucked his wand back into his pocket just as someone grabbed him by the back of his shirt (which still had blood on it). He yelled as he was hauled out by Sirius.

"Not getting out of it that easily, Remy," Sirius said then poured a pitcher of pumpkin juice over his head.

Remus gasped in shock as the cold liquid covered him. He stared open-mouthed up at Sirius then closed his mouth so suddenly his teeth clacked loudly together. "You— _YOU_!" Remus grabbed a cottage pie off the Hufflepuff table, chucking it at Sirius's face or trying to. He missed, however got a great glob of it on Sirius's shoulder. Someone shoved something cold down the back of Remus's shirt and he spun around to see Peter giggling. He went after Peter who slipped in some food trying to get away, crashing to the ground. Remus took a bottle of ketchup, twisting off the cap to splatter it all over Pete who rolled on the floor trying to get up. Then he slipped as well, going down, laughing. He and Peter held onto each other, trying to get up.

"Noooo!" Peter cried out.

Remus looked up to see a large bowl of pudding hovering over them. His eyes went down, seeing sparkling green eyes. Lily grinned at him, flicked her wand, and the bowl turned over, dumping the whole lot over the two of them. Remus scooped up a handful and squidged about in the food as he tried to get to Lily who yelped and skid as she tried to escape. Remus dove at her, grabbing hold of her, shoving the pudding the back of _her_ shirt just as a voice shouted out a spell which froze everyone on the spot. It was extremely awkward for Remus, his hand in Lily's shirt.

"Now that I have your _undivided_ attention," Dumbledore said, wand raised, "I bid you all a speedy return to your dorms."

He lowered his arm which removed the spell so everyone could move again. A few people fell to the floor. Remus quickly yanked his hand out of Lily's shirt, blushing a bit, mumbling an apology.

"Least he let us have a food fight for several minutes," Lily said, wiping some sticky red substance off her face. " _I_ expected him to stop it immediately."

Remus thought that was true. The food fight had gone on for a good ten minutes before Dumbledore ended it. He looked up at the High Table and even from there could see the twinkle in the Headmaster's eyes. McGonagall was making her way through the mess with a pinched face. She caught up to the Gryffindors easily enough, hands grabbing Sirius and James's collars.

" _Not_ you two," she said, pulling them back. "You two will come with me. I'm not blind, I saw exactly how this started. You _just_ had points removed only a few hours ago! You already _have_ detention! Already getting more, I swear you two are purposely trying to ruin Gryffindor's chances of ever winning the House Cup again..." Her voice was still going on as she dragged the two out of the Great Hall.

Lily, her friends Colgate and Inkwood, Peter, and Remus all trudged up to the tower together, leaving a trail of food behind them that Remus knew would give Filch a heart attack. He didn't particularly care, to be honest. He was too busy giggling over the whole thing with the others. Colgate had a whole carrot stuck in her hair which they all found to be tremendously funny. She pulled it out then stood on tiptoes to stick it in the mouth of a suit of armor like a cigar, which nearly sent the entire group to the floor with laughter.

*

James and Sirius lost another ten points bringing the total loss in a few hours to 65 points. Most the table on Monday morning was glaring at the Marauders. James and Sirius didn't seem to notice, or care. They were too busy complaining about having to deal with the Slytherins right after breakfast ("Puts me right off my appetite," Sirius grumbled). Remus wasn't happy about Potions being first for an entirely different reason which was the fact he _sucked_ at Potions. He hoped it would just be reviewing, he didn't want to deal with stinky ingredients.

Unfortunately, it turned out to be a mix of both. After a quick roll call, Professor Slughorn wrote down _Forgetfulness Potion_ , which had been part of their final exam, one Remus had totally messed up. A lot of the ingredients smelled rather awful so mixed together it was an assault on his sense of smell. Luckily, though, they were able to partner up. He figured he'd be with one of the Marauders though it took a few minutes of quiet whispering to decide who would be stuck with Remus. Ultimately Sirius went with him, as he cared less about his Potion grades than James and Peter (especially Peter, who was actually fairly decent in this class).

"We should sneak some of this into some Slytherin food," Sirius said as he began working. Remus read the instructions, helping out with some of the ingredients. He focused on making sure things were chopped up evenly however for the life of him he couldn't get things right. "Speaking of Slytherins, we need the perfect prank to pull on them. Their common room, I mean, since we got their password. Something good. You can think of something, right?"

"Maybe." Remus carefully added some mistletoe berries into the mortar and then began crushing them.

"The spiderweb thing would be great."

"It would, however it links back to us," Remus pointed out. "At least, it links to a Gryffindor."

Sirius pulled a face. "Right. Friday night. Common room. Drat. We really can't repeat anything. Not that I'd want to. We need something new." Sirius stirred the potion, barely paying any kind of attention. Remus tipped the crushed berries in, wincing when he realized they hadn't all been crushed well enough. The potion turned a rather ugly sort of grey color. It was supposed to be orange. "D'you think we should we target the common room? Or do you think we should we just target a dorm?"

"I think we should stop talking about it in the middle of the class with the Slytherins, and the Head of Slytherin," Remus said, shooting Sirius a dark look.

Sirius stared at him now then grinned sheepishly. "You're right. Whoops."

"Idiot. How you get away with _anything_ is beyond me."

Sirius gave Remus a big wink. "My good looks," he said with quite a charismatic smile as he bumped his shoulder gently against Remus's.

Remus rolled his eyes then ducked his head, feeling even hotter all of a sudden as well as a weird twisty sort of feeling inside of him... though that was probably just from all the smells affecting him. That was it.


	12. Chapter Twelve - Do You Not Know What Fatal Means?

Remus was still feeling a little confused from the weirdness of Potions, so after Charms when they went to lunch he decided to sit with Lily, as well as Colgate and Inkwood, though the topic seemed to be mostly about Professor Prewett. He was, according to all three girls, _cute_.

Remus poked at his food, trying not to make a face. "If you're just g-going to talk about guys then I'm off," he complained.

All three girls giggled. "Sorry, Remus, forgot for a second you were with us," Lily said. "Though I'm sure you and your friends probably talk about girls a lot."

"No. Not really." Then he remembered the way Sirius and Peter had been eyeing Professor Vector the night before. "Well. I don't."

"Who do they talk about, then?" Inkwood asked.

He didn't want to tell them how much discussion there had been at the end of their first year, when they all got into the big water fight and his friends had definitely noticed the girls' wet white shirts. Even with a whole summer behind him, he _still_ didn't quite get it. He previously wondered if there was something broken about him, because of his lycanthropy. Now he wondered that again. His dad had been 'about' his age when he started noticing girls. Sirius and Peter were noticing girls. James sorta noticed girls. Lily, Colgate, and Inkwood seemed to be noticing boys. So... what was wrong with him?

So Remus shrugged. "I don't know. I don't really pay much attention."

"You're _adorable_ ," Colgate said.

Remus went red while all the girls giggled. He wished he had sat with the boys instead. Adorable?! This was the second time a girl had called him adorable, and he still didn't appreciate it. Small fluffy animals were adorable. Not him.

After lunch was a free period then History of Magic, which Sirius declared to be 'nap time, then another nap time'. Even Remus struggled to pay attention in history class. Professor Binns was absolutely _boring_. Still, he took notes while doing his best not to fall asleep. Then once they were done with that, they headed to Transfiguration.

Professor McGonagall watched the students come in, eyes narrowing a little as the Marauders came in. She took two points away: one for how untidy Remus was, the other for how untidy James was. Remus awkwardly tried to fix his tie but just made it worse. Even after a year he still had no idea how to properly do ties. He needed to ask Sirius for help, whose ties always looked absolutely perfect.

McGonagall took a quick roll call then jumped into a quick lecture on how she hoped everyone retained their knowledge from the previous year, and she'd be making sure by a quick test. There were groans from almost everyone but Remus sat up a little straighter, glad they were jumping right into using spells. He missed this.

The first twenty minutes was spent going over some of the spells they learned in their first year then she began talking about one of the most useful and important transfiguration spells: the untransfiguration spell. She turned a large goblet into a partially transfigured object. It had wings and a beak, trying to flutter. "Reparifarge," she said, and the thing returned to being a goblet.

She handed out half-finished objects to each student. Remus cringed a little at his. A half-mouse-half-snuffbox that gave pathetic attempts to walk around on its tiny little bronze feet. It had whiskers, ears, a tail, yet no mouth so he wasn't sure how it made squeaking sounds. It broke his heart. He took in a deep breath, focused hard, then flourished his wand. "Reparifarge!" The feet, whiskers, and tail shrank into the snuffbox though the ears remained. At least it wasn't squeaking anymore. "Reparifarge!" The ears melted into the metal.

"Very good, Mr. Lupin, a point to Gryffindor," McGonagall said, nodding approvingly. Then she tapped the snuffbox, turning it back into the partial mouse.

 _Couldn't she make it partially a plant_? he thought as the squeaking started again. He sorta wanted to throw up. "Reparifarge!" This time only the tail remained. "Reparifarge..." It was a snuffbox again. He glanced up towards McGonagall however she was looking past him.

"Mr. Potter, very good, a point to Gryffindor as well," she said then her lips formed a thin line. "Mr. Black, where is your jar?"

Remus turned to look behind him at Sirius whose elbows were propped on the empty desk. "Um. It flew off," he replied, waving his hand towards the open window.

"Your... jar... did not have wings," she said slowly.

Sirius shrugged. "It grew wings." James smothered his face, shoulders shaking with laughter.

McGonagall marched over, plopping another object on his desk. "Let's see you fix this," she commanded.

Sirius blew his hair from his face and gave his wand a rather showy flourish. "Reparifarge!" he said intensely, the spell shooting out to the furry jar. It wriggled a bit, turned back into a proper jar, fell over, rolled off his desk, and shattered into several pieces. Sirius beamed. "Hey, I turned it back!" he exclaimed as several other students laughed.

McGonagall fixed the jar, half-transformed it, then set it on James's desk. "Your turn."

James pushed his glasses up and licked his lips as he focused on the jar. "Reparifarge!" he said, giving an equally showy flourish. It turned back into a jar, remaining firmly on his desk. He cocked his head to one side, grinning from ear-to-ear at the teacher. "Voila," he said.

She just swept back to the front of the room, getting bigger, more complicated objects for Remus and James to work on. By the end of class both boys were sweaty and exhausted, glad they didn't have any other classes that day.

"Why does she hate us?" James grumbled after they left the room.

"She doesn't hate us, she gave us so much work because we were able to do it," Remus pointed out.

James scrunched his face up. "So, basically, pretend I _can't_ do it? Then I won't have as much work?" Remus stared in horror at his friend while Sirius and Peter both agreed that was a cracking idea. James grinned, a bounce in his step. "Don't get me wrong. I _like_ Transfiguration, it's really easy for me—the easiest, I mean—but still, I don't want to be this tired after every class with her. I need to save all my energy for Quidditch. S'more important anyway. By the way, Bell said tryouts will be Saturday!" James looked at his friends, mostly at Remus. "You'll all be there, right?"

"Um, _duh_ ," Sirius said.

"Why wouldn't we?" Peter asked.

Remus nodded. "Of course."

James began bouncing along even happier now. "Perfect. C'mon, I need a shower, then we can work out what sort of prank to pull in the Slytherin common room."

*

_Please report to Professor Dumbledore's office tomorrow after Herbology. Pepper Imps._

Remus stared at the note an owl delivered to him during supper in confusion, as well as a little bit of fear. The old feeling he used to get constantly during his first term at school came back with a vengeance. _They don't want you here anymore, you're going to be expelled_. He shook his head at the dark voice. If they didn't want him back they would have said so over summer. Still, what on earth could Dumbledore want?

"You all right, Remus?" Peter's voice broke into his thoughts. "You've gone pale. Is that the detention slip?"

"We all would have gotten one if it was," James pointed out.

Peter stuck his tongue out. "Not _always!_ Sometimes even when we all have detention they come at different times!"

Remus carefully folded the slip up. "No, it's from—from Pomfrey. She wants to see me tomorrow, before lunch."

"Is everything all right?" Sirius asked, brow wrinkling a bit.

"Yes, of course. Just... a check up, that's all, since she hasn't seen me since June." That was a believable enough lie. James and Peter seemed satisfied. Sirius just stared at him with a frown which made him uncomfortable. _Please believe the story_ , he thought, trying to send out waves of trustworthy aura. Finally Sirius returned to eating.

After supper Remus went to the first real meeting of their study group. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs already had Defense Against the Dark Arts, and shared their thoughts. Bones thought Prewett seemed 'pretty neat' and more active than Dedenne. More lively. Pierce agreed with this, also stating how cute he was (Bones rolled his eyes at that). Buckling's opinion was that Prewett seemed very sharp and if you asked her (which they were) they were in for a pretty intense year of dueling. Craft didn't like him.

"That's because Professor Prewett told him he needed to loosen up," Buckling giggled.

Craft glowered at her. "That isn't why I don't like him. I think he's too... young."

"I have him first thing tomorrow morning," Silverlocke said.

"We get him after lunch," Lily put in. "I can't wait. He seems..."

"Cute?" offered Pierce.

"No!" Lily flushed a faint pink. "Interesting," she said rather haughtily as she flipped open a book. Remus resisted the urge to point out she called him cute that afternoon.

 _Loosen up_ , Remus wondered as he, Lily, and Twycross left the library. _What on earth does that mean? Loosen up for what?_

He didn't go back to the tower right away, instead he went to the owlery to use a school owl, to send a letter to his parents. He had realized that McGonagall probably sent a letter to them informing them of his detention, so he wanted to send his own to 'explain'. As in, lie. He had written he had been 'sucked in' when he had been innocently walking by, stating that the Slytherins had been attacking some other Gryffindors and when they saw him they assumed he was with the other Gryffindors so they attacked him too.

 _I should not have fought, I apologize completely for this, but I had to defend myself_! he had written desperately, praying that they'd believe him! He wasn't sure what would have been in the letter from McGonagall but he hoped it wouldn't be anything about his friends...

Once in his dorm Remus set his stuff out to work on his special essays. Everything Prewett had listed were pretty simple, most of them relatively short. There were ten listed and he had already finished one and a half since yesterday. Did Prewett really expect him to take the entire _month_ to do these? He'd be able to get them done by Saturday, if he worked hard enough. The only one that would give him trouble was the one about gytrashes since they hadn't learned about them at all in their first year. He didn't know much about them and was very surprised when he read that they were similar to the Black Dog legend, which was where he had gotten Gwyllgi's name from; except Gwyllgi was an actual legend whereas gytrashes were real. And could be found in the Forbidden Forest, according to the book. Remus shivered a bit, glad they hadn't come across any during their adventures! Although it seemed gytrashes were nocturnal. Probably.

Music blared around him, the other Marauders dancing around while they talked about various things most especially ideas of pranks for the Slytherins now that they had the password.

"Remuuuus!" Sirius flung himself at Remus, knocking his arm which sent a great black slash across his parchment. "Sorry. Um, come on, we need some brainy advice for this."

"I'm busy," Remus complained as he got his wand out. They were to learn a helpful spell this year, later on in Charms, to remove ink smudges and he might as well give it a go now. "Cha—"

"Remus, come _on_ we need _advice_!" James said.

Sirius poked at Remus. "Please? You can do your homework later, this is more important."

It seemed he wasn't going to be left alone. He put the stopper back in his inkwell and turned the chair around to face the others. "What sort of advice?" he asked, rubbing his temples as he felt a headache from the loud music. Headaches were always frustrating. They started, then his regeneration ability would help get rid of it, but usually it would just start again. The start-stop-start-stop drove him mad and he would have much preferred the pain to just stay.

"We have three ideas," Peter said, clapping his hands. "Each of us came up with one."

"But we won't tell you who came up with what, so you won't be biased," Sirius added.

 _I wouldn't be biased anyway_ , he thought then shrugged. "All right."

"Idea one!" James thrust his finger in the air. "Sticking spells in their shoes so when they put them on they get stuck. Idea two, dead fish on top of their canopies." Remus knew that one was Sirius's since he had considered the prank before, with Spinnet. "And idea three... taking some of the underwear from the Slytherin girls and putting them in the boys' dorm so they get in trouble."

Remus snorted loudly, covering his mouth. "They're all good but the last one's my favorite—"

Peter pumped his fists in the air while James and Sirius pouted. "Yes!"

"—but we can't do it."

Peter dropped his hands. "How come?"

"Because their staircases are enchanted the same way ours are," Remus explained. "If one of us tries to go to the girl dorms it will turn into a slide and the alarm will sound."

He expected James to be victorious they couldn't do Pete's trick (which meant the sticking spell shoes was his) however instead he looked deep in thought. "Not necessarily," he said slowly.

Remus sighed heavily, feeling the headache growing. "Yes necessarily. It's laid out clearly in _Hogwarts, A History_. All of the dorms are set up that way."

James flapped his hand. "No! I mean, yeah it might do that but... we could probably get around it. We need to test it. Here, in the tower, we can test it. Maybe tomorrow night during dinner. Or lunch. When almost everyone else is out of the tower."

Remus folded his arms, raising his eyebrows. "And what is this great idea?"

"Remember what I mentioned before? When we tried?" His friend slid over to his bed, pulling his broom carrying case out from under his bed. "The siren sounds when a boy's foot hits the stairs..." He unsnapped the clasps and flicked the lid open. "But what if a boy's foot _doesn't_ hit the stairs?"

They wanted to test it out immediately but of course they couldn't since the common room was super crowded. Sirius wanted to wait till everyone went to bed then test it but Remus shot that one down, stating how awful it was if using a broom didn't work they'd just wake up the entire tower. Peter stated how James's idea of waiting till a meal time would work best, and finally they talked Sirius round to agreeing. After that big to-do they wound up playing the board game _Hippogriff Flip_ for a while, played cards, ate sweets, ignored Spinnet when he and Struthers finally came into the dorm and Spinnet complained about them 'always taking over the dorm', stayed up probably way too late, and as Remus climbed into bed he realized he hadn't gotten the essay done at all.

 _Maybe I do need the whole month_ , he thought before falling asleep.

*

Remus spent breakfast studying up on gytrashes for the essay, so into the book he didn't hear the bell ringing and had to be tapped on the shoulder by Sirius. He quickly shoved the book bag in his bag as he took off after his friends. They went out into the bright morning sunshine and it wasn't until they approached the greenhouses that he realized he hadn't eaten any breakfast.

Professor Sprout took them to Greenhouse Three which was very exciting. Remus (and most the others) had expected to go to Greenhouse Two. They were whispering as they went in, taking up spots along a very long table. There were dozens of pots and colorful earmuffs sprinkled around which made sense when Sprout explained they were working with mandrakes. Remus was a little surprised. Mandrakes could be pretty dangerous.

Remus raised his hand when Sprout asked about them. "They're used for m-medicinal p-p-purposes," he said when she nodded at him. "It's a common ingredient in m-many antidotes and rest-toratives. A lot of the p-potions you can make are used to heal th-those who have been t-t-transfigured or—or cursed." He faltered a little at the end, a memory rushing back to him. His father planting a mandrake in the backyard, he and Hope taking care of it. It was cheaper to get an actual mandrake rather than its grown leaves so that's why they went that route. It took months but when the mandrake was grown Lyall had made a potion, forcing Remus to drink it. _It heals those whose forms have been cursed_ , he explained as Remus crinkled his nose up at the awful smell. _Maybe it will cure you_.

He still recalled the disappointed look Lyall got after the next full moon.

"Very good, five points to Gryffindor," Sprout said. "Mandrakes, while very essential, are also very dangerous. Does anyone know why? Lupin?"

Remus lowered his hand, staring down at the tufts of leaves sticking out of the pots. "Because when they're older their cr-cry is fatal to—to anyone who hears it. However these l-ll-look to be very—y-young so the most these ones can do is—is just kn—knock you out for a couple hours." He was aware of Sirius and James elbowing each other at that, getting a bad feeling.

" _Very_ good, another five points. Have you dealt with mandrakes before?"

He shook his head. "No, ma'am," he lied. "J-just read about them." Sprout knew he was a werewolf however mandrakes—while a common potion ingredient—was not a common garden plant and he worried it would seem odd to some of the students if he told the truth that he had, in fact, had one in his garden for a while.

Everyone grabbed for a pair of earmuffs, Remus ending up with the garish orange ones since he didn't care about colors. Remus felt a wave of absolute _joy_ when the earmuffs clamped into place. They were magicked to block out all sound and for once in his life (that he could remember) he felt at peace. No sounds. No background noises. No distant voices, leaves rustling, animals moving, things knocking together, footsteps, nothing. He could hear his blood pounding in his body, in his head. A sort of weird sound that he wasn't sure what it belonged to but it must have been something from within. He was so distracted by not hearing anything that he didn't realize Sprout had pulled the mandrake out until she was putting it into another pot. Its mouth was wide open as it squalled, nobody hearing it. Sprout packed dirt around it then gave a thumbs up indicating everyone could take the muffs off. Remus didn't want to. He wanted to keep these forever. Reluctantly he removed them, barely paying attention as Sprout talked about what they'd be doing. He clutched at the orange faux-fur, wondering if he could steal them.

 _Merlin, your friends are rubbing off on you_ , he thought as he put them on the table. But he had to put them back on so they could work on repotting which was not very easy. The mandrakes fought violently getting out of the pot as well as going into the new ones. James had one that clung to the pot's edge and when he tried to pry its little fingers loose the mandrake sunk its teeth into his glove. James's arm began flailing, the mandrake flying back and forth in the air. Sirius grabbed the mandrake then Remus and Peter joined in, and it took all four of them to get the mandrake off of James whose lips were forming swear words. It was so bizarre doing all of this only hearing his own inner body.

Sirius held the mandrake, Peter kept its head still, and Remus poked his finger into its mouth to push its mouth open. The mandrake let go of James who went tumbling backwards, but the teeth came down onto Remus's glove. His friends tried helping him but he shook his head, transferring the mandrake into a new pot. Since it was busy biting Remus's hand it didn't fight too much until it realized it was halfway covered in dirt (which was difficult with one hand however Peter quickly joined in to help with the dirt). It let go of Remus's hands and began fighting but it was too late, and Remus got it covered.

All four boys slumped against the table, panting heavily. They still had several mandrakes to go. They exchanged looks then began working again, this time going two per mandrake which sped up the process a lot. In fact, despite James's incident, they were the first table done. Sprout examined the pots then wrote down that they got five points each plus got to leave a little early. Gryffindor had gotten thirty-five points in one class! Which helped make up some for all the points lost Sunday.

"That was annoying," Peter said as soon as they left the greenhouse and could take their earmuffs off. They left them by the door though Remus stared at his, a longing feeling curling around him as he walked away.

"No it was brilliant!" James pumped a fist in the air. "We have to get a mandrake."

"Why?!" Peter demanded, looking disgusted.

James flung an arm across Peter's shoulders. " _That_ is what we're doing to the Slytherins."

"YES!" Sirius shouted.

" _No_!" Remus gasped out. "Are you _crazy_?! Did—did-did you NOT hear me say their cries are fatal? Do you not know what fatal means?"

James rolled his eyes. "I _know_ what fatal means. I'm not meaning _adult_ mandrakes. Young ones. Knock the Slytherins out for a few hours."

"We can rig it up so when someone opens the door the pot falls, breaks open, and then the cries hit them," Sirius said, rubbing his filthy hands together. All four of them were covered in dirt and sweat.

" _No_!" Remus snapped. "No way! No! Breaking into the greenhouse? _No_! I refuse to be part of this."

James, Sirius, and Peter all gave him disappointed looks. "Fine," James said rather stiffly. "We'll do it without you."

Remus took a few quick steps, grabbing James's sleeve. "It's too risky, too dangerous! Besides, you could hurt the—"

"Who cares if we hurt a Slytherin?" Sirius cut him off.

Remus glared. "I _was_ going to say hurt the _mandrake_. Besides, can you imagine how much trouble we'd get in? Forget detention! We'd be expelled."

Sirius tousled Remus's hair, getting dirt in it. "You don't have to help us."

"If I don't help, you'd _definitely_ get caught," Remus grumbled, trying to knock the dirt out of his hair but just ended up rubbing it in more. "No, I'll help if you're that determined."

"Thattaboy!" Sirius put his arm around him as he moaned miserably. "Come on, let's get cleaned up."

"Can't... I have to meet—Pomfrey soon." He had nearly said Dumbledore, yikes. Remus checked James's watch. They got out a bit early from class but not early enough to make it to the dorms for a shower. He was going to be covered in grime. Great. "I'll see you at lunch." He stopped by one of the bathrooms so he could at least scrub off his hands and face before heading to the gargoyle that guarded Dumbledore's office. There was a clock down the hall which he kept an eye on until sufficient time had passed, then told the gargoyle, "Pepper imps." The gargoyle moved, revealing a staircase. Remus climbed up, feeling nervous, feeling gross for not being able to get clean. He knocked at the door then cautiously opened it when he heard Dumbledore's voice.


	13. Chapter Thirteen - Dueling

As soon as Remus stepped into Professor Dumbledore's office, he knew why he had been called up. He wasn't in trouble at all.

"Miss Fawley!" His face broke into a grin and he ran over, falling into her open arms as they hugged each other tightly.

"Remus," she said, squeezing. "It's so good to hear your voice again."

"Oh—oh, Miss Fawley, I'm sorry, I got mud all over you!" He pulled back, cringing at the sight of dirt all over her pretty blue robes. "We j-just had Herbology and I—I didn't have time to—"

"It's fine, they can be cleaned," she laughed. Her hand touched his head gently sending a surge of happiness inside his chest. "How are you doing?"

"Pretty good. Happy to be in classes again! I got to meet the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher on Sunday and I think he liked me."

Fawley nodded, remembering the memories she saw of Dedenne. "I'm glad. Fabian is a good guy."

"You know him?"

"I know his twin brother, Gideon. I've met Fabian once or twice. I hope he proves to be a better teacher than Professor Dedenne, but I believe he will be." She swung her cane around as she went to the nearest couch, sitting down; Remus sat down next to her, pretty much forgetting Dumbledore until then. He was standing by his desk, watching all of this with amused eyes.

Seeing Remus's gaze he headed over, sitting in an armchair. "I've brought Mythana here so we can work out which night works best for your Occlumency lessons."

"Well. Um. Maybe T-Tuesdays still? Or Thursdays. Tuesdays have my l-least amount of classes," he said. "Thursday is the same except I—I have Astronomy too."

"Tuesdays would work out for me as well," she said, tucking some of her long white hair behind her ear. "If you wish we can begin tonight."

"That'd be t-terrific." He thought back then frowned, realizing he had been a little rude. "How are you d-doing? I forgot to ask, I'm sorry."

"I'm doing well, thank you." Fawley smiled broadly. "Quite excited to begin lessons again. This year will be one of great growth for you, I think. Considering the advances you made last year."

Remus beamed until Dumbledore said in a rather grave tone, "There is another issue I wished to discuss with you, Remus. It's about your friends."

"I—I'm s-sorry about the—the fight," he said, assuming that's what the headmaster was getting at. "I sh-should have stopped them—"

"It isn't that." Remus shrank back a little bit, scared of what was going to be said next. "It's what I touched on briefly at the end of last year. I know you are very close with them..." He trailed off then averted his gaze, staring instead at the far wall. _And_? Remus thought, wishing he'd get on with it. "I urge you to be more careful."

"What?" He couldn't be _lieve_ it! He was being lectured over this _again_? He looked at Fawley whose smile had disappeared. "Wh—what do you mean?"

"The closer you are to someone, the easier it will be for them to realize what you're hiding," Dumbledore said carefully. "Don't get me wrong, it is _wonderful_ you have such good friends. I merely wish to remind you caution is important."

"Really? I never would have g-guessed," Remus muttered rather bitterly then bit his tongue at what he just told the _headmaster_! "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I—I mean, I—I know, I... I am c-c-careful. I promise. Th-they have n-n-nn-no idea." He wrung his hands, wishing he could take back what he had said. All he could do was, "I'm sorry," again.

"I know you're careful," Dumbledore said, tilting his head forward, looking at Remus over his half-moon spectacles. "Please do not misunderstand what I am saying. I am _very_ glad you have friends, I am _very_ glad they are your friends. You need to have friends. I'm not trying to say you shouldn't. However, it is very easy to let one's guard down with those you care about. If you ever even _imagine_ they're beginning to question, please come to me immediately. I shall keep you safe."

Remus swallowed, nodding. "Yes, sir."

"They did not find it suspicious when you were cut the other day?"

"Suspicious?" Remus felt confused again. "Cut?"

"Your... fight, with the Slytherins. Poppy said you were cut during the fight. Nobody noticed it healing?"

Suddenly everything Dumbledore was saying made sense. " _Oh_!" he breathed out. "No! N-nobody noticed, my—my sh-shirt was cut but it still covered the spot well enough, and—and I bled so—so everyone saw that. I just told them that Madame Pomfrey healed it, they believed that."

Dumbledore nodded. "Good, I'm glad. I didn't mean to upset you, it's only incidents such as that can bring about suspicion. That is why I wanted to remind you to be cautious."

"I am," he said, calmed down. "I'm v-very careful."

Fawley's hand came down on his shoulder. "It'll be fine. You still have that necklace?"

"Yes, I wear it every day," he promised, hand going to where the pendant hung under his clothes. "They think it's p-pure silver."

"Good." She pushed herself up, fingers gripping her cane. "Is six pm still a good time for you?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Until then."

He realized it was a dismissal. He told them both goodbye then scurried out, fingers absentmindedly plucking at the hem of his vest as Dumbledore's words echoed in his head. He hadn't really thought about being cut in front of his friends like that. During his first year there hadn't been any real problems with him getting hurt then healing up suddenly, other than the Quidditch game Madame Hooch had the first years play; but Pomfrey had been on the scene so quickly that it never seemed weird. He really did need to be more careful, especially when it came to injures. Other things he could play off but healing almost instantly... well, he just had to be careful.

*

After the meeting in Dumbledore's office Remus hurried to the Gryffindor tower for a quick shower then ran to the Great Hall to shove some food in his mouth before the bell rang for the next class. He didn't get much food, but it'd be enough. He could sneak into the kitchens after Dark Arts.

"How did things go with Pomfrey?" Peter asked as they headed to class.

"Good," Remus muttered. "I need to go see her tonight for a proper checkup. She figured because of my class schedule, Tuesdays would remain the best day for my weekly checkup."

"What exactly is this checkup for?" Sirius inquired.

"Er..." He wracked his brain for memories of what he had told them before. "Blood tests, mostly. A physical. That sort of thing."

"What for?" Sirius still pressed.

Remus glared up at him through his fringe. "Because I'm _sick_?"

However that didn't deter him. "Yes, but don't your, uh, attacks come on suddenly without much warning?" Sirius stared down into Remus's face. "You usually just wake up exhausted. There isn't medicine or anything, right?"

"C—correct." Remus ducked his head now, not wanting to see those silver eyes. He then remained silent, hoping Sirius would take that as enough of an answer. He had to deal with this dance the previous term, he didn't want to do it again. Especially not right after Dumbledore's whole _be careful of friends_ lecture.

Sirius waited several seconds then realized Remus wasn't going to say anything more. "So, what's the point of the checkups? If there's nothing that can be done in advance, and you don't _know_ when—"

"Sirius!" James hissed out. "Stop badgering him."

"Yeah, it's personal," Peter agreed.

Sirius kept his gaze on Remus for a second too long—Remus felt like he might _explode—_ then he smiled, lightly punching Remus's shoulder. "I just worry about you, and don't want you doing more than you have to. Pushing yourself, I mean."

"It's okay. I just don't like talking about it."

"Yeah..." Sirius hesitated then said, "I shouldn't have pushed."

Sirius pretty much never actually said the word 'sorry' so Remus knew that was his version of an apology. "Thank you."

The Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom looked quite different than it had for Dedenne. The desks were arranged in a semi-circle around the edges of the room, leaving a huge empty space which had two X marks opposite each other. Normally Remus sat near the front however now there wasn't much of a front. He followed his friends who sat in one of the curves, sitting closest to the teacher. Sirius took the seat next to him. He and James were discussing what the new arrangement might mean but Remus had figured it out.

"Dueling," he whispered.

"Ooooh!" Sirius gasped out. He and James high fived each other.

Professor Prewett was leaning against his desk, watching everyone come in. Once the last one came in he flicked his wand, shutting the door. He introduced himself, the chalk writing his name on the board behind him. He took a quick roll call then began pacing. "Your previous teacher did a decent job of some of the basics however it's quite obvious she held you back on one of the most important aspects of Defense Against the Dark Arts. The physical aspect of fighting." There was an appreciative sound from the students at that. "I understand you know a _few_ bits and bobs here and there however..." He slammed his hand down against his desk making everyone jump. "Not enough. A lot of magical folk dismiss dueling as a flashy show, entertainment." He shook his head, making a disgusted sound. "It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, or a limb, or their very life. It isn't just entertainment. It could be a life and death situation. So I will be focusing on teaching you to protect yourselves. Against creatures, but also other people."

He walked into the middle of the room. "I'm assuming you lot are much the same as the other second years. You have very little knowledge of proper stances and form, so everyone line up here; let's work on forms first before we go any farther."

Prewett spent the first twenty or so minutes having everyone hold their wands out as if they were preparing to duel so he could correct their postures, their forms, the way they stood. "Too open, you're just screaming for a spell to hit your other arm," he told one. "Look at those feet, you'll trip yourself immediately," he told another. For Remus he said, "You're too hunched, stop looking like you want to disappear or someone will make you." Though the best correction was for James. "You're too flashy, this is a duel, not a stage show."

"What a git," James grumbled as he took his seat again. "Too flashy. Wanker."

Once everyone was done Prewett paired everyone up alphabetically, which put Remus with a virtual stranger, Athena Magpie. A girl of Korean descent who he had been partners with once or twice in their first year however they pretty much never spoke. She hadn't been overly great with spells when they had been paired up in Defense once, though she had clearly gotten better as hers was one of the only stances Prewett hadn't corrected.

They didn't stand on the Xs, instead they lined up facing their partners. Since there was an uneven amount, Twycross was put with Struthers and Spinnet; she looked exceedingly displeased by this, face pinched as she stood next to Spinnet who didn't seem all that pleased to have her with them. Remus was on the defensive side so when Prewett said go he put up shields, blocking the spells Magpie sent his way. She _had_ gotten between since the last time they were partners, lips twisted in a smile as his hands whipped about trying to keep her spells off him. He was a little relieved when Prewett said to switch. He wiped some sweat off his forehead.

"Th—that was b-brilliant," he said.

Magpie's cheeks tinted a little. "Thanks," she said shyly.

They were told to go again so Remus began sending sparks at her. She blocked most, though a few green sparks landed harmlessly against her uniform. Once they finished with that Magpie told Remus he had done very well to which he gave a shy 'thanks' back. They all stood back as Prewett paced up and down between the lines, eyes narrowed in thought. Finally he got to one end, spinning around to face them all.

"All right then. While it seems you've got a basic shielding spell down for the most part, I'm a little disappointed in one thing. Anyone tell me what that is?" He surveyed the room however nobody put their hands up, not even Remus who had no clue. "The severe lack of _offensive_ spells. Sparks won't do you good. You should have learned at least a couple other offensive spells in your first year! Nothing major. Yet all you can do is make sparks fly."

Remus's stomach dropped. They hadn't been told to use anything more than sparks! Then again they hadn't been told _just_ to use sparks, just 'one side offense, one side defense'.

"Mr. Potter?" Prewett asked.

James lowered his hand. "Sirius, Remus, Pete, and I know a lot more offensive spells, sir."

"Could have fooled me," Prewett responded.

James didn't seem phased. "Want to see?"

"All right then, everyone back to your desks. Let's see a proper duel. You said Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew?" Prewett eyed the three of them. "One of you want to d—" Sirius's hand was in the air before he even finished. "Right then, go on. Xs, let's see the duel. Everyone else sit down, Potter and Black are going to show us a duel."

There was a lot of snickers and whispers as the students returned to their desks. "Are they nutters?" Peter asked quietly.

"Yes," Remus replied. "The answer is yes. Always."

Sirius and James stood on the Xs, James going right back to the fanciful stance he had before. Prewett put his head in his hands for a second but then told them to begin. Both boys bowed then spells began flying. Students sitting around began putting up their own shielding spells to stop flyaway spells from hitting them. Peter wasn't very good at shields so he huddled up next to Remus who put a spell up to protect them. Both boys held their own fairly well for a few minutes but the spells began piling up until James lost, collapsing on the ground with one leg jellified, one arm jellified, sneezing rose petals while also laughing uproariously from a tickling spell. Sirius was being attacked by a single yet large furry bat-shaped bogey, all of his fingers had been jellified, and his body kept jerking in a strange manner. But he was standing, able to talk, while James wasn't.

Prewett clapped. "Very good!" he said then began removing the spells. He had trouble with the furry bat-bogey but with James back to normal he was able to dismiss it, as the caster. "Very impressive, offensively. Would have liked to see more _defense_ there however five points each to Gryffindor." He waved his hand for them to sit and as his eyes swept the room Remus froze, terrified he and Pete would be called up to duel because of what James said about _all_ four of them knowing how to. Prewett's gaze hesitated for a split second on Remus and Peter then he whirled around, going back to the front of the room. "Now that we've cleared that up, anyone _else_ know any offensive spells besides some sparks?"

Almost everyone raised their hand and for the rest of the class they watched small duels between nearly everyone. Lily was pitted against Spinnet and wiped the floor with him, which was a terrific thing to watch. The only ones who didn't want to duel were Remus, Pete, and Eloise Nettle who could barely perform a basic shield spell. These were the three that had to remain behind after Prewett let class out early.

The three of them stood in front of his desk awkwardly. Pete kept shuffling from foot to foot while Nettle was very determined to get the lens of her glasses cleaned. Remus just stared at the floor.

"Do none of you know good offense?" Prewett asked.

"I... I know them, I'm just not good," Nettle mumbled.

"And you two boys?" Silence. "I'll take that as a no, then. Potter lied? About your... abilities?"

"Errr..." Pete looked desperately at Remus.

"I assumed it was a voluntary dueling exercise, n-nn-not mandatory," Remus said swiftly. He didn't want to speak up for himself but he could smell how panicked Pete had gotten and didn't want to leave him floundering.

Prewett clasped his hands behind his back, walking over to one of the windows. "I’m not trying to be unreasonable. I’m only trying to teach you, and in order to teach you I _need_ to know what you can do, and go from there. Understand?"

"Yes, sir," Remus whispered.

"Let me ask again. Do you know good offense?"

"I—I... I..." Remus swallowed heavily. "I c-can."

"Let's see, then." He flicked his wand causing a training dummy to trundle forward on some wheels. "Not a duel. Just attack the figure."

"What... w-would you like to see?"

Prewett gave him a rather piqued gaze. "I want to see what you can do, Mr. Lupin."

Remus pushed his sleeves up, not sure how some of the spells would work on an inanimate object. Prewett, Peter, and Nettle stood back while Remus began attacking the figure, using all the hexes, jinxes, and curses that he knew... which were quite a lot. He wasn't sure if some of them would even be considered offensive spells, such as the fire spell. He had used it in a fight. It could hurt someone. So it was an offensive spell. He also shot out sticky webbing which was mostly intended to put out the fire however it was also offensive, in his mind. He had to shoot a lot out to get rid of the fire. He used the bat-bogey hex which did nothing. He even used langlock which he couldn't do properly yet, because technically he _knew_ it. He tried advanced spells that he never tried before which drained him being shot out one after another; some of them worked, some of them didn't. He finished with the knockback jinx which sent the battered figure spinning through the air to the other side of the room.

Remus swayed then stumbled, nearly falling over. Peter rushed to his side, grabbing hold of him. "Remus!"

"I'm okay." He leaned into Peter's arm, allowing his friend to help him over to one of the chairs. He was soaked in sweat, breathing hard, and felt dizzy. He felt on the verge of passing out. "Just overdid it."

Prewett was staring at the dummy figure then turned to face Remus. "That," he said as he walked over to Remus, "is what I wanted. Twenty points to Gryffindor for that display, Mr. Lupin. I am _very_ impressed. Some of those were spells you wouldn't be learning until your third, or even fourth year." Remus remained silent, mopping up some of his sweat with the sleeves of his robes. "All right, Miss Nettle. Don't look so terrified. I do _not_ expect that from anyone your age. Trust me. It'll be fine."

He coaxed some spells from her. They were very lackluster compared to what Remus did which made him feel rather guilty. If he had the presence of mind to cheer her on he would have, which thankfully Pete did. He clapped loudly the rare time her spell succeeded. Then when it was Pete's turn she cheered him on. He managed a few more than her.

"Thank you," Prewett said, waving his wand to send the dummy back to its corner. "This _helps_ the class, yes? Now I have an idea where most of you are, skill-wise."

"Not very far," Peter muttered under his breath.

Prewett's eyes narrowed. "Mr. Pettigrew, I have seen adults with less capability of defending themselves, or fighting for themselves. A _lot_ of magical folk graduate assuming they'll never need to know this sort of thing. But with how things seem—" He stopped then rubbed the bridge of his nose. "In any case, don't sell yourself short. You've got a little, and that's good. You'll grow. Now, go on, enjoy your afternoon."

Sirius and James were hopping from foot to foot right by the door, while Nettle's friend (Magpie, actually) waited a little farther down the hall. Nettle fled to her while James poked at his friends, wanting to know what happened. Remus explained everything although he didn't say how impressed Prewett had been by him, nor all the spells. But Peter told them, going on with awe at what he had done.

"That explains why you look so worn out," Sirius said, tousling Remus's sweaty hair. Remus swatted his hand away, wishing Sirius would stop doing that. He didn't do it to James or Peter, just Remus and it drove him nuts, especially since he couldn’t figure out why he was the only target, or why it sometimes sent tingles through his body. Probably from irritation.

"It was _embarrassing_ going after Remus," sighed Peter.

"You should listen to what Prewett said though," Remus said, trying to smooth his hair back down. "He said he's seen adults who can't do much at all. He said Pete's got some which is good, and he'll get better."

"You _will_ get better!" James flung an arm around Pete. "You got loads better over last year. That first battle we ever had you didn't do _anything_. The one on Sunday you fought. Pretty well, really."

Pete slowly smiled. "T... true..."

Sirius bumped into him. "We'll help you. We can practice tonight and tomorrow, then Thursday you can show off how awesome you are."

Peter looked up at him then at the other two who were nodding encouragingly, and he finally smiled. "Okay."


	14. Chapter Fourteen - No Point Playing Against Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The virus has hit my county so I told my boss I am self quarantining to protect my mom, so there will be an extra chapter out sometime this week! Probably Wednesday. Hope everyone is staying safe!

After Defense Against the Dark Arts, the four Marauders puttered around trying to figure out what to do when suddenly James snapped his fingers. "We need to make plans. Mandrake plans, I mean."

"We need a _name_ for the mandrake plan," Sirius said brightly. Of course as the one in the group who was the worst at naming things he immediately followed up with, "I can pick one—"

"NO!" All three Marauders shouted.

Sirius pouted. "Jerks."

James decided that the _best_ thing for their mandrake plot was doing some recon with the greenhouses. They burst outside, nearly crashing into a group of older Gryffindors who began complaining at them being so rowdy.

"You're why we lose so many points!" one of them said.

James spun around, walking backwards, a big grin on his face. "Check the hourglasses, buddy-boy, we got Gryffindor thirty points in one class." He whirled back around, strutting off with his friends following, snickering. Remus glanced over his shoulder, seeing the older Gryffindors scowling. He smiled then hurried forward as they went around the castle towards the greenhouses. There were seven of them, as well as a huge round greenhouse attached to the actual tower.

The Marauders sat on and around a large rock several yards away from the greenhouses so they could get a proper lay of the land while looking hopefully casual. There was a large group of Slytherins and Ravenclaws going into Greenhouse Five, none of which seemed to notice them. The way the greenhouses were laid out put Greenhouse Three very close to the wall of the castle. There were windows looking out over the greenhouses but because of how close Three was, it'd be hard for anyone to see anyone going in and out unless they had their faces pressed up against the glass.

"Are they kept locked?" Peter wondered.

They stared at the greenhouses then Remus got up, walking over, ignoring their furious whispers to _get back here_! He kept going up to the door then cautiously put his hand on the door. He twisted, pushing the door open. He smiled back at his friends then went inside. It was weird being in a greenhouse without the class, without Sprout.

A venemous tentacula sat by one end, its vines reaching out towards him. He skirted around one of the table, going deeper in, keeping his eye out for dangerous plants. He had to hop back several times and crashed into a table at trying to avoid a very vicious looking flower trying to spit something at him. Finally he reached the back where the mandrakes were kept.

_Am I really doing_ _this_? he wondered as he approached the tables. He wiped his sweaty palms off on his trousers then took one of the small pots, not even thinking anything else as he slipped it into his bag. Then he saw a shadow outside the greenhouse. Swearing softly, he put the pot back onto the table and quickly left, more sweat soaking into his clothes.

"What are yeh lot doin' here?"

It was Hagrid, surveying the three boys who were standing near the greenhouse now, then at Remus coming out of the greenhouse. The other Marauders looked rather horrified but Remus just smiled, pulling his Herbology book out of his bag.

"I f-f-forgot this in class t-today," he said, waving the book a little.

Hagrid smiled, shaking his head. "Yeh need ta be _careful_ , the greenhouses are dangerous."

"I know, I was very c-c-careful. I just d-didn't want to wait until Sp—Sprout was done with her other c-class, since I have an essay t-to do."

"All righ' then, back into the castle, all of yeh."

"Yes, sir!" James and Sirius chorused, then promised they'd come see him over the weekend. Then all four of them headed back to the castle, Remus in the back, his heart pounding hard in his chest.

"I found out one thing," he said quietly as they reached the doors. "The pot fits well in my schoolbag. Should be easy to take."

"You didn't take it?" James asked incredulously. "You had it _right there_!"

Remus sighed, marveling a little at his friend's stupidity. "No! I didn't know who was outside the greenhouse! Even with lying about my book like that, I'd be the suspect if a plant went missing!"

Sirius began nodding. "He's right, he did the right thing. We'll have to use the cloak, I think. That way nobody will _see_ us around there." Then he flashed a grin at Remus. "That was bloody brilliant though. Just walking in, cool as a cucumber. Very impressive."

Remus smiled rather shakily, still feeling scared of what could have happened, still feeling scared of what they were intending to do. He hoped to be able to convince them to abandon this plot however figured it wouldn't work. They were determined. So, he'd help them. And hopefully not get caught.

*

The first lesson back with Miss Fawley was a disaster, at least for Remus. He had been able, at the end of his first year, to slightly resist her mental pushing. Not much, just enough for her to notice. However that was completely gone. Plus after only two attempts he had a violent headache again. He wound up crying because he felt so _stupid_ and inadequate. Fawley rested her hand on his shoulder, promising him it was fine, it was to be expected, blah-blah-blah. Remus didn't really pay much attention, he was too furious with himself. Plus she asked him, once, if he was hit over the summer which infuriated him even though he knew she'd probably ask. His parents loved him, they didn't hurt him, and the few times Lyall did physically hit Remus it was for a _reason_. Discipline. Which Remus deserved. So he lied and said no, hoping she wouldn't see it in his memories the two times Lyall had smacked him during the summer holidays (both of which he probably deserved). Thankfully she didn't as he tried to focus mostly on the past couple days, however he couldn't offer up any sort of fight against her probes into his mind and they wound up cutting the lesson a little short since Remus got so annoyed.

He went back to the Gryffindor tower, tugging at the hem of his vest, muttering about how _dumb_ he was. Only two months... _only two months_! And what tiny progress he made had ebbed away like the tide at the beach. It would come back eventually except what if it just went away? What if it was constantly like a wave? What if he couldn't sustain this much-needed ability? What if one day he met a legilimens who looked into his head and saw him as a wolf?

At the tower he struggled getting into the common room since the hole was raised up off the floor. He usually had trouble, quite often falling on his face. Like this time. He got to his feet, rubbing his temples as noise assaulted his sense of hearing. Someone had turned the radio up pretty loud which meant the general chatter was louder than normal too. He trudged across the floor, intending to bury himself in (or under) his bed but in his dorm was also loud music, as well as his friends being quite rowdy. He rather wished he _had_ nicked a pair of those silencing earmuffs from Herbology...

That night he had his first real nightmare since arriving back at school. There was music playing, getting louder and louder, irritating him rubbing him the wrong way, pushing him until the wolf burst out of him, going on a rampage to stop the painful sounds. He had just dug his claws into a faceless student when he woke up with loud gasps and shuddering cries, soaked in sweat. He pressed his hands against his face, hoping he hadn't woken Sirius up. He listened carefully for a moment then slid out of bed, quietly padding into the bathroom to wash his face off.

When he looked in the mirror he immediately recoiled. He looked worse than he expected. The dark smudges under his eyes looked like bruises, his thin hair clung to his skull from the sweat, and he was definitely pale. His fingers skimmed along his cheekbones, wondering why he looked so awful with being in the middle between the moon phases. Stress? Depression over the whole Occlumency thing? His fingers brushed against the dark circles then he pushed away from the sink, returning to bed. He tossed and turned a lot, taking forever to get back to sleep. He didn't get much sleep at all so was exhausted and extra grouchy throughout Wednesday despite the fact they didn't have class first thing so they were able to sleep in. His friends were able to tell he wasn't in the best of moods so they didn't bother him too much. At lunch Remus slept, not eating anything which didn't help his mood though he did feel more rested. He wound up not eating much at supper, instead he scarfed one sandwich down before going to the library to start working on one of Prewett's essays.

"You doing all right?" Lily asked when she came in just before six.

"Huh? Yeah..." Remus rubbed his face, yawning loudly. "I didn't sleep well last night."

"You got ink all over your face."

He looked at his ink-splotched hands then sighed, shaking his head. "Perfect."

Lily sat next to him, noticing the word at the top of his parchment. "Why are you writing an essay about gytrashes? We don't have one like that, do we?"

"No... it's..." He rolled the parchment up quickly, shoving it into his bag. "It's nothing." He felt a little awkward confessing to her about what Prewett was doing for him, worrying that she'd view it as unfair. He was beginning to think it _was_ completely unfair, feeling rather guilty for this opportunity. "My own thing."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Because you're not already the smartest in our year, you have to write essays about things we aren't even learning about." She didn't sound very annoyed at least. More amused than anything else. At least she didn't bring it up in front of the others.

That night he stayed up late to finish it, having a good excuse with James and Sirius wanting to explore the school again under James's cloak. This time they invited Peter along. They asked Remus too but Remus declined, stating he wanted to do some homework instead. Sirius called him a nerd before they left.

The Marauders returned at around two in the morning however Remus stayed up a little bit later to put the finishing touches on the essay.

*

"Did you get _any_ sleep last night?" Lily asked. It was the next morning and Remus slept through breakfast, jerking awake at her question.

"A bit..."

"What did you do?" He just yawned, rubbing at his face, feeling something sticky. He quickly grabbed a napkin to wipe at the jam. "Remus, you still have ink on you. From last night. You didn't get a shower?"

"I forgot."

Lily gave him a scathing look. "What were you even doing?"

"Homework." He took a bite of his toast though wasn't really tasting it.

"We don't have that much homework."

He didn't reply, just chewed silently. He had a whole month to finish the essays for Professor Prewett so why did he feel the need to finish them as soon as he could? He had four of the ten done, including the hardest one. He'd be able to finish the rest over the weekend. He had hoped to be able to hand in five to Prewett today but four would do. He just... needed to know he could do it. That he wasn't as godawful at Defense Against the Dark Arts as he spent his entire first year thinking. There was something about the curriculum that pulled at him. He had _loved_ the books, just despised the teacher. Maybe with Prewett it'd become one of his favorite classes. Be interesting to see if it beat out Transfiguration, although the main reason Transfiguration was his favorite was because he liked McGonagall so much. If they had a better History teacher, he'd probably like History of Magic the most.

" _Remus_!" He jumped at Lily's voice. "It's time for class," she said.

He looked at his hand, at the half-eaten toast. He just dropped it onto his plate, wiped his mouth off, and followed his friends outside to the greenhouses. He felt rather guilty as they went in, as if Sprout could guess he had been snooping around the other day however she just went into their lesson which had nothing to do with mandrakes but Remus was on edge the entire time, knowing it was going to be worse after they actually stole the plant.

*

Defense Against the Dark Arts had a lecture from Prewett about a variety of creatures, then he tested out their skills much like he had Remus, Peter, and Nettle. Only this time he told them what spells to use on the dummy. He went alphabetical order, so Sirius went first who did well over half the spells with ease, a handful of them with trouble, and a few of them he couldn't do at all. Once he finished Prewett let him leave early. Colgate went next, then Inkwood, then Remus who did every spell although some of them took some effort.

Remus left class, relieved to see Sirius waiting. Soon Magpie left, McNab, Nettle, then finally Peter came out.

"How'd you do?" Remus asked.

"N—not that bad actually," Peter admitted. "I was able to do seven of the spells."

"Hey, not bad!" Sirius said, holding up a hand for a high five which Peter gladly gave.

James soon strutted out, suggesting they go do some pranks on someone but Remus mumbled that he needed to talk to Prewett. "About what?" James asked.

"Stuff," Remus said, fiddling with his sleeve. "I'll catch up with you."

"We'll wait with you," Sirius said.

"You d-don't need to!" Remus protested.

"We don't mind," Peter said brightly, the others agreeing. They sat down on the bench across from the classroom door, passing the time by naming spells they knew alphabetically. James said a spell, then Sirius, then Peter, then Remus, then back to James, all of them trying to go as fast as they could. Sirius was trying to think of J spell when Spinnet came out, eyeing the four of them suspiciously.

"Jelly-legs curse," Sirius said and Spinnet quickly retreated.

"That's not the spell itself, you lose," James laughed.

"Aw come on, I can't think of any J spells!" Sirius protested. "I bet there's none!"

"Jubilius," Remus said rather lazily.

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "That's not a spell."

Remus pulled his wand out of his pocket. "Want me to prove it? It's a spell that makes you happy. Jubilee."

"Hmph. This is a _dumb_ game."

"What about K?" Peter inquired.

They all looked at Remus who ducked his head. "Klackum. Makes your shoes noisy."

"Yeahhhh there's no point playing this against Remus, he'd win every time," James said.

"Brains," added Sirius, smiling though.

Struthers came out a few minutes later then finally Twycross who, like Spinnet, looked suspicious at the Marauders just sitting there. Remus hopped up, knocking at the door, going in at Professor Prewett's voice.

He was putting the dummy back in its corner. "Ah, Mr. Lupin, can I help you?"

"I—wanted t-to turn these in," Remus said, fumbling for the four rolls of parchment. Prewett accepted them with a frown. "The, um, essays. F—four of them, I'll—I'll have the r-rest by Tuesday, I expect."

"Didn't I say you have until the end of the month?" Prewett asked.

Remus looked at his feet. "You d-did. But I got those done. I, er, f-figured I might as well hand them in. Haveagoodday!" He rushed out of the classroom, a touch afraid he'd be lectured for handing them in so quickly due to the fact Prewett's brow was furrowed pretty deeply. As soon as his friends saw him going so quickly they immediately jumped up, hurrying along with him, wanting to know if he had done something to cause trouble. "No," Remus said as he slowed down. "I just worried I annoyed him."

"Just because Dedenne didn't like you doesn't mean he does," James said, assuming that's what was going on. "He doesn't know your father, does he?"

"No..." Remus wasn't sure whether or not to tell them about this. Finally he decided to share. "I saw him on Sunday."

"You never told us!" Peter squeaked.

"I—I wasn't sure whether or not to do so," Remus confessed, guilt eating away as three sets of eyes bore into him. "It was about my grades from last year. It... it embarrasses me. He—he t-talked to me about—well, he offered me a chance to change my grades from last year."

"WHAT?!" All three of them spun around to gape at him openly now.

Remus felt increasingly uncomfortable. Perhaps he shouldn't have spoken, kept this inside. "He knew it w-was unfair. How she treated me. Um, graded me. He g-got permission from D—Dumbledore to offer me an opportunity to make up for them. That's wh—why I've been doing so much homework, he assigned me some essays to do this month." As he spoke he thought it wasn't fair. Pete didn't get good grades in this class yet he wasn't being offered this. Ugh, he shouldn't have said _anything_!

All three of them spoke at the same time. "That's _great!"_ from Sirius, "Merlin, that's awesome!" from James, and, "Wow, that's so nice of them!" from Pete.

They all pat his shoulders, congratulating him, none of them sounding bitter about this event which sent relief flooding through Remus's body. Even Peter was grinning. Actually, so broadly that Remus realized one of his teeth was missing. Remus mentioned this and Peter replied it had been his last baby tooth.

"I feel so dumb for still having one," he admitted.

"My brother still has two," Sirius said which cheered Pete up. "I only just lost the last of mine about a year ago."

"I still have one!" James said, opening his mouth wide to point at one of his teeth.

"I l—lost mine a while ago," Remus said, awkward since he suspected the reason his had fallen out so early was due to the wolf, and the stress his teeth went through transforming each month. Luckily his adult teeth had grown in pretty quick afterwards which was also probably due to the whole werewolf thing—regeneration, and all that.

James began poking at his baby tooth then stopped, squinting suddenly at Remus. "Wait, if he gave you all month why have you been obsessing on getting them done so quick?"

Remus just shrugged. "I wanted to."

"Nerd," Sirius said. "You looked awful yesterday, though. Don't overdo it."

"I won't," Remus promised.

"Hey! Potter!" a voice called from down the hall. A group of older Gryffindors. Remus tensed up, expecting a fight, then realized it was the Quidditch girl. Bell. She approached their group, eyes sparkling. "Saturday at ten?"

"On the dot!" James replied excitedly. "Are there a lot of signups? I haven't checked."

Remus pressed his lips thin, trying not to snort. That was a rampant lie. He knew for a fact that James checked the piece of parchment in the common room at least three times a day, making comments about those who had put their names down.

"We've got about a dozen right now," Bell replied, "and I figure if it goes at this rate probably at least four more before Saturday, likely more." She glanced at her group of friends then bent in. "None as good as you, though."

Remus swore he could see James's head inflating. "Yeah well," James said, trying to sound modest as he mussed his hair up. "I guess we'll find out for sure Saturday!"

The fifth years headed one direction while the second years headed another, James swaggering quite a bit. A tiny part of Remus hoped there'd be some good competition just to knock him down a peg however, despite his lack of Quidditch knowledge, he did know that James was really, really, _really_ good. He _had_ read the book James gave him for his birthday ( _Quidditch Through The Ages_ ) but it hadn't really soaked into his brain much. James's tryouts would be the first time really watching anything Quidditch-related. He'd probably wind up going to some practices, and of course the three games. He sighed a little as they walked, hoping the games wouldn't happen at the same time a full moon was going. He knew James would understand him being sick... he just didn't want to draw so much attention to him not being there.

*

The Marauders' plan to steal the mandrake that afternoon was dashed when they went outside to find the door wide open and several older students inside tending some plants, badges on their robes proclaiming they were from the Herbology club. The boys quickly returned to the castle, hoping they'd have time to next day. Peter suggested during lunch but James shot that down, insisting he wanted to try the broom-up-the-girls-stairs thing during that time.

"Why not during supper tonight?" Pete asked.

"More students likely to be at lunch than supper," James pointed out, ending the short discussion.

They were just about to go up a flight of stairs when they were stopped by a voice again, this one younger, this one calling out for Sirius. They turned to see Regulus coming towards them. A brief smile flickered on Sirius's face before it went neutral.

"Heya," Sirius said, running his fingers through his hair. "How's it going?"

Regulus eyed the other three then averted his gaze to the floor. "May we speak alone?"

"Al—? Sure. Uh, yeah, come on." They traipsed off towards a side corridor where Remus could still hear their murmurs. Not all of the words, just a few snatches here and there. Remus, Peter, and James sat on the stairs waiting for Sirius while Remus tried his best not to listen in. It had something to do with the fight on Sunday, with Snape, Wicket, and Fox. There was something about 'mother' which caused Sirius to say 'bollocks to her' and Regulus to snap back at him to 'stop with that attitude'. Their voices raised and judging by James and Peter's faces, they could hear some of it too.

"I'll stop when she stops!" Sirius snarled out.

"I'm only trying to HELP!" Regulus snapped back.

Peter coughed, turning away, face going red. James jumped to his feet. "Let's wait at the top of the stairs," he suggested then without waiting seized Peter's shirt and Remus's shirt, yanking them to their feet. They clamored up the steps, but Remus could still hear the two brothers arguing. He wanted to put his hands over his ears however since the other two couldn't hear anymore he didn't want them to know he could. Regulus informed Sirius that he was 'only hurting himself' then Sirius said something that made Remus's blood run cold.

"Wow! All this time I thought it was them hexing me but it's been _myself_ all along! Congratulations, Reg, on figuring it out!"

What did that mean? Surely he didn't mean... he _couldn't_ mean... Did Sirius's parents... hex... him...? _Hurt_ him?

"You don't have to be such a—a—a brat!" Regulus squeaked. "I'm only wanting to help you!"

"And you don't have to be such a boot licker but here we are."

Remus cringed back as Sirius appeared in the hall, storming up the stairs, face white with fury. Regulus stepped out of the side corridor, face also white, staring at Sirius's back. His eyes met Remus's gaze, some pink appearing in his cheeks as he quickly spun around, fleeing the other direction.

"Everything okay?" James asked having not heard those last bits.

" _Dandy_ ," Sirius growled, tugging at his tie, undoing it, ripping it off. "C'mon, let's go" He continued on without even waiting, leaving his friends to scramble after him.

Remus stumbled along, cold dread trickling through his body, confusion clouding his head. He wanted to vomit. It wasn't hard evidence but—but—now he truly did suspect that Sirius was being what Fawley accused Remus of being. Hurt, by his parents. Physically hurt. That's what he alluded to, right? His head ached trying to sort through this new information. If it was true, what did he do about it? Maybe it wasn't true? Maybe it was a misunderstanding? Like with Fawley, and Remus's father disciplining him. Maybe Sirius just meant hexing him metaphorically? Maybe he meant—he couldn't—

Remus clutched his stomach, knowing asking Sirius would end in a disaster, wishing he had the courage to do so.


	15. Chapter Fifteen - Quaffle King

Remus spent the rest of Thursday feeling a mixture of sick and self hatred. Every time he looked at Sirius his stomach lurched again. He was also quite confused until finally he convinced himself that he just misunderstood, just like Fawley. Sirius's parents may have been crazy but it couldn't be... that bad... could it? Sirius was so vibrant, noisy, _everywhere_ , and if he were being hurt he'd be different, wouldn't he? Finally he just buried himself into denial. It _couldn't_ be that bad. A tiny voice inside of him kept insisting it _could_ be but he just did his best to ignore it, for now. Besides, he didn't have any _evidence_. Just thoughts, possibilities, and Sirius saying something that could be taken a different way.

Sirius grumbled around the dorm for a while after his fight with Regulus until he finally calmed down, returning to his usual smiling self, full of energy and unable to take any kind of nap before Astronomy. Spinnet finally threatened them until James, Sirius, and Peter tumbled down to the common room to hang out. Remus was too tired to join them, curling up in his bed for some sleep. It didn't work too well since he had low grade nightmares of Sirius being hurt which caused his sleep to be fitful, though at least he didn't scream.

The first class of Astronomy went well since the moon wasn't visible one bit, not even a sliver. Remus could _feel_ it in the sky but he couldn't see it while looking at the tapestry of stars. Now that was perfect. He loved new moons, he loved being able to do this without a visual reminder of his hell.

 _Two weeks_ , he thought as he began charting out some of the stars. His drawing was _horrible_. Making a noise of disgust he crumpled the parchment up then tried again though it wasn't much better. He couldn't help but glance sideways at Sirius's chart. He was barely doing any of the work (instead whispering jokes with James) but what he did have was beautiful. _He's so good at art_ , Remus thought a little jealously. _At least I'm not as bad as James though_.

*

Fridays were as busy as Mondays, with Potions first, so by the time detention rolled around Remus was pretty tired. He miserably followed his friends to the owlery, hoping they wouldn't be doing what he thought they'd be doing. Which turned out to be yes, that's what they were doing: cleaning. Surprisingly, though, it was a student in charge of their detention, a seventh year who worked in the owlery often since she wanted to work in the post office after graduation. They were given buckets, scrub brushes, brooms, pans, everything they needed. The buckets were enchanted to float alongside them so when one of them needed to climb up the ladders it would follow.

"Does it matter which one of us cleans the top cubbies?" Sirius asked. The seventh year shook her head. "Okay..." He turned around. "Cause I know you have problems with heights sometimes," he said to Remus who felt rather warmed by Sirius considering him like that.

"I don't mind doing the top ones," James said.

"Okay. We can take care of the nests, Remy can do the floors," Sirius suggested.

The lowest homes were a little above head height for Remus so there wasn't much point in him helping the others with the owl nests. That was fine for him since the owls hated him, sensing the beast lurking beneath the surface.

The _first_ thing they all needed to do, though, was reassure their owls they didn't need them. All four owls fluttered down, assuming their owners needed to send something off. Arthur crashed into Remus who nearly tumbled over in a whirl of feathers and talons. "Hey, hey, you all right?" He got Arthur settled on his arm, heart sinking to see that he had lost some more feathers. He looked so old. "You're okay," he said, nuzzling his owl. "I don't need any letters sent off."

The previous year he and his mother had been sending letters back and forth constantly. But they all knew Arthur wasn't really up to so many trips. Hope reluctantly agreed to lessen the post between them. So far he only had one letter from her (mostly her being VERY furious he had gotten detention, furious he had gotten 'dragged into it', and reminding him he needed to lay low and not get involved in anything).

"Hey! STOP IT! Oi!! Fili! Stooop!" Sirius complained as his insane owl kept trying to attack poor Cocoa, Peter's owl. Filibuster hissed then flew out the window, probably swearing in owl language.

"Your owl's nuts, mate," James said, grinning broadly.

Sirius plucked a feather out of his hair. "Yeah, yeah," he grumbled.

"Like owner, like pet?" Peter laughed. Sirius stuck his tongue out but looked quite amused.

"Well, Cocoa has the sweetest disposition, so it fits," Remus said which made Peter blush. "And Godric's the most pompous."

"HEY!" James complained.

"Arthur definitely pushes himself more than he should, so that fits too," said Sirius. Now Remus stuck his tongue out then returned to stroking Arthur's head.

Once all their owls were satisfied with the attention (minus Filibuster who was long gone) the four boys began cleaning. James, Sirius, and Peter began cleaning the top ones while Remus worked at scrubbing off the many perches scattered around the room. He couldn't properly do the floors until they were done with the nests so he steeled himself to go up a ladder. Not all the way to the top but he did work on the lower ones, underneath the ones his friends had cleaned. It really wasn't so bad and he was able to work with only a little bit of dizziness.

"Why do they always make us clean the Muggle way?" Sirius complained eventually.

"Probably to build character or something," replied James with a snort.

"If we could use magic it'd not really be a detention," Pete pointed out.

Other students came and went, sending mail off with their owls. A couple Slytherins came in at one point, making threats if the Gryffindors did anything to their birds.

"Maybe you're crazy enough to hurt an innocent pet, but we're not," Sirius called down as the Slytherins left.

It took them ages to clean out the owlery, even with all four of them working hard. By the time they finished they were tired, covered in grossness, and Remus thought his arms might fall off. He couldn't imagine how the others felt. They miserably plodded back to the Gryffindor tower, getting into trouble with a prefect for being out well after curfew (it was nearly ten) until James showed him their detention slip. The prefect eyed in carefully as if suspecting it might be fake then waved them on.

They all took super long showers (listening to music as they cleaned themselves off, as James brought his phonograph in to play in the bathroom). Remus was the first one out, Sirius the last. Since it was Friday night they didn't really need to hurry to bed and in fact after they all got into their pajamas they just went down into the common room. There were still quite a few students milling about, all of them sixth or seventh years. The four Marauders plopped down on one of the comfiest couches, playing cards until well after all the other students disappeared up to their dorms. It was nearly two before they finally crawled into their beds.

Remus was beyond exhausted and slept completely soundly until someone shook him violently awake. He yelped in fear, sitting upright, nearly banging into James.

"Come _on_ , sleepyhead!" he said brightly, too brightly for what felt like an ungodly hour. Remus's eyes flickered to the clock. Eight-forty-five.

"S'only been like, six hours," Remus moaned, flopping back, yanking his covers back over his head.

James climbed onto the bed and began jumping on it. "Wake UP! Wake UP! Wake UP! You PROMISED!"

"Promised _what_!?" Remus wailed, burrowing his head under his pillow as his body was bounced around.

James fell next to him, pulling the covers back, yanking the pillow away. "Tryouts," he said, wrapping his arms around Remus which sent a shock of terror through his body at being hugged like this, so closely, and in _bed_. "You promised."

"Th-that's not t-till ten!" Remus squeaked.

"I wanna be there at nine-thirty, and we need brekkie and—and mental preparation." James let go of him, climbing _over_ him to get out of bed instead of just getting out the other side, limbs thwacking against Remus who debated whether or not he could get away with murder. "Sirius'n'Pete are up."

"Why did you want to stay up so late if we couldn't sleep in?" Remus sat up, swinging his legs off the mattress, slipping his feet into his worn out slippers. He had forgotten completely about tryouts the night before. James had been the one urging his friends to stay up so late.

James laughed. "Because I couldn't sleep, silly. I didn't get to sleep until nearly four." He began bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet. "Come _on_. Hurry up."

Remus grouchily got ready for the day, going too slow for James's liking. Luckily they had showers the night before so he didn't need to take one. He brushed his teeth, his hair, washed his face off, then got dressed. One of his many pairs of battered jeans and a long-sleeved red shirt. When he went back into the dorm James gave an annoyed sound.

"No!" James said. "I got you this."

He handed fabric to Remus. A t-shirt. It would have fit him perfectly, which meant he couldn't wear it. His scar would only just barely be covered, part of it peeking out. "It's too chilly for a t-shirt."

"Not really," Sirius said. He was wearing the t-shirt. It was crimson, with a big gold J on the front. Peter had an identical one. "It's a _little_ chilly but it'd be fine wearing a t-shirt."

Remus fingered the shirt in his hands. "All right, j—just a moment."

He dug through his things to find a long-sleeved yellow shirt. He went back to the bathroom to put the yellow shirt on, then the J t-shirt over. It was strange wearing a brand new article of clothing that _fit_ him so well. "Better?" he asked when he went back.

"I guess," James said. "Now let's _go_."

Sirius grabbed a bundle of fabric, carrying it down to the Great Hall. He, Peter, and Remus all ate while James poked at his food, too excited to eat. He managed to get some food down though not much. He kept jiggling, casting anxious looks down the table towards Bell and the rest of the Quidditch team. At nine-thirty the Marauders went out to the Quidditch pitch. It _was_ a little chilly, in Remus's opinion, but Sirius and Peter didn't say anything. They sat in the bleachers to wait for a whole bloody half hour. Remus pulled a book out to read, yawning several times, wishing he was back in bed.

Eventually more students filed into the stadium as well as the Gryffindor team.

"Good luck, mate," Sirius said, giving James a hearty hug.

"Not that you need it," laughed Pete.

James bolted down the stairs, joining the group of those trying out. Sirius unfurled the fabric he brought, revealing a large red-and-gold banner. _James Potter: Quaffle King_! with well done lions rampant on either side, facing the words. He wheedled Remus until he made the letters flash and glow, then Remus returned to his book.

"Aren't you going to _watch_?" Peter asked, poking at Remus's shoulder.

"I will when James goes," he replied.

Since Bell was a new Captain that meant the old team members had to tryout as well. First were the Seekers, there were only a couple of those including the one who had been on the team previously—clearly the best. Then the Beaters tried out, finally the Chasers and Keepers at the same time, in groups. James was in the third group.

"POTTER! POTTER! POTTER!" Sirius and Peter chanted as James flew into the air.

Remus closed his book, standing up to watch. Bell threw the ball, and the Chasers began. In a normal game they'd be working together however this time they were independent. A fifth year got the Quaffle forth, heading towards one of the hoops. James was flying underneath while the third year in the group was buzzing around the fifth year, trying to get the ball. The fifth year threw the ball towards the hoop and James suddenly shot up, grabbing the ball and flying upside down high above the other players. The two other wannabe-Chasers took off after him. James did a barrel spin to right himself then suddenly dropped down, well _below_ the other Chasers who had been climbing upward. There was a collective gasp from most the spectators at the drop.

"Idiot!" Sirius shouted. "YOU IDIOT!"

"What happened?" Remus asked as the other two Chasers dove down, and James went back up.

"He didn't dive, he just stopped his broom to drop," Sirius explained, not taking his eyes off their friend who threw the Quaffle. The Keeper trying out missed the ball, and James got a score. "It's very dangerous."

"But cool," Peter breathed out, eyes huge.

"Stupid," Sirius growled then, after a second or two, "but yeah kinda cool."

Remus watched James as the tryout proceeded, constantly needing to ask his friends what was going on. Sirius and Pete did their best to keep him educated, explaining some of the tricks James performed. James scored again, and again, and again. He didn't always have the Quaffle, but almost always ended up with it. He was faster, more agile than the other two Chasers. By the time Bell blew her whistle it was clear who had won that.

Bell announced who would be continuing on. Two Keepers, four beaters, and six Chasers for the final round of tryouts. "Continuing on with tryouts for Chaser," Bell said loudly, her voice echoing across the pitch, "Burrowall, Cinderash, Howell, Kirke, Litten..."

Sirius, Peter, and Remus all leaned forward. Remus clutched the railing.

"...and Potter."

Of course.

This was going to be somewhat of a regular game. The hopeful team members were split up into two teams, minus the Seekers, then the round began. Again, Sirius and Pete explained things to Remus though by now he had a little bit of a grasp on what was going on. Now James was working with a team, and he didn't have the ball as often. He _got_ the Quaffle quite a bit however passed it to his teammates whenever needed. He did score most the points for his team though.

It was around one in the afternoon when Bell ended the 'game'. "All right, everyone! The list will be posted on the notice board tomorrow!" Bell said.

There were loud groans. "How come we can't know _now_?" demanded one of the ones who had tried out for Chaser.

"Because I need to _think_ ," Bell snapped right back. "If you don't like it, you can lump it. Dismissed!"

Sirius, Peter, and Remus filed down to the pitch to meet up with a sweaty, tired James. "You think I did well?" he asked as soon as they approached him. "I don't know if I did. I missed a few goals, and—"

"You did _brilliant_!" Sirius said, wrapping an arm around James's shoulders. "Absolutely _brilliant_."

"If they don't put you on the team, they're mental," Peter said, clapping his hands. "I never realized how good you were at Quidditch! I mean, I've seen you fly but this—wow, just _wow_!"

James beamed, eyes sliding to Remus who was rather uneasy from the fact James still had a hold on his broom, the silver flashing in the afternoon light. "Um, I really don't know much but it seems like you did well," he muttered. "You made the most goals out of all those trying out for Chaser."

"Ugh, I'm going to _die_ before tomorrow morning!" James moaned as he thankfully put away his broom. "Simply _die_!"

"Rest in peace," Remus said. James glared as his carrying case snapped shut. Remus smiled sweetly in return. "Let's go, I'm starving."

" _I'm_ starving," James said as they headed to the castle. "I barely ate anything."

James was a mess the rest of the day. He was jittery, on edge, stared at Bell whenever they happened to be in the same room, paced a lot, tugged at his hair, groaned about his misses, and pretty much drove his friends crazy. After Remus sent his letter home off with Arthur, he disappeared into the library just before supper because he couldn't take another second, staying in there working on Prewett's essays until curfew (which, for second years, was extended to eight pm). Peter actually joined him after supper, complaining that James hadn't calmed down one bit.

"We all know he made it," he sighed as he stared at a blank piece of parchment. "Except for him."

"I'll eat my hat if he's not on the team," said Remus.

Pete laughed quietly. "I almost wish he doesn't make it, just to see that!"

At seven-forty-five the two boys reluctantly headed back to the tower where they found James pacing in the dorm while Sirius flipped through a magazine. James kept pacing even after Remus tried putting on some music, even after Peter started a card game, even after Sirius threatened to beat James over the head with his broom.

"How am I supposed to sleep tonight?!" James demanded at one point.

"Want me to get some sleep potion from Pomfrey?" Remus asked.

James froze, obviously contemplating that. "No," he finally said, sitting down on his bed. "I want to wake up early."

"You're gonna wake _us_ up, aren't you?" Pete asked.

James narrowed his eyes. "Don't you want to see as soon as Bell posts the list?"

"Of course we do," Sirius said quickly. "We'll be there with you." He turned his head so James couldn't see his face as he stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes. Remus and Pete stifled giggles.

They stayed up late again, going down into the common room eventually so they wouldn't bother Spinnet and Struthers. James was _really_ wound up, still having a difficult time sitting down so they played charades for a while. That helped burn off some of James's energy. Then Peter suggested they do some invisible exploring which James leapt at. He ran up the stairs, returning with his cloak.

"You coming with us tonight, Remus?" he asked.

"N... no, I'll stay and keep watch," he said.

"Want me to stay with you?" Sirius offered.

"Er, no, that's fine," he said as James handed him his watch. "I'm just really tired."

Indeed he fell asleep shortly after they left, the watch beeping him awake every ten minutes. This time they didn't all get to bed until around three in the morning, an hour later than the night before. Remus had one of his awful headaches as he collapsed into bed, grumbling to himself as he drifted into sleep... and being awoken only a couple hours later.

 _I'm going to murder him_ , Remus decided as he threw clean clothes on, glaring at James. Sirius and Peter were both scowling, not that James seemed to notice.

"It's... seven in the bloody morning," Sirius growled as they went down the stairs. "You think she's going to post it this early?"

"She _might_ ," James protested as he threw himself into an armchair that was across the floor from the notice board. There were papers all over, most of them advertisements for clubs, one long bit of parchment stating the rules, a few mentioning lost items or requests.

Peter curled up on a couch next to Remus. "James, come on, you're on the team," he said rather sleepily. Remus slid down, too tired to care of how close they were, of the fact their shoulders were bumped up against one another, that his head drooped down onto Peter's shoulder. He fell asleep. He slept on and off over the next hour until just after eight, when Patricia Bell came down the stairs.

"Waiting?" she asked, grinning at James.

"Not really," he replied, trying—and failing—to sound casual.

Bell just shook her head then put the parchment up on the center of the board. Remus realized there were several other wannabe-Quidditch members waiting too. James stayed seated. Bell finished with the sticking spell then walked off as the other five people converged on the notice board. James slowly stood up, wiping his hands off on his jeans. Sirius gave him a thumbs up.

"This is RIDICULOUS!" shouted one of the older boys looking at the notice. "That's bollocks!"

James edged his way to the notice, staring up at the paper. Remus waited for a reaction, which didn't happen right away. Then James turned to face his friends, raising his eyebrows, then a grin spread across his face.

"I _made_ the _team_!" he said, jumping in the air, fists punching up.

"YES!" Sirius threw himself at his friend, wrapping his arms around him in a hug. They spun for a second then high fived each other.

The older student who was expressing his anger went quiet, glaring at James. "It's not _fair_ ," he said darkly. "You're only a second year. You should be a reserve. BELL!" He stomped over to Bell who just folded her arms. "Why is _he_ on the team?" He pointed at James who was now being high fived by Peter and Remus as they gave their congratulations. "He should be a reserve, not fully on the team! He's only a second year!"

"He's a damn good Chaser, that's what he is," Bell replied.

"Aw, c'mon, Kirke, no hard feelings?" James asked brightly. "You're on the team too."

The older boy clenched his teeth. "I'm a _reserve_ , that's not the _team_!" He looked like he wanted to wallop James, _smelled_ like he was about to explode with fury. Remus felt a little afraid. "Twelve year olds shouldn't be on the team!"

"Kirke, calm down," Bell said in a tight voice. "Potter was simply the best who tried out for Chaser. You did terrific too, that's why you're a reserve—"

" _Twelve year olds shouldn't be on the team_!" Kirke snapped violently. The common room had fallen quiet, watching this exchange with interest, though since it was so early in the morning for a Sunday there weren't many witnesses. "How is it FAIR?! How would you feel if you were shunted aside for a _little child_?!"

Bell jerked her chin up, eyes flashing. "I am willing to admit that he's a more natural Chaser than myself."

James grinned so broadly it had to hurt. Kirke still looked rather murderous. Everyone waited, to see what he would do next. Kirke stood there staring at James for several seconds of tense silence before he stormed off, leaving the common room. Remus let out a quiet, relieved breath of air.

"You all right?" Bell asked, coming closer to James.

"I'm _great_!" he promised. "I can't believe I'm on the team!"

Bell rolled her eyes. "Puh-lease, you don't need to bother with that."

James scuffed the toe of his sneaker against the floor. "Yeah, well."

Bell thumped his shoulder. "See you at the meeting tomorrow." She smiled at his three friends then walked off.

James spun around to face them again. "I have to go write my parents right _now_. I'll see you guys at breakfast!" He took off sprinting out of the common room.

Sirius folded his hands under his chin. "I'm happy for him, but Merlin is he going to be insufferable now." He sighed then gave a helpless sort of shrug. "C'mon then, Marauders. Let's get some much needed breakfast."


	16. Chapter Sixteen - All This Fuss Over A Shower!

As of Sunday night the Marauders still hadn't attempted the test to see if flying on a broom would allow them up the girls' staircase since every time they tried the common room had too many students around, so they threw out the idea of doing it during the day and decided to try it at night. Remus didn't particularly feel comfortable with this however he was outvoted.

"It'll be _fine_ ," James said as they crept down the stairs well after midnight (which would have been worse if Remus, Sirius, and Peter hadn't gotten plenty of sleep in the afternoon!). He had his broom in one hand, his invisibility cloak in the other. Sirius went ahead to make sure nobody else was staying up and beckoned for them, indicating they were in the clear.

"It won't," Remus said, curling his fingers into fists, pressing them against his thighs.

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair. "Look, most likely it's the _stairs_ enchanted, you said so yourself. Are you second guessing _yourself_ now?"

Remus glowered. "You've overlooked the important part of that statement. 'Most likely' isn't a hundred percent."

James pointed the end of his broom at Remus who shuddered from the silver. "It's a lot more of a chance than a hundred percent _failure_ , and we won't know till we try."

"Either way, we should not be down here," Remus said. James began glaring again. "I meant _us_." He indicated Sirius, Pete, and himself. "When—er, _if_ the alarm goes off..."

"Oh. Right." James frowned as he mounted his broom. "After you guys make sure I'm invisible you should go up the stairs. I'll count to thirty."

Sirius put the cloak around James and his broom, adjusting it so nothing was showing until James flew upwards. If they looked up they could see everything, but James said he'd be careful. Sirius, Peter, and Remus went back up the stairs, back into their dorm. Remus sat on the edge of his bed, heart pounding as he waited. Would it work?

Then his brain clicked on to a realization. Something he had stupidly overlooked. _If the alarm goes off and wakes everyone up, James won't be here, it'll be obvious who was trying_! He jumped to his feet, rushing to the door, hoping that for some reason James was still counting. As soon as his hand went on the knob the alarm went off.

Remus cried out, hands going to his ears. The alarm wasn't as loud up in the tower as it had been in the common room however it was loud enough to bother Remus's ears as well as wake up Spinnet and Struthers (and everyone else). Struthers woke up with a noise of confused exclamation while Spinnet fell out of bed, getting tangled in his blankets.

"What the _hell_?!" Spinnet half-shouted as he got to his feet.

"That's the girls' stair alarm," Struthers said, getting out of bed, rubbing his eyes.

"Who's stupid enough to try sneaking up in the middle of the _night_?!" Spinnet growled then his eyes snapped immediately to Sirius's bed. Sirius waved cheerfully at him. Then his eyes went to James's obviously empty bed. "Where's Potter?"

"Bathroom," Sirius replied immediately.

There were voices out in the hall, other boys shouting to be heard over the klaxon sound. Spinnet shoved past Remus (nearly knocking him to the ground) to open their door, going out. Struthers followed, then the three Marauders. All along the staircase boys were pouring out of their dorms, the prefects pushing their way through to make it to the common room. Everyone followed, curious to see who had done it.

Remus, Sirius, and Peter reached the bottom of the steps, mingling in with the crowd which included girls. The same thing was being shouted back and forth between everybody.

"The stairs didn't turn into a slide!"

Remus looked over at the girls' stairs. They were still stairs, and girls were coming down them in confusion. Remus then glanced upwards as casually as he could, trying to see if James was maybe hovering above them.

"Who did it?"

"Why are they still steps?"

"What happened?!"

They were still standing around in bewilderment when the portrait opened, and a prefect came in with McGonagall in tow. _She is covered head to toe in tartan_ , Remus thought, remembering something James and Sirius told him in their first year.

"What in Godric's name is going on?!" their Head demanded, storming to the stairs, flicking her wand. The alarm sound stopped. "Who tried to go up to the girls' dorms?" she asked, surveying the room. Nobody said anything. "Also, how on earth did you manage to prevent the stairs from smoothing out?" Still nothing.

Remus chewed his bottom lip, tugging at the end of his pajama sleeves, then suddenly went flush with embarrassment. He was in his raggedy pajamas in front of _everyone_ , though of course no one was looking at him he still felt awkward.

"Mr. Spinnet?" McGonagall asked and the room turned to stare at Spinnet who was standing on an armchair with his hand raised to be seen above the heads of the older students.

"Potter's missing," he said with a disgustingly smug smile.

Okay, _now_ everyone was looking at Remus in his raggedy pajamas, and Sirius and Peter. Remus took a step closer to Sirius without even thinking about it.

"He's in the bathroom," Sirius said, slightly hesitantly.

"With that sound going off?" someone asked.

Sirius shrugged. "He was getting a shower. Would you jump out of the shower starkers to run down here?"

McGonagall pushed her way through the crowd, face white, lips thin. "Mr. Black," she whispered furiously, " _where_ is Mr. Potter?"

"I told you," Sirius said, trying to keep the innocent expression.

"Wouldn't he have had time to dry off and put something on?" another student asked.

McGonagall took Sirius by the wrist, marching him up the boys' stairs. "We'll see about this," she said.

Remus and Peter were pushed forward as the crowd jostled to get closer to the bottom of the stairs. Peter was tugging hard at Remus's sleeve, making tiny whimpering sounds. Remus began chewing at his nails, knowing James was going to be in a crap ton of trouble, terrified James was just gonna be kicked off the team the day he joined! There were whispers all around him, talking about James. Lily wriggled her way through the crowd, wrapping her bathrobe tighter around her as she reached the boys.

"Did he do this?!" she demanded furiously, grabbing Remus's arm. "Was Potter trying to sneak into our dorm?!"

Remus knew perfectly well the entire Gryffindor student body was listening to him right now which made him shake, feel sick, mentally curse James for doing this to him. "N-n—nnn-no!" he managed to get out, mustering all the honesty he could. It _was_ the truth. James wasn't trying to sneak into their dorm, he was just seeing if flying worked.

"Then where is he? He's never far from Black," she accused. Remus just mumbled, no idea how to answer. Lily folded her arms. "I see. He _did_ do it." She made a disgusted sound while several of the girls began complaining about the invasion.

Then everyone went silent again as they could hear footsteps coming down the stairs. Remus's eyes went wide as McGonagall appeared with Sirius _and_ James behind her, James with wet hair and a bathrobe on. The common room burst into loud whispers. Lily looked absolutely shell shocked, jaw hanging open. It would have been hilarious, if the moment wasn't still so tense.

"All this fuss over a shower!" James said when he noticed everyone looking at him. He tightened the robe around himself. "For Merlin's sake."

McGonagall returned to the center of the common room while James and Sirius bunched up with Peter and Remus. Remus could hear James's heart pounding so fast, his breathing a little heavy as he labored to keep it under control. McGonagall spoke again about how whoever did it needed to come forward, or if anyone knew who _did_ do it to please come forward. She was extremely disappointed in her male students, and removed fifty points from Gryffindor.

"Which, if the person who did it reveals himself, will be removed, and the student will merely receive detention," she added, casting another look around however nobody spoke up. She said once more how disappointed she was, then told everyone to return to bed.

Since the Marauders were quite close to the stairs they managed to be the first ones up. James dragged them all into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind them.

"Oh _Merlin_ I thought I was a _goner_!" he moaned as he ripped off his robe, revealing his pajamas underneath, the legs rolled up.

"How did you manage that?" Peter asked.

"As soon as Sirius mentioned the shower I flew up the stairs," James replied, hurrying over to a stall where he pulled out his broom and cloak. "I dunked my head in a sink and got the robe on just as McGonagall knocked on the door."

Peter swallowed, shaking his head. "Blimey! Quick thinking there, Jimmy."

"I cannot, cannot, _cannot_ believe you did it," Sirius said in awe.

"Nor I," Remus said, staring at his friend in disbelief. If he had made any bets about it, he would have absolutely bet on James being caught there. "That was incredible."

James beamed, puffing his chest out. "Thank Sirius too, mates! Without him giving me the cover story I _would_ have been caught. Go away!" he shouted as someone knocked at the door.

Spinnet pounded at the door. "You did it. I _know_ you did it!"

James went over, unlocking the door so he could crack it open, peering out. "Did not," he snapped. "I was getting a shower."

"At _one in the morning_?!" Spinnet banged the door open, furiously rushing in. Remus nudged James's robe to cover the cloak and broom. "I'm telling McGonagall in the morning you did it."

"Yeah, yeah, sure." James flapped his hand at him. "I was getting a shower. I didn't do it."

"Why? Why at _one_ in the _morning_?!"

James just shrugged. "I couldn't sleep. I thought a nice hot shower would feel good. Soothe my aching muscles." He gave a show of stretching his arms.

Spinnet blinked a couple times. "What aching mu—!? What are you even talking about? I don't know how you managed..." He stepped closer to James, grabbing the front of his pajamas. "But you did it. I know you did."

"Fine, believe what you want, s'not my problem." James pushed Spinnet away. "Just don't get in my face about it."

Spinnet's hand darted to his pocket then remembered he didn't have his wand with him. "You two are absolute psychopaths. No, all _three_ of you." His eyes went from James to Sirius to Remus. "None of you are normal!"

Remus tried his best to ignore the sick, cold feeling creeping inside of him. The wolf stirred a little bit though he easily managed to push it back down.

Sirius moved swiftly forward, grabbing Spinnet, shoving him back against the door. "First of all, don't ever call Remus crazy." He gave Spinnet another little shove. "Second of all, being normal? Is _boring_." He did another little shove. "And third of all, James obviously couldn't have done it. How could he have gotten from the stairs to the bathroom without any of us seeing him, hmmmm?"

Spinnet's mouth opened and shut a couple times as he struggled to get free. "Don't ever touch me, _Black_!" He managed to get loose, throwing himself from Sirius. "You're all... just _freaks_!" He wrenched the door open, stomping back to the dorm.

"What's his problem?" Peter grumbled. "You should have popped him."

"I should have," Sirius agreed.

"U...um... S-Sirius?" Remus stammered out. Sirius turned, fixating his silver eyes on him. "How come you told him not to call me crazy? And not yourself or James?"

"Because you won't and I know it bothers you being called that," he replied smoothly. "I remember last year when you said it bothers you, but denying it will just make you look it. So, I did it for you."

"Oh." A little flower of warmth bloomed inside of his chest and suddenly he didn't know how his limbs worked. He stumbled a little as they headed back to their dorm, feeling exceedingly awkward—as well as a touch confused. He couldn't remember ever telling Sirius that. He thought back to any recent conversations, reaching back to the end of their first year, not recalling anything.

In the morning as they were getting ready Remus decided to ask him. He and Sirius were in the bathroom alone, since James and Peter were sleeping in a little bit. "Um, Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Last night you said..." Then Remus wasn't sure whether or not to continue, it seemed so silly in the light of day. Sirius faced him, raising his eyebrows as he continued to brush his teeth, the pale blue potion dribbling out onto his chin. _Guess I need to_. "Last night you said you remembered that I once said it bothers me when people call me crazy and denying it would make me look crazier. I mean, it's true but... when did I tell you that?"

Sirius spat the potion out into the sink. "January."

Now Remus raised his eyebrows. "J... January...?"

"Yeah. Remember? In History class, we were passing notes." He looked upwards a little, clutching the toothbrush as he squinted, trying to remember. "You said... you didn't want to make yourself seem crazier, or something like that. You used a nerdy word instead. Then said that insisting you're not crazy just makes you look crazier. Also you said your middle name is Jirius."

The memory came flooding back into Remus's head at the Jirius bit. He began laughing. "I completely forgot about that. You drew a chicken that said 'nerd'."

"Yup!"

No wonder he couldn't remember, if it had been in notes. _Ah yes, that was after that really bad freakout, when I stayed overnight in the hospital_. He shivered slightly. "Wow, how can you remember all that?"

"Iunno." Sirius spat out more potion then began rinsing his mouth out. "I still have the notes."

"You do?"

Sirius froze then his cheeks went slightly pink as he washed his hands. "Yeah, uh, I've, uh, kept most my notes from—from all of you."

"Oh." Was he supposed to do that? Was that what people did? Keep notes from their friends? He sorta wished he still had them, especially the chicken. "Well. Um. Thank you. For last night."

"No problem. Anyone calls you crazy, I'll break their nose."

Remus shook his head, rinsing his own mouth out. The door flung open as James tumbled in, followed closely by Peter. James was still in an exuberant mood from getting away with what happened the night before though... as it turned out, he didn't get away with it at all. Mondays were one of their busy days—double Potions and Charms in the morning then History and Transfiguration in the afternoon—so by the time they went to Transfiguration class they were all pretty tired, ready for the classes to be over for the day. When the bell rang McGonagall dismissed class, except for James. She kept him behind.

Sirius, Peter, and Remus hung out across the hall. While they were waiting Lily came over to talk to Remus.

"I think Macdonald is going to come to study group tonight," she said.

"I was wondering why she hadn't yet," Remus said. "Did she not come on Friday then?"

"No, she didn't." Lily began winding some of her hair around one finger. "I think she's just really nervous. This is all so new and frightening to her."

_I can relate_ , Remus thought, remembering how absolutely terrified he was to go to study group for the first time. "Just let her know she's very welcome," he said with a smile.

Lily beamed back. "I will. I'll see you tonight!" She cast a scowl in Sirius's direction who pulled a face back at her. She flounced off, grumbling to herself about idiots.

"Still don't see how you can stand to be around her," said Sirius, rolling his eyes. "She's _so_ annoying."

Remus cocked an eyebrow at him. "I'm sure there's plenty that would say the same about you, you know."

Sirius looked mildly offended. "Me? Pshaw! Who would ever say _I'm_ irritating!"

"Um, probably about ninety percent of the school," Peter replied.

Sirius glowered at him while Remus put his hand over his mouth to try to smother the laughter. Sirius was still pouting when James emerged from the classroom, rather pale. They got to their feet to walk with him, asking him what that was all about. James just hunched his shoulders, folding his arms, glaring straight ahead.

"She knows it was me," he finally said.

" _What_?" Sirius stopped in his tracks, grabbing James's arm. "What did she say?"

James looked around, spotting a group of third years nearby. He jerked his head, hurrying off to a secret passageway where they could have a little bit of privacy to speak. "She said she knew it was me last night," he told them as soon as they were shut up in the darkness. Remus quickly pulled his wand out, lighting up the end. "She took twenty more points off. Said she gave me plenty of time to come forward last night and since I didn't, we've now got a total of seventy points taken away, plus I have detention." He threw himself back against the wall with an annoyed sort of grunt.

"How... how did she _know_?" Peter asked.

"I have no flipping idea!" James shouted, causing Peter and Remus to both cringe back. "She—she said she's not sure how I managed to not be seen but she knows I was using a broom."

"Oh, damn it," Sirius said.

James nodded miserably. "She said she knew because the only way the stairs wouldn't change is if someone wasn't on the stairs. The spell to set off the alarm is around the entrance, and the one for the stairs is on the actual steps. She said she's seen someone try a broom before, a million years ago when she was a student. Ugh! She kept demanding to know how I wasn't seen."

"What did you say?" Peter asked.

James angrily ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up. "Maintained my innocence. Told her it was unfair to blame me because I was in the shower. She said she knew I hadn't gotten a shower because when she came into the bathroom there wasn't any, um, humidity or whatever."

Remus wanted to smack his own forehead. _Of course_ , he thought, feeling stupid for not thinking of that sooner.

"She _went_ into the _bathroom_?!" Peter demanded, horrified.

"Well, she knocked and asked if I was decent first, I—I said she could come in," he admitted. "Should have just come out myself but was so panicked."

"But you told her you didn't do it," Sirius pressed.

He nodded. "Of course I kept telling her it wasn't me but she doesn't believe me at all. She also gave me a lecture about how since I'm on the Gryffindor team I need to _behave_ myself." James put his fingers up to do air quotes around the word behave.

"Th... that is true," Remus said, trying to ignore them all scowling at him. "If you get into too much trouble you—you might be kicked off the team."

James began swelling up again with ego. "Nah. I'm too good for that. She knows it, too. I'll just keep wracking up detention. Plus my amazing Quidditch abilities will more than make up for the lost points. At least she didn't do this in front of everyone, so no one _else_ knows it was me. Uggghh _seven_ ty points though..."

"I did say it was a bad idea," Remus said, unable to stop himself.

"You also said you thought it was the steps enchanted," James pointed out huffily.

Remus put his hands on his hips. "Technically speaking I was right. The steps themselves _were_ enchanted! Just... not... with both parts of the protective spells. Which is not something I anticipated. It is rather clever of them to do that, though. I'm assuming boys have tried the broom trick in the past. Or something similar."

"Well, Brains, is there a way around it?" James asked.

Remus spread his hands out. "Doubtfully."

"So we can't sneak into the girls' dorms," sighed Sirius.

Remus bit his bottom lip, trying not to smile since he knew there was a way. He had no plans to tell them since it would merely cause more trouble however they could tell by his expression he was hiding something. All three of them wheedled it out.

"All right, all right!" He began tugging at the hem of his vest, a little amazed none of them had seen the answer before. "There is possibly a way to get into their dorms via broom."

"Um. No. Last night proved that?" James scoffed.

Remus shrugged. "Perhaps the windows aren't enchanted?"

James, Sirius, and Peter were all silent as they absorbed this theory. James and Sirius's faces slowly lit up with huge grins.

"You mean... fly up? Outside?" Pete asked. Remus nodded.

James grabbed Remus's shoulders. "You, my little friend with a big brain, are an absolute _genius_!"

"Please note that I said _perhaps_!" Remus said as they took off running. "Besides, it's time for supper—guys? Come on, guys? You really want to get in trouble for doing the same thing in less than twenty-four hou—oh, bloody hell. Wait for me!"

He let out a sigh and went after his friends, easily catching up to them; James had started to dash up a flight of stairs before coming to a stop. Sirius ran into him, Peter into him, and Remus managed not to run into _him_ though only because he had tripped on the stairs coming up. He staggered up the steps, rubbing his elbow while James whirled around.

"Can't do it," he said.

"How come?" Sirius asked. "It should work—"

James shook his head. "No, I mean, can't do it _now_. I've got to meet up with the Quidditch team soon. We have a meeting in about fifteen minutes. About practices." Sirius's face fell a little. "You could try it without me," James suggested hesitantly. "Borrow my broom."

"Nah. No fun without you." Sirius punched James's arm. "We'll try another day."

James's eyes lit up then he quickly glanced around to make sure nobody was around to listen in. "You could borrow my cloak and steal the mandrake!" he whispered.

Remus's stomach lurched. He wasn't sure which was worse, trying to sneak into the girls' dorm or stealing a mandrake. Sirius and Peter were both enthusiastic about stealing the mandrake, so Remus let out a resolved sigh, reluctantly agreeing to the plan as well, a little amazed at James's ability to want to just jump right into trouble again two seconds after getting into major trouble.


	17. Chapter Seventeen - Magic Can't Fix Everything

Remus grumbled and grouched as he, Sirius, and Peter went up to their dorm room to fetch James's cloak. He kept repeating that he didn't think it was a good idea. "There are loads of other things we could do to the Slytherin dorm!" he hissed out as they reached the corridor leading to the Fat Lady. "Safer pranks."

"You said so yourself it'll just knock'em out," Peter said. "Sprout told you that you were right."

Remus sighed, giving up. They got James's cloak from his dresser then headed back down through the castle, the cloak folded into one of Sirius's robes pockets. They went outside while everyone else was at supper except for the Gryffindor team who was out at the pitch. Sirius, Peter, and Remus headed around towards the greenhouses, going a little slower as they approached but none of the doors were open. Remus couldn't hear any voices nearby.

"If we _are_ doing this," grumbled Remus, "then one of us should go in while the other two wait over there. If anyone decides to come to the greenhouses they most likely will be approaching from that direction. The two can essentially be guards." He didn't add that he'd prefer to be a guard. He had gotten freaked out enough when he went in the other day, when Hagrid nearly caught them.

"I'll go in," Sirius said; Peter let out an audible sigh.

Sirius pressed his hand against his pocket, eyes darting around before he went off towards some bushes. Remus and Peter backed away towards the spot Remus had pointed out, near the corner of the castle. Remus leaned against the wall while Peter pulled out a small rubber ball, bouncing it off the stone, dropping it more often than catching it. Remus tried his best not to look towards the greenhouse, making vague conversation with Peter.

"What do we say if anyone does come by?" Peter asked.

Remus saw out of the corner of his eye the door to Greenhouse Three opening and shutting. "We're waiting for James," he replied, folding his arms. "I meant to ask you, by the way; are you joining photography club?" The clubs had started putting up their notices the day before, advertising for new membership; Peter had been standing in front of the one for photography for ages.

His hand jerked, the ball hitting the stone pretty hard. It flew off across the grounds. "Oops."

Remus got his wand out. "Locomotor ball." He pulled it back, having to redo the spell once since the ball was rather small and kept getting caught on things. "I _really_ need to work on learning the summoning spell..."

"I—I dunno," Peter mumbled, going over to get the ball when it came close enough. "Probably not."

"You should. You're talented."

"I dunno," he repeated, twisting the ball around in his hands. "Would you join with me?"

Remus snorted. "I am quite crap at taking photos. Maybe Sirius will, he's artistic. Hey, set the ball down again, I want to try something." Peter obeyed and Remus straightened up, licking his lips as he got into a stance. "Accio _ball!"_ He felt the magic surge through him, saw the spell hit the ball however nothing happened.

"Aw, try again?" Pete suggested. Remus tried a couple more times and after another minute or so he managed to get the ball to twitch. "When do we learn that spell?" he asked as he picked the ball up.

"Next year," Remus replied, wiping the sweat from his forehead then automatically turned as he heard faint footsteps in the grass. "Did you get it?"

"How did you know I was there?" whispered Sirius's disembodied voice.

Remus did his best to keep his face calm. He _was_ getting too slack around his friends! "I—I saw your footsteps in the grass."

"You were facing the other way," Sirius accused. "But yeah, I got it."

They went inside, to a secret passage where Sirius took the cloak off. He opened his bag to show the potted mandrake. Peter gave a squeal, clapping his hands. "Slytherins gonna _get it_!" he giggled.

Sirius grinned, giving Pete a high five. "It's gonna be _great_."

"We are just doing it to Mulciber, Avery, and Bulstrode's dorm, correct?" Remus asked, shifting his weight around.

Now Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we won't be pranking your stupid friend."

"Silverlocke is not stupid—"

"Anyway!" Sirius closed his bag then tucked James's cloak into his pocket. "Mission accomplished. I'd say this is grounds for a major award. Let's get some food from the kitchen, I don't want to sit in the Great Hall right now."

They ended up back in their dorm, food spread out on Sirius's bed. They chattered away about nothing in particular until Remus nudged at Peter. Peter kept giving him strange looks, not getting it, so Remus sucked in some air. "Hey, Sirius? Would you join Photography club with Pete?"

Sirius paused, food halfway to his mouth. "Photography?"

"It's n-nothing!" Peter said quickly. "Remus is just being dumb."

"Naw, what is it?" Sirius set his half-eaten sandwich down.

Peter glared at Remus who pretended like he didn't notice. "I just—well, Photography club is open for, um, for second years and up. Remus... thought I might like it but..."

"Your pictures are bloody brilliant!" Sirius said earnestly. "You should join."

Pete began blushing. "I—I don't know..."

"He doesn't want to do it alone," Remus put in. Peter adjusted his position so he could kick at Remus, his socked foot landing a soft blow against Remus's leg who scooted away, smiling.

"I'm not that into cameras—well, I _am_ but more on the opposite side," Sirius laughed as he struck a pose. "But sure. I'll go with you, at least to one." He stuffed the entire half sandwich into his mouth. "Ain owi i ay oh."

Peter squinted. "Um. What?"

Sirius chewed and swallowed. "Can't promise I'll stay, though. When's it start?"

Remus doubted Peter knew however he surprised them by scurrying over to his bed, fetching a copy of the advertisement out from a desk drawer. "Wednesday evening," he said, returning to show off the bit of parchment. "From six-thirty to seven-fifteen."

Sirius made a face as he read the paper then dropped it back into Peter's lap. "Yeah, I'll go with you."

Peter beamed while Remus gave him an _I-told-you-so_ look. Pete just kicked him again. "Stop looking so smug."

"He's a know-it-all, he can't help it," teased Sirius. "Are _you_ going to join any clubs, Brains?"

Remus stuck his tongue out. "No. I don't have time. Besides, study group might as well be a club. Speaking of which..." He checked the clock over the door then slithered off of Sirius's bed to gather books up. "I better get going. Make sure you put the mandrake in a very safe place. We should probably do this tomorrow, since we can't keep the poor plant locked away from the sun for much longer."

He got his shoes back on then hurried through the castle to the library, a little nervous at the thought of meeting someone new. Even a first year. She was already there by the time he got to their usual table, sitting on the opposite side of Lily—between Lily and Twycross. Remus felt a little relieved as he took his usual seat between Lily and Silverlocke.

"Everyone, this is Mary Macdonald," Lily said when Buckling and Craft showed up about ten seconds later. Lily then introduced everyone at the table, finishing with 'my good friend Remus Lupin' which made Remus feel pleased.

Macdonald was a Chinese girl with long hair and enormous eyes. Remus immediately could tell she was a timid sort, shrinking back, staying as close to Lily as possible. "H—hi," she whispered.

"Welcome to our study group," Pierce said with a smile. She leaned across the table to offer her hand which Macdonald nervously shook.

"Is it really okay for me to be here?" Macdonald asked, her Scottish accent quite thick, glancing around at everyone. "I mean, since I'm just a first year?"

"Of course it is," Lily said firmly, shooting a look towards first Twycross then Craft, both of whom remained silent.

"So how are we doing this?" Craft finally asked. "Since she's studying stuff we aren't."

"I was thinking we could go over our homework like we always do," Lily said, sticking her chin out. "Mary included. Then, er, go from there."

It was a little awkward at first since Craft launched into rather complicated explanations of the assignments they were doing, purposely making it sound more confusing than it really was. Macdonald looked even more terrified while Lily just shook her head. When they got to Macdonald's homework she nervously asked questions, blushing once when Twycross snorted at a rather simple question. Remus grew very annoyed. He didn't really like Twycross or Craft and their attitude towards Macdonald really cheesed him off. Remus did his best to be clearly on her side but with as much as he stammered it was difficult.

Afterwards as they headed back to their common room Lily apologized to Macdonald. "It's all right," she replied softly. "I think it's better if I don't come after all. It _is_ a little silly when you're all... more advanced." She looked ahead at Twycross's swishing ponytail. "Plus I think a couple of your friends aren't happy with me."

"They're not really friends, not those two," Lily confessed. "We all just sorta grouped together last year. I don't mind the rest of the group. Sometimes I wish we could just kick Craft and Twycross out." Lily looked at Remus who smiled back, privately agreeing. "Hey, if you don't want to come back that's fine. I can help you."

"Really?" Macdonald perked up.

"Of course," Lily promised.

"I c-c-can help t—too," Remus said. "We've g-got plenty of t-time after c-c-curfew anyway."

"I don't like curfew, it's so _early_ ," sighed Macdonald, kicking at the floor.

"I know what you mean," agreed Lily. "In the winter it's not as annoying since it gets dark so early but this time of the year it'd be nice to be able to stay outside."

"Isn't yours later than mine?"

"Yeah, by an hour. Still seems too early..."

"In our f-fourth it will b-be nine pm," Remus said. "Then in—in our sixth it's ten-thirty."

They got to the common room, climbing through the hole which Remus fell through. Lily helped him up while Macdonald made a comment about the hole being so difficult to get through, wondering about anyone who might be physically disabled. "Are there even any students who use wheelchairs?" she asked. "Can—can they come to Hogwarts? My mum, she—she uses a wheelchair and she'd never be able to come here."

"Not wheelchairs, but something similar," Lily said, searching the common room then nodding to a corner where some older students were hanging out including a boy who couldn't walk. The chair he was in looked mostly like a regular armed chair but it had several strange looking things folded up around the bottom. "Their chairs have something like spider legs instead of wheels, so they can climb up and down the stairs. I think I've also read about floating chairs, but I think for getting around Hogwarts it's easier to have the spider legs."

Macdonald stared at the contraption in amazement then quickly averted her gaze. "That sounds kinda creepy but also cool. So... magic can't fix everything?"

Remus felt slightly embarrassed as Lily very swiftly glanced his way then just as swiftly back at Macdonald. "No, not everything."

Macdonald noticed the glance too but seemed too polite to ask, and Lily realized what she had inadvertently done and went brilliantly red. Remus didn't know what to do. It seemed awkward to just offer up that he was _sick_. He knew he looked sick. He just didn't want to explain Lily's glance, to say the words he was sick to a perfect stranger. He almost did... felt like he should, like he _had_ to. Then bit back the words and said instead, "But, um, y—yeah, as Lily s-said we'll h-help you with your assignments." Besides, she'd figure it out soon enough when he disappeared for a few days, if she was going to be present in his life at least occasionally in the evenings.

Just then to cut into the uncomfortable silence there was a very loud explosion. The three of them jumped, turning to see some fireworks zinging around the room. Students yelped, ducking, a few diving to the floor.

"Three guesses to where those came from," Lily snapped.

Remus just smiled, tugging his bag higher on his shoulder. "I'll s-see you l-later." He hurried to the corner where a prefect was chewing out the other Marauders.

*

_He was wandering in the forest while Lily's voice echoed around him,_ Magic can't fix everything! _He heard someone crying. Maybe Lily. He prowled among the trees, panting for blood. The crying became louder. He came into a clearing where Sirius and Peter were unconscious from the crying mandrake. It didn't hurt Remus's ears since he was a wolf. He went over, bending down to bite into the mandrake but then when his teeth crashed through the plant, blood—human blood—spurted out and he had bitten into Peter's arm instead of the mandrake._ Magic can't fix that either! _Lily's voice floated out of no where._ What are you doing?! _demanded another voice. Remus spun around to see James holding his broom which was entirely silver. Remus was human now, Peter's blood dripping out of his mouth._ I c-c-c-can explain! _Remus cried out, holding out bloody hands in a pleading manner. James lifted his broom which had gone very pointy at the end. Sorry, little buddy, he said then jammed the silver spear through Remus's chest._

Remus woke up with a loud "NO!" then a choking sort of sob. "D-didn't... mean to..." He grabbed for his chest, pressing his fingers against his pajama top to feel for the hole. Then he hunched forward, covering his face with his hands as the clinging remnants of the dream faded, leaving him back fully in reality.

_Tap-tap-tap_.

Remus remained silent. His 'no' had been louder than he thought.

"Remus?" Sirius whispered. The curtains twitched back and Remus looked up at his friend. "You all right?"

"F-fine," Remus lied as Sirius hopped up onto the bed, shutting the curtains so they wouldn't wake anyone else up. "I'm okay. R-really." _This again, for the millionth time_.

"What didn't you mean to?" Sirius asked gently.

Remus frowned. "I don't r-remember. I—I don't know wh-what I was dreaming about." He could still taste the blood in his mouth. Could see Peter's destroyed arm. He was glad it had been Peter's arm he had bit; if it had been Sirius's then he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle talking to him right now.

"You're shaking."

Remus looked at his hands then drew his legs up, wrapping his arms around his knees. "S'fine."

"It isn't cause of the mandrake, is it?" Sirius asked causing Remus to jerk his head up, a touch afraid that Sirius somehow knew part of his nightmare. "You seemed pretty anxious about it earlier."

"Oh. Oh, no, th—that's not it." He didn't want to admit the mandrake had affected his dream. "Erm, I—I'm feeling all right. I am. You—you d-don't need to stay up with me."

"Okay..." But Sirius didn't budge. "Can we... talk... about—about something?" Remus just waited, suspecting that Sirius wanted to talk about his sickness and sure enough after a few seconds Sirius went, "About what you have?"

"I d-d-don't want to."

"Okay," he said again. "I just... I mean... you said before it... it isn't fatal... right? I just want to... be double sure that's, uh, that's what's been said."

Remus felt a little bit bad for being so annoyed with his friend over his pushiness if that's what he was so concerned about. Unfortunately he couldn't remember what he said about this. He was pretty sure he said it wasn't... yet. Right? Ugh, he really needed to write down all the lies he said so he could keep them straight. "I-I'm not going to die anytime soon, if th—that's what you're worried about," he finally said.

Sirius went white. "It is fatal," he said flatly. "Merlin's beard."

"No—I meant—" Remus tried not to swear, tried not to panic. "I'm fine, right now. I promise."

"Right _now_?"

"It could get worse," he babbled, clutching his hands together to prevent them from shaking even more than before. What had he said exactly?! He thought he said it wasn't though it _could_ be, right? He wracked his brain for any memory but they just slipped away. He wished he could look into his own head. Or into Sirius's. What he wouldn't give to be able to do Legilimancy right now, even if it was completely morally wrong to do so. "Look, I'm fine. Okay?" Sirius was giving him a strange look that didn't seem to be concern or worry which sent Remus into even more of a panic. "I don't want to talk about it!" he snapped, his voice strained.

"Okay," Sirius said once more. "I didn't mean to upset you. I shouldn't have pushed."

"You _know_ I d-d-don't like—"

"Yeah, I know, I shouldn't have," Sirius said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess I get so worried I don't think about what I'm saying."

"How is that different from any other time?" Remus teased.

Sirius grinned, nudging Remus with his foot. "Too true. You know... it's interesting."

"What is?"

"Just... how much you've changed." Sirius propped himself up on his hands, leaning back, the grin broadening. "This time last year you mostly just babbled incoherent nonsense and ran away from me crying."

Remus glared then kicked Sirius's leg, although he had teased Sirius so turnabout and all that. "Well, I still want to run away from you crying so..."

Sirius laughed. "You're also a lot sassier than I ever thought you'd be."

Remus crinkled his nose a little, his father's lecture coming back to him, though he remembered Sirius calling him that before. "I'm not _sassy_."

Sirius's eyebrows arched high. "Merlin, Remus, you're _sassy_."

"I am _not_."

"Okay, okay," Sirius said, obviously not believing him. "Whatever it is you are, I never expected it of you. But it's not a bad thing. Honest."

Remus scowled now, shifting into a cross-legged position so he could tug at a loose thread sticking out of his pajamas. "Why are we even having this conversation at... what time is it?"

"Um, around three?"

" _Three_ in the morning?"

"I dunno."

Remus let out an annoyed sound. "You're the one who brought all this up."

"All right, well, I thought if we talked about other stuff it might be easier for you to go to sleep," Sirius replied rather icily. Remus just looked at him. "When... when, um, I have nightmares... if I think about them before I try to go back to sleep I tend to have more nightmares. I just thought if we chatted about _other_ stuff, you—you might be able to sleep easier."

"Oh..." He tugged the loose thread free, unraveling a new hole in his pajama pants. "I usually have nightmares regardless. However, they tend to not wake me up so it isn't much of a big deal."

Sirius gave him an exasperated look. "Are they awful? Your 'nightmares regardless'?"

"Hmm? Oh, erm, I guess..."

"So it _is_ a big deal."

Remus shrugged. "I don't wake up screaming, or crying, or—or—"

"Or saying you didn't mean to?"

His face flushed slightly. "So it _isn't_ a big deal," he just continued, ignoring him.

"Right." Sirius stretched out his legs, wriggling his socked toes. "I guess I should go, then. Let you get back to sleep."

"Probably," Remus agreed, noticing the flicker in Sirius's expression. "I appreciate the help, though. I do." He rubbed at his face, sighing. "I just feel embarrassed, for waking you up. You really don't _need_ to bother."

"I know I don't _need_ to," Sirius said as he scooted closer to the edge of the bed, "but I like to. If you want me to stop then I will."

Remus bit his bottom lip then shook his head. It embarrassed him, yes, however there was something rather nice about someone caring about him like that. Even if it was annoying sometimes. "I don't mind."

"Okay. See you in the morning."

Sirius disappeared through the curtains and Remus slid under his covers, hand searching under his pillows until he found Gwyllgi. He hugged the black dog to his chest, curling his body up as much as he could around the stuffed animal, then drifted back into sleep.


	18. Chapter Eighteen - Mandrakes And Messages

_Please report to the Hospital Wing after Defense Against the Dark Arts today_.

Remus looked at his note in confusion, rereading it multiple times to try and glean anymore information from it. It wasn't his detention, it said nothing about detention... so what did it mean? It gave him something else to think besides the mandrake prank which they were doing after Herbology.

Because of this, none of them could pay much attention to Professor Sprout. Not even Remus, hard as he tried to take notes and do what she asked. Sirius, James and Peter were just flat out goofing off to expend some of their pent up excitement while Remus just kept his inside, feeling it build up. He also felt incredibly nervous. If they were caught...

_We won't_ _be_ , he told himself as he scribbled down some information Sprout gave. _We managed to get away with the Bat-Bogey prank, plus Dedenne's underwear... dozens of other small things... we'll get away with it_...

After class the four of them went to one of the bathrooms on the ground floor. Sirius banged open every stall to make sure they were alone while Remus locked the door. James pulled out the cloak, carefully shaking it out.

"Okay," he said, a slight tremble in his voice betraying his own nerves. This was a Big One. Not just sneaking around after hours but _breaking_ into another _common room_! "Here's the plan." He glanced at Remus who suddenly felt even worse. Something was going on they didn't share with him. "Sirius, Remus, and I will be sneaking in—"

" _What_?!" Remus yelped. "Wa—wait a moment, since when was _I_ sneaking in?!"

"We need a lookout," Sirius said, studiously avoiding Remus's gaze. "We voted last night for it to be you."

Remus's jaw dropped then anger boiled up. " _When_ was this vote? Why wasn't I part of it?"

"You were at study group thingie," James answered. "Besides, even if you were there it'd be three against one."

" _No_!" Remus snapped.

"I'm crap at being lookout!" Peter said anxiously. "You're the best."

Remus folded his arms, glowering at his friends. "I never agreed to this." They all just gave him pathetic, pleading looks. He knew he'd give in, but wanted to hold out a little bit longer. "You never even _asked_."

"Will you be lookout?" James asked then dropped to his knees, clasping his hands together. "Please?"

Remus fought off the urge to smile. "Wellll..."

Now Sirius got on his knees as well, hands together. "Plleeeeaaaseeee?" both boys chorused.

Remus gave in to the giggles. "Fine, fine."

"Yay!" James and Sirius both bounced to their feet.

"Now," James said, continuing on as though none of that happened, "Sirius, Remus, and I will be sneaking in. Peter, you have potentionally the most _dangerous_ job..."

"Potentially?" Remus asked quietly but nobody heard him.

"I _know_ ," sighed Peter, shivering. "I'll be standing down the hall," he explained to a curious Remus, "and if Mulciber, Avery, or Bulstrode come by I need to... distract them."

"As in you're going to end up in the hospital wing," Remus said flatly, wishing his friends had talked over this when he was around.

Peter cringed back. "P—probably..."

"They have class, though," Sirius said. "Anyway, so the plan is..."

*

James, Sirius, and Remus crowded under the invisibility cloak. They left Peter near the entrance to the dungeons, sitting down with a comic book, wishing him luck before creeping down. Remus huddled close to Sirius who, as the tallest, was in the middle holding the cloak up. They got to a blank section of wall then James said, "Phineas Black."

Sirius gagged slightly as a door slid open. The three hurried in, just slipping past a Slytherin prefect who was giving the door a weird look, probably since it had opened without anyone coming in.

James and Sirius faltered slightly when they got into the common room properly, Remus nearly walking out from under the cloak. James grabbed hold of his arm, jerking him back. Remus started to ask _why did you stop_?! then quickly held his tongue. They seemed pretty interested in seeing what the Slytherin common room looked like. Remus looked around too.

It was a very long room, narrower than it was long so it formed a rectangle. The walls were rough stone with the occasional window of reinforced glass. At least, Remus assumed it was reinforced glass due to the fact the windows all looked out into the _lake_. They could see some of the long weeds growing, and fish swimming around. Remus wondered how often they could see the giant squid.

Besides the view of the water the common room was adorned with green lamps hanging off chains, several portraits and tapestries of famous Slytherins including one Remus noticed was labeled _Phineas Nigellus Black_ which was where they got their password; he wondered how he was related to Sirius. Then Remus realized he recognized the portrait being the same man whose portrait hung in Dumbledore's office. He was one of the old headmasters!

There were several students hanging around, some sitting in low-backed chairs chatting to each other, there were several playing games such as chess or cards. One student was standing near one of the windows watching the fish. The back of his head seemed so familiar and Remus jerked when he realized it was the same as Sirius's glorious waves. It was Regulus.

Sirius noticed him too, moving to get closer. Since he was holding up the cloak James and Remus were forced to follow. They got into position to see his face. He was just staring out at the lake with sad eyes, lips down in a frown, forehead slightly wrinkled. His arms were stiff at his sides. He just looked so sad it hurt Remus's heart.

"Black!"

Sirius jerked and the three of them stumbled back to avoid another first year jogging over.

"We're going to play Sphinxes, want to join? We need a fourth."

Remus felt a stab of memory from the previous year when the other Marauders would ask him to be their fourth in sphinxes. Regulus faced the boy with a rather startled look. His hand fluttered to his chest, tugging at his tie.

"Me?"

"What other Black is there? I don't see your cousin anywhere," laughed the boy. "Come on."

Regulus hesitated then went after the boy, to a table with two other first years. Sirius just stood there watching his brother until James elbowed him. Sirius shook himself then they went over to the two staircases. They weren't labeled. Of course they weren't. They weren't in the Gryffindor common room. They just stood there staring at the two entrances, no idea which to go up, which would set off the alarm.

"Didn't think _this_ part through," James whispered.

"Let's wait a moment and see if anyone uses them," suggested Remus so they backed away to a corner, waiting. After about three minutes a girl descended from one side, so the three Marauders headed up the other. They reached two doors labeled **Second Year**. James chose one, knocking at the door. They waited a moment then James opened it up, the three of them leaning in to take a peek. Four beds. Wrong dorm. They knocked at the other one then peered in. Three beds.

James and Sirius ducked out from under the cloak, shutting the door behind them while Remus waited nervously in the hall under the cloak. If any of the second years came up he'd knock at the door in a certain pattern to warn his friends. He could hear rustling in the dorm, and faint giggles. He wrapped his arms around himself, letting the cloak cover him without holding it up. He paced a little then sucked in some air as he heard footsteps. They sounded too heavy to be a second year, so Remus waited another moment, pressing back against the door, blood pounding in his ears as he saw someone approaching, then felt relieved as he saw it was a much older student, probably a sixth year. Remus pressed harder into the little recess of the doorway, holding his breath, holding the door shut behind him. The Slytherin walked right past him without noticing at all, disappearing around a corner. Remus soon heard a door open and shut.

He let out his breath and backed away. _Come on_ , he thought, shifting his weight from foot to foot, chewing probably too violently at his bottom lip. Finally after what felt like an eternity the door cracked open. Remus held up the cloak so the others could duck underneath, shutting the door behind them.

"It's all set," James snickered. "Next person to open that door will send the pot shattering to the ground, and the mandrake will start crying knocking out whoever it is."

They started to head down the stairs then had to back up against a door as another student passed them. Then they hurried down the stairs, a little breathless, trying not to laugh. Sirius hesitated when they passed Regulus but kept going. They had to dodge a couple Slytherins then reached the entrance. James opened the door and they slipped out as quickly as they could, hurrying back to Peter.

"C'mon!" Sirius whispered, kicking at Peter's foot. Pete yelped, dropping the comic then quickly scooped it up. "Bathroom."

Back in the bathroom, Peter checked out the stalls to make sure they were in the clear before they ripped the cloak off.

"We DID it!" James shrieked, jumping, punching the air. "Oh man, oh _man_!"

"Merlin, I was so _scared_!" Peter said, grabbing James's hands. "I kept waiting for the shouts that you were caught!"

"We very nearly were," said Sirius. Remus raised his eyebrows, wondering when exactly that happened. "An older student almost walked into us," he said gravely. Peter gasped out while Remus snorted, covering his mouth. Sirius glared at him which just made Remus giggle more. "Well. _Nearly_ almost walked into us."

They spent what little remained of the morning in the Great Hall playing Sphinxes thanks to those first year Slytherins, and once noon hit they were on the edge of their seats, wondering if any of the jerks had gone into their dorm... but then Mulciber, Avery, and Bulstrode all came in so obviously they hadn't.

"We'll probably hear about it at supper," James said as they went to Defense.

In Defense there was a lot of lecturing about some creatures then a little bit about dueling at the end. They were paired with training dummies as they focused on offensive spells. After class Remus hung about behind to hand in the rest of his essays then tried to make his escape however Prewett cleared his throat, asking him to wait a moment. Remus froze then turned, waiting for whatever his teacher had to say.

"I've skimmed your other essays, I have not looked through them thoroughly yet... however I did see that they're good." Prewett stood up, tapping his finger against one of the scrolls on his desk. "Very good. Very impressive. I just wish to know why you've done them all already when I clearly said you have until the end of the month?"

He hugged his bag to his chest tightly. "Um. W—well, I—I knew I c-could. It's fine. I mean, I've done all my other ho—homework. I made sure to do those first, I promise."

Prewett cocked his head to one side. "That isn't an answer to my question of _why_."

Remus swallowed, ducking his head so his hair fell across his eyes. "I... wanted to?"

"Is that a definite answer, or one you think I want to hear?"

"I wanted to," he repeated, this time firmly. He still looked at the ground though. "I w—wanted to prove to myself that—that I could." He dug his nails into the satchel, not sure why Prewett wanted to know all this. He did the work as asked. What was the problem? "I... enjoy doing this sort of—of thing."

"I see." Prewett tugged the scrolls closer though didn't open them. "I gave you the month so you wouldn't feel pressured. I don't wish you to overly exert yourself."

"N-no, sir."

Prewett eyed him carefully then smiled. "Very well. I'll let you know when I have more assignments for you."

Remus left, a little disappointed he wasn't given more yet. The other Marauders were waiting for him which made him feel a little bad to say he had something he needed to do. That piqued their curiosity, wanting to know what. He mumbled incoherently about 'things' then quickly left, dodging down corridors to make sure they weren't following him. At the hospital wing he found Madame Pomfrey in deep conversation with Professor McGonagall. Remus hesitated, feeling fear creeping up through his body. He wondered wildly if she somehow knew about the mandrake thing.

"Ah, Mr. Lupin." Pomfrey gave him a gentle smile upon seeing him.

Professor McGonagall turned around, also smiling albeit not as widely. "Thank you for coming, Mr. Lupin. There are a few things we need to discuss if you will come with me."

_Huh_? Remus followed her _out_ of the hospital wing. "Um, where—where are we g-going?"

"To your house in Hogsmeade," she replied in a calm voice. "I would have met you at the main doors however Poppy needed to know when we were leaving."

Remus's heart began going faster. _Why_? he wanted to ask. _What's going on_? He shuffled after her, glancing wildly around in worry that the other Marauders might see him. They got out of the school without seeming to raise any suspicions, heading across the grounds towards the Whomping Willow. "D... don't... you have class?" he inquired, very curious.

"One of the substitutes is teaching for me at the moment," she explained.

"Sub...stitutes?"

"Yes, we employ a handful of other teachers who can step in if need be," she said. "You may have seen them at the High Table on occasion."

Remus did recall a small variety of teachers he didn't recognize, and nodded. "I thought there were too many to cover the electives."

"They typically do not stay at Hogwarts. You will probably be meeting them sooner or later. We try to prioritize first, fifth, and seventh year classes which is why you have not met any of the substitutes yet. Here we are. Go ahead."

It took him a second to realize she meant to open the secret passageway. He scooped up a couple rocks, chucking them as hard as he could at the trunk. It took several tries before he hit the mark causing the tree to freeze up. They quickly ducked into the passage and began making their way towards Hogsmeade.

"Nothing bad has happened, has it?" he asked.

"We'll talk at the house. But no, nothing bad," she promised. "How are classes going?"

"Um—good. I've, um, finished the essay you set yesterday."

She glanced over her shoulder, giving him a rather long look. "That was quick. Was it too easy?"

He couldn't help but smile. "N... not exactly _easy_ , I know none of... I mean, James, Sirius, and Peter haven't done it yet. I like Transfiguration."

"I'm glad to hear it."

They made light conversation until they finally reached the end of the tunnel. McGonagall pushed open the trapdoor, allowing Remus to climb up first before following him into the house. Remus hadn't seen the house since the end of May. It had grown quite dusty, needing a good cleaning. There was dried blood all over the place (which made him cringe) as well as destroyed fabric and furniture. McGonagall swept past him into the first floor bathroom where something new had been put up over the summer.

A chalkboard?

"After much discussion..." McGonagall adjusted her rectangular glasses, frowning a little as she spoke, "...the decision has been made to allow a trial period of you remaining in this house for the entire duration of the full moon."

Remus perked up immediately. "What? R-really?"

"Yes," she said in a tone that he suspected meant she had been against it. "This board is connected to one that is in Madame Pomfrey's office. Every morning within an hour of sunrise you are to leave a message for her." She picked up a piece of chalk and wrote **we're here, are you receiving this message?** "If you are well enough, you will tell her. If you need help, you _must_ tell her. If she does not receive a message from you within the hour she will come and get you."

Writing began appearing under McGonagall's handwriting. **everything is good on this end**. McGonagall wrote a quick note saying it worked on this end too.

"You will also leave a message sometime before sunset," McGonagall said as they left the bathroom. She went over to sit down on one of the broken up couches while Remus just stood there, a little stunned.. "Just to let us know how the day went. If you do not, Madame Pomfrey will come in the morning regardless of what you write after—... after waking up." _After turning human again_ , he thought, looking towards the bathroom. "Understand?" she pressed.

He nodded. "Yes ma'am. Within an hour of sunrise I'm to leave a message for her. If I'm okay, I say that, if I need help, I say that. Then at the end of the day before I'm transformed again I need to let her know again."

"Good. This is..." McGonagall trailed off, smoothing her robes out. "This isn't something I agree with. You're only twelve. I don't believe you should be left alone. Professor Dumbledore believes otherwise." She gave a slight sniffle then glanced over at one of the tables whose legs had been chewed on. "It depends on how this upcoming moon goes for you. If it doesn't go well, we will once more be bringing you back to the castle every morning. Also... if it _does_ work out perfectly fine then someone might be coming to check up on you once in a while."

"I understand." He wanted to argue he was perfectly mature enough to be left alone! What could possibly happen? "I—I am alone here in human form when I don't transform some nights," he pointed out then suddenly was very glad none of them knew he had viciously burned the flesh off his own arm one of those nights.

"Yes," McGonagall reluctantly agreed.

"Um... m—may I ask why we came here now?" he asked and she gave him a vaguely confused look. "Instead of just coming a little early on the first night of the moon?"

"Ah, yes. That was my decision. I could have merely told you about the chalkboard however I wanted you to see it, in action so to speak. Also I wished to give you time to think." She stood up again, flourishing one arm. "Do you _really_ want to stay here every day during the full moon phase?"

Remus gave the room a cursory glance. The broken furniture, the dried blood, the smell of wolf urine which hopefully McGonagall couldn't really smell since it had been so long. "I think it will be easier than coming and going," he said.

McGonagall gave a sigh. "As I thought you might say. In any case, you need to report to Madame Pomfrey tonight. She says you have to learn how to better take care of your... ah, wounds, as you will be needing to bandage yourself now."

"I have Occlumency tonight," he mumbled.

"It ends at seven?" she asked to which he nodded. "You can go to her after, and if you wind up staying past curfew she can write you a note." She approached Remus, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Please don't just dismiss this, Mr. Lupin. I don't think it's a safe idea for you to remain here daily."

"I'll think about it," he lied. McGonagall could tell it was a lie too, he knew.

She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze then the two of them returned to Hogwarts.

*

It was almost supper by the time Remus returned to the school and he didn't really feel like finding the Marauders for a little bit then disappearing again, so he snuck into the kitchens to get some food which he took up to the empty classroom where he and Fawley met for Occlumency. When she showed up he told her the exciting news although she just frowned and informed him that she had been asked as well, and had agreed with McGonagall that he was too young.

"I'm... mature enough," he grumbled.

"And what prank are you lot planning now?" she asked, noticing the slight hesitation.

"N—none!" he protested then began blushing. "Well... I mean, we did one... earlier today..."

Fawley chuckled, shaking her head. "How bad is it?"

"Er, well..." He wrung his hands nervously. "It involves a mandrake. And the Slytherin dorm."

" _Mandrake_!?" she demanded.

"A v—very y-y-young one I p—promise!" he spluttered. "Very young! Baby."

"Remus Lupin I am _shocked_ that you'd ever even... consider such a dangerous idea!" Her face had gone very pale, the muscles in her cheeks twitching. "The cry of the mandrake—"

"Is f-fatal, yes, b—but not when they're so young," he mumbled, tugging hard at his vest, stomach hurting so bad he thought he might vomit. "It wasn't my idea. I tried to talk them out of it, but trying to talk James and Sirius out of anything is—"

"An impossible chore," she said. "I know. How did you get _into_ the dorm, may I ask? Without being noticed?"

She hadn't seen James's invisibility cloak the previous week. "Um, well, we—we managed..."

"Remus, dear, I'm going to see it, whatever it is."

He let out a miserable sigh. He hated giving away their secrets, wished he didn't need to... wished he already knew Occlumency. If he was better, he _could_! But he wasn't good enough, he was crap. "James has an invisibility cloak. P—please don't tell anyone. Please."

Miss Fawley put her face in her hands. "An invisibility cloak? Dear _Merlin_ , you lot are going to wreak absolute _havoc_!"

"Please?" he whispered.

"I won't." Her face was still in her hands but Remus thought he detected the hint of a smile. "What happens between us is private, unless I find something that truly needs reporting like... when your father..." Remus looked away, fiddling more with the hem of his vest. Fawley coughed. "Well, in any case, unless you four are planning on irreparable harm on another student, I won't give away your pranks. Knocking them out for a short while is not exceedingly harmful so I shall let this one slide, though I _do_ disapprove."

"Do you think because I help pull pranks I'm not mature enough to remain on my own for a few days?" Remus asked, returning to what began the whole conversation.

"It's got nothing to do with your mischievous nature, my dear, and everything to do with your youth. You are remarkably mature in some ways for a boy of twelve, however it doesn't change the fact you _are_ twelve. But, it's out of my hands. What is in my hands is your head. Let's practice."

She saw them sneaking into the Slytherin dorm, as well as a multitude of other small memories flitting through. They separated while Remus tried his best to empty himself out. _I managed a bit a few months ago, I can do it again_. He sucked in some air then bent forward for Fawley to brush her fingers against his temples. He felt an intense stab of pain and fell back with a yelp.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"It hurts," he mumbled, rubbing his forehead.

"You fought against me."

"I—I did?"

"A little," she assured him, lips twisting into a big smile. "Like you had before. I wasn't expecting that."

"Let's try again!"

"No, no, you should rest a few minutes."

He sulked until she was willing to try again but unfortunately he couldn't replicate what he had just done though his head began hurting even more. They tried on and off until Fawley decided enough was enough, cutting the lesson a little bit short. They said their goodbyes and Remus almost just went back to the common room before remembering he was supposed to report to Pomfrey. Sighing, he turned around to trudge to the hospital wing. He had a massive on-and-off headache and was beginning to feel a little itchy, however he'd have to pretend to be fine because if he didn't they might change their mind about letting him be alone. He'd have to really do his best to prove to them he was mature enough, and was able to do what they asked without complaint. He just really hoped they didn't take his pranks into account!


	19. Chapter Nineteen - Only A Slytherin Could've Done It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I got a couple questions from some readers on another site and realized I didn't explain a few things as well as I hoped for anyone who did not read the first book; this is entirely my fault and I want to answer these publicly in addition to PMing the readers. Full moons in this story last multiple nights. In one of the HP books Tonks says something about the 'first phase of the moon' made Remus extra grumpy. That, coupled with the fact the moon really looks full more than one night, made me decide to do this. So I have a chart that tells me how much of the moon is visible each night back in the 70s and if the moon is 98% or more then I count that as triggering the lycanthropic curse. While this part is never explained in the series yet, I wanted to clear that up instead of just saying 'yeah the full moon lasts multiple nights'. The second question I got is in regards to whether Lily knows his secret. The answer is, as far as Remus knows she does not. At this point Remus thinks all his friends know is that he and his mother both have a genetic blood disease that flares up 'every now and again'. That is what he told them in his first year. I apologize for any confusion! If anyone has any questions please feel free to ask because I am more than happy to answer!

When Remus went into the hospital wing he found quite a crowd. Mostly Slytherins. Professor Slughorn was storming back and forth, shouting loudly about stupidity. Remus cowered back, knowing instantly the mandrake thing had been a success. His eyes darted towards some beds. There were a good nine Slytherins out for the count.

"Horace, if you insist on using my room as a lecture hall I will insist on you _leaving_!" Pomfrey snapped as she bustled over to one of the beds. "Please remove yourself, as well as all your students, at least the ones who are awake!"

Slughorn waddled to the door, mustache twitching. Remus shrank back even more but Slughorn didn't even give him a passing glance, though several of the Slytherins who followed him out sure did.

"Oh, Mr. Lupin, I'm afraid I can't help you tonight," Pomfrey said once the room was emptied and she could see him. "There's been a bit of a... well, not quite accident..."

"What—what happened?" Remus went forward a little, looking at the Slytherins with curiosity. There was Mulciber, Avery, and Bulstrode! Hah! And Wicket! The other five were older boys he didn't recognize. No, there was another, a small one—possibly a first year—curled up. Ten Slytherins.

"It seems someone put a mandrake in one of the dorms," Pomfrey said as she adjusted the position of Wicket, trying to make him more comfortable. Remus thought shoving him out of bed would be a better position. "If you ask me, I think one of these boys stole it himself to—" She stopped short, realizing she was saying this to a student. "Our lesson will have to wait a bit, I'm afraid. I'll let you know when."

"All right, M—Madame Pomfrey, th—thank you." He quickly left, trying not to skip the whole way back to the tower. Once he was far enough away he began giggling, excited to tell his friends about this, excited to tell them that Pomfrey seemed to think it was just Mulciber, Avery, or Bulstrode who had done it. Was that was Slughorn had been ranting about, about the stupidity? Oooh!

He fell through the Gryffindor's tower's entrance then hopped up, looking around. No sign of the Marauders. He ran up to the dorm (tripping on the steps) except they weren't in there either. _Where are they_? he thought miserably as he trudged down the stairs to wait near the entrance. He kept fidgeting, trying to read a book though the words jumped around on the page. He was too excited to tell them and hoped they hadn't already heard. _They probably did_ , he thought a bit bitterly.

Just before curfew they came in, slight bulges in their pockets. Remus jumped up, running over to them. "Come on!" he said, grabbing Sirius's hand, yanking him towards the stairs, hoping James and Peter would follow which they did.

"What's got you all excited?" laughed Sirius.

They went into the dorm which was thankfully empty. "Did you hear?" Remus let go of Sirius, spinning to face the three of them. "About the Slytherins?"

They _hadn't_ so Remus got to tell them everything about the hospital wing, the unconscious Slytherins, Slughorn's rant, Pomfrey's little slip about what _she_ thought. As he spoke his friends took food out of their pockets, belying what they had been up to. When Remus finished talking James pumped his fist.

"YES! Ohhhh guys, guys, how absolutely _brilliant_ would it be if Mulciber, Avery, or Bulstrode got in trouble for stealing the mandrake on top of everything?!" They all laughed and gave each other high fives.

"They de _serve_ it, they're such _jerks_ ," Peter said, falling back on his bed.

"What did they look like?" Sirius asked eagerly.

Remus shrugged. "Um, unconscious? It just knocks them out, it doesn't really do anything else."

"Well, that's still great," James laughed.

Sirius was still grinning as he then asked Remus, "How come you were in the hospital wing?"

Remus hesitated for a split second, a brief flare of panic going up inside of him. "It's my weekly appointment, remember? Tuesday evenings?"

"Oh right," Sirius said. "Is that where you were _all_ evening? You missed supper."

"Um..." Remus tugged at his sleeve, quickly thinking through his options. "Yes. Actually. I've been there since after Defense." Then he began smiling again, a hopefully good idea going off in his head. It meant some intense lies, but ones that could throw anyone suspecting off the track. "I probably shouldn't be saying this but, um, my mother's doctor put together a potion that might help us."

"What?" James and Peter stared at him in happy disbelief, while Sirius's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Yeah. Honestly, I don't think it will work. But, um, yeah. That's where I was all afternoon, Saint Mungo's. Then I went to Pomfrey for my usual appointment for—"

James ran over, grabbing Remus's shoulders. "Brains, that is _amazing_! Of course it will work, it's _got_ to work!"

Remus forced the smile to stay on his face, guilt eating at him for lying so much. "I hope so."

"Is it a cure-cure?" Peter asked. "Or is it just to help? Um, make the time you're sick easier?"

"It probably won't do anything. I think it's supposed to pretty much get rid of our disease," Remus said, trying his best to sound partially hopeful partially despondent.

James elbowed him. "Merlin, that's _wonderful_. It will work."

"It will," Peter echoed, squeezing Remus's arm. "You've gotta have hope."

Sirius didn't say anything, just gave Remus a big smile which made Remus start to sweat a little. The old panic of _does he know? Is he guessing_? came back with a vengeance. "I guess we'll find out sometime over the next few months," Remus said.

"Are you hungry?" Peter went over to the pile of food, sorting it out. "None of us ate much, we were waiting for news about the Slytherins."

Sirius started to say something then stopped.

"I'm a little hungry," Remus said. "Well, I could go for dessert."

"Can't we all?" James asked, pulling out a container with some chocolate cake in it. He also had four forks, and they sat on James's bed eating right out of the container, at least the others did. Remus cut off a piece to put on a paper towel to eat by himself because he didn't want to get any wolf spit on the cake that the others might accidentally ingest.

They joked about the Slytherins for the most part, at one point James getting up and pretending to faint to try to reenact what might have happened. There was a lot of laughter, squealing, giggling, and for Remus a lot of awkwardness because Sirius kept _looking_ at him, eyes boring into him, boring through his lies it almost felt like. Finally, sick of the stares, Remus flicked some chocolate frosting at Sirius who yelped, then grabbed one of James's pillows to smack Remus nearly off the bed. The cake was abandoned as the four of them jumped around, smacking one another with pillows, feathers flying everywhere.

*

Rumors were whispered throughout Wednesday about the Slytherins. None of them were really correct but the good thing was nobody seemed to suspect anyone outside of Slytherin. Not even McGonagall suspected the Marauders; in Transfiguration she acted completely normal. She snapped at Sirius for once again setting his desk on fire buuut that was pretty much normal. Remus asked Lily what happened, wondering if Snape had told her.

"I don't know," she sighed as they walked through the corridors. "I haven't seen him. Perhaps Silverlocke will know."

Silverlocke did tell study group that evening. They _all_ wanted to know especially since by now the main rumor was that the mandrake was in a second years' dorm.

Silverlocke put his elbows on the table, propping his chin up. "I probably should not be talking about this..." He glanced around at the many pairs of wide eyes, and sighed. "We aren't sure exactly what happened. It seems as though a mandrake was stolen from the greenhouses, and found in one of the dorms. The pot was smashed, so the mandrake was crying. It knocked out several of my housemates until someone realized what was going on and went up with earmuffs on. Thankfully most the students who heard the cry were only out of it for a few minutes. Ten of them, I believe, had to go to the hospital for recovery."

"Who stole the mandrake?" Buckling asked, sounding angry. She was very good in Herbology and had an affinity with plants.

"I don't know," Silverlocke informed her. "I am assuming one of the boys whose dorm it was in."

Remus pressed his toes against the floor until it hurt, trying his best not to just bust up laughing. Luckily the conversation shifted to their assignments and he was able to calm down, though he did have to suppress a spring in his step on the way back to the tower. He hoped Mulciber and Avery would get the blame for all of this. He would never forgive them for what they had said about his parents a few months ago. Calling Remus's mother a Muggle cow and beast, and saying Remus's father was into animals for 'mating' with one. They had pretty much said the same thing about Peter's parents just in reverse, as Pete's dad was the Muggle.

"Remus..." Lily began quietly, studiously not looking at him as they walked. "The others can't get into the Slytherin dorms, can they? Your friends, I mean."

He fumbled, nearly tripping over nothing. "Of c—course not," he said, managing a smile he hoped wasn't too shaky. "Even if we knew where the common room is, we'd need the password. Even with the password... we'd be seen creeping about in there. Unless the Slytherins all abandon their common room for some reason, which probably would only happen for the Halloween feast, or a Slytherin Quidditch game."

Lily nodded. "I thought as much. I—I'm sorry for asking. I just... oh, you know, Potter and Black are so... so... diabolical!"

"Don't let them hear you say that, they'd take it as a compliment. Probably profess their undying love for you."

"Oh, _gross_!" she moaned while he laughed.

In the common room the only other Marauder Remus could see was James who was sitting near the fireplace with two fourth year girls from the Quidditch team. James waved when he saw Remus then went back to their conversation. So Remus sat with Lily, and Macdonald soon joined them, nervously asking for help with some of her homework which they gladly gave. Shortly before curfew Peter came hopping into the common room with a rather murderous looking Sirius slouching behind them.

"I'll s—see you later," Remus said, gathering his stuff, noticing James was exiting his chat as well. They both went over to the two boys and Peter began yammering on about Photography club, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he spoke so fast he kept messing up his words. Sirius stood behind him, making faces the entire time.

"So you liked it?" James asked.

"Oh, _yes_!" Peter laughed. "It was... very, um, it taught me a lot just from the first meeting. The president also said my pictures were really good." He beamed at this, then turned bright red. "I—I don't know if they're really that good—"

"Bollocks to that, Pete, they're better than 'really good'," James said, punching Pete's arm.

"They invited me to join properly," Pete said, grinning again. "Anyone can, um, show up, but I've been invited to be a real member of the club."

"Congratulations!" Remus said then looked at Sirius. "I take it you did not have as illuminating a time?"

"That was one of the most boring things I've ever been through," Sirius grumbled, jamming his hands deep into his pockets, hunching his shoulders. "No offense, Petey. Glad _you_ liked it. Just—Merlin's beard, the only thing worse than that is Binns. I didn't know anyone could talk about developing fluids for _ten_ minutes straight."

Pete shifted his weight, scratching his head nervously. "I—I really appreciate you coming with me."

Sirius managed a wane smile. "If you... need me to come again, I will..."

He shook his head vigorously. "No, um, no. I think I'll be okay. I was just super nervous, you know? It was kinda scary, going in I mean. But with you there I felt a little braver. But I think I'm okay now. To go to the next one by myself."

"Oh thank _Merlin_ ," Sirius whispered to the side causing Remus to snort.

*

The Slytherins had lost fifty points by breakfast... of course, it _had_ to be a Slytherin. No one else could get into the common room without being seen. The second years looked particularly glum, except for Mulciber and Avery who looked livid. They kept shooting glares at anyone who dared look their way. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were quite happy at least, since this meant both Gryffindor and Slytherin were pretty far behind with points.

"I think this was one of our best ones yet," James whispered, and the others all nodded in agreement. James and Sirius did enjoy getting caught for smaller pranks as it helped bolster their reputation, but getting away with such an immensely wild prank like this was a very delicious sort of feeling; besides, if they had been caught for this one they'd probably be expelled.

After a few more minutes James then announced, "I've got my first practice tonight."

"We'll be there!" Sirius replied immediately.

"Of course we will!" agreed Peter.

They all looked at Remus who gave a long sigh. "I'll be there," he reluctantly gave in.

"Thank you," James said, patting Remus's arm. "I really appreciate it. Ooh, I can't _wait_...!"

The Slytherins were on everybody's lips on the way to Herbology, as well as all the Hufflepuffs. Sprout was in a _very_ furious mood when they got to the greenhouses. She stormed around as everyone piled into Greenhouse Two then began the lesson with a very long lecture on the delicacy of plants, the danger of plants, how _terrible_ it is to _steal_ a plant, etc, etc. She cast a despairing scowl around at all the kids then went into their proper lesson.

"Blimey," Colgate said as they crept out of the greenhouse afterwards. "She is... intense."

"I thought _McGonagall_ was scary!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Yeah, I always thought Professor Sprout was the easy-going Head," Inkwood said.

"Hah!" They all turned to see Bones, Pierce, and a couple other Hufflepuffs. "Sprout? Easy-going?" Bones shook his head. "You guys haven't seen _anything_ yet. When she loses her temper... hoo."

"Her lectures can blister the ears," said one of the other girls whom Remus thought name might be Smith.

"You should have _seen_ her when Simon was caught out of bed," laughed one of the boys, possibly named Jha?

"You were out of bed?" James and Sirius turned interested eyes to Bones. "Doing what?"

Bones grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "Donnie and I were sneaking into the kitchens late one night."

"We've snuck in _plenty_ of times," said the boy named Donnie, "just got caught the once."

"How did you get caught sneaking into the kitchens?" asked Peter. "Isn't your common room like, ten feet away?"

The two boys coughed. "It... well, we didn't know Filch was right there when we were coming out," Bones explained. "It just happened so quickly we couldn't do anything."

"I pretty much ran right into him," added Donnie. Remus thought for a second then remember his last name was Rivers.

"We're _never_ caught out of bed," Sirius boasted.

Bones rolled his eyes towards Remus who shrugged. "Wait..." Bones straightened up. "Lupin, _you've_ snuck out after curfew?"

Now everyone was looking at him. His skin began to itch a little and he took an anxious step back. "Um. A—a couple times. Accidentally."

"Not _all_ accidental," James said, elbowing Remus who began blushing.

"Here I always thought you were this little goodie-two-shoes," said Bones, rubbing his chin.

"He hangs out with those two and you think he's a goodie-two-shoes?" Lily inquired, raising her eyebrows, causing much laughter among both group of kids while Remus toed the ground, flushing even more.

"He and Pettigrew might look innocent but they're just as wild," agreed Inkwood. Peter grinned proudly while Remus hunched over, glad his hair covered his eyes.

Everyone began talking, mostly Sirius and James exchanging tips with Bones and Rivers about sneaking out. Slowly the other students drifted away then finally the Marauders headed back into the castle, James declaring the two Hufflepuffs were 'pretty darn nice'.

*

That evening Remus sat up in bed, a fresh piece of parchment in front of him as he thought about what to write.

_Dear Mum and Dad, 14/9/72_

_Dad, I've decided to try to go to the Quidditch games this year. At least Gryffindor's. I don't know how I'll like them. But I'm going to go. I thought you'd be happy to hear that!  
_

Remus knew when he was born Lyall had had high hopes his son would become a Quidditch player. Hah. He really wanted to write that he had gone to see a Quidditch practice, maybe make his dad even happier... except he couldn't say _why_ he went, which was to watch his friend. Though he spent most the practice with his nose in a book, occasionally glancing up to watch James flying around. He had no idea what was going on nor did he ask his friends to explain. He hoped the practices went like this in the future, as it wasn't the worst thing in the world.

_September is about halfway over now. The past two weeks have felt like they've lasted a very long time. In any case, school is going great! Especially Defense Against the Dark Arts! Professor Prewett is very nice to me. He saw my poor grades from last year and feels like perhaps Professor Dedenne was a little unfair towards me, so he is giving me extra homework to see if I deserved those grades or not. I don't know how true this is however if I can make those grades up it would be wonderful._

Remus lifted his chin, staring at the far wall. He never told his parents how _awful_ Dedenne was towards him or, or why, so this was a delicate section to write.

_The lessons are so interesting! I am so happy I came back to school. I can't wait to see how things proceed over this term. I'm actually very excited for Defense, since Professor Prewett is so much better than Dedenne ever was. History is, unfortunately, as boring as ever. I wish we'd get a new teacher for that class._

He jerked as a crashing sound distracted him. Struthers was trying to teach James and Sirius how to stand on their heads. Spinnet was also doing it as well, which was nice that he was getting along somewhat with Sirius. James was doing a pretty decent job but Sirius kept crashing.

"Stop worrying about your hair!" James said, upside down. Spinnet snickered while Sirius scowled.

_I don't understand how Professor Binns can remain here. I know he was a teacher when he died and it could be fascinating to have a ghost as a teacher but he's just so so so SO boring. We are supposed to be learning about the International Warlock Convention of 1289 which resulted in the violent, fatal duel between Mad Morlingham and Aldred the Annihilated. Which is SUCH a COOL thing! But I know it's just going to be miserably dull coming from Professor Binns._

Sirius crashed again, this time into Spinnet sending the two of them tumbling down. Remus thought Spinnet might start yelling but thankfully they both just laughed. It was _very_ nice.

"C'mon, Pettigrew, you give it a try," Struthers said pleasantly.

 _Study group is down to three times a week though I am spending plenty of time on my own studying. I am grateful the others decided on their own to not spend as much time together. While it is very nice having others to study with, I don't wish to become too familiar with them_.

More lies.

Peter was wobbling about as Struthers tried to help him with his legs. "Hey!" Pete said cheerfully as he managed to stay upright for a few seconds.

_It's still months away to decide on electives however I am seriously considering trying to take all of them. I just can't decide which ones sound the best. If all of them are too much I can drop some of them. I suppose Muggle Studies would be a little redundant considering most my life has been spent Muggle-esque, but I'd still like it._

"Lupin, you try now!" Struthers called.

Remus glanced up, shook his head, then went back to writing.

_The moon is next week. I'm glad I had time to acclimatize back to school before having to go through the ordeal again._

"Awww, Remy, come on, try it!" Sirius wheedled.

_Professor McGonagall_

"Remuuuusss!" James drew out.

"You can do it!" Peter cheered.

Remus sighed. "J—just a minute."

_Professor McGonagall_

He frowned. Had his parents been consulted about him remaining in the house alone? Surely they had... right? Perhaps it'd be better not to mention it until he knew for sure.

_Professor McGonagall wants me to take some lessons with Madame Pomfrey to learn how to bandage myself up which is probably a good idea. Anyway, I best go get back to my homework._

_Love,_

_Remus_

He used a quick drying spell, folded up the parchment, stuck it in an envelope, used a sticking spell to close it, then scrambled off his bed. "You all realize this is a terrible idea for me to try, don't you?" he asked. Struthers explained what to do then Remus bent over, placing his head against one of the pillows on the floor. Sirius grabbed his legs, pulling them up as Remus pressed his hands against the floor for balance. The second Sirius let go his legs began flailing and he crashed back down, kicking Struthers accidentally as he went. " _Told_ you."


	20. Chapter Twenty - How Dare You Spoil Your Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay sorry to bring this up again but I've been having some anxiety issues over my writing. I just finished up writing chapter 48, and it's only Halloween. For comparison, chapter 42 of year one was Christmas. Like I know I said this was long haul and everything, and I like what I've written, but I just want to make sure that this isn't too wild. Like does the fact it takes 48 chapters to get to just Halloween make you go "oh :(" or "oh! :)"? I know a big reason is in this year he has friends now and is actually doing stuff besides studying/hiding but idk I guess my worries are getting to me? Any thoughts or feedback would be very appreciated.

On Saturday James and Sirius wanted to sneak into Hogsmeade. They begged Remus and Peter to come with them, and Peter quickly gave in once James promised to bring his cloak. Remus, however, refused.

"I'm sorry, th—there's just a limit to the rules I'll break," he protested, wishing he _could_ go with him. He knew it was probably ridiculous—he had broken so many already, what was this one? Just... it felt like it was a line he should not cross. "Besides, I have detention tonight."

"We'll be back before," James promised.

"S... sorry, no."

He had a day to himself which wasn't the worst thing. Professor Prewett had given him a couple new essays to do on Thursday, a little more advanced than the ones he did the first time around, so he went to the library to work although he couldn't concentrate very well since he was anxious about the other Marauders messing with the house. They hadn't mentioned it but the previous time they went in he knew they wanted to try again. He hoped with Peter there they might not... _They can't get in, either way_... He tapped his quill against the paper, chewing at his bottom lip, foot jiggling. _If I can't get out as a wolf, they can't get in. Period_.

He still felt worried.

Finally he gave up trying to work, checking out a few books to take back to his dorm which was lonely without the other Marauders. He still felt blegh so he left to walk around the castle, hands jammed in his pockets. He considered going to the hospital wing to see if Pomfrey could teach him bandaging except he doubted it'd be a good idea to just show up. Then he saw Lily hanging out in a courtyard with Colgate and Inkwood. He joined them, sitting cross-legged on the ground between Lily and Inkwood. Lily was making flower crowns, Colgate was putting color on her nails, and Inkwood was braiding Colgate's hair. Remus regretted immediately joining them as it all seemed so _girly_ , though he rather liked flower crowns.

"Where are Thing One and Thing Two?" Lily asked.

"Probably causing trouble," sighed Colgate as she held up a hand to study her fingernails. She waved her wand, saying a strange sounding spell, and her nails faded from bright red to a deep maroon. Colgate crinkled her nose then began tapping her nails individually, making the color disappear.

"I—I think they're exploring the castle," Remus lied.

"I'm assuming Pettigrew went with them?" Lily asked and Remus nodded. "How come you didn't?"

"I, er, wanted to study. Had a hard t—time focusing. No clue where they are so..." He shrugged, trying to pretend like he was pretending not to care he couldn't find them. Layers of deceit.

"What do you think?" Inkwood asked, pulling a mirror out of her bag. Colgate squealed, clapping her hands, hugging Inkwood. Inkwood smiled, inching over to begin braiding Lily's hair. "Hey, Lupin, question." Inkwood looked over Lily's head, eyes sparkling. "Has Black ever said anything about me?"

"You?" Remus raised his eyebrows as Lily snorted and Colgate giggled. "Erm..." He thought back to the opening feast, them commenting on Inkwood though he didn't know why. "Not... really... Not that I've noticed."

"Oh." Her face fell a little.

"Why?"

Now all the girls were giggling. Inkwood pressed her lips together, bending in closer to Lily's hair.

"Yeah, Cassie," Lily snickered. " _Why_?"

"Shut up!" Inkwood hissed out.

"Has he said anything about _any_ of us?" Colgate inquired, smirking, shooting glances at Inkwood who seemed to be growing more and more uncomfortable.

He now knew what Inkwood wanted, though couldn't really fathom why. Boy-girl stuff. He crinkled his nose a little, thinking _yuck_. He knew that as they got older it'd become more prevalent... part of him wished it wouldn't happen, part of him wished that it would as soon as possible. That he understood the fascination about girls. That he'd just go through whatever it was he was supposed to go through, step past that invisible barrier and just be a regular boy already. He hated feeling weirder than he already was whenever the Marauders talked about girls which, thank MERLIN, wasn't too often. Yet.

"Um." He figured if he told them about Sirius, James, and Peter all discussing their chests after seeing them in wet shirts at the end of their previous year it would go very, very poorly. "I really d-don't notice."

"Do you talk about girls at _all_?" Colgate asked, putting new color on her nails.

"Me spe—specifically?" he asked and she nodded. Remus felt himself growing redder. "I—n—not really. I don't."

Colgate met his gaze, her brown eyes wide behind her glasses. "Not even Lily?"

"Alice!" Lily growled.

Now Remus was as uncomfortable as Inkwood looked. "Er..."

"We're just friends!" Lily said haughtily. Inkwood went 'mmmhmm' while Colgate smirked. Now Lily was blushing too. "I'm sorry, Remus, they're being idiots." She glowered at her friends then threw the flower crown at Colgate. "Here."

"Who do they talk about?" Inkwood asked. Colgate rolled her eyes as she put the flower circlet in her hair which looked rather nice with the braids.

"Themselves, mostly," Remus said, causing Lily and Colgate to bust up laughing and Inkwood to shake her head.

Colgate, satisfied with her nails, pulled a pot of paint out of her bag along with a small brush. She lay on her stomach looking into a propped up mirror as she began painting designs on her face.

Remus felt eyes on him and looked around, soon spotting three boys sitting on one of the low walls that separated the open courtyard from the corridors surrounding it. Two of the boys were deep in conversation and Remus recognized them, vaguely; the pudgier one was a year older than him, having come to their dorm on a couple occasions when Remus's nightmares were too loud, before the spelled curtains. The gangly redhead Remus knew was called Weasley, as they had been in detention together that horrendous evening when Dedenne went off on Remus. The third boy with them Remus didn't know at all and he was the one watching Remus closely. Until Remus looked. Then the fair-haired boy jerked his head away.

"Can I paint your face?"

Remus jumped a little, realizing Colgate was kneeling in front of him, her own face covered in delicate flowers. "Ah, uh, um, o—okay..." She began sweeping the brush across his cheeks which tickled a bit. He tried not to wriggle then felt eyes on him again. "Um, do any of you know who those boys are over there? I—I think they're th-third years."

Colgate looked past him then returned her gaze to his face. "Nope."

"The redhead has a filthy mouth," Inkwood complained, finishing up Lily's hair.

"I think he's a Weasley. They all have orange hair and freckles," Colgate said then her tongue curled out the corner of her mouth as she focused.

"He's still got a filthy mouth," Inkwood said, flopping back. She shaded her eyes, looking over at the boys. Remus wished he hadn't mentioned them at all.

"Done." Colgate held up the mirror. Remus took it, afraid he'd be covered in flowers too however instead there were purple and blue flames rising up, smokey sort of swirls around his eyes and forehead. It looked pretty cool. Colgate then put vines on Lily's face, and more vivid flowers on Inkwood's face. They talked about some gossip they read in magazines which Remus didn't join in on. He kept feeling the boy's eyes on him, making him sicker and sicker. He wanted to go over, demand to know why he was being stared at.

"We should get Black to paint our faces," Inkwood said, tilting her head to look at her flowers. "He's a good artist, isn't he?"

"Pretty much the only thing he's good at, besides causing trouble," Lily grumbled.

"Can I see the mirror again?" Remus asked, deciding to give himself a distraction to stop thinking about that boy. Inkwood handed it over and Remus held it up with his left hand while he pointed his wand at his face. It took a couple tries but soon the flames were flickering and the smoke wafted around like it was real. The girls all gasped then clamored for him to animate their own face paint. Soon the vines were growing around Lily's face, slithering a little bit like snakes, while the flowers on Colgate and Inkwood's faces swayed like there was a breeze. Colgate added a butterfly to her own face and a hummingbird to Inkwood so Remus animated them as well. Lily wanted something else as well but they couldn't think of anything to go with the vines so Colgate just painted a cat which Remus animated.

Once that was all done Remus glanced to the wall, pleased to see the three boys were gone.

*

"What the hippogriff hell is on your face?"

Remus had come back from detention to find the other Marauders in the dorm, all of them gaping at the purples and blues moving about on his skin. He had gone the entire day with the face paint on, doing his best to ignore the strange looks other students sent his way. When he had gone to detention the teacher in charge—one he didn't know, a rather round older man with a jovial personality—just laughed. Remus had to write lines for this detention. _I must not set other students on fire_. Which was quite amusing when one had flames on their face. Snape was in the same detention and Remus caught a glimpse of his paper. _I must not cut other students_. At least that detention had gone a million times better than the only other time Remus had had to write lines.

Now he was facing the Marauders who had been excited as soon as Remus walked in but now were just _staring_ at his face making him feel like he had done something wrong.

"It's moving," Peter said.

"I enchanted it," Remus replied with a sniffle. "Colgate did the paint. I enchanted it.

"Looks cool," Peter said at the same time James said, "Looks weird."

James shrugged when everyone looked at him. "Why purple? Be better with actual fire colors. Or red and gold."

"Not everything has to be Gryffindor," Remus complained.

"But it should," James laughed.

" _Anyway_!" Sirius clapped his hands for attention. "First off, prezzies." He picked up a small bag, handing it to Remus with a bit of a dramatic flourish. "This is stuff from all of us."

"You didn't need to get me anything!" Remus argued.

"Too late," Pete laughed. "Come on, then."

Remus sat down, trying not to grin too much as he pulled the presents out. A box of every flavor beans from Peter, a bottle of butterbeer from Sirius, and—

" _James_!" Remus snarled.

"What?" James asked innocently.

He pulled the Gryffindor jumper out of the bag, glaring at James. "I c—can't accept this! It's too expensive!" It was a deep scarlet with gold trim and the outline of a roaring lion's head on the front.

"Naw!" James flapped his hand. "It wasn't that much. Look at it this way, it was only ummm..." He began counting on his fingers. "Erm... well, compared to my allowance it wasn't much. Besides, you can wear it to my first game! It's a selfish present."

_Is not_ , Remus thought, standing up to hold the jumper up against his body. It looked like it would fit him pretty well, only a tiny bit large. He had never had anything brand new that fit him. Anything brand new was too big, and anything that fit him was old. He took off the jumper he was wearing—struggling a bit with keeping his t-shirt on that had been underneath—and put the new one on. It _did_ fit him.

"Looks good," Sirius said, sounding weird, a strange expression flitting across his face for a second.

Remus ducked his head. "Still too expensive. It's brand new."

"It was on clearance," James said.

"What? No, it wa—" Peter started then James jumped on him, covering his mouth.

Remus smiled. "I already heard him."

"He's an idiot," James said as Peter flailed. "He doesn't even know what clearance means."

Peter pushed James's hand away then gave Remus a wide-eyed look. "It's true. I don't. I have _no_ idea at all what that means!" he exclaimed way over the top, probably taking too many queues from Sirius.

Remus rolled his eyes then ran his fingers across his stomach. It was such a _soft_ sweater. "Thank you... but... you—you really don't need to... get me things like this. Even the sweets and butterbeer are too much!"

"Yeah, how dare you spoil your friends, Jimmy," Sirius said, putting his hands on his hips. "You're so mean."

James flopped on Remus's bed, getting into the every flavor beans. "Oh no, however will I live with myself now? Blimey, Remy, how long can you rub your stomach?"

Remus jerked, flushing slightly as he dropped his arms to his sides. "It's... really soft."

James just smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

Remus pulled it off so he could get it washed. The tee underneath was big enough that the sleeves covered his scar, otherwise he'd never have done this in front of the others. He put his original one back on, putting the new one in the laundry basket. "What did you guys get up to? Did you enjoy Hogsmeade, Pete?"

"It was _amazing_!" Pete flung himself onto Remus's bed next to James. "Honeydukes is absolutely incredible! You need to come with us next time. There was this model replica of Hogwarts that was this big!" He stretched his hand up while James began gagging on a bad bean. "Aisles of sweets, like _so_ many, some of it's _so_ expensive. Oh! They have this whole line of gummy animals! Griffons, unicorns, hippogriffs, nifflers—OH!" Pete jumped up, clapping his hands excitedly. "There was this dragon that breathed out cotton candy fire. Except it's not really cotton candy, it's this other stuff and it was spicy. The clerk let us have a taste."

"Pete was crying," Sirius said, sitting on the edge of his own bed.

Pete glared. "Only a little bit, it was _really_ spicy. The Three Broomsticks is super neat too. Hot butterbeer is good. And the barkeep's got _really_ big knockers." He held his hands out in front of his chest. "And the chips are _amazing_. The best I've ever had. Remus, you _really_ need to come with us next time."

Remus dug into the beans until he found one that seemed fairly safe. Since his bed was mostly taken over he sat next to Sirius. "What else did you do?" He studied the bean carefully, giving it a cautious sniff. "Zonko's?"

"Um, _yes_!" James got up, running to his bed to dump a huge bag full of pranks onto his mattress. "I think I spent most the rest of this month's allowance there."

"Quidditch store," Sirius said, taking the bean from Remus's hand and tossing it into his mouth. "Blueberry."

"I finally pick a good one and you _steal_ it!" Remus huffed. Sirius just grinned. "Anywhere else?"

"Clothes, obviously," James said, going back to Remus's bed. "Music. Got a new record."

Peter handed the beans over and Remus picked out another one, identical to the one he had before. "Is that it?" He hoped he sounded merely curious and not demanding.

"About it," Sirius said. "The haunted house."

Remus tried to seem not too overly interested. "Oh?"

"It's _so_ creepy," Peter said, eyes going huge. "Merlin, it's _scary_. It looks like it's been there for _ages_ but it's new? It doesn't look new though."

"We should one hundred percent sneak out at night sometime to hear the screams," James said as he tossed a bean into the air, trying to catch it in his mouth. It bounced off his face, clattering to the floor. Remus ate his own bean then began gagging at the medicinal taste which made his friends laugh.

"Wh—why would you want to—to do that?" he choked out, eyes watering a bit. He flicked the half-chewed bean into the rubbish bin.

"Are you _kidding_?!" Sirius demanded. "Hear the screams of the souls of the damned? Sign me up!"

Remus scrambled for a bottle of water. "So sneaking out to Hogsmeade isn't enough, you want to do it _after hours_!?" He took a quick swig, gagging again. "You lot are absolutely mental. Like, more than mental. No, I won't have it. You're not doing that."

"Jeez, calm down there, Brains," laughed James, tossing a bean his way. Remus fumbled with it then picked it up off the floor, wiping it off. "What's it matter if we sneak off into Hogsmeade at night anyway? Either way we're breaking _tons_ of rules. And I want to hear the screams." James picked another bean while Remus spat out his disgusting bean, taking another swig of water. "We should do it during the full moon."

Remus spit out his entire mouthful of water, all over the floor, some of it spraying against James and Peter. "Wh—wh-wh-why w-would you—you d-d-do th—that?!"

"Um... because it'd make it even scarier?" James asked, wiping the water off his jeans. "Or Halloween."

"H—Halloween," Remus rasped out, trying to pretend that Sirius wasn't _staring_ at him. "Halloween would be even scarier. I—I bet that's—that's when the screams are the—the... scariest? The most damned, certainly."

"Aw, but then we'd miss the feast," whined Peter.

James shook his head. "Nah, we could go after the feast. Be there at midnight."

"Wouldn't that make it November first and not Halloween?" Sirius asked with a smirk. "Shouldn't we go there on October _thirtieth_ , then, and be there when it's midnight and turns over to the thirty-first?"

"No way," James argued. "Halloween lasts till dawn. Ooh! Speaking of Halloween we need to figure out our prank this year because fireworks are _not_ going to cut it..."

They began discussing ideas of pranks to pull at the Halloween feast which was much safer territory than going to the house in Hogsmeade during a full moon. Remus fought to keep his hand from shaking as he took another sip of water. His heart was racing at a million miles an hour and he sort of wanted to cry. James's words repeated in his head, the image of them going to the house filled his entire brain. The hazy thought of them doing this felt like it was trying to peel off some of his skin, clawing into him, digging deep. His stomach was hurting even worse, bile rising up.

It _really_ didn't help that Sirius's eyes kept drifting back to Remus, studying him.

"S—scuze me, I-I need to..." Remus got up, quickly leaving the dorm, running into the bathroom. He banged into one of the stalls and crashed to his knees, vomiting into the toilet. He flushed then slid to the ground, pulling his top up over his face so he could weep quietly. Of course Sirius followed him in. "It w-was a—a very bad—bad bean," he moaned.

Sirius's shoes stopped outside the stall door. "Is that what upset you?"

"Up... set? I'm not upset," Remus croaked out, wiping his dribbling nose off on the fabric. His skin began to feel itchy.

"Can I come in?"

"N... no?" Remus pushed his hand up his other sleeve and began scratching at his arm, trying desperately to stop the sensation.

"Oh. Well. Um. Okay. If you need anything, um, yeah. I'm here for you, okay?"

He dug his nails in as deep as they could go, tears welling up, wishing he could just be NORMAL. That he could be distressed without feeling like his skin wasn't his own. "Yeah, th—thanks. I'm fine though. Bad bean."

"Right."

He left the bathroom and Remus let out a slightly relieved sigh. He yanked his top back down, slowly getting up so he could wash his face off. It was obvious Sirius knew _something_ was up, Remus just hoped he hadn't sussed it yet. He looked at his pale reflection, knowing he had overreacted. Spitting out the water like that. He needed to take things in stride. Freaking out like that only made things worse.

He washed his face again, forced his lips into a smile, and returned to the dorm.

*

_It was the full moon. Wolf-Remus paced in the house, drool dripping out onto the bloodied floors as he heard voices outside the walls. His friends. They were trying to get in, to find the cursed ghosts. Somehow they got one of the windows open, climbing in. Remus waited in the darkness, muscles tense. He watched as they made their way into the house, pointing out all the blood everywhere. They came into the living room, Sirius in the lead._ I knew it _! he shouted, pointing at Remus who lunged forward. Sirius screamed, begging for mercy as Remus pinned him to the floor. Sirius thrashed while James and Peter cried out, grabbing at Remus, trying to pull him off. A drop of slobber landed on Sirius's terrified face as Remus bent his muzzle in. He stretched his mouth open, jaws surrounding Sirius's head, then crunched down, hot blood spurting everywhere—_

"NOOO! Stay AWAY! Go AWAY! Please—I'm—s-s-sorry—"

He jerked upright, gasping for air then immediately began clawing at his jaw, still tasting Sirius's blood in his mouth. No... his own blood... he had bitten his tongue in his sleep. He fell back, sobbing.

"I'm f—fine!" he cried out when Sirius approached his bed. "I'm fine, j-just go back to bed!" He didn't want to see Sirius. He could still see Sirius underneath him, head disappearing in his mouth, hearing the sound of his fangs going into his skin, the feel of his skull crushing.

Sirius got into Remus's bed, ignoring his pleas. "Remus, what happened?" he asked.

Remus curled up away from him. "Just a nightmare. Fine. I'm f-f-fine."

"You definitely don't sound fine."

"I'm _not_... I mean, I am. I—I'm okay. Please." He couldn't look at him. He knew what he'd see if he did. Gouges in his face.

Sirius touched his arm. "Remy—"

He pulled away, on the very edge of his bed now. "I can't. Please just go back to bed. Please."

"Remy, it can't be... normal to—"

That set him on edge. He sat up, glaring at Sirius. "Then put the damned spells on your curtains!"

Sirius recoiled. His face was smooth. No bite marks. No blood. "Th—that isn't what I was meaning. I said it all wrong. I was trying to say that you sound really... scared. Like... really, really scared. You normally don't sound great but this seems worse than you've had in a while."

Remus breathed in and out slowly, trying to keep himself calm. "It doesn't matter. It's merely nightmares."

"Merely?" Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Come on. You can tell me about them."

_Sure, let me just tell you that I literally bit your face off_ , he thought bitterly. Then all the anger ebbed out of his body and he slumped down, rubbing his eyes. "I don't remember them."

"Liar," Sirius said very flatly.

Remus glanced back up, then away as he didn't want Sirius's accusing eyes meeting his own fearful ones. "Doesn't matter. Even if I did remember them I don't want to talk about them."

Sirius remained silent for several seconds, breathing a little hard. Obviously annoyed. Remus wanted to snap at him again but kept his tongue. Finally he sighed. "All right. Just know that—that I'm willing to listen. To anything you need to talk about. If it's stuff you don't want the others to know about, I can keep a secret."

Remus struggled for a few seconds, head hurting, chest hurting, skin still not feeling right from earlier. "They're usually about... my illness..." he whispered, laying back down, back to his friend, not wanting to look at him again. "Okay?"

"Oh."

"Being bedridden," he quickly added, regretting immediately saying anything. "Wasting into nothing."

"Remy..."

"Or, or my mum... wasting away. Dying. Th—that sort of thing. Not always. Just usually. I don't..."

"Yeah," Sirius said quietly. "I know, you don't like talking about that. Thank you for, um, sharing that with me. I'm not gonna judge or anything. I definitely won't tell the others."

"Thank you."

"Do you... need me to stay with you for a bit? Maybe chat about other things again?"

"I just want to be alone right now."

"'Kay." Sirius shifted his weight. "If you need anything just wake me up."

"Okay, thank you."

He heard Sirius retreat to his own bed then quickly got Gwyllgi out from under his pillows. He still tasted the blood.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One - Dog Heart To Dog Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much everyone who answered my question from the previous chapter. I was so overwhelmed by all the support and love you guys sent my way, and I appreciate it so so much. I might have cried a bit tbh xD I know I said this in most to all of my responses, but I tend to get anxiety easily and for some reason I really just let it get to me this time. It was a very silly worry in hindsight but I guess that happens. I love what I write but I do get uncertain about it all the time and question myself. I feel so much better about how I'm writing, and happy that it's not 'dragging on' (as I feared). Thank you again everyone for the incredible show of love and support. It really meant a lot to me <3 and ironically I feel like after such a happy author's note I should give a warning that this chapter is pretty depression-focused. :T

Remus couldn't be around the other Marauders the next morning. When he woke up he felt overwhelmed with anxiety, sadness, and his skin crawled at the thought of having to be around people. He tried to pretend to be asleep which worked for a little while until James literally shook him. He rolled over, mumbling that he wasn't feeling well and wanted to stay in bed. Finally they left him alone, though he suspected they'd be back soon. He got out of bed, throwing clean clothes on, shoving a blanket into his school satchel so he could take it with him. He went into a small secret room one of his ghost friends had shown him the previous year. He spongified the floor so it wouldn't be so hard and curled up, falling back asleep.

He woke up to find two sets of eyes on him.

"Yaaah!" He jumped, crashing into the far wall after bouncing a bit.

Myrtle began giggling. "Didn't mean to startle you."

"H—hi Myrtle, hi Theodore," he said, rubbing the back of his head as he looked back and forth between the two youngest ghosts he knew at the school. Myrtle was only about fourteen when she died, maybe thirteen he wasn't entirely sure. She had died fairly recently, just about thirty years ago. Theodore was about sixteen when he died, about two hundred years ago. He didn't speak much.

"Theodore told me you looked miserable," Myrtle said rather cheerfully. She seemed to enjoy it when other people weren't doing well. "I thought we could cheer you up." Theodore gave Remus a rather apologetic look.

"Oh. I'm all right." He rubbed his eyes then shifted his weight a bit so his leg wasn't so close to Myrtle. He didn't particularly like the cold sensation of going through a ghost.

"What's wrong? You looked _awful_ when you were asleep," Myrtle said then her eyes widened. "Is it because your friends are in trouble?"

"No, I just haven't been fe—what?" He jerked forward. "What did they do now?!"

She began giggling. "Caught putting sticking spells on toilets."

Remus sighed, rubbing his forehead, feeling exhausted just at the mere thought of them causing mayhem yet again; though, it didn't surprise him at all. _This is what I get for leaving them by themselves for five minutes..._ "All three of them?"

"No, just the one in glasses and the cute one." Myrtle clasped her hands around her knees, looking rather dreamy. "You should bring him to visit me again sometime soon."

"I... I'll try..."

They talked for a bit more then Remus wriggled his way out of the room because even talking to ghosts was a bit much, which was a bad sign in his opion. He was rather flushed from the effort of crawling out of the entrance. It was just a small hole on the wall behind a stone bench. He pushed the bench back into place then went to the tower to hide out under his bed for a while. He curled up with his blanket wrapped around him, clutching Gwyllgi, staring blankly at the gap between his bed and the floor. He knew he should work on his assignments, practice wand movements, do _something_ besides lay there like a lump... but laying there like a lump seemed a much better idea than anything else.

It felt as though there was a wheel inside of his head, slowly circling... like a waterwheel. It dipped down into his misery to pull a new thought out, slowly rose, fell, then deposited the thoughts back into the river of _bleghness_. Most the thoughts were about James's words the night before, and also Sirius's stares. At least Peter hadn't done anything.

He buried his face against Gwyllgi, wishing, as always, he could be more normal. Like now, all he was able to do was lay here with the crushing weight of sadness pushing him down. He figured his friends got really sad but they seemed to be able to be more... more... _free_. Laugh, joke, run around, not appear to have the entire universe pressing into them. _Course they're not monsters_ , he thought miserably. They weren't bound down by a curse or having something so violent pacing deep inside of them ready to come hurtling out without warning. Plus all the other weird issues he had. His weird skin feelings, the extreme anxiety, the sensation of blades digging into his soul, the need to _hide_ like this...

"I'm just broken," he whispered to his stuffed dog. He twisted the toy around to look into its shiny black eyes, wishing Gwyllgi were real. He yearned for a living, breathing companion he could talk to—even if _was_ a dog—and put his head against, one that wouldn't run away.

_Rocky doesn't_ , he thought, biting his lip as his mind drifted to Hagrid's dog.

Before he knew what he was doing he was leaving the castle, heading across the grounds towards Hagrid's hut. His heart pounded in his chest as his feet slowed, wondering if he was really gonna do this. Hagrid would probably just laugh at him. Still, he raised his fist and knocked.

Hagrid—wearing a rather frilly yellow apron and holding a spatula—opened the door. "Young Lupin!" he exclaimed cheerfully. "What brings yeh here? Deliverin' a message?"

"N-no, s—sir," Remus stammered out.

"I'm sorry, I can't hear yeh."

"No, sir," Remus repeated, loudly. "I—I was wondering if..." Now he couldn't do it. It sounded so stupid!

"Wonderin' what?" Hagrid inquired, studying the tiny boy. "Why don't yeh come in?" He stepped back and Remus went into the hut, smelling cookies baking. Rocky barked, running over to barrel into him, knocking him clean to the floor. "Rocky, be good! Yer bigger'n him," Hagrid said, apologizing for his dog as he picked Remus up, setting him on his feet.

"No, it's f-fine." Remus pet Rocky's fluffy head, smiling. "I—well, I was w-wondering if... maybe... I mean..." Ugh James and Sirius could probably easily ask, why couldn't he?

"Would yeh like a cookie?"

So Remus sat down with a freshly baked sugar cookie which actually tasted really good (the last time he had tried Hagrid's baking it hadn't gone so well). Hagrid rambled for a little while about various things. Baking, his garden, the weather. Finally, after Remus finished off a fourth cookie (he hadn't had breakfast) Hagrid asked him what was on his mind.

Looking down into his half-empty teacup, Remus got the nerve to finally talk. "I was wondering if m—maybe I could walk R-Rocky?"

Hagrid was quiet for a second which made Remus think he had definitely overstepped but then the groundskeeper began laughing. "Of course! Rocky would _love_ bein' took for a walk! Go on, then, and don't worry 'bout him being loose'n all, he'll stay by yeh."

"I can?" Remus looked up, face brightening.

Hagrid smiled behind his heard. "I think it'd be good for him." Hagrid went over to a cupboard, pulling out a smallish baggie of treats. Rocky sat down, wagging his tail. Hagrid tossed him one then gave the bag to Remus. "Jus' don't go into the forest."

"I won't!" Remus tucked the bag in his pocket. "Come on, Rocky!"

He left, not really noticing that Hagrid was frowning now. Rocky bounded along beside him, going in circles, barking happily. Remus beamed at the dog's excitement. They began running along (Remus tripping on occasionally) then stopped near the lake. Remus found a large stick, throwing it as hard as he could which was a pretty decent amount. Rocky ran after the stick, bringing it back, tail wagging. After a bit they ran around together, Remus grabbing at Rocky as he barked and banged into Remus. Finally they collapsed down to rest. They were along a far side of the lake, away from where most students hung out, and there were loads of shrubbery around so Remus allowed himself to do what he _truly_ wanted to do.

He rolled over, put an arm around Rocky, and buried his face into his fur. Rocky tossed his head back, wriggling a bit until he was able to awkwardly lick at the side of Remus's head, tail thumping against Remus's legs. Remus let out a soft sound, resisting the urge to hug tighter. The feel of a warm-blooded creature snuggled up like this was too much, and soon he began crying. Rocky jerked away suddenly. Remus thought he had done something wrong but the dog just lay back down next to Remus, giant tongue licking away the tears. Remus put his arm back around him.

"Good boy," he murmured. "What a good boy." Rocky's tail began wagging again. "You don't think I'm broken, do you?" _Slurp, slurp_ , wag, wag. "Probably think I'm more like you than anyone else at this school. You know, you're a _wolf_ hound: you should be attacking me." Rocky put his head down on top of Remus's head. "You don't care how wrong I am..." He stroked Rocky's fur gently as a bit of drool went in his hair. "I mean... they say they don't... but... sometimes I feel like... it's not true... I know one day I'm just going to—to do something so... _wrong_... it'll be too much for them. Though, maybe it's for the best. I'm just so screwed up they leave me, be the best option. Honestly, I don't even know how they can put up with me and all my—wrongness. My inability to even be a functional _human_. I don't understand it at all."

He closed his eyes, clinging to the dog.

"Everyone says I shouldn't be friends with them. Well, Mum and Dad just say I shouldn't have friends, they don't know about them. But... I don't know... if I can do it." He felt more tears coming. "When the time comes... I don't know if I'll be able to... end our... friendship. So, if they do... that'd be... b... best..."

Choking a little, he pushed himself into a kneeling position, putting his hands on either side of Rocky's face as the dog panted. "The thought of losing them makes my entire _being_ hurt. Is _that_ normal, Rocky?" Rocky licked his nose. Remus sighed. "Maybe it _was_ a mistake. I thought it'd be nice. To have friends. To... know what friends even are, outside what books say. To know how it feels. I thought it'd be easy to break things off. But it won't be. I don't want to. It's so stupid. I shouldn't... feel like this... I should just keep my distance but... I—I care about them. More than... I probably should... I don't know. How do _people_ feel about their friends?" Rocky barked and Remus gave a tiny smile, scratching behind his ear. "I know how _you_ feel. Absolute love and loyalty, eh?"

He froze then slumped back, a little slack-jawed. "Is... that why I feel so close to them? Is it my canine? Latching onto them, like a dog does?" He stared at Rocky, trying to sort through this new thought. "Wolves... bond..." he muttered. "Am I...? N... no. No, that's ridiculous..."

Wasn't it?

He dropped his hands, looking down at his lap. "Doesn't matter, in any case. They're probably better off without me anyway." Now Rocky whined, nudging Remus with his snout. "It's true. They're human. I'm not. It isn't fair to them." Remus began scratching at Rocky's head again. "I'm too scared of changing it though. I mean, my friendship with them. I like them too much. I guess I'm just selfish." He bent in, putting his forehead against Rocky's. Rocky licked his chin. "It's nice. This is. I don't have to worry about you finding out. I don't have to worry about... giving it away, of making a mistake, of putting a foot wrong. I'm constantly on edge with them. Terrified." He ran his fingers through the curly fur then flopped back down onto the ground with Rocky curling up next to him. "Every time they touch me I keep thinking somehow they'll just... _know_... Every time they give me a weird look I think, did they just figure it out? Then I go and do stupid stuff like—like spit out the water, like I did last night, at the mere mention of the full moon." Though he knew it was more of the moon in connection with his house that had done it. "Dad's right. I've gotten so lax. I try to do better. Because... I'm so scared. But too selfish to do anything about it. Merlin's beard, I _am_ a total broken freak, aren't I, then?"

He kept stroking Rocky's side until Rocky rolled onto his back. Remus smiled and began rubbing his belly. "You like that? Yeahhhh, you like that, huh? Maybe I'll get a dog, when this is all over. A nice dog, like you. One that likes me. Arthur's a great owl and all but... he's so old it's hard to really do much with him. Plus I enjoyed running with you."

Rocky barked happily.

"Just, surround myself with dogs." Remus snuggled up with Rocky once more. "Suits me since I'm a canine anyway, huh?"

*

When Remus returned to the school—utterly emotionally drained him his confessional with Rocky—he ran into the other Marauders. He could tell immediately something was up though he wasn't sure what. _Drat_ , he thought, quickly looking down. He had hoped to return back under his bed without being seen.

"Remus!"

He stopped in his tracks, still looking at the floor as they approached him. "Hey," he mumbled, tugging at the hem of his sweatshirt.

"Is something wrong?" James asked immediately.

Remus jerked his head up, perplexed. "Wh—what?" He couldn't figure out how they sensed that _immediately_!

The three of them exchanged wary looks. "Um," Peter began, "it's just we just saw Hagrid and—and he asked if we had a fight cause he said you showed up at his hut seeming pretty, um, lonely?"

He stiffened, clenching his teeth a little. He couldn't believe Hagrid had just... done that! He figured the man meant well however it still felt like a betrayal. "I wanted to walk Rocky, that's all," he grumbled.

"Is that _all_?" Sirius asked, folding his arms.

"Yes, that's all." Remus was staring at the floor again.

"You're not mad at us?" James inquired.

"No, of course not," he promised, then decided to try a joke to maybe distract them. "Though I should be, since I heard you were putting sticking spells on the toilets."

Sirius and James snickered then Sirius said, "So, we're going to go mess around outside?" He indicated James who pulled a Quaffle out of his bag.

Remus hesitated. He still felt crawly all over, not really wanting human company. Rocky was nice but that was entirely different from the other Marauders. "Um, well... h-have fun." He gave them a smile, hoping that would be that.

"Aren't you coming with us?" Pete asked.

There was a flare of panic at those five words. He most certainly did not want to. He wanted to be alone, away from his friends, under his bed. However... while they had told them before if he needed to be alone it'd be fine, he also suspected that doing so at this moment would be detrimental, as they'd probably think he _was_ mad at them. The crawly skin feeling grew worse. The panic grew worse.

"Um." He hoped one of them would say 'it's okay if you don't' which meant of course none of them did. He looked at each of their faces then down at the ground. "Yeah, um, of course."

The other three ran off while Remus jogged along behind them to keep up. He hoped if they were kicking around the ball while he just sat nearby he'd be okay. He found a spot on the grass, hugging his knees, watching them play with the Quaffle. They kept asking him to join in to which he'd shake his head. He just felt worse and worse, twisting his fingers into the hem of his shirt, trying to breathe, trying not to scratch at himself. Every time they spoke to him it felt almost physically painful which just made him feel even _crummier._ Finally after sufficient time had passed he stood up, brushing the grass off his trousers as he said something about wanting to do some homework and he'd see them later. They all wished him luck and he gladly left, hurrying to the dorms so he could hide out under his bed.

_I should talk to Fawley about this_ , he thought, staring at his hands. _Whether this is how... typical people react..._ But he doubted it was, unless everyone was a better actor than him.

He rolled onto his back, pressing his hands against the slats under his bed, feeling the pressure through his arms as he pushed lightly. _I just need to try harder_ , he decided, curling his fingers a little to dig his nails into the wood. _If I just try harder maybe I can be normal..._

Remus woke up with a jerk when loud laughter tore him from his hazy dreams, wondering what time it was. The other Marauders had come tearing into the dorm, Sirius and James laughing while Peter was begging James for forgiveness. Remus shrank back under his bed, trying to keep himself quiet while they talked. After some vague conversation he understood that Peter had kicked the Quaffle so hard that it smashed James's nose in, breaking it. They had gone to the hospital wing to get it fixed, and Peter felt bad. James obviously didn't care. He kept insisting it was a 'brilliant show of strength' and 'you should kick Snivellus like that'. Then James started making 'waPOW!' sounds as Remus watched his foot flying everywhere pretending to kick stuff, then actually kicked stuff. He kicked a pair of jeans laying on the ground, then a pillow, then one of Remus's books sending it skittering across the floor.

"Ah, bloody hell! Oops!" James ran after it. "Well, if he wasn't mad at us before he will be now. Okay, don't think it's broken."

"How can you break a book?" Peter asked.

"Tearing it."

"He's not mad at us," Sirius said from his bed. "He's just not doing well right now."

"Why you say that?" James asked as he carefully set the book where it was.

"He wasn't feeling well last night and he had a bad nightmare," Sirius explained. "He's not in a great... mood. I don't think it's us."

"Is he okay?" Peter asked, going over to sit on Sirius's bed next to him.

"Considering the fact he's run off again, I highly doubt it," James retorted.

Remus didn't like this. He was curious to know what his friends had to say about him, but it felt very wrong to be listening in to their conversation. _All right, so I eavesdropped a lot last year_ , he thought with chagrin, _but I need to stop_. Still, letting himself be known also seemed rather awkward.

"He's probably just in the library," Sirius yawned.

"Maybe he's getting sick again," Peter suggested and then something must have happened that Remus couldn't hear because he then went, "What?"

Silence. "Nothing," Sirius said slowly. "Maybe he is but honestly he doesn't... really... _look_ it. I think he's just upset."

"Maybe we can do something to make him feel better!" Peter clapped his hands. "Let's get him some cookies or something, from the kitchens."

"That sounds like a great idea," laughed Sirius, jumping off his bed. "Surprise him when he comes back. Chocolate cookies."

"Let's get peanut butter cookies too," said James as the Marauders all got their shoes back on.

"He likes chocolate, dummy," Sirius said, "so we're getting chocolate cookies."

James snorted. "Merlin, I said 'too', dummy. I _know_ he prefers chocolate. I said _too_."

"Ooh, sugar cookies!" Pete said, excited. "With icing."

Sirius groaned, walking towards the door with the other two following. "Blimey, this is supposed to be for Remus!"

"It is. See, we get a variety then he can have all the chocolate ones," said James rather slyly. "It's _for_ him."

Remus covered his mouth, trying not to laugh at that logic. Sirius made a scoffing sound, opening the door. "Fine, fine. You win."

They left the dorm, door swinging shut. Remus waited a few minutes then scooted out from under the bed. He still felt skin-crawly, anxious, and upset but he also felt sprinkles of pure joy at how kind his friends were being. He gave it a little more time then left the dorm, creeping down the stairs to scan the common room. No Marauder in sight. He hurried out, dodging down a side corridor and finding a secret passageway to hole up in for about an hour with a book. When he returned to the dorm they were back and he acted super surprised to find a big platter of cookies on his desk. He sat down on the edge of his bed, nibbling a chocolate cookie (not even really realizing literally all he had to eat that day were cookies), feeling very grateful to have such good friends, wishing he could be a better one for them.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two - A Casual Shower With Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup another A/N but this one is to do with the chapter. There is some discussion of mental health in this chapter, and I've tried to do it as sensitive as I could but also keeping in mind Remus is only 12, and this is the 70s. So there is use of the word 'crazy' directly linked to mental health. Also, I know things are really sucky right now and I want to encourage anyone who might be thinking about needing therapy to maybe look into it. There's nothing wrong with seeking help. Sending my love out to you! Also I'm working a couple days a week again so probably no extra chapter. Sorry :(

Remus felt a lot better in the morning. His skin wasn't betraying him, he felt a lot calmer... though he felt disgusting for not being able to feel like this the day before. Still, he wanted to talk to Miss Fawley about this. He _hoped_ he'd have the guts to! Was it because he wasn't human that he wound up feeling like that? He couldn't imagine _people_ feeling that way. He never _saw_ anyone reacting the same way he did. So either they didn't, and he was a freak, or they did, and he was just too pathetic to deal with it properly.

A note came in during owl mail, asking to show up to the hospital wing to see Pomfrey in the evening. He frowned at this then during lunch went by to ask if it'd be okay if he showed up after study group. He didn't want to seem ungrateful or anything, just... really wanted to be at study group as much as he could.

"I understand," Pomfrey said. "Of course, seven is fine."

The Marauders were waiting for him in the Great Hall and he partially lied to them, saying he had to see Pomfrey that evening over some blood work. Peter wanted to know if it was about the 'cure' Remus had taken before so he seized on that idea, nodding, saying that that was why he needed some extra blood work done this week. To check out if he's had any progress. He felt a little hollow as he spoke, realizing that Sirius definitely didn't look like he believed Remus one bit. James's smile looked a bit fake too... or was it his imagination?

Of course the maybe-not-real smile was replaced with a genuine as James asked, "So you won't need to go tomorrow night?" He had Quidditch practices on Tuesday evenings now and wanted Remus there.

"Um, n—not sure yet, I guess I'll see tonight," he replied with a smile. Definitely fake.

The edgy feeling came back, and he felt super nervous around his friends the rest of the afternoon. He regretted now the lies of the 'cure', seeing how stupid and rash it had been. At the _time_ it sounded fine. Now it just sounded dumb, and made more work for him. But he also worried if he didn't add anything else then that might also seem suspicious—the same thing over and over. If he _never_ said anything else, that would be strange. If he did, those lies could be sussed out. It was a never-ending loop of lies and fear, and he wasn't sure how to stop—short of cutting them out of his life.

Which he would do...

... ... Eventually.

*

After study group Remus headed to the hospital wing then froze in place, seeing the three Marauders sitting outside. He ducked behind a wall, swearing quietly to himself. _What are they doing there_!? He peered round the corner but they were still there. They looked perfectly fine. Had someone else gotten hurt? Had they got into a fight and the victims were in the hospital wing, and they told to sit outside? Or... were they waiting for him?

Remus waited a couple more minutes then knew he couldn't put it off any longer. He took in a deep breath then went out, pretending to be startled seeing his friends.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, hugging his satchel to his chest. "Did one of you get hurt?"

Sirius smiled. "I thought we'd come give you some support."

Remus's eyes darted to each of their faces then down to the floor. "Oh, er, th—thank you. I... I don't know if Pomfrey would—would want you around. You know how she gets about visitors."

"Yeah, but you're just getting blood stuff done, aren't you?" Pete asked, shuddering. "Surely she'd let us stay for that? Ooh, you know how _Muggles_ take blood? My grandpa's told me. They take this great big needle and shove it into your arm and suck it up."

James and Sirius both recoiled. "How _barbaric_!" James moaned, rubbing his arm uncomfortably.

"How does the needle get blood in it?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know, I'll have to ask my grandpa," Pete replied.

"I—I think they're hollow," Remus mumbled, wanting to point out the magic way of getting blood drawn wasn't too different; it was just a spell that poked through your skin instead of a needle. "It _is_ just simple blood work. It... it'll probably be yucky. You—you don't need to come in or anything, it's not—"

James slapped Remus's back. "Nonsense. That's what friends are for." He kept his arm around Remus as he headed through the doors, pulling Remus along. Peter scurried next to them, Sirius following behind. Remus could feel Sirius's eyes on him. Ugh.

Madame Pomfrey was changing one of the beds, looking up, eyebrows raising when she saw Remus wasn't alone. "Um, they... they wanted to... be with me while I g—got my blood work done," he said quickly, still clutching at his satchel, trying his best to convey _help!!!_ with his eyes.

Pomfrey straightened up, putting her hands on her hips. "Absolutely not."

James's arm fell away from Remus. "What?"

"How come?!" Peter demanded. Sirius just remained silent.

"This is a private appointment between myself and Mr. Lupin," Pomfrey said, eyeing the boys intensely. "I cannot bend the rules. I'm sorry, Mr. Lupin," she added which sent a breath of relief through his body that she had completely understood his expression.

"That's okay," he said, nodding. "I g-guess I'll see you later. Thanks, though."

After the Marauders left, Pomfrey took Remus into her office so she could teach him simple spells. He had sort've learned some of them the previous year however wasn't too great. He practiced these a few times, tightening bandages around various parts of his body. She made sure he knew how to clean out his wounds (not that it mattered, since he wouldn't get infected anyway), explaining there'd be a jar in the bathroom full of potion to do so; there'd also be _plenty_ of bandages.

Pomfrey watched him as he tried to carefully tightened some gauze around his chest. "You shouldn't be doing this," she said.

"What am I d-doing wrong?"

"I meant be alone in the house," she said, undoing the gauze so he could try again. "I don't think it's safe."

"Professor Dumbledore's made his decision," Remus said rather haughtily then regretted the tone in his voice. "I'll b-be okay. I... I appreciate your... concern. I really do." He wanted to add that the sooner he learned how to be completely alone the better. _I'll have my parents_ , he thought as he managed to get the bandages to stay put without being too tight, _But I shouldn't rely on them forever. I'm sure I'll be alone at some point in my life. I need to be able to take care of myself._

She went over a few more helpful spells then sent him on his way, watching his small form trudge away from the hospital wing.

*

On Tuesday evening he left supper early to go and wait in the fourth floor room for Fawley (VERY glad James had Quidditch practice so they wouldn't try to stalk him this time around). He paced back and forth, going over the details, running his fingers through his hair, then whirling around when the door opened. Fawley came in then hesitated.

"Remus?"

"I'm—I'm already here, Miss Fawley."

"Is everything all right?" She shut the door, going over to the couch.

He sat down next to her, wringing his hands. "Um. Maybe. I—I'm not sure." He began pulling at his shirt sleeves, tugging them down. "I—I was wondering if I c-could talk to you about... about something."

"Of course. You can talk to me about _anything_ you want to."

Remus looked down at his hands then pressed them up against his eyes. "When you see my memories, can—can you _feel_ what I'm feeling?"

"No, my dear, it doesn't work like that."

"Oh..."

"Why?"

He let out a sigh. "I w—was hoping to _show_ you, instead of saying it. Okay. Um. Well. You—you remember last year... I... had to stay in the hospital wing overnight because I... I got really distraught for... no apparent reason? Madame Pomfrey called it a—a panic attack, or anxiety attack?"

Fawley nodded. "Yes, I remember that."

"I've... I just—well, I wasn't sure if—if _people_ get that?"

She looked a little puzzled. "It would seem so. Why? Have you had another?"

Remus withdrew a little, sitting on his shaking hands. "Not quite that bad. But, kinda. Sunday—well, Saturday night I had a nightmare and—and on Sunday I felt _awful_ all day. I felt panicked, and scared, and—and my skin felt... felt... wrong. Like, itchy, and crawly. Like it wasn't my skin. Whenever I—I had to interact with people I wanted to scream. It was like their voices were just... pressing into me. I—I don't... I don't think it's normal, is it? Like, what _people_ feel?"

Fawley sat back, stroking her chin. "I'm afraid I don't really know much about this sort of thing. I think there are a _lot_ of... mental issues that can happen, with varying degrees of... intensity. I think... that you... have gone through more than anyone should ever be expected to go through. I think due to your upbringing as well as being a werewolf it can be difficult for you to feel comfortable in everyday society. And... while your personal situation is rather unique, I do think what you're experiencing is something other people do experience."

Remus looked slowly up into Fawley's face. "Mental issues. So... I'm... crazy?" _Loopy. Loopy, Loopy Lupin!_

"What?" Fawley quickly shook her head. "No! You're not crazy. Mental issues do not equal _crazy_ , Remus." She reached out until her hand touched his cheek gently. "That's really all you took from what I said? I think plenty of people do feel the same way you do. After all, if Madame Pomfrey told you what it seemed to be at the time it means that others have gone through it too, that she recognized the symptoms." She pulled her hand away, sighing. "You have a _lot_ of anxiety for someone so young, though all things considering I suppose it isn't unusual. Perhaps... you _should_ consider talking to someone."

"I... I am, I'm—I'm talking to _you_!"

Fawley chuckled. "I meant a professional."

Remus blinked, cold creeping through his body; he felt slightly betrayed. "I—you—you just said I w-w-wasn't crazy."

"You're _not_. There's nothing wrong with needing therapy. I needed it, after everything happened with me. It helped a lot. Through grieving my sister, my loss of sight, and coming to grips with the fact I married a total arse. It's... not something that wizarding society likes to think about. We can cure most physical ailments, it's not so easy to make a potion that can fix _thoughts_ and feelings. Erase away the trauma one can concur. If you'd like I can perhaps try and find someone for you..."

Remus bowed his head, a trifle angry with what Fawley was saying. A... a _sensiwitch_ , someone who talked to people with mental problems to help them. Someone he probably needed... but could never have, as he could never tell them the complete story since he had to keep his lycanthropy a secret. He tried to imagine asking his mother if he could please see a mind healer and wanted to laugh. He knew precisely what would happen. She'd blame Hogwarts and take him out, keeping him at home. She'd insist he was fine. Now he had to scramble to cover his butt, to downplay everything he just said!

"It's not th—that bad, Miss Fawley, it doesn't happen... a lot... I just... mostly w—was worried that this was... not..." He began twisting the hem of his shirt around his fingers, hoping she'd believe him, hoping the truth wouldn't be shown in his memories. "It—it made me feel..." Broken. "Even more not normal. If... if this is something that—that's not just because I'm a—a werewolf then... it's not so bad."

"Remus—"

"Honest," he said firmly. "I'm okay. I am. I just didn't like feeling so different. I have enough of that, as what I am, so knowing that—that _normal_ humans have similar things to this really helps out so much. Really. The reason I was so upset is because I was sc-scared this made me even more different, but knowing that—that it's not has made me feel a LOT better."

Fawley remained silent, fingers curling around the top of her cane as she debated how to respond. "Very well. If you're sure..."

"I am," he promised, inching closer. "We—we can try my lesson now, please?"

She went through his head, frowning after seeing the memory of Pomfrey helping him the night before, then smiling at the cookies. Remus was pleased about the smile since he knew she disapproved of his bond. _Perhaps she'd know if I'm bonding unnaturally or not_... except he didn't feel completely comfortable with that. He didn't want to risk purposely poking at his friendships with her.

After Occlumency he went to the library until curfew, then returned to the dorms, mostly out of it until he was halfway across the common room. Then he stopped in his tracks, looking upwards. Half the furniture was on the ceiling. He blinked a few times then looked back down, twisting around to survey the rest of the room. Most the students looked put out. There were three prefects standing near the middle of the room, hands on their hips as they just stared upward. Remus cast another curious look at the furniture then, shrugging, headed to the stairs.

"Lupin!" He jumped about ten feet then whirled around in fear as one of the prefects began coming over. He was somewhat tall and a good bit muscular, which terrified Remus since he was _barreling_ towards him. "Where are they?!" he demanded furiously.

"Wh—wh-who?"

The prefect snorted. "The Wizengamot, who d'you _think_? Your bloody _friends_!"

"Um. Wh... why?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

The prefect jabbed his finger towards the ceiling. "They did this!"

Remus looked once more at the furniture, realizing they weren't floating. They were literally on the ceiling. _Sticking spell_? he wondered, figuring Sirius had done it. Arrrgh, he was too drained to deal with this right now. Why couldn't they have one night without causing trouble?! "Can't you get them—them down?"

"We've _tried_! Whatever they did, we can't undo! Go get them. _Now_!"

Remus swallowed, stepping back. "If you c-c-can't do it, what makes you think—"

"NOW, LUPIN!"

Remus squeaked and fled up the stairs. Spinnet and Struthers were in the dorm, neither having seen the other Marauders since supper. Remus figured that the prefects had already checked the dorm. _Bathroom_? He put his stuff on his bed then went across the hall, pushing the door open to the very dark room. He glanced around then started to leave except he heard hushed voices. He tiptoed in, following the sound over to one of the shower stalls. There was a very faint light emitting from inside. He could hear his friends on the other side of the curtains and the gentle slap of cards.

Remus pushed open the curtains causing the three of them to shriek in fear.

"Merlin's _beard,_ Remy, you gave us a heart attack!" Sirius wheezed out, clutching his chest.

Remus stepped in, shutting the curtains behind him before sinking down cross-legged between Pete and James, careful not to mess up the pile of cards or James's lit up wand. "Why's half the common room furniture on the ceiling?"

They all exchanged looks then James scooped up his hand of cards again. "Whoops," was all he said.

" _Whoops_?"

Pete began giggling. "It was an accident."

Remus rubbed his forehead. He had a bit of a headache from Occlumency and now it grew worse. "How do you accidentally put half the common room furniture onto the ceiling to the point where a seventh year cannot get them down?"

"Talent!" Sirius exclaimed, jabbing the air with his forefinger. Remus glared at him. "And sticking spells. Might've accidentally done the permanent sticking spell, I can't really remember."

"And the fact they're on the ceiling?"

James shrugged. "I just don't understand why everyone's upset. We're _supposed_ to be practicing the levitation spell! Flitwick _said_! So, we tried to see how well we can do it. Which is pretty darn good, getting some of the lighter chairs and stuff." Remus realized then that the furniture on the ceiling _had_ been the smaller bits of furniture, none of the bigger chairs, couches, or tables.

"Plus it—it's not _half,"_ Sirius said, leaning closer to Remus. "I'd say only a mere..." He squinted, still staring at Remus. "Mmm, third."

Remus narrowed his eyes right back. "And the reason they had the sticking spell on them?"

Sirius's lips twisted into a smile as he sat back, shrugging. "Whoops."

Remus just groaned and dropped his head in his hand. "Well, the prefects are looking for you."

"Um, _yeah_ ," Peter said, rolling his eyes. "Why d'you think we're in here?"

"We're trying to wait them out, so we can deal with McGonagall directly over this," James added. "I think we can talk our way out of big trouble if it's her."

Remus was about to say something back then heard voices out in the hall. Prefects. They were across the hall at the dorm, demanding James and Sirius. He heard something about the bathroom then jumped to his feet, quickly turning the water on. All his friends yelped as warm water sprayed down on them. "Shhhh!" Remus hissed just as the door to the bathroom flung open.

"Potter!" the prefect shouted as lights flickered on, "Black! I _know_ you're in there! Come on then, who's in the shower?"

Remus put a finger to his lips then turned around. "Um, it's—it's me. Lupin."

"What are you doing in the shower?"

Remus crept forward, pushing past the inner curtain then cautiously poking his wet head out the outer, holding the curtain to cover his clothes as if he were naked. "Would you b-believe getting a shower?"

The prefect narrowed his eyes. "In the dark?"

Remus bit his bottom lip. "I like the—the dark. I've got my wand lit up anyway."

"Are Potter and Black in there?" He tried to look past Remus.

His eyes went huge. "P-perhaps you're in the—the habit of showering with your friends, b-but I am not."

The prefect went deep red, fury flashing across his face. He jerked just slightly as if he might just come into the shower then held back. "Watch it, Loopy. When you see them, let them know they're in trouble." With that he left, slamming the door shut behind him.

Remus stumbled back into the shower, slumping against the wall. His friends were all grinning. "Excellent job, Mr. Lupin!" Sirius said, offering his hand.

He smiled faintly, shaking Sirius's hand while James turned the water off and Peter picked up his soggy, ruined cards, a look of dismay. "I'll buy you a new deck," James promised with a giggle. "That was _great_."

"You know you've only just postponed the inevitable," Remus pointed out as they all began squeezing water out of their soaked uniforms. Sirius tipped his head so he could wring out his hair.

"Oh, without doubt," laughed James. "But I'd rather deal with McGonsie than a prefect over this sort of thing."

Remus sighed, shaking his head with a smile at what just happened. It would be a wonder if James managed to remain on the Quidditch team by the end of the year!

*

Professor McGonagall waited for the Marauders outside the Great Hall when morning came. She inquired after the furniture (which had still been on the ceiling when they headed out for the day), wanting to know precisely what happened. Since most the common room had witnessed them doing this they certainly couldn't deny their involvement. So James and Sirius put on their best puppy dog eyes, pleading that they were merely practicing for Charms class and they hadn't _meant_ for all that to happen and really, Professor, who could punish students for doing their homework? Something about their countenance got to her and she let them off with a warning and a small lecture.

"And that, dear boy, is why we go to McGonsie and not the prefects," Sirius said, slinging an arm across Remus's shoulders. "All you gotta do is cry homework." Remus rolled his eyes, trying not to smile.

"So, was thinking, lunchtime—we have _got_ to try to get to the girls' dorm," James muttered under his breath as they went in to find seats.

Remus hesitated before sitting down. "How many points have we lost Gryffindor so far?"

"Who _cares_ about points anyway?" Sirius asked. "Like, what are they even _for_? It's like grades, it doesn't mean anything."

It felt like an electric shock to his system, or what he imagined one would feel like. It took a few seconds of his mouth moving for the sounds to actually get out. "Grades—grades m-mean—that's not—what—no—no, um—what? No! Th—that's not...!"

James and Peter bust up laughing. "I think you just sent Remy into a fit," Pete giggled.

Remus was well aware his face had gone brilliantly red. "N-n-not a fit! Grades aren't—grades—you—that isn't—"

"Re _lax_!" Sirius pat his back. "I didn't mean it like _that_." Remus waited for him to explain what he did mean however he didn't say, instead complaining about the prefects sticking their noses into innocent students' businesses, ignoring the fact they were not in any way, shape, or form innocent.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three - A Sirius Medical Emergency

After Charms instead of going to the Great Hall the Marauders went up to the tower, to try out their big plan. Their _test_. Which Remus still felt weird about it being _his_ idea, technically (though Sirius kept saying how proud he was for Remus to think it up). There were a few people in the common room (the furniture _still_ on the ceiling) but luckily they didn't need the entire tower empty. They headed up to their dorm where James got out his broom, carefully mounting it before Sirius arranged the cloak over him.

"Open the window!" he exclaimed.

Peter ran over, throwing the window open. They heard James going over then leaving. All three of them crowded together, leaning out to try to see even though there was nothing _to_ see; then Remus glanced down, feeling ill. Quickly he pulled back in.

"You think he'll manage?" Pete asked.

"Probably, I doubt they've enchanted the _windows_ ," replied Sirius, leaning out even farther. Remus got out some snacks from his desk which drew Pete away from the window. They sat on his bed, sharing the food, while Sirius just kept leaning out the window. "I hope he's all right," he said after a few minutes. "I think we'd've heard something by now if there was an alarm on the windows too, right?" He stayed still, watching. A few more minutes passed. "Come on, Jimmy."

"Standing vigilant won't do anything," Remus pointed out.

"I don't know what that word means so I'm not gonna answer," Sirius said, eyes still locked on the sky. Remus rolled his eyes.

Remus and Peter finished off the apples and most the crisps, wiping their hands off then joining Sirius back at the window. Another moment or so passed until they heard James's voice telling them to _please_ move.

They backed away as James came flying in, nearly crashing. "I did it!" he laughed, ripping his cloak off. "I got in a dorm! I'm not sure which one. I think the third years? But it works! Lads, it _works_! We can sneak into the girls' _dorms_! We got past all their barriers! We'll be able to play pranks on them and NOBODY will ever suspect it's us! Hah!" He carefully put his broom back in its case then, with a flourish, whipped out a bra from his pocket. "Ta-da!"

"Yes!" Sirius shouted while Peter clapped his hands and Remus snorted.

This bra was vastly different from Professor Dedenne's bra, the only other one they had to compare it to. This one was much smaller and didn't quite hold the—the cup shape that Dedenne's had. Wasn't so stiff. It was white with delicate pink flowers though it did have tiny white sort of scallop-y shapes around the top of the boob area.

"This one's so floppy!" Pete said, taking the bra and waving it. "It's not that shiny, either. It's just like... plain cloth."

"Yeah, it's really boring," Sirius said. "Just like a pair of underwear. Not interesting."

James grunted. "Next time you can steal fancier ones. I didn't _want_ to take a really fancy one cause I don't think we'll be able to return it anytime soon. That one looked like it wasn't as pricey so that's why I chose that. But guys— _guys!_ The underwear drawer was like..." His eyes got enormous as he spread his hands out. "So many colors! And they all felt so different too!"

"Didja look at the _panties_?" Sirius asked with a grin, taking the bra from Peter and holding it up to his own chest.

James snickered. "I did. A little bit. I didn't want to stay too long. Next time you can come with me. Though I doubt we can fit _all_ of us on a broom..."

"That's fine, I don't particularly want to go stealing girls' underwear," Remus put in quickly, trying his best to pretend he didn't notice the looks they all gave him. Like they thought he was crazy. "I—I don't think we should be stealing underwear _at all_. It's not—not nice to steal clothes of any kind!" He thought for a quick second then shrugged. "Unless it is Slytherin clothing."

"EW SLYTHERIN PANTIES!" Peter squealed which sent them all into loud gags.

"It smelled so different from our dorm." James went to flop onto Remus's bed, hand snaking into a bag of crisps. "Like, flowery? There was makeup all over the dressers too. Some of them. There were lots of magazines everywhere like our dorm but most of them were _girly_ magazines. Posters and pictures of boys on the walls. There was also a spell stuck up next to one of the mirrors."

"What spell?" Remus asked.

Sirius snorted. "Oh yeah, _that's_ what gets your attention. Not the panties, but the spell."

Remus stuck his tongue out at him, quite annoyed, slight embarrassed. Maybe he should pretend to be interested in the bra? He took it very carefully between a thumb and forefinger, holding it up to look at the bizarre article of clothing. He wondered briefly who it belonged to then quickly dropped it realizing it'd had _boobs_ in them. Uggggh. "What spell?" he asked again, wiping his hand off.

James squinted, trying to remember. "C-i-r-r-a-t-i-u-m."

"Cirratium..." Remus frowned, rubbing his chin. "Not quite sure of the etymology. It sounds like Latin..." He tried to work out what it could possibly mean, a few theories floating around his mind.

"What's it do?" Pete asked.

"One way to find out..." James whipped out his wand, pointing it at Peter who yelped, trying to dive out of the way. "Come on then, Petey, can't be too bad if some girls are using it! Cirratium! Sit _still_! Cirratium _—Cirratium_!" This last one hit Pete whose hair immediately poofed out in extreme curls.

Nobody spoke for a second then Sirius and James laughed very hard. "Ah!" Remus said with a smile. "Cirratus. Curly." Then he joined in with the laughing, clutching his stomach, wiping tears away.

"Explains why it was stuck on a mirror," Sirius said once he could talk again.

"Make it go BACK!" Peter yelled, clutching at his wild curls.

"I—I don't know how!" James said, trying to sound apologetic but his huge grin betrayed him. "Ask Remy, not me!"

"I haven't the faintest either!" Remus protested.

Pete lurched forward, grabbing Remus's collar as Remus squeaked with a little bit of fear at the intensity flashing in Peter's eyes. "Make. it. Go. BACK! I—I can't go to class like this! I look—I look _horrible_! I look like a—a _poodle_!"

"Oh, just wear your hat," snickered Sirius, joining James on Remus's bed to eat the crisps.

"Nobody wears the hats except for special occasions! I'll be laughed at just as much!" Peter looked a little teary-eyed as he stared in horror at his reflection. "Please—Remus... _please_!"

"I—I'll try," Remus said. "Finite incantatum!" he tried with no success. "Um."

"Um?" Peter glared at Remus. "What do you mean _um_?"

Remus threw his hands up. "I'm sorry! I don't know how to even begin to fix this if the general counter-curse doesn't work!"

"W—well what's Latin for _straight_?!"

Remus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It doesn't _work_ that way."

Peter began trying to flatten down his hair but it kept springing back up. "I hate you, James Potter!"

"It's not that bad," James said with a snicker. Then he burst into laughter. "Nah, I lied, it is!"

Remus genuinely felt bad for Peter, remembering how he felt with a horrifyingly embarrassing hairstyle. So he flicked his wand towards James. "Cirratium."

James's hair now sproinged out, his curls a lot tighter and going in every direction. "Wh—REMUS?!" James scrambled off the bed, dashing to the mirror. "Why the erkling did you do THAT?!"

The other two were laughing again, Sirius gasping for air, while tears poured down Peter's cheeks.

"I did it because of the flippancy you have towards Pete's predicament," Remus sniffled then screamed, diving under his bed as James tried to hit _him_ with the spell. "No! NO!" He wriggled his way under then did his best to put up a shield to protect him. The spell bounced off.

"Take your medicine, Lupin!" James yelled.

"Go away!"

Sirius fell off the bed from laughing so hard, pounding his fists against the floor. James crouched, glowering at Remus. "Come on out," he sang, wriggling his finger.

" _Go away_!" Sirius's hand wrapped around his wrist. "Sirius—no—no!" Remus yelped as the traitor began pulling him out from under his bed. He made a grab for the edge, holding on tight. "NO! If you do this so help me—YAHHH!"

Sirius gave a mighty tug and Remus rolled out, being hit with the spell immediately. "No!" He reached up, feeling that his own curls were more like Peter's than James's. They didn't feel too wild. "Why?!"

"All's fair," James said. Remus narrowed his eyes and pointed his wand. "You already got me with it, dummy, whatcha gonna do?"

"Cirratium!" Remus said, flicking his wand towards Sirius who shrieked. "That's what you get, traitor!" Then he scowled because Sirius's curls were very soft and looked... well, quite nice on him. But he still shouted about his 'poor hair' and 'how dare you!'. He stood in front of the mirror, lower lip sticking out.

Pete, watching all this from his bed, was grinning. "I don't feel so bad now. Thanks, guys!"

Remus peered into the mirror, running his fingers through his hair, trying to pull the curls out. "If we go out like this then the third year girls realize a bra is missing they might put two and two together."

"Nah, it's a reach," replied James. He took the end of one of his tight curls then pulled it out. When he let go it sprang back into place. "Don't want to go to class looking like this though."

"Everyone's gonna laugh at us," Pete agreed solemnly.

"We have History in less than half an hour," Remus pointed out.

"Definitely not going," Sirius said, bending in to study his reflection closer. "Let's go to Pomfrey, maybe she can reverse it or summon the hair witch that cuts our hair. Don't wanna go through the halls though." Peter picked up his robes, sliding his arms through then pulling the hood over to hide his hair. Sirius grinned. "Brilliant."

They all got their robes on, hiding their shame under the hoods. In addition they took side passages as well as secret ways to get to the hospital wing so they'd be less likely seen; actually, not seen at all, thank Merlin. The four of them trudged into the hospital wing, having to wait until Pomfrey returned from lunch. Remus fidgeted, hoping they'd be able to get to History even if they were a _little_ bit late.

Pomfrey looked more resolved than surprised to see the four of them sitting there. "What happened this time?"

None of them said anything until finally James stood up. "Erm, we sort've had an accident."

"All of you?"

"Uh... yeah, um, all of us..."

Pomfrey looked him up and down. "Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?" James glanced back at the other three then pulled his hood down. Remus tugged his back, then Peter, then finally Sirius. Pomfrey's lip twitched slightly. "A hair accident," she said slowly. "Can you tell me _exactly_ what happened?"

"Slytherins," Sirius said immediately.

Pomfrey raised her eyebrows. "I see. Slytherins attacked you and... curled your hair." They remained silent. "My guess is you found a spell somewhere or heard it, didn't know what it did, and decided to test it out."

"Um, it... might have gone more like that," James admitted then put on his best Potter smile. "Can you please help us?"

"This is a _hospital wing!_ I'm here for _medical_ issues, not..." Her eyes focused on the top of his head. "... styling trouble."

Now Sirius jumped up. "Please! Ma'am, come on, _look_ at us, we look _awful_!"

"Again, that is not my problem," she sniffled. "Get to class. You're already late."

"It is a medical problem though!" Sirius continued. "It's causing me great distress and anguish!" He clutched at his chest, right over his heart. "Stress isn't very good on the ol' ticker, now, is it?"

"I highly doubt having curly hair for a few hours is going to give you a heart attack."

"You know I've always thought you were the most talented and amazing witch," Sirius went on, smiling very sweetly. "You're so pretty too."

" _Out_ , Mr. Black."

They yanked their hoods back up, exiting out of the wing with grumbles. There wasn't any question about whether or not to go to class, none of them dared. Not even Sirius who looked perfectly fine with his curls. Remus wasn't amused by that, as it seemed like there was very _little_ to make Sirius look less than amazing. Remus thought he could roll down a long, steep hill through mud and he'd still probably just be beautifully tousled, as handsome as ever. It _really_ wasn't fair at _all_.

"Let's go to Remus's place," James suggested.

"My _what_?!" he half-shrieked, suddenly terrified they knew—somehow—about the house in Hogsmeade.

James grinned. "The library, silly. We'll find an answer there. With your research skills and my—whatever it is I have, we'll get the answer in no time, eh?"

It wasn't very far to the library normally however as they wanted to avoid the main passage it took a bit longer. Finally they crept in, ignoring the librarian glowering at them. Mr. Farrow wasn't a very pleasant man normally but he held special disdain towards James and Sirius. He didn't complain, just sneered as they headed through the aisles. Remus went directly to the Charms area, vaguely remembering some shelves dedicated to appearance-based spells. The other three didn't help much as he searched through multiple books until he found out that had the curling spell and its opposite, the straightening spell.

"But my hair isn't straight normally," Sirius pointed out. "We need a spell to just _cancel_ it."

Remus took the book to a table to more carefully sift through, shaking his head. "Not finding much in here."

"I say we straighten our hair, then let the spell just wear off Sirius," suggested Peter.

" _No_ I want my _wavy_ hair!" Sirius growled. "Not straight! Not curly! _Wavy_! It's my hair! It's my _look_! Remus, this is your fault."

"You're the one who pulled me out from under my bed," Remus replied without looking up from the book. "You just have to deal with the consequences. I don't think these spells last long, in any case. After all the spell _was_ tacked up next to the mirror, right?" he questioned James who nodded. "Therefore, logically thinking, they must need to use it often."

"If they used it often though won't they just remember the spell?" Pete asked, tugging his hood down lower. "I mean, I don't remember many spells but I do know the ones we use a lot."

James reached out, fingers brushing against the book. "At least let us straighten _our_ hair. I mean, my hair's not like, completely straight either but I'd rather it not look like this."

"S'not as wavy as mine," Sirius grumbled however didn't protest any more so they left the library once Remus checked out the book, and found a hidden passageway to test out the spell. Remus tried a couple times until he managed to fix Peter's hair, for once willing to be the first test subject. He fixed James's hair, then his own, then looked at Sirius who let out a loud groan, covering his face with his hands while agreeing miserably.

"What's the big deal?" James asked as Sirius's hair was straightened. It looked just as nice completely straight as it did wavy or curly.

"My hair... is important to me," Sirius mumbled, tugging at one of the strands.

"It looks nice either way," Remus said with a smile, trying to cheer him up. Sirius sank down lower,cheeks going a little pink, tugging at his hair more, staring intently at the strands. He didn't say anything so Remus figured he had said the wrong thing, and felt a little bad. "Well, um, looks like we pretty much missed all of History so we'll be getting into trouble for that."

They hung out in the passage until History was over then headed to Transfiguration where McGonagall was waiting for them with her lips pressed thin. "I admit, I am rather surprised to find you here," she said as they slunk over to their seats.

"Why is that, Professor?" James asked sweetly.

"I've been told you skipped History. Again."

Sirius tossed his hair back. Despite the spells being used on it, it still moved beautifully. "We had an emergency. You can ask Madame Pomfrey, we went to the hospital wing."

"Oh, I'll be sure to inquire later today," McGonagall said stonily, "but for now five points each from Gryffindor."

Remus tried not to feel too depressed over another twenty points lost. They were in last place as it was, which was pretty much solely thanks to the Marauders. Most the other second years scowled at them throughout class then afterwards Lily asked what the emergency was. Remus didn't really want to say so he said it was a personal matter.

"Remus, were you lot just bunking off again?" she asked, eyes narrowed.

"No, we—we really had some... issues," he said, rubbing his elbow. "Perhaps not an _emergency_ but... well, we—we found a spell and tried it out It had... embarrassing results."

"Is that why you were missing from lunch?" Her eyes danced with amusement. "What happened?"

Remus made a huffy sound. "I'm not telling! It was really embarrassing." Though actually he hadn't really minded his curls _too_ much, they hadn't looked terrible really. Definitely not as bad as that stupid Christopher Robin haircut! Between that or the curls, he'd choose the curls in a heartbeat. "We tried to get Pomfrey to help us however she decided it _wasn't_ an emergency, so we had to help ourselves."

A hand came down on his shoulder causing him to jump. "You're not telling her what happened, are you?" James demanded rather furiously. Beyond him Sirius and Pete were looking betrayed and angry.

"No, he won't, he's keeping whatever secret it is that's upset you so much," Lily informed him haughtily before walking quickly off.

James put his thumb on his nose and wriggled his fingers at her before pulling Remus back to the Marauders, all of them making it clear they hadn't _really_ thought he'd tell Lily, but one did have to be careful.

It seemed McGonagall was satisfied enough with the fact they _had_ gone to the hospital wing because she didn't seek them out, and by morning Sirius's hair had returned to its regular waves. Remus had no clue what the others had done with the bra nor did he care.

Spinnet, on the other hand, wound up having to go to classes the next day with extremely curly hair and complained that he had no idea how it happened he just woke up that way. Professor Prewett fixed it in Defense, though Spinnet still sulked the remainder of the day.

That evening at James's practice it was quite difficult for Remus to concentrate on his book or the flying. He sat in the bleachers with Sirius and Peter, a book propped in front of him, but he felt a little too tired to even attempt to read. The next night would be the moon and he was starting to get a little frightened at the prospect of being _alone_. It's what he wanted all last year—not to have to drag himself to the hospital wing every morning only to go back every evening, especially in the winter when there wasn't as much daylight. It was rough. However... he had never been alone before like that. He'd been alone plenty on nights that he didn't transform, but not _after_ transformations. He always had his parents or Pomfrey to take care of him.

_I have to get used to taking care of myself_ , he thought for the millionth time. But it was still rather scary.

He gave up trying to read and just propped his elbows on his knees, his chin in his hands as he watched James flying around. On top of feeling afraid of being alone he was _still_ unsure whether they'd be... showing up or not. None of them had mentioned wanting to come hear the haunted house during the full moon ever since James first mentioned it, so he figured he was safe. He _hoped_.


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four - My Illness, My Business

In the morning it took Remus ages to get out of bed. He felt bone-tired, and his mind was very foggy as he struggled to get dressed. He thought he did decently but as he tried to leave Sirius stopped him to point out he was wearing his pajama pants. Remus disappeared behind his curtains to change those out then shuffled along to the Great Hall.

To his sleepy delight his parents sent an owl which gave him the perfect opportunity to lie as he wanted to use his mother as an excuse. He opened up the letter, pretended to read a bit, then folded it up, tucking it away. "Looks like it didn't work," he said.

"What didn't?" James asked.

"The, um, potion Mum and I took to hopefully help us," Remus explained carefully as he stirred his porridge. "Mum's gotten sick again, it's pretty bad. I—I think I might go after classes."

Sirius and James looked at each other in the sort of manner that meant something. Remus stiffened, clutching his spoon as he tried to figure out what was going on. Then there was a soft sort of sound from under the table and James very slightly, briefly flinched. Had Sirius kicked him? "I'm sorry to hear that," James finally said.

"What happened?" Peter asked. "Did the medicine make it worse?"

"I don't th—think so," Remus said, unnerved by James and Sirius, anxious about those expressions. What did they mean?

"Are you getting sick too?" Sirius inquired.

"M... me? No. Why?"

"You don't look too well." Sirius's eyes scanned him up and down then settled on his face again. "You look pretty awful, no offense."

Remus ducked his head, poking at the glop of food in his bowl. "I'm fine," he said uncomfortably. So that's what was with those looks, they thought he was going into a relapse.

"Yeah, you look super sick," Peter said, peering into Remus's face.

"You look like you should go to a healer too," agreed James.

"Are you sure—" Sirius started however Remus interrupted with a rather explosive, "I'm _fine_!" They all recoiled at Remus's tone who immediately regretted how he had spoken. "S—sorry, I'm just... really worried about my mum."

They all mumbled incoherently back then returned to their breakfasts. Remus poked at his, wondering if the reason Sirius was so overbearing about all this was because of that comment he made not long ago, about whether or not Remus's illness was fatal. He glanced surreptitiously towards his friend then back down. At least he knew Sirius didn't think that he was a werewolf; he had gone through a terrifying, horrifying, sickening period near the end of their first year when he thought Sirius suspected however Sirius told Remus he thought Remus was a good person. That plus the fact Sirius willingly did things like poke Remus or put an arm around him sorta proved he didn't suspect at all, because what twelve year old pureblood would _ever_ do such things towards a monster?

Still... it seemed like Sirius's determination to pry into his illness had been going up since their second year started... he hoped Sirius wouldn't be like this _all_ year...

Mondays and Fridays were the roughest days class-wise, so this Friday coupled with the moon coming up did not bode well. Starting with Potions didn't bode well either. He collapsed into his seat, feeling nauseated by the smells of the ingredients sitting out. Slughorn began pacing back and forth, patting his oversized stomach as he explained the potion they'd be working on. Remus sort of tuned in and out, fighting off the urge to constantly yawn. They were partnered up, allowed to choose their own partners. As usual, Remus ended up with Sirius who goofed off while Remus sleepily read out the instructions. He grew grouchy over the fact Sirius wasn't... well, being serious about this. He needed better grades. Just because Sirius didn't care...

"Could you please pay attention?" he finally asked.

"I am!" Sirius promised, cocking his head to one side. "Sorta."

Remus was too tired to argue and unsurprised when they received a P. They had Charms next which Remus struggled through, then he slept during lunch. He tried hard to stay wake but his entire body sang with absolute _exhaustion_.

"You sure—like, sure-sure—you're not getting sick again?" Peter asked when he woke up when the bell rang.

He shook his head. "Fine. I mean, no—I mean, yeah I'm sure. Just tired. And worried. About my mother."

They had a free period before History which was spent outside. Remus fell asleep again which meant he was able to somehow get through History then Transfiguration. Professor McGonagall certainly noticed Remus having difficulty performing his spells however also knew why, so she didn't draw attention to it.

After class his friends began begging him to go to the hospital wing. Remus kept assuring them he felt fine, temper slowly growing until he snapped. "I am FINE!" he yelled, hitching his satchel up higher on his shoulder. "Stop telling me how I must feel because I _know_ how I feel, and I am not SICK!"

James snapped right back with, "You look ready to collapse at any second!"

"I don't give a flying jarvey how I look, I know how I feel and it isn't _sick_!" He shot glares at all three of them.

"So... are we not supposed to be concerned about you?" Peter asked, voice climbing a little with distress.

Remus clenched his teeth. "I... appreciate the concern. I really do. It's just frustrating being told how other people think I'm doing, especially when I've clearly communicated I feel perfectly fine." Sirius grabbed his arm, hauling him off. Remus gave a squawk of protest, then struggled to get free to no avail. Sirius just kept pulling him into a bathroom and in front of a mirror. He flinched at his own reflection. He did look ready to just keel over. He looked _really_ bad. "Again, I don't care how I look. I'm _fine_. Why can't you just listen to me?"

James folded his arms. "Well, excuse me for being worried!"

"Why can't you just believe me?!" James jabbed his finger towards the mirror. Remus let out a sound of disgust. "Merlin. I am fine, I do not feel sick at all. My _mum_ is sick, not me."

"You can be sick at the same time your mum is," Sirius pointed out.

"I—I'm not saying I can't be! I'm only saying—just—please, can we drop it?" He searched their faces, a sinking feeling that they wouldn't.

Sure enough... "Could you at least go see Pomfrey before you leave?" James asked, pushing his hair back. "Please?"

Remus scowled, anger building up, the wolf starting to pace, wanting to come out, wanting to lash out. "Why? To ease _your_ minds since you don't believe _me_? No. I'm not sick."

James suddenly put a hand against Remus's forehead. "You might have a fever—"

Remus pushed his hand away, backing up, a little shocked at the sudden touch, a lot shocked at how insistent they were being. It was really grating against him and beginning to make him a bit panicked. "Just DROP IT!" He wished he had stated he _was_ ill but now he couldn't go back. It was more of the fact they were infuriating him with their nosiness. He was _sick_ with them trying to pressure him over all of this. It made him really edgy. "Please," he added.

"Right," James said a bit stiffly. "I'll just not be at all alarmed over the fact you look like you're so sick. It's not my business, is it?"

"James—"

"Not like friends aren't suppose to _care_ about each other," he continued, ignoring Remus. "I mean, if I looked as bad off as you do—"

"You don't, though!" Remus cut him off now with a cry. James closed his mouth, eyes widening. "Okay? None of you know what I'm going through!" He felt his nose itch as he tried to find footing in the dark. Perhaps he should have just gone to Pomfrey, acquiesced to their demands, but their prying into his secrets had really set him off. "You just don't _get it_! I'm _glad_ you care about me enough to worry but you need to bloody take into account what I am SAYING!" The worst part was how right they were, how _horrible_ he felt, how physically _dreadful_ , how much he just wanted to sleep until sundown. "My illness is my business. Not yours. _Any_ of yours," he added, shooting a look towards Sirius who looked vaguely guilty. "I don't care if I look like I'm on death's door, about to drop dead... it's my affair!" His voice began shaking, threatening to break as he fought back tears.

James let out a sort of huffy, surprised sound then just stared stonily at him, trembling very slightly. He finally turned and left the bathroom without another word, slamming the door shut so hard it rattled the mirrors.

Nobody spoke for several seconds then Peter edged towards the door. "Um," he said in a nervous, fluttery sort of voice. "I—I think... he's just... I mean... he—he did just... lose his grandfather... Um, I mean, I think that's why he might be so worried... well, um, sorry—sorry." Then he scurried out after James.

Remus slumped back, having completely forgotten about James's grandfather. And he went and said that about death and... "Merlin," he moaned, putting his head in his hands. He completely screwed things up. How much more insensitive could he have been?! James's worries were annoying, but... seeing his grandfather... then... "You can go too," he mumbled, muffled from the palms of his hand covering his mouth.

Sirius shifted his weight so he stood closer to Remus. "I'm in both sides of the camp here, Remy. I'm worried about you but I do think he was pushing you too much." Then after a second, "I know I've pushed you in the past too. Didn't really realize how crappy it was of me until I saw someone else do it."

"I'm just going to go home to see my mother," Remus said softly, still covering his face, wishing Sirius would go so he could be alone. Sirius didn't budge. "You should... see if James is all right..."

"Yeah. All right. Be careful—er, I'll see you... in a couple days."

Sirius left the bathroom and when the door clicked shut behind him Remus dropped to his knees, wrapping his arms around his middle as he bent forward, tears dripping down. He felt so _stupid._ He shouldn't have said... of course, James had said things about dying since then but—well, that was probably different. Making jokes was one thing, coming from someone who looked as sick as Remus was another thing entirely. He knew he needed to apologize however didn't think he had to strength to go after James right now. Plus he'd probably just mess it up even more, with as thick as he was at being a human.

He staggered to his feet, wiping his face off on his sleeve before miserably heading to the hospital wing.

*

Pomfrey took him all the way to the house this time, stomping along the tunnel. She didn't say much but radiated disapproval until they finally climbed up into the battered living room. She repeated everything McGonagall had already told him: that if he didn't send a message within an hour after sunrise she'd come and get him, he needed to leave a message before sundown, etc, etc. She also mentioned that the fridge would be well stocked, and they had all the linen and towels cleaned a few days ago. She gave a loud sniff as if to further show how much she disliked this, then pat his shoulder wishing him luck.

After she left Remus sunk down onto the couch. He was too depressed over what happened with James to do much of anything except hug a pillow and stare at the empty fireplace. He kept hearing himself saying it didn't matter if he dropped dead, then James's voice repeating some of the stuff he said in his letter over the summer, about his nightmares, about being buried with his grandfather. Part of why he had completely forgotten was James barely spoke about what happened over the summer. He acted perfectly fine. But Remus of all people should know the facade others put on to hide what was going on underneath. It could very well be James had been privately anguishing over the death of his grandfather all this time. Then Remus looks sick, James gets worried, and Remus said that about it not mattering if he looked about to die.

He rolled over, clinging tighter to the pillow. He didn't completely regret standing up for himself, because it _wasn't_ their business at all. He didn't want them knowing much, asking questions, trying to slide themselves into what went on in the hospital wing. It'd be far too dangerous. He needed to keep them at a distance in that respect. _Should keep them at a distance period_ , he thought. _Maybe I should never told them I was sick._

He sat up now, rubbing his eyes. No. He knew he wouldn't be able to get away with that. Not with the way he tended to look around the full moon, it was quite obvious there was something chronic going on with him. _I have to give it a name_ , he decided. That could get them off his back. He'd need to do research into Muggle blood diseases that passed on genetically that fit the symptoms he had. He'd need to find Muggle medical books. How? Fawley? Would Fawley be able to help him? He didn't want to rely on her too much, she had already done _so_ much for him. Would Pomfrey know? Surely she had to have some Muggle medical books, in case of Muggleborns having Muggle diseases. Though he supposed it could be magical too. After all, even though his mum was Muggle nobody could know for sure her entire ancestral history, she could very well have had a magical ancestor.

_I'll look into magical diseases first_. The library would have plenty of medical books, right?

Although there was always the chance he couldn't find anything exactly right... or that giving more lies could turn on him. He was already lying so much, should he do more? Should he keep on like this, or build up more falsehoods? He regretted every mentioning the stupid cure thing but—it was all just so frustrating, and confusing! He wished things could be easier..

*

Remus cried out in pain as his body twisted, the fur disappearing, his bones shrinking, his form going from giant wolf to small boy. He lay on the ground, panting softly for air as the initial pain of transforming back subsided and he could take note of what continued to hurt. His chest. His right leg. His shoulder, a little bit.

He closed his eyes, reaching out for some kind of cloth to cover himself, resting a little bit before he went to get cleaned up before Pomfrey got there. He was about to drift back into sleep when he remembered _Pomfrey wasn't coming_! He opened his eyes, sitting up then hissing in pain. _I need to get to the bathroom_! He looked down at his body. There were some deep scratches on his chest, awful teeth marks in his right thigh, and a gouge out of his right calf. He couldn't really see anything wrong with his shoulder but it kinda burned so maybe it was torn on the inside. He shifted, testing out how much his leg hurt before getting up. He nearly fell then forced himself into the bathroom, leaving a trail of blood.

He washed his hands then picked up the piece of chalk, about to write a message then he hesitated. _I need to be honest_ , he thought. If he ever lied about his state of well being and they found out they'd probably never let him be alone. So he sat down on the toilet to again assess his body. The scratches and shoulder would be fine. The gouge in the leg was nasty but he thought it'd be manageable. The rest of the scratches were definitely nothing to be too concerned about. The bite mark, however, was pretty deep and bleeding pretty bad, and in his thigh. He tried to remember where the arteries were that could be dangerous if they were sliced into. He thought they were on the inner thigh, so the bite on the outside should be okay... right?

He got back up and wrote on the chalkboard.

**I'm feeling okay. Bite on my thigh but it is outside of thigh so should be okay? Is that where the main artery is?**

He stood back, waiting with a pounding heart. It took a moment but then Pomfrey's handwriting appeared. **Femoral artery is on inner thigh. How deep is the bite mark?**

Remus replied it wasn't that deep, and that it was his worst wound. He promised he'd be fine, and thanked her, then got into the shower. It hurt a lot to clean himself off then he staggered out, pulling bandages out of the medicine cabinet. He wrapped them around his lower and upper leg, then plastered bandages on his chest, wrapping gauze around to keep them in place without a spell. They didn't look the best, but they'd do.

He limped upstairs, pulling himself along the handrail, whimpering every time he put weight on his right leg. Finally he reached the bedroom then stared in horror. The wardrobe was mostly intact but he had tried to break into it sometime during the night. There were splintered bits on the floor, and a very tiny, narrow, vertical hole in one door. He knew the previous year he had tried to get into the wardrobe before but it had never been this bad.

_Will it hold up till Monday_? he wondered, unlocking the door so he could get to his clothes. He had at least remembered to bring gentle clothes with him. Baggy sweatpants and an enormous t-shirt that swallowed him. He decided not to bother with the underwear, not wanting to try to get them over his leg wounds. Then he pulled on socks, crawled into the bed, and fell asleep.

*

Remus woke up sometime in the afternoon, not sure what time it was. He made his way downstairs, going to the bathroom real quick before scrounging around in the fridge. He didn't have the energy to do much, just slap together a sandwich. He missed the chocolate shakes Pomfrey had been making for him towards the end of his first year. Would it be too awful to ask if the house-elves could supply a few in the fridge?

_Now what_? Normally he slept most the day but he felt far too aware of his surroundings to do so. He tried reading, but every little noise made him jump. It made him feel smaller... being in the house during the day—despite the fact no daylight penetrated into the house—was a little scary. Just the knowledge that it was _day_ outside, that people were going about their business in Hogsmeade...

He got up, going over to the front door. _Maybe someone's out there now_ , he thought with a shiver. James and Sirius had sorta described the area. There was a hill, and a fence. _Someone could be at that fence right now staring at the house_. He backed away from the door, rubbing his arms, uncomfortable. He paced around for a while then got out cleaning supplies to try and get rid of _some_ of the blood. Except kneeling on the floor hurt his leg too much so he quickly gave up on that idea, opting to try and read again until he snapped the book shut, put everything away, ate another sandwich, then went to bed once more, hoping that he'd soon feel more comfortable.

*

He woke up to a very faint thudding sound. _What in Merlin's name_!?

Another thud.

He scrambled out of bed, breathing heavily, absolutely beyond terrified. Something was going on. Something had... knocked against the side of the house? He tiptoed downstairs, nearly falling as the thudding happened again. It was coming from the living room, against one of the windows. Remus went over, legs trembling. _Thud_. He jerked back, nearly vomiting as he realized it was the sound of someone trying to get in, trying to knock through the slats. Not that they could get through. Could they? He could hear muffled voices, but the intense spells on the house was making it hard for even his hearing to penetrate the walls. At least on its own...

Remus hurried to the kitchen to grab a glass then went back out, pressing it against the wall to try to hear what was on the other side. Voices. He still couldn't make them out too well and had to strain to listen, then nearly dropped the glass when he realized it was the Marauders. At least Sirius, talking about trying to break in—or so he got from the garbled words he managed to hear.

_No_. He backed away from the wall. _No, no, no, no_. They had snuck into Hogsmeade and were trying to break in.

Remus fell to his butt, trying not to cry out. They were only a few feet away, _just on the other side of the wall_! He felt like he might vomit. Another thud. He crawled over, ignoring the pain flaring up in his legs, feeling some of the wounds breaking again, then sat next to the wall. James was talking now. At least he was feeling well enough to go sneaking off. Then Sirius said something, sounding right on the other side, as if he were up against the wall. Something about getting in.

Remus got up, panicking. They couldn't get in, right? No. No way could some twelve year olds could do that! Still...

He looked down at the glass in his hand then without even thinking threw it at the wall. The glass shattered, and he heard a frightened yelp that was probably Peter. Then silence. He ran over, pressing his ear. He thought he heard something about ghosts, then it went quiet and remained quiet. He listened in for a good long while then figured they had left.

Remus hurried to the bathroom to relieve himself, as his bladder had nearly emptied itself during that! Then he returned to the living room to clean up the shards of glass with very shaky hands, noticing a new bloodstain on the floor and on his sweatpants where the wound on his calf had reopened. He couldn't tell anyone because he didn't want to get them in trouble but... what if they tried again? Why were they even there?

_James wanted to come during a full moon, what if they return tonight?_ Then an even worse thought, _What if they were outside last night_? He dumped the glass in the trash, hoping the wolf wouldn't claw into it. Probably would.

Then he sat on the couch, too shaken up to do much besides freak out until sleep overcame him once more.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five - Perfect Howl Of Emptiness

On Sunday morning Remus woke up in a lot of pain. His left arm was essentially useless. He pushed himself up onto his right side, staring at the gashes and bites all over his thin arm, the exposed muscles, his hand flopping when he tried to move his arm. He focused on moving his fingers but only one of them twitched a little.

_I need to go to the hospital_ , he thought, struggling to get to his feet. He had some pain in his side and legs but no where near as bad as his arm. He went into the bathroom, rinsing off his right hand before grabbing the piece of chalk. He stared dizzily at the board which had some vague smears on it making him think the wolf had come in to check on the item, reminding himself he needed to be honest with Pomfrey. The board faded in and out of vision as unconsciousness threatened to take over.

_I don't want to go in though_. What could Pomfrey do? She couldn't heal it. Just wrap it up. He bit his bottom lip then carefully wrote, **All good this morning**. He set the chalk down, guilt eating away at him for lying. Pomfrey's response soon showed up, stating that she was glad to hear that.

Then Remus fell to the floor, passing out from the blood loss and pain

*

He came to feeling weak and ill. He lay on the floor staring blankly at the bathroom ceiling for a moment then dragged himself into the shower, crying out when the hot water hit his body. He went in and out of consciousness for a bit then finally felt somewhat decent enough to push himself into a sitting position, watching the bloody water going down the drain. His wounds weren't _healed_ -healed but they had healed enough to not be bleeding anymore. They were still nasty, though, and a couple of them started bleeding when he tried wiping them clean. He did his best to clean off the rest of his body then hauled himself out of the shadow, having to pull himself to his feet with the help of the toilet, so he could reach a towel. Once mostly dry he sat down to put bandages on. Even though he wasn't as risk for any infection (his lycanthropic genes would destroy any intruder) he used some of the wound cleaning salve Pomfrey told him about.

Remus left the bathroom, staring at the stairs. He needed to go upstairs to get his clothes. _You can do it._ He took in a deep breath then began going up. It wasn't quite as bad as he expected and he managed to get himself to the bedroom. The wardrobe was in an even worse state than the night before. He had to wrestle with the door a bit (one handed) to get it open, then pulled his loose clothing out. He felt overwhelmed with the thought of getting dressed then, gritting his teeth, got the t-shirt on over his head, slipped his right arm through, and sucked in some air as he got his left arm in as well which hurt _so_ bad. His vision splintered around him. He sat down on the edge of the bed to take a break, panting a bit from the exertion. Then he got the sweatpants on, having to wriggle a lot to pull them up then it took him a lot of effort to get it somewhat tied.

He was absolutely starving but the thought of going back downstairs was too much. _Maybe shouldn't have lied_ , he thought, carefully laying back on the bed, soaked in sweat. It would be tiring going back to the hospital wing but then he wouldn't have to take care of himself. _That's what Professor McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey were going on about_ , he realized miserably. He didn't want to think about that any more so he just pushed himself farther onto the bed and fell asleep.

*

Remus woke up screaming and thrashing, which sent massive amounts of pain crashing through his body. He rolled over, falling out of bed which made him see stars, and vomited, the nightmare replaying over and over. The Marauders breaking into his house, and him killing them, ripping them to pieces.

"Merlin... no..." he sobbed, cheek pressed against the bedroom floor inches from the puddle of sick, right hand clutching at his head as the images of James, Sirius, and Peter's dismembered bodies burned into his brain. He could still feel his teeth sinking into their flesh, taste their blood. He gave another sob and pushed himself up in time to vomit again. He rolled onto his back, whimpering with each breath. He felt sweaty and hot, his arm in utter pain once more. Slowly he forced himself to sit up and peel back the bandaged, fresh blood oozing down, soaking into the t-shirt. He took in a deep breath and pushed himself to his feet, staggering downstairs, silent tears rolling down his face. He stumbled into the bathroom to clean himself off once more and rebandage the arm.

Once he took a rest from doing that he went to try and find something he could easily, quickly do one handed. He wound up eating some hard boiled eggs, cold chicken, a chunk of cheese, and some bread. Just plopped it all onto a plate, plowing through the food, feeling too much like an animal for not even using silverware. He kept his left arm cradled close to his body.

After eating he returned to the bathroom to take care of business, and when he went to wash his hands he recoiled at his own reflection, how horrifyingly pale he was. He looked even more on death's door than he did when he argued with James. Sighing, he rubbed his eyes, knowing once his blood started replenishing he'd look better.

After cleaning up the sick, Remus spent the rest of the day alternating sleeping and trying to get food in his system. At least he was so distracted from the pain and exhaustion that when he was awake he didn't have time to worry about his friends trying to break in again even though that was the main show whenever he slept, pulling him violently out of his sleep with screams and sobs. His arm was still in bad shape just before sunset, though, and when he woke up in the morning it felt like his entire body was covered in gashes. He had just gotten into the bathroom to tell Pomfrey he was all right when he remembered it was Monday now, and the moon was over; Pomfrey would be coming regardless. He was still in the shower when she came into the house.

"I—it's the worst it has been all we—weekend," he promised weakly when she pursed her lips at the sight of all his wounds. "Honest. I—I was going to write that I needed help, before remembering what day it was."

"I'm not sure if I believe you, Mr. Lupin, however I don't have much of a choice." She bandaged up all his wounds, helped him into some hospital pajamas, then guided him out—or started to. He pulled away, hobbling up the stairs to get all the things left in the wardrobe which was nearly in pieces.

"Um..." He felt embarrassed to mention it when he came back down, except he needed to. "Um, the—the wardrobe upstairs... where I keep my things... I—I don't know why... but the w—I... _I_ have been attacking it all weekend. It's in dire need of repair. I don't think it would hold up another night."

Pomfrey nodded. "I'll inform Minerva. Have there been any other issues?"

He nearly said no then realized there were two other things he needed to mention. Well, one he _needed_ to mention, one he wanted to mention. "I was wondering if maybe—maybe... if it's n-not too much trouble, if I could... be provided with the means to make those, um, shakes you made me last year? I can make them the—the night before then store them in the fridge, so the house-elves don't need to t-trouble themselves with—"

"Of course," she said with a smile. "Did you have any trouble eating?"

"A little," he confessed. "Yesterday morning my hand was hurt. Plus being so tired..."

Pomfrey nodded as he spoke. "I'll speak to the house-elves about supplying you with the shakes. Anything else? Was there anything else you were in need of? Any other problems?"

He thought of a dozen very minor things that could be added; more blankets, for instance, or the handles in the shower lowered so he could reach from easily from the floor. He didn't want to mention any of that though, they were just small things and he didn't want to appear to be greedy. They were already doing far too much for him, it wouldn't be right to ask for more. Instead he went, "I—I think someone was trying to get into the house on Saturday. I heard a lot of thumps right outside one of the living room windows." He had to inform them of this though would never in a _million_ years admit he knew exactly who had been trying.

Pomfrey gave a sigh. "I see. I'll certainly inform Minerva of that as well."

They got to the hospital wing, Remus sliding into bed thinking how nice it was to be back here. It felt better. But he _did_ want to remain at the house during the days of the moon. Pomfrey gave him a strawberry shake which he drank down quickly before drifting into sleep, curled up awkwardly with an arm around a pillow.

*

Remus slept through the entire morning, waking twice from the Marauders-breaking-in nightmares, then a third time to a large lunch from Pomfrey. Most the gashes were healing up pretty well, a few of them gave him trouble. There was a faint scratch on his cheek though he thought he could play it off as something not from an animal, at least hoped he could because he wanted to go to class. He still had History and Transfiguration. Pomfrey clucked her disapproval at him getting out of bed. Once she left he took out the uniform he had been wearing Friday, running his hand across the robes, debating whether they were clean enough. _It's either this or going all the way to the dorms_. He pulled a face and got dressed in the rumpled clothes. He was usually untidy as it was. They didn't _smell_ bad or anything, a vague sort of wolfy scent which he doubted nobody else would pick up on.

Of course after lunch was a free period so he was able to put off leaving the hospital wing, put off facing James again. His stomach began hurting as he thought again of the look on James's face when he said 'drop dead'. He tugged at his cuffs, flinching a little when the sleeve tightened around the bandages on his arm. All too soon it was time to go. He put his satchel over his shoulder, heading off to History. The satchel felt heavier than it did Friday even though it carried the same things. Of course, his body was hurting this time round.

He reached History one minute before two. He steeled himself as best he could, put a shaking hand on the knob, then pushed the door open. The other Gryffindors glanced over, surprised looks passing over most their faces. Sirius, Peter, and Lily all looked happy to see him. James stared blankly then looked back down at the comic book on his desk.

Remus carefully sat down in his seat, in front of Sirius, next to Peter; James was located behind Peter, next to Sirius, and Remus could feel the animosity rolling off his body. Remus's heart sank. He had really hoped James would have calmed down some over the weekend, especially with the trip to Hogsmeade, but obviously not.

Binns began teaching. Remus took notes while chewing on his nails, wishing he had the nerve to send James a note. He glanced back a couple times towards the other boy, once when he thought he felt James's eyes on him however every time James was just reading the comic book.

A note did drop onto Remus's desk. _Welcome back - SB_

He smiled, wrote back a thanks, and sent it behind him. He expected something back then was a little disappointed when no more notes came. Was Sirius angry at him too? If he was angry, why did he sent the note in the first place? Remus forced himself not to ask why, not to look desperate. The class grew long as he sat in misery, trying not to cry. _Have I lost them_? Maybe over the weekend James decided he hated Remus entirely, and Sirius and Peter agreed with him. His writing became shakier and even more incomprehensible until finally— _finally_ —class ended. Remus shut his book, swept everything into his satchel, then left the room.

"Remus!" Lily hurried over to him, grabbing his arm. He couldn't stop the cry of pain and Lily let go, eyes going wide. "I'm sorry!" She stared at him, visibly worried.

"I'm f—fine," he got out. "You just startled me."

She looked like she didn't believe him. "O...kay... Um, is your mother doing better?"

"Yes, thank you." He looked past her, at the other Marauders coming out. Sirius was stretching, saying something that made Peter laugh. Remus averted his gaze.

"You've got a scratch on your face..."

He touched his cheek. "Yeah, um, my—my mum's cat. Hi," he said as Sirius and Peter came over, trying not to sound hopeful or even surprised they were approaching him. They asked after his mother, nodding when he said she was fine. James was hovering a few feet away, arms folded. There was an awkward stretch of silence. Lily kept looking at Remus then the other Marauders.

Finally Sirius slung an arm around Remus's shoulders (this time he managed not to yelp) and said, "I'll walk with Remus to Transfiguration." Peter nodded, told Remus he was glad he was back, then returned to James's side. The two of them walked off together.

"Okay, what was _that_ about?" Lily asked as the three of them headed to class. Sirius dropped his arm away from Remus which he rather wished Sirius hadn't done; the weight, the warmth had felt nice. Plus just the fact he was making physical contact also felt nice.

Sirius glanced at Remus who sighed heavily. "James is... mad at me. For good reason," he added quickly as she opened her mouth. "I need to talk to him. Is he... is he really angry?" he asked Sirius.

"I think he's upset more than angry," Sirius drawled out. "Pete was right about why he acted the way he did, by the way."

Remus closed his eyes, wishing he could go back in time and change how things went. He should have just let them fuss, should have just agreed to go to the hospital wing. He fretted all the way to Transfiguration, loads of questions for Sirius rising to his tongue which he held back. In the end, he didn't say anything else before they went in to their next class. He was barely able to do the work McGonagall set out then was torn between annoyance and relief when she asked him to stay behind. That meant he didn't have to be rebuked by James, however it also meant putting off trying to talk to him. He watched his friends leave then moved to a seat closer to her desk when she motioned for him to do so.

"I was curious as to how your weekend went," she said, folding her hands on the desk.

Remus set his satchel in his lap, fiddling with one of the clasps. "Um, f-fine, really. I slept most the days."

Professor McGonagall nodded. "Any troubles?"

_Oh, right_. "Yes... someone tried to get into th—the house on Saturday. There were loud thumps against one of the living room w-windows. I heard vo—voices but didn't hear what they were saying."

She frowned quite deeply at that. "Poppy did inform me of this. It is a little worrying, and I will speak to Albus of course. She also mentioned that the wardrobe in the master bedroom is falling apart?"

Remus felt his cheeks heating up. "N-not so much falling apart as it is being t—torn apart." He looked at his hands fumbling with the clasp then suddenly felt an urge to cry. He bent forward so his hair fell across his face, hating himself more and more. _Animal, nothing but an animal_. His fingers curled slightly.

"Mr. Lupin." He looked back up, hoping the distress didn't show in his eyes. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," he lied. "Embarrassed, a bit."

"No need to be, it isn't as if you're doing it yourself," she said. Remus frowned, wanting to argue with her because it _was_ him doing it. The other part of him. But she began talking again, not allowing him time to try and explain. "I'll go in sometime soon and fix up the wardrobe as best I can. Is there anything else? You seemed quite distracted in class."

He looked down once more. "Only tired, Professor."

"You don't need to come to classes on days like this..."

"I—I know. But I like to, when I can."

There was a bit of silence then McGonagall rose to her feet. "You may go." He quickly got to his feet then hesitated when she said, "If there's anything else going on, Mr. Lupin, feel free to talk to me."

He swallowed heavily. "Thank you, Professor," he said. "I'll be—be fine." He left, breathing out a slight sigh of relief as he shut the door behind him.

Peter was sitting across the hall. "Hey!" He got up, smiling. "Sirius went off with James. Um, I hope it's okay I waited..."

Remus shouldered his bag. "I'm glad you did," he replied honestly, not wanting to confess he had assumed none of them would be waiting.

"So, your mum's doing okay?" Peter fell into step with him, the two of them walking even though Remus wasn't sure where to go. "I was kinda worried that maybe that—um, you know, the cure thing you said you guys took? That since it didn't work it might have made things worser."

Remus bit back the correction of there being no such word. "Thankfully not," he replied. "She wasn't great however she's had it worse before."

"Missed you this weekend."

"I... missed you too..." He gave Peter a smile then Peter bumped gently against him. Remus managed not to wince in pain. "Did you do anything fun?"

"Ooooh! We went into Hogsmeade!"

"Again? So soon?"

Pete shrugged. "James wanted to."

"What did you do?" Remus hoped he sounded casual enough.

"Not much, really. We went to the Three Broomsticks cause they both wanted to get butterbeer, then we went to the, um, ingredients place cause they've got an idea for a potion to make. We also went to the haunted house cause they wanted to try to break in."

"Ooh, did you manage?"

Peter's eyes got enormous. "No, but a ghost attacked Sirius."

" _What_?" Remus covered his mouth, trying not to laugh as well.

"He was up against the wall when—well, I'm not sure what exactly happened. He says he was attacked. You can ask him later. We ran off after that, cause Sirius said the ghosts were angry with us."

It was so hard not to give in to the laughter. He bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood, managing to fight off the amusement. Later on, Sirius told him the story of how they were trying to get in when the window shattered right in his face and a weird ghost howled at them to go away; Remus had to pretend to be suitably impressed while inwardly laughing at how dramatic his friend was. "I'm glad he's okay," he finally managed to say. Pete nodded in agreement. "So, erm... about... James..."

Peter shrugged. "I dunno, he didn't want to talk about it at all. Whenever Sirius or I mentioned you he just sorta... scowled." He wrung his hands. "He did talk about his grandfather a few times though..." Remus closed his eyes, guilt hurting him once more. "Then at one point said why were we worried about you when it was clear you didn't want us to care?"

Remus frowned, looking down at his shoes. "I... it isn't... I—I don't... mind you caring, I just... it's..."

Peter reached out, resting a hand on his arm. "Hey. It's all right. I know you just want your privacy. And, um, that's okay. With me. I-I'm sorry if I bothered you or anything. It's hard not to worry, but I'll try not to pressure you about it."

Remus looked back up into his warm brown eyes. He wanted so bad to hug Peter, but also didn't dare, so instead he punched Pete's arm very lightly, thanking him. Pete grinned back, punching his arm back just as lightly although it still hurt a bit.

*

Remus and Peter hung out in a courtyard until supper then went into the Great Hall. Peter immediately went over to James and Sirius. Remus very reluctantly followed. Sirius smiled at Remus while James just hunched over his food, jabbing at it with a fork. Remus sat down across from the two and began putting food on his plate. Sirius and Peter started chattering, filling the awkward silence. Occasionally Remus would look at James, and once in a while he felt James's eyes on him.

Finally he couldn't stand it any longer.

"J... James?" he asked very timidly. Sirius fell silent. James just ate, acting as if he hadn't heard him. "James?" he tried again with the same response. "Um. I—I'm... I'm sorry..."

"Could you pass the mustard?" James asked Sirius pleasantly. Sirius raised his eyebrow then pushed the dish over. "Thank you."

Remus bit his lip. "James, I'm sorry—"

"So, I think our first game is going to be against Ravenclaw," James said, slathering mustard onto a sandwich. "We won't get the official matches until next month, of course."

Sirius and Peter looked at each other while Remus curled his hands into fists, fighting the itching in his nose, fighting off the tears. " _James_!"

James slammed his knife down, rattling the dishes, causing Remus to flinch. " _What_!?"

"I—" His voice broke a little and he had to take in a deep breath before he could continue. It didn't help that those sitting nearby had heard this and were now watching with curiosity. "I'm _sorry."_

James blinked then picked the knife up, cutting his sandwich in half. "Why? What for?"

"Wh—what? I—"

"I mean, to be sorry means you care, and obviously friends don't _care_ about friends, do they?"

"James—"

"So you've got nothing to be sorry for, right?" He jammed the knife down again, this time blade first so it stuck into the table. "I don't even understand why you're pretending."

Remus slumped back a little, feeling as though James had just taken the knife to his chest. There were whispers from the nearby students while Sirius had gone paler than normal and Peter was chewing at his lip so roughly that he began bleeding. Everyone seemed to be waiting for Remus to react, including James.

Remus swung his legs out from the bench, grabbed his satchel, and left the Great Hall. He began running as soon as he was out of sight of the doors, managing to hold back the tears until he got outside.

He went down to the lake, finding a private spot in which to cry. There was an outcropping of rocks behind him so he was well hidden. Or so he assumed. After only a couple minutes of hugging his knees and staring despondently out over the water he heard a noise somewhere behind/above him then suddenly Sirius's face appeared upside down right in front of his.

"Heyo!" Sirius said cheerfully as Remus yelped and jumped back, smacking against the rock. He glanced up to see that Sirius was clinging to the rocks, hanging down over him. It was probably the least elegant Remus had ever seen him yet he still looked terrific even with his hair hanging down and his face going red. Then he wriggled, did a flip, and crashed into the sand in front of Remus with a pained yelp.

"Are... you a—all right?"

"Yeah, I guess." Sirius rubbed his backside then scooted back against the rocks next to Remus, going right into the heart of things. "He shouldn't have said that."

Remus hugged his knees tighter, wiping his eyes off on his sleeves. "I really hurt him."

"And he really hurt you." Sirius hesitated then slowly put his arm around Remus's shoulder, obviously trying to comfort him. "He's an idiot."

"I shouldn't have said what I did." He resisted the urge to move closer to Sirius. "He hates me now."

"Pffft." With his other hand Sirius ran his fingers through his hair. "This whole thing started cause he was worried about you. I doubt he hates you. I mean, I guess that's not something I can say for sure..." Remus stretched his legs out, digging the toes of his shoes into the sand. "Remy, we were doing something that _upset_ you, it's fine to... to tell us off when we do that."

"Apparently not," he sniffled. He remembered one of his fights with Lily, when Fawley had said there'd be times he fought with all his friends. He never really... argued much with the Marauders before. It felt so different than fighting with Lily. It still had that same soul-squeezing misery however there was another layer that caused even more pain.

"Again, he is being an idiot."

"Isn't he your best friend?"

Sirius shrugged. "Your point? He's my best friend _and_ he's being a total idiot. Those two things aren't... umm... ummmm..."

"Mutually exclusive?" Remus offered, figuring it was the most fitting phrase to what Sirius was trying to say.

"Maybe." Sirius squinted. "What's that mean?"

Remus couldn't help but smile. "Two things that can't coincide with one another. So if they are not mutually exclusive, they can occur together." He pushed down into the sand some more till it covered half his shoes. "Hopefully he'll forgive me..."

Sirius straightened up, frowning. "Don't let him get away with not apologizing to you."

"Huh?"

Sirius pulled his arm away from Remus so he could fully face him, grabbing his shoulders. "He's been a dick to you. When you guys make up, he needs to apologize to you too, not just you apologizing to him, all right?"

Remus stared up into Sirius's eyes. "It—it's not—it's not—not that—"

"If you say it's not important I'll thump you."

Remus pulled away from him, drawing his knees back up. "Well, it isn't."

"My left foot it isn't," Sirius growled. But even though he folded his arms, he sat back. Then he elbowed Remus until he looked over. Sirius made a face. Then put his fingers in the corners of his mouth, making an even weirder face. He stuck his tongue out, rolled his eyes back, and made a eeeaaaaaaa sound. Remus began giggling a bit. Sirius continued making outrageous faces until the giggling turned into laughter. Then he sat back again, grinning victoriously. He reached over, tousling Remus's hair. "It'll be okay," he promised.

Remus silently hoped he was right.

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

Sirius met his gaze, brow furrowed just slightly. "If there's anything... going on with you... I won't push anymore about what you have, but... you can trust me. With anything."

Remus slowly nodded, sweating slightly. "I know," he whispered, curling his fingers against his trousers. "Thank you."

Sirius waited for a few seconds and when it was apparent Remus wasn't going to say anything else he looked back out over the lake, resting his head back against the rock.


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six - James's Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so after much thought about it I decided to do some one shots for this series. Basically scenes Remus experienced only told from someone else's POV, or else scenes Remus really didn't know about. The first one is up, and it is James's POV from chapter 24. I have a few ideas for one shots in mind but if any of you have a scene you'd like to see from someone else's POV please feel free to suggest it! I can't promise I'll do it, but I might... plus I like getting ideas and knowing what you might like to see will help :) I will say one of the one shots I am considering doing is from when Remus was hanging out with Lily, Alice, and Cassandra, and the one kid was staring at Remus. I kinda wanna do that written from the other kid's POV, the one staring at Remus. Thing is, A, you don't know this character yet and won't until Remus's third or fourth year, and B, it will reveal a secret that wouldn't otherwise be revealed until Remus's fifth year. Since nobody has any connection to this character yet, I wasn't sure if this is something you'd be interested in or not, or if I should wait. Anyway, enough rambling. Enjoy the chapter!

At study group of course everyone wanted to know what happened. The rumor of James snapping at Remus had spread, and of course everyone had seen Remus run out of the Great Hall. He mumbled that he didn't want to talk about it. Bones and Twycross both tried to question him further but Lily shot them down, telling them if they didn't want to study then they could go. Bones laughed, apologizing, while Twycross went first white then red with anger, speaking in a snappish tone for the remainder of the evening.

Remus stayed in the library after study group finished, putting off facing James again. Silverlocke remained with him, making small talk for a while as they worked on their essays. They had never been particularly close though Remus would like to get to know him better. There was something very calming and gentle about the Slytherin, something he didn't get from his other friends. The other Marauders were high energy, while Lily was so vivid and excited.

Remus wasn't very aware of the fact he wasn't really writing, mostly staring blankly at the bookshelves with the occasional sigh. Finally Silverlocke asked, "Are you sure you're doing all right, Mr. Lupin?"

Remus blinked a few times, setting his quill down. "Just a lot on m—my mind."

"Mr. Potter?" Silverlocke inquired, raising his eyebrows. Remus slowly nodded. "I do not know the extent of what happened, however considering how close you are with them I doubt he will stay mad for long."

"I dunno. I said... some not so great things," he admitted. "I tried apologizing b-but he wasn't having it."

"I'm very sorry," Silverlocke said, sounding as though he meant it. "I hope he comes around soon."

"Th—thank you." Remus smiled at him then felt rather awkward as he asked, "W—would it be all right to—" Then he stopped, unable to continue.

Silverlocke tilted his head. "What is it?"

"N-nothing. It's nothing." Remus picked up his quill returning to working on his Herbology essay. He had wanted to know if it was all right to be on first name basis, but had chickened out. He was a little afraid of Silverlocke just looking at him going 'we aren't friends just study buddies' or something like that. Silverlocke watched him for another few seconds then returned to his own schoolwork.

*

Remus gladly returned to the dorm that night, absolutely worn out (also a little surprised to find the furniture had been removed from the ceiling sometime while he had been away). It had been a _very_ long day and he still hurt in some areas from his transformation. James, Sirius, and Peter were goofing off in the common room when Remus went through. Sirius and Peter hesitated when they saw him but he gave them a shrug and shook his head, to indicate he'd rather they just stay with James. he climbed up the staircases and went to take a long, hot shower. It felt very good and he stood in the shower for longer than normal, eyes closed, feeling the water streaming down his tired body. He felt more like an old man than a twelve-year-old, at the end of a weary life instead of just beginning.

He finally turned the water off, slowly drying off, then going into the dorm room. Spinnet and Struthers were there, both of them eyeing Remus as he climbed into his bed and shut the curtain. Within a minute one of them knocked at his bedpost. Remus pushed open his curtains, expecting Struthers, then flinching back when he realized it was Spinnet.

"Hey," Spinnet said.

"I—I won't be loud," he promised, expecting to be told to leave. "I just don't f-feel like b-b-being in the—the c—common room."

Struthers snorted while Spinnet looked vaguely embarrassed, rubbing the back of his head. "Er, it... it's not that. I just..." He looked over at Struthers who nodded. "I wanted to know if you wanted to play exploding snaps with us?"

Remus was startled by this. "Why?" he asked before he could stop himself. "Wh—why would you want me?"

A flash of anger went across his face which made Remus regret talking period. Then it diminished. "I know I was a bit of a jerk last year." _Understatement_ , Remus thought, remaining silent. "Well, it's just—you know, it seems like there's something going on between you and... the others... so if you wanted to hang out with us that'd be... all right."

_Ah_. Remus saw Struthers looking a little eager, feeling bad that he flat out didn't want to. David Struthers was very nice. Morrander Spinnet... not so much. He didn't think he could easily shake off all the horrible things Spinnet had said to him, about him. He would never forget that one night when he had had a particularly horrifying nightmare and Spinnet's response was to try to use the full body bind on him. Remembering this sent a wave of anger through his body and he met Spinnet's eyes sternly.

"No. Th-thank you." He yanked his curtains close, laying back onto his bed.

The bed curtains were all spelled (except for Sirius's) and for most people it was difficult to hear past the absorption spells, so when Spinnet talked to Struthers it was with the assumption Remus couldn't hear him. "Stuck up little tosser."

Remus considered doing nothing but his body seemed to move on its own accord. He pulled the curtains back open, kneeling on the end of his bed to glare at a startled Spinnet. "And that is precisely why I don't want to hang out with you!" he snapped then pulled the curtains shut once more.

"Wh-wha—did—how could he hear me?!" Spinnet stammered out, causing Remus to grin. "Lupin! Oi, Lupin!" Remus remained silent, pretending as if he couldn't hear him until the curtains opened.

"Do you mind?" Remus asked in a clipped tone.

"How did you hear me?" Spinnet demanded.

"My curtains were not shut all the way," he lied. "Leave me alone." He pulled them back shut, enjoying hearing Spinnet spluttering and complaining to Struthers, enjoying even more when he heard Struthers say that Spinnet deserved it.

"He _is_ stuck up!" Spinnet argued. "And a tosser, they all are! Think they're so special, swanning around the school like they own it! Thought Lupin would be a little knocked down now that Potter's dropped him, but apparently he still thinks he's high and mighty! He's a lunatic. Loopy, indeed."

"Please stop," Struthers said softly. "He isn't that bad. He's very nice. Nicer than Black and Potter."

"Hmph. Crazier than them too, which is saying something."

" _Andy_. Just drop it, all right?"

"Fine."

Remus tried to study more but wound up drifting into sleep, waking up with a jerk when the other Marauders banged into the room. They were very noisy, James turning on the radio immediately. Remus sat back up, pulling his book onto his lap, only looking up when Sirius and Peter checked up on him. When Peter did he could see James beyond him who quickly turned his head when he saw Remus. Remus promised his friends he was fine, didn't feel like getting out of bed, thank you.

Finally when the dorm quieted he pulled Gwyllgi out from under his pillow and curled up with him, clinging to him tightly.

*

Tuesday morning Remus just sat with Lily, Colgate, and Inkwood so Sirius and Peter wouldn't have to decide who sat with whom. While they weren't talking about boys or makeup this time, they were discussing Quidditch which was equally as boring to Remus. He sat with them in Herbology too, while Eloise Nettle nabbed the fourth seat at the Marauders' table.

"Just talk to him," Colgate said as they left Herbology, covered in dirt as usual.

"I will... e—eventually..." Remus watched the back of James's head as the other Marauders dashed towards the castle. At least next was a free period before lunch so they were all able to go get showers. Remus hoped to be able to speak to James at _some_ point during the end of the morning however the other boy very intensely avoided him.

He sat with the girls at lunch again, feeling sicker and sicker. Lily was very quiet for the most part, though at one point she said how much of a jerk James was being. Remus murmured that it was all his own fault, which Lily didn't believe.

After lunch came Defense. Professor Prewett gave a lecture then paired everyone off for dueling. Remus wound up with Nettle, unsure whether it would have been better or worse to be with James. After class Prewett asked Remus to stay behind meaning he was unable to try to talk to James, knowing his friend(?) would be long gone by the time he got out. Prewett wanted to know how the full moon went, more curious than disgusted, then he gave Remus a new list of essays to write.

"Please take your time with these," he said as Remus took the sheet of parchment.

Sure enough when he left James was gone with Peter, Sirius staying behind to spend some time with Remus who wondered if they did wand-cauldron-book to decide which would stay behind. Sirius cracked jokes as they walked through the halls, trying his best to cheer Remus up. Remus appreciated it but barely managed a smile, finally telling him to just go find James.

"I should work on homework anyway," he said, patting his satchel.

"I'll go with you," Sirius said, trailing behind him as he went to the library.

"You d-don't need to."

Sirius nudged him. "I know I don't _need_ to, but I want to."

Remus figured Sirius would just goof off so he was quite surprised when he actually settled down, working on some of their assignments—though occasionally whispering a joke or pun. This time Remus did manage actual smiles, very grateful for his friend.

*

Occlumency went poorly. Remus was in too much of a distressed state to fight against Fawley. He didn't ask her for any advice this time, suspecting it'd be much the same as when he and Lily fought. Fawley did tell him how sorry she was this was happening, agreeing with him (and Peter) that it was probably because of the connection to his grandfather dying over the summer.

Remus left Occlumency a bit early, head pounding. James would be at Quidditch practice still and Remus considered going to show his support then changed his mind, not wanting to make James angrier. So he went back to his dorm to curl up in bed with a cool, damp cloth against his forehead, and Gwyllgi against his chest.

Eventually the door opened and his friends came in. They seemed unaware he was there, although Sirius did check _under_ Remus's bed... just not in it. After Sirius stated Remus wasn't back yet, the others began talking; Remus sorta hoped maybe James would say something that could unlock the best way to apologize but they just talked about the practice, and how awesome James had been. Soon Struthers and Spinnet came in as well, then _finally_ there was a tentative knock at his bedpost. Remus sat up, pushing the curtains back.

"Oh!" Sirius smiled. "You are here."

"Yeah, been here s-since getting back from the—the hospital wing," he said quietly. When he mentioned the hospital wing he saw James's body twitch slightly then James resumed changing into his pajamas, back to Remus.

"You didn't say anything," Sirius said.

Remus pointedly looked at James then back at Sirius who began frowning now. "I just w-want to rest," he said, withdrawing a little. "G'nite."

"Um, all right. Uhh... g—good night."

The curtains shut and one by one the other boys went to sleep except for James and Sirius, who—by the sound of things—stayed up in James's bed. They thought, of course, Remus couldn't hear them.

"You need to talk to him," Sirius said darkly.

"I can't," James replied, more distraught than Remus expected.

"I don't think he's mad at you, I think he's just hurt," Sirius continued, echoing exactly what he had said about James to Remus the day before. Remus stirred a little, confused. How could James think Remus was _angry_?! He'd been trying to apologize since he came back from the full moon! He thought back to what he had said, wondering if his tone hadn't been right. Had he done something wrong? Said it the wrong way? Maybe he just thought he had apologized properly when it reality he completely failed, as always, at being a normal human.

"I don't wanna talk about it," James grumbled. "If all you came over here for is to lecture me then go away. I get enough of that from McGonsie."

"I'll go to bed then."

"Oh, so that _is_ the only reason you came over?"

"Jimmy, I don't like seeing you two at odds. You're both my friend. Now, I'm _not_ going to take sides. Neither is Petey. We're both here for both of you. Just... try to at least listen to him, all right?"

"Go away."

Remus heard Sirius return to his bed, and James making grumbling sort of noises until they both faded into sleep. Remus just lay awake for ages, frustrated at James, frustrated at himself.

*

At least Sirius's intrusion hadn't made James too angry as they went down to breakfast together the next morning. Wednesdays they didn't have class until eleven, so they were able to stay in bed pretty late. Remus opted to just stay in bed after getting dressed for the day, to work on homework while eating some of the snacks he had hidden in his desk. Peter stayed with him, reading a magazine, making light banter while Remus essentially rewrote an essay he had written for Dedenne the previous year. He had more knowledge about the matter now and was able to fill it up even more. Prewett had asked for fourteen inches and Remus quickly achieved that, adding even more. Prewett didn't specify a _limit_ so...

James and Sirius came back into the dorm, laughing loudly at how much trouble they had gotten into for going down to breakfast in their pajamas.

"We don't have class for ages so I don't know what the big deal is," James said with a shrug.

Sirius snickered. "I agree, Professor McGonsie was just fussing over nothing at all." He tossed his hair back as he marched to his dresser to get out a uniform. "Remus, are there any rules about _not_ going to breakfast in your pajamas?"

Remus chewed at the end of his quill, going over the school rules in his head. "I don't think there's anything _specifically_ about not attending meals in your pajamas however there is a rule about being adequately dressed at all times outside the dorms."

"I'm adequately dressed!" Sirius protested, spinning around in his silky black pajamas. "You can't see anything!"

"I'm wearing what I'd wear to work out in," James said, indicating his sweatpants and t-shirt. "I'd go to Quidditch practice in this if it wasn't when we had to wear our uniforms."

Remus bit his bottom lip. "I—I think perhaps it's the slippers."

James looked down at his bunny slippers and then grinned for about half a second before realizing he was interacting with Remus. The smile immediately disappeared and he went over to get out a clean uniform, shoulders stiff. Remus ducked his head, clenching his teeth a little. It seemed for a blissful instant that things could go back to how they were but nope.

Sirius hesitated as he held his uniform. "I'm going to go get changed," he said then shot Peter a look. "You should too."

"I wi—" Peter started then stopped, realizing what Sirius meant, what he was conveying with his intense eyes. "Oh! Yeah, yeah. Okay!" He shut his magazine, scrambling to get a uniform too. The only Marauder that fully changed in front of other people was James, so it wasn't _unusual_ for the two of them to go to the bathroom. Just very obvious what they were trying to achieve.

Remus stared helplessly as they headed to the door and James turned. "Sirius—" he said but the two disappeared through the door, shutting it behind them. James just stood there frozen for a second then he began pulling out his clothes.

Remus wanted to just run, or hide under his bed, but... well, he might as well try again, though was _very_ annoyed with Sirius and Peter for essentially forcing him into this at this point. Then again, if they hadn't he'd probably have just kept putting it off. He was too afraid of constant rejection, of James just pushing him away. He didn't want to believe that _this_ was what changed everything, but he supposed anything could be the reason for friends breaking apart...

_I don't want to lose him though_ , he thought as he took in a deep breath. _I can't. Not yet. Please._ "J... James?" Remus hoped that finally the other boy would listen to him, accept at least a _little_ communication. James's body stiffened but he continued to get dressed. Remus waited until he at least had his boxers and trousers on, not wanting to try this while he was essentially naked. Once he began buttoning up his shirt Remus tried again. "Can we _please_ talk?"

"No."

Remus drew in a sharp breath, trying to tamp down his irritation. "I am very sorry. For everything I said." James finished buttoning his shirt and began putting his belt on. "James..." James was breathing a little raggedly and Remus figured he was holding in his temper. "I'm sorry," he said again, standing up. "I shouldn't have been so harsh—"

Then he stopped realizing the strange sound wasn't him holding his temper in, but holding tears back. He was still fumbling with his belt, cheeks glistening slightly. He swore softly then yanked the belt out of the loops, throwing it across the room. He just stood there for a few seconds, arms tight to his side, then began tucking the shirt into his pants. His breath was coming out in soft gasps now.

"J... James..."

James's stony armor finally broke, and in a manner that took Remus completely by surprise because James's words seemed completely out of no where although later Remus realized it was all connected in James's head.

"He's _dead_." James let out a sob, swaying slightly before falling down onto his knees, covering his face. "He's dead—and all I c-c-could do w—was stand th-there like a-a-a lump." Remus had no idea what to do as James cried. James never cried. Peter had cried a few times though not much, mostly over small things, quick tears from being bullied. Remus knew Sirius had cried in private a few times and even then Remus was unsure how much. But James had never once cried as far as Remus knew in over a year of knowing him.

"James..." Remus went over, kneeling down next to him.

"He wanted to hold my hand." His voice was muffled from his hands, difficult to understand from the crying. "Me and Dad both. I didn't. I—I couldn't, I was too scared. He w-w-was dying and I c-couldn't even..." He pressed his hands harder into his eyes, hunching over. "He d—died not—not having—his l-l-last wish..."

Remus put his arms around James, holding him tightly, not knowing what else to do, what to even say. He was surprised this was coming out now, after a few weeks of school, but he supposed it had just been building up inside of him. Maybe James had just bottled it up, trying to ignore it. Remus recalled the letter James had sent, about the nightmares he had of his grandfather pulling him into the coffin to be buried with him. Was this why?

"It's okay," Remus said, forehead against James's shoulder.

"I couldn't. I couldn't. He was dying and—and I couldn't even..."

"I—I'm sure he understood." Remus felt awful for not knowing what else to say. He hoped he was saying the right thing. He wanted to point out that it wasn't quite right for someone to expect a twelve year old to be able to do something like that, however he _knew_ that would be the wrong thing.

James twisted, gripping Remus's vest. "I thought things had—gotten better for you. You were so good at first, but then—then you looked so bad—I just—I w-was so scared you—I—you looked... looked..."

Remus knew what he looked like, and couldn't begin to imagine what him saying about how it didn't matter if he looked ready to drop dead did to James if that's what was going on through his head at the time.

"And—and Sirius said—"

Remus froze, waiting for James to continue.

"I didn't want to lose you," James whispered, not at all continuing with whatever Sirius had said. "I thought—I was so scared you were..."

"I am so sorry for what I said," Remus whispered, rubbing his back, resisting the urge to be selfish and demand to know _what Sirius said_!?

"You—you shouldn't be, I was—I shouldn't have done all that, I just... kept seeing him dying... then kept seeing _you_ dying... you looked like you might..." His fingers scrabbled against Remus's vest, nails catching in the wool. "I thought you—I thought..."

"I'm not," Remus said, going back to holding him. James gave him a long look, clearly not believing him. "I promise I'm not."

"Y... you're not?" he whispered and Remus shook his head. "I... I thought... I really thought..." He sniffled loudly. "After—he was sick for so long... and after he—he died... then you looked—and I g-got to thinking that that's maybe why you—you don't like talking about what you have, because... because... you were... d-dying too..."

Remus shook his head. "It's not. I promise. I'm not dying." It's what Sirius had thought... Is that what James meant by 'Sirius said'? Had they discussed it? It made sense...

They held onto each other for what felt like an eternity, James's tears slowly fading until he pulled away, sitting back on his heels as he wiped his face off. "I'm sorry, Remy. I'm sorry."

"I know," Remus replied, hands falling into his lap. "I'm sorry too."

James gave a slight laugh. "I'm surprised you even want to talk to me."

"You're my friend. Always." The words came out and Remus immediately regretted them, because one day there would have to be an end, a cut off, a goodbye-forever-no-more-friends.

James lurched forward, hugging Remus again. "I got your uniform snotty."

"I can change again."

James chuckled at that, pulling away once more, wiping his face a little more. "Don't tell the others, please."

"I won't."

"I..." He trailed off, averting his gaze. "I loved him. I did. He—he was a—I loved him."

"I know," Remus said, feeling stupid for his short responses, wishing he was better at doing this.

"I couldn't..." He sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I couldn't."

"It's okay. It's... a lot... to ask of... someone," Remus said slowly, carefully.

Thankfully he began nodding. "Dad wasn't upset with me about it, he said—he said the same thing you did, that Granddad would've understood." He began wringing his hands a bit, forehead wrinkled. "I just can't stop thinking about it, him—asking me—wanting—and I just _stood_ there. I-I tried to move but I was so... _scared_... some Gryffindor _I_ am..."

"You were still there with him," Remus pointed out. "That's got to take a lot of courage in itself."

James just shrugged, fingers twisting together. "My n-nightmares, they—they're cause of that. I l-lied in my letter when—when I said I d-didn't know why I was r-reaching in but—" James rubbed his eyes again, looking distantly at the wall. "I'm sorry I lied in my letter—"

"No! No, James, it's fine, you—it's fine."

James pulled his feet out from under him so he could fully sit on the ground. "He couldn't hardly breathe and—and looked... looked... a lot... like..." He stopped again, trailing into silence.

"Like I did?" Remus asked hesitantly.

"Yeah. All pale and—and so thin and—like you did, only a bit worse, I guess. You looked so bad Friday, it just—it scared me so much I just—got so scared you were... you might be... and then you denied being ill but you obviously were and I got so..."

Remus reached over, taking one of James's hand without thinking about it. "I am very grateful for how much you care about me, James. I truly am. I'm lucky to have friends like you. Please don't ever think that—that I don't feel that way."

James squeezed Remus's hand back. "You really do forgive me though?"

"Of course I do."

James gave him a strange look. "And... and you... do want to be friends?"

Remus frowned, wondering where that was coming from. "Of course I do."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

They sat like that, holding hands for a few seconds, then James pulled Remus in for another hug, this one very tight, very clingy. "Thank you."

Remus hugged tightly back, glad he had managed to navigate through this without angering James, without fumbling over his words. Glad that they had made up. He wished James didn't feel so down about what had happened though he understood perfectly well—probably more than James would ever realize, he understood how easy it was to hate ones self over mistakes and regrets. He wished, though, he could explain to James how he _knew_ he wasn't dying but he could never do that. He could only hope that James would believe him.

They let go of one another, getting to their feet, Remus going to get a clean shirt and vest. "Sirius'n'Pete will be pleased," James said as he fetched his belt from where he tossed it.

"Not as much as I am," Remus said and James smiled at him.

"I don't want to go to Charms now. I don't know how you _do_ it."

"Do what?"

"Do _anything_ after crying," James said then grimaced. "Aw, crap, I didn't mean..."

Remus shrugged. "I tend to cry a lot, I'm aware of that. It's... hard. I usually feel so hollow after, I'd rather just... just..."

"Hide under your bed?" James asked and Remus nodded. "I get that. I want to go somewhere alone. But... class..."

"You can skip," Remus said. "I take plenty of notes."

James paused in the middle of tying his tie. "Remus Lupin, encouraging me to skive off?" Remus stuck his tongue out. "Tempting."

"You've... gone through a lot just now. I'm sure if you talk to Professor McGonagall and explain..."

"N—no." James paled slightly. "No, I'd rather just go to class. I really don't want anyone else to know." He finished his tie then yanked his vest on over, adjusting his tie again once everything was in place. "N... not even Sirius. Do I look like I've been crying?"

Remus studied James's face closely. "A little. If you wash your face off I think you'll be good." He was a little jealous over the fact it was hard to tell that James had cried so much. "I'm going to go change—"

"You can change in here, I won't look."

Remus felt himself heating up, clutching his clothes to his chest. "Um, th—that's okay."

He was worried James would get aggravated over this however he just said, "Suit yourself." Then he paused and laughed. "Uniform yourself?" Remus laughed too then headed out, or started to. James took a few quick steps, taking hold on Remus's arm. "Thank you."

Remus smiled broadly. "I'm just glad we're—we're friends."

James looked like Remus had just blessed him with a cauldron full of diamonds. "Me too."

James's eyes shone a bit then he let go of Remus who left, expecting to run into Sirius and Peter however instead of trying to listen in, they had actually given the two boys absolute privacy and were still in the bathroom, sitting on the floor, kicking at each other in some sort of game. They jumped up with Remus came in, both of them giving him questioning looks. Remus dropped his gaze, still smiling. "We're okay now."

" _Yes_!" Sirius pumped his fist while Pete cheered.


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven - Back To Normal, Whatever That Is

Lily gave Remus a happy look when he came into class with an arm around James, James's arm around him. He grinned back at her, sliding into his seat. Once the final student came in, Professor Flitwick cleared his throat for attention, then waved his wand. Half a dozen little footstools floated in from the other room along with a large dining chair. The footstools came to land on the shared desks, the chair in the middle of the room.

Flitwick flourished his wand. "Tarantallegra!"

The chair began to spasm, its legs flailing every which way as it began to do a very odd sort of dance. It tapped around, going one way before going the other. The class laughed, watching it do this, then Flitwick waved his wand again to stop it.

"Can anyone tell me about the origin of this spell?" he asked as he drew the wand movement on the blackboard. He didn't even turn around when he said, "Mr. Lupin?"

Remus lowered his hand. "The tarantella is a dance from Italy. Th-that provides the base of the spell. The—the 'leg' part is probably due to the fact the sp—spell needs its victim to have legs."

Flitwick nodded. "Very good, two points to Gryffindor. As Lupin said, the victim needs to have legs in order to be charmed. You also need to be able to see the victim clearly. The spell is _tarantallegra_. Say it with me!"

"Tarantallegra!" everyone chorused.

"Excellent! Now, pair up and start trying to get these stools to dance!"

Sirius and James grabbed Remus at the same time while Peter complained about being on James's other side and unable to reach Remus. Of course Remus had to go with James who gloated while Sirius sulked. James elbowed Remus a few times cheerfully then they readjusted their positions so Sirius and Peter could sit together.

"Go on," James said.

Remus cleared his throat, focused hard, and flourished his wand. "Tarantallegra!" he said clearly, staring at the little footstool. It twitched then the legs jerked a little, very slowly and lazily... but they moved. Flitwick awarded them with five more points. James gave Remus a high five then James began attempting after Remus removed his spell. One leg began kicking quite wildly though the other three remained still. Next to them Sirius and Peter were arguing vehemently as theirs had rolled onto its back with its legs somehow appearing stiffer. They kept trying to put it upright but for some reason it kept rolling into its back which made Remus wonder what the heck they had done with it. Then he jumped at a crashing sound across the room, and a squeal from Lily.

"Miss Evans!" Flitwick said as her footstool was galloping around the room bucking and kicking, more like a wild horse than a dance.

"Sorry! Finite incantatum! F—finite incantatum!"

The footstool kept rearing back then ran to the door, kicking it open and running out. The entire class except for Remus and Lily began laughing, though Remus had to fight hard not to. Lily's face was deep red.

"BRILLIANT WORK THERE, EVANS!" James shouted, giving her a thumbs up.

"Sh-shall I go get it?" Lily asked, getting to her feet.

Flitwick eyed the door then slowly shook his head. "No." He gave a cough. "I think we'll let someone else take care of it." He got another footstool from the storage room, giving it to Lily and Colgate. The rest of class passed without much incident then Flitwick assigned homework, sending the kids in their way.

James pushed through everyone to reach Lily, congratulating her again on her attempt, inquiring as to what went wrong.

"Stop it," Lily growled, still red.

"No, no!" James's eyes went big. "You misunderstand me! I'm impressed! I'd like to do that!"

Lily eyed him suspiciously then looked at Remus who shrugged. It certainly sounded like something James would want. "I don't know how I managed, I said the spell perfectly fine _and_ did the wand movement. You'll have to figure it out yourself." She flounced off.

James immediately turned to Remus who let out a long sigh. "Yeah, I'll try to figure it out." James grinned and threw his arm around Remus once more as they walked to lunch, Remus gently leaning into James feeling happy.

*

That evening several owls flew through the Great Hall, depositing fancy looking envelopes in front of a variety of students. One was given to James, another to Remus; down the table he noticed Lily got one too.

"What's this?" James held up the envelope, squinting at his name on the front.

"Probably a letter saying you're a git," Sirius replied as he carefully drizzled gravy over a flattened section of mashed potatoes, making something artistic.

"That make me one too?" Remus inquired. Sirius just pulled a face, not responding. Remus opened up his envelope and then pulled a similar face to the one Sirius made. It was an invitation, to a Slug Club dinner. Not a party, merely an informal dinner for the second and third years. It also included a notice saying that after this dinner party the official invitations would go out, _and_ that Remus was a definite candidate.

_I believe you would be a invaluable addition to the Club!_ Slughorn had written.

"What's yours say?" he asked James. It was pretty much the same except where Remus's said 'invaluable', James's said 'wonderful'. Remus crinkled his nose a little at that. "Are you going?"

"Might," James said, returning to his food and almost immediately dropping some gravy on the letter. "Whoops."

"I'm not," Remus said, folding the invitation up to slide into his satchel.

"Why not?" Pete asked. "I'd go, if I was invited."

Remus didn't really answer, just remembered how he felt the previous year when Slughorn invited him to the Christmas dinner. Slughorn insisted it was because of his grades however Remus suspected it was because he was a werewolf. It made him very uncomfortable. James was invited due to his money. At least Lily's was because of her brains. That was different. The other stuff felt a little dirty to Remus, like... weird. He supposed the money thing did make sense, since the Slug Club seemed to be about _connections_. Famous people. Witches and wizards who _did_ things; but why a werewolf? It made no sense. All he was connected with was being inhuman and despised by society.

Remus glanced up at the High Table. Slughorn was chatting away with Professor Sprout. _Why_? He finally began eating again, deciding he wouldn't worry about it. He wasn't going, after the dinner Slughorn would see he had no interest in the Club, and he _hoped_ that would be that.

*

Now that they were the Marauders once more, the days went by wonderfully. They played pranks, joked around, stayed up way too late most nights, and took another trip out to Fort Dragon on the last day of September. It was a gloriously golden sort of day, fairly warm with a chilly breeze. They hung about the lake until they felt sure nobody was watching then snuck into the forest, making their way through the underbrush. Once at Fort Dragon they began working again, Remus back to trying to figure out a door. This time he managed somewhat of one and they stuck the wall up. Four walls and a crooked roof. It was a fort.

Sirius pulled open the door and the entire thing crashed to the ground.

"Well. Shit," he said, still holding the bit of wood that had been the handle. Remus and Peter were laughing so hard they couldn't breathe, and James stalked back and forth with a pout. Remus and Peter clung to each other to stay upright.

"I thought you were good at sticking spells!" James complained bitterly, glaring at Sirius.

"Wasn't _my_ fault! It was Remus's door!" Sirius accused.

"M-my door?" Remus wheezed. "It wouldn't have caused the entire fort to fold! I think it was the roof."

"Oi!" James whirled around, pointing. "The roof is the best bit remaining!" Indeed, half the roof was still intact, laying on top of the entire pile. "Not. My. Fault."

Sirius, James, and Remus all began arguing about whose fault it was. Or rather, whose fault it _wasn't_. Normally Remus would have just stood back in silence but how dare they insist his door had caused all of that?! They continued arguing, voices getting louder. Peter watched in silence, arms tight across his chest, occasionally kicking at a piece of wood.

"My sticking spells were COMPLETELY FINE until that door!"

"My door could not have feasibly dismantled the _entire_ building! That is not only completely preposterous but wholly improbable! The roof altered the entire structure and knocked it off balance!"

"Don't go blaming my roof, it was perfect! It was the spells."

"Not my spells!"

"Not my door."

" _Not_ my roof!"

They stared at one another then spun around to face Peter who squeaked, shrinking back.

"Whose fault, Pete?" James asked.

"Yeah, which part was it?" Sirius demanded.

Pete looked at each of them then gulped. "I—I... um... I-I think it was the ground?" He poked at the ground with his foot. "It's kinda muddy still from the rain yesterday."

They all now looked down. Remus prodded his toe into the squelchy mud. "He's got a point," he admitted. "Faulty foundation." He looked at the pile of sticks, tilting his head. "We did... push the sticks _into_ the ground, right?" Silence. " _Right_?"

"Um." Sirius scratched his head.

"Errrr..." James rubbed the back of his neck.

Peter put his hands out in a helpless manner. Remus pressed his fingertips against his temples. "We just... balanced the fort on the ground without any sort of support?"

"Mayyyyybe?" Sirius said, squinting. "I mean... well. Yeah, kinda. If you wanna get facts-y about it."

Remus let out a soft swear and dropped his head into his hands while Pete began laughing again.

James grinned. "Told you it wasn't my roof."

*

The four of them had just plopped down for brunch on Sunday, having slept in after staying up until three in the morning playing cards, when James announced that they needed costumes. Remus was still really tired and James's proclamation only tired him out even more.

"For what?" Peter asked, looking around as if suspecting other people were dressed in costumes that very moment.

" _Halloween_!" James pointed his fork at Pete. "None of us dressed up last year. I say we have a group costume this year."

"Like what?" Sirius asked, looking quite intrigued. He snaked a hand over, stealing a sausage from Remus's plate.

"Halloween is thirty days away," Remus yawned, trying to smack Sirius's hand away and failing. He scowled, getting another sausage from the platter that was right in front of Sirius.

"So?" James dumped food on his plate, shaking his head. "We need loads of time to sort out what we're going as, and to get them! I'll buy whatever we need, by the way, so don't worry about that. I just want to go as a group thing. You know."

"We should go as pranks," Pete mused. "You know, whizzing worms, fanged frisbees, frog spawn soap—that sort of thing."

"Have a load of worms on top of my head!" James laughed, slapping the table. "We could go as sweets. Chocolate frog, powdered porcupine..."

They all began trying to come up with ideas except for Remus who just sleepily slathered marmalade onto some toast and on his hand, by accident. He frowned, grabbing for a napkin, then freezing when he heard them discussing possibly going as beasts. James was keen on going as a griffin, throwing out other creatures as ideas for everyone else. He didn't say 'werewolf' but he was progressively getting more into the class 4 and 5 X beasts so it wouldn't be long.

"What about the Muskateers?" Remus blurted out, seizing on the first thing that came into his mind which was the book he had been reading, cutting James off. "We could have fake swords!" he added, figuring that would sweeten the pot. "And fancy capes."

"Aren't there only three of them?" Peter asked.

"There's d'Artagnan too," Remus said encouragingly.

"Swords would be fun," James said, rubbing his chin.

Sirius leaned across the table, waggling his eyebrows as he asked Remus, "You really want to see us with swords?"

" _Fake_ swords," Remus said, lifting a marmalade-covered finger.

James began waving a knife around. "En garde! That's what they say, right? En _garde_!" He poked towards Peter who yelped and dropped a scone which plopped to the floor. "Have at ye!"

"Is that a Muskateer or a pirate?" Peter asked, grabbing for another scone then groaned when James skewered it with the knife, yanking it away. "Oh come on, that was mine!"

"Um." James shrugged then waved his knife (and Peter's scone) at Remus. "Tell us about the Muskateers!"

Remus explained as best he could, going over the very basic plot lightly. Mostly describing the Muskateers themselves. It didn't take long for them to figure out who would be who. James latched immediately onto d'Artagnan which didn't surprise Remus one bit. Sirius decided he had to be Aramis, Peter chose Porthos, so Remus was Athos. Remus didn't think he'd be a very good Athos, but he doubted he'd make much of any of the others and his friends were happy with their roles, so Athos it was.

"I'll write to my parents and ask them to get us some good Muskateer costumes," James said, patting his pockets then making a face when he came up with nothing. Remus, who had his satchel with him, gave him some paper and ink. "I'll need your sizes."

"You don't need to buy our costumes," Remus said quickly, "I'm sure we can come up with so—"

"No. We need this to be spectacular!" James threw his hands out. "Absolutely spectacular! I'm buying the costumes. Fake swords too, super _cool_ fake swords. What else do we need? What would they wear exactly? Now, sizes?"

*

It wasn't until later that day that Remus realized a week prior the other Marauders had snuck into Hogsmeade to get potion ingredients, but he didn't know what that was actually about. He inquired about this, a little surprised it hadn't been mentioned during the week. James admitted his fight and make up with Remus had wiped it from his mind. Apparently they wanted something Big for the Halloween feast.

"Fireworks won't cut it!" Sirius complained, referring to the previous year when their 'prank' was fireworks which everyone had assumed was part of the feast.

"What does this potion do?" Remus asked.

"Babbling Brew!" James said with a grin. "It takes a couple weeks to make so we thought we'd start early on."

"Causes the victim to start babbling nonsense," giggled Peter. "We're gonna put it in something so it won't be _too_ powerful. James reckons it won't last long."

"Nah, it'll be so diluted anyone who takes it will only be babbling for five or ten minutes," James said, tossing a Quaffle against the wall and catching it.

Remus folded his arms. "This is a potion we won't be learning for a couple years..."

Sirius flung an arm around him, yanking him close. "Annnnd half the stuff we do also won't be learned for a couple years, what's your point?"

Remus wriggled free, smoothing his hair down since it was stuck up everywhere from Sirius's hold. "I guess I don't really have one. I won't help, though, so—"

"Thank Merlin for that!" Sirius teased, prodding him in the ribs. Remus yelped, jumping away, wondering why Sirius was being such a brat today with him.

James started complaining about Remus being a stick in the mud but Remus interrupted him. "What Sirius meant is precisely why I shan't be helping!" Remus flapped his hand. "If I _could_ help, I would, however my hand would merely result in the potion being an utter failure. I'm not opposed to the prank. Actually, I imagine it will be very funny."

"Oh." James looked rather sheepish. "Okay then. You can help, though, with something very important."

Remus was quite confused. What could he possibly help with involving a potion? Besides just reading from the book which wasn't particularly needed in this case. "What is that?"

"We need a place to brew the potion," Peter said. "We're thinking about one of the secret passages but we need one that is _absolutely_ secret, as in nobody goes in."

"How can I help with that?" Remus asked.

"Your ghost friends probably know of areas no living being goes," Sirius said, sidling over to poke Remus again.

"St—stop it!" Remus glared, skittering away from him which caused him to laugh. "All right, um, I'll ask."

"I'll go with you," Sirius offered.

Remus narrowed his eyes. "Not if you're going to continue to poke me."

"Promise I won't."

Remus sighed then put his shoes on, trying to figure out which ghost would be best to ask. _Probably Theodore_ , he decided as they left the tower. Sir Nicholas wouldn't mind helping out and had been around longer, but he wasn't too sure Sir Nicholas wouldn't tell someone once he realized they were brewing a secret potion. _Possibly_ —

His thoughts were broken as Sirius poked him again. He hopped away with a squeak, nearly tripping. "You said you wouldn't! You promised!"

"Whoops, it was an accident," Sirius said, brushing hair from his face.

Remus glowered. "Was _not_! What is your problem?"

"Nothing." Sirius shrugged. "I'll stop."

Remus continued walking, trying to keep a decent distance from Sirius. He had to pick up his pace as he realized Sirius was walking faster then he began running. "NO! STOP!" he yelled as Sirius chased him through the halls. "GO AWAY!!"

"What's wrong, Lupin?" Sirius laughed. "Come on, then! Come here, coward!"

"Noooo!" he squealed, laughing as well. He turned a corner then came to a halt, seeing a teacher down the corridor. Sirius ran smack into him, nearly knocking the two of them over.

"Whatcha stopping f—" Sirius broke off, seeing the teacher. "Oh."

Remus coughed then began walking casually, as did Sirius. They both nodded at the teacher then kept going, pattering down the stairs, going down another hallway, then turning. Remus immediately spun around, pointing at Sirius. "You poke me one more time I won't ask anyone for help," he threatened then started walking again, knowing perfectly well which ghost to ask.

They chattered about various things as Remus led him down to the second floor, heading straight for the bathroom door. "Wait, why are we going in here?" Sirius asked, hesitating before following him. "Remy, I don't want to see—"

"Myrtle!" Remus called out cheerfully after the door swung shut.

"Leave me alone," Myrtle sniffled from her stall. "I want to cry."

"It's Remus. I brought some company."

" _Why are we here_?" Sirius hissed in his ear then stiffened as Myrtle appeared, glum expression fading into a happy one as soon as she saw Sirius.

"Why, hello again!" she giggled, flying over to float in front of him. "It's so good to see you. Not green this time."

Sirius swallowed. "Yeah, uh... yeah..."

"Myrtle, we need some help," Remus said, stepping forward. "We need to find a place where nobody else goes."

"How come?" Myrtle floated closer to Sirius, fingers brushing his shoulder; he shivered, shooting a quick glare over at Remus.

Remus ignored the glare. "We need to brew a potion. Privately."

Myrtle tilted her head to one side. "What sort of potion? Are you being naughty again?"

Remus elbowed Sirius who gave a grunt. "Ah... yeah, uh, could you perhaps help us?" he asked through gritted teeth.

Myrtle giggled, face close to Sirius's. "For you? Anything." Her fingers touched his hair then she floated back, spreading her arms. "You can use my bathroom."

"Here?" Remus asked.

"Uh-huh. Nobody ever comes in here." She was suddenly in Sirius's face again. "You're welcome to make a potion in my toilet."

Sirius reeled back, going pale. "I—I don't think toilet's really what we're g—"

"Thanks, Myrtle!" Remus kicked at Sirius's ankle. "We really appreciate that, and will keep it in mind. See you soon!" He grabbed Sirius's sleeve, pulling him out of the bathroom.

"Why did you do that?!" Sirius growled, stumbling after him. "I don't want anything to do with her!"

"You wanted a private spot, I can't think of anywhere more private than that," Remus said, still pulling him.

"I can think of a dozen! The fourth floor passage with the pits, for one. We use James's broom to get over the pits." Remus hesitated, as that would be a pretty decent place. Sirius pulled his arm free, brushing his clothes off, fixing his hair. "I don't know why we didn't think of that sooner. It would work perfectly well," he bent his head in close, hissing into Remus's ear: "and no creepy ghost girl!"

Remus folded his arms. "Fine, but you tell Myrtle."

"No way! I am never going back there aga—" Sirius stopped then narrowed his eyes. "Wait a minute, you took me to Myrtle on purpose, didn't you?" Remus fought back a smile, beginning to walk again, lips quirking a little at the corners. "You did!" Sirius hurried after him. "You little _brat_!"

Remus smirked. "That's what you get for poking me."


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight - Yeehaw!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot to say: I am slowly trying to catch up with all the comments!! I've had a lot over the past week which is beyond incredible!! So I wanted to promise that your comments will be replied to, it's just taking a bit more time right now. I'll get there! :) Thank you everyone for all this astounding support it means the world to me ;o;

James swore as soon as Sirius mentioned the pits passage, as they had sorta forgotten about exploring it using James's broom so immediately he grabbed his carrying case and the four of them took off, Remus a little slower behind the others as he tried to figure out the best way to get out of riding on James's broom. _I can be lookout_ , he decided, hoping they'd accept that, doubting they would.

They reached the fourth floor, the portrait complaining very loudly as they forced it aside. The portrait was still threatening them quite violently as it swung shut behind them.

"Lumos," all four boys chorused, their wands lighting up at various intensities, all four different colors; James's was a pure white, Sirius's had a blue undertone, Peter's more sort've grey, while Remus's was more golden. They went down the stairs, across the first pit, then reached the second. Remus knew what was on the other side however would have to pretend he didn't; of course, when he had cried in here after Dedenne's spew of hate it was all a blur so he probably didn't really remember it all that well.

"All right." James handed his wand to Sirius then set the case down to get his broom out. Remus swallowed, trying not to step back when the silver came into the air. "Who's first?"

He flew Sirius over, then Peter, then came back for Remus who did step back. "Um, I was thinking I should stay here and be lookout?"

"What? No! Come on," James said, patting the broom.

"Um, I just think someone should stay here," he said, rubbing his arms.

"I know you hate flying but it's just for a couple seconds," James argued. "I won't drop you down the pit."

Remus swallowed, forcing himself to look at the pit as if that were the problem and not the silver on the broom. "I can't even help with the potion anyway, so there isn't much point..."

"Just get on the broom, Brains," James snapped.

Remus took in a deep, shaky breath, not sure if he'd be protected by the denim he was wearing. He never tried to touch silver before through cloth. He held his silver potions knife wrapped in leather but he always held it by the handle which didn't have silver in it. He had never held sickles before in cloth. So there was every chance he could get on that broom and that the silver's affect pushed through the denim and—and did whatever it did. Of course, if he was very careful he could position himself on the broom so he wasn't touching the silver...

"Come on, Remus," Peter called from the other side of the pit. "It's okay, you can do it!"

"I—I am!" He put his leg over the broom behind James, keeping an eye on the name written along the handle, the strap of silver holding the twigs into place. He sank down, putting his arms around James, very stiff with his seat. "All right."

"Merlin's beard, took you long enough." James pulled his broom up, flying swiftly across the pit, then landing. "Oh wow that was so scary!" he gasped out in a mocking sort of way, pretending to faint off the broom which dropped to the floor since Remus wasn't holding it at all.

"Shut up," Remus hissed, stepping quickly away from the broom while James just giggled next to it.

They looked around the little area, Peter screaming when he found blood smeared inside one of the little recesses. Remus's blood. He didn't say that, of course; merely acted just as surprised and spooked. Once the area was thoroughly explored they went over the next pit, Remus taking just as long getting on the broom as before. This time the passage branched off. They chose a direction, went down a nice little hallway with a very old, dusty rug, finding a pit at the end. They backtracked and went down the other side to find it a dead end, a huge painting of a sleeping dragon. They returned to the pit and crossed over.

"This place is _so weird_!" Peter broke the silence as they went down a new corridor.

"What's it even for?" Sirius wondered, putting his hand against the wall where a large chunk of stone had fallen out. "What's with the pits?"

"Last time we were here James suggested it had been destroyed, and I agree with that theory," Remus said, crouching down by the next pit. He shone his wand light down into the darkness but didn't see anything. "The pits just don't make sense. At all. What is that spell..." He rubbed his forehead, searching his brain for the spell he had read about over the summer in passing. "There is a spell where one can cast an orb of light and leave it stuck there. Ummm..." He snapped his fingers. "Magelight! At least, that's what it's _called_ I'm not quite sure what the actual proper spell itself is. I'll have to research that, perhaps we can throw it down one of these pits. That way we can see how far it goes down, if it's any safe, if it—"

"YEEEEEEHAWWW!"

James suddenly did a flip above him then dove down into the pit on his broom.

"JAMES!" Remus screamed, jerking forward as his friend disappeared into the darkness.

"Merlin what an IDIOT!" Sirius said, hurrying over with Peter, both of them grabbing Remus since he was right at the edge. "JAMES!"

"I'm okay!" James called from the darkness. "Lumos." White light lit up several feet down, revealing James hovering. He gave them a thumbs up. "If I come up there, someone want to join me?"

"No!" Remus and Peter said at the same time Sirius said "Hell yeah!"

James drew himself up so Sirius could climb onto the broom behind him, lighting up his wand. "I could fly one handed, but I'd rather have both hands for this just in case," James explained then saluted Remus and Peter. "Be back soon!"

They descended down into the darkness. "They're idiots," Pete sighed, inching a little farther from the edge though continuing to hold on to Remus's sleeve.

"Extreme idiots." Remus watched them go down farther and farther. "How deep are these things?"

"Maybe they go all the way down to the dungeons?" Pete suggested.

Remus tried to think about what was beneath them on the second floor but couldn't really put together a picture of the castle. "We really need a map," he said.

"Is there one?" Pete looked at him with wide eyes. "I mean, in a book in the library?"

"I—I don't think so. Not in any of the ones I've read at least... I can do some research."

Pete snorted. "Do you ever... _not_ do research?"

Remus stuck his tongue out then looked back down. "You all right?" he called down.

"Dandy!" James called back up. "I think we've reached the end though. Yeah... yup, here's some floor."

Remus heard scuffling as they got off the broom. He could see them standing about a floor and a half down. It seemed weird for the pit to end just there. Maybe Remus was wrong about the distance however it really did seem to end between floors.

"What do you see?" Pete asked.

"Not much," Sirius said, waving his wand around while James lit up his own. "It's just a pit."

Remus resisted the urge just to jump down. "Come get us," he said.

"What?!" Peter looked up, face paling. Remus raised his eyebrows and Pete sighed in a resolved sort of manner. "Y-yeah, come get us..."

Soon all four were down in the pit. Remus ran his wandlight along the jagged walls. "It appears as though someone literally blew a hole in the floor," he said, circling the small area. "Except the floor is far too smooth." He crouched down, running his fingers along the stone. "It's as if this _is_ a floor... Plus... the walls aren't right. I mean, if someone blew a hole in the floor there would be... _floor_ underneath. Like, we'd be in a hallway, or a room. Not with stone walls all around us." He went back to the wall, pressing his hand against the jagged stone that made up the sides of the pit. "Why would there just be a huge pillar? Yes, that's it. It's as if someone blew a hole down into a pillar, so everything around it is still completely stone. Or as if we were on the ground floor, and this were the foundation? But that makes _no_ sense whatsoever for being so far up! It's almost like a... a shaft. Why would something like this even be here if—"

"This is boring, let's get back to exploring," James said, cutting Remus's babbling off. He didn't even wait for Remus to answer, just took Sirius back up, then Pete, then finally Remus who reluctantly went as he wanted to look around the pit some more.

There were more pits though they didn't take over the entire floor so they were able to skirt around them. Down one of the pits Remus could faintly hear sounds though his friends kept going so he couldn't stop to listen in. They passed by locked doors which they decided to check out later, then came across a weird section of wall. It was definitely a secret exit, as it looked like a hole in the wall with something covering it. James pushed at the object, tugging at it as best he could, until finally it shifted. They tumbled out, finding themselves in the trophy room.

"I see someone's found the passage again!" a voice said behind them. They turned to look at a portrait of a man with a very wide mustache, looking down at them. "Surprised you came from that end, honestly. Gilbert Ward doesn't like intruders. Honestly, what's the point in hiding secret passages if nobody ever uses them? Not _many_ people, of course. However once in a decade would be nice!"

"You're Brutus Scrimgeour!" James exclaimed excitedly.

"In the paint!" the portrait said. "Now, I'm not supposed to tell anyone this however since you've already found the passage, I suppose I could tell you the password to get in from my end. Beati pacifici!"

"Beati pacifici," Peter repeated, and the portrait slid aside. "Cool."

The portrait moved back into place. "Is there a password for the other side or do we have to push him every time?" James asked.

"There is a password but it's not mine to give out," Scrimgeour replied, twiddling with the end of his mustache. "Now, I have places to be. Good day!" He shifted and sidled out the side of the painting.

"Brilliant," laughed Sirius. "Now we have another way in. We can go explore more later."

"And we also know nobody uses the secret passage," Remus pointed out, "so we can use it for the potion." James clapped him on the shoulder. "So, how do _you_ recognize Brutus Scrimgeour?" Remus inquired as they left the trophy room. "I would not have."

"He wrote the _Beater's Bible_ ," James replied. "Wait, how do you know who he is?"

"He—he was a headmaster here," Remus said slowly, confused as to how his friend knew who the man was without knowing _that_. "You... didn't know?"

"Nope!" James shrugged. "Come on, we have to go get the carrying case from the other end of the passage. I cannot _wait_ to explore it more, and explore more of those pits!"

Remus didn't really want to admit that he wanted to do the same. He really wanted to know what happened in those passages, what caused those pits. Why did they exist? Why was it all blocked off when it looked like it was a regular corridor for the most part? _When_ was it blocked off? He definitely needed to do some research!

*

Remus dropped a pile of books on the table with a heavy thud. "All right, so I have a project I was hoping you could help with."

It was Monday evening after study group, and Remus had asked Lily and Silverlocke to stay behind. Everyone else had already left so he was able to talk freely.

"What sort of project?" Lily asked.

Remus sat down, unstacking the books so he could spread them out. They were all about Hogwarts. "I... probably shouldn't even be discussing this, they will probably murder me however I suspect this is going to be a difficult task. I would appreciate the help but do not expect it. If you do not want to, I completely understand."

"Murder you?" Silverlocke raised an eyebrow. "Sounds quite dramatic."

Remus smiled. "My friends can be dramatic. In any case..." He dropped his voice, leaning in so he could whisper. "We found... a secret passage."

"Oooh!" Lily propped her elbow on the table, her chin in her hand, eyes sparkling. "A secret passage? What kind? Where?"

"I—I can't tell you," he replied with a cough. Lily frowned which immediately sent a stab of guilt through him. "Oh come on, they—they'll be angry if I do. I'll talk to them about possibly telling you... So that—I mean, because of this I'll also understand if you're not wanting to help."

"What do you need help with?" Silverlocke asked, taking one of the books. "If you have already found it I am a little confused as to what you could be looking for."

"Well... it's... destroyed. Sort of." Remus opened one of the books, a brief history of the school's architecture though he doubted it would reveal much. "There are all these... pits. Like someone blasted the floor apart. Something very powerful happened there, and I'm hoping to discover what."

"Blasted pits into the floor?" Lily straightened up. "Is that possible to do to the castle?"

"Apparently so." Remus flipped through the pages, not even sure what to look for. "We need information about corridors on the third floor."

Silverlocke looked rather excited as he opened his book. "Sounds fascinating. Someone destroying part of Hogwarts is quite the improbability."

"I thought so too," Remus said, bending in as Lily opened another book. "I've started rereading _Hogwarts, A History_ for the umpteenth time last night though I am sure I never read anything about destruction..."

"Any idea of _when_ the destruction happened?" Lily asked then sighed when he shook his head. "Figured not."

"There are loads of paintings in the corridors but none with people I can ask," Remus murmured, the pages sliding under his fingertips. " _But_ I could possibly ask other paintings if they've been there."

"Ask the ghosts as well," Silverlocke suggested.

"I have asked a few I can trust." He stopped when he reached some information about the third floor. "Myrtle has no idea what I'm talking about, and Theodore won't talk about it."

"What about Nearly Headless Nick?" asked Lily.

"I—I wasn't sure about trusting him. I mean, I really like Sir Nicholas, don't get me wrong, however he _is_ our House Ghost so I was a little worried about asking him. We're not even supposed to _be_ in there." Remus scanned a second time through the text then, finding really nothing, moving on to the fourth floor in case there was mention about the entrance. "Honestly if _anyone_ knows anything about it I'd think it'd be Peeves but asking him for anything is like asking to be turned into a toad."

"A pink toad," Silverlocke added, eyes dancing with amusement.

"A pink sparkly toad," giggled Lily.

They spent the next several minutes just looking through the books when suddenly Silverlocke shut his. "If there is destruction in the corridor, a likely probable cause would be a duel. Perhaps we should be doing some research into duels that have occurred here?"

"Professor Prewett would probably know something about that, I could ask him," Remus said, tapping his chin. "Thanks."

Silverlocke smiled then opened another book. The three of them went through multiple books, taking down dozens of notes, then left about fifteen minutes before curfew. Remus thanked both of them several times before they split up, Silverlocke to the Slytherin common room, Remus and Lily to Gryffindor.

When they reached the third floor, Lily stopped. "Where is it?"

"Where's what?"

"The secret passage."

Remus gulped, taking a nervous step back from her. "Lily, I-I can't show you. They'd be mad."

Lily shrugged, flipping some hair over one shoulder. "You always do what they say?"

"...no," he finally said, twisting his fingers into the bottom of his vest. He didn't want to disappoint Lily but he also didn't want to betray the other Marauders. "I just can't."

She reached out, tugging at his sleeve. "Please?" She widened her lovely green eyes. " _Please_? I've found a few hidden passages but I'd love to see a real, proper secret one! Please? _Plleeeasse_?" She tugged harder at his sleeve.

Remus groaned loudly and, knowing she won, Lily squealed, jumping up and down. "Come on, we have to go to the fourth floor. You cannot tell _anyone_ about this."

"I won't but why the fourth floor? You said it was the third floor."

"It starts on the fourth," he explained, hurrying along since they didn't have too much time because of curfew. They arrived at the portrait of Gilbert Ward who protested furiously as Remus shoved the portrait aside. "If you'd give me the password, I wouldn't have to shove."

"Rude! Children should be seen and not heard! Preferably not seen as well!"

Remus and Lily climbed through the hole, Remus turning his wand on as soon as the portrait snapped back shut. They went down the steps and to the first pit which Remus showed Lily how to cross over. Then they reached the next one. "This is where it ends," he explained, holding up his wand.

Lily crouched down, peering into the darkness. "I thought you said you explored it a lot? How could you have if there's a... pit? Why is there a _pit_?!"

"That's why I want to research," Remus said, crouching down as well. "Isn't it weird?"

"Incredibly," she agreed. "It does look like it's been blasted. Which is so bizarre! Again, though, how did you get by?"

He couldn't help but smile at her. "Marauder secret."

"Mmhmm." She narrowed her eyes then looked at the pit, then back at Remus. "Might the Marauder secret also be called a StarShooter?"

"It might," he admitted, reaching out to take her sleeve this time. "Now come on, it's nearly curfew."

She followed him out quickly, the two of them going as fast as they dared to the tower. Remus kept his ears out, holding Lily back whenever they neared someone, then going back to running when they were in the clear.

"Have you found other passages?" she asked as they went. "My friends and I have found a few but I think they're not as secret as _that_ one!"

"We've found a few," he admitted. "Mostly James and Sirius have found them." He made her slow down as they turned a corner, walking past a group of sixth year Hufflepuffs, all of whom looked down their noses at the two second years.

"How can you hear them?" Lily whispered when they started running again.

Remus swallowed heavily. _I'm being so slack again_ , he realized miserably. "Intuition I—I suppose," he got out, hoping that was enough of an answer.

"Marauder intuition?" she teased.

That caused him to laugh. "Perhaps. I... I think out of the four of us I have the best. I suppose that's why they choose me to be lookout more often than not."

"And you're okay being lookout?"

"What do you mean?"

She slowed down even though there wasn't anyone else around. "I just... sometimes it worries me that—that they push you into doing things sometimes. Things you wouldn't do without them." Remus stopped walking completely and Lily looked distressed. "I'm sorry, I—"

"You're right," he said which surprised her. "They do push me into doing things I normally wouldn't do. In a _good_ way. If... if I never became friends with them all I'd ever do is sit in my dorm and read or study. I wouldn't be _doing_ things." He began tugging at the end of his sleeve, hoping he was articulating himself well enough. "But they never force me to do things I _really_ don't want to do. I promise. If I don't want to be involved in something they're doing, they're okay with that. And I'm okay being lookout. I prefer being lookout most the time anyway."

Lily studied him for a second then hugged him tightly. "All right. I just wanted to make sure they weren't... you know."

Remus gave a quick hug back. "They're not. They're terrific friends. Now let's go, we really need to hurry to get back before curfew now!"

They made it to the portrait at exactly eight, out of breath but in the clear.


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine - Detention With James

_Please report to the Storeroom 1C at exactly 4PM this afternoon (Tuesday the Third) for your detention_

"Mannn detention today!" James whined right as Remus read his own slip. "At least it's at four and I won't miss Quidditch practice."

"Same here," Remus said, tucking his bit of paper into his bag. "Where is yours?"

"Storeroom 1C," James replied.

Remus brightened, feeling quite pleased. "Oh good, we have detention together."

James perked up as well. "Excellent! I much prefer sharing detention! Wait, what do _you_ have detention for?"

"Setting Snape on fire still," Remus answered with a laugh. "At least I am assuming so. I haven't gotten any other detention since, and I've yet to do my third night. You?"

James looked at his paper then threw it over his shoulder. "No damn clue!"

*

At just before 4pm, James and Remus met up with Professor McGonagall at the storeroom they'd be serving their detention in. She explained they'd be cleaning up. James pulled a cross-eyed face as they went into the old, very dusty, very messy room. Most the shelves and boxes had labels and she showed them a large box for things they weren't sure where they went. There were buckets of soapy water, rags, broom, lots of cleaning supplies.

"I'll check up on your progress in an hour," she said then left them alone.

"Unnnnnnsupahvised!" James exclaimed then flopped over onto a large bag full of papers, using it like a bean bag chair. "This is gonna be a fun detention! Hey, what are you doing?"

"Cleaning?" Remus knelt down by a box of assorted items, going through them. "Doing what we're supposed to be doing?"

"Pffffft." James wriggled in deeper, crossing his legs at the ankle, putting his hands behind his head. "Nobody's watching."

Remus set the items aside, organizing them by material and size. This was a Transfiguration storeroom so he assumed this was what he needed to do. The shelves were all labeled with various things like _bells_ and _vases,_ as well ones such as _crystal_ and _glass_. He wondered where a crystal bell might go... "McGonagall will be coming back, and if we've done nothing she'll merely extend the detention. Come on, help me."

James groaned loudly as he got up, shuffling over to take a bunch of candlesticks. "Where do these go?"

Remus smiled at him. "Over there, where it says 'candlesticks' perhaps?" James stuck his tongue out. "That would be my guess, at least. Um, don't do that."

James was trying to balance a candlestick on the end of one finger but it kept falling. He caught it twice but the third time it hit the stone floor and cracked slightly. "Whoops. Think McGonsie will notice?"

Rolling his eyes, Remus got his wand out. "Reparo!" The candlestick shuddered, the crack mending. "I don't think she'll notice," he said with a grin as he put his wand away. James snorted, putting the candlesticks up. "Just try not to break anything else w—"

_Crash_! "Oops. Um, can you fix glass?"

Remus closed his eyes, feeling a headache coming on. Detention with his friend had seemed like a fun idea but it had only been a couple minutes and already he was wondering if it was possible for a twelve year old werewolf to have a heart attack.

"No, that's a little beyond my ability. Sweep it up."

"We need _tunes_!" James grabbed the broom and dustpan, sweeping up the glass shards. "I'm going to sneak out and get my radio."

"No, J—"

But James had run out the door. Remus groaned, dropping his head in his hands; after a few deep breaths he finished sweeping up the glass, putting it in a trash bag, then returned to sorting through items. He had only gone through a couple boxes before James returned, flushed and quite giddy. He hadn't gone all the way to the Gryffindor tower. Instead he had gone to another storeroom where he knew a radio had been. He set it up, twiddling the knobs until music started playing.

"So, you _stole_ it?" Remus asked as rock music drifted out.

"Uh-huh, another storeroom. One of Flitwick's. He's got a bunch of radios. I remembered from last year when I had a detention with him." James began bouncing to the music then jerking his arms.

"Are you having a seizure? Shall I call Madame Pomfrey?"

"What? _No_! I'm dancing!"

"We're supposed to be cleaning not danciiaaaah!" He broke off into a yell as James yanked him to his feet. "No! Come on, we need to _clean_!"

James had a hold of Remus's hands, making his arms swing. "No, we need to _dance_! This song is the _best_! Your love is like a dragon, burning me to pieces! Flames! All a _round_ meeeeee! Burn! BURN IT UP!"

Remus managed to get his hands free, stumbling back. "James, come _on_! Seriously, we need to do what Professor McGonagall told us to do!"

"Seriously, or Sirius-ly? Cause Sirius would be with me on this. Burn my soul to the GROUND!"

Remus sighed, giving up, going back to organizing the objects. If James wasn't going to help then he needed to do as much as he could, not wanting to miss Occlumency, not wanting to get _more_ detention. He began going through a box of spheres. Wooden balls, glass orbs... he frowned, trying to figure out which section to put them in.

"Spongify!"

"Wh—James, _no_!" Remus yelped as James spongified part of the floor so he could start bouncing. "James! This is DETENTION!" James just grinned, shrugging. "Is this what you do with Sirius in detention?"

"When we aren't supervised!" James laughed as he bounced up and down, holding his hands above his head to make sure he didn't hit the ceiling. "Really, you'd think the teachers would learn by now."

"You'd think _you'd_ learn by now," Remus muttered, carrying an armful of glass orbs over to the glass section, very carefully putting them up.

"What?"

Remus turned to glare at his friend. "As I said... if McGonagall returns and finds hardly any work done most likely she'll extend our time here and you may miss Quidditch practice. And I really do not wish to miss my—... hospital appointment."

James slowly stopped bouncing, the smile disappearing. "Aw, crap, you're right. Fiiiine. Only doing this under extreme protest, though, just so you know." He jammed his finger against the bridge of his glasses, pushing them up for emphasis. "And for Quidditch."

"I got that, yes."

James hesitated, finally getting off the bouncy spot of the floor. "Well, also for your hospital thing. I don't want you missing that."

Remus smiled, a slight shiver of illness for the lie. "Thank you." He got rid of the softening spell as James came over, this time actually helping him though he complained as he did so. They went through a box together which made things a lot easier, a lot quicker. Remus eventually confessed he enjoyed having music while they did this, making James pump his fist victoriously into the air.

A few minutes after that James sat back against his feet, watching as Remus stood on tiptoes to put items on the shelves. "You're taller than me, you should be doing this," Remus grumbled as he struggled to push the statues farther back. He looked over his shoulder to ask for help then stopped when he saw James staring at the far wall, _very_ sad. Remus returned to flat feet, twisting fully around. "James?"

James turned back, the sadness instantly replaced with happiness. Fake happiness? "Yeah?"

"You all right?"

"Yeah! Dandy. Why?"

Remus went over, kneeling down next to him. "You seemed a little... sad."

"Sad? Me?" James laughed. "Nah. I'm good. Maybe bored. You know, doing detention—actually doing it—is _really_ boring."

"Detention isn't supposed to be fun," Remus said, raising his eyebrows. "It's supposed to be a punishment."

"Blah-blah-blah. You know if I were in charge detentions would be _fun_."

Remus pressed his hands together, tucking them under his chin. "Then please tell me how you would punish students for doing wrong?"

"I wouldn't! Not like that!" James flapped his hand, getting to his feet so he could pace back and forth. "Who in their right mind gives detention for..." He trailed off, squinting.

Remus tilted his head. "For what?"

"I, um, still don't know why I'm here." James sighed, sinking back down. "Let's see... could be the mice Sirius and I floated up the girls' staircases. You know, Snape probably snitched on me for yanking his robes up over his head. Would that be bad enough for detention? It wasn't _bad_ really. Or that cushion I accidentally turned into a pig-toad—"

"What?!" Remus shrieked.

"Didn't I tell you?" James turned to him with wide eyes. "Yeah, that happened the other night while you were at study group. I accidentally turned one of the cushions in the common room into this pig-toad hybrid. I was going for toad but... it didn't go too well. Obviously."

"And you got in trouble for that?" Remus asked, a little surprised. Magic in the common room wasn't really against the rules as long as it wasn't against another student, which was why James and Sirius managed to not get into too much trouble over the furniture-on-ceiling thing.

"Um." James fiddled with his wand, coughing. "No, I—I got into trouble for chucking it across the room and missing Peter. It sorta hit a prefect. Did I get detention for that? Or just points removed?" He tapped his chin. "Hmm. I _did_ get detention for trying to levitate Sirius and he crashed into my cousin."

"Wait—your _cousin_?" Remus blinked a few times. "You have a cousin here?"

"Distant cousin," James explained. "Professor Shafiq."

Remus choked on nothing, completely taken aback. " _Professor_?! You have a cousin who is a professor?! How did you _not_ inform us of this?"

James groaned. " _Distant_ cousin! Plus she's only a substitute teacher. The Indian witch with the headscarf? She's my mum's second cousin, sooooo... my third cousin? I think? Before school I only ever saw her at family events. I don't really know her. Anyway, I got detention for that so maybe that's why I'm here."

"It sounds like it was an accident, though," Remus muttered, still a little bitter that James had never once mentioned one of his relatives taught at the school—substitute or not! If he had a relative around, he would have told them. Then again, he didn't _know_ any of his relatives. Actually there was the possibility he had a distant cousin around somewhere. He knew his father was an only child however his grandfather had had siblings. _What if I have a cousin around Hogwarts somewhere?_ he wondered, trying to remember anything about his grandfather's family. He didn't know much. Just that he had agreed for his son to be sent to Beauxbatons.

He sorta wished that he did know more. That he knew his family. _It's my fault I don't, that I can't_. Remus bit his lip, heart sinking, regret filling his body for even coming down this path. _Because of me, mum and dad had to cut everyone else out of their lives_...

"It _was_ an accident!" James said, shaking Remus out of his thoughts. "I think it would have been all right but I did kinda... laugh." It took Remus a second to even remember what they had been talking about. James throwing Sirius into a teacher. "A lot. Or maybe it was the fireworks I let off in the kitchens—"

"James, when the heck are all these things happening?!" Remus demanded. "How come I don't know about most of this?"

James just shrugged, adjusting his glasses. "Most of these have happened while you're at study group. That's why."

Now Remus groaned, pressing one hand against his face. "Okay. Well, um, when I go to study group is that just some sort of signal for a Marauder free for all?"

James perked up. "Yeah, pretty much. You _are_ the voice of reason in our group. Without you, we're feral. Is that the right word use? Anyway, none of that really _deserves_ detention. That's the point I'm trying to make. I mean come _on_. Would you give detention for what I've done?"

Remus pulled a box over to go through it, trying his hardest not to laugh. "Possibly."

"Oooh, you're mean."

"James you—you _threw_ a pig-toad at a _prefect_!"

"Acci _dent_ ally!" James whined. "Pete was supposed to catch it! If anyone got detention for that it should be _him_! Not me. S'not fair."

Remus shook his head, then began to chuckle. "It truly amazes me how much detention you get."

James beamed. "Thank you!" He rested his hand over his heart. "It's a point of pride and honor. Really, _you_ should be getting more detention too, Remy! You're a Marauder! It's... what we do."

"I get more than enough, thank you." He stood up, putting lanterns onto the shelf with the label _metal work_ then hesitated, looking over at _light sources_. "Errrr... hmm..."

James went quiet for a moment. Then finally in a rather worried voice asked. "Does it bother you, that we do? That we... get into trouble? Our pranks?"

Remus decided metal work would be the best choice and arranged the lanterns carefully. "A couple months I turned the entire entrance hall into a giant trampoline." He smiled over his shoulder. "I don't mind pranks. I like pulling them. I do like causing trouble. It..." It gave him a thrill. It helped make him feel normal, though he'd never tell them that. He knew he shouldn't, knew how horrible it was for him to do these things after everything Professor Dumbledore had done to him. Flaunting the rules, causing troubles. It was wrong.

But boy was it fun and felt so _good_!

"It what?" James inquired.

Remus hummed quietly, fingers brushing against the metal as he backed away from the lanterns. "It's the being caught part that is less than satisfactory."

"Getting caught means people know you did it!" James said, folding his arms. "They know what you're capable of!"

"I'm fairly sure by now the entire school is well aware of what _you_ are capable of, James Potter." Remus returned to the box, kneeling next to James, looking at him. "In all honestly, though, I do rather admire your remarkable talent for causing trouble."

James grabbed Remus's shoulders. "Good, because I have a brilliant idea for one involving a bucket of slugs, and Snape."

"Oh, Merlin."

*

Wednesday morning they went into Charms laughing and joking, Sirius telling a particularly vulgar joke that made them snort with embarrassed laughter as they took their seats.

Professor Flitwick waited until everyone was in their seats then he waved his wand towards a large boulder that was sitting in a corner. It lifted up into the air, then dropped. Several students gasped in fear as it hurtled down... then it bounced right back up, bouncing several times before settling.

"Can anyone tell me what—" Flitwick began but four hands shot up. He looked over at the Marauders, giving a small sigh. "Why am I not surprised? Very well then, Mr. Pettigrew, I'll have you answer."

"Spongify!" Peter exclaimed happily.

"Correct. Two points to Gryffindor..." Flitwick then lectured a bit about the history, what the spell did, what the spell actually was along with the wand movements, then handed out rocks to everyone. Pretty much right off the bat four rocks went bouncing all over the room causing shrieks from the other students. Flitwick gave the Marauders a _look_ as all four of them were grinning, watching their rocks going everywhere. "It seems that we have four masters of the softening spell," he said, and the rest of the class tittered. Remus flushed slightly but James and Sirius looked quite proud. "Very well. Since you four have such a terrific grasp of this particular spell and it seems this lesson is not going to be much of help to your education..." Flitwick paused for dramatic effect, Remus knowing his friends were expecting to be dismissed for the rest of class by the fact all three of their faces fell when Flitwick finished with, "I'll just give you a quiz on the spell." He tapped some parchment then sent the papers flying over.

"I'll help you," Remus whispered since he knew they knew _nothing_ about the spell, and they weren't being given anti-cheat quills.

"Thank _Merlin_ ," James whispered back, relieved.

But as soon as they had the parchment in their hands Flitwick added, "Miss Magpie, would you mind switching seats with Mr. Lupin?"

Remus froze, then glanced at the others who looked even more miserable now. There wasn't anything he could really do except grab his bag, the scroll with the questions on them, and switch with Magpie who had been sitting clear on the opposite side of the room. He slumped down in his seat, casting more glances over at the Marauders, giving them a sheepish shrug.

Veronica McNab leaned towards him to whisper, "Shame you can't help your friends cheat, huh?" Then she went back to working on her rock. Remus felt a stab of petty joy when her rock remained stony.

Remus began answering the questions which were mostly easy... for him. He knew the others wouldn't be able to answer. Hopefully this was just to keep them occupied and Flitwick wouldn't actually grade them. Then a bouncy rock came to a rest near his feet. He was going to ignore it then realized some paper was wrapped around it. He picked it up, peeling the paper off. It was from Sirius, begging for help. He looked at Sirius who was nodding at him.

Remus eyed Flitwick who was helping Nettle with her wand movement then quickly scribbled a few answers down. Not all of them, just a couple of the easier ones, and some of the harder ones, and maybe a few in-between ones. He re-stuck the parchment, re-spongified, then sent it over. Unfortunately he was a much worse aim and it careened in the wrong direction, smacking into Struthers who took the paper off. He read everything on it then looked at the Marauders. James was banging his head against his desk, Sirius had his arms folded angrily, Peter's eyes were huge, and Remus began chewing at his nails.

Struthers looked at Flitwick. All he had to do was hand it over and Remus would be in so much trouble. Probably the worst trouble he'd ever been in, worse than setting Snape on fire. Possibly. He was cheating. He was helping his friends cheat. All right, so he had done it plenty of times before for minor things like this—whispering out answers, helping with homework—but this was... evidence. It wasn't a real test though! Did it matter? His stomach began hurting really bad.

Struthers looked back at Remus who gave him a desperate, pleading look. He knew if Spinnet had gotten the rock it'd all be over but Struthers was a little nicer. Hopefully a lot nicer.

Flitwick.

The other Marauders.

Then he tossed the rock towards the other Marauders. He caught Remus's gaze and rolled his eyes, smiling slightly as he shook his head, going back to his own work.

*

After Transfiguration Professor McGonagall asked Remus to stay behind. Immediately the other Marauders made 'ooooh' sounds, joking that he was in trouble. They left the room though Remus knew they were right on the other side. Remus grabbed his bag, going to the front of the room, wondering what McGonagall needed, terrified she had found out somehow he had helped his friends cheat in Charms earlier.

She motioned for him to sit down which he did, anxious about what he had done. Before he could ask McGonagall said, "I was wondering how your Defense Against the Dark Arts classes are going."

Whatever he had expected it certainly wasn't that. "Um..." He shifted in his seat, insides all swoopy from confusion now instead of just anxiety. "I—I think they're going all right? I'm getting good grades."

The corner McGonagall's lip twitched just slightly though it didn't continue into a smile. "That is good to hear. However, I was more meaning how things with Professor Prewett are going."

"P... Prewett?" Another second of confusion then he realized what she meant. "Oh! Oh! Um, y—yes. I think so. He—he seems nice, he hasn't acted like Professor Dedenne yet. Is that what you mean?"

"It is," she said, now frowning. "What do you mean 'yet'? Do you suspect he might?"

Remus bowed his head, fingers twisting into the hem of his vest. "I don't know. I mean, it—he... he's nice."

"Is there a problem?" she probed and he remained silent. "Mr. Lupin. After what happened with Professor Dedenne, I really hope you feel you can talk to me."

He shrank back in his seat. "No. There isn't a problem. I just mean 'yet' because—well, I mean..." His fingers twisted even more into the wool, some of it very tight, cutting off blood circulation to the tip of his right forefinger. "He's nice."

"Mr. Lupin," she warned.

He regretted even saying anything. He should have just said everything was fine. "I'm a werewolf. So... most people don't like me. I just figure there's always the possibility of—of his opinion changing."

McGonagall sat back, folding her hands together. "I see. Mr. Lupin, I know you are a werewolf and I like you. You are a brilliant young wizard, with immense talent. I am proud to call you one of my students. Do you believe my opinion will change?"

His nose began itching as tears threatened to spill over from her words. He managed to hold them back, thankfully. "N-no ma'am," he managed to squeak out. He knew he shouldn't truly trust her, but he did. His parents, of course, he understood most of their love for him (though he _still_ was in awe they gave up everything for him, he felt as though he didn't deserve it), and Miss Fawley—she had her own experiences. However, McGonagall was like Dumbledore. They were solid fixtures who, for some reason, cared about him despite his monster status; something he didn't understand but finally accepted.

"I understand your worries," McGonagall said gently. "What happened with your previous teacher was terrible. It makes sense for you to have these fears. I am very glad to hear Professor Prewett is treating you well. He is a good person so I expected as much, however I wanted to make sure. _Please_ come talk to me if any issues arise."

"Yes ma'am."

He left the classroom, running headfirst into James. "Everything okay?" Sirius asked as they untangled from each other.

"Yeah, it's fine," he said, straightening up.

"Not your mum?" Pete asked.

Remus shouldered his bag, trying not to smile at the concern in his friend's voice. "No, thankfully not. I think if my mother were very ill, she would have told me before class."

Pete screwed his face up. "Ooh, right. Well, I'm glad everything's okay. Are we going ahead with our prank tonight?"

"Are we doing that tonight?" Remus asked, frowning. "I thought we were doing it tomorrow night. I have study group tonight."

"I have Quidditch practice tomorrow," James pointed out, and Remus made a face having completely forgotten that. "We can do it _after_ study group tonight..."

"Except we might not be able to find Snivellus after study group," Remus said.

Sirius groaned. "Can't you be like, ten minutes late to study group? Or not go?"

"I—I suppose I don't need to go however I would much rather _not_ miss it. Or be late. I'm only going three nights a week. Can't we do it another night?"

"I have Quidditch practices," James said huffily.

"Can't we do it _now_?" Peter inquired. " _If_ we can find him, I mean."

Sirius shook his head. "We don't have the slugs ready."

Remus grabbed James's arm, looking at his watch. "We can get them done before supper, and ambush Snape on the way _to_ the Great Hall. Anyone opposed to that?"

They all shook their heads then hurried to their dorm to begin Operation Slimy Snivellus.


	30. Chapter Thirty - Keeping Secrets?

The Marauders had less than an hour to get everything ready for Operation Slimy Snivellus which gave them hopefully enough time but they didn't want to waste a single minute. The second they got to their dorm Peter dove for the the bucket of rocks he had been hiding under his bed. He dumped them all out onto the floor then they all sat down, turning the rocks into super slimy horned slugs, a spell Remus had cobbled together. There was a spell for turning something into a horned slug but not this slimy so he had tinkered with it quite a bit to get what they wanted, and boy were they slimy. Remus kept wiping his hands off on towels but he got covered in the slime. The others seemed more entertained by the slime than he did, flicking globs at each other.

"We are going to need showers," said Remus after he dropped the last horned slug into the bucket.

Sirius wriggled his slime covered fingers at Remus. "Give you a galleon to taste it."

"EW!" Peter yelled while Remus covered his mouth, making gagging sounds.

"I'll do it!" James said then licked his hand without even waiting for confirmation, while all the other Marauders cried out in disgust. "Oh Merlin's _beard_ that's _disgusting_!" he groaned. He began gagging as he scrambled to his feet, running to the bathroom. Remus heard vomiting sounds.

Sirius laughed. "Guess I owe him a galleon."

"I cant believe he actually licked this," Peter said, pressing his thumb and forefinger together then pulling them apart to watch the sticky slime stretch out.

James staggered back in. "That was _disgusting_!"

"What did it taste like?" Sirius asked.

James smacked his lips a couple times. "It tasted like disgusting."

"That doesn't make sense," Peter said.

"Yeah, was it sour?" Sirius asked.

James shrugged. "I dunno, it tasted like if disgusting was a taste, then that would be it."

Remus looked at the slime on his hand then gave it a delicate sniff. "Give you a galleon to taste it and actually tell me what it tastes like," Sirius said. Remus rolled his eyes at him.

"I'll give you mine too," James said.

Remus raised his eyebrows. Two galleons? For throwing up? Hmm. He sniffed the slime again then licked his hand before he could think about what a terrible idea this was. "Oh _Merlin_!" he cried out, hand automatically going to cover his mouth which just made it worse. James nodded emphatically while Remus ran to the bathroom, crashing into one of the stalls, managing to shove the lid up before vomiting. Once he finished he washed his hands thoroughly, cleaned his face off, and rinsed his mouth out before returning to the dorm, rather pale and shaky.

"What's it taste like?" Peter asked.

"It tastes... like..." Remus slid down to the ground, rubbing his face. "Disgusting."

Sirius and Peter both groaned while James snapped his fingers. "Yeah, see? It tastes as if someone turned disgusting into a taste!" James said to which Remus adamantly agreed with.

"You're smart, you can describe it better than that!" Sirius complained.

"I—I really can't," Remus protested weakly. "I suppose the closest thing would be the earthworm bean. Only worse. And... stickier. And grosser. Galleons, please."

Sirius looked at Peter who shook his head vigorously. "Nope, don't even think about asking. Not even for ten galleons, buddy."

Sirius had to clean his hands off first before fetching the two galleons, while James got a paper and quill. "I'm gonna write to Bertie Bott's," he explained when Remus asked what he was doing. "Horned slug slime flavored bean. Now that's a winner! Come on now lads, we really need showers then we can go hunt Snivvy down!"

After all four slime-covered Marauders took showers (and Remus hid his two galleons in his trunk) they gathered the bucket of slugs as well as James's invisibility cloak, folded and tucked into James's pocket. Remus had a pretty awful stomachache because of the plan, grumbling the entire way down towards the Great Hall until Sirius told him to shut it. Once they got nearer to the Great Hall Remus went under the cloak. It felt super weird being under it by himself. He barely even went under it even with the others. It was _way_ too big for just him and since he held the bucket in one hand that made it more difficult to shuffle along, leaving the other three outside the Great Hall where they hung out, being very much seen by loads of students.

Remus got near the dungeons then set the bucket down, backing away so he could levitate it once the halls were clear. He pressed himself back into a nook, waiting. He was voted as the most innocent (three to one) plus the one they could easily give an excuse as to where he was (studying in the dorm room). Therefore, he'd be the culprit. _If_ Snape was in his common room and not somewhere else. _Be very helpful if we had something that told us where he was_! Remus thought as he waited impatiently.

A couple older Slytherins passed by, then a handful of first years (none of them Regulus), then some of the second year girls. Finally there was Snape, reading while he walked which sent a slight pang through Remus at the familiarity of it. He hoped he would time it well. He waited another few seconds then tipped the bucket upside down. It was _perfect_ timing. The slugs and slime dumped over Snape's head pretty much right on target, splattering everywhere. Remus felt slightly guilty seeing slime getting all over the open book. Remus whispered another spell, sending the bucket floating down the corridor, around a corner where it couldn't be seen.

Snape shook some of the slime off then turned around, mouth slightly open in shock as he searched the corridors, slime clinging to his hair. Remus held his breath as those black eyes roved over him but he was completely invisible. Snape kept slowly turning in a circle, then flushing slightly as some other Slytherins stopped in the hallway behind him, laughing at him.

"Potter. Black. I KNOW YOU'RE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE!" Snape roared, shaking more slime off. The slugs were piled at his feet (except for a couple on his shoulders, one in his hair). The other Slytherins squealed, reeling back from the flying goop. "WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"Paranoid much, Snape?" sneered one of the Slytherins, delicately stepping around him. "Nobody's here."

"THEY ARE BEHIND THIS!" Snape yelled, fingers twitching. "They are behind EVERYTHING!" He yanked his wand out, spinning in a circle again. "Flipendo!" He started shooting the Knockback jinx in random directions. Remus sucked in some air, pressing even harder into the corner of the recess. "Flipendo!" The spell nearly hit one of the other Slytherins. "WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"SNAPE!" A Slytherin prefect stormed into view. "Expelliarmus!" Snape's wand went flying. "Are you out of your _mind_!?" The prefect grabbed the fallen wand, pressing it back into Snape's hand. Snape just breathed heavily, slime dripping off his nose. "I have to take ten points from Slytherin for this. Attacking other Slytherins."

"I was trying to attack Potter and _Black_!" Snape hissed out.

The prefect glanced around and again Remus froze up when her eyes swept over where he was hidden. "I don't see them. Has anyone seen them? Has anyone seen Potter or Black?"

"Potter and Black?" Silverlocke appeared from the other end of the corridor, holding books in his arms. "They have been mucking about in front of the Great Hall with Pettigrew for the last fifteen minutes, tripping people."

"Loopy, then it was _Lupin_!" Snape snarled.

Remus covered his mouth, trying not to laugh.

"Don't call him that!" Silverlocke snapped, cheeks tinting a little. Remus gave a small smile. Silverlocke was defending him when he 'wasn't around', and it felt so good.

Snape glared back. "He is a complete cracked cauldron."

Silverlocke jerked forward, books slipping as one of his hands went down to his pocket where he kept his wand. Then he must have realized they were most certainly not alone and a prefect was watching. He sniffled slightly, returning his hand to holding the books. Snape gave a slight smirk.

"Really, Snape, don't be ridiculous," the prefect sighed, turning her attention back to Snape now that it was clear Silverlocke wasn't going to attack him. "Loop—er, Lupin's no where around here either. Go and get cleaned up." Snape shook his hands once more then slowly began walking back into the dungeons. "Filch is going to be _very_ unhappy," the prefect said, toeing one of the slugs. "I'm not cleaning this up. All right, move along everyone!" She clapped her hands and the crowd dispersed.

Remus waited a few minutes then hurried out, going to the second floor bathroom where he knew he'd have privacy. He heard Myrtle crying in one of the stalls so he was able to take the cloak off without her noticing (and waylaying him). He tucked the cloak into his bag then left again, casually going to the Great Hall.

The other Marauders were still outside the Great Hall, jumping to their feet as soon as they saw him. "How'd it go? We heard a commotion," Sirius said, grabbing for Remus's arm immediately.

"Perfect!" Remus laughed, then dropped his voice so he could tell them what happened. All three of them screamed with laughter, especially over the fact he had shot curses everywhere—including at his fellow Slytherins! They all agreed how _paranoid_ Snape was being, or at least the other three agreed; frankly Remus didn't really blame Snape. If something happened to him, 99% of the time it was one of the Marauders. He felt a little bad for that although considering all the awful things Snape had done and said about Remus, it was only a _very_ little bit of guilt.

They were still talking about it when Professor McGonagall approached them, her lips pressed into a thin line of disapproval. "Hello," she said, stopping in front of them. They all gave their best innocent faces. "I've just spoken with Miss Thornwind."

"Dunno who that is," James said, straightening up.

"A Slytherin prefect," she explained. "She wanted to inform me there was an incident involving a Slytherin, and that you two were accused as being the aggressors."

"When did it happen?" Sirius asked.

"About ten minutes ago."

Sirius, James, and Peter exchanged looks. "We've been out here for over half an hour, Professor," James explained sweetly. "Ask anyone who has come by."

"All four of you?" she demanded.

"Remus was in the dorm room until a few minutes ago," Sirius said, hand dropping onto Remus's shoulder. "Probably studying. Cause he's boring."

" _Hey_!" Remus snapped. "Studying is _important_. Not boring. Honestly, if you spent half as much time actually, properly studying as you do finding ways to—"

"If I spent half as much time studying as I do _anything_ it'd still be too much studying and I'd die of boredom. You want to kill me." He turned to McGonagall. "Professor, Remus is trying to assassinate me."

"Forgive me if I don't send my condolences," she said flatly. Remus snickered. "I didn't think any of you were involved, and neither did Miss Thornwind. I did have to ask." She nodded at them then swept past into the Great Hall.

James and Sirius began poking each other in victory over getting away with it while Peter clapped Remus on the back, congratulating him. He tried to imitate Snape's face after the slugs hit which caused his friends to laugh once more before they went in to supper.

*

Silverlocke brought up the slugs at study group which caused Lily to physically react, her gaze immediately going to Remus. He told her honestly that James and Sirius (as well as Peter) had been busy causing trouble outside the Great Hall when Snape had been attacked. McGonagall confirmed this, and even a Slytherin prefect had told Professor McGonagall she doubted the Marauders were involved.

Then, shortly after, an argument broke out. It started when they began discussing their Charms homework and Twycross brought the whole thing up about what happened in their class. Not the fact Remus had cheated since she didn't know, but the fact Flitwick had separated him from his friends to 'prevent' the cheating. She said this all in a rather haughty tone, rolling her eyes, and tossing her hair back. She finished with, "No wonder they pass their classes since nobody _else_ has ever separated them!"

"Remus doesn't cheat," Lily said immediately.

"Oh, I'm sure," she said airily.

Remus wasn't sure what to say since he had, indeed, technically speaking, cheated today. It wasn't like they were probably even going to be graded on the test though! It had just been a lighthearted quiz that Flitwick wanted to use to poke a little at James and Sirius, right?

"Considering the fact we are given anti-cheating quills it is very impressive if what you're saying is true," Silverlocke said, cocking an eyebrow towards Remus, an amused smirk on his face. "I had no idea you and your friends were so powerful! Very impressive."

Twycross went brilliantly pink while Lily began snickering. "Th—that isn't what I meant!" Twycross snapped.

"What did—did you m-mean, then?" Remus asked sweetly.

"I meant—well, you obviously help them with their homework!"

Remus shrugged. "I give th—them some advice, yes, but I don't _do_ their ho—homework for them." Not completely. Sorta. Mostly. Okay, kinda. "If I did you'd th-think a teacher would have noticed by now. Unless..." he widened his eyes innocently, "you think the—the teachers are so oblivious?"

Twycross went even redder. "You aren't getting what I am meaning! You're purposely being obtuse! Do you know what that even means?"

Now she had _everyone_ staring at her. "Dude, Lupin's like a walking dictionary," Bones said. "Makes it pretty obvious you're just insulting him now on purpose."

"I _wasn't_!" Twycross sucked in some air then began gathering her things. "Fine. I'll just leave if that's what you want!"

"We don't want you to leave," Buckling said though rather halfheartedly. "Just stop insulting Lupin. He's the smartest one here."

"Oh yes!" Twycross's voice was high pitched now. "Saint Lupin the Genius!"

"Twycross, can it," Pierce grumbled.

Twycross's nostrils flared. "This is ridiculous."

"You're ridiculous," Bones muttered.

Then all hell broke loose. Twycross started talking rapidly about how unfair everything was, and how nobody ever cared about her. Soon everyone except for Remus and Silverlocke were arguing loudly, and Mr. Farrow kicked them out of the library, telling them if they kept this up he wouldn't allow their study group to meet there anymore.

On the way to the tower (Twycross storming far ahead of them) Remus assumed Lily would laugh about the argument but instead, after a few moments, she asked about what happened with Snape. About where the Marauders were when that happened.

"I promise, they were by the Great Hall," he said.

"Where were you?" she inquired.

"M—me?" he asked which made her narrow her eyes. "I was in my dorm still. I came down about ten minutes after they did, finishing up an essay."

Lily sighed heavily. "Who dumped slugs on him then?"

"I couldn't guess." He couldn't _guess_ because he already _knew_ so it wasn't technically a lie, right? He had lied either way just before, so he supposed it didn't really matter. It just... felt icky to lie too much to Lily. She was too sweet and kind to lie to. Ugh, guilt! "Of course he's going to blame it on us."

They got to the tower and Remus immediately went to the dorm. He slowed as he got to the door, hearing his friends talking.

"—nna tell Peter about it?" James was asking.

"Not until it happens, I think that would be the safest way to explain to—" Sirius was saying as Remus opened the door. They both went silent, looking a touch anxious at the sight of him. "Remus!" Sirius's voice cracked a little bit. "You're here early."

That aroused his suspicion. "Yeah, there was... an argument. What's going on?" He looked between them, the hairs on the back of his neck prickling a little.

"Nothing," they both said in unison.

Remus frowned as he put his bag on his bed. "Obviously something. Telling Peter what?"

The two of them glanced at one another. "A prank," Sirius finally said brightly. Too brightly. "Jimmy and I are planning a big prank."

"What prank?"

"What?"

Remus folded his arms, looking down his nose at them. They looked so guilty that it sent off alarms in Remus's head. What _had_ they been talking about? "What's the prank?" he repeated.

" _Monkeys_!" James blurted out.

"Monkeys," Remus repeated slowly and both boys nodded vigorously. "What about monkeys?"

"We, er, want to learn how to turn something into monkeys," Sirius said in the same voice he used with the teachers when he was trying to weasel his way out of trouble, giving excuses and fake alibis. "Set them loose in Snape's dorm."

"Imagine him coming back and finding monkeys all over his bed!" James began laughing, a genuine laugh. "That's actually a pretty brilliant prank!" Sirius elbowed him. "Er, I mean, of course it's a brilliant prank that we thought of... earlier tonight. Because of the slugs!"

" _Riiight_." Remus sat down, untying his shoes slowly. He debated whether or not to continue pushing about this. He was aching to know what was really going on. They seemed to be planning on telling Peter down the line. Did that mean they were going to tell Remus too? Or was it some big Marauder secret they'd keep from him? Sure, he was keeping something from them (loads of things) but that was different. It wasn't three against one. And he didn't make it obvious, or tried not to. He pulled off his first shoe then worked on the next one. "Why don't you want to tell Peter yet?"

"What?" James asked. Remus just rolled his eyes at him, not wanting to repeat himself again.

"Ooh, you know Peter," Sirius said dismissively, waving his hand.

Remus yanked off his other shoe, waiting for more which didn't come. "Yes, I know him. I know that he's up for most pranks."

"He—he's afraid of monkeys," Sirius said quickly.

" _Yes_!" James said, snapping his fingers. "He is. That's why we're going to wait, so he doesn't, you know, get all freaked out."

Remus regretted taking off his shoes because he just wanted to get away from them. He was hurting more now, at the fact they were doing this. Keeping him out of the loop. He knew there wasn't any monkey prank, it was something else. "Transfiguring objects into monkeys seems a little advanced, do you already have a spell?"

"No," Sirius said then grinned. "Wanna do some research?"

Remus stared at him. "No," he said simply and both their faces fell. "You can do it yourself." He put slippers on as he grabbed his shower things, figuring that would be a good excuse to get away from them. The wolf was pacing from the anger rising inside of him. He ignored their expressions, hurting too much to care he had hurt them. His nose itched as he held back the tears.

"Remus—" Sirius started but Remus left, slamming the door shut behind him harder than he meant to. He really didn't want them knowing _how_ much he was upset. He heard his name again which he ignored, storming into the bathroom, diving for a stall in case they followed him in. He shut the curtains, stripping off, throwing his clothes on the little seat then stomping into the shower section, turning the hot water on.

He smacked his hand against the wall then slumped back, rubbing his forehead. If they wanted to keep a secret from him that was one thing. It didn't bother him. He knew perfectly well by this point James and Sirius were essentially one person in two bodies; they had plenty of secrets between the two of them, that was _fine_. The fact they were so nervous about it and lying was what bothered him. It was something they _realllyyy_ wanted to keep from him. Something they planned on telling Peter and not him.

Remus sank down to the floor, smacking the back of his head against the wall before taking in a few deep gulps of air. _It doesn't matter_ , he told himself. _They're free to have their own secrets. It doesn't mean they dislike you_.

Despite telling himself this, he didn't quite believe it.

After his shower he disappeared into his bed, feigning exhaustion when his friends questioned him. When Peter came back from Photography Club he also tried to get Remus to come out to play cards but Remus didn't want to deal with James or Sirius. He repeated that he was just really tired. He could see the vague concern on James and Sirius's faces though Peter accepted his lies. Remus wondered how Peter would have reacted, if the situation had been different, if he had come in to hear them saying something about telling Remus and not Peter; he figured Pete wouldn't care. _I shouldn't care_ , he thought miserably, hating himself for feeling this way.

He spent the evening working on Defense Against the Dark Arts essays, more of the special ones Prewett gave him, or at least trying to. He was too distracted to properly focus on them as well as he would have liked so finally he just set it aside, reaching instead for a light fictional story to delve into. He was able to block everything out for a while, fighting off sleep until he really was too tired, but when he tried to go to sleep it didn't work. He tossed and turned, wondering what they were keeping from him. _Why_ they were keeping something from him but not Peter (eventually).

He had nightmares that night. Of them whispering to one another while looking pointedly at Remus, and then someone dumped liquid silver on him while they laughed. He woke up with a cry of fear then shoved his fist into his mouth, praying, then letting out a slight groan as he heard Sirius stirring. _Just stay in bed, don't come over, don't..._

"Remus?"

The curtains parted, Sirius's pale face peeking in.

"I'm okay," Remus whispered. "It w-wasn't so bad this time." Sirius looked at his face then pushed the curtains back a bit more so he could get onto Remus's bed. "N—no, really, I'm fine."

"You seem upset," Sirius said softly, shutting the curtains so they wouldn't bother anyone else.

Remus tried not to snap at him. "I'm tired is all. Not—not feeling great. Please, I really just want to go back to sleep."

"Are you upset about—"

"I'm _not_ upset," he interrupted quickly. "Just _tired_. Please."

Sirius frowned then Remus reached over, tugging the curtain aside to indicate for Sirius to go. He had never done anything like that before and saw the hurt filling Sirius's face. "All right," he replied and slid out of the bed. "Goodnight then," he added a little frostily.

He felt bad, but only a little. "Goodnight."

Remus waited until he heard Sirius settled in his bed before laying back down, hand reaching for Gwyllgi. _Just get over it_ , he told himself, squeezing his eyes shut. _It doesn't matter if you're being left out_.

But Merlin, it still hurt.


	31. Chapter Thirty-One - No Matter What

_You're keeping secrets from them, it's not wrong for them to keep something from you_ , Remus told himself when morning came, rubbing his eyes which had very dark circles underneath since he had barely slept. James and Sirius were both very chirpy, clearly being overly nice to Remus as the four of them went down to breakfast which just rubbed him the wrong way even more. They knew he was upset over what happened and were trying to 'fix' it. Remus tried to pretend to be fine but by the time they headed towards their first class he was already done with the day, done with his friends.

He _knew_ he shouldn't feel this way, that everyone was entitled to their secrets. But thinking that and feeling that were two different things and he couldn't stop. It sat like a lump inside his stomach, it hurt to feel so left out. He wondered _why_. Why him? What was going on that they decided he didn't need to know, didn't deserve to know? At least their first class was Herbology so it gave him something to do with his hands, moving plants from one pot to another, carefully pruning some plants back, trying not to listen to their goofy chatter. They tried to include him in on the conversation but he just ignored them, focusing on the plants.

"Are you mad at us?" Peter asked as soon as they left the greenhouse. He had no idea what was going on, but easily picked up on Remus's vibes which made him feel even worse that Peter got swept up in his irritation. Peter had nothing to do with it, but he couldn't really explain that in front of the others.

"No," Remus lied, wiping sweat and dirt from his forehead. He knew he should just talk to James and Sirius. That would be the best course. Instead he felt burning inside of him, the lump feeling heavier as they headed into the castle. He couldn't stand it another minute. Remus cleared his throat and said, "I—I think I'm just going to head to the library to finish up the essay I need to turn into Professor Prewett."

Sirius tilted his head. "Don't you finish up your essays pretty much the day we get them? Or are you just trying to avoid us?"

Remus stiffened a little, avoiding Sirius's eyes. "I want to alter a few paragraphs," he replied, pretending he hadn't heard the second part of the question. "I'll catch up with you at lunch." He hurried down the corridor then turned a corner, leaning against the wall to take a deep breath. He could still hear them clearly, Peter wanting to know what the heck was going on, James and Sirius flat out telling him that Remus had discovered that they were keeping a secret.

"A secret?" Pete asked. "What kind?"

"We'll tell you later," Sirius said grouchily.

"He's mad at you for keeping a secret from us?" Pete asked, sounding bewildered.

"Yeah," sighed James. Then James said something else but Remus couldn't quite pick it up as a group of much older students came down the hallway, talking loudly. Remus slid past them, heading first to a bathroom to wash his shaking hands. He washed them multiple times, staring rather blankly at his reflection. He kept hearing Peter's last question, how stupid it made it all seem. How stupid it should be. He pulled back from the sink with a whiny sort of moan then went to the library, hoping to try to wipe all of this away from his brain for at least a little while.

He settled down at a table near the back with a few books, his essay, clean parchment, and a buzzy sort of mind. He carefully copied out the first half of the essay then began rewriting the second bit, adding in a few new descriptions and theories. Finally he set his quill down, dropping his head in his hands. He had already had a nasty fight with James he really didn't want to start fighting again, and _not_ with Sirius as well. He needed to get over this. Get over the stupid, stupid, pointless, injury that he _shouldn't even feel_!

"It doesn't matter," he told himself, voice muffled behind his hands. "Just forget about it. It doesn't matter."

"What doesn't matter?"

Remus gasped out, jumping in his seat then frowning deeply as Sirius slid into the seat next to him. "N-nothing," he got out, grabbing for his quill. "A—a—just a bit in my essay I don't feel adds to the—er—overall... um..."

Sirius had his elbow on the table, chin propped against his fist. He was nodding slowly as Remus spoke and when he fell silent Sirius began speaking. "Overall what?" Remus just shrugged, ducking his head down, writing some more. "Uh-huh. It had nothing to do with what happened last night?"

Remus watched the inked letters forming on the parchment as he wrote, heart pounding in his chest. "What happened last night?" he asked lightly.

Sirius snorted. "Don't give me that, Remus Lupin. You're bloody well _mad_ at us."

Remus sniffled slightly, dipping his quill in some ink. "I'm not angry, if that's what you think."

Sirius's hand darted out, grabbing Remus's wrist, sending a slight shock through his body. "It is what I think, and it's what you are."

"Don't tell me what I am or am not!" Remus snapped, jerking his arm free. Ink spots splattered across his essay and he hissed out. "Look what you made me do!" He tried first siphoning off the ink which didn't work too well, then tried the smudge clearing spell he recently read about. The ink smeared even more. He gave a disgusted sound, pushing the parchment away and grabbing a new one to start over.

Sirius took the damaged one. "You're way too smart, Brains; you know that, right? Like, you're _super_ smart."

Remus groaned, bending in close to the table as he began rewriting the essay yet again. This was safer ground than discussing how he felt. "I'm not doing your homework."

"I'm not asking you to do my homework!" Sirius shook his head, setting the parchment down. "Though I probably should have asked for some help the other day. Think Prewett'll give me an extension?"

Remus blinked. "You—you haven't done the essay which is due today?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes, making a popping sound with his lips. "Define 'done'."

Remus's head smacked against the table. "Merlin, Sirius, you've had a—a-a _week_! It's—it's only ten inches long! How can you not do ten inches in a week?!"

Sirius spread his hands out, face opening with a huge grin. "It's called... _laziness_!" He flung out his arms in a dramatic manner. "It's also called I really don't give a flying jarvey about the essay. It's also called we need to talk about last night. By the way, you've got ink all over your face."

Remus's hands flew to his cheek then he withdrew them, seeing ink which must have gotten on him when he slammed his face down from Sirius's stupidity. "Bollocks." He got a handkerchief out of his bag, wiping as best he could, probably just making his face worse. "We don't need to talk about last night—"

"Don't be stupid. Course we do. You're mad."

"I'm not mad."

Sirius rummaged in his bag, pulling out a bottle of water. He took the handkerchief from Remus so he could get it wet then handed it back. He watched Remus clean for a few seconds then said slowly, "James and I _are_ keeping a secret from you."

Remus clenched his teeth as he began wiping his face again. The dampness helped get rid of some of the ink. "I am well aware."

Sirius tilted his head, raising his eyebrows. "You're keeping something from us," he accused.

"Well, what would that be?" Remus asked, feeling sick, his limbs feeling heavy.

Sirius flopped back in the seat, folding his arms. Remus waited for his response with trepidation and terror. "Please," he finally replied, "if I knew what it was, it wouldn't be a secret, now, would it?"

Remus crumpled up the handkerchief and jammed it in one of his satchel's pockets, trying not to give a sigh of relief. "I am _not_ mad that you're keeping a secret from me."

"You obviously—"

"I'm _not_!" he snapped and Sirius shut his mouth. "I'm mad because instead of simply telling me you had a secret, you _lied_ about it! You--you tried to cover it up which made me feel like—like—like..."

"Like what?" Sirius asked. Remus remained silent. "Come on, then. Like what?"

Remus curled his fingers into fists. "Like you don't trust me," he finally whispered, then the true confession slipped past his lips: "Like I don't matter."

"Remus—"

"I know. It—it's stupid, it's..." He let out a slow breath, trying to control his emotions. "We've been... friends for almost a year now but—" He hesitated before plunging on, "but I still expect you guys to stop wanting to put up with me any day."

" _What_?!" he yelped and a voice somewhere a few aisles away made a shhhhh sound. Sirius glared in their direction then leaned in. "What?" he asked again, this time quietly.

Remus didn't dare look at him. "I'm Loopy Lupin. I _know_ this. People still call me this, and—and it's kinda true." He began scratching at the table's surface. "I'm not... normal. It's difficult for me to... t-to be like... other kids."

"I don't want you to be like other kids!" Sirius growled, smacking the table. "I want you to be you!"

Remus's lips tugged into a small smile. "It still worries me. How I am. How I..."

How he sometimes felt like screaming, like crying, like hiding; how people made him feel overwhelmed, that he needed to stop having any sort of social interaction before their very words turned into blades against his skin, his _soul_. That sometimes he wanted to tear himself apart because being a person was too damn much.

He didn't want to even attempt to explain this, didn't want to show how crazy he really was. Instead he said, "I don't _mind_ you lot having secrets just... please don't make it so obvious I'm being excluded."

Sirius just stared at him, completely still, completely silent. Then he swore under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Merlin. Remy, I— I never meant to make you feel that way. I—I don't like that that's how I came across. I..."

Remus knew he was trying to say 'sorry' without saying the actual word since he had a very hard time properly apologizing, and pretty much never did. He did say the word on occasion but very _rare_ occasions.

Sirius gave up the struggle and continued talking. "I like how you are. James and Pete both do too, I know they do! We all like you for who you are." He scooted the chair closer which made Remus grow a little uncomfortable, and a little warm. "You're our friend, okay? Our _friend_. And you're _not_ being excluded." He paused then gave a small, nervous chuckle. "Well—you... you are right now, but so is Peter."

"You plan on telling Peter whatever it is," Remus pointed out bitterly.

"Yes." Sirius's silver eyes bore into Remus. "Just as we plan on telling _you_ too. Like... like James's cloak! James told me about it ages ago. And... then he got it, and told both of you too."

Remus looked down, suddenly feeling extremely stupid. _If I had waited another moment before barging in would they have brought me up? Said they were going to tell me whatever it is_? He hadn't even thought of that. He had just... assumed... like an idiot...

Sirius smiled, reaching out to put a hand against Remus's arm. "I promise we'll tell you down the line, all right?"

Slowly he looked back up, meeting Sirius's gaze. _He's being honest_. "All right," Remus said, body slumping a little bit as the weight was lifted. "I'm sorry. I—I was... I _am_ being so... silly." He began rubbing his eyes now, nose itching. "I just..."

"It's fine. I understand." Sirius squeezed his arm then let go. "But do you really think we're just gonna _stop_ being friends with you? You think we're gonna suddenly not like you?"

_Crap_. Remus turned back to his parchment, fiddling with the quill, trying to figure out the best way to explain without venturing into what he didn't want to say. "Sirius, I've literally never had friends until a year ago. That coupled with the fact that I am not normal—definitely not normal—does indeed make me concerned."

Sirius didn't say anything for such a long stretch of time that it made Remus feel extremely ill. He was just on the verge of going to the bathroom to vomit when Sirius said something very softly. "I worry too."

"What?"

Sirius turned the chair away so he could look at the row of books nearby, eyes searching across their titles. Remus thought perhaps he meant he worried about Remus's abnormality too, which frightened (and worried) him.

"I worry about you guys suddenly not liking me," he admitted, voice hardly audible. He bent forward, pushing his fingers angrily through his hair, leaving them there.

Remus couldn't fathom what he just heard. "But... b—but you... you're... Sirius."

"And you're Remus," he replied icily, glaring. "What makes me special but not you?"

"Everything," Remus blurted out.

Sirius straightened up, hand dropping, staring at Remus's reddening face. He began smiling again. "I'm a Black," he replied casually.

_Ah_ , Remus thought. "I think we've all made it quite clear by now your bloodline doesn't bother us." He dipped his quill back into the ink so he could begin rewriting the essay.

"Well, _I_ think we've all made it quite clear by now your weirdness doesn't bother us either." Remus couldn't very well argue with that. He bent in again, writing the words as neatly as he could. "I like you, Remy." Remus didn't look up though he felt himself getting hotter again. The way Sirius said that made his stomach feel all squirmy and weird, too, which didn't make any sort of sense to him. "You're my friend. Nothing's gonna change that, okay? _Nothing_."

_You'll eat those words if you ever figure out the truth_ , he thought. He wanted to reassure Sirius the same but couldn't because one day he'd have to do exactly what neither of them wanted: stop being friends. Course, he probably should lie. He didn't want to hurt Sirius, not like that. "You're my friend too. Nothing... will change that..." He wished that could be true, so bad. His heart lurched with the absolute _ache_ for that to be true. "And again I am sorry for... overreacting..."

" _Nah,_ you didn't overreact!" The lightness had come back to Sirius's voice as he leaned his chair back, the front legs lifting off the floor. "I completely get why you got mad."

"N--not _mad_. Upset. There is a difference."

Sirius stuck his tongue out. "Fine, fine, upset, if you insist on being, um, um, eh, wordsy about it." The chair came crashing down with a loud bang, sending more 'ssshhhh!!'s their way. Sirius made such an exaggerated face in response Remus snickered.

"As I said, it's fine to have secrets." He thought of James's confession to him about his grandfather, his pleading not to tell the others. "We all have secrets from one another, it's only natural."

"S'pose so." Sirius began reading through the splattered essay again. "I hope you can trust me though."

"I do," he answered without hesitation. He stared down at the parchment then over at a nearby clock. He wouldn't have time to rewrite the entire thing as well as eat lunch. He considered skipping lunch though it wouldn't buy him a whole lot of time. He flexed his fingers then began writing again quickly, his handwriting slowly returning to its usual scrawl. "I'm glad you don't mind my oddities."

"And I'm glad you don't mind my Black blood."

He recalled when Miss Fawley warned him about Sirius's family, about his his relative had blinded her, her sister killed Elara Black, then the Black family demanded Miss Fawley's sister be executed for it. _His blood is Black_ , she had told him, like it truly meant something, like a person's familial history meant someone _had_ to be a certain way. Others seemed to believe that too. It was so stupid. Sirius's family was awful (except for Regulus since he was just a kid), that didn't mean Sirius was awful.

"You're you, not them," he muttered, the words in front of him blurring slightly as his head began hurting. It felt like it had already been an entire day not just one morning, not just one class.

Sirius sucked in some air, almost in an annoyed manner but when he spoke he sounded pleased. "That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me."

It was on the tip of Remus's tongue to ask after his family, about all the rumors, what Fawley said, what he _thought_ he knew about the Black family but Sirius looked so cheered that he didn't dare. "I'm just gonna have to hand in my old essay." He pushed the papers away, taking the original, scanning it to make sure it was semi-decent.

"I'm glad we're friends."

Remus lifted his gaze. "Me too."

Sirius got up, a hand against Remus's shoulder. "I meant what I said by the way. Friends, no matter what." There seemed to be something heavy in his voice and it felt as though he were pressing down with more than just his hand. Remus just stared up, bewildered, wanting to ask what he meant but it had been such an innocuous statement he wasn't sure if he could ask. He couldn't very well say how... _intense_ the tone had been.

"Friends no matter what," Remus agreed as there was not much else to say. He got up, tucking his essay into his bag and crumpling up the rest of the parchment to throw away. He followed Sirius to the Great Hall (where he apologized to James for his attitude) then wound up having to go to Defense still smelling of dried sweat and dirt from Herbology, and having some ink smeared across his face.

*

The next day or so seemed to be a precarious balance of recovering from hurt feelings. It wasn't as bad as after the fight with James, or the fight Remus had had the previous year with Lily, but it was still a go-carefully type of thing. Peter pulled Remus aside at one point to ask if he knew the secret or anything about it, and Remus just told him all he knew is the others planned to tell the two of them 'eventually'. Then the two began theorizing what it could be. Peter stood by his idea that it was a _really_ big prank, while Remus suspected it might be something more along the lines of Fort Dragon. Not necessarily a _fort_ but something tangible for the group.

"What's tangible mean?" Pete asked, forehead wrinkled.

Remus frowned. "Errr... um, it's like—something, a—an object, like something you can touch. An idea for a prank is _in_ tangible because it is not physical, whereas the Fort is tangible, something physical."

"Oh, okay," Pete said, nodding though he didn't quite seem to get it.

"Hey Pete..."

"Yeah?"

"Are you afraid of monkeys?"

Pete stopped in his tracks, eyes going rather big before walking again. "No? I don't think so. Why? Is there a monkey around here?"

"No. But I think they want to do something with a monkey. Just... making sure."

"I don't like _flying_ monkeys though."

Now Remus stopped walking. "What? Flying monkeys?"

"Yeah, from that movie. With, um, the weird witches and—no place like home."

" _Wizard of Oz_ ," Remus said and Peter nodded.

"Yeah, my dad likes that movie. Mum hates it, says it's a stupid, ummm, stereotipping of witches."

"Stereotyping," Remus corrected. "I understand that. It does have strange portrays of witches in it." He enjoyed the movie for the most part when he saw it though the book was a million times better. Although the shoes in the book were silver—not ruby—so the movie was better in that respect!

Peter shrugged. "Dad watched it with me when I was young. The flying monkeys were _so_ creepy. I liked the songs though. You know, now that I think of it, it's kinda weird that the things they sing about are like the Hogwarts houses. You know, bravery, heart, and brains. Nothing for Slytherin though."

Remus stared off into the distance. "I can see Dorothy being a Slytherin. Going to the ends of the earth—er, Oz—to achieve her goal."

"But she was so nice!"

"Some Slytherins are nice," he pointed out.

Peter made a face. "I _guess_. Do you think they have any idea what _Wizard of Oz_ is? James and Sirius, I mean."

Remus shook his head. "I highly doubt it. Hmm, you know, we probably shouldn't mention it to them because otherwise..." Remus trailed off, giving Peter a look.

He groaned. "Yeah, they'll totally want to make flying monkeys! Definitely don't ever mention that movie to them! Course they don't even know what a movie even _is_ so probably not _that_ big of a danger, right?"

"Right." Remus wanted to laugh as he tried imagining attempting to explain what a movie was to their pureblooded friends, although he couldn't help but wonder if it was something that Muggle Studies would cover or not. He knew James and Sirius had both discussed the possibility of taking that class since it was said to be so easy, however he thought it'd be nice if they learned about Muggles... _if_ the class actually taught things properly and didn't just diminish Muggles into appearing to be dumb, lesser beings like some magical folk assumed.

That got him to thinking about the electives, and which ones to take. He still had plenty of time to decide but it was so difficult to choose between them! They all seemed so interesting! He thought he had read something about some people in the past getting more O.W.Ls than the core classes plus two electives, but he couldn't really remember, he hadn't been able to find any information in what little research he had done, and he was too nervous to actually ask anyone. Nobody else appeared to be worrying about which to choose right now, and he didn't want to seem to be... well... weird.

Once the time came to discuss things with McGonagall, he could ask her, but he knew he had to make a choice beforehand just in case. Which was just so _difficult_!


	32. Chapter Thirty-Two - And The Walls Will Ooze Green Slime!

Friday night at study group everyone showed up with a little trepidation. Twycross came in, nose in the air, ponytail swinging. She just set her books down then sat down, giving everyone looks as if to say, _what_? She barely gave any attitude, and was pretty pleasant to Remus. He doubted it would last very long. He got the feeling Twycross really disliked him. She never outright said it but it was just sort of the aura she gave.

At one point Bones asked Remus if his friends had been the ones who put up the spiderweb stuff near the kitchens earlier that day. Remus pretended like he didn't know, but Twycross muttered 'who else?'.

"You always act as if they're innocent," she told Remus as they left the library. "Whenever something happens it's them."

"N-n-n-not always," he muttered.

Twycross rolled her eyes and gave a disgusted sound, which she repeated when they got to the Gryffindor common room. They had just climbed through then froze, staring in horror at the slime oozing out from... seemingly _everywhere_. There was about an inch of slime all over the floor and some of it clung to a lot of the furniture. Lily finally went forward, sloshing through the slime. Remus followed, finally Twycross coming as well.

"Three guesses to who did this," Twycross accused.

"J—just because something happened d-does _not_ mean they did it!" Remus glanced around, not seeing them. He did see several students glaring at him which meant it had been his friends, or at least everyone assumed it was. Finally he realized the fireplace was out, the green slime sluppering out from there in a small yet steady stream. A few prefects stood around it in a semi-circle trying to get it to stop. It wasn't coming out of the chimney, it was just welling up as if there were a slime spring inside the fireplace.

Lily approached another student, asking her what happened. The girl turned her gaze to Remus. "The idiots," she informed Lily. " _His_ friends."

Twycross began smirking. "Told you. Something happens, it's them. Stop that dumb innocent act, Lupin, everyone knows trouble means Potter and Black!"

Remus shlucked his way to the boys' stairs, heading up, leaving footprints. He reached the dorm where he thankfully found them. Two of them, at least. James and Peter. _Oh right, Sirius has detention_ , he remembered as he shut the door. "Anyone wanna tell me—"

"Pete's fault," James replied immediately.

"NOT MY FAULT!" Peter shouted. "I j—just—I _said_ —and you were the one who—"

"Fine, fine, Pete's _idea_ , my fault," James snorted, going back to his Quidditch magazine.

Peter pouted. "It was NOT my idea! We were talking about creepy stories since Halloween is coming up—"

"It's the month of Halloween," James replied, not looking up from the magazine. "It should be a holiday all month long."

" _Anyway_ , so we were telling creepy stories and the—the one I told had green slime oozing out of the walls so Jimmy thought... he'd try it."

"You told me to do it! You encouraged me!"

"Yeah, in the _bathroom_!" Peter squeaked, pointing a finger towards the door. "I swear I told him to try the spell in the bathroom, not the common room!"

Remus sat on the edge of James's bed. "How did you manage to get the fireplace to continually spout?"

"No idea!" James sat up, looking very proud of himself. "Didn't even mean for it to be the fireplace. Hey, Remy, remember last year we were talking about making bats fly around? Can we try it this year? I made a bat, to try it out." He pulled a paper bat out from his desk drawer.

"I—I think right now we should focus on the fact we've got a spring of _slime_ in the common room," Remus said slowly.

James completely ignored him. "Wingardium levi _osa_!" The paper-bat levitated in the air, following James's wand's movements.

Remus gave up trying to talk to him, moving over to Peter's bed. "Are you in trouble?"

Pete shrugged. "We got points taken away. Plus I think McGonsie is gonna be giving us a lecture tomorrow or something. Probably detention. We were kicked out of the common room, the prefect—um, the oldest one—was all 'I don't even want to look at you'."

Remus snorted, covering his mouth. "At least they didn't get Professor McGonagall right away. So you suggested the bathroom?"

Pete sat upright. "Yes. I told the creepy story then James said how cool it would be to make slime ooze out of the walls and I said yeah that would be super neat do you know a slime spell? And he said he thought he did, so _I_ said okay let's go try it out in the bathroom so we can clean up easily. He said he didn't feel like going up the stairs, pointed at the wall near the fireplace, and shot the spell out."

James began laughing. "Yep, that's how it went." He kept fluttering the bat around then when he ended the spell the bat fell. "We really need the spell to keep it moving on its own." Suddenly he gasped, eyes going huge. "We... should have... the _bats_ oozing _slime_!"

"Yes!" Peter squealed excitedly.

"Either way, I appreciate you at least suggesting the bathroom," Remus told Peter, purposely ignoring James. "At least _someone_ around here has somewhat of a voice of reason when I'm not around."

James blew a raspberry, giving him the two finger salute. Remus shook his head, returning to his own bed to do some relaxing. He wasn't really feeling edgy but he felt kinda... bleh, so he went under his bed anyway to give himself some extra comfort. He paused before going under, glancing at his friends, then flopped to the floor, wriggling underneath with a blanket and a book. He wrapped himself up and read, enjoying the feeling of calmness that settled around him from being in such a tight space. The other two were playing music but it wasn't too loud.

When Sirius came in a bit later Remus felt rather warmed when he asked, "Is Remus not here?" in a disappointed tone then gave a happy noise when Peter told him. Remus watched him approach the bed then he bent over. "You doing all right?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," he said.

"You sure?"

"Y—yeah?"

Sirius crouched down. "Okay just making sure since you're under here."

" _Oh_." He gave Sirius a reassuring smile. "I'm really all right, I just wanted to be under here." He knew how _weird_ that was however Sirius had _just_ said that they liked Remus even with his weirdness.

"Okay." Sirius smiled back. He then got a deck of cards, laying down on his belly next to Remus's bed to play some games. Soon Peter joined, then finally James, the three other Marauders laying in a semi-circle while Remus remained under his bed. Remus didn't say anything about it, just basked in the bliss of having friends who would do something like this in his life.

It didn't last long though. McGonagall had been called in to get rid of the slime fountain then had a prefect fetch James who was made to clean up all the slime. She didn't forbid him help so Sirius, Pete, and Remus all helped him, rolling up their trouser legs and taking their socks and shoes off as they worked. They didn't really know many helpful cleaning spells so it had to be done the Muggle way, with mops and buckets, constantly having to haul the buckets up to the bathroom to empty them out then refill them.

It was nearly _midnight_ before they finally finished up, James thanking them profusely as they trudged up the stairs to empty the buckets out one last time. Remus's arms were exhausted and he was soaked in sweat and slime. He thought of his bed before collapsing into the shower to clean himself up, not wanting to wake up in the grossness. He had vague nightmares that night of slime tidal waves destroying the school.

*

Remus slept in very late the next day, as did the other Marauders. They were all completely exhausted from all the cleaning though there was still some cleaning needed as the furniture still had slime on their lower parts. All the rugs were back though, clean. Lily remarked on this when they went to lunch, questioning him about what exactly happened. Remus explained only a little bit, explaining mostly about the cleaning job they had to do.

"Professor McGonagall made you clean too?" Colgate asked from Lily's other side. "You weren't even there, were you?"

"N... no, I—I didn't have to clean but I w-wanted to help James,"

"Enabling him, you mean," Lily grumbled.

"If he made the mess, he should clean it by himself," added Inkwood.

Remus just fiddled with his sandwich, knowing they were both right. Technically. "It t-t—took all four of us hours to c-clean the floor. It wo—would have been nearly imp—possible for James to do on his own."

"He should have thought of it before he did that!" Colgate argued.

"He—he didn't _mean_ to m-make that happen!" Remus argued right back, causing Colgate's eyes to grow big. "I _know_ they t—tend not to _think_ about things, but he honestly j-just meant a bit of slime to come out of th—the wall. Why should he b-be punished for accidental magical side effects?"

That got them all quiet then finally Lily sighed, agreeing that she supposed Remus had a good point, which was the most he figured he'd get from her. She then changed the subject to the Hufflepuffskeins who were having a concert in Hogsmeade at Halloween and how it wasn't fair they weren't allowed to go. Inkwood and Colgate agreed, all three of them saying how fun it would be if the teachers could arrange an outing. Though, Lily supposed, it would be difficult if a _lot_ of students wanted to go. Remus didn't chime in with any opinions although he did think the opportunity to go should be given to older students, like those who had permission to go to Hogsmeade in the first place.

After lunch Remus headed to Defense Against the Dark Arts, as he was having his first proper re-test. Professor Prewett had explained it would pretty much the tests given before Christmas of his first year. Remus mostly felt confident though the fact he didn't really have time to study made his stomach hurt. He had only been told a week ago.

"Come in!" Remus entered the classroom a little nervously, despite the big smile Professor Prewett was giving him. "Hallo Lupin, come on in! Have a seat wherever you like." Remus went over to the first seat near the door, setting his things down. "How has your day been going? I heard the Gryffindor common room had a plague of slime last night. Was that your friends' doing?"

"Err—y-yeah, one of them," Remus mumbled, sliding into the chair.

"On purpose?"

"Um, s—sorta, I... I guess not really?"

Prewett gave Remus an encouraging look. "My brother and I caused quite a bit of trouble while we were here, so don't worry about sharing anything with me. As long as you're not hurting anyone else, I don't see much wrong with mischief making." Remus knew if his friends knew this they'd be hero worshipping him! "Now, shall we begin?"

The test didn't take very long at all. It was so easy! It barely even took him twenty minutes to even double check though. He considered handing it in then triple checked, _just_ in case. He handed the paper in and sat around while Prewett graded him, which also didn't take very long either.

"Very good, Mr. Lupin!" Prewett handed it back to him. "A hundred and fifteen percent."

"It—it is a first year's exam, and—and I am a s—second year," he murmured.

Prewett rolled his eyes. "Still. Very good. I've been highly impressed by you. Your parents must be very proud."

"Y—yes," he said, looking down at the paper. "Um, s-so this is... will this be... going in and—I mean, this is to be my grade for the December tests?"

Prewett nodded. "Yes. Professor Dumbledore has given me permission to do this, so after you are finished with all the exams I give you, your end-of-year grade _will_ be updated."

Remus hoped he wasn't beaming too much. "I t—truly appreciate this opportunity, sir." He carefully folded the paper, tucking it into his bag. "But I—I have to ask, if this... is very fair?"

"Fair?"

"I mean... loads of students get poor grades," Remus explained, looking down at the floor. "Is it fair th-that I get the—the chance to remedy my grades whereas others... do not?"

Prewett tilted his head. "You're asking if it's fair after the previous teacher purposely and intentionally mistreated you and gave you bad grades?" Remus had no idea how to respond to that so he remained silent. "Professor McGonagall was quite right about you."

"Wh—what?"

"Nothing." Prewett waved his hand as if his words didn't matter. "Most students are given the opportunity to make up for poor grades, however poor grades are typically due to their own failures and _not_ the teacher abusing them."

"A...!" Remus paled. "N—no, Professor Dedenne n—never _abused_ me!"

"Abuse is not merely physical pain, Mr. Lupin," Prewett said carefully. Again, Remus wasn't sure what to say so he opted for nothing. "You deserve a chance to fix your misgraded work."

"O...okay," he got out. "Again, th—thank you. I-I didn't mean to question everything, I just... I w—want to make sure I'm n-not being given... sp—special treatment."

"Nothing wrong with a little special treatment!" Prewett then frowned when he saw Remus frowning. "Look at it this way..." He turned around to the blackboard and drew two Xs, one higher than the other. "Dedenne put all her students here." He tapped the higher X. "She treated them with fairness, grading their papers as they _deserved_ to be graded. And she put you here." He tapped the lower X. "Purposely pushing you beneath everyone else. What we are doing is..." He now waved his wand and the lower X rose up to be even with the first one. "Is this. Putting you on the same level as everyone else. Where you should be. Your grades are terrific due to your _own_ intelligence, not because I am doing the opposite of what she did by purposely giving you _better_ grades, I'm grading you as you deserve. We're just giving you an... even playing field. Does that help you feel any better?"

Remus clutched his bag to his chest, nodding. "Y-yes sir, th—thank you that does make me feel a lot better."

"Good." Prewett waved his wand, the Xs disappearing. "Now, go enjoy your Saturday afternoon and cause some trouble with your friends. Have a good day, Mr. Lupin."

*

Remus did spend the weekend causing a lot of trouble with his friends as usual, as well as making preparations for the Babbling Brew which they'd be starting during the week, to be done before Halloween. They tried brewing a potion in the pit passageway which seemed to work perfectly fine, and they left it overnight Saturday; when they came back on Sunday it was still there, undisturbed.

Of course, Remus wasn't going to help out making the potion at all, especially after on Monday morning his class potion turned out even worse than normal. It was very thick sludge that Slughorn had to make disappear. Then after class Slughorn said Remus's name three times before it got his attention.

"I need to speak to you a moment," he said.

Remus stayed behind, figuring it was because of the disaster he had made. Snape was smirking at him as he left and Remus could hear him quietly laughing to himself. He rolled his eyes, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he waited. Finally the last student left and they were alone. Remus waited to be admonished but to his surprise Slughorn had something else to talk about.

"You haven't RSVPed to the dinner party," he said, linking his fingers together over his enormous belly. "It's Friday evening, only a couple days away."

Remus pressed his lips thin, feeling a little bad. "I—I'm sorry, P-Professor, I—I forgot to—to send a message saying I wasn't coming." He hadn't even thought of doing that, honestly. "I was j-just busy with homework."

"Not coming?" Slughorn raised his eyebrows. "Why is that?"

"Er. Well, I d-don't think it's really my s-sort of thing." Remus tugged at his bag strap, taking a step back, wishing they weren't having this conversation.

"How come?"

_Ugh_. "I'm not a—a very... social person," he explained carefully. "I'd p-prefer to spend my time doing homework."

Slughorn smiled. "It's only one evening, Mr. Lupin. It's a terrific opportunity."

"I—I appreciate that, I do, I-I just—" He began panicking, no idea how to get _out_ of this.

Slughorn got to his feet with a grunt. "The Slug Club is for only a select few, and I have chosen you to join. It's an _honor_ , Mr. Lupin. After this dinner I'll probably be weeding the students out even more, and I know you'll be one of the ones to be formally invited as a true member."

Remus began tugging at the hem of his vest, feeling sick and even more panicky. "Why me, s—sir?" he asked, unable to not ask. Slughorn had previously used his grades as a reason however suspected it was because he was a werewolf. Sure enough this time Slughorn replied his grades. "I only got an A in P—Potions for the final exams last year," he pointed out.

"Your _overall_ grades," Slughorn said, beaming at him. "Your grades are beyond fantastic! You have a very bright mind."

_You're lying_ , he thought miserably. He could tell. Sense it. He wasn't sure which of his wolf senses picked up lies but he could typically tell when someone was lying, and Slughorn was doing just that. Not about Remus's bright mind or grades, but about that being why he was picked. He plucked more at the hem, tugging a thread loose, feeling his insides prickling, his skin beginning to feel scrape-y.

"Your friends Mr. Potter and Miss Evans have both sent in their assurance they will be there," Slughorn added, nodding. "It will be a _lot_ of fun. You should come to the dinner, at least see how that is. It will be quite different from the Christmas party. Yes, you should come, I think you would enjoy it. It's for the second and third years. Friday, at five-thirty."

That was that. Remus spluttered with trying to get out of it but Slughorn was shooing him out of the room, sending out a cheerful farewell before shutting the door. Remus stared at the door, a little bit in shock. He jumped when Peter touched his shoulder.

"It was about the dinner," he explained to their confused looks. "Friday. I... I guess I'm going..."

"You weren't, though, were you?" James asked as they headed towards their next class.

Remus shook his head. "No. I had no intention of going. It's just Slughorn seemed so... adamant..."

James flung an arm across his shoulder. "Then don't go. Don't let a Slytherin bully you into anything."

"He's one of our Professors as well as Head of a house! I can't just... dismiss him like he's a student!" Remus complained, still feeling nauseated by the whole ordeal. His skin had the scraping problem, and James's arm across his shoulders didn't help one bit. He let his satchel slide down his shoulder a bit then it fell to the ground. He ducked away from James's arm to pick it up, hoping it would all look accidental; thankfully James didn't put his arm back on Remus.

"You _should_ though, if you don't wanna go you shouldn't go!" Peter said. "He shouldn't be add... addent that you have to go."

"Adamant," Remus mumbled.

" _Ad_ amant," he repeated with a nod.

Remus managed a smile. "Do you know what adamant means?"

"No, but it's probably bad," Peter admitted.

"It means... firm. You're set on something. Like James and Sirius are adamant about causing trouble."

Sirius laughed. "Yeah we are."

James grabbed Sirius's arm. "Speaking of causing trouble—"

"Oh _no_ ," Peter moaned.

"—we should do the slime thing in the Slytherin common room! After I practice it a bit more, of course." James continued, ignoring Peter.

"That would be a brilliant prank to play however due to the fact everyone knows _you_ did that in the Gryffindor common room you'd essentially be revealing the fact you have access to the Slytherin common room," Remus pointed out.

James made a face. "Drat. Why do you always have to be right?"

Sirius shrugged. "Then let's do it to their table in the Great Hall. It'll make them feel more at home."

James bust up laughing at that, Peter snickering too. Remus wanted to, but kept it inside. "You'll get in loads of trouble," he said and his friends shrugged. "You might get in less trouble if you do it in the corridors near the Slytherin common room, as it doesn't involve the destruction of their meal."

"Good point," James said, nodding. "But think about _this_..." Suddenly he clasped his hands to his chest, eyes going wide, eyelashes fluttering. "Professor McGonagall I didn't mean to hit the Slytherin table! I was trying to turn Sirius's food into slime but it _missed_! I'm so _sorry_!"

Sirius and Peter applauded while Remus just covered his face at the melodrama. "I doubt she'll believe—"

"Cool, that's sorted then," James cut him off. "The Slytherin table it is!"


	33. Chapter Thirty-Three - Spinnet's A TWAT!

A distant cry of distress jerked Remus out of his book. He glanced up, realizing nobody else in the common room had heard the sound. It was Tuesday morning, between Herbology and lunch; he had gotten a quick shower then went down to the common room to read and wait for his friends, since Sirius always took ages to take a shower. He shut the book then went up the stairs, thinking the shout had been Peter. He tapped at their dorm door then went in, gasping slightly at the _mess_ everywhere. Clothes, papers, comic books... it was like something exploded. Peter was kneeling in front of the wardrobe he shared with James, the bottom drawer open as he yanked clothes out, tossing them behind him. James was partially under Peter's bed.

"Wh—what's going on?" Remus asked, shutting the door behind him.

"My _journal_!" Pete wailed. "It's _gone_!"

"It's not under here, mate," James said, wriggling completely underneath. "Found your Gryffindor socks you were missing though."

Remus waded through the mess. "Where should I look?" he asked, wanting to help.

"I don't _know_!" Peter sat back on his heels, tugging at his hair. "I—I had it under my bed—the mattress part, I mean—but it's not there!"

Remus went over to Pete's bed, pushing up the mattress. "James, help lift the other side just in case." Together they lifted the mattress clear up on the off chance it had just slid somewhere but it was a no. They set the mattress back down then Remus began looking under other beds. Shortly after Sirius came in wearing one of his fancy bathrobes, toweling his hair. They told him what was going on and he got his clothes, hiding behind his curtains to change then popping back out to help search.

"What is it? What's it look like?" Sirius asked.

"It's a—a red journal, it's got a gold spine. My dad bought it for me for my twelfth birthday." Peter pushed his hair back then collapsed down. "I use it mostly for—for notes and stuff about photography, for photography club and stuff. I—I was g-gonna go take some pictures after Defense and—I can't find it!"

"We'll find it," James promised.

Remus got his wand out. "I doubt this will work but accio journal!" Everyone froze, waiting. Nothing happened. "Accio Peter's journal!" Still nothing. "Accio photography journal! Accio red journal! Accio red book!"

"You know how to do the summoning spell?" James asked, impressed.

"No," he admitted, lowering his wand. "I just... hoped. I'm sorry, Petey."

"S'fine," he whimpered. "It's just I got some personal stuff in there too and I don't want anyone seeing it! Like, no offense, not even you guys!" He flopped onto his back, moaning. "I'm so stupid."

"How are you stupid?" Sirius demanded as he began literally dismantling Spinnet's bed. He yanked the blanket off then the mattress, pulling it to the floor. "Just cause you lost something doesn't mean you're stupid."

"Maybe we can get a prefect to try the summoning spell?" Remus suggested.

Peter bounced up to his feet. "YES! OH MY GOD REMUS!" He flung himself at Remus, hugging him tightly, squeezing the breath out. "You're so smart!"

"Hhhhk."

Pete let go, stumbling towards the door. "Is there one in the common room? Come on, come on!" He grabbed Remus's hand, pulling him down the stairs. Remus cast a glance around then spotted the sixth year male prefect. "No, you ask," Pete whimpered, pushing Remus before him.

Remus sighed, going over. Talking to strangers was an anguishing experience however for his friend it wasn't quite as bad. "Um, e—excuse me," he mumbled. The prefect looked up. "S-sorry to b-b-bother you but we're n-needing a little help. If th—that's possible."

"What sort of help?" He set his quill down, raising an eyebrow. "Did Barmy and Pratty do something?"

"N-no!" Remus frowned a bit at those nicknames, at the fact a prefect was using them. "Peter l-lost a book—an important, um, book—and—and I w-w-was wondering if you c-could possibly t-try using the summoning spell in our dor—dorm."

The prefect looked past Remus at the trembling Peter. Slowly he got up, stretching. "Fiiiiine. Tell me exactly what this thing looks like."

Peter described the book to a T as they went up the stairs. The prefect crinkled his nose when he saw the disaster but he came into the room anyway, doing a small turn to look around. Then he got his wand out. "Accio!" He didn't use a descriptive word but they all heard a loud banging sound. The five of them swivelled to look at Spinnet's desk.

James ran over, tugging at the locked drawer. "Alohomora." He pulled the drawer open and Pete's journal zoomed to the prefect who caught it, handing it to Peter.

"Sp—Spinnet?" Pete asked, clutching the journal. " _Spinnet_ stole it?!"

"That little TWAT!" Sirius shouted furiously. "He _stole_ it! Did—did you see that?!" he demanded of the prefect. "Our dormmate _stole_ something!"

"That is yours?" the prefect asked, a little suspiciously. Peter opened the front of the book. _Happy 12th, Captain Pete! Love Dad_. "I see." The prefect looked very displeased. "I'll inform Professor McGonagall. This is highly unsavory! I cannot believe it...!" He gave Peter's shoulder a pat before sweeping out, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Arse!" James ran over and kicked Spinnet's mattress which was still on the floor. "Oh, he is gonna GET IT!"

"Wh—why would he d-d-do this?" Peter asked, still clinging to his journal.

"Because he's an ASSHOLE!" James roared.

"Let's clean up the room—except _his_ stuff, of course," Sirius said, kicking at a shirt on the floor.

They worked as quickly as they could, leaving Spinnet's bed stuff on the floor, his locked drawer open. James wanted to snoop through it but Remus convinced him not to, telling him that would make him no better than Spinnet. They finished up about ten minutes into lunch and hurried through the school, Peter keeping his journal in his bag for now.

To Remus's surprise his friends didn't confront Spinnet when they went into lunch. He expected a big blow out but they just took their seats, ignoring their classmate down the table. Lunch proceeded as normal then James wanted to leave a bit early. Remus realized when he stopped down the hall from Defense than he intended on confronting Spinnet there. Sure enough, as soon as Spinnet and Struthers appeared James got his wand out, going over, sticking his wand right into Spinnet's face.

"You _twat_ ," he growled out.

Struthers backed away quickly in a panic while Spinnet just took one step back. "Merlin, Potter, what's your problem?"

" _You_!" James narrowed his eyes, ignoring the other second years who had started to come down the hallway then stopped, watching. Lily glanced towards Remus but he just kept his eyes on James and Spinnet. "You stole from Peter!"

"What? I did not!" Spinnet scoffed.

James angled his wand a bit. "Liar! McGonagall's already been told!"

Spinnet scoffed at that. "Making up stories to get me in trouble?"

"We didn't say a thing," Sirius said, casually striding over. "A prefect's told her, after witnessing your theft."

Spinnet's eyes darted back and forth while the girls began whispering. "I never stole _anything_ from Pettigrew! You guys are _insane_!"

Peter, whose face was going quite pink, took his journal out of his bag. "Then why was this in your locked drawer?!" he demanded.

Spinnet actually paled at the sight of the journal. "You—you broke into my desk!" he spluttered out.

"Yes, I did," James agreed. " _After_ the prefect tried to summon Peter's book so we could find it! How did it get locked up in your desk if you didn't steal it, hmmmm?"

"Perhaps it jumped in when he wasn't looking," suggested Sirius with a lazy sort of smirk.

Spinnet was clearly panicking now. He glanced back at the girls then back at the Marauders. "I, er, found it. On the floor. I wasn't sure who it belonged to so I put it in my desk until I had time to ask."

"Isn't there a table in the middle of your room?" asked Magpie. "We've got one in ours, where the water pitcher usually is. Why not put the book there?"

"We do," Sirius said.

Spinnet wiped his hands off on his trousers. "I'm not dealing with this! Move it, Pratty!" He shoulder-checked James then strode down the hall. Everyone just watched him go then looked at Struthers.

"I had no idea he did that," Struthers mumbled. "He never mentioned that book to me, I swear! If I knew he had stolen anything I would have made him give it back."

"Why are you even _friends_ with him?" James asked. "He's so _mean_!"

Struthers opened and closed his mouth a couple times them jutted his jaw out. "He might not be the nicest person around but at least he doesn't go around hexing people for fun like you two do! Some of your pranks can be funny but mostly they're just dumb or annoying, or cause _problems_ for people! Maybe Andy did one or two things wrong but compared to _your_ long list of jerkiness, he's definitely a lot better!" With that he stomped off.

Remus could hear some of the girls agreeing with that (Lily included). James put his wand away. "Can't wait for McGonagall to talk to him," he said then headed to class, the other Marauders following.

After Defense Prewett had Remus stay behind to go over some of his essays which were 'very good'. Prewett said it wasn't just the make up essays that were impressing him, it was _all_ of Remus's work in class. "It's clear this is your element," he explained as Remus stood there, tugging at his sleeve. "I think we might as well set up times for your other two exams right now. The ones before the Easter holidays, and the end-of-year exams. Would you like to do both of them before the Christmas holiday?"

"Um, y—yes, please," Remus mumbled.

"I'll continue giving you a list of essays, of course. Now. How about the twenty-eighth of this month and the eighteenth of next month?"

"Um... I—I can't remember when the first Gryffindor game is, and—and I've promised J-James I'd be there."

Prewett smiled. "It's on the eleventh."

Remus perked up. "All r-right. That works f-for me, thank you Professor."

"May I ask you something?" Remus gave a small nod, wondering why his teacher was even asking. "Is your father Lyall Lupin?"

The question shocked Remus, and made him feel a little sick with worry. "Y... yes, sir."

Professor Prewett nodded. "I thought you might be related but I wasn't quite sure. I met him a couple times when I was starting at the Ministry, just before he left. He is a very talented man, and I can see why you have such an affinity for this realm."

Remus just looked down, guilt eating away at him. His father had had a good job at the Ministry before Remus was bitten, then Lyall had to leave. To help protect Remus. Hearing about his father's abilities should have made him feel proud but he just felt depressed. If he had never been bitten, his father would still be there.

"That really explains this." Prewett held up one of the essays Remus had handed in on Thursday. The one about boggarts. "Your father is the one who defeated the infamous Screaming Bogey of Strathtully, isn't he?"

Remus just shrugged. He didn't know much of his father's career pre-bite, just that he loved his job, missed it, and had been well known for taking care of boggarts. He had never heard of the Screaming Bogey before. Had his father really done that? He had trained Remus from a young age how to fight dementors and boggarts, taught him all about them. While he had never personally experienced actually performing the spells he did know how to do both the patronus spell and boggart-fighting spell. He had seen his father's patronus on occasion, and had once seen his father defeat a boggart that someone tried to get rid of by selling an old trunk to the antique store, knowing the boggart was in there. Lyall had brought it home specifically to show Remus how to fight them.

"Are you all right?"

"Y-yes sir, sorry," Remus said quickly, trying to smile. "My father does know a lot about non-human spirituous apparitions. He—he taught me."

"That's good to hear. Can you show me the boggart spell?"

Remus raised his eyebrows but obediently got his wand out. "Riddikulus!" he exclaimed, flicking his wand at nothing.

"Excellent! I'll be doing a class sometime in the spring about boggarts. I'm hoping to actually get one though I'm not sure if I will be able to. Do you know what your boggart is?"

"N—no sir," he answered, putting his wand away. "I expect something to do w-with the... the... you know."

"That's what I thought," Prewett agreed. "I think if I do manage to get a boggart I'll allow anyone who doesn't wish to reveal their deepest fears to sit out, therefore I won't be singling you out." There was a knock at the door and Prewett jumped a little in surprise. "I nearly forgot I had another class. You may go. Thank you, Mr. Lupin; have a good day."

Remus wriggled past an anxious looking older Ravenclaw then hurried to where his friends were waiting. He told them it was about the makeup exams he'd be taking and they all pat his back, saying how proud they were of him which made him go bright pink.

*

Right before supper Professor McGonagall called Peter, James, and Spinnet to her office. Sirius and Remus huddled at the end of the Gryffindor table, wondering what would happen. Sirius seemed confused over _James_ being called in too until Remus reminded him that James _had_ put his wand in Spinnet's face. Sirius rolled his eyes, complaining that Spinnet had deserved it.

"Regardless of whether he should have done it or not, it was still wrong of James," Remus said, piling curry onto his plate. "I have no regrets about setting Snape on fire, but I deserved detention for doing so."

Sirius chewed thoughtfully. "We should set Snape on fire again," he said.

"Of course that's all you got from my statement," snorted Remus, shaking his head.

They chattered for a bit then looked up when James and Peter came back in, sitting across the table from Sirius and Remus. Peter seemed pleased while James looked angry.

"Well?" Sirius demanded, leaning forward.

"Um, well, Spinnet wasn't—wasn't meaning to steal from me," Peter said.

Sirius groaned. "Pete, he took your book and locked it away. That's _stealing_!"

Peter shook his head. "No! I mean, he didn't know it was mine."

"He thought it was mine," James explained grouchily. "He saw it between my bed and Pete's bed and since it's all Gryffindor-y he thought it was mine, so that's why he put it in his drawer." James slammed his hand down against the table. "He was targeting _me_. Told McGonsie how much I annoy him, how sick he is of all the trouble I caused. Said he didn't look inside the book, was just going to take it for a day or two then give it back. Then—oh _man_ — _then_ he goes, can I have detention instead of points off?" James gave a disgusted sound. "Said he knows how far behind Gryffindor is because of me and Sirius, so he'd rather just _him_ be punished and not the entire house."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "What a prig."

"He _stole_ from me because I play pranks. What a jerk."

"I don't feel safe now," Sirius said, pointing his fork at James. "What if he steals again? What if he _has_ stolen? What did McGonsie do to him?"

"Gave him a night of detention," sighed James. "No points taken away. Lecture about respecting property, blah-blah-blah. He said _we_ don't respect property cause we destroy stuff, and _she_ goes she understands but that doesn't mean he should retalate."

"Retaliate?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, that." James jabbed at his food. "What is his problem?"

"Apparently us," Sirius laughed, causing James to grin.

"What are we gonna do to get him back?" Peter asked, and the other two fell silent. "Um, we are getting him back right?"

"Oh, without a DOUBT!" James hit the table again. "We need something big. Remus, you think we can enchant something to follow him around?"

Remus hesitated, mid-bite. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"Like a big sign that says 'thief' on it or something," James said.

"Ooooh I love that!" Sirius said. "Giant glowing sign."

"That the teachers'll probably get rid of in five seconds," Pete put in.

Sirius spread his hands out. "Giant glowing sign," he just repeated.

"I—I'll do some research tonight," Remus promised.

"Don't you have the hospital thing to do?" Pete asked. "It's Tuesday, isn't it?"

"I do, but I need to go to the library afterwards," Remus explained.

"Ohhh shoot speaking of which, I have something I need to do!" Sirius jumped to his feet, cramming the rest of his sandwich into his mouth, mumbling a 'see ya' as he ran off.

"What's _that_ about?" Pete asked.

"Probably making trouble," said Remus.

"Yeah, he is," laughed James. "Anyway, so the whole sign thing—if it's not perfect that's fine cause I also wanna do something similar to Snivellus soon. A sign saying 'git!' following him, or 'greasy git' or something." He quieted down for a second then let out a grunt. "Ugh, I _still_ can't believe that jerk _stole_!"

At about five till six Remus told James good luck with practice before heading out. He went through the halls and up staircases, everything fine and dandy, when on the third floor he got a weird feeling he was being followed. For a few seconds he wondered if it was just because of their plan of making something to stalk Spinnet but as he went down a corridor with no one else around he felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle up. He spun around, staring down the empty hallway. He stood still for a moment, trying to fixate on what was bothering him. Slowly he turned back around, heading towards the stairs, trying to listen behind him for footsteps. He thought he heard some but when he ran up the stairs and ducked down a side passage nobody came by. He waited a moment then began walking again, bringing his satchel around so he could cling to it nervously. He felt extremely uncomfortable.

 _Someone is there_ , he thought, sensing a person behind him. He stopped again then whirled around, marching back the way he came. He heard quick steps and got a whiff of someone's scent. _Sirius_! he thought as he reached the stairs again. He just remained at the top, heart pounding. Sirius, he had definitely smelled Sirius. _He must be under the cloak_. Remus felt confused, then scared. _He's following me._

Remus wanted to say something. Only he couldn't, cause Sirius couldn't know he knew Sirius was there. _What do I do_?

He began walking again, going back down the stairs, in a fog as he walked to the hospital wing. He couldn't go anywhere else. Obviously Sirius wanted to know if Remus was going to the hospital wing or not. _Why?_ He felt dizzy, afraid. It felt completely out of the blue. Sirius hadn't been hounding him lately about his sickness, and now... now this?

Before he reached the hospital wing he remembered some of the nearby secret corridors. He went to one of them, pulling at the torch sconce that opened up a doorway in the wall then stepped in, standing right inside the door so Sirius couldn't come in without bumping into him. He waited until the door closed up then he began running. Sirius knew where the other end let out so he had to get there, get _out_. He burst through the other side, running as fast as he could down the hall then into another secret corridor, rushing up the stairs, then collapsing outside the exit. He slumped down, breathing heavily, listening to any sign of Sirius.

Nothing.

After a couple quick gulps of air he got up, going to the classroom where Fawley was waiting. He apologized for being a few minutes late, explaining what happened since she'd most likely see it. She sat upright, fingers curling a little.

"He was following you?" she asked stiffly. "Why?"

"I-I'm not s-sure," he admitted, falling onto the couch. "He's been really... quiet about my illness ever since my fight with James." He wiped some of the sweat from his forehead, dropping his satchel onto the floor. "I don't get why he just _did_ this."

"You're certain?"

"Yes," he said. "I could hear the footsteps, no question about that. When I went back I could smell him. It... it was Sirius." He felt the panic bubbling up inside of him, threatening to take over.

"You're certain he didn't follow you here?"

He bent forward, head in his hands. "I'm fairly certain however I cannot be a hundred percent positive. I think I lost him down th—the one secret passage. A... although he is going to ask me why I acted the way I did. What do I tell him?"

"I don't know," Fawley admitted with a light sigh. "You could tell him you felt like someone was following you and was afraid it might be one of those Slytherin boys who have bullied you in the past."

Remus nodded, liking that idea. "Yeah, th—that would work. Um... I need a minute to calm down then I think I'll be ready."

He emptied himself as best he could, taking in slow breaths until Fawley touched his head. He felt a little bit of a headache and this weird sort of thick feeling in his head which only lasted a second, then he was remembering one of the pranks the Marauders had done over the weekend. When the memory ended and he returned to the real world, Fawley happily told him she had to push harder than before to get into his head.

"You're starting to get it," she said, clapping. "I'm so pleased by this! I wasn't expecting you to be this far along this soon!"

Of course he couldn't manage it again that evening despite trying as hard as he could. Fawley gave him her usual speech of not letting things get him down, reminding him he was further along than she ever thought he'd be. He _still_ felt disappointed in himself, and as soon as he left the room the panic began welling up again. He kept his ears out as he went to the library, relieved he didn't sense anyone following him this time. He hoped Sirius would bring it up sometime soon, and if Sirius didn't then _he_ would because he wanted to have _words_ about this!


	34. Chapter Thirty-Four - Lily's Prank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't responded to any comments I've gotten since posting the last chapter. I've been feeling really under the weather this weekend, and Saturday night's shift at work was incredibly rough and stressful. I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to get today's chapter out but I'm feeling a little better; I'll reply to comments as soon as I can! :) Thank you everyone for your amazing support <3

The atmosphere in the dorm felt extremely weird on Tuesday evening. Spinnet and Struthers were definitely keeping a distance from the Marauders, James was visibly angry with Spinnet, and Remus felt awkward around Sirius. He grew panickier as the evening drew on until finally he shut his curtains, pretending to be too tired to socialize. At around nine when the others started getting ready for bed, James and Spinnet got into a loud argument. Remus just buried his head under his pillow, pushing on the sides to block out as much of it as he could. Finally the two finished whatever they were fighting about and one by one his dormmates went to bed.

Remus stayed in bed until ten, waiting until the other boys were asleep before he crept out to get a shower and prepare for bed. He couldn't get to sleep for a while after, and once he did he had nightmares. Most were low grade ones that didn't bother him too much then he had a pretty intense one that woke him up, panting heavily but thankfully not making too much noise.

He got very little sleep after that, and was exhausted come morning. He rolled over when Peter tried waking him up then mumbled it was Wednesday and he didn't need to get up yet. He just went back to sleep for another couple fitful hours then threw on his uniform, trudging down to the kitchens at around ten-twenty.

Charms dragged a bit since they were still working on the softening charm and Remus had it pretty much down pat, so instead he propped his Charms book up and practiced the spell to make an object track someone. It was from the third year spell book but didn't seem too difficult, just a lot of concentration on 'attaching' it to the person. He was practicing with two pieces of paper, spelling one to follow the other then sliding the first piece around. After fifteen minutes he finally managed to get the second piece to follow.

"Mr. _Lupin_?"

Remus jumped looking guiltily up at Professor Flitwick. "Y-y-yes sir?" he squeaked.

"Are you paying attention?"

He closed his book, setting it on top of the parchment. "Yes sir." He obediently spongified the large rock on his desk and rolled it off, everyone watching it bounce around. To his surprise, most the class tittered.

Flitwick just smiled. "I appreciate the display however I just dismissed class."

He glanced around suddenly realizing half his classmates were on their feet, the other half gathering their things. He went beet red as almost everyone began laughing. Quickly he swept everything in his satchel, jumping out of his seat, trying to crowd in close to his friends in hopes the other students would stop giving him looks.

"Poor Remy," Sirius laughed, messing up Remus's hair as they left.

He ducked away. "I was distracted," he grumbled, smoothing his hair back down.

"Remus Lupin not paying attention in class?" Peter looked quite shocked.

"It's not like I don't have any comprehension of this spell!" he hissed out, hitching his satchel up higher on his shoulder. "All four of us are rather beyond the current class level, wouldn't you agree?"

All three of them nodded but Sirius cracked a grin, throwing his arm across Remus's shoulders which sent an uncomfortable shudder through his body; he hadn't realized he was having another 'touching feels bad and makes his soul ache' sort of day until then, and wasn't sure how to get Sirius's arm off of him. He didn't want to do the same thing he did with James the other day, pretending to drop his satchel, but he needed to do something.

"It's still hilarious to see you not paying attention in class though," teased Sirius. "Needs to happen more often. Makes me feel less bad about doing it."

Remus twisted around to put his hands on his hips so Sirius's arm fell away, making him feel a _lot_ better. "Perhaps you should try paying attention more often?"

"Ugh, _no_!" Sirius groaned, sounding as if someone were trying to convince him to eat a vomit flavored bean.

"So what were you doing in class?" James asked.

Remus brightened, scrabbling in his bag for a piece of parchment. He performed the spells, 'attaching' it, so to speak, to James. The paper fluttered down a bit then floated for the most part a few inches away from James who began running in circles, laughing as the parchment chased him.

"EXCELLENT!" he shrieked, holding up his hand for a high five which Remus reluctantly gave.

"I obviously have a lot to work on before we can properly do what we want to do," he sighed, removing the spell so the parchment fell to the floor. "I'm hoping we can do it before the weekend. No promises though."

They trooped into the Great Hall, taking up probably more room at the Gryffindor table than four kids should. Remus immediately got out his grade 3 Charms book to study the spell some more while his friends ate. He began working on getting a napkin to follow a fork—trying to get it to follow at more of a distance—but it didn't seem to be working. He frowned, restudying the spell until his friends got his attention, needing to say his name a few times like Flitwick had in class.

"I asked how things went with Pomfrey last night," James said when Remus finally looked up.

Remus hesitated, trying not to look at Sirius. "F—fine," he said, shutting the book. He sat up a bit straighter, deciding to go with Miss Fawley's idea. "At least, the Pomfrey part went fine."

"What does that mean?" Pete asked.

"I—I think the Slytherins are up to something." Remus nodded intently, trying not to make it obvious he had his eye on Sirius as he said, "I was being followed."

Sirius's eyes flickered just slightly but his face quickly smoothed over. "Oh?" he asked.

"I think it was the Slytherins," Remus continued, adding on to his lie. "I got the feeling I was being followed after I left the Great Hall but no one was behind me. I started to get worried it might be Mulciber and Avery planning something. You know, perhaps they were intending to waylay me on the way to the wing? I didn't go immediately to the hospital wing, instead I kept going up floors then I backtracked. Nobody—nobody was there, it was so _odd_ but I still had that feeling so I went down secret passages to escape." He let out a sigh, shaking his head now. "By the time I got to the hospital wing I didn't think I was being followed anymore, thankfully. It was so _weird_ though!"

"Why do you think the Slytherins were involved?" James asked, a touch too lightly. _He_ knew what Sirius had done!

Remus gave him a wide-eyed, innocent look. "Who else would do something so... so... so _creepy_ and awful?"

James and Sirius's gazes flickered very briefly at one another before they went back to their food. "You're right," Sirius agreed. "While you work on that spell we should try to come up with something to get back at them."

"What does waylay mean?" Pete asked, and Remus explained it basically meant ambush. "Ooh, you're right, they probably were gonna do that." Peter's words were full of honesty, so Remus figured whatever Sirius and James were doing they hadn't talked to Peter about it.

Remus froze up at that. _Is this what they were talking about the other night?_ he wondered as his friends began discussing possible things to do to Mulciber and Avery. The secret they were keeping from Peter and Remus... was it the fact they were suspicious of Remus? Was that why Sirius was stalking him? He began to grow nauseated, glad he hadn't put any food on his plate yet because he doubted he'd be able to get anything down now. All his fears came back with a vengeance.

_They probably don't suspect you're a werewolf_ , he tried to convince himself. _They wouldn't be so kind and friendly with you if they did._ He figured they probably just suspected something about his health. Right? They hadn't shown any dislike...

He spent the next fifteen minutes quietly panicking, half-studying the charms book until he realized they didn't have class right after lunch so there wasn't any need for him to stay. He closed the book, murmuring that he needed to go to the library. Once there he just hid out underneath one of the tables to try to calm down, erase the anxiety building up. There was every possibility they thought he was just bunking off every Tuesday night and wanted to see. Perhaps Sirius intended to follow him _into_ the hospital wing to listen in which was a _terrible_ violation of privacy and Remus desperately hoped that wasn't the case.

*

The following morning Remus felt a little better. He had convinced himself that Sirius was just being super nosy and wasn't really suspicious of any sort of lycanthropy. James and Sirius were in _very_ good moods on Thursday too which they revealed to be due to the fact Spinnet had been acting erratically (Remus's word, not theirs, after they explained). He _knew_ the Marauders were up to something to get back for stealing Pete's book—he just didn't know what. Or when.

"We should sit on the thief thing a little longer," Sirius said, drumming his fingers on the table. "Make him squirm."

"I just wanna make sure he gets what he deserves," said Peter, angrily buttering a piece of toast. "I don't care that he didn't know it was mine. It really upset me!"

"As it should," agreed James.

"At least it proves he didn't read the journal," Remus said helpfully. "Since he had no idea it was yours. He stole from you, but didn't read your private stuff."

Peter chewed thoughtfully, then slowly nodded. "Yeah, you're right about that. It makes me feel less... yucky. I mean, still mad though."

James groaned loudly. "I really wish we didn't have to share a dorm with him."

Peter glanced up, brow wrinkling. "Me too but it'd be three in one and three in another so _we'd_ be split up. With my luck I'd be stuck with Spinnet."

"Whaddaya mean bad luck?" James demanded. "You've got _good_ luck! You ended up as _my_ friend after all."

Peter just stared at James. "Wanna shrink down that big head of yours?"

Remus choked on his orange juice while Sirius began laughing so hard he couldn't breathe, tears forming in his eyes. Once his passages became clear enough Remus began laughing too. James glowered while Peter smirked, returning to his toast. Sirius reached over to give him a high five which just make James pout even more, calling them all jerks.

*

After their post-Herbology showers the Marauders unlocked one of the unused classrooms on the fifth floor to hang out. While Remus practiced the paper-stalking spell, James helped Peter with some Defense spells and Sirius sat in a windowsill with a sketchbook propped on his lap, hand flying away as he drew. Remus just kept attaching pieces of paper to James while he moved about, flourishing his wand, showing Peter various movements.

"Like _this_!" he stated, waving his wand. Peter tried to copy him. "No, no. You need to flick your wrist more at the end. Here, let me do this slower. Okay watch. Annnnd... hah! Like that."

"This?"

"Almost. Here, let me show you." James went over to Peter with about half a dozen pieces of parchment fluttering after him. The two more recent ones were floating about five inches above his head which was good progress.

Remus switched tactics, focusing now on protecting the paper so Spinnet couldn't simply _finite incantatum_ and get rid of it. He had James try to get rid of the paper and unfortunately he managed. Remus frowned, scratching his head before going back to the books to try to figure out the best route.

"I really think the way I should go with this is a shielding spell, a small sphere around the paper that makes the spells bounce off. It will wear off eventually... but I'm not sure how else to prevent him from getting rid of the paper immediately..." He doubted the others were listening to him as he was mostly talking to himself. "The question is am I able to perform the power needed to unleash a spell that sustains itself for a decent length of time..."

"Could we do something to help that?" Sirius asked.

Remus jumped a little bit in surprise at being shaken out of his thoughts. "Wh—what?"

Sirius looked over his sketchbook. "Is there any way we could ummm... help you sustain the spell?"

Remus rubbed his chin in thought which for some reason made Sirius smile. "I don't think any of us are at that level quite yet _however_ if you put a shielding spell over mine that would prolong the life of the spell and therefore preserve the—why are you smirking?"

"You've got ink all over your face now," Sirius explained, holding his book up against his mouth to try to hide the fact he was laughing.

Remus looked at his hand then groaned out. "How bad is it?"

"Let's just say I don't think you look good with a beard," Peter said sympathetically.

Remus groaned even louder, searching through his bag for a handkerchief, trying to wipe himself clean then having to leave so he could go to a bathroom, feeling dumb when he saw his reflection. Ugh, ink _everywhere_. He washed his face until he was clean again then left to go back up to the fifth floor. He had gone down to the fourth since he wasn't a hundred percent sure where the bathrooms on the fifth were.

He turned a corner, then hesitated. _Great_ , he thought miserably. _Of course_.

Snape was down the hallway. He had seen Remus, so there was no escaping or trying to sneak around him. Remus wiped his hands off on his trousers then moved forward, focusing on the floor so he wouldn't have to look at Snape. _What is he doing up here_? he wondered. It was lunch time, he should have been in the Great Hall.

"Loopy."

Remus stopped in his tracks, slowly looking over, flinching when he saw Snape's hand near the pocket where his wand stuck out. Remus had stupidly left his wand with the other Marauders. He felt naked.

Snape's lip curled back in a sneer. "Where are the others? Hmm? By yourself?"

"Wh—what do you want, Snivellus?"

The wand came out and Remus took a step back, heart leaping into his throat. He had no way to defend himself. Snape gave a laugh. "Scared, Loopy? Or are you going to set me on fire again?"

Remus swallowed, lifting his chin. He could hear footsteps coming towards them so he didn't feel quite so worried. "I d-d-don't know, are you g—going to cut me open again?"

"I should," he hissed as he took a step forward. "You deserve it." Then his eyes widened before quickly tucking his wand back in his pocket, facial expression going from pure hatred to one of mild annoyance.

"Sorry about—Remus!" It was Lily, a bag full of food on one arm. "How come you aren't down in the Great Hall?"

Remus glanced at Snape then back at Lily. "We're d-doing things elsewhere. What about y—you?"

"Sev and I are having lunch together," she explained, coming up next to Remus, hand brushing against his arm. Remus noticed a flash of fury crossing Snape's face at that, but since Lily was looking at Remus she didn't. "Privately, since he—we don't want to upset anyone in the Great Hall."

Remus raised his eyebrows at her quick change of words but didn't mention it. "Have f—fun," he said, trying to sound impassive. He wanted so bad to tell Lily that Snape had had his wand out but didn't. "I'll s-see you in Defense."

He walked down the hall, close to the edge. Snape fidgeted a little as Remus passed him, shooting him a dirty look. Remus kept his head up, hands clenched at his sides until he got to the fifth floor. Only then did he slump, privately thanking the stars for Lily's very timely appearance. On the other hand... if she had taken a few extra minutes then she would have walked in on Snape attacking an unarmed Remus which would have been interesting...

He shook his head then went into the classroom, deciding not to tell his friends what happened—mostly for Lily's sake.

*

That evening at supper Remus ate with Lily since she seemed to want to do so, which he found out why after about ten minutes of general chatter about classes. She finally cleared her throat, cheeks tinting just slightly as she told him that apparently Snape accused Remus of threatening him during their meeting earlier.

Remus nearly spat out that Snape had lied, then quickly swallowed his words. Getting irritated wouldn't help him. "I d-didn't have my wand with me," he said carefully. Lily's eyes grew huge. "I left it with—with them." He jerked his head towards the other Marauders. "I had ink on my face and j-just went to clean off, and my wand was still by my notebook."

"Why would Severus lie?" she asked, which was an empty question and they both knew it. Her cheeks went even redder. "Er, never mind."

"We mostly just glared at each other, that's all," he said. "He—he got out his wand. But he didn't do anything."

Lily squeezed his wrist. "I believe you." They continued eating in silence for a moment then Lily began stirring her soup thoughtfully. "He still thinks you lot dumped the slugs on him a while ago." Remus didn't answer. "They haven't done much to him lately, have they?"

"Not... particularly. That I know of," he said, prodding his baked potato, watching it fall to pieces. "They've been a little focused on Spinnet."

Lily's head snapped up. "Oooh, right. The whole thing with him stealing from Pettigrew?"

"A—actually, as it turns out, he thought the journal belonged to James!" Remus told her, realizing he hadn't informed her of all the updates. He told her everything, including their plan of making a sign that said **thief** to follow him around. Lily hid her giggles behind her hand. "That's what I was practicing earlier, when I got ink on my face."

"How did you get ink on your face from practicing a spell?" she inquired.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I—er, well, was taking notes then—then rubbed my face. St-stop!" he whined when her giggles grew louder.

"S—sorrrryyy!" she wheezed out as her giggles turned to laughter. "I'm just imagining you dumping ink on your hands then—then just..." She put her hands to her face, rubbing vigorously. Remus couldn't help but laugh too, at that image.

"It wasn't like that!" he managed to get out. "Sirius—he, he asked me a question and I, you know..." He rubbed his chin.

"Just wash your face with ink," she said.

Remus's eyes suddenly went big. "Ohhh that'd be a brilliant prank."

"Wh—what? Oh, Remus, no, I wasn't..." she trailed off, eyes narrowing. "You know, that would be funny. Could you help me prank _them_?"

"Them?" Remus glanced at his other friends then back at Lily.. "You mean James and Sirius?"

"Yes! Just help me come up with a way to do the ink soap, that's all. You've got a pranking sort of mind. Please?"

"How are you going to get it to them?" he asked.

Lily beamed. "Girls _can_ go up the boys' stairs."

"Lily!"

"Well come on, if there was a way into the girls' dorm you know they'd be pranking us left and right!" she said, tugging at his sleeve.

That wasn't entirely true, but he couldn't tell her that without revealing they _could_ get into the girls' dorms! Instead, he looked back over at James trying to toss bits of food into Peter's mouth while Sirius egged them on. "Okay," he sighed.

Lily squealed and gave him a hug. "Yay!"

"It—it wouldn't be really difficult though," he said quietly. "If you w-want to do hand soap it might be, however if you intend to just get them it won't be hard because James and Sirius both use shower gel so you could probably just mix it in without having to hide it."

Her eyes sparkled. " _Perfect_."

Remus went with his friends to James's practice, figuring when James got his shower after he'd be quite inky. He felt kinda bad for 'helping' Lily (despite the fact he hadn't really done anything) and wondered how his friends would be reacting to this. He doubted they'd even suspect Lily...

*

And as it turned out, they blamed Spinnet. After practice ended they returned to the school and James got his second shower of the day. Shortly after he got in he began shouting angrily then a moment later he stormed into the dorm, clutching a towel around his waist, ink dripping all over his face, and along one shoulder and arm. Remus immediately began laughing and thankfully Sirius and Peter did too.

"SPINNET!" James roared. Spinnet (and Struthers) were both laughing as well. James dripped water and ink on the floor as he came in farther. "I KNOW you DID THIS!"

"Me?" Spinnet snorted. "So what, now you're gonna blame everything on me?"

James flailed his hand in front of his face. "Who ELSE would do this?!"

Spinnet shrugged. "One of your friends probably, they're the pranksters."

"Oi!" Sirius snapped, sitting upright. "I didn't do that! Though I wish I did."

"SIRIUS!" James roared.

Sirius grinned at James. "What? It's funny!"

James looked at Peter who shrugged helplessly, promising he hadn't done it. Then James looked at Remus who pressed his lips thin, shaking his head slightly. He felt heat rushing to his face and more laughter threatened to bubble over. James squinted at him. "Remus," he said slowly, walking over. "Did _you_?!"

"I didn't!" Remus promised. "It's just funny to see you like that."

James frowned, casting another glower at Spinnet before turning Sirius again. "Can I borrow your soap? Since mine's ruined."

Sirius scrambled off his bed, giggling. "Yeah, yeah. Here." He tossed the bottle over and James stomped out of the bathroom.

Remus pretended to go back to his book, waiting, wondering. Had Lily just inked James or did she ink Sirius too?

"AAARRRRRGGGHHH!"

In stormed James again with more ink on him. He threw Sirius's shower gel back at him. "YOU HAD INK IN YOURS TOO!"

" _What_!?" Sirius stared at the bottle then dumped some out on the floor. There was definitely ink in it. "SPINNET!"

" _It wasn't me_!" Spinnet growled. "I hate you guys but I didn't do it!"

Peter and Remus were laughing so hard now then James furiously demanded they all check their stuff. Peter also used a gel which came out clean, and Remus had a cheap bar of soap which he waved at his friend, the white of the soap clearly untainted. James harumphed, took Peter's bottle, then stalked back to the showers. Remus, Sirius, and Peter all burst into more laughter.


	35. Chapter Thirty-Five - Slug Club Supper

James was super grouchy on Friday morning, grumbling to himself as they went down to breakfast, insisting that Sirius be angry too since someone attempted to ink him as well. Sirius didn't care, more amused than anything else which just made James even grouchier. In Potions class Remus paired up with Lily mostly so he could tell her what happened. She spent half the class trying to stifle giggles and whispering for Remus to try to imitate James's face over and over.

"Are you going to the supper tonight?" Remus asked as they left class.

"Slug Club?" Lily asked and he nodded. "Yes. Are you?"

"Um, yeah. Slughorn sorta... roped me into it..."

"Roped? What do you mean?"

"I—I wasn't going to go but he convinced me I should. Slughorn just... I don't know, I don't know why I agreed. But I did, and I-I'm not going to back out."

"If you don't want to go you shouldn't," she said firmly. "I'm personally excited however you don't _like_ being around a lot of people so it's not really your thing."

He just shrugged. "I'm going to go tonight but that's it. S _—_ since it's just second and third years I _think_ I'll be okay."

Lily gave him a hard, long look. "Think? Remus, don't push yourself."

"I w-won't," he promised.

But he was nervous all day, working himself into a bit of a frenzy as the evening grew closer. By the time Transfiguration came in the afternoon his skin felt uncomfortable and scrape-y, and his brain was whirring too much to pay much attention to Professor McGonagall. He was physically shaking when they got back to their dorm, keeping his hands tight to his sides so nobody else would notice. He knew he didn't _have_ to go but he felt like if he did skip out Slughorn would merely double down on his determination to pull Remus into the Slug Club for whatever reason. He could come to the dinner then say, sorry not my thing. Hopefully.

James and Remus both took showers even though Remus wasn't very sweaty or anything; still, he figured he should be as clean as possible. He returned to his dorm with an old, ratty robe wrapped tight around his body, still trembling at the thought of spending an evening with several other people in a close setting.

James asked what he was wearing and that made Remus stop shaking. Made him completely freeze up. He hadn't thought of clothes at all. "Um."

James perked up, running over to his wardrobe. "I was thinking you could borrow some stuff."

"Oh, n _—_ no, I _—_ thank you but no."

James brought clothes over to Remus, ignoring him completely as he held up the shirts. Sirius and Peter joined him, studying the shirts carefully, making remarks. "James, really, I-I appreciate it but _—"_

"This one," James said, dropping the other shirts.

" _That_ one," Sirius agreed.

"Definitely!" chimed in Peter.

James held a dark purple shirt and a grey plaid button-up up against Remus, nodding. "You can borrow my trousers too, if you don't want to wear your uniform," he said, pushing the shirts into Remus's arms. Without waiting for an answer he fetched a pair of very nice slacks.

"James _—"_

"Go try it on," James said.

Remus looked at his friends, all of whom nodded encouragingly. "It'll look awesome on you," Sirius urged.

Remus trudged into the bathroom to change. He did have to roll the trousers up a bit so they'd fit, and the sleeves of the plaid top went past his hands so he pushed those back as he returned to the dorm. The other Marauders all began making noises of approval and Sirius came over, unbuttoning the cuffs so he could properly roll the sleeves up, rebuttoning them to stay in place. Remus grew very warm as Sirius did that, and the panicky feelings started coming back to his stomach and chest for no apparent reason. Sirius also seemed on edge about something as his heart rate had gotten a lot faster.

"Looks good on you," Sirius said awkwardly, finishing fixing the cuffs.

"Th—thank you," Remus replied, just as awkwardly though he wasn't sure why.

"It looks super neat on you!" Peter said, nodding. "James, you chose good."

"You can keep those shirts," James said.

Remus's head snapped up. "No! N-no. I—I can't. Th-thank you but _no_."

James adjusted the front of the plaid top then went back to his wardrobe to choose an outfit for himself. Remus sat down on his bed, looking down at the sleeves then the trousers. It felt so odd wearing James's clothes. The previous year he had borrowed a shirt for the Slug Club Christmas party but this was an entire outfit. James wasn't particularly tall or wide but the clothes were big on Remus. He sighed and went to get a belt to make sure the trousers wouldn't fall down. He might as well borrow the clothes, they looked so much better than anything he had.

"Shame you can't bring friends to this one," Peter sighed, flopping back onto his bed.

James picked out his outfit then began stripping off right in the dorm as usual. Remus glanced away, hurrying to his own wardrobe to get some decent looking socks and vaguely okay shoes onto his feet. He brushed out his hair then stood in front of one of the mirrors. His clothes looked great, the rest of him not so much.

"Hey, let's go!" James said brightly, nudging Remus. They walked down to the Great Hall with Sirius and Peter then bid farewell, the two of them continuing down to the dungeons. Remus was a little shaky again though felt calmer when he saw Lily in the hall near the Potions classroom.

She gave him a bright smile, running over. "You look so good!" she said, looking him up and down.

"You d-d-do too," he said. She was in a flowy sort of brown skirt and a cream and brown paisley tunic. She looked like an autumnal goddess. "Your hair!" he realized.

"Yeah, I had it grown out," she laughed, touching her hair. She still had the fringe but now her hair came in waves to her shoulders.

"Looks dumb," James yawned.

Lily glared. "You look dumb."

"Pffft!" James scoffed. "I look fantastic."

" _Remus_ looks fantastic," she argued, linking her arm with his. "Come on."

James stuck his tongue out at her but she didn't notice as she led Remus into the classroom. It had been changed like the Christmas party although not as drastically. The tables were all gone except for a large round one which was set beautifully underneath a large floating chandelier. There were already a few students there. Slughorn was standing near the door, greeting the three of them, urging them to go on in and sit down.

Remus was very relieved when he was able to sit between James and Lily, so he didn't have to sit next to someone he didn't know. On Lily's other side was a Hufflepuff in their year named Catchlove, and on James's other side was a Ravenclaw named Bottlebrush. They were the only second years there until Snape came in, along with a female Slytherin named Nott. Snape's eyes darted to Lily then glared at the Catchlove. After a second he sat with Nott, and two third year Slytherins. Remus wasn't really sure why Snape was so put out since he doubted Snape would have sat with Lily so publicly anyway.

A moment later another girl came in and Slughorn clapped his hands, pleased everyone had made it. He took a seat between two third years. "Welcome everyone!" he said. "It's so good to see you! How about we go around the table introducing ourselves for anyone who doesn't know one another? Lucius, we'll start your direction."

The blonde boy next to him gave a bored sigh and introduced himself as Lucius Malfoy. Remus remembered the bat-bogies getting caught in that long blonde hair the previous year, and he tried his best not to laugh. Next to Malfoy, Jonathon Nott, his obvious sister Abigail, then Snape. Remus began to grow terrified to even speak, regretting even attempting this. He _shouldn't_ have come. The Ravenclaw on James's other side introduced himself, then James proudly introduced himself along with, "Of course you _all_ know who I am. And this is Remus Lupin," he added, patting Remus's shoulder. Then Lily hesitantly introduced herself, and Remus felt himself go weak with relief. He figured James just wanted more attention on himself but he didn't care, he was _so_ grateful for James doing that!

Once the last introduction was made—a black girl named Dorcas Meadowes that Remus recognized as being from Gryffindor—Slughorn clinked his fork against his goblet to make a ringing sound. That seemed to be a signal as house-elves began appearing with platters full of food, carefully depositing them onto the table.

Slughorn spoke as everyone began putting food on their plates. "I'm _very_ glad to see everyone here. The Slug Club is a tradition that I have been doing for years, where a variety of talented and brilliant young witches and wizards can come together and _bloom_!" He beamed around at the handful of students around him. "All of you have been specially _handpicked_ by me!" he added towards the second years; obviously the third years had already gotten this speech. "In the Slug Club you'll make friendships... _connections_! You'll meet previous members of the Slug Club, all of whom have gone _very_ far in life! In fact you'll find quite a few high Ministry employees began right here."

"Like Professor Prewett?" James asked cheerfully.

Slughorn fell silent for a second. "Ah... ah, n—no, I'm afraid Fabian was never much of one for this sort of thing."

Malfoy muttered something under his breath and into his goblet that even Remus barely picked up, something about blood traitors. The Nott sitting next to him snorted while Slughorn didn't seem to notice and continued talking. He spoke about opportunities, advancements, and a whole bunch of other stuff Remus began to tune out. He could tell James was getting bored too. Slughorn spoke to the students, inquiring after family members who had been in the Slug Club before.

"How is Monty doing?" Slughorn asked James who choked a little on his food, surprised at the question.

"Pretty good," he said, screwing his face up. "Dad didn't belong to the Slug Club, did he?"

Slughorn laughed. "No, my dear boy, no, we went to school together. You could say we were rivals in potions in our day!"

"Of course you were the better," Malfoy interjected.

Slughorn smiled. "Now, now, Fleamont Potter gave me quite a run for my money in many ways!"

"Doesn't seem like his son inherited that ability," Snape muttered, loud enough for everyone to hear.

James glared at Snape but before he could say anything one of the third year Hufflepuffs asked a question, shifting the conversation. Remus returned to not paying much attention, finding that if he just pretended he was eating with James and Lily it wasn't so bad or scary. He _knew_ he was in a small dinner but he wasn't as freaked out as he thought he would be until Slughorn began telling the third years why he had picked out the second years. So everyone was looking at him when Slughorn spoke of Remus's 'outstanding' intelligence and abilities. Remus just looked at his plate, hoping he wasn't going too red. James glowed under Slughorn's praise of his Quidditch prowess and cleverness.

"Not to mention the gold in his vault," Malfoy whispered to the older Nott sibling who snickered.

To Remus's annoyance when Slughorn talked about Lily he mentioned the fact she was a Muggleborn multiple times, making it sound like her abilities were all the more extraordinary because she wasn't from a magical background. Lily's knuckles were white as she held onto the stem of her goblet but kept a pleasant expression.

Slughorn then began talking about previous Slug Club members, bragging (for in Remus's opinion there was no other word for it) about the connections he had made throughout his career. At one point James elbowed him, jerking his chin to his own plate. Remus looked down to see the shape of a penis made out of peas, then grabbed his napkin to try to make his snort of laughter seem like a cough.

The rest of the dinner went by without much interest for Remus and was relieved when Slughorn finished his dessert, saying his goodbyes to everyone, shaking hands. Except for Remus. He pat Remus's shoulder. Remus stiffened a little, feeling strangely awkward about the interaction, however remained silent, giving a faint smile towards Slughorn as he left. As soon as he left the classroom he gave a long sigh of relief.

"That was interesting!" Lily said as she, Remus, James, and Meadowes headed out of the dungeons. Meadowes wasn't really with them, just following at a short distance.

"Don't you mean boring?" James asked, turning around to walk backwards so he could look at Lily. "And _rude_."

"Rude?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, I mean—maybe it was just me but come on, how rude was it when he praised you? 'For a Muggleborn you're good at this', 'For a Muggleborn you're good at that'." James rolled his eyes at Remus. "Just me? Thinking that was rude? Your blood doesn't mean anything."

"I—I agree, I th-thought it was a bit rude," Remus said.

Lily cocked her head to one side. "I didn't mind. It sort of felt like he was rubbing it in the faces of some of the Purebloods that I've got loads of talent without their precious background!"

"Brava," said Meadowes, making them all jump. She raised her eyebrows, looking at the three of them. "I agree with the boys that it was rather irritating of Professor Slughorn for some of how he phrased things, however I agree with you that it was nice that he reminded some of the Purebloods that 'despite'—" here she did air quotes, "—your blood status you're as—if not more—talented than them."

Lily beamed while James scowled. "Thank you. Um, Meadowes, right?"

"Yes." Meadowes took a few quick steps so she could shake Lily's hand. "It's nice to meet you. Evans?"

"Yes. Are you the only third year Gryffindor in the Slug Club?"

Lily slowed so she could walk with Meadowes, talking to her, asking her questions. James and Remus walked ahead of them, chattering about their own things (mostly James making fun of the Slytherins) until Lily decided she had something else to say to them. "Potter!"

He groaned then turned. "What?"

Lily gave him a sharp look. "I forgot to say, speaking of rudeness it was _very_ rude of you to introduce Remus at the table instead of letting him do it!"

James looked genuinely taken aback. "What?" He looked at Remus then back at Lily. "Why was that rude?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "He can introduce himself. You shouldn't speak for him."

Remus was about to say that he hadn't minded but James just rolled right in, shocking Remus. His assumption of James doing that just to keep the attention on himself apparently wasn't the reason. James slung an arm around Remus and said, "You should know how difficult it is for Remus to talk in front of people he doesn't know, how anxious he gets unless it's a big nerdy speech about school stuff."

Remus felt a glow of warmth inside for James thinking of him. Lily frowned at Remus who grew a little pink. "I—I'm g-glad he d—did," he admitted. He didn't like taking sides when it came to James versus Lily but this time he had to. "I r-really appreciated it. I was really... panicking when the introductions were—were getting c-closer to me."

James squeezed Remus gently then let go. "I _thought_ you were."

"Well... it was still rude," Lily sniffled, visibly upset she hadn't realized.

"So?" James adjusted his glasses. "I still think what Sluggy did was rude."

Lily didn't have much to say to that so James whirled back around, striding off. Remus hesitated, then waited for Lily. She murmured an apology about not realizing how upset he had been during the dinner and he promised her it was okay. "It m-makes me relieved I was able to—to hide it." He gave her arm a pat to assure her it was fine then he hurried back to James who put his arm back around Remus as they walked back to dorm where James told the other Marauders everything while Remus disappeared under his bed to curl up with his pillow, wishing it was Gwyllgi but not wanting to get him out in front of the others.

*

Saturday definitely made up for the dinner. James's morning practice was super early but they all got up anyway, taking their breakfast to the bleachers to watch James while they ate. When they returned to the dorm they found James had had a pretty big mail call: their Muskateer costumes had arrived from his parents!

They all tried on the outfits with great pleasure. Remus was shocked at how _good_ his fit! The black leggings weren't too loose or too tight, the shiny black boots felt really nice on his feet, the white undershirt was loose but it was supposed to be billowy, and the blue and white tabard hung at the perfect length. They all had the hats with feathers, and even fake twirly mustaches. The best part was, of course, the fake swords which caused James and Sirius to immediately start fighting one another.

While they did Peter took all four mustaches and stuck them to his face. "Pete, I mustache you a question," Remus said sending Peter falling to the floor with peals of laughter.

"Best costume idea ever!" James proclaimed once he shoved his sword between Sirius's arm and his body, sending Sirius into a dizzying death spin until he collapsed dramatically onto the floor.

After lunch they took all their Babbling Brew supplies to the pit-passages, James flying everyone over (Remus sweating a little when he had to go). They chose a few pits back to do their potion, just for extra security, and while they waited for the water to boil James tried to talk Remus into getting on his back for a piggyback ride; at first Remus declined since he wasn't completely okay with touch but finally James convinced him. It wasn't as awful as Remus expected. James galloped around while Remus clung to him, laughing. Remus was happy that Peter took some pictures since they were all having a great day and he liked pictures of days like this, for him to remember better.

Soon they got onto the subject of middle names, since Peter started flipping through his history book and eventually said, "If I ever manage to do anything interesting it's gonna going to end up like one of these _boring_ names."

"Whaddaya mean?" James asked, whirling in a circle, making Remus dizzy.

Peter sighed. "My _name_ is so _boring_! My _full_ name is just this... yawn! If I manage to get into a history book somehow my name is going to be one nobody can remember cause it's just bleeegh."

"Your middle name?" Sirius asked, looking up from his sketchbook curiously.

"Yes! At least some of these people have interesting names but my whole name is _boring_. I mean come on, Peter Pettigrew?"

"James Potter isn't much more interesting," James said, hitching Remus up higher on his back. "Though I guess my middle name gives me a bit more of a flair."

"What's your middle name?" Pete asked.

James grinned. "Fleamont. It's a sort've Potter tradition, giving our sons our names for their middle names."

"James _Fleamont_ Potter!" Sirius laughed, falling over. "I love it."

James stuck his tongue out. "What's yours, Petey-boy?"

"It can't be more boring than _my_ middle name," Remus said before Pete answered.

Peter sighed. "No, it is. It's _Laurence_. Come on. Peter _Laurence_ Pettigrew."

"My middle name is more boring," Remus said with a shrug.

"How is that possible?"

Remus smiled. "John."

"What? Really?" James looked up at him. "Remus _John_ Lupin? John??"

"Yup."

"That's opposite my name," James said. "I've got a bland first and last name, with a weird middle name."

Remus snorted. "Thanks for calling my name weird." He knew perfectly well that's not what James meant, but he had to tease his friend.

"Nooo!" James yelped out. "I didn't mean it like that! I meant interesting. I like the name Remus. It's a good name. I'm sorry."

Remus laughed. "It's fine." He didn't want to say how touchy he really was about his name. He liked it for the most part, and would have been completely fine if it wasn't for the fact he was a werewolf!!

Peter looked over at Sirius. "What about you?"

Sirius was back in his sketchbook, studying the paper carefully as he drew. "Orion. Also my father's name. Anyone say anything about my belt and—"

"You'll belt us?" Remus asked, giggling when Sirius gave him one of the glaringest glares.

"I thought your middle name was Jirius anyway," Sirius said making Remus laugh so hard he almost fell off James and would have if James didn't have such a good hold on him, then he and Sirius had to explain what was so funny.

By that point the water was at the right temperature so James deposited Remus onto the floor (which was good since he was at the edge of being okay with being touched) then he and Peter worked on the potion while Remus sat next to Sirius. Sirius tilted his sketchbook away, shielding the view from Remus. He hadn't intended on looking at whatever Sirius was drawing but it still stung slightly. He got his book from his bag, affecting not to care.

After another forty minutes the potion was in the state it needed to be to be left alone for a few days so they gathered all their stuff and headed out, returning to the fourth floor then heading to their dorm, excited about how the Halloween feast might go with this potion snuck into the food. It was going to be _very_ easy to sneak the potion in with the invisibility cloak until Remus brought up the possibility that house-elves could see through the cloak.

"Their magic is very different from ours," he continued. "They can Apparate around Hogwarts where Apparition does not work."

The others cast worried glances then James fetched his cloak. "Let's test the theory then. No time like the present!"

He and Sirius hid under the cloak, following Remus and Peter down to the kitchens. They went in and Remus and Peter talked to Toggle (the head elf in the kitchen) while James and Sirius wandered around. Once they all left (Remus and Peter with a basket full of food as they were both well beloved by the house-elves) they ducked into a nearby bathroom. James tore the cloak off while Sirius explained it didn't seem like the elves could see them. He said they had purposely gotten in the way of the house-elves who would continue going towards them. James said he waved his hand in front of one of the elves and she had seemed a little confused by the breeze but definitely hadn't reacted to the movement itself.

"Perfect," James said, folding his cloak up carefully. "This is going to make pulling kitchen-related pranks so much easier."


	36. Chapter Thirty-Six - Thestrals

At supper Saturday night Professor Prewett made an announcement. He was pleased to inform the second years an opportunity for some extra credit had arisen, and if they wished to take this to please meet him in the eastern entrance courtyard the next day at ten am. This was only a mild surprise, since he had made a similar announcement not too long ago for the sixth years and had explained there'd be opportunities for each year throughout the school year.

That got the hall buzzing. Remus knew immediately he'd be doing this, even though he didn't really _need_ extra credit. Peter said he would too, and James and Sirius both rang in with the fact they'd go too. Remus was a little startled since doing extra schoolwork seemed odd for them then they explained it was probably something to do with dueling so of _course_ they'd be going. Remus smiled. Of course. He refrained from saying he didn't think it would be dueling—that seemed like something better suited towards class, or at least later in the day than morning. Still, he wasn't sure _what_ it would be.

The next morning found quite a few second years gathered in the courtyard. James complained bitterly about the fact all houses would be doing this together, so they had to deal with Slytherins. There were only a couple of Slytherins. Unfortunately Snape was one of them, hovering a few feet away from Lily like some sort of miserable vulture. Silverlocke was there too, chatting with the only other Slytherin who had come: a nervous looking girl whose surname Remus thought might be Allen or something close to it. There were quite a few Ravenclaws (the biggest group), a fair amount of Hufflepuffs, and seven Gryffindors. Besides the Marauders there was Lily, Colgate, and Nettle.

At ten exactly Professor Prewett strode into the courtyard, smiling broadly at the group. "Good morning everyone!" he exclaimed cheerfully. "I'm sure you're all wondering what we're doing here. Well it seems a small infestation of _ignis lepus_ has occurred nearby in the woods. Does anyone know what those are?" A few hands raised, Remus's included. Prewett called on a Hufflepuff who replied they were commonly called pyrabbits. Prewett nodded. "They're a class three-X beast. Can anyone tell me why we need to take care of them?"

"They're gonna burn the forest down?" suggested a Ravenclaw.

Prewett smiled. "Not quite, although close. Left alone, pyrabbits are perfectly fine. However these are nesting rather close to Hogwarts and in their search for food there is a likely chance of them going into coming here and starting fires. A fire had started in Hagrid's garden the other day. I've offered to relocate these animals for Albus, and thought I would bring you along to show you how to deal with these creatures, hands on. We will be meeting w—"

"We're going into the Forbidden Forest?" James interrupted him. A few other students snickered.

"Yes, Mr. Potter," Prewett said. "We won't be alone. Hagrid will be coming with us to make sure you lot stay close. And we won't be going deep into the woods. Now, let's go."

He guided them down towards the edge of the forest, near Hagrid's hut. He was waiting for them with Rocky who barked, immediately bounding over to Remus nearly knocking him over. Remus pat his head, screwing his face up as Rocky gave him slobbering licks. Prewett guided the group into the forest with Hagrid taking up the rear. As they walked, Professor Prewett talked about pyrabbits which Remus listened to so intently to he wasn't really paying much attention to where they were, or what was going on until suddenly there was a choked scream right in front of him.

James jerked back, crashing into Peter who put his arms around him to catch him. All the other students had stopped and were looking at him. Rocky stepped forward, nuzzling his hand trying to comfort him. James was staring in absolute shock and Remus followed his gaze, almost jumping as well. Several yards away was a pen full of the skeleton-horse-dragon things that pulled the carriages for Hogwarts.

Had James... _seen_ it...?

Remus felt a little dazed. He had assumed before now that he was the only one who could because he was part animal. Or crazy. But James was pointing at it, stammering out a demand to know _what the hell it was_!

"Is this the first time you've seen one?" Prewett asked, a little surprised.

"YES!" James screamed. "I'VE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE HOW WAS I EVER SUPPOSED TO SEE THEM BEFORE?!"

"See _what_?" Sirius asked.

James gaped at him. "THOSE— _THINGS_!"

"What things?"

"STOP PULLING MY LEG!" James looked back at the creatures, shaking harder now.

"I—I don't see anything!" Sirius looked at the pen then at Pete and Remus.

"I don't either," Peter admitted.

Before Remus could say he did, the Slytherin girl had pushed her way through the knot of students to stand in front of James. "You can see them too?" she asked, rather amazed. "I thought I-I was crazy or something."

"I thought I was the only one, too!" Pierce suddenly said and Remus was now completely shaken up. This made no sense. Others could see them? _James_ could see them?! But... he hadn't seemed to be able to see them when they got off the train at the beginning of the year.

"Wait a MINUTE!" Prewett bellowed, holding up a hand. "You're telling me nobody ever explained these creatures to you?!"

"Sir, what _creatures_?" asked Craft in a snobby voice. "There's _nothing_ there! It's an empty pen!"

Several students nodded in agreement while James glared. "It isn't empty at all, you dumb bird!"

That set off loud a loud argument between Craft and James until Prewett stuck his fingers in his mouth, letting out a piercing whistle, causing a ripple of irritated sounds from the creatures. "Be quiet!" he said, though since his whistle had silenced both boys it was a rather moot thing to say. "Mr. Craft, this pen is not empty. Inside are creatures called thestrals."

The word churned through Remus's mind. All he knew about them was a brief line from _Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them_. A rare breed of winged horse who had the ability of invisibility as well as being considered highly unlucky. That's all it said. Invisible sorta made sense except why could a few kids see them but most of them not?

"I don't know what ta say 'bout this," Hagrid said, shaking his head. "I 'spect the prefects bin lackin' in their duties." He went over to the pen, stroking the bony head of one the thestrals.

Prewett grimaced. "I see. From my understanding, prefects are supposed to be on the lookout for students who react to these beings," he explained to the second years. "These are the creatures who pull the carriages to and from Hogwarts, so typically when students are getting off the train to come to school one of the duties of a prefect is to keep an eye out for any student who might suddenly be able to see these beings, to explain to them."

"Nobody explained them to me!" Pierce snapped. "I was _scared_!"

"She was really upset," explained another Hufflepuff girl, nodding. "She kept saying _don't you see them_ but none of us could. We thought she was just really tired or something."

"I'm very sorry," Prewett sighed. "I'll have a talk with the headmaster about making sure the prefects fulfill their duties."

"I—I didn't see them though!" James said, distressed. "When we came back. I didn't _see_ them! But I do—I do now?"

"Professor, how is it some can see thestrals but others cannot?" Silverlocke asked, giving anxious glances at the Slytherin girl next to him.

"All right... first of all, how many here can see them?" Four students raised their hands. James, Pierce, the Slytherin girl, and Remus.

"WHAT?" James whirled on Remus, furious. "YOU CAN SEE THEM TOO?!"

"Y—yes," he whispered, cringing back slightly. "I... thought I was crazy too, b-before this. I didn't—didn't know anyone else c-c-could see them."

Prewett cleared his throat to regain attention. "None of you know _anything_ about them? All four shook their heads. Prewett pursed his lips a little as he obviously tried to figure out how to explain. "First of all, a lot of wizarding society view thestrals as harbingers of _bad luck_ , or omens of bad luck. This is not true. Thestrals are terrific creatures." He was putting off explaining, and Remus could tell. "The issue with thestrals is that..." Prewett now looked at the animals, not looking at the children waiting for clarification. "Only those who have seen death can see them."

There were quite a few gasps from the entire group of second years. James began trembling slightly, taking a step closer to Sirius who put a hand on his shoulder.

"Although that is not _entirely_ the only reason," Prewett continued. "You not only need to have seen death but... have come to _terms_ with it. Mr. Potter, were you present when your grandfather passed away this summer?"

"Y... yes," James forced out, grabbing Sirius's hand.

Professor Prewett's voice became gentle as he said, "My guess is you were still trying to deal with it when school began, but since then you've accepted it."

Remus remembered after their fight. James sobbing into him. He reached over and took James's other hand, squeezing gently.

"I was there when my cousin died," Pierce suddenly said. "It was a car wreck, three years ago. I was in it too." She then fell silent, awkward now. Her friend put an arm around her.

"I saw my grandmother," said the Slytherin girl.

Everyone seemed to expect Remus to say something but he didn't know what to say. _Who_ to say. "I d-d-don't really w-want to talk about it," he finally said. Peter pat his back, hand tight on his shoulder, while Remus tried to figure out who on earth he had seen _die_. He was never around anyone ever since he was bitten, and he couldn't remember anything before he was bitten except for a few vague memories, mostly of feelings. None that seemed connected to _death_.

Prewett began talking about thestrals which normally Remus would have paid close attention to but all he could think about was _who_?! How could he see thestrals? If it was merely accepting death then he could understand that. He had known for a very long time that if he was caught he could very well be killed. If anyone found out, the Ministry would just put him down. Execute him. While death terrified him, he had accepted ages ago that it was a possibility for him. Which, in retrospect, was probably not something a small child should be accepting but his circumstances made him an unusual child. However seeing someone die? That made _no sense whatsoever_ to him.

He was still in a daze when they continued heading into the forest. Prewett started talking a bit more about the pyrabbits but it was very clear the thestral thing had taken over the whole thing. Everyone just wanted to talk to them and had no interest in the razed clearing they came to. Nothing was burning, though there was a pile of burnt wood in the very middle, and a few pyrabbits hopping about. They were about the size of a cottontail though grey-black in color as if they had been burnt. Their feet made sizzling sounds wherever they hopped though no fires started.

Prewett shot out a gentle stunning spell on one of the pyrabbits, and the others were startled, hightailing it into their den, leaving little fires in their wake. Since the place was burnt anyway the fires just sorta sizzled out.

"Anyone know how we catch them?" he asked as he went into the clearing. Prewett called on a Ravenclaw who answered that they were attracted by charcoal. "Yes. I have a lot of charcoal here, and a cage." He pulled a tiny cage out of one pocket. He tapped it with his wand and it grew to quite a big size. Then he took out a bag, dumping bits of charcoal into one side of the cage. It was a funnel type, where the pyrabbits would go into one side and be unable to escape. As he worked, Prewett talked about the creatures, explaining how they really only started actual fires when they were around humans. Left alone, they weren't a very explicitly dangerous beast, but because they were so close to the school it wasn't safe.

Then he put gloves on before carefully picking up the stunned pyrabbit, bringing it over for the students to examine closely. It smelled like burnt meat and Remus shuddered slightly, remembering the previous year when he had burned himself so badly a lot of his flesh had come off. He rubbed the inflicted arm anxiously. Of course with his healing ability it had been all fixed up in only a few hours but it still had hurt a _lot_ at the time. Prewett showed the bottoms of the feet which had the same bright red color as a match head. He talked about their physiology, history, habits, then carefully lay the pyrabbit near the entrance to the den.

"I'll be coming back here regularly to empty the cage and take the captured ones deeper into the woods. I don't want to just take this one since it can't survive very well by itself," he explained. He answered any questions they had then they headed back to Hogwarts. Once they passed by the thestral pen again Remus grew nervous. James edged closer to Remus then reached out for his hand.

"You can really see them?" he asked.

"Yes. Remember Christmas? Wh—when I was scared?"

Peter's mouth formed a big O. "You kept pointing and saying something about seeing—er, something!"

Remus nodded. "I saw them."

"We thought you had just gone weird, mate," Sirius said, forehead wrinkling. "We should have actually listened to you."

"S'all right," Remus muttered, not too bothered. "I'm j-just glad I know what's going on."

James held Remus's hand the rest of the way out of the woods, back to the school where Prewett dismissed everyone except the four who could see the thestrals. Remus didn't want to stay any longer but obediently stood next to James, only half listening as Prewett apologized for the sensitive issue that had come up, he hoped everyone was all right, and if they needed anything he was there and he knew their Heads of Houses would be there for them as well.

Remus considered staying behind longer to ask about his issue, but he didn't really want to bring it up. He left with James, meeting up with the other Marauders—or intending to. Lily caught up with him, tapping his shoulder. She wanted to talk about the thestrals, after she expressed her grief for his loss.

"If you want to talk about anything, I'm here for you," she said.

"Are you here for me too, Evans?" James asked, fluttering his eyelashes.

"I'd rather eat dirt," she replied immediately.

"That can be arranged," James retorted.

Lily just smiled. "Like you ate worms?"

James's nostrils flared slightly, visibly embarrassed at the memory. Lily turned back to Remus who told her he'd just talk to her later. He _really_ didn't want to discuss what happened right now! But of course as soon as the Marauders hid themselves away in an unused classroom Sirius and Peter wanted to. James was willing, explaining what the thestrals looked like, how odd it made him feel knowing he could see them because of what happened over the summer. They questioned Remus's ability to see them but he just repeated he didn't want to talk about it.

"Not even with us?" Sirius asked, sounding a bit hurt.

Remus shook his head. "S—sorry," he mumbled, sitting on the floor, hugging his knees. He considered writing to his parents, asking if he had been around anyone who died back when he was a toddler... but it was such an odd question he didn't want to upset them, or make them wonder too much. Because if he hadn't then how come he could see thestrals? _I have to have_ , he thought as the others kept talking, their words going over his head. _I need to do research_.

"Where you going?" Pete asked when Remus got up.

"Library," he replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Research," he added.

"Aw, c'mon, you can research later!" Sirius stretched his legs out, grinning at Remus. "We're hanging out. Stay, please."

Remus hesitated. Sirius looked so earnest that he was tempted. On the other hand, he was aching to try and figure out an answer to what was going on. "How about I go check out some books then come back? I—I can bring some food too."

They loved that idea so he left, heading first to the library to check out three books containing information about thestrals then going to the kitchen, taking a basket full of food back to the room where he found the floor spongified and his friends bouncing around.

"Should have never taught you that spell," joked Remus as he set the basket down in an area that was still stone.

"One of the best spells ever!" James laughed.

"Besides if you hadn't taught us, Flitty would have," added Sirius.

While Remus studied, James and Peter were trying to time their bounces to 'mega' bounce each other but they kept failing; Peter's legs kept buckling and he'd flop off in a random direction. Sirius was trying to do flips. Remus watched him with worry, waiting for him to come down the wrong way off the spongified area and break his neck. After a couple minutes it nearly happened.

"Wingardium leviosa!" Remus flicked his wand as quickly as he could, knowing he wasn't strong enough to levitate an entire person yet however he aimed for Sirius's shirt and he was jerked around enough that he came down on his butt instead, painfully on the hard stone.

"What did you do that for?!" Sirius complained as his shirt kept jerking, trying to float.

"You were about to break your neck, you absolute almond!" Remus snapped right back, trying to come up with a decent insult which didn't really work.

"Almond?" Sirius laughed. "Okay. Can you take the charm off my sh—" He flailed as his shirt finally yanked well above his head. Part of it was still on him however a lot of his stomach and back were revealed. Remus removed the spell and Sirius yanked the shirt back down, cheeks going slightly pink, looking more amused than annoyed thankfully.

"S—sorry!" Remus laughed as Sirius began smoothing his hair back down, sticking his tongue out at Remus.

"Were those scars?" Pete asked, clearly not intending to be offensive but Sirius's entire face went red now.

" _No_!" Sirius stood up, adjusting his shirt.

"Ohh. Okay, sorry, I just thought they looked like scars and was wondering how you got them," Peter said.

"But you only really get scars when it's dark magic—" began James, but Sirius interrupted furiously with, "They weren't scars!" He continued jerking down on his shirt, taking a few steps away from Peter who began frowning.

Remus shrank back a little, his left arm hurting where his werewolf bite scar was. James was right. Magic healed up most things pretty well, and the only things that typically left scars or permanent issues were from dark magic. Or creatures. "I'm s-s-sorry," he stammered out, feeling guilty for being the reason this started. He just wanted to try to prevent Sirius from breaking his neck or... worse, if his neck had snapped.

"Not your fault." Sirius finally stopped messing with his shirt then sat down on the non-bouncy part of the room next to Remus, taking a container of crisps out of the basket.

"I'm sorry too," Pete said nervously. "I—I just... well, I'm sorry."

Sirius studied one of the crisps. "It's fine," he mumbled, tossing the fried potato into his mouth.

The other two came over to eat as well, Peter changing the topic to something lighter. Sirius joined in with the conversation however it was clear he was still uncomfortable. He kept tugging at his shirt in a manner that reminded Remus of... well, Remus. _If he does have scars, how did he get them_?

Remus tore off a piece of his sandwich, wanting so bad to talk to Sirius, to see what was going on. But Sirius totally freaked out over them even mentioning the scars, so it was something he didn't want to discuss. The question was, should he? He really didn't know. It had been an emotionally draining day that gave him a headache already with the whole thestral thing, he didn't really want a confrontation, didn't want to push him, didn't want to risk another stupid fight with his friends. He had decided before that he was probably imagining things... then he thought back to when Professor Dumbledore accused Lyall of abusing Remus. Remus insisted it wasn't, because it wasn't, but—but Sirius was a human, not a werewolf, so if his parents were hurting him that—that _was_ abuse. But why would anyone do dark magic on their own child? Perhaps the scars were from something else entirely? Except he said that thing to Regulus a couple weeks ago... insinuating his parents were... hexing him... and if they were doing really nasty hexes on him they could leave scars but was that actually what was going on? Sirius despised his family... but he—he seemed so happy and outgoing.

_I'm going to talk to him about it_ , he decided.

Except later in the day when he had a moment to speak with Sirius privately it didn't go at all like he expected. He pulled Sirius aside and said, "I really—I don't... umm..."

"You okay there, bud?" Sirius laughed.

"Y—yes. Um, no—I mean, I am." Remus flushed a little, feeling super awkward now. "I was... I was wondering something. It's kinda personal though so—um..."

For some reason Sirius's heart rate started going a lot faster at that. "Yeah?"

Now Remus didn't know how to ask, how to explain himself. It seemed utterly ridiculous to ask, _do you have scars? Did your parents give them to you? Do they hex you? Did they let you have a broken arm for two weeks_? Faced with the moment of asking, Remus realized he couldn't. If he was off the broom with this then Sirius would probably hate him. He remembered how hurt and angry he felt towards Dumbledore and Fawley for their accusations against his father, it'd be so much worse since it was beyond just 'did your father hit you'. Sirius didn't seem like he _loved_ his parents like Remus did with his but—but they were still his parents. Looking up into Sirius's eyes he knew it'd be wrong to ask.

"N—never mind."

"Um."

"It's nothing."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. He was giving off some sort of scent Remus couldn't place. Actually, he seemed a little excited about something. "You can tell me anything, Remy. We're friends."

He couldn't. He _couldn't_. "Um—wh—what are your absolutely favorite colors?" he blurted out.

Sirius literally took a step back from surprise. "Favorite colors?"

"Yeah. If—if you got something like—like a hat or something for your birthday."

He seemed extremely disappointed which upset Remus. "Oh. Gryffindor colors." No, he wasn't imagining it, Sirius was definitely disappointed. "Is that really all you wanted to know?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, okay."

Remus felt Sirius's curious eyes on him for the rest of the day.


	37. Chapter Thirty-Seven - Fights And Pranks

Remus began doing as much research into thestrals as possible, determined to find an answer as to why he could see them. He wrote down every bit of information that he found, forming his own little notebook, scribbling down theories although only one made sense: he wasn't human. Perhaps animals could see thestrals? After all, most animals wouldn't be able to 'come to term' with death. He tried to find out if animals could but there wasn't any research into that which frustrated him.

_I should talk to someone_ , he decided Monday morning as he got ready for the day, not even paying attention as he dressed himself. _Prewett? McGonagall? Fawley?_ He sorta wanted to try to actually talk to Hagrid but Hagrid didn't know he was a werewolf. _Perhaps Flitwick_? He suspected Flitwick wasn't 100% human, though that his Charms teacher had some goblin blood in him. But would that be rude? He shouldn't go and say 'I think you aren't completely human either so can we talk about this?'. Course goblins were classified as beings whereas werewolves were beasts so it would be extremely rude of him.

"... _REMUS_!"

Remus jumped about fifty feet, spinning around. "Wh-what?" he squeaked.

Sirius looked highly amused. You're still wearing your pajama bottoms."

Remus looked down. He had his shirt, tie, vest, socks, shoes, and robes all on... and then his ratty blue plaid pajama bottoms. He burned with embarrassment, grabbing his trousers so he could change behind his curtains. Dressed properly now, he grabbed his satchel and followed his friends down to the Great Hall. He was still distracted by the time they got to Potions, only coming out of it when Slughorn began pairing students up. Peter was almost immediately paired with the Slytherin girl who could see thestrals, whose surname was actually Alexander. Sirius was put with Lily, which made them both groan. Remus's stomach dropped when James was put with Nettle, then Silverlocke with Twycross. That meant he wouldn't be getting one of his friends. He began to grow a little sweaty and—

"Mr. Lupin, with Mr. Snape."

Remus flinched back as if Slughorn had hit him with a spell. He glanced over to Snape who looked revolted. The last time Slughorn attempted to pair the two of them together had ended in disaster: Snape had called Remus disease-ridden and wound up in a fight with Sirius.

Snape wasn't moving so Remus took his stuff over, stomach flipping around as he waited for Snape's protests. They didn't come. Snape just scootched to the side so there would be plenty of room between them. "Loopy," he spat out of the corner of his mouth.

It was on the tip of Remus's tongue to give a tart response back then decided to keep his mouth shut. He sat stiff, watching Slughorn until the last two students were paired off and they could begin working on their Potion.

" _I_ will do all the work," Snape said immediately before Remus could even move. " _You_ will merely mess it up. Turn it to your typical ruined mess."

A vast array of possible responses churned through his mind. He went with, "No."

Snape stared in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

"No exc—excuses for you," Remus snapped back. Snape's nostrils flared and Remus held his shoulders back. "I shan't sit here and do—d-do n—no work. It's ridiculous."

"You'll get us a P, or a D!" Snape hissed.

Remus brushed his hair back, giving Snape a glare. "If you're as g—good as you insist you are then that—that should be q-quite an accomplishment even f-for me!"

" _Don't_ drag me down, Loopy. I'd have thought you'd be _grateful_ to sit back and do nothing and get your best Potions grade ever."

Remus clenched his teeth. "I'd ra-rather _do_ work and get a-an A than do n—no work and get—g-get an O!"

"Obviously talking is difficult for you so do us both a favor and _don't_." Snape yanked his book out from his bag, flipping through. He had loads of notes in the margins.

"L-l-like it or not we are a—a team," Remus said. Snape ignored him, setting his book down on the desk, pressing his hands against the pages, attempting to make it lay flat which it wouldn't do. Remus pulled out his wand. "Gwastedium!"

"What did you do?" Snape growled as the book lay perfectly flat, the pages remaining still.

Remus tucked his wand away. "Shall I re-r-remove it?"

"What was that spell?"

"One of m—my own," he replied rather haughtily.

"You can't just go around inventing spells."

"Why n-not?" Remus inquired as innocently as he could. " _You_ do." He didn't completely have a hundred percent evidence on that, but since that tongue spell Snape had used was unknown to even Pomfrey...

Snape sneered at the book laying flat then sneered at Remus. "Professor." His hand shot up. "Loop—Lupin is using spells."

Slughorn gave Remus a long look. "No spells in Potions class, Mr. Lupin."

Remus removed the spell from the book, trying not to smirk as the book sprang back to its previous state, the pages flipping wildly. "At l—least allow me t-to read the instructions. L-let me do _something_!"

Snape gave him an oily smile. "Very well." He took the cauldron, handing it over. "Fill this."

Remus gave a growl but took the cauldron to the back of the room to fill up to the correct height. Sirius hurried over to fill his up too next to him. "Shall I hex him?" Sirius whispered.

"Perhaps later," he sighed. "He's already making me _so_ angry. He won't let me do anything."

Sirius's eyebrows arched high. "Are you even surprised?"

"No. Is working with Lily going well?"

"Ehhh." He shrugged. "She's not as awful as Snape. Good luck," he added, patting Remus's shoulder as Remus hauled the cauldron back. He could easily carry the weight however it was awkward to do so with the large cauldron against his body. He managed to get the cauldron back onto the desk on his own since Snape clearly wasn't going to help him.

Snape began working, not allowing Remus to see the book so Remus just pulled out his own book and began prepping some of the other ingredients. Snape looked absolutely livid and slid over in his seat which meant Remus either had to be uncomfortably close to Snape or else move farther from the cauldron.

"Are you twelve or f—five?" Remus demanded, moving just an inch. Snape moved closer. "Merlin's sake." He grabbed a handful of sliced reeds, reaching over to put them in the cauldron.

"Are you _mental_!?" Snape grabbed his wrist, twisting his arm back in a very quick, very painful manner. Remus gave a small cry, dropping the reeds onto the floor. "You had too _many_ and they were not sliced correctly! Too thin! No wonder you barely pull an A!"

"Let me do something!" he complained as he managed to get his arm free. His shoulder hurt _really_ bad for a moment until the pain began fading. He wondered if Snape had seriously injured him, unable to know for sure due to his healing. "And what d—does it matter if they're sliced t-too thin? It's th—the same amount."

Snape looked as though he might explode on the spot. "You are an _idiot_. How do you manage anything? Slicing too thin alters the magical properties. You know, I always thought Pokey was the moron in your group, now I believe it's _you_. At least he's able to manage the most simple of potions!" Snape furiously began chopping some leaves up. "And he's not _sick_."

"Not this again," grumbled Remus, carefully counting out hefklork eggs. Snape swatted his hand away. "For someone who th—thinks I'm so diseased you sure are t-touching me a lot."

Snape looked at his hand then went to the back of the room to wash his hands. While he was gone Remus quickly added the eggs. He didn't care about a lesser grade! No, that wasn't quite right. He wanted a _good_ grade. He just wanted to earn his grade. Not let Snivellus do everything.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Snape roared when he returned to the table to see the potion had turned into a murky sort of grey-green bogey color.

Slughorn waddled over from the other side of the room. "Mr. Snape, what seems to be the pro—oh." He looked into the cauldron with faint disgust. "What happened here? Did you remember to press the hefklork eggs?"

" _I_ did not add the eggs at all!" Snape exclaimed. " _Loopy_ put them in while my back was turned for five seconds! He can NOT be trusted with potions! He shouldn't be permitted to come into this classroom _period_!"

Remus frowned as several snickers went through the room. "I p-pressed them," he mumbled, though he knew he hadn't really done as good a job due to wanting to get the eggs in before Snape returned. He had been hasty and perhaps didn't press as much as he ought to have done. But Snape was overreacting.

"Professor, if I balance the misused eggs with an extra half ounce of ground lavender...?" Snape inquired.

Slughorn twiddled at the end of his mustache. "Hrrm... that would counteract the eggs fairly well. It won't be as good as it should be however I do think—yes—it will save it as best as it can be saved. Good thinking, Mr. Snape; ten points to Slytherin."

As soon as Slughorn left, Snape twisted around and bent in close. "You touch this one more time and I _will_ dump the boiling liquid onto you, you diseased little _brat,_ and with as terrible as you are in this class I doubt anyone would think it wasn't an accident of yours!"

Remus spent the rest of the class sitting on the edge of the bench with his arms folded, staring blankly at the cauldron as Snape worked. He hated to admit how brilliant Snape was at potions and in fact somehow managed to completely fix the potion almost entirely. It was only a shade off color when Slughorn came around. He praised Snape's efforts, awarding him ten _more_ points as well as an O, and Remus with an E, one of the best Potions grade ever but it felt extremely bitter.

Remus angrily gathered his stuff and stormed out of the classroom, humiliated he had done nothing but screw the potion up, furious about the things Snape had said and done. He began pacing in the hallway, waiting for his friends, shooting a glower at Snape when he walked by.

"At least I managed to salvage your mistake which is quite a miracle!" Snape said. "Why would you even do such a thing? You are genuinely mentally unhinged! You should be locked away in Saint Mungo's, for everyone's safety!"

Remus sucked in some air, wanting nothing more than to hit Snape with a hex. Do something _big_. Instead he merely grit his teeth and returned to pacing. Soon Peter came out who immediately went over to hug Remus.

"Are you okay?" he asked, stepping back, keeping his hands on Remus's shoulders.

" _No_!" he snarled, causing Peter to wince. "He—humiliated—me!"

James emerged, pushing past Nettle to hurry over, hand against Remus's back. "What happened?" he asked.

"I _hate_ him!" Remus felt his nose itching and for the first time in a while he began to grow teary-eyed around his friends. He ducked his head so his fringe fell across his eyes to try to hide. "I hate him so much!"

"Remy, you're _shaking_ ," James whispered, rubbing Remus's back.

He looked down at his trembling hands, a few tears dripping down. _Locked away for everyone's safety_. Even though Snape meant it in a different way than Dedenne had said, it was still the same thing, the same knife carving out his chest. "He's horrible."

Sirius burst out of the room. "What's the revenge plan?" he asked immediately. "I mean, we are doing something, right?"

"Hell yes we are!" James said.

"Revenge?" Lily was behind Sirius, hitching her satchel up her shoulder. "Against whom? For what?"

"Snape," James replied without hesitation. "Who else?"

"What did he do?" she asked cautiously.

James, Sirius, and Peter all stared aghast while Remus just kept his head down. "He was a total berk to Remus!" Sirius said. "Or did you somehow miss his outburst in class? Or do you just not care?"

Lily's eyes flashed. "I _care_ about Remus! However it—what he said didn't seem... I mean, he was only trying to salvage the—"

"Don't," Remus managed to get out, wiping his eyes off on his sleeve. Snape's words echoed through his head, along with Dedenne, along with the knowledge he probably should be locked away for everyone's safety. "Please don't defend him to me!" Peter put an arm protectively around Remus while Sirius moved to stand between Remus and Lily as if wanting to physically shield him.

"I think you should just move along, Evans," Sirius said, folding his arms as he stood at full height.

Lily looked at Remus who turned his gaze back down. He was too distraught to be diplomatic right now. "Right. I—I'll see you at study group tonight." She quickly walked away, obviously irritated.

As soon as she was gone James guided Remus into the nearest bathroom to help calm him down but the second the door shut he burst into tears, trying to apologize for being so babyish and dumb. He hated crying as a reaction! It made him feel pathetic, like the tears invalidated his anger. His friends promised him there wasn't anything wrong with crying, and Peter hugged Remus while Sirius and James got wet towels to wipe his face off. Finally he managed to calm down enough to tell them what Snape had said—including the threat of dumping boiling potion and, of course, the mentally unhinged bit, downplaying the locked away part since they would have no idea how much that hurt him.

Sirius went off into a raging rant. He stormed back and forth, shrieking furiously until he punched the wall. "He's going to get it. He is going to get it!"

"Of course he is," Pete said, arms still around Remus.

"With the cloak we can can get some super revenge," James said, fetching a new bit of damp cloth for Remus. "We'll get him, Remy."

Remus wiped his face one more time then they headed to Charms, Remus knowing perfectly well he looked like he had been crying. Lily gave him a wide-eyed look when he entered the classroom and a few minutes after they began their work he got a note from her asking if he was all right.

_I'm not okay at the moment but I will be. I just wanted to help make the potion and he would not allow me to do anything, and when I tried he shouted at me and threatened me._

They talked after class, walking slowly to the Great Hall. Lily apologized, explaining that she hadn't realized how much Snape had upset him till she saw he had been crying. "If you want me to talk to him..."

Remus shook his head. "No, please. That will just cause problems and—and I don't want to do that."

"So instead you're just—you're going to prank him?" she asked, eyes narrowing.

"Yes," he replied, jutting his chin out. "I know you don't approve—"

"Of course I don't!" she whispered, linking her arm with his to pull him closer. "I don't approve of what he did either, if that's what you think. If the situation were reversed, I wouldn't be happy if he was trying to get revenge against you. What will you do if I tell him you're after him?"

Remus frowned in thought then said, "Still go after him."

*

"'Still go after him'?" James demanded later that day when they were back in their dorm after all their classes and Remus reported the conversation. "She's gonna tell him!"

"Good," Remus said, unloading all his stuff onto his desk.

"Good?" James asked.

Remus sighed, stacking his books carefully. "Are you just going to echo me? Yes, it is good. It's like Spinnet. He knows we're after him. It will irritate him, get under his skin."

Sirius clapped Remus on the shoulder making him jump. "Perfect," he said, sending a wicked grin to James and Peter as James put on some music, dancing wildly to the beat. "Speaking of Spinnet..."

"Tomorrow," Remus said, turning around with a smile. "I think we can do the thief thing tomorrow." He pulled a piece of parchment out of his desk and enchanted it so it followed a few feet above Sirius's head. He put the protection spells on it then James tried blasting it to no avail. "With all three of you adding your protection spells as well it should last a good while."

"Mine won't help much," Peter said, watching the paper float around Sirius's head.

James danced over to Peter and put his hands on either side of his face, squishing him a little. "Peeeter you're brilliant, okay?" He made Peter nod and said in a squeakier voice to imitate Pete, "'Yes I'm brilliant'."

Peter laughed, pushing James away, blushing slightly. James took his hand, pulling him up to join in dancing. Sirius started dancing too, all of them begging Remus to dance as well which he did, reluctantly for a few awkward moments, then dove back to his desk to 'work'.

*

It was quite a day. Sirius had done up a fancy sign with big, bold calligraphy on both sides stating **THIEF** **!** and they all put multiple protection spells on it. After breakfast Remus attached it to Spinnet as they left the Great Hall and it wasn't until they got to Herbology that anyone said anything about it although several people stared at it on the way to the greenhouses. Struthers didn't notice since Remus figured he would have said something if he did.

"Mr. Spinnet what is above your head?" Sprout said as soon as they met her in front of the greenhouses.

Spinnet looked up but the sign was slightly behind him so he didn't see it. The other Gryffindors and the Hufflepuffs began laughing as Spinnet jerked around until he finally saw it. "Wh—what? What does that say?"

"It says _thief_!" laughed McNab, clapping her hands.

Spinnet whirled on the Marauders, face reddening. "You did this!" he snarled. All four Marauders put on innocent faces. "Stop that! Who else would it be?!"

"Maybe someone else heard that you have sticky fingers?" suggested James, fluttering his eyelashes.

Spinnet twitched like he might go for his wand but Sprout cleared her throat. "All right, enough of that. We've got class to attend to."

"Professor, take the sign down!" Spinnet cried out.

Sprout looked at the sign and pointed her wand. Remus held his breath as she said in a bored tone, "Finite incantatum." But nothing happened. He exhaled quietly while Sirius softly smacking Remus's arm in excitement. "Hmm. It's not bothering anyone so let's wait till after class. Come along then, Greenhouse Three again."

Remus had hoped that would be the case, as throughout his time at Hogwarts he had seen various students with magical problems without the teachers fixing them right away, as long as it wasn't hurting anyone. Horse ears, purple skin, wriggling hair... just last week Remus had seen two fourth years scrambling along the hallway with their feet a few inches off the ground as they headed to class, and in his first year he had seen an older student being forced to rhyme everything when he spoke. Hadn't McGonagall herself admitted to Remus when she was in school she gave someone a beak and it lasted several days? Since the thief thing wasn't really harming anyone, Remus had hoped the teachers wouldn't really do much about it.

Spinnet was in a _beyond_ angry mood all through class. They heard him grumbling and complaining the entire time, swearing under his breath to Struthers, shooting glares at the Marauders, etc, etc. At one point he walked past their table and 'accidentally' knocked Peter's pot off the edge of the table.

After class Spinnet stayed behind, so the Marauders sort've walked very slowly to the school, hanging out as best they could to see whether Sprout removed the sign. They all burst into giggles when Spinnet emerged from the greenhouse with **THIEF!** still floating above him. They watched him approach Struthers who made unsure gestures. Spinnet got his wand out, shooting spells up at the parchment. Whatever he was trying clearly didn't work and he began stomping again with Struthers following.

"C'mon, before he sees us!" James ran off with the other three following at close heel.

"His _face_!" laughed Sirius as they burst through the doors, staggering into the castle. "Oh, he's so mad!"

"Maybe he shouldn't be stealing then," Peter said.

The four of them dove down a side corridor then took secret passages back up to their dorms to avoid confrontation with Spinnet though Remus figured they'd see one another in the bathrooms. Sure enough when he stepped out of his shower he saw the **THIEF!** parchment floating above one of the shower stalls. He shook his head, quite amused. He was still amused several minutes later when almost everyone was in the dorm and Spinnet was raging against James and Sirius.

Sirius pretty much repeated what Pete said earlier. "If you weren't a thief, maybe this wouldn't have happened."

Spinnet ground his teeth. "You lot are absolutely _insufferable_!"

"At least we're not thieves," James said. Remus snorted, trying not to laugh due to the fact they had just stolen the mandrake plant a month ago.

"Okay fine, message _recieved_!" Spinnet jabbed his finger towards the parchment. "Get rid of this!"

James and Sirius both looked up at the sign then at each other. "Not sure how to," Sirius said with a yawn.

"It'll wear off before the day's out," James assured him.

Spinnet breathed heavily then turned on Remus who gave a slight squeak of fear, worried Spinnet might just attack him. "You!" He grabbed Remus's arm, yanking him forward roughly. "You're the _brains_ behind everything they do, get rid of this!"

Sirius leapt across the room. "Don't you _touch_ him!" he snapped, pushing Spinnet away from Remus.

Spinnet glowered past Sirius. "Get rid of this. Now!"

Remus gave a helpless shrug. "It'll w—wear off."

"AAARRRGH! I hate you ALL! I am going to McGonagall!" He stormed out, slamming the door hard behind him.

"You..." Struthers started then stopped, giving a rather resolved sigh. "I know what he did was wrong but you guys..." That's all he seemed to be able to say before he left as well, obviously disappointed in how things were going between his dormmates.

The Marauders all dissolved into giggles pretty much right away, James giving everyone high fives. Remus felt _slightly_ bad for upsetting Spinnet so much until he remembered the previous year when Spinnet tried to use the full body bind on Remus after one of his nightmares, and all sympathy dissipated immediately.


	38. Chapter Thirty-Eight - James Makes A Responsible Choice?

Professor McGonagall was less than amused with the Marauders' revenge against Spinnet. She called them into her office during lunch, the four of them sitting crowded together while Spinnet sat off to one side. The **THIEF!** sign was still floating above his head. Remus wondered if McGonagall had tried to get rid of it and failed, trying not to feel smug at that thought. Obviously she hadn't tried because McGonagall would definitely be able to destroy it.

Right?

"It was just a joke!" James protested after McGonagall demanded answers. "He stole from me. He—" James stopped then flopped back against his seat, folding his arms. "Well it's not hurting him, is it? Besides his _pride_ which, I mean, he _is_ a thief so..."

"Mr. Potter we cannot have students exacting revenge against one another!" McGonagall said angrily. "I've told you this countless times."

"It's just a harmless prank," Sirius tried, putting on his most charming smile. "Certainly more harmless than some of the others we've done!"

McGonagall just stared at Sirius then slowly pressed her fingertips against her forehead. Remus sorta wanted to do the same, amazed at how stupid Sirius could be sometimes. "Is that really the defense you're going with, Mr. Black?"

Sirius gave an even more charming smile which Remus didn't think was possible. "Yes?"

"Professor, they're always targeting me!" Spinnet said, hands jerking in annoyance. "I try to put up with them but it's so hard!"

"You're not exactly easy to get along with, Mr. Sunshine!" James snapped right back. "You're rude to us. You're _horrible_ to Remus—"

"What have I done to Loopy—" Spinnet stopped, going a little red at the nickname that slipped out. Even McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "Ah, L-Lupin," he quickly corrected himself. Sirius waved his hand in a 'see?!' manner. "I tried to befriend Lupin last month, you can ask him!"

Now everyone was looking at Remus. "Yes," he said slowly, "and then you c-called me a st—stuck up tosser."

"He what?" Sirius's head jerked back and forth, face white. "When was this? When did you call him—"

"Oh shut _up_ Black! It's nothing to do with you!" Spinnet growled, shooting dark looks at Remus for telling the truth.

"It's everything to do with me! Remus is my friend and if you're insulting him—"

"I'm not insulting him!"

"You called him a stuck up tosser!"

"Yeah, a _month_ ago!"

"Oh, wow, yeah, that changes everything you cracked cauldron—"

"Oh-ho-ho out of EVERYONE in the dorm I'm the one being called a cracked cauldron when you four are completely insane—"

Sirius opened his mouth to interrupt Spinnet but McGonagall beat him to it, shouting, "BOYS!" causing them both to fall silent. "Enough arguing. Never in all my day! You are housemates, _dorm_ mates! I cannot believe the hostility before me!" She looked down her nose at them, over her glasses. "I don't expect everyone in my house to get along however to see such a display brings shame to the Gryffindor name!"

"Maybe if he stopped insulting Remus," Sirius muttered.

"Or stealing our stuff!" added James.

"Yeah, sure, it's _all_ my fault because you two are innocent angels!" Spinnet laughed, throwing his hands in the air. "Professor, you know perfectly well how much trouble they cause! They drive me crazy."

"I will not tolerate this," McGonagall said, carefully adjusting her glasses. "Who did this spell?" She eyed James and Sirius for half a second then stared down Remus who tried not to squirm. "Mr. Lupin, are you part of this?" Remus began trembling very slightly then hesitantly shook his head. He felt ill being asked directly by McGonagall. He didn't want to lie to her! "Mr. Lupin," she said again.

He bowed his head. "I m-might have done a—a bit of research," he mumbled.

"Mr. Lupin, did you do this spell?"

Remus gulped but then James jumped in with, "It was my idea, Professor. One hundred percent my idea."

She didn't break her gaze away from Remus. "I did not ask whose idea it was, Mr. Potter; I asked if Mr. Lupin did the magic."

"I did it," Sirius said, stretching his arms above his head. McGonagall stared at him now. "Just because it's a fancy bit of spellwork doesn't automatically mean the genius did it. James had the idea, Remus did the research, I did the magic, and Pete's just an innocent victim caught up in this whirlwind of accusation very similar to how he was an innocent victim when Spinnet stole his journal." Sirius tilted his head to one side. "I mean, we're not forgetting the fact our roommate has sticky fingers, are we?"

"Mr. Black, Mr. Spinnet has already been punished accordingly," McGonagall said, face tightening up. "If you did the spell then please remove what you have done to the parchment."

Sirius glanced up at the sign. "It'll wear off soon," he said sweetly.

" _Now_ , Mr. Black."

He got his wand out. "Finite incantatum!" he said but nothing happened. He gave an 'oh well' smile to McGonagall. "Can't you do it, Professor?"

"It seems that I cannot," she replied and Remus fought not to grin. He couldn't believe it! All the fortification spells had worked!

"It will wear off," Sirius said again.

"Is there a problem with him walking around with a sign declaring him for what he is?" James asked.

McGonagall narrowed her eyes. "Five points from Gryffindor for Mr. Lupin, and ten points each from Gryffindor for Misters Potter and Black, and detention for Mr. Black."

"Th—that's it?!" Spinnet asked, jaw dropping.

"It is more than you received for what you did, Mr. Spinnet," she said simply. "I don't agree with their getting revenge however it doesn't seem as if we can remove the sign. If the spell does not wear off by the time you go to bed I will look further into this." She glanced out the side of her eyes towards Sirius. "Impressive work, Mr. Black, I do say."

"Oh, er, yeah! Yeah, thanks," Sirius said, tossing his hair back, trying to look all suave.

"This is ridiculous." Spinnet stood up, fingers curling into fists. "They always get away with everything. I got detention for what I did!"

"Yes, and I was only going to take fifteen points away for what you did however you insisted on the detention," McGonagall reminded him. "And I have given Mr. Black detention as well."

"Pratty and Loopy should get detention too!" Spinnet said, pointing at Remus. "He's the one who did the spell, I know he did! Black's not smart enough! Or talented enough!"

"Oi!" Sirius huffed.

"They get away with everything!" Spinnet continued, ignoring Sirius.

"They haven't gotten away with this," McGonagall replied. "Now, I am sorry you don't deem their punishment fair but I feel like it is adequate. You may return to lunch."

Spinnet opened and closed his mouth a few times then got up, storming past the Marauders, slamming the door shut behind him. The Marauders all got up as well, James and Sirius clearly trying not to snicker as they shuffled out. As soon as the door shut James punched the air, letting out a quiet laugh.

"Remy, _will_ the spell wear off?" he asked, eyes sparkling.

"I'll remove the spells as the day goes on, to make it appear so," Remus said. "They _may_ on their own. Actually, they probably will however I have no guarantee that they would wear off before the day's end by themselves so... I just need to make sure that happens. Sirius, how come you accepted the blame for the spells?"

Sirius shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Iunno. Seemed like a good idea. Keep you out of trouble."

"It was a good idea," James said, squeezing Remus's shoulder. "Everyone knows you're the brains but we don't wanna advertise too much how true that is!"

"You okay with me taking the glory?" Sirius asked, eyes widening a bit.

Remus shook his head. "N—no, I appreciate it. I'd prefer to _avoid_ detention."

James and Sirius just gave him rather blank looks, obviously not seeing the benefits of doing so!

*

As the day progressed Remus slowly removed the protection spells on the **THIEF!** sign. By supper it was sagging low, a mere six or seven inches above Spinnet's head. Remus knew if anyone tried to blast it the parchment would probably only take a couple hits before exploding. Just when supper ended Remus removed what he thought was the second to last spell then hurried off to Occlumency. He rather hoped Fawley wouldn't see the (possibly petty?) revenge on Spinnet but of course it was one of the first things she saw. He could see the disapproval on her face when they emerged from his head.

"It w-was harmless," he said immediately, to defend it. "He _did_ steal from Peter! I m—mean he meant to steal from James, but either way he is a thief."

"I understand," she said gently. "It's not so much the revenge... it..." She trailed off and Remus waited for her to give him whatever lecture she wanted to give him. "It just worries me about how closely woven you and your friends are getting."

"Oh." He made a face, not wanting to discuss this!

"Don't make that face," she chided.

Remus blinked. "Um, how... uh—"

"I could tell by the way you said 'oh'." Fawley smiled, shaking her head. "You _know_ I am not entirely opposed to them being your friends. It just worries me that you are so tightly knit. You intended to distance yourself from them this year, didn't you?"

Remus tugged at the hem of his vest. "Um. I mean, yeah, I—I did. But... they don't... they're just..."

Fawley tilted her head. "You're trying to find an excuse as to why you should remain so close to them."

He let out a sigh. "I... guess I d-don't really have one. Only that I..." He stopped, unsure whether to continue, to express his feelings. Fawley remained silent. "I care about them. They care about me. They don't... seem to mind my... oddities. The weird things that I do. Like when I need to go under the bed, they don't—don't make fun of me for that." He thought back to the monologue he had given Rocky the previous month, how much his heart had ached that day. How miserable he had been at the thought of having to break things off. Fawley had glimpsed that afternoon but only him playing with Rocky, she hadn't seen—or rather, hadn't heard everything he had said.

"Remus—"

"I will," he blurted out. "I will, when—"

"When they start to suspect," she said, angrily pushing her fingers through her hair. "You do understand that that will be too late, right?"

Remus felt partially angry, partially sad. He knew she was right. _Knew_ she was right... he just didn't want to admit it. He felt like he could fend off any potential disaster, cutting them out be _fore_ it was too late. "Do you know anything about thestrals?"

"You're changing the subject," she said.

Remus shrugged. "I am. Do you know anything about thestrals?"

She didn't say anything for several long seconds then she sat back, sighing heavily. "Yes. They are winged horses who are invisible to most."

"You know... how people c-can see them?" he asked.

Fawley slowly nodded. "Yes. Can you see them?"

"Yes," he said. "I—I saw them last Christmas holidays. I'm surprised you n... never saw my reaction..." He bit his bottom lip, realizing what had happened over the holidays had probably overridden anything else. Fawley had witnessed a memory of Lyall slapping Remus, and it hadn't gone well. "I sh—should have asked you sooner. I've spent the past near year feeling awful for being able to see them all this time."

"I'm very sorry, Remus," she said softly. "I had no idea you could see them."

"Do you s—" He stopped quickly, blushing. "Did you see them before?"

Fawley just smiled. "No, I was never able to before I was blinded."

"Can you see them in my memories?" he asked, very curious now.

"As far as I know, no," she said slowly. "However I don't recall seeing a memory of them from you so shall we test this?"

He thought back to seeing them in the pen in the forest and was soon pulled into the memory. It lasted only a moment or two then they exited from his thoughts. He waited, excited for the answer.

"Yes," she said. "I could see them."

"Fascinating," he murmured, rubbing his chin. "If you see someone's memory of them you can see them even if you yourself cannot. That opens up the doors to a—a lot of possibilities over who can see them and—"

"I _was_ there when Elara Black was killed. From what I can understand about them, even if you aren't directly looking at the person at the moment of their death, your... presence, being a 'witness' seems to count. I did not see Black's last moment however I clearly heard—" She quickly stopped, face paling.

"So would you be able to see them in the memory of someone who cannot?" he asked, wondering what would happen if she went into Sirius or Peter's memory of that moment.

"I don't know. Perhaps it's something we can look into at a later point. Now, let's return to Occlumency—"

"Wait!" He pulled back from her hands. "I brought up the thestrals for a specific reason and wasn't... well, the thing is Professor Prewett says the only way to see them—and books, books have said it too once I knew what to look up—that the only way to see them are to have witnessed death, as you said, and accept it." He began toying with the frayed edge of his sleeve. "The thing is I don't know... where I've witnessed death. James saw his grandfather and Pierce said she saw her cousin, but I haven't seen anyone die. Unless it was when I was a baby. Would... that count?"

Fawley frowned, brow furrowing. "I don't know what to tell you. It... is the only way to see thestrals... so I don't understand how you could see them if you haven't witnessed death."

"I was wondering if it's because I'm—I'm an animal," he confessed. Her lips puckered as if she had eaten something very sour. "I'm not human," he added, shifting around.

"No," she reluctantly agreed. "I suppose not fully. But I'm unsure..."

"If I think about death and you go into my head and I _have_ seen someone die, would that memory pop up?" he asked.

Her smile was very wane. "It doesn't quite work that way but if you wish to try, feel free."

He spent the rest of their time together focusing on death and while they went through several miserable, depressing memories that made them both sad, none of them involved death itself so he left feeling a little let down and more confused than ever.

*

Spinnet's sign was gone by bed time so the next day the Marauders were free to work on their plan of getting revenge against Snape. Since Wednesday mornings were pretty open they spent the entire stretch of time before Charms to try to figure out the best thing to do. They shot ideas down almost as soon as they were suggested, only a few gaining the interest of all four of them. Peter wrote down all the ideas they agreed on until they had a list of five.

"I _still_ say poison is a good option," Sirius grumbled when Remus refused to let Peter write that down.

"What do we have so far?" James asked.

Peter sat upright, clearing his throat. "Hair removal potion in his shampoo—"

"Won't work, he never uses shampoo," Sirius grumbled, kicking at the floor.

Peter rolled his eyes and continued. "Sticky spell his bed and dump buckets of hefklork eggs on it—"

"No, I am against that since he would know a hundred percent it was us and that we have access to his dorm," Remus said, looking up. "I thought we decided not to."

"Aw, it'd drive him nuts knowing we can get in there and him unable to prove it!" James laughed.

Remus shot him a bit of a glare. "His _satchel_ , we were going to do that to his satchel."

James groaned but nodded at Peter who scratched out 'bed' and wrote 'satchel'. "There. 'Kay, fountain of green slime from his head—"

"Like anyone would notice a difference?" James asked, and Sirius laughed.

"Putting the tripping jinx on his shoes," Peter continued then waited for someone to say something. When nobody did he finished with, "Somehow getting the scent of amphyr petals onto his clothes to make him laugh endlessly."

They argued a bit over which was the best one until ultimately deciding to do the tripping jinx, and the hefklork eggs. They put their plan into action the next day, at least the first part; they'd be waiting until Potions on Friday to do the egg one. So Thursday morning after Herbology they all took very speedy showers then hurried down towards the dungeons. Remus and James went under the cloak to sneak into the Slytherin common room while Sirius and Peter hung out to distract Snape (or his dormmates) if need be. James hissed the password to the wall then they hurried in. The common room was fairly empty, only a few older students scattered about studying or hanging out. James and Remus hurried up the boys' staircase, knocking on the door they knew was Snape's and, after getting no response, they slid inside. They didn't need to worry about a guard right outside the door since they could remain under the cloak for the most part.

"Ughhhh," James moaned when they approached the trunk whose initials were _S.S._ "It's _Snape_ -y."

There were two sets of shoes tucked neatly under his bed, and a pair of slippers. All three were pretty old and worn out. One pair looked a little nicer than the other, while the more worn out pair Remus thought Snape wore more often. James held up part of the cloak so Remus could put the tripping jinx on the old loafers.

"Want to try them on to see if it works?" Remus asked with a mischievous grin, already knowing the answer.

"My little friend you couldn't pay me enough to ever put my feet into Snape's gross shoes," James said, gagging loudly. Remus laughed quietly, putting his wand away. James dropped the cloak and they left the Slytherin dungeon, meeting back up with their friends to celebrate their prank, hoping Snape would be wearing those shoes the next day.

*

Remus stayed in the dorm when his friends went to watch James's Quidditch practice since he wanted to work on Sirius's present. Hope had sent him his needles and yarn the other day, as he requested, so he was able to start. He had some really nice scarlet yarn that he was going to do the main beanie in then he was going to try to embroider a lion's paw on it. He wasn't sure how it would turn out but it seemed a bit nicer than just a plain hat. He got a good bit done then had to rip out several rows and redo them, so he had a good bit of work left to do by the time he had to hide it in his trunk when his friends returned.

Remus, who had been reading for about five minutes, glanced up as James stomped in first, face pinched. Sirius and Peter followed, not looking very pleased either. James was in the middle of complaining when he entered the room. "—tude is driving me absolutely batty! He has no right to speak to me that way, no _right_! It's not fair!"

"You should talk to Bell," Peter said, shutting the door behind them.

James set his carrying case on the floor, sliding his broom under his bed, then just knelt there with a frown. "I don't know. I don't want to cause trouble." Remus tried not to snort since causing trouble was normally his number one objective! "Maybe he'll shut up after my first game."

"Nah, it's just gonna make him worse, seeing how much better you are!" said Sirius.

"What's going on?" Remus finally asked, setting his book down.

"Kirke!" James snapped, getting to his feet. "The reserve Chaser? The one who got all angry over the fact _I_ was put on the team and he wasn't?"

"The one who said second years shouldn't be able to join?" Remus asked, remembering the morning of the team posting.

James nodded. "He's been saying some snarky stuff to me occasionally but tonight he really just..." James let out a groan then shook his head. "He was really rude. Told me the only reason I got on the team was because I have a fancy broom, and Bell's hoping my dad is gonna buy everyone brooms."

"Wasn't he going to?" Remus asked.

James stared incredulously. "Well, yeah, but not till next year! We're waiting so everyone can see I deserve to be on the team! It's got nothing to do with brooms or—or anything."

Remus flinched slightly, realizing how tactless his comment had been. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. If your father intended to 'buy' your way onto the team he would have already donated brooms."

"Exactly!" Sirius agreed. "That's what I told him. Kirke, I mean. I said, 'yeah Mr. Potter really went all out buying the team new brooms that look identical to their old brooms'!" He laughed at his own joke as he flopped across Remus's legs.

"Kirke's just full of it," Pete grumbled. "Telling you, you should talk to Bell. I don't think you'd get into trouble."

"I don't think _I_ would," James said, messing his hair up angrily. "But Kirke might then he might cause more trouble."

"So?" Sirius asked, absentmindedly picking Remus's book up, flipping through the pages. "Let him."

"I don't want to do anything that could ruin or harm the team," sighed James. He finally stopped pacing and sat down on the edge of Sirius's bed facing the other two boys, Peter quickly sitting down next to him. "I can deal with his stupid attitude. I mean, I know I was complaining but I _can_ deal with it."

"Revenge?" Sirius asked brightly, perking up.

James bit his bottom lip then slowly shook his head. "No," he said and Remus knew if he had been taking a drink at that moment he'd have spit it out. "As I said, nothing to risk the team." Sirius looked a little put out but Remus felt super proud of James, and said so. James gave him a smile. "Oh trust me, it's _very_ tempting to go do something to him. I _want_ to. But I've got to put the team first. That means not blasting that stupid look off his stupid face." James fell backwards, staring up at his canopy. "Or doing something to that stupid gossiping tongue of his."

"We could try that tongue spell Snivellus uses?" Sirius suggested.

James pulled a face. "Please, please, _please_ stop tempting me!" He covered his face with his hands and began rolling back and forth. "Remy tell me again I'm doing the right thing by doing nothing?"

"You are," Remus promised then yanked his legs away as Sirius tried to poke him. "Attempting revenge against a member of your Quidditch team—reserve or not—would only end poorly."

James sat up so he could nod grimly in agreement while Peter just shook his head, muttering that James _should_ talk to Bell, and Sirius turned to Remus so he could say, "Spoilsport!" Remus stuck his tongue out in response then yelped as Sirius seized a pillow and slammed it into him, which triggered a massive pillow fight that surprisingly Peter won (though Remus suspected Sirius might have if Sirius hadn't only been targeting Remus for whatever reason) and the losers gave Peter a little bit of sweets as a reward.


	39. Chapter Thirty-Nine - What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So one of my amazing readers, lov-lyness, has started a podfic for Shifting Lines!! So far only the prologue is out but it's so good!! Finally figured out how to link haha  
> [You can find it here!](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLL0V7Dsm4JpvVt0_leR3Mtd0ktH0PwvbS)

Friday morning all four Marauders tried not to bust up into laughter when Snape stumbled into the potions classroom wearing his _special_ loafers. Obviously he hadn't been tripping enough (yet) to make him suspect anything though Remus figured it would come out eventually. He did have a frown on his face though, and James gave Remus a low five under their desk. One prank down, one to go.

Sirius had a jar full of hefklork eggs that he had added the sticking spell to ready to be dumped into Snape's satchel. They just needed a window of opportunity. Unfortunately where Snape was sitting it'd be difficult to really make a good excuse of distracting him... he was just a couple desks over, not behind them so they couldn't just go to the back, pretending to get water.

Remus leaned in to his friends. "I have an idea, it will have to wait until after Slughorn dismisses class though," he whispered.

"Will it work?" James inquired.

Remus shrugged. "I hope so."

They all waited impatiently through class, Remus even more disastrous than usual since he was so edgy. He felt sick at how he would be distracting Snape but... it would be worth it. Finally after what felt like an eternity Slughorn checked over the ingredients, gave out grades, then dismissed class.

Remus bounced to his feet and made his way over to Snape. "A-hem." Snape's gaze flickered up then back down as he swept everything into his satchel. Remus cleared his throat again then when Snape continued to ignore him he said, "Sn-Snape."

" _What_?" he snarled out, standing up. His satchel was still on the bench next to him.

Remus took in a deep breath. "I w—wanted t-to—to—um, to—"

Snape raised his eyebrows. "Wanted to what? Stutter on incoherently like you usually do?"

"N-no. To, um, ap—pologize," he finally got out, seeing Sirius casually coming over out the corner of his eyes.

"Apologize?!" Snape looked completely taken aback. It was almost worth it just to see that look on his face.

"For, um, what h—happened on M—Monday. With messing up th-the potion," he forced out. He felt beyond nauseated by doing this, even if it was for a good reason. He saw Sirius's arm twitch as he walked by then Sirius kept going, tucking the empty jar into his robes pocket. "I sh-shouldn't have done it."

"No," Snape growled, grabbing his satchel's strap, pulling it up over his shoulder. "You shouldn't have. You shouldn't be allowed in this classroom."

Remus bit back a mean response and just walked off quickly, shame wriggling around inside of him for apologizing over something he shouldn't apologize for... though he knew once Snape discovered the eggs stuck in his satchel it'd be pretty obvious the apology wasn't a real one. Or, he hoped Snape would figure that out. He did _not_ want Snape going around thinking Remus had been all crawly about the incident!

Remus hesitated, tempted to turn around and take his words back but he spotted the other Marauders waiting for him so he hurried over. "I think I might vomit," he said, clutching his stomach.

"I thought I'd vomit just listening to you!" James said.

Peter pressed his hands together. "Remus, I want to say that was the most amazing bit of acting I've ever seen in my entire life."

Remus smiled. "Thank you, that makes me feel a little less disgusted."

"Come on," Sirius said, tugging at James's sleeve. "Let's get away from here before he sticks his grimy hand into his bag!"

*

Of course Remus heard _all_ about it after study group that night. Lily showed up a couple minutes late, shooting dirty looks at Remus as she took her seat, and then proceeded to mostly ignore him. Once they were done and left the library she seized his wrist, hissing out that she needed to talk to him. He sighed, waiting for the lecture.

"You stuck hefklork eggs in his bag!" she said as soon as Twycross was gone.

"I told you we were going to get revenge," he replied, glad she hadn't brought up the tripping thing. At least is seemed like they had gotten away with that! He wondered how many times Snape had stumbled or tripped today.

"Is that why you 'apologized' to him?" she demanded.

"Yes," he said honestly. "I was the distraction. I don't expect he took the apology seriously in any case."

"No," she admitted. "He was laughing about it." Remus just gave her a 'see?' look. "I still don't understand why you put a _sticking_ spell on them! Wasn't it enough to pour them into his bag? It's going to take him _ages_ to get it cleaned out!"

"Are we going to help Macdonald tonight?" he asked, not feeling like defending their actions any further. Lily just glared at him. "Or are you too mad at me?"

"I am mad. But Mary says there's a test in History coming up and she was hoping you could help her since you're better at that than I am... unless, of course, you want to go _celebrate_ with your friends for the torture of Severus."

"We already celebrated," he replied a little too tartly.

"Well then!"

They walked in silence for most the rest of the way back to the tower, a couple feet apart from one another, then Lily sighed. "I just wish it wasn't like this," she said quietly. "I mean, all the—the fighting, and pranking, and bullying. With Severus."

"I wish it wasn't either," he told her, genuinely meaning it—well, mostly meaning it. He turned to face her. "If he was willing to call a truce, I would accept that." He wouldn't _like_ it, per say, but he'd accept it. If Snape wanted to stop being nasty to one another he'd agree to it.

"But not the others," she pointed out.

Remus couldn't even pretend that James and Sirius would go with a truce! "No, they wouldn't," he agreed. "In any case, it's pointless to even think about it since he hates me." Lily pressed her lips thin, since she definitely couldn't argue that.

They apologized to one another then headed into the common room to help Macdonald out with her homework.

*

Remus woke up from nightmares a few times that night, managing not to make too much noise which was good since he was too tired to deal with Sirius. When morning came he just stayed in bed; since it was a Saturday he didn't need to get up right away. He mumbled when James tried to get him out of bed then rolled over, pulling his blanket up over his head. It was the full moon again that night and it was already dragging him down. He drifted back into sleep until he was jerked awake by laughter. At first he thought it had only been a moment or two but when he sat up intending to grouch at his friends he saw that it was nearly eleven, and he had been asleep for at least two more hours!

Sirius gladly told him that Snape was still wearing the tripping shoes, all of them laughing at his stupidity, wondering when he'd figure it out. Remus laughed a bit then went for a shower, mostly for the quiet. He curled up on the floor, the warm water nearly lulling him back to sleep despite being on stone. He supposed it was because he had slept naked on a stone floor before, back at his house when the full moons were covered sufficiently enough to prevent his transformation.

"Remus?"

He jerked, banging his head against the wall. Hissing in pain, he sat up, rubbing the spot. "Y—yeah?"

"You've been in there an hour!" Sirius said.

Remus scrambled to his feet, looking at his pruned fingers. Oops, he _had_ fallen asleep! "Yeah, been thinking. I'll be out in a bit."

He quickly got cleaned off, dried off as fast as he could, threw clothes on, glimpsed at his horrid appearance then hurried in to the dorm. His stomach was grumbling very loudly, as it was a bit past noon and he hadn't eaten yet. Once in the Great Hall James, Sirius, and Peter all watched as Remus piled a _lot_ of food on his plate.

"I haven't eaten yet today!" he said a bit defensively.

"Not that," Sirius said, propping his elbow on the table, chin in hand. "You look pretty awful again."

"Oh." Remus prodded at some chicken, debating on which excuse to use. He didn't look quite as bad as he had the previous month so perhaps he could get away with his mother? "I'm mostly feeling tired."

"Just tired?" James asked, looking him up and down.

Remus took in a slow, deep breath. "At the moment, yes. Are you going to harangue me about my health again?"

"Is herring like bother?" James asked.

"Harangue, and yes in a way."

"Then no. Just voicing my concern, that's all. I won't... er, bother you." James glanced at Sirius then at Peter.

Remus bowed his head, stuffing food into his face to avoid dealing with whatever was going on. "If it helps, I'll go see Pomfrey later," he said, trying his best to sound casual.

Peter choked on his drink.

"Nah, you don't need to go see Pomfrey," Sirius said cheerfully, smacking Peter's back.

"Pete, you okay?" Remus asked.

"Uhh, yeah!" he replied, coughing a bit more into his napkin. "Went down the wrong pipe."

"I was thinking we should do something really fun tonight," James said, folding his arms on the table and leaning in like it was a big conspiracy. "Stay up late, party a little..."

"How is that different from any other weekend night?" Remus asked, glancing up through his fringe.

James rolled his eyes. "What do you want to do tonight then, Brains?"

"I—I'm up for the usual," he said. "I would like to finish the History assignment I have but other than that..."

Before anyone else could say anything Snape suddenly appeared behind Sirius and Peter, brandishing his loafers, accusing them vehemently of cursing them. Sirius pinched his nose shut, waving his hand in front of his face. "Bloody hell, Snivellus, keep your stinky shoes away from the table!"

Several other students were watching them with interest, figuring there would be a big explosion sooner or later. Snape's cheeks were slightly pink as he lowered his arm. "One of you cursed my shoes," he repeated in a slow, furious manner.

"They look like normal shoes," James remarked.

Lily came down towards them, arms tight across her chest. "What's going on?" she asked. Snape looked at her then back towards the Slytherin table so briefly Remus doubted many people noticed. He probably didn't want her coming to his rescue so publicly.

"Ask your friend," James grumbled. "He's pushing his shoes into our faces while we're trying to eat. It's _disgusting_."

"Just forget it!" Snape said, whirling around to storm out of the Great Hall. Lily glared at James then followed Snape out the doors.

She returned shortly after, barreling towards the Marauders. Now _she_ accused them of cursing Snape's shoes while James and Sirius protested their innocence. Lily clearly didn't believe them so she went to the High Table to get McGonagall. McGonagall followed Lily back down and James and Sirius promised they hadn't done anything, insisting Snape was just being paranoid.

"If we had done the tripping jinx on his shoes, it would have just tripped _him_!" James pointed out.

"You can put it on his shoes when he isn't wearing them, moron!" Lily snapped then blushed slightly at the eyebrow raise McGonagall gave her.

"So what you're saying is Snape took off his shoes around us and we jinxed them when he wasn't looking?" Sirius asked, scratching his head.

Lily opened her mouth then clamped it shut. When he put it like that, it really made the argument seem futile.

"I'll speak with Mr. Snape and Professor Slughorn," McGonagall said in a sort of tone that made Remus suspect she wasn't going to blame the Marauders thanks to Sirius's brilliance. She swept back to the teachers' table while Lily stalked back to her friends.

"I mean, neither of you did it anyway," Peter snorted, covering his mouth as he began laughing.

After lunch they went outside to enjoy the sun. Sirius wanted to play tag but Remus was so exhausted he just sat on a hill watching them run around. It was still nearly five hours until sunset but it seemed as though everything was already pressing down on him, making his limbs move as though in slow motion. He hugged his knees to his chest, resting his chin on his knees, yawning several times until his friends decided they were done running. They plopped down in the grass around him, chattering very animatedly about various things.

Eventually Sirius poked Remus with a small stick, asking him again about Pomfrey. "You look _awful_ ," he said.

Remus rubbed his eyes, figuring he might as well get it over with. "I'm starting to feel awful," he told them. James and Peter stared at him (Peter with a strange look on his face) while Sirius nodded, getting to his feet. He wiped his jeans off then offered a hand to help Remus up. Remus took it, surprised at how warm and sweaty Sirius's hand felt even though he had been resting for a good twenty minutes. It wasn't _that_ hot out.

"We'll go with you," James said.

"You don't need to."

"We don't mind!" Sirius promised.

Peter still had a strange expression and remained quiet the entire time to the hospital wing. Just before they got there Remus turned to face him. "Are you doing all right?"

Peter jumped a little then gulped, nodding. "Yeah, my stomach just hurts some. I think from running around after lunch."

Remus reached for the door then stopped. "Shoot, I don't have my bag with me..."

"Bag?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, in case I do have to stay. I don't have any books with me. Let's go back to the dorm."

They stuck with him all the way up to the tower where he put books into his bag, feeling stupid for not having packed earlier because he needed to put clothes in there... but they were all hanging around. There was no way to put clothes in without them noticing so he figured he'd just ask Pomfrey for some hospital pajamas, that would probably work. Next time he'd know to pre-pack, in case of a situation like this.

They still stuck with him back down to the hospital wing, irritating him a little bit. He wasn't sure why they were all so... _glue-y_ today. At least he wasn't having issues that caused their presence to make him feel uncomfortable. Just annoyed.

Once in the hospital wing there was quite an argument between Pomfrey and the other Marauders, as they wanted to stay. She finally managed to get them out by threatening to summon McGonagall. "If you insist on waiting, wait outside; this is _private_!" she snapped.

They trudged out while Remus hopped up onto a hospital bed, mumbling apologies for them but Pomfrey just shook her head, not particularly caring. She gave pajamas for Remus to change into and let him go back to the room he stayed in during the days of his first year's full moon. She let the other Marauders come in so Remus could tell them he was having another relapse. He was propped up in bed, trying his best to appear as frustrated as possible.

"I don't think I am," he huffed. Sirius stood at the foot of his bed with a strangely smirky expression, while James and Peter seemed a little fidgety. "I'm sure after an hour or so it'll pass and I'll be able to leave."

"Hopefully!" James said, clapping his hands once. "We need to party tonight."

"But don't push yourself," Peter put in.

Remus smiled. "I won't, I promise. But I'm sure it's nothing."

After they left Remus took a short nap then got dressed again in his regular clothes. Pomfrey gave him two sets of hospital PJs to take with him then wrapped him up in a cloak, taking him out to the Whomping Willow. She took him all the way through the tunnel again, going over the rules once more—making sure to write twice a day on the chalkboard, etc, etc. Remus nodded, making quiet agreement noises, then went through the trapdoor. Pomfrey stayed in the tunnel this time, waving goodbye until the door was shut. He heard her hurried footsteps leaving.

Remus yawned, trudging to the bedroom to tuck everything into the wardrobe. He took off his clothes, debating on wearing the pajamas then just went to bed naked in case he slept clear till sunset, curling up in a nest of shredded, wolf-smelling blankets.

*

In the morning Remus's body twisted back into the form of a small human boy and he lay in the middle of a puddle of blood, panting heavily. His entire right arm felt both numb and on fire at the same time; he wasn't sure how that worked. He sat up, propping himself on his left arm. He let out a moan of pain when he saw his right arm had been pretty much clawed to shreds. He couldn't even move it. Bits of flesh and muscle were on the floor nearby and he jerked to his left side so he could vomit. Pain wrenched through his body as he did so.

His legs were a bit torn up but not too bad and he was able to get to his feet, swaying. He stumbled then sank back down onto the floor, passing out from pain. He wasn't sure how long he was out but when he woke up again he pushed himself to get to the bathroom, to tell Pomfrey he was fine. He left a trail of blood and when he picked up the chalk he nearly collapsed again. He only got one shaky line done before sliding down to the floor in tears.

Pomfrey showed up not long after. He had managed to nab a towel to cover his privates before she burst into the bathroom. "Oh, Remus," she said in a gentle tone. She knelt down, immediately bandaging up his right arm. "You weren't trying to tell me you were fine, were you?" she asked as she worked.

"N-no," he lied. "Was t—trying to call for—for help," he got out, more tears squeezing out from the jolts of pain being caused from her movements.

"Mmhmm." He knew she didn't believe him. "You'll be returning to the school for the day."

He was too out of it to argue, just let her do her work. She helped him into pajamas then they headed down into the tunnel, Remus's right arm bandaged tight against his chest. Once in the hospital wing he collapsed into bed, falling asleep before he could get any food in him. He woke up at around ten when Pomfrey came in with a chocolate shake. She enchanted it to float next to him so he remained laying down as he slurped it down through the straw, trying not to cry at how pathetic he felt.

*

His arm was still pretty messed up when he went back to the house and he hoped it wouldn't be _too_ bad when morning came...

When he came to after transforming back into a human in the morning he saw his arm wasn't much worse, but definitely wasn't better. His wolf had ripped into the arm again and it dangled uselessly down his side. This time, though, he did force himself to write to Pomfrey to insist he was fine. **arm mostly better not bad**. He faded in and out of consciousness as he took a shower then wrapped his arm up, hoping he did an all right job. After that he got pajama pants on, not bothering with a shirt. He was a little chilly but it wasn't unbearable.

He slept for most the morning then ate raw food from the fridge, too in pain and too tired to cook anything. After another nap he scrubbed the floors as clean as he could get them, gagging as he had to throw away dried up bits of his own torn body. _Gonna have to do some research into proper cleaning spells, make this maybe not as difficult as it is_... Except, he couldn't have his wand with him. If the wolf got to it and destroyed it, his family couldn't afford to replace it. _I guess it'll just have to continue being the Muggle way of cleaning_ , he thought miserably as he collapsed on the sofa.

*

That night was awful. When he woke up just before sunset he could hear rain pattering on the roof so he spent several hours in the living room, naked except for the tattered remains of a sheet around him. Eventually the rain stopped and the clouds must have parted as he transformed around midnight, then back to human at about one. He could hear the fierce winds outside and suspected he was in for a _horrible_ night and sure enough at around two in the morning the wind pushed the heavy clouds aside enough for him to twist back into a wolf... then return to being human half an hour later, then a wolf, and then human again. The rapid succession of transformations really did him in. Not so much in a painful manner but in an absolutely _exhausted_ manner. The energy burnt from having hardly any time between the transformations made him even more weary than usual.

Finally dawn came (along with more rain) and he dragged himself to the bathroom. **am fine it was too cloudy most the night** he wrote then got into the shower to clean off. Once he was dried off and in the bedroom upstairs to put pajamas on he felt terrified when he heard distant footsteps then the trapdoor opening. His heart leapt into his throat and he timidly crept to the door.

"Remus?" Pomfrey called out.

For a second he was relieved it was just Pomfrey, then confused as to why she was there. He frowned, going to the top of the stairs. "I'm doing well," he said. "I s-said so on the board. Are you just visiting?"

Pomfrey gave him a strange look. "Last night was the final phase," she said.

Remus blinked then felt incredibly stupid. It had already been three nights! "I—I had a strange night, I suppose that's why I forgot," he mumbled. "Let me get my things."

He got changed into the clothes he had been wearing on Saturday, dumped everything into his bag, then went downstairs. Even though he wasn't very injured, he was absolutely _exhausted_ and weak, and felt ready to collapse. Pomfrey had to help him to the school, and the second he hit the hospital bed he was asleep.

*

His entire body still felt weak when he woke up. When he managed to get to the bathroom he gasped at the sight of his face. He had clearly lost some weight over the past couple days. Pomfrey used a weighing spell, confirming that he had lost seven pounds which—being so tiny—he couldn't afford even a sixth of that.

"You're staying in here for the rest of the day," she ordered, forcing him back into bed.

"I have Occl—"

"No," she said, tucking him into bed. "I'll allow you to leave after supper however you're not doing anything that requires effort. I'll inform Albus. Did you even eat over the weekend other than what you had here on Sunday? After all, you also had quite a bit of blood loss!"

Remus nodded. "I _did_!" he promised, although he hadn't eaten much. He had been in too much pain to attempt to eat much.

She gave him a couple shakes in the morning then brought a fairly hearty lunch. He slept and ate throughout the afternoon, feeling quite a lot of better when he woke up at around three. She remarked that he looked a lot better too, but didn't want him going to Occlumency; besides, Dumbledore had already informed Fawley he wasn't in any shape for it... but as long as he promised to rest, he could leave the wing. He noticed she waited until his final class of the day was over, however was glad he didn't have to stay.

Fifteen minutes later he was crawling into his bed in his dorm, fully dressed still, not caring. He slept pretty soundly until voices tore him back into wakefulness. The other Marauders bounded into the room, filling the very air with their energy. Remus wished he could have their energy. Even when he wasn't bone-tired from the full moon he could see a difference between them...

"—ish I didn't have practice tonight," James was saying as they came in.

"We can talk tomorrow morning," Sirius said rather gravely.

"What time d'you think he'll be back?" Pete asked.

That caught Remus's attention. He sat up in bed, staring at the curtains.

Sirius let out a sigh. "Evening, probably, after whatever it is he does on Tuesdays."

 _They don't know I'm here_. Remus bit his lip, debating whether or not to announce his presence. He was aching to know what they were talking about! Besides him, obviously.

"We could talk tonight, after practice," said Peter.

"But Spinnet and Struthers would probably be barging in," James pointed out. "By the time I'm back, that's close to when they come to the dorm usually."

"We could ask them _not_ to come in?" Peter then suggested.

"I think we should see how things go when he comes back," Sirius said, sounding nervous. "Really, we should probably wait a day or two."

"Why?" Peter asked.

"He's—we should let him... recover."

Remus grew sick to his stomach. He couldn't bear to let them continue even though he knew they'd just pretend it was something else once they realized he was there. He quietly lay back down then yawned loudly, rolling over in bed, making sure to mess with his blanket to make noise. He wasn't sure if they could hear him though, with the spells.

"What do you think he's going to say?" James asked, suddenly sounding as nervous as Sirius.

Apparently they couldn't hear. The yawn wasn't loud enough. Remus shifted around then sat up, pulling the curtains back while he yawned again. All three of his friends shrieked, Peter jumping back.

"Oh, hey guys," Remus said as sleepily as he could sound. He rubbed one eye as if he had just woken up.

"You're—back!" Sirius said, voice rather strangled.

Remus looked at all their pale faces. "Did something happen?" he asked.

"Blimey, are you _okay_?!" Pete gasped.

"Remus, you look really..." Sirius trailed off, looking Remus up and down.

"I'm okay," he promised, swinging his legs out of bed. "I lost some weight, that's all."

"You were already too tiny," James said.

Remus wasn't sure whether or not to respond to that so instead he said, "You guys seem quite on edge about something."

"No!" Pete squeaked at the same time James said, "Not at all!" and Sirius said, "It's nothing."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Um. Okay."

He could smell how anxious they were with an underlying tone of fear. Peter was the most visibly freaked out, wringing his hands and shooting quick glances at the other two. James kept shifting his weight from foot to foot, an awkward expression on his face. Sirius was the most collected, arms folded as he studied Remus.

" _Something_ is going on," Remus said, standing up. "Something that I think involves me. Am I right?" he pushed when they remained silent. "Is there something you want to say to me?"

Sirius let out a slow breath. "All right, hold on." He got a piece of paper out from his desk, quickly scribbling on it. He went to the door, opening it up and sticking it on the outside of the door. **Emergency Marauder Meeting! Dorm Will Be Open Again Soon**. He shut the door and used a locking spell. While he did this James and Peter began pulling the curtains off their beds. Remus just watched all of this with a feeling of dread. When Sirius shut the door, James and Pete stuck their curtains up over the door.

"To muffle it," James explained, noticing Remus's furrowed brow.

"Wh—why would you n-n-need to m—muffle it?" Remus stammered, taking a few steps back. The hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end and the wolf inside of him was stirring from all the panic sweeping through his body. He had no idea what was going on but he didn't like it one bit. It didn't help that he still felt weak.

Now all three of them were looking at him again. He took another step back, nearly throwing up as a stab of fear went into his head. _Do they know_? he wondered wildly, trying to tamp down those thoughts because he doubted they'd be so... well, they weren't exactly calm but they weren't at all acting as though they were now locked in a room with a beast. He swallowed, repeating that thought over and over to try to keep himself as placated as possible.

"Remus..." Sirius took a step closer.

"W-w-wh—wh-what?" he somehow managed to ask.

Then his heart broke as he realized what this was about. They didn't want to be friends anymore. That's what it had to be. Something triggered them to realize how much of a freak he was and they were figuring out the best way to break it to him gently.

He began breathing heavily, palms getting a little sweaty. Okay. He could deal with this. It would be devastating—crushing, crippling, wholly and utterly shattering—but no where near as bad as if they had figured out—

"We know you're a werewolf."


	40. Chapter Forty - No One Screams Cuz It's Just Me

Remus couldn't move.

He couldn't breathe.

Couldn't anything.

Then it slammed into him, and he nearly vomited.

He was certain he misheard— _had_ to have misheard—because they couldn't know, they _couldn't know_!!

It was _impossible_!

Because if they knew then that meant they only just now figured out, because they had been acting fine up until now, and if they only just figured out they wouldn't be around him and—and—

"Remus?" Sirius asked.

He had no idea how long he had been standing there in terrified silence but Sirius's voice broke him out of it. He wanted to just bolt. Out of the room, out of the castle. Just run all the way home to Wales where his family could quickly pack everything up and leave.

He thought he might just pass out.

But all he did was laugh.

It was a crazed sort of laugh, and it confused the other boys.

"He's... laughing?" Peter asked.

Remus took a few steps back, laughing that screwed up insane-not-amused laughter so hard he couldn't breathe. He wasn't sure why he was laughing, it was just an automatic response. He kept laughing until the tears started coming out and then he felt like he might just cry.

"Remus?" Sirius asked again, looking concerned.

He had to just play it cool, make it seem otherwise. Perhaps they didn't _know_ -know, just guess. He could get out of this. Long enough to escape, at least. As long as the wolf inside of him didn't burst out like it wanted to.

" _What_?" he finally wheezed out, wiping his face off. "What in Merlin's name are you _talking_ about?" His voice was squeaky, and it took a lot of effort not to scream.

Now they all looked unsure. Sirius dropped his arms, forehead scrunching. "Ooookay, I, uh, definitely hadn't planned for this reaction," he said, looking at the other two.

"What sort of reaction were—were you expecting?!" Remus gasped out, taking a couple more steps back. Soon he'd be up against a wall.

"Er..."

He slowly shook his head, pain filling him as he tried to push the wolf back down. It was getting very agitated, wanting to protect itself, wanting to lash out and destroy them so it could remain 'safe'. "You are all absolutely nutters!" he got out, wiping off his face again, the tears not stopping. "What next? Is James a vampire?"

"Remus," Sirius repeated, coming closer. "We _know,_ okay? We know—"

"Know what?" Now he was snappish, and he regretted the tone. He needed—couldn't, couldn't sound too angry. Had to sound amused. "Is this your newest prank? Going around accusing people of—of—" His voice was rising against his will. It was getting harder to breath, too, and he had to take rapid breaths in. "—of—"

But he had no idea what else to say. The panic was taking over.

"—of—of—"

They had found out.

"—of—"

_They had found out!!!!!_

His nose itched then burned as he struggled not to sob.

"—of—of—"

He was just stammering the same word over and over. He took one last step back, against the wall now which made the wolf worse. Made him feel trapped.

He couldn't breathe at all.

He began trembling and pressed his hands against his thighs to try to not be as noticeable.

Sirius was saying something but it sounded kinda muffled and distant. It didn't make any sort of impact in Remus's brain so he didn't know how to respond.

He didn't know what to do.

His head pulsed, and blackness began creeping in at the edge of his vision.

"Why are you saying this?" Remus asked, glad for at least a second that he was against the wall because without it he thought he might fall over. "Why would you ever say such a thing?!"

He knew if he stayed any longer he'd betray the truth.

"Why say these things?"

Of course, they already knew the truth.

Had they told anyone?! Was the Ministry on its way _right now_!?

Remus breathed even more rapidly, hyperventilating. His eyes darted towards the window as he debated the pros and cons of trying to scale down the side of the tower. He could possibly use the levitating charm on himself before he hit the ground.

Someone was saying something. Something about a werewolf.

Someone was saying that word out loud, to Remus, that word _out loud_!

His hands flew to his ears. "Stop it! Stop lying!" he cried out, unable to stop himself.

He couldn't see them very well; they were all quite blurry from either the tears or whatever was causing the blackness in his vision, he wasn't sure which. Sirius was standing directly in front of him. He was saying something, probably reiterating the werewolf accusations.

"STOP IT!"

He shouldn't yell.

"STOP LYING!"

He had to stay calm.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!"

The wolf clawed at his insides, at his soul, his brain, every inch of his every being.

"WHY WOULD YOU LIE?"

He felt it filling his body, bubbling up to the edge, ready to explode.

"STOP—LYING!"

He felt as though he would explode into fur and fangs.

Then the need to escape took over and he pushed past Sirius, past James and Peter. He had to just leave, just go away, return home as fast as he could before the Ministry arrived. But he couldn't see the door. He knew deep down that it was behind the curtains they had hung up but for some reason that wasn't connecting in his brain.

The wolf felt caged

 _Remus_ felt caged.

They had locked him in to keep him there until the W.C.U. came.

The wolf and Remus felt more like one than ever before, as if their horrible words had erased whatever border was keeping them apart. They butted up against one another in his head and it was more than he could bear. He wanted to scratch at his head until everything spilled out, leaving him empty. He wanted to claw himself to pieces as he did just a few nights before, rip himself apart until there was nothing left.

A hand on his shoulder.

Remus jerked away, spinning around. "You're wrong," he gasped out. "You're _wrong_ I d-d-don't know wh-huu-why you'd l-l-l-l-lie b-b-b-but—but—but—"

This wasn't how things were supposed to go! He had planned for it, planned on just shrugging it off casually if anyone ever accused him! He thought he could. He had genuinely thought it'd be easy. But reality was nothing like he imagined. Was it because it was them? His best, closest friends? Or would he have reacted like this for anyone?

Sirius's face swarmed into his vision and he grabbed Remus's upper arms. " _Remus_!" he said in a firm tone that somehow filtered through all the terror. "Calm down!"

Calm down?

 _Calm down_?

Remus felt the need to lash out at this frail _human_.

No. Not Remus. The _wolf_ wanted to, so bad that he felt a swift urge, his body nearly moving on its own to hurt him—was half a second away from clawing into Sirius's face... but he couldn't, it was Sirius. Even if he knew, even if he told the Ministry... it was still Sirius. Beautiful, funny, idiotic, goofball Sirius, and Remus could never hurt him, never let the wolf hurt him, and it took all of his power to shove the wolf back as hard as he could, to fight with the demon inside of him until he felt that breaking feeling inside his brain, his own self flooding back into his body as the wolf retreated and blood began pouring out of his nose.

He gave a choked sound then sank down to the floor, slipping out of Sirius's grip and crumbling into a sobbing heap on the floor.

It was too late.

They knew, and they had told the Ministry.

All he could do was beg to let him go before he was arrested.

"Please," he sobbed out, curling into a tight ball, covering his face, blood, tears, and snot all mixing together. "Please."

He never expected to end up like this, groveling for mercy. Especially not to his previous friends.

"Please..."

He felt arms around him, jarring him out of his begging because why would any of them put their arms around him? But one of them was hugging him. _Hugging_. Before he could react he felt more arms around him, then another set.

All three of them were huddled on the floor around him.

He wondered vaguely if they were just trying to keep him in place then that was wiped away by realizing _they were h_ _ugging him_.

"Please calm down," James was saying. He was kinda muffled but it wasn't as bad as it had been before.

"It's okay," Sirius said, one set of arms—presumably his—tightened.

Peter didn't say anything but he let out a sound that could have been interpreted as sympathetic.

"It's okay," Sirius repeated. "It's okay, Remy; it's okay. I'm sorry. I—I didn't... mean to..." He trailed off then hugged Remus harder, burying his face into Remus's shoulder.

Remus just lay there, unable to comprehend what was happening. He literally didn't understand. Everything inside his head was broken. Because this couldn't be real. It had to be a nightmare. Any minute he'd wake up, probably crying, Sirius climbing into his bed to comfort him. Because this couldn't, couldn't, COULDN'T be what was actually happening in reality.

Werewolves were monsters.

No twelve year olds would just... accept... and then... _touch_... hug...

Remus began curling again, hands sliding back to his face. His fingers dug into his skin as he gave raspy breaths, entire body shaking. He wanted this to end, to be over, to wake up, for everything to just stop. Stop for a minute, a _second,_ so he could try to sort through what happened. He needed a spell that would just freeze everything including time.

Or a way to go back into time, to leave before all this happened, to escape.

Except they were hugging him.

He made a sound he intended to be 'Why are you acting like this?' but all that came out was a pathetic whimpering sound.

Sirius slid back, pulling Remus into a sitting position. "I'm sorry," he said again, staring straight into Remus's watery eyes as he trembled quite violently. "I honestly didn't think you'd react like this."

James let go, reaching into his bag and Remus suddenly thought he was reaching in for his potions kit, to the silver knife. That didn't match with what just happened but it's all he could think, and he began shrieking, scrambling away from them, trying to again solve how to leave this cage. _Logically_ James wouldn't be going for the silver knife because he had been _hugging_ Remus, but every inch of Remus could only focus on the fact they all had silver weapons at hand and maybe they hadn't sent a letter to the Ministry, maybe they were just planning on getting rid of him themselves. Almost all of wizarding society hated werewolves. They shouldn't be any different.

Remus yelped as he crashed into something. James was frozen where he was crouched by his bag, hand inside. Slowly he pulled a handkerchief out. He kept his eyes on Remus as he reached for the water pitcher, dribbling water onto the handkerchief. Then just as slowly he approached Remus, holding the damp handkerchief out as far as he could reach.

"Um, here."

Remus's chest heaved as he stared at the handkerchief. James knelt down, carefully putting it in one of Remus's hand, then backing away. Remus's fingers curled around the wet cloth. He wasn't sure what to do with it. Sirius finally came over, taking the handkerchief and pressing it against Remus's cheek. Remus flinched back at the touch but Sirius just kept it against his face.

"It'll maybe help?" Sirius asked gently, taking one of Remus's hand in his (which made no sense, if he knew why would he hold Remus's hand it didn't make any sense) and putting it up against the cloth. Then Sirius sat back on his heels, putting a little bit of space between them.

Remus began wiping his face off then opened the handkerchief fully, putting the entire thing against his face. It did feel good, and help give him enough presence of mind to actually speak English.

"D-did—di-d-did you s-ssu—s-s—summah th—the Mi—the—the Min—Ministry?" he sniveled out into the handkerchief.

"The Mini...?" Sirius looked at the others then back at Remus. "Why the hell would we summon the Ministry?"

Remus let his hands fall, the cloth still in his hand. He just stared at Sirius. "The—th-the d-d-d—du—du-d-d—" He couldn't speak anymore. He pressed the cloth back against his face despite the fact it was quite bloody. "W.C.U.," he finally managed to squeak out.

"What in Merlin's name is that?" Sirius asked.

"I have no idea," James said.

"Me either," said Peter.

Remus jerked back when Sirius put his hand back on his arm. "Remy, why would we call the Ministry? What's the W.C.U.?"

"T... t—to t—ta—take m-m-m-me," he whimpered.

"Take you?" James asked.

They were being purposely obtuse now. "To—take—me!" Remus pushed himself farther from Sirius, away from his burning touch. " _To take me_!" His fingers twitched, tearing the handkerchief to pieces as if it were a napkin and not actual cloth. He stared down at it, feeling it a little easier to speak when he didn't focus on their faces.

"Oh. Shit. Oh, Remus, no," Sirius said in an achingly pitying voice that just sent Remus into more tears. "No. We didn't. I promise, we haven't told anyone at all."

He let out a shuddered breath, pressing some of the shreds to his face again. He wasn't sure if he believed them, or could believe them. Part of him _wanted_ to believe them but—why wouldn't they tell the Ministry? The tears rolled down his face and he drew his knees up, hugging them tightly, pressing his face down into his arms, body wracking as he cried.

Sirius hugged him again. Not, not quite a hug; more like holding Remus against him in a protective manner. "Please come back," he whispered so softly Remus doubted anyone else heard. Remus wasn't even sure he heard Sirius because the sentence didn't make sense.

They remained there for what felt like an eternity. Sirius holding Remus as he cried, James and Peter kneeling nearby watching with worry. Finally Remus pulled away from Sirius, wanting to apologize for getting blood all over his uniform. But he knew if he tried to speak he'd just start crying again. Everything was so fuzzy and... everywhere, like lines spasming around inside his brain, filling him with nonexistent noise.

He was tired, so tired. The moon really took it out of him this time around, and then _this._ It was too much.

And the pulsing _run run run_ fear pushing at his entire being didn't help.

Remus looked up at the others who remained silent, all of them waiting for him to speak, to say something. Or to totally freak out again. He opened his mouth then closed it, clenching his teeth shut. He lifted one hand, pressing it against his forehead. He felt... humiliated, for reacting the way he had but he knew he hadn't been able to control it. He had tried, and failed.

They knew he was a werewolf, told him, and he absolutely flipped out. After a lifetime of thinking he could handle being accused, after spending so long convincing himself it'd go okay... after everything his parents drilled into his—

Oh.

 _Oh_.

His parents.

He gave a gurgling sort of sound then covered his face again.

They had been right.

They _told_ him to never make friends because those friends would figure it out, and it happened.

He wasn't sure if he'd be able to spend the rest of their lives having them be privately smug about being right. Though... on the bright side, at least he wouldn't be dead. They hadn't called the Ministry, so he'd be able to go home and get out of the country. Do what his mother had mentioned before: go to America and disappear into some Muggle countryside.

But first he needed to deal with them. At least he'd probably be able to take all his school stuff with him, instead of just running.

"You feeling better?" James asked when Remus stirred again, taking his hands from his face.

 _No_. How could he possibly feel better? His secret—his horrible, disgusting, vile secret—had been found out. Not told, like the teachers. Though he supposed Dumbledore technically figured out the secret too but that had been different (and felt a lot longer ago than just fifteen or so months!). He'd have to go to Dumbledore and admit everything. Tell him that the others found out—

 _Maybe he could erase their memories_. Remus's stomach churned at that thought. It was hellish that they knew but it seemed... worse if their memories were erased. But they would be. Dumbledore would do that, like he had done with Professor Dedenne.

Maybe he'd just completely erase Remus from their memories entirely. Or rather, erase the fact they had been friends? But then everyone would know something was up if Remus disappeared and Sirius, James, and Peter had no idea who he was. No, it'd just be his secret.

 _I don't want that_. But it didn't matter what he wanted It mattered what was safe. Erasing this would make things safe. _Except I'll be leaving so does it matter_? He wondered what would happen. If he left, would they go around saying 'Remus Lupin was a _werewolf_ '! No. No, Dumbledore wouldn't even risk that because then he'd be in a lot of trouble for aiding a werewolf.

 _If you ever even imagine they’re beginning to question, please come to me immediately. I shall keep you safe,_ Dumbledore had said at the beginning of September. Yeah, he would definitely erase their memory of Remus's lycanthropy.

Then, suddenly, everything caught up to him and he could barely even hold his head up. He was beyond exhaustion. He just stared blankly at his legs until Peter put something in his lap. A bar of chocolate. He just stared at it until Sirius took it, breaking off a corner and putting it into Remus's hand. Remus's hand was shaking pretty hard and the piece fell to the floor. Sirius just broke off another corner and stuck it right into Remus's mouth. He didn't chew, just let it melt for a moment then swallowed the melted chocolate which immediately made him start recovering. He took the bar, broke off his own piece, this time chewing it. Before he knew it he had eaten the entire bar, then a few sticks of licorice wands that James gave him, and a chocolate cauldron cake that Sirius handed over. Peter fetched him a glass of water which he drank down.

The numbness began fading, slightly.

He wasn't sure what to do now. Apologize? Just start packing?

"You with us again?" Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged. "I... d... don't... know." He took another sip of water, hand shaking.

Sirius got another handkerchief, wetting it so he could start wiping off Remus's face. Remus wanted to pull away, to ask him to stop but even that was too much effort so he just let Sirius clean him off.

"Your nose was bleeding," James said.

Remus merely shrugged again. He took one more sip then set the glass down. "I'm sorry," he whispered, covering his face yet again. "I—I'm s-sorry for—for—" For being an absolute moron, for going completely wild. For being so inhuman.

"It's okay," Sirius said, rubbing Remus's back. "You don't need to apologize for anything. We're the ones— _I'm_ the one who should be apologizing, and I do. I am. I'm sorry for just throwing this at you, Remy. I honestly just... I knew you... I knew you'd be upset over us knowing but I had no idea it'd be like this."

"So, you _are_ a werewolf?" Peter asked. James began laughing so hard he fell over. Peter scrunched his face up. "Hey! He never actually said _yes_! He never did."

 _Bless Peter_ , Remus thought, as a tiny, faint smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "No?" he said hoarsely and they all gave him looks.

"Yes, Pete, he is," Sirius said.

Peter looked at Remus who ducked his head, not saying anything. "Okay," Pete finally replied.

Remus took in some air, trying to keep his voice steady. "How—l-l—long have... y—you kno—known?"

"Since Saturday night," Peter said.

"After the last full moon," James said then frowned. "Well, after you and I made up."

"You d-d-didn't know... at the same time?" he asked, surprised. He had sorta assumed they all worked it out together. But now both James and Peter were looking at Sirius.

"I've known for certain since the end of our first year," Sirius said quietly. "But I guessed it last winter."

Remus pulled away from him, staring in disbelief. " _What_?"

Sirius's grey eyes focused on Remus. "I realized _something_ was going on pretty much from the get go. I suspected there was something you weren't telling us. For a while I thought it's what I mentioned to you before. That it was a deadly illness you had, that you were going to die."

Remus started to say something but Sirius just kept talking, not letting him speak. "Then over winter I figured out you were disappearing pretty much once a month. You claimed to be sick on other days, but you _looked_ ill only once a month. Regardless of whether you said it was you or your mother. Then after the Easter holidays James told us he met your mother and she looked really healthy; he said it because he hoped that meant you'd be on the upswing too. Eventually I started pressing you about it. I—I'm sorry for doing that too, I shouldn't have."

Suddenly Sirius smiled. "When you got that fake silver necklace it really threw me for a loop."

Remus blinked then sorta smiled back. "I—I w-w-was worried you were su—suspecting, so I had, er, someone send that to me. But..." He trailed off, biting his lip, looking down. "I was worried you still suspected."

"I did," Sirius admitted. "I figured out the silver was fake, and that's what helped me figure it out. It just seemed kinda weird to me. Why would you do something like that? I kinda worked out it was to throw me off the scent."

Remus flushed a little, feeling a bit stupid. That was an aspect of the whole thing he hadn't anticipated. "How come you d-didn't say anyth—thing sooner?"

Sirius adjusted his sitting position, hand still on Remus's back. "I wanted to be _sure_ -sure. I... was pretty much sure, but I kept putting it off because what if you weren't? I guess I was scared—not—not of you, I mean, but it's a pretty... big thing. Thinking someone's a werewolf. Especially you, since you're so—well, I kept telling myself, let's wait one more full moon to see if that's when he disappears. Then I wanted to wait till after summer because I did not want to do it in a letter, and I didn't want to tell those two about it in a letter, I wanted to wait to be like 'look he's going to disappear on this date and come back on this date'."

 _Since I'm so what_? Remus wondered, but asked, "You told them?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. I was going to tell James in September but you two were fighting, so I waited until after you guys made up. Well, I mean, I sorta told him before. I told him about a week before that I thought I knew what you had, and that you'd get sick around the twenty-second. Which you did, though you insisted your mother was sick. James asked me, while you were gone, what you had and I told him I'd tell him later, which I did. After the make up."

"If you kn—knew then wh-why did you guys get so... freaked out when I was sick?" He was mostly asking James.

"Sirius didn't tell me what you had," he explained. "Just that you'd get sick. It still scared me."

"And—and Peter?" Remus asked. It was hard to talk, it felt like slogging through molasses, his entire body felt heavy. Everything pressed down on him and he wanted to just _scream_ not talk!

Sirius shrugged. "I decided not to tell Pete until this time around. Which was also when I showed them the evidence."

"Evidence? Me b—being sick during the—the moon?" he stammered out.

"Sorta... I mean, that could really be some super screwed up coincidence I guess," Sirius said. "No, I mean _evidence._ We used his cloak. Saturday night." Suddenly Remus was utterly terrified they'd say they were in the passage under the Whomping Willow but instead Sirius went on with, "To break into the hospital wing, to your little room. Where you weren't. We asked Pomfrey on Sunday if you were there and she insisted you were. But you hadn't been."

Remus tried to wrap his head around the fact Sirius had known for so long. His fears back towards the end of his first year had been right.

He should have realized though. All the hints were there. He _should_ have figured out that Sirius did know, but he hadn't, he had just... pretended otherwise, there was no other way of saying it. He denied the evidence and pretended it didn't exist, and now this happened because he was so damn STUPID.

"So... all th—this time... you've known..." Remus's throat swelled shut. "You... l-lied to me. You pretended."

Sirius's silver eyes locked onto his. "How is that any different from what you did?"

Remus looked away, heat creeping across his face. "I d—don't understand," he said, fingers twitching, wanting to shred more paper. He began tugging at the bottom of his sweatshirt instead. "If you—you knew then wh-why did you—did you—"

"Did I what?" Sirius asked, tilting his head to one side.

"You n-never acted like—like you hated me! Like you thought I was... a-a-a—a..." He swallowed and closed his eyes. "You know."

"A werewolf?"

"A monster," he whispered, shrinking into himself. "A monster. I'm—I'm a monster!"

There was silence. Then Sirius moved his hand from Remus's back to his shoulder, squeezing. "Because you're not?"

Remus's eyes fluttered open. What?

"What?" he asked, confused.

"I never... thought of you like that, if that's what you're thinking," Sirius said softly. "I was a little scared when I realized but why would I think _that_?"

Remus gaped at him, feeling the numbness coming back.

"I was the same, when Sirius told me," James said. "Like, I was really surprised cause I had no idea but I never thought of you being a _monster_. I mean come on, that's completely ridiculous. You're like, the least monster-y out of all of us."

Peter was nodding. "I was, um, I was scared and—umm, well kinda still am—" Sirius shot him a dark look which Peter ignored, "—but you're definitely not a monster. At all."

Remus looked at them, at their open, honest faces. Their words slowly sank into him. They didn't...

They—

They didn't see him like—

That didn't make any sense though?

At all.

He wasn't seen as—?

He looked at their faces once more, gave a sort of wheezing sound, then promptly burst into a fresh wave of tears as his brain more or less broke due to their reassurance, and he couldn't process anything anymore so tears was pretty much the only available route to go. He couldn't fathom their responses in any way, and slowly wrapped himself around the idea they were just saying it to say it. They couldn't mean it. Or maybe—maybe they didn't understand exactly what a werewolf _was_?

He sniffled loudly, wiping his snotty nose off on his sleeve. _That's it_ , he thought, trying in some shaky breaths of air. _They have no idea what a werewolf is_. Maybe they just thought... he turned into a wolf but wasn't dangerous.

He considered just leaving it as is. Going away and letting them continue to think that way until they were educated by a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It'd be the safest thing. After all, if he told them the truth which they OBVIOUSLY didn't understand then they'd completely freak out. Possibly try to kill him. But he figured he'd still be able to escape before they summoned the Ministry, and he _wanted_ them to know. He felt... rather uncomfortable by the idea they knew he was a werewolf without even knowing what a werewolf apparently was!

He rubbed his eyes off with a patch of clean sleeve, then tried to prepare himself for talking about his deepest, darkest secret that wasn't supposed to ever be talked about.


	41. Chapter Forty-One - "You're Our Friend."

"I d-d—don't th-think you understand."

It was so hard to say those words, to get them out. Remus didn't want to tell them. But he also felt like had had to. It hurt to know they were treating him so kindly because of their own stupidity and misunderstanding. Perhaps he shouldn't, but he had to.

"Understand what?" James asked.

"This." Remus propped himself up a bit better, debating whether or not to move away from Sirius. "Me—a... a..." He sucked in air, feeling dizzy. "What I am."

"A werewolf?" Sirius asked, sounding a little confused.

It was still agony to hear that word spoke so casually by them. He had gotten used to his parents saying it, gotten used to some of the teachers, and of course Pomfrey and Miss Fawley. But hearing _these_ three say it, to use it so—so _casually_! He rubbed the side of his nose. All he wanted was to curl up under his bed and sleep for weeks. He felt as though he could. "Yes," he said, nausea growing stronger. "You d—don't s-seem to—to underst—stand."

"We understand," James said.

Remus grit his teeth. "No you d-d-don't!" he snapped, which surprised all of them. "You cl—c-clearly don't, bec—cause if you did you'd know wh—why I asked ab—b—bout the Ministry!"

"I know the Ministry doesn't like werewolves," James said rather stubbornly.

"Most people don't," added Peter.

Remus balled his hands into fists, feeling so hollow inside. "It's m-m-more than th—that, more than j-just 'doesn't like'!" He shook his head then bent forward, looking down at his hands. There was a smear of chocolate on his right hand. "So—society _hates_ us. S-S-Sirius you sh—should at l—least know how b—bad it is!"

"Me?" Sirius looked puzzled. "Why me?"

"Because—because of your ff-family!"

"What do they have to do with anything?" he asked, eyes narrowing. Remus fell silent. Did Sirius... not know? He assumed Sirius had at least known! "Remus, what in Merlin's name does my family have to do with this?" Sirius demanded.

Remus gulped, looking down again. "Elara B—Black," he whispered.

"Who? Elara? That name sounds fa—oh. Aunt Elara?" Sirius glanced at the other two who were very confused. "My father's sister. She—she died when I was a little kid. What the hell does she have to do with anything? How do you even know her name?" He sounded angry now, rather hurt.

Remus didn't want to tell him. Regretted bringing it up. "All I'm s—saying is that—"

"No, what you're going to say is what my father's sister has to do with any of this," Sirius interrupted.

Remus began twisting the hem of his shirt around his fingers. "She w—was... she—" He wasn't sure how to say it, how to explain. "She attacked a—a witch. The... witch's sister... w-was a werewolf and—and protected her, and—and killed. Your, um, aunt. The B-Black family made s-sure she—the, er, werewolf—w-was... um... p-punished." He let out a tiny breath and closed his eyes. "Executed."

The room was silent for several seconds. Remus wondered what Sirius would say.

"Oh... I didn't know that. I won't lie, I knew my family hates werewolves but I mean, they hate everyone that's not a pureblood witch or wizard. How did you kn—wait, it wasn't someone you knew, was it? The—the werewolf?"

Remus quickly looked up, shaking his head. "N-n-n-no," he stammered out. "I only f—found out about it l—last year. I, um, met the witch. The sister to the werewolf."

"Bloody hell." Sirius pushed his fingers through his hair. "I guess it's stupid to apologize over something like that but I sorta feel I should... I never knew her, I was very little when she died. I knew... my cousin Bellatrix was fond of her, so I just figured Aunt Elara was always..." He twirled his finger in a circle around his temple, making a cuckoo sort of whistle. "So, you were told this story about my family and didn't hate me? Or—or was that around the time you tried to avoid us? In October?"

"N—no, it was after we be—became friends," Remus admitted. "And why would I hate you? It wasn't you. I've s-said before, you're nnn-not your family."

"Well, why would I hate you because you're a werewolf?" Sirius snapped right back.

Remus scowled at that, ducking his head. "B-b-because having f-family th—that does awful stuff is v-v-very d—different than being awful!"

"You? Awful?" Peter finally broke into the conversation. He and James had been quiet during the exchange between Sirius and Remus, but this was apparently too much. "How are you awful?"

"Yeah, why would we think you're a monster?" James said, folding his arms.

Remus tugged harder at his shirt. "Th—that's what I am t-t-trying to explain that—that—you don't understand! I am a monster. I—" He stopped then struggled to get to his feet, stumbling over to his trunk where he kept all his books. He weakly pawed through them until he found _Fantastic Beasts_. "This—this is me!" He flipped through then brandished the werewolf page. There was a very realistic drawing of a werewolf creeping along the top of a hill under a full moon. "Five-X! W—with dragons and—and giant spiders and b-b-basilisks!"

James took the book from his hand, snapping it shut. "That's not what I see in front of me."

Remus glared, swaying a bit. "It d-d-doesn't matter, it's what I _am_! I'm c—classified as a beast! The M-M-Ministry views me as a—a _beast_! Wh-when I was so af-f-fraid of you t-telling the Ministry it was because I w-was t-trying to figure out if I had t-time to escape before they sh—showed up to take me and kill me!"

The words had the result he desired. Peter and James had open mouths, just _staring_ at him. Sirius looked uncomfortable, as if he already grasped that part of the situation or some of it.

"K... kill?" James asked.

Remus sank back down to the floor, too tired to remain standing. "Yes," he said softly, scratching at the floor. "Kill. The Ministry t-tends to execute w—werewolves who are actively around p-people. Especially kids." He gave a small wail and covered his face with his hands. "Like—like me c-coming here. I wasn't ever even s-supposed to—to come here and I shouldn't—"

"To Hogwarts?" Sirius interrupted, sounding taken aback. "You weren't supposed to come here?"

"My f—father told D-Dumbledore to t-t-take me off the list. But—Professor Dumbledore... sh—showed up at our house before our f-first year and realized what I was, and—and insisted he could make things s-safe for me to attend school." He let his hands slide down into his lap, returning to twisting his shirt into his fingers. "It t-t-took forever to c-convince my p—parents that it'd be okay."

"But _why_?" Peter asked.

Remus's temper began flaring up. "Aren't you _listening_!? I'm a _monster_! Nobody c—can know about me! I'll be killed!" He pushed himself back to a standing position, swaying. "Just because you lot are too st-stupid to understand that doesn't make it any less true!"

"Stupid?" James folded his arms. "We aren't stupid."

Remus now clutched at his hair, tugging. "Obviously you because you don't understand! You _don't_ under _stand_! The fact you had no idea why I asked a—about the Ministry p-proves you don't!"

"Remy, I had no idea why you asked about the Ministry not cause I didn't understand," Sirius said, a touch frostily, "it's because it's us. Why would we betray you? Why would we—"

"You would, if you underSTOOD!" Remus snapped back, getting really angry at their flippancy!

"Then make us understand, if you're so insistent we don't!" Sirius retorted.

"I'm _trying_!" He gave his hair one more tug then began pacing, trying his best not to collapse. "Okay, wh—what do you know about w—werewolves?"

"You turn into a wolf during the full moon," James said.

"We know that the general population despises you," Sirius added with a shrug.

"And you look super crappy right before and after the moon," Peter said, looking proud he had something to add.

Remus looked at all of them. "That's it? That's all you know?" He pinched the bridge of his nose, head pounding. He should have just started packing to leave, shouldn't have gone down this rabbit hole. But he also had the itch to educate them, to make them know. "If—if I came across any of you while a—a—during the full moon, I'd... I'd kill you. Okay? I'd—I'd rip you apart. I have no... humanity... as a wolf. I have no control, nothing. All I w-want to do is—is attack, and destroy, and hurt. That's why we—we're dangerous, we literally kill, want to kill, that is what we are! A instrument of violence and _death_!"

He gave them each a look, waiting for a response. It just wasn't the response he expected.

"You want to do that to us now?" Sirius asked.

"No! No! Of—of—of—of course not!" Remus cringed back at the very thought, at the fleeting feelings of violence he had had moments ago. "I swear, I promise I w-w-w-would never do that! Many people th—think we're animals even when we l-look human but—"

"Okay, so if you don't want to do it to us now then why are you a monster?" Sirius said, cutting him off. Remus's mouth shut. "If it's only when you turn into something else, why does that mean you're a monster?"

"And even if you do that as a wolf, it's not like you have control over it, right?" James inquired. "You said no control so...?"

"...no..." he admitted. "I d—I—I d-d-don't have any... c-control... but—"

"So, it's not you, and not your fault?" James looked at Sirius who began nodding in agreement.

"Exactly," Sirius agreed, the conversation going in entirely the wrong direction! "A monster—well, in my opinion—is someone who has control over what they do to others and choose to cause pain. If you have no... human thought... as a wolf... and no control then that's just—it's not the same thing."

"Yeah, cause like wild animals attack people but it's not like they do it on purpose," Peter said. "They don't have, um, the—the thoughts we do, the, um, brains and stuff. And the creatures that do, they don't go around hurting people on purpose."

"Like the pyrabbits!" exclaimed James. "They don't set the fires to intentionally set fires, it's just part of their... errrmm, bi—biology. Is that the right word?" he asked Remus who gave a vague nod. "It's built into them, they can't help it. That's what it's like for you, right? You don't intentionally want to attack people when you're a wolf, it's just biology. Right?"

"That—th—that—that is _not_ the point!" he squeaked, wondering how on earth the conversation had gotten completely out of hand. How could they listen to his words and then disregard them entirely? "The point is I'm—"

"You're not a monster," Sirius said, not letting Remus finish the sentence. "You're at worse a snarky little shit."

Remus folded his arms angrily, feeling it was futile to get them to understand. They were obviously refusing to accept reality.

"Stop scowling. I _know_ what the Ministry thinks, what most people think. But it's not what I think." Sirius stepped closer, putting his hands on Remus's shoulders. "I don't care what everyone else says what werewolves are because they're obviously wrong. You're not evil, or bad, or whatever you seem to think about yourself. You're—you're smart, and good, and funny."

"You're weird but not in a bad way," James said with a smile, pushing his glasses up. "You're very talented, too. You're the most talented at Hogwarts, hands down."

"And super nice," Peter added. "I mean, _really_ nice. And so helpful, I would never have gotten any of the grades I've gotten without your help."

"And a nerd, you're a total nerd, we can't forget that," Sirius said with a grin. "The nerdiest nerd."

"And brilliant, completely brilliant! Even if you do get so distracted you forget how to get dressed or walk into walls," James continued.

"And you're _really_ supportive, the most out of any of us I think! You even go to James's practices even though you hate Quidditch, and you help all of us and never seem mad about helping us," Peter said.

Sirius had kept his hands on Remus's shoulder during all this and now he squeezed. "Remus, you're our _friend._ We care about you, and none of us see you as a monster, okay? And we're not stupid for thinking that way!"

Remus felt unable to even pretend to respond; he just sorta stood there in shocked, confused silence until Sirius put his arms around him, hugging, and James and Peter scrambled over to hug him too. He finally reacted, putting shaking hands up to his face as he began crying once more. Remus was glad they were holding him because he lost sense of everything. It seemed like he was being dragged all over the place mentally and emotionally, had checked out multiple times already, and was now gone again because he couldn't understand why they would say so many nice things to him, still sorta thought that they didn't get it. Even if they chalked it up to 'biology' or 'instinct' or whatever, it didn't—didn't matter because it was still him, even if he wasn't aware it was still him...

Wasn't it?

He was adrift in a sea of bewilderment, only dimly aware of the door opening, of Spinnet crashing through the curtains, swearing, of him seeing the four Marauders standing in the middle of the room in a huddling hug, of Sirius telling him to bugger off, of Spinnet saying he didn't want to know what was going on, and then leaving. James detached himself from the huddle so he could relock the door, replace the muffling curtains.

Then Remus couldn't stand another second longer. "I'm so tired," he moaned, going back down to the ground since Sirius and Peter's arms had gone loose when James broke the hug.He literally could not think about them and their words because it was a great big burning sun of confusion in his brain. He felt like there was nothing left inside of him other than that burning sun he couldn't look at, that every little bit had been shredded into dust and blown away.

"You should rest," Sirius said, crouching down next to him, rubbing his arm. "You're never well after the—the full moon, so you should rest. We can talk about anything we need to talk about later."

"No... no..." Remus slowly swung his head back and forth. "Need to... pack."

"Pack?" Sirius's head jerked up. "For what?"

Remus didn't answer, didn't want to explain. He shouldn't have even brought it up. "Nothing. I—I should rest. You should go to supper." He wasn't even sure if it was time for supper, or if it was after. Ever since the Marauders had come back to the dorm time had ceased to exist for Remus.

"Pack for what?" James asked.

"Come on, what are you meaning?" Sirius asked, going back to rubbing his arm.

Remus moaned a little, tucking his chin down against his chest. "I... c—can't stay," he croaked out.

"What?!" all three of them shouted. James and Peter were on their knees around him too, all of them just right up in his personal space.

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked darkly. Remus just whimpered. "Remy come on, what do you mean you can't stay?"

"You—you know," he forced out. "I can't stay. I have to leave and—and—"

"But _why_?" Pete asked.

Remus sucked in some air then coughed, choking on his own spittle. He jerked away from them, flopping onto the ground. He could see himself in their eyes: a pathetic lump. "I can't stay," he repeated. "I can't, it's not safe!"

"But... don't others know?" James asked. "You said Dumbledore knows, and I'm guessing Pomfrey knows."

Remus nodded. "Yeah, and a couple others but—but that's different. They're teachers, you're not, and when my parents find out you know it's gonna be so bad, and I—it's just not _safe_. I have to go, we'll have to leave the country. It's what I tried to say earlier!" He pushed himself back into a sitting position, nearly throwing up from the movement. "I'm a hated creature, and if it gets out I'm a werewolf at Hogwarts I'll just be _executed_ and—"

"We're not gonna tell anyone!" Sirius said, quite loud; nearly a bellow. "Merlin! You really think we're going to tell anyone? I said before, why the hell would any of us betray you?! I only told James and Peter because it's _us_ , we're the Marauders!"

"I am never telling anyone, I swear," James said.

"Me either, why would we let this out?" Peter asked dolefully. "Bloody hell, we're best friends."

"More than friends," James said. "We're the Marauders. That's more than friends any day."

Sirius and Peter nodded in agreement to James's statement, and normally Remus would have agreed... but... it was different now.

"It d-d-doesn't matter!" Remus wanted them to just leave, to stop saying it'd be okay. They didn't... they couldn't... they were refusing to get it. "When my parents find out anyone knows besides the agreed to list Dumbledore insisted on, they will _flip out_! They will _not_ allow me to stay in the _country_ , much less Hogwarts!"

Sirius grabbed hold of Remus's flailing arm, holding him still. "Then why do they have to know we know?" he asked.

Remus blinked a few times, the question like a hammer to his skull. "Not... tell... my—my parents...?"

"Yeah, if they're just gonna take you away then why tell them we know?" James asked with a shrug.

Remus's eyes darted between them then down at his lap. Not tell his parents? _Not tell them_!? Three twelve year olds knowing his secret and—and _not tell them_? He started to say something, then stopped. Then opened his mouth again, then closed it.

"Look, we don't have to let _anyone_ know we know," Sirius said soothingly. "A Marauder secret. The biggest Marauder secret."

"We'll all take oaths, if that helps," suggested James.

"N... nn... no, no, no it—it's not safe, it's not s-safe!"

"Why not?" Sirius asked. "Why is Pomfrey knowing safe but not us?"

"Because you're—you're kids!" he cried out, exasperated.

To his confusion Sirius just began laughing. " _What_!? Remy—Remy, we're _your_ age!"

"Yes, but—" He hesitated, trying to figure out how to explain. "You haven't spent your whole life with this! It's... not part of you!"

"If it's part of you, it's part of us," James said without any hesitation. "Um, not in the same way obviously. Oof, I didn't mean it like that. I know it's not _part_ of us. Let me try again. _You're_ part of us. I'd die to keep your secret a secret. I swear."

Remus chewed at his bottom lip. Not tell anyone? Not let anyone know that they knew? Could he even do that?

He... had kept his friends a secret from his parents... could he also keep this a secret? Though, as long as he was able to keep them being his friends a secret he'd be able to keep them KNOWING a secret. But this was beyond having friends. This was his secret, his _secret-_ secret! He couldn't just let this slide, things continuing the way they had been... as if they didn't know...

But Sirius had known for a while and never said anything. He did tell James and Peter but that... didn't surprise Remus or even bother him. In fact, if it was _just_ Sirius who knew that might have made it worse.

"Hey." Sirius tugged Remus up to his feet. "How about this. How about you get some rest, then we can talk more later. Tomorrow morning, even. Then if you still feel like you need to leave we'll understand.

"No we won't!" James growled.

"Yeah, don't speak for _all_ of us!" Peter snapped.

Sirius glared back at them. "I think Remus just needs to rest right now. We've ambushed him with all this and look, he's barely able to stay up." Remus was swaying and if Sirius wasn't holding him he'd definitely fall. Sirius carefully guided him over to his bed. "Go back to sleep, okay? Get some rest."

Remus wanted to protest he wasn't a child, he didn't need to be treated like this. The only noise he was able to make was a whiny sort of sound as Sirius maneuvered him into bed, tucking him in like Pomfrey had on Sunday.

"We'll bring you some supper so don't worry about that, okay?"

Remus didn't respond. Sirius gave him a strange look then shut the curtains. Remus struggled to remain awake because they began talking, and he wanted to know what they had to say. Plus he had to think, had to stay up and think...

"Whaddaya mean he can leave tomorrow?" James immediately hissed out, trying to keep his voice low. They didn't know werewolves had superior hearing, didn't know Remus could hear him.

"We can't _force_ him to do anything," Sirius replied miserably. "Look, I want him to stay. I—I think he will. He's just so tired right now. He needs to sleep. I think after sleep he'll feel better."

"Or maybe he'll just run off as soon as we go down to supper?" Peter asked huffily.

"That's why I'm staying here," Sirius told him. "You guys can go eat then bring some food up for me and Remus when you come up to get your broom for practice, James. If you don't mind."

"No. I don't mind," sighed James. "I think you're right. He looked so... why do you think he lost _weight_?"

"I don't know. He's never lost weight like that before, not that I've noticed at least," said Sirius. "I'm really worried. We should have waited to talk to him tomorrow. I think all of this was too much."

"Remy wouldn't ever let it go, if he suspected we were up to something without telling him," James said. "He knew something was up."

"Why do you think he thinks he's a monster?" Peter asked, out of no where.

"Probably cause that's what most people say," James answered.

"He's right, if the Ministry found out about him he'd be..." Sirius trailed off then sucked in some air. "He'd be executed."

"But why would he be _killed_!?" Peter cried out. "He's a _human being_!"

"Not according to the Ministry," Sirius explained. "To the Ministry he's a five-X beast, a dangerous creature. Werewolves aren't supposed to be part of society. There's even a 'reservation' for some of them."

"How do you know all this?" Peter asked, a little suspiciously. Remus was wondering the same thing; it seemed Sirius knew a little more than Remus thought he did.

"Because once I figured out he was one I did a lot of research into it, and I talked to my Uncle Alphard over summer too," Sirius said. Remus felt terrified at that, but then Sirius went on to say, "I never said I _knew_ one, just said I was curious because there wasn't much info about them in _Fantastic Beasts_. Uncle Alphard told me about the reservation. There's also a list at the Ministry, for something about registered werewolves. I don't know much about that though."

"So if the Ministry finds out about him they'll register him then put him in a reservation?" Pete asked.

"I... doubt it," Sirius replied gravely. "I mean, I admit I never thought about what the Ministry might do to him. I knew it was bad I just never thought how bad... but you heard him... the Ministry kills werewolves who are around people."

"He thought we told the Ministry," Peter muttered.

"Yeah that surprised me too," Sirius said. "I thought he'd know us better than that but—I guess I didn't think it through it enough. I didn't expect him to think that at all."

Nobody spoke for several seconds and Remus nearly fell asleep then jerked awake when James spoke up. "I hope he trusts us."

"I hope he does too," said Peter.

"Me three," sighed Sirius. "But that's his choice. And if he decides he can't trust us... well, there's nothing we can do."

There were some sounds that Remus figured was them taking the curtains down, then the door opened and shut. He heard Sirius get settled in his bed, and music started playing quietly. Remus rolled over, eyes fluttering shut even though he wanted to stay awake to try and think over everything, but he was just too tired and sleep dragged him into the darkness.


	42. Chapter Forty-Two - I'm Not Sick But I'm Not Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to get an extra chapter out this week, I couldn't leave you hanging till Friday! ;) also I want to say since I know it's been on a lot of people's minds: Fawley. Remus just is not in the right state of mind right now to be thinking about that. Don't worry, he'll realize soon, he's just way too out of it to think about the fact she'd be able to see all this at the moment.

Remus didn't sleep well at all. He was plagued with nightmares and kept tossing and turning. None of the nightmares were very solid, just vague sort of feelings of terror and dread. He finally woke up with a cry of fear and hunched over, crying into his hands. He had been so stupid, so stupid! His parents were right.

"Remus?"

"I'm f—fine," he lied as the curtains opened. He wasn't even sure how long he had been asleep. He felt as though he hadn't gotten even a second of rest. "I just want to be alone right now. Please."

To his surprise Sirius nodded. "All right. If you need anything, I'm here." He shut the curtains and went back to his own bed.

Remus sniffled and then curled back up, rubbing his face against his pillow. For another moment he dwelled on his own stupidity until he fell asleep again, only to wake right back up with muffled sobs. This time Sirius didn't bother him. He buried his head underneath his pillow, trembling, wishing Sirius had left so he could leave. He should leave, he couldn't _stay_! They _knew_! He could NOT remain at Hogwarts with three students knowing what he was! It wasn't safe. It was a dangerous folly, and he needed to get out as soon as possible.

He fell back sleep then jerked awake, feeling as though it was a covered full moon. When he remained human all night he never got much sleep since it was all like this. He shifted around, pummeled his pillow weakly, turned his blanket over so it wasn't as damp from his sweat, and then fell back asleep only to wake back up a few moments later. He curled into a ball, clutching his head, wondering how he hadn't seen this coming! Had he been that blinded by his friendship? His own cockiness? He had thought Sirius suspected but then denied it. Why?

_Because he didn't treat you any different_ , he thought miserably. _You assumed if he suspected or knew he'd hate you. Why doesn't he hate you? Why don't any of them hate you?_ He truly did not understand that at all. If they had known for a long time maybe he'd get it...

Their words came flooding back into him. Their compliments, their feelings. Them insisting he was good and all the other stuff. It made his head hurt, and his heart ache. He began crying again, very quietly. _Stop crying, you need to stop crying! You're not a baby_! But he couldn't stop himself. And this time Sirius came over again, not opening the curtains but asking if he needed company. Remus told him no, he still wanted to be alone, and Sirius returned to his bed.

Remus got Gwyllgi out, clinging to him like a life preserver. He continued to sleep on and off until James and Peter came back from supper, which woke him up pretty much fully except he pretended to be asleep, not feeling like eating even though he was starving, and even though he knew he HAD to eat to regain some of the lost weight.

He heard them talking, murmuring about how worried they were, wondering what he would say when he did 'wake up'. Peter kept saying he hoped Remus wouldn't leave, James kept insisting he wouldn't, and Sirius remained silent for the most part during their exchange. Then finally James and Peter left, for James's practice. At first Remus hoped Sirius left too but after a few moments he heard the music playing again.

"Remus? Hey, you should probably eat." This time Sirius did open the curtains. He had a tray with him, a variety of food filling it up.

"Not hungry," Remus whimpered, curling into a tighter ball. "Just want to be alone." Unfortunately his stomach growled very loudly just then.

Sirius snorted and climbed onto the foot of the bed. "Come on."

Remus tried to push Gwyllgi under his pillow as casually as he could then sat up, allowing Sirius to put the tray in his lap. "I am a monster, you know," he said, glaring at Sirius, defying him to say otherwise.

Which he did. "Not in my opinion," he replied rather cheerfully. "And I don't particularly like the fact you're accusing _my_ best friend of being a monster. It's very rude." Remus grunted then began poking at the baked chicken. "You don't have to leave, you know. We won't tell anyone. And you don't have to tell anyone that we know."

"It doesn't work that way," Remus grumbled.

"So you _have_ to tell your parents everything? You can't keep secrets from them?"

Remus flushed slightly, wondering if Sirius had any idea that the Marauders were, in fact, a giant secret from his parents! "N—no. I mean—yes. No to—to the f-first, yes to the—I, I can keep secrets from them but I... can't keep _this_ to myself," he said, stirring the rice miserably. He wanted to say more but still felt too tired. Sirius seemed to realize this as he urged Remus to 'just eat' and 'we can talk later'. Remus ate the entire plate and Sirius took the tray while Remus disappeared back under the covers. The food had really helped. He felt a lot better, and was able to drift into sleep without much issue.

*

He continued to have nightmares, waking up multiple times at the slightest thing. Nobody bothered him, not even when James and Peter returned to the dorm. The only thing any of them said to him was asking if he was all right when he went to the bathroom. At around midnight when he woke up (after an extremely horrifying, gut-wrenching, body-shaking, blood-curling nightmare) the situation slammed into him like a tidal wave. He felt a scream rising up in his throat despite being wide awake, and struggled to keep it down or at least quiet. His body shook violently as realization seeped through his brain of just how much he had screwed up, and he let out a cry of terror, tears rolling down.

Sirius was at his bedside almost instantly but Remus couldn't stop panicking to tell him to go away. _It's happened, they know, it's over, I was wrong, I was_ _stupid_ , _I messed up, I completely messed up_! He began breathing rapidly making squeaking wheezy sounds. The panic had completely taken over, there was nothing but hysteria that he couldn't control.

"Remus? Remus calm down, come on, calm down!" Sirius said, looking frightened at what he found when he opened the curtains.

"No—no—no—no!"

He took in gulping breaths, trying to breath properly because he was starting to get dizzy. His voice pitched higher, and he wheezed loudly. He was being loud enough—or perhaps it had been Sirius—that the others began waking up which just made the freakout even worse. Remus began choking from the inability to breathe, clawing at his own throat, and Sirius was starting to panic too.

" _Remus_!" He grabbed Remus's arms. "Look at me! Come on, it's okay! Breathe!"

"What's going on?"

"What happened?"

Spinnet started to say something angry then realized just how bad a condition Remus was in and snapped his mouth shut.

"Is he hyperventilating?" Struthers asked.

"Call Pomfrey!" said James fearfully.

"Put his head between his legs!" suggested Peter, hopping from foot to foot.

Struthers rushed over, bumping Sirius out of the way who protested furiously. "Breathe into your hands!" Struthers commanded but Remus couldn't even really hear him that well. Everyone was watching him. His panic grew worse. Struthers took Remus's hands, shaping them into cups, putting them against his mouth.

"Let go of him!" Sirius snapped, trying to tug Struthers way.

Struthers just pushed Sirius away with one arm, keeping his other hand on Remus's hands, keeping them in their cupped position around his mouth mostly since Remus's hands were shaking so hard he couldn't keep them there himself. "Someone get a damp cloth," Struthers said in a commanding voice. Sirius realized that Struthers was trying to help and turned to get what he asked for but James had already darted out of the room. Struthers tried taking his hand away but Remus's hands jerked around so he quickly put his hands back, keeping Remus's hands cupped around his mouth for him. By the time James returned with a wet washcloth Remus's breathing had started to get a little under control. The cold dampness on his forehead helped a lot.

Slowly Struthers let go and Remus was able to keep his hands in place more or less then he finally let them drop down, breathing fairly normally now, albeit with a bit of a whimper every time he exhaled. He was still pretty shaky though.

"How did you know to do that? Fix his breathing without magic?" James asked, in slight awe.

"He was hyperventilating," Struthers said, sounding a bit awkward. "I didn't have a paper bag but I thought I remembered that you could use your own hands."

Sirius clapped Struthers on the shoulder. "Thank you," he said then turned to Remus. "You doing any better?"

Remus shook his head, some tears slipping down. He could breathe all right but it was still overwhelming; he was soaked in sweat, still felt very lightheaded, and everything was pressing down against him; his skin was scrape-y and he wanted to just scream until everything stopped. He ducked his head low, hands curled over his head, fingers digging into his scalp. He wanted to _leave_ , get away from everyone. He had to. It was for the best anyway. He also wanted to take his anger out on the other Marauders, for forcing him to have to deal with this, for forcing him into this position!

"Can't," he said, the word slipping out without him meaning to. "Can't, please—no." He didn't even know what he was saying, it was coming out unbidden. He began breathing hard again.

"Maybe you should take him to Madame Pomfrey?" Spinnet suggested in a tone that made it clear he expected the other Marauders to yell at him. "He just came back today, maybe he wasn't completely better?"

At least he wasn't calling Remus crazy. He thought if he heard that word right now he'd shatter.

"Remy, do you want to go to Pomfrey?" James asked gently.

Remus couldn't answer, he was just clutching at his head, trying his hardest to try to be _normal,_ to try to control himself, to try to stop this flood of emotions that was carrying him off into the abyss. He felt detached from reality, from his own body. It was getting worse with everyone crowding around him. And three of them knew the truth, knew what he was! He gave a hiccuping sob and nearly fell off his bed, but James managed to catch him.

"Um, I think we should," Peter said anxiously.

James helped Remus down to the common room. He tried to insist he would be fine because he didn't want to cause more problems but he couldn't form words on his own. "W—wait please," he finally managed to get out, pulling from James and falling into an armchair. Pressing his face down into the cushions helped him focus enough to speak. "Want to be—alone right now."

"I don't think you should be left alone," Sirius said, running his fingers through his hair. "You're not doing well."

_Whose fault is that_? he wanted to snap, but managed to keep quiet. It really wasn't their fault he was reacting like this. He wasn't even sure if it was his own fault. He recalled when Dedenne let loose a torrent of hate he had completely snapped and faded out of reality; he was doing it again. Was it really him? Or the wolf? Fawley had said there were loads of mental issues regular people had so maybe it was just him. He just wished if part of him checked out like this the rest of him would too. It wasn't fair to be left in reality with half his brain disappearing into nothingness.

He flinched back when Pete put a hand on his arm. "You look terrible. Please go to Pomfrey."

Remus shook his head. He wanted to go to Dumbledore, go home, go back to his mother and stay safe in her arms forever. Like he should have done in the first place. He shouldn't even be here, it was ridiculous, it was absolutely ridiculous to think a werewolf could come safely to _school_! He should never have come.

He yelped as arms went around him; Sirius scooped him right up out of the armchair without trouble. "L—let go!"

"I'll let go when we get to the hospital wing," Sirius growled. "You're not okay."

Remus wriggled, trying to get away from him but he had a pretty good grip. "Please, it's nothing that—that she can help with!"

Sirius looked down into his face, his brow wrinkled. "Remus, you haven't stopped shaking, you've gone _pale_ and grey, and you're obviously in a bad state! It's my fault this is happening and I'm not just going to sit back and let you work yourself into another fit!" His voice then dropped to a soft tone. "Please, let me take you to Pomfrey."

"F—fine but I can walk."

Sirius set him down though he did need help walking, which was quite embarrassing. They left the common room, carefully heading down the hallway, their slippers shuffling along the stone floor. They were all in pajamas except for Remus who had never changed out of the clothes he had been wearing when he went to the Hogsmeade house on Saturday. Sirius kept his arm firmly around his waist as they went, keeping him upright the multiple times his legs gave out or he tripped. Everything was beginning to feel foggy. His head pulsated and he forced back bile.

_What do I_ _do_? he wondered with each painful step. His head grew worse as he tried to think so he gave up for the time being. Then the next thing he knew he was on James's back and they were on the fourth floor. "What... happened?"

"You collapsed," Peter said.

"Oh." He didn't remember, didn't remember being on the _verge_ of passing out. He had just... collapsed right there in front of them. How much more could he humiliate himself? "I can walk.'"

Sirius let out a laugh that had no amusement in it. "I don't bloody well think so."

"Please, put... James, put me down."

"Why, so you can collapse again?" James asked.

Remus scowled but felt too foggy to really protest any further. The weight pressing against him made everything too difficult. He was having a hard time seeing, too, though that might have been due to the fact the only light they had was Peter's wand. He was having a hard time doing much of anything. His entire being felt dark and cold, and he hoped that whatever was going on would pass in time. What if he stayed like this forever? Terrified, panicked, freaking out every ten seconds? What if he was actually, properly, legitimately broken? He had felt broken for so long but what he now he truly was? He dropped his head against James's head, tightening his arms a little. James hitched him up a bit, getting a better hold.

A few minutes later they arrived at the doors to the hospital wing. Sirius pushed them open and they crept in, feeling strange to be there so late. There was a patient asleep in one of the beds so they tiptoed across the floor as quietly as they could. Sirius knocked on Pomfrey's door, trying not to be too loud but not wanting to be too quiet.

Pomfrey appeared a moment later, tying her nightrobe closed. "What in Merlin's name—? Mr. Potter? Mr.—" She stopped, seeing Remus limp on James's back. "Mr. Lupin?"

"He had a nightmare," Sirius explained. "A really bad one. He—well, I don't know what's wrong exactly."

"Bring him into my office," she said, turning on the lights.

Soon Remus was deposited in a fluffy armchair where Pomfrey began looking him over. She asked what happened and he tried not to look at his friends. "Nightmare." Then he swallowed, closing his eyes. "Bad."

Pomfrey straightened up, going over to a large cupboard, getting out potions. "What exactly happened?" Sirius, James, and Peter all shifted from foot to foot, avoiding her gaze. "I need someone to tell me."

"He had a nightmare," Sirius said, very unhelpfully.

Pomfrey made a 'tsk' sound as she poured some thick milky looking fluid into a spoon then forced the medicine into Remus's mouth and even though it tasted absolutely disgusting he obediently swallowed, shuddering.

"It was really bad," Remus managed to say as he started to suddenly feel a little calmer. "I c—couldn't... think. Hyper—hyp—hyper—"

"He hyperventilated," James provided. "David Struthers had him breathe into his own hands to help him and it seemed to work, but then he was shaking bad—Remy, not Struthers—and was crying and since he just got out of here a few hours ago we thought it'd be a good idea to bring him back."

Remus was startled at the mention of being in the hospital wing, then wondered what he expected them to say. Did he really think they'd just say they knew he had been a wolf twenty-four hours ago?

"I'd like to speak with him privately," Pomfrey said and the other three left without any protest. "Remus?" She knelt down in front of him, looking into his face. "What happened?"

This would be the perfect time to admit the truth, admit that they had found out. She'd get Dumbledore and he'd fix everything. Instead he said, "It w-was a nightmare. Really bad. I—I dreamed the Ministry f—found out and—and executed me." It was extremely difficult to talk, and his throat tightened, preventing him from saying more lies. _Why did I do that? I should have told her_.

"You've gone into shock," she explained, hand touching his forehead. "Not as bad as it could be but quite dangerous considering the state you were in when you left the hospital wing. I shouldn't have let you go back."

Remus wanted to laugh at that, wondering how he would have reacted if all of this came out in the morning after he had had rest? He probably would have been better able to get through, fob off their accusations. Then he realized he was laughing, judging from Pomfrey's very concerned expression. He gave a hiccup and closed his mouth, fighting off the urge to now vomit.

She gave him some more medicine then handed him pajamas. He just clutched the fabric helplessly until she helped him get undressed. He was just in his underwear when someone knocked at the door. It was Professor McGonagall. Pomfrey told her to hold a moment then quickly got the pajamas onto Remus. Then she opened the door.

"Mr. Lupin's not doing well," she said, helping Remus out of her office. She glanced at the other Marauders then back at McGonagall who was eyeing Remus with some surprise. It seemed she had not expected him to actually be in distress. Apparently Filch had seen the four Marauders 'creeping' into the hospital wing so he had fetched her, to make sure they got into major trouble, and she had been expecting them to be causing trouble... not one of them actually needing Pomfrey! Especially Remus!

"He'll be staying here tonight," Pomfrey said very firmly even though McGonagall could tell Remus wasn't doing well, "and I suggest he not attend classes in the morning. Perhaps not at all tomorrow."

"Very well," McGonagall said then turned to Sirius, James, and Peter. "It appears that you were telling the truth as to why you were out of bed in the middle of the night!"

"We wouldn't lie," James said and McGonagall gave a soft scoff.

"I'll take you back to the tower."

"We're not in trouble?" Peter asked as they went to the doors.

"No, you did the right thing."

"Are we going to get points awarded, then?" James inquired hopefully.

"I wouldn't go that far, Mr. Potter. Come along."

Once the doors swung shut Pomfrey got Remus into one of the beds. "I can't promise you won't have another nightmare, but one of the potions I gave you should help you sleep," she said as she repeated the diagnostic spells she had done in her office, to see if his blood pressure and other stuff had changed for the better. It seemed that they had since she gave a nod.

"Th-thank you."

She gave his head a slight pat then left him on his own. He tugged the blanket up, staring into the darkness. He felt pretty groggy, but doubted he'd be able to get to sleep any time soon. His mind was whirling too much, panic still clutching at him even though the calming potion was working decently well. At least he didn't feel as on-the-edge as he had earlier although he thought he might cry.

He wanted to think about his friends and everything they said however the only thing that went through his mind was how he could possibly have become such a blob of craziness. It wasn't fair. He didn't _think_ he was crazy, not _that_ crazy—except he certainly had acted like a complete cracked cauldron, all sense dribbling out. He wrapped his arms around himself, wishing not for the first time that he had someone he could talk to. Someone who would understand, sympathize. Not someone who would require action. He couldn't tell his parents, couldn't tell Dumbledore, couldn't tell McGonagall, couldn't tell Fawley! He _should_. But then they'd know the Marauders knew and everything would go wrong.

His secret, known to three second years. His friends, yes. The Marauders, yes. But... he had to tell someone...

Right?

He rolled over onto his other side, yanking one of the pillows close, burying his face against the cool pillowcase. _But what if the adults don't know_? whispered a voice deep down in his mind. _What if you stay here... and your friends know... and nobody knows that they know...?_

Remus closed his eyes tightly, wanting to shut his ears to that temptation. It was wrong.

_It was wrong_!

And not safe at all.

Remus curled into a ball, shutting his eyes tightly until lights danced on the inside of his eyelids and then there was a brief stab of fear involving Fawley but he couldn't focus, couldn't think about what it might be. It felt like something small and lost in deep water, so he let it go and drifted into sleep.


	43. Chapter Forty-Three - Decisions, Decisions

Remus woke up with a start, blinking in confusion at the white walls and pale grey curtains around him. He frowned then settled back, rubbing his forehead. _Hospital wing_ , he reminded himself. It was the main room, not the little room he was usually in. He lay still for a few minutes as the previous night swept over him. It almost felt like a physical pull at his limbs and heart.

He took in a deep breath—slowly—then let it out. In. Out. _Stay calm_ , he thought. _It's going to be all right_. He didn't believe his own thoughts, as hard as he tried. But he couldn't go back to what he was like last night. _Ohhh_! He slid down in the bed, covering his face, burning with embarrassment over what his friends had witnessed. He had felt shame the previous night but not as bad as this!

"Mr. Lupin?" He jerked upright as Madame Pomfrey came over with a breakfast tray, pushing back the curtain. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Better," he said, shifting himself into a better position as she set the tray in his lap. It smelled amazing.

"You look a lot better. Actually, you look quite flushed." She did a quick temperature spell, but of course he didn't have one, he was just embarrassed!

Remus ducked his head, trying not to blush even more as he took the fork and knife. "Thank you f-for everything, Madame Pomfrey. I really appreciate it. I—I'm sorry I woke you up in the middle of the night."

"It's fine, that is precisely why I'm here," she said, tucking her wand away. "I only regret I let you leave yesterday. I thought you would be all right."

Remus just shrugged, scooping up a big bite of eggs. "I would have been if—" He stopped then put the eggs in his mouth, giving him some time to focus on lying. "If I hadn't had the—the nightmare," he finished, keeping his eyes on the food so she wouldn't possibly notice any deception. _Why are you not telling her_? he wondered, getting some bacon. _You need to tell her, tell someone. They can't know, you can't stay_.

Then the defiant voice from just before he had gone to sleep before: _Why not_?

He swallowed rather heavily.

"I'll come back in to check on you once you're done eating." With that Pomfrey went to take care of the other patient in the room, a much older student who had a zigzag pattern of bright blue rashes all over her face and arms.

Remus tried to eat at a decent pace but pretty much shoved everything into his mouth. He was so _hungry_! He had barely eaten anything the day before, and he needed to eat a lot more to make up for what he lost during the final phase of the moon, all the energy and weight he had burned off his already frail body.

Pomfrey fetched him seconds which he ate every bite of, then a third helping which he only just barely managed to finish. Then she checked him over, pleased all the numbers seemed to be at a good level except his heart rate was a little higher than normal.

"You won't be going to class until afternoon," she said.

Remus started to argue then stopped. He wanted to go to Charms since that wouldn't be for a few hours, then thought it might be better if he did rest. And spend time away from the others... "I missed so many classes already," he finally said, knowing Pomfrey would get suspicious if he didn't protest at all, and might take that as a sign he shouldn't go to the afternoon classes.

She reiterated the need for him to rest, and finally Remus gave a meek agreement. After she disappeared into her office he swung his legs out of bed, finding slippers waiting for him by his bedside thankfully. He went to the bathroom and when he returned he found three very concerned Marauders waiting for him.

"Remus!" Peter said brightly, the first to spot him exiting the bathroom.

"Oh, thank Merlin!" Sirius's face flooded with relief and he actually ran over, hugging Remus. "I thought—we were worried—you weren't—"

Remus was unable to hug back, still extremely confused as to why he was being hugged when they knew what he was. So he just sort of stood there stiffly with Sirius's arms around him. "I haven't left... yet."

Sirius's face darkened, James scowled, and Peter pouted at the 'yet'. Remus had to endure hugs from James and Peter too before they let him get back into bed. As soon as he was settled in the others dumped stuff on top of him. There was a giant card and three wrapped presents which were obviously sweets. Remus blinked at this then up at his grinning friends.

"Read the card!" Peter urged.

Remus picked up the card, startled at how heavy it was. On the front were drawings that represented the four of them. A broom for James, camera for Pete, what looked like a paintbrush for Sirius, and in the middle of the three drawings was a book that was entitled 'A History Of Nerds' by Jirius. Remus sniffled, determined not to cry again and it was put to the test as he opened the card, revealing why it was so heavy. Inside were several photographs. Of Remus, with his friends, and written under each one was something really kind. There was one of James giving Remus a piggyback ride, both mugging for the camera, and underneath was 'I'll carry you whenever you need it!'. There was one of Remus and Peter smushed cheek to cheek with big grins as Peter had taken the picture himself, and underneath 'You always make me smile!'. There was one of Sirius and Remus both covered with webbing from when they had been practicing the spiderweb spell at the end of their first year, captioned 'I'll stick with you through thick and thin'. There were twelve photos total, six stuck on each side. He could feel there was something on the back so he flipped it over and saw a very recent picture of the three of them. They were in their pajamas and it was obviously taken either the previous night or that morning. They were all giving double thumbs up except Peter who only gave one thumbs up as his other arm was stretched out to take the photo. _We're your friends no matter what!_ was written underneath.

Remus set the card down and bent forward, covering his face as the tears came.

"Told you he'd cry," James said rather smugly. Then, "Oof!" as Sirius elbowed him.

_I don't deserve this_! he wanted to say. _This is all wrong_!

"Open the presents!" Peter said, bouncing now.

Remus lowered his shaky hands to rip the paper off. A packet of cauldron cakes, a bag of frothy fish, and then he gave a tiny gasp at the final prezzie: a mini box of double fudge chocoballs. His favorite. His absolute favorite.

"You like it all?" James asked.

Remus swallowed, trying to force his emotions back. "Y—yes. Thank you. Y-you shouldn't have." _You really, really shouldn't have_!

Sirius sat on the edge of Remus's bed. "We wanted to make it clear that you're our friend," he said firmly, eyes boring into Remus. "Very clear. And we also wanted to apologize for—for hurting you."

Remus bowed his head to avoid his eyes, plucking at a bit of the shiny red wrapping paper. "I don't..." But he trailed off as he wasn't entirely sure exactly what he wanted to say. "We c-can't talk too freely here," he finally settled on, eyes darting towards the other patient who was sitting up in her bed, reading, occasionally casting jealous looks at the sweets on Remus's lap.

"No, no," Sirius agreed, patting Remus's arm. "No intention of doing that!"

"We'll talk later," said James. "Right?"

Remus bit his lip and pulled off little shreds of paper now. "Um. M—maybe..."

But before any of them could argue further, someone burst into the hospital wing. "REMUS!"

They all jumped, staring as Lily ran across the floor, face quite pale.

"Oh, God! You are here!" she gasped out, coming to a halt next to his bed. "Spinnet asked me how you were doing and I—I had no idea what he meant and I said I wasn't sure since you were still here and he said no, you came back to the dorms last night but then had to return here in the middle of the night!"

"Wanna turn the volume down a little, Red?" James demanded. "Pomfrey won't—"

It was too late. Pomfrey was coming into the room to find the source of the noise and immediately puffed up like a toad. "Absolutely not!" she said, seeing Remus had four visitors. "He needs his rest! He may have _one_ visitor right now." All four of his friends began protesting at how unfair that was until Pomfrey said, "If you continue arguing then he shall have no visitors!"

"I'll stay," Sirius said.

Remus started a little bit, knowing if Sirius stayed it would mean tiptoeing around the Subject and he didn't want to. "Um, c—could Lily stay?" he asked quietly, trying to ignore how _injured_ Sirius looked. "You and I have a l-lot to t-t-t—talk about and I _do_ need to... not... stress too much right now." He gave Sirius what he hoped was an apologetic enough expression.

Sirius frowned but nodded, sliding off his bed. "Yeah, guess so. Will you be coming to Charms?"

"No he will not," Pomfrey snapped. "Nor will he be likely to be in your afternoon classes unless he rests."

After grumbles and harumphes and gentle pats to Remus's shoulders the Marauders left, and Lily pulled one of the visitors' chairs over to the side of Remus's bed, taking a seat. Pomfrey gave her a smile, quite pleased it was her who stayed and not the troublemakers. She shut the curtains around Remus's bed and left them alone.

"What happened?" Lily asked quietly, reaching over to take Remus's hand.

He tried to resist the urge to yank his hand away. He did _not_ like contact right now, it made him feel itchy and miserable and uncomfortable; however it wasn't her fault, she wasn't involved at all in what happened, so he just grit his teeth to bear her fingers around his as he explained he had been let out of the hospital late yesterday afternoon, and he had gone to his dorm to rest until he had some awful nightmares in the middle of the night that sent him into shock. "James, Sirius, and Peter brought me down here, and Madame Pomfrey told me I needed to stay," he finished.

"Oh, Remus!" She squeezed his hand which physically hurt him, made his skin _crawl_ and his soul wriggle with discomfort. "I'm so sorry. It must have been an awful nightmare to send you in—" She stopped, straightening up a little. "You look thinner."

"Um, y-yeah, I lost a few pounds over the weekend when I was here," he mumbled, wanting his hand free so he could go back to tearing up bits of paper.

"And Pomfrey let you leave?" Her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

He gave a helpless shrug. "I was doing better. She thought it would be fine."

"Hmph. Well." She tossed one of her short braids over her shoulder and gave him a fierce look. "You better get rest!"

"I will," he promised with a small smile. "That's sorta why I'd rather you visit right now than them."

She gave a small nod, settling back in the chair, _finally_ pulling her hand from his which sent a cool relief through his body. "I'm glad they were able to get you down here though. I heard rumors Filch caught some students out of bed but no major points had been removed from any of the houses."

They talked for a bit more, Lily telling him about the lessons he had missed on Monday and Tuesday, promising to bring copies of her notes to him as soon as she could as well as notes from today's Charms class. Shortly after she left so Remus could try to relax, which wasn't the easiest. He kept changing positions, rolling over, plumping his pillow up, kicking the blanket off, pulling the blanket back on.

_I'm going to talk to them first_ , he decided eventually, picking up the card they made so he could look at the photos and nice words again. _Then I'll tell Dumbledore_. Though that thought didn't feel too pleasant, or even solid. It seemed more vague. Something he _should_ do... but... kinda didn't want to. _I can't trust them though, they don't..._

_But am I sure I can't trust them? Is it so different from the adults knowing? I don't trust Slughorn, but he knows. Dumbledore trusts him. But Dumbledore would never trust the other Marauders! He's always urging caution..._

Remus chewed at his fingernails anxiously, trying to sort through the thoughts whizzing around his head.

_Sirius knew for a while and nothing happened. James knew for a month and nothing happened. Peter knew for a few days and nothing happened... But... that's different from what_ could _happen, maybe they'd let it slip next year, next month, tomorrow!_

No, no. He had to do the safe thing, the practical thing. Had to tell. Had to leave.

But—he didn't _want_ to!

He didn't _want_ to leave school! He loved school! And he didn't want to leave his friends.

Remus looked at the picture on the back of the card, at their smiles and thumbs up. _We're your friends no matter what!_ It wouldn't be true once they realized—if he managed to explain to them how dangerous...

But...

Remus groaned and put the card on the bedside table along with the sweets then yanked the blanket over his head, wishing he could take some dreamless sleep potion to escape this for a while!

*

After Remus ate lunch, Pomfrey did several diagnostic spells again then inquired how he was doing. He didn't know how to answer, since he wasn't sure how he felt. He told her this, so she decided to keep him in the hospital wing for the remainder of the afternoon. He'd be missing his afternoon classes... which he didn't want to do. Missing one class was one thing, but all of them? He had missed too much already, and this time when he argued with her he really meant it.

Pomfrey put her foot down. "Absolutely not, you need some more rest. I'm not entirely sure _what_ went on to cause you such distress but I won't allow the risk! You may leave after supper."

He glowered as she left, and sulked for a while. The blue-rashed girl spoke up, saying he should be glad for getting a break from classes. He didn't respond as he knew whatever he said would probably be tart. He just mumbled incoherently instead, and took one of the magazines from the table. _Witch Weekly_. It wasn't too interesting, but it gave him some reading material. Perhaps Pomfrey would lend him something to read because he was now very _bored_! No, not quite _bored_ ; more of he wanted a distraction. He wanted to put off dwelling any more on the situation until after he talked to his friends again, after he tried to make it clear to him how much of a monster he was, why it wasn't safe for him to stay.

Five minutes later he put the magazine down and went to Pomfrey's office, knocking at the door. "Can I rest in my dorm?" he asked as soon as the door opened.

She pursed her lips. "No, Mr. Lupin! That is what you did yesterday and look what happened. Go back to bed."

"Can I at least have a book? I've n-nothing to do, since I d—didn't bring anything with me."

Pomfrey disappeared and returned with something for him to read. He went back to his bed, disappearing into the medical tome for a while. Eventually, though, he set it aside since he began to grow jittery and nervous. The rest of the afternoon went on like that until after Transfiguration when Lily showed up again with the promised notes.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked her after shuffling through the notes, wanting some advice with no idea how to explain without going into the details he couldn't go into. "If—if something... if you had to choose be—between... Um, the—the thing is... I'm—school..." Then he stopped, giving up trying to figure out words.

Lily scooted her chair closer. "What's going on?"

Remus floundered a bit, knowing of course his strange stammering would make her curious. It had been a mistake to even bring it up. "I'm just... having a lot of—of trouble right now," he finally decided on, tugging at the sleeve of his pajama top. "I think I'm getting worse."

"Worse?"

He averted his gaze from hers. "I don't know. I—" He paused, then plunged in. "I'm thinking about going home."

Lily jerked, startled. " _What_? You mean... leave Hogwarts?!" He nodded. "But—why? Are you that bad? Aren't you doing all right under Madame Pomfrey's care? I don't understand..." To his surprise her eyes got a little watery. "You're not really considering dropping out, are you? You haven't—what do you mean worse? What about your education? I thought you loved learning!"

"I d-d-do!" It was both nice yet disconcerting how upset she was over the thought of him leaving, and perhaps he shouldn't have said anything but it felt good to at least talk about it with someone besides the Marauders even if he couldn't explain the circumstances fully. "I haven't... decided..."

"Is it because you had to come back here so quickly after you got out?" she asked, tilting her head.

"Um, partly, yeah," he agreed. "I don't want to be—" He stopped quickly, flushing a little pink. He almost said he didn't want to be a burden to his friends! Which he hadn't even considered until it nearly slipped out. It would be a terrible burden on them!

"Don't want to be what?" she asked, since he remained silent for several long seconds.

"I dunno. I'm just—just thinking about... about things," he muttered, plucking at the blanket now. "I don't w-want to leave. Of course I don't. But I'm worried if I stay..."

Lily put her hand on his. He hoped spending the afternoon and most the morning alone would make him feel easier with contact but the discomfort shot right back into his body. "I hope you don't go. You seem to be... pretty... good. I know I can only judge on what I _see_ and have no idea how you're doing on the inside. But haven't things been going well for you for the most part? Except last night?"

"Yes. It's—I know. As I said, I'm not sure. I probably shouldn't have said anything to you but..."

"I'm glad you did," she said gently. "If you need anything, I'm here for you, okay?"

He forced himself to twist his hand around so he could squeeze her hand like she had done for him earlier. "I know. Thank you. I—I'm glad we're friends."

Her eyes shone a little then she turned her head away, rather pink herself.

*

The Marauders didn't come in again at all before Pomfrey let Remus leave after supper. He was both relieved and disappointed, hoping they had decided he wasn't safe to be around. But when he walked into the common room he found Peter waiting for him.

"You're back!" he said cheerfully then grabbed his arm. "Come on! We've got something for you!"

"Wh—what?" he squeaked as Pete dragged him up the stairs and into the dorm where he found a huge banner stretching across the room. **Welcome Back Remy!** Well. Not really banner. More like one of their bedsheets painted.

"You're back!" James exclaimed, just as happily as Peter had a moment ago.

"Welcome back," Sirius said with a smile.

Remus's lips twitched a little then he forced himself to frown. "Why did you do this?"

James rolled his eyes, sounding exasperated when he asked, "Why do you _think_?"

Sirius stepped forward. "As I said this morning, we all feel very bad for hurting you and we—"

"We should put the curtains up before we talk anymore," James pointed out.

Sirius pulled a face. "I wasn't gonna say anything like _that_!"

The three of them got down James and Peter's bed curtains, putting them back up over the locked door. Remus had to admit it was an extremely clever way of muffling the door!

"Okay." Sirius cleared his throat. "We all feel very bad for hurting you and we wanted to try to show you how much we care about you, and don't care about—about, er..."

"The You Know What," Peter said with a nod.

James bounced over, throwing an arm around Remus. "We spent the afternoon in the library, actually! Reading about... You Know Whats. Reading more, I should say; Siri and I—"

"Don't call me that," Sirius grumbled.

"—did some last month but we did some more, with Pete too," James continued, ignoring Sirius. "We thought maybe if you knew we did more research it might make you feel a little better?"

Remus's eyes darted from Marauder to Marauder then down at his feet. "I... do appreciate you doing some... looking into it, and I hope that you understand more why I—"

" _Anyway_ ," James cut him off, flapping his hand dismissively, "nothing we found convinced us to change our minds about you. That's what you were gonna say, isn't it? That you hoped we see you as a monster now?"

Remus pressed his lips thin, aggravated over how right James was. "No," he lied.

James raised his eyebrows, smirking. "Mmhmm"

Peter edged closer to Remus's other side. "There was a lot of horrible things in some of the books we read."

"Because wer—" Remus hesitated; even though they knew, saying the word so publicly seemed so wrong!! "Because we are horrible," he settled on.

"Don't think that's true," Peter said, lifting his chin. "I may be stupid but I'm not that stupid."

"You're not stupid," Remus replied automatically. "Er—except in this case! In this case you're all stupid."

"Fine!" Sirius snapped which caused everyone to jump. "We're stupid. Happy now? Doesn't make our feelings towards you any less, does it?" Remus whimpered a little, completely not expecting that response. He tried to say something but Sirius just continued talking. "Can't you accept the fact that knowing you're a werewolf doesn't change—er, doesn't make us dislike you in any way? I was going to say it doesn't change our feelings for you but that's not true cause ever since I found out I've definitely felt more worried and concerned."

"It should change though!" Remus argued, face heating up, hands curling into fists. "You should hate me! Th-that's the—the point!"

Sirius folded his arms. "No."

Remus reeled back, eyebrows raising. "You—I—the—what?"

"I said no I _shouldn't_ hate you. And I don't. I won't." He crossed the space between them, hands on Remus's shoulders. "What's so bad about us caring about you?"

Remus stared into his face for a few seconds then ripped away with him. Anger was bubbling up inside of him, and it spilled over. "D'you know what I was doing Saturday night?" he asked, words sharp with fury. "I was slashing apart my own body! I woke up soaked in blood with my own flesh scattered across the room, unable to walk because I didn't have a _person_ around to _kill_! I want to kill so bad that I destroy myself, that's how violent it is!"

He wanted so bad to pull those words back. He had flung them out without even thinking, confessed to the dirty, shameful things that happened. Told them exactly what he hated anyone knowing! He put his hand to his mouth, beginning to shake again, wanting to beg them to just forget what he said.

"Oh, Remus," James said, and hugged him tightly.

"Is that true?" Peter asked.

Remus couldn't bear to look at him, look at any of them. "Yes."

"Oh." Peter thought about this for a second then put his arms around Remus too.

"I stand by what I said last night," Sirius said. "What you do as a wolf doesn't make _you_ a monster. And—even if you see yourself like that, can't you get that we don't?"

_No_. He couldn't. How could he? Because he was! He'd known as long as he could remember that's what he was. Monster. Beast. Vicious creature. Should be locked away. Didn't deserve any human rights. Didn't deserve _this_. This... acceptance. And love. He couldn't wrap his head around it in any way, shape, or form.

But... did he _have_ to accept their acceptance? Rather, could he _live_ with their acceptance? Regardless of understanding it or not, could he go through each day knowing they didn't feel any less about him for what he was? Not—not that he would be! Because he wouldn't be here at Hogwarts, he'd be long gone...

Right?

Remus wriggled then pulled loose because their touch was too overwhelming, and he went over to sit on the edge of his bed, head in hands (though thankfully not crying this time).

"Remy..."

He lifted his chin to see Sirius kneeling in front of him.

"Do you really want to leave?"

Remus turned away, suspecting that if he tried to answer he'd just have another breakdown.

"What if you stay a few more days?" James asked, as he and Pete came over. "Put off making the decision."

He considered that. Waiting, perhaps, until the weekend to make a decision. That would just be two days. Two days of... trying to get through school with them knowing... and them still wanting to be friends despite knowing...

Two days.

He _had_ agreed to one night, which he did... and survived... but two days?

Could he... do it?

He wanted to. Wanted to stay. The desire to remain at Hogwarts despite the danger took over and he slowly nodded. "A-a—all r-right," he replied quietly, knowing how perilously idiotic it was of him to do so.

The other Marauders gave whoops of joy then hugged him tightly. Remus bore their hugs without complaint, though was very glad when they let go.

"C—can I be alone though right now? I p-promise I'm not going to run off," he added when they all frowned. "I just... really... need to... be alone."

"But you were alone all day," Peter said, and James smacked him. "Ouch!"

"Yeah, if you promise not to leave?" Sirius inquired.

"I promise."

Sirius reached out to ruffle his hair then stopped, for some reason. "Okay. C'mon guys."

Peter grabbed his bag of photography stuff since he had a club meeting soon then the three of them left. Remus let a long breath as soon as the door shut then flopped backwards, hands pressing against his face again.

He grabbed Gwyllgi and a blanket, dragging them down into the safe den of under his bed. _I guess making absolutely stupid choices is a Marauders' trait after all_ , he thought, clutching his stuffed dog.

But... he didn't want to leave!


	44. Chapter Forty-Four - A Friend Worth Fighting For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten several questions regarding the pronunciation of Gwyllgi. From what I understand and can tell, it is pronounced Gwishgi. Both the Gs are the Guh type, hard like the G in "good" or "girl". And the Gi at the end rhymes with "Key". G-wish-gi. The I in Wish doesn't seem very pronounced? So maybe more like G-wsh-gi. I really hope I got that right and if I happen to have any Welsh-speaking readers PLEASE correct me if I'm wrong!  
> Okay so I've had some feedback from some Welsh speakers and am informed it's not quite a 'sh' sound but a mix between 'sh' and 'th'. Kind of a hissing?

Remus's evening went quite weird for him. He spent most his time under his bed, then moved to be on top of his bed mostly so Spinnet and Struthers wouldn't judge him (plus on the off chance he fell asleep and had a nightmare...). The other Marauders left him alone although he could tell they wanted to talk; they kept giving him _looks_ and once or twice Peter said Remus's name then mumbled 'never mind'. James stole a big piece of chocolate cake from the kitchens, giving it to Remus before retreating to his own bed.

Other thank thanking Struthers for his help during the night, Remus remained silent. He closed his curtains, working intently on homework as best he could while trying to ignore the buzzing inside of him. He was so on edge still, his skin feeling strange like he was falling from a great height—all prickly and sensitive.

At one point Remus wrote a letter to his parents, confessing that he had lied to them, telling them that his friends now knew—then he tore the parchment to shreds and since he didn't really have any better way to get rid of it without going to the bathroom he just shoved the paper in his mouth and swallowed.

Then just before he went to sleep he jerked upright with the horrifying realization that keeping this a secret was impossible.

" _Balls_!" he hissed out, throwing his blanket back, intending to wake up his friends to talk to them. He hesitated. Should he? Did it matter? He couldn't stay no matter what... he had fooled himself even considering the possibility of staying, of keeping all of this a secret... there was zero chance. He thought about it another few seconds then jammed his feet in his slippers, tiptoeing over to wake Sirius up.

"We need to talk," he said. "Privately. All four of us."

"I thought you didn't want—" Sirius started to say then stopped, nodding. "All right."

They got James and Peter then left the Gryffindor tower completely, using James's cloak to hide them as they headed to a nearby secret passage for the utmost privacy. They sat down, knees bumping together since the passage wasn't very wide, all of them lighting up their wands so they weren't in darkness.

Remus plucked at his pajama top, trying to figure out the best way to say this. "I—I... I c-c-can't stay."

" _What_!?" they all cried out.

"You said you'd give it a few days!" James said, annoyed.

Remus cringed back, holding up a shaky hand. "I know b-b-but—but I forgot something very important, and—and it means I c-can't keep the fact you know about me a secret."

"What, you _have_ to tell your parents?" Sirius asked, folding his arms.

"Why can't you keep it secret?" added Peter.

Remus slumped back, feeling quite ill. "I—the thing is, I... there is s-s-someone involved in all this that... c-can... see my memories... and will."

All three of them stared at him in disbelief. Remus ducked his head, feeling like complete _crap_. He'd have to tell them everything including the fact that all their little Marauder-y secrets were known to someone else. Guilt tore through him and he wanted to cry. He had been in such disbelief over the past thirty-two-ish hours he had simply forgotten.

"A Legilimens?" Sirius asked.

Remus's head whipped 'round. "What? How—how d-did you know? Are you one?"

Sirius gave him a wry smile. "No, but I know about them. One of my uncles knows Legilimency, and one of my cousins is a natural Occlumens."

James lifted his hands, putting them into a T position. "Time out. A what and a what?"

"Yeah, you both com _pletely_ lost me," Peter sighed.

"Legilimency is—" Remus started at the same time Sirius said, "An Occlumens—" then they both stopped and looked at each other.

"Legilimency is the magic used to—to look into someone's thoughts and memories," Remus explained when Sirius remained silent. "Occlumency is the magic to stop it." He rubbed at his temple. "L-last year Professor D—Dumbledore suggest I begin training in Occlumency. Th—that's what I do Tuesday evenings. I don't see Pomfrey, I'm training in Occlumency. And my teacher, she—she looks through my memories. I c-can't hide anything from her. She'll see, she'll know you know, and—and that's it. I was so stressed out about everything I just never even thought about it until now."

They just continued staring at him for a moment, processing this information.

"Is there any chance of her... keeping this a secret?" James asked slowly, adjusting his glasses.

Remus shook his head. "No. She's k-kept the fact I have friends a secret though has made it abundantly clear she disapproves of how close we are—"

"What do you mean having friends is a secret?" Peter asked.

He pressed his hands against his face. This was turning into _such_ a rabbit hole! "I'm not s'posed to have friends," he mumbled.

" _What_?!"

"Okay, wow, is—is there anything else you're keeping from us?" James asked.

"I'm _sorry_!" he moaned. "How was I to tell you about _this_? You d-didn't know the other part and—and they're tied together. Me being a... a-a you know, and me not supposed to have friends!"

"Is _that_ why you kept pushing us away last year?" Sirius asked with absolute clarity.

He nodded miserably. "Y-y-yes. After my parents decided I c-c-could come to Hogwarts they spent every day telling me I c-can't have friends. They're always reminding me in letters. I t-t-tried to obey them, tried not to—to be friends with you but—but I really... wanted friends. They t-told if I ever made friends that my friends would f-figure it out, and they were right."

The others were silent, absorbing this information, all of them looking upset. Then finally Peter was the first one to say anything. "If it helps technically only Sirius figured it out. I _never_ would have."

"Yeah, I'm not sure if I would have either," James added helpfully.

"You're not allowed to have friends," Sirius said blankly.

"No," he whispered, going back to tugging at the hem of his shirt.

Sirius swore loudly then got up, stalking back and forth, fury radiating off his body. Finally he stormed a little ways down the hall, muttering and kicking the wall.

"That's bollocks!" James growled then his eyes got wide. "Wait, is _that_ why you didn't come to my party? But I sent your parents an invitation too! How—how did they not know you have friends?"

Remus looked up at him. "I... I told them you probably sent the invitations out to everyone in our dorm. I told them I had n-n-no idea why you'd invite me otherwise. S-same for after the Easter holidays, when you tried t-t-talking to my mother on the platform. Somehow I c-convinced my parents you were just the sort of kid who assumes everyone is their friend even if they're not."

James frowned, looking a little disappointed at this information. Remus wanted to apologize, but it was such an awful thing he didn't know how to begin. How do you apologize to someone for telling your parents they were a total narcissist?

"I had t-t-to tell them s-something..."

James smiled. "I know, I get it. I'm not mad. Just saying, you're a good liar."

"So your parents let you come here but expected you to never make friends?" Peter asked, turning the subject back to what it was, and he sounded very frustrated.

"Yeah..."

"But _why_?!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Because as I said they thought if I made friends then those friends would figure out my secret! Look, none of this m-matters! The point is Miss Fawley is g-going to see that you know, and she won't let this slide. And—and Professor Dumbledore is probably going to erase my secret from your memory," he added, because he couldn't bear the thought of them having it sprung on them. Not that it really mattered as all of this would be taken out of their heads too.

"When I asked if you were keeping anything else from us, I think that would qualify," James groaned, head dropping into his hands.

"Erase our memories?" Peter squeaked.

"He's not erasing anything," Sirius snapped, entire body tense. He stormed back, smelling even _more_ furious somehow. This really struck him harder than it did the other two. "He tries I'm gonna break his wand."

"He defeated Grindelwald, the most powerful dark wizard, you can't just _break_ his _wand_ ," James said.

"I don't give a flying jarvey who he defeated, I am breaking his wand if he tries to erase anything in my head!" Sirius snarled. His eyes then flickered to Remus who shrank back. "So basically this Fawley lady is gonna see that we know, tell Dumbles, and Dumbles will mess up my brain?"

"Um—"

"Fawley can't know then," he went on, ignoring Remus.

"I c-c-can't hide it from her!" Remus squeaked. "I'm barely able to resist her legilimency at all! I—I'm starting to, but it's hardly—and I'm sorry, I w-wish I c-c-could but I can't!" His nose itched as he felt on the verge of more tears, finally not for himself but for Sirius who was extremely distressed and upset.

"You said she knows we're friends," James said quickly, leaning forward. "Maybe she can be convinced to keep this a secret too?"

"I—" Remus chewed at his nails nervously. "I doubt it. As I said, she's never approved of how close we are and she—" He stopped, not wanting to tell Sirius the truth. "She wouldn't keep it to herself. It's too dangerous."

"Maybe... we can convince her?" Sirius asked, running his fingers through his hair. "Go with you to your next lesson. Tell her we know. Maybe—maybe she can teach us Occlumency too, to help protect you even more."

"Yes!" James agreed, snapping his fingers. "I mean, I'd be willing to learn if it meant helping keep you safe."

"Same here," Pete said, nodding vigorously. "And then she'll see how serious we are about making sure we keep your secret."

"She—wouldn't agree," Remus finally managed to wheeze out, very taken aback that they once again took the matter at hand and went off into a completely different direction!! Who heard about all this then went, okay I'm going to learn this difficult and advanced magic too? "She wouldn't."

"We can try," Sirius said, reaching over to grab Remus's hand. "What harm can it do? Either way she'll know we know." Then, as if realizing what he was doing, he released Remus's hand, going a little pink in the dim light.

Remus did not want to tell Sirius exactly why this was a bad idea however it seemed as though he needed to. "Sirius... I d-d-didn't w-want to say anything but—but..." He took in a deep breath and pushed his hair back, fingers twitching a little. "Miss F-Fawley... does not l-like you."

Sirius blinked then sat back, tilting his head to one side. James and Peter exchanged curious looks. "Me? Specifically me?" he asked and Remus nodded. "Why?"

He looked down at his lap now. He didn't want to tell him who exactly she was in relation to him. He had told too much before, and Sirius didn't know _who_ the werewolf's sister was... and didn't think he should be the one to say. "That's her st—story, not mine. I—she just... really hates the Blacks. She's d-disapproved of you especially since the—the beginning of our friendship and has urged me not to—t-to get close..."

"That's just how it goes, isn't it?" Sirius hissed out after a few seconds. "You couldn't throw a stick into a group of magical folk without hitting someone who hates us."

"You could right now," Peter said and Sirius looked confused. "Cause then the stick would hit one of us and none of _us_ hate you. Is three considered a group?"

"It... could be," Remus said thoughtfully. "Depending on how you look at it you could potentially call two people a group?" Then he realized he was pondering over something so trivial when there were more important matters at hand and ducked his head, feeling dumb. "Er. In any case, I—I doubt Miss Fawley will take too k-kindly to you being there."

"Too bad," Sirius said, tossing his hair back. "She's gonna find out no matter what so I want to be there to argue my case. Tuesday night, you said?"

"Y—yes," Remus whispered rather helplessly.

"That gives us plenty of time to work out a good argument," he said with a nod. "Remus, since you know her you can help figure out the best way to approach her. To convince her."

Remus remembered telling her Sirius wasn't a dark wizard at all, and her flat out saying 'he will be'. "It won't work."

"We can try," James said, patting Sirius's arm though he was looking at Remus. "What do we have to lose?"

Remus felt like there should be an answer to that, but he didn't know what. He didn't foresee this outcome of explaining his Occlumency lessons to them at all! He should probably try to talk them out of it but it was late, he was still beyond exhausted, and all he wanted was some sleep, which the others readily agreed to. They returned to their dorm where Remus curled up in his bed with Gwyllgi once more, noticing only just before he fell asleep that he had gone from promising to stay only a couple more days to essentially promising to stay until at least Tuesday.

*

It felt _super_ weird to wake up and get ready for classes. It had been nearly an entire week since his last class! Plus this would be the first time being in public knowing that they knew. It wasn't until halfway through breakfast that he realized that he sorta expected them to act differently, which they didn't. All three of them acted perfectly normal. James and Sirius were rowdy, Peter egged them on, and none of them treated Remus at all different than they did the week before.

He didn't know how to take that.

Actually, panic started bubbling up inside of him and he wanted to run. _They know_. His stomach twisted and he was on the verge of at least going to the loo to vomit when Lily appeared, suddenly hugging Remus, saying how happy she was that he was looking better. She glanced at the Marauders then took Remus's hand, tugging him away from the table; they both went rather red as James and Sirius hooted and snickered at her holding his hand. What they'd normally do. It kinda made him a bit dizzy.

"Sorry," she said once they were away from the tables. They were still in the Great Hall but in a corner, so they could whisper without anyone really overhearing. "I was just curious over whether you made a decision."

For a second Remus had _no_ clue what she meant. Decision about what? Then it dawned on him. "Oh. N—no. I'm going to see how the next few days go and then, er, go from there."

Lily gave him another hug. "Okay. If you need to talk about anything I'm here for you and—and just know that I'll _really_ miss you if you leave."

Remus actually hugged her back. He still didn't appreciate contact at the moment but he could force himself to do this. "I'd miss you too," he admitted.

They returned to their seats, both ignoring all their friends amusement over them hugging so much. Remus could tell Inkwood and Colgate were both giggling furiously while Lily kept her head up, pointedly ignoring them.

"Have a nice chat with your girrrllfrrrieeend?" James teased, prodding Remus as he sat back down.

"She's n-n-not my girlfriend!" he snapped. "She was only c-concerned since I had been in the hospital again."

That put a blanket over them, and their ribaldry stopped, James even offering a sheepish apology.

In Herbology Sprout paired everyone off by taking names out of a bag and Remus ended up with Bones which wasn't too bad. At least they knew each other. Bones was a chatterbox but never seemed to mind that Remus was quiet, so he yammered on as they worked while Remus nodded and gave 'uh-huh's and 'yeah's at the right times, constantly wiping his sweaty palms off on his trousers, feeling the tingling in his spine that was urging him to _get away_ because Merlin the Marauders _knew_! Even if they were okay about it, they _knew_ , they _knew,_ they—

"I'm glad you're doing better," Bones said out of no where. Remus glanced up at him, breathing a little heavily, glad that Bones didn't seem to notice he was beginning to freak out (if he had, Remus knew it would have destroyed any chance of pretending to be okay). "Evans was real worried about you last night in study group, and you've missed three of them. Oh, here." He pulled a card out of his bag, shoving it into Remus's hand.

Remus was very surprised, and quite touched. "Th-th-thank you."

"Kyra made it too," Bones said, nodding over towards Pierce. "It's from both of us."

He made sure to thank Pierce too, after class, then opened up the card as the Gryffindors headed back to their tower for some showers. It was a fairly simple get well card, but it meant a lot to Remus.

At least the shower gave him some time to focus. He sat on the floor, hugging his knees as dirty water trickled down his body. He rocked back and forth, chewing at his bottom lip. _You can do this, you promised to do this, they're your friends, for some bizarre reason they still want to be friends_.

He cried a little bit, feeling terrified, feeling anger, feeling—feeling far too much for him to ever be able to handle. He then pressed his hand tight against his mouth and gave a muffled scream, quieted further by the sound of the shower. It helped, a little. With that he managed to calm himself down and finished washing off.

*

At lunch Silverlocke sought him out to tell him how glad he was Remus was doing better, and said he had gone by the hospital wing the previous evening but Remus had already left. He had a get well card for him too. Then Buckling said she was glad he was doing better when they happened to pass each other after he left the Great Hall. He felt very overwhelmed by so many people expressing concern over him. When he mentioned this, James threw an arm around him and asked what was so strange.

"You're a great guy," he said cheerfully. "Course people are gonna care."

He had no idea what to say to that or what to do with James's arm. He wasn't... when Lily hugged him earlier it only felt a little bad, but James's arm felt _horrible_ and he knew it was because James knew, and it was so strange that James _knew_ and was just _touching_ him like that. It bothered him physically, and mentally. James didn't seem to notice, thankfully, but did pull his arm away to smack at Sirius's arm.

Remus slowly let out a shaky breath. This was so much harder than he expected. He felt so on edge and the feeling of dread and terror hadn't diminished at all. Even with them acting normal, every time they spoke he inwardly flinched as if expecting them to say something that had to do with his curse though they never did.

 _Just a few more days_ , he reminded himself, resisting the urge to scratch at his own arms to try to get rid of the edginess. But thinking about how little time he had left at school certainly didn't help either, and he just felt absolutely miserable on top of everything else.

*

Defense Against the Dark Arts was pretty tiring; Prewett had a lot of spells he wanted everyone to practice, setting them up with training dummies. Remus considered staying after class to talk to Prewett a little bit about what he should do if he thought anyone knew his secret, try to make it seem hypothetical—but he didn't want to risk Prewett figuring it out. Fawley would discover the truth in a couple days anyway, and that'd be that.

Prewett, however, wanted to talk to Remus. He kept him after dismissing everyone else then motioned for him to sit down. He was a little concerned over hearing about Remus needing to be in the hospital wing. He didn't know the details and didn't ask about the details, merely inquired about his health. Remus muttered that he had had a very rough moon and then went into shock 'or something' shortly after his return.

"I apologize if my questions were intrusive," Prewett said once Remus finished. "It was my understanding that one of a lycanthrope's abilities includes rapid healing."

"It d-does," Remus said, still mumbling. "But it d-d-doesn't prevent incidents from happening."

"No," Prewett agreed. "I'm glad you're all right. I also wanted to ask you if you wanted to postpone your next exam?" Remus frowned, trying to remember when it was. "This Saturday," Prewett added, noticing his confusion.

Remus wanted to smack himself. "I c-c-completely forgot. Um—w-well, I, er..." He really wanted to take the exam and find out the results; if he took the test Saturday he probably could. Putting it off meant not taking it, since he'd be gone after Tuesday night. But he wasn't sure if he was really in the headspace to take an exam. "P—perhaps it would be best to, erm, postpone it."

"Very well." Prewett pulled out a little green notebook, flipping it open. "Would next Saturday work for you? The fourth? I'm slated to take care of some morning detention—your friend Mr. Black, actually—but we could have the exam in the afternoon."

Remus nodded. "That would work. Th-th-thank you, Professor..." He hesitated then stood up. "And th-thank you for everything you've d-done for me, I truly appreciate it."

Prewett's blue eyes went big. He started to say something then closed his mouth. "I was going to say it's nothing, but considering your previous Defense teacher I know it's not nothing to you. You're more than welcome, Mr. Lupin; every student deserves an education, especially one with a brain as remarkable as yours. It'd be such a shame to waste it by letting the despairing grades you were given last year to go unchecked. My brother and I got top marks in this class when we were at school but your ability surpasses ours when we were your age."

Remus's breath hitched a little in surprise. "R... really?"

"Oh yes. You obviously have a natural affinity towards this sort of curriculum. You're quite the prodigy! It's very impressive. You'd—" He then stopped, actually turning quite red. "You'd do very well in this field," he said and Remus knew that wasn't what he initially intended to say.

Remus burned with curiosity as to what Prewett _really_ wanted to say however he didn't want to push. He wondered if Prewett had nearly said Remus would do well in the Ministry as an Auror or something like it. "Th—thank you so much, Professor. That m-m-means a lot."

Prewett smiled. "Anytime, Mr. Lupin."

Remus left the classroom a little dizzy, going over what Prewett had said. _It'd be such a shame to waste it_. He knew perfectly well he wouldn't be able to _do_ much once he graduated Hogwarts... _Quite the prodigy_...

Suddenly he saw something strange in his head: a great scale. On one side, dipping low, was Dedenne and her hateful words. But then Prewett was on the other side and everything he said was starting to tip the scale in his direction. Remus didn't know Prewett well but he rather liked him; he not only seemed kind but gave off the sort of aura of compassion that not too many people had.

Remus would always have Dedenne's filth etched into his head but—but that didn't mean someone else's kindness couldn't be etched over it.

 _And not just Prewett_. He glanced side to side at his friends who of course had waited for him. James and Peter were poking each other with their wands while Sirius carried all four school bags, having taken Remus's from his shoulder as soon as he came out. Their response to finding out he was a vicious monster wasn't horror or disgust... how come he could accept that from Prewett, or McGonagall? But not them? Because of their ages? Was that... wrong?

"C'mon, Remy!" Sirius said when he noticed Remus flagging behind.

"C—coming!" He hurried to catch up, a decision cementing inside of him. He wanted to continue his education. And even though it terrified him that they knew and wasn't even sure if he would ever be okay with them knowing, he did not want to leave his friends.

He'd do whatever it took to convince Fawley to keep this a secret.

He doubted it would work...

But he wanted to try.


	45. Chapter Forty-Five - Q & A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so for a while I've been waffling on making this decision but this morning a reader happened to reach out to me about this very issue and I realized I need to do this. I've been under a lot of stress lately and my mental health isn't doing so great, so I've decided to cut back on chapters for the time being. I will be getting chapters out on Tuesdays and Fridays only. I've been falling behind in a lot of stuff irl and need to cut back on some things. I've actually quit the fanfic competition I was in because of this, but it wasn't quite enough. I feel bad doing this but I know if I don't do something my writing is going to really suffer for it, and I don't want that to happen. As I said, this is temporary for a few weeks while I catch up on things irl and get a bit more rest. I really appreciate all the support, and am looking forward to when I can return to my three-a-week schedule!

Remus kept expecting his friends to bring up the werewolf thing, to ask him questions, to say something; but all day Thursday they just acted normal. Throughout James's practice in the evening he, Sirius, and Peter sat in the bleachers playing a card game while they watched James. Remus prepared himself for whispered questions which never came. Spinnet and Struthers were already in the dorm by the time they returned, and Remus studied for a while before going to bed for a nap before Astronomy. He tossed and turned a lot, wondering why they weren't saying anything. Surely they had questions. Or were they that determined to pretend like everything was the same as before? He wasn't sure which was worse and by the time they went to Astronomy he decided he'd rather they talk to him. Having _no_ idea what they were even thinking made him feel a little uncomfortable.

Remus barely got any sleep that night. He finally went down to the common room to sit in a window and press his face against the cool glass, looking up at the gibbous moon. He had always wished he had someone his own age to talk to about werewolf things. But what would they say if _he_ asked _them_ questions? He could picture their puzzled faces if he tried asking 'do normal humans feel like this?', 'do normal humans do that?'.

"Remy?"

It was Sirius. Of course it was.

"You okay?"

Remus kept his forehead against the window. "I dunno," he replied honestly. "It's still... a lot."

Sirius stopped at the bottom of the steps. He was wearing his black silk pajamas and cashmere robe which hung open. Remus wished he could own soft clothing like that. It looked so comfy...

"Want to be alone?"

Remus considered this then shook his head so Sirius came over, sitting on the window seat as well. He looked up at the moon then back down at Remus.

"I am sorry for hurting you."

Remus hunched a little. "You d-didn't mean to," he whispered. "I know that."

"Doesn't change the fact I should apologize. I never expected you to react like you did. I was stupid, I wasn't thinking."

"What else is new?" Remus asked with a slight smile. Sirius grinned back. "Out of curiosity how did you expect me to act?"

Sirius leaned back, tilting his head so he was looking at the curtain rod above them. "I don't know. Upset but not that upset. I figured you'd... take it in stride. You'd deny it but not... like that. Looking back that's really dumb of me."

"I always thought if anyone tried to accuse me I could just... well, take it in stride. Laugh it off." He sighed heavily. "I don't really know why I snapped so badly."

"I'm just glad you're okay," Sirius said, nudging Remus's foot with his own. "You scared me."

"When I snapped?" Remus asked and Sirius nodded.

"Yeah, it reminded me a lot of that one night you disappeared, at the end of our first year. When you left detention with the bloody nose and looked so..." Sirius trailed off for a second then continued. "You looked like you weren't there."

"I wasn't," he admitted. "I wasn't really much there Tuesday night either. Is... that why you asked me to come back?" Remus asked and Sirius made a confused sort of noise. "At one point you had a hold of me and told me to come back."

"Oh. Yeah. I was scared you'd really slip away like you had that one night, and I didn't want that to happen."

Remus debated telling Sirius the truth about Dedenne and her hatred towards him then decided it'd be better to tell everyone together. "If you guys have any... any questions or—or anything like that, maybe we can talk tomorrow after I'm done with study group."

Sirius looked a little excited at that. "Really? You—you'd be okay?"

"Yeah, I—I kinda figured you'd be asking me stuff today..."

"We wanted to, but figured it'd be better to wait until you were ready," Sirius explained.

Remus warmed at that thought, wondering how he could have possibly gotten so lucky to have friends like them. "I _still_ don't understand why you guys still care about me," he said as he swung his legs around to stand up.

"And I don't understand why we shouldn't," Sirius replied tartly, getting up as well. They exchanged smiles then headed back up to their dorm, Remus finally able to get to sleep after that.

*

_Dear Remus,_

_As I was unable to see you last Tuesday I didn't get the chance to ask you about if we should have a change of plans for this upcoming Tuesday. Tuesday is Halloween and since there will be the feast I was wondering if you'd like to change the date of our meeting. Please let me know if you'd prefer Monday, Wednesday, or another day entirely; I would suggest skipping it entirely but as you missed this last one I am not sure how you would feel about that._

_Please write back as soon as possible._

_M. Fawley_

Remus stared at the letter he received Friday morning, reading and rereading it. He hadn't even thought about the fact Halloween was on a Tuesday! Normally he would just ask to see her sooner but... if he scheduled it for Wednesday then he could attend the feast which would be great. He was about to write back then remembered he wouldn't be going to the lesson alone. So he showed the letter to his three friends, asking them what they thought. They agreed Wednesday was fine if he didn't mind missing study group and if Peter didn't mind missing Photography Club; neither of them did so Remus wrote back saying Wednesday would be fine, then asked James to attach the letter to Fawley's owl for him. James gave him a curious look but did so. Remus promised to explain that later.

The Marauders went into Potions class and as they passed the table where Snape sat he hissed out, "How unfortunate you've returned, I rather hoped you had been taken to Saint Mungo's!"

Sirius reached for his wand while James grabbed his arm to prevent him from attacking Snape right in front of Slughorn. Snape smirked at this then went back to his conversation with Wicket. Sirius remained agitated for the rest of class, muttering about getting revenge as they left until James cleared his throat reminding him they had much more important things to do than think about revenge. Sirius glanced at Remus then nodded in agreement.

After Charms came and went they decided to get food from the kitchens and hide out in a secret passage somewhere, since the period right after lunch was free; it would give them time to talk about things without having Remus miss another study group. They chose the Pit Passage, creeping past the first pit to settle down on the stone floor, their food spread out in front of them, hearing the Babbling Brew bubbling away across the next pit.

Remus hadn't eaten much breakfast and _had_ been hungry but knowing what was about to happen made his appetite fade. He just nibbled on an apple, waiting.

James was the first one to give in to the silence. "Are you _sure_ it's okay for us to talk about it?"

Remus slowly nodded. "Y-yeah," he mumbled. _Besides, I'll be gone on Wednesday night anyway_. They remained quiet. His skin began to feel itchy and scrape-y as he waited, wanting to yell at them to get it over with.

James was again the one to speak up. "What's it like? When you're..." He began nodding strangely with his head to indicate what he meant without saying it.

"When I'm... ahh... d—during the full moon?" Remus asked and James nodded properly. "Um." He drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs, not even wanting the apple anymore. "I d-don't know. I have no memory of when I'm a—a—a w-wolf." He swallowed heavily, fingers gripping each other as he felt himself get shaky. Merlin, one question in and he wanted to vomit. Would he be able to get through this without flipping out again? "It doesn't... I don't remember, except for the vague feelings of anger and—and wanting to hurt."

"Is it different when you're away from your mother?" Peter asked.

Remus was thoroughly confused about that. "Um. I'm n-not sure what you mean by that?"

"Well, when you're at home aren't you with your mother? During the full moon?"

Remus recoiled. "What?! No! I'd—I'd _hurt_ her!"

Peter blinked a few times, scratching his head. "I guess I just thought since your mom is one too you'd be with her."

Remus was taken aback by this comment. "My—? My mother isn't a werewolf. Why would...? _Oh_! No, she—she's not sick at all, that was j-just another lie to try to hide the truth," he explained. "I d-didn't want everyone thinking _I_ got sick once a month so—so I used my mother as an excuse too. She's perfectly healthy. No, I was... I was bit."

"I _knew_ you were lying about your mother," Sirius said a tad bit triumphantly. Then he frowned. "You were bitten? When? How long have you been a werewolf?"

"Um. Eight years e—exactly, last week," Remus whispered, rocking a little bit.

James dropped his sandwich. "You were four?" he gasped out. Remus nodded. "Merlin's beard..."

"What happened?" Sirius asked, breathing a bit heavily, smelling as upset as he had in Potions when Snape insulted Remus. "How did it happen?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't remember. M—my parents have never t-t-talked about that night. I don—don't know."

"When you were four," Sirius muttered angrily. " _Four_."

"How did you survive?" Peter asked, in slight awe.

"As I s—said I don't remember that night at all. I have no knowledge of—of _how_ I was bitten or why I w-was even outside during a f-full moon..." He had wondered this a lot during his recent life. What exactly had happened? He couldn't imagine his parents letting their four year old run around outside in the dark in the autumn; the middle of summer perhaps, but surely not the end of October! And how had the werewolf even get to him? Were his parents not paying attention?

Sirius was suddenly looking him up and down. " _Where_ were you bitten? Did it not leave a mark?"

Remus straightened up, stomach swooping in great circles. This was one question he hadn't anticipated although in hindsight he probably should have. "My—my arm," he forced out. "Th-that's why I never wear sh—short-sleeved shirts."

"Like when I gave you that J shirt for my tryouts and you wore the long-sleeved top underneath?" James asked.

"Yeah." He reached up, touching the spot. "It's... really bad." He chopped his right hand along his left elbow. "If the sleeves come here I can wear them but any shorter and—and you can start to see it."

"But you don't have any other scars or anything?" Pete asked. "Cause, um, you said the other night that—that you, um, er, t-tore yourself... up?"

Remus winced, scooting back a little bit. "I did. I do. But werewolves have regeneration. Healing," he added since they all frowned at the word. "I c-can heal from almost anything, as f-far as I know. If it's d-dark magic then it heals slower. Since my—my own c—c-claws—" he had to wheeze that word out, having difficulty doing so, "—are d-d-dark then it takes t-time to heal up after the, um, the moon. But if... say I cut my hand on a knife then it would heal almost immediately. And none of it leaves scars. Thankfully."

"That'd be difficult, being covered in scars from a young age," Peter said.

Remus managed a small smile. "Most certainly. With as much as the Ministry hates werewolves, if we _were_ to scar ourselves up every full moon I imagine they'd probably try to pass a law saying if someone has so many visible scars then they had to do testing to see if they were a werewolf or something. Even if there wasn't then anyone with scratch-like scars would be looked down on. It'd be next to impossible to hide ourselves without a lot of glamor spells anytime we went out in public." He rubbed his cheek, trying to imagine how much harder his life would be. He probably wouldn't have even be able to come to school, it'd just be too much of a giveaway!

Peter's mouth was very round while James and Sirius were nodding. "It's good you don't get scarred up then," Sirius said.

"I mean, without—" He paused, sucking in some air. Dare he? "Without healing I'd probably just be dead, with as much as I—I hurt myself during the full moon."

Now they looked horrified, probably not realizing just how violent Remus got as a wolf.

"Is it that bad?" James asked.

"It can be," Remus said, resting his chin on his knees. He thought about how destroyed his arm was on Sunday morning, then thought back to his first year when he gouged his own eyeballs out and was blinded for a couple days. He thought about all the times he just lay in his own drying blood, in too much pain to move. "I t-told you before I... hurt myself... badly."

Sirius started to say something but James spoke first. "So if it's not dark magic you heal up super fast?" Remus nodded. "So—last year when you were knocked out by the bat in the first years' game and fell to the ground you were healed up quick?"

Now he smiled again. "Yes. I had to p-pretend to be unconscious while Pomfrey took me back to the hospital wing. She—she never used anything on me to heal."

"Is there anything else that you can do because of being a werewolf?" Sirius asked, wanting to know, speaking up before James could talk again.

Remus mulled over the question, not quite sure what Sirius meant at first. "Oh," he finally said, getting it. "Yeah. My hearing is very sensitive. And my sense of smell is really intense."

James asked, "How sensitive is your hearing?"

"Really sensitive," he muttered. "It pretty much hurts almost anytime I'm in the Great Hall, or the common room."

Peter suddenly looked really worried. "Do... _we_ hurt you?"

"Yeah, s—sometimes," he admitted. "It's okay!" he added quickly seeing their expressions. "I'm used to it. It hurt a lot when we came back in September, since I wasn't used to all the sounds. It's not so bad now."

Sirius cocked his head to one side a bit. "Does talking like this hurt you?"

"Um, not really," Remus said. "It's a little loud but not painfully loud. I'm used to it. Please don't worry about whether you need to talk softer or anything, it's really fine."

"Did us cheering at James's tryouts hurt you?" Pete asked.

Remus gave a whiny sort of grunt. "It's _fine_ ," he grumbled, tugging at the end of his robes sleeve. "Please don't think too much on it. I'm used to the everyday sounds as well as your voices. It's the really loud stuff that bothers me, like when the Great Hall or common room is especially loud." He didn't want to confess in front of James how worried he was about the upcoming Quidditch game. Then remembered he wouldn't be there.

Then, since they were thinking of other questions and Remus remembered what happened at breakfast, he said, "By the way, earlier when—when I asked you to put the letter on the owl for me...?" he glanced at James who nodded, "That was because of—of what I am too. Owls... well, most animals don't really like me. You've seen what it's like when I go into the owlery."

"Whoa, that's because you're a—you know?" Peter asked.

"Uh-huh." He shifted his weight around, trying to find a more comfortable position. "Arthur's always liked me, but generally animals don't."

"Rocky seems to love you," James said.

Remus snorted. "Yeah, it surprised me. I was a bit scared when I first met him but... for some reason... he doesn't mind me at all."

They asked a few more simple questions. Did he have special eyesight too? No. Did it hurt to turn into the wolf? Very much so, and transforming back. Did he crave meat? He wasn't really sure if he _craved_ it, but he did prefer meat especially steak. Where did he go during the moon? Not telling. If he healed up did that mean he didn't get sick? Remus admitted he couldn't remember ever being sick-sick though he did get stomachaches from stress and anxiety, and also explained about when he got headaches. Was his fear of heights and flying anything to do with being one? As far as he knew no, he had no idea why he had issues with heights.

Peter's hand darted up. "I do have something that's been really on my mind." He lowered his hand, squinting as he sorted out how to ask. "Okay so. I—I always kinda thought that werewolves were... you know... really... ummm..." He tugged at a lock of hair. "Really big. And muscle-y. You know." He did a flex, making a growling sound. "Big."

Remus blushed hard at that. "A big brutish hulking form even as human?" he asked and Peter nodded. Remus sighed heavily. "Yeah, that's—"

"Cause you're not," Peter said.

"—um, yeah, it's a popular misconception."

"You're so tiny," Peter continued, driving home the point he had already made.

"Yes, I—I'm aware," Remus mumbled, wondering just how red he was getting.

"And clumsy," Sirius said, and Remus shot a glare at him. "What? Wolves are all... agile and graceful. You constantly fall down and run into walls."

Remus slumped down. "Okay—"

"Yeah," James agreed. "You trip over literally nothing all the—"

"Okay I get the point!" Remus squeaked angrily, feeling like he was on fire with how much blood was rushing to his face. All three of his friends were smirking. "I was a person before I was bitten, you know! All werewolves are! So we come in all shapes and forms. Some are big, I imagine, and some are graceful, and some—"

"Are tiny little clumsy boys," Sirius cut in, and Remus kicked his foot.

Thankfully after the other three giggled the conversation shifted away from his physical appearance and lack of balance. They wanted to know exactly which teachers knew. "The Heads, so Professors McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout, and Slughorn; then Professor Prewett as well, since he teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts and would probably be able to guess," Remus said, ticking the names off his fingers.

"Sluggy knows?" James crinkled his nose up a bit.

"Why would Prewett be able to guess because of what he teaches?" Peter asked.

Remus pulled a loose thread out of his robes, watching it drift to the floor. "Eventually... the class will b-be covering... w—werewolves," he whispered. "I—I'm in the curriculum. From what I can tell we're commonly taught in the third year."

"Oh. _Oh_." Peter bit his bottom lip. "I g-guess I didn't think about you being—about werewolves being, um, Dark Arts. S—sorry that was stupid of me. Most the, um, books we looked at were in the c-creatures section."

"S'ok." Remus managed a small smile. "It—"

"Dedenne knew about you then," Sirius said, cutting Remus off.

Remus shifted, tugging at his sleeve again. "Yes. I was g—going to say something last night when you mentioned how I was acting last year, when I went a little cuckoo however figured it would be best to say this to everyone. D—Dedenne knew about me, and that's why she hated me. She's never met my father. I—I had to come up with a lie to explain her disdain." He pulled at his sleeve, sweat forming under his arms and on his palms now. "The f-first time I met her she s—said she didn't care but then proceeded to insinuate I was stupid."

"Stupid?" James choked. "You?!"

Remus shrugged. "One of the p—popular images of a werewolf is just a dumb beast, with no intellect at—" He stopped because they were all laughing hard.

"S-sorry!" Sirius shrieked, wiping his eyes. "You're literally the smartest student in our year! Probably the smartest student in the _school_!"

"I'm n—not, but thank you," Remus said, smiling broadly now, flustered again. "But it is one of the stereotypes. We're dumb animals, who don't know much beyond the basics."

"Dedenne said this about you?" Peter asked in disbelief, still snickering a bit though.

"Yes. She told me if I can't keep up she's not going to make any special cases for me," he explained, toeing the ground. "That's why she gave me such terrible grades all the time, and mistreated me in class. When she—she yelled at me for shooting those sparks when we first learned. And..." He ducked his head down, focusing on his hand which was tracing designs on the stone. "When I w—went missing... when everyone was looking for me... when you said I looked really out of it and stuff?" They all nodded to indicate they knew what he was referring to. "She—she said stuff to me. That's why I—I snapped. She said a bunch of horrible stuff and I just couldn't focus on anything, like what happened when you guys told me you knew. I just... snapped."

Sirius opened his mouth then closed it. He clenched his teeth, body shaking as his hands curled tightly into fists. James was breathing heavily, body tense. Peter was just staring blankly at Remus. All three of them smelled furious. Then they all began talking at once.

"It's people like her who are real monsters!"

"How could she? How _dare_ she?"

"She—she treated you like dirt the entire year just because of this?!"

"Good thing she's gone otherwise she'd get it! If I _ever_ see her again—"

"I can't believe anyone would do anything like that—"

"That isn't _right_ I mean yeah it was bad enough cause of her hating you cause of your dad but—"

"Guys!" Remus cried out, shutting them up. "Forget it! She's gone—"

"Bloody good thing she is otherwise she'd be getting it," Sirius snarled.

Remus ignored him. "She's long gone, and she won't be back."

"If she ever tries she'll regret it," Sirius said, still furious, fingers twitching towards his wand.

"And—and she wasn't even far off with what she said, a lot of it was just the truth."

James reached over, grabbing Remus's hand. "Whatever she said to you she's wrong, okay?" He held tightly, leaning in uncomfortably close. "She was just a bitter hag who hated the fact you were smarter than her."

Remus snorted and covered his mouth with his other hand, trying not to laugh at that. He was too emotionally drained to really laugh but it was rather an amusing thought. James squeezed his hand then let go, settling back.

"What if she says something to someone though?" Peter asked anxiously. "If she hates you so much..."

"Her—her memory of me was erased," Remus replied. "That... is why she was fired though, because of how she treated me. Or maybe she quit. I don't know. Dumbledore wasn't very clear. He said she left of her own accord but I don't know if I believe him."

"I don't want our heads messed up, but I'm glad Dumbles did it to her," said Sirius. James and Peter made noises of agreement. "Prewett is treating you well?"

"Yes, very much so," Remus said, smiling once more. "I was afraid he wouldn't because in our first meeting he said he didn't know much about werewolves, which was the same thing Dedenne said, but Prewett is... very kind. Kinder than I ever expected..."

James squinted. "Do you really feel like you don't deserve any kindness because of being a werewolf?"

"That is exactly how I feel," Remus grumped right back then pressed his lips thin, regretting his tone. "Look, you—you read about werewolves, didn't you? About how hated we are?"

"Yes, but—"

"That's what I've grown up with," Remus went on before James could argue. "I—I'm sorry if it's annoying to you but it's impossible to see myself any different when that's pretty much all that's crammed down my throat at every turn my whole life!"

Sirius moved closer, putting his warm hand against Remus's back. "I... guess we hadn't thought of that," he admitted.

Remus sniffled. "I don't imagine you would but—but it won't just... go away because you say you don't see me differently. I have to go through every day knowing the wrong step could result in my death. I've spent eight years being told to never speak to anyone, of keeping myself _quiet_ and _hidden_ and not to do anything. When I came here I was told to not make friends, to not put my head up, to avoid any attention because someone might figure it out." He sniffled again, wiping his nose off on his robes sleeve, hoping he'd have time to go get clean ones before History. "Maybe not everyone thinks I deserve to die for what I am but I have to pretend like they do, for my own safety. And that... that wears on you."

"You spent... your whole life seeing everyone as the enemy," James said slowly, and Remus nodded. "Merlin. No wonder you couldn't talk when you started school."

"I—I had never been around anyone else, just my parents, as long as I could remember. I had met my father's boss once or twice, and went out with my parents on the rare occasion, but p-pretty much it was just me and them, that's it. I was... _terrified_ when I got onto the train. I was terrified for so long." It felt good to be able to tell them this, to admit how he had felt. Especially since none of them looked amused or pitying about it. "I'm still... scared... a lot. Last month I had a b—bit of a breakdown over the whole thing."

"When?" Sirius asked, curious.

"Um. Remember that night you brought me those cookies? It was that day. When Hagrid told you I seemed lonely? I w-went to him so I could spend time with Rocky, because I w-wanted company and with Rocky I d—didn't have to worry about how I might come across."

"Do you worry about that with us?" James asked.

Remus bit his bottom lip. "Yes," he said, not surprised to see their faces fall. "I had to."

"Well, now you don't," Peter said cheerfully.

Remus blinked a few times then straightened up, realizing Pete was right. If by some miracle Fawley agreed to keep this a secret then—then he'd be able to relax a little when it was just the four of them. It would probably take time before he was able to, but he wondered what it would be like.

"You're right," he said with a smile. That... that would be so nice...

Unfortunately just then James's watch went off indicating they didn't have a lot of time before History. They gathered everything then hurried as fast as they could to the Gryffindor tower so Remus could change out of snotty robes and into clean ones, then ran all the way down to History, skidding into the classroom just as the bell rang.


	46. Chapter Forty-Six - Blibble Blabble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few chapters ago I mentioned a podfic. At the time only the prologue was out but since then there are more; as the episodes are unlisted the only way to get to them is with a direct link but there is now a playlist, so if you want to listen [all the episodes are here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLL0V7Dsm4JpvVt0_leR3Mtd0ktH0PwvbS)! I just wanted to post that in case anyone was looking for new episodes :)

After Transfiguration on Friday, McGonagall asked Remus to stay behind. She inquired after his health, then told him Pomfrey needed to see him sometime before supper. He went directly after he left class, promising the Marauders he'd meet up with them after whatever Pomfrey wanted which turned out just to be a checkup. She was very pleased he had gained a little bit of weight back. She asked to see him again on Sunday afternoon then sent him off after making him promise not to stress out too much. He wanted to laugh that. He felt like he was nothing _but_ stress! Not that he told her that; he didn't want to be shut up in the hospital wing again.

Back up in the dorms the other Marauders were waiting for him, wanting to start their 'plan of attack', as James put it, to figure out how to convince Fawley. They wanted to know about her: what she liked, didn't like, what made her laugh... That's when he admitted to them that she had pretty much seen all their pranks since the beginning, and was quite amused by them.

"She said she was a bit of a troublemaker back in her day, though no where near as bad as us," Remus explained. He and Peter were stretched out on Peter's bed while Sirius paced, and James wrote down notes. "She's kept all our pranks a secret. She was a little upset over the mandrake one, but says as long as we aren't causing serious damage to a person she won't say anything to Dumbledore."

James tapped the end of the quill against his chin. "Does she know about my cloak?"

Remus ducked his head. "Um, yeah. S—sorry."

"It's fine, just curious..."

Remus still felt bad though. Some Marauder secrets had remained a secret but Fawley knew so much because of him. He felt like he had betrayed his friends.

"What's Occel... Ocluman... ummm, what's your lessons like?' Pete asked as he tore a licorice wand into thinner strips.

"They give me headaches sometimes," he said and Peter made a face. "I have to empty myself of all emotions—thanks," he grumbled when Sirius snorted.

"It's just you're a pretty emotional person," Sirius said with a helpless sort of smile.

"I _know_ ," he said with a scowl, "and that's why it's really hard for me. She—she says I'm making good progress though, for someone my age." He sat up cross-legged, resting his hands on his knees. "Since she's blind she can't make eye contact, so she puts her hand on my head and enters my memories that way. It's really weird... like... I can see my own memories being dredged up and flipped through, like a picture book."

"So you go through the memories too?" James asked.

"Yes..." Remus frowned, remembering some of the painful ones he had to endure. "It's not very pleasant sometimes. But I can't really control what she sees—well, that's not entirely true. If I focus on a memory enough she will see that memory. But," he added as Sirius opened his mouth, "she knows I'm doing it, and I can't fight her off while doing that." Sirius closed his mouth, frowning. "In order to fight her off I have to really focus on keeping myself empty, and keeping her out of my head."

James adjusted his glasses. "Sounds difficult."

"It is," Remus admitted, "and normally someone my age wouldn't be learning but as I said, Dumbledore felt I should begin immediately help keep my secret."

"And we'll do it too," Sirius said with a nod. "Somehow we'll convince her."

"Yeah..."

"You don't think we will?" Pete asked, looking up at Remus.

He couldn't help but give a sigh. "No, to be perfectly frank with you. I _want_ to be able to convince her. However she really feels our bond is too close, and she doesn't trust any of you."

"'Specially me," Sirius said and Remus nodded miserably. "I'll be the hardest part of the whole thing, to get her on our side..."

"Yes," Remus said. "Unfortunately."

Sirius just smiled, walking over to tousle Remus's hair. Normally Remus didn't like it when he did that but this time he didn't mind; it was familiar, and friendly, and since Sirius knew, and Remus knew Sirius knew, it rather felt nice that he was willing to make that sort of contact with him. He still pouted and tried to smooth his hair down afterward, not wanting Sirius to know how much he had liked it.

"It'll work out," James said, scratching down more words on his parchment. "It has to."

"When a Marauder puts his mind to something, it gets done!" Peter said, raising a strip of licorice wand in the air victoriously.

"Here, here!" Sirius agreed with a laugh.

*

It was weird going back to study group that night, since he had missed so much. Everyone was very happy to see him though. Well... Twycross and Craft were impartial, but they didn't count. Bones even got up to give Remus a clap on the back and after Remus sat down Silverlocke leaned in closer to tell him how glad he was to see him back.

"Th—thank you, all," Remus murmured, hoping he wasn't blushing too hard.

"Hopefully it's not going to be too hard for you to catch up," Twycross said, breaking the mood. "You missed so many days of classes. You probably have a _ton_ of homework to catch up on too! I mean, we've done most of it already—"

"Twycross, shut up," Pierce said.

Twycross stared open-mouthed (which looked utterly hilarious) then snapped her mouth shut so quick they all heard her teeth click. Her face flooded with color and Remus could smell the anger rolling off of her. "I was just—"

"I'm sure it won't take Lupin very long to get caught up with us," Buckling said, drumming her fingers on the table.

He was a little lost when they began but did quickly pick everything up. He had quite a bit of homework due so instead of going back to the tower with Lily and Twycross like usual, he remained in the library; Silverlocke remained behind as well. He had some homework he wanted to take care of and did Remus mind if they shared the table? Remus promised he didn't mind at all, and was grateful for the company. They talked a bit while they worked. It had been a couple weeks since they started their research into that weird pit passage, and despite spending quite a bit of time researching none of the three could really find out any information, and now that Remus was leaving Hogwarts he told Silverlocke he was just going to 'let it be' until 'later'.

"I'll let Lily know. I just feel like I'd rather focus on school for the time being," he said.

"Understandable," Silverlocke agreed. "It's so strange there's nothing though."

"Very strange." Remus sorta wanted to take Silverlocke to the passage but the babbling brew was still bubbling away there, although it would be finished tomorrow. Maybe Sunday he could take him. Or would that be another betrayal to the Marauders? "I'm glad we're friends," he suddenly blurted out, realizing how much he'd miss Silverlocke. They didn't spend much time together and Remus wished they had done more.

Silverlocke's eyes went huge and he was clearly startled. Was Remus wrong in saying 'friends'? But then his cheeks went a little pink and he smiled. "I'm glad we are too," he said. "Would it be presumptuous of me to call you Remus?"

"Not at all, if I can call you Aegis," Remus replied then felt guilty for doing this so soon before dropping out. He hoped Silver—Aegis wouldn't be too mad. "Um, though I should tell you something." It didn't feel right, not giving him warning. Aegis tilted his head curiously, waiting. "It's because I was in the hospital wing so long this time. I'm not sure if I feel... up to... well, I—I've been considering the possibility of having to go home. Drop—dropping out, I mean, due to my, um, my health. I'm not sure yet—I just... wanted to let you know."

Something flashed through Aegis's blue eyes and he looked quite sad. "I'm very sorry to hear that, although your health is very important. You haven't decided yet?"

"N... no. I want to stay but I'm just going to see how I feel over the next few days."

Aegis nodded. "I really appreciate you letting me know. I hope you choose to stay here, however as I said... health is important, so I can understand that decision." Aegis hesitated a moment then added, "I am also sorry your health has declined so much. If there's anything I can do to help, I am here for you."

Remus smiled. "Thank you."

*

That night the Marauders stayed up quite late which was becoming their usual Friday and Saturday routine, but Remus felt brave enough to say he'd like to retire earlier than usual since he was pretty tired still from the week. He made it clear he didn't expect anyone else to go to bed too but all three of them went up to bed when he did at around one-thirty in the morning.

Remus didn't go to sleep right away, though. He sat up in bed, knitting the hat he hoped he'd still be able to give Sirius while thinking about how to convince Fawley. _She'll never agree_ , he thought as he worked on the last row. _How can we possibly convince her it's okay a bunch of kids my age knows_? He cut the yarn and wove in the tail, studying the hat carefully. It looked okay. Not great, but not the worst. He got out his gold yarn and am embroidery needle to start working on the lion's paw which was going to be infinity more hard. Perhaps he should have just made a striped scarf or something. He intended to make a hat for Peter too, providing he was still here (which he wouldn't be) but what could he make James? By the time the end of March rolled around it would still be cold but heading towards warmer weather so he wasn't sure if a hat would be the best choice, but he kinda wanted to make them all the same thing... so maybe it'd be okay?

He shook his head. _What am I thinking? I won't even be here_. He pulled out the gold yarn since everything was crooked and tried again. _Maybe if I tell her what Prewett said, about how it'd be a shame if my mind went to waste... and me going home, well, I'd still be able to read and stuff but it wouldn't be a proper education. Maybe that would work?_

He carefully outlined the paw again, trying his best to make it look nice. A homemade hat was probably a very dumb gift to give to a thirteen year old boy but he didn't know what else to do, since he didn't have any way to buy anything. _Ugh Sirius is just gonna laugh at it_ , he thought grouchily, throwing the whole thing down on his blanket. _They're all gonna laugh at me when they find out I'm knitting_!

He furiously stuffed everything into the bag his mother had sent with the yarn and crawled to the end of his bed so he could quietly tuck it into his trunk, careful not to make too much noise. Once that was taken care of he flopped back, pulling Gwyllgi out from under his pillow. He curled up with the black dog, nuzzling against the worn fur, and drifting into a surprisingly peaceful sleep.

*

Remus was forced out of his peaceful sleep at around nine in the morning by a loud thud and an even louder scream followed by cries of pain along with laughter. He rubbed his eyes as he peered out of the curtains. James was rolling on the floor clutching his knee while Sirius was doubled over with laughter.

"Stoooop!" James whined. "It huuuurt!"

"What's going on?" Remus asked, sliding out of bed. Something felt off... wrong...

"The Mighty James Potter was trying to show off his newest talent," snorted Sirius, jerking his thumb over towards James's broom which was hovering quite high.

"I almost got it!" James whimpered then slowly got up, testing his weight on the injured knee. "You distracted me," he accused, glaring at Sirius.

Sirius pressed a hand against his chest, looking mock-distraught. "Oh, _I_ distracted you? That's what happened, eh? Not, you know, the fact you tried to do a leaping mount off your bed onto your impossibly high broom?"

James wiped his nose off onto his pajama sleeve then got back onto his bed. "Exactly."

By this point Remus figured out what was wrong: nothing. That was the problem. It was so _normal_. It could have been any other weekend morning. He had expected something different, because they knew. He wasn't sure what... just... he couldn't help but feel a little thrown that they were being so normal.

"Where's Peter?" Remus asked, a little surprised their friend hadn't made an appearance.

"Oh, he got up forever ago actually," Sirius said, going closer to Remus. "He's out taking pictures with his club." He made a face. "Can you believe it? They got up to photograph the sunrise! _SUNRISE_! Bloody insane, if you ask me."

James jumped, fingers just skimming along the broom handle but he didn't have any kind of grasp and he crashed to the floor again, this time with swearing.

"Jimmy, just lower the broom," Sirius said, folding his arms.

"I can do it!"

"No, what you can do is break all the bones in your body!" Sirius said. "Just lower it."

James got up, rubbing his backside, grumbling to himself. "Down!" he ordered, stretching his hand out. Nothing happened. "Ugh. Come! Oh come on." He dragged his trunk over, standing on top of it, and still couldn't quite reach it. "Sirius?"

Sirius got up on the trunk and managed to snag the broom. "Your broom isn't obeying you."

"My broom is still new," James said, taking his broom and hopping to the ground. "It's really good but distant commands are still a little whacko."

Remus took a step back as James turned, the handle of the broom waving a foot or so away from Remus. Now that they knew he could tell them how dangerous silver was to him, but it wasn't as if James was forcing him to touch the broom. Plus he was putting it into the carrying case. Remus thought it'd be silly to complain or bring it up at this point (especially since he'd be gone soon) so he kept quiet.

The doors flung open and a tired looking Peter came in. "Oh good you're all up! LOOK!! Merlin's beard you won't beLIEVE it!" He grabbed Sirius—the nearest Marauder—and pulled him over to his bed. James and Remus followed, all of them gasping appropriately as Peter showed them one of the photos he had taken of the sun rising. He had developed it in wizarding fluid so they could see the brilliant orange rays spangling out.

"That is amazing," James said.

"Merlin's beard!" said Sirius.

"You are so talented!" added Remus.

Peter went even redder. "It's not _that_ great, it's kinda blurry here and I didn't get a great angle, and when I developed it I kinda messed up one of the washings."

"Nah, it's beautiful," James said, punching Peter's arm. "Is this a copy? Can we have it?"

"Um, yeah, I made a couple."

James used a sticking spell to put the photo up on the wall between his and Peter's beds. "Ta-da!"

Sirius patted Peter's back and Remus wanted to, but felt awkward still purposely touching now that they knew the truth. Peter had hugged him before but... he still wanted to be cautious. So instead he clapped, grinning at Peter who looked very proud of himself. He showed off some of the other pictures he took as well, then the lot of them went down for a slightly late breakfast (after those needing dressed got dressed, of course), which they plowed through as quickly as they could. There were more important things to do.

As soon as the last crumb was gone they took off, darting through the halls, getting in trouble with a Hufflepuff prefect they nearly knocked to his feet. Remus called out an apology but as the others didn't stop running he didn't either. The prefect shouted they all had two points taken off their house, not that any of them really paid much attention.

The reached the pits passage and hurried across the first pit, going to the cauldron full of babbling brew. It was pretty much the same shade as in the book and looked to be the right consistency. James and Sirius hauled it off the fire then set it aside while Peter got rid of the fire.

"Who's testing it?" Peter asked, plucking at his lower lip, eyes darting around since he knew he'd be the one volunteered.

"You want to?" James asked.

Peter frowned, averting his gaze. "I... guess I can..."

"Come on, stop making him your lab rat," Remus said.

"Our what?" James asked.

"Test subject. You always make him test potions like this. How about one of you do it?"

Sirius grinned. "You wanna test it then?"

"Oh!" he said, getting awkward. "Er. I can... try. Um. I think it will be fine for the babbling brew but—erm, well, a lot of potions don't affect me the way they should."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"I'm not sure which part of my... er... ly—lycanthropy does it, but a lot of potions don't work. Like dreamless sleep potion won't work right, nor do regular sleeping draughts. I think they sorta work... but wear off very quickly." He went bright pink saying all this, feeling super weird for being _able_ to.

"Ooh," Pete breathed out. "So you can't test it?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know how well it will work on me, although I think it should work correctly."

"Then you can do the strips of paper for us to pull," James said, and Remus looked confused. "We'll draw straws," he explained, and Peter looked relieved.

Remus got out some parchment and used a potions knife to slice up three identical pieces of paper. At the bottom of one he wrote 'test'. He shuffled the strips up then tucked them in his hand, holding his fist out. Sirius was the unlucky guinea pig. He crinkled his nose up but grabbed one of the stirring spoons, scooping up a small amount.

"Here goes nothing." He poured it into his mouth and swallowed. The others waited, watching him in case it did something else to him physically.

"Well?" James asked.

"Hurbaa," Sirius replied then his eyes went wide. "Baalba oooba dohee." James, Peter, and Remus shrieked with laughter and Sirius was grinning. "Urwa toomy ooh heeba!"

They were rolling on the floor laughing now. Remus laughed until he couldn't breathe, legs kicking in the air as he clutched his sides. "The—the entire—entire—G—Great—Hall!" he managed to wheeze out.

"This is gonna be one of the best pranks ever!" Peter gasped out.

"I can't wait, Merlin I can't _wait_!" James squealed.

"Nersha boolie teeba!" Sirius said which made them all laugh even more.

"Okay, I have to," James said, wiping a tear away as he took the spoon and drank a tiny bit. "How long does it t—immla lula ponshy?"

Peter took a little bit. "Goolba nuno meerma!"

Remus took the spoon, eyeing the liquid before tipping it into his mouth, very careful to make sure none of the spoon touched his mouth. He swallowed then waited for a few seconds. The others were leaning forward, very intent to see if this would work. "Biba snooda werly."

They all collapsed back with more laughter.

"Heebo larma timoo, flenny graw _nee_!" James exclaimed then shook his head, taking the leftover paper so he could write down: _can we do this in spell_ _form?_ then brandished the question at Remus.

He frowned, rubbing his chin. "Deesh gerbit ghibb," he replied then grinned and shrugged. He took the quill from James. _I think there's a babbling curse_.

"LEEHA!" James shrieked as he pumped his fist. He didn't need to write down that he was saying 'yes!'.

Remus was the first to recover, followed by Sirius, then James, then finally Peter. Once they managed to calm down they began pouring the potion into the jars they had brought, discussing the best way to get this into the systems of everyone. Since there wasn't one item that _everyone_ ate that meant they'd have to put it in multiple foods.

"The actual dinner, or dessert?" Sirius asked.

"Not everyone has dessert," Remus pointed out from where he sat a little aways from them, hands around his legs. Even though pouring potion wasn't the worst thing, he was very clumsy and none of them wanted to risk him dropping a jar full of the precious prank.

"We'll mix it in with dinner," decided James. "Gravy, pumpkin juice, mashed potatoes, yeah. Lots of stuff."

"Are we gonna have any of it?" Peter asked.

James smirked. "Yes. First of all, it's bloody hilarious. Second of all, less suspicion on us."

Sirius snorted, screwing the lid onto the jar he just finished, carefully setting it aside. "Oh right like we won't be the first names that cross McGonsie's mind as soon as everyone starts going blibble blabble."

James cast him an amused look. "Maybe, but we'll be blibble blabbling along with everyone else!"

Remus couldn't wait. It was going to be good, and definitely a great final prank for him to have locked away in his memories.


	47. Chapter Forty-Seven - Feelings In The Night

Saturday was turning into another one of those perfect days, which Remus was glad for. The morning with the other Marauders was great then after lunch he spent time with Aegis in one of the courtyards. They played chess for a while then switched to gobstones. Remus enjoyed gobstones for the most part. The smell was _horrific_ so he gagged a lot, but because it was supposed to be stinky he didn't feel weird gagging so much. As they were gathering up the gobstones some older Slytherins walked by and decided to harass them.

"Look at the babies, playing a baby game," said the blonde haired boy Remus realized was Lucius Malfoy from Slug Club. He kicked the gobstone Aegis was reaching for, sending it careening off. "Oops."

Aegis's cheeks went a little pink but he silently went after the marble. Remus stood up, scowling. If it had just been him he'd've scurried off without another word but he wasn't going to let a bully give crap to his friend. "L-l-l-leave us alone," he said.

Malfoy's mouth curved into a big smile which was creepier than anything else. "Wh-wh-what was that?"

"Remus—" Aegis whispered as he came back over.

"M-making fun of my st-stutter? How _origin—nal_ , and q-q-quick-witted of you," Remus retorted, making a show of rolling his eyes to show how bored he was of that being an insult.

Malfoy didn't take too kindly to that. He got his wand out, pointing it into Remus's face, grey eyes flashing with anger. "Have something to say, Loopy?"

Aegis tugged at Remus's sleeve. "We were just leaving," he told Malfoy then began pulling Remus away.

Malfoy grinned broader. "As I thought. Best be getting a shower to get rid of that Gryffindor stench, _Silverlocke_. Or is that gobstones? It's always difficult to tell the difference."

Aegis's face went even pinker as he yanked Remus into the covered area and then into the school. "You should not have said anything to him," he said, finally letting go.

Remus brushed himself off. "I'm n-not afraid of him," he lied.

Aegis raised one eyebrow. "Perhaps you aren't, but I'd prefer not to antagonize him. He's one of the biggest bullies in Slytherin. He even torments older students. And he's—" Aegis stopped then sighed, dropping the remainder of his gobstones into the bag, not saying anything else.

"I... I'm sorry, I wasn't really thinking about how it might effect you," Remus said, regretting doing what he did.

"It's fine. I admire your courage."

They split up shortly after as they both needed showers. After Remus got cleaned up he hung out in the dorm with Peter since James and Sirius were off doing who-knows-what. Well, first Remus just worked on homework while Peter napped, but once Peter got up they hung out. Remus was kinda glad it was just the two of them. It made him feel a lot better about how Peter might be feeling. Peter was definitely not the bravest out of all of them so Remus wondered if maybe Peter was just okay with the werewolf thing with the others around, so the fact he was sitting on his bed with Remus playing cards just the two of them... it was great. Also it felt so normal. Like, he had also been worried that the others would just want to hover around him all the time just to prove something, but no; it was like it always had been.

After a while Remus grew very curious. "Can I ask you something?"

Peter smiled. "Of course."

Remus stared intently at his cards. "I don't... scare you?"

"N—no!" Peter said, falsely cheerful.

Remus pressed his lips thin. "I can tell you're lying."

For several seconds Peter didn't say anything while Remus tried not to squirm. Finally he said, "Yeah a little but not like... I don't... ummm..." He sucked in some air. "I don't see you as something scary. Like, um, I know you're a... you know what, and that is kinda scary, but _you're_ not scary to me. Does that make sense?"

"I think so."

"I'm sorry..."

Remus finally glanced up. "No, don't be. I'm glad you are."

"Really?"

"Yes." He began rearranging his cards, chewing at his bottom lip. "There's nothing wrong with being scared of a—of what I am. A lot of people are." Part of him was confused as to why his friends weren't that scared, and the other part wanted them to be afraid. Wanted them to face the truth. Regardless of whether or not they viewed him as a monster, he became something horrifying and violent and he wished they'd at least accept that.

Peter began shaking his head. "But I'm not scared of you like that...! I mean..." He groaned loudly, tapping his cards against his chin. "I can't see you like that, okay? I know what, um, you're supposed to look like when you're like that, and it is scary. But it's hard for me to, um, to see _you_ like that, so it's not really _you_ I'm scared of. I'm not making much sense am I?"

"I am like that though," Remus said softly, focusing on his cards again. "I am a monster."

"Nope. You're not a monster. I'm with Siri and Jimmy on that one. Also, I win the round," he said, slapping down his winning hand.

Remus smiled, not saying anything else on the matter. But apparently Peter wasn't done because after he dealt a new hand out he leaned forward, tilting his head so he could look into Remus's face.

"Remus, you are my friend."

He was rather startled by this statement and nearly dropped his cards. "You're my friend too," he promised, and Peter grinned broadly.

*

The rest of the day went by pretty well. Once the other Marauders came back the four of them wandered around the school, goofing off, joking, trying to find secret passages. James and Sirius talked a lot about the map they were working on, complaining that it was super hard to do because things kept changing around and moving.

After supper Remus studied in the library with Lily and Macdonald for a bit, then by himself when Lily walked Macdonald back to the common room for her curfew. A little after they left he went into the creature section, fingers running across the spines of all the books, looking for the word werewolf. He hadn't read a whole lot of the books in here about himself so he was wondering what his friends had read, how hateful the works might be.

Remus's finger stopped on one title, a very slim novel that sent his heart up into his throat. _The Cure For Lycanthropy_. It was the book his father made him read whenever Lyall thought he needed reminded on how important it was for him to stay hidden. Inside was the stuff of nightmares, at least to Remus; stories of how the best way to deal with a werewolf was to kill one. He shuddered and walked forward, then froze seeing his own name on a book.

He felt like he might vomit.

He felt like he might cry.

Slowly he turned, trembling from head to foot until he saw the title properly and let out a sigh of relief. It said Lupine, not Lupin. Close, though. He tilted his head to read the whole title. _Lupine Lawlessness: Why Lycanthropes Don't Deserve To Live_. His heart pounded in his chest as he hooked his finger over the spine, sliding it out of place. It had a picture of a full moon on the front with a silhouette of a werewolf howling. He opened the cover to see the publication date. It was published earlier that year. 1972. For a split second of pure anger he wondered why Dumbledore allowed the book in the library, then that quickly ebbed away as he knew all sorts of books were in the library. Good and bad.

He started to put the book back into place then yanked it back out, going over to his table. He gathered his stuff then wandered over to one of the tables with a cloth over it, climbing underneath to hide as he began reading. It was full of postulations and exclamations of how werewolves were beasts all the time, that once bitten they should never be considered human, of how no werewolf has any sort of humanity or morals. It gave examples of vicious werewolves throughout the past, glorifying the heroes who had defeated them. Obviously, by the title, death was the best route for werewolves.

Remus didn't read it all, just enough of it to make him both furious and depressed, on the edge of another breakdown. He wanted to tear the book into shreds but that'd raise an alarm and get Farrow's attention. He forced himself out from under the table so he could put the book back then left the library, shaking with rage, trying to force himself to calm down; he didn't want to try to explain to his friends what made him so upset.

By the time he reached the tower he was able to fake a believable smile, and none of the Marauders seemed the wiser.

*

_Remus was playing gobstones by himself. The courtyard stretched into an eternity, the castle no where in sight. He flicked one of the gobstones and a boot came down, holding it into place. He looked up into this nearly formless, faceless being who grinned wickedly._ Lycanthropes don't deserve to live _, it said then kicked the gobstone back._ Play you for your life _. Remus didn't want to but he crouched next to the being and began playing. The being scored the first point, and a squirt of smelly liquid flew at Remus—_ _except it wasn't smelly liquid, it was liquid silver and it burned his flesh. He cried out but the being demanded they keep playing. Remus kept losing, his skin bubbling up every time the liquid silver hit it._ You don't deserve to live _! the being laughed as Remus thrashed on the ground, crying out in agony._ You're nothing but a bloodthirsty monster! You're going to kill your friends! _The being's voice started sounding a lot like Dedenne_. You'll kill them all _! There was a flash of silver coming for his neck—  
_

And Remus woke up crying out, begging for mercy. "Please _—_ no _—_ I d-didn't _—_ I won't...!" He panted for air then shoved up the sleeves of his pajama, running his fingers along his smooth, unblemished skin. He curled forward, covering his face, crying softly. He didn't say anything went Sirius tapped at his bed.

"Remus?" He opened the curtains and climbed in, shutting the curtains carefully behind him.

"I'm fine," Remus said automatically, still covering his face. "I'm f-fine."

"You don't need to lie anymore." Sirius gently pried his hands away from his face so he could look into Remus's eyes. "They're connected to what you are, aren't they? The nightmares?" Remus stared blankly at him. "You don't need to pretend anymore."

Remus trembled then hunched forward again, rubbing his sleeve against his eyes as Sirius pat his back. Sirius was right. The realization that he could be honest about what happened in his nightmares settled around him like a warm blanket. "Yes," he whispered.

Sirius adjusted his position, sitting closer now. "Wanna talk about it?" Suddenly he wasn't sure if he should say it or not, actually tell him what he had seen in his nightmare. He just shrugged. "Okay. If you do, I'm here."

"I t-t-told you before that they're of me dying," Remus said quietly, very quietly. He wasn't even sure if Sirius could hear him. "That wasn't a complete lie. That's what they usually are. Someone—someone killing me." His voice dropped even lower, hardly audible at all. "Or me killing someone."

Sirius drew in a sharp breath so Remus knew he had heard every word. "Damn. That—I—..." He trailed off then put his hand back on Remus's back. It was so warm, radiating out along Remus's spine and he resisted the urge to lean in closer. "Which one was it tonight?"

Remus hiccuped a little and then wiped his nose off onto his sleeve. "Someone killing me."

Sirius remained quiet and Remus wondered if he was supposed to tell him everything. He didn't want to, not every little detail. Especially since they were slipping away. The most he could remember was the liquid silver, the laughing, the voice saying he'd kill his friends...

"I won't let that happen," Sirius finally said.

Remus choked now, trying not to laugh. "What? You? Okay, um, well first of all you're—you're twelve!"

Sirius grinned at him. "Thirteen, in a few days."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh. Well, in that case."

Sirius nudged him gently. "I mean it though. James and Petey, they'd say the same. We'll protect you."

"It isn't that easy."

"S'not that easy to cross the Marauders either," Sirius said very loftily, sounding a lot like James.

Remus snorted, burying his face in his hands again mostly to stop from laughing. "I don't get it."

"Get what?"

"How you can make me laugh after—after a nightmare like that."

Sirius leaned back, propping himself up on his arms. Remus was a little sad Sirius's hand wasn't still on his back. "Talent," Sirius replied with a twinkle in his eye. "I'm glad I can though."

Remus wanted even more to scoot closer, to lean against him. That thought terrified him because he didn't understand why he had it, why he _wanted_ it so badly, why his body was practically _yearning_ to curl up next to Sirius, and why it also made him feel so hot but also, somehow, hollow. So instead he inched a little bit away. "Me too," he said, knowing he probably sounded awkward now. "I'm glad we're friends."

Sirius looked up at him. "Really? You're not still mad?"

Remus slowly shook his head, plucking at one of the holes in his pajama bottoms. "No. I haven't been mad for a few days. I don't think I was ever really _mad_ -mad anyway. Mostly... shocked. And scared." He straightened his legs out, trying to focus on anything except the confusing feelings flitting around. "I wanted to ask you something though. You said you figured it out ages ago but—but last month you were asking me things like if my disease was fatal?"

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah. I was mostly trying to get you to tell me. I thought if I asked you if you were dying you'd tell me the truth."

"Ahh."

"Unfortunately my plan backfired," he continued, sounding amused. "Course, I didn't know a _ton_ about—about your thing, so when you started saying all that I got kinda scared maybe you would die. That's why I brought it up so many times, after I figured it out."

"You know how much everyone hates us," Remus pointed out, "yet you still kept thinking I'd just tell you."

Sirius nudged him again, arm brushing against his which made Remus go very hot on the outside and squirmy on the inside. "Guess I'm just optimistic."

"Well, go be optimistic in your own bed," Remus said, not wanting Sirius to notice how flustered he suddenly was. "I'm going to try to go back to sleep."

"All right." Sirius slithered out of his bed. "G'nite, Remy."

"Goodnight, Siri."

"Oi!"

Remus waited till he heard Sirius go to his own bed then he turned his pillow around, pressing his hot cheek against the cool fabric, thinking he'd rather be dealing with his nightmares than whatever this was.

*

Sunday morning was very rainy, though James still had a Quidditch practice to go to. The others went to watch with raincoats and umbrellas. Remus brought a higher grade charm book with him to see if he could figure out how to repel rain. Sirius and Peter both had binoculars with them and after several minutes Remus tugged at Pete's sleeve, asking to borrow his. He began tapping them with his wand, muttering a water repellent spell over and over. They wouldn't be learning it until near the end of their third year, possibly beginning of their fourth, but he figured he could probably do it. After half a dozen failed attempts he gave Pete the binoculars back and began trying it instead on his own shoes. They were already soaked through but after twenty minutes one of them began rolling water off of it. He grinned, and kept trying until he noticed the water droplets would swerve away about a quarter of an inch from his shoe. He tried the other one and it took about five minutes to get it done. He then enchanted both sets of binoculars.

"Wa-hey!" Sirius exclaimed, putting them back up to his eyes. "You're a genius."

Remus tugged at the collar of his raincoat, sweaty and fatigued from attempting an advanced spell. He spent the remainder of the practice with his feet up on the bench, arms around his legs, eyes on the blur that was hopefully James and not one of his teammates. Finally practice ended, and the Marauders made their way down to meet up with James.

"Less than two weeks until my first game!" James shouted as they headed back to the school. "I'm so nervous."

"You got it!" Sirius flung his arm around James's shoulders. "You're the best on the team."

They went through a side entrance to hopefully avoid Filch yowling at them leaving wet footprints everywhere which turned out to be the best choice since after only a couple turns they heard crying, and mocking laughter. They all stopped, looking at each other, then hurried towards the sound. Two second year Slytherin girls were tormenting a first year Hufflepuff. They had her wand, tossing it back and forth while the Hufflepuff cried, hopping to try to catch her wand.

James shoved his carrying case at Peter then stormed down the corridor, yanking his own wand out. "Expelliarmus!" he snapped when one of the Slytherins had a hold of the wand. It went flying out to James who caught it. "Leave her alone, Rosier!" He pointed his wand right at the bigger girl, the one who had hold of the wand.

She tossed her hair back, sneering. "Gonna hex a girl, Pratty?"

James smiled as he tossed the Hufflepuff girl her wand back. "I don't like hexing girls, but I don't have a problem with hexing a bully."

The other Slytherin, named Urswick, pulled out her own wand. "Wanna go, Pratty?" But then she realized the other Marauders were there too Urswick's eyes got a little wide then she stepped back, closer to Rosier who was frowning.

"Ugh, four on two, typical Gryffindor behavior," Rosier said, straightening her shoulders.

"Two older students ganging up on one first year, typical Slytherin behavior," Sirius spat out.

The two Slytherins debated their chances then put away their wands. "At least your brother's a true Black," Urswick said.

Remus's hand darted out, grabbing Sirius's wrist as he raised his arm. "Don't ever talk about him," Sirius growled.

Urswick smirked. "You know, if your mother wasn't such a pureblood paragon I'd suspect she cheated on your father to have you." She waited triumphantly for Sirius to react but he just narrowed his eyes, obviously not caring as much when his mother was insulted. Urswick's smile faded but she didn't say anything else, just spun on her heels and marched off with Rosier, both of them snickering to themselves. Sirius yanked his arm from Remus, grumbling.

James turned to the Hufflepuff but she gave a squeak and ran off doing another passage. "Okay yeah, you're _welcome_ ," he grumbled.

By the time they got to the dorms, dried off, got clean clothes on, and headed back down for lunch they had sorta put the incident out of their minds until halfway through eating McGonagall approached them, asking to see them for a moment. They followed her out of the Great Hall where she inquired about whether or not they had attacked two Slytherin girls earlier. The way she spoke it was clear she assumed they were guilty.

"What?" James and Sirius looked at one another in confusion.

"No, we never did anything like that," James said, then Sirius muttered 'not today at least' under his breath so low Remus suspected he was the only one who heard him.

McGonagall looked down her nose at them, lips thin in disapproval. "I have two young ladies who insisted you hexed them earlier this morning."

"Professor, I was at practice," James pointed out, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Peter coughed. "Um." Then he just squeaked as everyone looked at him. He turned red and stepped closer to Remus.

"Yes, Mr. Pettigrew?" McGonagall asked.

Peter whimpered. "We, um, we c-came across two Slytherin girls, um, bugging another student and—and James stopped them. No hexes were used though."

"Oh! Right!" Sirius said, snapping his fingers. "Urswick and Rosier."

McGonagall frowned. "Those are the two insisting you bullied them. Are you saying you did not hurt them?"

"I used the disarming spell on Rosier," James said, putting his hands on his hips. "She had the Hufflepuff girl's wand. They were throwing it to each other over her head."

"Which Hufflepuff?"

"I don't know her name," James said.

"Julie Macmillan," Sirius said.

McGonagall asked them to wait then swept into the Great Hall.

"How do you know her name?" James asked.

Sirius shrugged. "She's my cousin."

"What?!" Remus and Peter chorused.

"Yeah, my grandmother is her great-aunt," Sirius said, sounding a little bored. "I don't know her that well. We've never really met. Just remembered her from the Sorting."

Peter shook his head in disbelief. "How many cousins do you have?"

Sirius grinned. "Too many."

"I thought everyone hated the Blacks?" Remus asked, folding his arms, raising his eyebrows

"They do... but we're also part of the sacred Twenty-Eight," Sirius informed him, poking at his ribs. Remus yelped, hopping away. "The purest of the pure. We might be crazy and evil, but everyone wants our magical—er, ancestry!"

McGonagall came back out with the Hufflepuff girl, and Professor Sprout. The girl was quaking hard. "Miss Macmillan, can you please tell us what happened?" Sprout asked gently.

The first year swallowed, looking down at her shoes. She told them that she had been walking through the halls when the Slytherin girls ambushed her and took her wand away. They had teased her, pulled at her braids, called her names, then took her wand from her. She confirmed they had been throwing it back and forth when the boys showed up.

"He got my wand away from one of them," she said, pointing at James. "He had his wand out. Then the two Slytherins got their wands out. But then they put them away. They insulted him—" she pointed at Sirius, "—then walked away."

Sprout and McGonagall looked at each other. "Thank you, my dear," Sprout said. "You may go back to your lunch."

Macmillan fled back into the Great Hall. McGonagall adjusted her glasses, turning back to the boys. "I'll be speaking to Professor Slughorn about this."

"Are we in trouble?" Sirius asked, waving a hand through the air.

"I would assume not," McGonagall told him. "Miss Macmillan's story corroborated yours." With that she dismissed them and they returned to their lunches.

James and Sirius glared at the Slytherin table. "They shouldn't even be _allowed_ here," James said, viciously poking at his food without even looking at it. "Slytherins are all liars and cheats."

"N—not Aegis," Remus said swiftly. They rolled their eyes at him.

"Who's Aegis?" Peter asked, making a face.

"Silverlocke," Sirius said before Remus could answer. "I _suppose_."

"And Regulus," James said.

Sirius smiled now. "Yeah. And Reg." He looked over at the Slytherin table again, this time with softer eyes. Regulus was sitting with the same first year that had asked him to play Sphinxes back when the Marauders invaded the Slytherin common room. They were talking quite happily. Suddenly Sirius stood up. "I'll be right back."

He went over to the Slytherin table, interrupting his brother's conversation. Regulus frowned, forehead wrinkling as Sirius asked him something. He shrugged and wiped his slender fingers off on a napkin before getting up, following Sirius out of the Great Hall. Twenty minutes later the other Marauders finished their lunch and left the Great Hall. They found Sirius and Regulus talking down a side corridor, both brothers looking rather content.

Sirius saw his friends then put a hand on Regulus's shoulder. "See you later," he said and went back to his friends, shoving his hands in his pockets and whistling very cheerfully. Remus was very glad Sirius had had a nice chat with Regulus, and hoped it would happen more often.


	48. Chapter Forty-Eight - Treasure Hunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things! First of all, in direct regards of this chapter, the pairings were 100% random. I rolled dice to see who would be paired with who and it was a great outcome ahaha. Second of all: I want to shout out to my dear friend Angel! Been meaning to do this for a while and since she's been more active on AO3 [NoStringsOnMe!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoStringsOnMe) I figured now would be a great chance. You would NOT be reading this if it wasn't for her! She encouraged me when I was writing the original version, and when I rewrote it she encouraged and pushed me to post it. I wasn't going to post this story because I thought, who would want to read such an extremely long haul daily life account of the Marauders? (lol was I wrong!!!) but she convinced me to. So I just wanted to thank her!!

Remus woke up on Halloween morning feeling absolutely depressed. He lay still, staring up at the canopy overhead, stomach churning miserably. _It's my last full day here_ , he thought, curling his fingers into the sheet beneath him. He'd have classes tomorrow too but after supper he'd be meeting with Fawley and then...

_Everything blows up_.

He heard other alarms going off, his dormmates waking up. He knew when James woke up because he heard a 'yesss' from across the room. It was Halloween and all four of them had been super excited all day Monday to wear their group costume. Remus was especially excited since it would be the only time he'd be able to do this with them, not that he let on; they were all very adamant about the idea convincing Fawley would work while Remus, though determined to try, accepted that it wouldn't.

His curtains were flung back by James. "Morning, Athos!" he said brightly.

"Morning, d'Artagnan," Remus yawned, sitting up.

Behind James he saw Sirius getting out of bed, and Peter's curtains were still shut but not for long because James darted over, yanking them aside. "Come on, wake up! It's Halloween!" James said, shaking Pete. "Porthos!"

"Awaa?" Peter lifted his head, blinking sleepily. "Ha'ween?'

"Halloween!" James exclaimed, patting Peter's messy head. "Up and at'em."

Remus rubbed his forehead as he got out of bed, hoping he'd be able to keep up his energy today. He wanted— _needed_ the day to be perfect. "Are we wearing the costumes now or after Herbology?" he asked.

James, who was in the middle of putting the tabard on, hesitated. "I forgot about that. Yeah, let's change after Herbology. Thanks, Brains."

"We should just show up in our costumes and go, 'sorry Sprout we can't do today's class'," laughed Sirius.

They weren't the only Gryffindors who realized it'd be dumb going to Herbology in costume. Everyone wore their uniforms to Herbology but then after showers there were quite a few costumes. Remus wasn't as embarrassed as he thought he'd be going down the stairs wearing the Muskateer outfit complete with feathered hat and twirly mustache. Nobody even gave them more than a second glance. Well, no one gave Remus and Peter a second glance. James and Sirius who were being very noisy and swishing their fake swords around definitely got quite a few glances and eye rolls.

"And what are you supposed to be?"

The boys whirled around to find three sixties gals watching them with interest. Lily, Inkwood, and Colgate were all decked out as hippies complete with flower face paint.

"The four Muskateers, of course," James said, brandishing his sword. Colgate jerked back nervously as the tip came within inches of her face. "It's okay, it's fake."

"It could still hurt!" she snapped.

"Isn't it the Three Muskateers?" Inkwood asked.

"That's what it's called, but there's also d'Artagnan." James put his hands on his hips. "That's me."

Lily covered her mouth in amusement. "I'm surprised you even know what you're talking about. Unless of course you're just parroting Remus."

"Least we're cooler than you guys," James grumbled, ignoring completely the fact that half his wardrobe consisted of the 60s hippie style.

Lily rolled her eyes at Remus who gave a helpless shrug. "That's your comeback?" she asked James, knowing perfectly well what he wore on the weekends.

James narrowed his eyes but Remus didn't want any fighting today so he stepped forward and said, "You've got t-to admit, swords are p-pretty neat."

"Yeah, on Black the whole look works," Inkwood said, glancing Sirius up and down. Sirius grinned and struck a pose causing Inkwood to giggle. "You like _my_ outfit?" She gave a spin to show her tie-dyed outfit off at all angles.

"You look good in bright colors like that," Sirius replied.

Lily and Colgate began giggling too and Inkwood's eyes shone. "Thank you," Inkwood said in a strange voice and Remus had no idea why the air seemed so different but it did.

James looked a little annoyed. "Right, anyway, come on guys, it's lunchtime." He grabbed Sirius and pulled him away from the girls with Remus and Peter quickly following, leaving the giggling girls behind. He heard Colgate whisper something about Sirius to Inkwood but he didn't quite catch everything.

Most the rest of the school had been in costume for most the morning. There were quite a few who weren't, and most the first years were just in their uniform. Spinnet and Struthers had changed into very traditional, old-fashioned wizarding fashion with huge pointy hats that Sirius declared to be 'boring'.

"I've got robes like that in my wardrobe, not much of a costume," he said as they sat down. "Only mine look much better."

The only teacher dressed in costume was Professor Prewett. He came into the Great Hall in head to toe pirate gear, also with a fake sword.

"Okay, he's definitely the coolest teacher we've ever had," James said as all four of them watched him go up to the High Table, not bothered at all by the fact none of his peers were in fancy dress.

"Forgiven him for calling you flashy, have you?" Remus teased.

James stuck his tongue out but then smiled. "Yeah, mostly. I mean, obviously I'm very good at dueling so I dunno why my stance is _that_ important but that's just something Prewett and I won't ever agree on."

"Stance is important though," Remus muttered not that any of them paid much attention to what he said. He wished they would, wished they look at him— _look at him_ —and talk to him every single minute from now until the next night. He wanted a million memories to take home with him, to keep him through the rest of his lifetime.

His nose itched, and he clenched his teeth, determined not to cry.

Once they finished eating, the second year Gryffindors headed to Defense Against the Dark Arts where Prewett was already waiting, a sneaky sort of smile on his face as he leaned back against his desk. He waited until everyone took their seats and then he stood up. "Everyone looks great," he said, beaming at all thirteen students in costume. Magpie and Nettle were dressed as a cat and an owl respectively, McNab was in super fancy robes and red wig that he later found out was supposed to represent Ginger Windstorm, the lead singer of the Hufflepuffskeins, and Twycross was in ancient looking robes and a horn-like hat, and was apparently supposed to be Silphyana Hedgeburst, a famous witch from nearly back in the Hogwarts founding days.

Prewett turned back to his desk and then held up a small treasure chest. "I decided that today should be a fun class." James and Sirius perked up in excitement. "The first thing is... a surprise quiz." James and Sirius slumped down, groaning. Prewett seemed very amused as he opened the chest, pulling out a stack of papers. He waved them to everyone's desks with his wand and then shut the chest with a snap. "After we finish these, the fun part will be revealed."

The test was super easy. There were five questions, all of them pretty simple and straightforward. Remus got through them in only a few minutes, and in fact Prewett only gave them ten minutes total. Once he collected the papers he picked up the chest again.

"We're going to have a treasure hunt," he said, smiling broadly. "I'm going to pair everyone up into teams of two except one team will have three partners, but that team will have the most difficult one. In order to make this a little fun..." He opened the chest and pulled out a small slip of paper. "I've got all your names in here." Immediately everyone groaned, knowing they wouldn't be able to pick their partners; it'd all be random. "Come on now," Prewett said, shaking his head. "It won't be all that bad." He looked at the slip in his hand. "Magpie with..." He rooted around in the chest. "Struthers."

Magpie and Struthers exchanged glances. It wasn't all that bad for them.

Prewett pulled two more slips. "Inkwood with Twycross."

Inkwood made a face.

Two more names. "Lupin..." Remus sat up a bit straighter, crossing his fingers under the desk. "With Pettigrew."

He and Peter grinned at each other and gave low fives.

"Potter... with... Evans."

"No!" they both shouted at the same time then looked absolutely horrified.

Lily's hand shot up. "Professor please redraw a partner name for me! Or—or I can be with Remus and Pettigrew as the team of three?"

Prewett gave her a look. "We must obey the pirate's chest, Miss Evans," he said, patting the bejeweled case. "Mr. Potter, please refrain from attempting to impale yourself on your sword."

James, who had the tip of his sword pointed at his heart, scowled and angrily shoved it back into his sheath. "I'll give you five galleons to pick me a new partner," he said. There were snickers and Lily's face went red. Prewett rolled his eyes and pulled two more slips. "Ten galleons."

Prewett continued to ignore him. "McNab with Nettle."

Sirius let out a very loud moan and began banging his face against the desk. Remus wasn't quite sure why until he realized—

"That means our trio consists of Mr. Black, Miss Colgate, and Mr. Spinnet."

Sirius and Spinnet looked positively murderous. Colgate shifted in her seat, clearly uncomfortable with this but she didn't say anything.

"Right!" Prewett snapped the case shut and set it down. "Here's how it's going to go. I've hidden several cases around the school—pirate chests, just like this one—and you'll be given a clue to your first one. Each clue gets progressively harder. There are ten clues for each team except the trio, you have fifteen..."

He explained they'd be given the first one along with a list which would have additional help for future clues depending on their test results. Each correct answer to a question was an extra clue. He gave the example of the regular clue might be at the Astronomy tower and their extra clue would be the letter A, or it might be a quote that helped expand the main clue. Their final location would hold the 'winning ticket' and the first one back with the ticket would get a prize.

"At least we'll have five clues from you," Peter muttered.

"I'm sure we'll have more," Remus said, having faith in Peter.

Prewett called the students up in the same order that he read their names so they were third. "Eight additional clues," he said and Remus nudged Peter happily. Peter looked pleased. "Good luck boys," he said, handing them their first clue and a list of eight hints. They were also given a key that would only open the correct chests, so they wouldn't be able to open anyone else's chest.

Most the other groups got eight to ten clues, and then the trio got eleven clues. Spinnet narrowed his eyes. "Only eleven? Not fifteen?"

"Yes," Prewett said, handing them their list and key. "Mr. Black didn't answer a single question and instead opted to draw a caricature of me manning a pirate ship. While not the correct answers, I am awarding him one point for creativity. Okay kids, good luck! If you're still wandering around by 2:45 consider class ended and you may go."

"So potentially we can just go chill out in our common room?" Sirius asked.

Prewett looked like he wanted to make Sirius walk the plank. "Yes," he reluctantly said. "Though the prize is worth it. I suppose I should tell you." He went over to his desk, pulling out two small pirate chests and opened them revealing an array of Honeydukes sweets. "There's a third, if the trio is back first. Plus whoever is back first will automatically get an O. Everyone else who returns will get graded depending on how many clues they've solved. These grades are considered extra credit, so if you do not come back you won't have anything negative added to your overall grades, but if you do return you'll have positive added. Good luck, may the best pirate win."

Peter grabbed Remus. "Sweets!" he hissed out.

"We're going to win," Remus said, eyeing the chocolate.

"Nobody get between Remus and his chocolate," joked James.

Remus shot him a smile then left the classroom, walking away from the other knots of students so he and Peter could have some privacy. "All right let's see..." He unfurled the first clue. "You'd do best to cover your ears if you encounter these tears," he read.

"Moaning Myrtle?" Peter suggested.

"Mandrakes, greenhouse three," Remus said, tucking the clue away then glanced at the extra one they got. "When daisies pied and violets blue, and lady-smocks all silver-white."

" _What!?_ " Peter stared at the quote. "That's even weirder than our first clue!"

Remus just started walking. "It's Shakespeare."

Peter hurried after him. "I thought the extra stuff was supposed to help!"

"It just means go where there are plants."

"Ugh, I am _so_ glad I'm with you!"

Remus grabbed his hand. "Come on." He began running, pulling Peter behind him. They slowed whenever Remus heard anyone approaching and then sped across the grounds. They found three chests outside of Greenhouse Three along with a note that said 'Defense Against The Dark Arts: do not touch unless otherwise told!'. Peter crouched down, trying the key with the first chest then the second one which popped open.

"This is easy," he said, standing back up.

"It'll get harder," Remus said and unrolled the clue. "Lapifors," he said.

Peter threw his hands in the air. "Your guess is as good as—"

"Transfiguration," Remus said, smiling at Peter. "'Fors' is a common suffix for transfiguration, remember?"

"No," Peter grouched. "What's lapifors?"

"No idea, we haven't done it yet, but the 'fors' gives it away," Remus said, shoving the clue in his pocket and looking at the extra clue. "'You know this teacher best of all'," he read.

"Yeah, good ol' McGonsie," Peter said then began running to keep up with Remus.

They reached the Transfiguration classroom to find James and Lily standing across from it, arguing furiously with one another. There were three chests, one of them open. Remus and Peter slowed down, watching the two of them try to remain quiet as they snarled back and forth.

"I'm telling you, it's the east courtyard!" Lily said, stomping her foot.

James pulled the slip of paper out of her hand. "No it's _not_! It's the western courtyard!"

Remus raised his eyebrows and edged closer to the chests. Normally he'd try to alleviate the argument but they were competition. James and Lily stopped when they realized they weren't alone.

"Remus, which courtyard has the big oak tree?" James asked.

"The northern courtyard," Remus said.

"No it doesn't, it has the birches," Lily said. Remus shrugged as Peter tried to find their chest. "You're trying to send us off in the wrong direction!" she accused.

Remus grinned now while James snorted. "Told you, him and chocolate... it's dangerous."

Peter straightened up and handed Remus the clue. "Is this your second stop?" he asked.

"No... our first," Lily said.

"That's because Red here won't listen to me," James said, folding his arms.

"You're just wanting to argue instead of looking!" Lily pointed out then looked back at the other two. "Are you on your second?"

"Yes," Peter said proudly.

"That's cause you got paired with someone actually nice!" James snapped and Peter stuck his tongue out. "If Brains and I were on a team we'd probably be done! Say, Prewett didn't say it'd be against the rules to change teammates did he?"

Lily smacked him upside the back of his head. "We'd get in trouble, idiot! Now come on, the eastern courtyard." She took hold of his sleeve and dragged him off.

"Western!" he insisted.

Remus and Peter both snickered then Remus looked at the clue and immediately gave a loud burst of laughter. He collapsed down onto the bench, shoving the paper at Peter who also began laughing too. "Your classmates Mr. Potter and Mr. Black know this chamber very well and spend more time here than anyone else!" Remus gasped out, slapping his thigh.

They looked at each other and at the same time said, "Detention chamber!"

They got up, heading off, hoping that James or Sirius would get this clue too. Either way, he was keeping it and if he somehow was able to stay at Hogwarts he was going to stick it up on the wall in their dorm. Outside the detention chamber were four chests—one of them already open—and got their clue which led them to the third floor, to the state of Gunhilda de Gorsemoor. Two chests—neither opened—were at the feet of the one-eyed, humped-back witch. That clue sent them to the Charms corridor where they saw four chests, two open.

"You wouldn't be able to get through the day without this room existing," he read the clue then frowned. "Our first real puzzle. The Gryffindor common room? The main staircase, perhaps?"

Peter scratched his head. "The kitchens? Food is important."

"Or the Great Hall." Remus got the list of extra clues out. "South Wales Valleys," he read slowly.

"You're Welsh, what's that mean?" Pete asked, peering over his shoulder.

"I—I'm not sure actually," he said slowly. "There's Cardiff... Swansea..." He looked at the clues again. "Important room. Valleys."

Peter sat down on the bench near the chests. "Yeah, it's getting harder."

Remus sat down as well, staring at the two clues. A moment later Magpie and Struthers showed up. Magpie smiled at Remus when he glanced up, and Remus wondered how many clues they had gotten. He returned to studying the clue, trying to ignore the other two whispering about their clue (which would send them to the Great Hall, he knew immediately) until he realized what theirs meant and grinned. "Petey, you were right."

"I was?"

Remus jumped up and began going as fast as he dared with Peter following. Once they were far enough away from the other team Remus said, "Kitchens!"

"How do you know?"

Remus looked over his shoulder. "Helga Hufflepuff is from the south valleys! Hufflepuff is by the kitchens."

"Ha! I got it _right_!"

The clue outside the kitchens led them to the eastern courtyard (which did have the big oak, Lily was right), and that clue sent them to Hagrid's hut. They only had two clues left, and they wouldn't have any extra hints left. Peter apologized when Remus mentioned this and he just shrugged in response. It wasn't that big of a deal. They were making great time, and his biggest competition would probably be Lily who was bogged down with her hatred of James. Twycross might be doing well too, though.

"More Shakespeare," Remus said appreciatively. "We don't need an extra clue for this one! 'Not from the stars do I my judgement pluck, and yet methinks I have blank'."

"Have blank?" Pete asked.

"It means the final word in the clue is what we're needing, and the answer is astronomy. It's Sonnet... um... fourteen I think, or maybe fifteen."

"Thank Merlin you know Shakespeare!" Peter said, puffing a little as they went up more stairs, Remus tripping over some of them. "Maybe Prewett knows my grandpa because this sort of trek up and down and up and down is definitely the craziness he'd do."

At the base of the stairs to the Astronomy tower were six chests. Everyone had a clue bringing them here. Two of them were already open, and it took a moment for Peter to find theirs. He handed Remus the clue, their final one.

Remus wiped sweat off his forehead and then examined the last clue. "Strigiformes," he said then turned the clue over in case there was more.

"Another spell?" Pete asked, sitting down on the floor, fanning himself. His mustache was very lopsided.

"It's not one I recognize," Remus said, sitting down next to him. "Strigiformes... strigiformes. It sounds familiar." It nagged at his brain cause he knew he should know it. It was very familiar but he couldn't really place why. It was definitely Latin... ooh he knew he knew what it meant but it wasn't coming to the front of his brain.

"Forms?" Peter adjusted his mustache. "More Transfiguration? Or maybe it means the training dummies, maybe it's back at Defense."

"Library," Remus said, getting back up after a minute.

"It's the library?"

"No, we need to go to the library."

Sirius, Colgate, and Spinnet were outside the library, Sirius and Spinnet shouting while Colgate stood with her hands over her ears looking desperate. There were three chests nearby.

"Remy!" Sirius said brightly, switching from 10 to 0 with the anger level instantly. He ran over and threw an arm around him. "How is your hunt going? Ours is going just _peachy_."

Spinnet folded his arms, glowering. "I'm just about to give up."

"You do that," Sirius said then wriggled Remus's hat so it tousled his hair.

Remus ducked away, fixing his hat. "Ours is g-going well," he said.

"Yeah, we're at—" Peter began and Remus clamped his hand over his mouth. "—mmmph!"

Sirius snorted. "All right, keep your secrets then. Not that it matters. We're definitely going to lose. Wait, all three of these chests are open so what are you doing here?"

"Research," Remus replied.

Sirius's eyes bugged out a little. " _You_ need to do research?"

"Yes... we only had eight extra clues, not ten, and the—" He quickly stopped, clamping his mouth shut.

"Ooh-ho-ho!" Sirius exclaimed, clapping his hands. "So you're on your ninth or tenth clue, then!"

"Merlin," Spinnet muttered. "We're definitely going to lose."

"Maybe if you two didn't argue and try to strangle each other every five seconds!" Colgate said, wrapping her arms around herself and looking at Remus with such a pitiful look he felt very bad for her. Mostly. After all... competition.

"Oh by the way..." Sirius showed Remus the clue that had led them to the library which was 'Most evenings your classmates Miss Evans and Mr. Lupin are here'. Remus blushed a little that he was a clue! He later found out everyone had a clue assigned to them in some form, directing them to a place the student liked to be. Peter's clue which had been gotten by Inkwood and Twycross had been to the photography rooms, while Inkwood's apparently sent the person to the Quidditch pitch; Remus was glad he hadn't gotten that one since he had no idea Inkwood liked Quidditch. He was _very_ glad they had gotten James and Sirius's names!

Remus and Peter wished the trio good luck then went into the library. "How are we gonna do this?" Peter whispered as Remus tugged him down an aisle.

"Index," Remus replied, pulling out a massive Transfiguration book then down the Charms aisle, getting out a couple of those. He dragged Pete to a table then gave him one of the Charms ones. "Look in the index, try to find the spell or anything very similar and we can go from there." He opened one of the Charms books and began running his finger down the S part of the index. Nothing. He pushed the book away and grabbed the third Charms book. Nothing.

"You are fast," Peter said, blushing as he was still going through the S's in his.

"It's fine," Remus said encouragingly. "Just keep looking."

He grabbed the Transfiguration book and went through. "Aha! Strigifors."

"Fors means Transfiguration!" Peter said brightly as Remus flipped through the book. "But strigifors isn't what we need, is it?"

"No, but it will help point us in the right direction. Here we go... strigifors... turns an object into an owl," he read then shut the book. "Strigiformes! The Latin term for owls."

Outside the owlery were three chests, two of them open. Peter opened the third and then shrieked, bouncing up and down, waving a piece of parchment that said **Return To Prewett!**

Remus grabbed his hand again and they ran as fast as they could. Remus fell three times before they got there, bursting into the classroom. Prewett was sitting at his desk with his feet propped up, a magazine open. He flailed a bit when they came in and jammed the magazine into a drawer, his ears going red; he obviously hadn't expected anyone back so soon.

"That was quick!" he said as Peter handed him the winning ticket. "You're the first back. You won!"

Peter and Remus beamed at each other and then hugged tightly, laughing as they spun in a circle, Peter lifting Remus off the ground. It felt _great_!

"My first O!" Peter realized, staggering back, staring at Remus with a dropped jaw. "R-right? I get an O?" he asked Prewett who nodded. "Merlin!" He stumbled then went to the nearest seat to plop down.

"What d-d-does this have to do with Defense, though?" Remus asked as Prewett got out their prizes.

"Nothing," Prewett chuckled, handing him one of them and giving the other to Peter. "But it was exciting, wasn't it? You can wait if you like, or go."

They were both curious to see who came in second so they opted to wait, taking their hats off so they could fan themselves as they sorted their their sweets. There was quite a bit, and Remus was immensely happy.

Fifteen minutes later the door opened and Lily ran in. "We're back!" she squealed, slapping the parchment on the desk.

James came jogging in behind her, glancing over at his waiting friends who waved merrily at their fellow Muskateer. "Yeah, too late," James said and Lily turned, her smile fading.

"I should have known!" she sighed, but didn't sound angry.

Remus looked at the two of them. "You probably would have beaten us if you didn't argue the entire time."

Both of them glowered, and he tried not to look too amused.

They both got Os for getting all their clues (though they _did_ have all ten extra clues so...) then sat with Remus and Peter, comparing their clues with one another. Most of theirs were pretty easy, a few were confusing. James laughed hard at the one directing Remus and Peter to detention hall, wanting a copy of it.

A bit later Twycross and Inkwood came in, also getting Os. They didn't stay. Then it was getting close to when classes ended and the other teams trailed in. Struthers and Magpie got nine of theirs, and Es. Nettle and McNab got eight and Es as well, and Sirius, Colgate, and Struthers got eleven clues, and As. But Prewett promised this excursion was basically like extra credit so the A only added to their grades and didn't drag the overall down. He dismissed class and everyone who remained left, James and Sirius congratulating Remus and Peter.

"Congratulate us all you want, I'm not sharing," Peter said, and they all laughed.

James put an arm around Sirius. "Well, after that maddening exercise we've got a bigger task ahead of us!"

They shared identical, mischievous grins. It was time to don the invisibility cloak, and sneak the babbling brew into the kitchens.


	49. Chapter Forty-Nine - I Do Solemnly Swear...

Remus and Peter had nothing to do besides hold their friends' hats and swords. They weren't actively participating in getting this prank underway, as per Remus's idea. They didn't need to distract the house-elves and being present in the kitchens before this babbling prank would be detrimental so they hung out in the entrance hall, watching some older students who must have had Defense since they were doing a treasure hunt too. There were new chests sitting along the edge of the entrance hall, and two students trying to figure out their clue. It was a tough one, though Remus suspected it might be near the teachers' lounge.

"Prewett is super cool," Pete said as they watched the two Hufflepuffs. "I mean, a treasure hunt!"

"Yes," Remus agreed, drawing his feet up onto the bench, wrapping his arms around his legs. "I love our prizes."

"I'm so glad I got teamed with you," Pete said, nudging Remus who smiled back.

Soon they began playing wand-cauldron-book to pass the time until they heard James's whisper to go to the nearest bathroom. They jumped up, hurrying off and then opening the stalls to make sure they were alone. James took the cloak off, him and Sirius hardly able to speak with how much they were trying not to laugh.

"It went completely smooth," Sirius said, taking his hat from Peter. "We got it in several different sauces and gravies, several of the big jugs of pumpkin juice, most the soups, and some of the desserts."

James wrapped the belt and sheath around his waist, rebuckling it. "It's going to be great. I can't wait, can the feast get here _now_? Why do we have to wait _hours_?"

Sirius smoothed down his curly mustache. "What shall we do until then? Find some people to jinx?"

"Lets go to Fort Dragon," Remus suggested suddenly.

"Nah, we'd get these costumes too dirty," James said, dismissing the suggestion.

Remus tried not to look too disappointed, nodding in agreement. Maybe the weather would be nice enough to let them go tomorrow morning or afternoon.

They wound up wandering around the corridors—mostly to show off their costumes—with James and Sirius occasionally sending tripping jinxes to various students. They were too eager about the babbling brew to do more than small, quick little 'pranks'. At one point they came across some unopened chests for whatever treasure hunt Prewett was conducting and James and Sirius tried to break into them to no avail. They begged Remus to try, insisting he could, but Remus refused.

"You think I can get past a Defense teacher's defenses?" he demanded. "You're crazy."

"If anyone could it'd be you," James wheedled but Remus shook his head. " _Fiiiine_."

They had a mock sword fight down one corridor complete with dramatic, over-the-top deaths when one was stabbed. James crashed into a suit of armor sending some pieces of it flying and they quickly ran away before they could get in trouble. Shortly after they crossed paths with some first year Slytherins including Regulus. The other first years sneered at the Gryffindors and walked away but Regulus hesitated until they were out of ear shot, then greeted Sirius, curious about their costumes.

"I've never heard of that," Regulus said when Sirius explained. " _Three Muskateers_?"

"It's M-Muggle," Remus said.

Regulus looked startled at that, then stared at Sirius as if he had turned into some sort of unknown being. "Mu... ggle?"

Sirius kept his smile plastered on his face. "Yup."

Regulus swallowed. "Oh," was all he said, shifting from foot to foot awkwardly now.

"They're not unknown in the Wizarding world," James said helpfully. "I've heard of them. I don't know much. But I've heard of them."

Regulus opened his mouth then shut it. "Er, yes, well." He tugged at his uniform tie then turned back to Sirius. "I'll see you later." He turned and walked off.

"Hey!" Sirius said and Regulus hesitated, glancing over his shoulder, nervous. "Have a good Halloween."

Regulus smiled. "You too." And he ran off to find his friends.

*

After an eternity it was time for the Halloween feast. The Marauders made sure their costumes were in good condition (Peter had to readjust his mustache which had somehow slipped across one cheek) then they burst into the mostly empty Great Hall, finding seats. The Great Hall was decked out as usual. Like the previous year there great spiderwebs everywhere with fake spiders in them, and orange and black streamers. This year there were also enchanted skeletons dancing around the edges of the room, bats swooping around, four enormous pumpkins sat in the corners, and instead of regular pumpkins floating around, the pumpkins were differently colored. There were gold ones giving off red light, bronze giving off blue, black giving off yellow, and silver giving off green. There also seemed to be an excessive amount of ghosts which was explained when Dumbledore started the feast off by having a group of ghosts float near the front of the room singing for a while. Finally, though, the food appeared across the tables.

Remus just wanted to sit back and watch everyone fall under the effects of the babbling brew but that'd be too suspicious so he began piling food on his plate. Sirius and Peter did as well, and Sirius had to nudge James before James got his own food. His eyes were shining and he and Sirius kept snickering, waiting.

Remus scooped up some roasted potatoes with gravy over them, knowing the gravy held the brew. He hesitated then put the potatoes in his mouth. Just as he did he began to hear some startled, nonsensical cries.

"Jeblle dwallo oobie?!"

"Heelbor doot doot!"

There didn't seem to be many students at first but then it spread as kids began eating, then stopping when they tried to converse with their friends and were unable to. James bent his head over his food, shoulders shaking. Sirius jammed half a chicken drumstick into his mouth to stop himself from laughing. Peter's lips were pressed tightly and he was just giving quiet snorts.

"What's going on?"

"Vamma gliboa!"

"What are you saying?!"

It was becoming chaos. Everyone grew louder, sounding more and more panicked. Remus had to cover his ears as the din grew louder, trying not to show how much pain he was in. He had done this before, but now his friends' smiles faded as they realized what was going on with him. Sirius's pale brow was wrinkled and James was giving him an apologetic look. Remus smiled, shrugging.

"What happened?"

"Clamma dulbop!"

Hardly anyone was eating by this point. Everyone who couldn't speak were letting out long strings of nonsense while their friends looked on in concern. The teachers had picked up on what was going on, and Remus judged that three of them were babbling, going by their faces; Sprout, Spring, and Prewett. McGonagall was leaning in to whisper in Dumbledore's ear but Dumbledore didn't seem too concerned.

"OLLWAT URBGUNK TIPLAR HOUNK!" The Head Boy had stood up at the Hufflepuff table, slamming his hands on the table, shouting at the teachers' table.

Two third years sitting near the Marauders turned to look at them. "Ummle jooble?!" one of them demanded, grabbing Sirius's arm.

"Loowlie donnga hep?" Sirius replied, giving a shrug. Then he pretended to look shocked, fingers going to his lips. "Imly erwack!!" He turned to James, pointing at his mouth. "Imly _erwack_!"

"Asanla digby doobem?" James asked. He dropped his fork and covered his mouth. They looked very convincing which was good because McGonagall was coming right for them. Remus was a little surprised it had taken so long.

"Danble chorna?" she demanded, and several students fell silent seeing her standing over the Marauders who were trying not to laugh at their strict, stern professor babbling nonsense. Remus heard someone say 'should have known'.

James turned a distressed face to her. "Wabba jammloob? Quiblim danhor, ell waan molombia!"

McGonagall's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Infor? Ashklow diba ta jabnick."

"Shamba na heper durb," Sirius replied, shaking his head.

Loud fireworks went off at the High Table and almost the whole room quieted, everyone looking up at Dumbledore who was lowering his wand. "Antment delkin frabanage," he said, waving his arm towards Professor Slughorn who got to his feet with some difficulty.

"A-hem," he said then cleared his throat, using a spell to make himself louder. "It seems as though someone has put the Babbling Brew into the food." At that more than a few accusing glares were sent to the Marauders. "Do not worry, it has no adverse affects and as far as I can tell it was brewed to perfection."

Remus could feel Sirius kicking at James's foot under the table then at Peter. They were trying not to look proud.

"It should wear off of you after five to ten minutes after ingesting the food. However if you continue to eat the food with the Brew in it, it won't be until you stop before the Babbling Brew stops affecting you. As unfortunately we cannot tell which foods has the Brew in it and which ones don't, it seems we'll have to deal with the potion if we wish to enjoy this delicious food." With that he sat down and took a great big bite of food.

McGonagall glared at James and Sirius then swept up back to the High Table. Dumbledore said something to her and she shook her head. Once Dumbledore began eating again that seemed to be a signal, and everyone returned to their food. Students continued to attempt to talk and as they ate the 'tainted' food their English turned to babbling, and occasionally the babbling would return to English.

Lily appeared at his elbow. "Leepdoo hurple gap!" she said, folding her arms as she scowled at James and Sirius. She then looked at Remus and gestured at the food. It was clear what she meant: _did you do this_?

Remus widened his eyes and shook his head. "Oombel dagdag," he replied.

Lily gave a very huffy sigh, then stormed back to her friends. James, Sirius, and Peter all snickered. They returned to their own food, unable to carry on a conversation since they were all babbling. That seemed to be the theme of the entire Great Hall. It was actually quieter than it had been the previous Halloween, and quieter than the other feasts. Remus thought it was a little nice.

Dessert appeared and everyone plunged into this, cautiously testing out their words. Some of them did return to normal, others continued babbling. Remus ate a humongous piece of chocolate cake which he knew perfectly well was full of the Brew but he didn't care. Chocolate cake was chocolate cake.

Finally at the end of the feast Dumbledore stood up. "Walmer er. Sul dora balntoo piplop." He smiled brightly then sat back down, wiping his fingers off and pushing his bowl away.

"Gleborp toopoot," James said as the Marauders got up.

"Are we going to our dorm?" Sirius asked. He had purposely eaten the pumpkin pie so he could speak again.

James's eyes glinted mischievously and he nodded. "Urp relpa boosha bebble," he said, glancing over towards Spinnet and Struthers.

Remus looked at James then Sirius, realizing something was up, something they hadn't shared. Did they have something else planned? It was pointless to try to ask until the potion faded, so he just followed them out of the Great Hall, unsure whether Pete knew about whatever it was. As they passed other students they'd be verbally attacked. Mostly with babbling, but a few people could speak English and they blamed James and Sirius, a few of the other houses thanking them because it meant Gryffindor would be even further behind with points. James and Sirius rolled their eyes and stuck their noses in the air, ignoring the glibs.

By the time they got to their dorm, James, Peter, and Remus could all speak normally once more. "Is something going on?" Remus asked as soon as the door shut.

"Of course," James said as he took his hat and mustache off.

"And... what would that be?"

James opened his mouth but then the door opened, Spinnet and Struthers coming in. James quickly shut his mouth, smiling innocently.

"Why do you two have to ruin everything?!" Spinnet demanded as he took off his giant hat. "The feast is important, and you two go and make it into a total mess!"

"I thought dinner was lovely," James said. "Delicious."

Spinnet growled. "I hate you. And you," he added to Sirius just in case for some reason he had forgotten Spinnet's enmity. "You're both absolute _jerks_ and I hope you get expelled!" He cast glares at Peter and Remus. "And you two just egg them on!"

"Yeah, yeah," sighed Sirius. "We're terrible human beings, we get the point. Do you have anything new to say or is that it?"

Spinnet's nostrils flared but he just grabbed his stuff to get a shower, stomping back out of the room. Remus got clean pajamas and withdrew to the bathroom to change and as soon as he went in Spinnet started shouting at him, calling him an idiot. Remus cringed back and Spinnet quickly stopped.

"Ahhh. Lupin, sorry, thought you were one of them," he said, face twisting up. "If I knew it was you—"

"You'd p-probably just st—start complaining about th-them," Remus finished for him, creeping past him.

Spinnet watched him a little angrily then groaned. "You guys did ruin the feast."

"Yes, all that d-destroyed f-food." Remus rolled his eyes. "What a waste."

"Fine, be as much of a little shit as your friends." Remus went into one of the shower stalls, closing the curtain with a yank. "You know, pranks are only funny if everyone's laughing," Spinnet continued talking. Remus said nothing, just got out of his costume and into his pajamas as quickly as possible. He didn't want to deal with Spinnet right now, not on his last night here! "Hardly anything you lot do are pranks, they're just bullying."

"Like st—stealing journals?" Remus asked.

Silence. Then, "Whatever, Loopy." He heard Spinnet go to the other side of the room, grumbling to himself.

Remus finished getting into his pajamas then went to the sink tipping some of the teeth cleaning potion into his mouth. He swirled it around then brushed to make sure it got everywhere, staring at his reflection. He wondered how others saw him. Not the Marauders, but people like Spinnet. Did they really think he was crazy? What would they say when he left?

He spat the potion out the rinsed the rest out. _I've gone to Saint Mungo's_ , he thought, looking back up at the mirror. _That's what they're going to say_. He wondered what the Marauders would say. After his secret was erased from their memories. Would they think he was too sick? Or would they think he was crazy? James thought he was, for a little while; maybe he'd go back to that.

A sharp pain stabbed into his chest at that thought. Of James living his life thinking, _Oh, right Lupin, we were friends for a while but he's a nutcase_. He wished they didn't have to lose this. He wished Sirius wouldn't have to go through this. How much would he fight Dumbledore?

Shaking his head, he returned to the dorm. Halloween music was playing out of the radio and all three of his friends were in their pajamas already. Peter grinned seeing Remus, motioning for him to come over to play cards. Remus slid into James's bed, sitting in his usual spot, taking the cards James dealt him, not really seeing the pictures or numbers.

"Okay, so what are we doing that's got you two all excited?" Peter asked.

James glared at him then closed the curtains. "Shh, Struthers is still in here!" he whispered.

Peter covered his mouth. "Oooh, sorry."

"We are doing something else?" Remus asked, organizing his cards as best he could.

"Of course," Sirius said with a wicked grin. "It's... well, we think it's really important to do..."

"But what _is_ it?" Pete asked, annoyed.

James and Sirius looked at one another then at the curtains. "Think they'll go to bed early enough?" James asked.

Sirius shrugged. "We should've gotten some sleep potion from the hospital wing."

At that Remus dropped the cards. "What?!" he hissed out. "Are you—" He stopped, realizing he was about to use the same word floating around his mind about himself.

"Serious?" Sirius asked with a twinkling eye. " _Always_."

Remus groaned and smacked his arm lightly. "An idiot, is what I was going to say, and the answer to _that_ is always." Sirius stuck his tongue out.

James touched his finger to his lips as Spinnet came back in the dorm. "We'll have to wait a while before we can do this. Besides, it needs to be close to midnight."

For some reason Remus thought back to their desire to go to his Hogsmeade house, to listen to the screams. "We're not sneaking out anywhere, are we?"

James and Sirius looked at each other once again. "Um, maybe," Sirius said.

Remus's heart leapt into his throat. "Where?"

"Outside," James said quietly.

"Where outside?" he pressed.

"Just into the mountains," replied Sirius, which eased Remus's fears but he still wasn't sure what was going on. "Look, wait till they're asleep then we can go. For now..." he slapped down his cards triumphantly. "I win."

*

A few hours later they were outside.

It had taken... a _lot_ of wheedling and pleading from James and Sirius to convince Remus. At first he flat out refused. Then he told them it was a bad idea. Then they kept begging, saying it was important although wouldn't tell him _why_ it was important. He asked again where they were going and they promised just in the mountains behind Hogwarts. In the end he went with them, figuring it didn't matter if he was caught. He'd be home before any punishment could be done.

The four of them crept to the second floor where there was a tunnel that led to a cave nearby. They were pretty sure Filch knew about it however they doubted anyone would be watching it this late. They wound their way through the twists and turns and came out in a cave in the mountains. Remus felt goosebumps rising as they stepped out into the mouth of the cave, looking at the school in the dim light that the crescent moon cast.

One by one they sat down in the dirt, shivering in the very cold night air. James spread the invisibility cloak out around them so they were all wrapped up in it, huddled. James on one end, Sirius on the other, Pete and Remus squished between them. Sirius was very warm which was nice. They just watched the sky for a moment until finally James spoke up.

"I want to do something. For Remus."

"Me?"

James pulled the cloak away from them and folded it up, setting it off to the side out of the way. Then he pulled the small bag off his shoulder. He had brought it with him, not telling any of them what was in it; Remus had assumed it held sweets. To his shock James pulled out a knife.

"Good God, James!" Pete gasped, shrinking away from him, into Remus.

"Why d-d-do you have _that_?!" Remus asked, beginning to tremble.

"A week ago James told you we'd take oaths to show you how much we mean to protect you," Sirius said, looking right into Remus's face. "We mean it."

Remus's heart dropped somehow past his feet and through the ground. _What_?

James grinned. "How perfect to do this on All Hallows Eve?" He shifted his weight, getting onto his knees.

"A—a blood oath?" Remus asked, feeling completely thrown for a loop... like one of them had just chucked him off the cliff. He felt dizzy, like he was falling fast. Panic swelled up, pushing at his skin.

"Sirius and I are both willing," James said then pinned Peter with his gaze. "How about you?"

Peter gave a faint squeak. "Ah... um..."

"No," Remus said, putting an arm automatically around him. "Don't you suck him into this. Blood oaths are d-dangerous, do you have any idea—"

"Not a _real_ blood oath!" laughed Sirius, getting onto his knees as well. "Not with our wands, or magic. _We're_ not even stupid enough to tamper with that!"

Remus still felt on edge. "It's one of the most powerful nights of the year, you might not even need your wand," he said, feeling as though something or someone was watching them.

"Pete, you in?" James asked, holding the knife out, ignoring Remus completely.

Peter was staring hard at the knife. "I... I..."

"Come on," Sirius pressed. "It's for Remus."

"Don't," Remus snarled. "Don't you use me as an excuse to do something absolutely bonkers!"

Peter looked at Remus then back at James. "Okay."

"Pete, don't," Remus begged. He didn't want his friends slicing themselves up to prove some stupid point that wouldn't even matter in less than twenty-four hours! "If this is for me, don't I get a say in this?" James cocked his head, knife poised in the air. This was so wrong. So bizarre!! It couldn't be happening. He had been plunged into some sort of horrible nightmare. How in Merlin's name did they reach the decision to do this?! " _Please_ don't. It's stupid."

Sirius gave him a wry smile. "That's what we're good at. Being stupid."

"You three are actually considering cutting yourselves up to do something so—so arbitrary?!"

"What's that mean?" Peter asked.

Remus scowled. "Senseless. Pointless. Irrational!"

"I read a Muggle book once where the group of friends cut their hands to make a blood pact about something," Peter said, rubbing the back of his head. "If Muggles can do it, what's so wrong with us doing it?"

"Muggles aren't magic," Remus hissed out. "Nor are they doing it at such a powerful location—" he jabbed a finger towards the castle, "—and on All Hallows Eve!"

Sirius snorted. "If we don't do it now, we'll just do it another time and you'll be arguing it then too."

Remus pushed his hair back, feeling furious that they had done this to him, that they were doing this when he was about to leave. Not that they knew that, how little hope he had for the next day, but _still_. Course even if he wasn't leaving he wouldn't want them to do it. "Look. Let's wait till Friday night. You can do it Friday night."

"What's so special about Friday?" James asked.

"It's my birthday," Sirius said.

Remus frowned, having completely forgotten that. "Or the weekend, when it's a new moon. That would be neat to do, wouldn't it? A blood oath under no moon? Mean a lot more to me, too."

James sank back down against his heels, lowering his arm finally. "Might be cool to do on a new moon," he mused.

Remus nodded eagerly. "Yes. I would prefer that." He looked back and forth, hoping his pleas would get to them.

He could see it on their faces that they were considering it. Then James noticed the time on his watch—a couple minutes before midnight—and shook his head, rising back up onto his knees. "No, tonight is perfect. Okay!"

Remus groaned loudly, hands covering his eyes, considering trying to take the knife from James and throwing it over the edge. He would have screamed with rage if he wasn't worried it might carry to the school and somehow someone would hear it. What on earth had possessed James and Sirius to think this was even vaguely a good idea?!

"We are more than just friends," James spoke in a grave, serious voice. "We are the Marauders, and our bond goes... um... beyond friendship? Oh!" he gasped as the wind kicked up pretty hard right then which Remus thought was a bad omen. "Hah, perfect! We are, uhhh, gathered here tonight to show the strength of, um, our—our ties. Our... solidity to our dear friend, Remus Lupin. He's our friend, and—er—"

"Really should have written this before," Sirius whispered.

James glared. "He's our friend, and no matter what we will be there for him. I, James Potter, do solemnly swear to keep this oath, and protect Remus's secret." James hissed as the blade cut into his palm.

His blood splattered on the dirt, droplets falling as he passed the knife to Sirius. Remus could smell it, and it made the creepy feeling even more intense. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to shake them till their pea brains rattled right out of their ears!

"I, Sirius Black, do solemnly swear to keep this oath, and protect Remus's secret," Sirius said, cutting into his hand, his own blood mingling a little with some of James's. He studied the red trickling down for a second then held out the knife to Peter who began shaking. Remus hoped he wouldn't do it, but...

"I, Peter Pettigrew, do solemnly swear to k-keep this oath, and p—protect Remus's secret." He gave a yelp as he cut his hand, not quite as deeply as the other two did but enough to draw blood.

James, Sirius, and Peter all looked completely unreal, kneeling on the cavern floor in their pajamas, the wind rustling their hair, the stars shining down on them as their blood dripped out. It was like a scene out of a book, and Remus felt ill.

The smell of blood permeated the air, clogging up Remus's sensitive nose, poking the wolf a little. He wrapped his arms around himself, rubbing his elbows, unable to believe that this just happened, hair raising as James's watch beeped to announce that it was midnight.

Uneasy silence.

Then...

"See?" Sirius asked cheerfully. "Nothing bad haaaAAAAAAAA!" He gave a great cry of pain and fell backwards, body thrashing. The other three began screaming, diving for Sirius as he writhed around then suddenly he gave a pained gasp then went completely still, eyes closed, limbs skewed at odd angles.

" _Sirius_?!" James shook him desperately.

"BOO!" Sirius sat upright and all three jumped back, screaming more. "Got you!" he shrieked then began laughing, clutching his stomach as he rolled back and forth, smearing blood across his silk pajamas.

"You absolute arse!" Remus snapped, smacking Sirius's arm multiple times. "You SCARED me!"

"That was MEAN!" Peter complained.

"That was _great_!" James snickered.

Sirius just grinned at Remus who gave another furious smack on the arm. "Jerk!"

James got out three handkerchiefs for them to wrap around their hands, and when Remus asked about wound healing salve James said he didn't want to do that until the next day to 'make sure'. _Make sure of what?!_ Remus wondered wildly, head pounding.

"We better get back now," James said as they got to their feet. "We have a big day ahead of us."

"Oh right, Remus's, um, mind thing," Peter said, giving Remus an encouraging smile as James flung the cloak around them once more.

Sirius smacked Remus's back with his right hand, the uncut one. "We've got a battle tomorrow. See? We'll do everything and anything to protect you, Remy."

Peter was studying his hand, at the blood-soaked handkerchief wrapped around it. "We will," he promised.

"That's what the Marauders do," James said firmly. "Protect each other. No matter what."

"No matter what," Sirius echoed.

"No matter what!" Peter repeated.

They all looked at Remus who closed his eyes. "No matter what," he reluctantly agreed. "But you're still bloody _idiots_."


	50. Chapter Fifty - Remus's Knights

"NOOOO!" Remus woke up, thrashing violently in his bed, getting tangled up in his blanket. "No! Pleeeaaaase don't!"

Sirius was at his bedside immediately, as if he hadn't even been asleep. "Remus?" He slid through the curtains, shutting them behind him, reaching out. "Remus, it's okay, hey, it's okay." He put his hand on Remus's arm and Remus lay still, panting heavily, sweat soaking through his pajamas. "What happened?"

"I—I don't remember everything," he lied, slowly working on getting untangled from his bed clothes. His nightmare had involved dark figures pinning him down, doing some sort of blood magic to somehow purge the world of werewolves, stabbing his hands through with silver daggers then slitting his throat. He unconsciously pressed his right thumb into his left palm, rubbing lightly.

Sirius noticed, and paled. "Was it because of what we did?"

Remus avoided his eyes, hands jerking apart. "I don't know," he lied again.

"We didn't mean to upset you. We just wanted to... do something. For you. About... all of this."

He began adjusting his blanket, smoothing it out carefully. "I know."

"Are you upset?"

He looked at the curtains then frowned at Sirius, dropping his voice lower. "Let me think, you three did something incredibly stupid and dangerous, possibly calling upon one of the most ancient forms of magic on one of the most magical nights of the year." He gave Sirius a light shove. " _Yes_ I'm upset."

Sirius huffed. "We didn't do any magic..."

"As far as you know!" Remus hissed out. "What if you did? What if something happens?"

"Well, the only way something would happen is if one of us breaks the oath, which isn't going to happen anyway," Sirius replied, obviously intending to sound logical.

Remus sighed, still seeing the knife in his head, still smelling the blood. Actually, the smell of blood _was_ really strong. Very strong. Too strong. His eyes drifted to Sirius's hand and he noticed a new handkerchief wrapped around it. The blood soaking through was dry... but smelled fresher than... it should...

"Hey!" Sirius complained as Remus grabbed his hand, untying the handkerchief. The wound was definitely bigger! He lifted Sirius's hand to show him.

"Nothing bad? Your wound is bigger."

Sirius yanked his hand away. "That's not because of anything to do with making a blood oath on Halloween."

"Really?" Remus glowered. "Then why is your wound bigger? It's just doing that on its own, is it?"

Sirius rewrapped the cloth around, tying it haphazardly. It slipped down so Remus reached over, tying it for him. "James and I did something else," he finally admitted.

"Cut your hands open again?"

"Yes," he replied hesitantly.

Remus looked up into his face. "Why?"

Sirius shrugged and pulled his hand back now that the wound was covered again. "It's nothing to do with you. It's something else. I don't want to talk about it."

He was torn between relief and worry. Relief that his initial fear of the wound magically getting worse wasn't true, but worry over the fact he suspected James and Sirius made another blood pact between the two of them, and he had no idea what kind... or what they did for it. "You didn't use your wands, did you?"

"No, just the knife again," Sirius promised, smiling brightly. "Don't worry, we didn't call upon our ancestors in a crazed ritual to bring Snape eternal misery. Although..." He tapped his finger theatrically against his chin. "That's not such a bad idea."

Remus grunted and pushed at Sirius. "Go to bed."

"Calling upon the house of Black to haunt him—"

"Bed!"

"—positively hellish torture, that is!"

"Good _night_!"

*

Thank Merlin the next day was Wednesday. All four Marauders slept in late, waking up only in to get ready for the day, sneak into the kitchens for some food, then hurry to their first class of the day. Remus could hardly pay attention. He kept jiggling his foot while Flitwick demonstrated today's spell, doodling absentmindedly on his paper. What did taking notes matter anyway?

He didn't want to eat lunch, just pushed food around, and was unfocused through the rest of the classes. Binns gave them a surprise exam which Remus knew would give him his worst History grade yet if he had to stay. Nothing on the test made sense to him and he just scribbled in what he hoped were the right answers. During Transfiguration all the words in his book and notes seemed jumbled together. Even Lily seemed to notice something was wrong and Remus just told her that he wasn't feeling great. She frowned, but didn't press.

After their last class let out the four Marauders wandered around the school. James and Sirius tripped a few other students then, after attempting and failing to set up a slime spell in a toilet, they they returned to their dorm to play cards. Well, Remus didn't play. He tried to but after one round he just jumped up and began restlessly going through his books.

Finally he sat on the floor, pulling his fake silver necklace out from his shirt. He turned it over and over in his fingers; first one way, then the other, running the pad of his thumb across the etching of the eye. He wrapped his fingers around the pendent and squeezed it tightly, praying to everything that a miracle would happen.

*

Remus couldn't eat supper either, he just poked at what little food he put on his plate, resisting the urge to vomit. Or cry. Or both. James and Peter were playing a word game—coming up with creatures alphabetically back and forth—while Sirius ate in silence, watching Remus.

He felt a nudge under the table, Sirius's foot against his own. Remus glanced up. "It'll be fine," he said, sounding completely assured.

Remus shoved his plate away and left the room, fleeing to the nearest bathroom to throw up. Then the tears came. He was still crying when the other Marauders came in. "S—sorry," he choked out, rubbing his eyes. "It's not g-g-going to work."

"Don't say that!" Peter said while Sirius gave Remus some wet paper towels.

James squeezed Remus's shoulder reassuringly. "You're a Gryffindor. We go down fighting."

"And we are going to fight," Sirius said darkly as he began to pace.

"Remy, _look_." James held out his right hand, palm facing Remus. There was a faint scar there, as they had used healing potion that morning so none of the teachers would notice. "Even though that's gonna fade, we'll always have that mark of our friendship with you. Fawley isn't going to pull us apart that easily. Neither is Dumbles."

"All for one, and one for all," said Peter with a clap of his hands.

Sirius stopped pacing. "And four to the end," he added, causing them all to smile, even Remus.

*

Remus stalked back and forth in the hallway, running his fingers through his hair until it stuck out at all sorts of odd angles. It was time for Occlumency. Time to tell Miss Fawley everything, and—and...

"Just let us know when it's time for us to come in," Sirius said, grabbing Remus by the shoulders to make him still. "You got this."

Remus swallowed. "I got this," he echoed then turned to face the door. "I got this."

James squeezed his shoulder again, Peter pat his back, and Sirius lightly tousled his hair. Remus sucked in some air then opened the door with a shaky hand.

"Remus," she said, smiling as she set her braille book to the side.

"M—Miss Fawley." He remained by the door, legs quaking so bad it was a wonder she didn't hear his knees knocking. He forced himself to take a step, then another. "How are you d-d-doing t-t-tonight?"

She tipped her head, frowning. "I'm doing well. You, however, are not."

"I—I'm fine," he mumbled.

"I can tell by your voice you are not fine." She pat the couch and he obediently sat down. "Did something happen?"

He was sweating now, and had to remove his robes, wiping his hands off on them before letting them fall to the floor. "A... a lot of th-things, I guess. Um. So. There is some stuff I n-need to talk to you about, before we—we get started." He curled his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palm, trying to keep himself from sounding reasonable and mature, not like the totally panicked, freaked out child he was. "Professor Prewett said s—something very nice the other day."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He... he told me I was... r-really good at his class, that I had, um, an affinity for it. He told me I c-could go far in that field."

Fawley smiled broadly. "That's wonderful to hear!"

"Yes. It—it's very wonderful," he agreed, focusing on keeping his breathing even. "He t-told me it'd be a shame if my brain went to waste."

"I agree with him, wholeheartedly."

"You do?"

Fawley raised her eyebrows. "Of course I do. You're a brilliant young man, Remus. Remarkable intellect! It isn't just Defense Against the Dark Arts you seem to have an affinity for, it's everything! Except Potions."

Remus managed a small laugh at that. "Yeah... still my—my downfall." He moved his hands to his lap now, twisting the hem of his vest around his fingers. "I... I wouldn't want to waste my... education either. I'm g—glad you agree."

"Why wouldn't I?" she asked, smile faltering. "Is something going on?"

Remus glanced at the door then back at Miss Fawley. "I'm always worried my parents will make me go back home," he said slowly.

"Have they said anything in a letter recently?"

"N... not... explicitly," he admitted, "but it's still a fear of mine. I don't want to go home. I want to stay in school, I want to learn!"

Fawley reached over, hand sweeping a little before she found his. He was a little afraid she'd go into his mind right away for some reason and see the truth before he could lay the foundation. "I'll do whatever I can to help convince them you belong here."

He smiled now, a real smile. "Promise?"

"Of course."

"Promise you'll help me stay at school?"

Fawley's smile faded entirely. "You know I will."

"And that my education is—is the most important thing?"

She stiffened, withdrawing her hand. "Yes," she said hesitantly. "Why?" He looked at the door then back at her. "Remus. What's going on?"

"Um." He shifted in his seat then slid back, a little farther from her. He had no idea how she'd react. "The thing is..."

Her whole body was tense now and her brow was snapped down. "What happened?"

Remus took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. His stomach was churning so violently, like a hurricane at sea. He just hoped he wouldn't throw up again. "The... they... they... the—they found out."

Silence.

"What?!" Fawley demanded, voice trembling.

He opened his eyes, heart practically ready to burst out of his chest with as hard as it was going. "The other Marauders. They know I'm a werewolf."

He cringed back as Fawley stood at full height. She seemed taller than she normally did, towering over him, face blazing with fury. "What did you just say?!" she demanded, struggling to keep from shouting. "Please tell me I misheard you, or that you're playing some sort of Halloween prank!"

Remus slid off the couch, backing away from her, nearly tripping over his fallen robes. "Miss Fawley—"

"No, don't you 'Miss Fawley' me!" she snapped. "You need to explain yourself. Is this a prank?"

He tried to speak and it took a couple tries before he managed to say, "N-no."

Her nostrils flared. "When did you find out? Just now? Where are they? Do you think they've gone to anyone about this?"

"N—no," he put in quickly. "They haven't t-t-told anyone else. Just—just me. They wanted... to t-tell me they knew..."

Fawley slowly nodded. "That is good. That means we can take care of this without any trouble—"

"Miss Fawley..."

"We'll need to see Albus immediately—"

"Miss _Fawley_?"

"—before they decide to contact the Ministry—"

"Miss Fawley!" he snapped and she trailed off, turning her face towards him. "Miss Fawley, they..." Oh boy. "They've... known for a—f-for... a-a while..."

She didn't say anything for several second then slowly sank back down onto the couch. "How long?"

He looked down at the floor, poking at the stone with his foot. "Um. Well. P—Peter found out about a—a week and a half ago. During the l-last full moon. James has, um, known for over a month. And... and Sirius..."

"And Mr. Black?" she demanded icily.

He pressed his fingers against his eyelids. "Since last spring," he whispered, the confession hanging heavily between them.

She didn't reply right away so he forced himself to open his eyes, to look at her. She had her head in her hands, radiating disappointment and fear. He wanted to apologize... but how could he do that?

"How long have you known they've known? That _he's_ known?"

"A week, that's all," he promised, taking a few nervous steps towards her. "They told me after the last full moon."

She raised her head. "And you haven't told anyone?" Her meaning was clear. How stupid was he?

"I—I was going to!" He wrung his hands, nails scraping along his skin. "I... I had a breakdown Tuesday night and wound up in the hospital..."

"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?" Her tone and words slapped him hard and he staggered back, shocked she'd say such a thing. "Remus." She sat up straight, hair cascading down over her shoulders. "You... you're risking you _life_. You understand that, don't you?"

"Y— _yes_!"

"Because it sure as Merlin doesn't sound like you do." She sounded sad, and a little hurt. Like him not doing anything about this had actually hurt her. Or perhaps it was just bringing back memories of her sister.

He finally sat back down next to her. "I do understand. And... I... I trust them."

She let out a sharp laugh. "They're twelve!"

"So am I!"

She sighed, falling against the back of the couch, tipping her head back. "Remus. I know that right now things seem simple—"

"They're not simple," he interrupted, annoyed. "Everything's complicated, and—and confusing, and I hate it. B-but the Marauders... they make things a little better for me. And I trust them, I do. They're my best friends. They're—they're more than my best friends." He knew he couldn't explain how he started feeling recently, how close he felt to them. How it seemed so much stronger than what he ever expected a friendship to feel like. Maybe he was imagining it, or maybe that is how regular friendships felt... but ever since they told him they knew things seemed to have shifted a little.

"They are children," she replied flatly.

He had nothing to argue that, so he changed his line of reasoning, hoping one of the alleys he tried would work. "Isn't it my decision whether or not to trust them?"

" _You're_ just a child," she pointed out.

Oops. Well. "D-do you know what they did? After I... I flipped out and—and begged them for mercy and asked if they had called anyone to come kill me?" He didn't wait for her to answer. "They hugged me. I told them not to, because I was a monster, and they still hugged me. They told me I wasn't a monster. That I'm a good person." He felt his nose burning and tears welling up, and he bowed his head even though she couldn't see the tears. "They've been... so kind to me... since everything happened."

Fawley moved closer to him, sliding her hand on his back. "I'm sorry. I am. I understand your feelings. However, you need to realize that you cannot trust three children with such a dangerous secret."

"So... what? Dumbledore erases their memory?"

"Yes, I'm afraid—"

"And then I leave school?" He jerked away from her, so she couldn't touch him. "I can't stay. If they figured it out once, they'll figure it out again. I go home, then."

"Remus—"

"And this was all for nothing." He balled his hands into fists and jumped to his feet, tears dripping down. "My hard work, my grades... all those hours of studying... for _nothing_." He had a nightmare the previous school year, of him wasting away into nothing while remaining hidden in a cottage and it burned inside of him now. "I don't want to lose this." She got up, approaching him carefully, fingers brushing against his shoulder, but he pulled back. "I w-w-want to stay!" It was slipping away. He knew it wouldn't work. He _knew_. He shouldn't have ever allowed the slightest bit of hope into him. He sniffled loudly, wiping his nose off on his sleeve. "I trust them."

"I know you do, and—and that is wonderful, it is. But that doesn't make it safe."

His head began throbbing as he fought to keep hold of his emotions. The wolf was stirring inside of him, agitated by his frustration. He doubted he'd be able to argue articulately and decided it was just time to bring in the heavy duty artillery. "Will you at least hear them out?"

"Will I... what?" Her face twisted into an unreadable expression. "I don't—" He went past her, to the door, swaying a bit due to being dizzy and lightheaded. "Remus, they're not... please tell me they're not out there!"

"At least let them talk to you themselves." He wrenched open the door causing his friends to all jump. They were across the hall and gave him hopeful looks which disappeared when he shook his head. They crossed the corridor, nervously entering the room. He shut the door behind Peter and waited, having _no_ idea whatsoever what was going to happen next.

Miss Fawley stood ramrod straight by the couch, arms tight at her sides. James strode forward, sticking his hand out. "Hi!" he said cheerfully. "I'm James Potter!" He stood in front of her, hand still out for a brief second, then he looked rather abashed and let his hand drop. "Remus's friend," he continued as if this were some sort of newspaper interview, "and Chaser extraordinaire."

Remus moaned and dropped his head in his hands.

"I know who you are," Fawley forced out.

"Great!" James beamed, clapping his hands together once. "Now, I know you probably don't think it's a good idea that we know—"

"The more people who know, Mr. Potter, the more likely your friend will be executed," she interrupted.

If she expected this to provoke a shocked reaction she was sorely mistaken. James merely tilted his head. "Do you feel the same about Professor Sprout knowing?"

"Mr. Potter—"

"Or Slughorn? Or Flitwick?"

"Mr. Potter—"

"Did you oppose Dedenne knowing?"

To Remus's surprise, Fawley's face flushed very slightly. "No," she admitted, voice softening a bit. "However there is an enormous difference between an adult knowing and a child knowing—"

"Even though said adult verbally attacked him and treated him like shit for a year with no other adult interfering?" James asked, voice suddenly going cold and dark, so notably different from his usual sunny disposition that Remus shivered. James Potter had come for a battle. Something powerful rose in Remus's chest at the sight of someone fighting so loyally for for him, but it also kinda scared him.

"I did not know the extent of what was going on," Fawley said in a clipped tone. "If I did, I would have done something about it. But either way, what happened with Dedenne does not change the fact three children cannot be trusted with his secret."

"Um. Um." Peter fidgeted, wringing his hands. "Hi. Um. I'm—I'm Peter and—and well, I know it's silly to think we could keep his secret but—why would we ever blab? Cause Remus is our friend. He's one of my best friends. I—I'd never do anything to hurt him!"

"You may think that now, Mr. Pettigrew, however what happens if you fight? If you break off your friendship?"

"Never gonna happen," James grumbled.

Fawley grabbed for her cane. "I'm going to Albus. I'm sorry. I am. But I can't allow this." She started walking then stopped as Sirius sidestepped, blocking her from the door. Fawley gripped her cane so tightly that her knuckles turned white. "Mr. Black, I presume."

"Guilty as charged," Sirius replied, folding his arms and leveling his chin. "You're going to go to Dumbledore to erase our memories, right?"

"Yes."

Sirius's eyes drifted over towards Remus. "What's going to happen to Remus?" Fawley hesitated, not expecting that comment. "After our memories are erased," he clarified, in case she didn't get his meaning.

"He... will... return home."

"Do you know what will happen to him?"

"I told you, he will return h—"

"No." Sirius shifted his weight then hunched his shoulders. "What will happen to him after he returns home? You realize what that will do to him? You know him. You know him probably better than us, possibly better than his parents cause of seeing his memories. Taking him away from Hogwarts—from _school_ , from classes, from his education—will kill him. I... I know werewolves can heal from a lot of things, but I think breaking his heart's going to do some pretty hefty damage."

Remus couldn't move. It felt like Sirius had reached into him and pulled out his very essence. How was he so _aware_ of how Remus felt? Was thinking? And the bit about heartbreak... it made him want to go over and hug Sirius. It was strange to be so _noticed_ and understood.

"This isn't the stage, Mr. Black; save your theatrics," Fawley said harshly. "We aren't discussing some small matter. This is something _very_ important; beyond schoolboy whims."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Ma'am, I know perfectly well you think very little of me, but I will do anything to protect Remus. That includes protecting him from being hurt. And kicking him out of school is going to hurt him. So I won't allow it."

"Neither will I," James said, taking a long step to stand next to Sirius.

"Me too!" Peter said, scurrying to stand on Sirius's other side.

Fawley bowed her head, rubbing her temple. She couldn't see the stubborn looks on their faces but Remus knew she could hear it in their voices. Remus began chewing his nails, eyes darting back and forth between them and her, waiting for her to respond.

"I cannot allow any risks to his life," Fawley finally answered. "You are far too young to hold a secret such as this. Friendships... perhaps yours would remain strong, but friendships come and go. Remus's curse is going to be with him until either a cure is found, or he dies."

"Our friendship doesn't go," Peter said, sticking his lower lip out.

"We're not _little_ ," James protested. "Maybe we are only twelve but that doesn't mean we take this lightly!"

"We've done quite a bit of research into... things," Sirius added. "We're all _well_ aware of what would happen if we slip up."

James gave a wry smile. "We keep secrets. And this is the biggest Marauder secret. We care about Remus."

"And if a teacher who barely knows him can be told and, um, trusted to keep the secret then surely _we_ who know him and everything can be trusted!" put in Peter.

Sirius licked his lips, then pushed his hair back. "Can I talk to you for a second, ma'am? Privately?"

"Why?" she asked suspiciously.

"Please?"

Fawley thought about this for a second then slowly nodded. "Very well. Will you three wait outside?"

They went out of the room, sitting down on a nearby bench. Remus sat down on his hands to keep them from shaking, staring at the door, wondering what on earth Sirius could be saying to her. He couldn't hear anything due to the soundproofing spells on the door.

James put an arm around him while Peter leaned against him, head resting against Remus's arm. "He's probably making it worse," Remus whispered, rocking back and forth a little. She hated Blacks so much. Maybe she'd just hex him. Peter linked his arm through Remus's, squeezing to try and reassure him. Nobody said anything else and the minutes stretched on. Just when Remus thought he couldn't take it another second, the door opened.

Fawley's face looked impassive as she said, "May I speak to either Potter or Pettigrew alone as well?" She moved so Sirius could come out, paler than usual. Peter gulped and James got up, messing up his hair before striding into the room. The door shut, and Sirius sat down where James had been.

"What did you talk to her about?" Remus asked.

Sirius gave a faint smile. "Whether I'm capable of keeping your secret. Of course."

Remus nudged him. "Really, what did you tell her?"

Sirius looked around then bent in close. "I told her I wasn't my family, all right? I told her I—I take more pride in being a Marauder than I ever did being a Black. I told her... how important you are to me. I also answered her questions."

"What questions?" Peter asked, knowing he'd be called in next, rather like they were being given individual lectures from a teacher.

"She asked why I told you and James. Why I didn't tell Remus from the start." Sirius turned his head away, sounding awkward as he said, "Why I didn't allow the spells to be put on my curtains, and why I always go to you when you have nightmares. Didn't realize she knew that."

"I can't control what she sees," Remus said apologetically.

Sirius rolled his eyes towards him. "It's fine. A bit embarrassing, but fine." He ran his fingers restlessly through his hair. "Stuff like that. Basically quizzed me to an inch of my life about how loyal I am to Remy." He paused and then said, "I told her about the oath."

"You WHAT?!" Remus half-shrieked, heart hammering in his chest. "That—she—"

"It proves we're loyal."

Remus grabbed Sirius's arm. "It _proves_ you're _idiots_!" He wondered what Fawley's reaction to that was, surprised she didn't just go straight to Dumbledore after hearing it!

Sirius gave him a broad grin. "We may be idiots, Remy, but we're loyal idiots."

Remus groaned while Peter nodded before resting his cheek back on Remus's shoulder. "She's gotta see how much we care and how much we wanna protect you."

"I believe she's going to see you are all idiots," he grumbled. "Is that why you did the oath? To—to prove to her—"

"No!" Sirius snapped. "Absolutely not. We did it because we care about you, and we wanted to have—wanted to do it out of our loyalty to you. It is _nothing_ to do with Fawley and everything to do with you, okay?"

Remus gave a small nod, and left it at that.

James was with Miss Fawley a lot shorter than Sirius was, and when he came out, Peter went in.

"Boy, she's a nosy one," James grumbled, stretching his legs out. "I think it went well though. Nobody can resist the ol' Potter charm."

Peter was only in there three minutes tops. His face was bright pink when the door opened again and he scurried over to join his friends. Sirius and James stood with Remus but Fawley shook her head, stating she needed to speak to Remus again. James squeezed Remus's hand before he went over, trying not to feel sick.

The door swung shut behind him.

Remus went over to the sofa and sat, waiting for the verdict. Fawley approached him as one might a skittish animal, at least that's how it seemed to him. "Remus." She sat next to him, taking his hand gently. "It isn't safe."

He turned his head away from her, rage and depression battling it out inside his head.

"However."

He froze, then slowly looked back at her. _However_?

"This isn't an easy black and white decision. On one hand, if we go to Albus, we will be protecting you. On the other hand... as much as I hate to agree with anything a Black says, I know perfectly well removing you from Hogwarts will be detrimental to you. To your mental health." She rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Your parents have done questionable things in the name of keeping you safe. Things I don't agree with. Which is worse? Physically harming a child, or mentally and emotionally harming a child? Could I really say I am doing the _right_ thing by taking you out of your element? By taking you away what's given you essentially water and light to a plant? You've changed for the better in the past year, Remus. Coming to school has done you so much good. _They_ have done you so much good."

Remus was so confused. He didn't understand. What was she saying? That she was going to let this continue? Or that she wasn't?

She got back up and began pacing, her cane clacking against the stone. "I don't trust them. Potter's too cocky, Pettigrew's too nervous, and Black—well, Black is a Black."

"Would you trust him if he weren't?" Remus couldn't help but whisper, not wanting to break her process of thought but having to speak up in defense of Sirius.

"I would trust him _more_ if he weren't," she admitted, "but not fully. Disregarding my personal feelings towards them, there is no doubting their love for you. I don't think I've ever seen young children with such an intense bond. Frankly, it's a little disconcerting. I knew the four of you were close but it seems like since I last met with you things have escalated at a frightening rate. That... blood oath they took... could potentially be—"

"I—I know, I tried t-t-to talk them out of it—"

"I know it isn't your fault..."

Remus watched her walking back and forth, resisting the urge to shout at her to just _tell_ him her decision. He kept his mouth clamped tightly shut, body practically vibrating with anticipation.

"I came here to be your tutor," she went on, and he tried not to groan. "I try not to overstep myself. That is one reason I never told anyone about your pranks, because that is a betrayal of trust. It's not my duty to snitch on you. Unless, as I've stated before, it's when great harm is placed on another. Either someone hurting you, or you've hurt someone. Which comes back to the point Black made. Forcing you to drop out would do great harm."

He bit his bottom lip now, teeth digging in until there was a sharp burst of pain and blood seeped onto his tongue.

"I don't trust them," she said again and finally stopped moving, facing him, "but that is my opinion, not yours. It's very clear you trust them, and that they feel at this moment in time they are extremely loyal to you. You are young, but you know exactly what will happen if they ever break that trust. If you are that determined... then I find it rather hard to purposely lock you away from everything on the chance something _might_ happen."

"M—Miss Fawley?"

She bowed her head. "I'm not going to go to Albus."


	51. Chapter Fifty-One - Over The Barrier

Remus leapt to his feet, nearly falling flat on his face. " _WHAT_?! R—really? Really? Rea—really? _Really_?" He was saying the same thing over and over but didn't know how to say anything else, everything had been blasted clean out of his brain.

"Yes," she said then gave a short laugh as he hugged her. "Oh, Remus, I'm not happy with this, but I'll go with your decision unless it starts turning out for the worse, all right? If I see any hint of things crumbling, I may step in to prevent a disaster."

"Yes, yes, yes I—I understand—I—oh!" He hugged her tighter, being careful not to hug too tightly. He began to cry. "Thank you. Thank you. Th-thank you, Miss Fawley." He began sobbing, like a little child, but was too overwhelmed with joy to feel too ashamed. "Thank you."

Her hand settled on his head. "I think, all things considered, we should put our lesson off for another week."

Remus laughed, falling back from her and rubbing his eyes on his sleeves. "Thank you. I can't even... oh, oh Miss Fawley..."

"Be careful—"

"I will. I promise. I will. They're—th-thank you." He couldn't believe it. She had—she—he was—

He whirled around, stumbling to the door, falling over finally. He just scrambled back up and yanked the door open so hard the knob slammed into the stone wall. James, Sirius, and Peter all looked at him, getting to their feet.

He took in a deep breath and simply said, " _Yes_."

They gave cries of joy and were suddenly on him, squashing him between them as they hugged him, all jumping, laughing, and shrieking with jubilation and triumph, and Remus laughed, jumped, and hugged as well but then he just sort of stood there in a daze. _I'm staying_. One of them put their arms around him and half-spun him, then he faintly heard Sirius say something about how none of them really ate supper, and then Pete suggested raiding the kitchens. Then they started walking off, and it took a couple seconds for them to realize Remus was still standing there.

James waved his hand in front of Remus's face. He blinked then jerked back, startled. "You all right?"

"Um. I—I don't know," Remus admitted.

James put his arm around him. "Come on. You two get some food, I'll get him to the dorms." He began walking, pulling Remus along. Remus stumbled, allowing himself to be led, completely out of it that James could have easily led him right into a wall and he would walked right into it. James noticed that Remus was not very present and stopped in his tracks. Remus bumped into him. "You sure you're okay?" he asked, concerned.

"I... I just... can't believe... she—she—she agreed?"

James smiled. "Yeah. Come on, hop on."

"Huh?"

He turned, squatting a little. "You're worse than usual, Brains. I'll carry you."

"No, I'm—"

"Unable to walk on your own. Come _on_."

Remus put his arms around James's neck and James stood up, grabbing Remus's legs. He hitched him a little higher then began half-walking, half-galloping. Remus laughed. "You'll hurt yourself."

James snorted. "You weigh like, five pounds. My broom weighs more than you!"

"Don't make me smack you."

"I'm your horse right now, that's animal abuse."

Remus just smiled, not saying anything in response, just watching the back of James's head. James Potter was a prankster, a jokester, a show-off... arrogant and cocky... yet he had... immediately accepted Remus and fought for him to stay in school. He could still see James standing before Fawley, unafraid. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Eh? Aw, no problem, little buddy. You were practically falling over every step anyway."

Remus didn't correct him on what he was thanking him for, just shifted his arms and went back to trying to grasp the fact he was staying. Staying! His friends _knew_ and he was _staying_ , Fawley—and he was _staying_!

James carried him up to the portrait of the Fat Lady then deposited him on the floor, giving the password. He helped Remus through and immediately Remus knew something was up. The entire atmosphere of the common room was... different. Giddier. Girls were giggling even more than usual, and a lot of the boys seemed keyed up about something. It was so bad even James noticed.

"We miss something?" he asked, scanning the room. He stopped when he saw Colgate curled up in an armchair, nose deep in a book. "Come on." She looked up as they approached, and immediately dissolved into giggles. "Hey, is—did something happen?"

Colgate raised her book to her mouth, giggling even more. "Oooh, you weren't in the Great Hall when Dumbledore made the announcement!"

"What announcement?" James asked, hands on hips.

She sank down in her seat, making a strange squealing sort of sound. "A dance!" she gasped out.

"A... what?" James and Remus exchanged looks.

"Dance!" She sat upright now, eyes shining. "A proper dance! You know, boys and girls going together? Unfortunately it's just for fourth years and up, though if a fourth year or up asks someone younger they can go."

"Oh," Remus said, disappointed it was something so boring.

"Oh," James said, sounding disappointed it was something so boring.

"Uh-huh." Colgate stood up then sat back down so her feet were tucked up underneath her. She smoothed her skirt out. "It's on the sixteenth. Of December."

"That's the day we go home for the holidays, isn't it?" James asked.

"Yeah, but Dumbledore said anyone staying for the dance can go home on the seventeenth," she explained. "I kinda want to stay... I mean, I won't be able to go but I really want to see the decorations and some of the dresses." She gave a longing sigh.

James scoffed. "Right, well, c'mon Remus, we've got stuff to do." He walked over to the stairs without another word, and Remus gave Colgate a small, dazed wave before hurrying after him.

At least talking to Colgate had shaken him a little bit out of his shock, but he still wasn't fully recovered. Once up in the dorm he excused himself to go to the bathroom but instead of the toilet he went into one of the shower stalls, curling up on the floor and crying into his hands. _I'm staying. They know, and I'm staying. She's letting this happen_. He wanted to go back to Fawley and thank her again, and again, and again. He replayed her words in his head, trying to figure out precisely what convinced her. Whether it was his own pleading to remain at school, or what the other Marauders said.

He knew that at any point she could change her mind. But. He was staying, for now.

By the time he calmed down, washed his face, and returned to the dorm Sirius and Peter were back with food. Remus grinned, bouncing over to James's bed where all the food was. He climbed up and began filling up a plate while James was putting curtains up over the door, to muffle their sounds. The topic of conversation was, unfortunately, the dance. Sirius seemed super excited about, ignoring the fact completely he couldn't go.

"First of all, an older girl will ask me," he said, pointing his fork at James who had mentioned the age limit. "Second of all, we're the Marauders. Sneaking into things is our fort!"

"Forte," Remus mumbled.

"Thirdly... ummm... well, no third, mostly the second." Sirius stabbed a piece of chicken and began waving it around. "We're sneaking in."

"And playing a prank?" James asked, jumping back onto the bed, sending some of the food off the large tray.

Sirius broke into a grin. "Oh. Without a doubt!"

"I can't," Peter said and everyone looked at him. "James said Colgate said it's after we leave for the holidays. Since I'm too young to go to the dance I don't think my parents will let me stay."

"Yeah, I wouldn't be able to put off returning home," added Remus, trying to imagine the outrage from his mother if he attempted such a request! "I guess you two are on your own."

Sirius made a face. "Thinking about it, my mother probably wouldn't be too pleased."

James sighed. "Mine wouldn't care, but without you lot it wouldn't be any fun! Anyway..." He leaned over to his desk, pulling out a bottle of butterbeer. "Ta-da!" He twisted the cap off, pouring the liquid into the cups. They frothed up nicely. "We've got something more important than a stupid dance to think about right now." He handed the cups around and some of Remus's sloshed since his hands were still a bit shaky. "To Remus," James said, and Remus flushed a little.

"No, to—to you," he said, giving them each a smile. "You were all amazing back there. I can't believe you somehow convinced her..." He wanted to say that they were like knights in shining armor, but that'd be super silly so he didn't. "You did it."

"Course we did," James replied with absolute self importance.

Sirius laughed then looked over at Peter. "She didn't talk to you very long... what did she ask you?"

Peter shrugged, sipping at his drink. "Um, just some stuff like why I felt like I could keep your secret, why I was okay with being 'round a—you-know-what. I guess she didn't think much of me."

"Better than hating you," Sirius muttered into his cup. "What about you, Jimmy? What she ask you?"

"Eh, same things really," he replied with a shrug. "Asked me some _intense_ stuff though."

"Like what?" Sirius wanted to know.

James looked at him then at Remus then down into his cup of butterbeer. "She asked if I ever had to choose between siding with you or protecting Remus which I'd do." Sirius raised his eyebrows while Remus clutched at his cup. They both wanted to know the answer, but neither dared speak up. James smiled and said, "I told her, I said, 'siding with Sirius pretty much means protecting Remus anyway'." He began laughing. "She didn't like that. Kept telling me to answer her, and I said that I did."

"I think the hardest thing she asked me was what I'd do if the Ministry tried to question me if Remus is a werewolf or not," Peter said. Everyone gave him curious looks. Pete smiled. "I thought about it for a moment then told her it's a good thing my grades aren't too great. She asked me what I meant and I said it means I can probably get away with..." Peter put on a glazed-eye, dumb look while he scratched his head. "Um, what's a werewolf?"

Sirius, James, and Pete laughed at that, Sirius smacking Peter's arm.

"Did she say anything about your family, Sirius?" James asked once they calmed down.

Sirius's smile faded into a scowl. "Of course she did. Told me flat out she doesn't trust me, because of my bloodline. Though she seemed surprised I didn't know my aunt killed her sister." The words jarred Remus and he stared at Sirius. "Yeah, she asked me about my aunt and I said I didn't know what she was talking about. I guess she thought it was a story told 'round my family but it's not really. I had no idea Fawley was involved. I told her I understood why she really hated us, then. I think she mighta been a bit disappointed I didn't put up a fight over her hatred of me."

Pete's eyes got big. "You didn't argue with her?"

"No point. She has her views on what a Black is. Unfortunately, it's not far off the mark." He tipped his head way back to chug the last of his drink then wiped his mouth off on his sleeve.

"It is for you," Remus said softly and Sirius gave him a small smile.

"SO!" James said loudly causing Remus to jump, knocking some potatoes off his plate, sending them rolling to the floor. "How do you feel now, Remy?"

"Honestly, very shocked," he replied. "I had zero expectations I'd still be here. I could not see her allowing you to know my secret."

Sirius reached over, messing up his hair. Remus grunted and pulled back, smoothing down his hair.

"You really had no hope?" James asked.

"No. I tried to. I... really tried. But I didn't."

"You've spent the past several days acting normal when you were thinking you'd be leaving?" Sirius asked.

Remus couldn't help but smile. "I'm a little used to acting normal when things inside of me are caving in to despair."

None of them spoke then James let out a low whistle. "Merlin."

He blushed, feeling stupid for admitting to such a thing. Even though they knew the truth didn't mean he should reveal everything abut himself. "It's—I meant—I'm not really—I shouldn't have—"

"Hey." Sirius bumped his shoulder against Remus's. "It's fine to say things like that. You can be honest with us, about... what it's like."

"Yeah," Peter said brightly. "I mean, we _know_ so you can say whatever now."

Remus sniffled a little and might have started crying again if James didn't go, "You're going to make him cry." So instead Remus glared at James who fluttered his eyelashes at him. "Nothing wrong with crying. Ow!" he yelped as Remus straightened his leg to kick at James's shoe. "But really, say _whatever_ you want. Even if it's stuff like what you just did. I mean, you don't have anyone to talk to this about, right? Except Fawley?"

"N... no..." He set his cup down and then tucked his hands under his legs. "You know... I've wished for something like this for over a year. Someone my own age I could t—talk to. About... things."

"Now you do," Peter said after he realized Remus wasn't going to say anything else. "You got three of'em."

"What sort of things have you been wanting to ask?" James wanted to know.

Remus looked back down, not sure how to respond to that, because what he wanted to know was stuff he didn't think he should ask about. Things involving the crazy feelings he sometimes had. "I do have... a question. I wanted to ask before but..." Remus didn't lift his head, didn't really want to see their faces as he spoke. "What was it like, when you realized... or were told? About—about me? Your initial... thoughts? I know you guys said stuff about... being surprised and... well, I just was wondering."

"I didn't believe it for a while," Sirius told him. "I think that's why it took me so long. I really just kept denying it, like—what Peter said before about how he always thought werewolves were these big muscled people... I thought so too. I was raised on the whole... brute image. You're so small and sickly instead of giant and scary. No offense. Plus you're so... sweet. And kind. And—" Sirius stopped suddenly, and coughed. "Anyway, it's just... it was hard for me to match you up with what I assumed werewolves were. I was a little scared, for a little bit, because just all of a sudden I realized you _were_ one but that didn't last long at all, because it's _you_."

"I felt the same way, when Sirius told me," Peter said.

"Yeah, same here," James agreed. "I had that _whoa_ moment then... okay. I mean, I wasn't just 'okay' but I wasn't frightened or scared or anything." He pushed his fingers through his hair, a crooked smile on his face. "I didn't believe Sirius at first. I kinda laughed at him, when he said you were a werewolf. My parents never told me much about werewolves but in all the stories they're huge and mean and don't even really look human most the time. Then when I accepted it, it just made everything make sense. I mean, I did notice it seemed pretty regular when you got sick, or your mum got sick." He paused for a moment then said, "It was a relief."

"A—a relief?" Remus asked, confused.

James's smile got a little tight. "Finding out you're a werewolf is a _lot_ better than thinking you were dying."

Nobody spoke for a moment after that then Remus looked at Peter. "I didn't believe it till we went to the hospital wing, under the cloak, really. There's nothing about you that really seems like a werewolf. I still kinda didn't believe it until you said you were. It's still kinda hard to think of you like that."

"You know... I think given time I mighta figured it out," James said. "There were a couple times I knew you were sick during the full moon, but it didn't _occur_ to me they were connected. Maybe after another year I would have."

"I never would have," Peter said, making a face.

"I hope nobody else does," Remus murmured.

James kicked his foot very gently. "Hey, nobody else spends as much time with you as we do. I do have another question for you, though, if that's okay. I've been thinking about it for a while." Remus nodded, unsure as to what it could be. "You said—you said before that you don't remember what it's like... when you're... um... transformed."

"That's right..."

"I was just... wondering what it was like when you transform, then transform back," James said.

Remus tilted his head. "Painful—"

"I meant, for your mind," James went on, moving his legs so he was in a kneeling position. "Is it like falling asleep and waking up?"

Remus straightened up a little, kinda surprised by this question. It wasn't something he'd thought much about, much less be asked about. He didn't think his parents had ever once asked about that part of the experience. They sometimes asked about the before and during and after, but never the actual transitioning. "No," he finally said, tugging at the sleeve of his robe. "It's kinda like... um..." He struggled to figure out the best way to describe it. "Okay, you know how sometimes you sorta stop being... present in your body? It's a little like—"

"Wait, stop being what?" James asked.

"Stop being like... _present_... in your body?" Remus repeated, not sure how else to explain the feeling. "You know? When nothing around you feels real and it's all kinda... distant?" James and Peter were staring at him like he had suddenly just turned into Snape or something. Sirius was frowning, not looking quite as weirded out. "Um." Remus gulped and ducked his head, wondering if this was something normal humans didn't experience. "You... don't... g-get that, do you?"

"No," James and Peter chorused. Remus wanted to curl up into the smallest ball possible and disappear.

"Not... quite," Sirius said, carefully choosing his words. "But I've experienced something similar, I think."

James raised his eyebrows at Sirius. "You what?"

Sirius shrugged. "Once or twice. Not the same thing that Remus is describing though." Then suddenly his cheeks went rather pink and he tried to drink out of his cup but all his butterbeer was gone, so he took James's cup and drank that instead, obviously needing something to focus on besides what he just said. When he realized James was still staring at him (and Remus trying not to) he set the cup down. "I've had some... not so pleasant experiences in my life, and sometimes I kinda... go blank, I guess?"

Remus felt relief flooding through his body because it made him feel like less of a freak, that someone else—someone undoubtedly human—went through something similar. It wasn't quite the same but close enough that he didn't feel utterly alone. Then relief was replaced with concern. _Not so pleasant experiences_?

"So you do that?" Peter asked Remus.

"Um, sorta. It's... well, it's like... everything around me is getting farther away..." He traced designs on the blanket, the fabric feeling strange under his fingertip. "I'm in a lot of pain, when I transform. Mostly what's going on in my head is—is wanting the pain to stop. Then everything's sorta... fading. Like—this—this isn't—I'm sorry."

"No, you can tell us," Sirius said. "If you want to."

"If you don't want to it's fine," Peter added.

"It's up to you," finished James.

Remus took in a deep breath and bent forward again, hiding his face against his legs again. "The wolf... gets stronger. It starts taking over. It sort've feels like I'm shrinking into nothing, and then usually the next thing I know is pain, when I'm transforming back into—into... not a wolf."

"And nothing in between?" Sirius asked.

"Not... really. I sometimes remember vague feelings of... anger and fury." His voice broke a little and his body began trembling.

Sirius reached over, pressing a hand against his upper arm. "Hey, don't make yourself tell us what you're not okay telling us."

Remus sniffled. "It's more that it's embarrassing. It's... I'm n-not used to talking about it either. My whole life was spent being told _don't talk about this to anyone_ and it's—well, it is difficult. But. I mean. You _know_ and I—I think I'd rather you ask me for answers than try to surmise what _might_ be, if that makes sense."

"No matter what you tell us, we won't think anything bad about you," Peter promised.

"Unless you told us SURPRISE!" James shouted, causing the other three to jump. "You're a Slytherin in disguise!! Then I might not be so favorable."

"Well..." Remus couldn't help but smirk. "I do like the color green."

"Ooof," James moaned. "Treading on thin ice there, buddy. See, werewolf I can handle. Slytherin... not so much."

Remus kicked at him and they both laughed, Remus feeling a lot more comfortable. "Thank you. Again. For—for everything."

"One for all, all for one, and four to the end," Sirius said.

"Is that really our new motto?" James grumbled.

"Can it be a 'new' motto if we never had an old one?" Peter asked.

"Probably?" James scratched his head. "Brains, I'll have to go to you for that one."

"It depends on the context," said Remus. "For instance if you invented a new potion you could advertise it as new despite it not being based on an older potion. However... when it comes to a motto, I do believe we'd have to have an old one to have a new one."

"Cool so now we have a motto, we can make a new one," James said, shooting a look at Sirius who stuck his tongue out.

"Hey, nothing wrong with all for one, one for all, and four to the end," Sirius said then stuck his hand up. "Show of hands, come on."

Peter put his up with some trepidation. "I kinda like it."

Remus put his up. "Actually, I like it too."

James sighed then shoved his glasses back up. "Fine, fine. That'll be our motto."

Shifting into a lighter mood felt good to Remus, and he got off the bed so he could turn the radio on. He didn't mind talking seriously but he just needed something else right now. He shifted through the stations until he got to the rock station then flopped back onto James's bed. The conversation shifted into jokes and teasing, tossing food at each other (and James crashing off the bed rather painfully to try to catch a carrot in his mouth), and it felt _so_ good.

However that night Remus could barely sleep. He kept tossing and turning, sitting upright multiple times whenever realization settled around him. Mostly he felt happy, sometimes he felt scared. Scared because _now what_? Ever since he had calmed down after the initial panic all he thought was, _well soon I'll be gone, I won't be here_. Now he was here to stay.

How was he going to get through every single day with them knowing? He trusted them. Oh, without a doubt he trusted them. But it was still frightening.

He fell backwards into bed, letting out a quiet breath. _This is going to be so hard._


	52. Chapter Fifty-Two - A Birthday Letdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized yesterday I never once described Cassandra Inkwood in Shifting Lines (except a short line in Cath's one shot). So I have edited a few chapters to include the fact she is black: Book One: Chapter Eleven, A Griffin-Door, Chapter Thirty-Seven, His Blood Is Black. Book Two: Chapter Eight, Mature Enough. I could have sworn I described her but I searched through multiple chapters and realized I hadn't. Sorry about that! But of course since I made alterations to the chapters that aren't just fixing em dashes or grammatical errors I wanted to let you know. Also in this chapter there is some... body talk. Nothing really explicit. But if it's the sort of thing you need a trigger about please let me know so I can include them in future chapters, otherwise I won't be.

The past several days hadn't really felt _real_ to Remus; they had felt kinda like a dream. When he woke up Thursday reality hit him like a ton of bricks and that, coupled with his lack of sleep, made him just want to crawl under his bed. He managed to force himself into a uniform and go down to breakfast. All the chatter around him was just noise, even his friends. He was vaguely aware of them talking but none of it really made sense. James mentioned Sirius's birthday and Remus made himself focus to know what was going on, but even they didn't really know since Fridays were a busy day. Sirius said they could just celebrate in the night, stay up super late.

_Once classes begin, I'll be fine_ , he told himself but after he took his seat in Herbology he had difficult paying attention. Sprout didn't even sound like a person, she sounded kinda buzzy. Noise. Not English. Plus he barely remembered what they covered Tuesday or the previous Thursday (the only thing he did remember was Bones and Pierce giving him the get well card, which he had on his desk on his dorm). He felt lost and confused to the point when Sprout dismissed class she had him stay behind.

"You haven't seemed very present the past few classes," she said as he stood awkwardly in front of her table, intensely paying attention to her words so they didn't get lost in his fog. "Is everything okay?"

"I... d-d-didn't have a very good... last week..." he mumbled.

Sprout frowned. She knew he was a werewolf but Remus realized that Professors Sprout and Flitwick had never once really mentioned it, or brought it up. He spoke about it with McGonagall somewhat, and had a couple vague incidents with Slughorn... and of course Prewett. But he really had no idea how Sprout or Flitwick really felt, except they didn't treat him unfairly like Dedenne had so they didn't _hate_ him.

_What are you thinking_? he wondered, looking up into Sprout's face.

"I heard you ended up in the hospital wing," she said with a slow nod. "Are you doing any better?"

"A—a bit, it's just... I guess I've m-missed a lot, and last week I... I was having trouble..." He shifted his weight, glancing at the doors, not wanting to be there. How ironic would it be after fighting to stay at Hogwarts his grades took a nosedive? "I'll do b-better though, Professor. I—I promise. I'm in a st-study group, and—" he broke off and quickly looked down at his raggedy trainers. "I'll do better," he whispered.

Sprout gave a 'huh' sound and he thought she might say he had a lot of work to do, but instead she said, "Oh, I know you will. You're top in your year."

Remus looked up, a little startled. Was he best in Herbology? "I... am?"

"If we're talking strictly knowledge and grades, yes," she said. "You do have a nice touch with plants, though there are other students who have much more of a green thumb than you do. A more natural..." she trailed off, trying to think of the right word.

"Affinity?" he offered with a whisper.

Sprout smiled. "A more natural affinity with plants than you do, but as I said, your knowledge is outstanding. I didn't keep you back to tell you off, I kept you back because I could tell something was wrong."

He blushed slightly and looked back down. "I'm s-sorry. I'm... st-starting to feel better though."

"All right..." She stood up with a grunt and walked him over to the door. "I'm not your Head of House, Mr. Lupin, but I'm here for you, for all my students, regardless of what uniform they wear."

"Thank you, Professor."

Remus left the greenhouse, rushing over to where his friends had waited for him, promising them everything was fine. He felt rather happy as they headed to the castle. First Prewett telling him he was so good in Defense, and now Sprout saying his knowledge was outstanding. He was glad she mentioned other students were more connected to the class because while he liked Herbology well enough he knew Buckling _loved_ plants, and Lily was pretty good even if she thought she wasn't, and he had heard that Toots from Ravenclaw was _really_ good too.

He knew he got good grades in all the classes except for Potions; he got top marks, but he wondered how many he was _top-_ top in. Then he felt heat flooding his face at that conceited thought. James would definitely go around asking the teachers (if he cared to do that), but Remus would never be able to ask. Besides, it didn't really matter if he was _top_ -top, what mattered was he knew he got great grades and did well in (almost) every class.

He frowned, slowing his pace a little. In his first year he had tried to explore ways to prevent the scents of Potions class getting to him. He hadn't really done much research into it this year. _I should do that this weekend_ , he decided. If the smells didn't bother him so much maybe he'd do a little better in that class.

"Reeemmuuusss!" Peter ran over, grabbing his arm. "James is being mean."

"I am not!" James huffed.

"You called me a puffskein!"

"You _are_ a puffskein! You eat anything."

Peter glowered. "I am not a puffskein."

"And you're adorable," James added with a Potter smile. "Like a puffskein."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better!" Peter grumbled. James just shrugged. "Fine, if—if I'm a puffskein, you're a flobberworm."

James snorted inward and then pressed mucus out from his lips.

"EWWWWWW!" Peter and Remus both squealed, scattering as James ran towards them, his snot dropping down. Remus crashed against Sirius who was laughing, watching as James chased Peter around. Then both boys ran right into a a group of Hufflepuff girls turning the corner, James, Peter, and multiple Hufflepuffs falling to the floor. There were a lot of shrieks, annoyed sounds, and some giggles.

Then one of the girls screamed when she got up. "WHAT IS ON MY ARM?!" she demanded, staring in horror at a glistening patch on her robes sleeve.

"Um." James wiped his mouth off. "Flobberworm mucus," he said quickly. Sirius snorted and bent forward, pressing his face against Remus's shoulder to suppress the laughter. Remus pressed his lips tight together, trying not to laugh as well.

"THAT'S SO DISGUSTING!" she screamed, whirling on James while the other girls in the group shrieked with disgust. "You're so GROSS! What is WRONG with you?!"

"I didn't do nothing, you're the one who turned the corner without looking!" James grumbled.

"I'm not the one walking around with flobberworm mucus!" she snapped back. She wiped the snot onto James's arm then stormed off, her friends following, all of them shooting dirty looks over their shoulders.

James blew a raspberry then he and Peter returned to Sirius and Remus. "Honestly." James tugged at his robes, straightening them out. "Girls."

Sirius gave a slight gasp. " _Girls!_ " he hissed out then took a few long strides after them. "HEY!" he called out, hands cupped around his mouth. The girls stopped and turned around, looking down their noses at him. "Are you third years or fourth?"

"Third," said one.

"Oh. Never mind." He flapped his hand dismissively. "Carry on."

"What was _that_ about?" Pete asked.

Sirius jammed his hands in his pockets, grinning. "I need a fourth year girl."

"Why?" James demanded.

"To ask me to the dance!"

James and Remus both snorted while Peter's mouth hung open.

"Okay, you really think a fourth year is going to ask you to the dance?" James asked while Remus turned his laughter into a cough.

Sirius was glaring at Remus. "Yes! I mean come on." He flourished his arms. "I'm gorgeous. And I'm turning thirteen tomorrow, so I'm practically a fourth year anyway."

"In two years," Remus muttered.

"At least I look thirteen and not ten."

Remus scoffed, face flaming up. "I _look_ twelve, I'm merely... small."

"You know, Remus is the one out of us that has the most 'sperience with girls," Peter pointed out. All three of them just stared at him. "What? He does. He talks to Evans all the times, and hangs out with Colgate and Inkwood, and there's girls in his study group. I mean, he's practically dating Evans."

"That's true," James said.

"Is not!" Remus snapped, face going even hotter. "We're not—it's not—we aren't—"

"Evans isn't a fourth year girl," Sirius said.

" _No_!" James gasped, mock shock.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Look, my point is, to go to the dance you need to get a fourth year girl to ask and out of all of us here I think I'm the most likely candidate."

"I could probably get a fourth year girl to ask me to the dance," James protested. "I'm on the team now. Girls go nuts over that."

"You've got a point there," Sirius said, sounding a little jealous.

"But I don't want to. The dance sounds so boring. I mean, the only reason I'd go is to prank people, and if none of you are there even that's not as fun. Anyway, the dance is forever away. We've got _loads_ more important things! Like your birthday tomorrow, then the Quidditch game next week!"

"Oh!" Remus said, remembering something. "Er, I forgot that I need to take an exam with Professor Prewett Saturday," he explained. "With everything that's happened I put it in the back of my mind and... I haven't studied. Oh, Merlin, I—I haven't _studied_!! I-I didn't think I'd be here." Panic began to set in, his hands flying to his face. He hadn't done a stitch of studying for this and it was barely forty-eight hours away!

"Snap out of it!" James said, grabbing Remus by the shoulders. "Isn't it a first year exam?" Remus looked up into his face and nodded. "Well, there you go. You'll do fine."

"Yeah, you could probably pass a third year exam without any studying," Peter said.

"You're not going to skip birthday stuff tomorrow for studying, are you?" Sirius asked, forehead wrinkling.

"N—no of course not," Remus promised, wishing (a little) that he could. "I mean, I have study group but we're celebrating in the evening after, right? Yes, that will work out. I can study plenty today, and a little tomorrow in the day, and on Saturday morning."

Sirius put his arm around Remus's shoulder. "Good, because my birthday would suck without you." He gave Remus a noogie and Remus yelped, flailing, struggling to get away. He finally managed and stumbled back, fixing his hair while Sirius smirked.

"How'd you like it if I messed your hair up?" Remus demanded, not particularly put out because Sirius doing this to him knowing what he was felt really comforting.

"You're too short," Sirius teased.

"Oh. _Oh_." Remus got his wand out, waving it a little. "I seem to remember messing up your hair pretty bad last month."

Sirius's eyes went huge and his hands went up to protect his hair. "Don't you _dare_ curl my hair!"

"Come here—"

"NO! LUPIN GO AWAY!"

"COME HERE, BLACK!"

Remus chased him down the hall, shooting out the curling hair spell but purposely missing. Sirius yelled obscenities as well as threats towards Remus's fingers if he managed; Remus heard loud, heavy footsteps and knew Hagrid was approaching but didn't manage to get a warning out before Sirius barreled headfirst against the groundskeeper. Sirius tumbled backwards as Remus came to a screeching halt.

"Yer not supposed to be running in the halls," Hagrid said, reaching down to pick Sirius up from the floor.

"Um, yeah, I uh, saw something that scared me," Sirius said awkwardly.

"What was it?" Hagrid asked.

"Um. A... spider. Yeah, a huge spider."

Remus thought Hagrid would just laugh but to his surprise Hagrid actually seemed a little... nervous? "Giant spider? How big?"

" _Huge_!" Sirius said, spreading his arms arm.

"Where did yeh see it?" Hagrid asked.

"Back there." Sirius pointed down the corridor.

His response wasn't what Hagrid seemed to be expecting as his nervousness dissipated and he straightened up a bit; whatever he had been worried about was now gone. "Right. I'll let yeh off this time but if I catch yeh running in the school again yeh'll be in trouble."

"Yes sir," Sirius said. Hagrid gave the others a curious glance then headed out, mumbling to himself about spiders. Sirius whirled around, obviously suppressing laughter. "Oops."

Peter was still looking after Hagrid. "What was that about?"

"Me running into him?" Sirius asked, brushing himself off from his fall.

"No, the—the weirdness. You noticed that too, right?" Peter looked at Sirius with concern.

" _I_ did," Remus promised, and Peter gave a relieved sigh.

James nodded as they began walking again, returning to their journey to the dorms which had been derailed twice now. "Yeah, it was kinda like he actually believed the whole giant spider thing. That was weird."

Sirius put his hands in his pockets, shrugging. "Maybe the rumors of giant spiders around here is true."

"Hagrid knows the most about the forest," James agreed.

Remus moaned, smacking his forehead. He wondered if they ever paid any kind of attention, or retained anything they learned beyond offensive spells, or spells they could use for pranks. "I've said before, Acromantula are _not_ found in Europe." Though he had to admit, Hagrid sure had acted weird about it.

*

That night Remus didn't go to Quidditch practice; he stayed in the dorm, under his bed, needing to be alone. The others didn't really bother him about it, nor did they try too hard when they came back to get him to hang out with them. They seemed to understand he was really overwhelmed and just needed some space. So he read, and for some reason kept thinking about Professor Prewett dressed up like a pirate; the image kept coming back into his head, disrupting his reading, until he gave up and took a nap. He thought he also dreamed about Prewett as a pirate but when he woke up he figured it was just misremembering things.

Friday went fairly typical for the most part, with a morning full of classes. Potions was _awful_ for Remus, they were using some smelly ingredients that burned his nose and made his eyes water. They were working alone too, which meant Remus got a really poor grade instead of a kinda poor grade. At least Charms went well. They were working on the freezing charm, immobilizing things. Flitwick lectured about it then gave everyone boxes with a beetle.

Remus looked down at the little shiny beetle scuttling around and took in a deep breath, drawing on his inner self. This was one of the spells he had practiced before although never with a living creature, so he wasn't sure if it would work. "Immobulus!" The beetle immediately froze.

"Very good, Mr. Lupin, five points to Gryffindor," Flitwick said, and Remus beamed. Flitwick had him practice on the beetle a few more times, then upgraded him to a large spider, then a frog, a mouse; Remus froze them all. By the time class was dismissed he had been freezing a rabbit with no issue while most everyone else was still on the beetle. Lily had been starting the frog, while James and Magpie were on the large spiders.

"You are _amazing_!" James said, throwing an arm around Remus as they left class. "If the class was any longer you'd be freezing elephants."

"Could you freeze a person?" Pete asked.

"Probably not yet," Remus admitted, "though I imagine that is what we're working towards. We—"

Sirius pushed his way between James and Remus, arms around both of them. "Let's talk about something more fun like the fact I actually read some of our book and the next spell coming up is the tickling charm!"

'What are you doing, reading ahead?" James asked, elbowing him. "Turning into Remus?"

Sirius snorted. "Yeah right." He let go of them to rummage around in his bag, producing the Charms book. "I was doodling. See?" He opened it up to the tickling charm, and on the image of the wizard doubled over clutching his stomach supposed to be laughing, Sirius drew to make it look like the guy was vomiting.

"That's so gross!" Peter whined.

"That is disgusting," agreed Remus.

"Ric-tu-sempa," Sirius read out then pushed his book into James's hands, getting his wand out. "Rictasempera!" he exclaimed, pointing his wand at Peter who squeaked and dove behind Remus.

"You're not supposed to be using magic in the corridors," Colgate called out from down the hall where she was walking with Lily and Inkwood.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Riccosemper!" he said, pointing at Colgate.

Lily just raised her eyebrows. "Right. You read it out two seconds ago and already forgot."

Sirius crinkled his nose up and flourished his wand again. "Rictersempa."

Remus lowered Sirius's arm, reminding him how much trouble he could get in with so many people around and did he want to get detention on his birthday? Sirius tucked his wand away, and the four Marauders headed to the Great Hall. They didn't have any intention of staying; instead they gathered up some food to take outside. It was kinda chilly but the sun was bright so sitting on the grounds wasn't too cold. They ate, chattered, threw food at each other, tossed food into the lake for the squid, then questioned Sirius what it was like being an Actual and Proper Teenager.

"No different," Sirius sighed, stretching his legs out, and the three others frowned. "I mean, I woke up expecting to feel _different_ but I don't."

"That's disappointing," muttered Peter, breaking up a bit of bread into tiny little pieces.

"Oh, very disappointing," said Sirius as he propped himself back against his elbows, tipping his head up towards the sun. "Everything just feels so... _confusing_ , you know? I was hoping maybe I'd figure _something_ out today. Just, wake up and be _oh_! Or at least something changed. But no, it's the same stupid everything I had yesterday." He looked down at his body with a rather disgusted face.

"What happened to Mr. Most-Beautiful-Best-Looking-Taking-A-Fourth-Year-Out?" teased James.

Sirius let out a long sigh then moved his arms so he could flop completely back onto the grass. "I _am_ very good looking. Not saying I'm _not_. Just... I expected... you know... something different?"

"What?" Peter asked.

Sirius actually began to look embarrassed. "You know. Things."

"What things?" Remus asked.

"Things!" Sirius was actually turning pink now.

"Things," James echoed, confused. "Just... things."

Sirius sat upright, face beet red. "My _cock_ , all right? I thought I'd be _bigger_! Okay? HAPPY NOW?!"

Remus ducked his head low, quickly shoving the remainder of his sandwich in his mouth to stop from laughing because he knew if he allowed even the slightest giggle out Sirius would be extremely hurt, but instead he thought he might end up choking himself. Peter snorted and stuffed part of his robes into his mouth, while James outright laughed.

"SHUT! UP!" Sirius grabbed a handful of crisps and threw them at James.

"We are gonna be learning the engorging charm soon," Peter said, trying hard not to bust up saying this.

Sirius screeched with rage and tackled a screaming Peter, pinning him down while he dumped his drink down Peter's shirt, while Remus actually did begin choking hard on his sandwich; James scrambled over to whack him on the back until he spit it out. Remus took in a deep gasp of air then began laughing, falling backwards, pulling his vest up to cover his face while he rolled back and forth.

"NO!" he cried out, still laughing, as Sirius grabbed his ankles and began dragging him towards the lake. "NONONO!" He began kicking and flailing, still laughing. "I'M SORRRRRYYYYY! I WAS LAUGHING AT WHAT PETER SAID! NOT YOU!" Sirius stopped pulling and Remus rolled over, pressing his hands against his face now, trying to stop from laughing.

"I hate you _all_!" Sirius grumbled. "Last time I share something _personal_ with you!"

"Sorry, sorry!" James wheezed, slapping Sirius on the back. "I am, mate. I get you. I think we just weren't... expecting... _that_."

"Mmhm."

"I am sorry too!" Peter said.

"Me too," Remus said, muffled since his hands were still on his face. "I'm sorry."

James was right, Remus had not expected anything about penises. He remembered over the summer, his father trying to talk to him about... _things_. He wondered if their parents tried talking to them about that stuff. Then he considered Sirius's words and wondered about his own penis. He knew it would... change over time. It had changed. A lot. But. Was it supposed to get _big_ -bigger? How big was it supposed to get? How big was he supposed to _be_? The only one he had to compare to was James who was the only one who would walk around unabashedly naked. Remus was smaller than James, he knew that, but hadn't really thought anything of it until now. Was he normal? Abnormal? Too small?

There wasn't anyone he could ask though. He figured boys were supposed to talk to their dads but he cringed with absolute humiliation at the thought of asking his father questions about his genitalia. He cringed imagining talking to anyone about it, period! There were probably books. Were there books in the library? Not that he could _ever_ check them out! Oh MERLIN! He went brilliant red picturing himself checking out a book about bodies with _Farrow_ staring at him, judging him.

_Maybe I should sneak in with them_ , Remus thought as they got up, gathering their things, needing to head in to get to class, Sirius still complaining about how mean they were. He could find a book in Hogsmeade, and had the two galleons from winning that slime-licking bet with Sirius and James. But sneaking into Hogsmeade was _so wrong_!! But he could NEVER in a MILLION years ask one of his friends to get a book.

Remus twisted his fingers into the strap of his satchel, chewing at his bottom lip. Sneaking in was wrong. But... he felt very curious now, and wanted to get a book to help him maybe figure this out... of course... he did go into Hogsmeade all the time, technically... Would he be able to wait until the holidays and ask his parents to take him to a bookstore? That was a month and a half away! Plus his parents would want to know where he got the money and probably what he bought.

_Perhaps... I should... sneak in_...

Just to the bookstore, that's all.

That wouldn't be too awful... would it?

*

The Marauders stayed up super late that night. James made an excursion to the kitchens to bring back some cake and at around eleven pm they sat in the common room singing 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow' (a couple of the older students still awake also sang), then Sirius blew out the candles while they cheered, then they dug into the slices with gusto, Remus especially since according to Madame Pomfrey he _still_ needed to gain weight from what happened during his last transformation; he had seen her the night before and she was disappointed that he wasn't back to where he had been before, so he was trying his best to stuff his face. Once the cake was gone it was time for presents.

Sirius decided to open Regulus's present first. Regulus had approached him during supper, shoving a wrapped present into his hands before hurrying back to the Slytherin table. The present turned out to be a really nice pair of winter boots; thankfully Peter gave Sirius candy and a framed photo of the four Marauders because it made Remus feel a little better about giving him something handmade though he still felt ill when Sirius opened up his.

"Gryffindor hat!" he exclaimed, pulling it on. "And some chocolate. Thanks, Remy!"

Remus had no intention of admitting he had made the hat himself but James took the hat and began turning it round and round. "Where'd you get this? I like the lion paw on the front."

Remus mumbled incoherently.

"What?"

"I—I m-m-made it," he whispered.

"You _made_ it?" Peter asked, a little surprised.

Remus nodded. "I w-was a little bored in the summer so—so Mum taught me to knit." He shrugged and bowed his head so his hair covered his face, trying to act like he didn't really care even though he did definitely care whether or not they thought it was pathetic of him.

"That's so neat!" James exclaimed.

"I can't believe you can do stuff like this," said Sirius, taking his hat back.

"Remus, that's super!" Peter said.

Remus glanced up, expecting amusement in their faces but they looked earnest. "You don't think it's dumb?"

"No!" Sirius yanked the hat back on and struck a pose. "It makes it even more better knowing you actually _made_ it."

"You even did the lion paw?" James asked. Remus nodded again. "Whoa. Didn't know you had talent like _that_!"

Remus blushed, pulling more hair over his face. "Th—thank you." It felt super good they were impressed. Even better, they didn't think it was dumb!

Sirius's last present was from James, and it was a bunch of stuff. Some Montrose Magpies posters, a red paisley shirt with a super pointy collar, brightly patterned socks, a set of very nice paints, a new deck of cards, a jar of _Sleekeazy's Hair Potion_ , and a new Gryffindor style satchel for school. It was a lot of nice stuff and made Remus feel a little awkward for not doing more, but then again James did have a lot of money and Remus did not, and Sirius loved the hat so he supposed it was all right.

"Be _right_ back!" Sirius said, dashing up the stairs. He reappeared a moment later in his new shirt and socks (and still had the hat on). He flopped back down, sticking his feet out and wriggling his toes. "Thank you guys for everything." He picked up the framed photo Peter gave him. "I think this is the best picture of us ever."

Peter, who had been looking about as awkward as Remus felt, smiled. "I thought so too. I'm glad you like it."

"I _love_ it." Sirius looked back up, grinning, entire face shining with happiness. "You guys are so amazing. I dunno what I'd do without you. This is probably my best birthday ever. I thought last year's was good but..." He glanced at Remus. "This year you're here too, and we're the Marauders. So it's even _better_."

They poured butterbeer and clinked their glasses together, cheering Sirius. After some more jokes and laughter, Sirius ripped into the new deck of cards and they began playing Jarvey. Once the common room emptied they moved closer to the fireplace and James turned on the radio that was always on the mantle. He and Sirius began dancing while Peter and Remus continued playing cards until the others pulled them to their feet. Remus protested but Sirius had a death grip on his wrist and he was unable to escape. Sirius spun him around and tried to get him to boogie.

"I'm not _good_!" Remus whined as he crashed back into Peter.

Peter took over holding his arms, trying to get him to move. "It's easy though. Even I can dance. Okay, um, not so well, but still."

"You've danced before," James pointed out.

"Maybe _once_..." Peter bumped his hip against him and Remus stumbled back, trying not to make it too dramatic looking. "Owwwww I think I twisted my ankle!" Remus pulled away, collapsing back onto the sofa, leaning down to rub his ankle.

James folded his arms. He glanced around then bent in to whisper, "Nice try but you already told us you heal up."

Remus scowled. "Drat. Was hoping you forgot." They couldn't remember their homework assignment from five minutes ago but they could remember that?

"Aw, come on, Brains!" Sirius said, spinning in wild circles, hair flying out. "What if there's another dance when we're old enough to go?"

"Um, I won't go," Remus muttered, hunkering down onto the couch, folding his limbs as close to his body as he could get them in order to prevent his friends from hauling him back to his feet.

He _still_ didn't get the whole dance thing. Even if he _could_ dance he wouldn't want to go! If it was just something where he could go with his friends that'd be a bit different. He could see himself going with one of the Marauders. But asking a _girl_ to the dance? Ugh. He thought back to the Slug Club Christmas party, where Lily had begged him to go and as it turned out she had assumed it would be a dancing sort of party and she had wanted Remus to go so she'd have someone to dance with. It had really freaked him out a bit when Lily confessed that to him because even dancing with Lily seemed... itchy. Why couldn't he go with a guy? He thought he'd prefer Sirius but knew Sirius wanted to go with a girl, so why couldn't he just go with James or Peter? That'd be so much easier. And _nicer_.


	53. Chapter Fifty-Three - Remus And Aegis's Adventure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So I thought it'd be fun to start a discord server! It's for Shifting Lines but it's also a place to just hang out in. Show off art projects, talk about whatever, share moments in video games, etc, etc. I'll also be posting sneak peeks and stuff :) You don't need to chat if you don't want to! If you just wanna see what's going on feel free to just lurk in the server! It's already open so if you wanna come join us [here's the invite link!](https://discord.gg/6y6n5rC). If the invite link is not working just leave a comment and I'll get a new one to you asap. I hope to see you there! Or not haha that's fine too! Also sometimes the chat gets a bit chaotic so if you only want to lurk and see my sneak peeks and stuff that is, as I said, 100% fine! Don't feel obliged to join in any of the conversations!

Remus slept in Saturday morning. By the time he woke up Sirius was already off in detention, and James and Peter were off at James's practice. After a quick breakfast, Remus went to the library for some more cramming before his exam and soon heard footsteps approaching. He looked up, smiling at the sight of Aegis.

"M-morning."

"Good morning," Aegis replied. "Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all." Remus moved his books to make some room.

Aegis sat down next to him, spreading his own things out. "Are you doing better?"

"Better?" Remus was a little confused.

Aegis tilted his head. "You were quite unwell last week. I know you were considering the possibility of needing to drop out."

Remus blushed, realizing he hadn't really spoken to Aegis about his 'decision'. The past few days had been so strange and long, everything seemed blurry. "I—I think I just had a bad week, last week. I have b-been doing a _lot_ better."

"That is so good to hear. So you're staying?"

"Yeah, I th-think so," he said, trying not to feel guilty. "I guess if I g-get a really bad relapse again I might but... as of right now I'm f-feeling good."

Aegis smiled. "That's great. I'm glad you're not leaving. School would be infinitely less pleasant without you. Are you going to look back into those secret passages again since you're doing better?"

"Ooh." Remus perked up, realizing he'd be able to go back to researching the pits! "Definitely. I m-mean, not at the moment, but I will perhaps tomorrow. If you were interested in, um, sti-still helping—"

"Of course," Aegis replied, not even waiting for Remus to finish his sentence. "They've been on my mind a lot. Actually, I've been looking a little more into them on my own." His cheeks went faintly pink at this confession. "I might have found something."

"You did? What?"

Aegis folded his arms on the table and bent in. "Is it on the southern side of the castle?"

Remus furrowed his brow, squinting, trying to imagine the passages. "Erm. I... I think so...? Why?"

"There is a section of castle on that side with no rooms, it's solid stone—at least, that's what it supposedly is. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a raised foundation or not. It seems strange that they would simply not use a section of the castle for rooms..."

Remus stared at Aegis. "That d-doesn't make any sense at all."

"That's what I thought too. I got to thinking perhaps it isn't so-called 'raised foundation' but something previous generations did, or even the founders." Aegis looked over his shoulder then bent in so close their faces were hardly an inch apart. "Have you heard about Slytherin's secret chamber?"

Remus's eyes went huge. Of course he had! Anyone who read about Hogwarts history knew. "You th-think...?"

"I don't think the passages are, however perhaps they are above it."

Remus breathed slowly, eyes locked on Aegis's blue ones. The fabled Chamber of Secrets? It sounded... preposterous. However... why else would there be such a large portion of the castle sealed off? He pictured the passages again, the deep pits. Had someone been blasting through the floor to find an entrance? "Isn't the Chamber in the dungeons, though?"

Aegis pulled back, shrugging. "Supposedly. However, nobody knows for sure."

Remus swallowed, adventure and excitement creeping through his body. "All right, we n-need to figure out exactly what section of the castle is blocked off and if it's c-close or at where the pits are."

Aegis grinned. "After lunch?"

"Yes! Oh. Oh, no, I—I can't," Remus moaned, forgetting entirely why he had come to the library in the first place! "I have a makeup exam with P-Professor Prewett at one. It sh-shouldn't last long though. Maybe afterwards we c-can?"

"That is fine with me," Aegis said, settling fully back in his seat. "A makeup exam? From when you were sick?"

"Er. N—not exactly." Remus looked down at the book in front of him, feeling embarrassed. He had told Lily and the Marauders, and thought he should tell Aegis, so he did. He told him the same thing he told Lily: that Dedenne hated his father, was unfair to him, gave him purposefully terrible grades, etc, etc. He told him about Prewett wanting to help him fix things, so he was retaking the first year exams. "This one would b-be the ones before the Easter holidays, and—and on the eighteenth I'll be t-taking the end-of-year ones.'

Aegis listened to all of this with a serious face, nodding. When Remus finished talking he clapped his hands a couple times. "That's so good of him! I like Professor Prewett. It makes me glad that he's being so kind. Although it's distressing to hear how Professor Dedenne treated you. That makes me so angry. How come you never went to anyone about it?"

"Er." He ducked his head low, pretending to focus on notes he was taking, carefully scratching his quill along the parchment. "It just... I—I thought... I mean, she was a t-teacher, and I..."

"You can stand up for others but you cannot stand up for yourself," Aegis said flatly.

Remus scowled. "No! Th-that's not—I—I can—I can st-stand up for my—myself! I can—I—I.... can't... stand up for myself. No. You're right."

Aegis studied him for several seconds then, "You are one of the bravest Gryffindors I know, yet quite timid."

Remus laughed at that, how true it was; at least the second part. Sometimes the first part. "That's true."

"You are worthy," Aegis said, words striking Remus's chest. "I know... it can be... very easy to believe otherwise... especially when others make you feel that way... but you are."

Remus suspected it wasn't just Remus Aegis was talking about. "Do you feel that way about yourself?" he inquired, remembering how anxious Aegis had been after the interaction with Malfoy.

Aegis turned his head away, looking down at the book he had on the table in front of him, his slender shoulders stiff under his weekend clothing; a pale blue button-up that nearly matched his eyes, and white pants that Remus couldn't figure out he kept so pristine and clean.

"I've got... things... against me," Aegis said slowly, touching the open page of the book, tracing along the picture. "It's difficult to see myself in a positive light."

"I—I'm sorry, I didn't—I shouldn't have asked."

Aegis smiled but kept looking at the book. "It's all right. I suppose the easiest way to explain is it is similar to the problems Mr. Black has. Unfortunate bloodlines." He finally glanced back up. "Has he told you? About me?"

"Sirius?" Remus frowned. "No. I know he doesn't l-like you... but he's never said anything. I really don't know much about families, I don't know about wh—the Silverlockes, what... that might mean or—"

"Oh! No, not the Silverlockes," Aegis said quickly. "They're wonderful. I love that part of my family dearly. I don't think you've met my cousin, have you?" Remus shook his head. "You should meet her. She's a little like you, absolutely brilliant, one of the top in her year; a year ahead of us, she's—she's a third year. You'd like her. Actually, I was thinking perhaps she could come in to study group one evening when next term starts, to talk about the electives... to sort of... help us out, give us advice."

"That'd be great," Remus said. "I've been anxious about them."

"Same. On the bright side, the electives are shared between all houses so if we take the same classes we'd be together." Aegis smiled. "Do you have any idea of what you'd like?"

"Ugh, n-not yet. I dunno." He tugged at the parchment, tearing a little corner off. "They all sound so interesting. I—I know my friends are considering Muggle Studies."

Aegis's eyebrows arched high. "Misters Black and Potter? _Muggle_ Studies?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "It's rumored to be the softest, easiest elective."

"Ah. All right, yes, that makes more sense." They both laughed at that. "Are you considering it as well?"

Remus sighed, stretching his arms out across the table, dropping his cheek against his arms. "I don't know. Yes? Not just to—to be with them but because I-I think it'd be really fascinating, although I was raised fairly Muggle."

"You're half-and-half, correct?" Aegis asked and Remus nodded. "I thought that's what I heard. Er, unfortunately, part of being in Slytherin means hearing alllll about bloodlines," he went on to explain, sounding frustrated.

Remus figured changing the subject would be the best course. "What electives are you considering?"

"Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Care of Magical Creatures, probably," he answered. "We're only supposed to take two though."

"Yeah..." Remus thought that wasn't fair, having to only pick _two_. He wanted _all_ of them! "Ancient Runes _really_ sounds fun."

Aegis's eyes lit up. "I think so too! That's what my Uncle Minos does, at the Ministry. Works with runes. Pandora—my cousin—she takes the class. She loves it."

"If we both take it then at least we'd have each other if none of our other friends take it," said Remus, then realized he wasn't sure who Aegis was friends with in Slytherin.

"That would be wonderful," Aegis said, then covered his mouth. "I'm keeping you from studying for your test. I'm so sorry—"

"Oh, it's—it's okay." Remus had forgotten again about it. "I still have..." He twisted in his seat, trying to find a clock.

Aegis checked his watch. "It's eleven-thirty."

"An hour and a half. I had a big breakfast, so I can skip lunch."

"You should not skip meals!" Aegis chided.

"I ate at a-around an hour ago," he explained, and Aegis looked relieved. "Should we meet up somewhere at maybe..." He thought of his first exam with Prewett. "Two-thirty?" He doubted he'd even need an hour, but wanted extra time to be sure. Aegis agreed, and they made plans to meet up in the entrance hall to do some sleuthing.

*

Remus got out of his exam by one-forty, with a passing grade of 112%. James's practice was almost over however since he was meeting Aegis at two-thirty he opted to just wait in the entrance hall, reading. At two-ten the Marauders came in, James swaggering in his Quidditch uniform since this was the first time he wore it for anything other than showing off.

"How'd the exam go?" James asked, throwing himself onto the bench next to Remus.

"Very good, I passed," Remus said. "How did practice go?"

"Really good!" James grinned, wiping sweat off his forehead. "I'm so excited for next week, and so scared."

"You'll do amazing," Peter said. "I mean, you're the best ever."

James beamed, messing up his sweaty hair. "I don't know if _best ever_ buuuuut I am pretty good. For a second year. I mean, I'm just gonna keep getting better."

"You're gonna make it on a professional team," Peter said.

"James, I can see your head getting bigger as we speak," Sirius teased, dancing away as James kicked at him. "So, any plans for the day?"

"It's kinda nice out, we could go to Fort Dragon," suggested Peter.

"I—I can't," Remus said and everyone looked at him. "I'm meeting Aegis in fifteen minutes, to... to research some things." He wasn't sure how they'd feel if he told them he was researching the pits passage with Aegis.

Sirius gave him a rather cutting look. "You're spending the day with a Slytherin?" He sounded very suspicious, and a touch unhappy.

Remus tried to give him a fierce glare but as soon as their eyes met Sirius glanced away. "Yeah. He's my friend." Sirius folded his arms, not saying anything else. "I'm not sure how long we'll be so... I guess I'll try to find you when we're done." He shifted in his seat, getting a weird feeling from Sirius. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"Mm, yeah, fine," Sirius muttered, looking down at his feet as he scuffed at the floor.

Remus looked at James and Peter, both whom shrugged. They weren't sure what had gotten Sirius's wand in a knot either. Was it really only because Remus was hanging out with a Slytherin? "Okay. I, um, g—guess I'll see you guys later then."

The other Marauders headed off, James casting a puzzled expression back at Remus who shrugged in return. Once they were gone he stretched his legs out and waited for about five more minutes before Aegis showed up, hauling a rather large book as he jogged over to where Remus sat.

"I checked this out," he said, dropping the book on the bench and sitting down. _Hogwarts, A History_.

"We've read through this before and d-didn't find out anything about the—" Remus paused, remembering there were others wandering around the entrance hall, and dropped his voice low, "—passage."

Aegis pulled the book into his lap, flipping through it. "I did not check it out for that, I checked it out for this." He found the page he wanted and pushed the book over to Remus.

 _The legend of the Chamber of_ _Secrets_. Remus read through it quickly, mostly to remind himself of what the book said as he had read it multiple times before. He hadn't paid much attention to this though. "You really think it might be what it—it is?" he whispered, shutting the book.

Aegis slid closer, tilting his head in. "The Chamber's been opened before."

"What?!" Remus asked loudly then clapped his hand over his mouth as a few students looked his way. "Erm, c—come on, let's go somewhere more private." They went down several corridors until Remus opened up a secret passageway, and they climbed in. "Lumos." They settled down, and Aegis opened the book back up to the legend. "All right, wh-when was it opened?"

"That, I'm not too sure of," Aegis sighed, tucking his long blonde hair behind his ear as he bent in to look at the words. His hair just fell forward, brushing against the pages. "It's merely rumors. Some of the older students saying things that could just be made up to make themselves look cooler. They say it was opened before, and a Muggleborn was murdered."

Remus wrapped his arms around his knees. "It's just a legend so it can't have been opened."

"I don't know. Creating a huge chamber and sealing up a monster that kills Muggleborns seems like something Slytherin would have done," Aegis murmured, still studying the pages.

"Well... why don't we nose around and try to figure out what the passage is above?" Remus said, resting his chin on his arms. "I... guess I should sh—show you the p-passages, then, and we can go from there."

Aegis tried to hide how excited he was. "You don't need to, I understand your friends would be distraught if you revealed them to me."

Remus blew some hair from his face, knowing he was right. "Who's... to say... I showed you and you didn't find them on your own?"

Aegis snorted, and choked a little. "You're willing to lie?"

"Not lie, merely... stretch the truth. A lot."

Aegis tucked the book into his bag and they headed out, Remus figuring the best option would be the entrance in the trophy room. As they walked they discussed the best way to figure out _how_ to figure out exactly what the passages were above. By the time they reached the trophy room they decided since neither of them knew any measuring spells and they didn't want to take the time to research them, the easiest thing would be to use their own steps to count. But first, the passages.

"Beati pacifici," Remus said, and Scrumgour's portrait moved aside.

They both lit up their wands as soon as the portrait closed behind them, heading down the corridor until they got to the first bit. Aegis knelt down, reaching his arm down as far as it would go. "I wish there were a way for us to go down there. I assume you used Mr. Potter's broom?"

"Mmhm." Remus didn't get too close to the edge. He had been down one of them before but it didn't stop the creepy, twisty feeling in his stomach. "They got down... well, the one we went d-down seemed t-to go down a floor and a half."

"And it was only stone?"

"Yes."

"Fascinating." Aegis stood up, hands on his hips. "It looks blasted. It does not seem as though it were... naturally made." He crouched back down and ran his fingers along the edge. "It's rough, and broken. It was not built this way."

After he studied the edge for another moment he stood up, tucking his wand into his pocket. Remus got out his quill and some parchment as Aegis stood with his back to the pit. "Ready?"

"Let's d-do it."

Aegis began walking, placing his feet directly in front of the other, counting as he went. He went slow and careful while Remus scratched marks for each step. It took a lot to reach the portrait and they counted the marks, just to double check, then scrambled out into the trophy room. Aegis began doing the same, walking to the wall by the door.

"This is going to take forever!" Aegis moaned once they got those numbers recorded. "We have to count to the stairs, too."

"I know," Remus murmured, circling the two numbers, something nagging at his brain. He looked up, brow furrowed as he stared at the distant window. "H... hold on." He handed the parchment to Aegis then ran across the trophy room to the windows, leaning out, ignoring the dizzying feeling. "OH! OH!" he shouted, spinning around.

"What is it?"

"C—come on, I'll show you! It's s-so obvious! I'm so stupid!" He grabbed Aegis's hand without thinking and began pulling him along until he realized, and quickly let go. Aegis hadn't seemed bothered by it, but Remus felt absolutely awful. He hardly knew Aegis, and physically touching him was still squidgy. The familiar thoughts of, _you're a monster, you touched him and you're a monster_ rose up in his head, and he felt nauseated.

They ran down the hallway, Remus in the lead until he tripped and crashed into the ground. Aegis yelped but Remus promised he was fine, getting up, ignoring the pain in his elbow where he had struck the stone hard. He reiterated that he was fine then kept going, weaving through the school until they burst outside.

"Where are we going?" Aegis asked as he dogged Remus's fast steps.

"You'll see!" He ran around the castle (tripping twice more) then pointed. "There!"

They stood panting, Aegis bending forward, hands on his thighs. "All right?"

"That's the south-east side of the castle, right? Those windows look into the—the trophy room?"

"Uh-huh?"

Remus gestured. "It's rock. It's _not_ the castle! The—the third floor, look!" He pointed to where the castle jutted out over rocks. "The third floor starts on the rock. It's not built over part of the castle, it's built over part of the mountain and they didn't—didn't get rid of the mountain. There isn't any—any floors underneath, only mountain! Those pits, they're—they're going down _into_ the mountain!"

Aegis studied the castle, still panting. "That is absolutely brilliant. Although I suppose that kills my theory of the Chamber—"

"No it doesn't." Remus turned to face him. "Maybe Slytherin did put the Chamber there. _In_ the mountain. Or—or maybe whoever blasted those pits was looking for the Chamber."

Aegis pushed his hair back from his sweaty face. "That is a possibility. We need to find out when the passages were sealed off. Would the painting of Scrimgeour tell us?"

"Well, he w-was headmaster until 1909," Remus said, shivering now since it was pretty cold outside and he wasn't wearing a jacket. "So either they were sealed up around that time and his portrait was put there to g-guard, or they changed out the portrait guarding."

"I think we should go ask him," said Aegis.

They headed back to the trophy room but as soon as they reached the second floor they were interrupted by a couple of older Slytherins. "Hey, Silverlocke!"

Aegis turned then a flash of fear crossed his face, very briefly. Remus looked back at the Slytherins, none of whom he recognized.

"What are you doing, hanging with a Gryffindor?" demanded one of them, folding his arms. "Aren't you enough of a disgrace?"

Aegis just turned back around, walking forward. Remus hesitated then followed. The Slytherins followed too, both of them hurling insults.

"Hey, you walking away from us? You dare walk away from us? Think you're better than us? You're less, you're _less_ , and scrabbling around with filthy half-bloods proves it. You pretend to be a Slytherin but you're not, you're nothing."

Remus whirled back around, yanking his wand out which stopped them in their tracks. Aegis seized Remus's wrist. "Don't," he whispered.

The Slytherins' laughter echoed down the hall as Aegis pulled him away. Remus followed, fuming with anger. He remembered Malfoy again, Sirius's distaste of Aegis, and what he had said that very morning, about 'unfortunate bloodlines', but not the Silverlocke part of his blood. He thought hard trying to remember if he saw Aegis ever spend time with anyone in particular... and couldn't. Not that he really paid much attention to Aegis's social life as they were in different houses so keeping tabs wasn't exactly easy, however Remus wondered if Aegis even had any friends in his own house.

He knew if he asked Sirius, Sirius would tell him about whatever the bloodline thing meant, but he didn't want to go behind Aegis's back. Nor did he want to ask Aegis directly despite burning curiosity. So, he didn't say anything as they returned to the trophy room.

"Sorry f-for trying to attack them," he finally said as they approached Scrimgeour's portrait.

"It is all right," Aegis replied. "I appreciate it."

Scrimgeour informed them he was painted in 1906 and hung up in 1910. As far as he knew another painting had guarded the passage beforehand so he had no idea when it was sealed off, as far as he knew it had been sealed off from the get go. Remus and Aegis thanked him then went went into the passage, going to that first pit to examine the edges again as they discussed everything.

"There are some pots and paintings throughout the corridors," Remus said, "and maybe we can date the p-passageway based on them. If th—they're, say, f-fifteenth century we know the p-passage was open until at l-least then."

Aegis raised his eyebrows. "Are you able to that?"

"Errr... I m—mean, um, I c-can't really do th—that myself," he admitted, tugging at his sleeve. "But I can do r-research."

"We," Aegis said and Remus grinned.

It was pretty much time for supper, and they didn't really have anything more to do with the passages so they went to the Great Hall, both of them feeling very good about all they accomplished. It hadn't been _too_ much, but he was very intrigued at the idea of the Chamber even if he wasn't sure whether it existed or not. It was definitely a mystery.


	54. Chapter Fifty-Four - Growing Pains

Loud noises dragged Remus out of his sleep in the morning. He moaned and tried to bury his head under his pillow then gave up, yanking his curtains open. He complained about being woken up so early and James—bouncing on his bed—began laughing, stating it was nearly eleven. Remus blinked a few times then squinted at the clock. 10:47am.

"Still early," he grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Your hair's worse than James's," Sirius teased.

"Didn't think possible," Remus yawned, stretching his arms out. He stretched them way above his head, his shirt riding up a little, and he thought he heard Sirius make a weird noise but when he finished stretching Sirius was back to reading his comic book. He must made the weird noise at whatever was going on there. "Did you guys eat already?"

"Uh-huh," Peter said. "You've seemed so tired all weekend we thought you should sleep in."

"Oh. Er, thank you, I appreciate that." He got out of bed, getting his bag of toiletries, then rummaged through his wardrobe for some clean clothes which didn't take long since he hardly had any clothes (90% of the wardrobe, which he shared with Sirius, was full of Sirius's clothes). "Sirius did... you put dirty socks back in this drawer?" he asked, crinkling his nose up.

"Maybe. Why?"

"It _stinks_."

Sirius strolled over and bent down, sniffing at the drawer. "No it doesn't."

Remus pushed his hand way to the back and yanked out the offensive pieces of clothing, brandishing them. They were clearly dirty. "Hidden, you hid them."

Sirius took them, grinning sheepishly. "I—er, I forgot about them is all." He sniffed at the socks then tossed them in the laundry bin. "Whoops."

_How can someone so beautiful be so disgusting_? Remus wondered as he went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Then again, James and Peter did stuff like that. He wondered if he should start wearing dirty socks and throwing his undergarments on the floor to be more like them? But _ugh_ no, that was _gross_ and it _stank_! Maybe if he didn't have such a sensitive nose he'd be more inclined. After all, he left other stuff strewn about all the time...

He trudged back into the dorm, immediately feeling Sirius staring at him. He glanced over and Sirius quickly looked away, as if he didn't want to be caught looking at Remus which was _bizarre_ and sent a momentary flare of panic through Remus. _Does he know_? he thought then stopped in his tracks realizing, yes. He knew. They all knew. They _knew_! He was so shocked, he dropped his bag.

"You okay?" Peter asked, seeing that Remus was frozen in place.

"Whoa, Remy?" Sirius asked when Remus didn't say anything.

Remus blinked as Peter poked him, coming back to reality. "I—I guess..." He shook his head and picked his bag back up. "Just... it's so weird to think you guys know. About my—you know what."

"It's been almost two weeks," James said, bouncing on his bed again.

Remus smiled at him, kneeling down on the floor, using going through his bag as an excuse but really it was because he was getting kinda dizzy, as well as overwhelmed. They knew, they _knew_. "Yes, and it's probably going to be two _decades_ before I'm all right with you knowing."

"You... aren't okay with us knowing?" Peter asked, sounding hurt.

"No. I mean. Sorta." He sighed, sitting back on his heels. "It's strange to me. I—I'm not... trying to say it's not okay. It's just going to take me a very long time to get used to it."

"Well, when you're twenty-two you will be," James said then made a face. "I mean, thirty-two. I know what a decade is, don't look at me like that!"

Remus pulled on CLEAN socks and his old, battered trainers, then left to eat. Peter went with him, hungry again since, in his words, he hadn't eaten much at breakfast.

"Could you help me with Astronomy?" Pete asked as soon as they sat down. "I'm having so much trouble, and I'm pretty sure Sirius was lying about what we're supposed to be doing."

Remus eyed him. "What did Sirius say?"

"We're supposed to be doing an essay on Uranus," Peter said, and Remus snorted. "I thought we were supposed to be working on one about Pluto though. That's what I wrote. It's no good but that's what I wrote."

"We are," Remus reassured him. "I'll look at it later."

Peter slumped down, sighing with relief. "Merlin, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd do fine," he said then before Peter could argue explained, "You're good. You may not get things immediately but that does not change the fact you're a perfectly competent wizard."

"I'm glad I have friends like you."

"Me too. You're a super friend." Then an idea struck him. "Hey, could you possibly help me with a research project?"

"Me?" Peter was so surprised me dropped his spoon. "Me? Research? You want me?"

"Yes. I'd like to..." Remus dropped his voice and leaned across the table. "To... try and possibly figure out when the passages might have been sealed. The... pits?" Peter's mouth formed an O. "I was thinking you could perhaps take some photographs of the pots, and some of the paintings? I think if I can figure out the general time period of when those were made, I'll have a better of idea of when they were closed off, and having photos of them at hand will be an enormous help."

"Oooh. Yes! Yeah, I—I can do it!" He straightened up, looking super excited. "You can figure out when things were made?"

"I am hoping I can."

"That's so cool."

After they were done eating, Remus decided he wanted to see if Lily wanted to do something since he hadn't spent much time with her lately. Peter left while Remus waited in the Great Hall reading until she showed up for lunch; she was quite ecstatic to spend the day with him, and admitted she had been feeling a little blue that he'd been so wrapped up with the Marauders lately, which made him feel guilty.

Almost as soon as they left the Hall, though, Snape encountered them. He asked to talk to Lily for a moment and they went down a little ways from Remus, obviously assuming he was out of hearing. He sat down, getting a book out of his satchel to pretend to read while listening in. Snape wanted to spend the afternoon with Lily. She said she was sorry, but she made plans with Remus. Snape didn't really take too kindly to that.

"He's a Gryffindor, you can spend a lot more time with him than you can with me! We hardly get to spend time with one another," he complained bitterly.

"I haven't seen him much lately, outside class and study group—"

"That's not _my_ fault."

Lily scoffed. "Sev, I tried to hang out with you last week and you were busy, so why should I drop things if you can't—"

"I'm not saying drop everything when _I_ have time, I know that's not fair. I don't ask to spend time together on the nights you do that study group thing. It's only you're not really doing anything important right now."

Remus gripped his book tightly at that, frowning.

"I'm hanging out with Remus," she said flatly.

"Which can't you do after curfew when we're stuck in our common rooms? Please? I—I really need you right now."

Lily was very quiet for a few seconds. "Did something happen?"

"Yes."

Remus bit his bottom lip, waiting for Lily's reply. "Are you okay?"

"I... suppose."

Lily sighed. "All right. Just a moment." Remus grit his teeth, trying not to look annoyed as Lily returned to him. "Hey, um, Remus?"

He glanced up. "Yeah?"

"Um. Sev—he needs to talk to me about some things right now. Is it okay is we hang out later?"

Remus closed his book. "Yeah. That's fine." He hoped he didn't sound too disappointed. "I'll see you around."

Lily hesitated as he stood up then gave him a hug. "I'm sorry. He just needs a friend right now."

"It's fine," he promised her, hugging back.

He watched her walk off with Snape and could _feel_ Snape's smugness. He glared at Snape's back then stormed off to the dorms, hoping to find his friends but of course Peter already told them he was hanging out with Lily so they weren't anywhere to be found. He moped around the dorms for a while then went to the library to work on his essays, feeling very grouchy, angry at Snape. He knew Snape had been lying just to get Lily to go with him!

He very slowly got through one and a half essays then threw his quill down, unable to concentrate. He sat back in his chair, arms folded, glaring at the parchment in front of him. Maybe Snape really did need a friend. Maybe something awful happened and he needed to vent.

_Yeah, and maybe tomorrow the Ministry will announce werewolves are humans_.

Remus pushed all his stuff into his bag and stormed out of the library.

*

Remus did consider just hiding out in his dorm but knew that was absolutely petty, so he stayed in the common room for most the afternoon, reading a book, trying to ignore the noisiness of all the other students. It was a grey, chilly, damp sort of day so the common room was fairly crowded. He curled up in a corner armchair, focusing hard on the story (though at one point he overheard a quiet argument between two girls about one of their boyfriends cheating on her which was rather interesting).

Eventually Lily came into the common room, glancing around. "Remus!" She hurried over, flinging herself into the chair next to his. "I'm glad I found you."

"I wasn't sure how long you'd be so I thought I'd just wait here."

Lily folded her arms over one of the chair's arms and rested her chin against them. "I appreciate it. I really am sorry."

"It's all right." He picked at the edge of the book, trying hard not to sound snarky as he said, "Is Snape doing better?"

Lily looked away. "Er, yes," she said in a voice that made Remus figure he was right, Snape had made up a bunch of Hippogriff poop to sway her. He wondered what she was thinking. "What do you want to do?"

He didn't really have any idea and neither did she, so they wound up leaving the common room and wandering through the halls, talking about various things until they got on the subject of things they did as kids. Lily was taken aback when he said he spent most his time by himself, and he really hadn't played many games other than pretend. After more discussion they snuck into a classroom to swipe some chalk then went to a rarely used corridor where Lily drew a bunch of boxes, explaining the rules of hopscotch. As neither of them had anything to use as markers, Remus tore some parchment up, and transfigured little balls of paper into something sorta stone-line well enough to use.

He _sucked_ at hopscotch! It was difficult to balance on one leg and to _hop_ forward on the same leg, so when his stone fell that way he usually ended up falling over. Lily was awesome, breezing through, hopping from foot to foot.

"Yeah, yeah, you have superior balance," he said and she stuck her tongue out at him, giggling. The next time she tried he flicked his wand out, making the stone slide to a different box. Lily flailed and fell over.

"I saw that!" she accused while he laughed. "Huh. That'd be an interesting twist to it! I wonder if there's a wizarding version of this?"

"What other games did you play?" Remus asked.

Lily shrugged. "I dunno. Tag. Statues. Kick the can. Bulldog. Capture the flag." She spread her hands out. "Some of the more popular kids would play oranges and lemons, and a lot of them played kiss chase."

" _Kiss chase_?!" Remus wrinkled his nose up. "Is it as awful as it sounds?"

"Probably!" she giggled. "Either all the boys or all the girls would be it, and to catch someone you'd have to kiss them. I never played because no one wanted me to join in, since I was considered a weird kid. None of the boys wanted to have to kiss me."

Remus gagged. "Sounds disgusting." Though, that got him to thinking about things. Maybe he could ask Lily. "Can I ask you something?" He waited for her to nod then asked, "Do you—do you ever feel like some of your friends are... growing up more than you are?" He felt anxious asking this, regretting the words as soon as they came out of his mouth.

Lily hummed for a moment, kicking at one of the markers they had made while she thought. "Yes. Why? Do you feel that way? Because, honestly, you're the most mature out of all your friends."

"I—I'm not. That's the... the problem," he said and she gave him a curious look. "I mean." He should have just ended the conversation. Gone back to talking about kid games! "They sometimes do talk about—about girls. Cute girls."

"Mmhm?" Remus shrugged, not saying anything else. "Is that a problem?" Lily asked.

"Well, you lot are always talking about boys. And—and Sirius wants to go to the dance, and sometimes they talk about stuff like that and..." He trailed off, ducking his head, feeling dumb.

"You don't?" she asked as she began picking up the markers, depositing them in her pockets. They rattled together every time she moved.

"I dunno. I don't really... get it."

"Get what?"

He was blushing now, face heating up. "Girls."

The worst possible thing happened: Lily laughed! She _laughed_!! He stared in horror at her then swallowed, feeling rather betrayed. "I'm sorry!" she wheezed. "I'm _sorry_! The way you said that just—I'm sorry! I don't get boys either!"

"You don't?"

"Christ, no."

Remus frowned, tugging at his sleeve. "But you've talked about them... you talk about Prewett being cute all the time."

"Yeah?"

"I don't—about girls. Not... yet." He felt sick confessing this, sick that he had started this conversation. It felt like he was confessing something... dirty. He felt like he might throw up.

"You do know that boys don't mature as quickly as girls, right? And just cause Black is talking about girls doesn't mean you have to. Everyone's different. Cassie is boy _crazy_ , I mean it's all she yammers on about half the time; that or Quidditch." She rolled her eyes dramatically. "Alice and I definitely don't. Not as much, at any rate. Cassie's pretty much ready for a boyfriend, she wants to kiss someone—proper kiss, I mean, not like the cheek kiss I gave you before—meanwhile Alice says she'd _die_ if anyone tried kissing her. Everyone's different."

"I th-think I'd die too," Remus muttered.

Lily snorted. "See? I think a kiss wouldn't be so bad. Depending on who. I'd die if it was one of your dumb friends."

"Die?" Remus gave her an amused look. "I'd more expect murder."

Lily bust up laughing harder than she had earlier. "Yeah, you're right about that!"

"You don't think it's—it's weird I'm not... interested in girls yet?"

Lily bumped her shoulder against his gently. "Of course not. Why would it be weird? You overthink things too much."

_She's_ _right_. He continued tugging at his sleeve as they began walking, feeling sicker and sicker. Her words should have reassured him but he felt like something was _wrong_ about this, he just didn't know what. _I'm overthinking it_ , he told himself, trying to ignore the painful stomachache and the hurting in his chest; _I'm just overthinking it_.

*

Remus thought a lot that night and into the next day about everything. Girls. His body. What was going on. What was wrong with him. He thought, during breakfast which he barely ate, about that hypothetical book he might be able to find. The one that would involve probably breaking major school rules.

_Sneaking into Hogsmeade_... Remus thought about that as Slughorn began lecturing. Did he really want to sneak into Hogsmeade to get a book? Perhaps he could ask Fawley about it...? If he got a book that helped explain things about his changes then there'd be every likelihood of Fawley seeing it in his head. Maybe she wouldn't, but maybe she would. Therefore he might as well give her the galleons and ask her to get him the book... right? That would... maybe work...

Except, with what happened the previous week he worried it'd be Too Much. He didn't want to put more on her, ask more of her. She was doing more than he should ever expect, wha with keeping the secret! But there wasn't anyone else he could ask. Was there?

He propped his chin on his hand, thinking. Maybe Pomfrey! She'd probably have something! Except she'd want to know why he couldn't use the library. _Could I tell her it'd be too embarrassing for Farrow to know_?

Pomfrey?

Or Fawley?

Or what if Pomfrey just started telling him things, just started talking about puberty? He'd _die_!

He sighed, and shifted his chin to his other hand, vaguely aware of Slughorn's drawings on the chalkboard. Both options were embarrassing! The least embarrassing option would be breaking a rule he _really_ didn't want to break: sneaking into Hogsmeade.

_So now the question is which is worse? Sneaking into Hogsmeade, or asking Madame Pomfrey for a book about puberty and hormones and why I don't have any attractions yet and whether my penis is the right size—_

He started choking on nothing at that thought, knowing instantly he'd sneak into Hogsmeade. No WAY could he ask ANYONE for a book like that! Not even Pomfrey! Period.

Ugh, though it made his stomach _hurt_ at the thought of disobeying such a massive rule. _Just remember, you're in Hogsmeade once a month anyway_ , he told himself though it didn't help.

He took some parchment and scribbled a note. _When are you planning on sneaking into Hogsmeade?_ Then he began freaking out, thinking Slughorn might somehow catch them passing such an incriminating note! He quickly folded the parchment up and poked it into the fire. He'd ask after class.

"Oh, oh no," he whispered when Slughorn dismissed class about fifteen minutes later.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

Remus put everything in his satchel, face burning. "I—I didn't take any notes."

"What?!" James began laughing loudly, everyone turning to look at him then going back to what they were doing when they realized it was just James. "You?!"

"Sh—shut up, I had something on my mind!" He approached Lily in the corridor. "Hey, um, did—did you take a lot of notes?"

Lily stared at him while Colgate and Inkwood began giggling. "Yes," she said slowly. "Didn't you?"

His face burned even more. "Um. Not very good ones. I'm not, er, feeling great today." He shifted his weight, feeling super awkward about all of this. "It wasn't... well, could I borrow yours?"

"You can borrow _ours_!" James called out.

Remus rolled his eyes, ignoring him. "Please?"

"Of course," Lily said, pulling her Potions notebook out of her bag. "You can give it back at lunch."

"Thank you _so_ much."

The Marauders ran off towards their next class, his friends teasing him mercilessly about his lack of notes. He grumbled, but didn't really mind at all them joking about this. He thought it'd be a good time to bring up what had sucked in all his attention: wanting to sneak into Hogsmeade. Then changed his mind, figuring he'd mention it later on. At lunch or something. Preferably when one or more of them was taking a drink, for the shock factor.

*

James spit his water out all over the table and Peter, Sirius began choking on his food, and Peter didn't even notice James's drink on him, he was too busy staring at Remus as though he just shot a bolt of lightning down to the table.

"WHAT?" James yelled, voice bellowing across the room.

"I can't say it _now_ ," Remus said, since so many were paying attention to them now due to James's outburst.

James began pounding on Sirius's back. "You did say what I thought you said?" He gave Sirius a whallop and a chunk of food shot out. "Ew."

"Merlin, not like I _meant_ to choke!" grumbled Sirius, pushing the bit of food under his plate. "Remus's fault."

"He said it," Peter whispered. "I heard him."

"How about we discuss this after we leave the Great Hall?" Remus suggested.

The others finally realized they were essentially on display. "Er, right," James agreed then began shoveling food in his mouth. Remus raised his eyebrows then very slowly began eating, ignoring James's annoyed looks.

Once they were all finished eating they left, heading to a private corridor where Remus repeated that he was considering going with them into Hogsmeade next time they went. "I d-d-don't want to go m—many places. Just one. The—the bookstore."

"Surprise, surprise," James muttered.

Remus shot him a look. "Well. I just want a—a book. A specific book. I don't want... Mr. Farrow to know I've checked it out."

"Illegal book?" Sirius asked, perking up.

" _No_. Not illegal, if it were illegal I'd be unable to buy it! It's..." He shifted from foot to foot, rubbing his elbow, trying to figure what he should say. "Personal."

"Is it about... your... you-know-what?" Peter asked.

"My what?" Remus asked, confused, slightly panicked because the only thing he could think of was _penis_ , since that's what it _was_ for. Was it so obvious?

Peter gave him an exasperated look. "Your—your—"

"Your furry little problem," James put in and Peter nodded.

" _Oh,_ " he said then was about to say yes then narrowed his eyes at James. "I'm sorry, my what?!"

"Furry little problem!" James said cheerfully. "Perfect way to describe it, eh?"

"N—not really!" Remus scowled then decided to drop it. "In any case, yes. It's to do with that."

It was a very good, plausible excuse, though it felt EXTREMELY bizarre to be using his lycanthropy as a coverup for something, instead of the other way around! Was this really happening, or was it a bad dream? If someone had told him a month ago he'd be doing that, he'd have thought they were completely off their broom!

Then he got to thinking about something else while his friends chattered about Hogsmeade.

_Maybe... I don't... feel the same sort of attractions because of this_. He looked down at his hands. _Because of what I am_. Was that possible? Maybe—maybe werewolves couldn't feel attraction like that, didn't have romantic or... or sexual feelings. Although, he wasn't so sure about the latter because sometimes he did have weird feelings _down there_ which he generally tried to ignore due to the fact about a year and a half, maybe two years ago his mother caught him... exploring himself and totally flipped out, telling him it was no good, it was wrong, don't do that! He had his doubts now that he was a bit older that it was 'no good', and was probably just his mother freaking out, but it still made him uneasy. He wondered if he had let his father finish his talk about masturbation if Lyall would have said it was okay or not okay?

Either way, because he did get _those_ feelings _down there..._ did that mean he was capable of sexual feelings? But girls never triggered anything. No urges. No desire to kiss or hold hands, no desire to stare at their hair or legs, definitely nothing but blank thoughts about their chests and curves. Their bodies were just... zero interest. Nothing. He didn't know exactly what he was supposed to be feeling, but he kinnndaaa suspected it wasn't supposed to be 'nothing'.

_Because I'm a werewolf_? he wondered again, flexing his fingers, thinking about the wolf inside him. Maybe it just saw everyone as prey and that leaked into Remus-the-human? If so, then... well, he wasn't sure what to think if that was the case. Lily said it wasn't strange he didn't feel anything about girls yet but...

He knew the book wouldn't help with _this_ problem but maybe it could help with some of the other issues, so he definitely still wanted to get it. Which meant sneaking into Hogsmeade. Ugh.


	55. Chapter Fifty-Five - Disasters Usually Equal You Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention on Friday's chapter there'd be a bonus chapter today, sorry! I have the week off so I thought I'd get an extra chapter out today and hopefully (but no promises) an extra chapter out next Sunday too! I'll let you know on Friday for sure if there will be. Thank you everyone for your incredible support!!

James wanted to sneak into Hogsmeade right away, but Remus begged him to at least wait until the weekend. He protested, insisting Remus would just change his mind, and said they could go after Transfiguration, have supper in Hogsmeade, his treat. Remus flat out refused. He said the book he wanted to get he really needed, and would definitely go in, he just didn't want it to be on a school night!

"So, Friday night? After classes? That's technically not a school night," James pressed. "And Saturday is the game, and Sunday you'll argue it's a school night."

"Sunday afternoon," Remus reasoned.

"Friday night," James argued.

"You want to sneak in the night before a game?" Remus grumbled. James shrugged.

"He's going to be antsy anyway Friday night," Sirius pointed out.

Peter nodded. "If we sneak into Hogsmeade then less likely chance of him bouncing off the walls."

Remus considered it briefly then sighed. "I have study group Friday night. I doubt we can get back before six so... Sunday afternoon?"

Reluctantly his friends agreed, James pouting quite a bit that they'd have to wait nearly an entire week. Personally, Remus felt better having plenty of time to try to... mentally build himself up to be able to actually go. Although putting it off till Sunday did run the risk of the game Saturday causing him anxiety issues. He hoped that wouldn't be the case. But there wasn't any other day to go! The only day he didn't have study group or Occlumency was Thursday, and James had practice that night making it a no-go.

_Hopefully the game isn't too... awful for me_ , he thought as they headed to History. Would it be too loud? Too awful, with all the people? If Gryffindor won then the after party would be crazy too, though he could hide out in his room with a pillow over his head. _Unless James wants me there_. If James really did then Remus would stay at the party for a bit. Not too long.

He fretted about it all through History and fretted on their way to Transfiguration, then stopped in his tracks. Everyone was stopped in their tracks, mostly on the stairs. The History classroom was on a higher floor than Transfiguration and they had almost reached the first floor, but there was a bottleneck now due to the fact the first floor was flooded. The water came up a few steps too.

"What happened?

"What's going on?"

"Why is there water everywhere?"

Lily, nearer the front of the group, spun around to face the Marauders. "Potter! Black!"

"Oi!" James complained immediately. "We didn't do it, we were in History! Maybe you were sleeping too heavily to notice but we _didn't_ sneak out!"

"I was not _sleeping_ ," Lily murmured, though her cheeks went a little pink.

Down on the floor a prefect waded through the water, seeing the waiting second years. "Classes on this floor and below are canceled for the afternoon," he said, and James and Sirius exchanged high fives.

"What happened?" Spinnet asked.

The Hufflepuff shrugged. "Accident. Hopefully we'll get it cleared up before supper however you might be eating in your common room."

"Is it the entire first floor?" Colgate asked.

"Yup, more or less."

"Did Potter and Black do it?" Lily asked, and James made a very rude gesture at her back.

The prefect laughed now. "No, we know who did it. Don't worry about it. It was an accident. I guess you can go up to your dorms and wait for your next class, or... just somewhere up higher than this." He waded off down the corridor, water sloshing at his thighs.

" _Told_ you!" James snapped when Lily turned again.

"Don't go blaming us for everything!" Sirius growled.

Lily scoffed. "Please. Disasters usually equal you two!"

"Do you blame us too when your mirror breaks?" James teased.

Lily's face went bright red, and she stomped her foot. "You are such a disgusting little _toerag_ , James Potter!"

"Is that a yes?"

She got her wand out and a bright light hit James. He yelped, stumbling back, nearly falling over. Lily tucked her wand away. "Hmph. Come on, girls," she said, nose in the air as she, Colgate, and Inkwood marched off.

James straightened up, his nose big, round, and cherry red. "What did she...?" Everyone still there began laughing, including Sirius, Peter, and Remus. "What?!"

"Now you look like the clown you are!" Spinnet said before he and Struthers went off, laughing still.

James stared at his friends and Peter managed to point to his own nose, then doubled over laughing. James's hands flew to his face then he gasped, eyes going wide. "That little rat!" He covered his nose. "And how dare you lot laugh!"

"Honk, honk!" Sirius said, and James punched his arm pretty hard. Sirius jerked back, rubbing the spot. "It could be _worse_."

Remus, managing to suppress _some_ of the laughter, grabbed James's sleeve. "C'mon, let's see if—" he broke off into snickers then took in a deep breath, "—let's see if Pomfrey can fix that."

"Can't you?"

"I can try..." He got out his wand. "Finite incantatum!" The light hit James's face but the only thing that happened was the bright red faded into more of a brownish red, a slightly redder version of his own skin color. He tried a few more time but James's nose remained as round as a ball. "No. Sorry."

James ducked his head, hand covering his lower face. "Let's just get to Pomfrey, then."

Sirius and Peter still snickered all the way to the hospital wing while Remus did his best not to laugh. Pomfrey was able to fix the issue easily, and as they left the hospital wing James fumed, threatening revenge against Lily. Sirius and Peter were on board with that while Remus wasn't as. He didn't really like the idea of getting into a revenge circle with _Lily_ , and said so.

"She had no reason to do that to my nose!" whined James, rubbing his nose. "I think it's still a bit red. I did nothing to her."

"You basically called her ugly," Remus pointed out, raising his eyebrows.

"He's got a point," Peter said.

James narrowed his eyes. "Something small. Like. Toads in her bag. Can I do that?"

Remus sighed, opting not to answer which the others took to mean yes. The others discussed about getting toads or maybe tadpoles into her satchel, then the conversation switched to whether or not they'd be having supper in their common room or not.

"Ooh right," Peter breathed out. "Hope the Great Hall isn't too flooded. Think the ground floor is full of water too?"

"It sounded like it was just on the first floor," replied Remus. "I may be wrong though."

"We could use secret passages to get down to the ground floor and see," James said, clapping his hands.

"Shall we risk it?" Remus asked.

"Eh, worst thing that happens is we get wet," James answered.

So they trooped off, using secret passages and stairwells to get down to the first floor, and those secret corridors were a bit damp but otherwise dry, then they went down to the ground floor. They emerged into the main castle to find the floors were just a little wet until they got to the entrance hall. There was a huge waterfall coming down the main staircase, pouring through the entrance hall and right out the door. There wasn't anyone around so they were able to stay where they were to watch the waterfall for a few minutes then they backtracked and headed back up, going to their common room.

"Maybe the dungeons are flooded too," said Sirius with a giggle. "Maybe the Slytherins are all underwater." Then he hesitated. "Except Reg."

"Of course," the others agreed.

*

Ravenclaw didn't lose any points but apparently a handful of sixth year Ravenclaws were practicing the water-making spell and it went very bad and had taken staff ages to get it fixed as well as dried out (the students did have to eat supper in their common rooms). The dungeons were not, to James and Sirius's dismay, flooded.

"Maybe we can crack the big windows and change that," James whispered.

"Why do you want to destroy the Slytherin co—" Remus stopped then dropped his head in his hands. "Never mind."

"Answered your own question, did you?" Sirius teased, and Remus nodded.

On the way to Herbology Peter asked if they'd be going with Remus that night to Occlumency and Remus hesitated, unsure. He admitted it might be better if it was just him tonight, and he could ask her about bringing them in at a later date. He thought if they all piled into the room it would make Miss Fawley uncomfortable, possibly annoyed. He really wasn't sure what to expect at _all_. He was quite nervous, and began working himself into sickness. It didn't help he had been having a no-touch-skin-scrapey sort of day already (trying not to wince whenever one of his friends nudged him or smacked his back), and dealing with Miss Fawley touching his head was going to be _awful_. Really all he wanted to do was crawl under his bed.

His stomach hurt worse and worse as the day wore on. Maybe she changed her mind? What if she didn't show up at all? What if she decided it was ridiculous and she just... stopped teaching him?

He was _beyond_ relieved when he went in at 6 and found Miss Fawley perched on the purple couch. She wasn't smiling, but she was there.

"H—hello, Miss Fawley," he said, quietly shutting the door behind him.

"Is it just you?" she asked, cold.

Remus winced. "Yes ma'am."

"Hmph."

Remus waited by the door then when it was clear she wasn't saying anything else he scurried over, sitting down. "How are you?"

She folded her hands in her laps. "I won't lie. Not great. I'm still upset over last week. How is that going?"

"Oh, it's—it's good. They're... fiercely loyal and extremely kind."

"Hmph. Do they pester you with questions?"

Remus couldn't help but smile at that. "No. They... they'll make sure I'm g-good to answer anything before they ask anything, and we haven't really talked much about it since... last week." He drew his feet up, wrapping his arms around his legs. "It's still very hard for me. Very, very hard. Sometimes I... I just can't believe it's happened. But. I—I don't want to run. I love it at Hogwarts. And... I care about my friends." Fawley didn't reply so Remus plunged forward. "I... I'm still getting used to them knowing, but it's nice that they do. I mean, I'm not letting my guard down." Fawley raised her eyebrows at that. "I'm not. Just because they know doesn't mean I'm going to get... slack..."

He didn't want to admit how much he had gotten slack at times this year, he really needed to be even more careful. If Sirius could figure it out, someone else could. Though he doubted anyone paid as much attention to him as Sirius did.

Fawley gave out a long sigh and slumped forward. "I'm sorry, Remus. I'm not being very fair. I told you I'd accept this decision, then I come in here with a harsh attitude."

"It's okay. I... understand, Miss Fawley. I know you're just worried about me."

Fawley gave him a strange look. "I appreciate that however I do want you to understand that just because someone is worried about you does not give them the right to mistreat you..."

He had the feeling she was alluding to something but didn't know what. "Er. Yeah," he agreed, and there was an awkward silence. "I don't want you to be mad."

"I'm not mad," she promised. "Only worried. But enough about that. You said you came alone, does that mean they don't wish to learn?"

He wrung his hands nervously. "Oh, they—they do. I told them it was just probably best if it was only me tonight, I didn't want to... upset you more. I thought maybe we could give it a little bit of time...? I mean, if you—if you want to... teach them."

Suddenly he realized he had no idea why Fawley _was_ teaching him... or rather, if she was being paid for it. Nobody had ever talked about payment. Surely she was being paid for this? Or was it out of the goodness of her heart, and affection for a werewolf? Was Dumbledore paying her? If so, why would Dumbledore pay for his lessons? He wanted to ask but thought that might be a little crass. Except he didn't want to give her a tougher load without paying her...

"Um," he said quickly, leaning forward. "If you don't want to that's fine. I could—could talk to—" He realized he shouldn't throw James's money in there without talking to James first. James had said he'd be willing to use his allowance to bribe Fawley but that probably had been a joke. "We can talk about it next week?"

Fawley listened to all this in silence then nodded. "How about we just continue with our lessons for today?"

"Yes, please."

It had been a couple weeks since his last lesson and it was a jolt when she touched his temples and he was yanked into a memory. It was Halloween night. Him snapping at the others telling them how stupid it was, them ignoring him, their blood spilling onto the cave floor. He wasn't able to resist her at all, or the second time when he was taken back to his freakout the night the Marauders told him they knew. He saw himself hyperventilating and unable to move, Sirius carrying him to the hospital wing.

Once they pulled out, Fawley was frowning. "If you're showing me these on purpose..."

"I'm n-n-not!" he squeaked, rubbing his aching head. "I promise! I—I'd much rather f-forget that last one anyway." He was so embarrassed to see it, to see himself so—so crazy! How did the others put _up_ with him?! Helping him like that... even knowing the truth... being there for him...

"Are you all right?" she asked when he sniffled quietly.

"Yes." He bent forward, pressing his hands against his eyes. "I don't know."

"There are times when our reactions are out of our control."

"It's just... shameful." His friends seeing him in such a state, unable to breathe properly, unable to _act_ properly, hardly even able to move...

He thought she might try to say it was fine, he didn't need to be ashamed. Instead she said, "It's completely understandable to feel that way... I... I _am_ glad your friends are there for you."

He sat back, taking in several deep breaths, then said he was ready to try again. He was unable to fight back at all that evening, and thanked her numerous times when they were done. She told him if he wished to bring the others next time so they could at least 'discuss' the possibility of them learning Occlumency that would be fine. He thanked her again then headed back to his dorm, feeling strange.

Overall the lesson had been... normal. Not what he really expected. He knew she was angry about things, yet she apologized for being harsh. But there had been... a bit of a gap between them that hadn't been there since they first started, an uncomfortable, uneasy feeling that separated them. Which was not a good sign. But... she wanted to talk to them again, about teaching them, and _that_ was a good sign (he hoped). So overall he really wasn't very sure what to think.

He just didn't want Miss Fawley hating him or feeling bitter about things. He liked her, she was so kind to him, and gave him advice when he needed it. He hated hurting her the way he did... though if he had been told a week ago to choose between losing the Marauders and hurting Miss Fawley... ugh, that was such a sucky choice, but if forced he'd probably go the same way he did: sticking with his friends. He _didn't_ want to lose them, or lose Hogwarts, and he hated that it hurt Miss Fawley but...

Remus whimpered a little, clutching his pounding head. _Just don't think about it right now_ , he told himself as he reached the portrait. _You can think about it later._

He was a little surprised to find the dorm empty before remembering James had practice that night. _I should do homework.._.

Instead he went under his bed and closed his eyes, trying to empty himself like he was supposed to for Occlumency. _They'll probably have an easier time of it than me_ , he thought then began laughing, trying to imagine _James_ calming down! He might not be a ball of nerves and anxiety like Remus was, but he was a ball of endless, frenzied energy.

_Sirius will probably do best_. Out of all of them, Sirius was the one who seemed to have the easiest time hiding what he was feeling. Sometimes it was obvious, but more often than not Remus wasn't really sure. He could be acting happy but smell differently, putting a mask on that only Remus could really see behind due to his abilities. Peter might do okay, though he tended to be nervous about things too.

_Sirius will do the best, then Peter, then James_ , he decided. _Then me. If I ever manage_. Leave it to his friends to all master Occlumency ages before he ever did. He hoped Peter would do well! After all, Occlumency didn't really overly depend on memorizing spells or anything. That would help boost Pete's confidence for sure. He needed plenty of confidence boosts.

_James might be bored_ _though_... He could picture that too. A few lessons in and James just deciding nah, too boring, no fun. He knew James would want to do what he could to protect Remus but... he also knew James liked to have fun, and Occlumency wasn't that fun. Sirius liked to have fun too only Remus thought that Sirius would also push through for Remus's sake. For some reason he couldn't figure out, Sirius was just... protective of him.

_I wish I knew why_. Remus rolled over, folding his arms over his pillow, resting his chin on his arms. What _had_ drawn Sirius to him? He had said it was fate, that night they officially became friends. If Sirius hadn't felt compelled to reach out to Remus... what would have happened? Where would he be now? Alone? No, not completely alone, he did become friends with Lily before that. Pinky promised friends.

Remus smiled now, tilting his head to look at his pinky. He missed Lily. Even with spending time together on Sunday, and having some time together in study group the night before, he wanted to spend more time with her. Needed to. Should. And Aegis as well. The Marauders were... well, _more_ than friends, but he really didn't want it to just be _them_ all the time.

_Do they spend time with others_? That made Remus pause. James had Quidditch and spent some time with his teammates. Peter had Photography Club and did stuff with them. Sirius... well, occasionally he had some brotherly time with Regulus but other than that, _did_ he spend much time with people outside the Marauders? When he hung out with 'the girls' (Lily, Inkwood, and Colgate) it was with the Marauders. He wasn't part of anything else. No Quidditch, no Photography Club, no Study Group (or a Lily or Aegis).

Remus felt a sharp pain in his stomach. It wasn't his place to try to make Sirius make more friends, however it _was_ bizarre to him that probably the most likely to be 'most popular' one in their group didn't... do much outside the group. People disliked the Blacks, but Sirius was charming, and beautiful, and funny. He wouldn't have to do much to make friends. Just flash those pearly whites and crack a joke. If he tried, he'd definitely have tons of friends.

He was very grateful Sirius had chosen James, Peter, and Remus as his companions, but it did confuse him a little as to why Sirius didn't have anyone else. Not that he could ask. Or should ask. As curious as he was. Which was very curious.

He jumped (knocking into his bed), hearing voices and laughter. He wriggled out from under the bed as the door banged open and his friends in question came tumbling in, giggling over little things. James flung himself at Remus, wrapping his arms around him. Remus, trying not to scream at the sensation of being touched, immediately began complaining at the stench.

"Practice ran late," James said, pouting when Remus pushed him away, grateful for an excuse to do so. "I can't help I stink." He lifted his arm and sniffed at his armpit. "Ew."

"Yes ew," Remus said, not wanting to point out his super sensitive nose made it worse. "Go get your shower."

As James got his shower stuff, Sirius asked about how Occlumency went; Remus told them honestly what happened though didn't mention anything about money yet, he decided to bring it up privately with James later. Maybe. He didn't _like_ the idea of discussing money but—but surely Fawley was being paid, and Dumbledore didn't know about the Marauders knowing so he wouldn't be able to pay more, and it wasn't fair to Fawley to take on more students without getting paid more...

It was a really confusing situation, and Remus wasn't sure how to deal with it; he just hoped it'd work itself out.

*

As the week proceeded the school whipped themselves into a Quidditch frenzy. Gryffindors kept stopping the Marauders in the halls to give James a pat on the back, a thumbs up, or wishing him good luck. James began swaggering a lot, but when they were alone he admitted how frightened and nervous he was. He began pacing a lot, running his fingers through his hair, staring at nothing... Sometimes during meals he'd cast glances at the Hufflepuff table.

Just before Herbology on Thursday, some of the Hufflepuffs began teasing James about the upcoming game.

"You think you can score past our Keeper?" a boy named Pocklington called out.

"How old is our Keeper?" asked a girl named Hatch.

Pocklington made a big show of thinking. "I _do_ believe he's a _seventh_ year, and has been playing since his _third_ year."

"That's a _lot_ of experience!" exclaimed Rivers.

"E _specially_ against someone who's first coming into the sport, _and_ only twelve," added Pocklington.

Remus expected James to explode or say rude things. Instead James put a super sweet smile on his face. "At least if we lose I'll know it's to someone with a lot of experience!" And he swept into the greenhouse, leaving the Hufflepuffs a little bewildered.

The Marauders were all bewildered too and when they grouped together to do some repotting and trimming they chose a table way in the back to whisper to one another. Sirius said right off the bat how come James didn't tell the Hufflepuffs he was going to destroy them?

James scowled, angrily troweling dirt into a pot. "Ooh, I bloody well _wanted_ to, and almost did but they said that purposely to rile me up. If I got super cocky about it, that's what they wanted. Being nice threw them for a loop." But he shot glares at the Hufflepuffs and flicked some dung at their satchels when he went to get something from Sprout.

Remus found out more about the Hufflepuff Quidditch team than he ever expected to know. The experienced Keeper was the Captain, the only new team member was a Beater, and their Seeker only had one year under his belt but so did the Gryffindor Seeker. BUT! Maureen Charmer had beat the Hufflepuff Seeker the previous year, so they had high hopes.

"All their Chasers have more experience than me," James continued talking as they walked through the corridors to the Great Hall after their post-Herbology showers, "but Bell says I'm better than them, or at least a more natural Chaser than them. The whole team has good feelings about this. And I work really well with Bell and Litten. The only thing I'm really worried about is if something happens to Bell or Litten, cause Kirke—our reserve—really hates me and I don't think we'll work well together."

"That's an understatement," Peter said.

Every practice Remus had gone to he had witnessed Kirke's dislike of James. The glares, snide comments, eye rolls whenever James talked. It was super irritating and Remus had no idea how Bell allowed it to go on as long as it did. That evening as soon as they got to the pitch Kirke began glaring at James and the other Marauders.

"Why's he even a reserve?" Pete grumbled as the three boys climbed up onto some of the bleachers.

"Unfortunately, he's pretty good," Sirius said, tugging at the Gryffindor hat Remus had made him which he seemed to almost always be wearing. "Broom-wise, I mean. Personality wise, he's a total prat and should be thrown into the lake."

They sat on the bench together, shivering a little until Remus conjured some blue fire that didn't burn anything else. Sirius kept poking his finger into the flickering flames, then attempted to conjure some of his own and wound up setting the edge of his cloak on fire—real, proper fire. All three of them began shrieking and Sirius nearly tumbled head-over-heels down the bleachers but he got his cloak off and Peter stomped them out.

"Why do you always set stuff on fire?!" Remus demanded as Sirius inspected the burnt edge.

"I don't do it on _purpose_ , it just sorta happens," he grumbled, pulling the cloak back on.

Peter snorted. "Well, you don't _always_ not do it on purpose."

Sirius grinned as he fastened the clasp. "Fine, fine, not _always_. Sometimes."

They sat back down, squashed in close together, leaning forward to get the warmth from the blue flames sitting on the bench in front of them. Sirius went back to poking his finger in. After they watched James flying around a bit, attempting various formations with Bell and Litten, Peter asked if they were still sneaking into Hogsmeade on Sunday. Sirius looked at Remus who froze up, keeping his eyes on the sky.

"Yup," Sirius said, staring intently at Remus. "Right?"

"I... I—I..." He fiddled with the end of his sleeve then began tugging at it. "Um." He had been trying to avoid thinking about sneaking in, instead focusing on the upcoming game because every time he thought about Hogsmeade he got a horrible stomachache and wanted to vomit. Even now he wanted to vomit. "Um, we—we can talk about it later."

"You're not trying to back out of it, are you?" Sirius asked, narrowing his eyes. Remus shook his head, opting not to answer because he knew his voice would betray him. "All right."

Peter wriggled with excitement. "It'll be great. It will, you'll see. You'll love Hogsmeade. The Three Broomsticks, Honeydukes..."

"N—no!" Remus squeaked in protest. "Bookstore. That's it, for me. You guys can go to other places. I'm just wanting to get—get that book and come back. I—I feel ill enough breaking this rule—"

"You're breaking the rule already, why not have some fun while you're doing it?" Sirius pointed out. "At least Honeydukes."

Remus looked at Peter who nodded vigorously, then over at Sirius who grinned. "Maybe," Remus relented, since he wasn't even sure he'd be going anyway. " _Maybe_."


	56. Chapter Fifty-Six - James's Big Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said in an earlier chapter, if I edit a previous chapter and change things I'll let you know. Well I was listening to the podfic and realized I made an oopsie! In Book One Chapter 13 "Jeers and Tears" I wrote "He had a strength to him beyond what a normal eleven-year-old should have though usually he had to focus to use it". When I started the story I was toying with the idea of Remus having to focus to use his strength which I abandoned, but that part got past me. So now the sentence reads, "He had a strength to him beyond what a normal eleven-year-old should have". Sorry for the slip up!

James was a nervous wreck Friday. He was very distracted through every class and was too antsy outside of class to do much. It was worse than before his tryouts but this time it didn't drive the Marauders as crazy. Last time it had annoyed them more due to the fact everyone knew James would be on the team. This time it was a huge deal.

At study group the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors teased each other a little bit but nothing awful. Bones admitted he sorta hoped Gryffindor won, shocking _everyone_.

"I'm kinda sick of everyone in my common room swaggering around saying we're gonna destroy Gryffindor because they've got a twelve year old on the team," Bones said, slapping his hand against the table.

Pierce snapped her fingers. "Yes, that's been bugging me too. I mean, of course the bigger and older and more experienced players are gonna have an edge, but if a twelve year old got onto the team it proves he's got great ability. He wasn't the only one trying out, was he?"

Remus shook his head. "Th—there were nine. For only two spots, since—since the captain's a Ch-Chaser too. And, well, I g-guess I should say only eight trying out for one spot, since—since Litten was on the team last year and I g-guess it's hard to knock out a previous t-team member."

"Eight students, and Mr. Potter got it," Aegis said, shaking his head and giving out a low whistle. "That is very impressive. I hadn't realized that. You can tell him congratulations and good luck for me."

"The Hufflepuff in me wants us to smash you into smithereens," Bones said. "The twelve year old in me wants Potter to rub it in their faces."

"Could have both," Lily pointed out. "Potter can do super well but Hufflepuff still win. Don't you have to catch the snitch to win?"

"Not always," Bones said. "Usually the team who catches the snitch does win but it's not a guarantee. But you are right, Potter could get tons of goals but we could still beat you guys. That'd be a good compromise. That's what I'm hoping for now!"

*

Remus could _feel_ the excitement Saturday morning. He had noticed the atmosphere on game days before but this time it was different because he'd be going to do the game, and he dreaded it. He wanted to watch James, but when the Marauders went to breakfast the buzz in the Great Hall was louder than normal and he knew it was going to be _awful_ at the actual game. He planned on bringing tissues to stuff in his ears and earmuffs. He had tried to learn some sort of muffling spell but nothing seemed to work well, they were all quite advanced.

"It's cool to see you dressed up," Sirius said as they took their seats. "Finally, a proper Gryffindor."

Remus shot a dark look at him. "Being a Gryffindor does not necessarily mean attending Quidditch games."

But he was dressed up. James had surprised them all a couple days ago with bright scarlet jumpers. On the front were lion faces, on the back blazed **POTTER** along with his number, **5**. After they finished eating Sirius began putting face paint on Peter and Remus. Remus also put scarlet streaks in his own hair and Peter's hair; Sirius, naturally, refused to have his hair touched but his hair was long enough to pull back which he did, adding scarlet and gold ribbons to the ponytail holder. Some of it was pulled back in a tiny ponytail, the rest underneath was loose. Remus thought the look was exceptionally nice and it made him feel a little strange when he first looked at Sirius after he had done it.

Actually he felt very strange.

Which he decided to ignore.

But his hair did look good.

"See you guys later," James said while Sirius was still working on Remus's face paint.

Sirius gave James a big hug as they all wished him good luck. James grinned and left the Great Hall with the rest of the team. Sirius plopped back down on the bench, returning to drawing on Remus's cheek. His face was bent in close and it made Remus feel even stranger, and a little uncomfortable. Sirius's eyes were locked on Remus's cheek as his finger put the final bit of paint.

Shortly after they headed out, Remus taking a moment to put the tissues in his ears and the earmuffs on. It only slightly muted the sounds, and he knew this wasn't going to be good.

He was already in pain by the time they got to the bleachers. Kids were shrieking, talking loudly, and cheering. Soon the commentator began talking about the teams, her voice _booming_ throughout the pitch. Remus adjusted the earmuffs, biting his bottom lip. A moment later Lily and her friends came shuffling over, joining the boys. All three wore matching gold jumpers and red plaid pants.

"This is so exciting!" Lily said as she stood next to him. "This is the first time you're at a game, isn't it?"

"Uh-huh." More students were pouring into the bleachers, the noise getting louder. Remus adjusted his earmuffs, anxiety rising as they waited for the game to begin. His head was hurting, his ears hurt, and while he wanted James to show off how good he was, at the same time he was hoping the Seeker would just find the snitch right off the bat.

Then the commentator was announcing the teams, and the pitch went _wild_. Remus yelped, his cry of pain disappearing among the screaming, and he ducked down, clutching at the earmuffs, pressing them hard against his head. The Gryffindor section got even louder when their team came out onto the field and Remus was in so much pain he could barely even see James strutting out. He tried to give a shout of support but when he opened his mouth he felt like he might vomit from the pain. He clenched his teeth, forcing the bile back.

"JAMES POTTER JAMES POTTER JAMES POTTER!!!" Sirius and Peter _screamed_ , waving their pennants high above their heads, jumping up and down. On Remus's other side Lily was also hopping, clapping, and whistling.

Remus was dimly aware of the teams mounting their brooms and shooting into the air. He thought Hufflepuff got the ball first. At least with the game playing the shrieks weren't quite as fevered but it was still painful.

"THATTABOY JIMMY! YOU GOT THIIIIIIS!" Sirius had his hands cupped around his mouth to make himself louder.

The Gryffindors went wild when Bell got the ball from Hufflepuff. Remus pressed his hands harder, head pounding violently. Whatever healing ability he had simply didn't have time to fix the problem, it was a constant ache, constant stabs into his ears and head.. He took in several shaking breaths, trying his best to focus on the game and not the pain but it was hard.

He couldn't even cheer when James got the first score of the game.

Sirius and Peter's voice pierced into his head and he curled forward, unable to stand it anymore. He forced himself to his feet and pushed past Lily, hurrying through the crowd to the steps. He ran down and dashed to the bathrooms. When the door swung shut it at least _somewhat_ dulled the sounds. He moved his hands from his head and went into one of the stalls, throwing up.

 _How come I can't do this_? He stumbled to the sink to clean out his mouth and wash off his face. The sounds still hurt his ears. _I have to at least watch_. He left the bathroom, wincing as soon as the door opened. He immediately backed up, shutting the door. He stared at the closed door, no idea what to do. His nose began burning as he realized the only way to watch his friend play was to also be in a _ton_ of pain.

 _Well. It can't do any permanent damage_ , he thought, reasoning it out. Could he withstand the pain for another... however long a Quidditch game took? James knew about his problem so he might understand Remus not being there. However, he'd probably still be hurt. And Remus _wanted_ to be there.

He took in a deep breath and returned to the pitch, climbing back up.

"Where did you go?" Sirius asked as soon as he rejoined them, face full of concern.

"Loo," Remus replied, putting his hands back to the earmuffs. "Did I miss much?"

"Hufflepuff scored, that's all."

It was horrible. His eyes grew teary though there was a stinging wind so it didn't look too unusual. He barely really noticed much of what was going on in the game, pretty much just watching James and nobody else. He scored multiple times throughout the game, the others scored too, and Hufflepuff scored. At least Remus assumed that was what was going on; it was very difficult to really pay attention. Plus he had to run off to throw up again.

It felt like an eternity. Drawn out pain crashing into his head, making him wonder how he could ever do this again. There were some points where the stands were somewhat quiet and he felt a little better but then everyone would begin cheering or booing once more.

Then the Seekers were diving, and sound _exploded_ into Remus's head as one of them caught the snitch. He wasn't sure who did because after about one or two seconds of the intense pain everything went black.

*

Remus slowly opened his eyes, staring up at Sirius, Peter, Lily, Colgate, and Inkwood's faces all staring down at him with the sky behind them.

"He's awake!" Peter said.

Remus closed his eyes again, reaching up to cover his ears because the cheering was still loud. "What happened?" he moaned.

"You fell," Sirius said, pulling Remus up onto one of the seats. "You just went headfirst down some of the bleachers."

"What happened?" Lily asked, very concerned.

Remus shook his head slowly, figuring he'd just lie. He couldn't tell the truth in front of the girls anyway. "You know how—how clumsy I am. I guess I... tripped and b-banged my head. We won?" he asked, since the Gryffindors were particularly loud.

"Yes!" Sirius said, pumping his fist. "Charmer got the Snitch."

Lily coughed. "I think he should see Madame Pomfrey." She suddenly bent in very close, her fingers gently brushing through his hair as she looked for a wound. "I don't see any marks on your head."

Sirius was glaring at Lily, pressing his lips tightly together. "Of course, we'll take him."

"No, no, be—be there for James," Remus protested as Lily got him to his feet. "Please. It's n-not fair for _none_ of us to be there."

"I can take him," Lily reassured Sirius who still looked angry.

"I'll catch up to you as soon as—as—as possible," Remus promised. "Give him a high five from me."

Sirius pat his back, promising he would, and Peter gave Remus a quick hug. Then Lily linked her arm through his and helped him out of the stands. They took one of the back stairs which weren't as crowded and they were able to get to the grounds quickly. The farther they got from the stands—from the sounds—the better Remus felt.

"I guess I need to eat a big piece of humble pie, eh?" Lily asked.

"Huh?"

She squeezed his arm. "Potter was amazing. Tell him that and I'll never speak to you again though."

He managed a small smile. "I won't," he promised with a weak laugh. "He is very good though."

"You looked pretty awful during the game though," she said, glancing over at him. "Like, pale, and frowning a lot, and you clutched your head the entire time."

"It was... a little loud," he said, one of the biggest understatements ever.

"Yeahhh, it was pretty loud."

Once in the hospital wing they had to wait for Madame Pomfrey to return from the game who showed up along with some other students. Litten, of the Gryffindor team, showed up with a very nasty bruise on his arm, and there were a couple students with minor issues. Pomfrey eyed Remus but took care of Litten first so he could go celebrate with his teammates in the tower, then she approached Remus.

"I fell and bumped my head," he said. "You can help the others first." He ignored Lily's furious scowl at that.

"All right," she said then fixed up the others before returning to Remus. She made a show of examining his head then did some diagnostic spells. "You seem all right, Mr. Lupin. If you bumped your head it doesn't seem like it caused any damage."

"Thank you, Madame Pomfrey."

By this point all the pain had ebbed out. He had been away from the noises enough that his head and ears returned to normal though he still sorta felt a vague sort of pain in his ears. He didn't want to go to the tower though. He wanted to see James and congratulate him personally, but the party was going to be awful.

 _I can stand it for a few minutes_ , he decided as they headed through to the castle to the Gryffindor common room. He flinched as soon as the portrait opened. Music was booming and students were talking loudly, cheering, dancing, going nuts. Inside he saw the seven members of the team up on some of the tables. James was with Bell and Charmer, and Charmer had the Snitch in her hand, pumping it around to the tune of the beat.

"GryffinDOR! GryffinDOR!" several students were chanting.

Others were chanting for Charmer: "CHARMED! CHARMED! CHARMED!"

Sirius and Peter were both chanting James's name, of course.

Remus and Lily parted as he squeezed through the crowd to the team. "James!" he shouted and James jumped down, hugging Remus, picking him up and spinning him in a circle while he tried not to let the pain show on his face from the loudness. He hoped he looked cheerful enough.

"WE WON!" he shrieked happily. "WE WON!!!"

"Congratulations!" Remus laughed, hugging back. "I knew you could do it!"

"Come on!" James took Remus's hand, pulling him towards Sirius and Peter.

"No, I'm not—I'm not staying," he said and James's face fell. "It's loud," he said, pointing at his ears and James's mouth formed an O. "I'm sorry. I—we—we can celebrate later?"

"Okay," James said and they hugged again. "See ya later! Enjoy your quiet, lil buddy!" He ran back to the table, climbing back up to join his teammates.

Remus told Sirius and Peter the same, then left the common room, heading towards the library. It was _so_ quiet in there and Remus just went under one of the tables, curling up, enjoying the quiet. He could hear sounds. Farrow doing things at his desk, a few other students in the room walking or turning pages, but overall it was _so_ nice and the pain in his head slowly began easing up.

 _What am I going to do_? he wondered, staring at the bottom of the table. There were marks in it, names carved by previous students. How in Merlin's name was he going to be able to support James at future games? This was _way_ worse than trying to deal with the smells of Potions.

After a long time he crawled out from under the table and went in search of some muffling/quieting spells he might be able to use. They were all fairly advanced so he picked the easiest one and began studying.

*

The Gryffindors partied well past supper time, most of them opting to bring food to the common room. Remus marveled at their ability to _not stop_. It had been hours but they were still going nuts. They continued celebrating past curfew and Remus was forced to go to his dorm room, hearing the sounds below. With the door and his curtains shut it wasn't too terrible...

"Reemmmyyy!"

The others came in, pushing through the curtains and piling onto his bed, James still in his sweaty Quidditch uniform.

Remus folded his legs, smiling. "You don't need to be in here."

"Nah, I want to be with my friends," James said, elbowing Remus. "The party's fun and all but this is better."

Sirius pulled out a bottle of butterbeer. "Stole this from a sixth year," he said, seeing the surprised looks on their faces. "Where's the cups?"

Soon there were four full glasses they clinked together, Sirius, Peter, and Remus congratulating James yet again, saying how proud they were, and how amazing he had played. Sirius and Peter made comments about some of the moves James pulled and Peter jumped up, gesturing wildly to show off what one of James's scores looked like from the stands.

"You were all WHOA! And that Hufflepuff Chaser was like WAAAH! And you just... WHOOOOOSH! RIGHT past the Keeper!"

Sirius laughed, spilling butterbeer all over Remus's blanket. "You should be a Quidditch commentator."

Peter flopped back down, scowling. "Like you could do better."

Sirius thought about this for a second then shook his head. "Whoa, waaah, and whoosh are very fitting!"

"What did you think?" James asked Remus.

He sipped thoughtfully at his drink, trying to buy time. "I think I had no bloody clue what was going on," he finally replied causing his friends to all laugh. "I've read that book but—I'm sorry, I really had no clue! And these two, who promised to tell me, just shrieked your name over and over."

Sirius made a face while Peter looked a little sheepish. "I guess I got too caught up," Pete said. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine, I'd rather you lot enjoy the game than have to spend time explaining everything," Remus told him. "Besides..." He took another sip, looking down at the amber liquid. "It was—I wasn't—I—"

James looked very worried at Remus's stuttering. "You didn't enjoy it?"

"No! No, I—I did! I just... it was... very loud. It was... pretty difficult to give the game my full attention." He flushed at this confession, hoping they didn't press him much; he wanted them to know a little of what happened but not the full extent.

"You were hurting?" Sirius asked, frowning.

"Errr, a bit," he replied and Sirius looked upset.

"I didn't realize..."

"No, it's fine," he lied. "I'm fine."

Sirius and James were both studying him but at least Peter accepted his word. "It was a brilliant start to a brilliant season!" he said, clapping his hands. "Next up... ummm... is it Ravenclaw or Slytherin?"

James blinked a few times then grinned. "Ravenclaw. Then Slytherin." He took a long swig of his drink then jerked his arm, the butterbeer sloshing out. "I can't WAIT to smash Slytherin! It's going to be SO good!" He rambled on about the Slytherin team, and about how he couldn't wait to see their game against Ravenclaw next month to see the team in action since they had a few new team members.

Then Remus asked how many scores did James get exactly? What was the final score?

"Two hundred seventy to ninety," James said, beaming. "I got four of our goals."

Remus squinted, trying to remember the scoring. "The Snitch gets you a hundred fifty right? So that's... 12 goals total?"

"Uh-huh! And I got four of them! Bell got five, and Litten got three."

"Bell only got two of them cause of _you_ ," Peter pointed out.

"That's right," Sirius said, elbowing James. "You could have gotten those goals—"

"Nahhh, I couldn't, Dartwind was on my _tail_ ," James protested, shaking his head. "The only way to get that fourth goal was to give the ball to Bell, and I got hit with the Bludger almost as soon as I threw it to her. If I had been aiming at the goal, the Bludger would have hit me and I would have lost the Quaffle."

"Were you hurt?" Remus asked, furious at himself for never noticing James had gotten injured!

James got onto his knees, yanking up his shirt to show a bruise across his abdomen. "Not bad, eh?"

"James!" Remus snarled. "Go to the hospital wing!"

"Nah."

"Litten did!"

"I'm not Litten," he said haughtily. "This is my first Quidditch game and I want the bruise there."

"You're barmy."

Sirius held up his hand. "Actually, that's me, according to—YAAAH!" he yelped as Remus grabbed his pillow and walloped him with it, sending the rest of his glass spilling onto the blanket.

"It _does_ look cool," Pete said, leaning in close to study the bruise.

"Mum and Dad are so proud," James said, pushing his shirt down.

"Of your bruise?" Remus inquired with a sweet smile.

James snorted, giving him a gentle push. "Oh, stuff it. Dad is be _yond_ happy and Mum just cried and cried..." Remus knew the Potters had gone to the game, and he did wish he could have at least properly met them. "You know, cousin Bore-My-Arse tried to get on the team when he came to school and never got on."

"Was he a Gryffindor, or a Slytherin?" Sirius suddenly asked. "Blacks are all Slytherins, but Potters are usually Gryffindors."

James giggled. "Neither, he was a Ravenclaw."

"You know, I don't get the whole 'this family is in that house' and 'that family is in this house'," Peter said, crinkling his nose up. "The Hat—" He stopped suddenly, going pink. "Well, the Hat didn't even consider my mother's house which was Ravenclaw. Course, I'm not that bright or clever..."

"I agree," Remus said. "Oh! Not the last bit!" he added quickly when Sirius and James dissolved into giggles; he felt absolutely horrified realizing why! "No! Peter, I wasn't—I meant—I meant the first bit! You _are_ bright!"

Peter was laughing too. "I know what you meant!"

He sighed with relief. "You _are_ ," he added for good measure. "I meant... how Sirius is what, the first Black not to be in Slytherin?" He looked at Sirius who nodded. "And you've talked before about how your blood predisposes people towards you. It's quite confusing."

"Not for the Sorting," Sirius said with a shrug. "It makes great sense that families usually end up in the same house."

"Not... really," Remus said.

Sirius grinned. "The Hat takes a lot of your ideals into consideration, right?"

"R... right..."

"And usually you get your morals, your opinions, your thoughts on life from your family," he pointed out and Remus was dumbstruck. It made... so much sense. It was completely logical, and he was surprised he hadn't considered that before. "For the Blacks tradition, lineage, ambition, Pureblood i _deals_ are the most important!" he said in a gruff, deep voice, slamming his fist into his hand with each word. "We grew up with this ground into our head. I mean, yeah, the Hat takes blood into some consideration but really..."

"Yup!" James had rolled off of Remus's bed to fetch some snacks from his trunk. "Raised as a Potter I was taught that bravery and chivalry is sooooo important. Stand your ground, stand up for yourself, don't take any shit."

Peter crossed his legs, tilting his head in thought. "I was just taught by my mother that magic is important, I don't think she really pushed anything about smarts or bravery or ambition or loyalty. What about you?" he asked Remus. "Smarts?"

Remus bit his bottom lip. Sure his parents had always encouraged his learning, his inhalation of books, his burning desire to learn but... "No. I'd say secrecy."

"Secre...?" Sirius trailed off, realizing what he meant. "Oh."

"Oh," Peter agreed a little awkwardly.

Remus bowed his head, partially regretting saying it. Even though they knew... then it trickled into his mind, wrapping around his brain, that they _knew_ , they _knew_ and were acting so _normal_ with him, and it overwhelmed him yet again. He grew quite dizzy and sipped at the last of his butterbeer to give himself something to focus on.

James tossed several different bags of crisps and sweets onto Remus's bed. "That's the last of my stash; I'm gonna have to get more tomorrow. But yeah, Siri's right—"

"Don't call me that," Sirius interjected.

James ignored him, "—it just makes sense that most of a family ends up in one house."

"You grow up with a Gryffindor in charge of you, you get that way of thinking into you," Sirius said, catching the last bag of sweets, a bag of gummy cauldrons. "You grow up in a Slytherin house, that's what you believe."

Remus slowly shook his head. "I cannot believe I never thought of it that way. I am exceedingly impressed, Sirius."

Sirius struck a pose. "I'm not just a pretty face, you know."

"You're not even that, mate," James joked. Sirius made a swipe at James who ducked, laughing.

"Speaking of tomorrow—" Sirius began.

"We weren't," Remus muttered, knowing what was coming.

"—Hogsmeade! And we were, James mentioned needing to buy more snacks, so there." Sirius stuck his tongue out and Remus tossed a crisp at him which missed him by half a foot at least. "You suck."

"You suck."

"Great comeback, Lupin, an E at the least."

Remus stuck his tongue out right back at him then yelped as a white and yellow Every Flavor Bean hit him directly on the face. The others began talking about Hogsmeade, when to leave, where to go, when to come back... Remus started to remind them he was _only_ going to the bookstore then he shut his mouth, debating even going at all yet again. _Is getting a book like that worth it_? he wondered, putting the bean in his mouth with slight trepidation. Bananas and cream!

"You _are_ coming still, right?" Peter asked. "You keep making faces."

Remus swallowed. "Uh, y—yeah, of course," he got out, choking a little on the bean. All three of them looked suspicious. "I—I am. Yeah, I am."

"You swear?" James demanded.

"Uh-huh. Yeah, of—of course."

Ugh, now he definitely couldn't get out of it!


	57. Chapter Fifty-Seven - Not Drunk... Happy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things. One, regarding the extra chapter Sunday I am still hoping to get it out but I've been feeling under the weather. If I'm feeling really sick Sunday I probably won't. Hopefully I can, but I'll be good and not push myself. Two, I guess warning for underage tipsiness in this chapter via butterbeer? Probably obvious from the chapter title but hey.

Remus tossed and turned Saturday night, and felt guilty and anxious, and had nightmares about screaming crowds and his ears bleeding. When he woke up at eight he decided there wasn't much point in trying to get back to sleep. Instead he took a very long, hot shower in attempt to calm himself down but all he could think of was how _bad_ it was to sneak in, how many rules he constantly broke, and how he shouldn't do this. Dumbledore risked so much for him and he just threw it in his face! He was a horrible, ungrateful little brat.

Remus had too much anxiety to even eat breakfast when they all went to the Great Hall. He poked at his porridge, drank half a glass of orange juice, and then went to the nearest bathroom to throw up.

"You look like you're going to your own funeral," Peter said when they got ready to leave.

"I feel I am," he muttered in response, clutching at his stomach.

"Merlin's sake, it's just a quick trip to Hogsmeade!" James said.

"It'll be fine," Sirius promised.

Remus glowered a bit at that. "Famous last words."

"Look," James said, pulling his jacket on, "you're the one who wanted to go, for whatever book you're interested in. If you _don't_ want to go then don't go."

Remus looked down, head pounding. _I really... want some answers..._ "I'm going," he said.

Sirius grinned and tousled his hair. "Perfect. Let's go!"

They went to the fourth floor, down a side corridor where James and Sirius stopped in front of a giant, ornate mirror that stretched from floor to ceiling. "Watch this," James said and he breathed on the glass then wrote 'open' in the fog. The mirror slid open. "Pretty darn cool, huh?"

They went in and the mirror snapped shut. Remus turned. It was a one way mirror, you could see out into the hall. Then he turned to look at the passage behind it. "This is _enormous_!" he gasped out, looking around. It wasn't just a passage, it opened up into what looked like a _room_ , bigger than some of their classrooms!

"You could hold a party in here," Pete agreed.

"You could," James agreed reluctantly, "if you want people to know about it. Which we _don't_. C'mon, lads!"

James and Sirius lit up their wands and led the way. The passage grew smaller until it was about the size of a normal hallway at Hogwarts, then grew even smaller until pretty much there was only enough space for them to go single file. If Sirius reached up his fingers could brush the ceiling.

The passageway wound downwards, the stone soon turning to rock and even dirt in some places. Remus tripped over a pile of dirt then looked up to see a bit of a hole in the 'ceiling' which was... just dirt. "Is this safe?" he asked.

"Probably," came James's reply.

_Probably_. Remus looked at Peter who seemed pretty white-faced. "Is this how you got there before?" he asked.

Pete nodded. "Yeah but it's still a little frightening. What if it caves in?"

"Oh puh- _lease_!" Sirius laughed. "It's not gonna cave in."

At least there was more room through this passage than the one under the Whomping Willow. Remus kept his eyes on Peter's back, trying to figure out if this was quicker or shorter than going to his house in Hogsmeade. It felt longer. A lot longer. But eventually the passageway began rising up and then came to a dead end.

"We're here!" James said excitedly.

"Where's here?" Remus asked, looking around. James pointed and Remus looked up to see there was what looked like a tunnel going up into the ceiling, though it was dark. Covered. "That?"

Sirius jumped, fingers catching on a rope ladder that unfurled. "That," he said and began climbing up. He reached the top and pushed open the trapdoor or whatever it was, letting bright light in. Peter went second, then James made Remus go third.

"In case you try to run off," he teased.

Remus rolled his eyes but grabbed hold of the rope, pulling himself up. It swayed as he climbed then there was Sirius's hand, hauling him up through the entrance which turned out to be a stump in the woods. In the _forest_. James crawled up through the stump and Sirius swung the top down. It looked like a regular stump, no indication that there was a passage underneath.

Remus wrapped his arms around himself, shivering a little as they trooped through the trees. He felt _violently_ ill at being so far from the school, for doing something so wrong. He knew using excuses like _oh it's only for a little tiny trip_ and _I come here all the time during the full moons_ were just excuses and not true reasons. No matter how you looked at it, he was breaking one of the biggest rules.

_Course, is it any worse than when I set Snape on fire_?

After a couple of minutes they all stopped at the top of a little rise, looking down into the village of Hogsmeade.

Remus had never really seen Hogsmeade before except brief glimpses from the train station, and a little bit at a distance when he came back from the previous Christmas holidays. Due to the full moon he hadn't been able to come back on the train and had to use a portkey to some fields nearby where Hagrid picked him up. Now he was looking at the sweet, quaint little village blazed in late autumnal glory.

James headed down the hill with Sirius following, then Peter, and finally Remus. The stomachache had faded at the sight of the town even though he still felt some anxiety. James began singing an old song about Hogsmeade and the others joined in. The beat fit perfectly for walking.

They trooped into town, their voices fading as they didn't want to draw too much notice however Remus figured it was pretty obvious to anyone they were Hogwarts students. James led the way to high street, where most the stores were. Remus looked around as they went, excited for when they could _legally_ come into Hogsmeade and he could properly explore. Hogsmeade had such a fascinating history, and had so many locations of interest.

The store windows were full of bits and baubles, all the shops ready for the Christmas shopping season. A couple stores already had some Christmas decorations up along with signs advertising perfect gifts. The other Marauders kept glancing at various stores with excitement, whispering about where they'd go next, but first the bookstore.

Tomes and Scrolls was a fair bit way down the road, and it was quite large. Remus's eyes went huge as he stared at the giant display of books in the window.

Sirius laughed, slapping Remus's back. "You're starting to drool."

"It's so... _beautiful_!" Remus said, wishing he had more than two galleons, wishing he could spend all day there!

"Let's go!" Peter said, heading towards the door.

" _No_!" Remus grabbed him, pulling him back. "Um. I mean, I—I was hoping to—to shop alone." They all gave him curious looks and he ducked his head, tugging at the hem of his jumper. "I just... um, it's just that... I was hoping for a little... privacy."

"Blimey, what sort of book are you getting?" James joked, and Remus tried not to blush.

"We know about... the stuff," said Sirius with a shrug.

Remus gulped, glancing at the store then back at his friends. "Please? It's really... personal and... I know you know but..." He shifted from foot to food, tugging more at his jumper.

They agreed, on the condition he at least went to Honeydukes which he reluctantly agreed to before going into the bookstore. His eyes got even _bigger_ as he took in all the shelves. He hadn't been in many bookshops before and most had been small except for Flourish and Blotts in Diagon Alley. This one seemed to be on par with F&B, and this time he was free to look around, he didn't have his father dragging him around to buy the one book they had needed at the time.

_Except, I don't have all the time_ , he reminded himself, walking down one of the aisles. His fingers ran across the spines and he felt excitement bubbling up inside—no, not like bubbles. Like fire.

_Oh_! He froze, staring at one title. A history of various runic languages specifically within Wales. He immediately pulled the paperback out, flipping it open. He knew a little about the history of Welsh runes, and this specific tome had been referenced in some other books he had read. He looked at the price. It was just under a galleon. If he could find a book about puberty and—and that stuff for just under a galleon he could get both books.

He clutched the runic book to his chest. If the other book cost more than a galleon... it was the book he intended to buy... but...

He shook his head then headed straight for the _Health_ aisle. Most the books here were medical books and spells. It took him what felt like ages but he finally found a book called _Your Body At Hogwarts_ , which explained everything a kid needed to know about their body, its growth, changes, etc, etc that they might go through between the ages of eleven and eighteen. He closed his eyes, sending a quiet prayer of gratitude, then looked at the price.

Well over a galleon.

His heart dropped and he started to turn away to put the runic book back when he spotted a paperback version of _Your Body at Hogwarts_. He quickly pulled it out.

_Nearly_ a galleon. He could probably get both!

Remus ran to the front, arranging the books so the runic one would be on top as he nervously set them on the counter. The clerk tapped the top book with his wand then slid it aside to tap the second. His eyebrows raised and Remus went red. "Starting Hogwarts next year, are you?" he asked kindly as he slid both books into a paper bag, assuming Remus hadn't even started.

Remus squeaked out something that might have been yes then waited for the total. One galleon, fourteen sickles, twenty-six knuts. Remus handed the two galleons over. The clerk popped open the register and counted out three knuts and two sickles. He reached out.

Remus had no idea what to do. He began panicking, and the clerk stared at him. "Take your change, laddie," he said, thrusting his hand out closer to Remus's face.

"Uh. Ahhhh. C—could—could you p-p-p-put the—the ch—change in the—in the bag?" he whispered, terrified.

The clerk frowned and suddenly Remus regretted everything. He knew the clerk would figure it out! How stupid was he?! He should have let his friends come with him, see the dumb book he got, and then one of them could take the change! Him not wanting to touch it was so obvious! The clerk would probably summon the Ministry and—

"Suit yourself." The clerk dumped the money in the bag and pushed it across the counter. "Have a good day."

Remus left the store, trying not to run. James, Peter, and Sirius were lounging on a nearby bench, hopping up when Remus came out. They wanted to know why he looked so flushed.

"The clerk thought I was ten," he grumbled darkly. His so-called friends immediately burst into laughter. "Gee, thanks."

"What did he say?!" Peter demanded.

"He asked if I was starting Hogwarts next year," Remus said, and they just laughed some more. "Shut up, you're all horrible."

"Poor Remy," Sirius said, messing up his hair _again_.

Remus ducked away, scowling. "One of you want to take the change? I can't really use it anyway."

"Huh? Why not?"

Remus sighed, smoothing down his thick hair. "There are sickles. It's down in the bag." He opened the bag, offering it to James. "Don't look!" he yelped, jerking the bag back when James started to peer in. "Just take the money out."

'Why? It's yours," James said.

"I can't touch it," he said very softly.

"Why not?" Pete asked.

"Sickles," he said but they remained confused. "There are _sickles_." They still didn't get it! "Silver," he hissed out.

"Oh MERLIN!" Sirius exclaimed, smacking his own forehead.

"Blimey!" Peter wheezed out.

"Aw, bloody hell, Brains, I'm sorry," James said and stuck his hand in the bag, feeling around for the coins. "I'll use it to buy whatever sweets you want at Honeydukes, all right?"

"All right," Remus said, totally embarrassed. "I'm just glad the—the clerk didn't think too much of me wanting the ch-change in the bag." He closed the bag, holding it close to his body. He had never really dealt much with money before. His parents never left sickles lying around the house, but sometimes his dormmates did. He was able to ignore it, pretty much, except the occasional shudder. The closest he had ever come was in his first year when Sirius tried to hand him some sickles due to Remus winning a bet. Remus had managed to refuse, stating he didn't want the money and wanted chocolate instead.

_He knew, at that point, I was a werewolf... or, suspected really_ , Remus realized, glancing at Sirius as they headed to Honeydukes.

His friends had described Honeydukes to him multiple times but it still didn't prepare him for walking into basically _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory._ All three of them grinned at Remus's sharp intake of breath.

"Isn't it perfection?" Peter asked.

"Merlin's beard," Remus whispered.

Shelves of sweets everywhere, hundreds and hundreds of sweets everywhere, barrels of sweets, walls of sweets, tables chock full of sweets. Sweets of all kinds. Gummies and chocolates and fruity and sour and spicy and savory. In the middle of the room was a table with a chocolate Quidditch pitch. A full pitch with green grass and wooden-looking hoops, and stands and bleachers, all decked to support the English national team. Floating lazily around the pitch were seven figures made of chocolate, flying around on chocolate brooms, playing with four little chocolate balls including the tiniest little Snitch.

"Miiine!" James picked up a box with a miniature chocolate Quaffle which was a bit smaller than an actual Bludger. He also grabbed a chocolate Snitch which was the same size as a regular Snitch. Then he grabbed a Bludger as well. "Hold on, gonna go get a basket."

The basket was soon full, all their sweets mixed together, and James had to get another basket. He encouraged his friends to get whatever they wanted, and sometimes when he put something in he'd say it was for Peter, or Remus, or Sirius. Remus argued but James ignored him. Remus somehow resisted the urge to take up James's offer of getting more, and only got himself a single fudge chocoballs which pretty much took up all his money. He could probably get 'more' chocolate if he got a couple bars... but fudge chocoballs were without a doubt the best.

"Here," James said when Remus put the little cellophane wrapped treat in the basket. He took the wrapped chocoball out and grabbed a box holding a _dozen_ fudge chocoballs.

"What? No, I can't aff—"

"SORRY CAN'T HEAR YOU!" James yelled and ran off.

Remus started to shout at him then realized they were in a store and he shouldn't be yelling. He grabbed the wrapped single one and chased James down, and they struggled, spilling several boxes of sweets out.

"Remus come on, I want to!" James snapped, plucking the single one out. "Please! I want to!"

"No, I—you can't!"

"I can so, and I want to. Let me buy you stuff!"

"I don't want you to!"

"Well, I want to!"

"Hey!" They both jumped when the clerk shouted. "Stop fighting or I'll summon Dumbledore, I know damn well you've snuck out of Hogwarts."

Both boys fell silent then looked at each other. James grinned, pat the box of dozen chocoballs, and waltzed off. Remus glared at him then reluctantly put the single one back. He wouldn't get anything else, at least he could put the two sickles towards the big box. _Stupid James_.

Finally James put the two big baskets on the counter, not even phased when the total came out to _quite_ a few galleons. James handed them over, thanked the employee, then led the way out of Honeydukes with the bags swishing at his sides, wanting to know where they were headed to next.

"Back to Hogwarts," Remus said then paused. He did sort of want to see his house. Really want to see what the outside looked like. He knew he would in a year but... that was so far away... "Maybe a tour."

"A tour?" Sirius spun around, eyebrows arching. "You've seen most of high street."

Remus didn't want to outright say _what_ he wanted to see. "Show me around a little bit. Just a little."

So they went along the rest of high street, looking at all the shops, James whining when they went past the sporting shop and couldn't go in, and they went past some other places... and then they were headed past the houses and there was a little hill with a house at the top. His friends began explaining that was the haunted house but Remus would have known it anyway.

It looked like it had been there since Hogsmeade was founded, practically; it was narrow (though he knew that from being inside) and very ramshackle and run down. The windows and door were all boarded up tight. There was a dying tree in the yard, and a fence around the hill. It looked utterly and horrifically haunted.

_That's my house_ , he thought, staring up the hill. A shiver went down his spine. His fur caught in splinters inside, his pawprints, his _blood_ splashed on the walls...

"We never did come back at night to hear the screams," James remarked.

"We need to do that," Sirius said cheerfully.

Remus went towards the gate, studying the large _no trespassing_ sign. He couldn't help but wonder what it might sound like. The spells Dumbledore put on the house, the screams. The howls. Then he shook his head. _What am I thinking?! Sneaking out at NIGHT_?

"No," he said, turning back to his friends. "It's an awful idea."

"It'd be fun!" James said and Sirius nodded in agreement. At least Peter appeared to be a little unsure.

Remus glanced back at his house then folded his arms. "I won't. This is bad enough, doing it at night—"

"You've snuck in once, you're telling me you won't again?" Sirius asked.

"Absolutely not," he said, finding it ironic that in eight days he'd be sneaking into the house they were standing in front of. _A week,_ already, he thought, feeling completely strange that it had already been a couple weeks since the Marauders confronted him! It still did not feel real. "I'm not staying, either. I'm going back to Hogwarts."

Sirius snorted. "You're really trying to convince yourself sneaking in for a short amount of time is somehow better than a longer time? At least come to the Three Broomsticks for a hot butterbeer. You've never had it like that. It's good. You'll like it."

"Oh, you'll love it," said Peter excitedly. "Come on, just one butterbeer."

Remus started to protest but James said, "If you even try to say you don't have the money, don't even try. I'll pay, it's not that much anyway."

"Come on, come on," Pete whispered temptingly, tugging at Remus's sleeve. "What's another half hour?"

Remus groaned. "Oh, fine."

The Three Broomsticks was really a part-inn-part-pub, and it was very cozy. There were several adults sprinkled around at the tables, and a couple of non-humans. Remus bit down on the inside of his cheek hard when he saw what was undoubtedly a pair of hags, and then a group of goblins. They were both classified as beings as he was a beast, but it was a little amazing for him to see non-humans in a public place. Even if the hags were eyeing the Marauders as soon as they came in, and Remus suddenly wasn't sure if twelve year olds were 'children' enough for hags or not, though he doubted these were the kind that feasted on children's flesh since they were in public; that was usually reserved for the... wilder ones. Or... was he being unfair? He hated the stereotypes placed on werewolves, and here he was doing the same. Although there was actual evidence of hags enjoying human flesh but...

"You two again?" called out the barmaid who was probably only in her early twenties. "Should I be sending a note to the headmaster?"

"Madame Rosmerta!" Sirius said, jogging over to the bar. "You're looking as lovely as ever! I swear you get prettier every time we sneak in!"

"Keep that silver tongue of yours in your mouth," she laughed, glancing over to the others. "Oh, you've got a fourth with you!"

"Yeah, this is our friend, Remus," Sirius said in a boasting way.

Madame Rosmerta looked at Remus with a sweet smile. "Nice to meet you, dear." Remus mumbled a greeting back then followed James and Peter to one of the tables but he could still hear the bar, and heard Madame Rosmerta say quite clearly—in a manner that was only meant for Sirius—"Such a mischievous lot you are, dragging a first year out here!"

Remus's face went _brilliantly_ red and he sank down in his seat, clutching his bag to his chest. First the bookstore clerk, now this. Did he really...? He was small but he didn't think he _looked_ young! Small did not equate _young_! Peter—Peter was only slightly taller! Course he had more meat and muscles on him and he looked healthy, and Remus was sure his frailty was another reason he possibly looked young but _still_. He couldn't wait till he looked his age.

"I wonder why none of the shop owners tell the headmaster you've come here, since it's so obvious," mused Remus as he watched Sirius flirting with Rosmerta.

"Money of course," James snickered. "I mean, I'm guessing that's why. I'm sure they're used to kids sneaking here. I doubt they'd hide us if the teachers came looking, but otherwise we spend plenty of money—"

" _You_ spend plenty of money," Peter cut him off.

James beamed. "Yeah. Well, anyway, that's probably why. Ahh! Here we go!" Sirius returned with a large tray with four tanks of butterbeer and a giant plate of chips. "You'd make a good waiter," James teased.

Sirius pretended to nearly drop the tray on James who yelped, jerking back, falling out of his seat. Then Sirius laughed so hard he actually did almost drop the tray and Peter and Remus each grabbed a side to keep it still. Finally everyone was back in their seats and the drinks were handed out. Remus curled his fingers around the handle of his tankard, looking down into the foam.

"To the Marauders!" Sirius said, lifting his tankard. "Beauty, Brawns, Blithe, and Brains!"

The others echoed his toast and clinked their glasses together. Remus took a sip of his, not sure what he was expecting, but it was _very_ good and somehow tasted completely different from cold butterbeer. He wound up with a lot of foam on his nose which caused a lot of giggles with his friends and they wound up flicking foam at one another.

"Try these!" James urged, pushing the plate of chips over.

Remus took one and nibbled at the end. "Ohhh Merlin! These are amazing!"

They went through them very quickly and James went to get more, along with fried fish, stuffed mushrooms, small meat pies, and four more butterbeers, then four more. The boys devoured every last bite except for Remus who still felt apprehensive so he only nibbled a but here and there, though by the time he downed the last of his third butterbeer he felt rather giggly. He knew that too much butterbeer could cause a bit of tipsiness—there was a very vague alcoholic content in it but not enough to do much unless you had a lot, so he wasn't sure why he felt this way.

"Your face is so red!" laughed Sirius.

"Is it?" Remus pressed a cool hand against his cheek. "I think I've had too much."

"Ohhh I'm gonna _burst_ ," Pete moaned, rubbing his stomach.

That struck Remus as very funny and he dropped his head into his hands, giggling more.

"Remy, are you okay?" James inquired.

" _Yes_! I'm fine, just—just really happy," he promised, not moving his hands. He hadn't had any more butterbeer than his friends and they clearly weren't affected. _Probably cause I'm not human_ , he thought and instead of feeling bad it just made him giggle more, quite loudly. It all seemed so _funny_.

"Bloody hell," Sirius said, shaking his head as Remus slid down in his seat.

"We're gonna have to carry you back!" James said, smacking the table

"I'm fine," he repeated which wasn't as convincing as he hoped since he said it with a snort and more giggles.

"I think you're drunk," Pete said.

Remus shook his head. "No! I can't be, I—I've read the bottles, there's not enough alcoholic content to make—anyway, none of you are and I've had the same as you!" Then suddenly he remembered something he had read before. "Ohhh maybe it's because I'm small."

"You're on about your size again?" James asked.

Remus glared at him and then spoke, finding it a bit difficult to get the words out between the giggling. "No. Well. Y—yes. Sorta. I mean, I guess maybe it's... having a little more... of an effect on me than you three due to my—er, size. Plus—I barely ate anything and you three had a lot."

They took this information in and then Sirius leaned in, smirking. "So, you're drunk."

" _NO_! I'm—I'm not—just—just..."

"Happy," Peter supplied with a grin.

"Yes," Remus agreed then dissolved into more giggles. He couldn't imagine what his parents would say if they saw him! Well, not the whole... sneaking-out-of-Hogwarts-breaking-the-rules thing or the having-friends-when-he-shouldn't thing, but the... the okay-maybe-a-bit-tipsy thing.

"I did _not_ know you could get drunk on butterbeer," James said in an awed voice.

"I'm not drunk!"

James ignored him, jumping to his feet. "'Scuze me." He hurried to the bar but soon returned with a scowl. "Damn. Rosmerta won't sell us any more."

"How come?" Sirius asked.

James gestured at Remus. "She's noticed he's drunk—"

"Not! Drunk!"

" _Happy_ ," Peter reiterated.

James rolled his eyes. "Fine, she's noticed he's _happy_ and says we can't have any more."

"Well, my apologies for ruining your plans on attempting to get drunk on a very minute amount of alcohol which would probably kill you from overindulging on liquids before you had enough alcohol to even make you drunk," Remus complained.

There was a beat of silence then James flapped his hand. "Okay, you're not drunk, no drunk person could say all that."

Remus tried to give him an annoyed look but was too giggly for it and just folded his arms on the table and put his head down on them to continue his laughing as quietly as he could. He couldn't _stop._ The others put the leftover food in some takeout containers, Sirius tried begging Madame Rosmerta to sell some bottles of butterbeer to no avail.

They left the inn and Remus was stumbling maybe a little bit, and Sirius put an arm around his waist to help keep him upright. "I'm fine," he grumbled, but Sirius wouldn't let go. His arm was pretty warm and Remus didn't really mind so much. More giggles came.

"I'll take Brains back," Sirius offered.

"Aren't we all going back?" Remus asked.

"I still need to go to the grocer's to get snacks," James said, handing the heavy Honeydukes bags to Sirius. "Pete, you coming with me or going with them?"

"I'll stay with you, to help carry stuff if you need," Peter said.

They bid farewells and Sirius helped Remus through town and into the woods, back to the stump. Sirius took hold of one of the roots, pulling at it three times in rapid succession. The 'lid' swung open. "I'll go first, in case you fall," Sirius said and shimmied down through the hole.

" _I'm fine_!" Remus growled down at him then slid into the hole, clinging to the rope ladder. It took a little effort to reach the bottom, not that he'd ever admit it. Sirius tugged the rope ladder in the same three quick pulls and it rolled itself up while the stump closed. "Lumos." Remus's wand lit up the passage as they began walking, since he only had one bag while Sirius had two.

"Did you have fun?" Sirius asked.

Remus tried not to giggle more but couldn't help it. "Yes, all right? I did, I had fun. Are you going to be smug now?"

"Oh, insufferably smug," Sirius laughed. "Did you get the book you wanted, by the way?"

Remus hugged the bag close. "Yes, I did, and another book about Welsh runes."

"Sounds nerdy. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. I mean, it's obvious you enjoyed the Three Broomsticks, everyone could see that."

Remus stopped in his tracks, glaring back at Sirius. At least was his intention. He stumbled when he turned and his arms wheeled. He dropped his bag of books and would have fallen if Sirius hadn't grabbed him, yanking him back upright, knocking into him.

"Okay, I don't care what Jimmy thinks, you're _drunk_."

"I am NOT drunk!" Remus wriggled away and picked up the books. He was horrified that they had partially slid out but the runic one was on top, blocking the view of the body one. He pushed them back in and straightened up. "You know how clumsy I am."

"Being clumsy makes you giggle?"

Remus whipped around, standing at full height, glaring up at Sirius. "Look—"

But Sirius was laughing so hard he nearly dropped the bags. "I'm _teasing_ , I couldn't help it! I know you're not drunk." He gave Remus's head a pat. "Happy."

Remus eyed him suspiciously then turned back around and began walking again for a bit before being unable to hold back, and began giggling once more at everything that happened while Sirius looked exceedingly amused.


	58. Chapter Fifty-Eight - A Natural

After returning to Hogwarts, Remus and Sirius went straight to their dorm, Remus putting his books in his trunk while Sirius put the sweets in James's trunk and the leftovers in his own desk. Remus wanted to study his new book alone but Sirius wanted to hang out so they wound up playing chess down in the common room. By this point he had managed to calm down and wasn't giggling at every little thing which disappointed Sirius.

James and Peter returned much later with loads of snacks to squirrel away, then Remus spent most the rest of the afternoon with them, had supper with Lily, then hid away in his bed with the curtains shut. He had _Your Body At Hogwarts_ in front of him and felt a little nervous opening it up, as if someone would pop through the curtains and see it, and laugh at him, even though nobody was around.

He began reading about exactly what to expect. Growing pains, getting taller, muscles aching, voice changing... other parts changing... He went a little red (and felt a strange shiver through his body) when he flipped the page and saw drawings of various sized male genitals. He glanced around again then pulled the book up closer to him, hiding it from nobody. He was a little relieved to find out there wasn't any _normal_ size, that boys of his age were expected to have a variety of sizes and there wasn't any... exact size changes, everyone changed at different rates. He might reach adult size within a year, it might take him until after graduation. Plus judging by the pictures he wasn't unusual or anything. Everything seemed to be... going correctly.

He closed the book, feeling quite relieved. He wasn't really sure what he had expected. He chalked it up to anxiety more than any real concern, but at least now he knew.

He crept into the bathroom and waited a moment, listening carefully. Then he took his shirts off to study his upper body, checking under his arms for any signs of hair, then flexing his scrawny arms, trying to ignore his ugly scar. He pulled his shirt on, listening again just in case, then pushed his pants down to examine himself from the waist down.

Satisfied well enough, he returned to his bed, pulling the book onto his lap and flipping it back to where he had been, though he didn't read on. He just wondered if the others were worried about their own bodies like him. Sirius seemed to be a little, considering his confession on his birthday, but was that all? Did James worry? Did Peter? Remus bit his lip, wondering if he was overthinking everything _again_ , worrying about stuff he shouldn't worry about. Was he being stupid?

He flipped to the index, trying to find something that might help him know one way or another if worrying like this was normal but then he heard voices in the hall: Struthers and Spinnet. He shut the book and jammed it under his pillow though he remained behind his curtains when they came in. He just felt uncomfortable looking at stuff like that with others around. He got the book he had been reading the evening before— _The Dead Dragon_ —and settled in till the Marauders came back.

Remus didn't sleep well that night, tossing and turning until he finally woke up feeling really hot and flustered. He tugged at his pajama top and fanned himself, squirming miserably in bed. They hadn't been nightmares, he knew that, but try as he might he could not remember the dreams. He kicked off his blanket and just slept under his sheet, clinging to Gwyllgi, wishing he knew a cooling spell.

*

Tuesday morning was super foggy and the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs made their way to the greenhouses with their arms outstretched and their feet feeling carefully for bumps and rocks. When they went into Greenhouse Two a bunch of fog rolled in with them and Sprout had to do a spell to disperse it.

"Oh, so that's what we look like," joked James, and there were several titters.

Professor Sprout smiled and then rested her hand on the large tray full of mushrooms in front of her. Identical trays were laid out across all the tables. "Anyone know what these are?" Several hands raised and she called on a Hufflepuff who replied they were jumping mushrooms. "Precisely," she said and then pulled one of them out of the dirt. Immediately it began wriggling and then got out of her hand, jumping to the ground where it began leaping around the greenhouse.

"Now, the best way to deal with them is the immobilizing, which you've only just started learning last week, I believe," Sprout said, clapping her hands together. "Since that is an important spell when interacting with a variety of plants I wanted you to practice on flora. I suggest using it on the mushroom _before_ you pull them out to transplant them."

"Good thing we have Brains," Sirius muttered.

"Who says I'm doing all the work?" Remus replied coolly. Then he smiled when Sprout told them to partner up in pairs. "I'll be with Pete."

"Yay!" Peter said.

"How come?" James grumbled.

"Cause Pete was the only one nice about—what happened Sunday," Remus said, stepping closer to Peter. "You two were teasing me all day yesterday."

"Yeah, cause it was funny," James snickered and Sirius smacked him. "Ooh, fine, sorry for teasing you."

Remus pulled a tray in front of him and Pete and began immobilizing the mushrooms. Pete pulled the first one out a little nervously but it was frozen. He happily pushed it down into a tray of deeper dirt. They began working through the mushrooms, both of them laughing as the mushrooms began bouncing wildly whenever Sirius and James yanked their mushrooms out. They had to go chasing around the greenhouse though they weren't the only ones. Pretty much everyone was running around. Lily was good with the spell so she and her partner, a Hufflepuff, did well, then another pair of Hufflepuffs were doing great, and Struthers and Magpie were doing decent. Remus and Peter were the only ones who didn't have to do any chasing, until Sprout told them they _both_ had to do the spells.

Peter's face fell. "Bloody beans," he hissed out then jabbed one of the mushrooms. "Immolibus!"

"Immobulus," Remus corrected but Pete had pulled the mushroom out. It sprang out of his fingers, smacking Remus in the face, then bouncing off.

"I'll g-get it," Pete sighed and went chasing. Remus eyed Peter's side of the tray and then froze up some of the mushrooms. "Okay," Pete said, coming back with the mushroom tight in his hand. He pushed it into the deep dirt then turned back to the main tray. "Imm..."

"Immobulus," Remus said again and showed him the wand movement.

"Immobulus," Peter said and then cautiously pulled out a mushroom. "I DID IT!" he shrieked and several students laughed. He flushed a little then put the mushroom in. "Immobulus. Remy!" He brandished the second frozen mushroom. "Look!'"

"You're doing great," Remus said with a smile, hoping his plan worked.

Pete went through the other four mushrooms Remus had frozen then did the spell on a mushroom Remus hadn't. Remus held his breath as Pete pulled it out. It wiggled... slightly. Sluggish. Pete seemed happy enough and pushed it into the deep dirt while Remus resisted the urge to did a fist pump. Some of Peter's mushrooms were wild but several were very sluggish, and the last one he did was frozen.

_That's all he needs, is the confidence,_ Rems thought as he transplanted his last mushroom, wishing he could tell Pete but of course he couldn't. "You did amazing," he said.

"I can't believe I managed it..."

"You just need to trust your own abilities," Remus said.

Peter beamed at him. "I don't know how I'd do anything without you guys," he said, and Remus was a little worried Pete had worked it out. But then he said, "You guys believe in me when I don't. It's... well, I dunno. It's... really nice of you."

Remus elbowed him and Pete elbowed back, both of them grinning. "You did better than Sirius," Remus pointed out, though he had the feeling Sirius hadn't even tried, he had looked like he was having too much fun chasing mushrooms.

As they left class Peter bragged about the seven mushrooms he had frozen, skipping ahead with Sirius cheerfully while James tugged at Remus so they were going a bit slower. "How many of those did _you_ freeze for him?"

"What?" Remus tried to look super offended. "What—what do you take me for, doing something so deceitful?"

James smirked and bent in super close. "A Marauder."

Remus scowled then cast a glance ahead at Peter. "Don't tell him."

"Hah! I knew it. Sneaking behind a teacher's back."

"No! No, not for that. I—I was just trying to boost his confidence, okay? And it worked. He slowed down quite a few and froze one himself."

James wrapped an arm around Remus, yanking him close, messing up his hair in a similar way that Sirius always did but it felt sorta different for some reason. "I won't say a word. But wait till we get to the dorms cause I have a _terrific_ idea."

"Oh great."

After their showers they sat around on James's bed since Struthers and Spinnet had gone off to do whatever it was they did, and they were able talk freely. James's terrific idea was getting their hands on hundred (" _Hundreds!_ ") of jumping mushrooms and putting them in Snape's dorm. Remus wasn't really pleased at the idea since it meant Aegis would be affected too, and Peter suggested they just put the mushrooms in Snape's trunk.

"Imagine him opening his trunk and WHOOSH!" Peter flung his arms up. "A fountain of jumping mushrooms!"

"It will still affect Aegis though!" Remus said.

"Not like the mushrooms will do anything except annoy them," James pointed out, twirling his wand between his fingers. "They'll be able to take care of them." His wand slipped and twirled across the room. "Oops."

"What if..." Sirius trailed off, squinting his eyes in thought. "What if we _don't_ do it to Snivellus though."

James whirled around. "What?!" he demanded, sounding betrayed. "Not prank Snape?!"

"Don't get me wrong, pranking that git is still number one on my list!" Sirius reassured him, holding up his hands in defense. "But I was thinking maybe we could... prank a different dorm."

"An older Slytherin?" James asked, scrambling back to his bed.

Sirius slowly grinned. "I was thinking we should spread the love. We haven't snuck into the Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff dorms yet."

James's eyes got _huge_. "Aww yeah!" He high fived Sirius. "Yes! Let's do it! Which one?"

The three of them began weighing out the pros and cons of which dorm to prank while that troublemaking itch began going inside of Remus. His heart beat a little faster and he felt quite thrilled at the thought. Then he couldn't stay silent anymore and said, "Ravenclaw."

"What?"

"Ravenclaw, let's prank Ravenclaw," he repeated. "Specifically Craft."

"Craft? Raven Craft?" James asked and Remus nodded. "Isn't he in your study group?"

"Yeah, and he's a prat," he replied with a shrug. He thought of all the snide remarks, the sneers... Twycross was the worst, but Remus didn't like Craft. "Please?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Sirius said happily.

"Yeah, I'm up for pranking whoever," James agreed. "Just as long as we prank someone."

"Are we stealing the mushrooms?" Peter asked, and Remus looked at James and Sirius a little worried they'd be stealing from the greenhouses once more.

James shook his head. "Nah, I don't think the mushes are very expensive, we can buy a bunch next time we sneak into Hogsmeade."

"Like that won't be suspicious," Remus muttered but nobody paid him any attention.

"We're sneaking in again soon?" Peter asked.

"Soon _ish_ ," James said with a shrug then he turned to Remus. "You should come in with us again, and get drunk." Remus kicked at him, and James laughed. "Whoops! I mean happy."

"Has Craft bothered you?" Sirius inquired, swinging the conversation back.

Remus shrugged. "Not... overtly. As I said, he's a prat." Really, the worst thing Craft had done so far this year was the way he had treated Macdonald. She had not deserved the way Craft and Twycross treated her; it had been two months but it still left a bitter taste in his mouth. He pictured Craft opening his trunk and the fountain of jumping mushrooms popping out. It was great.

*

Remus had Occlumency that night, and he thought he'd be going alone but Sirius told him he'd like to go too. Remus didn't think Fawley would be pleased, but Sirius said again he really wanted to see her again, to talk to her.

"I won't stay," he said as they headed to the fourth floor. Remus mumbled under his breath about putting it off, and Sirius sighed in response. "I have to face her _some_ time, if we're going to learn."

"Just don't be surprised if she throws you out," Remus said.

"I'll be absolutely _shocked_ if she does," he teased back.

Remus tapped at the door then went in, holding up a finger to indicate for Sirius to wait. Miss Fawley was on the couch already, as always. They greeted each other and she could tell right away from his voice something was up. He wondered if his emotions were so easily read by others, or if it was just because Fawley had to rely on hearing more that she was able to tell. He _hoped_ it was just the latter...

"Mr. Black?" she asked with an irritated frown when he explained what was going on.

"He wants to talk. A little." Remus tugged at his sleeve, glancing back at the door. "If—if you want me to send him away, I will."

Fawley thought about it then agreed to have a chat. He could sense how upset she was and felt guilty when he opened the door. Sirius bounded into the room, a big smile on his face although Remus could sense how anxious _he_ was. It was a big change from the previous time. The first time they had met, Sirius was out to protect Remus; this time it was to show Fawley he'd be a good student.

"Hello," Sirius said, sounding as cheerful as he could. "Is it okay to call you Miss Fawley?"

"That's my name, so I'd prefer it over anything else," she replied icily, smoothing down her skirt.

Sirius began laughing. "Of course." He sat down without any hesitation and Fawley stiffened, sliding a little more into her corner. Remus watched this with trepidation. "I'm not gonna stay long cause I know how important this lesson is for Remy, but I thought I should... um, talk to you again. About... if... we can learn."

"I haven't made up my mind yet," she replied, sounding similar to how the Marauders sounded when they had to talk to Snape.

Sirius's head bobbed up and down. "That's understandable. But I wanted to plead our case. Remus—he's more than our friend. I want to do anything and everything I can to keep him safe. I don't care how long it takes me to learn Occlumency, and I don't care if it's painful. I'd _die_ to protect him!"

Fawley snorted. "I said last time, I'd _really_ appreciate it if you save your theatrics and melodrama. It won't work on me."

Sirius looked at Remus who just looked down. "I'm not _trying_ to be dramatic... it just comes naturally to me." He grinned at that and Remus covered his face, although he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Fawley's lips tugged into a brief, split-second smile. "Seriously though..." Then he stopped, pressing his lips tightly together.

"You're trying not to make a joke about your own name," Fawley said.

Sirius slowly nodded. "Yeah," he replied in a strained voice as he tried not to laugh.

"I've seen enough of Remus's memories to know that's your favorite pun."

"It's just so good."

Fawley shifted a bit then seemed to Remus as if she were actually... relaxing a little more? She was obviously still uncomfortable, but Sirius's charm was... _working_ on her? Remus thought he might have a heart attack.

"Seriously, though," Sirius said again, "I want to do what I can for Remus. We all do. I know we're just—I know Jimmy and Pete are just twelve and I'm already thirteen—"

"Oh, what a difference," Fawley said flatly.

Sirius ignored her. "—but I told you before, we all said, we _care_ about him. We know how dangerous it is for werewolves... we know what will happen. And we really want to do whatever we can for him. I know if you do choose to teach us it won't be for a while, but we are all on board for this. Big time. And I don't know how much you're being paid to teach Remus, but James said he'll pay for us."

Remus was startled by this, since they mirrored his own thoughts from the previous week about Fawley and payment. He hadn't realized the others discussed it!

"It might be quite expensive," she said. "I imagine his allowance as the Potter heir is decently sized but what if it means giving up all those snacks and sweets you like to buy? The treats he gets? The pranks?"

Sirius opened his mouth then shut it, obviously thinking through what he'd say. Another heart attack for Remus. "I can't answer for James. It's his money, not mine, though he was eager to pay for this. And I don't... get very much, but what I do get is yours."

Fawley twisted her cane around in her hands, face utterly impassive, no way for Remus to tell what she could possibly be thinking. "You don't care for your family, do you?"

Sirius jerked back, quickly glancing at Remus who shrugged. He had no idea why she said it either. "No ma'am," Sirius replied, a little tightly. "Some are—some I don't mind. And I care about my brother. Why?"

"It just surprises me that a Black is willing to go so far to protect a werewolf. Toujours Pur, isn't that your motto?"

Remus's stomach twisted. Fawley had mentioned the Black family motto before although never told Remus what it was, and he had never asked Sirius or looked into it. _Always pure_ , he thought, recalling Fawley's words the first time she brought it up: it didn't just mean Muggleborns and half-and-halfs.

Sirius laughed. "No, definitely not. My motto is... one for all, all for one, and four to the end. Same as the other Marauders." Remus snorted and covered his mouth, trying not to laugh. "But it is the House of Black's motto. I just... personally don't agree with it. Remus is half-and-half, and a werewolf, and he's as important to be as James with his 'pure' line. Peter too. I'd go far to protect any of them. But especially Remus."

"Why especially him?" Fawley asked, and Remus wanted to know the answer too!

Sirius coughed, avoiding Remus's gaze. "He's the one who needs it the most," he mumbled awkwardly. Remus looked down at his shoes, feeling really flustered for some reason.

Fawley tightened her grip on her cane. "Then why did you tell James and Peter the secret?"

Sirius went pure white at that. "Ah. Well, I—I mean—that's... It's not..." Fawley raised her eyebrows, waiting. "Maybe I shouldn't have, but... we're... we're all friends. And I thought... it was something we should know... together."

"You had this secret of his, and you told two people."

Sirius's face now went rather red. "All right, fine, yeah, I screwed up. I shouldn't have told them! But we're the Marauders. And I knew they wouldn't care any less about Remus, and I thought if we all knew and told Remus together it would be better for him, that he could see we're all together for him! I mean, I had _no_ idea he'd react the way he did and I feel bad for doing it the way I did, but now he's got three more people on his side who care about him, and accept him, and isn't that good?"

Fawley did smile now. "Yes. It is good, in a sense. I just want to make sure you understand that you _did_ make a mistake."

His face went even redder and he muttered something not even Remus could make out.

"It doesn't bother me that he told them," Remus blurted out, wanting to come to Sirius's defense. "I'm glad he told them. It's been very difficult for me to... to accept that they know, and—and accept that they accept me. But the—having all three of them together, knowing, is a lot better than if it was just Sirius. And if he hadn't told them and he told me he knew, then keeping that from them both would be awful too, and made me so sick with dread thinking I needed or—or should tell them." He doubted he was making much sense, since he couldn't even really understand why it was so much easier that they all knew before coming to him; only that it _was_.

Fawley nodded. "What's done is done, we can't change that. I am glad it turned out well, but as I said, I wanted to be sure Mr. Black understood what he did. I _am_ curious to know if I can please see when you told them. I'd like to see those."

Sirius frowned, running his fingers through his hair. "Ahhh. Ah. Yeah, uh, okay. I—I need to... remember that moment, right?" Fawley nodded then put her fingers up against his temples and Sirius closed his eyes. "Okay..."

Remus was really interested to see what it looked like from the outside, however it wasn't anything like it went for him: pretty much immediately she recoiled, pulling her hands away from him as if he had burned them, and she gave a yelp of pain. Sirius jerked back, eyes snapping wide open.

"What happened?" Remus asked, head swiveling between the two.

Fawley had a curious expression on her face. "Let me try again." She reached out, fingers brushing against his face as she found him again. Pretty much the same thing happened minus the pained sound. "Oh."

"What's going on?" Sirius asked, rubbing his head.

Fawley held her hands out, palms upward, flexing her fingers. "It seems you don't need Occlumency lessons."

"Wh—no! I need to!" Sirius protested. "Did you see something that changed your mind? What—what was it?"

Fawley shook her head. "You're a natural Occlumens. I saw nothing."

Remus's jaw dropped and he stared at Sirius in shock; Sirius looked equally shocked. Neither of them spoke for several seconds until Sirius whispered, "Natural...?"

"Do you have the ability in your family?"

His mouth open and shut a few times and then he hesitantly spoke. "Uh—well, my uncle can do Legilimency with a spell, and my—well, I think one of my cousins is pretty good at both, and another cousin is a natural Occlumens. I... I'm one...?"

"Yes. I couldn't get through at all," she said. "You're quite strong."

"That... that is _awesome_!" Sirius cried out, looking at Remus, amazed. "I—wow!"

Remus smiled back at him, giving a thumbs up and congratulating him. He was happy for Sirius, it was wonderful and definitely cool... but a tiny little part of him couldn't help but feel jealous. A year of struggling, and trying, and working; a year of pain and misery and anxiety over whether he'd ever be able to get it, and the most he could do was put just a wimpy little paper towel barrier up. Sirius didn't even have to try, he didn't even know he had it! It wasn't fair. Remus especially hated he felt it was unfair because it wasn't... well, _fair_ to feel it was unfair. Sirius couldn't help it.

Still...

Sirius was puffed up a little. "I never knew. I knew some family had it, but I never knew _I_ could. So nobody can get through?"

"I'm not sure. I doubt it, however there are much more powerful Legilimens than I," Fawley explained. "Someone like Albus, for instance, may be able to. But you should be able to at least put up a good fight."

"Professor Dumbledore," Sirius whispered. "Merlin's beard."

They talked a little more, then Sirius left so Remus could have his shortened lesson. Remus was pretty distracted by everything that happened that he was unable to even do the paper towel barrier... though, as he said goodbye and left, he was relieved Fawley hadn't seen the puberty book _or_ the butterbeer incident; he had forgotten entirely to talk to her about them beforehand and now he wouldn't need to for two weeks, since next Tuesday evening he'd be a wolf.

_A natural Occlumens_ , he thought, and swallowed, trying to ignore the bitter jealousy threatening to rage up inside of him.


	59. Chapter Fifty-Nine - I've Made A Huge Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Referenced and Internalized homophobia in this chapter; after the snogging bit and ends when Remus goes to bed

Sirius was incredibly psyched about the discovery of his ability. He told James and Peter when they came back from James's practice, and only stopped talking when Struthers and Spinnet came in. He wriggled around and was obviously wanting to talk _more_ and indeed he and James disappeared behind James's curtains and Remus could hear them whispering about it. Sirius wished he could find out more about his ability, was considering checking out a book, etc, etc. Remus tried to do his homework but grew more and more bitter until he slipped out of the dorm and went to get a shower.

He hated himself for feeling this way! Especially with another Marauder! But no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get rid of the sickening jealousy within him. He scrubbed away at his skin so roughly that it grew quite pink. He dried off, threw his pajamas on, and stalked back into his room. Sirius was _still_ talking about it.

Remus dropped into his bed and shut the curtains. He was happy for him, he really was! He just wished he had some of the ability. Just a little.

He sighed and hugged Gwyllgi to his chest, trying to go to sleep. Even though Sirius and James were being very quiet he could still hear them, and nobody else was going to sleep so the dorm was a bit too loud. He flopped around then gave up trying to sleep, instead getting his book out to read, considering getting _Your Body at Hogwarts_ but not daring with others in the room. He hadn't looked at it since Sunday night. He hoped to have a bit of private time to read more soon...

*

Over the next couple days Remus struggled with the jealous feelings. Sirius bragged anytime they were all alone and actually checked out a book on Occlumency to read, which caused James to stagger around and collapse dramatically on the floor, clutching his chest. Sirius kept asking Remus all sorts of questions, and Remus helped him the best he could with a smile.

Part of him was worried he felt this way because normally he was the best at whatever he did? But when others did better than him in other things it didn't bother him. Like Potions, he wasn't jealous of James and Peter being really good. Or in Defense when someone got the upper hand in a duel, he thought it was great. So he didn't _think_ that was why he was jealous...

But he supposed it didn't matter _why_ he was jealous, just that he was jealous and hated feeling this way about a friend. Which got him to wondering if they ever felt jealous of Remus. It was a laughable thought, to be jealous of someone cursed so darkly, but he _was_ very good at school. Did they ever feel jealous about that? How almost everything learning-wise came so easy to him? That he was able to glide through new spells, and even tinker with words to the point of forcing new spells into existence?

It made him ill to think they might be, but considering his own misery over jealousy he figured... he _hoped_ if they were jealous they felt as bad about it as he did.

Of course, there were things about all three of them to be jealous over. Sirius over his dazzling looks, James over his amazing Quidditch ability, and Peter having such an incredible eye with the camera. But he wasn't jealous over Sirius's looks, or James's Quidditch talent, or Peter's photographer's eye. Just Sirius being a natural Occlumens.

On Thursday when Peter innocently asked if Sirius had told his brother, Sirius grew nervous. He said he hadn't, and didn't really want Regulus to know. Didn't want anyone to know, especially his family. That piqued Remus's curiosity since one of Sirius's cousins was an Occlumens; but when he asked, Sirius went a little white and changed the conversation entirely. Remus and Peter both felt bad for causing distress but when they tried to apologize Sirius just laughed and said they hadn't done anything wrong, even though it was very obvious they had.

That night after Astronomy Remus heard Sirius and James talking behind James's curtains. Remus still hadn't really told them how much he could hear, and knew he needed to soon. He tried to cover his ears but could still hear them. Sirius wasn't going into many details but he told James how afraid he was of his family knowing, and something about not wanting to be used. Remus buried his head under his pillow and pressed the ends against his ears, muffling them even more but not enough, then gave up and just left the room. They went quiet when he got out of bed and he went to the bathroom, staying there for quite a few minutes, and when he returned they had finished their conversation.

*

Friday morning Remus was feeling a bit better. The jealousy had simmered down. Sure, Sirius didn't need to do a thing to protect his mind but Remus would _eventually_ be able to protect himself. He just had to try harder. Work harder.

During Potions Slughorn started going over some stuff they had learned earlier in the year and Remus practiced emptying himself, tuning out of the lecture. He calmed himself... thought about a book... a blank book... he was a blank book... you opened the cover and there was nothing there... hundreds of pages of creamy white blankness...

Remus jerked as something hit the back of his head. He reached up, feeling something wet and sticky. Twisting around, he glared at Mulciber and Avery who were directly behind him. He tried to tug whatever it was out of his hair but it wouldn't budge. His fingers wouldn't either. They were stuck.

He swore quietly and pulled, figuring if he ripped his own hair out the barber-witch that came in could regrow it, and any pain would diminish quickly. But then he accidentally yelped in pain when he gave a mighty tug, and Slughorn fell silent.

"Something wrong, Mr. Lupin?"

"Th—there's s-something stuck in my hair," he replied, flushing as the class began snickering.

Slughorn came over, bending in close. Remus tried to hold his breath since Slughorn's clothes smelled particularly strong of various ingredients today. "Sticking solution," he said. "How did you manage that?"

"I—I didn't!" Remus squeaked as more laughter spread. The Marauders, Lily, Colgate, and Magpie were the only ones not giggling. "Someone th-threw it at me!"

Slughorn made a tsking sound, looking at the desks behind Remus. Of course everyone protested their innocence, and none of them had seen anything. "Go wait in my office. I have some potion that will dissolve it. I'll be with you in a moment," Slughorn said, pointing towards his office door.

Remus got up and stormed to Slughorn's office, going in and throwing himself into a seat. A moment later James joined him. "What are you doing?" Remus asked, assuming James had tried to sneak in.

James turned around and pointed at where some sticking solution had been stuck to his hair. "I never felt it hit me, I didn't know until Slughorn saw it," he sighed, sitting down. "Sirius and Peter are fine. They probably woulda gotten some if you hadn't noticed yours. Gits." He flung himself into the seat next to Remus, folding his arms. "They've hardly done anything lately, we should have known something was up."

"They haven't done anything to _us_ ," Remus pointed out. "They've probably been terrorizing the first years."

"So much revenge, so little time," James joked and Remus snorted.

Slughorn came in after a couple minutes, making it clear he assumed James and Remus had done this to themselves. His theory was that they were messing with the sticking solution for some sort of prank and got it in their own hair.

James glared. "You can look in our bags, we don't have any of the sticking solution! Maybe you should check Mulciber and Avery's bags while you're at it."

"Now, now," Slughorn said, getting a flask of potion out. He drizzled some out into Remus's hair and Remus was able to get his hand away. Slughorn then drizzled some into James's hair, then instructed them to just go rinse their hair out. They were dismissed from the rest of class.

James was very grouchy as they headed towards a nearby bathroom, complaining bitterly about Slughorn's inept assumption the boys had done it to themselves. "As if we were that stupid!" he growled as he shoved his head into a sink.

"We... _were_ ," Remus pointed out, going to another sink and running warm water. He ducked his head in and began rinsing the potions out of his hair. "Remember? When we dropped the cauldron full of sticking solution?"

James scoffed. "That was an accident, you didn't purposely get covered."

Remus refrained from pointing out Slughorn assumed this was an accident as well, and just used a drying spell on both of them to try to make their hair less wet; he didn't completely dry their hair since it would severely damage it, but at least they weren't soaking wet. Then they went to wait for Potions to end. Aegis was one of the first ones out and he approached Remus, ignoring James's glares, asking if Remus was all right and what happened? Remus told him and Aegis frowned.

"They are such bullies," he said, stepping to the side as Sirius and Peter appeared.

"Us?" Sirius demanded angrily, only hearing the bullies thing.

"Misters Mulciber and Avery," Aegis replied, unphased by Sirius's irritation.

Sirius immediately relaxed. "Oh, yeah, yeah, they're complete bullies. You're so lucky you don't have to share with them, though I don't imagine sharing with Snivellus is much better."

Aegis tilted his head. "How do you know who I share a dorm with?"

Sirius blinked then smiled. "Remus mentioned it. Once."

"I see." But Aegis was studying Sirius curiously. Remus hoped he wouldn't work out that the Marauders had access to the dorms! "I'm very glad you are all right," he said, turning back to Remus.

Sirius half-stepped in front of Remus. He was uneasy at Sirius standing like that, as if he needed protecting from Aegis! "It was just sticking solution, why wouldn't he be?"

Aegis frowned, hugging his potions book tighter. "I was unsure whether or not they added anything to the sticking solution, that's all."

Slowly Sirius and Peter looked at Remus and James. "Uhhhh, as far as I can tell there wasn't anything added," James said, reaching up to touch his hair. "Bloody brilliant to do though! Thanks for the idea, Silverlocke."

"Yeah, thanks Silverlocke!" Sirius echoed, grinning.

Aegis looked faintly horrified he had sparked a Marauder prank. He stared at Remus who smiled and shrugged. "Ah. Er, right," Aegis said slowly. "I—I'll see you tonight, Remus."

"I think we scared him," snickered Sirius as Aegis scurried off.

"But really, how _brilliant_ to add something to a sticking solution!" James whispered, clapping his hands. "Not just... you know, what we did with the eggs and Snape's bag, but something else. Oh... OH! REMUS!" He whirled around and grabbed Remus's shoulders, but a few students were looking at them so James couldn't say anything else. He began pushing, shoving Remus down the corridor with Sirius and Peter following until they ended up in a secret corridor. "We need to research if there is anything in the solution that dissolves the sticking solution that—that reacts with something else."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked nervously.

"Like, adding something in, so when Slughorn puts the other potion on something happens!" James said, eyes shining. "Like, fizzing up or something."

"Fizzing... like the whizzing worms?" Peter asked.

"OH!" Sirius shouted.

"OHHHH!" James echoed and then smacked Peter on the back. "Yes, that is _perfect_!"

"I think the sticking solution may... activate the whizzing worms," Remus said slowly. "We could test it though. Perhaps I could figure out a spell to prevent them from whizzing up until something else is poured on."

James hugged Remus tightly. "You're a genius, an absolute genius!"

Remus just sighed, mentally adding this to his list of things he needed to research for the Marauders, then realized he hadn't gotten a pranking notebook the last time they went into Hogsmeade. Perhaps he'd ask James for a cheap one when they went in for the mushrooms...

*

That night James, Sirius, and Peter wanted to do some exploring. Well, James and Sirius did, Pete just agreed with a little apprehension. Remus agreed to stay on lookout. It was Friday night so Remus wasn't alone in the common room until well past one in the morning. He sat in a corner, unable to really check the entrance but figuring the others wouldn't be coming back till even later. Finally, though, he was alone and he curled up in an armchair by the entrance while he read, going to the door every ten to fifteen minutes. That is, until he heard footsteps on one of the staircases at around two-thirty. He quickly hid under the chair as someone came down the girls side, then someone came down the boys side. He could see their slippered feet rushing to one another, then heard kissing sounds.

_Oh no_ , he thought miserably, covering his ears as the sounds grew louder and quite frantic. There were moans too, and they kept saying each others names over and over, muffled as they kissed. _Ohhh no!_ He pressed his hands against his ears harder, trying desperately to block the sounds. _Why tonight? Why me_?!

Then James's watch beeped. Remus quickly turned it off, terrified he'd be caught. He doubted either would be very pleased to find someone had been 'spying' on them!

"Did you hear something?" the girl asked.

"Naw, probably just a painting. Come on then, my sweet, come a little closer..."

Remus mentally let out a sigh of relief as they began snogging again, putting his hands back over his ears. Their feet disappeared as they fell back on one of the couches and he prayed they wouldn't do anything worse than kissing! In the _common_ room? Surely not! It was a—a public area! All right so no one was around as far as they knew, but still. Kissing was one thing. Doing more was another.

Though he did wonder what 'more' entailed. He had a few foggy notions from books he read but they never really described anything exactly. One of the historical fictions... or supposedly historical fictions he had read once began to go into a little bit of details but he abandoned the book before it got any worse, not interested in the time about sexy romance. Actually, it didn't seem very interesting to him now. Kissing a girl. Putting your hands all over their body. He couldn't begin to imagine what that would be like! The other Marauders were very interested in boobs but Remus still really didn't see the attraction.

"Oh—oh _Terrence_!" the girl moaned out.

Remus silently gagged. He just hoped if the Marauders were back they'd wait for him to open the door instead of trying to come in. Maybe if the two of them took too long doing gross stuff the Marauders would just assume Remus fell asleep and come in! That wouldn't be pleasant for anyone involved.

Finally, though, at around 3am—after a lot of kissing and moaning but possibly nothing else, he couldn't be sure—the couple murmured their goodbyes and headed up to their separate dorms after another long sloppy-sounding kiss. Remus counted to thirty then wriggled out from under his chair, rushing to open the entrance. He glanced around, waiting for any signs of his friends and, when there were none, returned to his seat.

_Yuck_ , he thought, crinkling his nose. Then, _What would it be like to be kissed_? He couldn't imagine kissing a girl in any way, but part of him kinda wanted to try it one day if he could... except if he didn't want to kiss a girl, how would that ever work?

Then a super bizarre thought about kissing boys flashed through his head which he quickly dismissed. That was ridiculous. It wasn't—it didn't happen, it was _wrong_ , he knew that much. What little he had read or heard about... _that_ sort of thing happening... was most definitely negative. Cezary Quickquill, for instance, famously locked up with a Dementor by his wife when she caught him with one of their male servants. Marius Dutton and Patrick the Poisoned—Marius turned into a frog by his father when he and Patrick were caught together... and Patrick, obviously, poisoned. Incidents like that sprinkled through history, barely mentioned, hardly mattering except for the fact it proved one thing: it was _wrong_. Bad. Good wizards didn't do things like that. It was disgusting. Perverted.

He felt like absolute crap for even allowing such a—a _horrifyingly_ repulsive thought pass through his head though he knew (oh, boy, did he know) you couldn't really control thoughts sometimes. At least he could push it aside and return to his book, figuring the odd tingly feeling going through his body was due to fatigue. He hoped his friends would get back soon so he could go to bed.

Except when he finally did—after the Marauders returned at around four in the bloody morning, him grumping, them all giddy—he thought again about some of the wizards (and witches though those seemed to be less common) and wondered briefly if it was really right for those like Cezary to be punished so severely, and why those who did the punishing were regarded as good and right. It... sorta... kinda... felt a little bit... like those who killed werewolves being regarded as heroes.

But that was again a silly thought (ridiculous!) and he began reciting potion ingredients he was supposed to be studying until he fell asleep.

*

Remus told the others about the couple snogging in the common room the next day and they all burst up laughing then began asking him all sorts of questions, mostly curious how far they had gone. He admitted he didn't really know as they were out of sight...

"But it sounded _disgusting_!" he complained.

That set off a long conversation about girls and kissing, making Remus regret bringing it up a bit. Sirius and Peter especially seemed keen on what kissing might be like then Sirius let out a long sigh saying he hoped to find out soon.

"With _who_?" James asked.

"I dunno. Someone. Nobody in particular," Sirius replied, sticking his nose in the air.

"What, not Inkwood?" Peter teased.

Sirius smacked him and Peter laughed. "Shaddup. No. Maybe. Okay, yeah, maybe Inkwood. She's gorgeous. But you have to think bigger."

"She's got the biggest boobs in our year," James said.

Sirius laughed at that. "Yeah, but that's _not_ that I mean. Told you before, I'm going to get a fourth year girl to take me to the dance."

"Yeah right." James shook his head. "I'd like to see that."

"You will," Sirius replied and James rolled his eyes. "Today. I'll get a girl to ask me today."

"I will give you a galleon if you manage," James said and they shook on the bet.

So they waited, and Remus hoped it would happen before lunch, since after lunch he had his last makeup test with Prewett. Every time they passed by an older girl they'd nudge each other and Sirius but he didn't make his move. By the time lunch rolled around they figured he wouldn't at all, until, on the way to the Great Hall, Sirius spotted an older girl.

"Her," he said, rubbing his hands together. She was tall with short dark curls held back with a Hufflepuff bow, skin a few shades darker than James, and, if Remus had to admit it, rather pretty. He supposed. Sirius smoothed his hair down then marched over where she was in conversation with a boy. "Hi," Sirius said, flashing a grin, offering his hand towards the girl. "I'm Sirius Black."

She looked him over, nose crinkling, ignoring his offered hand. "Did you need something?"

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair. "A date to the dance actually," he said _very_ smoothly and oozing charm.

The boy snorted while the girl gave him a once-over. "Aren't you a second year?" she asked with a laugh.

"I'm thirteen," he replied coolly, "but I'm much better looking than any fourth year guy."

"Excuse me!" the boy snapped. "I'm a fourth year!"

Sirius looked at him then smiled at the girl waving his hand towards the boy. "See? My point exactly."

James choked while Remus and Peter covered their mouths. The girl raised her eyebrows, and the boy gaped. Sirius kept up his smile for about four seconds of complete silence. He blinked, smacked his lips, then said, "I gotta go," before spinning on his heels and taking off down the hall. "I'VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE!" he shouted as he raced past them.

The fourth year boy yanked his wand out and began barreling forward which sent the other three Marauders taking off after Sirius.

"WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?!" James shouted.

"DON'T JUDGE ME!" Sirius shouted back.

The fourth year snarled a spell out and Remus yelped in fear seeing the light shooting past him; he tripped over nothing and slammed into the ground. The guy dashed past him, obviously wanting Sirius and Sirius only. Remus sat up, rubbing his elbow, watching the annoyed fourth year breeze past Peter, chasing Sirius around a corner. Peter stopped when the guy went past him then Pete turned, coming back to Remus, helping him to his feet.

"Siri's dead," Peter said.

"Sirius is very dead," Remus agreed.

"Is your friend mental?" the girl asked, folding her arms.

Remus and Peter exchanged looks then chorused, "Yes."

They waited around for a moment then the girl shrugged and went on towards the Great Hall. Remus and Peter waited a bit longer then went to their lunch, sitting down near the door. They had just begun to eat when James came in. He plopped down next to them, grabbing a plate as well and dumping food on it.

"He's in the hospital wing," he said when Remus asked about Sirius. "Oh, he's not really hurt that bad. Just got these huge antenna and these things coming out of the sides of his mouth and his skin's gone all hard and shiny. I think that dude tried to turn him into a beetle."

"I can _not_ believe he said that," Peter laughed. "He's got a lot of nerve, that's for sure."

James snickered. "He's got something all right."


	60. Chapter Sixty - Nightmares And Strange Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of having a beta I decided to (and was begged to) release the chapter early. Don't worry this won't be the new update time, on Tuesday I'll release it at its normal time. Though I do want to add that I have decided to try a new schedule. I don't think I have mentioned this before, if I did sorry. I'm going to update every Tuesday and Friday and every other Sunday. So two chapters one week, three the next, etc. I think I should be able to keep this up and if not I'll go back to two. Anyway, enjoy the chapter! Which is dedicated to my new beta reader Jack :P

Remus's final makeup exam for Defense Against the Dark Arts was rougher than the previous two, and it was in two parts: practical and written. After the written section, Professor Prewett had him run through a lot of spells he learned in his first year. It wasn’t _too_ difficult since he had everything pretty much down pat by now. Then Remus sat quietly, anxiously, while Prewett graded everything.

"Well, Mr. Lupin..." Prewett stood up, grinning. "Your final grade for your first year is now officially a resounding O."

He handed the exam back with a big _119%_ on the top. Remus’s hand shook a little as he took it. "Professor—thank you, thank you so much! I—I can't even—thank you!" He looked up at Prewett and felt a warm, pleasing sensation wash through his body.

Prewett stuck his hands in his pockets, corners of his eyes crinkling. "It's been my pleasure. I told you before, you're a very bright student. I hope any future Defense teacher you have is willing to be an actual, proper teacher and not the nightmare you dealt with last year."

"Thank you," Remus said again, happily tucking his test into his bag. Then the words sank in and he jerked his head up. "F-future? Are you... not... staying?" He thought of the rumors of the job being cursed, and hoped that Prewett wouldn't leave!

"I'm only here for the year," Prewett replied a little sadly. "I told you before, I never had any intention of being a teacher. However, Albus really needed me so I was willing to come here for the time being."

Remus just stood there, stunned. Almost betrayed. It _hurt_ , like a tiny little knife digging in through his ribs making it almost painful to breathe. "Oh."

"I am sorry... though I will take that sad face as a compliment."

Remus quickly looked down. "I just th—thought that you... would be th-the permanent teacher..."

Prewett sighed, leaning back against his desk. "I've grown very fond of all my students, but teaching just isn't what I desire to do long term."

"You're v-v-very good at it." Remus knew he sounded like a sulky child, and regretted it.

"Thank you. You still have me for seven more months, remember," Prewett pointed out.

Remus forced a smile on his face. "Yes, I—that—... yes."

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, I—I'm just a little surprised that's all," he lied. Of course he wasn't all right. He had... expected... _hoped_ Prewett would be there the rest of Remus's school days. A really cute Defense teacher that cared about his grades, and didn't treat him poorly for what he was!

Well, not _cute_ , that didn't really—

That had nothing to do with it, and he didn't—

It was just the girls called Prewett cute.

But either way... what if the next one was like Dedenne?

"It'll be okay," Prewett said, as if reading Remus's mind (maybe he could... which made the cute thing even more awkward). "I think Albus is going to be a lot more careful with future hires. From what I understand he hired Professor Dedenne before anyone knew about you, so he didn't really have the ability to... screen for anti-werewolf sentiments."

Remus shifted his weight. _That's true_ , he thought.

Prewett stepped over, putting a hand on his shoulder; it sent strange sensations through Remus's body, confusing him. "Try not to worry about it. We're only partway through November, I have plenty of time left as your teacher."

Remus kept the smile on his face until he left the classroom, then it faded. He liked Prewett! He didn't want him gone! He certainly didn't want yet another stranger to know his secret! And what if Professor Dumbledore couldn't find anyone to teach a werewolf? Plus Prewett was so understanding! And nice! And _cool_! And so _good-looking_ (again, not that he really thought that way, well he sorta did, it was just... it was an obvious fact, that's all). He was the second best teacher _ever_ (no amount of treasure hunts or terrific smiles would ever knock Professor McGonagall off that pedestal) and it was just... so _sucky_.

He understood, of course he understood. Prewett didn't want to be a permanent teacher. But still.

Remus moped around for a while, too blegh to do much of anything. Anytime he tried to, he just grew irritated again over the fact Prewett would be leaving at the end of the year. He fussed around the library until he stomped out to hide down a side corridor and kick at the wall for lack of anything better to do. He had no idea where the other Marauders were and wasn't in much of a mood to hang out with them anyway.

Prewett hadn't said anything about not telling anyone else, and Remus doubted it was some big secret, but he decided not to mention it just in case. He knew if he hung out with the Marauders at the moment they'd be able to tell _something_ was wrong. Lily would too. Aegis probably would as well, but if Remus said he didn't want to talk about it he suspected Aegis wouldn't press... so he went off looking for Aegis. He didn’t expect to find him but at least it gave him something to do. The library was devoid of his friend, as were the nooks in the dungeons and the Great Hall; he even checked some of the courtyards despite the cold.

Once outside in the eastern courtyard he kept going around to look at the mountain underneath the trophy room. He wrapped his arms around himself and stomped his feet to stay warm as he studied first the rocks then the section of the castle where he suspected parts of the passage were. _What's under there_? he wondered as he shivered. _Was someone really tearing it up trying to find the Chamber of Secrets_?

This gave him something else to think about so he returned to the library. He went to the history section and began pulling out book after book about Hogwarts and Salazar Slytherin, piling them on a table. Going through the indexes, he wrote down all the names of the books along with the page numbers that referenced the Chamber. It was unfortunate there were so few, but at least there was _something_.

After choosing one to check out, he headed to the trophy room to go into the secret passage. Scrimgeour was cheerful when he showed up, and said he had been 'quite busy' which confused Remus until he went in. Aegis was sitting on the floor with his back against a wall, a book open in his lap, and his wand lit.

He yelped when Remus came through and dropped the book. "Oh! Remus, it's just you! You frightened me."

"I'm sorry." Remus went over, sitting cross-legged across from him. "Have you b-been in here all day?" He had spotted some empty crisp bags and a half drunk bottle of pumpkin soda.

Aegis looked a bit awkward at that question. "Most of the day. M—some of the Slytherins have been in a terrible mood today and I thought I should hide out in the most private place I could think of."

"Malfoy?" Remus asked, narrowing his eyes.

Aegis's cheeks turned a little pink. "Ah... well... y—yes, if you must know." He tucked some hair behind his ear then pulled the book back into his lap. "I did not even think of your friends coming in. I suppose if it had been them it would have caused trouble."

Remus shrugged. "You d-don't need to tell them I told you."

"That is true. Are you not spending the day with them?"

"No, I had my final makeup exam with Professor Prewett and when I got out I couldn't find them," Remus said, not mentioning he had purposely not looked for them. Attempting to find information on the Chamber had made him feel better, but the mention of Prewett reminded him of what the Professor had said and caused his heart to sink a little.

"How did that go?"

They talked for a bit about a variety of topics—including an extensive discussion over electives—until they realized it was well past the time supper usually started. As they headed into the Great Hall Aegis seemed a bit jumpy which made Remus worry over just how much Malfoy was harassing him.

Then Remus smiled as he thought, _we should get him_. Perfect! Sirius disliked Malfoy anyway, and he was an absolute bully, but it was the fact he intentionally bothered Aegis that made Remus want to _get him_.

He said goodbye to Aegis, heading over to the Marauders who were quite happy to see him. They were even happier when he whispered his desire to prank Malfoy. "Not in his dorm though," he added quickly.

"Why not?" James asked.

Remus glanced at Aegis then back at his friends. "I don't want him thinking it's Aegis. For some reason he seems to really dislike Aegis, and I don't want him to be blamed."

Something flashed across Sirius's face that Remus couldn't figure out what it meant. But when Sirius spoke, he seemed normal. "Drat... because a hair color changing potion would be the absolute best prank against that git. He obsesses over his hair more than I do with mine!"

"I find that hard to believe," Remus teased. Sirius glowered at him and before he could say anything Remus quickly added, as sweetly as he could, "By the way, I am quite pleased to find you are not a beetle."

"Argh! Don't remind me! My skin felt so weird! I think it still feels weird." He began poking at his cheek then scratching lightly at it. "I swear ol' Pommy didn't completely fix it."

"You still kinda look a bit beetle-y to me," said Peter.

"Is today pick on Sirius day or something?" he demanded, throwing his hands in the air while Remus and Peter snickered and exchanged amused looks.

"Balloons," James said and everyone stared at him, completely bewildered.

"E—excuse me?" Sirius finally asked.

James blinked a few times then shook his head. "Sorry. Balloons. Hair potion. Drop'em on Malfoy."

"OH!" Sirius exclaimed and a few kids glanced over. "Brilliant," he added, quietly.

"Oooh, we could do it when, um, Silverlocke has class so that way Malfoy _really_ can't blame him," Peter suggested.

"Double brilliant," Remus said, and Pete beamed.

He considered asking if they could wait till later in the week so he could be there, but he felt panic smack into him at the thought of even _mentioning_ the fact he'd be gone Monday and Tuesday nights. The fact this would be his first full moon with knowing they knew brought him a sense of dread. Sometimes when he was anxious as a person the wolf would get more violent, and he suspected this time around it would be quite bad.

*

Remus spent most the evening with Lily, and then afterwards with the guys where they made plans for Operation Not-So-Blonde Git, as Sirius insisted on calling it. James sorta wanted to do more exploring, but everyone else was pretty tired. Instead they hung out together until around one until the need for sleep overcame them. Well, except for James; there were a few older Gryffindors up in the common room and James stayed with them to talk Quidditch while the other three Marauders went to bed.

Remus slept uneasily, having nightmares for most of the night involving his friends barging into the Hogsmeade house during the full moon. Most of them were distant and vague, but one of them woke him up screaming after ripping into poor Peter, tearing his innards out. He stared down at his hands, half expecting blood to be dripping from his claws but of course his hands were clean.

"Remus?" Sirius opened the curtains and climbed into his bed, ignoring his instance of being fine. He shut the curtains carefully then looked at Remus in the darkness. "You all right?"

"Just said I was fine." Remus mumbled, pressing his hands against his eyes. It had been about three weeks since Sirius sat up with him after a nightmare. He had told Sirius the truth about what his nightmares were about, and now he just felt awkward.

"You were screaming."

"I tend to do that, with my nightmares—hence the sound absorption spells on the curtains," Remus grumbled.

Sirius snorted and snickered. "Okay, Mr. Sass." He moved one foot to poke at Remus's leg. "Do you want to talk about it?" Remus lowered his hands slowly, still looking at them. He curled his fingers, pressing his fists against his chin and mouth, slowly shaking his head. "'Kay. Want me to talk about random crap to distract you? Or just sit in silence?"

Sirius's silver eyes were locked on Remus, waiting for a reply. Remus closed his eyes, not sure what to say. What he _wanted_ was to get the image of Peter on the floor of the house with his intestines trailing out of his gutted stomach and into Remus's mouth out of his mind. He groaned then bent forward, one hand on his mouth, the other on his stomach. Then he dove out of bed, making a beeline for the bathroom to be sick.

_You don't taste it, you can't taste it, it's your imagination_! he told himself to no avail. Even after throwing up and cleaning his mouth out he could still taste something bloody and squishy...

Sirius followed him into the bathroom, getting him a damp cloth for him to clean his face off. He did so before slumping to the ground, clutching the washcloth. He mumbled a thanks to Sirius for his help. Sirius sat on the floor, hugging his knees.

"S... sometimes... I... have a nightmare... th—that I've... bit someone..." he whispered shakily, not wanting to elaborate that the biting wasn't a typical werewolf bite but an evisceration and disembowelment. If his friends ever knew what some of his nightmares were like, they would probably change their tune.

"I can't imagine how hard that is for you," Sirius replied softly, scooting closer so his arm was pressed against Remus's arm.

Remus ducked his head, not saying anything more. The warmth from his arm felt good, and he leaned against him. They sat in silence for a long time before Sirius got up, offering his hand to help Remus up. Neither of them spoke as they returned to their dorm until Sirius whispered a very quiet 'goodnight' and Remus answered with an equally soft 'goodnight'. He climbed into his bed, shut the curtains, and slept fairly peacefully for the remainder of the night.

*

Remus didn't sleep too well Sunday night either but for a different reason. He had weird dreams that left him sweaty and uncomfortable when he woke up, and he felt a really tingly urge to—well, he tried to go back to sleep only to have more strange dreams, this time causing him to wake up soaked in even more sweat. He gave up trying to sleep and rolled out of bed. It was very early so nobody else was awake as he stumbled to the showers, tearing off his damp pajamas before slumping under the cold water on to cool off. And to maybe wake up, since the full moon was that night and Remus was already tired. He dragged himself out of the shower and into his uniform, trudging back to the dorm as the others were getting ready.

"Blimey, you look awful!" Peter said as soon as Remus went in. "Are you—" He cut himself off, going rather red.

"Not feeling well," Remus said, trying not to look towards Spinnet and Struthers.

"You up for class today?" Sirius asked, looking Remus over.

Remus shrugged. "I'll go to the morning classes and see how I feel at lunch."

"Don't push yourself," James said, tying his trainers then sticking his feet out. "Look what I did."

"Tie your shoes? Congratulations!" Sirius cheered.

James glared while Remus and Peter snickered. "Ha-ha. Funny. No, my laces." His laces were now scarlet and gold. "Remus, when you're feeling better I was wondering if you could try to make them... uhhh... change color?"

"Change their color?" Remus asked, a little confused since James just said he had done just that. "You... did?"

James shook his head. "No. I want them to be tie-dyed and move around like... you know, like swirling around all... groovy. You know."

" _Oh_. I—I could look that up."

"Only once you're feeling better," James said, standing up, still looking proudly at his shoes.

Breakfast was exhausting, and Potions was awful. Some of the ingredients they were working with were exceptionally stinky for his sensitive nose. It got to the point where he considered doing something he never wanted to do: leave early. He was allowed to miss classes on the day of the first phase of the full moon... but since he really didn't want to miss more classes than he had to, he opted to stay. As difficult as it was.

Nobody else seemed too bothered. A few people murmured complaints about the worst smelling ingredients, but none of them were affected like Remus. He thought again that he needed to figure out a way to cancel out scents! Between this and pranks and the Chamber of Secrets, his list of things he needed to research in his spare time was growing exponentially.

At least Charms wasn't so bad; they were still working on the freezing charm. Remus had the rabbit again while everyone else was on large spiders, frogs, or mice. He didn't find it challenging to freeze the rabbit, and since it was the largest animal Flitwick had he just let Remus work on homework while everyone else practiced.

"Shame we're not working on bigger animals," said Lily as they left class. She had been working on the rabbit by the end of class, the only other one to get that far.

"I don't like working on animals at _all_ ," grumbled Colgate, hugging her books tightly to her chest.

"They're not _real_ animals," Inkwood said. "They're only transfigured objects."

Colgate frowned. "I know that. It doesn't change anything. Just because an object has been transfigured into an animal it doesn't change the fact it's an animal now. You give it a heart, it's a living being."

"So what's the excuse for Slytherins?" Sirius joked and the girls looked at him. "They haven't got hearts."

"Neither do you," snapped Lily.

"Ooooh, you've been on my case all day!" Sirius snapped right back. "What's your problem?"

"I thought that'd be obvious enough," Lily retorted, spinning around to face him. "You!"

"Is it because I made fun of your boyfriend?" Sirius asked.

Lily went red. "He's not my boyfriend, you neanderthal! He's my friend, and frankly I am sick of the way you two treat him!"

"Bet you're not sick of the way he treats _us_!" James said, folding his arms.

" _You_ deserve it!"

"And he doesn't?"

"No!"

James scoffed. "Oh! So it's fine for him to say crappy things about us, and do awful things to us, but if we say or do anything to him we're bullies."

"He doesn't do anything awful to you!" she said, stomping her foot.

"Oh! OH!" James laughed. "So last year when he exploded my glasses on my face nearly driving shards of _glass_ into my _eyeballs_ that was just... what? A friendly hello hi?"

Lily clenched her teeth. "He wouldn't do that."

James flailed his hands around his glasses. "These were bought for me after he did it! You're telling me I did it myself? Did the lenses just... what, shatter randomly?"

Lily hesitated. "Well—"

"Well what? Not to mention he's an absolute wanker towards Remus!"

"You and Black are the ones who instigate everything!"

" _What_? I don't investigate anything!"

"IN—STA—GATE!" Lily said loudly and slowly. "Blimey, you're an absolute dunderhead, aren't you?"

James threw his hands in the air. "You mumble the words then blame me for not hearing properly, sounds about right! You tend to like putting the blame on others!"

" _I_ do?! You're the one who—"

"I don't do anything—"

They were in each other's faces, shouting back and forth while everyone else watched with a mixture of amusement, irritation, and horror. Lily threw out something that happened on their first train ride to school, something about James and Sirius insulting Snape from the first moment. James retorted they hadn't insulted Snape, they had insulted Slytherin, so Snape insulted them. Lily shouted back that Snape had been insulting Gryffindor, not them, and if they, at his insistence, had been insulting Slytherin and not Snape then why did they take his insults against Gryffindor so personally? Then, apparently, they had called him Snivellus.

"Fine—FINE! If you're going to dismiss the train ride then our first real encounter with that git was when he insulted Sirius to his face!" James flung an arm out towards Sirius. "He said _horrible_ things!"

"You called him Snivellus on the train!" Lily spat out.

"So that gave him the right to say—" James stopped then pushed his glasses angrily up the bridge of his nose. "So that gave him the right to say what he did to Sirius? Cause we called him Snivellus once? Nuh-uh, I don't think so—"

"What is going on?!"

They were silenced by Professor Flitwick, who had left his classroom to find the entirety of the Gryffindor second year class in a circle around James and Lily. Flitwick stared at James, and Remus realized with horror that James had, at some point during the argument, got his wand out.

"Mr. Potter!"

James quickly slid his wand back in his pocket. "I—I wasn't—"

"You were going to hex me!" Lily said, stepping back.

"No! It was just reflex—"

"Six points from Gryffindor, Mr. Potter," Flitwick said.

"For _what_?! I wasn't doing any spells, just because I had my wand out? That isn't _fair_!"

"And four from Gryffindor for you, Miss Evans," Flitwick continued, ignoring James. "Four each for the argument, and two extra to you for getting your wand out."

James somehow found a way to look both exasperated and guilty at the same time. "I _wasn't_ going to _do_ anything," he said, with considerably less wind in his sails. "I wasn't."

Sirius snagged his sleeve. "C'mon, let's go."

Sirius pulled James away with Peter following. Remus paused for a moment to glance at Lily. He was worried she might be mad at him considering how angry she was with the others, and was relieved when she gave him a smile. He smiled back before hurrying after the others. He was _very_ curious about what Snape had said about Sirius. He didn't know what started their vicious rivalry... he just assumed it was because Snape was in Slytherin and particularly gitty. As they walked he inquired about the incident, angry to find out that Snape had apparently basically called Sirius a dark wizard and called him crazy, insinuating that he'd snap and lash out.

"He's horrible," Remus agreed.

"Well, we _did_ insult him first," Sirius said.

"No we didn't," James argued.

Sirius grinned. "Yes we did. You challenged him to a duel, remember?"

"Pffft. Challenging to a duel isn't an insult," he said, flapping his hand to dismiss such a thought. "Anyway, challenging someone to a duel isn't ground for them to say things like that."

Remus had the suspicion there was more to it than that, but it was still horrible for Snape to say those things. Insulting Sirius by highlighting the fact he was a Black just didn't sit well with Remus. He knew some of the things they said about Snape weren't great either, but every time he felt guilty about it he would remember some of the things Snape had done or said to him without any attempt at an apology. Not that the Marauders ever apologized—

Except no, Remus _had_ given an apology once... albeit fake... but Snape hadn't known at first and just laughed to Lily about the apology. So even if he _were_ to actually apologize, Snape would just probably laugh again.

Remus sighed as they sat down in the Great Hall. He knew he needed to do better, to not hold such a grudge against Snape or even Spinnet. He knew he was a terrible person for doing it. _When I get back from the moon this time, I'm going to try to become a better person_. But then another flare of anger made his stomach churn as he thought of Spinnet trying to use the full-body bind on him after a nightmare and the vicious things Snape hissed out to Remus. He put food on his plate and just poked it, trying to figure out if he could be a good person and still feel such resentment towards them! He thought about asking his friends but he knew they'd all just confirm that hating Snape was A-Ok. Maybe he could talk to Lily? Not about Snape, obviously, but possibly about Spinnet. Not now, though. After the moon.

"When do you have to go?" Peter asked after they finished lunch and were headed up to their dorms.

"In about…” Remus glanced at James’s watch, “a little over an hour I need to leave around two hours before sunset, just in case."

"Two hours?" James asked, and Remus nodded. "Wow. Where do you go?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm not telling, and _please_ don't follow me."

"We won't," Sirius said.

"You've done it before," he pointed out and Sirius looked a little surprised. "A few weeks ago, when you hid under James's cloak? When I pretended it might have been Mulciber and Avery?"

"You... knew that was me?" Sirius asked.

"Yes. I was completely unnerved!"

"I just... I was curious where you went Tuesday nights," Sirius muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "I know I shouldn't have done that."

"No, you shouldn't have," Remus said stiffly. "But I'm not mad about it."

"How come you didn't outright say you knew it was him?" Peter asked, frowning. "You blamed the Slytherins."

"I couldn't exactly explain _how_ I knew it was him—"

"How _did_ you know?" Sirius interrupted.

Remus raised his eyebrows then reached up, tapping the end of his own nose. "I could smell you." Sirius blinked a few times then raised his arm to sniff at his armpit. Remus couldn't help but laugh. "Not like _that_! Everyone smells differently."

"I use the same soap as James though," Sirius said.

"Yes... but... your shampoo is different, and your natural scent is very different."

"Natural scent?" James asked.

Remus sighed, not intending to get into a big conversation about this! "Everyone smells different," he repeated. "I can recognize your scents very easily. Same with Lily, and Aegis, and my study group, and Struthers and Spinnet. I kinda know the other girls..." Then suddenly he felt awkward talking about this, talking about how people smelled and the fact he could do such a thing. He ducked his head, tugging at the hem of his jumper. It was so weird...

"That's so cool!" Peter exclaimed and Remus glanced up.

"Yeah, that's really neat," James agreed. "You said your sense of smell was good but—that's so neat!"

"It... is?"

Sirius plopped his hand on Remus's head, tousling his hair. "Very," he said with a grin. Remus yanked away, quickly smoothing his hair back down.

"It's like you're a superhero, like in the Muggle comic books!" Peter said, pumping a fist in the air. "Like you can tell who someone is without even seeing or hearing them."

Remus felt a little bit better about himself… or at least less weird which was good enough. Then when it was time to split up and he realized he didn't have to lie he felt even better. He could pack a bag openly, putting clothes in as well as books, and didn't have to figure out whether it would be best to say it was himself or his mother although he did ask them to let Lily know he was ill.

They parted, the three of them heading to History and Remus heading to the hospital wing. He was on edge as he went through the doors, feeling kinda buzzy. _They know, they know what I'm doing tonight, they know what's going on_...!! There wasn't anyone else there so Pomfrey was able to take him to the tunnel right away, taking him all the way through to the house.

He read for a while before stripping off, putting everything in the very battered wardrobe that looked like it wouldn't hold up much longer despite Professor McGonagall fixing it.

Naked and chilly, he sat in the living room with the tattered remains of a blanket wrapped around himself, waiting for the sun to set...


	61. Chapter Sixty-One - Caught!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Body horror/gore in the first couple paragraphs, after the first * there isn't much description of gore.

Howls turned into screams as Remus transformed back in the morning. His bones shrank and morphed, twisting from canine to human. Fur shrank, disappearing into his skin. His tail retreated back into his body, pain radiating from his lower back. His hands grew, the wolfy toe beans stretching out into fingers, his thumb shifting forward, the claws shortening and lightening into fingernails. He cried out as the last bits of his body finished changing then he lay there in agony. He knew at once something had happened to his leg. It hurt _bad_.

Slowly he sat up and saw deep gouges that went through to the bone, muscles exposed, blood oozing out. Huge chunks were ripped out. It looked as though some madman went wild with butchering the leg although he supposed that was technically what happened. He reached down, hissing when his fingers made contact with the flaps of skin. _Merlin, Merlin_... It was so bad. He was kinda surprised he even had any leg left.

He shifted his other leg which was injured although thankfully no where near as bad, and he was able to use it to push himself backwards. His arms were hurting, gashes all up and down, and bite marks deep into his right wrist, tearing the tendons making it agonizing to move and impossible to use to get up off the floor. That meant there was only one way to get himself to the bathroom. Fighting back the sobs rising in his throat he began using his good arm and leg to haul himself along the floor. His destroyed leg twisted and shifted with each movement and it took every last drop of effort to push forward, leaving a glistening trail of blood behind him.

It took what felt like forever to get to the bathroom where he collapsed, panting heavily with the exertion of forcing his broken body through the house. He was dizzy, and felt ready to black out any second. After fighting against the desire to give up, he managed to push himself up onto the toilet. He picked up the piece of chalk debating whether to lie or not. He'd only have sixish hours there, really. It wasn't worth it. His leg would _not_ heal before sunset.

 **everything fine some slashes but i can bandage** **them**

He swallowed as he wrote the lie out then pulled himself to the shower. He yelped when the hot water hit his leg then grit his teeth against the pain as his blood swirled down the drain. His vision went swimmy then everything went black.

*

He woke up to see Madame Pomfrey's face over him. He frowned, blinked, then rubbed his eyes but she was still there. She was bandaging up his bad leg, making huffy sounds as she did.

"M—Madame Pomfrey?" He glanced at the chalkboard to make sure he had written that he was fine and it was still there! "Errr... wh—what... did..."

"How did I know?" she asked and he gave a meek nod. "I didn't. I came here to check up on you. I planned on doing that from time to time. Last month I was getting ready to come check on you before realizing you hadn’t written any message at all on the chalkboard.” She gave him a dark look as she finished his leg and moved to his wrist. “When you insisted you were asking for help. I knew you were lying that day, and you’re doing it again."

"I was... I thought—I thought I was okay," he mumbled.

Pomfrey glowered at him. "You most certainly did not, Remus. You lied."

He bowed his head. "Yes, ma'am," he whispered.

She helped him onto his good leg then helped him into hospital pajamas, not saying a word about his nudity. "Are you able to walk or do I need a stretcher?" she asked, her voice very clipped.

"W—walk." He didn't want to talk to her, he didn't want to even look at her. He had been caught in his lie, and she was mad. Of course, she had every right to be. He leaned against her, half hopping as they made their way to the trapdoor. It only took a few attempts before pain overtook him and, despite her best efforts, he collapsed to the floor. He tried not to cry as she put him on a stretcher.

Neither of them spoke a word.

When they got to the hospital wing she had him pull down his pajama bottoms so she could rewrap his leg, the bandages already soaked through. She remained silent, even after bringing him a chocolate shake. He was so hungry and wanted to ask for a second one, but didn't dare. Just muttered his thanks and then lay down, shivering under the blanket. He couldn’t believe how stupid he had been! Even though he knew he was right (it was ridiculous to come back!) guilt ebbed around the edges of his brain; probably the only reason it didn’t consume him was due the majority of his thoughts were focused on how much pain he was in.

*

He woke up to a tap at the door, sitting up a bit as Pomfrey came in to inform him his friends were there and asked if he wanted to see them. Remus was very confused, since the Marauders knew he wouldn't be there! He said yes, and she let in James, Sirius, and Peter, all of whom looked as shocked to see Remus as he was to see them!

All four quietly said their hellos, waiting for Pomfrey to leave. She shut the door and Remus quickly held up a finger so nobody would speak. He could hear her right outside the door, her soft breathing and the sound of her heart beating; soon, however, she seemed to decide that the Marauders weren’t going to cause chaos and the only sound he could really hear was her retreating footsteps.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered, dropping his hand as they crowded around his bed; Peter and Sirius sitting on the edges and James at the foot.

"We didn't think you'd _be_ here," Sirius whispered back.

"We always try to come see you when you're in—when you _say_ you're in here," James said, keeping his voice down.

"We didn't want anyone getting suspicious of us _not_ coming so..." Peter trailed off and shrugged. "Here we are."

"What are _you_ doing here? I thought you said you stayed... wherever it is you stay?" Sirius inquired.

Remus sat up a little more and Sirius immediately reached over to help him get the pillow adjusted. For some reason, this made Remus feel very embarrassed and awkward. "Ah, normally I—I do but... well, I _hate_ coming back here, I hated it all last year," he explained, plucking at the blanket, "especially this time of the year when there aren't many daylight hours. It's very... tiring. So this year Professor Dumbledore said I could stay at—er, stay where I stay even in the day. Professor McGonagall put up a blackboard which connects to a blackboard Pomfrey has, and every morning I write if I am okay or not okay. If I'm okay, I stay there. If I'm not, she comes and gets me."

"You weren't okay today?" James asked, brow furrowing.

Remus looked down. "I told her I was but she came to see me and saw I had lied."

"What do you mean not okay though?" Pete asked, leaning forward. "I thought you heal up?"

Remus looked at his right wrist and reached over, curling his fingers around the bandage. "I do, it's just slower when it's... from myself..." He looked at each of them, then pushed the blanket down. Carefully he rolled his pajama leg up so they could see the bulky bandages, only showing the ends so they didn't see how blood-soaked they were or how far up they went. Sirius frowned, James let out a sharp breath, and Peter whimpered. "I couldn't put weight on it," he said, deciding not to go into just how destroyed it was. Tried not to show how much agony he was in, how much he was fighting back _screaming_ from the pain.

"Why did you lie?" Sirius demanded hotly and for a split second Remus thought he meant just now, then realized he was talking about lying to Pomfrey, not to them.

"I—I don't like coming back!" Remus hissed back, pushing the pajama leg back down and whimpering in pain from using his right hand. It still felt awful. "I have to go back in about two hours and I'm not healed up. There's not much point in me shuffling back and forth!"

Sirius narrowed his eyes and Remus thought he'd say something about Remus's physical condition. Instead he asked, "How far do you go? It sounds like it's quite the hassle."

Remus averted his gaze. "It... it's not in the castle, that's all I'll say. And yes, it is a hassle. I prefer staying... there. But Madame Pomfrey came to check up on me despite what I said and found out I lied. So. She dragged me back here."

Peter started to reach towards Remus then withdrew his hand. "Ooh, sorry, I was just... um, your wrist... is it bad too?"

Remus lifted his hand, supporting his wrist with his other hand. "Yes..."

 _I can't believe I'm sitting here talking about my wounds, discussing the fact I ripped up my own body like this_! He felt like he had been dropped in some sort of freaky alternate universe! Panic and fear started bubbling up, swelling up inside of him, pressing at his lungs; he let out a small cry, automatically reaching up with his right hand to cover his mouth. The movement sent a jolt of pain through his wrist.

"I'm f-f-fine," he gasped out when they all expressed concern. "I'm fine."

"What happened?" James asked, tilting his head. "Do you need Pomfrey?"

Remus let out a slow breath. "I've said before it will take a long time for me to come to terms with the fact you know. It's—ahh, I'm trying. It's difficult."

"We've been... very worried about you," Sirius said, very softly. He reached out like he was going to touch Remus's shoulder, but withdrew his hand.

"None of us got any sleep last night," Peter added then he began blushing. "But that's not—it's nothing compared to your—I didn't mean to sound rude, I just—"

"It's okay, I know what you meant," Remus promised.

Sirius opened his mouth to say something but there was a quick tap outside the room before the door opened. It was Professor McGonagall and she looked furious. Her eyes darted towards the other Marauders, pressing her lips thin, trying not to look quite as mad. "Good afternoon, boys. I need to speak with Mr. Lupin privately. You may come visit him later, if he is feeling up to it."

The Marauders all hugged Remus gently, saying their goodbyes and giving McGonagall curious glances as they left. Remus tried to keep a smile on his face even after they left, but involuntarily shrank back when McGonagall turned back towards him. "G—good afternoon, P-Professor," he said shakily.

"Good?" She looked down at him, eyes flashing with fury. He wasn't sure if he had ever seen her this angry. "Do you have any idea why I'm here?"

He looked down at his lap, folding his trembling hands together to at least attempt to prevent them from fidgeting too much. "Yes," he said. Of course he knew why. How could he not, with her fury so apparent? It was going to be bad, and he tried to steel himself for the worst.

"You lied to us. You lied to Madame Pomfrey."

"In my d-defense I didn't realize how bad my leg was," he said before recoiling at the severe look in her face.

"I have a hard time believing _that_ , Mr. Lupin. Poppy told me the extent of your injuries." She flicked her wand, pulling the chair out of the corner and closer to his bed, then sat down. "Most of us involved were adamant against you remaining in the house during the day. You're only twelve, and you're usually injured when you wake up. We trusted you to tell us when you needed help, and you've broken that trust."

Remus closed his eyes, nauseated from the overwhelming knowledge of how much he had messed up. He wished he could say or do something to fix the situation but there was nothing! He had done precisely what she was accusing him of and that made it _so_ much worse.

Then it got even worse.

"I am very disappointed in you."

McGonagall was disappointed in him…That hurt more than his leg or any wounds he could have given himself. _Disappointed!_

His nose itched and his throat tightened as the tears welled up; he pressed his fingernails into his palms to try to prevent them from spilling over. What else did he expect? He had been caught in his lies. He wanted to apologize, but knew if he opened his mouth and tried to speak it would result in a flood of tears.

"I'm sure you understand we're going back to how things were before," she continued, since he hadn’t spoken. "Madame Pomfrey will be coming to get you every morning. Even if you are in perfect health when she comes to you, you'll be returning here."

"Yes ma'am." The wolf rose inside of him as he struggled to contain his emotions; he could hear his voice shaking, and hoped she couldn’t tell how angry he was. Or… how angry the wolf was? Sometimes it was hard to tell the difference. Either way, he was on the cusp of losing control and he couldn’t let that happen. "I... I'm sorry..."

She pinned him with her gaze. "I don't know if I can believe that at the moment, Remus. I suspect you're only sorry that you were caught."

"I don't like coming back here!" he blurted out, unable to stop himself. McGonagall looked startled. "I—I know why you feel I should but—but these don't do much!" He lifted his hand, indicating the bandage. "I can do it myself! And—and in winter months there's hardly any time between c-coming back here and going back there, and it's exhausting, and I _won't_ be healed b-by the t-t-time I—I—" He stopped, realizing how pointless it was. These were the arguments he gave prior to all of this, and they weren't enough to make up for what he had done.

McGonagall gave a small sigh when she realized he wasn't saying anything else. "I understand. Perhaps we will look into trying this again in your third or fourth year."

Remus's stomach flipped. _Fourth year_?!

"Yes, Professor," he forced out, knowing it would be useless to argue further.

She left the little room, shutting the door behind her. As soon as it closed Remus curled up, pressing his face into the pillow and hating himself for screwing up so badly.

*

When Remus returned to the house in Hogsmeade (limping, leaning heavily on Pomfrey as he hadn't healed up just like he figured) the first thing he noticed was the dried blood everywhere, including the long streak from that morning where he had dragged himself across the floor. There were also chunks of shriveled flesh laying about.

After Pomfrey left and he got himself to the bathroom the second thing he noticed was the blackboard was gone. It was a punch in the gut, even though he knew it would be taken away. The empty spot in the bathroom was like a beacon highlighting his mistake.

It was even rougher after the sun set and he remained a boy, his leg aching. He heard heavy sleet against the house and knew it was supposed to turn into snow at some point during the night. He curled up next to the fireplace with a few blankets around his bare body, trying to stay warm. All the blankets were ripped into and had holes so he arranged them as best he could, trying to get them so they'd cover each others holes, but there were still a few spots where the cold air came through.

At one point, when the winds were particularly loud, he almost felt that pull from the moon but it faded after a moment. Wrapping the blankets tighter around himself, he rolled over a bit closer to the fireplace and tried to get to sleep. He managed to get a few moments of shuteye, however that resulted in vicious nightmares of tearing open his friends' legs, waking him up with a jerk which often caused his own leg to start aching again.

When Pomfrey came in the morning he was dressed in his uniform, sitting on the couch with a book in his lap and his leg nearly healed. She smelled of snow, and sure enough when they went past the Whomping Willow there was a light blanket of snow over everything. Like the previous winter, Pomfrey used a spell so they wouldn't leave footprints coming and going from the Whomping Willow.

Despite not turning into a wolf, he still felt completely exhausted and went to the little room in the hospital wing to rest for a while. He drank the shakes Madame Pomfrey brought him and thanked her, but other than that they didn't really speak to one another. Remus wanted to apologize again but...

At least this phase was only a two moon stretch, so he wouldn't be going back again and he'd be able to attend his afternoon classes. Although one of those classes was Transfiguration and the thought of seeing Professor McGonagall made his stomach all squirmy. He could still feel her disappointment. Even though he was super hungry, when lunch rolled around he only managed to eat a little. Almost as soon as he started he could hear Pomfrey arguing with the Marauders in the main wing. She told them that he needed rest, though he was doing better and _might_ be at classes later in the day but only if they stopped harassing him.

He remained in the hospital wing until close to History. He considered skipping History... all he'd be missing was Binns lecturing from the book. He wouldn't really learn much that he couldn’t on his own. But he got out of bed, put on his clean uniform, and headed to class, still limping a little bit.

"Remus!" Lily squealed when she saw him outside the classroom. She jogged over and hugged him. "You're feeling better?"

"Much," he said, brushing his fringe back.

"You weren't in the hospital wing very long."

He smiled. "No, it didn't really—it wasn't so bad this time around." Hah! That was a lie.

"I'm so glad to hear that!"

When the Marauders came in they stared in _shock_ at the sight of him before running over to give him hugs and pats on the back, generally being very noisy and concerned about his return. They probably would have just hovered all around him if they didn't have class and weren’t forced to sit at their desks.

As Binns droned on, Remus fought to stay awake. He was still tired from the night, though it helped to get notes from his friends. All three wanted to know how the night went and he wrote back that it was fine and that it was cloudy so he hadn't changed. Almost as soon as he passed it along, he grew paranoid for even writing that and wrote a quick note asking them to destroy the notes please. He saw James tearing Remus's notes up and setting it on fire right there on his desk. Remus dropped his head in his hands, forgetting entirely who he had been dealing with and feeling dumb for assuming they'd wait until after class.

Twycross began shrieking and Sirius grabbed his history book, slamming it down on the tiny fire to put it out.

"YOU'RE ALL ABSOLUTELY MENTAL!" Twycross screamed.

Binns faltered in his lecture, peering around at the outburst. "Miss Twinecut, is something the matter?"

"Black and Potter set their desk on fire!" She brandished a finger, pointing at the bits of ash.

Binns blinked, looking at James's desk. "I don't see a fire," he said, then began lecturing again. Twycross harrumphed while James and Sirius snickered, though Lily chewed them out after class for setting something on fire. James shrugged, saying it wasn't bad, and it was put out easily. Then Remus stepped between them because he didn't want to fight for what felt like the millionth time in a week. He reminded them they had Transfiguration and should get going. Thankfully they both listened to him, and they all headed to Transfiguration though Lily kept giving James dark looks over her shoulder.

 _They seem to be fighting more than usual_ , he thought miserably as he took his usual seat in Transfiguration. He wondered if there was anything he could do to fix it but doubted he'd be able to. James hated Lily. Lily hated James. That's just the way things would always be.

*

"So, it wasn't so bad last night?" Sirius asked as soon as the four of them were alone in their dorm. They had been crowding around him the entire trip, fussing over him, ignoring his quiet protests, and making it clear they were _very_ worried the past two nights. He had figured they would be worried... but not that much!

He explained as best he could that heavy cloud coverage meant he didn't change, but it still was a rough night. He explained that when he remained human he was barely able to sleep, and when he did they were full of awful nightmares which always woke him right back up. He downplayed their severity since he didn’t want them worrying _more,_ though he felt a twinge of guilt for lying. "I got perhaps an hour of sleep total before the sun rose," he said, blinking to fight back the sleepiness.

"Is that... worse?" Peter asked.

Remus shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe. I don't... get hurt... but... it's also _very_ exhausting... and very boring since I can't do anything but lay there. No," he added when Pete asked if he could maybe read. "If I turn into—well, if I change I'd... destroy the book probably."

"You don't have somewhere you could put the book if you... er, start?" James asked.

"No. I s—suppose I could sit by the wardrobe and put the book in if I started to feel—" He stopped, then continued. "But it'd probably be awkward."

Sirius eyed him. "Wardrobe?"

Remus averted his gaze, tugging at his sleeve, not saying anything else about that. "At least when I do... ch-change... I don't remember the night. It's not a long stretch of waiting and having difficulty sleeping and being super cold..."

"How come you were only gone two nights?" Peter asked. "Usually you're gone longer. For that matter, how come you're usually gone for so long? Doesn't the full moon only last one night?"

"Not... necessarily," he replied, yawning. "It depends on what you factor as the full moon. The full moon really only lasts a tiny short amount of time, not even a full time, if you want to get _very_ specific. However it's... it's like how the full moon works for potions and plants. When you need to pick a plant under the light of the full moon, or pour a potion. For most magical purposes the full moon works when it's pretty much full. Like. 99% full or something close. It's the same for the curse." He thought for a moment. "Next month it will be three. It's usually three nights."

"It's not more than three though... is it?" James wanted to know.

"Um. S—sometimes," Remus admitted and saw three identical frowns. "It was four nights in June. And March. Thankfully both when I was at home, not at school." Although he wasn't too sure about it being better that he had been home, since he much preferred the house in Hogsmeade over the cellar at home. He felt nauseated thinking about how next time he'd be in that cold, dark, empty room.

"We should let you sleep," Sirius suddenly said, studying Remus's face. "Crap. Last time we didn't and you—well, we'll let you sleep."

"Oooh, right," whispered Peter.

"I'm all right," Remus promised, a big yawn betraying his words. "It's not as bad as last time. Last time was..." He thought of the multiple transformations in one night and shuddered. "Last time was very bad."

"You should still rest," Sirius demanded.

"Before you go to sleep, though..." James fetched a wrapped package out from under his bed, and handed it to Remus.

"What's... this?" There was a note stuck to the top. _For Our Remus_.

"Open it!" Peter urged, jumping from foot to foot.

Remus opened up the box to find some chocolate bars, a handful of rather squashed flowers, and some cloth. He picked the cloth up and when it unfolded he realized it was a pillowcase.

"It's got a super high thread count," James explained. "Feel it."

Remus gasped out when he pressed his cheek against the fabric. It was _soft_! "Where...? Why?"

"It's a care package," Peter said excitedly, clapping his hands. "From all of us! Though James bought the pillowcase. I hope the flowers are okay, they were my idea."

Remus took the flowers out, smiling. "They're great," he promised. He put them in the water glass by his bed, pouring some water in, hoping they'd perk up a bit. Then he took his pillow out of his old pillowcase and put it in the new one. "All of it is great but you—"

"Didn't have to," all three chorused, grinning when Remus glared at them.

"We know," Sirius chuckled, "but we wanted to anyway."

"Deal with it," added James. "And enjoy the pillowcase. It's the same brand I get. It's also enchanted to stay cool during the night."

"That must have been expensive!" Remus cried out. He knew it'd be pricey with a high thread count, but enchanted as well?

James stuck his tongue out. "Too late."

"But _why_?"

"It's... you know, like I said, a care package," Peter said, "for the past couple nights."

Remus didn't know what to say in response to that. A... care package? For the full moon?

"Now get some rest," Sirius ordered, pulling James and Peter out of the room.

After they left, Remus set the chocolate bars on his desk, resisting the temptation to eat them; he knew he’d probably fall asleep after only a bite or two. He struggled a bit getting his shoes off, eyelids drooping with each passing second. Finally he gave up and just flopped back against the cool pillowcase, sound asleep within seconds.


	62. Chapter Sixty-Two - Can't Catch Feelings If They Can't Catch Me

Remus didn’t get much rest before supper, however he did head down to the Great Hall for a little bit of food before the study group started. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to go, but as tired as he felt he decided he should; he missed several classes and wanted to stay caught up. Outside the library, Aegis was sort of hovering around with his books clutched to his chest, and when he saw Remus his eyes lit up.

"I saw you at supper," he said, taking a step forward. "I was very pleased to see you out of the hospital wing so soon."

"Yeah, it wasn't so bad this time around," Remus said.

"I'm glad to hear it. I know last time was exceedingly rough for you."

Remus nodded, a little startled to realize it had been a month since finding out the Marauders knew! It felt like... well, sometimes it felt like it had been a lot longer, other times it felt shorter. So much had changed while so much had stayed the same...

"I tried to visit yesterday, however Madame Pomfrey said you were unable to have visitors," Aegis continued. He paused, seemingly trying to figure out how to ask what he wanted to. Finally, "Are you able to have visitors at all? I don't mean to pry, I'm just curious. If you cannot then I shan't try again."

"I—I can, sometimes," he said. "It depends. I need a lot of rest so there are times when I'm sleeping and she doesn't want to wake me up."

Aegis pierced him with his stare and Remus was a little worried he'd start asking questions about his illness. "All right… I'll try next time. Although, hopefully that won't need to be anytime soon. Or at all. Though I suppose _that_ is wishful thinking..."

"Perhaps a bit, but hopefully," Remus agreed.

As they went into the library Remus wondered if Aegis or Lily—or anyone else—ever suspected the truth. That he was a monster... Did they believe his lies about his blood disease? About his mother? Neither of them seemed as adamant as Sirius used to be, so he really hoped they were just blindly accepting his word. Maybe he _should_ try to look up diseases that would fit his situation in order to give it a name. He supposed he could make something up but there was always the chance of someone digging into his story and knew it would just cause more anxiety over it sounding believable enough... especially since he didn’t really know much about diseases period.

After their studying session ended Remus didn't walk with Lily like he usually did. Instead, he wandered to the medical section of the library (seeing a couple copies of _Your Body At Hogwarts_ but there was no way he'd ever be able to check it out without dying of embarrassment; buying from a stranger who wouldn't see him again was bad enough!) to look for some books on diseases. He found a really thick tome that listed out various illnesses and diseases with short summaries. _A Compendium of Afflictions and Ailments._ He tucked that under his arm then found another book called _So You Want To Be A Healer_. He took that one too, just in case he needed a cover for why he wanted the disease book.

Mr. Farrow glowered as Remus signed the cards, mumbling under his breath about kids checking out expensive, delicate books that were too advanced for them—obviously referring to the compendium.

Remus struggled to hold back a tart reply. _If we're not supposed to check books out, what's the point of the library_? he wanted to snap, but somehow managed not to. He thanked Farrow and stormed out of the library. Part of him did sorta understand Farrow's feelings about books being precious and needing to take the utmost care for them. The librarian's fears of sticky fingers and dripped food and uncaring students who messed up books were perfectly sound. After all, while there were plenty of spells to clean books, it was a precise, complicated magic (in order not to mess up the ink on the pages too). It was just... he seemed to take it too far. He should be _encouraging_ learning instead of complaining about the kids, and if he had such a problem with kids then he shouldn't have taken the Hogwarts librarian position in the first place!

In Remus's opinion it was sorta the same with Filch, who obviously hated the students. Why take a position in a _school_? Perhaps caretaker and librarian for Hogwarts were the only jobs they were able to find, but it just felt a little illogical.

*

Remus stayed up late working on homework and doing research on diseases. He kept yawning but just when he decided to go to sleep he heard Sirius get out of bed and leave. Remus heard him outside in the hall, shuffling... away from the bathrooms? Remus blinked and closed the book, pushing it under his pillow (which was getting quite crowded between two books and Gwyllgi), and getting out of bed. It was nearly two in the morning, where would Sirius be going? And without James and the cloak? He put on his slippers and crept after Sirius.

Remus found him down in the common room, sitting in a window seat, staring out the window. At first Remus felt a pang at how much it reminded him of _him_ but then he realized the window was open and Sirius had his arm out, flicking the flipendo spell out the window! Remus was about to ask him what he was doing then changed his mind, not wanting Sirius to jump and possibly fall out the window. So he tightened his bathrobe around himself, crept a little ways up the stairs, then exaggerated his footsteps in an attempt to make up for how muffled his slippers made them.

Sirius was watching the stairwell when Remus emerged. "Did I wake you up?" he asked, lowering his arm.

"No, I was still up," Remus said, going over. Sirius made room on the window seat but Remus was uncomfortable with being by the open window so he sat down on the chair next to it. "What are you doing? Attacking owls?"

Sirius smiled. "No. The moon."

"Wh—what?" Remus spluttered, looking past him at the brilliant moon in the sky, a few clouds drifting past. "You can't attack the moon."

"Maybe not with that attitude," Sirius replied a little haughtily then flicked his wand. "Flipendo!" The spell shot out into the sky then fizzled out.

Remus drew his feet up onto the chair, wrapping his arms around his knees. "Sirius..."

"What? Flipendo."

"Sirius."

He lowered his wand. "Just makes me mad," he muttered, running his fingers through his hair. "Your leg and wrist yesterday. You've looked awful the past couple days, even now you look terrible. And then—when you told us today you didn't... you know... last night I was really happy but then you said it's worse because—I can't even imagine it. Having to just... and hardly able to sleep, knowing any minute you might..."

Remus lowered his gaze. "I'm used to it."

"You shouldn't be," Sirius hissed out, swinging his legs around. "You shouldn't be at all." He was getting angrier with each word, his voice growing tenser. "You were four. _Four_!"

"Sirius—"

"It's not _fair_!"

"No, it's not!" Remus snapped then quickly lowered his voice, hoping they hadn't awoken anyone. "It's not. You think I'm not mad about it? I'm angry every day of my life but I can't change it. There's _nothing_ I can do. I have to live with it. I have to. And—and sending the knockback jinx in the general direction of the moon when we're two hundred and thirty thousand miles away from it won't do anything."

Sirius frowned. "It makes you feel better."

Remus pressed his lips thin.

Sirius gestured towards Remus's wand, which was sticking out of his pajama pocket, then pat the window seat. "Try it."

Remus let out a sigh but moved over, climbing up next to Sirius, ignoring the wriggly feelings inside of him that grew when he took a seat close to his friend. "Flipendo," he said, shooting it towards the moon. He watched the light streak across the sky—farther than Sirius's spell went—before fizzling out.

"Well?"

Remus rolled his eyes, but smiled. "Maybe a little."

Sirius smiled back and elbowed him. But then his smile faded. "There has to be something we can do for you."

"You're doing it," Remus whispered, moving away from the window and the castle-height fall to the ground; moving away from Sirius in the hope that it would stop the quivering in his stomach. "You're still my friend, you're not... you don't hate me. You're not disgusted. You don't want me to be locked away or killed. That's helpful."

"That's... basic human... respect..."

"And I'm not a human," Remus pointed out. Sirius scoffed, shaking his head. "No matter what you try to convince yourself, I'm not."

Sirius slumped back, scowling and pouting like a little kid. He kicked at the seat a bit, huffing, then finally asked, "What about a calming potion?"

Remus pressed his fingers against his forehead, feeling a headache coming on. He really shouldn't have been up this late after not getting much sleep, and didn't really want to discuss this. "I've tried it before, it does nothing."

"What about—"

"Sirius, please," he begged softly, and Sirius fell silent. "My parents tried everything they could. All sorts of potions and antidotes and this and that, and nothing works. Nothing."

"There has to be something," Sirius said stubbornly.

Remus stood up, brushing his bathrobe off, ignoring him.

Sirius got up as well, seizing Remus's wrist, preventing him from walking off. "We'll figure something out that will help you, I swear," he said with the blind confidence of a thirteen year old boy.

Remus wanted to shake him out of that surety, irritated that Sirius kept insisting that he could _fix_ things, that he _knew_ better; knew better than Remus who had been living with this for nearly a decade. Irritated that Sirius was taking it upon himself to be some sort of hero when it wasn't _his_ curse! _He_ didn't transform violently into a wolf every month, _he_ didn't live day to day with the burden, _he_ didn't—

His shoulders slumped as he forced his emotions back down. He couldn’t get angry— _shouldn’t_ get angry. He had no right to... not with what he was. They were his friends despite him being a monster, and he wasn’t in any position to complain. Besides, Sirius was only trying to help and he knew if the situation were reversed he’d want to do the same.

"I appreciate your desire to help," he settled on saying.

It was still very infuriating, but it also felt pretty good knowing how much Sirius wanted to do what he could for Remus. After all, just being Remus's friend was more than he ever expected. It was like what happened when they talked to Miss Fawley: it was nice having knights. As long as they were being genuine about it and not doing it out of pity. He didn't think they were but...

"Are you going back to bed?" Remus asked when Sirius finally let go of his wrist.

"Not yet."

"All right. G'nite."

"Goodnight, Remy."

*

The next couple days were spent catching up on homework, Marauder stuff, study group, spending some time with Lily, carefully sifting through the book on diseases, and _trying_ to get _some_ rest but by the time Saturday morning rolled around he _still_ felt exhausted and wanted to sleep in. But he couldn't sleep in too much since he needed to take the Transfiguration exam he missed Monday, so he forced himself out of bed, stumbling around as he got ready for the day. The other Marauders were already long gone for breakfast though they were still in the Great Hall when he came in.

Peter complained about not having anyone to hang out with during the morning since James and Sirius had detention at the same time Remus had his test; Remus half expected Peter to just wait outside the Transfiguration classroom since his test wouldn't take too long but apparently that wasn’t the case. Halfway through someone knocked at the door, and when McGonagall opened the door there stood one of the substitute teachers with Peter in tow. Professor McGonagall told Remus to continue working then stepped outside without shutting the door all the way. Remus listened in very easily. Apparently, Peter had tried breaking James and Sirius out of detention by causing a ruckus down the hall to distract the teacher. James and Sirius got away, but Peter had tripped and was caught. What did Professor McGonagall want to do?

She gave Peter detention, said she'd deal with James and Sirius later in the day, then returned to the classroom. Remus bowed his head, returning to writing as if he had been doing that the entire time she was outside.

"Mr. Lupin..." He glanced up at her. "Do you know where Misters Black and Potter might be?"

Remus slowly shook his head. "No ma'am. I—I think they had detention, didn't they?" he asked lightly, trying to sound like he had no idea what just happened.

"It seems as if they disappeared," sighed McGonagall as she sat back down. "I apologize for the interruption, please continue with your test."

Remus returned to the tower after the test, keeping an eye and an ear out for the Marauders but not finding them anywhere. When he got to his dorm and found they weren't there either, he merely kicked his shoes off and flopped face first into his bed, intending on taking a nap. He had just drifted into a light sleep when someone tapped at the door. He jerked awake, nearly falling out of his bed. Who on earth would have been _knocking_?!

"Whaa?" Remus asked, choking a little on some drool that had formed in his mouth in his near-sleep.

"Remus?"

"Lily?" He went over and opened the door, seeing Lily standing there looking miserable. "Are you all right?" he asked.

Lily shrugged, rubbing her elbow, glancing past him. "Are you alone?"

"Yeah. Uh, c—come in..." He shut the door behind her, very worried. "What happened?"

"Nothing. What makes you think something happened?" She crossed the room, picking her way past all the discarded clothes and objects littered across the floor, and hopped up onto Remus's desk.

Remus nervously followed. "I can tell something’s wrong." He nearly asked if Snape had done something but managed not to. "If you feel like talking about it I'm willing to listen, but if you want to talk about something else we can do that too." He thought for a second, thinking about how he felt a lot of times. "If you just want to hang out in the room together and not talk at all, that's okay too."

Lily gave him a half-smile, tucking some hair behind her ear. "Th—thanks..." She twisted her hands in her lap and bit her bottom lip, then hunched forward, hands now flying to her face. "I don't know what's wrong! I woke up feeling awful and sad and I can't stop. It's stupid. that's all. I thought having someone to chat to might distract me..."

Remus hurried over, climbing up onto the desk next to her. "There's nothing wrong with feeling like that." He then gave a quiet yelp as she twisted around, burying her face into his chest.

"I'm sick of it, sick of it!"

"Sick of... what?"

" _Everything_! Of—of always being looked down on because of my blood, of my stupid sister, of Cassie never shutting up about snogging, of stupid Potter and his—his stupidness, of Sev being so afraid of anyone in Slytherin guessing how close we are, of _everything_!"

Remus awkwardly pat her back, having _no_ bloody clue what to even say. "It's okay to feel this way," he murmured.

She pulled away, her hair sticking to her face from a few tears. "I'm just so frustrated right now."

"Did something happen to—to start this?" he asked, wondering if he needed to get someone with a prank.

"No... I don't know." She pushed her hair off her face and slumped back against the wall. "I dunno why I'm feeling so _miserable_. I should go. I didn't want to talk to Cassie cause as I said she's been annoying me, and I didn't want to upset Alice, so I come here to bother you?"

"You're not a bother!"

She glanced at him out of the side of her eye. "A crying girl on your desk isn't a bother?"

"Not when it's you," he promised, and she smiled. "Honestly, Lily, I'm not, only worried."

"I dunno," she said again, shaking her head. "Do you ever just feel... _bleargh_?"

"Yes," he said right away. He scooted a bit closer to her and leaned close enough that their arms touched. He wasn't in a particularly bad day when it came to touch but he would have done it anyway since he knew Lily liked comfort like that. "I... I feel that way a lot..."

"Oh, Remus, I'm sorry!" she said suddenly, pulling away in order to look him in the face. "I'm being so—so callous!"

Remus frowned, tilting his head, extremely confused. "Uhh... you're not?"

"Yes I am! You're—you're..." She trailed off and then gave him a poignant look. "You know, you're ill, and here I am complaining about nothing so awful as that! And you were sick earlier this week. I'm sorry!"

"No! No, it's _fine_!" he said quickly. "Just because I'm sick doesn't make whatever you're going through any less! It's—it's—it's not a competition. Please don't think like that. I don't mind you complaining."

She reached down, taking his hand. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

As she spoke, the door swung open. Remus had heard footsteps out in the hall but he hadn't given them much thought, and now the other Marauders were coming into the dorm. James came to a halt, Sirius and Peter running into him. They all stared at Remus and Lily sitting on the desk, holding hands.

They immediately let go of one another, their hands springing apart. They hadn't been doing anything but Lily began turning beet red, while James began whooping and Peter giggled.

"Sorrrrry!" James laughed. "We inter _rupted_ you two!"

"Should have put a sign on the door!" Peter added from behind his hand.

"St-st-stop!" Remus stammered, feeling his face heating up. "It's not—we weren't—Lily was just—"

"Honestly!" Lily got off the desk, sticking her nose in the air. "You lot are _so_ immature! I hope you choke on your supper tonight, James Potter!"

He gave her the two finger salute, blowing raspberries as she marched past them. Remus watched her go, hoping she'd be okay.

As soon as the door swung shut Peter whirled around, eyes enormous. "Did you two kiss?!" he squealed.

" _What_?! No!" Remus got off his desk, hoping he wasn't as pink as he felt. "She was upset and needed to talk."

"Is that all?" Sirius asked, sounding considerably less amused than the other two. Actually, he was frowning. James and Peter were snickering at one another, James smacking Pete's arm.

Remus glared at them. "Yes! We are _friends_!"

"So, no kiss?" James teased, making loud kissy sounds.

Remus grabbed his wand. "Rosodorus!" he snapped, and James began sneezing rose petals. Peter laughed harder and Sirius joined in, and James was the one glaring now.

"TraaaiiiAAACHOO!—ters."

James had to go to the hospital wing to get the hex removed since Remus refused and Sirius and Peter weren't very good with the general counterspell when it came to things like that. Sirius went with him, so Remus asked Peter about the detention thing. Peter made a face and explained he was supposed to cause a distraction so James and Sirius would be able to sneak away but he had been caught, and James and Sirius just got more detention.

"Are—are they even surprised?" Remus asked, stretching out on his bed. "I still don't understand the point of escaping detention. You just get _more_. What's the point?"

Peter shrugged. "I'm not too sure either, but it's what they wanted."

Remus snorted, picking up a book to read. "They're weird."

"Definitely weird," Pete agreed and they exchanged grins.

*

Lily thankfully showed up for lunch. Remus had been feeling guilty for not going after her after James's teasing, and when he saw her in the Great Hall he went to apologize. She seemed to be doing a lot better and shrugged at his apology, not annoyed at all that he hadn't gone after her. She had gone straight up to the girls' dorm which meant even if he had tried he wouldn't have found her anyway.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," he said as they sat down to eat together.

"Me too. I don't know what was going on earlier," she replied. "I guess everything caught up to me all at once. I _am_ sick of everyone thinking..."

He waited but she didn't say anything else. "Thinking what?"

Lily rolled her eyes so hard he half expected them to pop out of her skull. "That we're... you know."

"We're...? _Oh_!" He winced a little, sorting out what she meant. "Yes, it is very irritating."

"I have four best friends and two of them are boys, what's so wrong with that?" she demanded, smacking her fist against the table.

"Nothing. Trust me, I don't understand it either."

Lily looked down the table and Remus followed her gaze. Colgate and Inkwood were actually sitting with the Marauders. Colgate didn't seem very interested in chatting but Sirius and Inkwood were deep in conversation, Inkwood giggling quite a lot. Lily snickered then began flicking her hair back. "Oh, Sirius, you're just _soooo_ cute!" she said in a giggly sort of voice. Remus covered his mouth, trying not to laugh. "Your arrogance is _such_ a turn on!" Remus put his other hand over his first to stifle his laughing more. "I dream about the way you brush your hair!"

"St-tooop!" Remus snorted, choking a bit. Then straightened up as Mary Macdonald approached them, asking if she could join them.

"Of course," Lily said, making room.

"What were you doing? You looked in pain," Macdonald said, eyeing Remus.

"Lily was—well, I w-was laughing th-that's all," he replied, shaking his head.

"I was joking about Cassie and Black," Lily explained, jerking her chin towards the pair. "They're _flirting_."

Macdonald raised her eyebrows, eyes going wide. "Ooh. Well, Black _is_ very good-looking," she breathed out.

Lily groaned. "He's a dung beetle. And Potter's a worm."

"Potter's cute too," Macdonald said.

"Maybe you should see Madame Pomfrey about getting your eyes checked," Lily said, and Macdonald giggled. "I swear, if Cassie does start dating Black I am going to scream. She can do so much better."

"Sirius isn't th-that bad," Remus argued, finally unable to stop himself from speaking up for his friend. "He's a great g-guy. And surely even y-you have to admit his hair is nice."

Lily pulled a face. "I su _ppose_."

Macdonald grinned. "His hair is gorgeous. I wish mine looked that good! And his eyelashes are so long."

She looked dreamily down the table as Sirius bent in to whisper something in Inkwood's ear, causing her to shriek and smack him while he laughed. His grey eyes were lit up and his smile was broad, obviously enjoying whatever discussion they were having. Remus felt a bit of a twist in his stomach, not feeling very hungry anymore.

Suddenly Colgate was sitting down next to Remus, dropping her plate down. "They're being annoying," she explained irritably.

"Flirting that much?" Lily inquired. Colgate stuck her tongue out, gagging loudly.

"Weren't you c-calling them a cute couple j-just the other day?" Remus asked.

Colgate pushed her glasses up, exchanging awkward glances with Lily. "I did, yeah," she admitted. "But just because they'd make a cute couple doesn't mean I want to sit there listening to them flirting."

She wasn't alone in her thoughts, because within a minute James and Peter moved down the table too, both of them complaining about Sirius and Inkwood.

"Is it that b-bad?" Remus asked, his heart sinking and his stomach churning. He watched the pair who obviously didn't care they had been abandoned by everyone else.

"Worse," grumbled Peter, settling in on Remus's other side, and James next to him.

"What will you do if they end up seeing each other?" Lily asked James.

James paused, fork halfway to his mouth. "Congratulate them?" He shrugged and popped the food in his mouth. "If he wants to date her, that's his choice," he added after swallowing. "I'd be happy for'em."

Remus poked at the food on his plate. He hoped he'd be able to be convincing enough if he had to congratulate Sirius for getting a girlfriend. He knew he should be happy at the thought of his friend dating but it made him uncomfortable and miserable and lonely. Which was ridiculous. Sirius having a girlfriend didn't mean they couldn't be friends. Yet it still gave him a nagging feeling somewhere deep inside. He wanted to go down and pull Inkwood away from him. He didn't want Sirius to have a girlfriend.

And he didn't know why he felt that way.

He considered the idea of James having a girlfriend. Or Peter. And it didn't bother him as much. He tried to convince himself it bothered him, but deep down he knew it was only Sirius that caused this anxiety. But why?

Remus kept staring at his plate, not hearing the voices around him anymore. He thought of the way Sirius made him feel. Warm, and content, and happy, and... sometimes squirmy... and fluttery inside. In a way James and Peter and Lily and Aegis did not. Why just Sirius? Because he comforted Remus in the night when he had his nightmares?

Remus began breathing heavily, fear taking over. Why _did_ he feel this way about _Sirius_? Why did the idea of _Sirius_ getting a girlfriend upset him, but not the thought of any of his other friends?

Then, without bidding, an image flashed through his head. The image was of the other night when he thought about kissing a boy, but it wasn't just any boy, it was Sirius.

Remus shoved his plate away, scrambling to his feet. He tripped on the bench, crashing painfully to the floor. Everyone was staring at him. Peter twisted around, reaching down to help Remus up.

"Fine!" he panted out, pushing away from Peter. "Just a—a thought—um, I need to—uh—need..." He didn't know what to say. Even Sirius and Inkwood were watching him, as well as a lot of other students. Blushing, he got to his feet. "Had an idea for—for the Astronomy assignment. I need to—yeah. Write it down." He hesitated, then fled the Great Hall, humiliated. Argh, what a weak, dumb excuse! But he had to get away from everyone's eyes. Had to get away from Sirius's gaze. Had to get away from that horrible, awful, miserable thought of—of—

"Hey! No running in the halls!" a prefect shouted as Remus dashed past her.

Remus didn't stop to listen, couldn't stop, because stopping meant _those_ thoughts might come back. He ignored her taking points away from Gryffindor and just kept running, going down hidden passageways to try to avoid anyone else that might take points off. Whenever he stopped running his brain caught up with him and started thinking things again so he just ran, and ran, up stairs, down stairs, watching the floor, the walls, his feet. He tripped multiple times and ran into corners, bumping, bruising, scraping. The wounds faded though there was blood still smeared on his hands from the healed scrapes.

He kept going until he tripped and was too wiped to get back up off the floor. He lay in the darkness of the secret passage, staring at the ceiling, chest rising and falling as he breathed hard. He didn't understand why his brain was _thinking_ those things. About boys. Kissing boys. Why it felt—

He groaned and rolled on his side, curling into a fetal position. _It doesn't mean anything_ , he reasoned with himself. _You always have thoughts that are irrational and aren't really what you want or_ _think!_ Like sometimes on the top of the Astronomy tower when he got the urge to jump, or when he thought about sticking his hand into fire, or weird, intrusive thoughts like that he had no control over.

It didn't explain the fluttery, warm feelings he sometimes felt (those probably had nothing to do with it anyway, it was too much like anxiety to really be anything else, right?) but it helped enough that he could sit upright. He examined his hands and tried to wipe the blood off on his trousers before getting up.

_It was just one of those irrational, unfounded, unwanted thoughts_. He slowly nodded to himself, latching onto that probability like a life preserver in the middle of an ocean.

Then, _Oh, Merlin, I acted like a complete fool_! He rubbed his forehead miserably, knowing his friends would be worried. He had no idea even what time it was, how long he had been running. Why couldn't he have realized his thoughts were absurd earlier, when he first had them? Save him the embarrassment of just running out of the room like that. Why couldn't he have been _logical_?

_Probably because they just ambushed me out of nowhere, and frightened me_ , he thought as he walked. He hadn't been prepared for such... unwelcome... meddlesome... random thoughts that meant absolutely nothing. Therefore when they hit him, he panicked. Now he'd be better prepared if they ever happened again.


	63. Chapter Sixty-Three - Malfoy's New Look

Miraculously, Remus managed to get away with the lie he had told. All his friends assumed that yes, inspiration _had_ just struck him and he needed to run off to work on an essay. He wasn't sure what that said about him, but at least they accepted it even if they teased him.

The rest of the weekend was very cold and windy which meant James's Sunday practice was _awful_. It wasn't as bad as deep winter but Sirius, Peter, and Remus huddled together with Remus's blue flames to keep them warm. Sirius was squashed in the middle, and Remus felt uncomfortably aware of his arm and leg pressed against Sirius's arm and leg. Whenever weirdness tried to rear its ugly head he squashed it back down, determined to just ignore it.

If he ignored it, it'd go away. Especially since they weren't _really_ his thoughts.

However the _feelings_ part... that he wasn't so sure of. They obviously didn't mean anything either, but what did they mean? He couldn't be ill since he couldn't _get_ ill, but perhaps it was some new form of anxiety? Maybe knowing that Sirius knew gave him weird anxiety? Though, he had been having the fluttery feeling since _before_ he knew Sirius knew, and he didn't feel fluttery with James or Peter.

 _Nonono!_ he thought fiercely, staring intently at James flying around. _Don't think about it, forget about it, it's nothing_.

Besides, he had more important things to focus on. Like the fact the pre-Christmas Holidays exams were coming up in a couple weeks. He wasn't anywhere _near_ as worried about them as he had been in his first year, since he now knew they weren't too difficult. But not being too difficult didn't mean slacking! He needed to be fully prepared, which meant a lot of studying. In addition he knew the other Marauders... well, James and Sirius wanted to pull a big prank at the feast on the last day before everyone left for the holidays.

They didn't have anything concrete yet, except James really wanted to dump thousands of jumping mushrooms on everyone but he knew he didn't have quite enough to purchase enough to make it a funny enough prank. Remus knew part of their afternoon plans included going through the potions book to find one they could brew in time and also be good.

 _Plus_ they were going to pull off several 'revenges' during the week. They had stuff planned for Mulciber and Avery, as well as getting Malfoy with the water balloon full of hair changing potion. James had ordered some since they barely had any left and it had come in the day before.

So, he had plenty to worry about besides... _that_. And he wasn't going to worry about it. Because it didn't mean anything. Just anxiety. That's all it was. That's all it had to be because there was nothing else it could be, because why would someone make Remus feel _this_ way? Why just _one_ person? Why just _Sirius_? It made no sense, so he'd forget about it. Completely. Just ignore it.

Because it didn't mean anything.

*

Remus didn't get much sleep Sunday night. He kept waking up feeling hot and sweaty, and _very_ uncomfortable. It was the same sensation he had had the previous Sunday. Was something going on with Sundays?! Were they cursed for him now, giving him bizarre dreams? He wound up taking off his pajamas and just sleeping in his underwear, finally managing to get _some_ sleep. Naturally he was quite grouchy come morning, tired and miserable. His friends were all in fairly cheery moods which made him crosser. And when they went to Potions, Remus felt even worse and considered just trying to break his own leg to get out of class. The room... _stank_. He covered his nose, gagging quietly as he made his way to his seat. The stench was noticeable even for the human noses.

" _Ooof_!" Sirius flapped his hand in front of his nose. "Oi, Snivellus, did you take your shoes off again?"

Snape scowled, several students giggled, and Lily shot Sirius a vicious look. "Here I thought you forgot to get a shower again," she said to Sirius, causing more giggles.

Sirius just smiled. "Unlike _some_ people..."—here he glanced pointedly at Snape—"I know how to wash up."

"Then why don't you take your own advice and wash your mouth out," Lily spat.

Slughorn came out of the storeroom so everyone fell quiet, though Sirius and Lily kept glaring at each other. Slughorn clapped his hands and began talking, mostly about the pots of pinkish flowers on his desk which were emitting the stink. They were carrion flowers, smelling of rotting flesh. They were very important ingredients in some potions, and he wanted everyone to learn the proper way of handling them, cutting them up, etc, etc.

Then he handed out masks that were magicked to filter the scents out. Remus stared at the one in front of him then slowly tied it on. Immediately most the scents dissipated, leaving a vague sort of flowery scent. He slowly lowered his hands, heart pounding. Could he... wear this for every class? It'd be odd. He knew he'd be getting weird looks if he wore the cover around his lower face every single class. Could he potentially claim... allergies or something? Or even say he did have a 'bit' of a sensitive nose? Would it be feasible? He could still smell the carrion scent very vaguely, but everyone else seemed to be completely fine.

But as Slughorn began setting out the pots, the flowery scent started giving Remus a little bit of a headache. It was... strong, and in his nose. At first it hadn't been bad but constantly breathing it in was making him feel nauseated. It became cloying, and intense, and made him almost as sick as the carrion stench had. He blinked back tears as Slughorn showed them how to carefully cut the petals and leaves.

The class was split into pairs since Slughorn didn't have enough plants for every single student, and they could choose their partners. Remus was, as usual, with Sirius who leaned over to whisper to James about using the petals in a prank sometime. James nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly.

Remus and Sirius began carefully removing the petals from the plant as per Slughorn's instructions. There were loud squeals and gags from around the room as students cut them off since the petals felt almost... flesh-like.

"EWWW!" Sirius held a petal up, wriggling it. "It's like a slice of skin."

Remus, who had actual experience with dealing with bits of flesh, had to silently agree. It was disgusting. This was one of the most disgusting plants he had ever come across. Once each student had three of the six petals set carefully on wax paper Slughorn showed them the best way to remove the leaves, which were bunched up together and tied at the stems. He explained the leaves had to be dried out before they were any use for potions. Then they returned to the petals, cutting them into thin strips before putting them in jars.

Slughorn went around, examining the bunches of leaves and jars of petal strips, making sure everyone had done everything correctly. Remus hunched forward, feeling sicker and sicker and finally had to raise his hand to be excused to the bathroom. He walked calmly out then ran to the nearest loo, ripping the flowery mask off and taking in deep gulping breaths of air. _Even if they're pleasant, strong scents right in my nose... not_ _good_ , he thought, slumping down as he breathed slowly in and out.

He rubbed at his temples till the on-off headache faded then returned to the Potions classroom, putting the mask back on at the door. His headache returned immediately.

He suffered through the rest of class since they continued learning about the flower. Slughorn had dried leaves and dried petal strips and he showed them how to cut, crush, powder, etc. Then they made a quick, simple potion that only took about half an hour to complete using the powdered petal.

The students all left their masks on the desks then filed out. Remus was very glad to be away from all of that, though the lingering scent of the flowers was on all their clothes. He wasn't sure if his friends could smell it or not, so he didn't bring it up. Then he remembered they knew he was a werewolf, and knew he had a sensitive nose, and so he could ask them—once they were alone.

"No?" James asked, sniffing at his sleeve.

"Nah, I can't smell it either," Peter said.

"Me either," said Sirius. "You can still?"

"A bit," Remus admitted awkwardly. Then, since Sirius made a comment about the mask helping, he shook his head. "The smell was so strong and right in my nose it made me feel kinda sick." He still wasn't feeling great and was very tempted to just go to the hospital wing, but he hated missing more than he already would. Besides, he doubted Pomfrey would accept him not feeling well.

Professor Flitwick seemed to be thinking about the upcoming exams, as he lectured quite a bit, going over a lot of stuff they had learned that year so far. Remus took tons of notes and fought off several yawns. After class he trudged out, rubbing one of his eyes and debating skipping lunch so he could take a nap, when he noticed Peter looking very down.

He wasn't the only one. "What's wrong?" James asked, smacking Pete's back.

"It's just so much to remember!" Peter mumbled, clutching at his satchel. "Why did he give us all of that out of nowhere?"

"Probably for the exams coming up," Remus said, then yawned loudly.

"Exams?" Peter paled. "I—I forgot all about those!"

Sirius elbowed him. "How did you forget? We _always_ have exams before the holidays!"

Peter stuck his lower lip out. "I know, I just for _got_! Ugh, I'm going to fail. I don't remember hardly anything he even said there."

"I'll copy my notes for you," Remus said, sighing when James and Sirius both gave him puppy dog eyes. "You two too. I'll help."

James snorted. "Tutu."

"You lot should be grateful," said Lily, interjecting herself into the conversation since she was passing by with Colgate and Inkwood, the latter of which immediately began smiling at Sirius. "Having someone like Remus to help you. Without him you'd probably fail... considering how little you pay attention."

"We are _extremely_ grateful!" Sirius exclaimed then dropped to his knees, grabbing Remus's hands. "Oh Great and Mighty Remus, how we praise thee for your brain!"

Inkwood looked unhappy that Sirius wasn't paying any attention to her, while Remus turned red since Sirius's rather loud proclamation drew the attention of all the other second year Gryffindors and a few other passing students.

"Get up," Remus muttered, trying to tug his hands free of Sirius’s tight grip.

"YOUR BRILLIANCE IS NEVER ENDING, YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF ETERNAL INTELLECT!"

" _Shut up_!"

"YOU ARE PROMETHEUS BLESSING US WITH THE FLAMES OF KNOWLEDGE!"

Remus finally managed to yank his hands away and stumbled back, nearly falling over, face glowing with embarrassment. James, Peter, and several other students were laughing while Sirius flailed on the ground insisting he was nothing more than an ant compared to Remus. Then he fell still, grinning up at Lily, the only one besides Remus not laughing, her arms folded.

"How was that?" he asked.

She glowered at him, though her lips were twitching a little; she was obviously trying not to show her amusement. "Annoying."

He jumped to his feet and took a bow while the other students clapped. Inkwood looked a little stiff though.

"I'm a bit surprised you know about Prometheus though!" Lily said, in a teasing manner.

Sirius shrugged, pushing his hair back then immediately smoothing it down. "Awww, well, a lot of Purebloods know about myths. A lot of us are named after them. Like Remus," he added with a big smile, turning to Remus. Then suddenly it was if he realized Remus's name. His eyes went wide and his grin faded a little. Remus looked away, still red from the display earlier. "Though my family prefers the celestial heavens," Sirius added quickly.

"You certainly don't act very heavenly," Lily said.

Sirius fluttered his eyelashes. "I'm named after the dog star, seems fitting to roll around and cause a ruckus."

Lily couldn't hold it in anymore and she began laughing, shaking her head. "You are impossible, both of you. Come on, girls."

"Bye Sirius!" Inkwood called as she left.

"See ya, Cassie," Sirius replied. He whirled back around, half-grinning still. "Come on, boys," he said in the same sort of voice Lily had used. They went off but the second they were down a side corridor away from people Sirius stopped and turned to face Remus who suspected what was about to be said. "Remus—"

"I know."

"Your name—"

" _Yes_ , I know."

"What about his name?" Peter asked.

" _Remus_!" James said, smacking himself on the forehead. "I didn't even connect it at first!"

"Yes, I know!" Remus whined, hunching his shoulders.

"I don't get it," Peter complained.

"In Roman mythology Romulus and Remus were raised by a wolf," James explained quietly.

Remus closed his eyes, the old familiar dislike of his name flaring up. "Lupin is also related to wolves. Lupus is Latin for wolf. Lupine is another word used for... wolfish related things."

"So your name...?" Peter stared at Remus.

"Basically is Wolfy McWolf," he grumbled, ducking his head so his hair covered his eyes. "I mean, not quite, but bloody well close _enough_."

Sirius snickered, very slightly. "I'm not meaning to," he said when Remus glared. "It's just... ironic."

He made a face, turning away, irritated; he hadn't had a great night or morning and now he was even grumpier.

"Um, anyway, with what we were talking about ages ago," Peter said, stepping closer to Remus, "if you're willing to help I'd be really thankful."

He was changing the subject, and that made Remus feel at least a little better. He promised he was willing, and they agreed to go over things during their free period after lunch. After, of course, they (hopefully) succeeded in getting Malfoy with the hair color changing stuff. Remus slept through most of lunch, waking up when his friends shook him at fifteen till one. He grabbed a sandwich to eat while they hid down a side corridor, filling up three balloons with the potion.

"Everyone know the plan?" James asked as Sirius tied off the last balloon.

"It's not exactly complicated," Sirius pointed out and James glared.

"Um, I can't remember," Peter said, tapping his chin. "Let's see, the three of us are... going to... stand there... and... throw the balloons?"

"Shut up," James grumbled, looking embarrassed.

"I'm not sure," Remus snickered. "Oh, are we going to say 'hey look out there's a balloon coming your way'?"

"Stop it!"

Sirius, Peter, and Remus dissolved into giggles at the sight of James's irritated face. "Better hurry up," Sirius said.

James put the invisibility cloak on. It was a big risk doing this, but they didn't want to just rinse and repeat the bucket of slimy slugs prank. They headed back out, everyone getting in their positions. James was extra hidden behind a nearby statue while the other three chattered about various things until they saw Malfoy coming down the stairs. Then Sirius and Peter got into a fake wrestling match, Sirius putting Peter into a headlock, the two of them spinning around and causing a 'roadblock'. Malfoy was forced to stop, a disgusted look on his face.

"Honestly, it's worse than chimpanzees!" he sneered before sidestepping to go around. Beyond him, Remus saw James's brown hand appearing out of thin air holding a balloon. For a brief second his heart skipped a beat as he thought _there’s no way this will work_! Then James lobbed the balloon.

Remus tried not to noticeably watch as it sailed through the air and hit Malfoy's back. He stumbled forward, shouting in fury, as another balloon hit. This one smacked right on the back of his head, and was followed by a third one.

Malfoy spun around and Remus covered his mouth, seeing those white-blonde locks that were now tie-dyed pink, blue, and purple. The bottom half of his ponytail was pure, vivid pink until it began mixing in with the other colors higher up and the top of his head was just the blue and purple splotched together.

"WHO THREW THAT?!" he screamed.

Sirius and Peter backed up, closer to Remus, all of them trying not to laugh. Other students were laughing though, so the three Marauders caved in.

" _WHO—THREW—THOSE_?!" He whirled back around, touching his hair then looking at his finger. "Water," he sneered, not realizing the liquid on his fingers had actually changed his hair color.

"Malfoy! Nice hair!" someone shouted and Malfoy looked bewildered then grabbed his ponytail, pulling it over his shoulder. His grey eyes went enormous as rage flooded his face. He began screaming, demanding again to know who did this.

One of the teachers had come out of the Great Hall and, seeing the commotion, went down the stairs. Remus didn't recognize who the teacher was, a much older man, who was rather round though not as rotund as Slughorn. "What's going on?"

"Professor, someone threw..." Malfoy stooped down, picking up the bits of rubber, "I believe water balloons at me. It _—_ it destroyed my hair! Look!" He pointed at his head and the teachers glanced up.

"I see," he said.

Malfoy stared in disbelief. "I see? _I see_? Is that all you have to say!"

"Who did this?" the teacher asked.

"I don't know." Malfoy scanned the entrance hall, eyes landing on the three Marauders. "Black!"

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Hey, you got my name right. Congratulations! Do you want a prize?"

Malfoy marched over, and Sirius stood his ground. "You did this!" Malfoy grabbed Sirius's upper arm, yanking him forward.

Sirius just smiled. "Wish I could say that I did. It's a good look on you."

Malfoy's lip curled back in a sneer but the teacher came over, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Mr. Malfoy, please refrain from attacking another student."

Malfoy let go, though still fumed. "He attacked me first."

"Did anyone see who attacked Mr. Malfoy?" the teacher asked and everyone shook their heads, a few students saying it hadn't been Sirius since Sirius had been wrestling with Peter at the time, and someone else said they had been facing Malfoy when it happened and they hadn't seen anyone throw the balloons. Since several people stated they had witnessed Sirius and Peter in _front_ of Malfoy, the teacher decided Sirius was innocent. Malfoy looked _very_ enraged about this, but didn't argue. "You'd best get to class," the teacher said.

"Class? I can't go to class looking like this!" Malfoy said then he finally realized everyone was staring at his hair. Furiously he yanked his robes hood up to cover the shame.

The teacher frowned. "You're not exactly having an emergency. If you wish to skip class, you'll get in trouble."

"Professor Talkalot, surely you can write me an excuse note," Malfoy said in a pleasant, kiss-butt sort of tone.

"I'll do no such thing. Dyed hair is no excuse to miss class. And I'll be sure to tell Professor Sprout why you're missing her class this afternoon if you choose to do so."

Malfoy looked ready to _explode_ now, and Sirius decided they should probably go. He began dragging Remus and Peter off, heading down the corridor that he hoped James had hid out in. They went into a secret stairwell where James was sitting, laughing so hard he had tears rolling down his cheeks. Sirius collapsed next to him, laughing too. They exchanged high fives.

"What I wouldn't give for a photo!" Sirius shrieked, slapping his thigh.

"How much?" Peter asked, pulling his camera out of his pocket.

Sirius's mouth formed a huge 'O'. "No!"

"Yes."

"You didn't!"

"I did!" Peter giggled. "I snuck a picture!"

"When?" Remus asked, not remembering seeing Peter ever having his camera out.

Pete shrugged, tucking the camera back in. "When he started talking to the teacher. I got a couple."

James bounced to his feet, wrapping his arms around Peter and spinning him around. "You're a bloody genius, you are!" James exclaimed and Peter flushed pink, very pleased.

Peter developed the pictures before supper, making multiple copies. The Marauders all had a good laugh, and Remus took copies of it with him to Study Group. Everyone who hadn't been in the entrance hall for the prank had heard about it and pretty much everyone in the group was amused, especially Aegis. As soon as the session ended Remus reached out towards Aegis, asking him to stay a bit longer. He looked puzzled but sat back down. After everyone left Remus took the copies of the photos and slid them over.

Aegis clamped a hand over his mouth to prevent himself from busting out laughing. He made muffled sounds, bending forward to press his face against the table, shoulders shaking.

"You d-d—didn't!" he finally managed to wheeze, glancing up with teary eyes, face pink.

"James did," Remus whispered.

"Oh, oh this is... oh." He wiped his eyes then pulled the photos close. "To be honest the colors do not look terrible, but knowing how much it irritates him makes it... glorious." He hugged the pictures to his chest, grinning. "Thank you."

"Peter took the photos."

"Tell Mr. Pettigrew he is a saint," Aegis said. "Mr. Potter did the color thing?"

"Yes. Well, Sirius and Peter provided a d-distraction. It was Sirius's idea to use the potion that changes hair color, and James's idea to do it with water balloons," he explained, doubting his friends would be too fussed about him sharing the prank with Aegis. He knew Aegis wouldn't tell anyone and that it would give him a lot of joy.

He was looking at the photos again. "Did he do something to you four?"

"Hmm?"

"Why you did this," he answered. Remus coughed, looking down at his books in front of him. He began carefully prodding them to form a neater stack. "Remus?"

"Malfoy's a git," Remus replied, not looking at his friend and feeling Aegis's eyes boring into him. "Do we n-need a reason?" He tugged at a scrap of paper partially hanging out of a book, then began putting the books in the satchel. Aegis remained silent, eyes locked on. "All right, it was my idea," Remus admitted. "I suggested we prank him a—a week ago, after I found you in the passage."

Aegis sighed, carefully tucking the photos into one of his books then putting his books away. "I suspected as much."

"We figured if we did it publicly he couldn't blame you," Remus mumbled.

"Did you tell your friends he had been harassing me?" Aegis asked rather stiffly.

"No!" Remus promised. "I just said we had to be c-careful since it seemed like Malfoy especially disliked you, that's all. I p-promise I haven't told them that he's been bullying you."

Aegis searched Remus's eyes then nodded. "I believe you."

"I'm sorry—"

"It is all right. I suppose Mr. Black—well, in any case, it isn't exactly a secret Malfoy dislikes me. It's just embarrassing to think anyone has talked about me like that."

"I know. I'd never."

"I know," Aegis promised, smiling again. "And thank you. Truly. That was quite a prank, and hit him where it counts. And I very much so appreciate the photos since I didn't get a chance to see it in person." He shook his head, very pleased. "You know when we first started talking in Study Group I was under the assumption you were a quiet sort of... innocent who would never dare to cause trouble."

Remus smiled, thinking back to how he had been at the beginning of his first year. "I was, at the time," he admitted. "I was terrified of causing any sort of trouble."

"You have changed a lot since we started school. In a good way," Aegis added.

"I—th-thank you, I... I'm glad to hear that," he said, knowing he _had_ changed a lot. He wondered if he'd even recognize himself in another year.

He also wondered what he'd be like after a year of having friends who knew the truth...!


	64. Chapter Sixty-Four - It's Just Allergies, Okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internalized homophobia in this chapter

"Has anyone come with you this time?"

Fawley's voice hit him the second he opened the door, though she didn't sound angry. Only curious.

"No ma'am," he said, shutting the door behind him. "Sirius has been studying books on Occlumency and Legilimency though. He's taking it..." Remus trailed off awkwardly.

Fawley smirked. "Seriously?"

Remus snorted, ducking his head. "Yes ma'am," he said, somehow managing not to laugh. He crossed the room and sat down on the couch. Things felt okay, this time. She wasn't giving off an angry aura and didn't sound tense or annoyed. "How... have you been...?"

"I've been well, thank you," she said, twisting her cane around. "I've thought a lot about things in the past two weeks. I want to make sure you understand..." Remus winced, expecting her to say something about being careful, or watching his friends, or whatever. "... how happy I am that you have such loyal friends."

"You... are?"

Fawley nodded. "I am. I know I haven't seemed it, and I still don't think it's safe that they know, however I also think it's not as terrible as I initially assumed. How have things been for you? How did last week go?"

Remus smiled now. "I like it when it's two nights, although the second night was so cloudy I didn't change."

Miss Fawley settled back against the couch. "I know those are very rough. Morrigan always told me she preferred it when she transformed to the nights she didn't."

Remus sat very still. Miss Fawley never talked about her sister, not like this. The only times she mentioned her were in tandem with warnings about the Black family.

"Did she have n-nightmares too?" he whispered, afraid to ask, afraid of upsetting her.

Fawley's face softened. "Not like you do," she said and Remus twitched. "Though on the clouded full moon nights she said she was plagued by awful night terrors any time she tried to sleep. They didn't... really affect her outside those nights, not like you, but... I know they were horrible on those nights."

"They are bad," Remus agreed, feeling strange that regular nightmares weren't something that happened to all werewolves. He wanted to ask more—ached with curiosity about other werewolves—but Fawley was shaking her head, suggesting they start.

The session didn't go amazing but it wasn't too terrible. He still managed the wet paper towel barrier that didn't take much to push through, and he had a vicious headache as seven o'clock approached. He also felt the slight jealousy of Sirius rise up again which he did his best to tamp down.

The final memory they went through was the other night, when Remus panicked from his intrusive thoughts and went running all over the school. Fawley couldn't see his actual thoughts, couldn't see what had been going on in his head, so when they emerged from the memory she gave him a very curious look. From the outsider perspective it looked like he freaked out over nothing.

"I... ahh..." How could he explain? He didn't want to share the horribly weird thoughts that had popped into his head at that moment. He was very glad Occlumency didn't seem to dredge up random thoughts, like the image he had had of him and Sirius kissing— _nonono don't, DON'T THINK ABOUT IT_! He swallowed, then began talking again. "I got sc—scared. It's still difficult... for me to deal with the, um, fact, the fact they know." He tugged at his sleeve, hoping that sounded believable.

Obviously it did because she nodded. "I imagine it will take you a while."

He tried not to breathe out a sigh of relief, and wondered what she'd say if she knew the truth. She would probably be absolutely disgusted, never wanting to be in the same room as Remus again. Even though it wasn't his fault, he didn't _want_ those thoughts. Or the feelings. Not that he understood the feelings one bit. It wasn't until after he left the classroom that he thought maybe he should have asked Fawley about the weird feelings he sometimes got. Surely there was something... _wrong_.

He thought about it for the rest of the evening, distracted from his homework, and the next morning he woke up early. Normally he slept in on Wednesday but this time he woke up for when most students went to breakfast, getting dressed while his friends slept, and heading to the Great Hall hoping...

And there she was.

Remus went over, sitting next to Lily. She was reading a book, shoveling cereal into her mouth, and looking rather tired. She jumped a little when he sat down then smiled, setting her book down. "You're usually not at breakfast on Wednesdays," she said.

He shook his head as he piled bacon and potatoes on his plate. "I couldn't sleep very well."

"I'm sorry."

He shrugged, nibbling at the bacon, trying to figure the best way to ask the question that had been bothering him; the question that he _hoped_ she might be able to help with.... "I haven't been feeling great."

Her eyes went wide at that and she began frowning. "Do you need to go see Pomfrey again? So soon?"

"No. I mean, I—I don't _think_ so," he said slowly. "It feels... different. It's different. Not sure what's wrong."

"Can I feel your forehead?" she asked and he mumbled his consent, her cool hand pressing against his head. "I don't think you have a fever..."

"Sometimes I feel really hot," he said as her hand dropped away. "And my stomach feels... weird."

"Maybe you've come down with a bug?"

"I don't... think so. It comes and goes. I feel..." He searched for the right word, not even sure if she'd even be able to help. "I feel _weird_. It's not quite a stomachache though. It's more like... a fluttering feeling in my stomach? And my heart rate certainly goes up." Now Lily was looking at him funny. "It feels a _lot_ like anxiety. Like, a lot. Sometimes I get sweaty, but it's not always connected to when I get hot, and—"

"Remus?"

"—I just—yes?"

She was smirking, propping her elbow on the table with her chin resting on her hand. "You said the feeling comes and goes?"

"Yes."

"It's like when you eat gummy butterflies and you get that feeling in your stomach?"

Remus snapped his fingers. " _Yes_ , that's a good description."

"You get excited, and dizzy, and warm?"

"Yes, I said—"

She began giggling. "Oh _Remus_!"

"What?"

She folded her arms, dropping her head down, giggling hard. "Poor Remus!"

"What?!"

"Surely you've had to notice you only feel that way around a certain person, right?"

Remus drew in a sharp breath. Of course he had, he just couldn't figure out what it _meant_. "I suppose. Why? Could I be allergic to them?" That sounded absolutely preposterous! He couldn't be allergic to Sirius, could he? Could werewolves even _get_ allergies?

Lily just burst into very loud laughter that peeled through the Great Hall, getting a lot of attention. Even some of the teachers looked down. She covered her mouth to try to muffle the sounds before grabbing Remus's hand, pulling him out of the room, down to the entrance hall, down a side corridor, and into a storage room where she began laughing again.

"Lily, what in Merlin's name—"

" _Remus_!" she wheezed, doubled over, arms around her middle. "You're not bloody _allergic_ , you've got a _crush_!"

Remus stared at her in disbelief. Then he started laughing. "What? No! That's—that's ridiculous! I can't—oh, no, I—I think you've misunderstood the situation!"

Lily took in a deep breath, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "I doubt it! Everything you said points to a crush."

"I can't, though!" he said, the amusement dying from his voice.

That was completely wrong! How could she even assume...?

"Why not?"

"I can't have a crush on—" He stopped, biting his bottom lip.

Lily's eyes shone. "On? Come on, who is she? You can tell me! I won't say a word, I promise!"

_She_.

Remus swallowed, taking a step back, body trembling. Crush? Like—like boys liking girls? And girls liking boys?

_She_.

He couldn't...

"Remus?"

"You've... certainly misunderstood... what I said," he forced out slowly, trying not to freak out, trying not to _totally freak out_ because she was wrong, because he couldn't have a crush on—

_She_.

Of course, Lily would say that, because he should have a crush on a _she_. If he got a crush on anyone it should be Lily, or—or Colgate, or Buckling, or some girl, some nice, cute girl with breasts and—and other—girly—not boy.

Lily was talking, saying the symptoms he had told her, pointing out he even said it was around one person, telling him these were all signs of a crush. Then she was saying other things he never once mentioned, things about feeling awkward when they came into contact, how could she know that? How could she possibly know Sirius's touch made him all wobbly? And then she talked about jealousy, asking if this girl was talking to some other boy, and he shook his head, not wanting to hear another word, trying not to think of the betrayed feelings he got whenever he saw Sirius and Inkwood flirting.

"You're wrong," he said, sounding as hollow as he felt. "There isn't anyone else involved. I never said there was. I only said I supposed, but I—it's not, it's... nothing. I'm probably coming down with something."

Except the fact he _couldn't_ be coming down with anything.

Lily folded her arms, raising an eyebrow. "Don't be silly. There's nothing wrong with having a crush on someone. Who is it though?"

"Nobody, there—there's nobody." He began backing up, heart pounding heavily in his chest, palms getting prickly. "Mistaken, that's all."

"Remus—"

He felt the urge to run, like he always did when he began panicking. He wanted to run and hide, to bury himself from her words, from her—accusations. Not that she meant them to be accusations, obviously boys his age developed crushes... just on _girls_ not _boys_ not _Sirius._

He jumped when he felt her hand on his arm.

"Are you all right?" she asked, worried.

"Yes," he said, voice sounding very funny. "Maybe. No, I—I think I do need to see Madame Pomfrey, I think I am sick."

"It's okay to feel—"

"I—I'll see you later."

He left the storeroom, ignoring her calling his name, just walking as fast as he could, running his fingers through his hair, leaving it sticking out every which way like James always did.

_Crush_.

That wasn't possible. Sirius wasn't...

_Remus_ wasn't...!!!

He began walking a little faster, everything blurring around him. He went to the hospital wing, shoving the doors open, eyes darting around for Pomfrey. She came out of her office at the sound of the doors open then hesitated when she saw who it was.

"I don't feel well," he said, standing there, arms stiff at his sides.

Pomfrey glanced around then came over closer. "What's the matter?"

_Lily's saying stuff that can't be true, that's the matter_! "I—I don't feel good," he said again. "Stomach. Chest."

She guided him over to a bed and he sat on the edge as she ran diagnostic spells. "You usually don't get sick, Remus. What happened? Is it like what happened last month? Have you had another... shock?"

He wanted to laugh again.

A shock? Bloody _hell_ , he doubted anyone could have a bigger shock than being told they had a crush on their _male best friend_! Even if it was wrong, because it had to be wrong, because it _was_ wrong, it was wrong for wizards to like wizards, history said so, everyone said so, it was wrong, and he couldn't because it was wrong, and Lily was just blowing everything out of proportion.

"Your heart rate and blood pressure are higher than normal," Pomfrey said, "however I don't see anything else wrong."

He stared blankly at her. How could she not find anything else wrong when there was obviously something _very_ wrong? It felt like there was poison seeping through his veins, burning his skin. He wanted to rip his shirt off to show her the gaping hole that had to be in his chest.

"I don't feel well." He pushed himself farther back on the bed, digging his fingers into the sheets.

"Are you... wanting to skip class?"

"Yes please," he said right away without another thought because even though, no, he didn't want to miss class he couldn't bear to see Sirius anytime soon.

He couldn't do it.

He wished this had happened closer to the holidays, closer to him being able to be away. He wanted to be away. Far away. But he still had a couple weeks before that happened, still had the pre-holiday exams, still had to deal with... what Lily said... and then seeing Sirius...

"That isn't like you," Pomfrey said, scanning his face. "You must really not be feeling well to not want to go to class."

"Please," he whispered, curling his hands into fists. "Please, Madame Pomfrey, I d-don't feel good, I just—I don't... I can't go to class today, I don't feel good." Lily’s words, her lies slithered around like icy snakes.

"You look very pale," Pomfrey murmured, and retook his temperature. "You're shaking too. Perhaps it would be best to rest here awhile. You don't have class until eleven, right? We'll see how you feel when it gets closer to class."

"Can I go to th-the room?" Remus whispered, glancing over at the door. "I—I don't w-want visitors."

Pomfrey hesitated then frowned. "No, that's only for when you're at your worst."

"Wh-what d—difference does it make?" he muttered. But he slid back until he was lying on the bed, reaching down to take his shoes off and letting them drop over the edge of the bed. His hands were trembling so hard it took him several attempts to undo the shoelaces. He wriggled under the soft grey blanket then lay down, pressing his cheek against the pillow, and staring at the curtains that Pomfrey shut around him.

This wasn't fair. Why did this have to happen?! He was still dealing with the fact his friends knew, it wasn't _fair_ to have something else thrown at him! Something else to wrap itself around his brain and lungs and squeeze everything out of him, something else to shove him down into the freezing arctic waters to drown. Why would the fates _do_ this to him?! Wasn't it enough to be cursed? To be reviled and hated, to have to keep himself secret and quiet, terrified every waking moment he'd be found out, then—THEN!—on TOP of it all to do _this_ to him?!

He could _not_ have a crush on a boy, much less his best friend.

It was cruel. Beyond cruel.

He whimpered and curled up into a ball, wishing he could reach into his brain and pluck these thoughts out of his head, throw them on the ground, and grind them into dust. He didn't _want_ them! It wasn't _right_ to like a boy like that! To feel... to have a _crush_!

_Maybe it's not a crush._ He wrapped the blanket tight around him, feeling better with the enclosed tightness surrounding his body. He was tempted to go under the bed. _But then what would it be? Could Lily have gotten it wrong?_ She seemed pretty adamant about the symptoms. Maybe it _was_ just... a mutated version of anxiety?

Then his entire body froze as he heard the doors open and familiar voices echoing through the room. _No_. They were here a lot quicker than he anticipated. He didn't dare move, didn't _breathe_.

"Remus!" Sirius called out, his voice slicing right into Remus's heart. "You in here? Evans said you were!"

"Maybe behind that curtain?" Peter asked.

Remus stared at the closed curtains, feeling on the verge of vomiting, and he heard them get closer then—

"Stop right there!" Pomfrey snapped. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Looking for Remus," said James sweetly.

"You do _not_ go looking behind curtains in the hospital wing," she said ferociously. "That is a severe violation of privacy and if you try again I will report you to Minerva!"

"It's the only bed with curtains around it," Sirius said, audibly annoyed. "He's in there."

"It doesn't matter who is in here, it's a violation of privacy and I will not have it," Pomfrey snapped. Peter yelped as Pomfrey began moving quickly; it sounded like she was herding them towards the doors. "Don't give me those looks. You best be glad I'm letting you off with a warning. Now go."

He heard the doors shut, and heard his friends complaining loudly from out in the hall but soon their voices faded. Pomfrey swept by Remus's bed to check on him and he thanked her, since he really didn't want to see anyone at the moment.

"Did you have a fight?" she asked, still sounding angry. "If you're hiding here by way of avoiding them—"

"No!" he squeaked. "Honestly, I d-d-don't feel good."

She eyed him suspiciously then nodded, shutting the curtains and returning to her office.

Remus went back to staring at the curtains, trying to sort through his thoughts, trying to get his heart to slow down instead of racing a zillion miles a minute, and trying to figure out how it could NOT be a crush. He wasn't like that. He _wasn't_. It was _wrong_. It was _bad_! Wasn't it enough? All the other stuff? Wasn't he e _nough_ of a freak?

_Or maybe that's it_.

Remus sat up at this new thought forming in the depths of his soul.

Maybe he liked a boy because he was a vile monster. Could that be it? Could it be connected to his lycanthropy, his curse? He _was_ a disgusting beast. No matter what they said, he knew what he was and they didn't! He _was_ , and could it be his strange feelings for Sirius were born from that? Was it the wolf within him making him have images of kissing Sirius?

But... wouldn't the wolf within rather have images of chewing Sirius's hand off?

Remus rubbed his forehead, mulling over this new possibility. He wasn't sure if he could blame his curse for this or not. He wanted to. Even though he'd still have to deal with it at least then he'd know he wanted these _wrong_ things because of the darkness inside of him.

He wanted to scream, to throw a temper tantrum and punch the wall until he felt better, until Lily's poison ebbed out. If it ever could.

Then another thought.

Sirius... was good-looking. And Remus didn't feel this way about James or Peter, just Sirius who was a self-proclaimed beauty. Maybe... he... liked Sirius... aesthetically...? Could that be it? It wasn't that he was a boy, it was that he was just so good-looking.

Remus chewed at his nails, staring at nothing, this possibility turning over and over in his mind. It sounded... probable. After after, there were some really beautiful paintings that made him feel emotional but he didn't _crush_ on the paintings. It wasn't the same sort of emotional-feelings but... perhaps since Sirius was a person and not a painting or a sunset it was different, and perhaps could be mistaken for the same feelings as a crush...?

He slumped down, feeling like he might throw up. It really didn't sound very logical, but sounded more logical than him _liking_ a _boy_ like _that_. Because he couldn't. He wasn't, he _wasn't_. It was... wrong.

He flopped back down, pressed his palms against his eyes, returning back to the whole _unfair_ ness of the situation. Why couldn't he be _normal_ and get a crush on a _girl_? Maybe he could? Maybe if he thought real hard about a cute girl he'd develop a crush. The problem was, he had no idea which girl was cute. He thought Lily was pretty but not in that way, and he certainly didn't want to crush on _her_.

But just because he didn't think any girls around him were cute didn't mean anything either, right? He could still just not be at that level of maturity yet. _Your Body At Hogwarts_ even said that everyone developed at different rates. Maybe he just aesthetically appreciated Sirius's appearance and in a few months he'd begin to have an interest in girls in _that_ manner...

UGH! It wasn't FAIR! Why HIM?! Why the hell did he have to deal with this?! Things had been fine! Why did Lily have to say—Why did he have to ask her? Why did he decided to be curious and get a dumb opinion, because it wasn't fair, the universe truly hated him. The universe really did look at him at birth and go _let's just destroy his entire life and you know what would be funny, let's do it twice_!

"Stupid universe, stupid fates, stupid everything," he muttered, settling for punching the pillow. He felt a wolfish urge rise inside of him and he gripped the pillow in his hands, about to rip it in half before realizing what he was doing. He let the pillow drop, scooting away from it, horror replacing that destructive urge. He had nearly just destroyed something—something that wasn't _his—_ which was giving in. He nearly gave in.

_Because of all these awful thoughts_! He tugged at his hair then began scratching, as if his stubby nails could reach through his skull and do what he wanted to do a bit ago. Fling the thoughts, the images, the lies, and destroy them.

"Doesn't mean anything," he whispered, forcing himself to put his hands against the bed, pushing them underneath him so he sat on them and preventing them from trying to claw his scalp up. "It doesn't mean anything. He's good-looking that's all. That's _all_."

He wasn't like that.

It was as simple as that. He wasn't, so whatever this was _wasn't_ that. The feelings were simply because Sirius was good-looking. He wasn't interested in Sirius like that. He'd be interested in girls one day.

Remus took in a deep, shuddering breath, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. _I'm not, so it isn't_ , _I'm not, so it isn't,_ he thought again and again, repeating the words over and over until they settled around him like a comfortable cloak.

He may not have any control over his body and mind during the full moon but he sure as hell was determined to control it the rest of the time. Besides, that's what he was good at, right? What he had done every day of his life? Every moment? Suppress the stirring of something dark and evil inside him?

This had to be easier than pushing back the wolf. Besides, unlike the wolf, if he did it enough it would probably—no, _definitely_ eventually go away. Especially once he started being normal and liking _girls._ Yes. If he could fight off the wolf he could fight off _this_ wrongness.

He was _not_ going to have these feelings about—not girls. And especially not his best friend.

End.

Of.

Story.


	65. Chapter Sixty-Five - The Best Looking Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is the one year anniversary of when I first made Shifting Lines public, so I thought I'd get a bonus chapter out as a celebration :)

Remus did not want to go to class, but Pomfrey said she couldn't keep him in the hospital wing. She gave him a potion to help ease the stomachache he had even though it did nothing, and she obviously didn't believe him that he had a stomachache since he shouldn't be able to get stomachaches except, of course, from anxiety and stress and _hoo_ boy was he anxious and stressed out! His stomach felt like it was practically _burning_.

Even though he was determined to keep everything shoved into a box, he was still scared of seeing Sirius. He kept having bizarre thoughts of everything coming out of his mouth even though he knew he'd never say anything. Or that Sirius would touch him and Remus would flip out and then Sirius would figure it out because Sirius was so aware of Remus and knew him so well and O _h Merlin, what if he figures it out_!?

Remus took in a deep breath and headed to Charms, slowing down outside the corridor and realizing he didn't have any of his school things, nor did he have the time to go get them. He crept into the classroom, relieved the Marauders weren't there yet.

"Hey L-Lily?" He went over to her, shuffling from foot to foot, tugging at his sleeve. "I forgot my bag. Could I borrow a quill and some parchment?"

"Of course." She handed him what he needed then stared up into his face. "Are you doing all right?"

"Mm-hmm. F—fine."

"What I said earlier—"

"Oh, no, it's—it's fine," he said, forcing a smile on his face, hoping it looked real enough. "I really wasn't feeling well, that's all."

"All right..." She obviously didn't fully believe him. "I'm glad you're better."

He thanked her again then went to his regular seat. He was spreading the parchment out just as the Marauders burst into the room, filling the air with their laughter. They all cried out Remus's name, flinging themselves into their seats around him, asking what happened, if he was really okay. Remus nodded, promising he'd explain later (once he could figure out a lie), then asked Sirius if he could borrow the textbook since Sirius was the least likely to be using it.

"Of course," Sirius said with a smile that threatened to yank all of Remus's sense out of place but he managed to keep the box over _those thoughts and feelings_ , and took the book with a fake smile back.

_So far so good_ , he thought then grit his teeth as Sirius leaned across Remus's desk to whisper something to James, which was something that happened often. Remus leaned back in his chair, heart pounding harder the longer Sirius stayed there. Thankfully Flitwick began class soon after, and Sirius settled back, purposely elbowing Remus a bit as he did.

_Nothing's_ _changed_ , he told himself as he began taking notes. _Everything is the same as it was when you woke up._ _Absolutely nothing has changed, not Sirius, not your perception of Sirius, not your friendship, nothing._

That sorta helped and he was _kinda_ able to pay attention in class. Every time Sirius leaned in close, brushed against him, or, worse, when he tugged Remus closer to whisper something in his ear, Remus felt a zapping shock go through his body. It took more and more concentration to hold the box down but he managed. It was... enormous and billowing, expanding like a balloon. But he _could_ remain in charge of it. It wasn't as bad as the wolf; it was strong, but not as strong as the monstrous inclinations inside of him. It was pulling, but not like the curse. He could overpower the wolf, he could overpower this.

"So what happened?" Pete asked as soon as they left the classroom.

"I woke up feeling nauseated," he said slowly, handing Sirius's book back to him.

James twisted around then bent in very close. "I thought you couldn't?"

"That is why I went to Madame Pomfrey," Remus said, raking his fingers through his hair.

"You went to breakfast," Sirius said flatly. "Evans told us you showed up at breakfast then left, and I heard someone else say you were sitting with Evans and she began laughing at you. If you were sick why did you go to eat? What did Evans laugh at? Was she bothering you?"

Remus glared through his fringe. "I told her a joke," he grumbled, hunching his shoulders, shifting his gaze to his feet. "I went to breakfast since I thought maybe if I had some toast I'd feel better. It didn't work."

"Why were you sick?" Peter asked, forehead wrinkled. "If you can't get sick..."

"Anxiety," he said and they gave him looks.

"Anxiety over what?" James asked.

"Lots of things," Remus said, feeling his palms getting sweaty. Why did they have to put him through the Spanish inquisition?! "The exams coming up, mostly. That sort've thing."

"Us?" Sirius asked.

Remus stopped in his tracks, mind whirling. _Us_?! _What in Merlin's name does he mean 'us'?! Why would he say that?! There's no 'us' why would he even say that?_ "Er, what d-do you m-mean?" he managed to squeak out. Had Sirius somehow guessed? Was he saying there was an issue between them?! Did _—_

"Because we know?" Sirius answered with a shrug. "You said before it's still giving you trouble and will keep doing that."

Relief flooded through his body. Us. As in. The Marauders. Not...

He wanted to laugh and managed not to, since that would undermine his claims of not feeling great. "Yes, a bit," he said. They looked distraught but didn't argue any further. Nor did they seem too bothered by the fact he was very quiet as the day progressed. He spent the free period after lunch hiding out under his bed, pretending to do homework and trying not to let the misery overwhelm him.

_Nothing to be miserable about_ , he reminded himself, doodling some leaves down the side of his Herbology assignment. _Soon I'll like girls and then I'll look back at this and laugh at being panicked over thinking a good-looking person looks good._

He was sure that's what it was now, and knew if he asked others—if he _dared_ to ask others—they'd agree. Not that he would ask. Or could. _Unless I can_ , he wondered, sucking at the end of his quill. Maybe he could? Frame it in a way that wasn't suspicious?

He got the courage, later that day, to test his theory. Sirius and Peter were talking about girls so Remus asked them who they thought the best looking girl in their year was. Sirius immediately said Cassie Inkwood. Peter thought about it for a moment then agreed; either Inkwood or maybe Tanaka in Hufflepuff. James snorted, shrugged, said it didn't really matter but he supposed, probably Inkwood though he agreed Tanaka was quite pretty.

Then Remus took in a deep breath. "Who do you think the girls think the best looking guy is?" He tried to ask it innocently but of course they immediately wanted to know why he wanted to know. He tried to say he didn't really care, he was just curious. It... didn't work, and they jumped to their own conclusions which were, thank Merlin, absolutely wrong.

"Aw, you're definitely the cutest," Sirius said, ruffling Remus's hair. "I'm sure Evans would agree."

Remus ducked away, the wobbliness and hot feelings threatening to throw the box across the room. "That's a blatant lie and we all know it," he snapped, trying to fix his hair, trying to ignore how warm he had gotten, hoping it wouldn't be noticeable; what if it was? What if Sirius figured out why Remus was asking this? "I guess it was a dumb question."

"I'm sure the girls think you're cute," James said, assuming the same thing Sirius had.

Remus felt his face heating up. "I _—_ I don't care about that! I was just _curious_! Oh, never mind, forget it. I wanted an honest answer, not _—_ not teasing. It had nothing t-to do with me!"

"Eh, honestly? Sirius," James said, and Remus mentally perked up, trying his best to keep his face blank.

"Me? Really?" Sirius asked with false sincerity.

"Without a doubt," Peter agreed.

Sirius puffed his chest out and smoothed down his wavy locks. "I _am_ pretty good-looking, aren't I?"

"And very modest," James snorted and yelped, ducking as Sirius took a swipe. They began bouncing back and forth, swatting at each other, laughing, and thankfully ending the conversation.

At least Remus had some confirmation that others considered Sirius good-looking, that James and Peter thought that. Or at least thought that the girls would say it, which was more or less the same thing... right?

*

"Who do you th—think is the best looking boy in our year?"

Remus and Lily were walking back from the study group, mostly discussing assignments until he managed to get the question out. He hadn't initially intended to ask her but realized he wanted her opinion too.

Lily smiled. "You," she replied without any hesitation.

Remus nearly dropped the books in his arms. "Wh—what?! No, you can't—that's not. What?"

"I think you are," she said, blowing some hair out of her eyes. "Why, is Black or Potter trying to figure out where they stand?"

"N... no, I was just..." He stumbled a bit, extremely flustered now. Why did she say more or less the same thing Sirius did? They only said it because they were friends, not because it had any grain of truth in there! "You c-c-can't pick me."

"Why not?"

He shook his head. "We're—we're friends! Your opinion is—is biased."

Lily let out a long sigh. " _Fine_. Okay, so cutest boy that's _not_ you?" she asked and he nodded. "Hmm. I suppose perhaps..." She chewed at her bottom lip, clearly thinking about this at length. "Ugh. Okay, if you tell him this I am literally never speaking to you again, but... Black. All right?"

He tried not to grin. Both out of amusement from her annoyance at admitting such a thing, and also because it was more confirmation. James, Peter, and Lily all said Sirius, and Sirius typically self-proclaimed himself as beautiful. That was it. His feelings were only from the fact Sirius was so good-looking and it meant Remus wasn't... well, wasn't like that, and didn't have those feelings, and one day soon would be liking girls.

"I won't tell," he promised.

Lily tucked her hair back behind her ear. "What about you?

"Sirius," he agreed.

Lily covered her mouth, giggling. "No! I meant who do you think the cutest girl is!"

Remus went brilliantly red. "Oh." Of course. That's what she meant. Why would _she_ ask _him_ who the cutest boy was? "You."

She gave him a look and knocked into him lightly. "If I can't choose you, you can't choose me."

"Errr..." He glanced around, worried now because he didn't know how to respond. What was he supposed to say now?

"Remus?"

"Oh." Right, cute _girl_. Cute girl. Arggh. "Besides you. I—I guess, um... Colgate." Lily narrowed her eyes, and Remus panicked, remembering who his friends had said. "Inkwood!" He expected that to work but it didn't; her eyes narrowed even more. "Buckling? Pierce?"

"You're just naming the girls you talk to!" she protested.

"Am not!" he protested right back. She rolled her eyes. "Just because I talk to them d-doesn't mean they're not cute."

"Sooooo... what? You only talk to girls you think are cute?"

" _NO_!" he shrieked, face flooding with heat once more while Lily laughed. "Okay fine, so I _was_ just naming the girls I talk to. Is that so wrong?"

Lily elbowed him lightly. "All right, I know what you were doing, don't need to pretend."

"Wh—what was I d-doing?" he asked, quite concerned.

"You don't want to tell me who you've got a crush on," she said and he could tell he was blushing. "A-ha! I knew it!"

"I'm n-not, I don't have a crush on _any_ one!" he mumbled. "I told you a while ago, I don't really... I'm not like—I still can't figure out girls."

"Just cause you can't figure them out doesn't mean you can't have a crush," she giggled and he glared at her. "Fine, I'll stop. You don't have a crush."

"I don't." Though he wondered if maybe he should pretend. Pretend to be more like the other boys, pretend to have a crush on some girl. Except the thought of liking any of the girls he knew—or even pretending he liked them—made his stomach shrivel a little.

He was very quiet when he returned to the dorm, focusing on his homework. Despite trying to pay attention to only his essay, he couldn’t help but half-listen to his friends making plans to prepare for their Mulciber and Avery revenge. They also discussed the prank they'd be pulling for the pre-Christmas feast, and the fact they wanted to do something to Snape before the holidays since it had 'been a little while'. They tried to get Remus's opinions but he shook his head, saying he needed to do his essays, and was also tired. He went to bed a little early as if to prove it, though he stayed up very late, staring at the ceiling.

It felt as though he were slowly being lowered into a pool of heavy sadness until he covered his eyes, and cried softly, wondering again what he had done to make the universe hate him so much.

*

The Marauders grew concerned as Remus spoke very little on Thursday, and the dark circles under his eyes were rather prominent. Not as bad as they got from an upcoming full moon, but certainly bad enough. He kept mumbling that he was just tired, stated he hadn't gotten much sleep—which he hadn't. He had gotten maybe an hour at most, and had spent quite a long time rifling through the index of _Your Body At Hogwarts_ to figure out if the symptoms could be anything else regarding puberty. It did talk at great length about noticing the opposite sex. He read those parts thoroughly, trying to figure out when it would activate for him but of course it was all _in one's own time_ and other crap like that.

After the post-Herbology shower he curled up in bed, hearing them talk about him. He knew he needed to tell them he could hear past the spells on the curtains, but he didn't have the energy. He didn't really have energy for anything except how angry he was at himself. Even them expressing their concern over him didn't do anything except make him feel even worse.

"Remus," James said right outside his curtains, "you coming to lunch?"

Remus sat up. He hadn't eaten much breakfast, and hadn't eaten much the day before but he didn't have an appetite. "No, I'll catch up with you for Defense."

Silence. Then...

"Aren't you hungry?" Pete asked.

"I'm—I'm busy..."

His curtains opened and Remus recoiled back. Sirius glared down at him. "You can't skip meals for homework, it's not right," he accused then scanned the bed, frowning when he realized Remus didn't have any homework out. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm _fine_ ," he protested. "I'm not hungry. Honest."

Peter sat down on the edge of his bed. "Is something going on?" he asked.

"Is someone bullying you? Did Snape say something?" Sirius demanded.

He couldn't imagine the fallout if he said it was Lily! Even if it was inadvertent. "No, no," he murmured. "It's nothing. I'm fine. Just tired. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm going to take a nap. That's all."

After a few more minutes of them trying to get him to talk more and him refusing they finally accepted his excuse for a nap and left, mumbling outside the door about bringing him back food. Remus went under his bed almost as soon as the door shut, wrapping himself in his blanket and clutching Gwyllgi to his chest.

He didn't nap at all, and didn't eat much of the food his friends brought back to him. Sirius kept urging him to eat but he only managed a couple bites of the sandwich and a slice of apple. He wound up struggling through Defense and he _really_ needed a nap after. James wanted to hunt down Mulciber and Avery but Remus knew he couldn't stay awake any longer.

Sirius pulled him aside, his fingers around Remus's wrist sending warmth shooting through his body. "Seriously, if something's happened..."

Remus shook his head. He knew it was more than the anxiety now. It was this bone-crushing sadness he couldn't stop, couldn't force away. It enveloped him, refusing to go away, as if he had a dementor trailing after him. It was a weight, holding him down, making everything a supreme effort. Even walking.

"I've barely slept, that's all. I'm really tired. I promise that's it. Please." He wanted to pull his wrist away from Sirius but he was already messing up as a friend, he didn't want to make things worse by making it that obvious he didn't want to be around Sirius right now.

Sirius stared into his eyes and Remus tried his hardest not to look away. "If you need anything—"

"I know. Thank you. And good luck with the prank."

They hadn't figured out a way to get the whizzing worm thing to work properly so they abandoned that idea for now and instead had mixed itching powder in with the sticking solution. Remus wanted to see the results but wanted to sleep more, and indeed as soon as he collapsed into his bed he fell into a deep sleep, not even taking his shoes off.

*

He woke up, confused about the time. As he rubbed his eyes he swung his legs out of bed, glancing around the dorm room, expecting it to be empty but Peter was in his bed, chewing gum and reading a comic book. It was already partway through James's practice. Remus asked Pete why he wasn't there and Pete shrugged saying he wanted to be in the dorm in case Remus needed anything. Then he fetched some food the others had brought up for Remus's supper, a shepherd's pie sat in a dish enchanted by the house-elves to keep it cold, although really even if it had been sitting at room temperature Remus could have still eaten it; any dangerous bacteria wouldn't really affect him.

They both sat on Remus's bed while Remus ate, Peter swinging his legs, not saying anything, _noticeably_ not saying anything. Remus set the fork down and sighed. "What?"

"Nuthin'," Peter replied with a smile.

"Obviously something." He jabbed at the pie then took another bite.

"We're just worried, that's all."

"Were you elected as my babysitter?" Remus asked rather angrily then immediately regretted saying it, wishing he could take it back; feeling like utter _crap_ for saying such a rude, nasty thing to a friend who was only worried. "Peter—"

Peter's smile faded a little. "No. Actually, Sirius and I fought over who'd stay."

"I'm sorry—"

"If you don't want me—"

"Pete, I'm sorry," Remus said, a little louder. He put the dish aside and turned to look him in the face. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm really sorry. I do want you here. And I'm—"

"Is it a you-know-what thing?" Peter inquired.

Remus thought he might cry, wanting to answer but not knowing how. "I—I don't know," he said then covered his face.

Peter put his hand on Remus's back, pressing gently. "If you wanna talk about it..."

"I don't know," he repeated, the words muffled. How could he explain everything that had happened within the past forty-eight hours? His confusion? His sorrow? He wished it was the full moon so he could rip himself to pieces, he just wanted this to _stop_. "I'll be okay."

"Do you want a hug?"

Remus lowered his hands, blinking. "Yes, please."

Peter wrapped his arms around Remus, and Remus turned to hug back, trying not to hug _too_ tightly but enjoying the strength from Peter's half of the hug. It felt really good, and Remus thanked Peter who just grinned back before urging him to please eat since he 'hadn't had hardly anything'. Remus picked the pie up and finished it off, hoping he'd start to feel better soon.


	66. Chapter Sixty-Six - Spell Gone Wrong

Remus slept pretty heavily through the night. He woke up a couple times, remnants of nightmares clinging to his consciousness before falling back asleep. He was _still_ a little tired come morning but loads better than the night before. His friends could see a difference so they didn't harass him, thankfully.

He realized when he got a letter from home it was December first, and they'd be going home for the holidays in just two weeks. Previously he hadn't been looking forward to leaving the school, but now he couldn't wait. He wanted two weeks away from everyone else, away from... all of this. From, he hated to admit, Sirius. Maybe two weeks away would clear his head. Course, he still had to endure fourteen days till then but he thought he could. Hoped he could. Especially since one of those weeks held the exams and the Marauders knew Remus threw himself into his studies at that point, so there'd be another excuse to distance himself for the time being.

In Potions he had another chance to distance, as the moment Slughorn told the kids to partner up Inkwood was suddenly at Sirius's side. Sirius glanced towards Remus, and he nodded, smiling.

"Ahhh..."

"It's fine," Remus said, getting up, trying not to sound too relieved. "I can partner with someone else."

Inkwood took over Remus's seat and Sirius still looked unsure, but Remus was moving away now. Lily already had a partner but Aegis didn't, and they normally didn't get a chance to partner up in class together so it was nice.

Mostly nice.

"Wow, you are terrible," Aegis said when their potion turned multi-colored instead of grey.

Remus pouted a little. "I _said_ I should just read the instructions and prep a few ingredients." He plucked at his sleeve, wishing he wasn't as such a failure at this as he was. How come he couldn't get it? Why did he have so much trouble? A lot of it was just... memorization and for some reason it refused to stick in his head. How come he could easily recite in order the Ministers of Magic without missing one, but couldn't remember how many ounces of rose petals went into a stupid potion when the book was right there? He was good at the theoretical work for sure but the actual making of... ugh.

Aegis peered into the cauldron. "Yes. I did not believe you. I knew you weren't very good in this class but—"

"I wasn't joking."

"No," Aegis said, smiling. "Apparently you weren't."

Aegis did what he could to fix the potion but he was only slightly above average in the class so they both got an A at the end. Aegis shrugged when Remus apologized, not really caring.

"These things happen," he said as they left. "It is fine."

"You should be glad the potion didn't explode in your face," Snape said as he walked by.

"Why, did it see your reflection, Snivellus?" James and Peter were exiting right behind Snape.

Snape glowered at James. "Is that your attempt at being witty?"

"Did you just call me pretty?" James asked.

"Wh—what?! No I said—"

"Well thank you, _Severus_ , how kind of you!" James said sweetly while Peter and Remus began laughing, and even Aegis was snickering quietly.

"You little—I didn't—you know perfectly well I said—"

"Hey Evans, your boyfriend says I'm pretty," James said, turning as Lily traipsed out into the hall.

Snape's face went red while Lily scowled at James. "Pretty annoying, perhaps," she said, tossing her hair back. Snape snorted, but didn't say anything, just quickly left. Lily glanced after him with a slight frown, while James made a rude gesture at his retreating back.

"What did I miss?" Sirius asked, coming out in time to see the gesture and Snape hurrying away.

"Apparently Potter wants Severus to think he's pretty," Lily sniffled.

Sirius turned to James. "You might need to stop washing your hair then, mate."

James shrieked with laughter while Lily groaned and stormed off. James and Sirius exchanged high fives before they headed towards their next class.

*

As the day dragged on Remus began to grow more and more tired, but also more and more relieved. Every time Sirius talked directly to him, or brushed against him... it threatened the box... but the box stayed.

_I can do it_ , he thought at dinner, foot jiggling under the table. _I can deal with this_. It wasn't as bad as he expected, not after the initial panic. Now that things were sorta... still... status quo he knew he'd be able to get through it. And once the holidays hit he'd be able to spend two weeks without anyone else around (except his parents) and then he'd really be able to get this shoved down into the—

Remus sat upright.

_My parents_. The words swept into him suddenly. He had been thinking about the holidays for a bit now but hadn't thought much of the fact he'd be alone with his parents _and having to hide such a huge lie_!

"Re—Remus?" James asked as Remus began laughing in a mad, unhinged way.

He had been looking forward to the holiday without realizing, without thinking.

"I'm so dumb," he managed to get out, hiccuping a little.

"Right, _you're_ the dumb one," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"At the moment, yes. I wasn't—oh man." He rubbed his forehead miserably, the laughter dying.

"What's _wrong_?" James asked.

Remus opened his mouth to answer then realized they were in the Great Hall and he shouldn't, so he shook his head. "I'll tell you later."

The others glanced around. "Is it...?" Peter asked, and Remus nodded, assuming he was referring to his curse.

Then he sighed. "I just have been sitting here looking forward to the holidays and not even realizing how... difficult it is going to be," he whispered, leaning in close so he could be as quiet as possible. The others automatically leaned in to hear. "I spent the last holidays scared they'd figure out I was keeping something from them," he went on to explain, "and now I have to keep something even _bigger_ from them. Huge."

"What are you keeping from them?" Peter asked.

James smacked him upside the back of his head. "Doof. He's talking about _us_ knowing. Right?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah..."

"What was the secret you were keeping from them before?" Sirius asked.

Remus was a little surprised Sirius had forgotten, but it had been over a month since they talked about it. "You guys in general. The fact I have friends."

Peter's mouth formed an O, James frowned, and Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Oh," he said, darkly. "Right. That."

"Still don't understand that," Peter murmured.

Remus elected to ignore what Peter said, not wanting to discuss it again and publicly. "And now I get to spend two weeks with them holding back probably the biggest thing I could ever keep from them," Remus moaned, dropping his head down. He had been so panicked about something as trivial and silly as thinking a good-looking person was good-looking he had completely overlooked what he should _really_ be panicking out: extreme lying to his parents. Well, not quite lying, more of... withholding the truth...?

He jerked as someone put a hand on his arm. For a terrifying second he thought it was Sirius but thankfully it was James. "Hey, it'll be fine," he said in an optimistic tone. "It's not that big a deal."

Remus glared at him. "Yes—yes it is—"

"No, it's not," James said firmly, tightening his hold. "It's only a big deal because you think it is but really it's not. Don't think about it like _that_ , think about it like... you're still just hiding the fact you have friends, that's all."

"Yeah!" Peter agreed. "Cause if you keep that secret then there's no worry about the rest of it, right?"

Remus hesitated, seeing the logic in what they were saying. "Well, I..."

"James is right." Now Sirius _did_ put his hand on Remus's other arm. It was warm. Warmer than James's. "Just focus on the smaller thing."

Slowly he nodded. Smaller thing. The fact he _had_ friends. That's what he was keeping from his parents, that's all. "Good advice," he mumbled, picking his fork back up. It was good advice for everything else too. For instance, just focus on the smaller things and not the overwhelming squirmy feeling Sirius's hand on his arm gave him.

It _was_ true though. The only way his parents would find out his friends knew the truth was if they found out he had friends in the first place, so it was still keeping the fact he had friends from his parents. He could do that. Yes.

*

Ravenclaw versus Slytherin. The school had been gearing up for the game all week, and on Saturday morning James, Sirius, and Peter all dressed in blue to support Ravenclaw. In their first year they sorta tried to get Remus to go to non-Gryffindor games though not as intently as Gryffindor games, but this time they didn't; they understood it was painful for him hearing-wise and the only comment they made was James asking, “You're not going, right?” and Remus replying, “Correct.”

Once the castle emptied he considered pulling a prank like he had in his first year during the final game, when he turned the entrance hall into a trampoline. But he hadn't given it much thought beforehand and there wasn't much he thought he'd be able to do in time. He didn't want to spongify everything again, that'd be boring. He wished he had the foresight to prepare something but with everything else going on... He _did_ consider sneaking into the Slytherin dorm and doing something since pretty much every single Slytherin would be at the pitch. The problem with that was he didn't want to borrow James's cloak without permission even though he knew perfectly well James would probably be mad at him for _not_ pulling a prank.

_Maybe next game_ , he decided, and flopped onto his bed so heavily that some of the feathers in his pillow burst out of the old seams. He scowled and rolled over. "Repairo," he said, poking at it with his wand. The cloth pressed together and he scratched at it with his nail, knowing it was only a temporary fix. He sat upright and picked up the feathers, intending on throwing them away but just as he slid out of bed he had another thought.

_Hmm_. He studied the feathers in his hand then set them on his bed, rolling to the other side of his bed to grab his Charms book. He flicked to the index, frowned, then set the book down. _Library_.

He hurried to the library, ignoring the scowl from Mr. Farrow, and began searching the Charms section, pulling books out at random to explore their indexes until he found what he wanted.

"Not at the game?" Farrow asked when Remus went to check the book out.

"I pr-prefer books over b—brooms," Remus answered.

Farrow narrowed his eyes, studying him. "You always bring books back on time," he commented as he pushed the card over for Remus to sign. "Never leave fingermarks."

"They're p-precious," he muttered, scribbling his name.

"Hmph." Farrow pushed the book back over to Remus and put the card in a file cabinet. "I suppose there's a few good kids in the school."

Remus raised his eyebrows but didn't reply, just thanked him and left. _Well that was weird_ , he thought as he made his way back to the dorm. That was the nicest Farrow had been to Remus ever! _Maybe he's realized I don't do anything harmful to the books_.

On his way back to the dorm he realized, suddenly, that he felt _happy_ again. Maybe not completely happy, but a heck of a lot happier than he had been since Wednesday. Which was something. Was it the idea of researching a new spell and experimenting? Or the whole prank thing? He wasn’t sure, but either way it felt nice.

Remus flopped back onto his bed and opened the charms book up to the page needed. He studied the spell carefully then began attempting it on the feathers. A few of them twitched but they didn't seem to be working. _Bigger feathers are_ _needed_ , he decided then reached for his pillow, pausing for a second. Did he dare? He could put the feathers back in... and it was a _very_ old pillow... and he did have the school pillows. He twisted his pillow around in his hands then used a cutting spell to open up the seam.

He dumped all the feathers onto his bed into a big pile and then began practicing the spell. It only took a couple attempts for the feathers to start properly moving and then before he knew it everything got completely out of hand.

"Finite incantatum!" he shrieked , diving as several feathers zoomed towards him. "Finite incantaAAACK!" He fell back and began laughing as the feathers tickled him. "Nonono! Finite—finite—" It wasn't working. "Incendio!"

One of the feathers burst into flames and all the others zipped away, hovering a few feet from Remus who grabbed his satchel and ran out of the dorm, slamming the door shut. _Crap_ , he thought as he heard the feathers fluttering around. There was no way he could take care of this on his own and he didn't want to burn the feathers in case it started a fire. _I need McGonagall_.

He bit his lip, starting to leave then stopping. He sat down in the hall, getting parchment and a quill out of his bag to write, **DO NOT** **ENTER! Spell Gone Wrong!** and stuck the parchment onto the door. He hefted his satchel onto his shoulder then went down to wait for Professor McGonagall, not wanting to interrupt her at the game. He stopped by Moaning Myrtle's bathroom to chat with her a bit before going to the entrance hall, finding a bench to get comfortable on. He pulled a book out of his bag to pass the time reading though his leg kept bouncing with nerves.

It wasn't very long. He was very surprised when kids started pouring in. It had barely been an hour since the game started... maybe not even that! He snapped his book shut and stood up, watching for the teachers.

"Remus!" The Marauders spotted him and hurried over. "What are you doing down here?"

"There was... errrr... an—an accident in the dorm," he said, twisting the hem of his sweatshirt around his fingers.

"Accident?" Peter asked.

He shifted from foot to foot. "Yeah, it—ah, well. I need, um, Professor McGonagall, I—I c-couldn't fix it on my own."

"Well what is 'it'?" Sirius asked.

But he saw Professor McGonagall just then and began pushing past the other kids, heading over. "Professor! May I sp-speak to you a moment?" They peeled away from the crowd, heading to a side corridor for some privacy although the other Marauders followed. "Um. I was—was practicing some spells and... w-well I... the spells got a little... out of hand."

McGonagall looked a little startled. "What spells?"

Remus kicked at the floor, feeling heat rising to his cheeks. "Erm, titillatium..."

McGonagall now pressed her lips thin, eyes darting towards James and Sirius then back at Remus. "I see. And was this your idea to practice the spell?"

"Y-yes ma'am," he mumbled, ducking his head. "They had n-nothing to do with it."

"What did you use it on?"

"...."

"What was that?"

"Feathers," he said a bit louder.

"Care to tell me _why_ you were practicing that spell?" she asked, folding her arms. Remus just kicked at the ground. "Very well. Let's get this taken care of. How many feathers?"

"A—a whole pillow, ma'am."

"Mr. Lupin..."

"I'm sorry, I th-thought I could—I'm sorry."

They headed through the school and James grabbed Remus's arm. "What titty spell?"

Remus elbowed him while Sirius and Peter giggled. "Titillatium. It's based on the tickling hex, titillando. However—"

"I thought the tickling hex was rictusempra?" Sirius asked.

"That's a—a tickling charm. The hex is different. More complex. The titillatium spell basically enchants an object to tickle someone. Best used on something that can tickle like..."

"Feathers," Peter said.

"You enchanted a whole pillow-full of feathers to tickle someone?" Sirius asked and Remus nodded. "Bloody hell, Brains."

"So what went wrong?" James asked.

"I'd like to know the same thing," McGonagall said, having heard every word.

Remus jumped a little, not realizing she was within earshot; he had no idea how good human ears were and always misjudged. "I thought I w-was only getting a—a couple at a t-time but I guess I—I accidentally got the—the entire p-pile, and they all went b-bonkers. I tried using the general c-counterspell but it didn't work."

They eventually reached the entrance to the tower where a large group of students were milling around. "Professor!" A prefect got up, hurrying over. "I sent Galinsky for you. There's—er—an issue in the common room."

McGonagall sighed. "What issue?'

"Feathers, attacking students," she replied.

McGonagall turned a stern gaze onto Remus who shrank back, half-hiding behind Sirius. "I sh-sh-shut the d-d-door!" he squeaked.

She heaved a sigh then opened up the entrance. "Miss Doyle, don't let anyone in until I say so. You," she added to Remus, "come with me."

Remus climbed through after her, feeling awful. At least the Marauders followed him too. One for all, he supposed.

Inside the common room were dozens of feathers fluttering around. McGonagall tried shooting out the counterspell but the feathers were so tiny it was difficult to do; she managed to get a few clumps but mostly they darted out of the way then came for the five of them. Peter yelped and fell to the floor, covering his head, while the others began shooting out the counterspell. They barely worked and soon Remus was on the floor as little feathers began tickling any exposed skin, some zipping up his sleeve.

"Incendo! Incendio!" he cried out, not caring so much if a fire started now since McGonagall was there to put it up. Ash began falling down.

Since the counterspell wasn't working for any of the Marauders they imitated Remus, until one of Sirius's shot way far and hit a tapestry. "Whoops!"

"IMMOBULUS!" McGonagall shouted, flourishing her arm wildly.

All the feathers froze, including the ones inside Remus's sweatshirt. McGonagall pointed her wand to the fire and it shrank down until it disappeared. "Now," she said, brushing a few feathers off her robes, "Potter, Black, Pettigrew, you finish getting rid of these ones while Lupin and I go to the dorm."

Remus got up, shaking his shirt out.

"How do you want us to do that?" James asked.

McGonagall looked down her nose at him. "Preferably not by setting the entire common room on fire. I'm sure you'll figure something out. Come on, Mr. Lupin."

He followed her up the stairs where they could hear two voices shrieking and pleading. The door to the dorm was wide open and inside Spinnet and Struthers were flailing. McGonagall did the freezing spell again and the two boys slumped, panting heavily, turning to look at who had come in.

"This was your doing, wasn't it?!" Spinnet demanded angrily, glowering at Remus.

"I p-p-p-put a w-warning on the—the door!" he said, hovering in the doorway, not wanting to get close to Spinnet when he was _that_ angry.

"Yeah, 'do not enter' not 'killer feathers on the loose'!" Spinnet snarled, getting to his feet.

"I—p-p-put—m-m-more—"

McGonagall turned to Remus. "Warning?"

Remus took the sign off and handed it to his teacher. "I s-s-said 'spell g-g-gone wrong' c-clearly there!"

Spinnet's cheeks went very faintly pink. "I see a sign telling me not to enter _my own room_ I'm gonna ignore it."

"You c-c-can't say you s-saw 'spell gone wrong' and p-p-pret-tend I didn't—didn't warn you!" Remus got out, voice rising a bit.

Spinnet decided to ignore him completely. "Professor, it's ridiculous, the dorm is _all_ of ours."

"I agree, Mr. Spinnet; I didn't say anything to indicate otherwise," she replied coolly. "However, he _did_ give you sufficient warning that there was something amiss in the room." She then began zapping the feathers with the counterspell and the feathers drifted to the floor. Soon pretty much all of them were back to being normal feathers. "I better go make sure the common room is still at least partially intact... Mr. Lupin, ten points from Gryffindor and I expect you to clean up the messes."

"Yes, P-Professor," he whispered as she walked off.

He watched her go then gasped as Spinnet grabbed his shoulder, turning him around, shoving him back roughly. "What is your problem?!" he demanded, leaning down so he could get right into Remus's face.

Remus backed up, whimpering as he hit the wall. "It w-w-was an accid-dent."

"Oh sure, an 'accident' and not some plot of you and your friends," Spinnet hissed and Remus cowered, sorta expecting Spinnet to push him again, but Spinnet kept his hands to himself. "You know, sometimes I think you're just their little cheerleader but sometimes I think you're the brains behind everything. That's what they call you, isn't it? Brains?"

"Andy, come on," Struthers said, snagging Spinnet's sleeve, pulling him away. "It's over."

"This time." Spinnet thankfully backed away from Remus. "What's next? Attack of the bed curtains?"

"S-s-sorry if some fe-f-feathers sc-cared you," Remus muttered.

Spinnet froze then whipped around. Remus ducked away, hurrying out of the dorm and down the stairs. He nearly ran into Peter who was coming up to get him, and the two made their way to the common room. All the feathers were either motionless on the floor (and furniture) except for a few piles of ashes. The students were pouring in now, complaining or laughing about what happened. They all seemed to think James and Sirius had done it but none of them seemed too put off. Most seemed to think it was amusing.

Remus knelt on the ground, picking up feathers and dumping them into his empty pillowcase. His friends immediately followed suit. Remus told them they didn't have to help but of course they replied that they wanted to. At around this point Lily appeared, standing over them with her arms folded.

"I bet you think it's funny," she said to James.

"Your face?" James asked, pushing his glasses up as he grinned at her. "Every time I see it."

Lily scoffed then toed at one of the feathers by her feet. "These, dumbo! Why did you do it?"

James got up. "Evans..." He threw an arm around her shoulder and she pulled a disgusted face. "One does not ask, why is the sky blue?—"

"Because the sunlight is scattered by particles in the air and the blue light reflected off of them travels the shortest therefore there is more of it making it what we see," Lily replied, picking his hand up and stepping away from him, dropping his arm. "Or do wizards not know that?"

Remus snorted and tried to make his laughter sound like a cough.

James groaned and got back down, sweeping a pile of feathers into the case. "Whatever, Red."

Lily gave Remus a look then went off to join Inkwood and Colgate. Once all the feathers were gathered the four boys went to the dorm to finish the cleaning job. Remus was grateful they were helping but naturally he'd have done the same if one of them had made the mess. That’s when he realized he had: James, with the slime spell. At least they weren't up super late and getting covered in slime for this one!


	67. Chapter Sixty-Seven - Don't Be Absurd

Of course, the other Marauders wanted to know what Remus was intending with the feathers and he admitted he had wanted to figure out a way to put the spell on a delay so the feathers-tickling-people would activate in the middle of the night. They jumped on this, wanting to do it, but Remus reminded them that, because he screwed up and everyone knew about it, if they attempted to do this then everyone would know it was them. They were disappointed, but still impressed by the idea.

"This just proves you should study less and focus on pranks more," teased Sirius.

"Not a week before our pre-Christmas exams I won't," Remus replied.

"You _did_ though," Peter pointed out and Remus wrinkled his nose.

"Only a little."

Though he did wonder if maybe he _should_ start thinking more about pranks. He had so many half ideas he let dissolve into nothing because he was 'busy studying'. He thought again of writing them down and maybe... exploring the idea of developing his own pranks...

Spinnet was in a foul mood for the rest of the day and once it was about bedtime he was stomping around, grumbling to himself, and shooting angry glares at Remus while muttering 'do not enter' under his breath. It made Remus a little afraid though he didn't say anything to his friends. He didn't want to start any big fight. He knew if they knew Spinnet had pushed him there would be war, so he remained silent. At least Spinnet didn't really start anything.

Remus stayed up late, studying for the upcoming exams as well as studying more of the spell he had used for the feathers. Even though they wouldn't really be able to use it anytime soon, maybe in a year or two when everyone forgot they could pull it off. Though he doubted McGonagall would ever forget.

He yawned and shut his book, intending to go to sleep, but then he heard the door creak open followed by footsteps padding out. Heading downstairs. _Sirius_? he wondered, looking at his curtains though the footsteps hadn't sounded quite right for Sirius, but who else would it be? He quietly slid out of bed, putting his slippers and a robe on, then followed him out. If he wanted to be alone he'd leave, but if something was upsetting him and he wanted company... well, at least it'd be nice to offer even if it was an emotional battle to be around him.

Remus went down the stairs, quickly realizing it wasn't Sirius at all, or at least he didn't _think_ it was Sirius. It didn't smell like Sirius had passed by anytime recently though of course he was tired so maybe he wasn't sensing things right...

_Oh_ , he thought, reaching the bottom of the steps. A figure sat cross-legged in front of the fireplace, elbows on knees, chin in hands. Remus tightened his robe then went into the common room.

"Pete?"

"Yaaa!" Peter jerked so hard he fell over, getting tangled in the blanket he had brought with him. "Remus? Don't scare me like that!"

"Sorry." Remus went over, sinking down onto the ground next to him.

"Did I wake you up?"

"I was already awake. Studying."

Peter frowned. "It's two in the morning."

Remus shrugged. "On a Saturday night. We're usually up at this point anyway."

"True..."

He watched as Peter got settled back into the same position he was in before, then scooted a little closer. "Are you all right?"

Pete stared at the crackling flames, a crease down his forehead. "I dunno," he finally mumbled. He reached into his robes pocket and pulled a letter out, pushing it over to Remus.

Remus hesitated, then scanned the letter. It was short, from Peter's mother. Angry handwriting explaining that Peter 'didn't have to' and it was 'up to him'. The tone of the missive made Remus think Mrs. Pettigrew didn't want Peter to do whatever it was. Remus glanced back up at Pete for clarification.

Peter sighed and moved his hands behind him, leaning back. "Grandpa wants to take me skiing. Mum says it's Christmas so I should be at home. He says it'll be the week be _fore_ Christmas and we'll be back."

"She... doesn't want you to go?" Remus asked slowly.

"I guess not. Dad says it would be great for me and Grandpa both."

"What do you want to do?"

Peter frowned, the crease reappearing. It took him several seconds before finally responding with, "I don't know. I don't want Mum to be mad. But. I mean, my grandpa's crazy, you've heard me tell you, all those hiking trips this summer?" He shook his head. "Skiing sounds _dangerous_! You know me, I'll just fall and break my head or something."

"You... don't want to go?"

"I don't _know_ ," he whined. "Dad and Grandpa really want me to and—and I do like spending time with him. He's crazy but he's cool in his own way. He was in World War Two, you know."

Remus's eyes widened a little. "Really?"

"Uh-huh. Pilot."

"Wow."

"Yeah. He really wants me to, um, experience Muggle things. Says he's gonna teach me to drive in a few years."

Remus snorted then covered his mouth when Pete shot him a look. "S—sorry! Just, trying to imagine you... driving."

"Try to imagine James or Sirius driving," Pete said.

Remus giggled. "Now _that's_ a disaster."

They exchanged smiles then Pete looked back at the fire. "I dunno. I'm just real torn. I mean, if I go with Grandpa and—my aunt and uncle and cousins, they'd go too, Muggles, my dad's sister's family—then we would be back be _fore_ Christmas. It wouldn't be like I couldn't spend Christmas away from Mum. With Mum. I mean... Er, well—well you know what I mean. But it'd also mean pretending to be Muggle for several days and I feel weird doing that."

"Your grandpa... doesn't know...?"

"Oh! No, he knows, he lives with us," Peter explained quickly. "He knows all about the magical stuff. My aunt doesn't. And they'd go. That's another problem. My cousins can be annoying. But I'd mostly be spending time with Grandpa."

"What about your dad?"

"He can't take the time off. Mum's been invited but she flat out said no, she's not spending four or five days pretending to be Muggle."

Remus drew his knees up, wrapping his arms around them, resting his cheek against his arm. "Pete, it—it kinda sounds like you're trying to figure out who you don't want to disappoint more than if you actually want to go or not."

Peter didn't say anything for so long Remus thought he had way overstepped things and was about to apologize when Peter slumped forward. "You're right, that's _exactly_ what I'm trying to figure out. I don't wanna disappoint either of them! What would you do?"

Remus flinched a little. He couldn't ever think of when his parents were in a disagreement over what to do with Remus, or having to 'pick sides'. The only thing that came close was him returning to Hogwarts, and his dad fully on his side, while his mother wasn't. "I'm not sure," he admitted, and Peter groaned, flopping onto his back. "Do you _want_ to ski?"

"I don't know. It scares me. Like, whooshing down—you know what skiing is, right?" he suddenly asked.

Remus couldn't help but laugh. "Yes."

"Okay, well, whoosh, down super steep slopes with nothing but sticks on your feet and in your hand to control." Peter covered his face and began wallowing back and forth. "Not magic either. Not like a broom that listens to you. But... what if I don't like it though? Going with them. What if it's awful and I'm stuck there being Muggle?"

"I doubt you'd be on _steep_ slopes..."

"You know what _would_ be fun? All of us going skiing. Marauders."

"I can barely walk on my own two feet, do you—do you really want to put me on skis?" Remus asked and Peter grinned at him. "It would be great seeing James and Sirius trying though. There's probably magical skis though. Skis enchanted to keep you on track or... or upright."

"That'd be brilliant. Never afford them, but it'd be brilliant."

Remus watched the fire for a moment while the two were silent. "If you went on this trip and needed to leave early would your mother be able to come get you?"

Peter pursed his lips out, squinting his eyes. "I guess. Maybe."

"You could ask her, then you could at least try going and if you don't want to stay you can go home early," he suggested.

Peter bolted upright and threw his arms around Remus, squeezing the air out of him. "You're so _smart_ , what would _any_ of us do without you? That's a great idea." He squeezed again. "You _are_ a genius."

"G—glad I could help," he wheezed out, then took in a gulp of air when Peter released him. "I just want you to be happy."

"Thank you." Peter scootched closer, arm pressed against Remus's arm as they looked back at the fire. "I want you to be happy too. You frown a lot."

"I—I don't—"

"Yeah, you do. But I know you worry a lot so it's understandable." Peter stretched the blanket out so he could drape part of it over Remus too. "If I can help with anything for you just let me know, okay?"

"Of course," Remus said, feeling cozy and warm half-snuggled with Pete in a blanket like this. "Actually, we still haven't taken pictures in that secret passage if you want to do that tomorrow. I—I can't really take any books home from the library but I think my mother has some art books I could maybe look through."

"Ooh, right, that, yeah, tomorrow's good for me. You're really interested in the pits passage, aren't you?"

"I... am," he whispered, watching the flames dance.

"How come?"

He slowly shrugged. "I'm interested in history. I'm incredibly curious about the fact there's a whole section of the castle sealed off, and that someone went around literally blasting down through the floor and into the rock. I want to know what happened. Don't you ever just... want to _know_ things? What happened? How? Why? The facts of something that occurred sometime long before you were even born?"

"Remus, I can barely remember the facts of something that occurred sometime to _day_."

"I—er, well, it just really fascinates me. I want to know! And l _earn_. Everything I can."

"Oh..." Peter shifted a bit then added, "Sirius is right."

"About what?"

"You _are_ a nerd." Remus elbowed him and Peter giggled. "But a good one."

" _Thanks_."

*

After James's practice the next day all four of them went to the pits corridors, since they also needed to start working on the potion they intended to use at the feast before the Christmas holidays. It took about nine days to brew, meaning it would be done just a couple days before the feast. Remus miserably rode over the first impassable pit on the broom and felt more miserable knowing he'd have to do it again to go farther. He wondered what they’d say if he did finally mention the fact the broom had silver on it—he probably _should_ —but at this point it seemed kinda silly to complain. It wasn't as if there was anything he could _do_ about it.

Sirius doodled in his sketchbook and Remus studied while James and Peter prepped ingredients and began the potion. Once it go to the point where it was just adding ingredients and stirring—a job James could do on his own—the other three went off together so Peter could take the pictures. Remus had him photograph some of the pottery, the paintings, and the tapestries as well as some minor architecture designs like the sconces on the wall and some of the design around entrances. Sirius mostly went with them to fly them over the passages since Remus couldn't fly, and Peter wasn't sure he'd be able to fly with someone else on the broom and didn't want to risk crashing James's broom.

"I think there's something shifty about this part," Sirius said when they were doing the dead end corridor in order for Peter to take a picture of the painting of a sleeping dragon. Its scales rippled as it slowly breathed in and out, smoke wafting from its nostrils.

"Something shifty about this whole place," Pete said, lowering the camera.

Remus tilted his head, studying the dragon. "It's strange..."

"That's what I meant," Peter said.

"No. The dragon. It's more of an imagined dragon than a real one. It looks distinctly like a Swedish Short-Snout but—"

"It's red," Sirius said.

"What color are Swedish Short-Snouts normally?" Peter asked.

"Blue," Remus answered, tilting his head the other way. "Silvery-blue. Just odd they'd paint it that way."

"There's loads of paintings that aren't real to life," Sirius pointed out.

"I know but the fact it looks so much _like_ a Short-Snout but is the wrong color just seems odd to me," Remus said. Something nagged at the back of his head, something saying he should know what it meant... but then it faded, and he shrugged. "Ah, well, guess that's just what the artist wanted."

Remus figured they had a decent amount of pictures and returned to James who was slowly feeding reeds into the boiling liquid. He fake glared as soon as they came over. "Yeah, come back almost as soon as the boring part is done."

"I can take over," Peter offered, picking up the last couple of reeds.

James finished the one he was doing then got up, brushing his hands off on his trousers. He and Sirius began talking about something while Remus started to turn away to go sit down. Then Peter yelped about the potion starting to bubble over and he needed help.

"Remus, here," James said and handed something to Remus so he could help Peter.

Remus automatically reached out then withdrew his hand quickly when he realized it was James's broom. The broom clattered to his floor while James and Sirius went to pull the cauldron higher from the fire while Peter tried to get the fire to go down a bit. James glanced over his shoulder at the sound of his broom hitting the floor and frowned.

"Hey, why'd'ja do _that_!?"

"S—sorry!" Remus bent down, carefully wrapping his fingers around a section that didn't have any silver, and picked it up gingerly.

"It's not going to bite!" Jame grunted as they lowered the cauldron back onto the fire.

"Hopefully that didn't ruin it," Sirius said.

"I'm s-s-sorry!" Remus squeaked again, feeling terribly. "I—I don't think it's ruined!"

Sirius brushed some hair aside, smiling. "Meant the potion. I'm sure the broom is okay."

James came over and took his broom back, clearly upset. "You don't just throw brooms down onto the floor like that," he grumbled, glaring at Remus. "I thought you were taking it."

"I—I—I w-w-was, I—I d-d-didn't know it w-was your b-b-broom. I'm so sorry! Is it... r-ruined?"

James ran his fingers along the handle and Remus tried not to wince when his fingers swept across the silver. "I think it's fine but Merlin's beard, Remy, your fear of brooms is getting worse."

"I'm... n-not afraid of... brooms..." he mumbled, feeling super awkward.

"Then what's the problem?" James asked, rather huffily.

They were all looking at him and he shifted from foot to foot. He wound his fingers into the hem of his jumper and he ducked his head, mumbling incoherently. James asked him to repeat himself and Remus took a step back. "S—silver," he croaked out. "Your—your b-b-broom has—ss-s-silver on it."

James snorted. "Yeah? What, are you afraid of silver or s—oh shit."

Sirius's eyes snapped wide open and his mouth hung open a little, then he slapped his hand against his face, clearly distraught "Shit," he agreed.

James stared at Remus in horror then down at his broom. "Oh. Merlin. Remus, I—oh Merlin! I didn't—I never thought—"

"Are you okay?" Sirius was suddenly at Remus's side. "You were on it early, you—are you okay?"

"What's going _on_?" Peter asked, still putting reeds into the potion.

"I'm fine," Remus mumbled, withdrawing from Sirius. He _should_ have said something earlier, now he just felt dumb. "It's fine. Really."

"What's the problem?" Peter demanded.

"W—werewolves and silver don't really... go together..." Sirius trailed off and looked at Remus, unsure of what else to say about it.

"It's dangerous," he said, trembling a little. "I... don't know exactly what... would happen. I—I think it will burn me. And I d-don't know if I'll heal from it."

Peter's mouth hung open and James put his broom in its case, angrily shutting the case then he glared at the clasps which were, of course, silver. "Dumb thing!" He kicked the case.

"No! James, come—come on, it's fine—"

"Remy, I really never thought about that!" he said, turning back around. "I swear, I just never even connected the idea..."

"It's _fine_ ," Remus said, trying not to sigh; he was grateful for James's concern and it was nice to know they hadn't thought about it rather than them not caring, but he didn't like the fact James had kicked his carrying case. It was a super expensive item, he couldn't even imagine how much it had cost the Potters!

"At the beginning of the school year," Sirius said slowly, brow furrowed, "when you were... sick... when we were trying out James's broom and refusing..."

"I w-wasn't sure if I could even sit on it," he said.

"But you have. In here," James said, waving his arm towards the pit.

"I figured if I was careful with how I sat on the broom I could avoid the silver sections," he explained. "And it works, I can, it's fine."

"It's not though. Silver—it hurts you," James protested. "I'm not gonna have something that hurts you!"

Remus snorted, folding his arms. "First of all, you all have sickles. And second of all... what, you're going to get rid of your broom?"

James looked down at the case then back up. "Yeah."

"James, don't be absurd—"

"I'm not being ab _surd_! I'll get rid of it—"

"Merlin, a broom isn't something you can just replace—"

"It sure can be and don't tell me what to do with my own possessions—"

"If you're going to throw away a perfectly good broom merely because I have an—an allergy—"

"It's more than an allergy, it _hurts_ you, and I'm not gonna throw it away! I'll have my dad sell it, or donate it—"

"This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever—"

"Don't call me ridiculous!"

"I'm not calling you ridiculous, I'm calling the situation ridiculous which it absolutely is!"

They both stopped and just stood there, staring at each other, both breathing heavily; Sirius and Peter were watching with big eyes, Sirius having been swiveling his head back and forth between them as they argued.

"Where's the popcorn when you need it," Peter murmured as he dropped the last of the reeds in.

James made a disgusted sound and moved away from Remus. "It's my broom, I can do what I want with it."

"Fine," Remus sniffled, "waste—" he stopped, unsure how much brooms cost. A lot. "—loads of galleons," he settled on and went over, picking up his satchel, intending to leave but realizing there was a pit he wouldn't be able to cross without the broom. Unless he jumped. Did he dare jump? It'd be so weird. He'd heal up any issues but... it was weird.

He gave another sniffle then sat down against the wall, pulling a book out and angrily opening it onto his lap. James crouched next to the potion to work on it, muttering under his breath. Remus's skin prickled with irritation. He knew perfectly well it was James's choice, it was his broom! If he wanted to sell it or donate it or chuck it into the lake it was his decision, but Remus _hated_ the fact James was going to do it because of _him_ , and _waste_ all that money! Even if he sold it they wouldn't get near the same amount of money back, so what was the point?

Remus read until it was time to go then of course there was the matter of getting across the pit. James asked if they should go nick a school broom and Remus promised he could sit on the Starshooter. He pointed at the handle, indicating where he had positioned himself each time to make sure no silver touched him. James finally mounted the broom and Remus got on behind him, being very careful. They flew over the pit and Remus did his awkward hop off, swinging his leg to avoid the metal.

"See?" he asked, probably haughtier than he should have.

James just frowned and went to get the others. Remus could feel the tension between him and James as they headed back to the dorms, and just clutched helplessly at his satchel, hating himself for causing more problems. _Shouldn't have said anything_ , he thought miserably, not really paying attention as he walked. _Should have just pretended it was my clumsiness_.

Suddenly he was jerked to the side and looked up to see Sirius had just saved him from walking right into a wall, his fingers still clutching the back of Remus's jumper. He just flashed Remus a smile, and let go.

Remus ducked his head, trying to pay more attention as they walked. Sirius and Peter were the only ones talking, chattering to fill the uncomfortable silence from the other two Marauders. Neither of them said a word until they reached their dorm. James shoved his carrying case under his bed then turned around to face Remus.

"I am _not_ going to have something that hurts my friend."

Remus stiffened. "You have sickles."

"You don't use the sickles, but you use the broom."

Remus opened his mouth to continue arguing then quickly shut it. "S'your broom, do what you want," he finally muttered, turning on his heels. "I'll be in the library."

He left, knowing he was being rude and probably petty, but it felt like a constriction in his chest... thinking about how James could just... get a new broom. New, expensive broom. _Two_ new, expensive brooms in less than a year! Whereas Remus had to wear ratty jeans and secondhand robes and hoped that asking for a nice notebook for Christmas wasn't too much.

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the jealousy flaring up; he was unable to, and hated himself all the more for it. It was as sickening as when he felt jealousy over Sirius being a natural Occlumens. He was happy James had so much money and could afford what he wanted, yet at the same time he couldn't help but wish he had even a little bit of it. And worse—it was _his_ fault. _His_ fault that his family was so poor.

Remus cupped his hand over his left arm, over his bite mark. He could vaguely feel the ridges and bumps through the jumper. _All my fault_ , he thought miserably.

Course, the Lupins would _never_ be anywhere _near_ as rich as the Potters, but they certainly wouldn't be in _this_ position if Lyall had been able to continue to work at the Ministry. Remus would probably be able to get a new uniform that actually fit him, and trainers that weren't about to fall to pieces. Trainers that he didn't have to constantly use the repairing spell on while praying they stayed together for another week or two.

When he got to the library instead of studying he went under a table. There he wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his head down in them while guilt and self-hate gnawed away at his soul.


	68. Chapter Sixty-Eight - Uncomfortable Territory

After an evening of quiet glares and silence, James and Remus made up in the morning. Remus woke up feeling far too awful and apologized, which James accepted with a big hug. Remus still felt uncomfortable about the fact James was going to try to get a whole new broom because of the silver thing, but he began to doubt it would work; surely Mr. Potter wouldn't agree to buy James a new broom for no reason? Since James couldn't explain why? That thought made him feel a lot better, and he was able to move on, though a few feelings of guilt over his own family's financial situation clung to the edges.

Over the next couple days Remus spent a lot of his time studying, holing up in the library every free period and during some of the meals. He usually skipped lunch and munched on a sandwich or apple that his friends brought him on the way to their classes. The other boys expressed concern he was doing too much for exams that didn't 'mean' much but he pointed out the rest of his study group was taking it as seriously as him. They were meeting up every night that week, and extending the sessions.

"Yeah, a bunch of nerds agree you should overdo it with the studying, what a surprise," Sirius muttered.

"You know all this already, you don't need to stress out about it," added Peter. "You get good grades—"

"Because I study," he argued.

"Because you're a genius," James said, smacking Remus on the back. "You could probably ace everything even without studying anything."

He shook his head, disagreeing wholeheartedly with that statement. "Remember what I said last year?" he asked to three very blank faces. "Even if you're good at Quidditch you still go to practice. And I'm _not_ a genius."

That night Fawley voiced her agreement with the other Marauders after seeing some of his memories, saying he needed to make sure he didn't overdo it. He promised he wasn't overdoing it—because really, he wasn't—but just because these exams weren't 'that' important didn't mean he should slack. He knew he was pretty smart but James was very wrong; he wasn't anywhere near a genius and _knew_ if he didn't study his grades would be bad. At least, that's what he _figured_. He certainly wasn't going to test it.

Fawley also saw the argument he had had with James and admitted she was a little surprised that James seemed so anxious about his broom since she knew how important it was to him. That he was so concerned over his friend he was considering getting rid of one of his most beloved possessions.

Then, just as it was close to the lesson ending and he thought he'd escape...

“ _You’re not bloody allergic, you’ve got a crush!”_ All of their conversation in the nook, his denial, his running away, him going to Pomfrey. They were wrenched from his head before it got any further thankfully, before he started muttering to himself though he couldn't remember offhand what he had said. Had he mentioned Sirius?

Fawley tucked some hair behind her ear while he cringed back, no idea what he could say about this, how to explain it. "Remus?" she asked gently.

"Wh—wh—what?" he mumbled, tugging at his sleeve, glancing at the door, wondering what she'd do if he just ran away.

She shifted slightly, hands folding in her lap, shoulders straight back. "If there's anything you'd like to talk about... I'm here for you."

"Th... thank you, Miss Fawley, I r-really appreciate that."

There was an uncomfortable, awkward silence that hung in the air for several long seconds.

"As your Occlumency teacher... there is... a lot of your life that I am, unfortunately, privy to until you can fight me off," she finally continued, and he wanted to throw up. "I've made it clear I'm not going to tell your secrets—"

"Idonthaveacrushonanyone!" he blurted out.

She raised her eyebrows. "All right—"

"I _don't_."

Fawley slowly nodded. "I understand. I'm just... letting you know. We're going to start getting into probably uncomfortable territory now that you're getting older and... changing."

"I'm not changing!" he squeaked, pushing himself farther into the couch. "It's fine. I'm fine."

She held up a hand. "Remus, you are. You're... getting older now. Things _change_. I do try to be careful and only skim lightly... I try not to go too... deep... but that never... I can control where I go in your memories however there's no way for me to know if the memory I am seeing is about to become... extremely private or not. So I'm going to, at some point, intrude onto very... _personal_... memories. I believe it's best if we set some boundaries right now," she said.

Remus stared at her in horror wondering if she was referring to what he thought she was referring to. Then he nearly threw up as she confirmed that yes, she was talking about that.

"If I see any memories of you alone in your dorm I'll do as I do when I accidentally snag a memory of you in the shower or changing: I'll exit out. Likewise with anything else that seems... on a... a similar path of... er, having... fun... by yourself."

He covered his face and curled away from her, wanting to say he didn't do that! But even saying that seemed too... _awful_! "M—Miss F-Fawley I—I d-d-don't—I—"

"It's all right, Remus."

It wasn't all right though! It was hideously embarrassing and he wanted to crawl into a hole and _die_. He couldn't bear to be in the same room as her anymore and he jumped to his feet. "I have to go—"

"Remus—"

"G-g-g-goodbye!"

" _Remus_!" she snapped as he made a dash for the door. "Wait one second please!" He hesitated, hand on the doorknob, face burning with shame. "Are we meeting next Tuesday? During the exams?"

No, he never wanted to see her again!

"Y-yes," he whispered.

She was quiet for a moment then nodded. "All right. I'll see you next week then. And please don't be ashamed. It's perfectly natur—"

He ran outside and slammed the door shut, feeling like he might self combust with how hotly mortified he was! Even though he had planned on going to the library after Occlumency he couldn't, he _couldn't_! Instead he ran and ran, as fast as he could towards the Gryffindor tower, dodging down side corridors, forcing himself to slow down only when he heard others nearby. He ran through the common room and up to his dorm, glad the other Marauders would be at James's practice. He slammed the dorm door behind him, grabbed some stuff from his bed, and dove underneath to press his face into the cool pillow and try not to cry, scream, or both.

Was the entirety of his autumn term of second year existing solely to torture him?!

*

Remus used the excuse of studying to avoid his friends as much as possible until Charms the next day. He especially didn't want to see Lily, who assumed _wrongly_ he had a crush on someone. He knew the Christmas holidays wouldn’t really be a big erasing spell but he was still looking forward to the time away, and hoped it would give him the chance to clear his head, especially after the horrifying interaction with Fawley. He kept hearing her repeat over and over in his head the things she said. The thing she was trying to say. It was... natural.

Remus's leg jiggled under his desk and he was trying not to tap his quill on the parchment. Even if it was natural, there was no way he'd ever in a millions attempt to—to do that now. Not with someone who could see his memories, even if she would leave if it 'seemed like' it was 'heading' that way. He tried not to groan, feeling himself getting hotter and more embarrassed just _thinking_ about it.

"Good morning class," Flitwick said, clapping his hands for attention and dragging Remus out of his contemplation on the best way to disappear for the rest of eternity. "Today we'll begin to work on the tickling charm."

" _Yes_ ," Sirius hissed out, pumping his fist, while James and Peter both sat up a bit straighter. This was what they had been looking forward to. They were supposed to have started it a week or two ago but some of the classes had gotten a little out of hand and some spells had taken longer. But finally they were here.

Flitwick began pairing everyone up. Poor Peter got paired up with Spinnet, though at least it was better than Sirius or James with Spinnet; Sirius got Inkwood and they both beamed at each other. Remus crossed his fingers under his desk but James got—

"Are you _kidding_ me?!" James cried out when Flitwick put him with Lily.

Remus wound up with Magpie. The desks were stacked up against the wall to give everyone space to practice the spell on one another; Struthers, Colgate, and Nettle were the trio and took a corner to sorta form a triangle.

"Good luck," Magpie said, smiling shyly at Remus.

"Um, you t-too." Flitwick told everyone to begin, and Remus's side of the line got to go first. "Rictusempra!" He was the only student in his line that didn't have to check the blackboard for the proper motion. He had been practicing it by himself, and knew the motion down pat. Silver light shot out, slamming into Magpie who immediately began shrieking with laughter.

"NO! NO!" she squealed, collapsing onto her back, clutching at her middle, legs kicking.

"Nice panties, Magpie," Sirius said.

"SIRIUS BLACK YOU—AHAHAHAHA—PERVERT!" She tried to sit up, tugging her skirt down, but wriggled wildly, arms flailing. Remus quickly took the spell off and she gave him a grateful look, jumping to her feet, face brilliantly pink.

"Mr. Black—" Flitwick began.

"Sirius, you shouldn't _look_!" Inkwood said rather angrily, ignoring the teacher.

Sirius grinned, shrugging. "Couldn't help it! Her legs were everywhere, it was kinda... you know... look here."

"Mr. Black, that is—" Flitwick tried again but was once more interrupted.

"Locomotor trousers!" Lily's arm flourished and Sirius's trousers were yanked down, revealing dragon patterned boxers. Most of the class burst into laughter (the other three Marauders trying hard not to) while Sirius's face flooded with heat. He yanked his trousers back up, very horrified, very angry.

"ENOUGH!" Flitwick called out, snapping his wand and sending out a firecracker, startling everyone into silence. "Miss _Evans_! I cannot be _lieve_ what I just witnessed!"

Lily stuck her chin out. "He was teasing Athena."

"I am well aware of what happened, I was about to step in," Flitwick said, furious. "Five points from Gryffindor for Mr. Black—you should not have done that—and ten points from you, Miss Evans. I am extremely disappointed. Minerva will be informed. Miss Magpie, are you all right? You seemed very... affected by the charm."

"Lupin's spell felt very strong," Magpie explained, straightening out her skirt.

"Mr. Lupin, would you please use the spell on me?"

Remus felt miserable at everyone watching him, wishing Magpie hadn't said that! Course there didn't seem to be any getting out of this. "Y—yes sir. Rictusempra!"

Flitwick doubled over, wheezing loudly, falling to the floor, body quaking with laughter until Remus quickly took the spell off of him. "Wow!" He got up, plucking his fallen hat off the floor to put back onto his head. "Very impressive. Eight points to Gryffindor. It doesn't seem like you really need to practice this spell. Miss Nettle, will you pair up with Miss Magpie?"

"I—I don't mind being paired with Lupin," Magpie said, which surprised Remus since she was good friends with Nettle. He'd have thought she would jump at the chance.

"Be that as it may, it's clear Mr. Lupin doesn't need to practice." Flitwick waved his hand to indicate Nettle move over to join Magpie.

Magpie looked discouraged, casting a strange look at Remus, but since Flitwick told him he could sit down and work on homework for a while he quickly scurried to a corner, and Magpie turned her gaze to Nettle. Remus got his books and parchment out, working on his Charms essay due on Friday, figuring he might as well specifically work on Charms in this class. He kept glancing up as his classmates giggled and laughed, and at James and Lily's constant arguing; Lily trying to correct James, James snapping at her. Though to his chagrin, James was the second one to really go down, though seemingly not as tickled as Magpie had been, only on his knees and not flat out on the floor. Sirius managed to get Inkwood though the most she did was double over. No one else ended up on the floor fully.

Finally class ended and Flitwick didn't assign anymore homework since there was already an essay due Friday, and then the next week would be exams. Remus put everything in his bag and quickly left. He half-expected his friends to be interested in how well he could do the spell but the topic was definitely Revenge On Lily.

"How DARE she!" Sirius raged, storming ahead of the others. "She—and I—and my dragon boxers!" He whirled around suddenly, and James nearly ran into him. "My _dragon boxers_!"

"It's shit, mate," James agreed, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "She had no right."

"Just because you made a comment about Magpie's... p... panties..." Peter broke off giggling at that, "doesn't mean she shoulda done that. What color were they? I didn't see."

"Yellow," Sirius replied, running his fingers through his hair.

"What's with girls and yellow underwear?" James asked, referring to Professor Dedenne's yellow bra and panties they had stolen the year before.

"Nah, it wasn't that dark, it was like... a pale yellow," Sirius explained.

Remus pressed his lips thin, thinking it didn't seem right to be discussing Magpie's undergarments like that. "You really shouldn't have said anything about them."

Sirius snorted. "Please. I couldn't help but see them. It's not like I _purposely_ looked. She was right next to me and fell over and her legs were kicking and I just... saw."

"But you still shouldn't have said anything," Remus muttered, hunching over.

"I'm still going to get revenge. On Lily I mean."

James clapped him on the back. "I'm with you."

"Me too," added Peter.

They all looked at Remus who threw his hands up. "Depending on what it is I may help. Or I may simply... not stop you."

"Nothing _bad_ ," promised Sirius. "I'm thinking something to her dorm. That way she can't really properly blame me."

"We should put slime in her underwear drawer," suggested James with a wicked grin. Sirius whooped in agreement. "Course, she likes slimy Snivellus so... she should be used to slime everywhere."

Remus thought that that wouldn't be too bad a prank. It would just mean doing laundry, and a bit of cleaning. "Okay," he said which surprised his friends. At least all of this was a distraction from all the calamity. All the shameful thoughts swirling around his head from Fawley's accusations. "I'll help with that... although it might still be suspicious if you do the slime spell, perhaps we could do something else."

"Like what?" Sirius asked.

"Er..." He racked his brain for something harmless. "Custard?" It still wasn't _great_ but they could have gone down a much worse path, doing something to her physically, like itching-powder-sticky-solution, or something like that.

Instead of going to supper they decided to get revenge on Lily. Since Remus had no idea of a spell that could conjure custard (though it seemed to be the sort of spell they _should_ know) that meant James donning his invisibility cloak and sneaking into the kitchens to steal some of the dessert. Unfortunately, the house-elves were not preparing custard that night so he wound up nicking a bunch of custard mix and the four of them made a cauldron full of custard in the bathroom.

"Oof maybe a mistake making it here," Sirius grunted as he hauled the cauldron out of the bathroom.

"Nah we can manage," James said, getting his broom out. "Should one of you go wait in the common room to distract any of the girls or would that be suspicious?"

"Probably be suspicious, depending on who comes in," Remus admitted. "I could talk to Lily or even Colgate or Inkwood... but I can't imagine any reason to talk to anyone else. Although... I suppose Peter and I—at least I'm assuming I'm not coming with you?—could be in the common room and if any of the girls come in perhaps we could set off some sort of... noise? Alarm?"

"That isn't like you though," James said, still just standing there straddling his broom.

"I could wait in the common room," Sirius said. "Set off fireworks if any of the second year girls come in to give you warning."

"Then..." James glanced at the other two. "Which one is coming with me?"

Neither of them said anything. Remus didn't mind going but suspected James would choose Peter simply because of the silver on the broom.

"I—you know I'm no good at this sort of thing," Peter said, shuffling. "Plus Remus has better hearing than me."

James shifted his gaze to Remus who shrugged. "I'll be fine."

James's eyes lit up and he dismounted his broom. "What if I wrap a sheet around it?"

"James—"

But James was yanking a sheet off his bed so he could wrap it around the handle of his broom. "Does this help?"

Remus sighed, deciding not to argue. "Yeah, that'll be fine."

He got on the broom behind James and Sirius nestled the cauldron of custard between them. It was extremely awkward and Remus immediately regretted doing this. He had to keep one arm wrapped around the cauldron and the other stretched out to cling to James; not having both arms around James made him nervous.

He squeaked a little as James kicked off and, after Peter opened the window and Sirius flung the invisibility cloak over them, they flew out. Remus closed his eyes tightly, wanting to bury his face against James's back but couldn't.

"You okay?"

"F—fine," he gulped, trying not to shake. His legs dangled down with the ground _so_ far under him, and he could vaguely feel the hot sensation of the silver through the sheet and his trousers. It was sleeting and windy, the cloak flapping wildly as they flew around the tower. It felt like it took an eternity.

"Alohomora," James said and then the broom rocked as he leaned over, opening the window. Remus tried not to vomit at the sensation. Then they flew through the window, and were in the girls' dorm.

Remus staggered away, setting the cauldron on the floor, panting heavily. He doubled over, hands on his thighs. "Bloody hell."

"You sure you're okay?" James asked anxiously.

"The f-flight, not the silver," he gasped out.

"Oh."

Remus took in a few breaths and then straightened up, glancing around the room. There were only three beds, and instead of sharing large wardrobes each girl had their own smaller one. He knew which bed was Lily's even without the scent or the initialed trunk. He went over, blushing slightly to see a photo of the two of them together stuck up on the wall next to her bed.

" _Is_ she your girlfriend?" James asked.

Remus jumped, and spun around. "For the millionth time _no_! Now, let's hurry." He scampered to the door and leaned against it, knowing he'd be able to hear the fireworks no matter what but wanting to keep an ear out just in case.

James went to the small wardrobe by Lily's bed and opened one of the drawers. "Eewwww," he drew out, nose crinkled. "Evans' undies." He picked up a pair of pink panties, letting them dangle between his fingers. "Want a souvenir?"

"We are _not_ stealing anything!" Remus hissed out, trying not to go redder.

James wriggled his hand, the panties flapping. "Maybe we should send them to Snivellus. He'd like 'em."

" _James_!"

"Okay, okay." He dropped the panties back into the drawer then hefted the cauldron of custard up, tipping it over, laughing as it oozed into the drawer. "Oh Merlin's beard this is great! This is better than slime! You should see it!"

"Shhh, someone's walking by," Remus said, holding a finger up to his lip.

James fell silent, eyes wide, mouth slightly open. Remus stiffened, putting a hand on the doorknob. He heard footsteps approaching... then walking past. Once he couldn't hear them anymore he relaxed and motioned for James to finish. He was glad he could be here for this because he had the feeling if it had been James and Sirius together they probably would have done a lot worse.

James tried using the locomotion spell to get as much of the custard out but just as he was about to set the cauldron back down they both heard kabooms from the common room. They stared at each other.

"Hurry!"

James shut the drawer and Remus ran over, taking the cauldron and getting on the broom behind James. This time he could just slip his arm through the handle and let the cauldron dangle while keeping both arms around James. James got the cloak around them as best as he could then they darted out the window.

"Don't forget to close it," Remus reminded him.

"Cincinnium!" James flicked his wand and the window's lock slid back into place.

They flew back around the tower and into the boys' dorm, nearly crashing into James's bed. They put the cauldron under James's bed for cleaning later, put the cloak and broom away, then hurried down the stairs to find Sirius in deep conversation with Inkwood, while Lily and Colgate stood nearby looking bored.

James gave Sirius a thumbs up and Sirius grinned at Inkwood. "Hey, I have to get going. I'll talk to you later." He winked at her (sending her into a fit of giggles) then the Marauders made their exit, managing to hold back the laughter until they got to the sixth floor where they all collapsed in a heap. Remus felt a little bad for helping prank Lily but it _was_ harmless (and he knew if he hadn't helped it probably would have ended up not so harmless), and a lot of fun. He just hoped she wouldn't be too mad... or figure out who did it!


	69. Chapter Sixty-Nine - Mulciber and Avery's Plan

Remus heard stomping. Angry stomping. He glanced up from his book, staring wide-eyed at the closed door. James, Sirius, and Peter were playing a board game on the floor, Spinnet was at his desk, and Struthers was on his own bed doing homework. It was rather late.

But Remus knew those stomps. He shrank back against his headboard and waited.

The door flung open so hard it _slammed_ into the wall. Everyone else jumped in surprised then began protesting at the sight of Lily Evans standing there, fury etched across her face, one hand lifted in the air covered in custard.

"JAMES—POTTER—SIRIUS—BLACK!"

"What the heck, Evans, this is the boys' dorm!" James said, scrambling to grab his night robe, covering himself even though he was fully dressed in his pajamas.

"Evans, you're not supposed to be in here—" Spinnet began.

Lily ignored him and marched over, brandishing her custard hand at James. "I KNOW PERFECTLY WELL YOU DID THIS!"

James recoiled back, rearranging his face into a look of pure innocence. "Is that poop?"

Her face reddened. "YOU KNOW DAMN WELL IT'S CHOCOLATE!"

"Why d'you have chocolate all over your hand?"

"IT'S CUSTARD!"

James adjusted his glasses and put on a sweet smile. "Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's how you're supposed to eat custard."

She gave a screech of rage and started to go for her wand but as it was her right hand covered in custard she stopped right before reaching into her pocket. "You're going to _get it_!" She grabbed a pillow off the nearest bed and began trying to hit James. Not successfully since A, she was using her left hand and she was right handed, and B, James scrambled away and managed to duck away as she chased him

"I don't understand, where did the custard come from?" Sirius asked. "Why are you blaming James?"

Spinnet pushed his chair back, getting to his feet. "I should get a prefect."

" _You sit back down right this second, Spinnet_!" Lily snarled out, ending her chase. Spinnet stared in fear then slowly sank back down, not saying anything else. "I don't know _how_ you got into my dorm without setting off the alarms but I _know_ you did it!" She flung the pillow at James and it smacked his midriff.

James folded his arms. "If I could sneak in your dorm, I'd do something a little more _fun_ than just put custard on your bed."

Remus covered his lower mouth with his book, trying not to smile. He was worried for a second that James was going to say 'put custard in your drawer' which of course would have given it away. He was impressed James thought that through.

James's statement did make Lily hesitate. "Of course it was you. Who else would put custard in my stuff? It's for what I did to Black today! I know it was."

"I don't know who did it, but it wasn't me," James lied smoothly.

Lily turned to glare at Sirius. "You, then."

"Nope," Sirius replied. Lily waited, but he didn't say anything else.

"Well, I'm telling McGonagall tomorrow and you'll be in trouble," she said though she had considerably less anger in her voice now, probably realizing how 'impossible' it was for a boy to get to the girls' side.

Remus bit his tongue, hating doing this. He wanted to tell her... but also didn't want to snitch on his friends. Besides, he'd get in trouble too. Still, lying to her like this, shifting the blame to another girl wasn't the greatest thing to do... however, it wasn't really fair girls could go into the boys' dorms so freely. Lily had done so a few times and once to prank James and Sirius so...

Lily turned and stormed out.

"Did you do it?" Struthers asked as soon as the door shut.

"How could we get into the girls' dorms?" James asked with a shrug.

Remus stayed up late, studying and also questioning himself over whether it was wrong or not. He struggled with the thought for a long time before finally falling asleep, books still open around him which he knocked off his bed in the morning when he jerked awake. He sleepily gathered all his books and then almost went down to breakfast in his pajamas after slipping his school robes over them but Sirius stopped him, turning him around and giving him a gentle push back to the dorm. He got dressed in a cleanish uniform (the shirt was rumpled and had been worn twice but oh well) and hurried after his friends.

Post came, including a letter from his mother. Remus yawned, opening it up, sleepily reading about how excited she was for the holidays, and also her talking about the knitting group she had joined the month before. She had mentioned it in September and he had written back, encouraging her to go. It was a Muggle group in a nearby town and Lyall hadn't really liked the idea since the Lupins needed to be as private as possible. But Remus pointed out that if they were Muggle there wasn't much chance of them somehow guessing her son was a werewolf. After a lot of back and forth she had gone to a get together and enjoyed it.

_It's really nice chatting to other women. It's been so long since I've had someone else to talk to besides you or Lyall._

Remus smiled, and wondered if this meant maybe they'd be okay with _him_ having friends too! Then—

"YES!" Sirius shrieked and Remus jumped. He grinned, lowering the letter he had gotten. "Oops, didn't mean to shout, but guess _what_?!" He didn't even wait for anyone to guess. "I'm going to be a—er, well, I guess I'm already a cousin and I'm not really going to be an uncle, technically, but—but Andy—Andromeda's pregnant!"

"Oh wow!"

"That's so neat!"

"Congratulations!"

The other Marauders all gave Sirius thumbs up and arm pats while he beamed down at the letter. "She's due in June. Ha! That's so great!" He glanced over at the Slytherin table, at a group of girls. "I wonder if anyone else in the family knows," he muttered quietly, mostly to himself. "I don't... _think_ she's in contact with anyone else." He ran his thumb along the letter, looking rather sad. Remus remembered the letter Sirius had sent during the summer of Andromeda being removed from the family. The Blacks had been so angry she married a Muggleborn, he wondered what they'd say or do if they knew she was having a baby with one.

"That's great she trusts you so much," James said.

Sirius smiled and didn't say anything else, but seemed a little sad for the rest of the day.

*

James and Sirius were called into McGonagall's office before supper, and they emerged rather annoyed that McGonagall had questioned them about the custard thing and been 'far too suspicious', in James's words. However they hadn't gotten into trouble. At least nearly getting in trouble cheered Sirius up.

That evening was a very, very cold Quidditch practice. It started out sleeting with a hard wind then wound up snowing. It was dark out, and Sirius, Peter, and Remus huddled together under a blanket Peter had brought and Remus mostly waterproofed. He also set up a row of bluebell flames in front of them. None of them could even properly see the players so it was kinda silly for them to be out there, but they wanted to show James their support. This was going to be the last practice until January.

Once they heard Bell blow the whistle and shout that practice was over, Remus got rid of the flames and they hurried down the bleachers, sliding in the slush built up on the stairs. At the bottom they waited for James but he wasn't alone; Seo-Yun Kim was with him, one of the Beaters. James seemed a little confused as to why she walked with him.

"Hey," she said, facing Sirius.

"Me?"

Kim rolled her eyes, but smiled. "Yeah. Wanna take me to the dance?"

Sirius seemed in absolute shock and, after several seconds, merely repeated, " _Me_?"

" _Yes_. I'm sick of boys harassing me and you're kinda cute plus it'll piss off all the assholes who won't leave me alone that I'm taking a thirteen-year-old. It's nothing... romantic. Period. Okay? Just as, you know, friends I guess. I mean, we're not really friends but you know what I mean. Soooo... wanna go?"

Sirius opened and closed his mouth a few times then nodded. "Yeah. Yeah!" Then he slipped back into his usual smooth voice. "Of course. I mean, as long as that's all it is."

"Trust me. You're cute but... not my type," she said. "I'll be wearing mostly black so I don't think it matters what you wear. Thanks!" She spun on her heels and disappeared into the darkness in the general direction of the castle.

Sirius just remained standing while James began shrieking and jumping around before flinging his arms around Sirius. "You got a bloody _date_!! Siiirrriuusss!"

"Holy hippogriff!" Peter giggled. "That's amazing! That's incredible!"

"Wow, congratulations for the second time today," Remus laughed.

"I—I got a date," he whispered. "I'm going to the dance. Merlin's beard."

"Come on, it's getting super cold," Peter said and began walking. James and Remus started too then turned around since Sirius wasn't moving. James rolled his eyes and grabbed Sirius's hand, yanking him along.

"You're only going to the dance if you don't _freeze_ to death first."

"Yeah. Absolutely," Sirius said, obviously not hearing what James was saying.

"You're turning into me," Remus teased and Sirius had enough presence of mind to stick his tongue out.

They got up to the dorm room and crowded around the heater, peeling off their wet layers, warming up a bit; James went to get another shower while Sirius just sat on the floor with a stupid grin on his face.

"I need to let my parents know I'll be back on the 17th and not the six—oh!" He finally looked up. "You guys gotta stay too. And James. Please?"

"Of course!" Peter replied immediately. "I'm sure my parents will be okay with it, and my grandpa's not leaving for the skiing trip till the 18th."

Remus shifted a bit, plucking at a hole in his jeans. "I... doubt I'll be able to," he said and Sirius frowned. "You know I can't tell them _why_ I need to stay."

"Surely you can think of something," Sirius pleaded, grabbing Remus's hand tightly. "I _need_ all of you there! A date..."

"It's not a real date—"

"No, but it's still—I'll be the only second year going probably—I mean we all knew I'd get a date—and I just... I want you guys there."

"Naturally," James said, coming back into the dorm, nothing but a towel haphazardly around his waist as he used another to half-dry his hair. "I'll write my parents tomorrow, let'em know."

Sirius stared wide-eyed at Remus, still holding his hand which was making the box wriggle and threaten to come off. He fought hard to keep it pushed firmly down, resisting the urge to yank his hand away. "I... I'll _try._ No promises though."

How was he supposed to convince his parents? What on earth could he possibly say?!

*

_Dear Mum and Dad, 8/12/72_

_I wasn't expecting to send another letter your way and that's why I am using a school owl instead of Arthur. I didn't want him overdoing it. Anyway, some of the teachers have been assigning some... I don't want to say 'difficult' essays for the Christmas holidays, but some homework I would really like to do a lot of research for. I didn't think anything of it until last night and then I got an idea. There is a stupid dance on Saturday night (the 16th, the day we're supposed to be leaving). For everyone who stays over but wants to go home there is another train leaving on the seventeenth. I was thinking if it is okay with you, could I possibly come home on the seventeenth? That way I have an extra day to do a lot of research in the library without it disrupting my exams. I can't bring books home from the Hogwarts library so that's why I was thinking I could stay, to take a lot of notes and work on the assignments over the holiday break. Then when I come back I can finish adjusting them then._

_I know it's a lot to ask, and I'll understand if you don't want to do this. I was just hoping I could._

_Love, Remus_

He read the letter over carefully, chewing at his bottom lip so hard he tasted blood. Did it sound believable enough? He handed it over to his friends, feeling a strange, floaty-swimmy feeling over the fact he _could_ share something like this with them.

"Yeah, that sounds like you," Sirius laughed, handing the letter to Peter. "Staying over to study."

"It isn't... completely wrong," Remus muttered, tugging at his sleeve. "I will be using _some_ of the time to study."

"I dunno about your parents but I'd believe this," Peter said.

James quickly read through and then gave it back to Remus. "Same. Though maybe take out the bit about understanding if they don't want to do that. Gives them too much of an out."

"I wanted to sound... nice."

Sirius took Remus's quill and scratched the last sentence out. "Leave it out," he said.

Remus looked at Peter who shrugged. "Don't ask me. I thought it seemed fine."

Remus took out a fresh piece of parchment and copied over the rest of the letter so there wasn't a big slash at the bottom making them suspicious.

_PS_ , he added, _I can't wait to see you_!

Though he wasn't sure how much he felt it. He was anxious to see them of course, but also just flat out terrified. What if they somehow guessed as soon as they saw him? At least he wouldn't have to worry about James or Peter accidentally giving it away on the platform, or having to hide. Unless Lily tried to come over... course, he was pretty sure she was going home on the sixteenth which meant if he stayed till the seventeenth he wouldn't need to worry about that. Another plus.

In Potions they worked on a potion that would be part of their exams. It was a two part potion that needed a full week to finish brewing, and then more stuff added to it. Slughorn had them pair up and Remus wound up with Aegis again, since Inkwood dove for Sirius practically before Slughorn finished telling them to find a partner. Sirius glanced at Remus who shrugged. James offered to be his partner but he saw Aegis sitting alone, waiting to be with whoever was left over, and Remus shook his head.

"I'm fine with Aegis," he said and took his stuff over.

"Not able to partner with your friends again?" Aegis asked, sitting up straight.

"I am, if you don't mind my disastrous inability at making a decent potion," Remus said.

Aegis frowned, processing what Remus said, then went faintly pink as he realized. He started to say something then stopped, smiling and moving to make room. "That means we will need to be partners again next week..."

"I know," Remus replied, taking his book out. "Again, only if you don't mind. I know this grade is important..."

"I don't mind... I usually just partner up with whoever is left," he admitted.

Remus pressed his lips thin, wanting again to ask if he had any Slytherin friends but at the same time didn't want to pry. Soon they were working on the potion. Remus did his best with the ingredients, not daring to touch the potion; he hoped Aegis would be able to do that part of it well enough to give them an okay grade. He hated to put so much pressure on his partner but Aegis didn't really seem to mind too much.

"You're helping with the ingredients and double checking what I am doing," Aegis said as he poured dried something into the liquid. "That's very helpful."

Remus watched the liquid turn to a pale grey color, and wrinkled his nose as a heavy sort of musky scent wafted up into his face. He covered his nose and mouth, trying not to gag. "Stinks so bad."

Aegis sniffed. "Yeah, a bit..."

Soon, the whole room smelled like that and it was all Remus could do to keep himself from throwing up. After a few more ingredients the smell sort of shifted into a woodsy sort of scent. It still had some musk to it but it wasn't quite as bad, and Remus could breathe again.

"Do you have any interesting Christmas plans?" Aegis asked, sitting down to wait, since now they were supposed to let it simmer for ten minutes.

"Not... really. We—we don't do much. What about you?"

"Nothing too much either. Uncle Minos usually needs to work. Pan and I usually decorate the house though. That's always fun."

"We do a little," Remus said with a nod, though they didn't have many decorations. Most of them were pretty old and handmade. Not that there was anything wrong with that... he just sometimes wished they could do more like he saw other houses sometimes.

They finished working on their potion then Slughorn had everyone move their cauldrons to the other room. It was a smaller room, full of tables where potions could be set till next time; either bubbling or simmering or hardly heated at all. Aegis and Remus got their cauldron onto a small fire and propped a card up with their names on it.

"...do something to Pratty and Pokey's potion before the finals..."

Remus jerked a little, head snapping round. Mulciber and Avery were off in a corner, whispering and snickering to themselves. They were being quiet enough that nobody should have heard them. Nobody with human ears, that is.

Remus started to go forward then stopped. What was he going to say? Tell them he knew what they planned? Should he go to Slughorn? Or should he tell James and Peter and see what they wanted to do? He looked over where James and Peter were beaming over their cauldron. The potion looked pretty much identical to Lily and Snape's potion so he knew it was extremely well done. They were going to probably get Os for it. And Peter _deserved_ the O! Of course, James did too, but Peter definitely.

Anger began filling Remus's body. No. They were not going to get away with it.

"You all right?"

"Huh?" He blinked a few times, turning back to Aegis. "Yes. Sorry, I was... distracted."

Aegis was studying his face, his own etched with concern. "Did... something happen?"

"No. I—it's nothing. Ours looks pretty good, doesn't it?"

"Yes! It's... a few shades off but perhaps we can fix it next Friday."

Everyone shuffled back into the main room to wash their hands and gather up their stuff. Remus saw Mulciber and Avery elbowing each other and Avery kept shooting smug looks towards James.

Remus clenched his teeth, fighting the wolf back as it began stirring. It wasn't as strong as it was sometimes but he could feel it was quite irritated. It was... a little nice that it was mad on James and Peter's behalf.

All the students left, hurrying out into the cold dungeon corridors, a nice break from the Potions classroom which had been getting hot from all the fires. James yawned, stretching his arms, wishing they had a break before Charms. Remus just watched him, wondering if he should say something now or later. If he said it now then James would seethe all through Charms which didn't seem like a good thing... so perhaps... later.

*

"WHAT?!"

It was after Charms and Remus told them quietly what he had overheard. James's screech caused Remus to shrink back and his eardrums to hurt a bit.

"I th-think they;'re going to try to sabotage your potion," he whispered.

"Oh. OHHHH-hohohoho no I don't _think_ so!" James sounded even wilder than Remus anticipated.

"Our potion is so good!" Peter said.

"It's perfect," James said, narrowing his eyes. "Completely perfect. If they're—oh that's so dumb!"

"What should we do?" Peter asked.

"I wasn't sure whether to tell Slughorn or not," Remus explained.

James shook his head. "He probably wouldn't do anything about it. He'd probably just say 'you can't break into the back room'."

Everyone knew there were a lot of spells placed on that door, much like the storeroom and Slughorn's personal cupboard.

"Maybe they'll be sprayed with that green stuff like we were," Sirius said, laughing quietly; James and Remus both grinned at the memory.

"Do you... think they'd be able to break in?" Peter asked, shifting from foot to foot. "What if they... like... you know... what if they convince Slughorn to let them go in for some reason?"

"Then he'd know they did it," Sirius said.

"No, but, if they did something to mess up the potion without it looking like it was, um, sabotaged...?" Peter trailed off with a helpless shrug.

James frowned. "That's true. Okay no, we do need to do something."

"What if we mess up theirs?" Sirius asked. "What if we go back in and switch them out, then last minute switch them again, so they sabotage their _own_ potion!"

James's eyes lit up but Remus said, "I don't know if we'd be able to do that. We don't even know if _they're_ going to be able to do that. Perhaps we should just tell Professor Slughorn—"

"Right," James said, rolling his eyes, "'Hey Head of Slytherin some Slytherins are gonna do Slytherin-y things to our potion'. Yeah, that works."

"Yeah, I like Sirius's idea," Peter said.

"Me too," agreed James.

Remus tried not to sigh too loudly, it was _such_ a stupid idea! "It is your decision. If you feel like you can, in fact, break into that heavily spelled room... _twice_... on the off chance that they'd be able to do the same... which does, in fact, risk your own potion..."

Peter gaped loudly then clamped a hand over his mouth. "I forgot my gloves in the room."

"PERFECT!" James shouted.

"What?"

"Perfect excuse to get in the first time, right now," James said.

"Wha...? No, I—I did forget my gloves—"

"Professor Slughorn will probably just get them for you himself," Remus said.

"Maybe, maybe not, it's worth a try," James said.

"He won't believe it _twice_."

"I forget stuff all the time," Peter pointed out.

"Yeah but we don't know _when_ Mulciber and Avery are going to try to wreck the potion," Sirius said, pushing his hair back. "So we should wait till probably Thursday evening to switch them back. If we get them switched in the first place."

"Eh, we could always just break in and switch ours with Snape's," snickered James.

"No!" Remus said, and they gave him startled looks. "No, he was partnered with Lily and I won't allow her grades to be affected like that."

Sirius made a face. " _Fine_."

"Right so, we go find Slughorn now, try to get into the back room to switch our potion with Mulciber and Avery's potion, right?" James asked, and Peter and Sirius nodded.

They checked the Great Hall and after seeing Slughorn wasn't there they hurried down to the entrance hall to wait. Soon Slughorn came out from the stairwell leading to the dungeon and they ran over, James explaining what happened. Slughorn nodded, agreeing to go back down to fetch them.

"Yes," Sirius hissed softly.

The four of them followed Slughorn down to the dungeon though Remus had no idea how they were going to switch the potions with Slughorn right there until just outside the classroom when James whispered right into Remus's ear to please distract him. Distract Slughorn. Great. Why him?

They went into the classroom and Slughorn unlocked the door. "Hey, um, P-Professor?" Remus asked just as he opened the door.

"Yes?"

James, Peter, and Sirius slid into the back room, leaving Remus trying to figure out what to say. He considered asking about his potion being off color but then suspected Slughorn might want to go in and see for himself. "It's about—about the exams next week."

"Yes?"

"Are... are we... just doing um... the written exams on Monday... right? And the practical part on Friday?"

Slughorn looked down at him. "Yes, that's right. I went over that this morning, Mr. Lupin."

"Y—yes," he mumbled, feeling awkward. "I forgot to write it down and then couldn't remember."

"You know, your theoretical potion work is quite accomplished," Slughorn said, rocking back and forth a bit. Beyond him Remus could hear the others whispering about switching things. "I've said that before. I don't quite understand why you have so much trouble _making_ potions..."

"My... my nose, sir," he whispered, trying not to look through the door.

"Ah, that's right, you said it's sensitive..."

"Yes. The ingredients bother me..." He heard a slight gasp and a snicker. What was going on?!

"I imagine that does provide an issue when working," Slughorn said then he frowned, turning his head. "They're taking a long time..."

"S—sir!" Remus said and Slughorn looked back at him. He tried to think of something to say. Something about the Christmas party? He had been invited but never responded and thankfully Slughorn hadn't bothered him about it yet. "I—I—I... I w-wanted t—"

He was saved by the other three tumbling into view. "Found them!" James said, holding up Peter's gloves triumphantly. "One had fallen under a table and we had a heckuva time finding it."

"Th—thank you, Professor Slughorn!" Peter said brightly.

They hurried past, Sirius grabbing Remus to pull him along. Slughorn watched them go with a puzzled look but shrugged and shut the door, locking it again. The Marauders dashed into the corridor and ran along until they went down a side one for some privacy, so James could inform Remus they had, in fact, done something different.

"Our cauldron was almost right next to theirs," James whispered, "so we just switched our cards. I'm going to just sneak in Friday morning to switch the cards back, since it's usually unlocked before classes start. I figure they're not gonna remember where theirs was exactly!"

Remus tilted his head, a smile spreading on his face. "All right, now that is brilliant," he acknowledged, and James puffed his chest out, quite proud of himself.


	70. Chapter Seventy - A Reason For Worrying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be going back (and have started) to edit some of the words to be the British terms. I know I use American terms too often and I am trying to fix that, and not everything will be perfect (like I guess it'd be more common to call it revising rather than studying but I am going to continue to use studying). But like, I'm gonna be changing cookies to biscuits, etc, etc. Also I am considering going back and editing book one and book two up to the point where I got my beta. I am not sure? Cause it is a lot of work? But if I do I'll let you know! I just feel my writing has improved since starting this story and maybe I should fix a few... not so well worded bits lol. We'll see.

It was the last weekend before the exams and the others wanted to spend the whole time playing pranks, but Remus refused point blank. Instead, he hid himself away in the library to study. He read and read until the words swarmed in front of him, then he'd take a short walk to come back to reality, only to return immediately to reading. He skipped breakfast and would have skipped lunch but the Marauders showed up to harass him until he agreed to go to the Great Hall. He only ate a little, reading instead of eating; he was vaguely aware of the looks his friends were giving him, but not caring. After he finished eating he just returned to the library.

After curfew, Remus and Lily spent quite a bit of time with Macdonald to help prepare her for the exams. They weren't too sure what Prewett might be doing, however they were able to at least guide her on what the other teachers did the previous year, reassuring her they weren't very hard.

"Then why is _he_ freaking out so much?" Macdonald asked, shooting a look to Remus.

"He freaks out about everything, don't mind him," Lily replied, ignoring the scowl on his face.

Remus and Lily stayed up pretty late. So did the Marauders but they were on the other side of the common room, jamming out to music while playing card games with some older students. Finally, at around twelve-thirty Lily yawned, stretched her arms, and decided to head to bed. Remus didn't go up to his dorm until nearly three, eyes drooping, feet shuffling. He climbed into bed and fell asleep fully dressed.

He woke up sometime very early in the morning to the sound of the door creaking open and someone tiptoeing. He shifted around then sat up, head hurting from how little sleep he had gotten. Rubbing his forehead, he pushed back the curtains, expecting to see one of the boys and being absolutely shocked to see Lily.

She froze when she saw him, a huge bowl in her arms. "Er," she said, in a very quiet but slightly strangled manner. "I can explain."

His eyes darted to the bowl and saw what looked and smelled like banana custard. He looked back at her then over at James's bed before tipping his head, raising his eyebrows. Lily grinned and nodded. He grinned back and watched as she approached the drawers. He heard the drawer opening, a glooping sound as the custard went in, then the drawer closing.

She tiptoed back out and gave him a thumbs up. He just shook his head and slid back under the covers, falling asleep almost instantly.

*

"WHAT—THE—BLOODY—HELL?!"

Remus was jerked away a couple hours later, a bolt of fear shooting through his body before realizing it was James. He was shrieking with rage and yelling about custard and Lily. Remus slithered out of bed, squinting at the light. James stormed around, one hand dripping custard all over the floor. Everyone else was getting out of bed, having also been awoken by the screams since James was usually the first one awake.

"What happened?" Sirius asked, emerging from his own bed with his hair looking as though he had already brushed it whereas Remus's was sticking out everywhere and was in desperate need of untangling.

"EVANS!" James roared. "She—she—"

"Got revenge?" Spinnet asked, quite amused.

James glared. "You do realize this means she's come into our dorm! Again! Honestly! I don't know why she'd do it, she doesn't—" he stopped realizing Spinnet and Struthers were right there, "—er, she _knows_ we can't get into her dorm! I couldn't have done it."

"Maybe it wasn't her," Peter said with a yawn, blinking sleepily. "Maybe someone else got the idea."

James instantly turned to face Spinnet who shook his head. "Don't look at me. It's dumb and childish." James grunted and stormed off to go clean his hand off. As soon as he left Spinnet burst into laughter. "If any of you know who did do it, let me know cause that was _great_!"

Remus considered going back to bed (and his aching head was wanting to do that too) but instead he got clean clothes to change into and went down to breakfast. James wanted more revenge against Lily, grumbling all through breakfast, then _glowering_ once she came in.

"Hey—Red!" James snapped and Lily gave him a sneering sort of look. "You sneaking into our dorm now?"

Her eyes briefly met Remus's before she flicked her gaze back to James. "I have _no_ idea what you're talking about, Potter!" She stuck her nose in the air and whisked past them, sitting as far from them as she could.

"I know it was her..." James jammed his fork into his breakfast, going back to muttering.

"Come on, we've got exams," Remus said, not wanting to get into a pranking war during such an important week. "At least wait until after Christmas."

"Mmmm..." James slowly began smiling. "Or... I could use Christmas."

"Ooh, whatcha thinking of doing?" Sirius asked, perking up.

James leaned in. "I'm thinking of sending her a Christmas present from Snivellus professing his undying love for her."

" _Yes_!" said Sirius.

"That'd be _hilarious_!" snickered Peter.

"No!" Remus choked out. "That's _cruel!_ Besides he's probably sending her a gift. She'd know immediately it wasn't from him."

"I'll write something like 'I sent my other gift already but decided to confess' or somethin'," James said, waving his fork in victory.

"You don't know how he's giving her anything," Remus pointed out. "Even if he does perhaps they're not going to exchange presents until they get back to school—"

"Oh that reminds me!" Sirius said, cutting him off. "Do you want to do that?'

"Do... what?" Remus asked, confused by the out-of-no-where question. He thought back to the last few things, trying to figure out what he meant. "Send... Lily... a love letter?"

"No!" Sirius laughed then stopped, narrowing his eyes. "Wait. Actually, _do_ you want to do _that_?"

Remus smacked the table in frustration. "No! No, no, and no again! How many times do I have to say—"

"Right, right, you're just friends," said James, rolling his eyes.

Remus opened his mouth to snap at James but Sirius spoke first, voice going very soft so nobody else would hear them. "I meant, do you want to exchange presents when we come back here? That way... I mean, I know we're supposed to be a secret from your parents and that way you don't have to worry about getting owls. Actually... should... should we even be writing you... this holiday?" He sounded very sad at the idea of not being able to have contact with Remus.

He was sad at the idea too. Two weeks without letters from his friends... "I... I'm not sure. Perhaps exchanging presents when we're back here would be best. As for the letters maybe..." If he couldn't figure something out for the Christmas holidays, what were they supposed to do for summer? "Well, if you send them only at night and make sure they're instructed to only give me the letters I might be able to." He had been talking quietly but now he dropped his voice even lower, all of them heaving to lean in close to hear him. "Although, I'm not going to be able to... see owls... on the nineteenth, twentieth, or twenty-first."

"How come?" Pete asked.

Remus stared. "It... I..." He poked at his eggs, feeling flushed.

"Furry little problem," James said smugly, answering for him.

"Stop calling it that! But... yes. That."

Peter smacked his forehead. "Merlin I for _got_ again. I'm sorry. I mean, I didn't forget about—um—you know, that you're, uh, like that, but I didn't realize it was coming up."

"S'fine..." He felt dizzy over the fact they were talking about in the Great Hall. They were being cryptic but it still made him extremely strange, and uncomfortable; his spine tingled and his stomach twisted. He wanted to run and hide...

Sirius smacked Remus's back and he dropped his fork. "We'll do that. I'll make sure Fili knows to only give you the letter."

"Do we even trust that owl to follow your orders?" James snorted.

"Oi!" Sirius flung a bit of toast at James; it missed and hit an older girl who glared down at them. "Fili... likes me. He'll listen to me."

"I'm not sure if I'll be able to send a letter back," Remus said reluctantly. "I don't really want to use Arthur since he's getting so old, and Filibuster never lets me near him."

Sirius's face fell a little. "Ah. Well, that's fine, if you can't."

"Mmmph!" Peter said, his mouth full. He quickly chewed and swallowed his food so he could say, "You can use Cocoa! He likes you."

"Is that... all right? If I use him to send a letter to Sirius too?" Remus asked.

Peter nodded, smiling wide. "Uh-huh! It's fine!"

"Thank you..."

Remus had almost forgotten what had even sparked the whole owl post conversation until James started talking about it again, figuring a nice box of chocolates would be a great gift. "Or I could just have it be anonymous... make her think some poor bloke's in love with her...."

"Please don't, it's really awful to toy with someone like that," said Remus.

"It's just for fun," Sirius snickered.

"It's not! It's extremely mean. It's not funny at all."

James pushed around some sausage as he considered this. "I guess," he finally agreed. "All right, fine, I won't. But you need to come up with something then, if you're not gonna let me do that."

Remus groaned. "I don't... oh, all right. It'll be _after_ Christmas though. I need to study."

"That's fine. After Christmas."

Remus shoveled the rest of his food into his mouth then went to the library for some more studying. His head was aching pretty hard and he had an even harder time concentrating than the day before. He kept pressing his fingertips against his eyes, taking in slow, deep breaths. All he could think about was that in a week he'd be going home, or less than a week if his parents didn't agree to him having the extra day.

_Sirius would be fine going to the dance without me around_ , he thought, rubbing his forehead. _James'll be there, and that'll be all right... right?_ He tapped his quill against the parchment, trying to ignore the bitter feeling towards Kim for going with Sirius. It was just as friends though. Kim didn't seem interested in Sirius at all, and they _were_ a year and a half apart—though he supposed that didn't matter. He didn't think she was lying about going as 'just friends' (or not even that since they weren't really friends) however he couldn't help but feel...

_Jealous_ , he thought miserable, head dropping onto the table. He'd never ever, ever, ever be able to go to a dance with—

_Not that I want to_ , he thought quickly, before the image could form. _I don't I don't!! Just study, Remus. Words. Focus_.

He pushed the box firmly down then returned to his books, gritting his teeth and forcing himself to think of nothing but the words before him.

*

Lily was in a very giggly mood when she met up with Remus and the rest of the study group after supper. After they disbanded for curfew, Lily took Remus's hand and dragged him out of the library, wanting to know everything that happened. He told her in detail, and also did his best to ask, without causing suspicion... did Lily _really_ think it was James who put custard in her drawer?

"Oh, I don't know, probably not," she sighed, linking her arm with his. "I know you boys can't get into the girls' dorms. It baffles me though. It seems like _such_ a Potter prank. Ooh, he put someone up to it, didn't he? One of the girls on the Quidditch team?"

Remus shook his head. "As far as I know he's never asked anyone on the Quidditch team to do something like that."

"Hmm. Well, at least Black didn't give me away."

Remus froze. "What?"

"Black?" Lily gave him a look. "He woke up last night too, apparently. He told me earlier he knew I did it, he saw me. He told me he thought it was funny, and wouldn't tell Potter."

Remus was rather surprised. Sirius hadn't said anything to him about it, though he had no idea Sirius even knew. At least he was keeping Lily's secret. Of course, since it was a harmless and funny prank he would.

They stayed up a bit late together in the common room, heads together, going through what they learned the previous week. Again, Lily left early, and Remus stayed up quite late, shuffling through his notes, wishing he didn't have as much anxiety as he did. He knew perfectly well these weren't tough but every time he put his notes down his brain whispered, _what if they are? What if you forget something? What if you didn't study quite enough? What if?_ so he'd pick the notes back up.

The other students left the common room until it was just Remus, head pounding as he tried to reread some of his Astronomy stuff. His vision sort of swam a bit and he felt sleepier and sleepier until—

"Remus?"

"YAAAH!" he yelped, arms flinging, body jerking back, hand smacking whoever had touched his shoulder.

Sirius recoiled a bit, rubbing his arm where Remus had clipped him. "Ouch!"

"S—sorry! You startled me! I w-was reading and—"

"You were asleep," Sirius said, raising his eyebrows.

"No, I was—I was definitely studying," Remus argued.

"Remy, it's nearly three-thirty and we have class in five and a half hours," Sirius said, gently taking Remus's arm and pulling him up. "Stop fussing. You'll do fine. These are halfway pointless anyway." Remus gathered up his stuff, not saying anything. "You know they are. From last year. The only ones that really matter—properly, I mean—are the ones at the end of the year."

"These affect our grades," Remus replied stiffly, books and parchment slipping out of his arms.

Sirius took some of them from him to help carry. "A little, but it's dumb to be so worked up over them."

Remus's chest tightened, and he hunched a bit. "S'not _dumb_ ," he muttered, anxiety flaring back up.

"It is though," Sirius said, not seeming to notice the annoyance and hurt hidden behind Remus's fringe. "You're smart. Very smart. Why are you so worried about all this?"

"We should get to bed," Remus said, and headed to the stairs.

He didn't want to admit part of it was wanting to get the best grades possible, the _very best_. Yeah, 90% was passing pretty darn good, but—but getting 110%?! That proved something. That proved he wasn't like—like what people said. It probably didn't matter too much however he really wanted to have something to show he wasn't a dumb animal. Physical proof. A slew of Os (and an A or an E in Potions, of course) to hold onto whenever he read about how _stupid_ and _brainless_ werewolves were. And if for some reason he was ever _out_ as a werewolf he'd have this, be able to say _look I did this as a werewolf we're not STUPID_! Course that'd never happen, but still.

Plus.... what if his grades determined whether or not his mother let him stay in school? She had called it a failed experiment, so... if he failed or didn't do as well as he had been doing, what if that made her decide he had to stay at home? What if it convinced his father?

He wanted the absolute top, best, highest percentages he could possibly get, even with the exams that 'didn't matter'.

They mattered to _him_ though. Wasn't that enough?

*

Remus was dead in the morning, sleeping through breakfast and waking up when James shook him. Peter helped peel bits of egg off Remus's face, as he had fallen asleep on his plate. They stopped by the bathroom on the way to Potions so Remus could make sure his face was clean enough.

The first day of exams seemed to go well enough, and Remus stayed up late that night to do more studying. He was extremely wiped on Tuesday and trudged through the day, snatching bits of sleep, a bit relieved they only had two classes. He was going to go to the study group then remembered it was Tuesday and he was meeting up with Fawley. He had almost forgotten about it.

He kinda wished he had.

He headed to the fourth floor, remembering what had been said last time, hoping she wouldn't bring it up again, hoping she'd just pretend it never happened. Hoping she wouldn't see him reading _Your Body at Hogwarts_. Then again she made it clear if it was... him alone in the dorm she would... exit out of the memory so...

He was already hot when he crept into the room, on edge, waiting. Fawley greeted him cheerfully, asking how he was doing how his exams were going, as if she hadn't said _those things_ at the end of their last meeting. He mumbled he was all right, just kinda tired, anxious about the exams, hoping his parents would let him stay till the seventeenth.

"Sirius got asked to the dance," he explained when she appeared puzzled. "He wants us to stay that night for... er... moral support, I—I guess. I t-told them I wanted to study in the library."

"Hopefully they'll believe you," she replied, and he was relieved she didn't seem too fussed about him staying for Sirius's sake. "You sound exhausted though. Are you getting enough sleep?"

"E—enough..."

"Hmm. Well, shall we begin?"

She put her hands on his temples and the first memory that popped up was when Kim asked Sirius to the dance. Remus tried to fight Fawley off but was so mentally exhausted he couldn't even put up his normal thin barrier. They skimmed a few more memories then broke apart. Remus slumped down, clutching his head.

"You haven't gotten much sleep," she said, twisting her cane around.

"I've been studying," he reminded her.

"Yes, and I know how you can get. You need to sleep. And eat. Not getting enough of either will severely impact your grades, you know."

He scowled, ducking his head. "Yes, I know."

Then to his horror the next memory was him alone in the dorm which she immediately broke contact for. It had, of course, just been him studying, but the fact she broke away like memories of him naked made him feel embarrassed. He waited for her to say something... but all she did was put her hands back on his temple and go into another memory.

At around 6:30 when they stopped for what was meant to be a short break, Fawley said, "I think we should end the lesson here."

"We still have half an hour—"

"Remus, you're _exhausted_. I can hear it in your voice, and see it in your memories."

"But—"

"No. No buts. I hate to cut this lesson short since we won't see each other for three weeks, but I cannot in good faith push you more right now." Remus wriggled uncomfortably, tugging at his sleeve, trying to come up with a good argument. "Go get some rest," she said gently.

"Miss Fawley—"

"I wish you luck in the rest of your exams but I know you're going to do well, and have a very Merry Christmas, all right?"

Remus reluctantly agreed and then gave her a hug. "Have a good Christmas too, Miss Fawley."

She touched his head lightly then let him go. Instead of going to his dorm, he turned the opposite way and headed back to the library.

*

"HUH?!"

Remus jerked upright, a piece of parchment sticking to his cheek.

Mr. Farrow was standing before him, glaring. "The library is closing, and that means it's past your curfew, boy," he said.

"Wh—what?!" Remus looked down at his notes then back up the librarian. "It c-can't be, n-n-n—"

"Get your stuff together and go." Then to his surprise and shock Farrow added quietly, "Before the prefect patrols the corridor outside again. You've got about five to ten minutes to avoid that."

Remus quickly shoved everything into his bag, thanked Mr. Farrow ("Hrmph"), and skedaddled out of the library, feeling disoriented, not even remembering falling asleep. He took side corridors and secret passages to get back to his dorm, nearly running into a few prefects on the way but managing to stay out of their way. He fell through the entrance hole and was immediately swarmed on by his friends who were all quite surprised he had been out so late.

"You guys are out past curfew all the time," he reminded them as they went up the stairs.

"Yeah! _We_ are, you aren't," James said.

"I—I fell asleep in the library..."

Once on his bed he took out all his notes which didn't amount to much. He must have fallen asleep almost as soon as he started. He considered putting everything aside and just going to sleep early but the persistent fear of _failing, what if you fail, you need to do the best you can do, what if you get a 99% and your mum decides that means you shouldn't stay_!

Turning down his friends' offer of a few rounds of Jarvey he just returned to studying.

*

Wednesday morning he was awoken by Peter. "Too early, class not for 'while," he murmured and rolled over.

"No but you got a letter."

Remus sat up, blinking at an owl sitting on the windowsill, an envelope attached to its leg with his name on it. It was from his parents. A stab of fear shot through his core and he scrambled out of bed, lifting the window, shivering at the blast of cold air until he shut the window again, the envelope now in hand. He felt... very nervous.

"You all right?" Pete asked.

"Uh-huh. It's probably an answer to whether or not I can stay till Sunday..." He sat down on the edge of his bed, toying with the flap stuck firmly down. Finally he opened it, sliding the single sheet of paper out.

_Dear Remus 12/12/72_

_I will be at Kings Cross station on Saturday the sixteenth. I expect you to come home on the train that day. I understand your need to study and appreciate your work ethic however you spend so much time at school now and so little time with us, we want you home. Don't you want to be home too? If you send a list of books needed, your father said he can go to a library to get them. You know, I never really thought about wizarding libraries. Are they common? We don't have one in Dragon's Field but it is a very small community. I'll have to ask your father tonight. In any case, see you Saturday darling._

_Love always, Mum_

Remus sighed, letting the letter fall to the floor.

"I take it it's a no?" Pete asked.

He shook his head miserably. "Where are they?"

"Breakfast," Pete replied. "I was gonna sleep in too but the pecking on the window woke me up."

"I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's fine. Actually, I dunno where they are now cause it's well past time for them to be done for breakfast. They left at like, seven."

"Breakfast doesn't start till seven-thirty..." Remus glanced at the clock. Nine-thirty. Normally classes started at nine but on Wednesdays they didn't go to class till eleven. "They're probably getting up to mischief."

Remus quickly got ready for the day, shoved everything he'd need in his satchel, and went down to the Great Hall with Peter; both felt a bit nervous since neither of them saw any sign of Sirius or James. They were still missing when they went to Charms and showed up five minutes late, losing five points each from Gryffindor.

"Where _were_ you?" Pete asked after class ended and they were headed back to the Great Hall for lunch even though Remus wasn't very hungry.

The two exchanged amused glances. "Hogsmeade," Sirius said.

"Wh—what? Why?" Remus asked, shocked they'd sneak in on a school morning! "You didn't have much time there—"

"Had some important stuff to get," James said.

"Plus I got a flower thing for Kim," Sirius added. "I think that's what you're supposed to do. Get them a flower thingie to put on their wrist or boobs."

"Yeah, it is important," James said with a confident nod.

"Did you get one for her boobs?" Pete asked.

"Nah, for her wrist. Are you kidding? She's a bloody strong Beater and made it clear this is a zero romance thing," Sirius laughed. "I am _not_ doing anything like _that_. I'm there for one thing only. Make other boys mad. She said so." He puffed out his chest and began running his fingers through his hair.

Peter elbowed Remus and whispered, "You gonna tell him?"

"Tell me what?" Sirius asked and when Peter made a face he added, "You weren't very quiet with that there, Petey."

"Ahhh..." Remus looked down at his shoes, feeling awkward now. "My—my mum wrote back. I have to go home Saturday. I... I c-can't stay. I'm sorry."

Sirius deflated quite a bit. "Oh."

"Yeah. Um. I—I am sorry, I'd stay—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

"—if I could. I would."

Sirius managed a smile. "I know. I appreciate the fact you even asked." He reached out and messed up Remus's hair.

Remus ducked away, still feeling guilty, wishing his mum would trust him a little! Or rather, let go. He missed his parents and wanted to be with them, but... part of him kinda wanted to just stay in school for the entire holidays. The thought of seeing his parents again? Wonderful! The thought of being home with nothing much to do, very little ways to study or do homework, and having to be in that tiny cellar for the full moon? Not so wonderful. Plus disappointing Sirius? Also not so wonderful.

He sighed and put food on his plate even though he wasn't very hungry and just sort of pushed it around, feeling very depressed and angry.


	71. Chapter Seventy-One - A Lonely Ride

The fact that the Slug Club Christmas party, the Dance, _and_ the Christmas holidays were just a couple days away seemed to distract pretty much everyone besides Remus. Even in the study group. Pierce and Lily kept talking about the dance even though they wouldn't be going. There was a rumor that the Hufflepuffskeins were going to be performing but that was, as far as Remus could tell, just a rumor.

James and Peter both heard back from their parents; they'd be going home on the seventeenth. So would Lily. She wanted to stay to see the decorations and dresses, as well as try to sneak into the dance to see if the Hufflepuffskeins were really playing. Annnnd so would Aegis.

"Pan got invited to the dance," he explained on Thursday night, "and I don't want Uncle Minos and Aunt Ellie making two trips in."

Remus realized he'd have nobody on the train with him on Saturday. He wondered if he'd literally be the _only_ student going home that day, though figured there were probably going to be a _couple_ others. There had to be. Even if there were, however, he'd still be sitting alone which felt kinda weird to him. The only time he had been alone on the _Hogwarts Express_ was the first trip. Sure, he liked having time to himself but—but only when he chose to do so.

Then it was Friday morning and James and Peter were especially anxious about getting to Potions class as quickly as possible. The Marauders ate their breakfast then hurried down but it was locked. They waited for Slughorn to appear who seemed surprised to see them.

"Just, looking forward to the test!" James said brightly.

"That's the spirit!" Slughorn chuckled as he opened the door.

They piled in, and _thankfully_ Sirius offered to be the distraction once Slughorn unlocked the back door, though Remus stayed near the front door in order to see if Mulciber and/or Avery showed up before James and Pete got the cards switched.

Somehow— _somehow—_ they pulled it off. James and Peter came out of the back room with smiles, Slughorn never noticed them, and the four of them were in their seats just as everyone else showed up, pictures of innocence. Slughorn _praised_ James and Peter's perfect potion, and lamented over Mulciber and Avery who were absolutely _livid._

As soon as class was dismissed and they went into the hall, Mulciber grabbed James. "I know you did something!" he snarled.

James looked at his hand then back up. "Did what? What did I do now?"

Mulciber shook him. "You must have switched our potions!"

"What?" James laughed. "Right. I usually get Os in class and you usually get... what, As? Let's see. Slughorn was praising my potion and... oh, oh right, said yours wasn't that good. Gee, that sucks. But it's _not_ my fault."

Mulciber got his wand out, but older students were appearing to go to their Potions class and it was a sixth year class so there were prefects.

"You're going to _get it_!" Mulciber hissed out then fled with Avery, while James just laughed some more.

*

The rest of Friday went by quicker than any of them expected. They had a lot to do, what with getting their potion into the kitchens and into the food. It had finished up a couple days ago and they tested it, and it seemed to be working fine. James was a little anxious it was too similar to their Halloween prank, but it was too late now; they didn't have anything else.

"You know... we don't... need to prank the Great Hall," Remus said, an idea forming in his head.

"Right," James grumbled, eyeing him.

Remus smiled. "There's something else we could do. Slughorn is having his party tonight."

James's eyes slowly got wider and wider until they were unnaturally enormous and Remus wondered how he had managed such a feat. He grabbed Remus and hugged him tightly, spinning him around. "Genius!" he gasped out. "Positively a _genius_! I could _kiss_ you!"

A strange flustery feeling slammed into Remus so hard he could feel it all over. He felt dizzy, and disoriented, and didn't like it one bit; it felt too close to some of his recent thoughts, which was of course the only reason it made him feel weird. He didn't want to _kiss James_. He didn't want to kiss any boy. At all. Period. Ever.

"It starts at, um, eight, doesn't it?" Pete asked. "That's when it did last year."

"Yeah, it's still at eight," James said. He had gotten an invitation as well as Remus, but hadn't wanted to go. He agreed it was all really boring and of no interest.

"So we sneak into the kitchens and put the potion in with the drinks?" Sirius asked, and the others nodded.

Pranking the Slug Club was infinitely more interesting and fun than the Great Hall. Sure, there wouldn't be as many people but the setting made it _perfect._ It was just a shame none of them would be able to see it, though Remus knew he'd be hearing about it from Lily.

During the end-of-term feast other students seemed suspicious of the food and of the Marauders; several students sent looks their way, especially when nothing happened.

"Next year though, we'll _really_ get'em," James whispered.

"Yeah it kinda feels weird _not_ to be doing anything," Peter said.

"But it's gonna be so fun getting the club!" James broke off into giggles.

After they finished eating and Dumbledore made a small speech about the term ending and wishing a happy holiday for those leaving the next day, the Marauders headed back to their dorm to hang out until closer to the party. They played card games and sadly watched Remus pack a small bag.

"If I steal your bag that means you can't go, right?" Sirius teased.

"It's just two weeks," Remus said after he put his last book away. "It'll go by fast."

"I hope so..." Sirius glanced towards the window, brow furrowing.

"Be sure to send me loads of pictures of you all dressed up for the dance," Remus said.

"OH!" Sirius jumped to his feet. "I can do you one better!" He ran to the wardrobe, rustled around, then ran out of the dorm. Moments later he came back in with a flourish. "TADA!"

He was wearing a very nice long black suit jacket that buttoned tightly and flowed in the back, sort of a mix between a Muggle suit jacket and robes, and black trousers. Underneath the jacket was a dark red shirt, whose sleeves stuck out past the jacket's sleeves with sort of ruffles. Sirius did another twirl and then a pose.

"That looks _amazing_ ," Remus said, clapping. "The socks don't quite fit though."

Sirius looked down at his red-and-gold socks, laughing. "The red top is James’s. The sleeves are a bit short too but with the style…” he held his arm up, the ruffles flapping around, “it doesn't matter too much."

"You look awesome!" Peter said.

"It _suits_ you," James snickered.

Sirius grinned at the pun then turned back to Remus. "You think I look all right?"

"I said you look amazing," Remus replied and Sirius seemed a bit awkward, face impasse, hands picking at invisible lint. Obviously he wanted more. "Fine. You're without a doubt the best looking boy in the entire school, girls will fawn over you, boys will hate you. Is that better?"

Sirius just laughed again, grabbing at Remus, messing his hair up. Remus shouted in protest, managing to struggle free and dive behind Peter for safety.

"You'll wrinkle your outfit!" Remus pointed out, peering over Peter's shoulder.

Sirius scowled. "Fine, you win this round, Lupin." He left the room and Remus flopped back.

Thankfully when Sirius returned in his uniform he didn't try to go after Remus again. Instead they all gathered on Peter's bed to play more cards until closer to the party. They took the jars full of potion out from under James's bed, being careful as they left the common room since it was close to curfew. James and Sirius were under the invisibility cloak while Remus and Peter walked openly, making their way towards the kitchens. They didn't go clear to the kitchens, instead waiting a few corridors away.

"D'you think they'll get it in without the elves seeing them?" Peter asked, swinging his legs.

"Hopefully. They managed last time but... I think the house-elves were a bit busier and therefore more distracted for the Halloween feast than they would be for the Slug Club party."

They waited, getting more and more nervous as it grew closer to eight until they knew they couldn't put it off any longer. Exchanging glances, they reluctantly got off the bench and headed back to their dorms. They hated to abandon the other two but didn't want to get in trouble for being out past curfew; it might throw some suspicion on the Marauders. Course they'd probably be blamed anyway.

Remus and Peter hung out in the common room, joining Magpie and Nettle for a game of Sphinxes which needed four players. It was mostly Peter's idea, because Remus didn't really want to do anything with anyone else, but didn't argue. He expected to just be paired with Peter but the girls wanted to have a boy-girl team, so Remus partnered with Magpie. Remus was very distracted, trying not to look at the entrance too often. Peter kicked him every single time the portrait opened and Remus figured if he didn't heal he'd have a whole slew of bruises on his shins. Then finally the portrait opened and James and Sirius came in. Remus and Peter were unfortunately in the middle of a round and couldn't just follow them up to the dorm quite yet.

"Another game?" Magpie asked when she and Remus lost. "Three out of five?"

"We need to, um, go," Peter said, setting the cards down. "Sorry."

"Thanks for playing with us!" Nettle said cheerfully.

Peter's cheeks turned a little pink and he quickly scurried off, Remus following. "Were you blushing?" Remus whispered on the stairs.

" _No_!" Peter snapped, going redder.

Remus opened his mouth but Peter looked so embarrassed he just closed his mouth, deciding not to press it. Neither of them said anything else until they burst into the dorm, demanding to know what happened, did they get the potion in the food or drinks, were they caught? James and Sirius were in very high spirits. They hadn't been caught in the kitchens and managed to get the potion in various foods and drinks. Then they tried to sneak into the party to see, but they _were_ caught doing that. Filch had shown them to Slughorn who reminded James he _had_ been invited, and was more than welcome to go change and come back.

"Is that what you're doing?" Peter asked, sounding a bit jealous.

James shook his head. "Nah. I don't want him thinking I actually wanna _join_!"

"Didn't that make him suspicious though?" Remus asked.

"We just said we wanted to see who all was there," Sirius explained, dropping rather dramatically into his bed. "That's all."

"Did... you see anyone... you know... making the noises?" Peter asked then made a face. "I guess I mean hear."

"The party was just starting so nope," sighed James. "Very unfortunate."

They hung out in the dorm for a while then made their way to the common room hoping it'd be slightly less crowded, but as it was a Friday night _and_ the night before the dance hardly anyone was in their dorm. James and Sirius managed to convince some third years to vacate a sofa somewhat near the fire (there were a few sixth or seventh years right near the fireplace and there wasn't any way to convince them to leave!) and the Marauders took over the couch, playing charades to pass the time.

At ten o'clock some of the Slug Club guests started coming in and the Marauders kept up their game while also trying to snatch any conversations about the party. The room was still pretty crowded so only Remus could pick up a few words.

"They're upset about something," he whispered to his friends.

At ten-fifteen Lily came in. Her hair was in an updo and she was wearing a really pretty satin green and white dress, looking very Christmas-y. However, when she spotted the Marauders her eyes narrowed into slits.

"Oh. It worked," snickered James as Lily stormed towards them.

"Did you do that?!" she demanded.

"Do what?" Sirius asked innocently.

"We're playing charades, Red," James said then gave her a once over. "Red-and-Green. Is that a Slytherin party dress? Did you dress up for your boyfriend?"

Lily folded her arms. "Don't make me hex you! I know you were behind what happened!"

"Wh—what happened?" Remus asked.

Lily didn't take her eyes off James. "Half the guests started making animal noises and couldn't stop! Professor Slughorn said some of the drinks had been spiked with a potion that made people sound like barnyard animals!"

Remus and Peter tried to hide their laughter but James and Sirius bust up. "Did they? That sounds _brilliant_!" James said, slapping his thigh.

Peter tugged Remus's sleeve and whispered, "Old McSlughorn had a farm."

Remus started laughing so hard he fell off the couch. Lily shot him a dirty look but he couldn't stop laughing!

"What's so funny?" she demanded. Remus shook his head, unable to answer. "It was awful!"

"Did you sound like an animal?" Sirius asked.

"Probably a cow—" James said and didn't get much further as Lily whipped her wand out and hit him with the bat-bogey hex which had fallen out of popularity recently. Globby green bat-shaped bogies yanked out of James's nose and began attacking him.

"YOU'RE HORRIBLE, JAMES POTTER!" Lily screeched.

A prefect ran over, face red with fury, demanding to know what happened. Lily said James called her a cow and she had hexed him. The prefect glanced at James trying to swat the bogies away then at Lily.

"Ten points from Gryffindor!" he snapped. "No hexing other students!" He flicked his wand and the bogies shlurped to the ground, except for one which landed right on James's head.

"Isn't he in trouble for calling me a name?!" Lily demanded but the prefect walked off. James pulled at some of the gross mess in his hair then reached out towards Lily who shrieked and dove behind Sirius. She held onto his arms to prevent him from stepping out of the way. "You're disgusting," she growled.

Remus sat up, finally able to breathe properly again. "D—did you have fun otherwise?"

Lily glanced down at him then back at James before seizing Remus, hauling him to his feet and away from his friends. The other three laughed amongst themselves and Remus apologized for their behavior.

"It's fine. They're idiots. Yeah. I had a lot of fun. It was better than last year since I wasn't as frightened, though I was sad you weren't there."

"Was... Snape...?"

Lily smiled. "Yeah. He's joined the Slug Club too. Anyway, I nicked these." She pulled two crackers out of her pockets. "He had them this time and I thought it'd be fun to do with you."

Remus flushed with pleasure. "Th-thank you."

"But only if you tell me if they did it. I won't snitch. I just want to know." Remus sighed, looking down at his shoes, mumbling incoherently. "Is that a yes?" she pressed.

" _Yes_ ," he whispered. "I had a hand in it too though."

"I figured as much." Lily rolled her eyes then put a finger to her lips. "It was funny, actually. Don't tell them that please. I sounded like a donkey. Sev was a sheep. Everyone was going completely crazy, it was really funny."

Remus snorted, promising not to tell. Then they both held the ends of each cracker and pulled. Several people yelped, as there was a very loud banging sound, and Remus gave a cry of alarm, dropping whatever he had a hold of and putting his hands to his ears though the sound was over. His head rang with a discomforting noise. Great wafts of purple and green smoke filled the area, Remus and Lily both coughing a bit.

"I forgot to warn you about that!" she said, apologetically. Then looked down in her hands; she had both the winning ends. "Here." She handed one to him, the purple one. "Are you all right...?"

"Y—yeah it was really loud." He lowered his hands, still hearing the ringing, but took the purple cracker. Inside was a white boater hat with a purple trim, a small bag of gobstones, a bottle of ice cold cherry soda, a small box of Every Flavor Beans, a dark purple quill, and the joke. "What do you t-tell the abominable snowman when he asks if supper is ready?" he read out and Lily shrugged, putting on the top hat she had received. Remus flipped the paper over. "Not Yeti."

They both giggled and then Lily read hers. "What Christmas song do you sing in the dark?" She turned the paper around. "Lumos'ed wonderful time of the year."

More giggles. Then, "I'm glad you had fun even with the animal noises."

"Thank you. I wish you were there though."

He shrugged and then noticed the Marauders were waving at him. "I—I better get back to the others. Thank you for the cracker."

"Hey, if I accidentally sleep in tomorrow..." Lily gave him a tight hug right there in front of the entire common room. Remus _immediately_ heard the snickering from his friends. "Happy Christmas."

"Happy C-Christmas," he squeaked back, hugging her a bit, wishing that hadn't happened so publicly!

Lily disappeared up the girls' stairs and Remus stalked back to his friends, ignoring their ribalding about them being boyfriend and girlfriend, muttering that they _weren't_ it was just a _hug_ please _stop_. Sirius took the boater hat and put it on Remus's head, making him wear it for the rest of the night.

*

They were up _very_ late in the night and Remus slept in nearly too long in the morning. He only woke up because Struthers woke him up. He sat up, very confused and out of it.

"It's ten-fifteen," Struthers said. "Aren't you going home today?"

"MERLIN!' Remus shouted and fell out of bed, getting tangled up in the sheets. He thrashed about and Struthers helped him get untangled. "Th—thank you! Oh Merlin's _beard_!" He rushed to the bathroom, going as quick as he could, wondering why the Marauders hadn't woken him up. The train left at eleven which, considering it took a bit to get from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade, didn't give him much time. Thank Merlin he had packed last night!

He ran back to the dorm, throwing the last few things in his bag then started to leave when he realized he was just in socks. Swearing, he jammed his feet into his ratty trainers then took off, tripping almost right away since he hadn't tied them. He threw himself into a chair in the common room to tie his shoes then ran as fast as he could, going down a few secret passages which helped cut time out. He ran into the Great Hall for a very quick bite to eat, and spotted the Marauders who looked slightly surprised to see him.

"You forgot to wake me!" he half-accused, collapsing onto the bench next to Peter. "My alarm didn't go off eith—" He stopped talking, seeing the guilt on Peter's face. He glanced at James and Sirius who were eating their food far too innocently. "You—you turned my alarm off, didn't you?"

"Why would we do that?" James asked.

Next to Remus, Peter squirmed uncomfortably. Remus faced him, glaring. "Pete?"

"Um—"

"Don't bully Petey, he didn't _do_ anything," Sirius chided.

Remus just gave Peter the darkest most threatening look he could. "Yes they did!" Peter squeaked.

"Oh, thanks a lot!" James moaned, throwing his hands in the air.

"S-sorry," Peter mumbled. "It wasn't my idea, I swear."

Remus turned his glare to the other two.

"We just figured you know, if you slept in and missed the train... you could go home tomorrow," Sirius said sweetly.

"And my mum would have wasted all the petrol coming into London, on top of probably going into a panic attack at me not showing up!" Remus hissed out. "You have any idea how expensive—no, of course you don't. We can't just Apparate in and out, or use the Floo network. It costs a decent bit of money to get from Dragon's Field to London, you know, and we don't—oh never mind. I don't have time to argue."

"We're sorry—" James started.

"Oh, I'm _sure_." He put some bacon and eggs on his plate and began eating as quickly as he could.

"Remy, don't be mad," Sirius pleaded. Remus just shoved several pieces of bacon into his mouth at once to avoid answering. Sirius gave him puppy dog eyes, and he turned away. "Remyyyy!"

"I have to go." He grabbed several scones, wrapping them up and dropping them into his pocket. "Happy _Christmas_."

He grabbed his bag and of course they followed him, all of them apologizing. They went outside and Remus and James both hesitated at the sight of the thestrals.

"I'll _never_ get over those," James muttered.

Remus swallowed and started to go forward but Sirius grabbed his sleeve. "Please don't go away mad," he said, sounding very sincere. "We were stupid and thoughtless."

"It could have caused a _lot_ of trouble!" he snapped.

"I know, I realize that now," replied Sirius, brow wrinkled.

"I should have ignored them and waked you up," Peter said, though Remus didn't really blame him much; he knew he was just doing what the other two told him, and Remus said so. Pete gave a relieved smile.

"Here." James pulled a galleon out of his pocket. "So you can buy sweets and some food on the train."

"I don't want your money," Remus muttered then set the bag down. "All right—no, not that," he said when James tried handing him the galleon again, "I won't go away mad. I mean, I am mad. But."

James opened his arm for a hug and Remus gave him a quick hug, and Peter, and then an awkward one with Sirius that sent butterflies fluttering very rapidly through his stomach. Sirius squeezed tightly which made it worse. Remus quickly wriggled free.

"I'll see you guys in two weeks. Have fun at the dance tonight, Sirius, and a safe trip tomorrow." He picked up his bag and climbed into one of the last carriages leaving.

*

It was _agonizingly_ lonely. Remus had easily found a compartment since hardly anyone was going home. Mostly some first years and a handful of other students, none of whom he knew. He had the compartment all to himself and even though he was bigger than he was on his first trip to Hogwarts, it seemed like there was more space now than there had been on that trip. He wished he had a radio or something, since the silence was terrible.

He read, as much as he could, and ate the scones, as well as the sweets he had packed. He picked at some of the every flavor beans, feeling despondent his friends weren't with him to make each other eat the nasty looking ones and laugh at Remus's bad luck. He sighed and threw the nearly full box back into his bag before leaning against the window, watching the snowy landscape go by.

_Stupid Mum. Stupid Dad_ , he grumbled to himself, kicking his heels and sighing. What was one more day? It wasn't fair. He stayed over last Christmas holidays due to the full moon.

_Three more days_ , he thought, pressing his forehead against the glass. He shuddered, wishing he didn't have to go into the cellar, into that small, cold, cramped place. He wasn't claustrophobic, not by any means; he preferred cramped quarters, it made him feel safer. But just... being in there as the wolf... or even as a human all night... was hellish. He was spoiled by having the entire house in Hogsmeade...

He yawned, and drifted into sleep, waking up when the train pulled into Kings Cross station, the horn blaring jarring him from his sleep. He rubbed his eyes and gathered his stuff up. His mother was waiting on the platform, gasping for joy when she saw him and wrapping her arms around him.

"Mum!"

"Baby!" She began kissing his face all over, nuzzling into his hair. "My darling! I'm so happy to see you! You've grown!" She let go and stepped back, placing her hand on the top of his head.

"A bit," he said, blushing.

She hugged him again, tight against her chest. 'I've missed you so much. It's agony, you not being there!"

"I've missed you too!"

"It's going to be such a nice holiday..." She gave his hair a tousle and it felt kinda weird, making him think too much about Sirius. "Let's get you home."

He grabbed his bag and followed her out into the car park through the slush. Soon they were headed west, towards home, and Remus already missed Hogwarts and his friends.


	72. Chapter Seventy-Two - Privacy Please?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for child abuse, emotional abuse

It felt _so_ weird to be home. Remus went into the house and was greeted cheerfully by his father. Supper was cooking away. Steak. His favorite. Potatoes, veggies, a very nice meal that made him feel bad since he knew it'd be a bit pricey.

"I'll take your bag to your room, you sit down and relax," Hope said, kissing the top of Remus's head.

He sank down into one of the chairs, chest feeling kinda tight. Lyall was smiling, asking how things were, asking how the exams went. Remus said he thought he did well but wouldn't know till later. Then Lyall asked about what books Remus would need from a library to help him study. Remus ducked his head, shrugging.

"I can just do the research when I get back. I'll have the Sunday before classes start." He traced designs over the plastic-y top of their kitchen table. The dance would be starting soon. He thought of Sirius in his suit, and wished he was there. He and James and Peter would stay up in the common room till Sirius came back—or else creep down to the Great Hall, trying to sneak in. He wondered if they'd pull any pranks. Did they have any of that animal noise potion leftover? That'd be _hilariously_ awful to do. Of course they'd probably try to do something. James and Peter would. Maybe not Sirius. He seemed to take his job as Kim's date pretty seriously.

Remus jumped when he realized his father was trying to get his attention; Lyall had been talking, and Remus missed it all.

"I asked you about the Quidditch game," Lyall said patiently. "You told me you went but didn't talk too much about it."

"It was... loud..." Remus said, trying to pretend he couldn't see the disappointment on his father's face, trying to pretend he didn't know perfectly well he wasn't anything like the son Lyall had probably wanted. "Very loud."

Hope appeared again, happily taking dinner out of the oven. They all settled in for the food, both his parents peppering him with questions. It felt strange and distant, like it wasn't really happening. He poked at his food, forcing a few bites into his mouth though he wasn't very hungry. Of course, it was just because he was home again after a few months that it felt strange. And he missed his friends. And he was burdened with the huge lie he had to keep as hidden and as secret as possible. He felt it swelling up inside of him like a balloon.

"Aren't you hungry?" Hope asked, disappointed.

"I—I'm very tired," he murmured. "It's _delicious_ though, it is. I've missed your cooking."

Hope squeezed his hand. "Well, the full moon is coming up soon so of course you're tired." She reached up, stroking his hair. "Poor thing. You didn't talk much about the moons during school. Were they okay?"

Remus thought of the one in October, of how exhausted he was, of how much weight he lost; then the one in November, with his destroyed leg. Had McGonagall written to his parents about being caught in a lie? He still didn't know if they knew he had been left alone during the day a few times... "They were... all right," he forced out. "The usual." He eyed his parents, watching them carefully for any signs that they knew.

They didn't seem to, although with very careful prying he did discover they had known (and given permission) about him being in the house during the days. They were, naturally, informed when Remus went back to what had been done during his first year; they did not appear to know the exact details, and Remus was glad.

The conversation changed back to school and his grades, and soon he was done with it. He didn't really feel like talking much—plus he was sorta worried if he kept talking about school everything would just slip out. Finally he said he was just far too tired, apologized for not eating much, then went up to his room. He dug Gwyllgi out of his bag and collapsed on the bed. It was an old mattress, probably as old as him if not older, and rather worn. Lyall had enchanted it a few times to keep it plump and fluffy but it was sagging in the middle. The box springs underneath were worn out too. It wasn't anywhere near as comfortable as his bed at Hogwarts. The blanket wasn't as comfortable either.

 _Stop comparing_! he scolded himself, curling into a little ball, hugging Gwyllgi tightly. _This is home, you should be happy to be here_.

But he simply... wasn't.

*

Remus still felt down in the morning and only ate a little bit of breakfast to Hope's dismay. She felt his forehead even though they both knew he couldn't get sick. He promised he felt fine, just wasn't very hungry, that's all.

"Are you up to putting the tree up? And decorations?" Hope asked. "Your father wanted to get that done tonight."

"Yeah, that will be fun," Remus said with a smile.

Shortly after eleven (around the time the _Hogwarts Express_ would be leaving) he wondered how his friends were doing, how the dance went, how soon he'd get a letter. They knew not to write him on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, but would he get a letter tonight? Or tomorrow? He hoped so. Lily didn't know not to write during the full moons so the only thing that could be done in that regard was pray she didn't send anything during that period.

He spent most of the day puttering around the house, trying to seem happy whenever he was around his mother, trying not to act too suspicious. He set himself up in the living room to work on some homework while Hope knitted and the radio played older music. Sinatra, Fitzgerald, Crosby, etc. Remus very carefully wrote out an essay, feeling a heaviness around them, wondering if his mother could feel it too. He was on edge, waiting for her to look up and say, _By the way, about your friends_...

But she didn't. Lyall came home a bit early so they could start decorating the house. They got some sticks from the woods which Lyall transfigured into a Christmas tree (a big, full, nice, proper one) then began putting up the old decorations as Christmas music played. Remus frowned at some of the really bleh looking decorations. He didn't mind the sentimental ones, really, but he wished they had _more_. They were using the exact same decorations since 1964, 1965, and he sorta wanted a bit of a change.

"Hey, maybe I can make some new tinsel," he suggested brightly. "Surely there's a spell for that."

"You're not supposed to use magic out of school," Lyall replied, not taking his eyes off the tree.

"Well... you can make some new tinsel, couldn't you?"

"I don't know of a spell like that."

"We could get a book and I could research—"

"Remus," Lyall warned, finally turning to face him. Remus fell silent. "If you want me to return your Christmas present and buy you a book about tinsel-related spells, I will, if that's what you really want, but we're _not_ made of money and you know that."

Remus started to protest that he meant the library before realizing how exhausted his father was. Normally Lyall didn't work on Sundays, but due to the holiday coming up the owner had decided to stay open in case of extra business. He wondered when the last time Lyall had a day off. And it was all because of him, and his bite.

"S—sorry," he mumbled, dropping the subject. His hands shook so hard that a glass ball slid from his fingers and shattered at his feet.

"Look what you did!" Lyall snapped, grabbing Remus's shoulder and yanking him back away from the glass. Remus stumbled a bit, his shoulder hurting briefly where his father's fingers had dug in.

"Sorry!"

"Can you fix it?" Hope asked, wringing her hands.

"Reparo!" Lyall flicked his wand and some of the glass reformed. "Re _paro_!" But it had shattered into too many tiny pieces for Lyall's ability to fix.

"Oh, that was my mother's," Hope said, distraught. "She gave it to me for our first Christmas together!"

Remus took a few steps back. "I—I'm s-s-sorry!"

"Go get a broom and clean it up," Lyall ordered.

Remus fled to the kitchen and returned with the broom and dustpan, sweeping the mess up, blinking back tears. He made sure to get every last piece. "Do you w-want to keep it and see if I can fix it in a few years?"

Lyall's hand flung out and Remus cringed back, expecting a blow; instead Lyall hissed through clenched teeth, fist trembling slightly as he seemed to resist the urge to punish Remus. " _Just. Throw it. Away_!"

Remus ran to the kitchen and dumped the shards of glass into the rubbish bin, a few tears plonking in after. Guilt tore at him. If he hadn't been bothering his father about the ornaments, if he hadn't been so shaky... He took in a deep breath, rubbing his eyes till the tears stopped. When he crept back into the living room the tree was almost done. Hope was very sad, Lyall still angry, and Remus tried to stay calm. He wanted to just go hide under his bed for the rest of the holidays.

*

_Dear Remus!_

_it sucks without you! but I had tons of fun at the dance. it was awesome! the Hufflepuffskeins didnt play there though but there was this new group called the_ Red Cap Rockers _. they were pretty good! I made loads of guys mad. I guess Seo-Yun is pretty popular. one guy phizically threatened me and I just said fine piss off the Beater great idea. he tried to call me a weakling for 'letting a girl fight for me' and I just said shes got more muscles in her pinkies than he does in his head which is saying a lot. I nearly got hexed. it was great! we danced a lot and I think the punch I had might have been spiked but I'm not sure. your the only one who has any expeerience on that. HAHA! anyway, we didnt have time to develop Petey's pictures so he said he'll send him later on. I hope we have dances in the future when were old enough to go. YOU WILL GO! OR ELSE! okay? cool._

_Sirius_

*

Remus stayed in bed Monday morning until his mother came and got him. He wished he could feign being sick, really not wanting to leave his room... but of course he couldn't. He rolled out of his bed and trudged down the stairs, hoping his dad had already left for work and feeling rather anxious when he saw him sitting at the table. He was reading the newspaper, finishing up his breakfast. They had barely spoken any the night before and Remus felt ill as he slid silently into his usual seat, fixating his stare on his food. Hope tried to fill the silence but it didn't negate the tension.

Remus pushed his eggs around on the plate, wondering if he should apologize again. He jumped when Lyall set the paper down.

"Bye Remus. Bye darling." He got up and kissed Hope's cheek then headed out to Apparate to Caerphilly.

Remus slumped down, breathing out a sigh though he wasn't sure if it was relief or not.

"Are you all right?" Hope asked, picking up Lyall's dishes.

He shook his head. "I feel terrible for breaking the ornament last night. I... I know how much it meant to you..."

"Oh, sweetheart, accidents happen," Hope said but he could _hear_ the sadness tinged in her voice and he felt even worse.

"I—I'm not very hungry..."

"You hardly ate last night." Hope turned around, face full of concern. "Is something going on?"

 _Yeah, I mess everything up_. "No, I just... I'm very tired."

"It seems like it's affecting you more than usual..." Hope sat down next to him, stroking his hair.

 _It's not the moon, it's everything else_! But he didn't know how to explain. He remembered _Your Body at Hogwarts_ talking about mood swings, but he wasn't sure if this was one of them or not. He just felt so despondent and miserable and guilty and wanted to hide. He hated being at home. He—he loved it, but he _hated_ it and he wanted to go back to Hogwarts, and he knew it was wrong to feel this way so he just felt worse, but his parents felt... felt... just felt like _too much_! It was overwhelming. _They_ were overwhelming. He felt physical disgust at his mother stroking his hair like that and then hated himself for feeling that way. She was his mother and she loved him, but the thought of her touching him like that, like he was a _baby_ was _infuriating_!

But he didn't want to upset her in any way so he remained silent, gritting his teeth as her fingers raked through his hair. He just let her think it was the moon doing this to him. Because he sure as hell had no idea what the real reason was...

*

_Dear Remus, 17/12/72_

_here at the pictures from the dance! well from rite before the dance cuz i didnt go to it. james and i tried to sneek in but we got caut right away. oops. anyway I woke up real early today to develop them so i could send them to you and the others. this should get to you on Monday nite which i hope is okay. you said tuesday and wendsday and thursday were no good right? i really hope i got that right. if i messed up i am SO SORRY!!!_

_Im writing this on the train and will send it when i get home tonite. James Sirius and me stole some of the transfiguration animals this morning... well they did i didnt i was busy with the photos. so we let them loose a bit ago in some of the compartmints._

_I am really really really exited for when we xchange presents becuz i think your going to really like mine to you. I hope you do. it might just be stupid tho. if you dont like it its okay and you can give it back and ill give you something else. it will be ok if that happins. I sometimes feel bad about presents becuz i dont know what to do. i dont have money like James and all i can really do is small stuff and the photos. tho your present is something else and not that. now i shouldnt say anything else i dont want to ruin the surprise._

_see you in a cuple weeks!_

_Peter_

Remus shuffled through the pictures, seeing his friends which gave him an aching pain in his chest. Sirius all dressed up and shooting a grin at the camera, Sirius and James with their arms around one another, one of Sirius and Peter... Sirius in the common room putting the flowers on Kim’s wrist, then one of the two of them with their arms around each other’s waists. Despite the age difference, they were about the same height. They looked pretty good together.

Remus flipped back to the one of Sirius by himself. He looked absolutely fantastic, and somehow his hair seemed even nicer than usual. He looked genuinely happy and excited, and it was probably one of the nicest pictures Remus had ever seen of Sirius.

He flopped back on his bed, staring at the picture for ages until he knew he couldn’t stay up much longer. He hid the letter and photos in his mattress and then managed to get to sleep, images of Sirius dancing with a blurry figure drifting through his head.

*

Hope let Remus sleep in on Tuesday morning, and he didn't trudge down to the kitchen until nearly noon. Hope had a very large meal for him that she demanded he eat, since he hadn't eaten much supper the night before. Lyall... was still obviously not pleased with Remus and it killed his appetite.

"Th—thank you." He sat down and stared at the meal before him and then began poking at the pie, trying to convince himself to eat. He needed to. He knew he needed to for the transformation tonight... but he just didn't _feel_ like eating. He forced several bites down then couldn't do anymore. Hope hemmed and hawed, hovering around him, urging him to take a few more bites. "Maybe I'll be hungrier in an hour or so. Or you could leave food out in the cellar and I'll eat it as a wolf—"

" _Remus_!" she shrieked, hands fluttering to her mouth. "No, don't—that's not—you know we don't talk about... the nights."

Remus thought of the Marauders' curious questions and felt a burning desire to just say, _Why not? What if I want to talk about it? It's my body! It's my curse! It's_ me _! Let me talk about it_! "Okay, Mummy..."

Shortly before sunset they went down in the cellar and Remus hesitated, not wanting to undress in front of her. He had been getting uncomfortable with it over the past year and now he flat out didn't want to. It was bad enough Pomfrey seeing his naked body. He asked her to wait outside the door, with the door open just a crack and he'd hand the clothes out to her.

"Why?" she asked.

"I—I don't... I'd rather not..." He floundered for an answer since he knew she'd be seeing him in the morning when she came in to retrieve his broken body. "Please?"

"Are you hiding something?" she asked.

"No. I just... I'd rather not be watched," he said awkwardly. "And... maybe in the morning just... toss me a blanket... or something? Once I feel up to walking I can just go up to the bathroom—"

"I am not leaving you in there!" Hope looked horrified at the thought.

He shifted, rubbing his elbow, realizing this was all futile. "I'm twelve years old, I don't—it's—I don't want you seeing me!"

"I'm your mother—"

He began to grow red. "Mother, please!" he squeaked. "Can't I have some privacy?!"

Hope stared at him, face going a little blank. "Fine," she said stiffly, and stepped back, closing the door so it was open just a crack. "What is it you want me to do in the morning?"

"J... just... t-toss a blanket in... p—please..."

"Very well." She sounded extremely hurt, and he grew even guiltier.

 _Great, that's how this entire holiday is going to go, isn't it?!_ he thought angrily as he stripped off. _Me feeling guilty all the time. Me being a crap son. Is it so wrong to want a little privacy_? He looked down at his bare body. He had gotten quite a bit more hair down there. It was kinda embarrassing.

He slipped his hand out through the crack, handing his mother his clothes. "I love you," he said, pressing his face to the crack so he could see her.

"I love you too," she replied, still sounding injured. "I'll see you in the morning."

The cellar door swung shut, and she locked the outside.

Remus sat down on the cold stone floor, hugging his knees, shivering hard as he waited for the moon to rise.

*

He came to in the morning, his human mind expanding back as the wolf shrank, crying out as his body twisted back to its usual form. He lay there, panting heavily for a bit, staring at the darkness. Slowly he sat up and began carefully feeling his body for any injuries. Bad gashes and bite marks all over his legs and both arms, and the usual torn muscles. It was pretty rough.

Twenty minutes later the door creaked open. "Remus?"

"H... hi."

"Do you... still just want the sheet?"

"Yes, please."

Her hand appeared, a sheet dangling down. He took it and wrapped it around his body, putting a hand against the wall to steady himself as he got to his feet. He limped out into the light and Hope gave a sharp intake of breath at the blood soaking through the sheet already. She helped him up to the upper floor and into his bathroom where she drew him a warm bath; she waited until realizing he didn't want her there either.

"I've bathed you every single morning after the moons you're at home," she said, sounding on the verge of tears. "Remus, darling, why are you being like this?"

"I—I don't want to upset you," he answered honestly, 'I just—I'm _twelve_ now, I'll be thirteen the next time I transform here at home!"

"I know. You're growing up so fast." She suddenly hugged him tightly, sobbing into his shoulder. He buckled a little under the sudden weight, and tried not to make any noises to indicate how much this hurt his destroyed limbs. "You're becoming a young man!"

"That's—that's exactly wh-what I'm t-trying to say!" He thought through some other possible responses then said, "Would—would you want your father seeing you naked at thirteen?"

" _No_ but that is completely different! I'm your mother, I gave birth to you!"

Remus remained silent, no idea what to say to this. Finally he whispered, "Please?"

She let go of him, blood soaked into her dress. She looked down at her arms then back up at him. He didn't move, didn't say anything, barely dared to breathe. Hope bent in and kissed a spot on his head that didn't have very much blood on it, then drifted out of the bathroom leaving a trail of sadness.

*

Winter months were awful. He only had around seven hours before disappearing back into the cellar, before his father even got home. He had spent the day mostly sleeping, and trying to eat. He managed to get quite a bit down, doing his best to ignore his mother's disappointment. When she went with him to the cellar she gave him a few glances before shutting the door except for a crack, and taking his clothes from him. When morning brought him back into human form—bloody and in a lot of pain—she put the blood-stained (but clean) sheet through the door. He really needed her help to get through the house, in too much pain to get to the upper floor so he wound up curling up in his parents' bathtub. He felt weaker and weaker as his blood ebbed out of his body and down the drain.

"You look so thin," Hope said as she tucked him into bed, dressed in comfortable pajamas with bandages around his wounds. "Are you hungry?"

"Too tired to eat," he mumbled, falling back asleep before she even left the room.

When she brought lunch she sat on the edge of his bed, watching him eat, smoothing down her skirt, obviously wanting to talk about something. He thought it would be about his privacy again but once he finished the last bite she pulled an envelope and a small package out of her pocket. Remus recognized Lily's writing and he tried not to groan.

"This came for you last night," she said.

"What is it?" he asked, hoping he sounded innocent.

"A letter and a gift." She handed the letter over, keeping the present in her lap. "Who is it from?"

Remus opened up the letter, acting as if he didn't know. "Oh, it's from someone in my study group," he said very lightly. " _Oh_! I know what this must be. She borrowed a book from me and lost it. She said she'd replace it." He knew she'd get him a book for Christmas even if the shape didn't bely the surprise.

"It looks like a Christmas gift," Hope said flatly, plucking at one of the curly gold ribbons.

Remus shrugged, folding the letter back up, far too tired to deal with this right now. "She likes wrapping presents."

"Can I open it, then?"

He felt his breath catch in his throat. Would he be able to pass whatever book off as one he had before? His parents knew most of his books, except for the ones from his friends, or the two he had bought in Hogsmeade (and Merlin knew they would never, ever, _ever_ find out about _Your Body_!). "Can I open it on Christmas and pretend it's an extra present?" he asked meekly.

Hope's eyes softened and she nodded. "Of course. I know Christmas can be disappointing..."

"Oh! Oh no, Mum, not at all. I love everything you and Dad get me. I promise. It's not disappointing at all. It's usually more than I expect!"

Hope bent in and they exchanged hugs, Remus being careful not to hug her too tight. "I love you, baby boy."

"I love you too, Mum." He kissed her cheek and then she got up, taking the empty tray away. Remus picked up Lily's present, examining it closely. If he unwrapped it very carefully then he should be able to reuse the paper and just wrap up one of his own books. That should work. He put the present in his desk drawer, hoping his mother wouldn't snoop. He... wanted to trust her but something he worried. After a second he took the present back out.

Feeling beyond weary, he pushed his bed up and cut into the place where he kept letters over the summer. He put Lily's letter and the present there, flinching in pain as one his wounds reopened from the effort of holding the mattress up. A quick flick from his wand along with a spell that took too much effort for him to pant out repaired the mattress. He gladly lowered it back onto the box springs, collapsing immediately down onto it. After a moment of resting he dragged himself farther onto the bed and fell back asleep almost right away.


	73. Chapter Seventy-Three - Christmas Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple things. First of all, physical child abuse in this chapter as well as the emotional abuse/emotional manipulation. Also, shout out to Angel for helping me with the French, but the Welsh is taken from google translate so I sincerely apologize for any mistakes there. :T

Remus didn't transform his final night. He was awake, shivering hard and drifting in and out of nightmare-riddled sleep; images of him ripping his friends to pieces filled his head every time he closed his eyes. It felt like the darkness of the small room pressed against him, and eventually he stood up, his bare feet slapping quietly against the floor as he paced. He made dozens and dozens of laps before he tried to sleep again, managing to snatch a short little nap before he woke up screaming and crying.

Finally dawn came and his mother handed him the bloodied sheet. He covered himself and left the room. Hope's eyes lit up when she realized he didn't have any wounds on his body.

"It snowed," she said brightly as they went through the house. “I was hoping it would be a nice night for you.”

Remus bit back a comment about how he preferred to be a wolf; he didn’t think she would understand. They got to his room and he curled up in bed naked for a few minutes, cold, but too tired to get dressed.

“Want me to get you into your pajamas?” she asked.

“No thank you…”

She went quiet. “Want me to get them at least?” she offered.

“Yes, please, thank you.”

She set a pair of pajamas on his bed, planted a kiss on his cheek, then left the room. Remus lay still, nearly falling asleep, then forcing himself to sit up and get the clothing on. They were warm, flannel pajamas, way too big for him but comfy. He kicked the stained sheet off his bed and then buried himself under his blankets, sleeping until Hope woke him up for lunch.

“What day is it?” he asked, struggling to remember.

“Friday. Christmas is on Monday,” she said, watching him eat. “Your father needs to work Sunday. Ottilie thinks they may get some last minute customers.”

Remus paused, the food turning heavy and lumpish in his stomach. “Oh.” He poked at the rice miserably. “How… is he doing…?”

“He’s worried about you,” she replied and Remus couldn’t help but wonder if that was true.

As it turned out, it probably wasn’t because after dinner Lyall wanted to talk to Remus privately. They went up to his room and Remus sat on his bed, hands tucked under his thighs to keep them from shaking.

Lyall began pacing, running his fingers through his blonde hair. "Your mother told me what’s happened."

Remus swallowed, wriggling a bit. _Lily’s letter and present?_ he wondered.

“You really hurt her,” Lyall continued. “I know you’re… getting older. But it’s not a very nice thing to push your mother away." Oh, that was what was going on. "She’s given you so much. She’s given _up_ so much. We both have.”

Remus ducked his head, shame burning through his entire body. “I know,” he whispered.

“Do you? Because from what I understand, you didn’t.”

“I—I’m twelve,” he said, very hoarsely. “I’ll be thirteen soon. I—I just w-wanted some privacy. I’m not a baby anymore.”

Lyall gave him a look. “You’re right. You're not a baby. So you should at least understand how much your words and actions hurt her. She misses you every single day you’re away and then you come home only to shove her away from you. Brooding around, hiding in your room...”

“D—Dad—”

“I know there’s not much you can do this time of the month—you need to rest—but you had no right to lash out at her!”

“I d-d-didn’t lash out—”

Lyall held up his hand. “Remus, I’m talking. Please just listen.”

Remus closed his mouth and looked down at his lap.

“I know you want some privacy but the fact is because of what you are you have to give up some of it. There will be mornings you are too… too far destroyed to move. One of us will need to come in and get you. What happens at Hogwarts?”

Remus startled at that question, not expecting it. He had just been told to be quiet! “In the… mornings?” he asked, to be sure, and Lyall nodded. “P… Madame Pomfrey comes and gets me.”

“She sees you?”

Remus turned bright red. “Yes…”

“So, she sees your body but you don’t want your mother?”

"I—I don’t want Pomfrey to see either!” he protested, getting to his feet. “I don’t want anyone!”

“I know. I understand. But you’re not a typical boy, Remus; there are some things others have you simply cannot expect to have.”

Remus just stared at his father. “I can’t have privacy,” he said flatly. Lyall opened his mouth but Remus continued, “That’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair—”

“I know that!” he snapped, face reddening even more, the wolf rising up inside of him as his temper flared. Lyall’s eyes went big. “You think I don’t? With what I _have_?! I know damn well life isn’t fair—”

“Watch your language,” Lyall spat out.

“Pa iaith ddylwn i ei gwylio? Hwn? Ou peut-être en français?!” Remus spat right back then pulled back, wishing he could take it back, wishing he hadn’t lost his temper.

Lyall’s hand lashed out hard and Remus went crashing to the floor, face stinging. He tried apologizing but Lyall just stormed out of his room, slamming the door shut behind him. Remus whimpered, scrambling back, hand against his cheek. The pain faded but he could still feel it, and he began to grow terrified of Fawley seeing this. Maybe he could just ask her not to look into any memories over Christmas. Would she agree?

_I deserved it_ , he thought, rubbing his face, hearing his father shouting downstairs, complaining about Remus's attitude. _I’m ungrateful. I’ve hurt them, I lost my temper. I deserved that_. He pulled himself up onto his bed, hugging Gwyllgi tightly. _I need to be a better son._

*

Supper was beyond tense and the only reason Remus went down was because of his mother. He sullenly sat at his side of the table while Lyall sat silently at his, and Hope did her best to fill the silence. Lyall talked a bit with her, but since Remus didn’t say anything to him, Lyall didn’t say anything back.

Then Remus set his fork down. “I’m sorry,” he said, and Hope went silent. “I’m—I’m sorry for hurting you, Mum. And for talking back, Dad.”

“Apology accepted,” Lyall said, smiling a little bit. “Thank you for apologizing.”

Hope took Remus’s hand. “It’s all right. I know it’s a difficult age.”

The air was a lot clearer, and while his parents were merrier, Remus didn’t say another word as he finished eating. He excused himself and fled up to his room, trying not to slam the door. He kicked at his desk and it scooted back, banging into one of his bookcases and sending a few books to the floor. He sighed and began picking them up, then he checked his desk and saw he had splintered a chunk off. _Great_ , he thought, pushing his desk back to its rightful place.

He sat down, listening for any sign of his parents coming up, then got Lily’s present out of the mattress. Slowly he opened it up and found _Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?_ by Philip K. Dick. He smiled, reading the blurb, growing excited to read it. Then he got one of his books from his bookcase—one that wasn’t too battered—and rewrapped it in Lily’s paper, using a sticking spell even though she had used Muggle tape. Then he put Lily’s book in his bag before fetching the letter from her, excited to read.

_Dear Remus,_

_Happy Christmas! The present is a bit early, but my family will be going to visit some cousins over the weekend so I thought I’d send it now. My cousins don’t know I’m a witch so I won’t be able to have Bessie with me. She’s going to go back to Hogwarts for a bit, since Severus stayed behind for the holidays, otherwise I’d’ve asked him to watch her. I’d ask you to watch her but I should have done so before we left, and I don’t want to put any pressure on you._

_Anyway, I hope you like the book! It’s pretty good. I wasn’t too crazy about it but I think you’ll probably enjoy it. Maybe it will make more sense to you!_

_So Cassie’s told me she’s giving Black a Christmas present but she won’t tell me what it is. I dunno, Black’s pretty handsome but his personality is YUCK!! I don’t know what she really sees in him. Do you think they’ll start dating soon? They’re both thirteen already so I guess that’s not too weird. I can’t believe I’ll be thirteen soon! I wonder what it’s like? Cassie said nothing’s changed. Ali’s got to wait till May!_

_I’ve been thinking about a lot of things recently and I think I’d like to be kissed soon. Is that awkward to say? I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. How do you feel? I know you were upset about things a few weeks ago but I wasn’t sure if anything’s changed. I guess I feel like there is all this pressure for the First Kiss. I read about it all the time, and in movies and on TV. That Special First Kiss. It's kind of driving me crazy. What if it's terrible? What if I've got a boyfriend and we have our first kiss and I'm so terrible he dumps me?_

_So, I want to have it now, and get it done with. I don’t know WHO I’d kiss though. Honestly I’d rather just have it be you or Severus since you’re my friends and you guys know it wouldn’t mean anything and I could get my first kiss OVER with... but THAT is probably VERY awkward! Don’t hate me, okay? Haha._

_Well, I better wrap up this letter, it’s probably awful and I should rewrite it, but I’m sending it anyway. I hope you aren’t too weirded out by my rambling._

_Love,_

_Lily_

Remus folded the letter up and put it in his school bag, tucking it into a book, VERY glad his mother hadn’t demanded to read it! He felt himself blushing hard at the kissing thing although he wondered… maybe he should. What if he kissed Lily? A girl? Would _that_ trigger him into being normal?

He lay down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, feeling as though he was about to tip off a cliff with how buzzy and strange he felt. Dare he? Kiss Lily? As long as they both made it clear _it meant nothing_? Or did it meaning nothing mean it wouldn’t... do anything, wouldn't feel right? Should he? _Could_ he?

He tried to picture kissing Lily and his body sort've felt shrively as he physically recoiled on his bed. The thought of kissing her was... terrible. But maybe it wouldn't be. _Get it over with_... maybe... that's really what he should do... plus kissing a girl, that might help things, might _fix_ things. Might be like using an erasing spell on a piece of parchment and get rid of all those weird, unwanted thoughts in his head about—well.

He rolled over, curling up, musing over this new possibility.

*

At least things for his parents were easier, even if he felt bitter. The weekend had been _very_ long and agonizing and he destroyed a multitude of letters in reply to Lily about kissing. Maybe he’d talk to her in person or would that be worse? He absolutely _burned_ at the thought of _talking_ to her like that.

However, that was something to worry about another day.

Because it was Christmas!

He bounced out of bed and ran down the steps, grinning when he saw his stocking full. It was early and neither of his parents were up yet so he tiptoed into the kitchen and began making breakfast for them.

“Remus!” Hope gasped when she came into the kitchen, tightening her bathrobe. He whirled around, worried she’d be mad, but her face was very soft. “This is wonderful!”

“Happy Christmas, Mum!”

“Oh, Happy Christmas, sweetheart!” She kissed his cheek, and he kissed hers back. “Lyall, look what Remus did.”

Lyall came in, smiling broadly as he slid his arm around Hope's waist. “You made us breakfast?” Remus nodded, feeling a little apprehensive. But Lyall just pat Remus’s shoulder. “Thank you, kiddo!”

They all sat down and ate the bacon and eggs, then headed into the living room to open everything. Remus’s stocking was very simple as it usually was. A nice new quill, an orange, and a bar of chocolate. He loved it. Then it came time for the presents. This year he had three from his parents which he eagerly ripped into. The first was a knitted blanket in Gryffindor colors which he wrapped around himself. The next was a small bag with several balls of yarn in it.

“Oh, thank you!” he said excitedly.

Hope grinned. “I’m glad you’re enjoying knitting.”

Lyall just gave a slight hmph sound. “Hope the colors are all right, “ he grumbled, obviously not as keen on his son knitting as his wife was. “The last one is from me.”

Remus opened it and practically shrieked. It was a _very_ nice, rather fancy notebook. It was scarlet, and on the front it had a gold lion enchanted to stalk back and forth, its tail whipping, giving silent roars. It was quite thick, and the pages were of good quality. It must have been pretty pricey.

“I hope that’s the sort of notebook you wanted,” Lyall said lightly.

“ _Thank_ you!” Remus said, hugging it to his chest. He was so excited to have something like this, to jot down all his pranking ideas and things he needed to research for in regards to Marauder-y things. “Thank you for everything.”

Hope held her arms out and Remus hugged her, and Lyall gave his head a pat. Remus sat down cross-legged while his parents finished opening their presents, and unwrapped his chocolate bar to eat. The rest of the day went very nice. Remus spent a long time carefully writing down things he remembered he was supposed to research as well as a few of his own prank ideas. An excited sort of shiver went down his spine as he wrote these down.

At least his mother seemed to forget about him opening Lily’s present so he ripped the paper off and put his book back on the shelves.

That night he got three letters, from all the Marauders. They were all relatively short. Peter’s was about the skiing trip he was _supposed_ to go on but never did because apparently his mother and aunt had a huge fight and his mother decided not to let him go. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it but was relieved he didn’t have to worry about breaking his leg. Sirius’s was _very_ short, mostly talking about how much he missed his friends and school. James’s was the longest, rambling about holiday plans, how he missed them all, he hoped Remus was having a good time, wait till they all got back to school and he could show them a Big Surprise! and the rest of the letter was full of random stuff.

Remus wrote back to all of them. Filibuster had already left but Godric stayed, so Remus attached James’s letter to him; he was very nervous and took off as soon as Remus was done. He then attached Peter and Sirius’s letters to Cocoa, asking Cocoa to please take the extra letter to Sirius. Cocoa hooted and flew off.

Remus went over to Arthur and gave him some nuzzles and kisses. “I’m not going to push you,” he promised, stroking Arthur’s chest. Arthur hooted and nibbled at Remus’s nose gently.

*

Hope was very miserable on Boxing Day, rattling dishes as she slammed them down. She made it clear she was upset Remus was going to be leaving again in just a few days. Remus was surprised to realize that yeah, he’d be going back to Hogwarts on Saturday. Already! The first week had gone by pretty fast of course he had spent most of him either recovering from the full moon, being a wolf, or being depressed over being such a failure of a son.

“I don’t understand why it couldn’t be _after_ New Years,” Hope sniffled, sitting down.

“The holidays have always been two weeks,” Remus replied. “It was either a week before Christmas and a week after, or everyone coming home on the twenty-third and going home a week into January.”

“ _Still_. When are the Easter holidays?”

Remus swallowed some porridge, trying to remember. “I think it’s the fourteenth through the twenty-eighth in April.”

“And then after that, summer,” Hope said with a smile.

“That is a long way away though,” Remus reminded her and her smile stiffened. Lyall lowered the newspaper a bit, giving Remus a dark look. He mumbled something that might have been (another) apology and returned to his breakfast.

“I am so sick of these rich twats flashing their vaults around,” Lyall complained after a couple minutes. “Isn’t this your roommate, Remus?”

“Huh?”

Lyall slapped the paper down, gesturing with annoyance. Remus peered at the newspaper article and his blood began boiling.

**Potter Patriarch Donates StarShooter For Raffle!**

There was a photograph of James’s StarShooter along with a little article about how it only cost a galleon to enter the raffle, and all proceeds would be going to Hogwarts to be split between the Quidditch pitch and the library. The broom hadn't been used much, just for some Quidditch practices during the autumn term, and one game (won).

“Honestly,” Lyall snorted. “Just showing off they can afford to do that sort of thing.”

“I think it’s nice,” Hope said, leaning over Remus’s shoulder to read the article. “It will help the school, won’t it?”

“From what I understand, the Potters have donated more than enough money to the school.” Lyall shook his head. “I’m surprised it’s not being renamed The Potter School. Fleamont is a Governor. I bet that Potter roommate of yours throws that around a lot, hmm?”

“Not… really,” he replied honestly, trying his best not to sound too furious.

“Well… it’s going to the library too. That’s very nice of them. That helps you,” Hope joked, patting Remus’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, glaring at the newspaper, wondering if he could get away with throttling James. The worst part was he probably wouldn’t be able to write to James about it either. He doubted Godric would return with a letter in time, and he wasn’t going to send Arthur on the trip. OOH that _James_! How could he? _How could he_!?

Remus was in a very grumpy mood for the rest of the day, kicking around, getting all worked up every time he thought of the article, thought of the fact James bloody donated his stupid bloody broom, that bloody _twat_! He should have known. Should have known James would get a new broom. He had assumed... but of course James was spoiled. He was a wonderful person, but _spoiled_ , and Remus should have known.

Remus slumped down, tired from all the raging. It was James's decision but... he still felt like it was all his fault...

*

Remus got another letter from Lily, one from Peter, and one from Sirius, but nothing from James. Surprise, surprise, the damned coward.

On Thursday night he spent the time wrapping up his friends' presents. For Lily, a book: one of his favorite wizarding fiction books he had read multiple times growing up. He was giving her his own copy with an added inscription in the front, hoping a _used_ book would be okay. He also had biscuits for her too. For the Marauders: matching scarves, as well as sweets because he was simply too anxious that handmade stuff wasn't enough. The scarves had taken a long time to get done, but once he got into the rhythm they weren't too bad. Nothing fancy, just solid blocks of color—red and gold, naturally.

He wrapped them up and hid them in a box under his bed full of childhood stuff until he could pack them, so his mother wouldn't see.

On Friday he spent the day making sure he had everything packed up, and mostly finished his assignments. He'd have to properly finish them at school, in the library where he’d have the resources. He figured they were all right but of course wanted to make sure they were perfect.

Then Saturday morning dawned and he threw himself out of bed and into his clothes. _Back to Hogwarts_! he thought, hopping around one footed as he struggled to get his second sock on. He tripped and banged his shoulder against his dresser, yelping in pain. Sitting on the floor, he got the sock on, then realized they were different colors and patterns. He wasn't sure where either matching one was so he just shrugged and got his shoes on as the pain in his shoulder faded.

"Morning!" he said brightly as he went down to breakfast.

Hope gave him a _look_ but he didn't let it get to him. He was too happy. Two weeks of—well, he didn't want to call it agony but it kinda felt that way sometimes. Then the guilt returned for feeling that way. At least his parents never figured out he had friends (or that his friends knew the truth)! He gave his mother a kiss on the cheek then sat down, making sure to compliment her cooking and thanking her for the meal.

"Are you all packed up?" she asked tightly.

"Yeah. I have to bring a second bag so I can take my blanket," he said. "It's so cozy. I love it."

At least she smiled at that.

Soon Lyall went to work and after what felt like an _eternity_ Remus and Hope piled into the car. They both argued a bit over the radio (Remus wanted rock music, Hope wanted her era; Hope won) then headed towards London.

_Stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper I love you... birds singing in the sycamore tree... dream a little dream of me_...

Remus saw how sad his mother looked. This was so hard on her, and he wasn't making it any easier.

"I'm going to miss you," he said.

Her knuckles whitened a bit as she tightened her grip on the wheel. "Will you?"

"Of course I will. I always miss you, Mum. I love you."

"I love you too, darling. I... I know you love school..."

Remus looked out the window, the snowy landscape passing by. "I do. Very much. But... it's not going to be forever, you know. I only have five and a half more years." He began plucking at the sleeve of his jumper. _Five and a half more years_ , he thought, sick. It felt far away but sounded like it would be over immediately. Then no more Hogwarts.

No more Marauders.

He swallowed and curled his fingers into fists, trying to stop himself from getting too shaky. He spent the rest of the trip trying to think of anything but graduation. _It's ages, it's forever, you have a long, long time at_ _school_...

Then they were in London, Hope maneuvering the car through the crowded streets and into a parking space at Kings Cross. The two of them headed to Platforms Nine and Three Quarters while he _prayed_ Lily or Aegis wouldn't be around. The Marauders knew not to approach him now (a blessing!) but the others didn't.

The platform was so crowded it was hard to see anyone. He hugged his mother tightly, allowing her to kiss all over his face. They said their goodbyes (tearful on his mother's side of things) and then Remus hauled his two bags onto the train to search for his friends.


	74. Chapter Seventy-Four - Marauder Gift Exchange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: I told my mom who is currently in the hospital that I'd dedicate this chapter to her :) I love you and miss you and can't wait to see you. When I called her yesterday she wanted to know why the next chapter wasn't up yet, so here you go haha

It didn't take Remus too long to find the other Marauders. On the second section of train he went down, he saw a sign that said, **Do Not Enter Upon Penalty Of The Bat-Bogey Hex** (which gave him the perfect idea) on a door with loud music thumping. He rolled his eyes and knocked, then ducked into the compartment across the aisle, ignoring the stares the three fifth years sitting in the compartment gave him. He put a finger to his lips as he heard the music get louder as one of the Marauders opened the door. Once the music quieted he slid back out and knocked again, then hid again.

"Oi!" he heard James complain.

The fifth years were grinning now, amused. Remus hurried over and knocked one more time.

The door _slammed_ open. "RIGHT!" James yelled, wand at the ready. The surprise on his face made Remus laugh. " _Remy_!" he shrieked and flung his arms around him, hugging tightly. The fifth years were laughing as James dragged Remus into the compartment, shutting the door.

Remus hugged him back before getting his wand out. "Nasusmuscapelli!"

"Wh—"

James flailed and fell back into a seat as hairy bat bogies yanked out of his nose and began attacking him.

" _Remus_! What the bloody hell?!" He swatted at them, grunting and whining. "Finite inca—" One of the bogies tried to get into his mouth. "White—flauuugggghhhh—" he yelped as one hit him right in the face.

Remus waited another moment before rescuing James. "Finite incantatem!" he said, and the bogies fell.

James sat upright, adjusting his glasses which had streaks on them. He made a face and dug a cleaning kit out of his bag. "What in Merlin's name did I do to deserve—"

Remus pulled the newspaper article out of his pocket and held it up, glaring.

James faltered then slowly smiled, that charming Potter smile. "You saw that, did you?"

" _Yes_!" Remus threw the scrap of paper at him. "Why did you do that?!"

James looked down at his glasses, slowly cleaning the lenses. "The Ministry was having a post-Christmas raffle. I thought the StarShooter would be a great donation, on the condition the profits go to Hogwarts. Did you see it's to be split with the library too? I thought you'd like that."

" _You got a new broom_?!" he demanded, readying his wand again.

He perked up, putting his clean glasses back on his face. "Wait till you see it! Oh, it's a beaut, Remus, it—" He stopped as someone pounded at the door. Remus turned and opened it up, still pointing his wand at James.

"Remus!" Peter squeaked.

"Peter!" He opened the door fully and the two exchanged hugs then Peter and James hugged.

"What is... what _happened_?!" Peter looked down at the globby piles of mucus.

"Remus attacked me," James replied, and Peter looked up at Remus.

"I did," he said, tucking his wand away finally. "James, you can clean it. It is _your_ mess."

James grumbled as he got some handkerchiefs out and began cleaning the messes up but despite his attempts there were still some streaks of snot on the floor. "Maybe we should get a new compartment," Peter suggested and the others agreed so they gathered their stuff, peeled the sign off the door, then headed down to find an empty compartment before anyone else got on the train. James disappeared to throw the handkerchiefs away, not wanting to keep them which baffled Remus. They were perfectly good handkerchiefs. He would have just wrapped them up in something to clean later… but of course, James didn’t really need to worry about that.

When Remus turned the radio back on he turned the volume down a bit. "Has anyone seen Sirius?" James asked when he returned.

"No," both Remus and Peter chorused.

Peter got onto one of the seats and looked out the window. Remus and James settled down across from one another; Remus glaring, James far too smug. Remus kicked his ankle very gently and James stuck his tongue out.

"Oooh, I see Regulus," Peter said, pressing his face against the glass. "There's Sirius! He looks... not pleased."

James and Remus scrambled to the window and sure enough Sirius looked absolutely miserable. His arms were folded, his shoulders were hunched, and his lips were turned down in a big time scowl. He kept kicking at the ground and giving small nods as a woman waggled a finger in his face, and Regulus stood off to the side a little, arms rigid at his sides. The woman—obviously their mother—seized Sirius's shoulder and gave him a little shake. Then she let go, turned to Regulus, and started wagging her finger in _his_ face though only for a moment. Then she left without even waiting for them to get on board.

The brothers looked at each other then got their bags, headed to the train. Before long there was a knock at the door and James opened it. The misery was long gone from Sirius's face. He was grinning now, accepting James's hug then sidling into the room. Peter gave him a hug, then Remus approached him.

He stopped.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked, then flinched for some weird reason.

"N—nothing," Remus whispered then gave him one of the most awkward hugs he had given. Sirius felt awkward, and Remus _was_ awkward because _he smelled blood_. Sirius had been bleeding at some point that morning. Quite profusely. Where at? Remus didn't see any stains on his clothes anywhere... was that why he flinched?

"The Marauders, together again!" James said, pumping his fist in the air.

"The holidays felt like they lasted for _ever_ ," Peter sighed, collapsing onto the seat next to Remus. "Grandpa was so grouchy over the whole argument and not going skiing and he says I am definitely going next year, and he kept glaring at my mother, and she never said anything about it, so I think next Christmas I'm going to die. I'm gonna crash into a tree and _die_." He flung himself back, groaning. "Sirius, you can have my camera and all my photography stuff, and Remus you can have my books, and James I don't know what you'd want but whatever it is you can have it."

"I'm sure you won't die," James said, flapping his hand. "Anything you break, Saint Mungo's can fix."

Peter gulped, going a bit white. "Ahhh..."

"It's a year away," Remus reasoned. "I'm sure it will be fine."

"A year away from my _death,_ " Peter mumbled under his breath.

"Sirius, you're being very quiet," James noted. Sirius mumbled something under his breath. "What?"

Sirius went a bit red. "Don't... feel like it..." he said slowly.

Panic took over Remus's body. _WHAT WAS CAUSING THE BLEEDING_!?

"But... I've missed you guys so much," Sirius said, sitting next to James and propping his feet up between Remus and Peter, his long legs stretching across the compartment.

James elbowed him, and Sirius winced very slightly, and Remus could hardly breathe. What should he do? Confront Sirius? Demand to know what was hurting, to fix it? Would Sirius get upset if Remus pointed it out? He wasn't talking about his wound, so he probably didn't want anyone to know...

"Missed you guys too," James said. "The holidays weren't too bad—"

"Show us!" Peter squealed. "I want to see your new broom!"

Remus clenched his teeth, shooting furious glares at James. "You told them? But... what, forgot to tell _me_? It slipped your mind?"

James gave him a cheeky grin and pulled the carrying case out from the overhead bin. It looked different than the one he had before. "It's amazing, guys." He flipped open the latches and pulled his new broom out. Sirius and Peter both oohed and ahhhhed and Remus tilted his head, as this broom looked like it had silver on it too.

"It's white-gold," James said, smiling at Remus, offering the broom. Remus stretched his hand out and didn't feel any of the burning sensation that silver gave him. He took hold of the broom, wrapping his hand around the handle, fingers against the white-gold that spelled out the name of the broom. _MoonGlide_. The handle was jet black and the tail was pure white. In addition to the name and the sections attaching the tail to the handle there was some white-gold near the tip of the handle: a crescent moon.

"That looks so fancy!" Peter said.

"They're not out yet, are they?" Sirius asked, taking the broom from Remus.

James grinned from ear to ear. "Nope. They come out in spring. And they're supposed to have silver on them too but Baldwin Duskfall—the owner of the MidnightFlight company—made this _special_ for me."

"Merlin's beard," Peter breathed out.

"How'd you convince him to do that?" Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I said I liked white-gold more than silver," replied James with a casual shrug. "Actually I asked what different metals they had. Most of their higher end brooms have silver on them because of the whole star... nighttime theme. But when I asked for white-gold instead they were fine with it, no questions asked."

"Oh for Merlin's sake," mumbled Remus but nobody really listened to him.

"You said that you preferred a different metal and he made a custom made broom for you?" snorted Sirius, handing the broom to Peter.

James giggled. "Yep! It flies even better than the StarShooter. Wait till you _see_!" He put the broom back in its case and carefully put it back in the overhead. "I love this broom even more than my old one, so it's all good."

"The old one you had for what, six months?" Remus asked rather stiffly.

"Stop looking like you're sucking on something sour," James said, flopping back into his seat. "I wanted to do this. It's done. It's _fine_."

"It's an incredible bro—" Sirius stopped talking, face going white, hands clapping over his mouth.

Remus stared.

Peter's jaw dropped.

James sat upright.

"What... did you say?" James asked and Sirius shook his head. " _What did you say_?!"

"I heard him!" Peter said.

"Your voice!" Remus said.

Sirius let out a long groan. "Okay _fine_! You _caught_ me!" His hands now covered his entire face, as _it happened again_.

His voice had broken over the holidays, and Sirius Black was now _squeaking_.

"HAH!" James shouted and Sirius parted his fingers enough to glower between them. "Congrats, mate!"

"Say something else," Peter urged. Sirius shook his head and turned from them, folding his arms.

"It's not so bad," Remus promised. "We're _all_ going to go through it."

"Yeah, you should be proud you're first," James said and Sirius slowly faced them again.

"It's embarrassing," he said.

"You didn't squeak that time," Pete said.

"No," Sirius sighed, "it doesn't _always_ happen." It did that time though, and James tried not to snicker.

The other three talked about the broom for a while then they switched to various things that happened over the holiday that they hadn't mentioned in their letters, except for Sirius who didn't talk very much at all about his holidays. Though since his Big Secret was revealed he did become his usual chatty self. Remus thought his quietness had more to do with wanting to hide his squeaky voice than it did... whatever was causing the blood but... he couldn't be sure.

Then they decided to exchange their presents, and there was a flurry as they got the presents out from their bags. The others had gifts of various sizes, while Remus's three were identical except for the names on them. He began to grow anxious about the scarves. Maybe they were dumb.

"I—I want Remus to open mine last," Peter said. He had two small-medium boxes, and then a huge lumpy package.

"No, he's opening mine last," James argued. "It's so cool."

"So's mine!" Peter protested.

"Can't he open mine last?" Sirius asked.

Remus swiveled his head, feeling dizzy. "I—it's—I don't—"

"He can open all our presents last," James reasoned.

"But—I'm not—"

"Let's split them," Peter said, not listening to Remus.

Remus shakily gave his three packages out then was given a tiny box from James, a medium box from Sirius, and the huge lumpy package from Peter. _What on earth?!_ he wondered. Why did they want him to open last?! It felt... uncomfortable. He didn't want it to be a big show or anything. Why couldn't he just open them quietly?

After much argument they settled on an order, and one by one they opened their presents. Remus wanted to crawl somewhere and hide because they all got each other nice stuff and he just gave him the scarves and sweets, and the scarves didn't even look that great; all three of them insisted they loved the scarves and were excited they matched, and asked if Remus had made himself one to match too.

"N... no but... I—I can..."

"You should!" James exclaimed.

"Now it's your turn," Sirius said, looking very excited.

Remus looked down at the packages on his lap. "Wh—which should I open... first?"

All three of them looked eager and he knew they all wanted theirs to be _last_ for some reason, so he picked a number, had them guess, and went in the order closest to farthest; ironically biggest to smallest packages, so Peter was first.

Remus opened it up, not sure _what_ to expect, and found... a blanket. "Oh, it looks super nice!" He pulled it fully out of the package and lifted it up. "It looks very warm."

Peter squirmed, looking ready to burst. " _It's special_!" he squeaked out then began bouncing in his seat. "It's for—it's for um, it's for you know! Your—um—it's for the moon. Time. Moon time."

Remus lowered the blanket, looking puzzled. "What?"

"My mum made it! She's a seamstress, you know. Real good with sewing magic and fabric spells. I asked her to make a blanket that can withstand a lot of wear and tear!" Peter beamed so bright it looked like it hurt. "You said you get really cold, and that... you know, that um, you tend to tear up blankets. So... hopefully... you won't be able to tear this up. I tested it with all sorts of knives and it didn't rip, it's got some _really_ heavy enchantments on it. I mean, they'll wear off eventually, but... hopefully it lasts a while. I know knives aren't the same as your, um, you know, claws, but—but hopefully it works. And now you can have a blanket to keep you warm. Um, I mean, I hope. If it—if it works." He fell silent and went red.

Remus stared at him, then stared at the blanket, then back at Peter, unable to believe his ears, unable to believe what he just heard. He opened his mouth, then shut it. What? _What_?!

"I—I got him something for those times too," Sirius said and Remus jerked, staring wide-eyed at Sirius now.

"You did? A blanket?" Peter asked, sounding a little sad.

Sirius shook his head. "No... errr... well, you'll see."

Remus picked up Sirius's present and it slipped from his hands since he was so shaky. James picked it up and handed it back. Remus managed to pull at the paper and then got it open. Inside he found a metal box, about the size of a breadbox.

"It's... like the blanket, I guess," Sirius mumbled, avoiding Remus's eyes. "You said you don't have any way to read because if you... umm... you know, you'll ruin the book. So I thought..." He took the box from Remus and opened it up, pulling a book out of his own bag. He set the book sort've in the box and opened it. "You can read like this, it's a little weird but... I don't know what it's like for you when you're about to... I mean, if you'll have time, but all you do is..." He let go of the book so it fell in, and shut the box very swiftly. "Like that. It locks automatically—or will, once you've set the password. And you shouldn't be able to get into it. Uncle Alphard said it held up to all sorts of spells and weight. I didn't tell him what it was for just... a box that was indestructible or as close to it as I could get. Of course you can test it first." He took his book back and handed the box back to Remus who was frozen in absolute shock. "If it doesn't hold up, I'll get you something else."

Blanket? He couldn't rip? Box? For—books?

"Mine's... selfish," James suddenly said and he looked really upset. "Damn it. I'm sorry, Remus. I shouldn't have—I'm sorry."

Remus felt a little relieved because if it was something else that would... _help him_... he'd probably just self destruct and shatter into millions of pieces. He picked up the small present and ripped the paper off to find a small box. He opened it, curious because it really looked like a jewelry box. Inside were two strangely shaped objects attached by a cord which had a thin tube in the middle of the cord. He picked it up. The strangely shaped objects were soft and squashy, and he had no clue what this was.

"They're... they're earplugs," James muttered, messing his hair up. "I mean... I got them for the—for my games and the parties and stuff but you can use it whenever you're feeling like there's too much noise. They're small and should be able to be hidden under your hair." He got up and sat next to Remus, showing him the thin wooden tube along the cord which was separated into two pieces. "You twist it this way, and it blocks out more sound. This way, less sound. Try them."

Remus slowly put the earplugs in with the cord around the back of his head and instantly everything became... not quite muffled... but more quiet. Like someone had turned the volume down, like you would a radio.

"I think they should be helpful," James said, sounding soft and quiet. "But I mean, I hope they are, but I got them cause I was thinking of the Quidditch games which is super selfish of me, I know, and I'm sorry."

Remus reached back and began adjusting the wooden section. The noise grew louder until it was just slightly muted, and then he twisted the other way and the noise lowered until he could hardly hear anything. He couldn't imagine how much they had cost. Didn't _want_ to imagine how much they cost.

When James spoke, he could _barely_ hear him so he turned the volume up a wee bit, then he dropped his hands. They were shaking so hard the others could see, and all of them grew concerned. He shook his head when they tried to talk to him and wanted—wanted to just... he didn't know what he wanted to do but he felt so completely overwhelmed, and shocked, and _confused_. The gifts were—they were for... _for_ him, for the—to help him as a—they were all gifts to _aid_ him as a werewolf.

To _help_ him.

To make things _easier_.

To make life as a werewolf _easier_.

Remus couldn't see anything. It was all going blurry and swimmy and kinda black around the edges but not from anger, for the first time not from anger. He just—it was too much, it was _so much_ and they were talking, and touching him, and he couldn't bear it another second though he tried—he really tried because he didn't want to seem like a baby, like a dumb, weak, emotional baby—but he _couldn't_ and promptly burst into tears.

" _Remus_!"

He bent forward, pulling the hem of his jumper up to cover his face as he sobbed.

He didn't understand why they'd do this, why they'd just—

It wasn't... the gifts were...

They were all apologizing, he could hear them saying the words. He even thought he heard Sirius say the rarely used 'S' word but everything was so muffled from the earplugs and his throbbing head he wasn't sure.

"No," he tried to say. "No, it's f-f-fine, it's fine, it's—it's okay—" But he couldn't handle it anymore, couldn't stand them fussing over him like this, couldn't have them _seeing_ him like this and he got to his feet, swaying from dizziness. "I—I'll be—r-r-right back—fine, I'm fine—promise—it's okay—presents are fine—"

He staggered out of the compartment and ran to the nearest loo, locking himself in one of the stalls to cry in private. He had... never gotten anything like it before. His parents never gave him gifts to make his life better as a _werewolf_. They didn't even like listening to his complaints as a werewolf. If he tried, they shut him down. They wanted to know some things of course but not the details. Whereas... the Marauders listened to what he said and heard some of his complaints and _specifically sought out gifts to help him_!

To _help_ him. As a _werewolf_. To help some of the troubles he had due to _being a werewolf_ and they _helped him_ and _just did_ _that_!?

The door flung open and his friends clattered in, their voices very muted since Remus still had the earplugs in.

"Remus?"

"We're so sorry!"

"We didn't mean to upset you—"

"I'm sorry about the blanket, I just thought—"

"I'll take the earplugs back—"

"I just know you love to read and figured—"

They stood in front of the stall, crowded at the door but not opening or trying to get in.

" _No_ ," Remus sniffled, burying his face in his hands. "S'not—not that—it's _—no_ I l-l-love them—"

Silence.

"Then why are you crying?" Peter asked gently.

Remus sniffled loudly, wiping some snot off on his sleeve. How was he supposed to explain this? That—that it felt bizarre and unnatural to him that they weren't brushing his lycanthropy under the rug, pretending that it didn't exist unless it was being shoved in their faces? How much it meant to him—more than he could _ever_ be able to say—that they had actually _listened_ to his problems and wanted to _help_.

"You d-d-didn't... t-talk about—talk—talk about the—the g-gifts w-with each other?" he asked. "It w-wasn't a—a planned thing?"

Sirius's feet moved and then his knees appeared below the door, and then his face, head tilted upside down so he could look in the stall. "No, I had no idea they were doing anything like that. It was incredibly insensitive of us, I see that now—"

"No." Remus shook his head, wiping more snot and tears off. "How is it ins-sen-insens—insens—"

"Because... we should have gotten you gifts for you, not to... not gifts for... that," Sirius squeaked out, frowning.

_It is me though_. Remus pushed himself to his feet and opened the door, knowing how terrible his face looked. "I love the gifts," he whispered.

"You seem so upset though," James said.

"N... not upset... over—overwhelmed," he admitted, ducking his head as he pulled the earplugs out and everything sounded crisper and louder, but not painfully loud. "My parents... never... d-d-did anything l-like that f—for me. I mean." He tugged at his sleeve, not wanting to sound dumb but not knowing how to _say_ it. "You—you got me—presents to—you're not ignoring—you're not—" But everything was twisted up in his mind so of course the words were being twisted on his tongue. "I love them," he finally settled on repeating. "Th—they're _perfect_."

"You're... sure?" Peter asked hesitantly.

Remus took in a deep breath and slowly managed to get out, "They're... the best presents... I've ever gotten."

All three of them looked immensely pleased.

"Naww, it's not... you don't mean that," James said, sounding rather hopeful.

"It's true." He looked down at the earplugs. "All of them. They're... they mean a lot. They're... very... thoughtful." There it was, the right word. "You p-p-put so much thought into these gifts and—so meaningful—and they're _for_ me and to _help_ and—you—you t-took into—into consideration wh-what I might n-need and—they're perfect."

Then he hugged James. He didn't think about it, didn't think about how hard it was for him to initiate a hug when it wasn't a long-time-no-see greeting. But he hugged James, putting a little bit of a tightness to the hug but not too much. Then he hugged Peter, and then Sirius (who still seemed awkward, so he didn't prolong that hug too much).

"Thank you," he sniffled, wiping his face one more time.

Sirius tousled his hair and Remus gave a wane smile before going to wash his face off. Then the four returned to their compartment where Remus carefully folded the blanket up, examined the box, and toyed with the earplug settings for a while, and tried his hardest not to start crying again.

He was very quiet for most of the rest of the trip. He joined in the conversations as well as the various games they played but overall was subdued. Every time he thought of the presents he grew emotional.

Sometime in the late afternoon Lily showed up so Remus gave her his present and thanked her for the book. They talked in the corridor for a bit (both of them studiously avoiding the contents of Lily's letter) then Remus fetched his present for Aegis and went searching for him. He really didn't want to be around people right now, but wanted to go ahead and give him the small gift. He found Aegis in a compartment with Bones and Pierce, actually, which made Remus a little happy to see him hanging out with other people. All three of them greeted Remus cheerfully and asked about his holidays. They talked for a few minutes (in which Remus felt _extremely_ uncomfortable and wanted to run off) until he managed to get Aegis out into the corridor.

"Um. I—I wasn't... sure if we—if you—errrr... It's not much." Remus handed him the gift which was a dozen homemade biscuits he and Hope had baked the night before.

He looked startled and Remus suddenly felt completely worried he'd feel the need to give Remus something back. But then he disappeared into the compartment and brought a small gift back out, handing it over.

"I wasn't sure either," Aegis said with an embarrassed smile. "It's not much, too."

They opened their presents and Remus a small chocolate shaped like the Gryffindor emblem, and a bottle of ink.

"Thank you!" Remus said, smiling.

"Thank _you_. Did—did you make these yourself?"

"Y-yes..."

"That is such a kind gift, thank you," Aegis said, opening the bag and sniffing. "They smell delicious."

"I hope you like them. They're just sugar since I wasn't sure if you'd like anything else..."

"I really enjoy sugar biscuits," Aegis promised.

They chattered for a couple minutes then Remus headed back to the compartment with the other Marauders. Of course they wanted to know where he had been so Remus showed them the present from Aegis. James and Peter thought it was nice while Sirius frowned.

"Did you get him something?" Sirius asked, trying not to sound too curious.

Remus put the chocolate and ink away in his bag then squished himself into the corner of the seat with a book. His ability to talk with other people—including the Marauders—was at its breaking point. "Biscuits," he replied, pulling his feet up onto the seat. "I'm just going to read for a while, if that's okay."

None of them minded and he put the earplugs in, blocking out a good amount of the sound. He could still hear the music and their talking but it was at a very, very low level, and made him feel included without _being_ included. He buried his nose in the book, and read for most the rest of the trip.


	75. Chapter Seventy-Five - Happy New Years!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief internalized homophobia in this chapter

It felt a little strange and new to Remus as they got off the train and piled into carriages; he realized it was probably because the year before he hadn't had this experience: coming back to the school after the Christmas holidays. Everyone seemed to be in a very bright mood, and Sirius's mood certainly seemed to get better. He spent the entire trip fogging up the windows and drawing penises.

"Home!" he exclaimed (rather squeakily) as soon as the castle came into view.

The four of them tumbled out into the slush, joining the throng heading to the castle. Several Gryffindors shouted out greetings to James who shouted greetings back; ever since his first game he had gotten more popular. The castle still had some of its Christmas decorations up which lent a nice air to the Great Hall, and cheered Remus. Dumbledore gave a typical welcome-back speech then food appeared across the tables.

"We should have prepared something for this meal," sighed James. "Fireworks, or _something_."

"I bet this term we're going to have _so_ many good pranks!" giggled Peter.

"Yeah, last year we pulled our _best_ prank during the spring term," agreed James, referring to the Bat-Bogey hex that had landed them in the _Daily Prophet_. Not that anyone knew they had done it of course. "We need to outdo ourselves this year."

"I have a few ideas," Remus said quietly, but they all turned expectant looks to him. "I—er, jotted a few prank ideas down over the holidays, is all I meant. And some ideas to... work on figuring out... how to _do_ them." He thought of one prank in particular that he needed to figure out how to do. As far as he knew there wasn't any spell for it already but he'd have to do research, and if that didn't pan out that meant coming up with his own spell again.

"I have some ideas too," Sirius said. "Actually, Pete gave me the ideas."

"I _did_?" Peter asked incredulously.

Sirius grinned. "Your letters did, about breaking legs—"

"We are _not_ breaking anyone's legs!" Remus said swiftly, shutting that idea down.

"Whose legs did you want to break?" James inquired.

"I wasn't planning on breaking _anyone's_ legs!" Sirius protested. "Though, there _are_ some Slytherins who deserve it. No, I was thinking about the whole skiing thing. We should try to make some of the stairwells into like... slopes of snow. To go sledding inside. It's not really a _prank_ but..."

"Oh that sounds like fun!" laughed James, clapping his hands.

"Are we bringing the snow in or...?" Peter asked.

"Dunno, it depends I guess." Sirius turned to Remus but then averted his eyes as if he didn't want to _look_ at Remus which sent a weird feeling through him. Had he done something to upset him? "Is there a spell to make it snow inside—"

" _We should make it snow in the Great Hall_!" James gasped out.

"Like it is now?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.

James looked up to the ceiling. There were snowflakes drifting down but they were just illusions and disappeared several feet above everyone's heads. "No, I mean real snow."

"I'm sure there is..." Remus pulled his notebook out of this satchel and flipped it open to the second half. **Indoor Snow**.

"What's that?" Pete asked.

Remus snapped the notebook shut and turned it around so they could see the front. "One of my Christmas presents. I'm writing some of my ideas down as well as some of the things I need to research. Oh! Speaking of research..." he opened the book again, flipping back to that section. "There are some in here that I wasn't sure if you wanted me to look into. Like the spell to make... er... flatulence sounds when one sits down—"

"Farting," James snickered.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes."

"Of course! It'll be great to do to Snivellus," Sirius said and James nodded.

Remus went down the list and of course every single one they wanted him to look into, even the ones they had completely forgotten about which was almost all of them. He put his notebook away and returned to his food, definitely ready to eat. He really hadn't eaten much while at home and suspected he had lost a little bit of weight and he wanted to make sure to put it back on before Pomfrey found out. He didn't want to deal with _that_ again; of course he hadn't lost anywhere near the same amount that he had in October.

The four of them discussed the idea of transporting snow inside to cover a stairwell, and which stairwell would be best. They all agreed the main one _would_ be not only the best but technically the easiest being so close to the main doors and therefore not have to haul the snow too far. However… they'd pretty much be caught immediately. Remus suggested they take the snow to a secret corridor and enchant it to stay cold until they had enough to cover a stairwell.

"You know how to keep it cold?" James asked.

"Errrr... n... no, but it shouldn't be too difficult." Remus got the notebook out again. **Keep snow cold**.

"That's going to be filled up before Easter," Peter said.

"Hopefully it lasts plenty long." Remus put it back in the bag and returned to his food. Once dessert appeared he piled various sweets onto his plate. "I think I'll go to the library—"

"It's our first night back!" James protested.

"It won't be for _long_. Curfew will be over very soon, I just want to check out a book for the snow-related spells," said Remus, shoveling cake into his mouth.

"Is it even open tonight?" Peter wondered.

Remus glanced up at the table and saw Mr. Farrow there. "Oh. Maybe—maybe not. I guess it'll have to wait till tomorrow..."

"Sirius, you've been pretty quiet tonight, is everything okay?" James asked, voicing the question Remus had been wanting to ask.

Sirius jumped a little then smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine. Glad to be home. I guess I'm a little tired. Anyway, I agree with—with Remus. Hiding the snow somewhere till we have everything will probably work out the best."

"Which means figuring out which secret passage and still which stairwell," James said then he began going through some ideas. Sirius nodded, adding a bit of input, but there was definitely something _off_ about him.

Remus thought again of the blood, and then the train ride realizing Sirius had been kinda quiet then too. He had initially thought it was the whole voice changing thing, but... what if it wasn't? Remus lowered his fork, studying Sirius. _Is he okay? Does he need to... see Pomfrey_? His chest hurt at that last thought, sick at the idea that he'd need to do that. He wanted to say something however had the feeling Sirius would just dismiss it... but he had to try...

"Hey, um, S—Sirius?"

"Yeah?" he asked, focusing on his food, noticeably not looking at Remus.

Remus squirmed a little. "You sure you're all right? If you're not f-feeling well perhaps you should go see Madame Pom—"

Sirius's head snapped up at that, irritation blazing in his eyes. " _No_ ," he said then gave a slight hiss and forced a smile on his face. "I'm _fine_ , just _tired_. I promise. If anyone should see Pomfrey it's you. You've lost weight."

"I have not."

"Have so."

Remus and Sirius glared at one another then James tried to broach the subject, and Sirius quickly switched it back to the snow stuff, making it _very_ obvious he didn't want to discuss his health any further. Peter was eyeing him with a worried look, James frowned, and Remus shifted a little bit.

"Bloody hell," Sirius groaned, smacking the table. "I'm fine, okay? If you lot are going to act like hens, I'm off."

James and Peter both apologized and returned to the snow stuff, and Sirius began relaxing again, smiling again. Remus remained absolutely silent, frustrated with both Sirius and himself. If Sirius really was hurting... but he made it clear he wanted it _dropped_. _What should I do_? He looked down at the remainder of his dessert, no longer hungry. He pushed the plate away and wiped his mouth off. Ugh, the day had been such a wild ride. Happiness from the reunion, emotion from the presents, joy at being at Hogwarts again, and now this.

*

The four of them stayed up very late that night and slept in till nearly noon the next day. Actually the only reason they got up was because Litten came in and woke James up.

"Bell's been on a rampage about your broom," he said when James sat up. Sirius (no spells on the curtains) and Remus (superior hearing) both woke up too, but Peter (spells on curtains) remained asleep. "She says you got rid of it over the holiday?"

"Awwww hippogriffs, I forgot to write to her," James mumbled, reaching out for his glasses. "Yeah, I got a new broom."

"The StarShooter _was_ new," Litten pointed out.

"Yeah but I didn't like it, I was having trouble with it anyway," yawned James. "I have a MoonGlide now."

"A—" Litten's arms dropped to his sides, shock filling his face. "A _what_?!"

"MoonGlide," James repeated casually, stretching a bit.

"Those don't come out for—"

"I know. My dad's friends with Mr. Duskfall. I got one."

Litten goggled at James. " _Damn_! That's—wow. _Wow_. Bell is going to _flip_ out when she hears that. Um... I have the feeling expect an emergency team meeting to show off that new broom of yours, Potter. MoonGlide...!" Litten whirled around and hurried out of the dorm.

James began laughing almost as soon as the door shut. "His _face_! Oh that was _brilliant_! HEY PETER!" He hopped out of bed and ran over, yanking Peter's curtains aside and jumping onto him. "Wake up! Come on, then, it's morning!"

The four of them got dressed and went down to an early lunch where almost right away Bell _ran_ towards James wanting to know if Litten was pulling her leg. James promised he wasn't, and sure enough Bell called an emergency meeting at one then hurried off to let the other members know.

"Can we come too?" Peter asked. "I want to see you flying."

"Of course! All of you come."

Once they finished eating they returned to the dorms to hang out a bit before throwing on jackets, scarves, and hats, then James grabbed his carrying case and the four headed out to the pitch, reaching it at about five till; the entire team was there, alogn with the two reserves... which included Kirke who wore a scowl on his face.

"Okay, Potter, let's see it," Bell said, staring at the black carrying case.

James set it down in the snow then flicked the latches, pulling the MoonGlide out. The entire team gasped. Bell took a few steps closer, hand lifting. James held it out so she could hold it. She examined it closer then shook her head, handing it back to him.

"I can't believe it."

"Let's see it in action!" cheered on Maureen Charmer, clapping her hands.

James mounted the MoonGlide and everyone backed up, giving him plenty of room. He kicked off, smoothly rising into the air. "It's faster than the StarShooter, and has better turning too!" he said and then took off.

The next half an hour was spent watching James do various tricks as well as letting Sirius have a go too. He offered to let Peter and Remus try but they shook their heads. Peter was too nervous about flying on such an expensive broom that wasn't even out yet, and Remus—well, he didn't like flying.

But it was getting pretty cold so Bell disbanded the impromptu meeting, saying she'd see everyone Tuesday evening. The team headed out, all of them stopping to congratulate James... except for Kim, who pulled Sirius aside to whisper to him, chatting to him about their holidays which piqued Remus's curiosity ( _Did the dance... spark something...?)_ , and Kirke who stopped right in front of James.

"Congratulations on the new broom, Potter," he sneered, "can't wait to see what broom you get next that keeps you on the team."

"My _talent_ is what keeps me on the team, Kirke," James said stiffly back. "Whether it's on a MoonGlide, a StarShooter, or a Cleansweep One! I could out-chase you anytime."

Sirius butted into the conversation, holding up a finger in exclamation. "Which he did! At tryouts."

Kirke's face went red and he stomped off, muttering about spoiled brats under his breath. Sirius gave him a rude gesture then turned back around as Kim came over, saying she'd see him later.

"You _need_ to talk to Bell or McGonsie about that prat," Sirius grumbled after Kim walked off.

"No, I said before... I don't want to risk anything," James said, putting his broom away. "What were you and Kim talking about?"

"Eh, she was just telling me about her holidays," Sirius said, not seeming too interested in talking about her. "Kirke de _serves_ something happening to him. At least let me do something! I'll do it publicly too, so everyone knows it was me and that you had nothing to do with it."

"You two are pretty much twins," Peter said, folding his arms. "I don't think anyone would believe that."

James stood up, grinning. "He's got a point. Kim didn't tell _me_ what she did over her holidays."

Sirius flapped his hand as they began walking towards the entrance to the pitch. "I'll make sure everyone knows it was completely, wholly, utterly my idea and my idea alone."

"She said she'd see you later," James said.

"Okay, are we talking about Kirke or Seo-Yun because—"

" _Seo-Yun_!" James shrieked.

"First name _basis_?!" Peter gasped out.

"When did _that_ happen?" James demanded, walking backwards so he could face Sirius. "You weren't calling her that after the dance!"

Remus felt a spike of nausea and something sharp deep within him.

Sirius huffed, rolling his eyes. "We... wrote over the holidays, a bit."

"So, you already knew how her holidays went," said James slowly then he yelped as he tripped and went sprawling in the snow.

"We didn't talk about the _holidays,_ and you deserved that," Sirius spat out.

Peter helped James up, brushing the snow off him. "What did you talk about—"

"Could we maybe focus on the whole Kirke-is-an-arse thing?" Sirius demanded.

"Orrrrr we could focus on the-girl-you-took-to-the-dance-is-now-on-first-name-basis-with-you," James said smugly. "She's one of the youngest in her year, you're hardly a year apart..."

Sirius narrowed his eyes then got out his wand. "Rosodorus!"

James ducked and then went running as Sirius chased him, shooting out spells till he got one to stick, and James dropped his case, sneezing rose petals out quite violently; they fluttered down into the snow, looking like blood against the white.

Sirius nodded then turned to Remus. "You're with me on getting Kirke, right?"

Remus hesitated, feeling sicker and sicker. _Seo-Yun_. "Um. Y—yeah, we can do that."

"Good!" Sirius punched his arm lightly. "We can come up with some good revenge, maybe get him over next weekend or something. Nothing _too_ bad, I don't want _tons_ of detention since I have to take the blame squarely on my shoulders... but something _good_..."

Remus looked down at his boots, carefully stepping through the snow. James gave his broom case to Sirius and hurried off to the castle to get his sneezing problem fixed, and Peter went with him... leaving Remus alone with Sirius, which wasn’t something he wanted. He kept his hands deep in his pockets and tried not to think too hard on the whole name thing.

"—mus? Oi! Remy!"

He jumped, blinking up at him. "Eh?"

"I said, what do you think of making him bald?" Sirius asked. "It's pretty easily fixed and it'd be funny."

"Oh. Uh, yeah."

"There's a spell for that, right? I mean, I know there's a potion but that might be difficult... unless we throw balloons at him. You know, that's probably the best thing any of us came up with, using balloons to splash potion on people..."

Sirius started talking again and Remus tuned him out, hating himself for being... _jealous_. It was stupid! Sirius could talk to Kim, be on a first name basis with her, it was fine, it wasn't anything to be worried about, and even if they had interest in one another it didn't really matter, just like Sirius's interest in...

"How's Inkwood?" Remus blurted out.

Sirius stopped, looking confused. "Er, good... I guess? I haven't seen her today. Why? Did something happen?"

"No. I just... I mean, Lily said Inkwood sent you something?"

"Oh!" Sirius flushed a little bit. "Yeah. She sent me a Christmas present." He held up his hands. "These." He wriggled his fingers, indicating the dark red gloves. "And some coconut ice. I wasn't expecting anything from her, so I got her something over the holidays. I'll give it to her tonight. I wonder if we're going to have a party.For New Years, I mean. It's a school night but... how often are we all here at the school for New Years? Usually we're not, for the holidays and all."

And off Sirius went about a possible party as they went into the school. Did Sirius _like_ Inkwood then? Or Kim? Could he like both? Or maybe it was just friendship with Kim. Remus of _all_ people knew a boy and a girl could be friends without any romantic interest. Was he just doing the exact same thing he hated _them_ doing by assuming Sirius and Kim were interested in one another?

"By the way—"

Sirius stopped and Remus ran into him.

"The scarf is very warm," he said.

"Oh—"

"And it matches the hat perfectly." Sirius reached up, adjusting that birthday hat.

"I'm glad you like it."

"Now, you need a matching scarf," he teased, elbowing Remus who nodded, deciding to just push all thoughts of Kim or Inkwood out of his head because really... it didn't matter. Sirius deserved to be happy and if one of them made him happy that was great. It's not like—

Well.

"About the pranking for Kirke, I was thinking we could go another route," Remus said quickly, shoving his hands back in his pockets as they walked through the school. "We could do it in a way that doesn't get you in trouble. James will probably get detention soon, and if we mess with Kirke when James is in detention—so long as he _stays_ in detention—then that will keep his name in the clear..."

*

That evening when Remus went into the Great Hall he glanced up at the High Table and then came to a stop. Professor Prewett was sitting there, chatting with Professor Sprout, and it made Remus realize Prewett hadn't been around for feast the night before, or the meals today.

And there was something different about him.

"Remus?" Peter gave Remus a nudge and he stumbled, shaking his head. He gave a few furtive glances towards Professor Prewett as he headed to the Gryffindor table.

What was different? Remus put some food on his plate but mostly kept his eye on Prewett. He _looked_ the same. Just... _more_. For instance, his smile seemed a lot brighter and more interesting. Whatever was going on with him made Remus feel _extremely_ fluttery and strange inside. Very similar to his thoughts about Sirius...

_Oh no_ , he realized, panic bubbling up. _Am I having... Bad Thoughts about Professor Prewett_?! Of course... if he was... it wouldn't be too bizarre since Prewett was considered very attractive, so it'd be the same thing like the wrong feelings towards Sirius: just because they were naturally attractive people, that was all.

Remus looked down at his food, sending fervent prayers that this wasn't the case because he did not want to deal with having his _teacher_ make him feel this way too!

Then when supper was almost done, Dumbledore made an announcement saying clearly that as it was a school night he didn't want anyone staying up _too_ late but if they did stay up till midnight to please go to bed after celebrating the new year. The Gryffindors took that to mean a party which Remus wasn't going to attend until he realized he could, with the ear plugs.

James, Sirius, and Peter all got dressed in slightly nicer clothes than they had been wearing during the day and Remus put the earplugs in, fluffing out his hair so it covered the plugs and the cord. He asked if any of it could be seen and James shook his head. Remus smiled, excited to at least test the earplugs out. Even if he didn't stay—which he wasn't sure if he would or not, he really wasn't too sure about parties—if he could nullify the noise that would definitely help.

"Aren't you gonna change?" Peter asked, noticing Remus was in the same ancient jeans and too-big jumper.

"I'm fine..." It wasn't as if it was a fancy dance or anything, right? They gave him odd looks but didn't press the issue, and the four of them went downstairs. The music was loud but not as loud as it was when Gryffindor celebrated beating Hufflepuff. It seemed like every single Gryffindor was in the common room; it was crowded, hot, and... not overly loud. It was _loud_ in its own way, but dulled to the point where it just kinda felt like a normal day in the Great Hall.

"How's it working?" James asked, leaning in very close so Remus could hear.

"It's _great_!" he said, half wanting to just _kiss_ James for such an incredible present and, on that thought, he braced himself for the quivery feeling that usually happened when he thought of kissing Sirius and when James had said the kissing thing before. But while there was a fluttery sensation in his stomach, it wasn't anywhere near as bad. Which definitely proved he wasn't a freak, and he'd like girls eventually.

Remus still stayed at the edges, sitting in an armchair with a cup of punch someone provided. He sniffed at it to make sure it was _only_ punch then took a sip, watching everyone else, pretty much all of whom wore party hats. James and Peter were dancing together, arms and elbows flying every which way, and Sirius was talking to Inkwood, both of them laughing. Lily was sitting on the back of the armchair Colgate sat in, the two of them talking.

Remus took another sip and settled back. The fact there were so many people in the room made his skin crawl, and an uncomfortable feeling filled his whole body but at least he didn't have the added worry of very loud noise digging into him. He reached back around, twisting slightly, dropping the noise a _teensy_ bit more. Not too much, since he wanted to hear his friends talking to him without them having to yell.

The other Marauders kept coming back to Remus to hang out (forcing a hat on him), and Lily came over too and they talked. Lily didn't seem to notice the earplugs at all. Then a prefect stood up on a table, whistling loudly and announcing it was nearly midnight.

Everyone watched the clock eagerly. "Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! _One_! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!"

Remus flinched as everyone shrieked and laughed and set off poppers and someone set off fireworks which made Remus realize both James and Sirius weren't around, and then everyone began singing.

"Should auld acquaintances be forgot and never brought to mind... should auld acquaintances be forgot and days of auld lang syne?"

Peter slung an arm around Remus, singing loudly. Remus sang softly with him and then James popped up out of nowhere, putting his arms around both their shoulders and joining in with the singing. Once the song finished there was more cheering and laughter, and James squeezed Remus and Peter close.

"Where's Sirius?" Peter shouted.

Then Sirius was there as if he had heard his name, very flushed. "Happy New Years!" he said and James gave him a hug.

Lily came over to give Remus a hug too. "This is great, being able to celebrate here!" she said, eyes shining with excitement.

"Yeah well—" James started and Lily raised her eyebrows. James frowned then gave a grunt. "Happy New Years, Red."

"Happy New Years, Potter," she replied with a grin then headed back to Colgate and Inkwood.

Sirius staggered back, clutching his chest. "You were nice to her!" he moaned out, falling into a chair and pretending to die. "Remus! Did you kiss her at midnight?"

" _What_!?" Remus shrieked, voice rising to the point of squeakiness, rivaling Sirius's broken tones. His friends burst into laughter. "Sh—shut up! No! Of course not! Ew!"

"I cannot be _lieve_ it's 1973 already!" Peter said, and the four moved to the stairs to head back up to their dorm; it seemed people were still hanging out but they didn't feel like doing much more. "I'll be thirteen in less than a month."

"Think your cock'll get bigger?" James whispered, and Peter and Remus burst into laughter while Sirius whirled around, pretending like he was going to push James down the stairs.

" _Traitor_!" Sirius snarled out. "I'm going to _kill_ you!" Unfortunately his voice peaked very high on 'kill' and his friends just began laughing again. Sirius went beet red and stormed up the rest of the stairs.

"Sorry! Siri!!" James chased after him, apologizing. "Come on, I'm sorry!"

By the time Peter and Remus got to the dorm they had already made up. The four went their separate ways to change into pajamas (James openly in the dorm, Sirius hidden behind his curtains, Peter and Remus in the bathroom), said their goodnights, all of them apologized once more to Sirius, then they went to bed.

Remus tossed and turned a while, very sleepy, but having some trouble getting to sleep. He heard rustling and then Sirius getting into James's bed, James apologizing again, and Sirius promising he wasn't upset, it _was_ kinda funny, he was just really embarrassed about his voice, but Inkwood didn't seem to mind.

Remus froze, his breath catching in his throat, as Sirius excitedly whispered to James.

"Sooooo... I guess I got my first kiss."

" _What_?!" James yelped quietly. "You... kissed? You _kissed_?!"

"Cassie. Yeah, at midnight, that's where I was."

Remus closed his eyes, curling onto his side, not wanting to hear this. They knew he had good hearing! Why were they doing this? All right, so they probably didn't realize he could hear through both sets of spelled curtains but still...

"I was setting off the rockets—"

"Yeah, uhh..."

James laughed. "What was it like?"

"I don't know. Weird. It was a bit quick. I wasn't sure until it actually happened if it was gonna happen. Then she giggled and ran off. But she didn't seem annoyed or anything so I guess she liked it."

"Did you like it?"

Remus held his breath.

"Yeah, I'd like to kiss her again. Her lips are really soft. She tasted like fruit."

"Fruit?"

"Yeah," Sirius chuckled. "You know, from the punch."

Remus swallowed and then sat up, wanting to go over there, almost going over there, but...

" _Will_ you kiss her again?"

"I hope so! I think so, she seemed like she wanted to, at least."

He slid out of bed, opening his desk drawer to get out the earplugs. After putting them in and turning them down, he couldn't hear the boys anymore. He'd tell them eventually he could hear them, but he didn't want to intrude on a personal conversation and embarrass them.

Feeling sick, he hugged Gwyllgi tightly to his chest, shoving his ridiculous and weird and unnecessarily bitter feelings under the box as he tried to go to sleep.


	76. Chapter Seventy-Six - Mulciber and Avery's Revenge

Remus woke up when his alarm went off and just stared at the canopy above him. He reached through the curtains to turn the buzzing off then yawned, rolled over, and listened to everyone else getting out of bed. Peter's slow, tired, don't-want-to-be-up movements, Sirius automatically getting out of bed as if he was being forced, and James bouncing completely out of bed and making loud noises as he happily got ready for the day.

Remus didn't want to go to class. He just wanted to stay in bed all day. He buried his head under the pillow and wished he could make some sort of excuse...

His curtains opened. "Come on, up and at'em," James said, shaking Remus. "It's getting late."

Remus sat up, blinking at the clock. He must have fallen back asleep because nearly half an hour passed. He mumbled a thanks and dove for the bathrooms to get the quickest shower possible and throw on his uniform. He _should_ have prepared his satchel for the day the previous night (like he usually did) but the party had been such a distraction. He shoved his Potions and Charms stuff in and decided to come back up at lunchtime for the rest of it.

"Remus..." Sirius said as soon as he tried to follow them into the hall. Remus looked up at him, wondering if Sirius was going to say something about the kiss; he did not want to hear about it. "Your jumper is inside out."

Remus looked down, flushed a bit, then ducked back into the dorm to get it turned the right way 'round. They all headed down to breakfast then off to Potions where the smells were _horrendous_ and he wanted to throw up. What was worse was Slughorn decided to pair everyone up, and James, Sirius, Peter, and Lily were all paired off pretty quickly and he was _terrified_ he'd be put with Snape again but instead he was put with Magpie.

He felt relief as she came over to join him. "Hey," she said with a shy smile.

"H—hi," he replied, getting his Potions book out.

Before they started, Slughorn gave everyone their test results back. Remus beamed at his E! _As always, your theoretical work is incredible; if you could make potions as well as you know about them you could easily become a potions_ _master_. He hoped he hadn't dragged Aegis's grade down.

"I got an E," Magpie whispered. "How about you?"

"S—same."

"Congratulations!" she said brightly. "I heard you weren't too good in this class, but I couldn't believe it because you're _so_ smart..."

Remus tucked the paper away, shaking his head. "I'm n-n-not. Not with... m—making them at l-least..."

The potion they were working on wasn't too arduous; they put in most of the ingredients and then it had to simmer for nearly the entire class, but then Slughorn had them work on prepping other ingredients for practice. Some of the ingredients they were working on were _particularly_ horrible, and he had a very hard time doing anything. Finally, he pulled the collar of his jumper up over his nose though that didn't provide much help. Magpie was curious but didn't say anything about it.

Just before it was time to take the potion off the fire...

KABOOOOOM!

There were shrieks, and Remus cried out from the noise, covering his ears. But it was _his_ potion that _exploded,_ sending a shower of potion all over him and he felt stinging on his face, and Magpie was drenched—her screams slamming into his ears—and he immediately thought _Oh no I did it wrong I seriously screwed up_! But then he noticed other potions exploding too, and he wondered for a split-second if something had gone seriously wrong with the cauldrons or something when suddenly his head felt strange and woozy. They were working on a sleeping draught which was supposed to be drunk in order to put people to sleep but it hadn't been finished and—

And everything went black.

*

Remus moaned, wallowing back and forth before slowly sitting up. He rubbed his pounding head, and then looked around in confusion. He was in the hospital wing, in a bed in the open area. To his left he saw _Sirius_! To his right there was Magpie, and beyond her Peter. He looked around and saw James was on the other side of the hospital wing.

"S—Sirius?" Remus tumbled out of bed and staggered over, shaking his friend. His eyes were closed and his skin paler than normal. " _Sirius_!" He shook him once more then backed up turning and hurrying to Peter. "Petey!!!" He shook him hard, with no response. "Peter, wake up!" Then he went to James's side, shaking him desperately now. "James? Please?"

"Mr. Lupin!" Madame Pomfrey emerged from her office, hearing his panicking voice. "You're awake."

"Awake?" he asked, hands still on James's shoulders, confused.

"You were asleep," she explained then nodded at the other students. "All of them are as well. There was an incident in Potions class, many of you were put under the effects of a sleeping draught."

He pulled away from James, pressing his fingers against his temples as he tried to fight the wooziness off. "You're s-s-supposed to drink it," he muttered, remembering the explosions.

"Yes, when it's properly made, but most of these were in various states of being unfinished, plus it got in your eyes, nose, mouth, and so on."

"How c-come I'm awake and nobody else—" But he stopped, already knowing the answer. Werewolf. Potions didn't affect him the same way it did others. "Are they g-going to be okay?"

"Well... most of you had burns on your faces from the hot liquid, but those were easily healed; none of them were too terrible since the potions were simmering and not _boiling_ , thank Merlin. Other than that, everyone's merely sound asleep," she promised. "Do you remember what happened?"

"N... no. Just explosions. Loud noise. Um, then potion going all over me..."

Pomfrey gave a sigh. "Some students decided to throw rockets into cauldrons." Remus frowned, immediately thinking of James and Sirius. "Not them—" Pomfrey began but Remus heard someone in the corridor and he thought it would be a mistake to be awake when nobody else was. He hurried to his bed and hopped back in, yanking the covers up just as the doors opened.

"Madame Pomfrey!" he heard Lily exclaim. "Have they awoke yet?"

There was a slight pause and then, "Not yet."

"Oh. May I stay? I've finished lunch."

_Lunch_? Remus thought wildly. What time was it?! He heard Lily approaching his bed and she bent over him, whispering his name.

"I know she said you weren't awake yet but..." He heard her sit down and then felt a hand on his arm. "I'm so worried. Professor McGonagall and Pomfrey both say you guys will be okay but the explosions were so big and all of you looked _horrible_." Then she sighed. "Not that you can hear me."

She stayed by his side for another minute or two then he went to what he suspected was Colgate's bed, who was on the other side of Sirius. He had no idea how long he would have to pretend to be asleep. What if the others didn't wake up for another day? Was he supposed to fake it for an entire night and day? What if it took a _week_!?

Eventually Lily left, and then the clock struck one, and Remus wondered where Lily went since they didn't have class till two. Pomfrey soon came over, shutting the curtains around his bed. "Are you hungry?" she asked.

He sat up as she set a tray across his lap. "Are they really going to be okay?" he asked.

"Of course."

"It's been nearly three hours... the sleeping draught—what about the antidote? Have you tried the antidote?"

Pomfrey smoothed her apron down. "Yes. However since the potions were not finished, it didn't work. Whatever happened it isn't _quite_ the sleeping draught. Horace is looking into possible fixes however we all have full confidence everyone will awake on their own."

Remus finished eating and then sat up reading with the privacy of the curtains preventing anyone else from seeing. He knew Pomfrey shut other curtains so he wasn't the only bed hidden, which made it less suspicious. Shortly before two Professor McGonagall showed up and he heard her and Pomfrey talking, and his name was mentioned, and then McGonagall came over to his bed.

"Hullo P-Professor," he said, setting his book down.

"You're awake," she said, sounding rather relieved as she sat down.

"Yes. I—potions d-don't really affect me the s-same way they do others. Usually I recover quickly from their... er, affects."

McGonagall gave a nod. "And you're feeling well otherwise?"

"Just worried. What happened?"

"It seems Misters Mulciber and Avery thought it would be funny to throw rockets into several cauldrons," she said.

Remus frowned, figuring he knew exactly whose cauldrons had been exploded. "Four cauldrons?"

McGonagall adjusted her glasses. "Yes," she admitted. "Yours, and your friends."

"I thought I saw some Slytherins in beds..."

"Yes, they were splashed from Mr. Pettigrew's potion, it was a particularly large explosion."

Remus squirmed a bit, wanting to ask again if they'd be okay, wanting more reassurance, wanting to know his best friends wouldn't sleep for days or weeks or months. He tried to convince himself his own recovery meant they would too... however it really didn't. After all, he could be stabbed repeatedly in the stomach and be fine without any aid, whereas they couldn't.

"Do you have any idea of why they would do this?" McGonagall asked.

Remus bit his bottom lip. Yes. Of course he knew why. Everything that happened for the final Potions exam before Christmas. Mulciber and Avery had threatened revenge, and now they got it. But... he wasn't sure if he could admit all this without getting his friends in trouble for sort've (in a way) switching potions _twice_. "They d-don't like us," is what he settled on saying.

"Your... friends... haven't done anything to them since your return on Saturday?"

Remus shook his head. "No, Professor," he said, grateful he could be honest about that.

"Thank you for your help."

"If—what if they don't wake up for a long time?" he asked as she stood up. "I mean, what—what do _I_ do? It would be very weird if _I_ was awake and none of them were, and we can't say I was splashed _less_ because of—of Magpie. I mean. I—I'm willing to stay in here of course and pretend but..."

"If you're willing to stay in here for the rest of the afternoon I will think about what to do and get back to you tonight," she said. "If you wish to go to classes..."

"I can stay here," he said, though he was bitter about missing classes. He had missed Charms. History wasn't too bad to miss since everything was always right out of the book, but missing Transfiguration was awful.

"I'll see you later, Mr. Lupin."

He was left alone to his book and his worries. An entire hour passed before he heard anything in the room. Sounds of someone waking up. He looked up eagerly, listening as Pomfrey came out. It was the two Slytherins who had only been lightly splashed. They were awake now, confused about what happened. They immediately blamed James and Sirius though fell silent when Pomfrey explained it had been Mulciber and Avery.

"Those _twats_ ," muttered the girl.

The Slytherins left and Remus very happily went back to his book. He felt loads better now. If they—normal humans—recovered that meant his friends would recover too. They were still asleep by the time supper rolled around and McGonagall came to see him again. She was pleased at the fact the Slytherins had woken up, and Remus said he was fine pretending until the other Gryffindors woke up.

Lily came to visit again (and he pretended to be asleep) and then _finally_ after _so long_ he heard the other Gryffindors waking up. Struthers was the first, followed very shortly by James; they had been partners. Remus figured he'd have to wait for Magpie to wake up before he could follow suit. But then Sirius and Colgate were waking up, then he heard Magpie waking up, so he was able to 'wake up' as well. Pomfrey explained to all of them what happened and James and Sirius looked absolutely furious.

"They're in trouble, right?" James demanded.

"Yes," Pomfrey said, face a little pinched. "Slytherin has lost a good deal of points, and they have detention."

"How come Peter's still asleep?" Sirius inquired.

"He and Miss McNab received a great deal of potion," Pomfrey explained. "I expect they'll be waking up shortly."

She didn't want them all staying so after everyone got a late supper (Remus just poking his since he had already eaten) the three Marauders did wand-cauldron-book to decide who would stay, and Sirius won, so James and Remus left the hospital wing with the rest of the Gryffindors, all of them complaining very bitterly about what happened. All five unanimously decided to go down to the entrance hall to see just how many points Slytherin lost, which was 70 points, putting them in last place, even behind Gryffindor.

James let out a whistle. "Blimey."

"That's about just under 9 points removed for each person they put to sleep," said Magpie.

"Seven," Remus mumbled and they all looked at him. "Th—there were t-two Slytherins asleep as w-well who—who I guess g-g-got—got um, splashed." He regretted right away saying it, but thankfully no one seemed to wonder how he knew this.

"Only seven points per person?" James looked a little disgusted.

"Three and a half, if you split it between both Mulciber and Avery," said Colgate, folding her arms. "They each got three and a half points removed for each one they knocked out."

"If you split it up like that it feels... low," said Struthers with a scowl.

"They each should have lost ten points per person," James said, turning away from the giant hourglasses. "Two _hundred_ points."

Colgate pushed some of her curls back. "Seventy is better than none at least."

"Still should've been more," James muttered but didn't argue any further.

"When we hit the Slytherins with the boils stuff, we only lost about thirty points," Remus whispered into James's ear as they headed back to the common room. "So seventy is quite a good amount."

"We only hit four Slytherins then," James reminded him. "Which would be..."

"Seven and a half points for each Slytherin," Remus said as James tried counting on his fingers. "Divided in half—"

"Which is _more_ than what _they_ got!" James looked infuriated again, stopping in the corridor. "Bloody _hell_. We _should_ put the mushrooms in _their_ dorm."

"We should do worse to them," Remus said.

James grinned from ear to ear. "That's the Marauder spirit."

"We're still putting the mushrooms in Craft's drawer, right?"

"Oh, yeah."

They had postponed getting the jumping mushrooms, and James had bought a bunch over the Christmas holidays. He had shown the others the wriggling bag full of them. Not 'hundreds' like James had wanted, but a few dozen. Instead of filling Craft's trunk, they were going to put them in his underwear drawer. They still needed to figure out how to get into the Ravenclaw dorm though, but that was for another day.

Lily was very relieved when Remus went into the common room, hugging him tightly and proclaiming how worried she had been. "Ali said you were right behind her," she said, brow all wrinkled.

"We... were..." Remus said slowly, as James rolled his eyes behind Lily. "James and I were just discussing—"

"Revenge?" Lily asked and Remus pressed his lips thin. "Oh, don't look like that, I figured you were going to do something. Mulciber and Avery deserve it for what they did. I don't think it was an accident at all—"

"Accident?" James cut her off, stepping closer. "Who says it was an _accident_? Who lights up rockets in a classroom and throws them in cauldrons by _accident_?"

Lily shook her head. "No, you misunderstood me. Sev says—"

"Oh, _Snivellus_."

"Let me talk!" she snapped, stomping her foot. "He _knows_ it wasn't an accident like _that_ , but _he_ thought Mulciber and Avery were aiming at _random_. But I could tell they purposely chose you four."

James folded his arms. "Why was he even pretending it wasn't on purpose?"

"Because—because I was so distraught over Ali being knocked out," she replied, "and I was very angry, and maybe I threatened to turn them into spiders."

James snorted. "Wow Red, you and I might have more in common than—okay never mind, I think I'm gonna be sick all over the common room if I finish that sentence."

"Good, because I would too."

"Then that's another thing you have in common," Remus teased and they both stared at him aghast; he couldn't help but laugh at their faces.

"Anyway..." Lily began pulling her notes out of her bag, handing them to Remus. "You can have those, they're copies. As for what I was saying earlier, Sev said they weren't purposely attacking Alice, and I mean I guess they _weren't_ since they were purposely attacking _you_ four... did you do something to them?"

"Nope," James said. "Haven't done anything to them since the sticking solution full of itching powder. Errr, well, might have tripped them a few times before the Christmas holidays, I don't remember who all we've tripped. We do that a lot, you know."

Lily gave him a look, obviously not believing him. "Right. In any case, I'm _very_ happy you're all right." She hugged Remus again.

"No hug for me?" James teased. Lily pulled out her wand and he dove behind Remus. "Joking, joking, I'd rather hug the giant squid!"

"That's good, you should stay within your own species." Lily whirled around and huffed off.

"What's got her wand in a knot?" James grumbled, messing up his hair.

"You," Remus answered. "Pretty much the answer is always you, or Sirius."

They went up to the dorm to wait for the others. Remus looked through Lily's notes while James tossed a Quaffle at the wall until he wheedled Remus enough to join in throwing it back and forth, which Remus absolutely failed at. After what felt like _far_ too long (but really was less than an hour) Sirius and Peter came in. James and Remus crowded around Peter, glad he was okay, filling him in on everything they knew as well as the desire for revenge, _and_ , of course, the need to figure out how to get into the Ravenclaw dorm which really should be soon so the mushrooms still had plenty of jump left in them.

*

"You okay?"

As soon as the Marauders went into the greenhouse Tuesday morning a load of Hufflepuffs crowded around them. They had heard what happened—or at least, rumors of what happened which none of them could agree on. James and Sirius puffed out their chests, preening under all the attention, and trying to make it sound worse than it was until Colgate interrupted them with the truth. All the Hufflepuffs agreed that seventy points wasn't enough, complaining about Mulciber and Avery until Sprout called for everyone to quiet down please.

After class and their usual showers, James and Sirius went under the invisibility cloak while Remus and Peter casually walked through the school around where they thought the Ravenclaw dorm might be. They finally found a spiraling staircase on the west side of the school with a bunch of Ravenclaws hanging out at the bottom, most of whom gave Remus and Peter dirty looks when they tried to go up the stairwell. There was no one at the top, but a doorway with a bronze eagle head knocker.

"Knock," Remus heard James whisper.

Remus crinkled his nose then reached out for the knocker when it opened its beak and began talking. "I never was, am always to be. No one ever saw me—"

"Hey!"

The older Ravenclaws came hurrying up the stairs as the eagle head continued talking.

"—nor ever will. And yet I am—"

"Get away from there!" The Ravenclaws pushed between Remus and Peter, and the door.

"—the confidence of all. To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball," the eagle head finished.

"S—sorry!" Remus said, backing up. The Ravenclaws all glowered, and one held out a hand, making a shooing motion. Remus and Peter backed up then ran down the spiral staircase. He could hear James and Sirius following.

"What was _that_ about?" James whispered as they ducked down a side corridor.

"Definitely the Ravenclaw dorms with how they were acting," said Peter.

"But what was the eagle thing going on about? Terrestrial balls?" Sirius asked, and then snickered. "Balls."

"A riddle, it was a riddle," Remus said, collapsing onto a bench. "That must be how you get in. The answer is 'tomorrow'. Nobody's around."

James and Sirius tugged the cloak off, tucking it into James's bag. "So, we just answer the riddle to get in?" Sirius inquired. "We can do this at supper, or lunch. You said the answer is 'tomorrow'?"

"Yes but..." Remus shrugged, "it... might not be the same riddle. You might need to solve a different riddle entirely." James and Sirius looked at each other, then at Remus who paled a bit. "No—"

"You've snuck into the Slytherin dorms!" James said, grabbing his hand. "And the Gryffindor girl’s side! What's so bad about going into the Ravenclaw dorms?"

Peter elbowed Remus. "You _are_ the one who wants to prank Craft so bad."

"Aw, c'mon Brains, we need you for this," said Sirius with a dazzling smile that threatened to yank the box right off until Remus remembered that he and Inkwood had kissed, and that gave him enough sense to jam the box right back down.

James was still holding his hand. "Please? Pretty please? I'm crap at riddles."

Remus moaned out. " _Fine_! Of course, I don't really need to go in, I could just answer the riddle and you guys go in, _if_ I can even _answer_ the riddle..." However he was very curious what the Ravenclaw common room might look like. The Slytherin common room was very cool. What did the Ravenclaws live in? They were the only other house in a tower. Would it be similar to the Gryffindors? Or something else entirely? "All right, all right," he finally agreed, and James and Sirius exchanged high fives. " _Tomorrow_ , though. I have Occlumency tonight, and I don't want to be late."

"I have practice and I _won't_ be late," James said, but Remus shook his head.

"Tomorrow."

"You have Study Group?"

"I'd... rather risk being late for Study Group than Occlumency."

James bobbed his head up and down. "Fair enough. Tomorrow, then."

_And tonight Fawley, and ask her not to look at any of my Christmas memories_ , Remus thought, thinking of his father hitting him so hard he had gone down to the floor. He knew she'd completely misunderstand and cause problems, so he crossed his fingers that he'd be able to convince her to exit his head for any memory from the holidays.


	77. Chapter Seventy-Seven - What Must Be Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internalized homophobia in this chapter again. Also I want to address an issue: I know Shifting Lines isn't super British. I am aware of this. I'm trying my best to make it as British as I can but ultimately it won't be, because I'm not. I am sorry for this and if it really bothers you then please don't push yourself by reading this fanfic. Also for those who aren't in my discord server: my mother is home and doing well :)

Remus went to Defense Against the Dark Arts with great trepidation. He had been avoiding looking at Professor Prewett the previous day, and at breakfast and lunch, but now he had to face him fully. _Maybe whatever it was will be done and over, maybe it was a momentary issue that is now gone_ , he thought then went into the room. He was struck immediately by how good Prewett looked, and sank down in his seat with absolute misery. _Crap._ _It's not gone_.

_Just... stay calm_. Remus took notes as Prewett talked, only glancing up a few times to see the chalkboard although even Prewett's voice made him... _augh_!!!! He shivered, shifted in his seat, and began to grow hot as Prewett continued talking, his deep voice filling Remus's head.

_It makes_ sense, he reasoned with himself. _Lily and all the girls insist Prewett is good looking so it's just like it is with Sirius. They're naturally attractive people. It doesn't mean anything_. It was just odd that it suddenly hit him after the holidays. He wondered what it might mean, but just dismissed it as well since whatever it meant was pointless, like the squirmy feelings inside of him. Pointless. Stupid. Nonexistent. A figment of his imagination. It meant absolutely _nothing_.

_If it's like this for naturally attractive guys, when I start getting real feelings for girls it's gotta be bad_ , he thought, doodling on his parchment. Perhaps that was everyone's obsession with first kisses. Getting _real_ crushes had to be ten times worse than this.

_Unless these are real crushes_ , whispered a voice in the back of his head which he promptly shoved into the abyss as quickly as possible. No. He refused to be— _that_ abnormal. He couldn't be. He simply _couldn't_ be. Liking someone of the same sex was obviously a degenerate choice and one he would not take. Soon he'd like girls, and this would all be over.

As soon as Prewett dismissed class Remus bolted out as fast as he could, heart pounding.

*

As the day progressed several people stopped the Marauders in the halls to ask about what happened the day before (which at least provided ample distraction). James and Sirius stopped trying to spin tales (though they did make it out like it was agonizingly painful for them despite the burns not being that bad), and made sure _everyone_ knew Mulciber and Avery were the culprits. At one point they came across Aegis who told them that in addition to the seventy points lost, Mulciber and Avery had also gotten three nights of detention each.

"Not enough, in my opinion," said Aegis, and Sirius actually gave him a grin. "I'm glad you recovered swiftly, Remus," he went on to say then his eyes went wide. "Oh! And, of course, you three as well!" he added to the other Marauders. "I—I did not mean to sound..."

"It's all right," Sirius said with a shrug as he reached out towards a cat sitting in a windowsill; it sniffed his hand, then nuzzled, allowing him to pet it.

Remus felt so confused, and worried for a moment that Sirius might be up to something by being so nice and forgiving towards Aegis, but when he asked later Sirius just looked down at the ground, kicking at the stone. "Ah, well, he's your friend. He's concerned about you too. So, there's that." That's all he'd say on the matter, switching the topic to excitement over sneaking into the Ravenclaw dorms the next day.

After supper James, Sirius, and Peter went off to James's practice while Remus headed to Occlumency. He felt extremely nervous, tugging at his sleeves as he went, hoping Fawley wouldn't be too suspicious.

"Hello Remus!" Fawley said when he went in. In her hair sat the knitted rose he had made her, which made him go red. "How are you doing? How were the holidays? And the exams?"

He went over, sliding onto the purple couch. "G—good, I think. And, er, they were good and—and the exams went well, I got an O in everything but Potions. I got an E in that."

"Congratulations, that is wonderful news."

They talked a bit about the exams and rather delicately of the holiday. Finally Miss Fawley handed him a present which turned out to be a book of short stories in French.

"I couldn't find any translated versions," she said. "But I know you can read French."

"Thank you!"

"One of the stories is about a werewolf," she said and Remus blinked, confused as to why she would give it to him then. "In a good light," she added.

"Wh—what?" He stared down at the tome in shock. "But... that—that doesn't—people don't—"

"It isn't common, however it's in there," Fawley said with a smile. "It's from the 18th century. It's not a book that has been rewritten through the ages, so I doubt you would have heard of it before now."

Remus suddenly examined the book again. "How old is this copy?" Fawley shifted in her seat and Remus was strongly reminded of James trying to act like something hadn't cost a lot of money. "Miss Fawley—"

"I think it's important for you to have something like that," she said, and then cleared her throat. "Perhaps we should begin the lesson."

Remus opened and closed his mouth then carefully put the book in his bag. "Thank you..." He was anxious to start reading the book—to read a story about a werewolf written positively, which completely baffled him. "Oh!" he said as she reached out. "Erm, could—would it be okay if—if we didn't... um, if—if any memories about Christmas—when I was at home—they're not..."

Fawley raised an eyebrow. "Did something happen?"

_Of course she'd suspect_. "No," he said, trying not to sound guilty. "I was just rather miserable throughout the entire thing, missing school, and I'd rather not dwell on that. Please."

Fawley was silent, unmoving except a tic in her jaw as she clenched her teeth. "Do you _promise_ that is all?"

He trembled slightly, breathing turning a little raggedy, hoping she couldn't hear it but figuring she could. "Yes," he lied.

He waited, expecting she knew he was hiding something... and hoped she wouldn't figure out what it was. Or wouldn't press the issue.

Finally she gave a nod. "Very well." Then reached out to put her fingertips on his temples. The first couple memories were mostly of the train ride back to Hogwarts though not of him opening the presents. Then one started of him at home, which Fawley broke out of. She tried again, and had to end the memory because it was once again of him at home. He tried to think of other memories. Of school, of the mushroom prank, of anything, but it kept going back to the holidays.

"I'm trying to _avoid_ those memories!" he said when they broke apart for the umpteenth time.

"It must be on your subconscious mind," she said. "Besides, focusing on specific memories can make it harder to keep me out. I can try to push your memories elsewhere but in order to do that I might accidentally see what you're trying to keep me from seeing. Or you could simply tell me."

Remus rubbed his forehead, his head throbbing with the constant in and out. "Let's j-just try again," he suggested but it was no good; they went back to the house in Dragon's Field. This time he could feel his memories being pulled as Fawley tried to shift them, and some of the memories went by very rapidly, and he was terrified one of them would be of his dad hitting him and then it was of him and his dad in his room and before he could do anything—

Fawley broke out of the memories, just before the Incident. "Remus. Clearly whatever is going on is causing a lot of anxiety, and taking up a lot of your mind."

"I don't want to talk about it." He pushed himself away from her, wishing he could tell her but not wanting to risk her trying to do anything about it.

"If your father—"

"It's nothing!" he snapped and she fell silent. "It's n-n-nothing."

"You can trust me," she said.

Remus shrank back even more. No. He couldn't. Not when it came to this. "If... if you see it... will you ignore it...?"

Fawley took in a deep, slow breath. "See what?" Remus remained silent. "Remus..."

"Nothing, it's... it's nothing..."

"He hit you again."

Remus let out a squeaky sort of sound and then jumped to his feet, grabbing his satchel. "No, no. I can't—it's not like that—"

"Remus—"

"I'll s-s-see you next week!"

He ran to the door feeling hot, feeling so hot he might just combust and turn to ash, feeling so sick and scared she might still go to Dumbledore—that they might _do_ something. Feeling like he wanted to scream because it wasn't _fair_ she didn't under _stand_!

"Remus, you can't just run away from your problems!" cried out Fawley.

Remus hesitated, hand on the doorknob. "Yes I can," he replied and left the room.

He felt stupid for abandoning her like this, abandoning the lesson. It was childish and immature however, he couldn't stand it another minute. This was worse than anything involving puberty. The thought of them trying to intervene... of talking to his father... he'd be so upset. They'd both be upset, his father _and_ mother; they'd feel betrayed. He could easily see their sad faces in his head. Plus it wasn't like—it wasn't like what she thought. He had been talking back, he had been very rude to his father, he had deserved it.

Remus slowed when he heard voices, and forced himself to walk. Sweat soaked his armpits and palms and the back of his neck prickled. He stopped. Then turned around, considering going back and apologizing. He turned back around. Then back again.

"You all right?"

He jumped at the voice, dropping his satchel. It was an older boy, looking concerned. He looked vaguely familiar.

"You seem a bit lost," he said.

"Ahhh. N-n-no, I'm—I'm fine," Remus said. "Trying to f-f-figure out wh—what to do."

"You... don't look well," the boy continued, looking at Remus's face. "You're very pale. And shaky."

_I'm always pale and shaky_ , he thought, picking up his satchel. "Be fine. Th—thank—thank you."

"OI! FRANK!" someone shouted and the older boy turned around. Remus glanced down and saw the Weasley kid who had been in detention with Remus that horrible Dedenne day, the one who had gotten in trouble for swearing. "GET YOUR ARSE OVER HERE!"

The older boy—Frank—rolled his eyes. "Are you sure you don't need help?" he asked.

"N—no thank you," Remus whispered. "Th-thank you," he added again for good measure.

Frank nodded and then ran after the Weasley kid. Remus watched them go and once he was alone he realized he felt a little less distressed. The distraction had helped. He turned back and headed down to the fourth floor... but Fawley was gone. He swore, and then headed to the Gryffindor common room, running whenever nobody was around.

_Dear Miss Fawley_ , he wrote, his scrawl worse than usual due to his urgency. He paused and forced himself to slow down.

_I'm terribly sorry for how I acted tonight. It was wrong of me to just leave._

He stopped again, sucking at the end of the quill.

_I know we view certain things in different lights. I love my parents very much. I love my father, and he loves me. He's given up everything for me and to just dismiss him because of_

He stopped again then tore the entire letter up, and tried again.

_Dear Miss Fawley,_

_I'm terribly sorry for how I acted tonight. It was wrong and very immature of me to just leave. I know we view certain things in different lights, and I understand your side of things. It's just not something I personally feel is something that should be bothered with. My father_ loves _me more than_

He stopped again, and tore it up, getting frustrated at being unable to explain himself!

_Dear Miss Fawley,_

_I'm terribly sorry for how I acted tonight. It was wrong and very immature of me to just leave. I care very much for your mentorship (should I call it that?) and I threw it aside. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I understand if you're angry with me and don't wish to teach me next week. Not with the way I acted. I apologize profusely and I hope you can forgive me._

_Remus_

_PS: thank you again for the book it means so much to me._

He used a drying spell, folded it up, stuck it in an envelope, and left the dorms. He went straight for the owlery, ignoring the angry squawks of protest coming from the owls. Arthur fluttered down and Remus attached the letter.

"Go to Miss Fawley," he said and watched Arthur fly off, rather uneven. Remus hoped Arthur could make the journey... he was getting _so_ old... he really should stop using Arthur but...

He returned to his dorm and went under his bed to feel bad and hate himself until his friends came into the dorm. He remained under the bed, listening to their excited chatter about James's first practice back, lamenting over Kirke still being a twat, and wondering where Remus was. He didn't answer, but Peter checked under the bed.

"Hey," Peter said, and the other two got down on their knees to look.

"Hey," Remus mumbled, poking at the wooden slats holding up the box springs. He wondered why the school even used wooden slats. Was it too much to spell every bed to stay in place? Probably...

"You okay?" James asked, and Remus shrugged, digging his stubby fingernail into the wood. "Did... something happen?"

_When_ doesn't _something happen_? he wondered and then to his horror James lay flat on the floor and started squirming under the bed. He was kinda surprised it wasn't Sirius since it was usually Sirius being the one to go to Remus's side to comfort him. "James—"

He nestled right up next to Remus. "You wanna talk about it?" he asked.

"... not really..."

James nodded. "All right." And he put an arm around Remus, hugging him tightly. "Want me to go?"

Remus frowned, not sure what to say in response to that. Part of him wanted to be alone but on the other hand it felt kinda soothing to have an arm around him. His body wasn't screaming at the touch; instead it felt comforting which was very nice. "N—not at the moment..."

"Okay. Want me to talk about practice?"

"Sure..."

So James kept his arm around Remus, rambling on about his practice, excitement over future games, how amazing his broom was, how excited he was for Thursday when Remus could come to his practice, and on and on until Remus was lulled to sleep from a mixture of exhaustion and James's voice. He woke up not too long after, though, when Sirius told the two under the bed that Spinnet and Struthers were on their way up.

Both boys wriggled out opposite ends of the bed, and James went to get a shower. Remus brushed himself off then bent down to get his pillow out from under the bed, and when he straightened back up he met Sirius's gaze; he didn't look very pleased, but it disappeared as soon as their eyes met and Sirius was smiling.

"You... okay?" Remus asked.

"Of course," Sirius said, giving him a thumbs up before going to his own bed.

Remus set his pillow down, realizing Sirius had been acting kinda strange since they returned to school. Was it the fact his voice was changing? Or something else? "Hey, uh, Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm—I'm really excited to try out your present," he said, not able to say anything more since Spinnet and Struthers were there.

Sirius smiled. "I hope it works out."

"I think it will. And yours too, Peter," he added. "They're both wonderful."

He climbed into his bed and arranged his schoolwork in front of him, really needing to catch up on everything he missed the day before, hoping that whatever was going on with Sirius wasn't _too_ upsetting and he'd be all right soon.

*

Remus didn't get out of bed the next morning until around ten, quickly getting ready for the day and following his friends down to their usual late breakfasts they had on Wednesdays (which meant no Prewett, thank Merlin!). They were able to sit far away from anyone to discuss how they'd be doing the mushroom thing. Going _right_ after Transfiguration might not be the best idea since they didn't think the Ravenclaw second years had class during that period and might be in their dorm. So they'd have to wait till closer till dinnertime. It was decided that James and Remus would be the ones sneaking in, and Sirius and Peter would try to hold up any second year boys trying to get to the dorm.

They approached the door cautiously until they noticed nobody was around. Standing in front of the door they waited, but the eagle head remained silent. Finally Remus took the cloak off of them so they could be seen.

"What must be broken before it can be used?" the eagle head asked right away.

Remus frowned, trying to think. "Your heart?" he asked.

" _Remus_!" James gasped out, sound rather shocked.

"What?"

"That's _terrible_! Anyway, I actually know the answer to this one!" He turned to the door proudly. "Rules!"

The door did not move, the eagle head remained silent. "How can a rule be used once it's broken?" Remus hissed out.

"I don't know, I hear about something being broken and I think rules."

"A horse?" Remus asked. "I believe that is what Muggles call it, breaking in a horse... though I suppose you could use a horse without breaking it in."

"A chewy pill," James said suddenly. "You have to break it apart in order for it to be used. Right? Food! Oh, hold on." James twisted away and leaned over the railing. "Pssst! Guys! Help! What must you break before you can use it?"

Remus tugged at James. "Shhh! Don't draw attention! We'll figure it out—"

"I thought you were good at riddles!"

"I never said I was! You lot just assumed!"

Sirius and Peter came galloping up the steps. "What is it?" Sirius asked.

"What must be broken before you can use it?" James asked. "And it's not 'rules'."

"A box of Every Flavor beans?" Sirius suggested. "You have to open the box—"

"Open it yeah, not break," James complained.

"A stopped broom," Sirius said. "You have to _brake_ it for it to stop, and then you're using a stopped broom." Then he laughed at his own pun.

"How about an egg," Peter said, and the door swung open. His eyes went wide. "Ooooh! It _was_!"

"An _egg_?" James asked incredulously.

"Of course, you have to break it in order to eat it," Remus said, feeling stupid for not thinking of it sooner.

"Unless you're dying it," James said. "Then you don't break it for it to have its use."

"Guys?" Peter whispered.

"I still think a stopped broom is the best answer," Sirius said.

"Ninety-nine percent of the time you have to break an egg to use it the way it's intended," Remus said.

"Really, the way it's intended is for a baby chicken to hatch," James said smugly.

"Guuuys?" Peter said again.

"Yes, and the baby chick has to break it—"

"But its use was pre-break," James snapped.

"If you put it that way, its use is to get a baby chick to living status safely and if the egg is not broken its use is never realized," Remus snapped back.

"GUYS!" Peter yelled.

" _What_?!" James and Remus demanded, looking at him.

He pointed and they followed his finger to see the open door to the Ravenclaw common room, and several Ravenclaws standing on the other side watching them.

"Oops," James said, ruffling his hair. "Ahh. Hehe. Well."

The Ravenclaws stared at the Gryffindors, the Gryffindors stared at the Ravenclaws, and then the four Gryffindors took off running, Remus tripping at the bottom of the steps and Sirius yanking him to his feet. They ran as fast as they could down various corridors until piling into a secret passage where they finally collapsed to catch their breath.

James began shrieking with laughter with Sirius joining in, then Peter, then finally Remus.

" _Their faces_!" Sirius wheezed out, slapping his thigh. "Petey I wish you could've gotten a picture!"

"Me too!" giggled Peter, wiping his face off.

James tried to imitate one of the sternly-shocked faces but was laughing too much to be able. "Okay, we absolutely failed at the mushrooms but that was pretty hilarious enough."

"At least they didn't catch us _in_ the dorm," Remus said, taking in several gasps of air.

"At least they didn't see the cloak!" James added, looking at the wadded up cloak in his hands. He shook it out then carefully folded it up, putting it in his robes pocket.

"We should probably avoid the Ravenclaw common room for a while," said Peter.

"What do we do with the mushrooms?" James asked.

Sirius elbowed him. " _Snivellus_ , of course! We could go do that now."

"We don't have the current password," Remus pointed out.

Sirius stuck out his tongue. "Don't be such a dementor. Fine, fine. We can go listen for the password after dinner, and then put the mushrooms in Snivellus's drawer tomorrow during lunch."

After eating Remus headed to the library a bit early, spreading his stuff out to work on while waiting for the others to show up. He was so absorbed in an essay he barely heard the footsteps behind him until a stack of books was dropped loudly next to him. He jumped at the sound, looking up into the furious gaze of Raven Craft.

"E-evening," Remus said, trying not to sound too strained.

"I heard about what happened!" Craft hissed out, going around the table to sit in his usual seat.

"What ha-happened?" Remus asked.

"Don't _give_ me that, Lupin! You and your idiotic friends were trying to sneak into the Ravenclaw common room!"

"Oh, th—that," Remus said, as if it was nothing.

"Yes, _that_!"

"We weren't t-t-trying to sn— _sneak_ ," he lied and Craft narrowed his eyes. Remus sighed. "If we were trying to—to sneak in, why w-would we just be—be st-standing around the d-doorway like that? We found out where your common room was and was interested in the whole riddle thing."

"Oh, I'm _sure_ ," Craft sneered.

"I don't know what you think sneaking is, but it's certainly not arguing loudly in front of an open doorway that leads into a room full of people," Remus said, hoping he sounded convincing enough.

"You four are _up_ to something!"

Remus shrugged and returned to writing. "You always think that."

"Because you always are!"

"Are you two on about what happened an hour ago?" Buckling asked as she came into view. Remus felt a bit nervous being around two angry Ravenclaws before realizing Buckling wasn't mad at all.

"They tried getting into our dorm," Craft said.

Buckling adjusted her glasses. "Raven. It's Potter and Black. You honestly believe there's a place in the castle they _haven't_ tried to get to?"

Remus snorted, Craft scowled, and the subject was dropped.


	78. Chapter Seventy-Eight - A Very Wrong Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extremely brief (one sentence) internalized homophobia in this chapter

Instead of just diving into pranks for revenge, the Marauders decided to spend time actually plotting stuff out. James and Sirius _did_ sneak into the Slytherin dorms to put the mushrooms into Snape's wardrobe drawer ("Thank Merlin you two didn't have to deal with seeing his _underwear_!" Sirius moaned to Peter and Remus, and then he spent the rest of the afternoon in bed with a cold cloth across his forehead and all the lights off), then discussed ideas for Mulciber and Avery. During James's practice Thursday night Sirius, Peter, and Remus also bounced around possibilities for Kirke. They'd have to wait till James had detention which, by some miracle, he hadn't gotten yet even though they had been back from the holidays for a full five days.

Friday afternoon, James did get detention when McGonagall caught him putting sticking spells on spiders and levitating them into Lily's hair. Lily flipped out and half shouted at him and half tried not to cry. She wasn't afraid of spiders in general but the fact they were basically glued into her hair was really freaking her out. McGonagall was trying to get the sticking spells removed but it was difficult due to it being all over Lily's hair now.

Remus scrambled over. "Botofors! Botofors!" He began shooting spells, turning each of the spiders into buttons. Lily slumped a little, panting heavily.

"Quick thinking, Mr. Lupin," McGonagall said. "And impressive wandwork for doing it at a distance already. Ten points to Gryffindor." Then she turned to James who put on his most charming Potter smile. "Ten points from Gryffindor, and detention." She went over to Lily and had an easier time getting rid of the sticking spells without the objects wriggling. She allowed Lily to leave class early to go wash her hair, and everyone returned to their work.

As they neared the Gryffindor tower, Sirius slowed a bit and tugged at Remus's sleeve to slow him too. James and Peter walked ahead, laughing about something or other.

"Kirke," Sirius said.

"Yes," Remus agreed, still feeling awkward. "We need to figure out exactly what we're doing before he has his detention. I know Professor McGonagall prefers assigning his detentions as soon as possible..."

"Yeah, I noticed that," Sirius said, rubbing the back of his head. "Mine too. You and Peter will get detention weeks past what happened, but I don't know why ours is instant."

Remus couldn't help but smile. 'I know. Professor McGonagall told me once. She said she prefers to get yours taken care of right away because otherwise you'd just wrack up _more_ detention."

Sirius stared at Remus then burst into loud laughter. "Did she? That's brilliant! HEY JAMES!" He ran ahead to tell James who began laughing too. Luckily James didn't seem too interested to know _why_ they had been discussing his detentions.

*

Remus went to Lily at suppertime and immediately she launched into a vicious rant about James. Remus listened to it all, nodding in agreement. He couldn't defend James about this, nor did he really want to. So he ate while she complained and then finally she took in a deep breath, finishing with, "I hate him."

"That's understandable," Remus said between bites of his meat pie. "I'm sorry he did that to you."

Lily raked her fingers through her hair, shuddering. "Thank you for transfiguring them. That _was_ impressive."

He didn't think it was particularly amazing, though he supposed it might be since the spell was best done on contact (especially for someone as inexperienced as a second year) and he hadn't done any kind of contact with the spiders in her hair.

"Th—thank you," he mumbled, flushing a bit.

"How did he even get so many spiders anyhow?" she asked, finally scooping up some food and shoving it in her mouth. "We only had one each," she added after swallowing.

Remus blinked. "Actually, I have _no_ idea. He probably nicked them."

The spider thing was a big topic at Study Group. Everyone thought James was horribly immature and deserved worse, except for Bones who began laughing even though most the others at the table glared at him.

"S—sorry!" he wheezed out to Lily. "I know it was mean of him but... it was kinda funny...!"

"How is gluing spiders in my hair funny?!" Lily demanded.

Bones hiccuped and covered his mouth. "It's n-not," he got out, voice trembling as he tried not to laugh.

Pierce eyed Remus. "You didn't help, did you?"

"Remus rescued me," Lily said, still glaring at Bones who was sliding under the table now, giggling. "He turned them all into buttons. From a _distance_."

"Oooooh!" Pierce, Buckling, and Aegis all breathed out, impressed.

Remus began blushing and probably would have slid under the table himself but Bones was taking up the entire space by rolling around in quiet laughter.

*

When Remus returned to the dorms after Study Group, he froze with his hand on the doorknob, thinking that he heard his friends talking about him. He pressed his ear against the wood, listening carefully. One of them _had_ said his name, but now they were discussing something about helping something? He pushed open the door, assuming they _weren't_ talking about him however as soon as he did, Peter said, "But how can _we_ figure out how to help Remus when loads of people—" and then Peter stopped.

Remus paused in the doorway then slowly stepped in, shutting the door behind me. "Help me with what?" he asked.

"Nothing," Sirius said.

"Er, studying," Peter said.

"Your furry little secret," James said, and the other two looked at him. "What? Look, it's not like we can keep that a secret from him."

Remus grit his teeth, going over to drop his satchel down by his head. "You _can't_ help."

"Says who?" demanded Sirius.

"Let's see... perhaps only... the entirety of history?"

James snorted at that, flapping his hand. "Yeah, well the entirety of history went without the bat-bogey hex until Miranda Goshawk, so..."

Remus gave him a look. "Inventing a spell is completely different from—"

"Look, what's the harm in us talking about it?" Sirius asked.

He felt like pulling his hair out, knowing he couldn't explain properly. Knowing if he tried, it would hurt them. "Because it's _not_ going to happen and—and I don't like the fact you're doing it! I—I know you want to help, but it's frustrating. And—" He stopped, the fight going out of him. "And you have helped, okay? With the presents. The earplugs help _so_ much, and I know the blanket and the box will too. So, you _have_ helped."

James and Sirius looked dubious though at least Peter seemed happy.

Remus pushed his fringe back. "So, please, okay? Don't."

James and Sirius exchanged looks, then turned back to Remus. "Okay," they chorused, and he knew they were lying, but he was too tired to argue so he just nodded.

*

On Saturday morning, Remus was forced awake by James jumping onto his bed and shaking him excitedly. The reason for the excitement was made clear quickly when James dragged him to the window to point out all the snow that had fallen through the night. They had known it was snowing most the night due them staying up till 4 making probably too much noise in the common room (judging by the fact a prefect had come down on no less than three occasions to tell them to shut up, the final one including points removed and a few threats).

"James it's..." Remus squinted at the clock. "Uhhhh..."

"Ten," James supplied cheerfully.

"Less than six ho—ou—ooouuurs," Remus yawned before shuffling back to his bed and falling face first back into it.

James jumped on him. "Come _on_! It's Saturday! We can spend the day outside!"

"We can spend the day sleeping too," Remus murmured, trying to wriggle away from his friend.

The door swung open and he heard Peter's footsteps coming in. "Is he up yet?"

"He's refusing to be up," James complained.

"Aw, c'mon, Remus, it's really deep out!" Peter begged, coming over to tug at Remus's arm. "Pleeeease? We need four for an even snowball fight anyway."

Remus sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Can't it wait till _after_ noon?" Both boys were giving him pleading, begging eyes. He groaned and threw his hands in the sir. "Fine, fine. You win. Let me get ready. Where's Sirius?"

"Still in the shower," Peter said while James bounced around the room babbling about snowball fights and sledding and snowmen. "You know him."

Remus got ready for the day, rather slowly but he was still done around the time Sirius was finally done with his shower and typical morning hair care routine. The Great Hall wasn't very crowded, but a lot of students seemed pretty excited about all the snow. A group of Ravenclaws brought in a couple buckets of snowballs to chuck at their friends at the Ravenclaw table and soon the snowballs were flying until they were too small to be of any use.

When the owls came, Arthur flew down to Remus, nearly knocking into him. He was shivering, and drooping. Remus took the letter from Miss Fawley and began feeding some sausages to Arthur, terrified at how awful his owl looked. Maybe he should start using school owls...? But they _hated_ him! How was he supposed to correspond?

"You did amazing," he praised, kissing Arthur.

The letter from Fawley was short, promising Remus that she wasn't angry with him, she was just sorry she had upset him so much. She knew he was trying to protect his father and she wished he'd trust her.

_I think we should talk a little on Tuesday about things, though I won't press you. I hope you still show up._

Remus folded the letter, sticking it in his pocket, determined to pretend he hadn't read that last bit.

Since the Marauders had brought down their outerwear they didn’t have to make another trip back to their dorms, so pretty much as soon as they were done eating they ran outside. The freezing cold air hit Remus's face, waking him up a bit. They tumbled out into the snow, searching for a place that wasn't too overrun by other students. They found a nice hilly section that was a bit too close to the Whomping Willow for Remus's comfort, but at least they had a stretch of clean snow to have fun in. James ran back to the school and came back with a couple shields to use as sleds. The other Marauders teased Remus about him wrecking the first time he ever sledded. He rolled his eyes, but didn't really want to sled by himself so he tried to crowd onto the shield behind Peter. Unfortunately there wasn't enough room. He'd _have_ to go down by himself.

"Or sit in our laps," Sirius suggested.

Remus was _slammed_ by _those_ feelings imagining himself sitting in Sirius's lap (and _wanting_ to, what the _hell_ was that about?! Of course he didn't _want_ to, that was absolutely ridiculous and _wrong_!!). "I—I—well—it's—" he stammered out, taking a few steps away from Sirius before he was saved from having to answer by slipping and rolling down the hill head over heels until crashing into a flat area. He could hear his friends laughing, but at least it was an escape and provided him time to put the box firmly back in place.

"YOU OKAY?!" James yelled down, and Remus, laying in the snow, gave a thumbs up.

Soon Sirius and Peter slid down the hill to join him, helping him up while James used the locomotion spell to try to get the shield back to the top of the hill.

"We really need to work on the summoning spell," Remus suggested, shaking snow off.

"When are we supposed to learn that one again?" Pete asked as they watched James finally get the shield. James took something out of his pocket and began pouring it on the bottom of the shield. What was he _doing_?

"Fourth year."

James slid down the hill with a whoop, sliding a lot faster than the other two went. Really fast. Too fast, and the other Marauders shrieked as he came barreling right towards them. They scattered and dove out of the way as James whooshed past where they had been standing. He kept sliding along the ground and then began yelling in fear, jumping off the shield about ten seconds before it got into reach of the Whomping Willow. The Marauders—all of them laying in the snow—watched as the Willow slammed a branch into the shield. They heard metal buckling and then the branch whipped up, throwing the shield. It whizzed through the air towards the Forbidden Forest like a Frisbee, disappearing among the trees.

"J—James, that was school property," Peter said.

James staggered to his feet. " _Shit_."

"What did you do? What did you put _on_ it?!" Sirius demanded.

James pulled the vial out of his pocket. "A slippery potion," he said. "I wanted to use some of it as a prank but I thought it'd make the sledding really fun." He stared at the Willow. "That damn tree! Why did Sprout have to go and rescue it anyway? It's a dangerous nuisance! Who allows something that dangerous on school grounds?!"

_Just like me_ , Remus thought, reaching up to fix his hat. _A dangerous nuisance who shouldn't be on school grounds_. Even though they knew what he was, he refrained from saying that, figuring they'd just argue with him anyway. He was glad they weren't aware of the fact the Willow was there _for_ him.

"James, you shouldn't be using the slipping potion as a prank anyway, it could hurt someone," Remus chided gently.

James turned around, making a face. "Pomfrey could fix'em up in an instant. Besides, it's not any worse than spongifying the entire entrance hall, is it?"

Remus went red, ducking his head and not answering.

The four of them climbed to the top of the hill and used the one shield for a while, until they grew bored of sledding and decided to have a snowball fight. Right before they chose teams, James spotted Lily and her group of friends and wanted to have a snowball fight with them. It was three against four, but Remus said he'd sit out.

"No!" Sirius said. "That'd be no fun. We can find someone else to join the girls."

"Ooh, I know! She was making a snowman a few minutes ago," Colgate said and took off. A moment later she returned with Magpie who seemed rather pleased to be invited.

"Should we do two girls and two boys on one team?" Lily asked, looking amused for some reason.

"Yeah, to make it more even and fair for the girls," James agreed.

Lily's eyes narrowed and Remus gulped at the fury flashing across her face. "You little prat!" She poked James in the chest. "You think you'll get the better of us? No, girls against boys. You are going _down_."

_He's dead_ , Remus thought with a smile.

They spent several minutes making snowballs and whispering plans, keeping an eye on the girls who were quite a few yards away making their own pile of snowballs. Remus could hear them and their plans which pretty much amounted to Lily muttering angrily about murdering James, and Inkwood giggling about Sirius.

"Ali, you can go after Pettigrew then," Inkwood said, "and Athena, you have Lupin."

"Oh!" Magpie said, startled for some reason. "All right."

James's watch went off and he shouted over to see if they were ready. A snowball flew over their heads as a response. "That's cheating!" James accused. "You have crap aim by the way!"

"I missed you on purpose, you dunderhead!" Lily replied. "Yes we're ready!"

"Well, thanks for the extra snowb—" James was cut off by a snowball slamming into his face, knocking his glasses off. He flailed and went flying down into the snow while the girls laughed.

Then the snowball fight started. Remus tried his best to chuck his but his aim was bad and he tried not to throw them at full force so they landed far too short. Though that was better than throwing them far past the girls and making everyone suspicious. The girls followed through with their plan of making it one on one. James and Lily were furiously locked in battle, Peter and Colgate were halfheartedly lobbing snowballs at one another, too busy laughing to be serious. Sirius and Inkwood were shrieking and giggling as they chased one another around. Magpie turned out to have pretty good aim, and Remus couldn't beat her unless he let his full strength show, which he definitely wasn't going to do.

"Wh—white f-f-f-flag!" he managed to get out after falling down, out of snowballs anyway.

Magpie came over and helped him up, grinning. "I won?"

"Y-yes," he replied and she pumped her fist into the air victoriously.

Peter and Colgate had given up theirs too, with Colgate winning. The four of them sat in a snowbank and watched the others. Sirius had grabbed Inkwood around the waist and was spinning her around, the snowball fight clearly abandoned. James and Lily, however...

Lily dove out of the way of a very large snowball and then yanked her wand out, sending a large spray of snow from the ground and into James who crashed backwards. Lily got up and ran over, scooping up a huge armful and holding it above his head.

"Well?" she demanded.

James responded by twisting his body and kicking her legs out from under her. Lily yelped, dropping the snow (mostly on James) as she went down. James shoved snow onto her and she grappled him; the two began rolling around, fighting, and it turned into an actual fist fight.

"Lily!" Colgate jumped up and ran over. Remus and Peter followed, with Magpie close behind.

Colgate grabbed Lily and Peter grabbed James and they yanked the two apart. James's glasses were broken and his cheek was cut, and Lily's nose was bleeding. They were yelling at each other, and swearing, and threatening one another quite violently. Peter and Colgate pulled them back even farther and finally they both calmed down.

Lily got herself free from Colgate but just glared at James before whirling around, storming back to the castle. Colgate and Magpie hesitated before following her. Sirius and Inkwood had been watching from a distance and when the other girls left Inkwood whispered something in Sirius's ear. He whispered something back, and Inkwood giggled before running after her friends.

"What happened?" Sirius asked, approaching the other boys.

"Evans is a horrible, wretched, no-good, lousy, stinkin' _brat_!" James spat out, removing his glasses and peering at them. "Broken!"

"James, you broke them last week too," Peter said.

James put them back on and glowered; Pete gulped, stepping closer to Remus. "There's a difference between me bending the frames and her breaking the lens! Ugh!" He swiped at the cut on his cheek so he could look at the blood. "She's just as awful as Snivellus, they de _serve_ one another." At that he turned to face Sirius. "Did _you_ have fun?"

Sirius's cheeks went very slightly pink. "I—er, yeah, it was quite fun." He readjusted his hat, smiling to himself. "Are we done out here?"

" _I_ am," James grumbled, folding his arms. "I need to see Pomfrey. She should be able to fix the glasses, at least they're not as ruined as what Snivellus did _last_ year."

They headed to the castle, all of them going to the hospital wing through Sirius, Peter, and Remus had to wait outside. James was right in thinking Pomfrey could fix them and it wasn't long before he came back out, determined to get revenge on Lily. Remus pointed out they had a lot on their plate already and James argued back that he didn't care, they had to do _something_.

"You—you hurt her nose," Remus pointed out, following nervously as James went quickly down the corridor. "You got her as much as she got you already." James stopped, actually considering this. "Please, let's just focus on Mulciber and Avery right now. Okay?"

James let out a sigh. "Yeah, okay. For now, though. But later... she's gonna get it."

*

The first enemy who 'got it' was actually Kirke, since James had detention on Sunday. The other three Marauders hadn't had much time to cook anything super fun out but they put their heads—and pranks—together. Their best idea unfortunately required glitter which none of them had, until Sirius said maybe Kim might have some. He ran off and half an hour later came back with a very large tube of glitter.

"How come she had it?" Peter asked.

"She likes art too," Sirius explained. "She made this really cool looking piece using glitter for the stars she showed me the other day." He held up the tube and gave it a shake. "I told her what it's for and she says we don't have to pay her back. HAH!"

As it turned out they _didn't_ have to wait till James had detention. The next morning he had Quidditch practice and Kirke would be there, so the other Marauders decided to do it then. Well, Sirius decided to do it then; Remus thought it would be a bad idea but Sirius was determined.

Remus had the bucket, Sirius had the tube, and Peter just giggled a lot. Once practice ended they hurried out towards the entrance, waiting. Remus set the pail down and levitated it up to above the entrance, where you couldn't see it if you were coming out the arch. Sirius waited on the other side with the open tube.

They heard Bell giving the last of her speech before _finally_ the team started coming through. Peter was half-standing in front of Remus to hide the fact he had his wand out, while Sirius had his hands where you couldn't really see he was holding anything.

"Hey, uh, Potter, a moment?" Remus heard Kim say.

"Yeah sure!" James replied.

Bell and Litten came through first, giving the Marauders strange looks but ignoring them. Charmer came bouncing through, and then Hooper. Then Kirke appeared. Remus flicked the spell and the bucket of sticking solution tipped over, dumping on Kirke. Sirius flung the tube of glitter out and it went _alllllll_ over him, immediately getting mixed in with the sticking solution.

Kirke shouted and staggered back, a few bits of glitter falling but pretty much all of it was now stuck to him,

"YOU LITTLE WANKER!" he screamed at Sirius.

Sirius just lifted the empty tube and grinned. "Oh, oops, that was supposed to be for James."

"You lying piece of SH—"

Kirke dove for Sirius who yelped and began running. All the other team members had stopped to stare at what was going on, while the ones who were still in the pitch came hurrying out. James's jaw dropped as he saw a very glittery Kirke chasing Sirius through the snow.

"What happened?!"

James turned, eyes huge. He looked very nervous and rather frightened. Guilt instantly swept through Remus. He should have put his foot down a little harder...

"It seems someone just stuck a bunch of glitter to Kirke," Kim said, giggling quite a bit. "OI KIRKE! IT LOOKS GOOD!"

Kirke gave up on catching Sirius and instead returned to the pitch. "Potter—"

"I had nothing to do with it!" James said, panicking. "I swear I didn't—"

"It had to have been _your_ idea!" Kirke snarled.

"James had n-n-n-nothing t-to—to do w-with it!" Remus stammered out, quickly moving to stand in front of James even though Kirke was very big and scary.

Kirke looked at Bell who put her hands up. "Don't get me involved."

"You're the Captain and he's just... done _this_ to me!" He looked down at himself. "This is going to take forever to get out!"

"I'll inform Professor McGonagall about what happened," Bell promised.

"Make sure you tell her it was _all_ me!" Sirius said, coming back over. Kirke jerked towards him and Sirius dove behind Bell who sidestepped out of the way.

"Trust me," she said, shaking her head, "I will."

She headed towards the school and soon the rest of the team followed suit, most of them snickering over what happened. Kirke made a few vague threats to James before headed towards the castle as well, a trail of glitter following him.

Sirius fell into the snow, laughing. "BRILLIANT! Did you _see_ him?!"

"That glitter is going to be so hard to get off!" Peter snickered.

"It's going to be stuck in his hair for a while too," added Remus, giggling at the image.

All three of their amused smiles faded when they realized James was glowering at them, his knuckles pale as he clutched the handle of his carrying case.

"J... James?" Peter whispered.

"I TOLD YOU LOT NOT TO DO ANYTHING!" he screamed. "I TOLD YOU! I _SAID_! EVEN THOUGH YOU CLEARLY DID IT I'M STILL GOING TO BE BLAMED BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS WE DON'T GET ALONG!"

"James—" Sirius started.

"NO!" James took a step forward, eyes flashing with anger. "Don't you James me!" He whirled around, shooting equally dark looks at Peter and Remus before spinning back to face Sirius. "The ONE time I ask you guys not to do a prank and you—you—" He took in a deep breath, nostrils flaring.

"Bell didn't seem to think—" Sirius tried.

But James ignored him, and stormed off towards the castle, leaving his friends in guilty silence.


	79. Chapter Seventy-Nine - Dream? Or Reality?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for unintentional self harm near the end of the chapter

Sirius, Peter, and Remus were feeling _very_ miserable as they headed back to the castle. They weren't sure whether to seek James out or not, but when they went to the dorms he was there, getting ready for a shower. He glared when they came in and swept out of the room without saying anything.

"We screwed up," Sirius moaned.

"Big time," mumbled Peter.

"I—I'm s-sorry," Remus said, wrapping his arms around himself. "It's my fault."

"How is it _your_ fault?" Sirius demanded. "It was _my_ idea!"

Remus shrugged. "I'm the one who usually tries to stop the really bad idea and instead I happily jumped in. I should have sided with James."

"We _all_ should have, it doesn't make it only _your_ responsibility," Peter said.

Remus just turned away to get his winter gear off, not wanting to say anything more since he did feel responsible. He was supposed to be the levelheaded one in the group. He _knew_ James didn't want them doing anything to Kirke but he not only encouraged it but joined in. Sure, it was hard to convince Sirius _not_ to do things, however he could have easily convinced Peter and they might have been able to show Sirius it wasn't a good idea.

The three were still moping around when James returned from his shower.

Sirius took a few steps towards him. "James—"

"I _don't_ want to _talk_ to you," James said, throwing his dirty clothes on the floor. "I don't have the time, either. I need to go see Professor McGonagall."

"We'll go with you, and explain," Sirius said quickly.

James shimmied into clean trousers and yanked a shirt on, his glasses askew when his head popped back into view. "No." He quickly got his shoes on, tying the laces quickly. "I have no idea what's been said to her so—"

"Let us go," Remus suggested. "It is our fault."

"We'll tell her that," said Peter who was chewing so hard on his lip it looked ready to bleed.

James fixed his glasses and left the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Sirius slumped down onto his bed. "Aw, shit."

"We should go see her regardless," Remus said, rubbing one of his elbows, his stomach twisting. "We should have gone to see her earlier."

"But James is going there and he'll just yell at us if we show up," Peter said.

"No, Remy's right," sighed Sirius, slowly standing back up. "We'll walk slow. Maybe by the time we get there James'll be done..."

But when they got to McGonagall's office door, she told them she was busy talking to James at the moment and to please wait. They sat down on the bench across from her door, all of them far too anxious to really talk. Peter kept wringing his hands while Sirius kept tugging at some of his hair to look at it, and Remus just twisted his jumper's hem around his fingers so tightly his fingers began to hurt.

Finally the door swung open. James froze when he saw them before stalking off down the corridor, silent. McGonagall appeared in the doorway, motioning for them to come in.

"I assume you're here for what happened today?" she inquired as they took their seats.

All three of them began speaking at once.

"Professor, it's all my fault, it was _entirely_ my idea—"

"We wanted it to be obvious James wasn't part of it—"

"I'm s-sorry, I sh-should have put m-my foot down and—"

McGonagall held up her hand. "Please!" she said, silencing them. "One at a time. Mr. Black?"

Sirius cleared his throat and launched into a long tirade about how Kirke had been mistreating James, and how _awful_ he was, and that they were all just sick and tired of it. He told her that James hadn't wanted to do anything about it and wouldn't even talk to Bell about it because he didn't want to cause any problems with the team. So he—and only him, not James—decided to do a little prank just to irritate him.

Peter spoke next, basically supporting everything Sirius had said.

And Remus agreed, stating he realized now he had been acting on his emotions instead of with his head, and he regretted not listening to James. He also made it very clear James had been against the pranking-Kirke thing wholeheartedly and he should _not_ be punished for what they did.

McGonagall listened to all three of them without saying anything. Once Remus finished stammering out his story, she settled her hands on her desks with a sigh. "I am aware that it is your responsibility, the three of you. I have no intention of punishing James. However I am a little disturbed about these accusations of Mr. Kirke bothering Mr. Potter..."

"Professor, he'd been against James on the team since it happened!" Sirius said, leaning forward. "He thinks it's unfair because James is twelve—"

"He did come to me about it," McGonagall said which surprised them. "I informed him in September it was Miss Bell's choice, not mine, and it is perfectly within the rules for a second year to be on the team. He was unhappy but claimed to accept my decision. He's been harassing Mr. Potter?"

" _Yes_!" Sirius said, and then all three boys began speaking at the same time again, explaining to her all the awful things Kirke has said.

McGonagall had them speak one at a time again. She frowned at everything they said, drumming her fingers against the desk. "I see," she said when they finished. "I will certainly look into this. However, his harsh words are not reason to cover him in sticking solution and dumping glitter on him. Where did you get the glitter anyhow?" She peered over her glasses but none of them spoke. "Hmm. Very well. Five points each from Gryffindor, and a detention for each of you."

"Yes, Professor," they chorused.

McGonagall stood up and they followed suit. "I'll speak to Miss Bell and the others on the Quidditch team to investigate what you've said about Mr. Kirke. You said Mr. Potter didn't wish to... cause problems?"

"Not when it came to the Quidditch team," Sirius said. "He... really loves playing. He takes his position seriously. He was willing to let someone bully him because he was worried fighting back would cause problems for the team. He—"

"Thank you, Mr. Black, however this is hearsay. As I said, I'll speak to the team, and speak with Mr. Potter again. Have a good day."

*

That Sunday was one of the worst days since the Marauders all became friends. It somehow felt worse than those few days in September when James was furious with Remus. Probably because James was mad at _all_ of them and not just Remus. When they tried to join him for lunch he took his plate of food and sat elsewhere. At least after lunch he had detention so they didn't have to deal with trying to talk to him for a while.

Sirius, Peter, and Remus puttered around miserably except for the stretch of twenty or so minutes when Kim wanted to talk to Sirius and they went off to a corner of the common room together, too far away for Remus to hear them over the din of the other students. Lily came over to talk to Remus and wanted to know if he wanted to do something, but he was too miserable. Of course she wanted to know what was going on so he lightly explained.

Lily's forehead wrinkled. "I'm really surprised at you, Remus."

He hung his head. "I know," he whispered, tugging at his sleeve. "It was an incredibly stupid mistake. A stupid _decision_. Mistake makes it sound like it wasn't intentional."

"I hope he forgives you soon. I hate him but... I know he's your friend so..."

"Th—thanks..."

James came back from detention and promptly went to sit with Charmer and some of her friends. None of the other Marauders wanted to stay in the same room as James's animosity—even if it was a big room—so they took their cards and left the common room, going to find an unused classroom to hang out in.

"How long can he stay mad at us?" Peter asked.

"Qu—quite a while," Remus muttered. "Least he was at me."

Peter crinkled his nose. "He won't be for _all_ of us... will he? He had me an' Sirius back then but if he's not talking to any of us he'll probably get bored."

"Petey's right," Sirius said, studying his cards. "He'll get bored." He sounded miserable as he spoke, though, which was understandable. James _would_ get bored but until then... it was agony.

At supper, James sat with some third years and afterwards he disappeared. Remus hated to leave Sirius and Peter as well, but he had a lot of homework he needed to get done. He invited them to come to the library with him if they wanted, however they turned him down. At least in the library, studying by himself, he could pretend nothing was wrong. He stacked books on the table and scribbled various ideas down. Mostly for essays, some for other things he needed to do research for. He still hadn't found a good candidate for a lie about what he and his mother had. Nor had he found something to fix his problem with Potions. There didn't seem to be _anything_ about just... stopping smells.

No, that was a lie. There were spells for stopping smells on other things but they wouldn't work on a nose. He'd have to put the spell on the ingredients which obviously wouldn't work. He found loads of spells that would work like the mask he had once, however he knew now those were out of the question. Putting something with a strong scent in front of his nose just made him ill.

He considered the possibility of trying to tinker with the spell to make a mask that blocked smells... but he _really_ didn't want to draw attention to himself by wearing a mask in class!

Soon he heard shuffling noises, a whispered 'sshhhh', and then hurried footsteps. He looked up to see Sirius and Peter scurrying over to him, excited grins on their faces.

"We have an idea!" Peter said, clapping his hands.

"To fix what happened with James," Sirius clarified.

Remus shut his book. "Oh? What is it?"

"An apology present," Sirius said proudly. "I've got some stuff I can give to him—"

"And I am going to blow up one of the action shots I got from his first game!" Peter jumped in.

Remus gave a faint smile. "That sounds nice but—"

"I was thinking for you, maybe you could like... do one of his essays maybe?" Sirius suggested, kicking lightly at his foot.

Remus considered this. He knew James's style of writing well enough he could probably fake it. "I—I don't know..."

"Or just help him," Sirius added quickly. "With some homework."

"Put it all together with a big We're Sorry card," said Peter.

"I... guess that would be okay then. I could do one of his essays. I know he hasn't started the one for Astronomy."

"On Uranus?" Sirius asked.

Remus glared. "You know damn well it's on constellations."

"I prefer Uranus," Sirius teased and then frowned, going faintly pink. "I mean—I didn't—it's a joke, is all—"

"I know," Remus said, perplexed at Sirius's sudden change. "You make it just about every other week about Astronomy,"

Sirius, however, remained rather pink nearly the entire way back to the common room. James was sitting with the third years he had had supper with. None of the Marauders tried to go over, as it was obvious he was still furious. They just went up to the dorm room. Sirius got out the pranks and sweets he wanted to wrap while Peter began shuffling through photos. Remus sat down at his desk with a clean piece of parchment in front of him. He began writing about the Ursa Major family, trying to make it sound like James had written it. James could rewrite it in his own handwriting so at least Remus didn't need to do that.

After about one paragraph he set his quill down. The nagging thought that had been hovering around at the back of his brain since this had been suggested had come into the light. _This isn't a good idea_ , he thought, chewing on his quill. It didn't seem right, giving someone presents as a way of saying 'sorry'. Shouldn't you earn forgiveness back without giving someone something?

 _Maybe... you do though, maybe that's a thing friends do_. Except, he and James hadn't done anything like that when they fought and made up. Buying him a present (or giving him something) never even crossed his mind! The same with his awful argument with Lily. She never got him anything. Or maybe because this was so cut and dry? With James and Lily, Remus's arguments with them had been more... back and forth, both were at fault. This time it was obviously the other Marauders at fault; James hadn't done anything wrong.

"Is this... normal?"

"Huh?"

Remus scooted his chair back, turning to face his friends. "Is this what you do?" he asked, gesturing at the sweets on Sirius's bed, then at the photos in Peter's hand. "Presents, as an apology? Is that... normal?"

"Why not?" Pete asked, confused.

"I—I just..." He began fiddling with the ends of his sleeve, trying to figure out how to articulate what was going on in his head.

"James gets us stuff all the time," Sirius argued.

Peter tilted his head. "My dad gets my mum flowers when they have a fight."

Remus shook his head. He couldn't explain it properly. "I guess I'm not—I guess I was wrong. I don't know. It just feels a little bit weird. Like... you're buying forgiveness. That doesn't seem right to me?"

Sirius and Peter both stared at him.

"If that's how things work just—it's all right," he continued, panicking because what if he was sorely mistaken? "I'm wrong, it's fine. I'm not used to—to friends. I didn't know."

Sirius and Peter looked at each other then back at Remus.

"Forget I said anything, please," he mumbled.

"No, no," Sirius said, swinging his legs around so he could get up off his bed. "No. You're right. I didn't think of it that way."

Peter set the photographs down. "It _does_ seem kinda weird, when I think about it."

"How about we give him the presents after we make up?" Sirius suggested. "Then it's a 'we're sorry' gift without it seeming like a bribe."

"BRIBE!" Remus shouted, and they both jumped, Peter knocking his photos to the floor. "S—sorry, that's the word I was looking for."

Sirius went over and tousled Remus's hair. "Glad we've got your brains."

Remus ducked away, fixing his hair as heat flooded his body.

*

James wouldn't talk to them that night at all, when they were all in the dorm together. Spinnet seemed vastly amused by this and kept snickering, irritating the other Marauders. Thankfully Sirius kept his mouth shut.

Remus tried to go to bed at a decent hour but he wound up staying awake well into the night, reading through the _Compendium_ book which he had checked out again to try to find something to use, or even help him make up a disease. He scribbled down a few ideas—wanting the name to sound realistic, wanting the disease to seem like something that could be inflicted on a Muggle woman and passed through to her child.

Finally, though, he was too tired and put everything away, curling up with Gwyllgi and falling asleep...

 _He was walking down the main street in Hogsmeade. All the buildings seemed oddly enormous to him, stretching way up, their doors and windows becoming faces mocking him. He was lost. He kept glancing around, and calling out to his friends. Then he turned to the road and saw James. He gave a happy shout before running towards him. The street stretched on, James standing still yet never getting closer. Remus shouted, and James turned to look at him. He was angry._ You attacked him _, he accused, and Remus stopped._ Kirke? _Remus wanted to know._ I'm sorry. I should have put my foot down _..._

_James shook his head and pointed. It was Kirke, on the ground, torn to shreds. Blood was splattered all over the fresh snow that hadn't been there a moment before. Remus took a step back, but James pulled out a bucket and threw the contents on him. It was a bucket full of glitter. As soon as the glitter settled on him it began burning. It was tiny shards of pure silver._

_Remus began screaming as the silver stuck to him, his skin bubbling up. The silver dug into him while James yelled at him—calling him a freak and saying how crazy he was and how they never should have been friends. Remus tried digging at his arms, tried to get the silver off. He collapsed to the ground as he took a sharp breath, silver shards going into his mouth and down his throat—_

He woke up screaming and thrashing, desperately trying to get the silver-glitter off his body. He kicked his blanket away, still screaming and crying, nails digging into his skin as he scratched and scratched, screaming, trying to get the glitter off, trying—

He heard voices. Not just Sirius, but the other boys in the dorm waking up. His screams became pants as he looked up, seeing his curtains had been knocked open by the blanket falling partially off his bed, keeping them open.

"Remus?!"

Sirius was at his side immediately. He paused when he saw the blanket and then cautiously pushed open one of the curtains.

"Oh Merlin," he whispered, face going pale for some reason.

The other boys were there too.

"What happened?"

"How come we could hear him?"

"Did the spells on the curtains go wrong?"

Sirius turned, shielding Remus from view from the others. "No, his blanket kinda fell partly off the bed, it pushed the curtains open so the spell didn't really absorb the sounds, that's all."

Peter was craning his neck. "Oh my GOD Remus—" he started then Sirius grabbed Peter, covering his mouth.

"What _happened_?” Struthers asked.

"Nothing," Sirius said, holding Peter firmly. "Remus doesn't look well is all he meant."

Remus finally looked down at himself, at what made Sirius go pale, at what freaked Peter out, and gave a small cry.

His hands and sleeves were soaked in blood.

For a split second he had no idea what happened then his hands began shaking as the possibility he had _attacked someone_ fixated itself in his head, and he began screaming again.

He couldn't stop even though he knew he had to, because if Spinnet or Struthers saw this it'd be over. At least the Marauders probably... possibly wouldn't turn him in. But who did he attack?! He had heard everyone in the dorm talking... _except for James_!

_Did I attack James?!_

Bile rose and he knew he couldn't keep it back. He scrambled away from his bed, crashing into the ground. He heard exclamations from the others but he pushed himself up—leaving bloodied hand prints on the floor—and ran. Blood smeared on the handle as he wrenched the door open, and he knew it was leaving a trail, dripping from his arms as he hurried into the bathroom.

 _James, did I attack James_?

He threw up hard, feeling his throat being torn. His sides heaved until nothing more came up.

 _Did I sleepwalk over to James and kill him_?

He collapsed to the floor, wrapping his bloodied arms around himself, trying to remember. He had never done anything like that before but what if everything had changed? What if he was attacking people in his sleep now? He'd have to be put down immediately before—

The door to the bathroom swung open. "Remy?"

It was Sirius.

" _Remy_?"

Remus just started crying softly, unable to answer. He didn't want Sirius to look at him. Didn't want Sirius to _see_ him or talk to him; just wanted him to go away and call the Ministry so someone could come and get him and kill him before he killed anyone else.

The door to the stall opened and Sirius crouched down. He pressed a hand to Remus's arm, and Remus flinched away—or tried to; there was really nowhere to go.

"Remy?" Sirius asked again.

The door opened and more feet came in. He saw Peter's grey slippers...

 _And James's red ones_.

Remus lifted his head, trying to see through the blurry tears as Peter _and James_ came into view. James, without a drop of blood on him.

"The others are... uhh... flipping out," James said, adjusting his glasses. "About the blood."

Remus just stared in disbelief at James, then let out a tiny sound of relief that James was okay, _James was fine_. He hadn't attacked anyone. Of course, he knew deep down he hadn't killed anyone... it was just a surface panic; if he had truly believed it he knew he would have completely snapped.

"I told them—" Sirius started then stopped, sighing.

"Remus?" Peter scooted into the stall, trying to get closer. "What happened? Sirius said you had cut your hand on something..."

He couldn't answer. He didn't know why there was blood. If he hadn't attacked someone... then what happened? He pushed himself into a sitting position and looked at his hands again. There was considerably less blood on them now that he had smeared it all over the place, but his sleeves were still dark red.

"Do you... know what happened?" Sirius asked and Remus shook his head, more tears coming.

"N—no. No. I—I—I d-d-don't—I—"

"It's okay." Sirius grabbed his shoulder. "Calm down. You were... scratching yourself. When I opened the curtains. I think that's what caused the blood. You seemed—well, yeah."

Remus blinked a few times, confused. Scratching himself? Then he remembered the nightmare, and the glitter, and trying to get the glitter off.

 _It was his own blood_.

He... hadn't attacked anyone. Except himself. Which didn't really count.

He stared at Sirius then at Peter and James, then back at Sirius. "I... was?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, loosening his grip. "You were... um, screaming, and saying no, and your hands were up in your sleeves and you were scratching your arms pretty hard. I don't know how long you had been doing that. Peter, could you go get a washcloth?"

"Okay..."

Peter disappeared as Sirius gave Remus a little tug, pulling him to his feet and out of the stall. Remus just stumbled after him, head whirring as he sorted this new information. He barely remembered scratching himself. It had been in the dream that he did that, wasn't it?

 _Obviously not_. He looked at his sleeves again.

"Wh—what did... you t-tell the—the others?" he whispered.

"That you cut your hand," Sirius explained as he guided Remus to the shower stalls. "James, could you turn it on?"

James hurried past them and turned on the warm water while Sirius sat Remus down onto the little bench between the shower and the rest of the bathroom. Peter came back with a washcloth and towel, and Sirius looked at Remus.

"Do you want me to clean your arms off?" He reached towards Remus's shirt.

"No!" Remus recoiled back, reaching up to clutch at his pajama top. The thought of them seeing his scar was _way_ too horrifying at the moment. He never wanted them to see it, and especially not under these circumstances! "I—I c-c-can do—do—do it..." He reached up, trying to unbutton his pajama top but his hands were too shaky and the buttons were soon slick with blood. He felt more tears coming at his inability.

Sirius knelt down. "I can unbutton it, and then go," he suggested.

"N—no..."

"Remus, if you need help it's _okay_ ," James said and put a hand on Remus's arm. "You're really shaken up."

 _Of course I'm shaken up, I thought I killed you_.

Tears began dripping down his cheeks again.

Without another word, Sirius began unbuttoning the pajama top, making sure to keep it as closed as possible while doing so. Once he finished with the last button he got up and left, followed by James; Peter handed the towel and washcloth to Remus then left as well.

Remus remained still on the bench, watching the water pour out of the shower. He slowly pulled his top off and saw the blood streaked along his arms, and very faint marks from the scratching that were nearly healed. He was too tired to take his pajama bottoms off... too tired to move to the shower. He wanted one of the others to come in and help but that was so pathetic he couldn't bear it; plus the scar.

Slowly he got up and took a few plodding steps until he fell against the shower wall, still wearing his bottoms and his underwear. He stuck his arms into the spray of warm water letting the blood wash off. He considered just curling up on the floor and sleeping in _there,_ but that would be too weird.

He managed to get the blood off before turning the shower off and pulling himself back to the bench, pajama bottoms dripping water everywhere. He toweled off then didn't know what to do.

"We got you clean pajamas," Peter said from outside the curtain and then his hand appeared, holding the clothes,

Remus took them. He didn't know what to say or how to explain how _grateful_ he was. Them doing this. Helping him. He managed to get out of his wet clothes, toweled his legs off, then got the fresh pajamas on. He picked up the dirty pajamas and trudged out of the stall. All three of them were waiting for him, eyes full of concern.

"I'm okay," he lied. "I—I'm sorry for—for worrying you."

They promised it was fine though they were probably lying, because why would it be fine? He felt like once again he made everything about _him_. It was like the werewolf thing was sucking them all in and becoming more prevalent in _all_ their lives and it wasn't fair to them. He hated the fact he kept making scenes. It felt like they constantly had to stop what they were doing to help him! He was a burden, and loathed himself for it.

They went back to the dorm where Struthers and Spinnet had gone back to sleep. Remus shoved his dirty clothes in the hamper then yanked the bloodied blanket off his bed, shoving it down into the hamper as well. He got a clean blanket out of the closet—the one his mother had made him, actually—and then climbed into bed, reassuring his friends over and over that he _was_ fine, it was okay, he was feeling better now.

They went off to their own beds except for Sirius who went to James's bed, at James's request. They talked quietly about Remus, mostly worrying about him, about the fact he had hurt himself.

Remus held his hands out, studying his stubby fingernails, trying to remember clearly. He _still_ wasn't sure if it had been reality or a dream despite the fact it _had_ to have been reality since he _had_ hurt himself! And that scared him, so much. Not being able to remember properly...

Was something going wrong with his brain?


	80. Chapter Eighty - Rather Dream About Being Murdered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for referenced child abuse, and internalized homophobia in this chapter

Remus barely got any sleep that night. Every time he started drifting off, he'd think of the blood and what he had done, and jerk back awake. He also thought a lot about how he had vaguely assumed he had killed James, and hadn't completely panicked about it. Was that proof he was a monster? Part of him assumed it was because he knew even in his confused state he _hadn't_ hurt James, because if he had he knew he would have _tasted_ blood, or at least had blood on his pajamas other than the sleeves. He had _known_ he hadn't attacked anyone, but instead of being scared of losing his friend he had gone right to 'I need to be executed'.

What was wrong with him? He cared about James so much. He didn't understand his thought process. Of course, he didn't understand much of anything that happened however surely... he would have... at least been a bit upset... right? Or was he truly that evil?

Eventually he became too exhausted and passed out, but was awoken shortly after by Peter who told him if he didn't get down to breakfast right now he'd miss class.

Remus got dressed as best he could and hurried down to the Great Hall where he was informed he still had his pajama top on under his jumper. Remus looked down at the grey flannel then moaned, dropping his head on the table. He was too tired to rush back to the dorms. He'd just have to hope nobody realized it was _pajamas_...

"By the way..." James cleared his throat. "About yesterday..."

Remus pulled his head off the table, reaching up to peel the napkin off his cheek. He had been so out of it he hadn't even thought of the fact James was sitting with them—or the fact he had automatically joined them in the bathroom last night. Did that mean...?

"It's okay," James said. "I mean. I'm still really annoyed, but I'm not mad about it anymore."

Sirius and Peter cheered while Remus smiled sleepily.

"Besides, it was _super_ boring not talking to _any_ of you all day!"

Of course.

Professor Slughorn removed a few points from Gryffindor for the fact Remus wasn't wearing the uniform shirt, then took ten more points off half an hour later when Remus fell asleep during class. All the Slytherins except for Aegis, and several Gryffindors all snickered; he could hear _Loopy_ being whispered, and Spinnet also whispered something about how at least Remus wasn't screaming this time.

"S—s-sorry, sir," Remus said, trying to smooth his hair down; he had been laying with the side of his head in his Potions book, so now his hair stuck out in awkward ways.

"I am very surprised at you, Mr. Lupin," Slughorn said before returning to his lecture.

A moment later a bit of parchment fell into his lap. _im sorry its my fault he caught you cuz i was trying to wake you up - SB._ Remus wrote a quick note back promising he didn't blame Sirius at all.

After class Lily waited for him to emerge and then pounced, demanding to know if he was all right. "It's not like you to fall asleep in class," she said, linking her arm with his. "And—and Cassie said she heard you had to go to the hospital wing in the middle of the night."

"What? N—no," he mumbled. "I don't know where she heard that..."

"She said Spinnet told her."

_Ugh._ "No, I—I got hurt a little last night but I didn't go see Pomfrey, it was a minor accident," he explained.

"I was worried you had another relapse, which didn't—" Lily stopped herself, faintly going pink.

"Which d-didn't what?" he asked, trying not to sound nervous. Didn't make sense? Didn't match up? Was she suspicious?

Lily squeezed his arm. "Which worried me, since last time you had a relapse in the middle of the night you spoke about possibly leaving the school."

_Ah_. "No, it wasn't like that," he promised. "I just cut my hand a little, that's all."

"I'm so glad to hear that. Er, not that you cut your _hand_ , I mean, but that it wasn't a relapse."

He made a mental note to use his mother as an excuse for the full moon this month as well as possibly the next one; he had been having 'relapses' a lot this school year, and didn't want to risk Lily getting too nosy about his disease. Which he still needed to find a name for, or hobble together a believable enough made up one.

*

Monday, for Remus, was spent debating whether he was truly evil (probably) or just super out of it the night before (maybe), and continually promising his friends he was fine. They hovered a lot, asking him over and over if he needed to rest, or needed this, or needed that. They were a bit suffocating... but at least it was nice knowing they didn't completely hate him for whatever the hell happened the night before. He wasn't sure _why_ they didn't hate him but apparently they didn't.

Then, in the evening, the Marauders got their revenge against Mulciber and Avery. Or at least some of it.

Initially, James and Sirius were just going to sneak into their dorm and do loads of sticking spells. They stuck down all the ink bottle stoppers making it impossible to get open (unless they thought to use the counterspell); they stuck together loads of their socks ("Stinky Slytherin socks," James moaned, gagging), as well as put sticking spells in their shoes, so the shoes would get stuck when they tried to put them on. They also put caramel in all their winter hats ("Why caramel?" Remus asked. "Why not?" replied Sirius).

However, they had also found some of their scrolls of homework and had unrolled all the finished ones, put sticking spells on them before rolling them back up, basically sticking them in the rolled shape. That part kinda made Remus feel a little uncomfortable until he remembered why they were getting revenge, and changed his mind. He hoped Mulciber and Avery wouldn't even notice, and hand in the stuck-together rolls of homework for the teachers to get annoyed about.

*

By the time Tuesday evening rolled around, Remus was feeling a lot better. While he hadn't gotten a _lot_ of sleep due to low grade nightmares about being evil that kept him tossing and turning, he got more rest than he did Sunday night. Plus having James back as a friend definitely helped. He was _still_ worried about the whole scratching thing but did his best not to freak out about it too much. After all, it could have been something that came out of the blue and wouldn't happen again. If it _did_ start happening frequently... well, he'd deal with it if that came. Or he could ask Fawley... but he knew tonight would be difficult enough with the whole... Lyall thing. Not something he wanted to deal with after Sunday night.

He stopped in front of the door, taking in a deep breath and trying to steel his nerves. Finally, he went in.

"Good evening," Fawley said after he shut the door. "I'm glad you came. Is Arthur doing all right? He seemed to be really tired when I sent him off..."

"He's all right, he's rested a lot," Remus said, shuffling over to the couch. He set his bag down and slid his robes off. "He's getting really old. I need to... retire him, I guess..."

He didn't know what he'd do without Arthur though, and suspected if he tried to get Arthur to stop delivering letters his owl would get very indignant about it. He remembered what James had said at the beginning of the year, how Arthur pushed himself like Remus did. He didn't want to constantly borrow Cocoa, but it was such a hassle using the school owls.

"Have you thought about my letter? What I said?"

He shifted in his seat, tugging at his sleeves. "Yes... I mean, I—it's not..."

"I think we need to have a discussion about... your father."

Remus swallowed heavily, ducking his head. "I'd rather not," he whispered.

"Did he hit you again? Over Christmas?"

He didn't answer, couldn't answer. He knew she'd ask him again, but felt so sick at the thought of telling the truth... even worse at the thought of lying since she'd know he was lying.

"Remus—"

"Yes," he finally admitted. "I deserved it, though. I—I wasn't—it wasn't—"

Fawley reached out, taking his hand. "You know it isn't right for him to do that. You do not deserve it."

He yanked his hand away. "It's only discipline. Parents discipline their kids all the t-t-time!"

"Hitting a child is not discipline, it is abuse," she said flatly.

A thousand responses filled his mouth but he kept them all back, forcing them down, trying his best not to lose his temper. Tried to ignore the wolf stirring inside of him, or the pounding word of _evil monster_ radiating in his brain. He knew if he tried to convince her he wasn't a child and therefore it couldn't be child abuse, it wouldn't fly. He knew she wouldn't accept that he deserved it, even though he _did_ deserve it.

"I'm not... upset at what he did," he finally said, which was only a half truth. "It's not like he—he beats me up every time I'm home."

"That makes it okay for him to hit you?"

He shrank back into the corner of the sofa, withdrawing from her, regretting ever showing up. He needed Occlumency, but could he pay _this_ price? "I love him."

"I know—"

"And he loves me."

Fawley sighed, pressing her fingertips against her temple. "I'm only trying to help you. I know it's hard to understand—"

"I do understand," he cut her off, "I understand what you're saying, or trying to say. It's just..."

"Remus." She reached out again, taking his hand once more. "Please listen to me. Just listen, don't interrupt. I can't do anything. My hands are tied when it comes to this matter. I can't get anyone from the Ministry to look into what he has done to you because it will out you as a werewolf, and you will either be locked away or executed. I could go and talk to Lyall myself however, I fear that will make him angry and probably take you out of school, or even out of the country, and you will be alone with his abuse. I... absolutely... hate... child abuse. I wish I could lock away all those who harm a child, especially in your case when there are complications preventing something being done about it. I felt so guilty after everything came out about Professor Dedenne, because I had no idea. I saw a bit of how she treated you, I just didn't know the extent. And knowing your father hits you..."

Fawley took in a sharp breath.

"However, as I said... what could I do that wouldn't result in you getting harmed even worse? It is a very unfortunate situation, and one I have heard of before... family members abusing werewolf relatives, I mean. Because either the werewolf is in hiding, like you, and getting the Ministry involved would be detrimental. Or the werewolf is on the registry, and the Ministry doesn't view it as abuse. Like _you_ believe.

"All I can do right now is try to get you to see and understand what is going on. That what he is doing is wrong. That you _don't_ deserve this happening. That perhaps someday you can get out of the situation yourself, without the risk of the Ministry being involved. That—"

She stopped and then wrapped both her hands around both of his.

"That if it gets worse, you are to come to me. I can protect you from him. You and your mother both. All right? I can and will take you into my home, and protect you."

Remus stared up into her face, gobsmacked by all of this.

Of _course_ the Ministry couldn't be involved. And there really wasn't much anyone could do. He didn't think his father would go ballistic like that if Fawley tried to talk to him, he figured his father would just feel bad that anyone thought so poorly of him. Lyall was a good father, and worked his _arse_ off to provide for his family with everything they needed. Sure he lost his temper once in a while but so did Remus. And his father didn't deserve to be told off.

But it didn't matter anyway, since there was nothing that could be done.

And Fawley _wouldn't_ go bother his father about this.

The only thing he didn't really get was the last part, about going to Fawley if it 'got worse'. But there was a pleading expression etched across her face so he knew he had to at least promise.

"Of c-course," he said, twisting his hands around so he could squeeze hers gently. "Thank you." He didn't know what _else_ to say. Relief flooded through his body over the fact his father wasn't going to get in trouble for something so trivial.

Remus reached out and hugged Miss Fawley because he thought that would be the right thing to do, plus he was very grateful for her concern. The fact she was so worried about him made him feel good (even if it was off the mark), and the fact she'd be willing to take him and his mother in was also nice, even if it was kinda ridiculous too. He hoped that would be the end of _that_. No more awkward claims of abuse, or pressure about whether Lyall had done something or not.

The lesson itself didn't go too well since he was so worked up with emotions over everything, but on the bright side she didn't see him hurting himself accidentally. Which... originally he had been considering asking her about, but now was a little worried it would make things worse. He didn't know why it would, but what if it did?

He did, however, ask her about his reaction. He said he had had a nightmare about hurting James and woke up _thinking_ he had hurt James. He told her he had run into the bathroom to get sick and cry, and was, for a brief moment, wanting the Ministry to come and execute him. Fawley frowned at all this.

"I—I'm just worried that I wasn't... instead of being terrified I had hurt someone... hurt my _friend_... I wasn't _scared_ about it. My thoughts went right to the Ministry," he finished. "I'm—I'm evil. That's an evil, horrible, monstrous thing. I wasn't... scared about J-James... "

"That is understandable you weren't scared," Fawley said.

"Wh—what?"

"You were exhausted, and under a lot of strain from the nightmare. You were confused and not thinking clearly," she explained. "Sometimes when we have intense nightmares or dreams, our brains are foggy and not processing the world around us properly." She reached out, hand on Remus's arm. "Your confused mental state after a bad nightmare is _no_ indication _whatsoever_ of your morality. You are a good person, Remus. All right? You aren't evil."

Though it wasn't entirely true—him not being evil, since he really was, being a dark arts monster—he felt a _lot_ better regarding his relationship with James, and his reaction the night before.

They exchanged another hug before he left. He still felt pretty rough from everything and not really up to being social, so he went straight to his dorm to hide under his bed with a blanket, a book, and Gwyllgi. When the other Marauders came back from James's practice and found his bed empty they immediately checked underneath. He had hidden Gwyllgi under his blanket, knowing they would.

"Did everything go well tonight?" Sirius asked, not even bothering to say hello.

Remus sniffled. "As well as can be expected. I'm very tired—" He was going to say he wanted to be alone, except also he _didn't_ want to say it. Every time he did he felt like it was wrong to do so. They did so much for him (such as trying to help him when he was soaked in his own blood) so the least he could do was be available for whatever they wanted.

"And?" James asked, when Remus remained silent.

"How did practice go? Was... did..." Remus trailed off, frowning.

James plopped belly down on the floor. "Kirke?" he wondered, and Remus nodded. "He's furious with me, still thinks I was behind it. But at least the rest of the team doesn't, and Professor McGonagall doesn't."

"We are sorry," Pete said.

"I know," James laughed. "I'm over it."

James went to get a shower while the others hung around in the dorm. Remus stayed under his bed, trying to force himself to get out from under there but at the same time really wanting to stay in the safe, enclosed space. Finally he did leave, but only because he knew Spinnet and Struthers would be up soon and he _hated_ Spinnet seeing him under his bed.

*

He had nightmares that night. Not as... violent as the one from Sunday, but ones that plunged him into darkness nonetheless. They were of his father... yelling at him, shouting at him, shaking him, hitting him. Of Fawley showing up to accuse him of abuse, and Lyall taking Remus away from school. He also had one nightmare that felt distant and strange, where he was very small and his father told him he needed to help purge the werewolf from his body. Lyall lifted a knife and plunged it down—

Remus woke up with a shriek, a plea of "No, Daddy!" He immediately covered his mouth but could hear Sirius stirring. _I haven't called my father 'daddy' in ages_ , he thought as he heard Sirius approach his bed. He _really_ hoped Sirius hadn't heard his exact words.

"You all right?" Sirius whispered, twitching the curtains open.

"Yes," Remus promised, then panicking as Sirius climbed into bed with him. He realized he hadn't really had any bad nightmares since he put the box into place, except for the one Sunday night. Which didn't count since everyone had gotten involved. Now Sirius was sitting _on his bed_ , very close to him, in an enclosed space. Remus could smell him very strongly. His soap, his shampoo, and his natural scents that Remus would forever recognize and know.

Sirius wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his chin on top, staring intently at Remus. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Remus scooted back a bit, trying to put space between them. As much space as he possibly could without flat out diving out of the bed, which was a very tempting thing to do. "Not... really." He saw his father's face, and the knife flashing through the air. Sirius's eyes drifted towards Remus's arms and Remus scowled. He thrust his arms out, turning them around. "No blood."

"I—I was just worried," Sirius said, a little guiltily.

Remus let his hands drop. "Yes, I—yeah. Th—thank you." He considered things for a second then said, "It—it was one where... where I was killed," he admitted, though didn't dare mention his father had done the killing. Even if it was a nightmare, he was afraid it might be too weird and raise suspicion.

Then Sirius inched a little closer and Remus wanted to scream at him to go away, _please_ go away, please don't _ever_ get into bed with him again. It was on the verge of too much for him to handle, and he began to grow dizzy. The small space was filled with Sirius's scent, and warmth radiated from his body. Remus could feel it, and wanted to go over and curl up against him.

He remembered months ago, feeling that way in this same situation: Sirius comforting him after a nightmare. And, at the time, not knowing _why_ he felt that way.

Now he knew—except, he didn't _really_ feel that way. Because surely if it was James or Peter or Lily, he'd still want that physical comfort. And the damn butterfly-squirmy-hot feelings were _not really_ like that, they couldn't be like that, couldn't mean anything like that!

He thought of Lily's letter over Christmas, and the fact she wanted to have her first kiss. He wondered if she still felt that way. If maybe he _should_ get his over with. Of course, he wasn't even sure if kissing anyone was _safe_. What if werewolf spit—even as a human—did something? It was the werewolf saliva that spread the lycanthropic curse... or was it? _Did_ one have to be fully bitten? What if... they were scratched by a werewolf, and then the werewolf licked the scratch? Would _that_ work?

What if he did kiss someone—not Sirius, obviously; a girl, with... with girly bits—and she got... infected? Not _fully_ infected, but... something...

He _had_ been worried about this since becoming friends with the Marauders, doing his best not to share food or drinks with them. So far he had been able to get away with it... but did it work that way? Would Prewett know?

_Then_ he got an image of kissing _Prewett_ , and he jerked, knocking one of his pillows off the bed. He blushed a little, reaching over to pick it up, making sure the curtains remained shut.

Sirius had apparently been talking while Remus drifted into la-la land, and closed his mouth, frowning. "You seem very out of it."

"T—tired," he gasped out, "that's all."

"Right. Well.." Sirius raked his fingers through his hair. "What do you think?"

Remus stared at him in partial horror, clutching the pillow. He hadn't the faintest what Sirius had been saying. He had been too busy panicking about kissing, and werewolf spit. "A... about me being... tired?" he asked, knowing perfectly well that's not what Sirius meant but he hoped it would prompt Sirius into repeating his question.

Sirius gave him a puzzled look. "No. About what I said."

_Bloody Merlin_ , Remus thought, looking down at his lap. "I... I don't know, I—I'm really t-t-tired it's—it's hard to think right now." He prayed that that would be an acceptable excuse.

Sirius looked very disappointed. "Oh. Right, yeah, of course. I shouldn't be bothering you right now anyway—"

"You're not a bother," he said quickly, and without thinking he reached out to put a hand on Sirius's arm. It felt like an electrical shock went through his body and he fell back, scared Sirius had noticed or felt it too.

"You really do seem out of it," Sirius chuckled, unfolding his long legs. "Are you at least feeling better? From the nightmare?"

"Yes... th—thank you..."

"Anytime. I mean that, you know."

"I know. I mean it when I say thank you," Remus said, resisting the urge to shove Sirius out of his bed. Or ask him to repeat what he said, because he was very curious and felt super bad for disappointing his friend. Or, worst of all, hug him.

Sirius cocked his head to one side, eyes locked onto Remus's eyes. Remus tried to contain his panic and fear that somehow Sirius would know everything. He—he was a natural Occlumens... What if he was a natural Legilimens too? What if he was super powerful and could see right into Remus's head without Remus being able to even _notice_? He... was fairly certain that was something Sirius would say but... it still worried him.

"Are you... sure... you're all right?" he finally asked, very slowly and carefully.

_No,_ he wanted to say. Not with everything going on. But he couldn't say _any_ of it! Not even the nightmare-related stuff. "I'll be fine," Remus promised.

Sirius sighed. "Okay." His tone was quite clear: he didn't believe Remus. "If—if you need anything just wake me up, or... you know, think about what I said..."

_WHAT DID YOU SAY_!? "Yes, of course."

"Oh! Should we do the stuff for James? I meant to ask earlier."

"The—the presents? Yeah. I'll work on the essay tomorrow."

"Cool. I'll let Petey know to make the picture." Sirius slid out of Remus's bed, whispering a goodnight before padding off to his own bed.

Remus flopped back, groaning as softly as he could, covering his face. He felt far too hot and sweaty. And miserable. What had Sirius _said_? How was he supposed to answer? Could he possibly apologize the next day and say he had gone to sleep right away, forgetting what Sirius said exactly? That... could work.

Remus tugged at his pajama top then pulled it off, shivering as the cool air touched his damp skin. The notion of asking Sirius not to come to his bed anymore slid through his brain. He—he liked having someone helping him... distracting him... someone to comfort him... he _really_ liked that it was Sirius. But... at the same time he didn't know if he could stand to ever have Sirius in his bed again, especially with the curtains closed.

_No, it'll be fine_ , he told himself, rolling onto his side and curling up. _It's fine_.

Because he didn't have feelings for Sirius, so there was no point keeping Sirius away. Telling Sirius to never come into his bed again would mean he _did_ feel something and he _didn't_. So he wouldn't tell Sirius to stop. Couldn't. Because he couldn't risk anything close to an admission! And that's what it would be. So... he just had to figure out a way to deal with Sirius being in his bed.

Or... stop having nightmares.

_Ugh, if it were only that simple_ , he thought, nuzzling against the cooled pillowcase the Marauders had given him in November. The care package. The next full moon was in eight days... his second one—well, third, technically, of them knowing. But the second one had been over Christmas so it didn't really count.

_Hopefully I won't totally destroy part of my body again_...

He tossed and turned, still feeling hot. Feeling desire for Sirius to come back and hold his hand, even though it'd be even hotter if that happened.

_NO_! He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his fists against his head, uncurling his fingers to dig his nails into his scalp. As if to pull the thought out of his head. _No. Think about holding a girl's hand. Kissing a girl. Girls. Girls. Girls._

It was no use, so he threw his blanket aside and crept out of the dorm. Soon he was in a shower, cold water washing away the heat and the disgusting tingly feeling he had been getting in places he should _not_ be getting tingly feelings over boys.

The shower seemed to help, and when he went back to bed he managed to finally drift back to sleep. Unfortunately, he had strange foggy dreams about Sirius that left him hot and sweaty once more, and when Remus woke up in the morning he thought he preferred the nightmares of being murdered.


	81. Chapter Eighty-One - James's Secret Admirer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am incredibly behind on replying to comments, I am gonna try to start catching up; I think what I am gonna do is reply to new comments within a few days of getting them while also getting through the old comments. That way I don't answer old comments while getting new ones and not get far with getting through them. Does that make sense? I hope so. Anyway thank you everyone for all the comments and amazing support! Hopefully I'll be able to do this without trouble haha

Wednesday was quite a drag for Remus. He felt uncomfortable pretty much all day, and was pushed to the edge of his patience when he tried to talk to Sirius about... whatever it was Sirius had tried to talk to him about in the night. Remus told him he was very sorry but after going back to sleep he just forgot what they had talked about. Sirius cracked a grin and said it didn't really matter. Remus asked him what he said and Sirius shrugged, tousling Remus's hair and promising it wasn't that important.

But Remus _thought_ it was... Sirius had seemed really down when Remus didn't give him an answer right away. And now he was being so... so _shifty_! All right, maybe not shifty, but annoying with not telling Remus. And awkward. He definitely seemed to be acting awkward, or perhaps that was Remus's imagination.

After Transfiguration, Sirius, Peter, and Remus presented James with their 'we truly are sorry' presents. James was quite surprised and promised he wasn't still mad. Sirius explained they knew James had forgiven them but they still wanted to show how sorry they were. James liked all the little gifts from Sirius, put Peter's poster-sized photo of himself during the first game up on the wall, and hugged Remus tightly, excited since he hadn't even started his Astronomy essay yet which was due the next night.

"Can I see it?" Sirius asked and James handed it over. Remus suspected that Sirius just pressed about giving James the gifts so he could copy the Astronomy essay; the suspicion turned to proof ten minutes later when Sirius sat down to write his own essay using James's—aka, Remus's—as a template.

"You know, I would have helped you if you asked," Remus said, folding his arms.

Sirius tossed his hair out of his face, giving Remus a very amused smirk. "This is _much_ easier!"

Remus sighed. "Just don't forget to edit it enough to make it seem like you wrote it yourself. If you both turn in the exact same essay, Spring'll notice."

"C—could you help me with mine?" Peter asked.

"Do any of you actually _do_ your homework?!" Remus demanded.

James flopped back onto his bed. "Occasionally," he teased.

"I _started_ it," Peter promised, showing Remus the parchment.

_The ursa major family has a bunch of stars in them and constellations. Ursa major ursa minor draco booty cornel cane vernali coma borenich and others that form the big dipper. Ursa major was found by Tolmee. Tolmee discovered lots of constellations—_

Remus stopped reading, getting a headache. "Of course I'll help you. Come on, let's get to work..."

After helping Peter, Remus finally settled in with Fawley's present, over a week after getting it. He flipped through until he found the werewolf story, and eagerly read. It wasn't very long but he was entranced. It was a fable about a little girl who got buried in the rubble of a house after a spell backfired; nobody was powerful enough to move the rubble with spells and nobody wanted to risk using blasting spells. They began trying to move it by hand but it would take too long. The hermit in the woods appeared and easily moved every piece of rubble, even giant bits of stone which he tossed aside as if they were 'made of bread'. He plucked the near-dead girl out from the remains, put her in her parents arms, and disappeared back into the woods.

A few months later some werewolf hunters showed up to out the hermit as a werewolf, and wanted to make him undergo tests to prove it in order to execute him. The entire villager stood by the werewolf's side, and refused to let them test the hermit even though they all knew by now he _was_ a werewolf.

They got rid of the hunters, and the werewolf lived peacefully in his cave, occasionally leaving to find flowers and food outside the entrance.

Remus closed the book, and went into the bathroom to cry in peace. It was an absolute fairy-tale, but it was so beautiful, and once he finished crying he went back to his room and reread over and over until it was time to go to supper.

*

Remus was unable to go to Study Group since he, Sirius, and Peter had their detention. They went to the greenhouses where Sprout led them to one of the big storerooms and gave giving them cleaning supplies. They spent the evening sweeping, mopping, and putting bags of fertilizer back into place.

"We'll take care of this," Sirius said when Remus started reaching for one of the very large bags. "C'mon, Petey."

He and Peter lifted the bag up, grunting loudly as they removed it from its ledge; Sprout had told them to move all the bags to clean the area underneath then move the bags back. Remus watched, confused at why Sirius hadn't let Remus help before realizing... _He never told them he was strong_! Very strong. He hadn't thought about it when they questioned him in October, and it had never been brought up. They had no idea.

Sirius and Peter lifted another bag, and Remus started to say he _could_ help, he _was_ strong enough to lift the bags by himself—but then he quickly closed his mouth, goosebumps rising across his skin. They had no idea how strong he was. What if... that changed their viewpoint of him? What if knowing how powerful he was changed things? He thought about the werewolf in the fable he read, and how the townspeople were grateful for his strength for saving the girl's life. But... that was a fable, and in real life a werewolf's strength was frightening.

He _should_ have told them in the first place but... it had slipped his mind with everything else going on. If they knew he could break things easily—crack stone, tear apart things no human should be able to tear, toss boulders aside as if they were made of bread—what would they think? If they knew when he was little he broke things all the time on accident or had hurt his parents by hugging them too tightly, until he learned to hold back on his hugs.... how would they feel? Scared? He previously wanted them to be frightened of what he was capable of but now the thought of them actually feeling that way made _him_ feel violently ill.

He should tell them... but was too scared that it might change things.

"You just gonna watch us or are you going to clean?" Sirius asked when he realized Remus was just standing there.

Remus blinked and took a few steps back, nearly tripping over a terracotta pot. "Sorry, just distracted."

"I know I'm beautiful but you have to do _some_ cleaning."

Remus felt that like a punch to the chest. He quickly whirled around, ignoring Sirius and Peter laughing, as heat flamed up his face. He felt clumsier than normal now, trying to pick up the pots strewn about but dropping them. He knew Sirius had just been joking but it was close—way too close—to not feel out of sorts now.

"Awww, don't be mad," Sirius pleaded, misunderstanding why Remus turned his back to them. "I was only teasing, I know you're doing work."

Remus took in a deep breath and turned back around, nearly dropping the pots again. He forced a smile on his face. "I'm trying not to laugh, you idiot. Besides, out of all of us you're the one chattering on and probably doing the least amount of work."

"Oi!" Sirius let go of the bag and Peter yelped as it thudded to the floor. "Now look here—"

" _Sirius_!" Peter complained, desperately trying to hold the bag up and failing. it slipped through his hands and landed on his feet.

"Oops, sorry."

Remus snorted and went back to putting the pots away, trying to pretend Sirius never said any of that. Of course it was a distraction from _Merlin's beard they don't know this super important thing about me,_ though perhaps panicking over them not knowing he had inhuman strength was better than panicking over Sirius being aesthetically pleasing.

*

Remus worried about it all through the night and into the next morning, debating whether or not to tell them. He hated keeping such a secret from them. Plus it made him feel incredibly weird over the fact he was debating whether or not to feel guilty about keeping something regarding his lycanthropy a secret. He knew it wasn't that big a deal since they kept secrets from him (he still had no idea what the extra blood oath James and Sirius made on Halloween night was) but it felt so _strange_ since a big part of them knowing he was a werewolf meant he should be able to be open with them, yet he didn't feel that way.

It was strange to still be terrified of what they might find out about them after all of this, but he supposed that's how he went. Maybe he would tell them soon. He should. He just... wasn't really ready yet.

"What the...?"

Remus looked up from his cereal as the owl post came, and a school owl delivered a pink envelope to James. He wrinkled his nose a bit as he studied the front of the envelope which only said _James Potter_ with a little heart for the 'o'. Shrugging, James opened it up. Remus pulled back a little as a strong scent of perfume invaded his nose. James scanned the card then made a face.

"What is it?" Pete asked.

"A _love_ letter," James said, sounding a bit disgusted. "Dear James," he read, "your Quidditch abilities are _breathtaking_ to watch. I love seeing you on a broom and the way you throw the Quaffle. I can't keep my eyes off you during the school day either. I think you're the greatest. Please meet me outside the Charms storeroom on the third floor at 5pm tonight. Love, Anonymous."

Sirius, Peter, and Remus all began snickering and giggling. Sirius gave a little whoop and elbowed James. "Somebody _likes_ you!"

"Mmm," James mumbled, and dropped the card.

"You're not excited?" Peter asked.

James shrugged, going back to his food. "Nope," he said, and shoveled a big spoon of potatoes into his mouth.

Sirius frowned, picking the card up. "Why not?"

"Too busy," James replied. "Practices and pranks."

"Awww, c'mon, you've _definitely_ got time for a girlfriend," Sirius said, and he glanced very briefly towards Inkwood.

James let out a sigh. "Maybe, but I don't _want_ one right now."

"What if it's a third year?" Peter asked, eyes going wide. "What if she's got big knockers?"

"What if it's her?" Sirius asked, and indicated the blonde, curly-haired girl who had kissed Peter's finger the previous year when he had had a splinter. She was sitting with someone who seemed vaguely familiar to Remus until he realized it was the Meadowes girl from Slug Club.

"Ooooh, what if it's Tanaka?" Peter whispered.

James scooped some more of the fried potatoes from the big platter onto his plate. "I don't _care_. I'm not _interested_."

"What are you going to do?" Remus asked.

"Nothing!" James snapped, angrily pushing his glasses up. "I already said."

"I meant about the card," Remus clarified.

"I said nothing," James said stiffly.

"I think what Remy means is... are you going to just... not show up?" Sirius asked.

"Um, _yeah_!"

"That seems mean," Peter said. "You should at least go and tell her you're not interested."

James groaned, dropping his fork so it clattered on his plate. "If I go whoever it is will just get her hopes up," he explained.

Remus frowned, thinking that did seem true, but also just completely ignoring it seemed not so nice. He wasn't sure of the best way out of something like that—of course, he didn't _get_ stuff like that anyway so...

Sirius poked James's arm. "You should at least turn her down."

James gave Sirius a funny look. "Yeah. I guess you're right."

Then he scooted back, picked up the card, and climbed up onto the bench. A few kids gave him stares but mostly people ignored him until he cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "ATTENTION HOGWARTS!" Remus quickly covered his ears. "AAAAATTEEEENNTIIOOON HOOOGWAAAAARTS!!"

The casual breakfast conversations died down as everyone stared at him, including the teachers.

James waved the card around. "WHOEVER SENT ME THIS, SORRY BUT NO THANKS, NOT INTERESTED! HAVE A GOOD DAY!"

He climbed back down, set the card aside, and triumphantly returned to his breakfast.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Well. That's one way to do it."

Remus and Peter were both laughing, and Peter knocked his spoon sending a large amount of eggs on him. He plucked as much off as he could then made a face, saying some had gone down his shirt. He excused himself from the table, hurrying out of the Great Hall.

"You know, that perfume smells familiar," Remus said, eyeing the card.

"You know who sent it?" Sirius asked.

"No... but I know I've smelled it before..."

James rolled his eyes. "Probably in one of the classes."

Remus frowned, struggling to remember when he had smelled that scent before. "No. I—I don't think it was in a class. It was outside..."

Sirius leaned across the table. "Can you maybe figure it out?"

James shot him a glare. " _No_. I don't want to deal with anything like that right now, okay?"

Sirius glanced at Remus who shook his head. They had upset James once already, he wasn't going to do it again. Not so soon. But it didn't really matter because ten minutes later when Peter reappeared his eyes were bright, his cheeks were pink, and he whispered that he knew who had sent the card.

" _What_?!" Sirius shrieked. "How—how do _you_ know?"

Peter glanced around before leaning in, the others automatically leaning in as well. "I overheard it."

"Who sent it?" Sirius asked eagerly.

James tried to say he didn't want to know, but Peter cut him off quickly with, "Kirke."

Sirius, James, and Remus all stared at him in disbelief.

" _Kirke_ -Kirke?" James asked dubiously.

Pete nodded. "Uh-huh."

"Th—that's it!" Remus said, snapping his fingers. "That's where I smelled the perfume before. On Kirke."

Sirius held up his hand. "Way-way- _wait_ a minute. Are you telling me Kirke wears perfume? And sent a love letter to _James_?"

"No," Peter said. "I mean yes. I mean, he sent the card but... it wasn't s'posed to be a love letter."

James pushed the card towards Peter. "It sounds like a bloody love confession to me."

" _No_!" Peter shook his head now, obviously frustrated. "I went into the nearest bathroom and went into a stall to take my sweater off and get the egg out. And when I was in there Kirke came into the bathroom with two of his friends. Kirke was _super_ mad, and cussing, and his friends were laughing saying that you got the better of him."

"What exactly was said?" James asked, frowning.

"Ummmm... I don't remember the 'xact words, but it sounded like Kirke got his girlfriend to write it, and Kirke and his friends were gonna come to the storeroom to laugh at you," Peter explained. "You know, thinking you had some girl pining after you and you didn't."

James narrowed his eyes. "I see."

"What a bloody _twat_!" Sirius snarled.

"That's awful!" Remus complained. "Absolutely awful!"

"Only a real _weirdo_ would do something like that," James said bitterly.

Peter gave a slight giggle. "Weren't you going to do the same to Evans?"

"Yeah, that's right," Sirius said quickly.

Remus smiled. "You _were_."

"Ah—er, um—ahhh—w-well I wasn't going to _laugh_ at her!" he mumbled, adjusting his glasses awkwardly. "Just send the note. That's all. And I _didn't_. So—so you know, it's not..."

Sirius elbowed him. "We know, we're teasing. Still... I take it we _can't_ get revenge on what Kirke did?"

"Absolutely not," James warned, pointing his finger at each of them. "Got it? Promise."

"We promise," they chorused, and Remus knew at least _he_ meant it. He figured Peter did too, and hoped Sirius did.

"Good. I mean, Kirke's little plot got messed up anyway so the joke's on him," James said, and the others nodded in agreement.

*

For the rest of the morning and throughout lunch the other Marauders kept teasing James about the love card which he laughed about too. He had Peter pretend to be Kirke all upset and Peter pretended to rip a hat off his head and stomp on it, sending the Marauders into more peels of laughter.

Lily was _very_ intrigued by the whole thing and asked Remus about it during lunch. He didn't want to admit Kirke had sent it—didn't want to get into that part of it—so he simply said what she already knew: someone had sent James a confession of love, and he wasn't interested. Nor did he want to hurt her by either showing up and giving her false hope or not showing up at all.

"Huh." Lily tilted her head, looking quite dumbstruck. "That... I mean, the way he went about it was a bit blunt, but it surprises me he wanted to be nice about it."

"James is nice," Remus protested.

"Hmm."

Remus considered asking her what had been on his mind the other night: her Christmas letter, about the kiss. He wanted to know if she still felt that way. But he also wanted an answer about werewolf saliva before he said anything, because if she wanted to kiss he had to know. He... really wasn't sure he wanted to kiss her, but he also wasn't sure that he _didn't_ want to.

Maybe kissing a girl—even if it was Lily—would fix everything.

After Defense Against the Dark Arts, Remus slowly put his things away, ignoring his friends rushing about to leave. He told them he needed to speak to Prewett for a moment and they nodded, tumbling out of the classroom without another word. Remus clutched his satchel to his chest as he approached the desk. He had to wait for McNab to be done, though. She was asking about an upcoming quiz, and some of their assignments. Once they were finished, Remus stepped forward.

"I had a—a private question," Remus said, glancing over as McNab was still in the room, rummaging through her bag. She flashed them both a smile before bouncing out.

Prewett flicked his wand and the door shut. "What can I help you with?" he asked, giving Remus a smile that made his knees a little wobbly.

_Shoot, I should have asked Pomfrey_ , he thought, feeling sweaty about being in a room alone with Prewett. He had such a masculine presence that threatened to _kill_ Remus if he paid too much attention to it. Remus gulped and quickly looked down at his scuffed trainers.

"I don't kn—know if you c-can help," he mumbled, shifting from foot to foot. "It's about—about my—my..." He thought briefly of what James had called it before. _Furry little problem_. "Curse."

"Ah..."

"I know you don't know much but..." Remus forced himself to look up into those sky blue eyes. Ugh. "Perhaps you... know s-s-someone who... might know or—or something..."

"I'll do what I can," Prewett promised, and gave him another smile.

Remus's heart began pounding and he debated just running out of the room. It took all his willpower to stay in place. "The—the thing is... s-sometimes my friends—we... they— _they_ share food. You know... t-take a bite... pass it a-around. They do it with dri—drinks too. And... I try to avoid them eating after me. Becau—cause I don't know what w-would happen." He swallowed again, sucking in some air. "The... the other night P—Peter tried to take my cherry soda and—and I took it back. He seemed a little weirded out." He apologized silently to Peter for using him as the excuse. "I'm worried..."

Prewett waited a few seconds but since Remus remained silent he finished with, "That continuing to do this will make them suspicious?"

"Y... yes," Remus whispered, hugging the satchel tighter.

"Well, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with not wanting to share food or drinks," Prewett said. "You can just tell them you don't like to."

Remus bit down on his tongue. "Yes, I—I know—but... but... the thing is, I just want to—I need to know if... if they _do,_ would something happen? In case of an accident. Or one of them takes s-something of mine and—takes a bite b-before I can stop them."

"Happen?" Prewett's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Remus looked back down. "I d-d-don't know a lot about my... bi—biology, sir. I know in... in... when I—I'm... like that... it's transferred through—through biting. I w-wasn't sure... if it's... _saliva_ exactly. You know? And if it is—which I think it is—then... does my—my saliva right now... effect people? If I took a b-bite of a cauldron cake then Peter ate the rest would he... get sick?"

This was the closest thing he could think of to asking if kissing would be dangerous or not. It seemed absolutely bizarre now, speaking it out loud, but he didn't know what else would work. Unless he outright asked about kissing. Which he didn't dare.

" _Ahhh_ ," Prewett breathed out, "I get it now. You're worried you might infect them."

Remus nodded vigorously, still looking at his shoes.

"Hmm. That is a good question. I highly doubt that would be the case. Unfortunately, as I said, I don't know much about—about werewolves. I could try to ask someone if you'd like."

Remus took a step back, head pounding harder than his heart now. "No. Um. N—no, that's okay. I appreciate it but—I d-d-don't..."

"I would be very careful," Prewett said, coming around the desk. Remus took another step back. "It isn't like I'd say I _know_ one."

"I—of course." He debated whether or not he should have asked Fawley. "It's fine. Really. I'll just b-be careful, and make sure they d-don't eat after me."

"Do you not want me to ask?"

"No. I a—appreci—ciate it, Professor, but I—I'll just... be very careful."

Prewett frowned. "All right, then. If you change your mind..."

"I'll l-let you know. Thank you." He fled from the room, nearly running into the other Marauders who had been trying to listen in. He gave them a scowl, though wasn't really annoyed at them. He figured that's what they were doing anyway. He told them he'd catch up with them later, saying he needed to talk to Pomfrey. It took a lot of begging for him to convince them not to come with him but they finally agreed, promising to meet up in the Entrance Hall.

Remus hurried to the hospital wing and basically repeated his question to Madame Pomfrey who admitted she didn't really know either. She suggested he be very careful until he found out, and he said he would.

_I guess Fawley it is_ , he thought, heading back to the entrance hall. He wasn't sure if he should tell her it was because he was considering kissing someone or not. Would that freak her out? He knew perfectly well he couldn't ever _really_ have a girlfriend. Because that would mean either lying to her about his condition... or her knowing, in which case she wouldn't want to date him because who would want to date a werewolf? _But_ Fawley would probably see him kissing Lily anyway... _if_ they kissed...

Ultimately he decided to use the same excuse, although not adding in the part about making his friends suspicious since they already knew. He framed it in a way saying he just wasn't sure how cautious he should be. Then he tore the letter up. That was stupid. He _had_ to _always_ be cautious! She'd never buy it. Especially since he could just say 'hey I'm a werewolf don't drink after me'. No. He'd have to tell the truth.

His stomach hurt as he wrote a new letter, saying how Lily was thinking about getting her first kiss over with by kissing _a friend_ (emphasizing with multiple underlines 'friend'). Since he didn't have any interest in Lily and therefore no risk of the kiss meaning more, he wanted to know if it was dangerous or okay.

The letter sounded pretty stupid, but he folded it up anyway. He thought about Arthur, and how weak he had been so he turned to James and asked if he could possibly borrow Godric, explaining he had a letter he wanted to get to Fawley and didn’t want Arthur to go on another trip so soon, plus Godric was a faster flyer than Cocoa.

"Nah, I don't mind," James said, bouncing up and down. "You do realize it’s after hours though, right?”

Remus glanced at the clock in surprise. “Oh…” His face fell. “Drat, I—I wanted to get it out tonight.”

“We can,” James said, and pulled his cloak out, waving it in a tempting manner.

Remus bit his lip. “I’m not sure…”

“Aw, come on, it’s only nine, it’s not _late_ -late!”

Remus looked at the letter. Could it wait until the next morning? He wanted an answer as soon as possible but surely it could wait another twelve hours… right?

“Ahh, I—yeah. Um, yeah,” he finally agreed, and James let out a whoop.

“Whoa, Remus breaking the rules!” Peter teased and Remus glared at him.

"Can I come too?" asked Sirius in a falsely sweet voice. "Watch Remus Lupin sneaking around after hours?"

Remus stuck his tongue out which soon disappeared as James wrapped the cloak around them both. It was only just before nine so the common room was still pretty crowded however they managed to get through it without any trouble. They went to the owlery and, after making sure nobody was around, James took the cloak off. He whistled for Godric and attached the letter for Remus.

" _Thank_ you," Remus said, and instructed the owl where to go. Godric puffed his feathers out before flying out one of the windows into the freezing cold night air.

"Are you planning on missing Tuesday's lesson or something?" James asked as he held open the cloak.

Remus stepped close to him, ducking under his arm so James could drop the cloak around them. "I had a question regarding... umm... You know," he explained as they shuffled through the corridors.

"Your furry little problem?"

"Do you _have_ to call it that?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"It sounds so... weird."

"What should I call it, then?"

" _Nothing_!"

"Fine. Is it about Blank?"

Remus elbowed him, and James laughed. They couldn't say anything else though as they were passing some older students. Once they were out of hearing, Remus whispered, "You know what I mean."

"Fine, fine. Sooorrry..."

"I just—"

"Is about your time of the month?"

" _JAMES_!"


	82. Chapter Eighty-Two - A Tiring Prank

While Remus waited for a response from Fawley, he threw himself into the multitude of pranks the others wanted to do. They got some more revenge against Mulciber and Avery on Friday morning by James distracting them, and Sirius using some of James's slippery potion on the handle of their potions spoon. Of course they partnered up together as always, and had a very difficult time holding onto the spoon. It also got a bit on their hands so they kept dropping things, including a jar of plimpy eyes which went rolling all over the place. Slughorn had them clean them up, which proved to be a _very_ difficult task as the eyes kept slipping out from their grasp. It was _hilarious_ (later Lily admitted to being unable to watch without mentally playing 'that song from Benny Hill' which Remus wasn't sure what that meant, but she assured him it made the scenario fifty times funnier and when she hummed it he did agree it sounded really funny). They were still trying to get the eyes by the time Slughorn dismissed class.

"Mr. Lupin, could you stay behind a moment?" Slughorn asked, and flicked his wand. All the plimpy eyes left over rolled into a pile which Slughorn swept into a corner. He motioned for Mulciber and Avery to leave and they did their best to put their things away. Finally they left, complaining loudly about everything that had happened.

Remus felt nervous, worried Slughorn might blame _him_ for what happened. But Slughorn gave him a big smile as he clasped his hands against his belly.

"Well now!" he exclaimed. "I wanted to see how things were going for you."

Remus stared up through his fringe, bewildered. "Um. G—good...?"

Slughorn beamed. "I'm glad to hear it. I've got a get together planned for near the end of the month and wanted to personally invite you. A Slug Club get together, of course. For the second and third years again."

Remus blinked a few times. "The... S—Slug Club?" he whispered.

"Yes! I know you didn't come to the Christmas party, but I thought perhaps a _smaller_ event might be more up your alley."

_No event is up my alley_ , he thought, annoyed. "Ahh... uh, w—well, um, thank you—er, thank you sir but I'm not—"

"Naturally Mr. Potter still has an invitation to the club... and Miss Evans is coming."

Remus wrapped his fingers around the strap of his satchel, not understanding why Slughorn was persisting with this. He had assumed once he never RSVPed for the Christmas party that would be that. Apparently not. "I'm n-not very interested in—in clubs, s-sir," he squeaked out.

Slughorn looked down his nose at him. "You're in a study club, aren't you?"

"Yes, but—"

"If your other two friends wish to come, they're welcome. If that will make you feel better."

Remus stiffened. Sirius and Peter were now invited? That didn't make any sense. They weren't ever invited to the Slug Club in the first place! They had gone to the 1971 Slug Club Christmas party but only as James and Remus's extras. "Peter and—and Sirius?" he asked, wanting to be sure. Slughorn nodded enthusiastically. Remus didn't know how to respond now. Last year... they had both wanted to go so bad... did they still want to be part of the Slug Club?

_Why is he inviting them now_? Remus was confused. Beyond confused. Did Slughorn want him part of the club _that_ bad? Why? Even if he was top in his year (minus Potions) it didn't make sense for Slughorn to be _this_ determined...

An uncomfortable shiver went down his spine. He thought before there was more to Slughorn's interest in Remus beyond his brain. Now he knew for sure because he doubted Slughorn would go this far just for someone with good grades. But what could it be? His lycanthropy? That didn't make any sense either... except, he was the first werewolf to come to the school as a werewolf. Is that why Slughorn was fascinated?

"I... I'll t-talk to them," he whispered, backing up. "Th—thank you, sir," he added, then spun around and left the room, knocking into the other Marauders just like the day before after talking to Prewett. "You've _got_ to stop trying to eavesdrop," he whispered as they went down the hall.

"What did he want?" Peter asked.

Remus chewed at his bottom lip. "Um, I'll tell you guys later," he promised, because they at least deserved to know. And if Sirius and Peter wanted _that_ bad to be part of the Slug Club he could easily bear it for them. Probably. Maybe. Kinda. With everything they did for him, he could at least do _that_.

He brought it up after Charms, on their way to the Great Hall. He repeated everything Slughorn said including the fact the invitation had been extended to Sirius and Peter too. He explained he wasn't sure _why_ Slughorn was so adamant about it. Sirius messed up Remus's hair, pointing out his grades. Remus ducked away, smoothing his hair down and grumbling that it couldn't be _just_ because of that.

"You _are_ super smart," Peter said.

"Yes... however there are loads of smart students," Remus said, jamming his hands into his pockets. "I think it's more than just that."

"Think it's ‘cause of your—" James stopped, and Remus glared.

"Don't start that again—"

"Furry little problem?" James finished and dodged Remus swatting at him, giggling.

"I don't see why it would be," Remus said, not bothering to chase his friend. "If anything that should make him _not_ want me to join."

"Well, personally I don't see the glitz and glamor of a Slug Club meeting," said Sirius with a shrug, "so I'm not interested.

"I think it might be neat," admitted Peter. "Except. I wouldn't wanna go, because I know Remus doesn't."

"I'm not going," James said.

Remus glanced at Peter. "If you want to join, I'll go."

"No. I don't want to join that bad," Peter promised, smacking Remus's back. "The Marauder club is tons better anyway. _And_ much cooler."

Sirius flung an arm across Pete's shoulders, yanking him into a headlock. "Eeeeexactly! We can have our own little get together."

"Leggo, your armpit _stinks_!" Peter shrieked, struggling to get loose.

Sirius ignored him, pushing him farther into his armpit. "The Monthly Marauder Meeting! No Slugs Allowed."

"Who'd want to invite Snivellus anyway?" James asked as Peter finally popped free, and they all laughed as Peter staggered around pretending to get sick on the floor

Remus felt a great relief and wanted to thank Peter and Sirius, though of course he didn't. He _would_ have put up with it, for them. But was _very_ glad he didn't need to!

*

The weekend turned into a very snowy one. It started Friday evening and continued snowing throughout most of Saturday morning. Once it let up, the Marauders decided it'd be a very good time to do their 'indoor ski slope'. They chose a rarely-used entrance and began hauling snow in, using their cauldrons. They considered also using a rarely used stairwell but where was the fun in that? They chose one that, while not a main staircase, was used often enough. _Plus_ there was a secret passage that led from near those stairs to near where the Marauders were bringing in the snow. So they piled the snow up in the secret passage first, Remus attempting a few spells to keep it cold. He wasn't sure if it would work or not but it seemed to help decently enough. Some of it was melting after a while but the passageway remained pretty chilly.

"How much snow do we need?" Peter grunted as they made their umpteenth trip. He tipped his cauldron over and began digging the snow out, adding it to the pile.

James slumped down against the pile, panting heavily. "More than this."

"Enough to—urf—cover a whole staircase," Sirius moaned as he hauled his cauldron up the steps.

Remus seemed to be the only one not having trouble, but he pretended to so they wouldn't suss his strength thing; he still wasn't ready to confess _that_. "In other words," he said, pretending to strain as he stumbled along with his cauldron, "a lot more."

"Whose brilliant idea was this?" Sirius demanded, folding his arms, his breath coming out in faint puffs.

James heaved himself up to his feet and gave Sirius a light shove. " _Yours_ , dummy!"

Sirius squinted at the pile of snow. "Are you sure?"

" _Yes_!" Peter and Remus chorused.

"You said it was ‘cause of the skiing thing, I 'inspired' you," Peter added.

Sirius shook his head now. "Oh. Well. It was a bloody _stupid_ idea."

" _Now_ you say that," James grumbled. "After we hauled in fifty tons of snow!"

Remus surveyed the pile. "Definitely not enough to cover the stairwell."

"Are we giving up, then?" Pete asked, collapsing back with a hopeful expression.

Sirius shrugged. "I dunno. I guess. Maybe. I don't really want to haul in anymore snow. My arms are tired. I say we wait till we get better with spells to magic the snow in, or just... you know, make snow _appear_." He eyed Remus at that, and Remus sighed, mentally adding it to his list. He technically already had 'make it snow' written down but there was a difference between making it snow and... making a load of snow just appear.

James wiped his hands off. "Right-o. We going to just leave the snow in here?"

" _I'm_ not going to move it," said Sirius in a haughty tone.

Peter wriggled a bit and spread his arms out. "We could have a snowball fight in here."

" _Orrr_!" James's eyes lit up. "We could just make a big snowman, put'em in the hall. Just... a random snowman. In the halls."

Sirius snickered. "Let's do that."

They began working on the different sections of the snowman. Sirius and James worked together on the bottom, Peter worked on the middle, and they elected Remus to make the head since he was so small and 'probably the most tired'. Remus didn't argue.

Once they had the sections made, James peered out into the hallway. They had to wait a few minutes before some kids walked off then they began rolling the sections out—except for Remus who carried the head. They opted to go to an even more populated corridor (and had to wait another moment) where they began building the snowman as quickly as they could. Remus poked it with his wand several times, putting the cooling spells on it to try to keep intact as long as possible.

They didn't have much time to finish since soon they heard voices. They didn't even really have time to make arms or anything. James plucked his hat off his head and plopped it onto the snowman, and Peter reached up using his finger to carve eyes and a smile. Then they bolted down the corridor, away from the scene of the 'crime'.

It was stupid... but a lot of fun. The Marauders laughed all the way to the dorms until they realized they left all four of their cauldrons back on the ground floor passage, and had to backtrack allll the way down to retrieve them.

*

The cooling spells apparently lasted quite a long time, as it was still there when the Marauders went to supper. They purposely took a route that took them past it. It was... rather melted with a large puddle all over the stone, but still obviously a snowman.

"You going to get your hat back?" Pete whispered as they passed by it.

James shrugged. "Nah, I've got others, I don't care."

Remus tried not to roll his eyes, and bit back a comment. They went into the Great Hall where several students were discussing the snowman, wondering who had put it there. Also wondering why the teachers hadn't done anything. Remus wondered the same thing, a bit surprised it hadn't been taken down... but of course he couldn't exactly _ask_ without making them suspicious. Would they get in trouble for building a big snowman in the school? There wasn't really a _rule_ against it so... technically they shouldn't. Unless it fell under the 'no making messes' which... it probably did, considering the amount of water that would spread upon melting.

That night they stayed up quite late, and Remus relented to sneaking out of the tower for a very fun prank. Once the last student disappeared to their dorms at one-forty, James fetched his cloak and the four huddled up underneath. There was getting less room now and Remus figured that the end of their third year would probably mark the end of the four of them being able to be completely invisible, depending on how much taller Sirius got. At least they were able to now, even with the cauldrons James and Sirius carried.

They went down to the ground floor, to an unused room near a hidden corridor that led to the dungeons. James unlocked the window and he and Sirius hopped out. They spent ages hauling snow into the classroom, being on the listen-out for anyone who might come by. At one point Remus waved wildly and they shut the window. James and Sirius were out in the snow while Remus and Peter hid under the desk, huddled together with the cloak wrapped tightly around them. Peeves came flying past in the hallway but didn't come into the room. Once Remus couldn't hear him cackling anymore, they resumed their work.

After getting enough snow in the room they began making the parts of the snowman. Remus had been practicing the cooling spell all evening and he was _fairly_ certain the snowman would last the rest of the night.

Hopefully.

The Marauders took the parts to the hidden corridor. First James and Sirius with the bottom piece under the cloak, then they came back to take the middle, then all four went with the head. They followed this routine at the other end of the hidden passage to a nook, and then from the nook to in front of the Slytherin common room. They put the snowman together right in front of the door with sticking spells (including sticking the bottom sphere to the stone) and wrapped a Slytherin scarf around its neck. They placed buttons to form eyes and a frowny face.

It was nearly dawn by the time they collapsed in their beds, exhausted but _very_ entertained.

*

Remus hadn't spent any of Saturday studying, and he had _loads_ of homework to do so he brought some books and parchment with him to James's practice. James, Sirius, and Peter were all complaining of being super tired and _very_ sore. Remus was utterly be _yond_ exhausted—the full moon would be soon—but thankfully not at all sore. He perched in the bleachers with a book open in front of him, scribbling notes down, ignoring Sirius and Peter whining about their muscles. James didn't do so well in practice to the point of Bell even mentioning something to him.

"Is something wrong?" she asked after practice ended.

James stretched his arms out. "I'm _heartbroken_ over the whole love letter I got the other day! I haven't been able to eat or sleep, all I think about is that _poor_ girl, and how I destroyed her heart!" He flung his arm up to his forehead and staggered back. "What do _you_ think, Kirke? You think I hurt her?"

Kirke opened and closed his mouth a few times, and went brilliantly red. James kept his arm up to his forehead, but was grinning underneath. Glaring, Kirke stormed off without another word.

Bell gave James a suspicious look, and James smiled his Potter smile. "I think I'm feeling better now."

"Potter—"

"See ya!" He raced over to the other Marauders, all of them snickering.

As they were crossing the grounds, an owl swooped down, beating its wings as it looked at the four of them. It studied Remus for a second before dropping the letter on him and flying off. Remus tried to catch it but it slid out of his grasp, fluttering to the ground. He quickly picked it up, brushing the snow off. He recognized Fawley's handwriting right away.

"Speaking of love letters," James teased.

Remus tucked it into his pocket and elbowed James. "It's from _Fawley_."

He wanted to look at it but didn't dare in front of the others because they might see it (possibly try to catch a glimpse of it on purpose) and he couldn't ever let them see _anything_ about kissing. No, he'd have to wait. Which he did very impatiently until well after lunchtime (where everyone was discussing the Slytherin snowman) when he was able to break away from the Marauders. He gathered up all his school stuff and went to the library. There he sat in one of the aisles that stuck out from a wall, in one of the benches there for absolute privacy.

_Dear Remus,_

_I apologize for taking so long in getting back to you regarding your question. I wasn't sure of the answer so I asked my friend (Ant) who informed me that there is no possible way for you to pass anything regarding your condition to someone under those circumstances. I do urge you to be cautious, however. Your condition makes it very risky to be in a relationship. The Marauders remaining your friends is a wonderful thing however that is extremely uncommon. Please, please, please be careful if you choose to get close to a girl. I don't want you hurt. Or your secret to be discovered. Just.. proceed with extreme awareness and think_ _very carefully_ _before making any decisions involving kissing._

_M. Fawley_

Remus read and reread it multiple times until he memorized every last detail. Only then did he tear the letter up and—after glancing around nervously— set it on fire. He quickly put the fire out and brushed the ashes into his pockets. Then he propped his chin on his hand and began tapping a quill against parchment, thinking about her words. Kissing someone... was not dangerous. His saliva as a human was not dangerous. This was good to know. He didn't have to worry about the Marauders accidentally eating something he had taken a bite of. Plus he could kiss—

_Lily_ , he thought quickly before any other possibility dared enter his mind. _I can kiss Lily, and we can have our first kiss together, and then maybe I'll finally like girls_.

He wondered if he'd end up liking Lily. He hoped not. He—well, he liked her dearly, and couldn't imagine _not_ being friends. But that was it... they were friends. Very close friends. He didn't want anything like that with her. What if they kissed and suddenly she _did_? What would he do? Or say? What if telling her no hurt her? Or ruined their friendship?

He began tapping at the parchment faster and faster, foot jiggling with nerves. He didn't want to ruin anything. Though she was the one who mentioned kissing—weeks ago, over Christmas, but _still_. The bigger question was would he be able to broach the subject? Oh... what if she already kissed someone else? Like Snape?

Remus wrinkled his nose up, gagging a bit at _that_ thought. _Ew, ew, and quadruple ew._ He looked down at the parchment and saw multiple holes where the quill had punctured through. He sighed, wadding the paper up and throwing it into a little rubbish bin nearly. It sailed past, skittering across the floor.

_Bloody hell_ , he thought angrily, swinging his legs around to go after it. As he bent down to pick it up he saw one of the tables—or rather, underneath. A figure was sitting there, arms wrapped around their legs. He could hear faint sniffling; a sound he had heard moments before but hadn't thought much about it.

Then he realized who it was.

"Macd—donald?"

She jerked her chin up in surprise, a flush creeping across her cheeks. She made a guttural sort of sound then looked around as if expecting the other Marauders to be there.

"It's j-just me," Remus whispered.

She crawled out from under the table and straightened up, brushing off her trousers. "I dropped something," she said.

"Oh," he said, throwing the crumpled parchment away. He could see the red-rimmed eyes, and streaked cheeks. "I d-d-drop stuff under the library tables a lot like that."

Macdonald shifted at those words, rubbing the back of her neck. "You do?"

"Mmhmm." He tugged at his sleeves, unsure whether to ask her what was wrong or not. "Is... are... are you o—okay?"

She sighed, blowing some of her hair from her face. "Some Slytherins were teasing me."

"Oh. S-some of them can be... rude."

"Cuz I'm Mudblood," she said, and Remus flinched at the word. Macdonald narrowed her eyes at his reaction. "I know it's a bad word. Lily... told me a lot about that stuff. How people see us." She wiped her nose off on her sleeve then let her hands drop down. "I _know_ people are like that... but..."

Slowly she looked up, seemingly expecting him to say something, but what? He had no bloody clue what else to say, or how to really comfort her. "Er..." He tried to think what he told Lily the previous year, or what he might say to one of the Marauders. Except it wasn't them, it was Macdonald, and sure he talked to her very occasionally but he hardly knew her. They only ever really talked about _school_.

"It's awful," she said after a very uncomfortable stretch of silence.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Those p-people are d-dumb and—and you sh-shouldn't listen to th-their... err... dumbness..."

"Yeah," she mumbled, and he wondered if she expected him to say anything more.

He had no idea how to proceed, and was tempted to retreat to his seat near the wall except he knew that'd be pretty rude. Part of him wished he hadn't said her name, hadn't accidentally drawn her into a conversation that seemed almost foreign to him. It was kinda like there were things he _should_ be saying, he just didn't know what. The old, familiar feeling of being on the outside looking in on a scene he had to pretend to be part of came welling back up inside of him.

"If—if th-they keep bothering you m-maybe you should go to McGonagall?" he suggested.

Macdonald rolled her eyes. "Do _you_ go to a teacher when you're bullied?"

"T... touche."

More uncomfortable silence. Macdonald coughed and then pushed her hair back, eyes darting towards another aisle. "I'm sorry for bothering you—"

"N—no, I—"

"—thanks though—"

"—ahhh okay. Um, yeah," he mumbled. "If you, uh, n-need anything..."

She finally gave a small smile. "Yeah. Thanks," she said before heading off, probably to find somewhere else to cry where an inept idiot wouldn't bother her.

Remus retreated to his seat by the wall and made himself as small as possible, cheeks burning with how _awkward_ that had been. He had _meant_ to be nice, but it just turned into a big embarrassing mess! Hopefully Macdonald didn't tell Lily. Or laugh about him, or go around reinforcing the whole Loopy Lupin thing.

Remus dropped his head down against the table and groaned, wishing once more he was better at being human.


	83. Chapter Eighty-Three - Maybe A Slight Overreaction

Monday morning Remus woke up feeling... exhausted. There were still a couple days till the full moon however, he felt it dragging at him already; of course some of the trouble was due to the fact he hadn't slept well. He had spent most of the night tossing and turning, trying to decide if he should talk to Lily or not. He ultimately decided to bring up the letter and ask her if she still wanted to... do that.

_If_ he wanted to kiss. Which he wasn't completely sure if he did.

Remus was still on the fence when he slid over, sitting on the edge of his bed, and saw Sirius standing there. He was in front of the full length mirror, carefully tying his tie and running his fingers through his hair looking absolutely...

_Absolutely_ _nothing_ , Remus thought, getting out of bed. _And I will talk to her_.

Easier said than done. Remus didn't dare talk to her during breakfast or even ask to talk to her privately, and then they had Potions which was incredibly awkward for Remus. He felt Slughorn's new invitation weighing him down. Part of him wanted to go ahead and tell Professor Slughorn that day that he didn't want to be part of the Slug Club, but with the turmoil over Lily he couldn't bring himself to face him.

After Potions Remus walked with Lily to Charms, but was unable to get the nerve to ask. He sat with the Marauders at lunch. After lunch came a free period, which would have been a perfect opportunity but when he walked towards Lily with the intention to ask her if they could chat privately somewhere, his stomach dropped to his feet and he kept walking right out of the Great Hall.

_Some Gryffindor_ , he thought miserably, spending the free period with the Marauders practicing some prank-related spells. Remus didn't really need to practice, so instead he worked on his timer spells. He pointed at a feather. "Moratempium," he said and the feather glowed red for a second. "Wingardium leviosa!" The feather floated up. Remus made a face. "Finite incantatum. Moratempium. Wingardium leviosa!" The time the feather shivered and stayed put for a full second then began floating up. " _Yes_!" he hissed out, and tried again.

Three seconds. Then four. Then six. Remus was sweating bullets by the time they had to go to History and felt even more exhausted than before, but was very proud of himself.

*

After Transfiguration (which _wiped_ Remus due to how he felt plus all the effort he had done with the timer spell) he decided he had to confront Lily. Now or never. He... sorta preferred never... but knew it needed to be now. He had to force himself. Not to mention there was always the chance she had changed her mind and didn't want to kiss.

"The letter over Christmas?" Lily asked when Remus _finally_ managed to bring the subject up as they walked through the halls together. She stared at him in confusion for a few seconds before realization filled her face... followed shortly by embarrassment. "Oh _that_! Hah! No, I didn't—that was just—I wasn't _really_ meaning it, honestly, I shouldn't have _ever_ sent it."

"Ah," he replied, hugging his satchel to his chest.

Lily glanced askew at him. "Why?"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you want to know? About the letter?"

Now Remus's face flushed. "It just... m-makes sense, you know?"

"What?" Lily turned to fully look at him.

Remus stopped and faced her too. "W—with a f-friend," he stammered out, not daring to say the K word.

Lily tucked some hair behind her ear. "You mean...?"

"Umm, well it—I don't know."

"Are you meaning what I think you're meaning?"

He scuffed at the floor, hating dancing around the word but not able to say it. He thought he'd die if he said it to her. To anyone. Writing it to Fawley was bad enough! _If it's this bad just saying the word kiss, how can I perform the act_?!

"What you s—suggested in your letter," he said, glancing up through his fringe into her eyes.

Lily focused on him. "You mean, kissing?" He knew he probably turned beet red at that, and he couldn't reply. Instead he just nodded. "You want to kiss?"

"I—I—I w-w-want to—to get it over with," he said quickly, stumbling over his words. "I've b-been thinking about what you said abou-bout it. It m-makes sense, to—to try with a friend. But if you don't—"

"Yes," she said and his eyes widened. "I mean, if _you_ want..."

"Y... yes," he whispered.

Lily shifted from foot to foot, chewing at her inside cheek, rubbing her elbow. "My mum told me I shouldn't have my first kiss until I'm older. And have a boyfriend. Of several months at the _least_. It needs to be _special_."

"Oh."

"But—you know, I—I stand by what I said. Whatever a first kiss is, having it with a friend is special enough, right?"

Remus shrugged, tugging at his sleeve. "I d-d-don't know anything about—about kissing. 'Cept what I've r-read in books."

"I saw Petunia kissing someone," Lily said with a slight giggle. "Over the Christmas holidays. She was late coming from a Christmas party and I saw out my window. It was quite passionate."

Remus's face went white now. Did Lily expect a _passionate_ kiss?!

"She had her arms around him. They were practically snogging."

He couldn't help but wrinkle up his nose at that, recalling the snogging he had overheard in the common room ages ago. "Sounds gross," he said.

"I think so too. I mean, kissing like _that_. But one kiss—on the lips—might not be bad. You... did mean on the lips, right? Because I've kissed your cheek—"

"Um, y—yeah," he forced out and quickly pulled his satchel onto his shoulder so he could wipe his sweaty hands off on his trousers. He was feeling dizzy all of the sudden, and terrified. Actually, what he wanted to do was run. Run far away from all of this and bury himself under his bed.

Or in a hole in the ground, whatever worked.

Except, he _needed_ to start liking girls. He couldn't just wait for it to happen! Maybe a kiss _wouldn't_ magically unlock his feelings, but it _might_ , right?

"Right now?" Lily asked.

Remus jerked back, head swiveling as he looked around the corridor. There wasn't anyone else around but it was a public hall and someone could walk down any moment. "Ah—"

"I didn't mean here," she laughed. "I meant somewhere _else_. But, right now?"

His stomach was shriveling up into something the size of a pea. He could feel bile rising, and his chest began aching. Everything was starting to go blurry and slightly black around the edges. He felt as though he were being squeezed, and also, somehow, that his skin was too tight and he might burst out of it any second. It was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe.

"L—l—lll—la—late—t-t—"

" _Remus_?!" Lily gasped, grabbing his arm.

The touch made him think he might die. Disintegrate into a pile of agony. Or scream. He felt as though he might scream, too; or cry, or throw up, or laugh. He was overwhelmed by all these sudden feelings, and he could not deal with them at all.

" _Later_ ," he managed to wheeze out, wrapping an arm across his stomach. "P—Pomfrey now."

"What? Rem—"

He turned and fled from her as fast as he could, ignoring her shouts. His feet pounded the stone until he tripped, slamming face first into a wall, and, after a burst of starry pain, everything went black.

*

"... know what happened but I've sent someone for Pomfrey..."

Remus stirred a bit, Lily's voice penetrating the darkness.

"Is he waking up?" asked an unfamiliar voice.

"Remus?"

He opened his eyes and saw Lily's blurry face hovering over him, very similar to what happened at James's game; only this time the only other person there was an older student he didn't recognize—a tall black boy in a Ravenclaw uniform.

"Lily?"

"Oh _Remus_ , you're all right!" Lily crouched down, squeezing his hand. "I came after you and you were laying there bleeding...! I sent a kid to go get Pomfrey but she hasn't shown up yet. I was scared to move you."

"Are you feeling all right?" the Ravenclaw asked, his deep voice soothing to Remus. Despite his eyes being rather intense he had a very comforting smile.

"I... don't know..."

"What happened? Did someone hex you?"

That's when Remus saw the prefect badge pinned on his robes. "No... r-ran into—into w-wall..."

"Oh, not _again_!" Lily sighed, shaking her head. "He's rather clumsy."

The prefect nodded, crouching down on Remus's other side. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Th—three..."

"That's a good sign. Lumos." His wand lit up and he bent in, the light shining into Remus's eyes. "His pupils are dilating properly."

"Are you going to become a healer?" Lily asked.

The Ravenclaw smiled. "No. I intend to become an Auror, actually, but we need to have some medical knowledge."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"I am in no place to judge that, but I think he should—"

There were hurried footsteps. "Miss Evans? Mr. Lupin?" he heard Pomfrey say and then, "Mr. Shacklebolt?" The Ravenclaw rose up as Pomfrey approached Remus who was slowly sitting up. "No, Mr. Lupin, stay laying down."

"I—I'm fine—"

Pomfrey gave him a _look_ , and then summoned a stretcher. "Mr. Shacklebolt, would you please help me?"

"I'm f-f-fine!" Remus protested as Shacklebolt carefully held Remus by the shoulders. Pomfrey took his legs, and they slid him onto the stretcher. He realized then it was all for show, and relented to being on the stretcher. Pomfrey flicked her wand and the stretcher floated into the air.

"Do you need me to help you get him to the hospital wing?" Shacklebolt inquired.

"That would be nice, thank you," Pomfrey agreed.

"I can come too, right?" Lily asked. Pomfrey nodded before putting a camouflage spell up around them, so other students wouldn't be able to see them and be too nosy.

In the hospital wing she and Shacklebolt got Remus onto one of the beds, and Pomfrey thanked the Ravenclaw for all his help. Shacklebolt promised it wasn't any big deal, then, as he turned to leave, he told Remus he hoped he'd make a swift recovery.

"Miss Evans, could you give us a bit of privacy for a moment?" Pomfrey asked.

"Oh, yes, of course."

Lily waited across the room while Pomfrey shut the curtains. She wanted to know what happened, and Remus replied he had been telling the truth. She seemed confused then he realized he had told Shacklebolt, not her, so he explained again he had tripped and knocked his head into the wall. Pomfrey did a few diagnostic spells but of course he was fine, his lycanthropy had healed him, probably before she even arrived at the scene.

Pomfrey opened the curtains. "He'll be fine," she told Lily who jumped up and ran back over. "I've given him potions, and he's already mending."

"He doesn't have a concussion?" Lily asked.

"No, he didn't, so he'll be able to leave soon," Pomfrey said, getting a damp cloth to clean the blood off his face. "Probably in a little bit, half an hour or so."

Remus made a face, wanting to leave _now_ but knowing he had to keep up the pretense. At least Lily stayed with him, so he wasn't too bored, although she seemed to blame herself for what happened. He promised it wasn't her fault at all, he had sorta panicked. Lily's face softened, and she apologized for ever mentioning anything in her letter.

"It's fine," he said as she held his hand tightly. "Honest. I—I d-do. I just... I g-guess I need to... mentally prepare myself."

"I don't think it'll be that bad," she teased. "'Unless I'm a horrible kisser."

He smiled up at her. "If either of us is, it'll probably be me."

She shook her head. "I'm sure you'll be fine." She toyed with his hand, interlacing her fingers with his, unlacing, and weaving them together in another way. "Is it dumb? To be so preoccupied with this?"

"I dunno." Was it? Should he not even be worrying about having a first kiss yet? He'd be thirteen in less than two months. Course, Sirius didn't get _his_ first kiss until nearly two months after his thirteenth birthday. He wondered when his parents got their first kisses... he knew his father was around his age when he started noticing girls. _Ugh_ , Remus thought, cringing at the memory of The Talk.

Lily gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "Right now, you're the only one I'd feel comfortable having one with. But if you don't want to, or change your mind... that's fine, okay?"

"Yeah, s—same," he agreed, then frowned. "You... d-don't want... it to be with... er, Snape?"

Lily lowered her gaze, staring at their hands. "I dunno, he's been kinda weird lately."

"Weird?"

"It's nothing," she said quickly, putting a smile back on her face. "I think sometimes he gets in these moods where it's hard for him to be seen with a Gryffindor."

"I'm sorry he gets like that," Remus replied, and Lily shrugged, obviously hurting over it but pretending not to.

Her fingers slid out of his, and then she wrapped her hand around his in another way. He was glad he was okay with touch right now, because it felt really nice and comforting to have someone play with his hand like this. Even if she'd be horrified and disgusted if she ever knew that hand turned into a murderous wolf paw... at least he could pretend everything was fine. He wondered if any of the Marauders would do something like this, then wanted to laugh. He doubted they would. It was probably too... weird for them unfortunately. He knew if anyone could see them they'd look at their hands and assume they were a couple. It seemed to be a couple sort of thing to do, but there was nothing romantically intimate about it. It was just hands.

His father's voice drifted into his head, from _that talk_. About holding hands with a girl. It was so ridiculous. He kinda wished he could hold one of his others friends' hands like this. James, or Peter. Or... Sirius... though that might be _too_ awful for everything he was trying to shove back.

The thought of holding Sirius's hand definitely felt very different than the thought of holding James's hand, or Peter's hand; or even actually physically holding Lily's hand.

They held hands until Pomfrey came back to do another show of diagnostic spells before lecturing him on the importance of paying attention. Finally, though, she let him go and he and Lily headed to supper since it was a good fifteen minutes underway. They parted once through the doors, her going to her girl friends and him going to his guy ones.

"Where were you?" James asked.

"Is that _blood_?" Sirius demanded before Remus could respond.

He glanced down. Pomfrey had done some spells to get most of the blood out of his uniform but there were still some spots. "Er, I fell."

"Fell?" Peter echoed. "Not attacked?"

"No! No, I—I tripped and smacked into a wall," he explained, getting food onto his plate. "I had to go to the hospital wing since Lily was with me, and Pomfrey made me stay there for a bit. For show," he added as a quiet explanation.

Sirius's eyes bored holes into Remus. "But you're okay?"

"Embarrassed, but okay," he promised.

James smacked his back. "You need to pay attention to where you're going, Brains."

That unleashed a flood of teasing which Remus accepted with good nature. He ribbed back, threatening to take James's glasses so he wouldn't be the only one running into things. James gave him the two finger salute then Sirius reached over taking the glasses. James yelped and made a grab for them. Sirius laughed and tried to dive out of reach but instead he wound up flailing and fell off the bench. He held his arm out straight ahead so the glasses didn't hit the floor.

"That's what you _get_!" James crowed, swiping the glasses and putting them back on.

Sirius lay laughing on the floor, ignoring the looks everyone was giving him. "I shouldn't have done that," he admitted, and James helped him up off the floor. They gave each other elbow nudges to show they weren't annoyed, and returned to their dinners.

*

Tuesday morning Remus wasn't the last one to get out of bed, which was extremely unusual. Instead, Peter remained in bed while everyone else got ready. As the clock ticked forward the Marauders grew worried until Sirius couldn’t take it anymore and went to shake him awake. But he was already awake, he just lay curled up in bed.

"Don't feel too good," he whined.

"You need to go to Pomfrey?" James asked.

Peter mumbled incoherently then wriggled out of bed. "No, I think I'll be okay. Just some cramps or something."

Remus frowned, watching him as he shuffled around. The hairs on the back of his neck were raised as he sensed something was wrong. "Are you... sure?" Peter blinked at Remus and slowly nodded. "Okay..." Remus kept fumbling with the knot of the tie then gave up, knowing he'd be getting a few points removed for it not being tidy but not really caring.

"Here," Sirius said, and began tying the tie. Remus swallowed, keeping his eyes down so he wouldn't have to look up into Sirius's face. Once the tie was done, Sirius gave it a pat. Remus mumbled a thanks, tucking the tie into his jumper and hoping he wasn't red.

Throughout the morning Peter kept putting a hand to his stomach, occasionally complaining of the cramps. He didn't eat much for breakfast, nor lunch. He finally agreed to go to Pomfrey after Defense if he still felt bad however half an hour later as they walked to class Pete said he was starting to feel better.

"S'probably just gas," Pete said.

"Let her loose!" James laughed, and the others snickered. Then James perked up. "You know what would be fun...?"

Remus knew exactly what he wanted, and sighed. "I'll look into it," he promised as James went on to talk about finding a potion or a spell to give someone gas. As they got settled at their desks Remus got his notebook out to add to research, figuring it wouldn't be too difficult; he recalled some spells that might work from when he tried to find a spell that could mimic the sound of someone farting. He shut the book, putting it back in his bag, then steeled himself for another hour and a half of trying to ignore how _good_ Prewett looked and how wobbly he got when Prewett spoke.

*

Remus wasn't sure how Occlumency would go and he _hoped_ Fawley wouldn't ask about the letter. At first she didn't, however one of the first memories they went into was the discussion he and Lily had, and then him panicking and running into a wall. It looked even worse from third person than it had experiencing it firsthand.

They left the memory and Fawley's lips pressed thin. He thought she was angry until he noticed her shoulders shaking.

"M... Miss Fawley...?"

"I'm s—sorry!" She covered her mouth. "Are you okay? I know you've long since healed up but it seemed very painful."

Remus rubbed his forehead where he had made contact with the wall. "It hurt for a second but I pretty much blacked out..."

Fawley took in a deep breath, managing to at least not laugh outright. "I was going to bring this up later in the evening... the letter you sent. The advice you needed."

"I d-d-don't have feelings for Lily, if that's what you're worried about," Remus stammered out.

Fawley gave him a strange look. "I believe you, Remus."

"You... do?"

"Yes. I'm well aware that your friendship with her is just that. I've seen plenty of memories of you making it clear to the other Marauders that's all it is. I'm just... concerned that kissing her might change things."

_That's the point_ , he thought bitterly, tugging at his sleeve. "Not between us," he reassured her.

"I don't know Miss Evans very well, except what I've seen through you, however what I'm about to say goes for both of you. You don't need to rush anything. You're both only twelve—well, I know you'll be thirteen soon—and you both have _plenty_ of time ahead of you. That being said... I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with having your first kiss be with just a friend, if it _is_ something you want to just get out of the way. But... there's also really nothing wrong waiting until you get someone special in your life."

Remus squirmed in his seat. "I won't, though," he whispered.

"What?"

"I—I won't. Get someone special. I—I know I can't. Because of what I am. Cause it means either lying to a girl which sounds really wrong, or else her knowing, and nobody would want to date me," he said, the words tumbling out rather quickly. Words he felt strange admitting out loud... yet ones he wanted to say.

One he sorta wanted her to dismiss but knew she wouldn't.

"That is a very good, mature view of looking at things," Fawley said. "As I said in my letter, this is something you need to be cautious about. Dating is... next to impossible for werewolves. Very few people would willingly get into a relationship with one. And it isn't something you can exactly disclose on a first date, as it needs to be kept absolutely secret."

"I... w-won't be able to date," he said, a floaty sort of ache drifting inside of his chest.

"It would not be very safe," she agreed.

Even though he knew this to be true it still hurt hearing it spoken out loud by someone not him. Maybe all this determination to like girls was just a moot point. Nothing could _come_ of it. But... he still wanted to be as normal as a werewolf boy could be, and that meant liking girls.

"Then... it might be a g-good thing," he said slowly after several seconds of silence. "Um, k—kissing her, I mean. It's not something... I could ever really do. With someone who likes me like _that_."

Fawley sighed. "It's your decision, Remus. If you are absolutely certain nothing will come of it, and you both feel you want to just get your first kiss over with then by all means go for it."

The rest of the evening went decently. He managed the paper towel barrier pretty much every time, even as his head started hurting. He hadn't really managed to ever keep it up the _entire_ time, and he left feeling a mixture of being proud of himself, and anxious over the whole kissing thing.


	84. Chapter Eighty-Four - "I'm Dying!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some body horror/gore in this chapter, also brief discussion of medical issues

Having the full moon starting on a Wednesday wasn't as much as a sleep-in opportunity as Saturday or Sunday, but at least Remus didn't need to wake up _right_ away. He woke up at around eight-thirty then drifted back into sleep only to be awoken a little over an hour later. He heard his friends getting ready and debated getting out of bed, getting ready. Class didn't start till eleven. He could just skip breakfast and eat lunch...

"Remus?" James called.

"I'll be down for class," Remus yawned. His curtains were pulled back and he squinted at the light, putting his arm over his eyes. " _Noo_!" he whined.

"You okay?" James asked, bending over Remus.

"I'll be down for class," he said again. "I'll eat lunch."

"You look _awful_ ," Peter said, peering around James's shoulder.

Sirius finally spoke up. " _Oh_ , right, it's..."

"Uh-huh," Remus mumbled.

"Already?" James asked, sounding surprised.

"Mmhmm." Remus buried his head under his pillow.

"Right. Er—sorry, see you in class..."

"Yeah, I'll be down for class."

The curtains shut, and he heard them leave. It didn't take long for him to fall back into sleep... and sleep... and sleep...

Until he was awoken again. This time it was Sirius standing over him, shaking him. " _Remus_!" he hissed.

"I _said_ I'll see you in class!" Remus complained, swatting at Sirius's hands.

"You mean Charms? Which is _over_?"

Remus bolted upright, nearly banging his head into Sirius's face. " _What_!? No, it's only—" He looked over at the clock and saw with horror it was twelve pm. "What?!" He grabbed his clock and checked the alarm. It was working? "Oh, oh blast it, I must have been in really deep sleep, I—I missed class?!"

"Yeah," Sirius said, sitting down next to him. "There's nothing wrong with—"

"Nothing _wrong_!?" Remus screeched causing Sirius to flinch. "No! No, you—you d-don't understand! I can't miss class! I _can't_!" He scrambled out of bed, as if getting dressed quickly would magically turn the clock back an hour. "I can't."

"Remus—"

He yanked his uniform out of the wardrobe and the fabric slid from his shaky fingers. "I c-can't—"

" _Remus_!" Sirius came over, picking up the clothes. "Calm down. It's okay."

Remus shook his head, feeling sick, feeling dread consuming him. "It's not. I'm already missing so many classes I _can't_ miss more!"

"You look really bad today..."

"So?" Remus glanced towards the mirror and now it was his turn to flinch. He looked _really_ bad. As bad as he had back in September when his health sparked the fight with James. He reached up, pushing back some of his limp hair.

Sirius took his shoulders, turning him back to face him. "Maybe you should skip History too," he suggested softly. "You're going to have to miss Transfiguration, right?" Remus slowly nodded. "Then skip History. Just, go wherever you go and get some more sleep?"

"I can't..."

"History—if there's any class you _can_ skip without missing anything it's History," Sirius pointed out, his grip softening. "You obviously need the sleep."

"I can't let it take over," Remus whispered, taking his clothes back from Sirius. "I can't let it win."

"Let... it win? Let what win?"

He looked around even though he knew Spinnet and Struthers weren't around. "The curse." He twisted his jumper in his hands, fingers digging into the wool. "Missing classes like this is... allowing it to... win."

Sirius gave him a rather worried look. "I—I don't think it works like that, mate."

"It's how I _feel_."

"Is that why you come to class after the moon, when you should still be healing up?"

Remus scowled at that and then turned away. "I'll see you at lunch. Thank you for waking me up."

"Remus—"

But he was leaving the dorm, heading into the bathroom to get ready. He brushed his teeth, staring miserably at his reflection; at the dark smudges under his eyes that made him look like someone punched him. Exhaustion tugged at every fiber of his being, every last bit of _bone_ , and he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. And Sirius was right. History was an easy class to miss. As long as he knew which pages Binns read from he'd be good to go.

Remus spat the potion out in the sink and rinsed his mouth out. Not going to class on _purpose_... well, he had skipped History before... plus he missed Charms, and he'd be unable to go to Transfiguration anyway.

Then he realized how _stupid_ he was being. He couldn't go to History anyway! The sun set shortly after four, which meant he needed to be there by two, two-thirty. History _started_ at two.

He returned to his dorm, nearly running into Sirius who was still there.

"Si—"

Sirius grabbed his arms. "Okay, Remus, listen."

"But—"

" _Listen_! I think you should skip class, to get some extra rest."

"Siri—"

"I know you don't want to but—but you need to think about your health!"

"Siri—"

"I know you heal howevermmph!"

Remus put his hand against Sirius's mouth to shut him up. "I have to skip class anyway," he said, a shiver going through his body at the feel of Sirius's lips against his hand. More than a shiver... a buzzy sort of thrilled feeling that electrified him in ways he absolutely should not be feeling, practically taking his breath away. He quickly yanked his hand away, and wiped it off on his trousers before going over to get some casual clothes.

For some reason he thought of the conversation with Fawley, about not being able to date anyone and how awful that felt. Although he really had zero interest in dating at the moment, it was more of the fact it was yet another thing separating him from everyone else. But still, why randomly think about that at _this_ moment?

"You do?"

"Sunset is at four. I have to leave by two. I wasn't even thinking. I kept thinking it's at four so I'll miss Transfiguration, but I have to leave so early I'll miss History too." This time he slipped behind his curtains to change, yanking on jeans and a baggy jumper. "Could you tell the others—I mean, Lily and them—that I got a note saying my mother's very ill?"

"You don't want us to visit you?"

Remus froze in the middle of buttoning his jeans. He hadn't thought of that. "Er. I mean, I—I'd like it if you could but... I can't use my own illness as an excuse so often." He finished buttoning them and then slid out of bed to search for his trainers. "I can't raise suspicion."

Sirius watched him bustle around, arms folded. "Yeah," he agreed, sounding sad. "Maybe we can sneak in under the cloak."

Remus shoved some pajamas in his satchel before remembering he wouldn't be staying during the day. "That could be dangerous," he pointed out then opened up one of his drawers, pulling out Peter's blanket and Sirius's box. He folded the blanket up and managed to squash it into the box, and put the box in his bag; he also slipped in one of his old paperbacks that he wouldn't be _too_ heartbroken if it got torn up.

"So, we don't get to see you till Saturday?" Sirius asked.

Remus shouldered his bag and turned, looking up at Sirius. "I'm sorry, but... I _have_ to vary my excuses about being missing." He pushed his hair back, wishing it could be different.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, I get that. Maybe we'll try anyway."

"No... if—if you get caught then they'd know you know I'm in there," he said.

"Fine. Yeah. Saturday, then." Sirius sounded absolutely miserable now, and began kicking at the ground. "I'll let Evans know."

They stared at each other for a few seconds then Remus ducked his head. "See you Saturday. Least I'll be back for Pete's birthday."

Sirius reached out, tousling Remus's hair. "Yes, we're definitely going to have a big birthday celebration for him."

Remus smiled and then left, hurrying down through the nearly empty common room—everyone was at lunch—and out into the halls. He took back routes to the hospital wing, but Pomfrey wasn't there. James's cousin—Professor Shafiq—was and Remus muttered he needed to talk to Pomfrey. Shafiq told him she'd be back later, and asked if there was anything she could help with. Remus shook his head and took a seat, waiting with apprehension. Shafiq continued about her work, casting curious glances at Remus as she did so.

Finally, though, Pomfrey showed up. She sent Shafiq out to do something then put a cloak over Remus to help disguise him as they made their way out of the school. After Pomfrey took him all the way to the house he informed her he had told his friends his mother was ill. She nodded, promising she'd back the claim if any of his friends showed up. Remus didn't think they would. Hoped they wouldn't.

She left him alone and he went upstairs, putting his bag on the ground and kicking his shoes off. He flopped into the bed which gave a rather ominous creaking sound. It was _already_ falling apart. Ugh.

He wanted to read, however sleep soon pulled him in. Thankfully, though, he woke up before sunset. He stripped off, putting all his clothes in the battered wardrobe, then opened his satchel to get Peter's blanket out. It was very soft and so comfy. Remus wrapped it around himself then took his book and Sirius's box down to the living room. He folded part of the blanket over his lap and set the box there, opening the book above it. It was a little weird to read this way but not too uncomfortable. The only thing was he wasn't sure how things would go... of course, he wasn't sure if he'd be transforming or not; he knew the weather report called for snow.

Sunset came and he remained a boy. He shifted around and curled up more on the couch, wrapping the blanket tighter around him. It didn't keep all of the chill out, however it kept him at least decently warm.

After a little while he put the book in the box and shut it. He had already fixed it with the password, and it wouldn't open unless he spoke the password. Hopefully he couldn't get into it as a wolf.

Remus tugged the blanket closer and began drifting into uneasy sleep... until he felt the moon pulling at him. He fell off the couch and began writhing as the moon dragged the wolf out.

*

A scream tore through the air, turning into heavy pants as the wolf shrank back into Remus, and he lay broken and bleeding on the floor. He twisted around a bit then pushed himself into a sitting position, taking in deep gulps of air as he surveyed the damage. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as his last night in Hogsmeade. His legs were a bit shredded, and both his arms were shredded. His right thumb had been almost gnawed off. He reached over, carefully prodding at the twitching thumb. A jolt of pain shot through his arm and he hissed.

Slowly he got up, limping into the bathroom. He glanced over to where the blackboard used to be before turning the shower on and climbing in. The hot water hurt his wounds and he sank down onto the floor, curling up, staring at his ruined thumb as blood swirled down the drain.

He faded in and out of consciousness until Pomfrey showed up; once he heard her voice he forced himself to get up, turning the shower off and getting a towel around himself.

"Th—this is the w-worst injury," Remus muttered, holding out his hand.

Pomfrey examined the wound, carefully wrapping bandages around it to keep it in place. She put a few other bandages on his body then helped him into hospital pajamas. Once they got back to the hospital she slathered some potion on his thumb to help encourage it to heal quickly, though of course it wouldn't. The potion would be rejected by his DNA, or something like that. After she was satisfied with the mound of goop she put fresh bandages on and a splint as well, just in case.

After a chocolate shake Remus fell asleep, drifting in and out until around noon when he heard familiar voices out in the wing. _No_! he thought, heart hammering hard. _No, you're not supposed to be coming here_! He slithered out of bed and limped to the door, listening in, curious what they'd tell Pomfrey.

"What do you three need?" Pomfrey demanded. "Mr. Lupin isn't here, he's visiting his mother. I'd assume you would know that."

"We know," James said. "It's Pete, he's not feeling well."

"Oh. I see. Well, come over here, sit down. Where does it hurt?"

Peter gave a low moan. "My stomach."

"What did you eat for breakfast?"

"Ummm... beans on toast, and juice, I wasn't really hungry..."

Remus heard Pomfrey do some spells. "Hmm, I don't see anything wrong—would you two stop that?" she snapped, as Remus heard something crashing. James and Sirius giggled. "Did you—" Now Peter was giggling too, and something else hit the floor. James went 'oops' while Pomfrey sighed. "Perhaps you're having stomach cramps? Are you sure it's your stomach?"

"Yes, it's not super bad but it's... annoying..."

"You're sure it's not anywhere else?"

"Only my stomach."

"Not down here?"

"Ummmm... no. Definitely stomach."

Pomfrey gave a hmph sound as there was another crashing sound. "Here, take this. It should help with your stomachache. If you still have it tomorrow, please come back."

"Th—thank you..."

Remus returned to his bed, gnawing at his fingernails, worried about Pete; he hadn't been feeling well the other day, and Remus could sense something was wrong... only he didn't know _what_. Gas? Stomach cramps? It couldn't be worse or Pomfrey would have found it... right?

*

A couple hours after lunch Remus returned to his house. He was feeling pretty decent so he spent quite some time trying to clean up the blood. Or at least, that was his intention. After about two minutes he remembered the blanket and ran over to where it was bunched up on the floor. He took the corners and spread it out.

_It was completely intact_!

Remus's jaw dropped a bit. There was blood smeared all over it, soaked into the fabric, however it was not ripped at _all_. He couldn't even find a snagged thread. _Bless you, Petey_ , he thought, clutching the blanket close. After a moment he went in search of Sirius's box. That he found clear in the kitchen which made it obvious the wolf had messed with it. But, like the blanket, there was nary a scratch.

"Mellon," he said, and the box unlatched. The paperback was pretty banged up, definitely in worse condition than it was when he put it in—he'd need to cushion the inside which wasn't a big deal. This meant he could sit there and read until his transformation took over! He'd easily have time to drop the book in and shut the box, and it would stay safe.

_I love my friends_ , he thought, hugging the box and blanket tightly, and thinking about the earplugs. He curled up on the couch and wept for a little bit. Eventually, he wiped his face off and started cleaning once more, trying—and failing—to get the blood off the floor.

*

Thursday night was one of no transformation, and when Pomfrey took him back to the school there was glittering snow everywhere, deep enough that it went past Remus's boots; Pomfrey had to use some drying spells on the bottoms of his pajamas when they got back to the hospital. He slept for most of the morning, occasionally reading a bit, hoping it would snow again that night. It'd be great if he could come back tomorrow morning and go right to classes—tired, but not so injured he'd miss more.

"Did—did Peter come back?" he asked when Pomfrey brought his lunch. "I heard him out there yesterday, with a hurt stomach?"

"They haven't shown up," she said, setting the tray down on his lap. "I'm sure he's fine. He probably ate a lot. Which you need to do too."

"Yes Madame Pomfrey, thank you."

Remus went through two and a half helpings before growing too tired to eat anymore. Pomfrey seemed quite pleased.

*

Unfortunately for Remus, it didn't snow again that night, and an hour or two after sunset he felt it coming. He was sitting on the couch with the box and his book in his lap when suddenly he began to feel the pull. He did what Sirius had suggested, and it worked: drop the book into the box (lined with pillowcases now) and slam it shut. He managed to move it onto the couch when the wolf began to push itself through his skin. Screaming in pain, Remus collapsed to the floor however this time it took a long time for the wolf brain to take over. He was very aware as every inch of him began changing and hurting, parts splitting, pushing through his skin, tearing, teeth growing and piercing his lips... it felt like an eternity until the wolf mind took over, and everything went black.

*

_Not... so bad_... Remus thought come morning when he was aware once more. There were giant claw marks gashed into his left forearm, and an even worse one on his left shoulder that extended across part of his neck: skin torn, muscles exposed, pain searing through his body. That seemed to be the worst of the injuries today; everything else was just smaller gashes and bites. The shoulder-neck wound made it difficult to breathe, and he wheezed as he stumbled to the bathroom. In the hall he doubled over, coughing up some blood into his hand. All right, maybe it was worse than he thought.

He had difficulty getting the shower turned on, as his vision kept blurring and darkening. Finally, he managed to get the hot water running and he curled up on the shower floor, shivering and wheezing until Pomfrey showed up.

"You need to stop getting in the shower, it causes more blood loss!" she snapped when she got him out to start bandaging up.

"W—w-wash... b-blood off..." he whimpered.

Pomfrey's expression softened. "The best thing to do is spot clean, with a damp towel. Water pouring into your wounds makes it worse. Honestly, I have no idea where you even got that this is a good idea."

Remus thought of home, of every single morning after when his parents would put him in a bathtub full of water. "I'm f—fine."

"You've got a terrible fever." She pressed her hand against his forehead. "Let's get you back so you can rest."

"Will I be—be able to go to the afternoon c—" Remus was forced to stop, to try to take in some oxygen. "Afternoon classes?" he finished.

Pomfrey gave him the strangest of looks. "We'll see," she said, and helped him back to the school.

He was unable to even get down half the shake because it hurt to swallow. Pomfrey sighed, but didn't push him to drink anymore, leaving him to sleep which took a little bit due to trying to find a comfortable position. He drifted in and out of sleep, trying to ignore the fact he was missing classes again. So many missed this week. Well, only one extra, technically. Hopefully he'd be able to go to some afternoon classes!

Then it hit him. Pomfrey's confused look. It was _Saturday_ , not Friday. He didn't _have_ classes. _Well, guess I don't need to feel so guilty resting then_ , he thought, and fell back asleep.

When Pomfrey brought him lunch he asked if he could go back to his dorm after, however she told him the wound on his neck was still bad enough she'd prefer him to stay. He prodded at the bandages, flinching at the pain it caused. Pomfrey glared at him.

"It is Saturday, right?" he asked as he picked up his fork.

"Yes."

He managed to get down at least a full plate of food. It didn't hurt quite as much as it did earlier, thankfully. Pomfrey whisked the tray away and Remus snuggled back to go back to sleep...

Until a cry of pain woke him. He sat upright, hissing at the pain jerking his arm had caused. The pained cries in the hospital wing grew louder. Somebody wasn't having a good day. Remus started to lay back down when he realized he recognized the person crying.

He leapt out of bed, grabbing a sheet to wrap around his shoulders to hide the bandages on his neck, then ran out of the little room, not even thinking—not even caring.

"Calm down, you need to lay still so I can examine you!"

Pomfrey was standing over a bed where Peter lay thrashing and howling in pain. James and Sirius stood next to him, terrified expressions on their face.

" _Peter_?!" Remus gasped out. Everyone looked at him, Pomfrey giving him a rather dark look. "Peter, what—what happened?"

"His stomach started hurting worse," James explained.

"It HURTS!" Peter yelled, clutching at his middle, rolling back and forth which prevented Pomfrey from being able to get her wand where it needed to be. "It hurts it hurts it hurts!"

"Please lay still...!"

Sirius put his hands on Peter's shoulders. "C'mon, Petey, you need to lay still so she can help you."

"Here," James said, and took one of Peter's hands. "You can squeeze my hand."

Remus ran around to the other side of the bed and took Peter's other hand. "Squeeze as hard as you need to.”

With the Marauders helping, Peter managed to lay still, squeezing James and Remus's hands tightly. Tears rolled down the sides of his face as he whimpered and sniffled, while Pomfrey ran a few spells.

"You'll be fine," she said, when she was done, however there was a tightness to her voice. She went over to a cupboard and pulled out a vial of potion. "This will help ease the pain. Now, I'll be _right_ back with some other medicine to help."

Peter stopped wriggling as much once the potion took effect, but he kept holding on to his friends' hands. "It still hurts," he mumbled.

"What _happened_?" Remus whispered.

"He's been feeling unwell for a few days," James said. "He was in a lot of pain this morning and I think he had a fever, but said he'd be okay, but after lunch he started screaming like this."

"I'm dying," Peter said.

"What? Don't be stupid, you're not dying," Sirius snorted, hands still on Peter's shoulders, more of a comforting manner than a holding down manner now.

"I _am_ dying!" he moaned, tipping his head back.

"She said you'd be fine," Remus tried.

"What if I'm _not_ fine?!" Peter demanded.

"If you weren't fine she would have summoned Dumbledore," James pointed out, pushing his glasses up.

Peter pouted but then quieted, returning to his whimpers.

Two minutes later the doors to the hospital wing opened, and in came Professor Dumbledore. All four Marauders stared in horror as he crossed the wing and knocked at Pomfrey's door. Peter made choking sounds, and squeezed Remus's hand so tightly it hurt.

"H—hold on," Remus said, getting his hand free as Dumbledore went into Pomfrey's office. He hurried across the floor, hovering near enough to catch a few words.

"... emergency... Mungo's.... his parents..." And then Pomfrey gave what sounded like a cry, her voice rising. "I should have been more alert when he came in the other day, I wasn't thinking. He insisted the pain was only in his stomach, he didn't have a fever or anything, and the others were distracting me. I wasn't as thorough as I should have been!"

Remus covered his mouth, feet rooted to the floor, trying to keep the bile back. He also tried not to look scared as he returned to Peter's bedside but they could all tell something was wrong. "I'm—I'm n-not sure," he lied, taking Peter's hand again.

Pomfrey and Dumbledore came out of her office, both with pleasant smiles on their faces. Remus grit his teeth as Peter squeezed his hand so hard it felt like his bones might break.

"I'm _dying_!" Peter screeched as soon as they neared the bed.

"You're not dying," Pomfrey said, resting a hand on his arm. "You'll be fine—"

"Why is—is P-Professor Dumbledore here, then?!" he demanded.

"Peter," Dumbledore said in a very kind voice, "you're going to have to go to Saint Mungo's for the night. I've sent a message to your parents so they will be there when you arrive."

Peter froze, mouth hanging open slightly. "Wh... wha... wh..."

"It will be fine," Pomfrey promised. "You have appendicitis."

"Appenda... what?"

"Appendicitis. Your appendix is severely inflamed," Pomfrey explained. "I wish I had caught it earlier otherwise we could have gotten it healed up without any issue... however, considering the state it's in you will need to go to Saint Mungo's to have it removed."

"HAVE WHAT REMOVED?!" Peter shrieked.

"Your appendix."

"WHAT IS THAT?! Re—removed? What do you _mean_ removed?! From my _body_?!"

"Yes," Pomfrey answered patiently. "It's safe to have it taken out, it's a very common procedure. I'm not capable of doing it here in the school hospital, which is why you need to go to Saint Mungo's. It won't take long, and you'll be back here by tomorrow."

Peter was shaking hard. "Wh—what if—but—tomorrow?"

"Yes, ninety-five percent of patients recover within twelve to twenty-four hours."

"What... about the—the other five percent?" Peter squeaked.

Pomfrey shook her head. "As I said, it's extremely common. Even Muggles have a procedure to remove an inflamed appendix! It needs to be done immediately, as I think yours is about to rupture and you _need_ it out before that happens."

"Rupture?!"

The doors to the wing opened and a man and a woman came in. "Ah, here they are now, they're from Saint Mungo's," Pomfrey said, patting Peter's arm.

"I DON'T WANT TO GO! I don't WANT anything removed! No!" He clutched James and Remus's hands tightly, pushing himself back up against Sirius as he began sobbing. "No! Please, I—can—can they come with me?"

"I'm afraid not," Dumbledore said. "However your parents will be there."

"It'll be fine," James said, bending in close to Peter, sliding his other hand onto Peter's upper arm. "I've had a couple relatives have their appendix... appendixes... removed."

"I had it done," Sirius said, crouching a bit to be closer to Peter's head, resting his hand on Peter's head.

"You... _did_?"

"Yes, when I was ten," Sirius said, stroking Peter's hair. "My cousin had an inflamed appendix too, but they caught it early enough to get it fixed without issue. Mine was worse. It did rupture. I had to go to Saint Mungo's to get it removed and cleaned out, and that part wasn't anything bad. All they do is put you to sleep and then you wake up, and it's fine."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"I d... I'm scared..."

"That's okay," James said. "Nothing wrong with being scared, and your parents will be there."

"And we'll be here tomorrow when you come back, healthy again," Remus promised, wrapping both hands around Peter's hand.

"Come on, kiddo, we need to get you to the hospital," said one of the healers.

The Marauders helped Peter out of bed, and, with one last terrified look over his shoulder, Pete left for Saint Mungo's. James, Sirius, and Remus stood there watching him go, all three holding hands.


	85. Chapter Eighty-Five - An Adventure In Baking

James, Sirius, and Remus stood by the empty bed, staring at the closed doors for several long seconds. They were holding hands, with Sirius in the middle, completely lost and when Dumbledore spoke, they all jumped.

"Don't worry, he'll be fine."

"Yeah," James said, letting go of Sirius's hand. "He'll be back tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, of course," Pomfrey promised.

Remus realized he was still holding Sirius's hand and he let go, but Sirius still held _his_ hand and continued to do so. _Then_ he realized he wasn't even supposed to be there. Of course the Marauders knew he would be, however Pomfrey and Dumbledore didn't—and couldn't—know they knew!

"I—I guess I should explain what I'm doing here," Remus said.

James and Sirius both looked at him, and understanding dawned in Sirius's face. "What _are_ you doing here?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused. "I thought you were visiting your mother!"

Remus searched his brain for a plausible explanation. "I was... she's doing better. A lot better. I—I was going to come back yesterday but—but I began to not feel too well." He shifted a bit, wishing Sirius would let go of him. "I was going to stay home till I felt better, but it wasn't as bad as it normally gets, and I didn't want to be in the way—didn't want Dad taking care of _both_ of us since it's hard on him—so I came back here last night."

Both his friends nodded. "Glad your mum's better," James said with a smile, "but sorry you're not doing well."

"I'm starting to feel better today already," he promised. "I might be able to come back to the dorms tomorrow morning, or even tonight. I should have been resting but I heard Peter screaming and got scared."

"You need to go rest," Sirius said, and used the fact he had a grip on Remus's hand to turn him towards the door to his room, giving him a gentle push.

At least he had let go of Remus's hand. "Yeah. Um, I'll see you later..." He hurried back to his room, wishing his friends could come too. He was so worried about Peter and didn't want to sit and fret alone. Surely Peter would be okay! It was a routine procedure. Sirius had it done at ten. Pete would be fine... right?

Remus asked Pomfrey when she came into his room a little while later. She promised him Peter would be fine. "It hadn't ruptured yet, so the recovery rate is extremely high," she said.

"A ruptured appendix isn't?" he asked.

"No," she said hesitantly. "It complicates the process greatly, and there is a risk of—of death. However Peter's appendix was _not_ ruptured."

But Remus was thinking of Sirius, and the fact Sirius's appendix _had_ ruptured, and why it had gotten to the point where it did; hadn't his parents taken him to Saint Mungo's when he was in a lot of pain...? "Why does it take so long to recover?" he asked.

"Really, he'll be healed up within an hour or two after they remove his appendix," Pomfrey said with a smile. "He needs to remain in the hospital for observation, to make sure everything went well. I'm certain he'll be back at school by lunch tomorrow, or supper."

"It's his birthday tomorrow," Remus said, not sure even why he said it.

"Oh! Well, he'll be back. What we need to talk about is the fact you ran out there..."

Remus shrank back a bit, fiddling with the blanket. "Ahh. When I heard Pete shouting I p-panicked, I got scared and ran out without thinking. I did cover my bandages so they didn't see... I think they believed my excuse though."

Pomfrey nodded. "Yes, it seems that they did, thankfully. Please be more cautious in the future."

"Yes Madame Pomfrey. And—and Pete _will_ be okay?"

"Yes."

Remus stayed in the hospital wing for a while longer, unable to rest at all due to worry over Pete. He _knew_ Peter would be all right however he couldn't help feel an icicle of dread trickling down his spine. Finally he couldn't stand being alone a second longer and changed into his clothes. He stared at his reflection, tugging at his jumper this way and that. No matter what he did, the jumper's neck hole was too big and you could see the bandages across his neck.

"Madame Pomfrey?" He tapped at her door, not wanting to bother her but not sure what to do. "I'm feeling a—a lot better but..." He reached up, tugging at the neckline.

"I see. Perhaps you should wait..."

"I—I really... don't want to. I—I have a jumper that'll cover it, but I was wondering if I could... borrow a scarf or something? To get to the dorms?"

"Of course," Pomfrey said, and fetched a pale grey scarf which Remus wrapped around his neck. He thanked her profusely before heading out, casting one last look at the bed Peter had been in.

Remus mostly took back corridors to get to the common room, avoiding as many people as possible. He scurried through the tower, up the stairs, and into his room which was quite empty. Breathing a sigh of relief, he dug through his trunk until he found the top he was looking for. It was a rather large cream-colored cable knit turtleneck jumper his mother had bought for him. It was so big he never even bothered wearing it, though he figured it would fit him well enough next winter. Hopefully.

Cocking his head to listen for anyone coming in, he quickly shed the jumper he had been wearing and pulled the turtleneck one on. It felt so bulky. However it covered his neck, and the bulkiness only aided in keeping the bandages on his throat, shoulder, and arm hidden. He had to push the sleeves way up to get his hands out the end, and the hem of the jumper went well past his hips. His mother had... a lot of hope for his height, which he _wanted_ to fulfill.

Next, Remus took the box out of his bag. Peter's blanket had stayed at the house for the time being, though he considered bringing it in to see if the house-elves could get the blood out. Of course, what would be the point in that, when it would get bloody next time?

"Mellon," he said, and took the book out. He shut the box and tucked it into his trunk.

Remus put his pranks notebook into his satchel along with a few schoolbooks, and headed out of his dorm to go search for his friends. The other students he questioned in the common room had no clue where they had gone, so it seemed he would need to take a few guesses. If that failed, he figured he'd go study in the library.

His first guess, however, turned out to be right. He went into the passageway with the pits and heard their voices.

"Oi!" he called out, and their voices went silent as he inched along the thin ledge that took him across the first hole. "It's Remus."

"Remy?" A second later James flew over the impassable hole. "You're out already!"

Remus got on the broom and they flew back over where Sirius was. Sirius gave him a rather strange look, which made Remus feel a bit self-conscious. He tugged at the bulky jumper, and set his bag down.

"I didn't want to be alone," he explained. "Pete..."

James's face fell. "I know what you mean. All I can do is worry. I mean, I know he's safe but... it's so scary. What if something happens?"

"Saint Mungo's is an excellent hospital," Sirius murmured, glancing out the side of his eyes at Remus.

"I'm f—fine," Remus stammered, thinking perhaps it was how awful he looked that was causing the stares.

"Huh?"

"You keep looking at me."

To his surprise, Sirius flushed a little. "Yeah, of course. That's not... um, anyway, I don't think you've ever worn that."

Remus looked down, hand brushing against the stomach of the jumper. "No, it's too big for me. I know it looks dumb but it was the only thing I have that covers the bandages."

"Bandages?" James asked.

He made a face then pulled at the neck a little so they could see. "I hurt my neck pretty bad."

"Should you be out of the hospital wing?" James asked, surprisingly being the one concerned and not Sirius, however Sirius was still giving Remus odd looks.

"Yes, I'm all right. Mostly worried about Peter."

"Oh!" James snapped his fingers. "By the way, we had an idea. Okay, I _know_ you're going to say no, but at least hear me out."

Remus narrowed his eyes. "What rule does it break?"

James gave one of his Potter smiles. "What makes you think it involves breaking a rule?" Remus folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Okay, okay, sneaking out of the school, but—"

"No."

"—I propose we sneak into Hogsmeade—"

"No."

"—and go to Saint Mungo's!" James looked at him now with an even bigger grin, and a flourish of his arms as if to magnify his 'amazing' idea.

Remus sighed. " _No_!"

"But—"

"James, if we get caught at _Saint Mungo's_ there will be _hell_ to pay!" Remus felt itchy, and wanted to push his hands up the sleeves to scratch. He had too much anxiety at the moment to even fathom such a disaster of a plan. Not only was it utterly stupid, absolutely reckless, and beyond careless... if his parents found out... they would move to a different country in a heartbeat. It was idiotic enough going into Hogsmeade... but _Saint Mungo's_?

"We could surprise Peter in the morning," Sirius said.

Remus sank down to the floor, huddled against the wall. "He's—he's coming back in the afternoon..."

"For his _birthday_ though," James said, clapping. "It'd be a nice surprise."

_Be a nice surprise for my parents, getting a letter saying I was caught at Saint Mungo's_. "I would love nothing more than to show up as a happy birthday surprise for Pete, however I absolutely will not do that, it is too risky." He pulled his hands into the sleeves so the ends dangled. He began flapping them, smacking the ends against the floor. "We should set up a surprise for when he comes back. Decorate the dorm. Make cake...!" He jerked his chin up, smiling. "Let's make him a cake. Ourselves. That would be very special. We could ask McGonagall if we could use the kitchens."

"That'd be kinda fun," James mumbled.

Sirius tilted his head. "You know how to bake?"

"No..." He sat upright, a memory popping into his head. "But I know who does!"

*

"Bake?" Lily glanced up, pressing her book against her chin, eyes darting between the three Marauders suspiciously. "Why d'you want to bake a cake?"

"For Peter," Remus said. "It's his birthday tomorrow and..." He wasn't sure if he was supposed to share what happened, except Lily _could_ keep a secret. So he sat down and explained.

Lily gasped, clutching her book tightly as her eyes went very wide. "Oh _no_! That's _dreadful_! He's going to be okay though, right? Poor Peter! And—his birthday too. Yes, of course I'll help. Um, are we even allowed to do that though?"

"We're gonna ask McGonsie," Sirius said, squeezing into the armchair Remus was in. It was just barely big enough for them, and they were pressed up together which definitely wasn't ideal for the box situation. He tried his best to stay calm, and ignored the fact his palms were getting very sweaty. He pulled his hands back up into his sleeves, pressing them against the wool. Sirius didn't seem bothered at all being squashed together. "See if we can use the kitchen."

James sat down on the arm of the chair Lily was in, ignoring the glare she gave him. "Should we bake it tonight, or tomorrow morning?"

"Probably tonight, it will store overnight fine," Lily said, closing her book. "What's his favorite kind of cake?"

All three of them spoke at the same time.

"Chocolate," Sirius said.

"Lemon?" Remus asked.

"Battenberg!" James suggested.

They looked at each other, and Lily put her hand to her face. "Okay then," she sighed.

"Er, he likes _all_ sorts," James said, trying to lean back against the back of the chair without touching Lily. "I'm not sure of his favorite though."

"He does like sponge cakes though," Sirius said.

"All right, what about a Victoria sponge?" Lily suggested, and Sirius shrugged.

"I'm pretty sure he'd like that," Remus said, trying to remember what desserts Peter ate. "Maybe we could make some biscuits too. He loves iced biscuits. I _can_ make biscuits."

Lily tapped her chin. "All right, we can do that. You're sure he likes sponge cakes?"

"Yes," Sirius and James chorused while Remus nodded.

"We should go talk to McGonagall," James said, and hopped off the chair.

The four of them headed out of the common room which was very bizarre to Remus. James, Sirius, and Lily... working together. This was going to be _really_ weird. Hopefully they'd be able to get along well enough for the baking part. He _really_ wanted something super special for Pete to come back to, and also a reason for the others _not_ to sneak into the hospital!

Professor McGonagall wasn't in her office, so they had to hunt her down which took the better part of half an hour. Eventually they ran across Sir Nicholas, one of Remus's ghost friends, who gladly helped. He tracked her down to the teacher's lounge, floating through the wall to get her. She came out, lips thin as she surveyed the group before her.

"Did something happen?"

"Professor, what makes you automatically think something happened?" James asked.

She looked down her nose at him. "Because typically if I'm seeing you outside of class, you've done something!"

Sirius stepped forward, pushing some of his hair back, one of his charming smiles spreading on his face. "Professor, I'm guessing Professor Dumbledore told you about what happened with Peter?" he inquired, and McGonagall nodded. Sirius launched into a big explanation of what they wanted to do for him. Remus could see McGonagall's face softening as he spoke, until she had one of her rare smiles.

"That would be very nice of you. Are any of you acquainted with baking magic?"

All four of them shook their heads, and Remus's heart sank as he realized they'd probably have to get the house-elves to make it, which... would be all right, just not quite as special.

"I can bake the Muggle way," Lily said, folding her hands demurely in front of her. "If there's any way to get Muggle baking tools we can do that."

_"Wait, bake the Muggle way_?!" Remus heard Sirius whisper fearfully to James.

"Actually, we have plenty of Muggle cooking utensils at Hogwarts," McGonagall said, surprising them. "While the house-elves mostly use magic, Professor Lewis—who teaches Muggle Studies—will have Muggle cooking or baking lessons. I'll speak to her, and I'm sure she'll be glad to lend what she has. Mr. Pettigrew should be back tomorrow afternoon, will tomorrow morning be all right for you?"

"Yes, Professor!" James said excitedly, then stopped. "Oh. I have—I have practice in the morning.

"Would you be able to bake after?" McGonagall asked.

"It'll be lunchtime, and the house-elves will be busy," James said.

"You won't be bothering the house-elves," she said. "There's enough room, it should be fine."

"Really?" James asked, and McGonagall nodded. "Okay, great! Tomorrow it is."

*

The Marauders didn't do much else that evening, mostly hung out in their dorm trying not to be too worried about Peter. At around eight a prefect came up and told them McGonagall needed to see them. They went down to the common room, extremely scared and anxious until they saw her smile. She pulled them into a corner, and informed them Dumbledore had heard back from Saint Mungo's; the procedure had gone without a hitch—and that's all she got out before James let out a whoop and _hugged_ McGonagall. She staggered back, pure shock filling her face as he hugged her. Sirius pumped his fists, jumping up and down, while Remus clapped and pumped one fist too.

Several students were watching James hugging their Head of House with amusement. None of them had heard what was said to trigger the hug, of course.

McGonagall gave James a pat and he peeled himself off of her. She straightened her glasses and finished what she was saying, which was that Peter was okay, he was recovering well, and he'd be back before supper tomorrow, probably right after lunch.

That night, Spinnet and Struthers were curious where Peter was—Spinnet even asked nicely—and James told them that Peter was in the hospital. He didn't specify whether it was the hospital wing or Saint Mungo's, and later that night he told Sirius and Remus he wasn't sure what Peter wanted people to know. Sirius and Remus agreed that was for the best.

The three of them stayed up late in the common room, wrapping presents for Peter while listening to music. James and Sirius danced a lot and tried to get Remus to dance too but he shook his head. Sirius offered his hand which was... very tempting for Remus to take. Instead, he shook his head again and tugged down the turtleneck.

"My shoulder still hurts," he said, and let the neck spring back up, glad to have an excuse.

"Ohhh, right, yeah, I—yeah," Sirius mumbled, looking awkward.

Remus smiled. "It's fine. I'm having enough fun watching you freak out—errr, I mean dancing, if that's what you call it."

James stuck out his tongue and Remus giggled, going back to carefully wrapping Peter's last present.

*

Sirius and Remus watched James's practice with very little interest. They kept talking about the cake. Sirius was worried about messing the baking up and Remus tried to reassure him it'd be fine. Lily was good at baking, and he was _okay_. And even if the cake didn't turn out perfect he had a feeling Peter would be happy.

James finished his practice and wanted to go right into baking even though he was soaked from the sleet and sweat. Remus made him get a shower first, which only took a few minutes (and he smelled like he rinsed off, not really washed). Then they were ready to go. They met up with Lily in the common room and trooped down to the kitchens where they found a table set aside for them which had loads of Muggle utensils, and all the ingredients they needed. Plus four aprons hanging up. Two white ones, one green, and one pink. They all dove for the aprons, and James wound up with the pink one. Remus and Sirius were in white, and Lily in green.

"Okay," she said, pulling her hair back into a high ponytail. "First off, wash the hands. Second, let's check the recipe."

Lily didn't have a recipe at hand for a Victoria sponge but McGonagall had kindly gotten them a book with a recipe inside.

"Remy sucks at Potions, how's he supposed to bake?" Sirius asked, pulling his own hair back too.

Remus elbowed him. "The _smells_ are the worst part of making potions. These smell fine."

"All right. Potter, you can butter those tins then put the baking paper in. Let's see... Black, we need two hundred grams of sugar and the same amount of softened butter."

Sirius peered at the butter. "How do I soften it? Incendio?"

"Wha—" Lily turned as Sirius got his wand out. " _No!!_!" She dove over, grabbing his wrist. "Bloody hell, you're not to set _anything_ on fire!"

"How do I _soften_ it?!"

"Boil some water, and put the dish in the water."

"The butter will get _wet_."

Lily rubbed her forehead and muttered under her breath about not murdering anyone. "I'll soften the butter," Remus said, hurrying over to fill a pan with water. He set it on the stove and then nestled a bowl down in there, needing one of the house-elves to help him get the stove on since he wasn't completely sure. It needed to be lit with magic but soon the water began bubbling. Remus put the butter in the bowl and once it softened enough he transported it to the scales to get the proper amount, and dumped it in with the sugar.

Lily had Sirius beat some eggs in the meantime and he was going hog wild with the whisk, sending egg flying everywhere. There were bits of shell still in there too. Remus took the bowl from him and got a new one. Cracking eggs, however, wasn't something he could do easily. More often than not the eggs wound up on the floor. He cautiously tried one, and pieces of shell went everywhere.

Sirius snorted and Remus rolled his eyes, dumping the ruined egg out. "You try again, then, this time without the shell."

Sirius cracked one of the eggs, and shell flakes went everywhere. Lily swore and flounced over, taking the eggs and the bowl, easily cracking them without a fleck of shell. She shoved the bowl back to Sirius. "Beat them _without_ sending the eggs everywhere please?"

While Sirius worked, James helped Lily add the other dry stuff. The flour and the baking powder. While _they_ worked, Remus took some other bowls and began working on the sugar biscuits. The recipe in the book wasn't quite the same as the ones Remus made with his mother, but since he couldn't remember that recipe exactly he had to use the book. At least there weren't eggs involved, so he didn't need to worry about that.

"How did you get so much flour on you?" Lily demanded.

Remus glanced over, seeing James with flour all over his apron, arms, and face. "I dumped it in the bowl to weigh it and it poofed up on me."

The bowl on the scales was overly full, flour spilling everywhere. "You don't _dump_ ingredients in like that, you need to be careful—"

"I _was_ being careful!"

"How is _that_ being careful?"

"I... underestimated how much would come out when I poured it."

"Did—did you just tip it completely over? Upside down?"

James looked guilty, tugging at his collar. "Uh, no, obviously _not_!"

Lily groaned and put the flour back into the bag. She swept the flour off the scale and table, then carefully poured the correct amount out. James rolled his eyes and shuffled over to Remus, helping him. Or trying to help him. When he dumped out the sugar the same thing happened: it all poured out and overflowed.

"Uh, whoops."

While Sirius and Lily worked on the cake—arguing, though not as bad as Lily and James—James and Remus worked on the biscuits. This was a disaster duo as James wasn't careful and Remus was clumsy. He dropped things while James tended to knock things over in his rush to help. At least Sirius wasn't somehow amazing at cooking, and kept messing up too. Remus felt a bit guilty for saddling Lily with all of this stress; perhaps it should have just been the two of them, but he knew James and Sirius would have been hurt. Besides, the treats were better because they all worked on them, right?

Finally, Lily poured the cake batter into the tins and slid them into the oven. She flopped back in a chair, blowing a loose strand of hair away from her face.

"This was fun!" Sirius said, egg all over him.

"Definitely fun," agreed flour-covered James. "What a great afternoon's work."

"We're not done yet," Lily said and both boys looked at her. "We have to make the filling and put the cake together."

"And make the icing for the biscuits," said Remus, collapsed in a seat next to Lily. "Peter likes his with frosting on them."

"How do Muggles survive doing everything like this?!" James wailed.

Lily laughed. "We do very well, thank you very much. We've survived this long. And I stand by what I've said before, in some ways Muggles are so much more advanced than magic!"

"Name _one_ thing," James said.

Lily smirked. "Muggles have gone to the moon? They can fly without magic. Electricity is amazing. Plus wizards don't have tellies, which is a downright shame."

"What's tellies?" Sirius asked.

Lily tried her best to explain, but it was pretty obvious James and Sirius weren't really getting it. Soon, the timer for the biscuits dinged and Remus took them out, setting them on a counter to cool. Sirius came over to help mix the icing up which resulted in icing going everywhere. Sirius accidentally got some on Remus's sleeve, so Remus flicked some at him, and soon icing was flying back and forth. Remus reached into the bowl for more and came out with hardly any on his hand.

"Blast it, now we have to make more," he grumbled.

Sirius was laughing, icing all over his apron, clothes, face, and in his hair. Remus knew he looked just as bad.

"Are you two done making a mess?" Lily teased as she took the sponge cakes out of the oven.

"No," Sirius said at the same time Remus said, "Yes."

Sirius reached over and smeared a dab on the end of Remus's nose. He rolled his eyes and went to wash his hands so he could make another batch of icing, while James and Lily worked on the sponge cake filling.

"If you throw any of this at me, I am going to throw _you_ into the oven," Lily threatened. James swiped some up onto his finger. Lily pointed the wooden spoon at him. "I mean it!"

Remus shook his head vigorously behind Lily, and James stuck his finger in his mouth as if that's what he intended to do all along.

They got the house-elves to cool down the cake and biscuits so they could finish making them without having to wait. Remus let Sirius and James decorate the biscuits while he helped Lily spread the buttercream and jam. Despite being careful, Remus got jam all over his fingers and kept having to wipe them off on his apron, leaving long red streaks that reminded him of blood.

"Think Pete will like these?" Sirius held up two biscuits that with the icing and held together looked like boobs.

"You're disgusting," Lily complained.

Sirius grinned and held up another that had a penis on it. He and James dissolved into giggles, and Remus tried not to giggle too. He finished with the jam and stepped back so Lily could put the top cake on, pressing gently down. They dusted the top with powdered sugar and then stepped back to admire their work. It was... a bit messy and sloppy, but looked good enough.

"Can I put a penis on the cake?" Sirius asked, holding up the bag of icing.

" _No_!" Lily snapped.

"Boobs?"

"NO! This is supposed to be a nice gift for Peter!"

Sirius shrugged. "Peter likes boobs." At that Remus began choking trying not to laugh, while James had to grab one of the chairs to stop himself from falling over laughing.

Lily gave him a look then threw her hands in the air. "Why are boys so immature?! Do what you want with the cake."

Sirius skipped over and carefully began squeezing icing out. Remus thought he might be putting boobs but when Sirius stepped back, they saw he had drawn a heart.

Sirius winked at Lily, and skipped back to James's side to finish decorating the biscuits.


	86. Chapter Eighty-Six - Happy Birthday Peter

Remus and Lily both knew what they'd have to do, however James and Sirius were a little taken aback over the fact they needed to clean up the absolute mess the four of them made baking. When Sirius asked a house-elf, she replied they had all been informed by McGonagall under no circumstances may they help clean. It took the four of them quite a while to clean everything up, and the Marauders were getting worried they missed Peter coming back.

They swung by McGonagall's office on the way to the tower, and she informed them that Peter was not back yet. She gave them each a long look—the only one _not_ covered in stuff being Lily and she had a few dabs and smears on her face and apron—before asking if they cleaned.

"Yes, Professor," Lily promised. She was carrying the cake and took the lid off to show her. Professor McGonagall smiled, and told them to have a good afternoon.

"Good," Sirius said as they resumed their journey to the Gryffindor tower, "we have time to decorate the dorm."

Remus wasn't allowed to carry anything which was good since he fell flat on his face trying to get into the common room. James snickered and helped him up.

"Oi, Potter, nice apron!" someone shouted.

James looked down at the pink frilly apron then back up. "Thanks!" he said cheerfully.

At the foot of the boys' staircase Lily hesitated then turned to give James the cake. "Here..."

"You can come up," he said and marched up the stairs. Sirius followed, carrying the biscuits. Lily looked at Remus who shrugged, and the two of them followed. The dorm was a mess like usual, but Lily picked her way across the floor and set the cake on Peter's desk.

"We should _probably_ get showers," Sirius said, picking at some dried icing that was stuck in his hair.

"I already got one today," James grumbled, taking the apron off and tossing it in the laundry bin. "Besides, it'd be weird with Evans here."

"I'm not getting one in the boys' bathroom!" she said, recoiling slightly with a disgusted look on her face.

James rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean you _were_ , I meant you waiting in the dorm. With us... you know... across the hall."

Lily folded her arms, raising an eyebrow. "Naked?" she asked.

James jerked back, obviously embarrassed. "Y—yes, exactly."

"It does feel weird," Sirius agreed.

"You boys afraid I'll come take a peek?" she taunted.

Remus began burning red at the thought. "Of c-c-course not!" he stammered.

Lily looked James up and down. "Don't worry, there is negative temptation for _that_!"

"What, don't want a peek at Remus?" James teased.

Remus knew he couldn't go even redder. He began choking, doubling over, feeling absolutely horrified at James for saying such a thing! It was bad enough Lily made a joke about all of them in general, but—but James—making it—personal—that—it—

"Jamie-boy, I think you killed Remus," Sirius said, hurrying over to smack Remus's back.

"I'm n—no—I—th—w—I d—w—" was all Remus managed to get out. He felt sick.

"I'd never," Lily promised gently. "Potter, you _rat_! Look what you did."

"Whoa, sorry, Remy, I was trying to tease Red, not you," James said.

Remus shook his head, feeling tears springing up from his throat and chest burning. " _Fine_ ," he managed to gasp out though it was further from the truth. He wanted to crawl under his bed and die. He couldn't even look at Lily. Or James. Or even Sirius. He just stared down at shoes, wishing he could disappear. It was so stupid to be _this_ upset over such a—an innocuous teasing yet he couldn't help but feel on edge.

"I—I'm going to go." Lily hurried to the door, her own face rather pink. "I'll come back after we've all gotten showers, if you still want me here—"

"That'd be fine," Sirius said, rubbing Remus's back which was _not_ helping. Lily shut the door and her footsteps retreated. Remus could still hear them but he figured the others couldn't because Sirius whirled on James. "Why did you say _that_?!"

"It was a _joke_!" James protested. "I didn't mean—I wasn't thinking. Remus, I'm sorry—"

"It's fine," he lied, trying to smile, trying not to shake. He couldn't believe he reacted like this. It wasn't fair! Why couldn't he take it in stride? But the thought of Lily... or anyone... peeping on him in the shower was... _Merlin_ , he thought, clutching his stomach as he tried not to throw up. "We sh-should get showers though."

He gathered some clean clothes and his soap, hurrying across the hall to jump into one of the showers. He felt awkward as he shut the curtains, practically feeling like someone was looking. He quickly shucked his filthy clothes off and jumped into the shower part, shutting that curtain which made him feel slightly better. He turned the hot water on and leaned against the wall, fingertips pressed against his scar, sliding along the ridges. Sure, the idea of someone looking in and seeing his penis was bad enough, but—well, okay, more than bad enough. It made his blood run cold and made him contemplate the pros and cons of becoming a hermit for the rest of his life. But as horrifyingly, appallingly, death-worthy embarrassing someone seeing his penis was... it'd be better than someone seeing his arm. Seeing his scar.

Maybe.

Right?

Possibly they were on the same level. The scar wasn't embarrassing, it was dangerous. Someone seeing his genitals wasn't life-threatening, someone seeing his arm was. Still... either one was... sickeningly unpleasant. Okay. All of it was, the whole thing. The scar, the penis, _everything_! Even though he knew he had a lot of growing up to do, he doubted he'd ever be okay with his body. He looked too frail and delicate; he doubted he'd ever be _masculine_ -looking. His scrawny body would only ever be a laughing stock.

_In any case, I don't have to worry about anyone seeing my body since I'll never have a girlfriend_ , he thought as he finally stepped under the hot water to clean off. At least the anxiety over hating his stupid body took over the anxiety of being spied on.

Once all three Marauders were squeaky clean they began tidying up the dorm a bit, music playing; soon Lily knocked at the door and came in. She helped put up a banner Sirius drew that said **Happy 13th Petey!** with various drawings on it like a camera, a wonky owl that sorta looked like Cocoa, and various sweets. James blew up balloons, and Remus put the levitation spell on them to make them float. At one point Struthers came in to get something and he glanced around the room.

"Is he getting out of the hospital wing today?"

"He should be back today, yeah," Sirius said, lifting his side of the banner up a bit more and using a sticking spell.

"I didn't know it was his birthday..."

"It's not a problem for us to do this, is it?" James asked, slightly sneering.

Struthers shook his head. "Of course not. I—I'll let Andy know... we'll stay out of your way tonight."

After he left, Lily hopped down off of the desk she had been standing on and took a look around. "You know, you could probably make use of an empty, unused classroom for birthday celebrations," she said. "Not—not right this minute, I mean... in the future. That way you wouldn't need to worry about your dormmates."

"Who was worried about Spinnet anyway?" muttered Sirius.

Remus agreed—not _saying_ so of course—about using a classroom, especially in this instance when they had no idea when Peter would be back. They could be waiting for _ages_! But after only another half an hour (during which time James went to get drinks and proper food from the kitchen in case Peter was hungry for sandwiches or something), Remus heard tired, slogging sort of footsteps.

"I think he's coming," Remus said, and the other three went quiet.

Peter opened the door, his entire body drooped, a frown on his face.

"Surprise!" James, Sirius, Lily, and Remus all shouted and Sirius threw a handful of confetti while James blew on a noisemaker he had kept from New Years.

Peter staggered back, jaw dropping open, eyes going enormous. "Wh—what?! Guys...!"

"Welcome back, and happy birthday!" James said, running over to give Pete a gentle hug. Sirius and Remus went to join, all three of them carefully hugging their friend. Peter gave a whimper and hugged them all back, the four of them clinging to one another. They fussed over him, pulling him into the dorm and to his bed so he could sit down.

"How are you feeling?"

"Are you doing okay?"

"Are you all healed up?"

"What was it like?"

"Does it hurt?"

"Do you need rest?"

"Did they let you keep it after they took it out?"

"Do you have a scar?"

"Do you need anything right now?"

Peter tried to answer but all the questions came too rapidly; he shut his mouth and shook his head. "I'm okay," he finally said. "It's been... really weird. I didn't like being at Saint Mungo's but... Sirius, you were right, they gave me a draught of the living death and then I woke up and my appendix was gone. I do kinda have a—Oh! Evans!" He suddenly realized they weren't alone, and went pink.

"Welcome back," Lily said, coming over a bit awkwardly, "I won't stay, since you need to catch up—"

"It's okay," Peter said though looked confused as to why she was there. Then his eyes traveled to the banner, and he went pinker. "Ahh..."

"Look what we did!" James jumped up and ran over to his desk, picking up the cake. "We made you a cake! And biscuits."

"A—cake?" Peter got up, going over to check it out. "A cake for me?"

"We _made_ it," James said. "With our _hands_!"

Peter looked over his shoulder at Remus who nodded, laughing. "We did," he said. "Er, well, Lily did... most of it."

"Hey, _we_ helped a lot!" James protested.

"Not really, we mostly just made a mess," Sirius said, and James elbowed him.

"They did help," Lily admitted, tucking some hair back. "It was a joint effort. I'm not going to stay, really, I mostly wanted to say I'm really glad you're feeling better, and happy birthday!" She approached Peter and gave him a quick hug before leaving the dorm.

Peter stared after her. "She hugged me," he whispered.

Sirius clapped him on the back. "She did! Congratulations!"

"It was a _long_ hug too," James said, nudging Peter. He opened his mouth to say something, looking at Remus, then shut his mouth. Remus suspected he was going to make a joke about Pete stealing Lily from Remus, and he was very glad James decided not to go there.

Peter looked down at the cake. "You guys really made this for me?"

"The Muggle way," James said.

" _Wow_! Thank you, that's—ahh, wow, thank you!" Peter beamed at all of them, but he was looking rather haggard so Remus sat back down on his bed and pat next to him. Peter sank down, obviously not _fully_ recovered. "I was gonna show you, I have a scar. It's starting to fade but..." Peter lifted his shirt and showed a pink mark down the side of his midriff. "It should be gone in a day or two."

"That's _super_ impressive," James said, and Peter squeaked happily. "We were going to try to sneak into Saint Mungo's this morning to visit you for your birthday but Remus wouldn't let us."

Remus snorted at that, shaking his head.

"Oh! It's good you didn't though, Mum and Dad were there all morning, and Professor McGonagall came to visit too," Peter said.

"She did? McGonsie?" Sirius asked.

"Uh-huh. So most likely you would have been caught."

"What was it like, being in there?" Remus asked, very curious since he had never seen the place, or knew anything about it besides some information from a few books.

"I dunno. I was in a _lot_ of pain and crying a lot by the time we got there. They took me to a room where Mum and Dad soon showed up. I was put in a gown and then given the draught, and fell asleep. When I woke up it was all over. Mum and Dad were still there. The scar was really awful looking but I was given some potion to put on it to help speed up the healing. It hurt a lot... well, not a _lot_ , not like before, but it kinda ached, and then I was given a lighter sleeping potion to get through the night."

Peter lifted his shirt again and began poking at the scar.

"It's so weird to think they took something _out_ of my body. Muggles do that a lot, with surgery an' stuff, but it's not that common in the magic world, Mum said. Pomfrey kept apologizing though, she says it was her fault it got that bad..."

"You saw Pomfrey? Did _she_ visit?" James asked.

"Not 'xactly, she's the one who brought me back here and did a quick checkup before letting me come back to the dorm." Peter poked at the scar one more time then lowered his shirt. "I mean, it isn't really her fault, I was so confused where the pain was. I really thought it was my stomach."

"Speaking of stomachs, are you hungry?" Sirius asked, grabbing the tray of sandwiches.

Peter took one. "Yeah, a bit. Lunch wasn't that great there so I didn't eat much. What have _you_ guys been doing?"

"Missing you," James said.

"Definitely missing you," Remus agreed, and Peter smiled.

"You did miss getting to see Jimsy in a pink frilly apron though," Sirius said, and danced away as James tried to kick him. "He looked fantastic!" Then he yelped as James successfully hooked his foot around Sirius's ankle, and he went crashing to the floor with a lot of laughter.

Peter giggled. "I'm sorry I missed it!"

James sighed and went to his laundry bin, getting out the flour covered apron and putting it on. He did a little spin and a 'tada!' motion. Peter clapped happily and James took a bow before throwing the apron back in the bin.

After they ate a few sandwiches, James, Sirius, and Remus lit up their wands to sing For He's A Jolly Good Fellow since none of them had candles. Peter pretended to blow them out and there was a chorus of "Nox!" and then laughter. Sirius cut the cake into several oozy slices and the four sat on Peter's bed getting bits of cake everywhere.

"This is the best cake I've ever had," Peter said, jam and buttercream smeared all over his fingers and face. "You're the best friends anyone could _ever_ have."

Despite all of them being sticky they all hugged again, another group hug. Remus tried not to hug too hard and it was difficult because he wanted to hold onto them and never let go; he couldn't believe it... sitting here in a big hug like this with three guys who _knew_ his _secret_ and were _still_ hugging like this, and calling him a best friend! He was a monster, and yet he knew perfectly well how honest Peter was about saying that. He meant it. He _meant_ it, saying someone like _Remus_ was his best friend, and that James and Sirius felt the same.

When they let go, Remus turned away in pretense of going for a glass of water when in reality he was trying not to let the emotions get to him.

They had more cake, washed up their hands, then Remus and James took the sheets and stuff off of Peter's bed and remade with clean ones so he wouldn't have to. _Then_ , finally it came time for presents. Remus had knitted Peter some socks which was a stupid gift so he also included two bottles of grape soda (Peter's favorite, which Remus absolutely did _not_ steal from the Hogwarts kitchen), and a promise to write an entire essay for him. Sirius had drawn him a picture of Peter giving a peace sign and a roll of film for his camera. James, however, showered Peter with a new strap for his camera, several boxes of sweets, a bottle of butterbeer, and a tripod. A really fancy looking one.

"Whoa," Peter said, running his fingers along the box. He quickly took it out of the box and set it up, placing his camera on the top. He fiddled with it then grabbed the others, pulling them in for a smushed together photo, all four of them laughing. "Thanks, guys, this is all _amazing_!" He stuck the drawing up on the wall and then kicked his shoes and socks off so he could put Remus's socks on.

"Ooh, I almost forgot, check out these," Sirius said and got the platter of sugar biscuits.

"Oh _wow_!" Peter said, taking one of them. "Tit biscuits."

Sirius beamed, proud of himself. "You mean... bisc-tits?"

All four of the Marauders collapsed with laughter at Sirius's pun, and decided from now on they'd call them bisctits.

But Peter obviously had done too much because he put a hand against his side, flinching a little. The others made him get into bed and sat down, chatting with him, batting some balloons back and forth. With the sandwiches and everything they didn't need to go to supper so they remained in their dorm for the rest of the night. James and Sirius danced a lot. Peter tried to dance too but was still recovering and Remus had to force him back into bed.

"You can dance in my place, then," Peter said innocently, and Remus glared.

"Come _on_ , you didn't dance last night!" James said, then stopped, realizing something. "You never told us how it went. Oh Merlin, we were so wrapped up with Peter—"

"It's all right," Remus said quickly. Sirius had briefly asked him the night before, but Remus had been too tired to talk about it; Sirius had tried to get him to say _anything_ and all Remus had said was it went fine, he was fine, and really tired. Now he didn't feel like talking about it at all. It felt... well, he _should_ at least let them know about how wonderful their gifts were. "The box stayed intact, by the way. As did the blanket," he added, turning back to Pete. "There weren't any rips on it at all. They both held up _completely_. It... was so nice being able to have a blanket—a whole blanket—around me the night I didn't transform, and it was wonderful to read up until the moon—" He stopped, blushing slightly. "And of course I am forever grateful for the earplugs as well, James."

Peter crawled over, hugging Remus tightly. "I am _so_ glad!"

"Hey, that's _terrific_ news!" Sirius said, jumping onto Pete's bed to hug Remus too, arm wrapping around his chest, yanking him back against him, half in his lap. Remus let out a slight choking noise and then tried to get free while Sirius gave him a noogie. "Were they—were the nights too rough?" Sirius asked when he finally let go. "Your injuries lasted a long time... at least they seemed to."

Remus shrank back, fixing his hair. "No. It—it wasn't too bad. The wounds were deep, is all. I was well enough to be allowed to leave, after all." He didn't feel like talking about the full moon. For some reason he kinda felt nervous about it, and anxious. Plus it was Peter's big day and he didn't deserve everyone talking about a monster instead of focusing on _him_. "Anyway..." he finished smoothing his locks down and wriggled closer to Peter, leaning back against his headboard. "Why don't we play a board game or something, so Petey can join in?"

James snapped his fingers. "Good idea!"

Soon the four were playing Hogwarts House Cup. Since none of them wanted to be Slytherin, James put the pieces in a cup and shook them up, everyone reaching in to take a piece. Remus wound up with the green piece (he absolutely cheated so Pete wouldn't get it), and Peter was ecstatic to be red. They played several rounds, during which Spinnet and Struthers came up. They both told Peter they were glad he was doing better, and glad he was back. They both also wished him a happy birthday. Spinnet didn't complain about the loud music or the decorations everywhere, and Peter offered them both some cake and biscuits.

They both took a biscuit, Spinnet staring at the icing penis on the top of his. "Do I even want to know?" he asked, and broke it into pieces before eating.

"You... wanna join us for some exploding snaps?" James asked.

Spinnet stared at him. "Er. Why not?"

The six of them settled on the floor, playing cards until well into the night. It was one of the nicest evenings that dorm ever saw, with all six of them getting along. Remus knew it wouldn't last. Soon, Sirius and Spinnet would be back to fighting, and Spinnet would probably be insulting James and Remus too, but at least they had one good night.

They all said goodnight, doing their typical night routines to get ready for bed. The record player was turned off, but the decoration remained up since nobody felt like cleaning them. Remus crawled into bed after several goodnights and curled up with Gwyllgi in his arms.

*

The next morning Remus was once again not the last to get out of bed. Peter was still sound asleep, and Remus got an uneasy chill down his spine remembering a few days ago when Peter was starting to feel unwell. However, once he finally got up he promised he felt okay, he just hadn't slept much.

"You feeling better?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, much, thanks," Peter replied. He noticed the looks on James and Remus's face so he explained, "I, um, had a pretty awful nightmare last night. Sirius helped me."

Remus had woken up at some point during the night thinking he heard muffled voices, but they had been so soft he figured he was imagining them or dreaming them and went back to sleep. "I'm sorry you had one that bad," he said.

Peter shrugged. "It was... you know... from Saturday. I kept dreaming about hands reaching into me and—and pulling out my insides." He looked embarrassed as he began tying his shoes. "Kinda dumb, really."

"I told you last night it isn't dumb," Sirius said firmly, swiftly tying his tie perfectly without even looking at it.

"You went through something traumatic, it's natural to have nightmares about it," said Remus, trying to get his tie knotted even semi-decently. As usual he gave up, and instead flopped onto his bed to get socks on.

"There's nothing wrong with having nightmares," James agreed, glancing very briefly at Remus. "If I had my... um, apindeck taken out—"

"Appendix," Remus muttered.

"—I'd probably have nightmares too." James finished tying his shoes and jumped up to his feet. "Sirius, how do you even hear this though? I know you don't have the spell on your bed but..."

Sirius stiffened very slightly, so quickly that Remus thought he could have imagined it. Then he was relaxed again, a broad smile on his face. "I'm a light sleeper," he said, though there was something in the tone of his voice that didn't sit well with Remus. He just wasn't sure _what_ , or why it would be... not so good.

_Perhaps I'm imagining it_ , Remus thought as they left, or started to. James poked Remus's arm and informed him his jumper was inside out. Remus sighed, taking his robes off so he could get the jumper flipped, ignoring the amused looks on their faces.

"You really think it was traumatic enough to give me nightmares?" Peter whispered to Remus as they made their way down to the Great Hall.

"Of course," Remus assured him.

"But... I'm all healed up. My scar's almost gone, too."

Remus shrugged, shifting the strap of his satchel up higher. He tried not to feel bitter over those words. "Just because you've healed physically doesn't change the fact you've gone through it." Ugh, and how true was _that_? It'd be nice if once the physical aspect of injuries faded the mental side did as well.

Peter slowly nodded. "Okay, yeah. Thank you." He elbowed Remus who elbowed him back, saying again how happy he was Pete was back.


	87. Chapter Eighty-Seven - Remus Is Supposed To Be The Smart One

The next few days were a whirl of excitement for Peter being back, playing pranks, planning pranks, Occlumency which went fairly well, James and Sirius getting in big trouble for trying to attach some LiftAways to Professor Prewett, James and Sirius getting into slightly less trouble for trying to attach some LiftAways to Snape, and then Dumbledore announcing a temporary ban on LiftAways when James and Sirius were caught attaching LiftAways to Sirius along with a rope tied to his ankle _outside_ to see how high he'd float.

"We were _fine_!" James moaned, throwing himself onto his bed Wednesday afternoon, right after it happened.

Remus, who had been studying in his dorm for a big History exam coming up, glanced over. "Fine with what?" he asked. James and Sirius remained conspicuously silent, and Peter was the one to tell Remus what the three of them had been up to. Remus threw his quill down. "ARE YOU BLOODY INSANE?!" he shrieked, then held up a hand. "No, no, don't answer that, I already know you are."

"Then why ask?" Sirius laughed.

Remus glared then picked up an every flavor bean, lobbing it at Sirius—or trying to; it missed by several feet. Sirius laughed.

"It was an _experiment_!" James said, adjusting his glasses. "We wanted to see how high LiftAways can go!"

Remus pushed his chair back, marching over to James's desk to take out the package. "It says right here, _DO NOT USE_ _OUTSIDE_ _WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION_!"

"In some countries, thirteen is considered an adult," Sirius said, stretching out on his bed, legs crossed at his ankles.

Remus felt like he might explode as his blood pressure rose. "What country is that? Fantasyland? No wonder you didn't pressure me to come with you. Didn't you do enough to poor Prewett?"

"No poor Snape?" James teased.

Remus snorted, tossing the package onto James's bed. "You best be glad you weren't seriously injured."

" _Sirius_ -ly injured," Sirius corrected him with an agonizingly annoying smirk.

Remus stared at him. Sirius grinned back.

"I'd run," Peter said.

Remus dove for his wand. Sirius shrieked, taking off out the door with Remus chasing him. "GET BACK HERE!"

"MAKE ME!"

"CIRRATIUM!"

"LUPIN DON'T YOU DARE!"

Sirius burst into the common room and everyone who was in there turned to watch in amusement as Remus chased him out of the tower. Remus tripped a few times, and it didn't take long for Sirius to get out of sight. Once that happened Remus returned to the tower, nose stuck in the air as he tried to emulate James and Sirius's uncaring attitude while he walked through the common room. All the eyes on him made him grow anxious and on edge without Sirius there too. Soon he was up the dorm and he shut the door, dragging a chair over to push up under the handle.

James and Peter were jammed together on James's bed, both of them laughing.

"You are absolute idiots though," Remus sniffled.

He went back to studying and soon Sirius was pounding on the door, rattling the doorknob, begging them to let him in. After a minute or two he agreed that was fine, and Peter ran over to pull the chair back. Sirius came in, brushing his robes off, looking a trifle annoyed. Remus was worried he shouldn't have done that, thought perhaps it had been too far, even though the others often chased one another with threats of spells. He had done it before, but maybe he shouldn't...

Remus grew more and more anxious, even when Sirius stopped acting annoyed. He considered apologizing, but if Sirius hadn't really been mad it'd be silly to apologize; still, he did on the way to History. Sirius laughed and messed up Remus's hair, telling him he needed to do stuff like that more often.

"It's great to see you let loose," Sirius promised.

Remus smoothed his hair down, and spent the rest of the day contemplating Sirius's words.

*

On Thursday morning, Herbology had to be cancelled due to a terrific blizzard that dumped _loads_ of snow on the castle. James, Sirius, and Peter weren't really sure what to do now that they had the _entire_ morning free until Remus suggested they explore the Pits Passages some more. He had some books on art and pottery that he hoped to compare to what was in the tunnel; he had used Peter's pictures to help, but he wanted to be up and close and personal to double check everything. At least he was pretty sure he had the right century for when the tunnels were decorated, which would be a step in figuring out when they were closed. Or _why_ they were closed.

"Would you lot be angry if I asked one of the ghosts for help?" Remus asked as they carefully crossed the first pit.

"I'd rather not have anyone know we know about this place," James said.

Remus nodded, figuring as much. None of the paintings had people in them, so he couldn’t exactly ask. In fact, the only living creature was the sleeping dragon. The four of them crossed a few pits then settled down in a nice-sized area. They brought a record player and some albums to listen to music while they hung out. Peter brought stuff to work on a scrapbook he had started earlier in the week, Sirius doodled in his sketchbook, Remus studied the paintings, and James—genius James—decided to practice fancy broom tricks even though there wasn't much room. Eventually he stopped trying loops and played a game of 'see how stupid I am', at least that's what Remus dubbed it. James hovered over a pit and fully stopped his broom, shrieking with adrenaline-rushed joy as he plummeted down into the pit. He'd kick the broom into gear before he hit the ground and whoosh back up into view.

"You're going to hurt yourself," Remus muttered as he compared a painting of a landscape to some landscapes in a book. He squinted at the signature on the painting then peered so closely to the book his nose practically touched the page.

"WHEEEEEEEEE!" James shouted as he plummeted back out of view.

"Petey, Remy," Sirius whispered, and turned his sketchbook around to show them the drawing he had made of a flattened James, looking very much like a crepe with glasses. Peter and Remus both giggled, and they quickly stopped when James popped back up. "What's so funny?" he asked.

"Debating what music to play at your funeral," Sirius replied, pulling his knees up to rest his sketchbook against them.

James jabbed his glasses back into place. "Hardy-har-har. It's _fun_. You should join me."

"It's going to be utterly wretched only having three Marauders," sighed Sirius rather dramatically. "Here lies James Potter—"

"Shut up."

"—taken in the flush of his youth by his own reckless stupidity."

"Says the guy who tried to see how high he could float with only a rope and two second years to keep him from drifting away," Peter pointed out, not looking up from his scrapbook.

Sirius blew a raspberry. "Ah, well, I didn't say I was any less recklessly stupid. I'm just, you know, lamenting the loss of my best friend."

James zipped his broom over, low enough so he could snag Sirius under an arm and drag him a little ways. Sirius kicked and yelped, or at least tried to fake yelp through his laughing. James hitched him up higher and started hovering over a pit in a teasing manner. Sirius's laughter stopped when his sketchbook slid out of his other hand and fell down into the hole.

"Aw, shit!" he swore.

"Oh man, sorry!" James returned Sirius to the ground. "I'll go get it—"

"I will, if you'll take me," Sirius said.

The two flew down and after a moment James was back up without Sirius, looking very excited. "You guys have _got_ to see this!"

It didn't take long for James to fly them both down to the bottom of the pit. It seemed really far down compared to the one they first explored; it had to be at least two and a half, three stories down into the rock. However the real point of interest was the fact there was more blasted through the rock at the bottom. It was like a tunnel going straight ahead. Sirius stood at the mouth with his lit wand raised.

"Oh _wow_ ," Peter breathed out, stepping over. "What—where—"

Remus lifted his wand to examine the walls. "Rough rock. This was blasted by a spell, not made properly." He ran his fingers along the rock, a shudder going down his spine.

"Let's explore," James said, and Sirius readily agreed.

Peter, however, was unsure. "It could be dangerous, if it's not made, ummm, made properly," he said, echoing what Remus said. "It could cave in."

Sirius kicked the wall and Peter yelped, scurrying back. "Seems solid to me."

"You're an idiot who can't be trusted!" Peter snapped. Sirius fluttered his eyelashes back at him. "Remy, you agree with—Remus?!"

Remus was moving forward, deeper into the tunnel. He hardly even heard Peter and didn't really think to answer. Someone was looking for something down here. Why? What for? Why did this pit in the mountain turn into a tunnel when the other didn't?

" _Remus_!" He stopped as someone seized his arm, turning to look into James's eyes. "Bloody hell, so-called Brains, what were you doing?"

Remus blinked a few times. "Exploring?"

James raised his eyebrows. "I figured you'd be on Pete's page with this."

Remus pressed his lips thin, knowing it was probably stupid to be plunging into a most likely unsafe tunnel who-knows-how-far-underground without even braces holding the place up. "I'm curious," he said.

"Thattaboy!" Sirius laughed, running forward to pass Remus. "Let's go!"

"Great, the voice of reason is being stupid too!" Peter complained. "Why do I have to be the only one to think this is a _very_ bad plan? Remy, you're supposed to be the _smart_ one to tell those two not to _do_ this! Stop _ignoring_ me! Hey—wait up!" Peter ran to catch up as the other three went farther into the dark. "I hate you all!" he grumbled as he got his wand out to light it up too.

The tunnel kept getting smaller and smaller. It twisted and turned in various directions and Remus really expected it to _go_ somewhere, but it didn't take long for them to run into a dead end. However, it didn't look like the person stopped because they felt like stopping... there was a cave-in. Not a large one, but enough to send a spike of fear through all four boys. They began backing up until Peter gave a cry, arms flailing as he tripped over something.

"You all right?" James asked.

"Yeah, I... _Oh_. Um, guys?"

They turned to see Peter slowly standing up, holding up what he tripped over. He held his wand close and they could all see it was a book.

James ran over and took the book from him. "What in Merlin's bloody name is this?" he whispered.

"A book," Sirius said.

"Terrific deduction there," James laughed. "What's it _doing_ here? _Hogwarts, A History_?"

Remus went over, putting his hand out for the book. He crouched down, ignoring the protests of his friends, and balanced the book on his lap. It was a much older copy than his own, and he had a somewhat old one. The author was different too. He knew whenever someone updated the book they put their own name on the front, and a list of the other authors inside. This author was the previous one from the copy Remus had. He wasn't sure how old it made the book though.

"Come on, Peter's right, this isn't safe," James said.

" _Now_ you listen to me," Peter muttered.

"Just a minute," Remus said, flipping to the publication page. _1922_. It was over fifty years old. He wondered if whoever left it had been in here fifty years ago, or more recently? After all, his own copy of _Hogwarts, a History_ was from the 1950s. The most recent version had been published in the late 60s, shortly after Dumbledore became Headmaster.

" _Remus_ come _on_!"

"C—coming!"

Remus clutched the book to his chest, hurrying after his friends. Once back at the main pit James took them up one at a time. Remus had forgotten completely why they had even gone down until Sirius said something about being glad he got his sketchbook back. Between the time they had spent in the main passage, and the time exploring the blasted section, enough time had passed that it was almost lunchtime.

He tucked the old copy of _Hogwarts, a History_ into his satchel, planning on searching through it thoroughly to try to figure out who might have left it there. The 'why' was... well, maybe not obvious but he theorized whoever had done the blasting had left it. They blasted, the ceiling caved, and the person left in such a hurry they dropped their book without even realizing. Perhaps that wasn't what happened, but it was the only possibility he could really think of. Well... someone could have been studying down in there for some reason and forgot it. That seemed a little less likely, though, unless they hated the book.

*

Remus didn't get much of a chance to look at the book again for hours. He didn't dare bring it out in the Great Hall (for some reason he felt like someone might notice it wasn't his own copy and get suspicious), and after lunch they had Defense. Unfortunately, not even the curiosity of the book could tamp down the hot feelings liquefying Remus's insides as Prewett lectured with that smile on his face. Remus tried to focus on his note taking, trying his best to ignore Professor Prewett and absolutely failing. _Ugh_. He wished it would stop, wished he wouldn't feel this way, wished he could just... not be affected by attractive guys. Did all guys have this problem? Did other guys look at Professor Prewett and feel this way? He knew girls did but... did _guys_? He knew perfectly well he wasn't really _normal_ , however... well, it wasn't something he could ever ask the other Marauders, and in any case soon he _would_ be normal.

As normal as a werewolf could get, that is.

Finally the lesson ended, and Remus figured he'd go somewhere to take a good look at the book except the Marauders had different plans.

"We're going to hang out with the girls," Sirius said, yawning and stretching. "Cassie sent a note asking if we wanted to, I said yes."

_Didn't bother asking all of us_ , Remus thought. "Which girls?"

"Cassie, Colgate, and Evans," Sirius replied.

"I—I was going to do some... studying... besides, if you do anything you can have even teams," Remus said swiftly.

Sirius elbowed him. "Nah, Cassie said she wanted to see if Magpie'd join too."

Remus remained silent, rather irritated. He was going to protest but James linked an arm with his. "Come on, it'll be fun," he said. "And I really don't want to be dealing with Evans without you there."

"I—"

" _Please_?"

Remus looked into James's pleading eyes and sighed. "Yes, of course."

" _Yes_!" James hugged him tightly. "You're amazing."

Remus hoped he'd be able to have an out at some point but everyone wanted to play _team_ games. He would have preferred games more like... everyone-else-do-something-while-he-hides.

There was a bit of a kerfuffle when it came to choosing partners. Sirius and Inkwood partnered up easily, and Colgate shrugged, not caring about being with Peter... but for some reason Lily and Magpie both danced around wanting to be Remus's partner. Well, he knew why Lily wanted to be his partner (so she didn't have to be James's partner) but he didn't know why Magpie wanted him (unless she was harboring some silent ill will towards James?), and while he would have much preferred to be Lily's partner he didn't want to have to make a choice.

James, grouchy that he was essentially last picked, suggested they flip a coin. Magpie won unfortunately, and Lily angrily partnered with James.

"Trust me, it's no picnic for me either, Red," James grumbled, slumping back on the couch with his arms folded.

"You're gonna lose guess the picture," Peter giggled. "James _sucks_ at drawing!"

Lily looked at James who forced a smile in return. "I'm not that bad. We'll do fine."

They did not do fine. Sirius and Inkwood did fantastic, thanks to his artistic ability, and Peter and Colgate, and Remus and Magpie did decent, but James and Lily wound up arguing and shouting at each other when James attempted to draw a griffin and Lily kept guessing underwater creatures.

"HOW CAN YOU THINK IT'S A FISH?!" James yelled when their timer beeped and they lost the round.

"THAT LOOKS LIKE A FIN!" Lily yelled right back, pointing.

"IT'S A BEAK!"

"HOW IS THAT A BEAK?! IT'S ON ITS BACK!"

"THAT'S ITS _HEAD_!"

"WHY IS THE BEAK POINTING _UP_!"

"It's—it's not pointing _up_ -up, it's _angled_ up because the griffin is _SCREECHING_!"

"It's not OPEN!"

"IT IS OPEN! IT'S AN OPEN BEAK!"

"IT'S A BLOODY TRIANGLE HOW IS THAT OPEN?!" She grabbed the pencil and drew a quick sketch of an open beak then began jabbing the pencil at it. "OPEN! OPEN!"

James snatched the pencil from her hand. "That looks like a FISH'S TAIL!"

"YOU LOOK LIKE A FISH'S TAIL!"

Remus was very glad James didn't drag the others in, because his drawing of a griffin really did look like some sort of finned creature. Not that he and Magpie did much better, but they did get a couple points so they weren't last in that game.

Charades went a lot worse for him, since first of all he was very distracted thinking of the tunnel and the book, and second of all he absolutely hated standing there in front of Colgate, Inkwood, and Magpie, and have to act out the prompts, especially with the fact they were in the common room so sometimes other students glanced over at them. His limbs felt weird and awkward, making it difficult to do much of anything, and when Magpie tried to act out her prompts Remus had _no_ idea what she was attempting to do.

"Second word, first p-part..." He watched carefully as she began miming. It took quite a while before he was able to even get on the right track. "... Flowy? Oh! F-flowy? Flowy... hide? Mask? Flowy m-mask? OH! V-veil?" Remus guessed and Magpie clapped her hands. "F-first part veil. Um. Little? Small? N—no, bigger?" He squirmed, hating to be the only one talking, maybe _this_ was worse than being the one acting out. "A little... a—a lot...? Bigger? Wider?"

Then he heard Inkwood whispering very softly in Sirius's ear. "I think she's got Veilmoore."

Remus perked up. "More. Veilmoore," he said immediately and Magpie nodded; Sirius immediately shot a suspicious look towards Remus who smiled innocently back before facing Magpie again to finish the charade. Except Remus had no idea what Veilmoore meant, and Magpie was motioning with her hands indicating he should say the next part. Veilmoore? What the heck was Veilmoore? Magpie stared at him then held up one finger. "First word? Sounds like?" She nodded then hesitantly began miming. "Spinning? F—flourish? Um... d-dance?" She nodded, tugging at her ear. "S—sounds like dance?" She grinned. "Uhhh... dance... p-pants... l—lance?"

He saw Sirius with his head in his hands, James was obviously trying not to laugh, and Peter shaking his head. He felt worse. What was it?

"Chance? France? Per...chance?" He was floundering, and unable to think of other rhymes.

The timer went off and immediately Sirius blurted into his hands, "He doesn't know Quidditch!"

" _Vance_!" Magpie moaned out. "Vance _Veil_ moore!"

Remus stared at her then at his friends.

"The Keeper for Wigtown Wanderers," James explained.

"I—I didn't—I—" He went very pink and sank down on the couch. "Sorry."

"It's all right." Magpie perched next to him, giving him a smile. "It's kinda nice you're not crazy obsessed with Quidditch like most boys."

Remus had _no_ clue what to even say to that. "Er," was all he managed.

It was Peter and Colgate's turn next and Remus sat back, legs crossed, foot jiggling as he tried to sneak glances at the clock. It was getting close to supper. They'd probably want to keep playing until then. He'd be unable to check the book until after supper—perhaps not until after James's practice? Except, right before 5pm Bell came over to inform James the practice was canceled due to the snowstorm.

"I'm not that hungry," Remus said when everyone else started getting ready to go eat. "I—I think I'll st-stay and study."

"Aw, come on, come eat with us," Lily said, looking rather eager.

"I'm n—not really hungry," he protested, hoping his stomach wouldn't growl and give him away. "I had f-f-fun, I'll see you g-guys later." He whirled around and hurried up to the boys' dorm before anyone else could stop him. _Sweet solace_! he thought, collapsing onto his bed face first. It felt the entire afternoon had become chains wrapping around his body and digging in. Too much interacting with people when he _really_ hadn't been in the mood... but at least it was over.

After several minutes he rolled out of bed and flicked the radio on, turning the knobs until he had a good station playing at a tolerable sound level. Classical music drifted out and he gave a little spin, drifting back to his bed, flopping onto his stomach. He kicked his shoes off and stretched out, legs bent so his mismatched socked feet were lazily swaying through the air to the music. Part of him considered taking a nap however he fought off the sleepiness enough to dig the book out of his satchel.

_Hogwarts, a History_ , he thought, staring at the old cover. _From 1922._ The first thing he did was search the first few pages just in case the previous owner had written a name down. No such luck. Sighing, he began slowly flipping through the pages, not even sure what he was looking for. The biggest changes between this copy and his would be the stuff that had happened since then, and he couldn't imagine what might be in here that would give away... well, anything. Most likely it had _nothing_ to do with the pits, except the slim chance it belonged to whoever had done it.

After nearly ten minutes he found something, although not quite what he expected. Torn out pages. Two, to be precise. He ran his finger down the ragged remains, wondering what had been there. _Easily enough figured out_ , he thought and checked the pages before and after the missing ones. Going to the list of contents he scanned down until he found what he was looking for, and he gasped out loud.

The missing pages were in the section covering Salazar Slytherin's history, and the exact pages missing were about the Chamber of Secrets.

Remus closed the book and hugged it to his chest, breathing rather heavily. Aegis might not have been far off the mark after all.

Someone had been down in the pits possibly looking for the legendary chamber.


	88. Chapter Eighty-Eight - What A Coincidence

Friday dragged on way too long for Remus, especially since he had stayed up super late the night before. In Potions, Remus had sent a note to Aegis asking to meet him in the trophy room at 5:30, and all day long he had been distracted, waiting for their meeting. He sorta wished he had asked to meet up during lunch, except he didn't think of that until halfway through History. He couldn't wait to show Aegis the discovery, and talk to him about it.

After Transfiguration, the Marauders went to their dorm to hang out. Remus sat at his desk, trying to do some homework to distract himself from Aegis and the chamber. The others put on some music however James was in the mood for something more than relaxation.

"I've been thinking," he said as he flopped back onto his bed, "we should start preparing for something to do for Valentine's day, it's only two and a half weeks away. I was thinking maybe trying to get our hands on some love potions."

" _No!_ " Remus snapped at the same time Sirius said, "Yes!"

Remus pointed his quill at James. "No. That's really mean. How'd you like it if someone slipped you a love potion?"

"So? It'd be annoying but no big deal."

Remus sighed. "What if someone made you fall in love with someone awful?"

"It's just a potion, it'll wear off and wouldn't really mean anything anyway," James shot back with a smirk.

"What if someone made you fall for Snivellus?"

James sat upright, clutching his stomach and making retching noises. "Merlin, Remy, you can't say those sorts of things without warning!"

"I think I lost my appetite for the next fifty years," moaned Peter.

"Remus, you are truly evil," added Sirius. "Point taken. No love potion."

Remus sighed with relief, turning back to his homework.

"What if..." Peter started, then stopped. Everyone looked at him which made him go pink. "Nuthin'."

"Come on, Petey," James urged, "share your idea."

"It's dumb."

Sirius went over, knocking his knuckles lightly against Peter's head. "Share it anyway."

"Well. I was thinking of some cartoons I've seen—"

"What's that?" James asked.

Peter looked at Remus. "They're like... comics," Remus explained. "On the Muggle telly. They move and speak. It's like wizarding comics, but it's on the telly with sound too. It's hand drawn, not an actual live recording like some other Muggle shows." James nodded vigorously, and Remus narrowed his eyes.. "You don't understand, do you."

"Not a word," James laughed, flapping his hand towards Peter. "Continue, please."

Peter cleared his throat. "Anyway, when cartoon characters are in love—it, it's in comics too, really—but when it shows 'em in love, they get these big hearts floating over their head." Peter put his hands above him, cupping his hands to form a heart. "What if we can figure out a way to do that? Have hearts floating over everyone's head? Like, um, everyone, not just people in love."

Now all eyes were on Remus. "Er..." He began chewing at the end of his quill. "It would be fairly easy to come up with a spell to do that, however _putting_ the spell on everyone is another matter entirely."

"It'd be like the bat-bogey thing last year," James said, snapping his fingers. "We could put it on the Great Hall doors!"

"That hurt Remy," Sirius said swiftly.

"Yeah, he kinda got unconscious after," Peter pointed out.

"I might be able to do better now, but I doubt I'd have the ability to sustain the spell long enough to enchant even half the students," he murmured, tapping the quill against his chin, forgetting he had it in his mouth a moment ago. He made a face and wiped his chin off on his sleeve.

"Maybe we could get an older student to help," Sirius suggested. "Seo-Yun might be able to!"

James nodded. "We'll figure out the logics of it later—"

"Logistics?" Remus suggested softly.

"—and in the meantime Remus can knock a spell out, and we'll try to come up with a backup plan in case we can't do it, or Kim can't help us," James finished. "Excellent idea, Petey."

Peter grinned. "I'm glad you liked it!"

Remus looked down at his parchment, wondering how on earth he was supposed to 'knock out' a spell in two weeks?! While he considered arguing—saying he couldn't—the least he could do was _try_. He pushed aside his homework to write down Peter's idea in his pranks notebook. He didn’t feel like going to the library to start working on it yet, so he returned to his homework while the others chattered about the prank and danced to the music.

*

Finally supper came and the Marauders left their dorm; Remus debated going to get a quick bite, however his stomach was too twisted up to even think about it. So he told the others he was going to go to the library early and went to the trophy room where he began pacing, twenty minutes before they were meeting. Or... hopefully meeting. Perhaps Aegis nodding at Remus after class wasn't really a confirmation. Maybe he was just nodding hello. Maybe he hadn't read the note, Remus had been distracted by James right after sending it so he hadn't seen. Aegis probably wasn't going to show up at all—

"Remus?"

He spun around as Aegis came in. "Hey," Remus said, smiling. "It—it's not f-five-thirty yet."

"No. When I saw you were not in the Great Hall I decided to come here," he replied, walking over. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes! Wait till—oh, c-come on, let's go in the passage." Remus hurried over to the portrait of Scrimgeour. "Beati pacifi." Scrimgeour gave him a wink as he opened up. The two boys clambered in, heading to the first pit which they sat down next to, wands lit. Remus tucked his wand behind his ear so he could pull the old copy of _Hogwarts, a History_ out of his bag. "All right, yesterday we were relaxing in the passage, and Sirius dropped something down one of the—the pits. He and James went down to get it, and f-found the pit had a tunnel going off of it."

Aegis frowned. "A tunnel?"

"Uh-huh. We explored it. It—it d-didn't go far, just sort of... twisted around getting smaller. It ended in what looked like a c-cave in, _but_..." Remus turned the book around to face Aegis. "We found _this_ in the tunnel."

"The... tunnel? Underground?"

"Yep. Someone was down there in the last fifty years."

Aegis took the book, running his fingers along the cover. "It is not surprising someone made the discovery though. It is interesting, but—"

"Nothing wild, right?" Remus asked, and Aegis gave an apologetic nod. "That's what I thought. It was kinda weird and interesting, not a huge deal. Until..." He opened the book, showing the jagged edges of where the pages had been ripped out. "This."

"Someone removed pages?"

"Yes."

Aegis gave Remus a smile. "I am assuming there is something special about these pages?" Remus pulled his own copy of the book out, and opened up to the same section without a word. Aegis's eyes slowly grew wider as he realized what Remus meant. "The Chamber of—"

"Secrets," Remus confirmed. "I think you might have been right. I think someone went down into those pits to look for it. Or... made them, looking for it."

"That really was only a guess before we knew they were in the mountains, you know that—"

"But why was this book down there? With the section about the Chamber missing?"

Aegis shook his head. "It is quite a mystery. Which pit?"

"It's..." Remus looked across the one they were next to. "It's nearly at the other end."

Aegis picked up Remus's copy to look at what little was written. "I wish we could go look, however I do not have a broom..."

Remus leaned back against the wall, trying to figure out a way to get down into the pits. "We could use a school broom?" he suggested.

Aegis shot him an amused look. " _You_ are suggesting we nick a school broom?"

He made a face, tilting his hand back and forth in an 'eh' motion. " _Borrow_."

Aegis stared in disbelief then tipped his head back, laughing hard. "Merlin! I don't even know what to say to that. You are... I told you before, I _never_ expected you to be like this. Such a troublemaker!"

Remus looked down, unsure how to respond. He hoped it wasn't in a bad way. What if Aegis decided he was too much of a troublemaker? Perhaps he should hide his... more mischievous side... that'd probably be the right thing to do. The best thing. "I—I—I was—was jo—jok—joking," he tried with a shaky smile.

Aegis raised his eyebrows. "No, you weren't."

Remus began fiddling with the end of his sleeve, feeling nauseated, feeling like he had made a huge mistake. He had been too casual. Too... himself. He shouldn't have done that. Being around the Marauders was really affecting the way he interacted with others. Despite still having uneasiness with some aspects of his personality showing (like chasing Sirius the other day), he was getting quite comfortable around them. That being said… it didn't mean he should risk being comfortable with others. He and Aegis weren't super close. He needed to do better about hiding his thoughts and personality, so Aegis wouldn't hate him. Not that he really deserved to be liked.

"I—"

Aegis suddenly reached out, then stopped, hand hovering a few inches from Remus's arm. "It's okay. I am amused. Not annoyed, if that is what has upset you." His voice was kinda tense, and Remus could tell his muscles were tight.

"I—I'm—I'm—I'm n-not upset," Remus lied.

"I am... I'm sorry. I was meaning it in a good way, I promise, I didn't mean to say troublemaker in a bad manner."

"No, r-really it's—"

"Please, I am very sorry—"

They broke off, looking at each other, knowing perfectly well this cycle would continue until one of them broke down.

"Your... ah, shall I say, Marauder nature is very admirable," Aegis said firmly. "It simply goes entirely against what you seem."

"I... I t-try not to be—I do try to be—"

"Quiet and unassuming?" Remus nodded. "Understandable." Now he began messing with the end of his sleeve. "I am in a similar boat as you, when it comes to... that sort of thing." Then his cheeks went pink, and he forced a smile on his face. "I'm rambling now."

"No, you're—you're fine."

The air definitely felt very awkward now; it took a few minutes and the beginning of a conversation about the Chamber of Secrets before both boys started feeling a little better. Neither knew much about the chamber at all, mostly what was written in _Hogwarts, a History,_ which wasn't much at all. Remus had found a few other books over the past few weeks however, they all pretty much went over the same few scraps of information.

"I could try to ask some of the other Slytherins," Aegis said as they finally got to their feet, dusting their robes off.

"Only if you f-feel comforta—table," replied Remus, not wanting Aegis to get anyone mad, not with the way he was (seemingly?) bullied.

Aegis easily guessed what Remus really meant, and said, "Not all of them hate me. It's..." He trailed off with a sigh, exiting out of the secret passage first. He turned, watching Remus emerge. “I can ask around.”

"If you're _sure_."

"I am," he promised, smiling broadly. It _looked_ like a genuine smile. "Now then, are we nicking a broom or...?"

_Oh right, I casually mentioned stealing earlier_ , he realized, rubbing his jawline. A moment when his Marauderness had taken over. "Ah, well... I'm not—that isn't—"

They left the trophy room but before Remus could make a decision one way or another (he knew what he wanted, which _was_ to borrow a broom, even though he knew they shouldn't) they turned a corner and literally ran into someone.

"Watch where you're going _freaks_!"

It was Snape, glowering fiercely at both boys.

"I am sorry," Aegis said pleasantly.

Snape narrowed his eyes. "You know, Silverlocke, you aren't helping your reputation by hanging out with someone like _that_." Snape nodded towards Remus.

"Considering how you have been treating me since day one, I am rather surprised to find you concerned over my 'reputation'," Aegis replied. Snape flushed slightly while Remus didn't bother hiding his snicker.

Snape held his chin up. "I thought I should offer some advice, seeing as how you haven't _any_ friends in Slytherin. With the company you keep... I doubt it will happen anytime soon."

"Person-n-nally I ch-choose my f-friends by if I—I-I like them or—or not," Remus said, folding his arms. "If you're only p-p-picking f-friends b-based on how they'll mm-m-make you look, that's—that's selfish and—and—and rather mercenary."

Snape pretended to look at a nonexistent watch halfway through Remus's words. When he finished, Snape lowered his arm. "Took you long enough, Loopy. And... what? It was by pure chance that you _happened_ to like Potter and Black? Let's see..." Snape folded his hands together, pressing them against his lips. "Extremely rich pureblood from an ancient line annnnnnd oh _look_! A _nother_ rich pureblood from an ancient line! Not to mention the fact they are both, for some unfathomable reason, well-liked."

"Sh—shut up!"

"Really, Loopy? The richest pureblood heir in the entire country? That was mere coincidence, was it?"

Remus curled his hands into fists, feeling anger rising quickly up. "Stop—sh-shut—up—that's—I didn't—"

Snape took a long stride closer to Remus who backed up until he was against the wall, Snape in his face. "You think they actually like you? _You_?" He looked down at Remus's worn, tattered robes and uniform, then quickly back up into his eyes. "Loony Lupin? How often do you do their homework?'

"That's enough, Snape—" Aegis tried.

Snape ignored him. "How many of their good grades are really from you?" He leaned in close, nose practically touching Remus's face, black eyes glittering; the wolf inside Remus began stirring, stretching out, growing absolutely vengeful. It was urging Remus to attack. Not with his wand, but physically; to jump on Snape and rip his jugular out. He could practically taste the blood in his mouth. "Potter and Black are too arrogant to care about anyone but themselves, let alone a pathetic thing like you. Once they're done with you, you'll be kicked to the side—"

"Just b-b-because people aren't w-willing to p-put—put up with you d-d-doesn't mean it's l-like that for—for everyone!" Remus spat out.

Snape stared at Remus in furious shock and the next thing Remus knew, Snape's wand was out. He grabbed Remus by the front of his robes, yanking him to the side, moving him away from the wall. Remus grabbed his wand, trying to put up a shield. He didn’t manage in time. The flipendo curse _slammed_ into him and he went flying back several feet into the far wall. His head snapped back, hitting the wall hard enough to cause a burst of light in his vision. He slumped to the ground, hands clutching his head as he moaned in pain. He heard Aegis's cry of protest, and Snape's soft laughter. By the time he could see properly Aegis was crouched in front of him trying to help him up, and Snape was long gone.

"'m ok," Remus panted out.

"No you're not!" Aegis said, taking Remus's wrist, forcing his hand down so he could see the blood smeared across his fingers.

Remus's head itched slightly, and he knew he was already healed. "I—I have healing salve in my dorm." He really didn't want to go to Pomfrey, not when he had been there not too long ago for a head wound. "Besides, it—I d-don't want... her to know someone hexed me."

"You are not going to snitch?" Aegis asked as they walked down the corridor.

Remus recalled the vaguely recent interaction with Macdonald. "Would you?" Aegis chewed at his nails, not saying anything; Remus pulled his hood up to hide the blood. "I'll be fine," he promised and Aegis frowned. "I will. I swear."

"I... all right..." They stopped at the main staircase, watching as one of the flights of stairs drifted lazily into a new position. "I'm sorry."

"F-for what?"

Aegis wrapped his arms around himself, gaze sliding away from Remus's. "Not helping you. For doing nothing but standing there, like a useless idiot. I am quite a coward."

"You aren't a coward just because you don't want to fight," Remus said.

"You've stood up for me before, I should do the same!"

Remus shook his head, then pretended to wind as he remembered it would probably still hurt. "Look, my—my temper gets the better of me. It's probably good you're able to quell yours so well."

"Also known as being a coward, or a doormat."

"You did try to get him to back off," Remus pointed out.

Aegis shrugged. "Perhaps." He was obviously still miserable and Remus had no idea what to say to cheer him up. He wanted to say something like, everyone was different, or something about the houses having different traits, however considering how little pride Aegis took in being a Slytherin, Remus doubted that'd be a good idea. "Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital wing?"

"Positive."

"All right, then. I shall see you—ahh. We missed Study Group."

Remus looked at the watch on Aegis's wrist. It was nearly seven! "Oops."

"I'll see you later, Remus."

"See you, Aegis. And really, it—it's fine, you were fine back there."

Remus hopped onto one of the stairs going up right as it started turning. He clutched at the railing, feeling dizzy as it moved through the air. Most students continued walking up or down as it moved, which Remus hated doing; it made him too ill. Finally, the stairs locked into place and Remus hurried up, winding his way up through the castle until he got to the Gryffindor tower. None of his friends were around which, considering the blood on him, was probably a good thing.

One hot shower later Remus was lying under his bed, arms wrapped around his pillow as he went over Snape's words. They had dug down into him in a way he hoped Aegis hadn't noticed. Words that echoed deep inside of him, and hearing Snape say them had dragged them to the surface.

Even knowing the blood pact they had made on Halloween night, even knowing their reactions to him being a werewolf, even knowing all the proclamations of friendship and camaraderie... he was still scared they'd abandon him. Because he was so strange and unusual. Because he had such a hard time being a human. Because all he did was cause messes and force his friends to deal with his burdens—to put them through things they didn’t deserve to go through, to shove the weight of responsibility down on them; they deserved to be free instead of shackled to a filthy monster. He was scared sooner or later they'd realize this, soon they’d grow tired of his abnormality, tired of having to constantly live with his problems. They _knew_ he was a werewolf and insisted they still cared, yet he couldn't help feel that if he did something wrong it'd all be over. Like, they only needed one more excuse. _That_ couldn't be normal—the constant fear—could it?

They were wrong, these thoughts. They had to be wrong. Probably were wrong. He trusted the other Marauders. Just because James was rich didn't mean anything. It _was_ a coincidence.

_Unless, they're using you_ , a small voice whispered.

_They're not_ , he thought back, then remembered Sirius pushing for them to give James the 'sorry we were idiots' presents then promptly coping the essay Remus had written.

He tried to get up, forgetting where he was and banging his head in almost the same spot that had gotten injured earlier. Cursing, he wriggled out from under his bed in order to throw himself into some schoolwork. Trying to get the thoughts out of his head, trying not to dwell too much on what... _probably_... wasn't true.

But he couldn't stop thinking of all of them looking at him earlier to figure out the technical side of the prank, to come up with a spell that would work. They had automatically looked at him to fill in the gaps, like they always did. Did they... were they...?

_No_ , he thought, gritting his teeth. _It's Snape's nasty mouth spewing filth, and your fears lying to you_.

He knew that was true... but part of him was still scared.

*

The Marauders stayed up super late that night, taking over a corner of the common room; since it was Friday, a lot of students were staying up. To Remus's annoyance, the girls joined them. Sirius had nicked some butterbeer from an older student's dorm and James had fetched loads of snacks. They were playing James's record player, having a good time. Remus sat in an armchair, gripping his cup of butterbeer, considering going back to the dorm because he really didn't want to deal with expending energy trying to be normal. After what happened with Aegis earlier in the day he was even more hyper aware than usual about how he came across, and having Colgate, Inkwood, and Magpie around made it even more difficult. He was emotionally drained, and irritated from the encounter with Snape earlier... as well as still trying to get rid of those awful thoughts...

Not to mention a raging on-and-off headache. He did excuse himself, claiming to need the loo, and ran upstairs to put in the earplugs. He stood in front of the mirror for a moment, fluffing out and adjusting his hair until all visible signs of the earplugs were hidden before he returned downstairs. The earplugs helped a little, at least. When he reappeared, Lily motioned for him to join the dancing which he shook his head at, retreating to his armchair. She shrugged, going back to dancing with Peter, both of them laughing.

Magpie wasn't dancing either, she sat in the chair next to Remus, trying to make conversation. He did his best to converse back but because of a culmination of... of everything, his stutter got more and more pronounced every time he tried to talk, until he could see the slight frustration in her face as he struggled to finish a sentence. Then she tried to finish some of his sentences for him, which was even worse.

"I f-f-found—found th-that—that—the—the use of—of—the use of—t-t-tr-t—tran—tr—"

"Transfiguration spells?" Magpie offered.

Remus swallowed, gripping the cup tighter. "Y-y-y—y-yes. In his w-w-works have—have al—always been—been s—been sy—sy—s—"

"Symbolic? I agree, Wickburn is absolutely incredible the way he does that!" Magpie said brightly. "When Olrek used the spell to transfigure the dove... I about _died_."

Remus had too, when he first read _The Fallen Dragon,_ but when he tried to say that the words stuck in his throat while his tongue felt like it swelled, making it impossible to talk. Magpie glanced at him, and he gave a half-smile, quickly taking a sip of butterbeer, nodding a bit, hoping that would suffice. He looked away from her, at Lily and Peter, James and Colgate, and Sirius and Inkwood... who were dancing very close together, probably closer than a teacher would like.

Closer than _Remus_ liked.

_Ugh_ , he thought miserably, trying to banish those thoughts, trying not to feel... whatever this was, trying not to care that they were dancing so close. It didn't matter that they were, because boys and girls could do that, it was okay; besides, someday soon _he'd_ want to do that, dance close with some girl.

He quickly took another sip and pushed himself farther back into the chair, wondering if it would be too rude to run off. He could claim he had an awful headache. The girls would at least believe that, then later he could tell the guys he was getting uncomfortable. That's when he realized Magpie was trying to talk to him again, asking about Wickburn's latest book which he hadn't read because new books were too expensive (and the library hadn’t gotten it in).

"I—I'm sorry, I d-d-don't—I—I d-don't f-f-feel—feel—don't feel—feel w—don't—"

"Feel well?" Magpie asked.

Remus clenched his teeth, trying not to get irritated at her still trying to finish his sentences. "Y-y-yes." He got up, telling the others he had a headache and needed to go lay down. Lily offered some headache potion she had to which he lied, saying he had some of his own. The other Marauders were giving him suspicious looks. He just smiled and hurried off, rushing away from the hot common room and loud(ish) music.

The dorm room was warm from the heater, though not as bad as the common room. Remus quickly changed into pajamas and threw himself into bed. The day had started very promising with the thought of figuring out the passage stuff with Aegis but otherwise most of the day had been kicking Remus over and over.

_Hopefully tomorrow goes better_ , he thought, burying his head under his pillow.


	89. Chapter Eighty-Nine - Reverse Fairy-Tale Prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My writing has kinda slowed down recently so I am gonna have to cut back to just Tues and Fri for now I'm sorry. Hopefully I can get back to a really good backlog of chapters soon! Also, brief gore mentioned in this chapter, during and after Remus's nightmare.

Remus had low grade nightmares all night, none bad enough to get him screaming or making too much noise. At one point, he did hear Sirius whisper his name, obviously sleepy and unsure, and Remus lay in silence until he heard Sirius mutter something about hearing things and going back to sleep.

When early morning hit, Remus hadn't gotten much sleep but he didn't feel like trying anymore. So, he got dressed and went down for a quick breakfast before going to the library. Farrow eyed him when he came in, and Remus gave him a small smile. Farrow scowled and went back to what he was doing.

Remus spread his stuff out on one of the tables, getting a quill ready to work. Instead of working on homework, he was trying to figure out a spell for the prank. He went through a multitude of books trying to find anything similar, scribbling down notes. He found a few _similar_ ones however, none that would really work. Finally, he pushed the books aside and began writing down possible word combinations. He wrote some Latin-based words since those usually worked great for spells, but also put down some French and Welsh. Welsh seemed to work especially well for Remus, it was the language he used for the couple of original spells he had come up with already. The biggest problem, of course, was finding the _right_ combination and twists.

"Whatcha working on?"

Remus jumped a little, having been so far off in his thoughts he hadn't heard Lily approach. "Coming up with a spell," he answered honestly.

Lily slid into the seat across from him, looking rather impressed. "Your _own_ spell?"

"I—er, yeah, I've done it before," he mumbled.

"I didn't know that." She ran her finger along the tabletop, eyes on the parchment in front of him. "Sev told me it was next to impossible to make original spells."

Remus tried not to snort, a few choice words rising to his tongue which he _quickly_ forced back down; hearing Snape's name was not on his list of things he wanted for the day. "It is very difficult, but not impossible. Or near impossible."

Lily picked up his parchment. "What the bloody hell is... byerlymasit?"

"Byrlymasit," Remus said and Lily crinkled her nose. "It means... bubble."

"Isn't there loads of bubble spells? What is... gallon?"

Remus took the parchment back, smiling a little. "Galon. I shan't tell you, otherwise it would give away too much."

Lily stuck her tongue out. "I could go look it up myself, you know."

He sighed. "It means heart."

"Bubble heart?"

"S... something like that," he mumbled, straightening out his pile of notes, smudging ink everywhere.

Lily folded her arms on the table, leaning forward. "Does this have anything to do with the fact Valentine's day is in two weeks?" she asked with a smirk.

"What?" He forced a laugh out, hand fluttering to his chest, tugging at the collar of his jumper. "Of course not! Why—why would you even think that?"

"Hearts?" she giggled, then shook her head. "Okay, Marauder, I shan't push you about your secrets." She studied the parchment again. "What's arnawoof? And... dell-wed?"

Her complete and utter destruction of the word practically hurt, and he knew he actually flinched though he tried not to. "Arnawf, and delwedd."

"That sounds _nothing_ like what is written," she accused.

Remus grinned. "Ac a yw'r Saesneg bob amser yn swnio sut olwg sydd arni?"

Lily gaped at him, eyes wide, jaw dropped. " _What_?! Wait, can—can you really speak Welsh?"

Now it was his turn to stare at her in disbelief. "Lily, I—I _am_ Welsh."

"You _are_?"

" _Yes_!"

"Oh." She began to grow brilliantly pink. "I just thought you lived there. You know, like being here doesn't make us Scottish."

He didn't want to hurt her feelings although a few snickers did escape while trying not to laugh. "I'm three-quarters Welsh, one-quarter French."

She slapped her hand down on the table, giving him a _look_. "You're _part French_?!"

"My paternal grandmother, yes," he replied. "However, I really don't have much... connection to my French heritage outside being able to speak and read it, or even much knowledge about it." He wondered, if he had never been bitten, if he would have more of a connection. If his grandmother would have taken him to France, and taught him about his ancestry. "I consider myself Welsh, through and through."

Lily put her head in her hands. "Wow, Remy, I—I never knew that. I feel dumb now."

"No! Don't feel dumb, I've never... really talked about it..."

He wondered how much the Marauders know about his history. He rarely talked about himself... or, tried not to; it felt kinda weird to be saying all this to Lily. He could practically hear his parents urging him to keep everything to himself, and he sorta regretted admitting as much as he did.

She peeped up through her fingers, eye shining with curiosity. "Could you say something in French?"

Remus bit his bottom lip. "Quelque chose."

Lily dropped her hands, narrowing her eyes. "I don't speak French but I think I know what you said and if you did, I hate you."

Remus covered his mouth now to suppress the laughter. "Sorry! Je pense que t'es une amie merveilleuse."

"That is amazing," she said. "French is such a beautiful language."

He shrugged one shoulder. "Y mae, ond mae'n well gen i Gymraeg."

She slowly shook her head. "That is... wow. You know Latin pretty well too, don't you?"

Remus nodded, dipping the quill back into his ink. "Not... in the same manner as Welsh or French. I can read it, and write of course."

"That is _incredible_. You're so talented."

He blushed and ducked his head, writing down random words because he couldn't really concentrate. He didn't want to admit that he hadn't had any friends or people in his life growing up, so he had a _lot_ of time to learn.

"It's a good thing you're awful at Potions," she said and he glanced up at her through his fringe. "You have to be bad at _something_ to balance all the rest out!"

"I'm not too good at talking to people either," he mumbled, not sure if that counted. He was also a werewolf, which was definitely bad enough to cancel out pretty much everything.

She shrugged and picked up one of the books he had been looking through. "Can I ask you something?”

"Of course."

She focused hard on the book, obviously avoiding his gaze. "About what we, er, discussed last week."

He felt the heat rushing to his face, knowing perfectly well what she meant without any further indication. "Th—that."

She began to go pink again. "I only wanted to say, if you don't want to—"

"No. I mean, I—I still do." He drew a squiggly line across the page followed by a few swoops. "Perhaps if we—we settle on a _time_ I can... I'd do better. Instead of suddenly it—it happening."

"All right," she agreed. "Tomorrow?"

He dropped his quill. "Ah—errr—that's—oh, to—tomorrow?"

She gave him an apologetic smile. "Okay, not tomorrow. How about Tuesday?"

"Your birthday?" he asked, and she nodded. "Ah. Um." That was only a couple days away but it was better than _tomorrow_. "Y—yes, that'll be—be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh-huh, yeah."

"If you change your mind—"

"It's fine," he promised, feeling sweat trickling along his palms and under his arms. His feet began twitching as he fought off the urge to run again. "Tuesday. Um. In the day or...? I have the—the checkup after supper, but after that is—if that's good for you?" It felt weird discussing a plan to _kiss_ like this. Like they were planning to get together to revise some lessons or something. Taking away the embarrassment in his voice, it all seemed so... matter as fact. She didn't seem too bothered, so he tried not to be.

"Day is fine, unless you'd prefer evening," she replied.

Remus gulped, imagining going to Occlumency with _that_ memory on his brain. Would it be better or worse than going into Occlumency with the anticipation of it being _about_ to happen? "Whichever is bet—better for you," he said.

"All right. Afternoon, then." She had a shy smile on her face, and began toying with some of her hair. "I know it's nothing... but it's still a bit awkward to think about, isn't it?"

"Very," he sighed out, relieved she felt a little similarly to him.

She jumped to her feet. "Okay! I'll see you later!" And she suddenly rushed away.

He watched her go, and then turned back to his own work, definitely unable to focus now. He tapped his quill for a minute or two then put everything away, wanting to find the Marauders to hopefully do something to provide an ample distraction. Besides, he needed to try some of the spells on a willing test subject.

*

Three pieces of paper stuck out from Remus's fist. James, Sirius, and Peter all stared at them until Sirius reached out, plucking one with confidence. James snatched one and Peter yelped, quickly taking the last one with a whimper. James did a countdown and they each opened their hand. The end of James's was marked with a black dot. He swore, and threw the scrap to the side with a disgusted sound.

"Right," he said, shoving his glasses back up. "Let's get this over with. If I end up in the hospital wing..."

"It's for the Valentine prank," Sirius reminded him, happily sitting back with a big grin on his face. "It's _worth_ it!"

"Yeah, yeah."

Remus cleared his throat, and began testing out the various spells he had cobbled together. He had no idea if any of them would even work, and ten minutes later when he finished through the list the answer was a big fat zero. He sighed, crossing off each idea.

"So, we can't do it?" Peter asked.

"I'll keep trying," Remus said, sitting cross-legged on the floor to jam together various sections of words. He focused only on Welsh now, figuring that would work the best for him. The others played cards while Remus worked. He mumbled a few of the spells, doing random flourishes with his wand. Wand movement was important too. It could be any combination, and take _ages_ before it worked... but it was a simple spell. Or... perhaps he was going about it the wrong way? He had been focusing on making it an illusionary spell.

"WAIT!" he shouted, and Peter dropped his cards. "S—sorry, had a thought."

He got on his knees, bending over the parchment, hands on the floor on either side as he stared at the words. What if it wasn't an illusion? What if it was conjuration? He quickly conjured some bubbles and they floated around, some of them popping, some of them staying. He licked his lips, sitting back on his heels. Okay. What if he made them heart shaped?

He began fiddling with the spell, tweaking the words, adjusting things. Using the wand movement for conjuring bubbles. Latin and Welsh jammed together until he managed to form a heart-shaped bubble. The other Marauders cheered as the bubble floated for ten or fifteen seconds before popping.

"It's a step in the right direction!" Remus said cheerfully, wiping the sweat from his brow. He considered pulling his jumper off but the shirt he wore underneath was short-sleeved and the others would be able to see part of his scar. That wasn't going to happen. He wiped more sweat off, and began poking at the spell to make it more sustainable. He had a lot of work to do. He needed it to stay without popping—or being popped—for a long time. The longer the better. Then it needed to be attached to people. And hopefully be pink, or pink-tinted.

" _Ugh_!" he moaned after half an hour, falling onto his back and clutching his aching head. He was soaked in sweat and his head pounded so hard. "This is infuriating!"

"Hey, you should take a break," Sirius said.

"I'm fine," he said, draping an arm across his eyes. "I'll rest a moment." He counted to ten slowly in his head before sitting back up, returning to the work.

"We have two weeks," Peter said with a frown.

Remus chewed at his fingernails. It was easier to do this than it was to allow Snape's words from the day before to get him, or to think about the fact in a couple days he would be _kissing Lily on the lips_. "Yes, and we need to practice it in order to get it connected to the—the activation spell. Sirius, have you talked to Kim yet?"

"Not yet, I figured I'd do that tomorrow after practice," he answered.

Another half an hour of work and Remus managed to get a pinkish bubble that stayed floating around until he poked at it. Still poppable. That wouldn't do. Groaning in annoyance, he went back to work, head throbbing by this point. He stared at the blurry words, attempted another spell, and then his vision went extremely wonky. He swayed, and everything went black.

*

When Remus came to, he was shocked to find he was in his _bed_ and not the empty classroom they had been using. He sat up, hand flying to his forehead as he glanced around at the closed curtains. There was a large piece of parchment stuck to one of the curtains and he reached out, yanking it down. He immediately scowled.

_Remy, stay in bed you big oaf. you over worked yourself and NEED. TO. REST. or else. you passed out. I got you back to the dorms without anyone seeing (used secret corridors to get you to the 7th floor then j got his cloak to get you through the common room. that was fun haha) anyway, please rest ok? - SB. PS: Stop scowling._

He crumpled the note up and got out of bed, finding the dorm empty. There was another note stuck to the door.

_I SWEAR TO MERLIN REMY GET BACK IN BED RIGHT NOW OR ELSE!_

He rolled his eyes and threw that note away too, starting to leave the dorm until he noticed he didn't have shoes on. He returned to his bed, sticking his feet into some trainers. _Then_ he left, hurrying down the stairs—or hurrying as much as he could, one hand on a railing to keep himself balanced.

"REMUS—LUPIN!"

He froze at the foot of the stairs, looking guiltily up at the other Marauders. "Er—"

Sirius scrambled to his feet, running over. "Go. _Go_!" He grabbed Remus and turned him around, pushing him back up the stairs.

"What? No, I'm fine—"

The other Marauders followed, and James gave a tsking sound. "I don't get a flying jarvey if you are or not. You know, we almost took you to the hospital wing."

"I don't need—"

"I know, that's why we decided to bring you here," Sirius said. They arrived at their dorm door and Sirius pushed him through.

He stumbled a bit, trying to hide how aggravated he felt. "How long was I asleep?"

"You mean, how long has it been since you overworked yourself and fell unconscious?" Sirius asked flatly. Remus glared at him. "Forty minutes."

Remus pushed his hair back, scanning the room and seeing his bag on his desk. He went over, rummaging through his satchel. Peter let out an annoyed groan. "You need to rest!!"

"I'm healed up now, I'm all right," he promised, pulling out his notes. "I'm _fine_!" he said again, looking up at Sirius who was far too tall, standing over Remus with folded arms. "I'll work in bed. Will that be acceptable?"

"No! And if you don't follow orders, if it happens again we _will_ take you to Pomfrey. Got it?"

Remus looked up into his silver eyes which were flashing with anger. He _meant_ it. "Okay," he replied meekly.

"Okay," Sirius said, relaxing. He tousled Remus's hair. "Stop pushing yourself so much."

"Yeah, I—I'll take a nap or something."

"Good."

Remus took his shoes off and climbed into bed, curling up until the Marauders left. Remus listened, hearing them waiting outside the door. Less than a minute later the door opened and Sirius peered in. Satisfied Remus was actually resting, they finally left, footsteps retreating. Once he couldn't hear any of them anymore, Remus got his homework and shut his curtains, ignoring the stabbing pain behind his eyes as he rewrote an essay due Monday.

*

The rest of Saturday was spent doing anything and everything to stop himself from being alone with his thoughts. Anytime he slowed down he'd think about Tuesday and start panicking. It probably wasn't normal to be this panicky over a kiss. Sirius probably hadn't been panicky when he kissed Inkwood. Had they planned it? Had Sirius thought of it before? Or was it a spur of the moment, Happy New Year thing?

That night brought another nightmare. It was late, since the Marauders had stayed up and Remus hadn't gotten to sleep until well after three. Shortly after he drifted off he dreamed of sitting with Lily somewhere—

_They were outside, in a pavilion sort of thing and it was spring; she was in a white dress with white flowers in her hair and looking beautiful. They held hands and then she turned to him._ I'm glad we're doing this _, she said._ Me too, _he replied. Then they bent in and kissed on the lips. Almost immediately fur began spreading across Remus, starting from his mouth. They yanked apart and Lily stared in horror as his body began twisting, morphing into the wolf in full daylight. She screamed, but the pavilion was suddenly closed with no exit. She pounded on the walls as Remus finished changing. It didn't take as long as it normally did... actually, it hardly even took a minute at all. Lily whirled around._ No, Remus, please! _she begged, sobbing. Remus crept forward, snarling, drool dripping onto the floor. Lily curled up, sobbing._ NO! PLEASE _! Remus let out a snarl and pounced, teeth digging into her ribs. Blood spread across her white dress and began splattering on the wall as he started shaking her violently. He let go, and her body flew across the room. They weren't in a pavilion at all, they were in the Hogsmeade house. She lay still as Remus ran over, bending in to her face like he was going to kiss her. Instead he opened his jaws, and bit down on her face—_

"NO!"

Remus jerked awake with a scream.

_"NO!_ I DON'T—I DIDN'T—PLEASE—"

His hands were on his face, clawing at his mouth desperately to get Lily's face out. Her blood still flooded his mouth, her skin caught between his teeth. He could hear her sobbing. Could see the light leaving her eyes. Could feel her skull buckling under the strength of his jaws—

He jumped out of bed, banging into Sirius who made a confused, concerned noise. Remus barely heard it as he bolted from the dorm to go across the hall into the bathroom where he threw up. He expected there to be blood, and was a little confused when he knelt panting over the commode to see only bile. He gave a few gasps and then sank back, shaky hand covering his mouth.

Sirius was in the bathroom, bringing a cold, damp cloth with him into the stall. He silently handed it over. Remus took it, unfolding it to press against his face. He didn't want to deal with Sirius, couldn't do it anymore. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to tell Sirius again to just put the dumb spells on his curtains, to stop. However he knew if he tried, Sirius would protest and promise it was fine, that he didn't mind. Remus wouldn't be able to convince him. The other boy was too stubborn.

He looked at the washcloth, folding and unfolding it. It was white. Like Lily's dress. He trailed a finger across the fabric, imagining a streak of red. _I'm not some kind of horrific reverse-fairy-tale prince. She's not going to kiss me and turn me into a wolf. It doesn't work that way_. He began wringing the cloth, water dripping out onto his pajama leg. The grey flannel darkened a bit, and he could feel the coolness on his leg underneath.

"You want to talk about it?" Sirius finally asked, breaking the silence. Remus shook his head, closing his eyes even though that brought back the image of Lily's rag doll body flying through the air. "You... want me to talk? Or sit in silence?"

"Talk," he whispered, squeezing the cloth again.

"All right." Sirius raked his fingers through his hair, letting out a quick breath of air as he thought. "I can't believe January is almost over. I'm really excited for Valentine's. If we can pull this off it's going to be hilarious. I can see the hearts everywhere. Course, I don't want you _pushing_ yourself so much, if you can't get it done that's fine. We can figure something else out. Maybe we can find a potion that'll turn everyone's hair pink and sneak it into breakfast."

"I wonder if they're doing a Valentine's dessert again," Remus murmured.

Sirius snickered. "That was brilliant." He put his hands to his head and raised them up, miming the tall, sticky-up hair. Remus managed a smile. "If they do, we could do the pink hair thing then."

"If they do, are you going?" Remus asked before he could stop himself.

"Eh?"

"With—with Inkwood."

"Oh." Sirius was suddenly interested in picking lint off his pajama trousers. "Dunno, hadn't thought of that. Maybe. Even if we do, and you guys wanna prank the dessert, that'd be fine." Remus looked down, avoiding Sirius's grin. "You could go to it too, you know. With Evans."

Remus wanted to say, yet again, they weren't like that but hearing her name brought the entire nightmare back when it had started fading. He twisted away, resting his head against the wall, wondering how clean the bathroom really was. Sitting on the floor like this was probably not the best idea, even though he was sure the house-elves kept things super clean. Perhaps he should at least change pajamas.

"Can I ask you something?" Remus asked, staring at the wall. He sensed Sirius nodding so he went on with, "Why do you—and the others—keep thinking Lily and I are... are... like that."

"You're so close..."

Remus wanted to reply that so were they, but it was a thought that sent a deep ache through his body along with a shiver of longing. He clamped his mouth shut, clenching his teeth as he tried to get rid of those thoughts. He shifted his weight, moving his legs farther from Sirius's legs.

"Boys and girls can be friends," Remus finally said, twisting the hem of his pajama top. "I feel like I need to make that a sign and enchant it to follow me everywhere."

"Or tattoo it across your forehead," Sirius teased.

"Then I'd have to get rid of my fringe and I like it too much."

"I don't," Sirius said and Remus started. "Er—I mean, they're not bad or anything just... you always use them to cover your eyes."

He reached up, messing with his fringe. "So?"

"You have interesting eyes. You shouldn't hide them." Remus didn't say anything as a response however he ducked his head in a manner so his fringe flopped across his eyes. Sirius snorted, and nudged his leg with his foot. "Twat. Why do you hide your eyes so much?"

Remus bit his lip, twisting his fingers into the hem even more. _Because the eyes are the windows to the soul, and I've got the soul of a wolf? Because most people don't have this eye color and it is unusual and I can't be even more unusual than I already am? Because I don't want people to see my emotions?_ _Because it's easier to hide than to face anything_?

Instead he gave a half-smile. "So I don't have to look at you."

" _Double_ twat."

"You asked," he replied. Sirius snorted. He started to say something, but Remus quickly interrupted, not really wanting this conversation to continue. He also didn't want to think about what _interesting eyes_ might mean, or how they went from Sirius taking Inkwood on a Valentine's date to the subject of his eyes. "I'm—I'm feeling better."

"Oh...!"

Rems got up, brushing his hands off. "Thank you."

Sirius got up too, smiling. "Anytime. I mean it."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm very aware you do mean it, despite me telling you that you don't need to do this."

Sirius poked Remus’s shoulder and waited while Remus washed his face off, and rinsed his mouth out. They returned to the dorm and whispered goodnights, although Remus didn't go directly to bed; instead he changed into clean pajamas before finally getting back under the covers. He tossed and turned a bit until finally drifting back to sleep, clutching Gwyllgi.


	90. Chapter Ninety - The Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I completely forgot to shout out my friend in the last chapter! Thank you Angel for helping me with the French! Angel posts on AO3 with the handle NoStringsOnMe. Also a reminder that I do use google translate for the Welsh so I really apologize for that. Second of all, internalized homophobia in this chapter.

Remus was glad he didn't need to worry about seeing Lily first thing in the morning. He thought if he did he'd freak out. Instead, the Marauders snatched some toast and bacon, hurrying out to the pitch for the Gryffindor practice. Sirius, Peter, and Remus settled into their usual seats while the players flew around. Remus munched on bacon, watching James doing loops and flips. He really did look incredible on a broom. He was a complete natural.

Once Bell blew the final whistle, the Marauders hurried down, waiting until the Gryffindor broke up. Sirius ran over to Kim before she could walk off. He pulled her aside, and the other three boys went over while Sirius explained the prank to her. Kim stood listening with her broom across her shoulders, arms wrapped around them, twisting and stretching while he spoke.

"Activation spell?" she asked when he was done. "You mean, the Trigger spell? No, sorry, I've never done it before."

"You haven't?" Sirius asked, looking disappointed.

Kim gave him a strange look. "Buddy, that's a fifth year spell. I'm not learning it till next year."

" _Fifth_ year?" James squeaked out and all the Marauders looked at Remus who ducked his head, messing with his cuff.

"I t-t-told you it—it w-was advanced."

"But you still managed to do it. A—a _fifth_ year spell," Peter said, and Remus shrugged.

"You've done it?" Kim asked, sounding impressed and a little awed which made him more embarrassed.

"His first year," Sirius boasted, puffing his chest out. "Nearly a year ago."

Kim studied Sirius, then Remus. A smile slowly spread on her face as she put the clue together. "Hah, knew you lot were behind it."

"Er, behind what?" James asked, messing his hair up.

"The Bat-Bogey thing."

"Wh—what makes you think _we_ did that?" James scoffed, sounding vaguely panicked.

"Oh _please_!" she laughed, swinging her broom around to lightly swat James with the twigs. "The only reason nobody suspected you was because it was so advanced, but if Lupin can do the Trigger spell—that's how you did it, right? Triggered the doorway?"

Sirius flapped his hand. "My point is, we need to enchant the Great Hall doors, and were hoping you could put the spell on it."

"Nah. I mean, I'd _love_ to, it sounds great, but even if I started practicing right now I wouldn't be able to get that far by Valentine's day," Kim said, sounding sad. "I'm sorry. I really hope you can figure something out."

The Marauders trooped back to the school, rather disappointed. They were back at square one, and the only real thing they could possibly do was a potion. But all of them _wanted_ to do the heart bubbles. Especially Remus. He worked hard the day before and knew it'd be a couple more days before getting it smoothed out. Getting his _new spell he invented_ smoothed out.

 _Couple days, Tuesday,_ _Lily_ , he thought with a shudder. Then, _Tuesday_... "M—maybe I could see if Fawley could help us?" he asked after they went into the school, all of them glad to be out of the cold wind. "She can't come in to put the Trigger spell on the doorway but perhaps she could figure out a way regardless."

James smacked his back. "Good plan. We can't just abandon this idea, it's too fun."

"Would she be willing to help?" Pete asked.

"Probably. Possibly," he corrected himself. "She doesn't mind some of the pranks we do as long as they're harmless, and this is utterly harmless. I don't know if she'll be able to figure out a solution, but maybe."

*

Remus hadn't been eating much lately and was very hungry at lunch. At least, to start. He only got a few bites down before Lily entered the Great Hall and suddenly Remus saw her in the bloodied white dress, and could practically feel her skull buckling in his jaws. He swallowed the bit of rice that had been in his mouth then pushed the plate away, the few bites sitting like heavy lumps in his stomach.

The afternoon was spent focusing on getting the heart bubble spell adjusted until it worked, but nothing seemed to. He knew he was on the cusp of figuring out the right combination... he managed to get pink heart-shaped bubbles attached to people however they were still easily popped. Perhaps it was due to his age? He wasn't able to conjure unpoppable regular bubbles, though he knew others could. With that thought, he stopped trying to tweak the spell and just started practicing it over and over until the room the Marauders were hanging out in was _full_ of pink hearts floating everywhere. The other Marauders kept popping them whenever they got too close to the boys however most drifted lazily just out of reach, bumping into one another, occasionally popping on their own.

Then the others—well, James and Sirius—were bored of 'hanging around' and wanted to do 'something fun', so they left the classroom. Remus trudged along, sweaty and exhausted from all the practicing he had done. He swayed a bit, considering trying to take a nap but not wanting to deal with the possibility of another kissing-Lily nightmare.

"Why do people have to study in here?" James complained when they peered into the Great Hall. "I wanna do my plan."

"We can sneak out in the middle of the night and do it," suggested Sirius.

James nodded. "Yeah... but I wanted to see it _tonight_!"

"See what?" Peter asked, as whatever prank James was alluding to hadn't been shared with him or Remus, but Remus was too groggy to really care.

James flung an arm around him, yanking him in close. "Slipping potion on the Slytherin benches," he snickered.

"Excellent," Peter giggled.

They spent the remainder of the afternoon wandering around, James and Sirius shooting mild hexes and jinxes at various students. At one point they were running from a group of fifth years who were having a hard time chasing the Gryffindors due to the jelly leg jinxes James and Sirius placed on them. The Marauders ducked down a side corridor and ran right into Professor Prewett. Sirius—the fastest runner and in the front—went careening to the floor, knocking James over. Peter and Remus managed to stop before they got tangled up in the mess. Prewett somehow stared upright though he had to put a hand on the wall to keep himself balanced, as well as keep the cage he held in his other hand from knocking about. It was full of doxies and if _that_ had fallen and broken open there'd be hell to pay!

"S—sorry!" James cried out from the floor.

Prewett frowned at the four boys and Remus felt a stab of wobbliness right in his chest, and his legs felt like he had been a victim of the jelly-legs jinx. Prewett was in extremely casual clothes and it made him look even younger than he normally did; he probably could have passed for a seventh year. He wore a dark green jumper that sported a black F on it and a pair of jeans. It just looked so _nice_ that Remus couldn't stand to look at him another second.

 _Tuesday_ , he thought, stomach whirling around. _Tuesday, and these dumb, false feelings will probably stop_.

"You four look quite guilty," Prewett said once James and Sirius got to their feet.

James flashed his Potter grin. "We _always_ look guilty, sir."

Prewett snorted. "No running in the halls, and please keep an eye out. You could have caused quite a bit of chaos..." He lifted the cage, showing off the doxies. "And not a good sort of chaos."

Some of the doxies gnashed their teeth at the boys. "Yes, sir," James and Sirius chorused.

Then James asked, "Where did you find them?"

Prewett cast a suspicious gaze on him. "I've cleared them out," he said firmly before giving them a nod and heading off. Thankfully not removing any points.

James turned, opening his mouth. Remus knew exactly what he intended to say, and held up a finger. " _No_."

"What? But—"

"Absolutely _not_. Doxies are _venomous."_

James sighed. " _Fine_. Spoilsport."

*

The following morning the Slytherins were having an extremely difficult time staying seated at their table. They kept sliding off and bumping into each other. The only ones who managed to stay upright were the ones gripping the edge of the table so hard they were unable to eat. Finally, Slughorn waddled down to figure out the problem and informed the Slytherins someone had put a slipping potion over the entirety of the benches. Pretty much half the Slytherins looked at James and Sirius, who were innocently eating their breakfast.

"This will take some time to get cleaned up so, in the meantime, the houses will have to share," Slughorn added, and there were loud groans. Technically, you weren't limited to eating with only your house unless it was a big feast, however it was unusual for students to sit elsewhere. Now there was a lot of shuffling and complaining as the benches for all the other houses grew crowded. Some Slytherins even had to sit with the Gryffindors, though for the most part the Gryffindors abandoned a large portion at the end for them.

Aegis sat down next to Remus, not caring. "Did you do that?" he asked as he gathered food onto his plate. "Never mind, I am assuming you'll say no, regardless of whether you did do it or not."

"You know us so well," laughed James, and Aegis smiled.

At least where the Marauders sat there wasn't any trouble. Sirius was obviously slightly put off by the fact Aegis was there, but remained friendly enough. No arguments broke out during the meal. Really, the worst thing was when the post came there was quite a confused flurry as the Slytherin owls tried to figure out where their owners were. Other than that, nobody really seemed to care too much about the Slytherins sitting at other tables.

Except for a few Slytherins. As kids began leaving to head to class, Remus heard Lucius Malfoy complaining very loudly about what happened, and being forced to sit with _Hufflepuffs_. A Hufflepuff prefect reminded him he had three tables to choose from and he chose the badgers. Malfoy mumbled something Remus couldn't hear, but the Hufflepuff prefect removed a couple points from Slytherin so it couldn't have been very pleasant.

*

As long as Remus didn't think about what was going to happen the next day, he managed to get through Monday fairly well. The few times it crept into his mind he began to panic and get frightened until he managed to banish it from his head again. He _knew_ there was something very wrong with being _this_ scared of kissing a girl, but at least now that he had had the nightmare he could pretend that was the only reason.

He managed to avoid Lily for the most part until Study Group, and he considered just not going at all. If he hadn't had missed the group on Friday he probably would have skipped it; as it was, he went, and sat nervously next to Lily trying not to think of blood or kissing. It was harder than he thought possible. He wound up barely paying any attention to what the others discussed, spending most his time doodling swirls on his parchment and trying not to jiggle his foot.

He kept picturing kissing Lily, and turning into a wolf. Which was ridiculous. The 30th was practically a new moon, complete opposite. Plus Fawley said it'd be safe. Course, he had only asked about spit and not—not whether or not a kiss would somehow activate his lycanthropic curse however if it was a possibility he assumed Fawley would have told him. Right?

"—mus? _Remus_!"

He jumped, blinking up at Lily. "Eh?"

"We're done," she laughed. "Come on."

"Ooh. Er, r-right."

He gathered his stuff and followed Lily through the castle, watching her braid bounce back and forth. What if he hurt her? What if the kiss made the wolf angry, and he tried to _bite_? What if he banged his mouth against hers too hard? What if went in for the kiss and banged her head and because he was so strong it cracked her skull open somehow?

What if he was a lousy kisser?

What if this didn't unlock the secret to liking girls?

What if he was absolutely broken, and wrong, and—

"REMUS!" Lily shrieked, as Remus stepped right off the top of a stairwell without noticing. He dropped his books and careened wildly until he grabbed hold of the railing, managing—somehow—to catch himself before he went tumbling _all_ the way down the stairwell. There were some students at the bottom, laughing at the cascade of books and parchment, and a broken ink bottle dripping everywhere.

"S—sorry!" he gasped out, pulling himself to his feet.

Lily ran over, seizing his arm. "Why are you apologizing?"

He rubbed his elbow, feeling dumb for apologizing. "I—I don't know..."

"Are you okay?"

He nodded, feeling embarrassed. "F—fine, yes, thanks." He quickly scurried down the stairs to retrieve his things. One of the Ravenclaws had started picking his books up, and handed them over to him with an amused smile. "Th-th-thanks," he whispered.

"Anytime," the boy said with a wink.

As Remus hurried up the stairs he heard some of them snickering over what happened, and heard one of them say Loopy Lupin. He ducked his head, shoving everything in his bag, trying not to be sickened over the fact he had lost a bottle of ink. Lily fretted over him the rest of the way to the tower, keeping her arm linked with his to prevent any more accidents. Once inside the tower, she told him he really needed to do better about noticing his surroundings. During her mini-lecture, Peter—the only Marauder in the common room—came over. He stood to the side, listening until Lily finished.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Remus nearly fell down an entire flight of stairs," she replied.

Peter frowned at Remus who shrugged. "I—I'm _fine_." Then he realized he could smell something rather... medicinal faintly on Peter's clothes. "What happened?"

"Wh-what?" Peter suddenly grew nervous. "What m-makes you think something happened?" Then he gave a high-pitched nervous laugh.

"Oh for Merlin's—I'll see you later, Lily!"

"Wait!" She grabbed hold of him, pulling him close. "Are we... I mean, tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course," Remus promised, only half-listening; he was too concerned about the medicinal scent.

"Okay! Goodnight."

"Goodnight!"

"Honestly," Peter whispered as they went up to the dorms, "it's nothing, Pomfrey fixed Sirius—"

" _WHAT_?!" They burst into the room and Remus zeroed in on Sirius who had a bandage around one hand. A hand he quickly tried to hide behind him. "What happened?!" he demanded.

"Remus fell down the stairs again," Peter replied.

"Nonono, first of all, this isn't about me, second of all I didn't fall down the stairs, I—I caught myself before I did." He dropped his satchel and went over, grabbing Sirius's arm, pulling it back into view. "What happened?"

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked, ignoring the fact he had a large bandage wrapped around his hand.

"What _happened_?"

Sirius looked at James, and Remus whirled around. James gave a sheepish smile as he mussed his hair up. "Everything is fine, Remy, you don't need to worry! We're fine."

"Well, we did get those points removed, and two nights of detention each," Peter mumbled. James shot him a look, and Peter ducked behind Remus. "I mean, we're fine!" he promised.

"One of you is going to tell me what happened right this second, or so help me—"

James let out a sigh. "Sirius got bit by something, that's all."

"Bit," Remus said, and James nodded. He looked at Sirius who shrugged. "By what?"

"That's not important," James said smoothly, patting Remus's arm. "He got the antidote and the bite is—"

"ANTID—" Remus cut himself off and whirled on James again. " _Were you lot trying to steal doxies_?!"

"No," James said.

"Of course not," Sirius said.

"Maybe a little," Peter admitted.

Remus exploded, shouting at James about how stupid they were, how utterly stupid, and how could they do such a thing, and what if they didn't get Sirius to Pomfrey on time, and did they understand how dangerously stupid they were, and why were they even trying to steal doxies in the first place when they were very venomous anyway?!

Finally, he finished his shouting, and fell back, breathing heavily.

"I think Brains might be a wee bit annoyed," Sirius giggled.

"Mandrakes," Peter said.

"Sorry, what?!" Remus demanded, still panting.

"You helped us steal a mandrake for a prank," he pointed out.

"A MANDRAKE IS NOT VENOMOUS!" he shouted, and Peter shrank back. "Bloody hell, none of you can be alone for five minutes, can you?"

"Pete probably could, me an' Siri?" James shook his head. "Definitely not."

Remus stormed to his bed, unable to believe how—no, no he could believe it, he definitely could believe how stupid they were. "You'll be fine?" he added, glaring at Sirius.

"Yup!" he promised. "It was only a small bite. Pommy got the poison out, got the antidote in me, and put stuff to heal the bite on my hand." He examined the bandage. "I'll need to reapply some tonight before bed, and again in the morning, and see her after Herbology. It's fine."

Remus grumbled and grouched the rest of the night, and grumbled and grouched through breakfast, and extra grumbled and grouched through Herbology when Sirius couldn't use his hand and he had to do most the work when they were paired together.

"You'd do most the work anyway," Sirius reminded him, then gulped when Remus glared. "Errr... right..."

All the Marauders went with Sirius for his checkup, and Pomfrey thankfully didn't kick them out. She allowed them to stand by while she looked over the bite. It still looked a little red, but she promised it was healing properly. She put more potion on it, rewrapped his hand, and sent him off with another bottle of the healing stuff to put on later.

After a very awkward Defense class in which Prewett kept giving James and Sirius annoyed looks, Remus suddenly wished they could go back to the morning again. During lunch, Lily had asked Remus to meet her somewhere after Defense, and he knew what it meant, and he couldn't back out of it now. Well, he probably could... he figured Lily would understand... however, he knew he _needed_ to do this.

"I'll see you guys later," Remus said after they left the classroom.

"Where you going?" James asked.

"Meeting up with Lily," he answered. "It's her birthday today, so we're... going to do some stuff together."

Sirius tousled Remus's hair with his left hand. "Have fun."

 _Fun, yeah, sure_ , he thought, hurrying away, ending up in the empty room before her. He put his satchel down and began pacing, chewing at his fingernails, wondering if this was really about to happen. If he was going to kiss a girl _on the lips_. He was twelve, he had no business _kissing_ anyone! No, it was a mistake. He'd have to tell her no. He had plenty of time to start liking girls. Except, he didn't _want_ plenty of time, he wanted it _now_ so he'd stop thinking about—about certain boys. Plus he didn't have his whole life ahead of him for something like this, he only had a few years. Once he graduated, that was it. He'd be back home with nobody but his parents for the rest of his life.

The door opened, and Lily came in.

"Hey," he said, going to his bag to pull out a present. "Happy birthday! Ah, sorry there's no... cake..."

"It's fine," she laughed, sitting down on the floor to open the handmade card then unwrap the presents. He had knit her four bookmarks—rather crudely made but hopefully nice enough, a small chocolate cauldron he had won from a bet, and six biscuits which his mother had sent the previous day. Very timely. It wasn't much, but Lily hugged him tightly, thanking him multiple times. She especially loved the bookmarks.

They sat with their backs to the wall, talking about various things, putting off the real reason they were celebrating her birthday with just the two of them. Lily talked about turning thirteen; apparently, she had had similar thoughts that Sirius did. She'd wake up on her thirteenth birthday and suddenly things would be different. He wasn't really sure what things exactly, but he nodded and listened anyway. She asked about the bandage on Sirius's hand, and he replied he hadn't been with them when it happened and all he _really_ knew was that Sirius had been bit by something. He knew if she knew they had tried to steal doxies she'd make a big deal, and he didn't want to go through that at the moment.

Then they both fell silent, not having much else to say. Remus wrapped his arms around his knees, trying to keep his breathing steady. Lily toyed with the end of her braid, casting sideways glances at him.

"You... still want to?" she asked.

"Y—yeah," he forced out.

She shifted her weight, kneeling down facing him. At least she seemed nervous too. "Okay."

Remus unlatched his hands and got on his knees facing her, trying not to shake too hard. "Okay."

They knelt there, staring at one another in awkward silence.

"You look terrified," she noted.

Remus shrugged. "I—I feel a little—little scared. Er, nervous, I guess would be—be the better word," he quickly corrected, not wanting her to know that he _was_ terrified.

"Me too."

"Do... _you_... still want to?" he asked, looking up into her eyes.

Lily nodded. "Yes. I think it's—I just don't want it to be this huge... _thing_ , you know? I mean, when I kiss someone for—for real reasons. I don't want all this... pressure... for my first kiss to be... _right_. I don't want it to be some big deal. And—I want it to be because I want to and not cause I feel like I have to, with a boyfriend."

"Yeah." He pushed some of his hair back from his face, hoping she couldn't hear how hard his heart was pounding. Then, for lack of anything better to say, he repeated, "Yeah." He began sweating, and wiped his hands off on his trousers, not sure what to even do with his hands anyway

Lily scooted closer, so their knees were touching, and she reached down, smoothing out her skirt. "Cassie said hers was amazing," she said and Remus tried not to frown. "Said she wished it lasted longer."

"Oh." He tugged at the hem of his jumper, looking down at his lap. "How—how long is a kiss supposed to last?" He had seen his parents kissing all the time. Usually short, quick kisses, sometimes longer. One time he walked on the two of them with their arms wrapped around one another, kissing so long his younger self couldn't figure out how they were still breathing. Actually, he still wasn't quite sure. Their noses were kinda smushed up together. That had to make it difficult.

"I dunno. I guess it depends. I guess at least a couple seconds, to make it real."

Was a one second kiss not real, then? "Oh," he said again. "Er, okay."

They knelt there, staring at each other in more awkward silence.

Then suddenly Lily's hands were on his face, cupping his cheeks, and her face was right there, and he began to panic—major panic. He screwed up his eyes as all the terrible possibilities of what could happen (most unlikely) ran violently through his head, and then her lips were on his.

He wasn't sure what to do. Where to put his hands, or even what his lips were supposed to be doing. Did he need to put pressure back against her face? Should he put his hands on her face, like hers were with his? Were they supposed to go somewhere else? Around her shoulders? Or waist? Please, Merlin, not her waist! But, were his eyes supposed to be open? His parents closed their eyes a lot. He opened his eyes and saw Lily's eyes were closed, so he quickly closed his eyes again, but then it was over. Suddenly and quickly, and not diminishing any of the freaking-out-awkward-feelings he had inside of him.

Remus opened his eyes again and the two stared at each other in even more awkward silence. Then he couldn't stand it another second and reached up, wiping his lips off on his sleeve, trying not to make gagging sounds and failing. It had felt a lot grosser than he anticipated. Not... the worst thing (it'd be impressive if anything could beat washing off his dead skin when he was burnt), but not pleasant by any means, and not an experience he wished to repeat.

" _Ugh_! Yuck!!" he moaned, wiping his mouth off one more time. Lily looked less than amused at his response, and he realized why. "Er—well—that—um—it wasn't—that—when—when I said yuck, I meant—ahhh—"

"Uh-huh." She rolled her eyes, then at least smiled. "It was weird."

"Yes," he said quickly, regretting at least the gagging sounds and the yuck. "I—I don't think I particularly like kissing."

"Oh really? I couldn't tell!" she teased before sitting back with a sigh. "It... was... not what I was expecting. But I guess that might be since we're just friends."

"What w-were you expecting?" He knew he had been expecting something: suddenly liking girls. Suddenly and miraculously being a regular normal boy who liked girls. But he didn't. He wasn't. He felt no different, except a little grossed out. It hadn't worked. _It hadn't worked_! So what was he going to do now?!

She shrugged and then moved her legs so she sat flat on the floor instead of on her knees. "I don't know. Why everyone is so interested in doing it. Why everyone wants to do it all the time. Why people get caught snogging everywhere."

Remus thought back to the couple he had heard snogging. "I couldn't tell you. That was... um..."

"Yuck?" she offered, and he flinched a little. "It's fine. I didn't mind it so much, but it wasn't anything to write home about." _Why would you write home about a kiss anyway_? he wondered, knowing it was just a saying but still thinking it was a little weird for the situation. "More interesting than kissing your hand, at least."

"Kissing your— _what_?!"

Lily cocked her head. "Your hand!" She held up her hand in a sort of fist shape. "You kiss there."

Remus curled his fingers in, examining the edge. "Huh."

There was some more awkward silence then Lily lifted her head. "Are you mad at me? I kinda feel like I pressured you into it. You obviously didn't want to, and you hated it—"

"What? _No_!" He scooted closer to her. "I'm not mad. If I—I didn't want to, I wouldn't have. It wasn't—it—it was weird and okay, yeah, yuck, but we c-couldn't have known that before, that's all."

" _Promise_?"

He reached down to hold her hand, knowing she liked that sort of thing. "I promise." She squeezed his hand, and he squeezed hers gently back. Then he thought of something, and debated saying it or not. Saying it would mean having it happen again. Which wasn't ideal. But... "Was th—that really a kiss though?"

"What do you mean?"

He felt himself heating up, and tugged at the end of one of his sleeves. "When—when my parents kiss they—they make this sound. The sort of sound you make when you b-blow a kiss."

"When you smack your lips," she said slowly.

Remus nodded. "We just... sort've p-pressed our lips together without d-doing anything. Are you... s-supposed to _do_ something with your lips? Like that?"

She studied him for a few seconds then asked, "Do you want to try again?"

He gulped, not sure how to answer because he didn't _really_ want to try again, but at the same time he wanted to know if it would help. If they didn't do a proper kiss, then how could it have helped? Was that the problem? It wasn't a real, proper kiss, so of course he didn't feel different yet? He had to try again, just in case. Even though it was disgusting.

"If... you do."

They faced each other again, and Remus felt even worse than the first time. Also hopeful. They had obviously done the first kiss wrong, and that's why it was weird and gross, right? Probably? Maybe?

Her face was close to his again, and he closed his eyes waiting. Nothing happened.

"Come on," she said. "I did it the first time, it's your turn."

 _Ahhhh_. "I d-don't know what to do," he admitted.

"You _pucker_ your lips," she said, and puckered hers. "Like that."

Remus wrinkled his nose. "Do... do you _move_ your lips when—when you kiss?"

"I haven't the faintest. I suppose...? I mean, if you kiss with your tongue you have to move your—"

" _WHAT_?!" Remus recoiled back, putting a couple feet of space between them. "With your _what_!?"

Lily began giggling. "Your tongue! It's called a French kiss. _You're_ part French so you should be able to—"

"NO!" He covered his mouth quickly. "N—no, I—that—the—that—I—n-n—I—"

"I'm _teasing_!" She held her hands up. "Your face went as red as a tomato. I wasn't meaning _we_ should. I'd rather _not_! No offense. But that's what it's called. When you use your tongue in a kiss. A French kiss. I don't know why."

Remus moved his hands to cover his face. "That sounds absolutely _disgusting_!"

"I agree with that," Lily said, and the two fell into more awkward silence.

All Remus could do was think about tongues, and he felt very ill. Who wanted someone else's tongue in their mouth?! Though from what he understood about sex (which really wasn't much at all, just confusing scenes in some books he read; he knew there was a section on it in _Your Body_ but he had very purposely avoided that section) it was a lot worse than a tongue in a mouth.

"Are we... um, should...?"

Remus glanced over at her, and gave a slightly reluctant nod. He scootched back over to her, taking in a deep breath. This time Lily initiated the kiss again which was a slight relief he didn't need to. At first he froze up, then realized he was supposed to be _puckering_ his lips, and he did, and it felt different but definitely not any better—actually, weirder, if he had to be honest; when they finished there was that smacking sound others made when _they_ kissed, so he supposed they finally actually _properly_ kissed.

Annnnnnd he felt no different.

Still grossed out, really.

He wiped his mouth off on his sleeve while Lily pondered over the 'real' kiss they had done, and stated she felt no different either. _Same_ , he thought miserably, having no sudden thoughts about the attractiveness of girls. It was all still a sort of blank in his head. No unlocking, no wiping away the fog... it was just... a frustrating _nothing_.

"I'm glad we did though," Lily finally said, moving to sit next to him again. "I feel good that—that it's done with, that I don't need to worry when I get a boyfriend. That I did it because I wanted to, and not because I felt like I needed to."

"I'm glad you're glad," he mumbled, wishing something had changed in him; wishing he finally took that step everyone else was taking. He hated being so—so wrong! _Not yet_ , he reminded himself, gritting his teeth. _You will eventually, just—not yet..._

"I'm glad we're friends," she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

He rested his head against hers. "Me too," he answered wholly and completely honestly.

She fumbled with her hand until she slid her pinkie around his. "Forever friends, pinky promise."

He curled his pinky around hers. "Forever friends."


	91. Chapter Ninety-One - Teacher's Pet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup internalized homophobia again, sorry! He'll get there one day soonish! I promise!!

Remus barely slept that night. He stared at the ceiling, the kiss repeating in his head over and over and over. He tried to figure out exactly what about it had been so yuck. Why he had reacted the way he did. He had hoped the kiss would make him figure things out and instead he was in even more of a quandary than before! It wasn't _fair_! What was _wrong_ with him?!

He lifted his hand, curling it into a fist then pressing it against his lips. It felt weird. A little like kissing Lily, though not as... damp. Her lips had been a bit damp. And his hand didn't smell like strawberries.

Either way, one thing the kiss did not do was unlock the secret to liking girls. When he had gone to supper he had hoped things would be completely different, but Sirius and Professor Prewett both still gave him the fluttery feelings, and no matter which girl he looked at none of them gave him the fluttery feelings.

_Except, Lily admitted she didn't really feel any different, didn't really feel anything_. He rolled over again, curling up, clutching at his hair. _If Lily didn't feel anything it doesn't mean anything that I didn't feel anything, right? It doesn't mean ANYTHING! It doesn't mean I'm broken. It doesn't change anything. Right?_

Occlumency had been awkward. He told Fawley right away what happened since most likely she'd see it (which she did, though she backed out of his memory before the actual kiss which was kind of her). He wanted so bad to ask her why he felt the way he did, but didn't dare. He was scared she might assume the fluttery, gut-wrenching, sweaty-palms feelings he got for Sirius and Prewett meant he was _like that_ , because he wasn't _like that_. He did, however, ask her what it felt like to have a crush on someone.

She pretty much said the same thing that Lily had, as well as what he had been thinking. Fluttery, gut-wrenching, sweaty-palms—etc., etc. He asked her when she started liking boys. She had told him her first crush was at ten, which shocked him. She laughed and said while she had 'crushed' on a few boys she didn't really start properly liking them until she was thirteen or so, that's when she really took an interest. She asked if he'd like to know about her first kiss, and he said yes.

It had been with a Gryffindor, actually. An older boy. She had been fifteen, he had been sixteen. It was after one of her Quidditch games ("You played Quidditch?!" he asked, surprised. Fawley laughed again, "Yes, I did, I was a Chaser for three years!") and he had kissed her in celebration. She had been expecting something sensational but "all in all, rather boring". The first kiss she had really enjoyed was with her first boyfriend, a fellow Hufflepuff later that year. They broke up shortly after, but it had been nice while it lasted.

_"Don't feel down that your first kiss was bleh, especially at your age_ ," she had told him.

But he still couldn't help but worry that it meant he was broken, with all the other issues going on. At least he wouldn't need to worry Fawley would see him trying to snog his own hand. It wasn't anywhere near as humiliating as the 'fun alone times' she had mentioned, however it was still a little embarrassing.

Finally, Remus gave up and buried his head under his pillow, clutching Gwyllgi. Unfortunately, while he did manage to get to sleep he had _incredibly_ awful dreams that left him tossing and turning and soaked in sweat, and when he woke up he wanted to cry. He knew he had been dreaming about kissing one boy in particular, and it hadn't been a fuzzy image at all, it had been clear, it had basically been exactly what he did with Lily except _he_ was there instead, and the kiss actually felt _nice_ and _good_ and 'sensational' and now Remus wanted to throw himself in the lake and _die_.

It was four in the morning, but he crept into the bathroom for a shower anyway, turning on the cold water to try to cool down and get rid of the sweat. Huddling under the spray of cold, he wrapped his arms around his knees and cried a bit, feeling a gaping hole of emptiness inside and not knowing what to do about it. At least the cold water helped the external, if it didn’t do anything for the internal. He managed to get back to sleep after, however all day Wednesday he could barely even _look_ at Sirius, let alone be near him. What if suddenly somehow Sirius could see his dreams? It was too horrifying to even imagine.

"Oh! I meant to ask earlier, did you talk to Fawley last night?" James asked at supper.

Remus dropped his fork and it went clattering to the floor. "Wh—what? About—about wh—what?"

The other Marauders gave him funny looks, especially Sirius. "The... Valentine's thing?" James whispered.

He tried not to breathe out a sigh of relief. " _Oh_. Oh. Um—no, I—we—we had—no. I'm sorry, I forgot. I can write to her tonight, though, if I can borrow an owl."

"Did something happen?" Pete asked.

"Happen?"

"You seem upset," Sirius explained.

Remus felt heat creeping across his face. "N—no. It was a very tiring lesson, that's all."

They looked suspicious but didn't press him on the matter. James offered to use Godric since he was the fastest, and Sirius argued really Fili was the fastest, and James retorted that while Fili was fast he was also an arse and did they want Fawley to deal with that? Sirius kept arguing all the way to the owlery that Fili really wasn't _that_ bad, and when they got to the tower one of the workers turned to see who came in and went right to Sirius.

"Your owl has been causing problems," he said, pointing to Filibuster. "He keeps standing in front of the other owls with his wings outstretched."

"And?" Sirius asked with a yawn.

"It's rude! And—and threatening!" the boy spluttered.

Sirius looked at Filibuster who seemed the picture of innocence. "He's just asserting his dominance," Sirius said coolly.

"Well he can assert it somewhere else or else I'll have to send a formal complaint to Professor Dumbledore, and you'll possibly need to keep him in your dorm."

James, Peter, and Remus all flinched at the thought of Fili living permanently in their dorm. "Fine," Sirius grumbled, angrily raking his fingers through his hair. "I'll _talk_ to him. Just because you lot don't know how to take care of owls..."

The boy narrowed his eyes. "I _literally_ do! I am _literally_ in training to work at the post office, you dumb piece of hippogriff shit."

Sirius smirked. "In training does not mean certified."

He yanked out his wand. "Why you little—"

"Okay!" James chuckled, pushing himself between them. "Sirius will talk to Fili, no need to get your wand out." He put his finger on the wand, pushing it aside. "Have a good evening."

The boy glared at all of them before storming out, muttering about Sirius, calling him Barmy Black.

"You should have let him hex me, he would have gotten into trouble!" complained Sirius as they went farther into the owlery, all their owls coming down to finally greet them. Sirius put his arm out and Fili landed on it, then promptly bit Sirius on the ear. "You been trying to show you're the most dominant owl?" Sirius asked, stroking Fili gently. Fili hooted and spread his wings out. "Good boy."

"Sirius—" Remus started, then stopping, not feeling like dealing with that, not really wanting to have to _look_ at him. "Here, James." He handed the letter over to his friend who tied it to Godric's leg, explaining that he needed to go to Miss Fawley. While he did this, Remus went to greet Arthur who seemed even droopier than usual. Arthur hooted, and Remus nuzzled him.

Once they left, Remus headed to the library for Study Group while the others went off to probably cause mayhem and chaos that would give him a headache later.

*

At least things between Remus and Lily didn't feel very awkward after the kiss; he had worried it would be, but she acted completely normal and he wasn't bothered by it. Or rather... it didn't change anything between them. It had definitely bothered him in a continual am-I-broken-what-is-wrong-with-me way. But as far as Lily and he went, nothing seemed _any_ different, to his great relief. She didn't act different, or bring up the kiss, or anything. Any time spent with her was the same as it always had been. He also started relaxing again with Sirius, the dream becoming fuzzier and fuzzier as time passed. It helped that he was continually reminding himself it meant nothing to Lily, so it was okay it meant nothing to him, and that didn't mean anything.

It didn't.

On Friday morning Godric returned with a reply, dropping the letter into Remus's lap. All the Marauders watched excitedly as he opened the letter.

_Dear Remus,_

_I knew you were planning on something for Valentine's day but Merlin's beard! Don't push yourself, my dear. If you do manage to get this new spell invented then yes, I shall help. It won't hurt anyone, and sounds very amusing; I can't wait to see the results in your memories. What we can do is if I enchant a very long piece of ribbon or string. You can use the sticking spell on the doorway, and stick it around the entire doorway. That way people will 'pass under it'. I've tried this and it seems to work. I don't know how well it will work with your self-invented spell or how long it will last, however hopefully it will last all through breakfast at least. Let me know next Tuesday, and then I can bring it on the twelfth._

_Yours,_

_M. Fawley_

Remus whispered the contents out to his friends (leaving out the bit about not pushing himself, that was silly) and they all quietly celebrated. There were many high fives exchanged which made some nearby students suspicious.

"Oh, we're celebrating what we did to the eggs," James said, and the students pushed the large platter of eggs away, glaring at them. James pulled the platter closer and began piling eggs on his plate, trying not to laugh.

*

While the Marauders trusted Fawley, they wanted to test the string thing out themselves. After lunch they went to their dorm, where Remus cut a long piece of yarn and Sirius stuck it around their doorway. James and Peter waited outside. Remus put the activation spell on the yarn, and Sirius hit it with the jelly-arms jinx. James and Peter walked through, and both got their arms jellified. They all laughed and whooped victoriously, exchanging _more_ high fives which was very awkward with James and Peter. James didn't let Remus fix him right away, he kept running around flailing his jellified arms and smacking the others with them.

They spent the rest of the free period wandering around the castle. James and Sirius sent the jelly-arms jinx to various students they came across, while Peter described to Remus the events of the latest issue of his favorite comic series. Eventually they just sorta hung around on a bench, kicking their feet, talking about random things until Sirius pointed out they still hadn't made a sledding slope indoors yet. James reminded him they were waiting until they could make it snow instead of hauling snow in, and Sirius said hauling snow in would be fine. All three Marauders stared at him.

"What?" he asked.

"YOU'RE the one who complained about hauling the snow in the first place!" Peter said.

"You're the one who wanted to wait till we had a spell to make it snow," added Remus. "Which, yes, I am working on however am certainly not there yet." He got his wand out and flicked it. "Chionius." Very sparse snowflakes began falling from the ceiling, melting as they touched the ground. James stuck his hand out, a few flakes falling on his outstretched palm. "Finite incantatem. See? It's not much."

"Does it last?" James asked, looking at the water on his hand. "If you put the spell on a room, does it last?"

"Er, I'm... not sure how long it will... why? Whose room do you want to enchant?"

James grinned. "Oh, anyone's really. Just curious if it would work. You know... Filch's office... we do it at night after he goes to bed—"

"When does ol' Filchy ever go to bed?" Peter demanded.

"He's got a point," laughed Sirius. "Every single time _we've_ been about, so's he."

"Does he even sleep?" demanded Pete. "I mean, are we really sure he _sleeps_?"

James tilted his head. "Actually, I have no clue where his private rooms are. Maybe he doesn't even have a bed."

Peter gasped. "Maybe he's a vampire! Has anyone actually seen him leave the castle?"

"Yes," said Remus, and they all looked at him in surprise. "Rather, I have _not_ seen him leave the castle, however I know he went to the Gryffindor/Ravenclaw game last year. Myrtle told me. He wanted to see the results."

Peter snapped his fingers. "There goes that idea."

"If he goes to the Hufflepuff/Slytherin game later this month, we could do it," James said brightly. "He goes to Slytherin games, right? Want to do that?" he asked Remus directly.

Remus shrugged. "All right. When is it?"

"The seventeenth."

Remus flinched. "Ahh. No. I—I'm sorry, I won't be able to."

James frowned, brow furrowing. "Why _not_?" Remus bowed his head, mumbling. "What?" James asked.

"I'll be... in the hospital wing," he sighed, then wanted to change the subject because he wasn't really in the mood to discuss the moon at the moment. "However, he _must_ go to bed at _some_ point. Even if he's creeping around the castle in the middle of the night, he most likely sleeps in the early hours of the morning. We'll simply have to stay up very late, or wake up very early."

"Imagine his face when he opens his office door and finds all the snow!" Sirius giggled. "We should put a little snowman on his desk. Or a snow-cat. Could we make one of those?"

"Probably, but if not we could remake it into a snowman," James replied. "Okay, since we won't be getting much sleep should we do this on Wednesday morning, or wait till Saturday?"

"Saturday will give me more time to practice the spell, making it last longer," Remus said.

"Okay, Saturday then," James said, and giggled. "In the meantime we also need to practice the Valentine's prank too."

Remus rubbed his forehead, feeling tired thinking about all of this. "I—I'm fairly sure the spell is correct and we only need to practice it to the point where it lasts longer than a few minutes."

"Come on, let's all practice it," suggested James, so they headed to the nearest unused classroom where Remus carefully told them the pronunciation and showed them the wand movement that worked.

Soon there were choruses of "Galymasitum!" and pink, heart-shaped bubbles began floating around everyone. Whenever one of them moved, their heart bubbles would follow. They weren't poppable, not even with knives (as James got his potions kit out and started stabbing at the bubbles, succeeding only in getting them to inch away from him). However, it only took a few minutes before the bubbles started deflating. Remus's attempts lasted the longest, lasting up to ten minutes. Once the bubbles deflated and sunk to the floor they finally popped, leaving a faint trace of soapiness on the ground.

"You are _so_ smart," Peter said once they finally grew tired of the spell and collapsed in a corner of the room to avoid all the mess. "I can't believe you just _invent_ spells. That's so... I mean, impossible... I mean, _not_ impossible but... you know what I mean."

Remus pushed his sweaty hair out of his face. "Th—thank you."

"You're gonna be a famous spellmaker," Sirius said.

Remus grew a little warm under the praise, and ducked low. "Aw, well, not—not really..." He knew how impossible that would be. Making the spells, sure, he was growing more confident in his ability to do that. However... in order to make them official he'd have to run them by the Ministry which wasn't something that could ever happen. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach and he shook his head, determined to ignore it. "But it is fun coming up with spells for pranks."

James pumped a fist in the air. "True Marauder spirit!" he exclaimed, and they all laughed.

*

Remus still smelled strongly of soap when he went to Study Group, and Lily and Aegis both gave him strange looks though neither commented on it. He knew it was an uncomfortably strong smell, however he assumed it wouldn't be that strong for normal human noses. Oops. At least it was just soap and nothing too weird.

After Study Group was over, Lily and Remus walked through the castle together slowly, chattering about various things, until they were nearly knocked over by the other Marauders running. Well, James and Sirius—Peter was lagging behind trying to stay caught up. Remus grabbed a hold of Lily right before she fell, yanking her back to her feet.

"Whooops!" James laughed. "Didn't see you there, Red."

"You need better glasses then, Potter!" Lily grumbled, brushing herself off. " _Thank_ you, Remus." James and Sirius eyed Remus who was still holding Lily's arm. He quickly let go, mumbling that it hadn't been anything. "Why are you lot running? No running in the halls."

"No running in the halls," James said in a whiny, mimicky voice. "You wanna get that stick out of your—"

Remus pounced, covering James's mouth. " _James_!" he hissed.

Lily folded her arms. "I know perfectly well what he was going to say, and it doesn't surprise me, he's very rude."

Sirius and Peter were watching all of this with amused interest, and Peter whispered to Sirius _"How long till she hexes him_?" causing Sirius to snort.

Remus wished James would keep his mouth shut. "Why _were_ you running?" he asked, hoping to change the topic.

"We hexed some kids," replied Sirius with a shrug.

Lily glared at him. "You really find that fun? Hexing innocent people?"

Sirius had a habit: he really liked cats, and whenever he saw one wandering around (minus Filch's cat of course) he often put his hand down to let them sniff, and then if they let him he'd pet them or sometimes pull them onto his lap. There was a cat sitting on a nearby bench watching all of this going on and Sirius finally noticed, and went over, putting his hand out. The cat stared at him with a strange expression and since it didn't run away or complain, Sirius assumed it was friendly.

"Yeah, it can be," Sirius said, scritching the cat behind its ears and along its cheek, watching it carefully for its reaction to make sure this attention was okay. "Honestly, we don't do anything really _bad_ , just—"

The cat changed form, and Sirius's hand was now against Professor McGonagall's waist, around where the cat's head had been.

Everyone stared in astonishment.

" _Professor_!" Sirius finally squeaked, yanking his hand away from _their teacher's waist_ , his entire face going beet red.

Professor McGonagall stood up, looking down her nose at him. "And who did you hex?"

" _Ahhh_."

Nobody else even made a sound, all of them too shocked to respond even though Remus finally understood why their teacher constantly smelled like a cat. He had assumed she _had_ a cat or two, one of the many that hung around the school, but never in his life would he have been able to guess she _turned_ into one! All the Marauders had heard rumors about her being able to become an animal but considering there were rumors like that about pretty much every single teacher (and he _highly_ doubted Slughorn could turn himself into a slug safely), he had never thought much about it.

"Well?" she demanded.

Sirius made a very strange gaspy sort of noise, and took a step back.

"I see. Ten points from Gryffindor from you and Mr. Potter, as well as a night of detention each."

" _Ahhh_."

"You're an—an—an anima—magus," Remus finally got out.

McGonagall glanced over. "Very good, Mr. Lupin."

"That is... amazing," Lily breathed out, eyes going wide as she stared at their teacher. "That is incredible. I didn't—I never knew—I mean, I know human transfiguration is possible but—you can—you can become a cat!"

"Yes. You'll be learning about animagi next year, though it doesn't surprise me at all you," she said, looking at Remus, "already know all about them."

"I—" Remus started, then stopped. Part of him glowed under her praise, but part of him felt strange since the reason he did know about animagi was because he had done a _lot_ of research into them growing up. He had hoped perhaps something about them might be connected to lycanthropy. Of course, he had been unable to do as much research as he would have liked, as books about the actual process were unavailable for sale without a permission slip from the Ministry. "Y-yes," he finally said.

Lily shook her head. "But how do you transform back without your wand? It's just an—an illusion, is it? Because you _looked_ like you transformed!"

"I did transform. We—" She paused, then gave Remus a smile. "Do you wish to explain? I'd like to see how much you know about this subject."

"Er..." He ducked his head, twisting his fingers into the hem of his jumper. "Animagi can transform wholly and fully into—into an animal. They can't... choose which animal they become, it is their animal within. But—but they are that animal. Professor McGonagall fully becomes a cat, with—with a human's mind. Their biology is that animal, only they retain their human mind and control," he finished, trying not to feel or sound bitter. Animagi got to keep their human mind, and control over their body. He didn't. His stomach twisted itself into knots, and he pressed a hand against his belly, trying to put some pressure against it to keep himself from getting too ill. "I—I think they—they have their animal instincts too, though, if I'm not mistaken. Also, it is one of the—the few spells one can do without a wand. Since, er, you don't... _have_... a wand as an animal or can—can speak English."

"Very good, Mr. Lupin," McGonagall said, adjusting her glasses. "Ten points to Gryffindor."

"Ah—"

"Is it something we'll learn?" Lily interrupted.

"No, my dear," McGonagall said, rather gently. "It is an extremely dangerous branch of transfiguration. The process is very long, and if one does not do it correctly you could wind up permanently partially an animal. Or worse. It is so dangerous, complicated, and time-consuming that animagi are quite rare. As I said, we will learn more about them next year however feel free to take it upon yourself to study more if you so desire. Have a good evening Miss Evans, Mr. Lupin, Mr. Pettigrew."

"Not us?" James asked when he and Sirius weren't mentioned.

"When you stop giving me a headache, I'll wish you a good evening," she said, and swished off down the hall.

Once she disappeared Sirius looked at his hand. "I can't believe I just groped my teacher's waist." He kept staring at his hand, then sighed. "Ah, well, at least it was Professor McGonagall. She's gorgeous, so."

"You pet our teacher," Peter said, finally speaking up.

"Oh Merlin, I did..."

"I guess this makes you the teacher's pet," Lily joked, and Sirius scowled while everyone else burst into laughter.

" _Good_ one, Red!" James said, and held his hand up for a high five.

Lily wrinkled her nose. "Don't touch me." She stepped away, then spun to face Remus. "I'll see you later. I'd like to chat about the whole ani... animage thing." She gave a withering look to James and then flounced off.

James blew a raspberry after her, giving a two finger salute. "Cow," he muttered, and Remus glared. "I mean... er, well, so, Sirius, you groped our teacher, congrats!" He gave Sirius a light punch.

Peter had been inching his way towards Remus and finally got there. "Hey," he said softly. "This is a dumb question but, that—what McGonagall is, it's completely different from you, right?"

Remus was startled by this question and at first didn't know how to react. Sirius and James had heard and were now looking at him with equal interest. "Ah, er, r-right. Yes. It's v-very different." He listened to make sure nobody was around, then stepped closer to the three of them. "As I said, animagi keep their human mind when they transform and can control themselves, and they can choose to transform. I... do not. Mine is—is forced. And... I... definitely don't... keep any shred of human mind nor do I have any kind of control," he whispered, sticking his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking. "Obviously I c-cannot change back when I wish either."

Sirius reached out, messing Remus's hair up. "Least you knocked our point loss down to only ten instead of twenty, Brains."

Remus forced a smile, pulling away to smooth his hair back down, trying to ignore _those_ feelings, trying to shove the box back down, reminding himself very rapidly that it meant nothing to Lily, it was fine it didn't mean anything for him. Whatever this was would go away soon, and he'd like girls and be _normal_.

He gave a grunt as James slapped his back before slinging an arm around his shoulders. "Now that we had that interesting encounter, let's go find some more Slytherins to hex, eh?"

James hauled Remus off and the others hurried after, joking about Sirius petting McGonagall and groping her waist. Remus didn't talk much, he mostly thought about the fact McGonagall was an animagus. At least now they knew to be careful chatting about their pranks with random cats around!


	92. Chapter Ninety-Two - Camp Not Yet

"OKAY, WHO DID IT?"

Remus was jerked awake early Saturday morning by Sirius's voice bellowing through the dorm room. He flailed a bit, trying to quickly get out of bed, as he was worried something bad happened, and wound up falling out of bed. He sat up, rubbing his head, and looked over to see Sirius's curtains were no longer merely red but had a crude cat face print all over them. He knew immediately it was James because they barely looked like cats.

Sirius glared as Remus began laughing from the floor, but ignored him for the time being to yank back James's curtains, demanding he get up.

"Bloody hell, Siri, it's like 4 in the morning," James moaned as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"It's eight," Sirius grumbled. "I know you did this."

"Did _what_?" Sirius pointed, and James slid his glasses on, his expression making it very obvious that he had been the one to do it. "Huh, wonder who did that."

Sirius grabbed one of James's pillows and smacked him; his glasses went flying as he finally gave into the laughter. "Wow!" Sirius said sarcastically as James fumbled for his glasses. "Wonder who did _that_!"

Their voices finally dragged everyone else out of bed. Peter began giggling almost as soon as he poked his head out. Spinnet launched right into complaints, wanting to know why they were being awoken so early.

"Cause James is a twat," Sirius said.

"Yes, we knew this already," yawned Spinnet. "Any particular reason you're waking us up at a miserable hour of the morning to tell us what we all already knew? And why are there hamster faces all over your curtains?"

"They're cat faces!" James snapped, quite indignant. Sirius raised his eyebrows, and James gave a sheepish smile. "Er, heh, at least I'm _assuming_..."

Sirius gave him another smack of the pillow before stomping over to help Remus to his feet. "Look what you did to poor Remy."

"Right, that was completely me and not you screeching," said James, rolling his eyes then grinning at Peter who was giving him a thumbs up since Sirius wasn't looking.

"Can we go back to bed or are you going to start shouting again?" Struthers asked. "I don't even see the big deal about hamst—uh, I mean, cat faces on your curtains.

Sirius just grunted. "Oh, go back to bed, all of you. I'm getting a shower."

Remus climbed back into bed, beginning to drift off right away except right when Sirius opened the door to leave, James went, "Meow."

Sirius let out a roar and soon he and James were rolling all over the floor, wrestling with one another, James laughing wildly while Sirius swore furiously.

*

Remus didn't see the other Marauders until well after noon and as soon as he sat down James suggested they sneak into Hogsmeade since it had been a while, pointing out if they left now they could be back before too late in the evening. Sirius and Peter both agreed while Remus shook his head.

James pouted. "Aw, c'mon, Remy! You liked it there."

"I—I don't want to sneak out again," he said, poking at his food. "I only did it for a specific reason, and shan't do it again."

James blew a raspberry. "Come _on_! You've done it once, what's the big deal with doing it again?"

Remus kept shaking his head. "No. Sorry, but... I can't do it again. It's... I shouldn't have done it in the first place. I feel guilty enough over that as it is."

"Don't you want to get drunk again?" Sirius asked innocently.

Remus shot him a swift glare. "I was _not_ drunk! I—"

"Yeah, yeah, happy," James said, flapping his hand. "Maybe it's a good thing if you don't go, then. I want to get loads of butterbeer and if you're there Madame Rosmerta might not sell us any."

Remus turned his glare to him, while Sirius and Pete snickered. "I hope she doesn't sell you _any,_ " he said, and James gave an offended gasp.

"You want me to stay here, with you?" Pete offered.

"No, that's okay, thank you," Remus answered. "I can do homework. I _should_."

"How much homework do you still need to do?" Sirius asked, pointing his fork at Remus.

"Ah—" Remus stared down at his food. Technically he was pretty much done with everything, he just wanted to go over everything, triple check it all, and probably redo a few sections of various essays. "A bit."

"Mmmhmm."

They left shortly after they ate, James promising to buy Remus some sweets, Remus threatening him if he did. Once they were gone he holed up in the library for a while, doing some homework before working on some ideas he had. He was getting close to doing the spell he _really_ wanted to do—it'd be awful—but so far no luck. Eventually, Aegis showed up and the two of them left the library to go spend some time together elsewhere. At first they tried playing a card game in the Great Hall, but some Slytherins kept making rude remarks so they left, going to the Pits Passage instead. They still hadn't nicked a broom to go down into the one pit, though they both hoped they'd be able to soon.

They chattered about random things until somehow the conversation turned to Muggle stuff. Remus asked him if he knew much about Muggles and Aegis shook his head.

"Not really. My Uncle and Aunt are... quite pro-Muggle, however we certainly know a great deal less than, say, you would having grown up with a Muggle parent. My cousin wishes to go to a Muggle museum sometime."

"A... wizarding Muggle museum or an actual p-proper museum done by Muggles?" Remus asked.

Aegis laughed. "The latter. I've never heard of a wizarding Muggle museum. Considering how little Purebloods know, I can't imagine it would be very... educational."

Remus smiled behind his cards, remembering Sirius's face when he tried to explain a hoover. "No, probably not. It kinda b-boggles my mind, sometimes, how little James and Sirius know. It's very strange to think as sheltered as my—my home life was, how sheltered they are in other ways."

Aegis nodded at that, setting a card down. "You were sheltered?"

"Er, y... yeah, I—I wasn't... I wasn't able to go out much."

"Due to your illness?"

Remus ducked his head. "That's right. It's pretty much always been just me and my parents. I... didn't really know m-many people before coming to Hogwarts, and don't know much about... wizarding society in general. It took me ages to even figure out why—why people disliked Sirius. The whole Black family thing, I mean."

Aegis was giving him a strange look now. "So... you really did not know much about... the politics of some of the Pureblood families?"

"Not really," Remus admitted. "I'm still a bit clueless."

"Ah..." Aegis flushed slightly and began focusing on his cards. Remus wanted to ask what was up, however didn't want to press him; he suspected it was the whole other-Slytherins-hating-him thing.

"I knew a little about the Potters," Remus said, trying to break the awkward silence. "They're always in the papers."

"Speaking of which, did Mr. Potter really get rid of his broom?" Aegis inquired.

"Yes." Remus tried his best not to sound bitter. "He has a MoonGlide now."

"Those don't come out until—"

"Yeah, it was specially made." Aegis frowned, and Remus realized he hadn't been able to sound impassive at all; his jealousy had come out in his tone. "You know, I realize I d-don't know," Remus said quickly, before Aegis could comment on the jealousy thing, "do you enjoy playing Quidditch? All this time and we—we never really talked much about Quidditch."

"I enjoy flying," Aegis said. "I do not have any strong feelings one way or another over Quidditch, though I support Ravenclaw's endeavors to win. It's fun to watch, I'm simply not as fervent a fan as others seem to be."

"I... w-wasn't feeling well, during James's first game, and wasn't able to pay much attention," Remus said. "Hopefully, his next game I can. Not sure when it is..."

"Against Ravenclaw," Aegis said with a smile. "March seventeenth."

"Oh! That'll be—" Remus stopped, heart seizing up. "March s—seventeenth? I thought the—the Hufflepuff-Slytherin game was..."

"This month, on the seventeenth," Aegis explained.

Remus swallowed. "Oh, all—all right..."

"Is something the matter?"

He shook his head, holding his cards tighter. "No, I got confused over the—the dates, is all."

_March seventeenth_ , he thought miserably. _A full moon_. He knew James had told him at some point, but it had dropped out of his mind. The good news was it would be the first night of the full moon, so there was every possibility he could go. The bad news was he would probably be so tired it'd be difficult to pay as much attention to what was going on as he'd like. Plus if the game went on too long he'd have to leave early. Although the sun would set around 6:30, which gave them plenty of time for the game. Surely it wouldn't go on for four hours, right?

"How—how long do games usually last? It seems like the last one hardly went on at all," he said.

Aegis's face darkened. "The Slytherin team did not play very fairly, that's why," he said, rather icily. "Games do tend to last a lot longer, however they injured the Ravenclaw Keeper, making them bring in the reserve—who is, admittedly, very good—and they decided to go for a few quick points and then the snitch. They did not feel the need to build up points, which means they are overly confident nobody else will be scoring much. Or else they're worried Ravenclaw might get too many this season, and wanted to keep their score low."

"I see," Remus said, not really understanding. "It's strange hearing someone rooting against their own House."

"Very few people in Slytherin seem to be inclined to feel comfortable being seen with me," Aegis said tensely. "It is difficult to root for Slytherin when hardly any appear to care for me."

"That—that is understandable. You were wanting to be in Ravenclaw?"

"Yes, most Silverlockes end up in Ravenclaw," he replied. "I assumed I would too. I _hoped_ I would be."

"I can see you in Ravenclaw." Remus immediately flinched as soon as the words were out. "I—I didn't mean... ah, that probably sounded rude since you wanted—and you're not—"

"It's fine," he promised, not sounding mad. Hopefully not sounding mad. "I was thinking of asking Pandora to come to Study Group sometime soon. I know we don't choose our electives until April, however I figured if we talk to her soon that will give us time to think about what she said."

"That sounds good to me," Remus said, wondering how in Merlin's name he was going to _choose_.

The conversation shifted to other things, and wound up on the topic of Valentine's. Remus considered asking Aegis whether or not he found girls of interest. He never really talked about that sort of thing. With Sirius having _obvious_ interest in girls (and kissing them already—on purpose, not 'to see' like Remus had), Peter making it clear he liked girls, James occasionally saying things, and Lily often chatting about boys... it'd be nice to know if Aegis was more on the Not Yet side of things. If he was. Which he might not be, maybe he did have a lot of interest and simply never spoke of it.

However as much as Remus wanted to know, he didn't dare. It would probably be too personal, and he didn't want to intrude.

Still, it would be nice to know he wasn't alone in the Not Yet camp.

*

James was _far_ too energetic in the morning, bouncing around as he got ready for Quidditch practice. Peter and Remus opted to stay in bed for more sleep while Sirius went to watch the practice. Remus slept on and off until well after eleven, and at that point Peter was awake, ready for the day. The two of them went down for an early lunch, Peter telling Remus all about their Hogsmeade visit the day before since the others hadn't had much of a chance to talk to him privately.

Remus was mid-yawn when Peter said, "Oh you know that haunted house?"

Remus snapped his mouth shut. "Er, y—yeah?"

"'Parently some locals tried breaking in the other day," Pete said, eyes going big. "They got caught trying to use the blasting curse through some of the boarded-up windows but the spell re—re—rebonded back—"

"Reb _onded_?"

"You know, it, um, bounced back."

Remus searched his brain to figure out what 'rebonded' might be. "Re... bound?"

" _Yes_ , that's the word Madame Rosmerta used," said Peter with a nod. "Sent the kids flying back, hurt them pretty bad. It's kinda weird to think that someone's put so many spells up on that place to keep people away. I wonder what goes on in there." Remus gave a noncommittal sort of noise, putting his hands in his pockets to hide the shakiness. "James says we're gonna sneak in at night to listen."

"Th—that's a _very_ bad idea," Remus said quickly.

Peter sighed, trying to mess his hair up in a similar manner that James did, but since James's hair was thick and naturally wild, and Pete's hair was rather thin and straight all he succeeded in doing was making a slightly tangled mess and not the flyaway sort of mess that James managed. "You surprised?"

"N... no. Who would be surprised James has a bad idea?" Remus asked, and Peter laughed.

They had just reached the second floor when they passed some older Gryffindor students. One of them stopped, turning to face them. "Hey!" she said, and Peter and Remus both froze, assuming Sirius and James had done something. "Lupin." She walked over, her prefect's badge flashing in the light. "Professor Dumbledore wants to see you."

"M... me?"

She gave an annoyed sigh. " _Yes._ Wasn't told any particular time so..."

Remus nodded, taking a step back. "I—I guess I'll s-see you later," he told Peter. The prefect was giving him a curious and rather smug look, as if figuring he was in trouble. Which he might be. Was he? What had he done recently? Well, loads of things with the Marauders however as far as he knew he hadn't really done anything worthy of seeing _Dumbledore_.

Remus made his way to the corridor outside Dumbledore's office and wound up stuck outside since he wasn't sure what the password was. "Pepper imps," he said, hoping it'd be the same thing as last term. The gargoyle stared blankly. _Blast_ , he thought, shifting his weight. "Chocolate f-frog? Er, cauldron cake. Ahh... chocoballs?" He began going through various sweets and when he got to gummy butterflies the gargoyle moved. He figured that was the password, but when the gargoyle finished moving Remus found himself looking up into Dumbledore's eyes.

"Ah, Mr. Lupin. Come in. I apologize for not sending the password to you."

Remus stepped onto the moving staircase behind the headmaster. "I—it's ok—kay, sir."

As soon as they went into his office, Remus noticed Dumbledore's phoenix was at the end of its current cycle. It looked on the verge of bursting into flames any second. Remus eyed it, then scurried to sit in the chair Dumbledore indicated.

"How are you doing, Mr. Lupin?" Dumbledore asked as he swept into his seat, locking his pale blue eyes on Remus.

"Ah—er, I—I'm—f-f-fine. S-sir. Thank—thank you."

"Are classes going well?"

Remus floundered, really unsure what was going on. "Y... yes, sir. Yes, ah—classes are—are w-wonderful."

"No issues with any of the teachers?" Dumbledore inquired.

"N—no," he whispered, then thought about Slughorn pressing him about the Slug Club. That didn't really count though, right? "Everything is g-g-good."

Dumbledore smiled. "How are the occlumency lessons?"

"Er, f-fine. Miss Fawley is... a wonderful t-teacher."

"Good. And your friends? Is everything... well with that?"

Remus thought he detected something heavier with the way Dumbledore asked that question over the others. "Very—very good," Remus answered, trying not to sound too anxious.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he asked, "Getting into plenty of trouble with them?"

"Ah—hopefully n-n-not too much." Remus looked down, tugging at the end of his jumper sleeve, twisting his fingers into the loose wool. "I t-t-try not to, at—at least."

"The four of you seem very close."

Remus glanced up, not sure what to say since it didn't seem like a question. "Y—yes?"

"In fact, it seems as though I don't see any of you without at least one of the others, usually all four together," Dumbledore continued.

"We—yes, we spend—we're t-together a lot." He suspected he knew what Dumbledore was going to ask, and if he did then that meant Fawley truly was keeping his secrets.

When Dumbledore spoke the words, they pierced into Remus. "They don't know? Or suspect?"

_He doesn’t know_? Remus lifted his chin, focusing on keeping his breathing steady to avoid panicking. His stomach yanked itself up into his throat, and he clenched his teeth to keep the bile back. He wasn't sure if he could do this. Lying to his parents was hard enough, but lying to the most powerful wizard in the country—probably the world—who had done so much for him, risked so much for him? _Could_ he?

He managed to somehow put a vague sort of smile on his face and said, "No", lying right to Albus Dumbledore's face.

"If they ever suspect anything, you will come right to me," Dumbledore said. It was an order.

"Yes sir," Remus whispered.

"Even though I am sure you trust them, it is still exceedingly dangerous for them to know," he said, very firm. Very intense. "It is unsafe for werewolves to be very close to those who don't know. The hatred against werewolves is strong, and can break the bonds of even the closest of friendships or even family or romantic relationships." His voice grew heavier, pressing down on Remus. "While it may seem easy to trust them... I must warn you that even those we feel that we can trust wholly and explicitly can turn against us without warning. They are your friends, but you cannot fully trust them. You understand that, correct? You cannot fully trust them."

Remus squirmed under Dumbledore's penetrative gaze. He wondered if the headmaster was using legilimency. Surely he'd be able to tell if Dumbledore was doing that or not, right? "Yes... sir..." he forced out, trying to empty his mind just in case, trying to put up his wimpy barrier.

"Now." Dumbledore's smile returned, and he put his hands on his desk, linking his fingers together. The heaviness was gone. It felt as though a dark cloud had been brushed aside. "I brought you here to inform you of some things that happened in Hogsmeade last week."

Remus opened his mouth to ask if he meant the attack on his house then quickly shut his mouth, realizing there'd be no way for him to know unless he (or someone he knew) snuck in. "Wh—what happened?"

Dumbledore's expression turned slightly curious for a second or two. "Three young wizards decided to try to break into your house. They were unsuccessful, as my charms and wards on the place are very strong. However, due to the rather violent reaction, there has been some gossip about the house. I thought I should let you know, in case anyone tries anything while you're there. That way hopefully you don't panic or get frightened."

Remus has the sneaking suspicion that Dumbledore had _actually_ brought Remus to his office to warn him about his friendship with the Marauders, not this. But he nodded. "Yes, th—thank you. I shall be very c-careful."

A few minutes later Remus was heading back down to the Great Hall, mind whirling. _Did he read my mind_? he wondered as he wandered through the halls, more aimlessly than he realized. _What if I told them they do know and they still like me? And will keep it secret? Would he still erase their memories? How can Dumbledore_ not _know though? How can he say I can't trust them? I can trust them. But of course he doesn't know I can trust them._

Remus yelped as he ran into a statue, nearly tumbling to the ground. A nearby painting laughed but thankfully there weren't any students around to see him. He rubbed his nose and glanced around, realizing for some reason he had gone to the third floor, not down towards the Great Hall at all. He was more out of it than he thought.

He sighed, slumping down on a nearby bench. _They're good friends, of course I can trust them._ He understood Dumbledore's concerns. He had thought the same before everything happened, right when they told him. Those moments were a little foggy, but he remembered being terrified they had called the Ministry.

He considered going back to confess, except he had a nagging feeling that no matter what he said it wouldn't change Dumbledore's mind, and the Marauders would be obliviated.

_I do have to be careful_ , he thought, finally getting back up. He had to protect his friends, and that meant making double sure nobody besides Miss Fawley figured out that the others knew.

*

Naturally the other Marauders wanted to know what Dumbledore wanted, and Remus wasn't sure how to reply. He didn't want to tell them the truth: that he was being warned about being too close to them. He didn't want to tell them the lie: that his house had been attacked, because they couldn't know that that was his house. So he went for the first things discussed: whether he was doing all right with Prewett, and with his occlumency lessons.

"Just a check up?" James asked, sounding disappointed.

"Yes," Remus answered, hiding a smile. "We didn't get in so much trouble Professor Dumbledore had to step in."

James snapped his fingers. "Drat."

Sirius was giving him a strange look. "Is that really all?"

"Y—yes." He knew his stutter gave it away, and Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Er—there were a—a few other questions. Private."

"About your furry little problem?" James asked as he stuffed food into his mouth.

Remus groaned. " _Yes_ , and _please_ stop calling it that."

"I'm just glad you're okay and it wasn't you getting into trouble," Peter said, nodding. "I couldn't imagine _you_ getting in trouble instead of them, but I was worried."

"Thank you."

*

That night he had a nightmare, though it wasn't one of his typical ones. It started out with the Marauders walking through a soapy corridor, talking about various things until James started up with the furry little problem thing again. They stopped walking and James began shouting about it for some reason and then a nearby cat turned into Professor Dumbledore. _A-ha_! he said, brandishing his wand which had a silvery sort of gleam to it. Remus begged him not to do anything but Dumbledore said it was too dangerous, and began obliviating James, Sirius, and Peter. Dumbledore disappeared, and Remus tried talking to the Marauders but they had gone back to the beginning of the first year, only worse. They all began calling him Loopy Lupin, laughing, _Why would we want to be friends with a lunatic like you_? Their laughter grew louder and louder and Remus fell down, covering his ears, crying as they pointed at him, calling him names.

When Remus woke up, it was quiet. He wasn't screaming or thrashing or anything, however his cheeks were very damp. He brushed the tears away, staring at the curtains, half wanting to wake them up to make sure—they were still friends, right? He knew he was being ridiculous. It was just a nightmare, of course they were still friends. They hadn't been obliviated.

It took him forever to get back to sleep and when he got up in the morning he could hardly breathe as he got out of bed. Sirius and James were both up already, James chattering about something or other while Sirius fixed his hair in the mirror. Remus sat on the edge of his bed, trembling violently, wanting to ask if they knew who he was.

Sirius glanced over and gave Remus such a weird look that Remus almost threw up, scared his nightmare had been real. Terrified Dumbledore had obliviated them in the night somehow. Deep down he knew it hadn't happened, it had been a nightmare, but part of him was worried it had actually happened.

"You all right?" Sirius asked, fingers moving to tie his tie.

"M—me?"

"No, your pillow. Yes you!"

"Oh. Um—yeah. Yes."

"You look out of it," James said, bouncing over. "You get sleep?"

"Yes," Remus said, relieved. "Bad dreams is all."

"You didn't..." Sirius trailed off, frowning. "Scream," he finally said.

Remus got out of bed, going to the wardrobe to rummage for a clean uniform. "No, they weren't _that_ bad."

The last of his fears disappeared when James shook Peter awake, and Peter was the same as always. They all were. It had only been a horrible nightmare. The only problem was, dream and reality were sort of bleeding into one another again... like they had with the glitter nightmare. And _that_ was kinda scary too.


	93. Chapter Ninety-Three - Pathetic Pokey Peter

Remus felt on edge all day Monday and every time the four of them were alone he grew paranoid that Dumbledore would come out of nowhere with his wand to erase their memories. The others noticed how jumpy he was, but he promised he was fine. None of them brought up his lycanthropy, though James did mention the house, telling Remus the same thing Pete and Dumbledore said, and reiterated how much he wanted to sneak in some time to listen.

"Maybe we can do it Friday night," he suggested, eyes sparkling.

"Maybe we sh-shouldn't at all," Remus muttered, running his fingers nervously along the strap of his satchel. "It's extremely risky."

"That's the fun part," laughed Sirius, and James grinned while Peter made a face.

"We're Gryffindors, we do risky stuff!" added James.

Remus shook his head. "No, you do risky stuff because you're _idiots_. Think of how much trouble you'd be in if you were caught!"

James put his arm around Remus. "We've never been caught going in and out of Hogsmeade yet! Besides, this is _less_ dangerous! After all, we won't be wandering around the town. We'll just... come in and... go near the house to hear what all the fuss is about."

"You're in, right?" Sirius asked, elbowing Peter.

"Ahh—yes. Yes, of—of course," Peter squeaked, clearly not wanting to be in at all.

"See?" Sirius turned his gaze to Remus. "Petey's in."

"It's settled. Friday night." James squeezed Remus gently.

"I thought we were going to wake up early on Saturday to prank Filch's office?" Remus asked, hoping to be able to put the sneaking out until a much later date. "I've been practicing the snowing spell."

James looked rather chagrined. "Er, right. Yes. We can do that—well, okay, we can do that Saturday morning, then sneak out on Saturday night. Yes, perfect, we'll do that. Now, come on, it'll be better if it's all four of us."

He wanted to say no, knew he should say no. Sneaking into Hogsmeade was wrong, being out after hours was wrong, doubling up on that was super wrong! If it were for anything else he'd say absolutely not. _However_... part of him wanted to be there in case they heard a wolf howling, to try to steer their minds away from the thought of that's where Remus went on full moons. If they knew where he went... well, he had a bad feeling they'd try to show up sometime. He'd probably be able to convince them not to. Probably. It just seemed like it'd be a bad idea to let them near that house by themselves where they could hear the screams and howls.

What if... some of the screams sounded like his own voice? Would Dumbledore do that? To hide his own screams during the full moon? Would he have enchanted the place to sound like that? Or would that be too much?

He couldn't be sure, and that meant most likely he'd need to be with them to make sure they didn't start suspecting things.

"Maybe," he croaked out. James slapped his back so hard he began coughing.

"Thattaboy!" James said triumphantly. "Saturday night it is."

Remus felt violently ill.

*

Tuesday evening one of the first memories Fawley saw—after easily ripping through his barrier—was Dumbledore's warning. Once she left his head, Remus told her about the nightmare he had, and how afraid he was of his friends losing their memories of him. Fawley rubbed his back, admitting she wasn't sure how much she could reassure him, because if Dumbledore _did_ find out, it would mean their memories would be wiped.

"If he finds out, I can try to talk to him," she said, giving him a gentle hug. "I don't know if it will do any good, but I'll do my best."

Remus sniffled, nodding. "Th-thank you, Miss Fawley."

She sighed. "How have I become an advocate of this?" she asked, and then gave a laugh to show she wasn't really annoyed by it. "James has Quidditch these evenings, right?"

"Y—yes."

"I _would_ like to talk to him again, and Peter. Perhaps next week you can bring Peter with you. Sometime later we can work out an evening where I can come to talk to James."

They went back into his head, pouring through various memories while he tried to fight back. At one point he felt a _very_ sharp stab of pain in his head, and the memory stopped. He fell back, pressing his hands against his head, groaning a little in pain as the stabbing continued.

"Remus—"

"I'm a-all right," he gasped out, curling forward. "I _think_."

"Remus, you pushed me out of your head."

Remus froze, eyes slowly opening as he stared straight ahead. "Wh... what?" He looked up, unable to believe his ears.

"It... wasn't much of a kick out, if I had fought against it I would have stayed in," she explained carefully, "however this is the first time you've managed anything like that."

"It's—what? I did what?"

"The little bit of a barrier you normally have is only when I enter your head. This time you yanked it back up in the _middle_ of me looking through a memory!"

"I _what_?!" He straightened up, hands falling, chest heaving. "I did—I—I'm—"

"Yes," laughed Miss Fawley and suddenly they were hugging, both of them laughing. Tears dripped down Remus's face—happy tears, _very_ happy tears. "This is amazing. You—this isn't something—you're only twelve and—Remus, do you have any idea how impressive what you've just done is? Only a natural should be able to do something like that at your age, like Sirius. I've known people to study Occlumency for years and only manage what you're doing after a long time."

He wiped his face off, trying to avoid sniffling so she wouldn't know he was crying. "I p-probably won't ever be able to—"

" _No_! There will be no self-depreciation here right now, Mr. Lupin, do you understand me?"

He nodded. "Y—yes, Miss Fawley."

She reached out, stroking his hair gently. Unlike when his mum did it over the holidays, he didn't mind at all. That slipped right into him feeling incredibly guilty for not minding Miss Fawley doing this, but not wanting his mum to. Suddenly he didn't want Miss Fawley doing this—except no, he really did, it felt so nice... but he shouldn't _not mind_ her, but mind his mum, and—argh, it was a big mess in conjunction with the incredible joy from a few seconds ago, and he wanted to hide somewhere for a while.

"How do you feel?" Miss Fawley asked, as if she knew what he was thinking.

"C—confused, I guess?"

She smiled. "No, I mean... your head is hurting, right?"

"Oh! Yes. It's... hurting pretty bad."

"Let's take a short break, then."

Of course he wasn't able to do it again, nor could he put up the minute initial barrier. They ended the session a bit earlier since it was clear he was too exhausted, and they parted with two promises: Fawley would bring the enchanted ribbon next week, and Remus would talk to Peter and James about meeting up with her sometime.

He was in a _very_ good mood, practically skipping along the corridors despite the pain in his head. Instead of going to his dorm, he instead headed towards the kitchen to get something to celebrate with. A small piece of cake or something. The house-elves were quite pleased to give him a container with a piece of cake, and he thanked them profusely before leaving.

 _I hope I can do it again next week_ , he thought as he took some back corridors and secret passageways to get to the dorm quicker. _I can't believe I did it. Is it really that shocking for someone to get to this point already? I feel like I'm not progressing at all, so..._

Remus turned down a corridor then froze. There was a figure halfway down, leaning slumped against the wall, head down. Remus could smell blood. He hesitated, not sure whether to leave them alone or not but the student lifted their head and Remus nearly dropped his container when he saw it was Aegis.

"R—Remus!" Aegis said in surprise when Remus took a few steps forward. There was bright red blood smeared on his lips and chin, with more dripping all over his uniform.

"What happened?" Remus demanded, closing the space between them.

"Oh. Nothing," Aegis said, hand fluttering to his face. That's when Remus noticed there were faint streaks of tears on his cheeks.

Remus frowned. "Th—that is a lot of blood for n-nothing."

"I... got into a fight," he admitted.

"You? In a fight?"

Aegis flushed slightly, quickly pulling his jumper up to wipe off some of the blood. "Fine, he fought me and hit my nose with a rather vicious hex."

Remus set his stuff down and rummaged in his satchel till he found a handkerchief and water. He got the handkerchief wet and handed it to Aegis who thanked him, wiping his face off.

"Who did it?" Remus asked, folding his arms.

Aegis avoided his eyes. "Doesn't matter."

"Yes it does—"

"Please." Aegis looked at the bloodied cloth. "I—I'll get this cleaned and returned to you."

"No, it's—you can keep it," Remus said, giving Aegis a worried look. "Was it... Malfoy?"

Aegis flinched very faintly, and Remus knew he was right. "No, it... doesn't matter at all," he murmured as he searched his pockets for a hair tie. His hair was down, and a mess. A scraggly mess, with a few flecks of blood in there as well. He ran his fingers through his hair—wincing a bit—before pulling it back. He noticed Remus staring at a particularly bloody section, and sighed. "Some of my hair was pulled out."

" _Who_ did this?"

Aegis just smiled, letting his hands fall. "How is your evening going?"

Remus grit his teeth. "It _was_ Malfoy, wasn't it?"

"Remus..."

They stared at one another, and Remus decided to let it drop for now. "Would you like some cake?" He offered out the container.

Aegis shook his head. "I am not very hungry. I appreciate it, though."

They talked for a bit longer and then Remus offered to walk Aegis back to the Slytherin common room, which made Aegis laugh. His eyes crinkled up and he thanked Remus, but of course turned him down. After their goodbyes, Remus headed off then doubled back, sneaking along as best he could out of sight, keeping an eye on Aegis as he trudged back to the dungeons. A few kids gave Remus strange looks but nobody gave him away. Soon, Aegis disappeared through the Slytherin entrance without any issue, and Remus hurried to the Gryffindor tower.

He had no proof it was Malfoy but... heavily suspected it was. His stomach burned with anger, and the wolf paced around as his temper grew. He kept seeing the blood on his friend's face, and hearing him admit his hair had been ripped out. It wasn't fair... why the hell was Aegis such a target? He wished Aegis would trust him... Remus would never judge him for whatever it was everyone else seemed to be judging him on.

 _Sirius would know_ , he thought as he went into the common room. That, though, would be a huge betrayal. No... as curious as he was, if Aegis didn't want him to know then he wouldn't know.

Sighing, he put his cake in his desk drawer, no longer feeling like celebrating.

*

The Marauders were, once again, the subject of Study Group on Wednesday night thanks to James and Sirius doing the slime fountain spell in a bunch of loos earlier in the day. They had, of course, been caught... not that they had particularly tried to avoid being caught, in Remus's opinion. In any case, Twycross ranted for ages about them and how they were an embarrassment to the Gryffindor name.

"Look, if you're going to spend all of our time here complaining about them, let me know," Bones said, cutting her off. "That way I can go and actually get work done."

Twycross's mouth snapped shut, and she glared. "Right. Well." She gave an insulted sniffle. "I believe my point has been made."

"A thousand times over," Aegis muttered under his breath. Remus snorted, fairly certain he was the only one who heard that.

Sometimes Study Group lasted till after seven-thirty, sometimes it was just an hour long and ended at seven; tonight was one of the nights it ended at seven (mostly due to Twycross annoying everyone) so Remus went to sit across the hall from where Peter's photography club was held, reading for a few minutes till the door opened.

Peter was one of the last ones out and his face broke into a smile when he saw Remus. "Study Group end early?" he asked, shouldering his camera bag.

Remus stood up, tucking his book in his satchel. "Yeah, Twycross was... well..."

"Being Twycross?" Pete asked, and Remus smiled. "Well, thanks for coming to get me, that's really nice of you."

"How did tonight go?"

Peter chattered away about some sort of process they worked on and Remus nodded, having no idea what Pete was meaning but enjoying listening to him talk about something he loved. Then, suddenly, Peter made a turn down a rarely used corridor and Remus followed, asking him why they were going that way.

"Mulciber, Avery, and Bulstrode like to hang out the other way and cause problems," Peter explained miserably. "One time when nobody was with me and I took that way they attacked me."

"What? When?"

"Last term. I dunno if they still hang out there but I don't wanna risk it."

Remus stopped in his tracks. "They harass students?” As he said it he realized that’s something the Marauders did often; hang about in a corridor while James and Sirius hexed random students. “Is it very awful harassment or little hexes?” He grew uncomfortable asking that, knowing how hypocritical he was being, getting upset about this.

Peter stopped too, turning to face Remus. "Kinda bad hexes. Last time I went by they were trying to use some spell I never heard of. It sounded scary. I think they're there most nights but... why?"

"They're setting themselves up for a nice prank if they're in the same spot every week," Remus answered, and Peter grinned. "I'd say we should do something now, but we need something good, especially if they're badgering others."

"Next Wednesday is Valentine's day," Pete pointed out. "The Photography Club's been asked to take pictures of the dessert."

"Oh, they are doing that again?"

"Uh-huh. I wonder if Sirius is gonna take Inkwood. I wish I had someone to take. If you could take anyone, who would you go with? Evans?"

Remus stiffened a little, not liking this course of conversation. "Ah—nobody, really. It... isn't something that interests me. Besides, I'll have Study Group that evening."

Peter arched his eyebrows. "You'd really rather do homework?"

"Yes?"

They stared at each other for a few seconds and Remus realized he probably should have said of course he'd prefer taking a girl to a fancy Valentine's dessert than do homework. Except studying was _infinitely_ the more interesting choice! It... just wasn't the choice he should probably take if he wanted to be a regular guy. Whoops.

"Who—who would you t-take?" Remus asked quickly, hoping Peter wouldn't think he was too weird. Perhaps... he should take someone? Except, the second he thought that he got a stomachache.

"Ummm... I dunno. Someone, anyone! It'd be nice." He went faintly pink. "Not that anyone would go with me."

Remus elbowed him. "Don't say that. You're absolutely brilliant. Anyone would be lucky to go with you."

"Not like the rest of you," he muttered, anxiously messing with his hair. "You're all good-looking and I'm bleh, plus you all have other stuff going for you. I don't—"

"All right, w—wait a minute, first off I am _far_ from good-looking!" Remus protested. "I'm... small and—and sickly and—"

"I've heard girls call you cute," Pete said.

Remus opened and closed his mouth a few times. "Wh—what? What? No, I—"

"Yeah."

"Um, what girls? Was it Lily? Because she is biased and doesn't count."

Peter shrugged. "No. Well, I guess yeah, but she wasn't the only one. Inkwood and Colgate both agreed you were cute. Said you remind them of a puppy dog. Small and cute."

"Ahhh—wh—no?" Remus couldn't believe what Peter was saying! Obviously he had overheard their discussion wrong. "No! That's... completely wrong." He felt uncomfortable. He didn't like the idea of girls _discussing_ him like that! Though... he had discussed them a little bit, therefore it'd be weird to be upset over them talking about him. But still. It made no sense. In any case, he didn't want to even think about it, so he switched the topic back to Peter. "Anyway, you look good. You are _very_ good-looking, okay? And you've got a _lot_ going for you! You're super nice, and very talented. Not to mention very sweet."

"Thanks... but I think girls prefer Sirius's good looks and charm over sweet and nice," he sighed.

"Pete, we're—we're twelve. Er, well, you're thirteen. Does it—is it really important to worry about what girls think right now?" Remus inquired. Peter gave him such a taken-aback-look that he knew he messed up again. Obviously he should be worried about what girls thought of him.

"Sirius talks about kissing all the time, and he's—he's practically dating!"

"Well, that's _Sirius_ ," Remus said, not wanting to talk about Sirius and Inkwood at all. Or this entire conversation. He partially regretted swinging by to get Peter if all he wanted to do was talk about girls. Then Remus realized he sparked this by asking Peter who he was taking, in order to pretend to be a normal guy. If he _was_ a normal guy he wouldn't mind this. "Everyone... grows at a different rate. Such as our voices changing. We're all going to get there in the end... just at different rates. We'll all get girlfriends eventually..."

Remus swallowed at that, looking down at his shoes. He didn't _want_ a girlfriend. Though he _should_ want one. What if... he had to pretend for the rest of his school days? That'd be awful, and vastly unfair to any girl he pretended with. Of course... as a werewolf he probably shouldn't date at _all_. That was what his father was warning him about over summer. He wouldn't be able to have a real relationship, so... _should_ he bother pretending?

"I want to know what it's like," Peter said with a pout.

"What, having a girlfriend?"

" _Yes_! And—and kissing."

Remus started to say kissing wasn't all it was cracked up to be, then realized he shouldn't admit to kissing. He did _not_ want his friends to know he had his first kiss—a practice kiss, true, but still a kiss—with _Lily_. They would never in a million years change their minds that Remus and Lily were a couple if they heard that!

"Kissing sounds awkward. Do you really want to—to swap saliva with some girl?"

" _Yes_!" Peter groaned. "I _do_! Don't _you_?"

Remus wasn't sure _what_ to say. Nausea spiked in his stomach as he tried to figure out how to get out of a real answer. No, he didn't want to swap spit with a girl! However saying that would be too weird, and he didn't want to outright _lie_ and say _yes_ , and he doubted saying 'maybe one day' would work either; obviously he should be wanting to at this point. So what to say?

"I... don't particularly find the idea of someone else's spit in my mouth to be enjoyable," he finally settled on.

Peter snorted, shaking his head. "If you put it like _that_ it sounds disgusting. But if it was really disgusting why does everyone do it?"

"I can't answer that question," Remus replied honestly. "Perhaps soon you'll find out."

"I hope so. But I doubt it. Sirius is gonna date Inkwood and James is gonna get a girlfriend and you and Ev—" Peter stopped, noticing Remus's glare. "Er, you and someone will get together, and I won't ever." He gave another groan, slumping against the wall and covering his face. "I'll just be pathetic Pokey Peter Pettigrew left in the dust."

Remus folded his arms, hunching a bit. "I doubt you'll be left in the dust. I stand by what I said earlier, any girl would be lucky to have you."

Peter looked up at Remus, finally managing a small smile. "I dunno 'bout that but... thanks."

"I'm right about most things, aren't I?" Remus teased.

Pete rolled his eyes and pushed himself away from the wall. "You sound like James now."

Remus puffed his chest out and began messing up his hair, which sent Peter into peals of laughter. Remus laughed too, quickly fixing his hair. They elbowed each other a few times then headed to the Gryffindor tower, Remus exceedingly relieved _that_ conversation was over. He hoped he wouldn't have to have another along those lines for ages.

*

Remus spent most of Thursday working on homework assignments as well as practicing making it snow. They still intended to get up super early on Saturday to make it snow in Filch's office. Early enough that it would be 'after hours' (before hours?), and Remus felt anxious about that.

Right before suppertime, he went up to the owlery to send off a letter to his parents. James, Sirius, and Peter were all off doing something (he wasn't sure if he even wanted to know what they were doing) so he was by himself which made him a little nervous, hoping he wouldn't run into Mulciber and Avery. It wasn't a great feeling, being anxious about walking through the school alone. Thankfully he made it to the tower without issue, and put his winter cloak on before slipping through the door.

Owls began complaining pretty much right away. Remus sighed, wishing he didn't have this effect on them. It made him feel bad. He hated scaring animals. "Arthur?" Arthur flew down, landing shakily on Remus's arm and hooting. Remus nuzzled him gently and moved to sit on the floor, letting Arthur balance on him. "Hey there," he whispered, pulling a treat out of his pocket. Arthur nipped lovingly at his fingers before taking the treat. "How are you doing?"

Arthur hooted again, biting Remus's nose very gently. Remus very carefully ran his fingers along Arthur's body, applying very slight pressure to see if Arthur was doing all right. Arthur bent forward and bit at Remus's ear, causing him to giggle.

"Hey that tickles!" he laughed, pulling back. "Silly boy." He nuzzled Arthur again who nuzzled back. He looked so tired and worn out. Remus stroked him, debating whether or not to use him. He didn't really have any way to get a letter back to his parents, unless he got one of the Marauders to attach the letter to the school owl. "Are you... up for a trip?"

Arthur snuggled closer and Remus continued petting him, wishing he could _talk_ to Arthur, or rather understand what Arthur said. He wished he knew how weak Arthur felt.

"Maybe I should use a school owl," he murmured. Arthur gave an angry squawk and flapped his wings. "Oh—hey, calm down, it's all right." Arthur began pecking at Remus's pocket for the letter. "Look, I'm just _worried_ about you!" Arthur stuck his beak in the pocket and pulled the letter out, giving Remus a look. Remus sighed. "All right, all right. You win. but be sure to rest plenty on the way, okay?" Arthur headbutt him very lightly. Remus rubbed his head. "Please be careful."

Arthur gave one last hoot then flew off. Remus got to his feet, going to watch him out the window, flying off into the dusk. Remus watched him until he couldn't see him anymore, then hugged the cloak around himself, shuffling to the door, trying not to worry.


	94. Chapter Ninety-Four - Soggy Scone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I just want to say thank you SO SO much to everyone who is leaving comments here! I've said before I don't mind if people don't leave comments, I want everyone to consume the story how they want. That is absolutely a-okay with me! But I did want to thank those who are leaving comments. It really helps me, and means more to me than I can ever say. I appreciate it, and you! Thank you!!!

When Remus woke up Friday morning, he knew it was going to be a bad day. The voices of his friends felt like blades under his skin, and when Sirius offered to help him with his tie Remus almost flinched back, mumbling that he didn't mind the points removed. Sirius gave him a curious look but didn't press.

_What did I do to deserve this_? he wondered as they headed down to breakfast, Remus being very careful to walk at enough of a distance that he didn't bump into any of them. Nothing particularly bad happened the day before, and he hadn't had any nightmares. It wasn't fair to wake up and have these issues out of nowhere. What had he done wrong?

Breakfast was horrible. All the voices and noise slipped into Remus and he wanted to scratch at himself to get rid of the itchy feelings. He didn't eat much, he mostly spent his time poking at his food and going over the events of the day before to try to figure out what caused this. Was it Wednesday? The talk with Peter? Or getting into trouble? Wouldn't that have caused problems the previous day?

Finally Remus pushed his food away, an idea forming in his head. He didn't want to give in— _shouldn't_ give in—but he was already hating everything so much he didn't want to deal with more problems. "I—I forgot something, I'll be right back," he said, and hurried off. If he was quick, he'd be able to get to the dungeons in time.

He sprinted to the Gryffindor tower (falling several times) and slid into the dorm, yanking open his desk drawer to get the earplugs. He put them in, hiding their evidence under his hair. As he ran back down all the flights of stairs he adjusted the sound levels until he got to what he hoped would work.

Remus hated using his earplugs for a regular day like this—he didn't want to _depend_ on them. But...

He flung himself through the door to the Potions classroom just as nine am hit, and tripped, landing on his face. The Slytherins and some of the Gryffindors laughed and he could hear a few murmurings of the all too familiar phrase of Loopy Lupin.

“Are you all right, Mr. Lupin?" Slughorn asked, hurrying over to help Remus to his feet.

"Y-yes sir," he said, feeling blood pouring from his nose. He raised his arm, covering his nose with his sleeve, staring through his fringe at Slughorn. "Ahh..."

"Come into my office for a moment," Slughorn said, helping him through the doorway. "What happened?" he asked once the door was shut. He began rummaging through his cupboard. "Your friends were here five minutes ago."

"I l-left something in my dorm," Remus said, glad his fall hadn't broken the earplugs! Thank Merlin he fell on his face and didn't strike the back of his head against the floor. He'd have to be very careful. "I thought I—thought—thought I had time." Slughorn handed him a potion that would heal his nose. "Um, s-sir? What—um, I don't need this?"

"Your nose is injured," Slughorn said.

Remus squirmed uncomfortably. "I—I heal, s-sir?"

Slughorn stared at him for the longest time before putting the vial back in his cupboard. "I assumed that was a rumor of—of your kind. Interesting." He then gave Remus a damp cloth to clean his face off and was watching him with an expression that made Remus feel beyond uneasy.

"Th-thank you, sir." Remus finished getting rid of the blood and Slughorn threw the handkerchief away. "S-sorry for the—sorry."

"It's quite all right, you're usually never late. Though your tie is very crooked and I'm afraid I must take a point off for that."

They returned to the classroom and Remus sat on the end of the bench next to Peter, trying to keep enough space so their arms didn't touch. Slughorn gave a lecture about some ingredients and the potion they'd be working on, and then announced it'd be solo potion work. Remus swore under his breath, rubbing his eyes as he tried to wake up a bit more. This was going to be an unmitigated disaster, especially since some of the ingredients smelled very strongly.

It wasn't long before his potion was completely off-color and thicker than it should be. Remus peered into the bubbling goo wondering _what_ he had done wrong! He double-checked the ingredients and then rubbed his head, feeling as though he might throw up. Carefully he read through the steps and realized he had added the zalthorn seeds too quickly. _Okay, think, you know this, how to counteract the thickness_? He stared at the text until it went blurry. His head was _pounding_ , and he was sweating profusely due to all the potions boiling for so long. Several others had shed their robes and Remus followed suit. _The seaweed powder should reduce the effect of the seeds... however it will just make the potion even thicker. Would the rosewater work...?_

He did some quick maths on a piece of paper before adding some rosewater and seaweed powder. The potion became the right thickness, however turned black. Remus swore, realizing too late the rosewater combined with the crushed hermit crab shells messed it up. After wiping the sweat from his forehead, he reluctantly raised his hand. When Slughorn approached, he explained what he did, and Slughorn looked at Remus's potion as if it were something dangerous.

"You were on the right track," Slughorn said slowly, "however you are right, the rosewater with the shells—you _must_ have exact proportions when combining with zalthorn seeds in order to offset the reaction between the shells and the seeds, in addition to the rosewater combining dangerously with the bulbadox powder. I'm afraid you've made something... quite poisonous." He waved his wand, and the contents of the cauldron disappeared. "Wash it out and start again, you should have _just_ enough time if you're quick."

There were several titters as Remus scurried to the back to clean his cauldron out. He went as quickly as he could but wasn't fast enough and by the time class was over his potion still had a good ten minutes left. After giving him an A for effort, Slughorn asked for an essay about the ingredients, understanding the way they interact, and the importance of proper calculations for _all_ ingredients involved in order to not make poison. It was embarrassing.

"How do you manage that?" James asked when they left the classroom. All of them had their robes over their arms, and James, Peter, and Remus had disastrously messy hair from all the heat and steam; Sirius's hair looked flawless. "You—you made _poison_."

"I don't know!" he grumbled, trying to smooth his hair down. "It was smelly and my head hurts, it's—it's hard to focus!"

"You made poison," Peter said, sounding rather impressed.

"So—rosewater and bulbadox powder makes poison?" Sirius asked.

"Not directly," James replied. "It's... more of... the wrong amounts of ingredients mixed together. It was the rosewater, and bulbadox powder, and shells, and seeds, and probably everything else too." He paused to think and added, "Though bulbadox powder is dangerous. It can cause boils on its own."

"Hmmmm... sounds like something we should use on someone," snickered Sirius.

"Oooh, putting bulbadox powder in someone's bed!" laughed James. " _Perfect_! Next time we go to Hogsmeade I'll have to get some."

*

Remus moaned when James woke him up well before dawn. The rest of Friday hadn't gone so well, and he has spent as much time alone as possible which included skipping Study Group. He had also stayed up very late, distracting himself from the miserable thoughts by finishing off a book by his favorite author, Ariadne Quillers. By the time he had gone to sleep it was after one in the morning, and now it was _four_.

"Ugh..." He rubbed his aching head, reaching for his glass of water to help calm his stomach.

"You _sure_ you're still wanting to do this?" James whispered.

"Yes... and the sooner we go the sooner I can get back to sleep..."

He quietly slid out of bed, putting shoes and a dressing gown on. Peter was in his pajamas and a robe, but James and Sirius were dressed head to toe in black.

"You—you do realize we'll be under the invisibility cloak, right?" Remus asked.

Sirius struck a pose. "And we'll look terrific under the cloak."

They didn't get under the cloak until after they left the common room. It was crowded, and Remus was squashed up between James and Sirius. They shuffled along as quietly as they could, limbs knocking together. And breath being wafted across faces.

"Did you clean your teeth before bed?" Remus hissed at Sirius.

"If by eating half a box of pepper imps is cleaning them then sure," replied Sirius.

"No wonder you smell like smoke." Sirius let out a puff of breath right in Remus's face. "Ugh, no, don't! Ewww!"

"Would you two be quiet!" James snapped. "We're kinda sneaking through the school here."

Sirius giggled a bit while Remus fell silent though purposely let his sharp elbow clip against Sirius's side. Sirius nudged him back. Remus elbowed harder and then Sirius poked him in the ribs, causing him to yelp and jump, knocking into James who snapped at them yet again. Sirius clamped a hand over his mouth to try to stop from giggling louder, while Remus apologized. Or tried to. Sirius poked him again, and Remus's apology turned into another squeaky yelp.

"Do I have to separate you two?" James teased, and Sirius had to stop walking completely as he fought against the laughter. Finally, though, they continued, and Remus tried not to bump against Sirius too much.

They had to stop several times to avoid Peeves and, at one point, a teacher. No sign of Filch which was either a very bad sign (was he in his office?) or a very good sign (asleep). When they reached his office, James tapped at the door multiple times with no response. They exchanged looks then James unlocked the door.

"Nobody's in there," Remus whispered, and they went through the door.

"Whoa, it's so creepy!" Peter said, glancing anxiously at the manacles hanging on the wall.

"You've been in here multiple times," laughed Sirius, smacking Pete.

"Not in the dark!" Pete grumbled as James pulled the cloak off. "Can we turn a light on?"

James snorted. "Sure! If we want someone to see the light."

Remus's eyes darted around the room and reached for a pile of cleaning cloths. He lined them up on the floor along the crack. "That should be fine. Lumos. Oh! Nox." They were plunged back into darkness, and Peter asked if the rags weren’t working. “I need to _use_ my wand, for the spell," Remus pointed out. "Chionius!" He flicked his wand, and soon snow began falling from the ceiling.

"Er, right," Pete said. "Lumos. What are you two doing?"

James and Sirius were rifling through the cabinet marked Confiscated and Highly Dangerous. Sirius glanced over his shoulder and replied, "Nicking stuff."

"Chionius," Remus repeated, reinforcing the spell.

"More like taking our stuff back, this is mine!" James pulled out a roll of firecrackers. "He took them from me the other day."

"Yeah, this is yours too," said Sirius, pulling a box of stink pellets out, then a vial of Bubble Belch. "And this."

"How is Bubble Belch highly dangerous?" Remus asked. "Chionius."

"Guess it depends how loud the belch is," giggled Peter, and James grinned at him.

Sirius took a dungbomb out of the drawer. "Jimsy, how much of this is yours?"

James snorted. "Looks like a good seventy percent of it. Look, someone's got to help keep Filch employed—OH MERLIN!" James shrieked, then covered his mouth. "Shit, how loud was that?"

Sirius was putting the stuff in his pockets. "Pretty loud. Merlin what?"

"Chionius."

James slowly pulled a parcel out of the drawer. "Flaming. Ink."

Sirius gasped. "Where did Filch—or rather, _who_ did he get these off of? And where did _they_ find them?"

"Who knows? Who _cares_!" James set it on the desk. "This is gonna be _brilliant_!"

By the time their pockets were full there was a good inch of snow on everything. Remus put the spell on the ceiling again for good measure and it began snowing even harder. They disappeared under the cloak again and hurried back to the tower, trying not to laugh.

*

First thing in the morning (which was after ten am) James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus tried to casually go near Filch's office but it was all blocked off. By the time lunch rolled around on Saturday a new rule was posted: no making it snow in teachers' offices or staff rooms. The Marauders weren't quite sure _how_ deep the snow wound up being in Filch's office—the rumors all varied. The least amount they heard was one foot, the most they heard was it went past the door and when Filch opened the door there was an avalanche on him.

"I don't understand what the big deal is. It's just snow, not like it's fire," yawned Sirius as they ate lunch, listening to the gossip around them. "Not like his office was _ruined_. We're not _animals_."

_I am_ , Remus thought, though kept his mouth shut.

"'Less the snow melted an' made a pool," Peter said.

James's eyes lit up. "We should absolutely make a pool somewhere in the school sometime."

"You can't just go around making holes in the school," Remus pointed out.

Sirius grinned at him. "Someone did, with the pits."

Remus closed his mouth, annoyed. "Er, right, well—we saw how dangerous that was..."

"Have you figured out anything new?" James asked.

"Not yet. I've been rather busy with everything else going on." He poked at his rice, realizing he had told Aegis about the book and not them. "The book we found had some pages ripped out of it which possibly may be connected."

"What pages?"

Remus frowned, suddenly unsure about sharing the theory about the Chamber of Secrets. It was such a farfetched possibility with the only linked evidence being the missing pages, which was not at all strong evidence. "Some pages about Slytherin," he finally said.

"Those are the pages I'd rip out too!" Sirius exclaimed, and the others all laughed.

They began chattering while Remus stared into space, thinking about nicking a broom again with Aegis. Stealing school— _borrowing_ school property wasn't the best of plans, however it wasn't as though they could get a broom from anywhere else. There was also the possibility of a ladder? A very, very, _very_ long ladder. or a rope? Attached to something? Would he be able to climb a rope? He had the strength for it. Would Aegis? He could pull Aegis out of a pit except that would show off how strong he was.

_Hmmm_. He rested his chin in his hand, absentmindedly stirring his rice as he tried to figure out a good way of getting in and out of those pits.

*

Remus spent some of the afternoon in the Pits Passage by himself. The others all had detention together, and initially Remus had intended to go to the library but halfway there he changed his mind. Soon he was crouched at the edge of the first pit, trying to see as far down in as he could. He eventually sat back and attempted a light-up spell on a bit of parchment until it started glowing, albeit faintly. Frowning, he prodded at it until it got a little brighter then he lobbed it down into the darkness. He watched it fall about a story then stop. _Hmm_ , he thought, and slid along the narrow ledge of wood to the second pit to repeat the process. This one was a bit deeper.

Soon he began pacing, still trying to figure out a good way to get in and out of them. One idea formed in his head... however it was incredibly stupid and certainly unsafe. Probably dangerous. Possibly the worst idea he had ever had in his life, barring whatever he had done to get bitten.

Remus chewed at his nails, wondering if Aegis would go for it. _Only one way to find out_.

It took him a while to find his friend. First, he checked the other end of the Pits Passage, then the library, the Great Hall, various nooks and crannies, and finally went to the dungeons and hovered outside the Slytherin common room. He intended to ask the first Slytherin he saw to see if Aegis was in there, however the first Slytherin he saw was a very angry looking fifth or sixth year who looked like he wanted to murder Remus for daring to be in the vicinity. Then a troop of fourth years left the common room, all of them shooting Remus odd looks. Then Remus ducked into a side corridor when he saw Malfoy and _his_ goons heading to the common room.

_Darn it all_ , he thought, about to give up on finding Aegis when he saw a Slytherin that might help him.

Regulus jumped about fifty feet when Remus popped out from the corridor. "Ahh, s-sorry!" Remus said as Regulus clutched his chest.

"Why did you do that?!" Regulus demanded, not sounding at all like his usual self. Whenever Remus normally heard him he sort of sounded thin and anxious, like he needed to be careful about the words that came out. Now he sounded irritated and not at all worried about how he came across.

"Sorry," Remus repeated.

"Did my brother put you up to that?" he asked, face clouding.

"N-no! I—I n-needed to t-talk to Aegis Silverlocke," Remus explained.

Regulus gave him a strange look. "Why?"

"I, er, it's—it's important. An—an emergency."

"What sort of emergency?"

Remus racked his brains. "Um. About... an—an essay."

One eyebrow lifted, and Regulus folded his arms. "An emergency essay?" he asked, then snorted as he shook his head. "My brother was right about you."

_What_? Remus wondered.

"I suppose you want me to go get him?" Regulus continued.

"Er, I mean—I—if you—if you d-don't mind?" Remus whispered, twisting the hem of his jumper around one finger as he looked up at Regulus. He was only a first year but already a few inches taller than Remus. Perhaps his birthday was right at the beginning of September and he was twelve already? That would make Remus feel _slightly_ less bad about his height.

Regulus studied Remus carefully, a sort of haughty expression on his face that looked so much like Sirius that it sent an uncomfortable shiver down Remus's spine. "I can't be seen talking to _him_ ," Regulus finally said.

"Oh." Remus fought off the urge to snap at him, to tell him he was being rude and awful if he was shunning Aegis for whatever reason.

" _But_..." Regulus tipped his head. "I will."

"You—will?"

" _If_ you do me a favor."

Remus started to say yes then quickly shut his mouth. "What sort of—of f-favor?"

Regulus glanced down the corridor then took Remus's arm, pulling him back into the side corridor. "You're the smartest kid in school, right?" he asked quietly.

"Um—no, but—"

"I'm having some trouble with some of my assignments," Regulus continued, ignoring Remus's protests. "Would you help me?"

Remus was rather taken aback by this quest, definitely not expecting it. Regulus shifted from foot to foot, rubbing his elbow as he purposely avoided Remus's stare. "Y—yeah. I can—I can help."

"Very well. I'll be right back." Regulus spun around and went into the Slytherin common room. Remus waited where he was, watching the wall, hoping Aegis was in there. Even if he wasn't he'd help Regulus.

About four or five minutes passed and the wall opened again, Regulus appearing again followed by Aegis. Aegis had a frown on his face and when he spotted Remus he was obviously surprised.

"There," Regulus said, folding his arms again. "Tomorrow at one in the library? Oh, and don't tell Sirius."

"Oh! Ah, y-yes," Remus said, a bit startled by the request to not let Sirius know. Regulus shrugged and went back to the common room.

"Tomorrow?" Aegis asked curiously.

"Um, nothing," Remus muttered. "I think I might have figured out a—a way to get..." He stopped, realizing they were probably too close to the common room. He motioned for Aegis to follow him and took him down to a secret corridor. "I have an idea to get into the pits without stealing a broom."

Aegis widened his eyes. "You have?"

"Um, yeah, it's... uh..." Remus tugged at his sleeve, feeling awkward now. "It could be dangerous though."

"More dangerous than one of the school brooms?" Aegis joked, and Remus smiled.

"Hmm, you _do_ have a point," he conceded before telling Aegis the idea. Aegis stared blankly at Remus until he finished then he stepped back, very shocked. "What do you think?" Remus asked.

"I think Misters Black and Potter have rubbed off on you," replied Aegis. "That has got to be the most mental idea I have ever heard in my life."

"Should we make a ladder? I think they'd be too short. Or—or use rope?"

He flinched at those suggestions. "Ahhh... those seem potentially more dangerous or rather, the ladder seems preposterous. If we enchant it to be longer it could weaken."

"That's what I thought. Rope..."

"Could you use the levitation spell on the rope to pull yourself and/or me up?" Aegis inquired.

Remus wrinkled his nose. "I don't know if I could levitate either of us. I could try but I think that mass might be a bit much for me. Let me try."

"Wait—"

He got his wand out and flourished it at Aegis's jumper. "Wingardium leviosa."

"Re—wait!" Aegis yelped. The jumper jerked up a little, pulling Aegis with it; he got about an inch or two off the ground when the jumper yanked itself off, and Aegis fell.

Remus clapped a hand over his mouth. "I'm _so_ sorry!"

Aegis was on the ground, laughing. "It's Jarleth Hobart all over again!" he said, and Remus began laughing too. "Thank Merlin it was only my jumper you enchanted."

Remus offered his hand, pulling Aegis to his feet. "I am sorry, I wasn't thinking—"

"So it would seem," Aegis said, grinning. Remus retrieved the jumper and Aegis pulled it back on. "Well. You are strong however I am not sure if you could pull my weight up the entirety of one of the pits. I... suppose... your idea is... crazy but... better than stealing a broom. I am assuming you have access?"

"Yeah, um—yeah. I can go get them now."

Aegis frowned. "Unfortunately I cannot do it today. I am rather behind in homework. Next Saturday?"

"That will work," Remus lied. Next Saturday he'd be 'visiting his sick mother', so they'd have to wait two weeks. While he didn't want to wait that long, he also knew homework was far more important. Unless they managed to find some time _during_ the week. "Do you need any help?"

"No thank you. It's only a matter of making myself sit down and do it," sighed Aegis, taking his hair out of the messy ponytail and pulling it back into a nicer one.

They talked for a few more minutes before Aegis returned to the common room and Remus headed off, not sure what to do. After wandering around for a while, he went to the library to work on some assignments though everything was pretty much done. He rewrote an essay and had just started on another when the other Marauders showed up, finished with detention and smelling _very_ strongly of cleaning supplies. Apparently they had to clean out Filch's office.

"S'not _fair_!" James complained as they walked through the corridors. "We weren't _caught_ for that. We just happened to have detention today and Filch... ooh he's such a twat!"

"Filch definitely blamed us," Sirius informed Remus. "He kept hovering around and telling us how we liked cleaning up after our own messes."

"It was like a swamp," giggled Peter. "Everything was soaked. We had to dry things out."

"Some of the old detention folders were wet too and we had to rewrite them," sighed James, flexing his hand and fingers.

"It's a good thing you weren't there," added Sirius, elbowing Remus. "The cat's litter box was soaked and made the whole place smell disgusting."

James adjusted his glasses, casting a smirk at Sirius. "Hopefully he doesn't torture you too much tomorrow."

"You have detention tomorrow?" Remus asked. "Since when?"

"Since I told Filch he wouldn't've had a problem with soggy detention slips if he waterproofed his cabinets," Sirius answered.

"I _think_ it might have also been the fact you hinted it was his personality that made everything soggy and gross," Peter pointed.

Sirius smiled very sweetly. "Am I wrong? He's a soggy scone. A waterlogged scone mushed up into a soggy lump of disgusting."

"EW!" Peter screeched. "That is _gross_ , Sirius! You've put me right off scones now."

"That was a very disturbing description," James agreed.

Sirius snorted, waving his hand dismissively. "Either way, it's _true_. Waterproof the cabinets. What's so hard about that?"

"It's typically a bad idea to insult the staff," Remus said.

Sirius flung his arm across Remus's shoulder. "I didn't call him a soggy scone to his face, as tempting as it is; I only vaguely hinted. Now then, what trouble shall we get into?"

"Personally, I think you three should get into a shower," Remus said, ducking away from Sirius's arm. Mostly due to the stench, but also because it was upsetting the box. "You stink."


	95. Chapter Ninety-Five - Regulus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to say I'll be getting an extra chapter out this week on Sunday, because I am super excited to see reactions to chapter 97 and I don't want to wait clear till next Friday haha!

Sometime during Saturday evening it began snowing, which turned into a rather heavy blizzard. James watched out the window for a while then gave a miserable sigh, saying they'd have to wait till another to go listen in to the haunted house. Remus thanked his lucky stars it'd be put off for at least two weeks, since he was certain he could convince them not to go without him—or, hoped he could convince them. Otherwise, if they tried the next weekend he'd be there and they'd hear his _real_ howls! Still, it was a relief and he felt a thousand times better.

Which was a good thing, since that meant when he woke up Sunday morning he wasn't completely freaked out or overly anxious, meaning it would be easier to help Regulus. Remus felt a little awkward keeping the fact he was going to help Regulus from Sirius. He wasn't sure _why_ Regulus didn't want Sirius to know, but he'd keep quiet. As best he could.

After James's practice and a long lunch on Sunday, Remus said goodbye to the other Marauders to go to the library, arriving there five minutes before one. He stayed near the front since he wasn't sure where Regulus wanted to sit, but when one o'clock hit he wondered if Reg was actually somewhere in the library.

Two seconds later Regulus strode through the doors, books clutched to his chest as he glanced nervously around. When he spotted Remus, he seemed a little relieved. "I wasn't sure if you'd be here."

"Wh—why w-wouldn't I?" Remus asked as they walked farther into the library, going to a back table. "I s-said I w-would help."

Regulus gave a shrug. "I'm not really used to Gryffindors being trustworthy when it comes to Slytherins."

"I... I c-can underst—stand that," Remus muttered as they took over a small table. "What c-classes are you h-having t-trouble in?"

"Transfiguration, mostly," he said, setting his books down. "Charms. Some... Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Are you h-having trouble w—with the homework or—or in-class work?" Remus found it was actually not so difficult to talk to Regulus. Normally he'd be stuttering worse, chatting with someone he barely knew, but Regulus looked so similar to Sirius (especially in their casual clothes) it didn't seem so troubling, or quite as anxiety-inducing as it was talking to other strangers.

Regulus traced the design on the front of his Charms book, not answering.

"Well, why—why don't we st-start with the one you're having m-most trouble in," Remus suggested.

When Regulus glanced up Remus realized how strange it was, seeing brown eyes instead of silver ones; plus Regulus’s eyes were shaped a bit differently. They were lower… sleepier. "You didn't tell Sirius, did you?"

"Ah? N—no, I didn't," Remus promised. Regulus kept frowning, staring intently at Remus as if trying to decide whether he was telling the truth or not. "I w-won't," he added. "I told him th-that I was g-going to st—study in the l-library. I didn't say I w-would be with anyone."

"Does he ever come in here to get you?"

Remus considered answering, and instead asked, "Why are we t-talking about S-Sirius instead of—of schoolwork?"

"Does he?" Regulus pressed.

Remus sighed. "Somet-times."

"So he may come in to get you?"

"If you d-d-don't want my help—"

"I do." Regulus sat upright, forehead wrinkled. "I don't want him to know. If he might show up we should go elsewhere."

This was getting a little tiring, and Remus said, probably a little harsher than he should, "I d-don't really care that you d-don't want him to know but—but if all you're going to do is m-make sure I haven't t-told him it's a waste of _both_ our time."

They stared at one another for several seconds, then Regulus's shoulders relaxed a little. "I didn't mean to waste time. I only want to make sure he doesn't show up." Remus got up, grabbing his books and Regulus stood as well. "I said I didn't mean—"

Remus gave him a look. "I assumed you'd w-want to go elsewh—where?"

"Oh. Right. Yes."

Regulus got his stuff, following Remus out of the library. They went down a few corridors until Remus found an unused classroom. He unlocked the door and went in.

"It looks as though that's something you've done a lot, going into places you shouldn't," Regulus remarked as he strode into the dark room.

Remus locked the door behind him before opening the shutters, letting light in. He lit the few candles sitting around to help, then set his satchel on the ground next to one of the desks lined against the wall. "It's a c-common occurrence with my frie—friends, yes."

"Judging by the amount of detention Sirius gets into, that doesn't surprise me."

Suddenly Remus felt incredibly weird standing in a room with someone he hardly knew, but who knew one of his best friends more than he probably ever would. Remus and Sirius had about fifteen months since they became friends; Sirius and Regulus had known each other around eleven, twelve years.

"R—right. Now. What's g-giving you difficulty?" Remus asked.

"I _said_ Transfiguration, Charms, and Defense Against the Dark Arts," replied Regulus in an irritated tone. "Didn't you listen?"

Remus took in a deep breath. Was being a brat a Black trait or did the brothers just happen to get an extra helping when they were born? "What p-p-part of them?" he asked as calmly as he could. "Mammalian transfiguration or amphibious? Maths? In Charms are you having difficulties making objects move, or creating illusions? Spell pronunciation, etymology, and memorization? Theoretical work? Proper gesticulation of the wand? Which _aspect_?"

Regulus stared in bewilderment as Remus spoke, and he sorta regretted letting his temper get the better of him. Regulus wasn't Sirius; smart-mouthing back wasn't the best of courses. He'd really need to watch that.

"It w-w-will help if I h-have a foundation on wh—which to begin to h—help you," he added, gently.

"W... wand work," Regulus muttered. "It never goes well."

"I see. It's Febu—February so you sh-should be beginning to work on—on... oh! I know." Remus got a piece of parchment out of his bag and ripped them into strips to transfigure into worms. "You sh-should know how to t-turn them into st—sticks by this point, you l-learned last month, right?"

Regulus gave the worms a frown. "Yes... ah, er, right." He pulled his wand out and approached the worms. He held his wand a little strangely while doing the movement. "Sticcafors!"

"You—the movement is—is a little off," Remus said, showing off the proper flourish. "Like th-that."

"Right. Sticcafors!" While the movement was still a little off, one of the worms turned dark brown. No matter how hard Regulus tried, the worm would not become a stick. The best he could manage was the color and making the worm slightly stiff.

"Your—your movements are r-really loose and a-a little w-wobbly," Remus said, chewing his lip as he tried to figure out a way to tighten up Regulus's form.

"I'm _aware_ ," Regulus snapped.

Remus just smiled. "Do this," he said and held his right wrist with his left hand. "D-don't move your arm, k-keep your elbow in c-close to your s-s-side. Like this."

Regulus watched him then turned back to the worms. He had to remove his watch then he held his wrist; the movement was a lot tighter and pretty much close to exact, however the worm still was quite... wormy. After a few more attempts Remus turned them all into sticks for Regulus to try to levitate them. Again, his movements were wide and wobbly. Remus had him do the wrist-holding thing which helped some, but despite the movements being right and the pronunciation correct, the sticks barely lifted. They went through a variety of spells, and several long discussions about the spells to see if Regulus just needed a more thorough knowledge of the spell, history, and etymology. But that didn't seem to help either.

Remus stood back with his arms folded, very perplexed. "Is it... all your spells th-that don't w-work correctly?" he asked and Regulus scowled. "No, I m-mean... how's your th-theoretical work? Your tests and—and essays? Wh—what about other classes? Herbology and—and those ones?"

"My homework comes back highly graded," Regulus said, rubbing his right wrist uncomfortably. "My written tests do too. It's the... practical side of spellwork that doesn't seem to work right. I do well in the other classes, especially Potions. Not History, though, I have some trouble there. The... creature side of Defense Against the Dark Arts I do very well in too." He looked down at his wand a little sadly. "Holding my wrist seems to help some."

"Is... is y-your wand a hand-me-down?" Remus inquired.

He had _almost_ gotten one of those. His father had considered giving him his old school wand, but when he had put it in Remus's hand everything went disastrous. The singe in the carpet was still noticeable, and Remus had suffered heavy burns that took a little while to heal. When they had gone to Ollivander's for some input, Mr. Ollivander had practically winced. He explained used wands could be all right however some combinations did _not_ go well with the user. Lyall's wand was from France so Ollivander wasn't sure what was in it, since he hadn't made it. When he questioned Lyall about it, Lyall got all shifty and said he couldn't remember. They wound up buying Remus a brand new wand. Later, at home, Lyall admitted to Remus the core of his old wand was hair of a werewolf. At first Remus was surprised. After all, shouldn't that mean the wand would suit him well? Then he realized perhaps it was like trying to push together the same side of magnets, and the wand was simply repelling against Remus.

However, Regulus shook his head. "No, we bought it in July," he said, shifting his wand to his left hand. "Brand new."

"Hmm. Well, per—perhaps you d-don't have a natural knack for... sp-spells," Remus said, voice trailing thinner as he spoke since it wasn't a very nice thing to say.

Regulus's face went a little dark, but he nodded. "Perhaps. I... appreciate the attempt at helping."

"I'll keep thinking about it, m—maybe I'll figure it out. You s-said you have trouble with History? Do you—you need help with that?"

"What, you can help me memorize dusty old dates and boring facts?" snorted Regulus, obviously not believing such a thing was possible.

"I might be able t-to," Remus answered, knowing perfectly well History could be interesting... just not the way Binns taught it. "Can't hurt to—to try."

"I suppose... perhaps... next Sunday? It is getting late."

"Is it?" Remus asked, startled. Regulus held up his watch, letting it dangle for Remus to see it was almost three. They had been working together for almost two hours! "Oh! When—when did that happen?"

"No idea," Regulus said, putting his watch back on. "I'm _exhausted_ though."

"You've been w-working for t-two hours, it's underst—standable," Remus said, rubbing his temples. "I sh-should have ended this an a hour ago, I'm s-sorry. You w-want to get together next Sunday and—and try to w-work on History?"

"If you don't mind... I know you only agreed to one session..."

Remus shrugged. "I don't m-mind helping." One of the reasons he liked Study Group was him being able to be useful; helping Macdonald fell in that category, and helping Regulus would too.

"Hmm." Regulus gathered his stuff. "In this classroom at one, next Sunday?"

"Yes." Remus felt bad for lying again, wishing he didn't have to keep making plans for the full moon without being able to follow through.

"Right. Until then." Regulus left the room.

Remus blew out the candles, closed the shutters, and left the room as well, working on a lie to tell Sirius in case Sirius _had_ gone to the library. He still wasn't quite sure why Regulus was so adamant against Sirius knowing, but he'd do his best to make sure Sirius wouldn't find out.

*

Sirius hadn't gone to the library when Remus was with Regulus, nor did he seem too interested in where Remus had been, so for the moment it seemed as though the secret could be kept. However, if Remus and Regulus started meeting up for tutoring they may run into the issue down the line of Sirius discovering them.

Sunday evening was spent practicing the heart bubble spell again, and on Monday morning they woke up early to do a practice run. They wanted to be there early, but not _too_ early. Once they reached the Great Hall they immediately ran into the problem of getting the yarn or string or whatever Fawley would give them around the entire door. Actually, _reaching_ the top of the door would prove to be difficult.

"I could carry Remus on my shoulders," Sirius suggested.

"Sirius, you're tall but not that tall," said Remus, studying the huge entrance.

"Well, how are we gonna get it up there?" James demanded.

Remus shrugged. "Your broom."

James slapped his forehead. "Of _course_."

"Can't really do a run of it today then," Peter said.

"No, but we can get an idea of when students start showing up," said James.

They waited down the hall, growing tired and bored as they waited. Students started showing up at around seven, seven-fifteen; the food didn't start appearing on the tables till seven-thirty. The four of them headed back to their dorms though they couldn't really get much of a nap. Remus did lay down for another half hour before heading down to breakfast with his friends.

*

The following morning they woke up early again, this time taking James's broom. Once at the entrance there was a lot of debate about who could remain under the cloak. Finally Sirius, Peter, and Remus hid out nearby while James, under the cloak, put yarn around the door. He had to do a sticking spell to get it to stay, then removed it. Once on the ground, he fetched his friends and they stuck their hands out of the cloak to pretend to do spells. It took a couple of minutes, but shouldn't be too difficult. Providing the string-yarn-ribbon-whatever Fawley gave them worked... it was going to be absolutely _brilliant_!

All four of them were quite tired after waking up early for the second day in a row—and they'd be waking up early the next day, too. Remus realized since Valentine's day was on Wednesday... that was a morning the Marauders usually weren't at breakfast. Would it be too suspicious if they were, to see the results? Should they wait till their normal time? Would people still have the heart bubbles by lunch or would someone have figured out how to get rid of them by that point?

Remus brought this up and they agreed it was something they'd have to think over.

"Jimmy and I could hide under the cloak for a bit," Sirius said. "It might not be so weird if you two show up for breakfast a bit early, perhaps?"

It wouldn't be as suspicious than if all four were there, and Remus and Pete were the more 'innocent' ones. Sometimes Remus wondered when the teachers would wise up on who was giving James and Sirius all the spells. Did they think the two of them did all the research on their own? One day they'd realize, and then Remus would be in a _lot_ of trouble. Honestly, he was surprised (and glad) it hadn't happened yet.

The school was definitely preparing for Valentine's day. The special dessert had been announced the other day and it was as annoying as the previous year: lots of giggling girls and strutting guys. James and Remus were pretty annoyed by Tuesday, but Peter bemoaned the fact he wanted to take someone, and Sirius was quiet about the entire affair until lunch on Tuesday when, after James made a comment about perhaps they should prank the dessert too, that he was going.

"What? Since _when_?" James demanded, shocked.

Sirius tore bits of crust off his sandwich. "I asked Cassie last night," he mumbled, not looking at his friends.

" _Traitor_!" James moaned out, but gave Sirius a whack on the back. "Good luck, mate. Going to... you know...?" He wriggled his eyebrows.

Sirius grinned. "I might. If she wants to."

"Might what?" Pete asked miserably.

"Kiss her," Sirius replied in a very casual manner.

Peter dropped his fork. "You _what_? You _will_?"

James and Sirius exchanged looks. "Er... well... honestly..." Sirius rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "We did before. Already. Once."

'WHAT?!" Peter shrieked so loudly that several people looked their way. "When?! Where? _How_?"

"Probably with their lips," James said, and began giggling.

"New Years," Sirius said, puffing his chest out. "At _midnight_."

Peter stared wide-eyed at Sirius. " _Wow_! What was it like?"

"Pretty amazing."

"How come you didn't tell us?"

"I dunno. I told James." Sirius went back to his torn up sandwich. "I told you _now_." He shredded the sandwich into smaller bits. "You're being awfully quiet, Remy."

Remus was focused very intently on his food, trying his best to ignore the conversation going on around him and failing. "What?" he asked, pretending as though he hadn't heard every single word. "Sorry, I was thinking about our test on Thursday."

"What test?" James asked.

Remus gave him an exasperated stare. "Our test? In Herbology? That Sprout talked about this morning, and last Thursday?"

James messed up his hair. "Ooh right, that test."

"You have _no_ idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"In all honesty, I was a bit busy putting worms in Evans's bag when Sprout was yammering on," James admitted. "What test?"

"Sirius kissed Cassie," Peter said helpfully.

Remus stiffened a little, not sure whether to reveal he had heard the conversation on New Years or not. He really needed to tell them he could hear through the curtains. Would Sirius get mad if he said he already knew? He glanced at Sirius who looked rather awkward and slightly embarrassed. "Oh?" Remus finally squeaked out, trying to sound like he didn't already know.

"On New Years," Sirius muttered, trying to shred his sandwich some more but failing since it was pretty much crumbs at that point.

"Congratulations," Remus said, hoping he sounded somewhat sincere. "The test is mostly revision work, so as long as you've been paying attention in class you should be fine."

James snapped his fingers. "Blast it all. Remus, could you—"

"We can go over things tonight or tomorrow night if you like," Remus promised, trying now to ignore the fact Sirius was staring at him.

"You should take Evans," Sirius said.

Remus frowned. "To the test?"

"Bloody hell, Brains, yes to the test," Sirius grumbled. "No! To the dessert thing."

"I don't—"

"And one of you can take Colgate," Sirius continued, ignoring Remus. "And we can find a fourth for the remaining Marauder."

Peter began to talk but James cut him off with, "Pete can take Colgate, I'm not interested in going."

"Neither am I," Remus said.

"It'll be so fun though," Sirius argued. "All of us going."

Remus clenched his teeth. "I don't want to."

"I'm sure Evans—"

"For the _millionth_ time, Lily and I are _not_ interested in one another!" Remus snapped, his temper flaring. The wolf stirred a bit, and he curled his fingers into fists. "We're _friends_. Nothing more." The memory of their two kisses was strong, and he could practically feel her lips on his. He could feel heat flooding his face, which didn't make the situation any better.

"Who are you interested in, then?" Sirius asked, his gaze piercing Remus's soul.

Remus swallowed, gripping his fork to try not to let his hands shake so much. "Nobody, at the moment," he said, struggling to keep his voice neutral. It was true. He wasn't interested in anyone. Not yet. "But when I do, it won't be one of my best friends." For some reason that made his chest hurt, and he wanted this conversation to be over with.

James flung an arm around Remus. "Remy and I can nick desserts from the kitchen and have our own celebration."

"Th-that sounds g-good to me," Remus said, knowing he sounded relieved.

Sirius didn't seem very impressed by all this. "Right, well... I guess we should work on getting a girl for Pete then."

"Good luck with that," Peter grumbled. Sirius studied him for a second then got up, going over to where Lily sat with Inkwood and Colgate. Peter went pale. "Wh—what is he _doing_?!"

"Looks like he's getting you someone to have dessert with," replied James, snickering.

Peter's face was etched with horror, and when the girls looked his way he sank completely under the table. "Merlin's bloody toe, kill me _now_!" he whimpered out from Remus's feet.

A moment later Sirius returned, tilting his head to peer under the table. "Colgate says she'll go, as long as it's only as friends."

Peter's eyes were big and round as he peered over the edge of the table. "R-really?"

"Yup! Congrats!" Sirius elbowed him before noticing his destroyed food. "Oops. So, Jimsy, Remy, you're certain?"

"Yes," they chorused.

"Hmm. Well. If you're sure." Sirius gave Remus a rather odd look, but thank Merlin the stupid dessert thing was _finally_ dropped, and Remus was able to finish his lunch in peace, albeit with a stomachache.

*

"Do you want to go to the dessert thing tomorrow?" Lily asked as she and Remus walked to Defense together.

Remus dropped his bag, books spilling out. " _What_? W—with you?"

"Or someone," she said, watching him gather his books up. "I could say... I know someone who wants to go with you."

" _Me_?"

"She's been hoping you'd ask her, but she's too shy to ask you herself," Lily continued as they started walking again. Remus groaned, clutching his stomach. "What's wrong?"

"It's all Sirius could talk about at lunch," he grumbled. "It was annoying."

"Ali's going with Pete..."

"I know," he sighed. "Sirius tried to get me to ask you, and said we could find a fourth for James."

Lily thought about this for a few seconds. "If Potter takes Ali, I could go with Pete, and I could get a fourth for you. The girl I mentioned. Stop shaking your head! D'you have any idea who I'm talking about?"

"No," he said, "but it doesn't matter. I _don't_ want to go."

Now it was Lily's turn to sigh. "Fine. Hmph. Well, in any case I want to go."

Remus hesitated. "You d-don't want me to take you, do you?"

"Oh, goodness no! That would be awful for—er, the girl I mentioned!" Lily sounded horrified at the very thought. "I couldn't do that to her. That'd be _terrible_."

Remus didn't say anything about that, confused about the whole thing but he was the last person in the school to understand human thing. It wasn't really his territory: feelings, and stuff like that.

"Remus, do you have any idea about who I'm talking about?" she asked, breaking the silence.

He thought about all the girls he knew, and shook his head. "No. I haven't the faintest," he replied honestly, and she gave a sigh. "Who is it?"

"Oh, I can't tell you! That'd be a terrible thing to do too!"

_Then why did you bring it up_? he wondered. Instead he asked, "Who are you going to go with, then?"

Lily tucked some hair behind her ear. "Ooh, I'm not sure. I'll figure it out. Is the girl you've got a crush on going with someone else?"

"Huh?" Lily raised her eyebrows, and Remus flushed slightly. "I t-t-told you I didn't—I don't. I'm not interested in anyone."

"Hmm. All right, then. Well... if you change your mind please let me know, all right?"

"Um... o—okay," he mumbled. "I won't. But if for some reason I'm possessed by some creature who wants to go I'll let you know."

He wasn't sure if that was going too far, if it was too close to something he shouldn't be saying but Lily let out a light laugh. "Honestly. I thought you _liked_ chocolate."

"Not at _that_ price," he replied without thinking, and then gave a nervous laugh to try to make it seem like a joke, praying it would sound like one. Lily rolled her eyes at him, but smiled and gave him a gentle arm bump.

"All right, you win. I won't bug you about it again." But during the rest of the walk to Defense she had a really strange expression on her face that made him a little panicky.


	96. Chapter Ninety-Six - Valentine's Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is like 12 hours earlier than I normally post, having a sudden mental health issue and I doubt I'll be able to get the chapter out before work 'tomorrow' which is when I was planning on it.

Peter was a nervous wreck as they headed to Occlumency. He kept wringing his hands and mumbling under his breath, no matter how many times Remus promised it would be all right. Peter asked multiple times what Fawley wanted with him, and Remus replied he wasn't entirely sure but Fawley was liking the other Marauders a lot more than she used to, so it couldn't be too bad.

"Hello Remus, Peter," Fawley said when they went through the door.

"Urp," Peter gulped.

"Hello Miss Fawley," Remus said.

"I brought the bit for your prank," she said, pulling a ball of very thin ribbon out from her purse. "It _should_ cover the Great Hall entrance. Be careful, once you put some spells on there, that's it."

The ribbon was glowing very faintly blue. Underneath the blue it seemed to be a sort of browny-grey color that would match the stone around the entrance. "Thank you so much." Remus tucked it in his robes pocket, feeling very excited. "I can't wait to show you next week."

"I can't wait," she laughed. "Have a seat, both of you. Peter, I wanted to talk to you a little bit."

"Um. R—right, yeah, um, yeah," he squeaked. "I don't—I'm—it's, uh—"

Fawley reached out, resting a hand on his arm. "Relax. I'm not going to hurt you, or interrogate you. I only wanted to ask you a few questions."

"L—like you did before?" he asked, still shaking a bit.

"Yes. This is more along the lines of what to expect from Occlumency," she explained. "Do you know much about it?"

"Um, no Miss, I—not really. Remus, um, he's said some things. It hurts, right?"

"A little bit," she said. "Remus can better explain, it's been a while since I've experienced it myself."

"Headaches," he told Peter. "And sometimes this stabbing pain behind my eyes."

Fawley went on to tell Peter what else to expect. How difficult it was, how he shouldn't expect to make much progress for a while, that he would have to practice a _lot_ emptying himself. Remus watched Peter's face, pleased that Peter was taking everything in very determinedly. He had a crease between his eyebrows and he kept nodding. Fawley finished with asking him if he'd like to experience it.

"Ummmmmmm. Yeah, uh, yeah sure. You won't... ummm..." Peter shot to his feet, grabbing Remus's hand. "H—hold on, Miss Fawley." With that he dragged Remus out of the room, practically shoving him against the opposite wall. " _What if she sees me on the_ _loo_?!" he hissed out into Remus's ear.

Remus covered his mouth, trying not to laugh. "She won't stay in the memory if it's anything personal," he said. "There have rarely been any instances where she saw a memory of me going to the bathroom or taking a shower or anything like that. It... has happened, but she's never seen anything... personal, if you know what I mean."

"Your... you know," Peter said, wide-eyed. He then mouthed the word 'penis'.

Remus paused since yes, Fawley had seen that in memories of waking up after a full moon. "Well..."

"She _has_?!"

Remus quickly shook his head, grabbing Pete's arms. "Not like that, no. It was because it was... something involving... my... you know..." He glanced around then made a face. "As James likes to put it..."

"Your furry little problem?"

" _Ugh_. Yes. It involved that."

"Ooh."

"Other than... that... no, she's never seen anything personal."

Peter slowly nodded. "A—all right. Sorry if that seemed stupid I just got kinda worried. I don't want... um, yeah."

Remus pat Peter's shoulder. "It's fine, I understand. It wasn't stupid at all, it's a legitimate concern."

They returned to the room and sat on the couch, Peter next to Fawley. She told him what to expect, then put her fingers lightly on his temples. Remus watched eagerly since he hadn't really seen it done. The time with Sirius didn't count, since he had kicked her out without even trying. _Oh, what if Pete's a natural too_? he wondered, suddenly anxious. What if all his friends were?

But Peter sat there slightly slack-jawed while Fawley frowned, both of them frozen in place. After nearly a full minute they pulled apart, Peter whimpering and rubbing his head, Fawley putting her hands in her lap.

Finally Pete spoke. "That was _so weird_! Remy, you didn't say how _weird_ it is! It was so... clear. Like I was watching the telly. ‘Cept it was my own memory."

"Are you all right?" Fawley asked.

"Uh-huh. Just a little weird. No headache though..."

"The headache is from fighting it," Remus said.

"All I do is... pretend my head is empty?" Peter went on.

Fawley nodded. "It's different for everyone. When I learned, it worked best for me to imagine my head was an empty room with white walls."

"I like to try to think of my brain as an empty book," Remus said. "I turn the pages and nothing is on them."

"What works for us might not work for you," Fawley added. "Sometimes it might take a while for you to find something that clicks."

"Okay. Um—when do we—I mean, when are we going to uhhh, um..."

"Begin your lessons?" Fawley asked. "I'm still not sure about that. Perhaps not until next year. It will be difficult to arrange things without Albus knowing why I am here for either an extra day of the week, or giving Remus longer sessions. In addition, we'll need to work around your club meetings, and James's practices."

Remus shifted a little, trying not to think about the pressure they were putting on Fawley with keeping this a secret from Dumbledore. He hoped it wasn't too bad... and also still wasn't sure about the payment.

Fawley and Peter talked for a few more minutes before Peter left so Remus could work on his Occlumency. It went about as normal as it usually did—him putting up a wimpy barrier—and by the end his head was hurting some. Once they were finished, Fawley asked if he had any idea when would be a good time to meet with James. Remus wasn't really sure, but Fawley asked if perhaps sometime if she showed up for their lesson early if he and James wouldn't mind coming in at 5:30, since his practice didn't start till 6.

"I'll talk to him," Remus promised. "Um... th—thank you. For being willing to—to help them... I know it's a lot and—"

"It's all right," she said, patting his arm. "I'm not sure how their lessons will go however it is encouraging that they are willing to try to keep you safe."

"Th-they're really amazing friends," Remus said quietly, more to himself.

"I'm glad you have them."

Remus smiled. "Me too. I don't know how I ever got so lucky. I—I'll see you next week, Miss Fawley. Thank you for the ribbon."

He left the room, startled to find Peter waiting for him across the hall. Pete said he didn't feel like going outside by himself in the dark to the Quidditch pitch, and he hadn't wanted to go to the common room either. The two of them walked together, Peter asked questions about Occlumency and emptying the mind. He said he wasn't sure how well he'd do, since he wasn't good at much. Remus told him he was sure he'd do fine, and that Peter was good at plenty of things.

"I, um, have another question," Pete said when they ducked into a hallway that led to a back stairwell. "It's really... uhh... probably really personal so, um, I can understand if you don't wanna answer it." Peter tugged at the strap of his satchel, looking rather nervous. "Earlier you said she's seen you... um... you know, and you said it was cause of—of, um, _that_ , and I just wasn't sure... what that meant? I mean, that it had to do with... that?"

Remus's head was throbbing, and it was difficult to follow along Pete's train of thought. "I'm not sure I understand the question, I'm sorry."

"Well. You said she's seen you without—you know... naked. That it had to do with your... month thing. And I wasn't sure why. It kinda confused me."

" _Oh_." Remus took in a sharp breath, an uncomfortable feeling trickling down his spine. It probably would be okay to say he didn't want to talk about it, he figured Peter would understand, but at the same time it felt a little... nice that Peter was asking a question related to lycanthropy and sounding curious instead of scared. Even if it had to do with Miss Fawley seeing him in the nude. "When..." He stopped both speaking and walking, tilting his head to listen, making sure nobody was around. Once satisfied they were alone he began speaking again. "When I transform, if I'm wearing clothes they get—ah, erm, torn up. So I... don't. I mean, I undress before—before sunset. So I don't ruin my clothes."

Peter frowned, and for a second Remus was worried Pete would think that was weird or creepy or stupid. "That sucks," he finally said. "That means when you're stuck as a person all night long you're starkers?"

While it was a little uncomfortable to be discussing the fact he was naked, he didn’t mind answering Peter’s question. "Yes."

" _Damn_! No wonder you get so cold!" Peter sounded very worried. "I'll see if my mum can make another blanket—"

"No, no, it's all right!" Remus said quickly. "I have a fire going in the winter, and the blanket you gave me helps loads."

"I'm glad it helps." Peter didn't sound very glad though, he sounded rather miserable. When Remus pointed this out, he winced a little. "No, I _am_ glad, I really am. It just makes me mad."

"What does? That the blanket helps?"

" _No_!" he whined. "That—that we can't do more. Sirius says..." Peter trailed off, biting his bottom lip and looking _very_ guilty.

Remus stopped walking again, the hair on the back of his neck rising a little. "Sirius says what?"

"Oh, you know him, he's got a big mouth," Pete said with a very fake chuckle. Remus folded his arms, glaring until Peter broke down. "He says that—oh, he says that there _must_ be something more we can do for you and he's not gonna stop till he figures it out. That there has'ta be a way to make it _easier_ for you during the... you know, the moon time. That he'll find something."

Remus stood still, anger curling its way through his body. He had doubted Sirius and James wouldn't rest about trying to figure something out, however he hadn't expected _this_ much determination. It was frustrating, especially since Remus had made it clear there was nothing that could be done.

Peter was watching him with a wrinkled forehead, visibly distressed. Remus took in a few deep breaths to try to calm himself down. Taking his anger out on Peter was wrong.

"Sirius is an idiot," he finally said, once he knew he wouldn't snap. "And he's very much so mistaken. You can tell him that, too. Both things. That he's mistaken, and an idiot."

Peter sighed. "We just wanna help—"

"You are helping." Remus took a step closer to Pete, wishing he could get this through their heads. "I've said it countless times. You're all there for me in ways nobody else would be." Peter looked like he wanted to say something more, but didn't. "Please believe me. All three of you have made my life... so much better."

"You guys have made mine better too," Peter said dubiously. "But what's so wrong with us trying?"

"There are better ways to spend your time," Remus said, resuming walking again. "Like studying." Pete gave a snort, and Remus smiled. "Fine, like coming up with pranks."

Peter darted forward and linked his arm with Remus's, squeezing gently. They walked arm in arm back to the tower while Remus tried his best to squash the fury down even more. He didn't want them wasting so much time on him. He already took up too much time and attention with his issues, he didn't want to be such a... a focus. There were _so_ many more important things than him! He wished they would understand.

*

Once morning hit, all four boys were _very_ giggly about the prank. They got dressed in their uniforms, James got his broom, and Remus had Fawley's string. They went under the cloak and headed through the school, as it was before second years were permitted to be out and about in the mornings.

The set up went without a hitch. Remus and Peter hid out while Sirius put the sticking spell on the door and James stuck the string down. It still glowed faintly blue until the four of them put the heart bubble spell on it. They couldn't test to see if it worked, since if it did work one of them would have a heart bubble before going into breakfast; all they could do was return to the dorm to put James's broom away and also grab their school supplies. By this point it was seven and Remus and Peter casually made their way down to the Great Hall, with James and Sirius under the cloak behind them. They reached the Great Hall by seven-twenty, and they knew it worked since there was a commotion inside.

The two of them hid smiles as they walked through, feeling the spell hit them. They both made loud noises of shock as large, pink, heart-shaped bubbles expanded over their heads and began floating along with them, a few feet above them. There were several students already there (all with the bubbles) and a few teachers (also with bubbles). Remus and Peter took seats at the Gryffindor table, trying not to laugh.

Professor McGonagall approached them pretty much right away. They kicked at each others' ankles and put their most innocent faces on. "P-Professor!" Remus said, hoping he sounded confused. "What's going on?" He pointed at the heart bubble. "Is this part of the—the decorations?" The room was already decked out with pink, red, and white everywhere. Streamers, heart shapes, even confetti fluttering down and disappearing before it hit the tables. The heart bubbles fit in perfectly.

"Where are Misters Potter and Black?" she inquired _very_ firmly.

"In bed," Peter said, slathering marmalade all over a piece of toast. "'Least they were when we left."

"You two usually aren't at breakfast on Wednesday mornings," she noted.

Panic filled Peter's eyes and Remus gave him another kick. "We're going to—to the library after," he said quickly. "Peter needs help with some assignments."

Peter gave an eager nod in agreement. "Yeah, I'm a little behind in homework."

McGonagall looked down her nose at them. "I see. You have no idea about what could have caused this?"

Remus looked up at the one floating above his head. "I've—I've never read about a spell like this," he answered with absolute honesty.

"Hmm." She still looked suspicious. "I see. Thank you." She returned to the teachers' table to talk to Professor Dumbledore. Dumbledore glanced down at them then back at McGonagall, shrugging.

As students came in and got hit with the spell they complained loudly but soon gave up when they realized the bubbles weren't doing them any harm. Some of the students started up games of swatting their heart balloons away. One Hufflepuff tried stabbing hers until Sprout asked her to please put the knife away.

Eventually Lily, Colgate, and Inkwood came in and all three made startled noises when their balloons appeared. They whispered at each other then Inkwood pointed at Remus and Peter.

Lily led the way, marching over. Peter gave a snort, sliding down low in his seat to avoid the glaring as best he could. Remus glanced up through his fringe. "M—morning," he said as innocently as he could.

"Don't you morning me, I know you did this," she said, indicating the bubble floating above her. "Heart. Bubble."

Remus gulped, remembering the incident in the library when he told her the Welsh words. "Ahhh..."

Lily let out a sigh and plopped down next to Remus with Inkwood on her other side, and Colgate sitting with Peter who went bright pink. "I mean, obviously it was Black and Potter's idea. I'm blaming _them_."

"N-not everything is—is us," Remus tried and Lily gave him such a glare that he shrank back and quietly went back to his food.

"I think it's sweet," Inkwood said, looking up at hers with a smile.

"And it's harmless," added Colgate. "Which, considering some of their other pranks, is a bit of a marvel."

Inkwood reached up and batted at her bubble, watching it bobbing around. "It's kinda romantic. Was it Sirius's idea?"

"Actually—" Peter began, and Remus kicked his shin. " _OUCH_!"

" _Actually_ ," Remus said, "we don't kn—know what d-did this."

Lily gave him another one of those looks, but Remus was saved from further withering by James and Sirius showing up, much earlier than planned. They were laughing about the bubbles and kept twirling around, trying to get their bubbles to knock against one another without them physically touching them.

"Morning," Sirius said, sitting next to Inkwood who began giggling.

"Morning!" James said brightly then stopped in his tracks. "Whoa, Evans, what's with the hat?"

That's when Remus realized Lily had a rather bulky hat jammed over her head, and all her hair tucked up underneath except for a few stray strands which stuck out at odd angles.

Lily went red. "My hat is none of your business, Potter!"

"It's not that cold inside." James was studying the hat with a really awful grin on his face; Remus had a bad feeling. "It kinda looks like you're hiding something."

"Stay away from me or I'll jam a spoon up your nose!" Lily threatened, waving a spoon at him.

James took a step back. "Calm down, Red! I think the hat suits you."

"Hmph."

"It's really hiding your hair."

"I'm not—"

James reached out and yanked the hat off. Lily shrieked, hands flying to her head as her hair sprang wildly out. It was a mass of unruly curls that went _everywhere_. Peter dropped his fork while James and Sirius began laughing.

Lily gave a cry and scrambled off the bench. "You—you—you—" but she couldn't figure out an adequate enough insult, and fled from the Great Hall.

"YOU FORGOT YOUR HAT!" James shouted after her, flailing the hat over his head, causing the bubble to bounce wildly around.

"Potter that was so mean!" Colgate snapped, getting up to go after Lily.

"You _jerk_!" added Inkwood, following suit.

"That was extremely mean," Remus said, and went after Lily too. When he passed through the door he was hit with the spell again—something he hadn't thought about—and followed Colgate and Inkwood down the hall. Lily was tucked away in a side corridor, covering her face as her shoulders shook.

Inkwood and Colgate flopped onto either side of her, rubbing her back, and giving her words of comfort as well as insulting James. Six bubbles bobbed above the three of them

"I w-w-wanted to l-look nice tonight," Lily sniffled at Remus. "I t-t-tried the spell last night and—and Veronica t-t-told me it would wear off by morning but it's _worse_! I w-went to P-Pomfrey but she—she said—"

"It w-wasn't a m-m-medical emergency," Remus finished for her, and Lily gave him a look. "I'm s-s-sorry James did that."

"He's _awful_!" She wiped her nose off on her sleeve. "I _hate_ him! I completely _hate_ him! I mean, Black can be annoying but Potter is downright _awful_! I can't stand him!"

"Lily—" Remus tried, unable to finish as the other girls began talking over him.

Inkwood pressed her face against Lily's shoulder. "He deserves detention for the rest of his life."

"Like detention ever stopped him before," muttered Colgate, still rubbing Lily's back. "He doesn't care about anything but himself."

"Lily," Remus tried again.

"Lupin, I know you want to help but this isn't really in your realm," Inkwood said in a rather condescending manner that pushed Remus's buttons. His entire body stiffened, and a rude retort rose to his tongue. He quickly bit it back.

"Yeah, no offense but Potter's your friend, and you're a boy so you wouldn't understand," Colgate agreed.

Remus considered walking away. If they didn't want his help, so be it. He _nearly_ did... except Lily was his friend (pinky promised friend) and he couldn't leave her in the lurch. He pulled his wand out and tapped Lily's nest of red curls. "Teresium," he said.

Lily jerked then her jaw dropped as her curls uncurled, and fell in a straight cascade past her shoulders. She grabbed a hank of hair and pulled it forward to look at, letting the strands slip through her fingers. Inkwood and Colgate stared in shock.

"How did...?" Lily looked up at Remus and then jumped to her feet, flinging her arms around him. " _Thank_ you!"

Remus went rather pink, wishing Lily would let go of his neck. "Er, w—well, um, it's not—ahhh—you're w-w-welcome..."

"Veronica said there wasn't a spell to undo the curls!" Inkwood complained.

"Th—there i—isn't," Remus said, wondering if shoving Lily away would be a bad idea or not. "Not technic—nically. It—it's j-just a spell to—to st-straighten the hair.”

Then Lily did one of the worst things possible: she kissed his cheek. A big kiss, right on his cheek. Inkwood and Colgate fell into giggles, and Remus went even pinker, knowing this would make things worse. The two girls chorused 'oooooooh', then Colgate said she thought Lily was going to the dessert thing with Struthers. Remus was a little surprised at that news.

"I _am_!" Lily said, finally releasing Remus's neck.

"You kissed Lupin," Inkwood said, covering her mouth.

"Only on the cheek," she argued, putting her hands on her hips. "Remus is my friend!"

" _Just_ your friend?" Colgate asked.

" _Yes_!"

Remus took a few steps back, tugging at his sleeve. "Er—I, uh, b-b-better get b—back to breakfast..." Without waiting for anyone to say anything he ran back to the Great Hall, getting his with the spell again so he now had three heart bubbles over his head. He slumped onto the bench next to James, glad they hadn't seen the cheek kiss.

James gave Remus a smile that didn't falter at all when Remus glowered at him. "All good?" he asked.

" _No_! That was awfully mean of you." he snapped back.

"Aw. Don't worry, I'll apologize— _oh_! Her hair is back to normal." James sounded a little disappointed.

"Go apologize," Remus said, elbowing James.

"Fine, fine." He got up, messing his hair up as he went over to where the girls sat not too far down the table. "Here's your hat back," he said, offering it out. Lily snatched it from his hands, shoving it into her bag. "Um. Well."

"Yes?" she asked snippily.

James messed his hair up yet again. "Sorry," he snipped right back, and then returned to his seat. "There. I apologized."

Before anything else could be said on the matter, the owl post interrupted them. Namely, valentines flooding in. Sirius got several, James got a couple, and Remus got one to his absolute shock. The envelope was very light pink, and inside was a card with some flowers and hearts drawn on it. _You're simply the sweetest and cutest second year. I wish I was going to the Valentine's dessert with you. I wish you would see_ _me_. It was signed with a heart.

"Aren't you gonna read yours?" Peter asked glumly, watching James completely ignore his valentines. Sirius was ripping through his many, reading them, and setting them aside.

"Nope," James replied, shoveling food in his mouth. Peter poked at his food miserably. James stopped eating, and pushed his envelopes over. "You can have them."

Peter's face went a little red, while Remus winced a little at James's words. "Th—that's not—it d-doesn't work like that!" he pointed out, feeling bad for poor Peter.

James blinked a few times, realization settling in that his offer, while done with good intentions, wasn't a very kind thing to do. "Er, well." He ruffled his hair, trying to figure out how to smooth his blunder over. "You know, if I were to send one, you'd get it."

"Ditto," Remus said, going back to his food.

"Yeah me too," agreed Sirius, finishing his last card.

"Mmm, three valentines from my friends, real _nice_ ," Pete grumbled, slumping down. Remus felt awful and wondered if he could send a card to Peter the next day or if that'd be a not-so-good thing to do. Peter was the sweetest second year and deserved valentines.

"Remy, what's yours say?" Sirius asked curiously.

That shook him out of his pondering over sending something to Peter. "Hmm? I don't know, something about the dessert and seeing her." Remus shrugged, already forgetting most of the card contents.

"Not from Evans?" Sirius pressed.

Remus glared at him. " _No_! Why would it be?"

The others believed him for the time being but unfortunately not for very long, because after Charms (which was fun with all the heart bubbles everywhere, including over Flitwick's head) Sirius barreled towards Remus nearly knocking James over, demanding to know about him and Lily _kissing._

"Wh—what?!" Remus squeaked.

"WHAT?!" James screeched.

"What?!" Pete yelped.

Remus shook his head, horror sweeping through his body. "Who s-s-said that?!"

"Cassie," Sirius said, a frown on his face. "She says Evans kissed you this morning, for fixing her hair."

"Evans kissed you!?" James grabbed Remus's arm. "And you didn't _say_ anything?!"

"Merlin!" Peter said, clapping excitedly. "You got kissed!"

"NO!" he shouted, furious. How could Inkwood say that?! _Why_ would she say that? "She—it—it w-w-was on my—my _cheek_! As a—a th-th—thanks!"

James deflated a little. "Just on the cheek?"

" _Yes_!" Remus snapped.

James looked _very_ disappointed. Sirius, however, seemed a little cheerier.

"A kiss on the cheek is still a bit impressive," said Peter. "I've only ever been kissed on my finger."

"James has never been kissed at all," Sirius added with a smirk.

James's eyes flashed a little as he cocked his head, fixating his eyes on Sirius. "Says _who_?"

"All right, then, who kissed you?"

"I—well—that—" James spluttered then pushed his glasses up, scowling. "All right, well, only family, but I still _could_ have been kissed by someone! You don't _assume_!"

Sirius snickered, and yanked James in for a half-hug. "Maybe if you fix Evans's hair she'll give you a kiss on the cheek," he said before making sloppy kissing sounds near James's ear.

James gave a loud squeal of disgust and shoved Sirius away, wiping at near where Sirius's lips were. "I'd rather kiss Rocky."

"Bet that could be arranged," said Peter, and everyone—except Remus—laughed.

Remus was too busy seething with rage. "What exactly did Inkwood say?" he asked Sirius.

Sirius pulled a bit of parchment out of his pocket, handing it over. In cursive it said, _by the way theres going to be drama tonight._ Then: _why? - SB_. Back to Inkwood's writing: _lily is going with struthers to the dessert but she kissed lupin this morning since he fixed her hair_ followed by several heart doodles.

Remus stared at the words, the wolf stirring violently. He wanted to rip the paper up, but the note didn't belong to him. Calmly, he gave the note back to Sirius. Or he tried to be calm, anyway; his hand was shaking a little bit, betraying what was going on underneath.

"You all right?" Sirius asked, noticing the shaking.

" _No_! She _lied_!" Remus hissed out, clenching his teeth, trying to keep the wolf pushed down. It was panting for revenge, pawing at Remus's soul to do something about all of this.

"If she kissed your cheek it isn't really a lie, is it?" Peter asked.

" _Yes_! That—that m-makes it sound like we kissed on the—the—the lips!" Remus waved his hand at the note.

Apparently Sirius wasn't the only one told because at lunch Struthers came over to Remus to tell him if he wanted to take Lily that'd be fine. Remus said he didn't want to, and why would Struthers think that? Struthers replied that Spinnet told him that Inkwood told _him_ that Lily and Remus kissed that morning.

"It w-w-w-w—" Remus was too angry to even explain.

Sirius explained for him. "It was only on the cheek."

"Oh." Struthers looked a little awkward. "Sorry. I thought—well, anyway. Sorry." He quickly stalked back to Spinnet.

Remus was too busy trying to push the wolf back down. His head rang, and black crept into his vision. Inkwood was going around saying...! Spreading _lies_! It was annoying enough everyone assuming they were a couple because they were friends... now nobody would believe otherwise! He looked down the table where Lily sat with them, wondering if Lily knew Inkwood was saying this.

"I'm not hungry." Remus shoved his plate away, grabbing his satchel. "I'm going to the library."

"Remy—" Sirius said, but Remus stormed out of the Great Hall, getting his fifth heart bubble. The first three were sagging slightly though not much. It had been a little entertaining when they first went to lunch and saw the sea of heart bubbles but now Remus was too angry to care how well his original spell was working.

Instead of the library, he went to the Pits Passage to pace around, tugging at his hair and muttering under his breath. He was dimly aware of the gossip and rumors that spread through the school, however he had never paid much attention. Had never really cared. Now he was the object of gossip, at least a _little_ bit; hopefully, it would only stay within the second years but he had a sinking feeling it wouldn't.


	97. Chapter Ninety-Seven - Just Desserts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how to tag this but... referenced period homophobia? Fear of period homophobia? It's only briefly mentioned, and nothing direct only Remus being worried about something.

Remus stayed angry throughout both of his afternoon classes, getting even more furious when Magpie asked him between the two if it was true he and Lily snogged, which was what Nettle had told her. She seemed rather relieved when he snarled that it was a stupid rumor. He grew so angry about the snogging thing that the wolf threatened to take over; he rushed into the bathroom, taking in deep gulps of air, trying to focus until that cooling snap inside of him. Blood dripped down his lips which he quickly cleaned up. He felt a little better, but not much.

After Transfiguration, he asked Lily if she knew about the rumors and she answered yes, she was aware people were saying it. Inkwood tried to apologize, however Lily wasn't having any of it. The two weren't on speaking terms at the moment.

"She told _Spinnet_!" he said, knowing how pouty he sounded. "I mean, telling Sirius is one thing but Spinnet?"

"I _know_ ," Lily sighed. "I'm really sorry, it's my fault. I wasn't thinking."

"S'not your fault..."

Remus disappeared into his dorm after that, wanting to avoid people. He stewed in bed, angrily reading without absorbing the words until James came into the dorm room.

"Not in the mood," Remus said, not even looking up.

"You will when I tell you my idea," James said, locking the door.

Remus glanced up, brow furrowed. "What idea?"

James ran over, jumping into Remus's bed, one of his knees accidentally slamming into Remus's thigh. "Oops," he laughed, settling into the bed next to him, half against him. "I have a _brilliant_ idea. I want to prank Sirius for what said. Nothing big. But. I was thinking... I think you probably want a little revenge against Inkwood." James snuggled up close, giggles breaking through his attempts to talk.

Remus finally lowered his book. "I'm listening."

"Prank them on their date. With this." He pulled a vial out of his pocket, wriggling it in Remus's face. "Bubble Belches. Was gonna use it on Snivellus but... all things considering, I think tonight is a better opportunity, doncha agree??

Remus took the vial, eyes widening a bit. "Oh. _Oh_! How would we make sure they get some? There isn't enough to put it in all the food, nor can we put it in only _their_ food from the kitchens."

"No," James agreed. "We'd have to get into the Great Hall to put it in ourselves."

Remus frowned. "How are we going to do that? It'll be very crowded. We can't simply _sneak_ in. Unless we hide up in the rafters beforehand, with your cloak, but that seems awkward as well as _highly_ risky, even for a Marauder plan."

James had a _look_ on his face. A look that said 'very bad idea'.

"What?" Remus asked, and James grinned. " _What_?!"

"I thought we could go in."

"What, just... walk in?" Remus snorted. "In case you haven't forgotten it's for _dates_."

That horrible grin. "I know."

Remus shook his head. "I have no intention of asking someone to the dessert so I can put Bubble Belches in Inkwood's dessert, as much as I want revenge."

"That's the thing. We don't really have to involve anyone else," James said.

Remus had a spike of nausea hit him as he imagined walking into the Great Hall as _James's_ date. "I highly doubt that would be acceptable," he said, trying not to let the panic hit his voice. Then part of him wondered what _would_ happen. Besides them both probably getting expelled for being offensive and indecently... err... criminal? Was it a crime? Wizards had been punished in the past… was it still a thing? Of course, he knew it was considered vile and reprehensible. But a crime? Hmm, he wasn’t sure. Not that it mattered, of course. It _really_ didn’t matter.

"Ooh!" James laughed. "No, not like that."

"Like _what_ then?!" Remus demanded, patience wearing thin.

James pulled a bit of parchment out from his pocket, handing it over. "This spell grows hair out, and we can change hair color."

"So?" Remus was baffled by whatever James was trying to say. It wasn't making any sense. "Please spit it out."

"Fine. We could go in if you're a girl," James finally said, quite bluntly.

Remus stared at him. Then began laughing so hard he dropped his book. He clutched his stomach, nearly rolling off his bed. " _JAMES_! Where in Merlin's name did you come up with _that_ plan?!" he wheezed, rolling back and forth.

" _I_ can't go as a girl," grumbled James. "Not enough Indian girls close to my age in school. You, though, could be mistaken for quite a few people. As long as you kept your head down so nobody saw your eyes."

"Like who?!"

"I dunno, any first year, really, they're tiny—OW!" James recoiled as Remus smacked his arm. "Okay, okay, it was _just_ an idea! Never mind, then."

"Bloody right never mind!" Remus snapped, straightening up, face burning at the thought of dressing up like a girl and going to the Valentine's dessert as James's 'date'. It was utterly ridiculous! Completely preposterous! Wholly and inconceivably _stupid_!

"It'd be really embarrassing for Inkwood," James said slowly. "We could get revenge against her anytime but getting her on her first _date_ with Sirius would really be..." he trailed off, smirking.

Remus shifted, not wanting James to get to him. "I am _not_ dressing up like a girl," he hissed. "It'd be too... if we were caught—"

"Aw, if we were caught, we tell the truth," said James eagerly. "That it was for a prank."

Remus swallowed, feeling rather itchy all over. The worst part was he felt like he should. James (and the others) did _so_ much for him, plus James got him the earplugs. And getting some revenge against Inkwood... "Why d'you want to?"

"Eh, mostly for Sirius, honestly," said James. "His assumption I've never been kissed—"

"But James, you _haven't_ been kissed," Remus pointed out.

James's face went stormy. "Right, except he _assumed_! So, I want to prank him. Or Inkwood. Getting revenge against Inkwood for saying those things about you is also very good, eh?"

"I—I'd have t-to wear a sk—skirt!" he squeaked. "Where'd we even get one?"

"Um, yeah, we could maybe borrow one from Evans? Would she be willing?"

Remus twisted his finger into the hem of his jumper, bile rising in his throat as he imagined himself dressing up like a girl. It was too much, too embarrassing, too humiliating! No. No way! He couldn't do it.

Except, James did get him the earplugs... and James wanted to do this... and the earplugs...

And Inkwood...

Those _rumors_!

"We wouldn't be able to get in any other way," said James in a tempting manner. "You'd be really disguised. I promise."

"You can't promise any such thing," Remus grumbled, anxiously running his fingers through his hair. "There are a hundred ways it could go wrong. How would we even get near Inkwood without them seeing you?"

"Peter," James answered. "I'll tell him to sit at a table so Sirius and Inkwood are facing away from the door. We sit behind them, and use a spell. I can provide a distraction—I'm good at that—while you use the levitation spell to put it in Inkwood's drink. Maybe Sirius's too, if you have time."

Remus chewed at his nails, tempted. _Way_ too tempted. There was a buzzy feeling all over his body as he felt himself being pulled into the prank.

James tilted his head. "Hasn't the rumor grown to the two of you _snogging_?"

"Y—yes," Remus whispered. Then he gave a loud groan, covering his face. "I'll ask Lily."

"YES!" James hugged him tightly. "This is going to be absolutely amazing!"

"If you breathe a _word_ of this to _anyone_ I will personally kill you," Remus threatened, swinging his legs out of bed. He wanted to add that James owed him except that wasn't true; if anything, Remus owed James _so_ much. More than this. More than he could ever repay.

James held his hand over his heart. "I solemnly swear not to tell a single soul. It'll stay between you, me, and Evans. From me, at least; I can't promise about Evans."

Remus stalked out of the dorm, torn between feeling anxious over dressing up like a girl and feeling a little excited over getting Inkwood back. And also feeling sick. Very sick.

*

"WHAT?!" Evans shrieked.

Remus ducked his head, feeling like he might throw up despite the fact he had already thrown up after leaving his dorm. He stammered out James's idea again, trying not to mumble, and finishing with the fact he'd need to dress as a girl and could he borrow a skirt? Maybe a jumper too?

Lily goggled at him. "Bloody _hell_ , Remus!"

"Yeah, it's—it's dumb but James really wants to," he said swiftly. Awkwardly. This was so bloody awkward.

" _He_ wants to get revenge on Cassie?" Lily asked, a little suspiciously.

"Yeah, well—he's my friend and is mad on—on my behalf. Besides, Sirius irritated him a bit today."

Lily shut her book, frowning at Remus. "Has Sirius said anything about the whole Cassie thing?"

"Not really," Remus muttered, glancing across the room at where Sirius and Peter were chatting with Inkwood and Colgate. "I—oh, come with me." He made sure nobody was looking before he grabbed her hand, pulling her to the stairs. Almost immediately he let go of her hand; the last thing the rumors needed was the sight of them holding hands going up to his dorm! He took another quick look to make sure they were still unobserved, then darted up the stairs with her on his heels.

"Oi, what's _she_ doing here?!" James demanded when the two of them burst into the dorm.

"Helping you, apparently," Lily responded tartly.

Remus gave James a tentative smile. "I was thinking..." He shut the door behind them, locking it. "Perhaps Lily can slip the potion in. That way we don't need to risk getting caught."

Lily folded her arms. "I doubt that will work. I'm so mad at her right now, if I go anywhere near her table she'll know it was me. Besides, I was thinking... if you need a distraction, you should have the distraction _far_ from you, right?" she asked, then continued speaking without waiting for either of them to answer. "I could sit on the other side of the room and provide the distraction. That way you risk yourselves even less."

James perked up. "Really? You'd do that?"

"Mmm, yeah... what sort of distraction were you thinking?"

"Fireworks. The _classic_ distraction."

Lily laughed. "Then it would probably be best if I do set them off, otherwise they might be near enough to your table."

"I wasn't going to set them off at _my_ table!" James protested.

"Oh, you were going to walk across the room and possibly have Black see you?" Lily demanded. "Plus if _you_ are sneaking around the edges of the room, the chaperones are going to get you right off the bat."

James opened and shut his mouth, then glared. "Right, well, um, look, I—"

"I set the fireworks off, you two get Cassie," Lily said, then offered her hand. "Deal?"

James eyed her hand suspiciously then slowly took it. "Deal," he agreed, then wiped his hand off on his trousers while Lily wrinkled her nose, staring at her hand in disgust. "Also not only can we never speak of this for Remus-as-a-girl's sake, but if anyone finds out we made a temporary truce—"

"I'd rather clean the dungeons with my toothbrush than anyone else find out we're working together," Lily finished for him, and James nodded.

"Um, about that," Remus said, clearing his throat. "If Lily's doing the distracting then _you_ could slip the potion into Inkwood's drink. You could take someone else, and I wouldn't have to dress up as a girl."

James adjusted his glasses. "You've got better control over your spells than I do. I probably could levitate it in but you'd do it better. Faster, not as wobbly. _Less_ risk of her seeing it. Besides, don't you want to _see_ it?" he added, and Remus gave a reluctant nod. He did really want to see it, but dreaded the thought of being _caught_ in a skirt!

"How 'bout I get an outfit together for Remus then we can meet up somewhere to go over the plan," Lily said, checking her watch which made Remus glance at the clock. It was already a quarter to five! The dessert started at six-thirty! They didn't have much time to iron everything out, and he hoped everything would go smoothly.

*

Half an hour later, James and Remus were in an unused classroom waiting for Lily. Remus had gotten food while James made excuses to Sirius, as well as whispered some orders to Peter without explaining about Remus's involvement. Now they were picking at their supper, waiting for Lily to show up. Remus wanted to remark on how amazing it was the two of them were willing to work together, especially after what happened at breakfast, but he didn't want to jinx it.

"Your spell is incredible," James said as one of his multiple heart bubbles bobbed against his head. "Can't believe they've lasted this long." Remus glowed a little, remaining silent. "You're seriously the most talented kid in our year and probably—"

"I've already agreed to do this, you don't need to keep buttering me up," Remus said.

"Naw, it's _true_."

There was a gentle tap at the door and James opened it up, letting Lily in. She had a bundle of clothes in her arms. Remus shrank back, heart pounding hard as he realized what exactly he had agreed to. Lily dropped the clothes on a chair and began holding them up, having brought multiple outfits for him to choose from. There were two dresses, two skirts, three jumpers, a long-sleeved top, and something Lily called a pinafore dress. In addition, she brought tights, socks, and an assortment of shoes.

"And to finish it off...!" Lily produced her witch's hat, the tall pointed hat all students bought but hardly anyone wore except for special occasions. Normally they were black but she had enchanted hers to be white, temporarily. "You can wear it a bit low to help keep your face hidden."

Remus moaned, scratching at his arms. "I think I'm coming out in hives. I don't know if I can do this."

"You _do_ realize how long it's going to take us to convince people we _aren't_ a couple, right?" Lily asked.

He froze, then scowled. "All right, let's figure out an outfit."

After much discussion, Lily finally settled on a pink turtleneck jumper and the white pinafore dress. She added tights and white shoes, pushing him towards the closet to get changed.

"I can't _wait_ to see this!" James giggled.

Remus shot him a glare over his shoulder then dove into the closet, locking it with his wand to make sure James wouldn't try to come in. He felt very uncomfortable stripping down with them in the other room, but he didn't have much of a choice. He just hoped he could figure the dress out. The jumper got pulled on easily, though it was rather big on him, and the dress wasn't _too_ difficult. The tights were another thing entirely. He realized too late he should have put them on first. He hitched the skirt up, somehow getting the tights on though a strange tear appeared in them. It wasn't a real tear—not all the way through—but it looked _weird_. The tights were rather baggy and he had to yank them way up. Finally, he put the shoes on before pulling the skirt back down, smoothing it out.

 _Bloody. Hell_.

He debated taking it all off, putting his uniform back on, and running home. Dropping out of school was definitely the better option.

"Are you done? It's after six," Lily called out. "We still need to do your hair and _I_ still need to get dressed!"

Remus wrapped his arms around himself, not moving. _This is a stupid plan, a stupid prank. They're pranking_ me _more than they are Inkwood!_ Maybe that's what it was. Maybe James just wanted to prank Remus by getting him in a skirt to laugh at him.

"C'mon, Remy!" James said. "I still need to get dressed too."

Remus sucked in some air, and unlocked the door, creeping out. He knew he was beet red as he waited for the laughter. James snorted, and covered his mouth, curling in on himself trying to _stop_ the laughter. Lily, however, clapped her hands, insisting he looked great.

"I look bloody ridiculous," he grumbled, tugging at the skirt. He had never worn traditional wizarding robes, so this was the first time wearing something like that. Unless one included nightshirts, which were very different.

"You make a super cute girl," Lily promised. "Oh, you're adorable! All the boys would be after you."

James began choking while Remus contemplated jumping out the window.

"I think we might have to do something with your hair once it's lengthened, since I can't really style it quickly..." Lily licked her lips as she began tapping the top of his head, doing the spell to make his hair grow out. His scalp began itching while his hair wriggled, then shot down to his shoulders into a mess.

James shrieked with laughter, unable to contain himself anymore. He flopped onto his back, legs wheeling.

"I thought you said you needed to get dressed!" Remus snapped.

"This is _loads_ better!" he wheezed out. "I had _no_ idea how shaggy your hair really was! Bloody HELL, Remy, you're a true lion, aren't you? That's a _mane_!"

Lily began running her fingers through his hair. "It'll be _fine_. I can fix it. Potter, go get dressed."

"Right here?" he asked with a smirk.

"If you do, I'll throw you into the corridor and lock you out," she threatened.

James stuck his tongue out as he grabbed his clothes and headed to the closet.

Lily got a brush from her satchel, working at his hair until she got it somewhat manageable. Remus sat quietly, trying to pretend this was completely normal. That he wasn't sitting there in a dress that kept riding up. He wriggled, tugging the dress back down.

"What color are we going with?" Lily asked when James popped back out. He hadn't needed to worry about tights, so it had taken him about five seconds. "Blonde, or dark brown?"

James was in a suit, looking quite dapper. "Hmmm. A light brown maybe? Blonde-brown? That's a kinda common hair color, isn't it?"

Lily nodded as she got a vial out of her bag. "What's _that_?"

"I figured a potion would work best," she said. "I've never used a spell to change my hair color."

Remus clutched at his hair. "A potion is more—more permanent! It's harder to get rid of!"

"I've also got one that will rinse it out," she promised, uncorking the vial. "It'll be _fine_!"

Remus whimpered a little, trusting Lily for the most part. She emptied the vial out on his head, brushing the potion through his hair until the entire thing was a light sort of brownish-blonde color without a hint of tawniness. He glared at the light fringe hanging over his eyes. Lily plopped the hat on his head, pulling it low so the brim shaded his face.

"Now I need to get ready," she said, grabbing some of the clothes she brought and running to the closet.

James marched over, standing in front of Remus with a contemplative look on his face.

"Go ahead and laugh," Remus mumbled, ducking his head.

"No. You do look good. You make a cute girl. It's actually kinda disturbing."

"This _better_ be worth it."

James bent in, a cheeky grin on his face. "Bubble Belches on her first date, come _on_!"

Remus managed a smile and reached up, tucking some of his long hair behind an ear. "All right yeah, it's going to be funny."

Lily flounced back in the room, wearing a red dress and pushing a white headband on. "How do I look?"

"Disgusting," James said.

"You look very pretty," Remus said.

"Absolutely vile. I might throw up," James continued.

Lily looked down her nose at him. "Now you know how I feel every time I have to look at you. Now. When you're ready, give me a signal. I'll pretend to drop my spoon in order to get the fireworks out of my bag and set them off."

"I'll clap my hand," James said, giving a little clap. "How's that?"

"Fine, yeah." Lily tucked several fireworks into her bag. "I need to go meet David. Good luck, both of you." She gave Remus a smile and then ran out of the room, hair bouncing.

"I feel sick," Remus moaned, standing up.

"Honestly, mate, I don't think I'd recognize you," James said, patting his shoulder. "Not with that hair."

"Who am I even supposed to be?!"

"I dunno, some first year."

"I could be a third year—oh, stop it," Remus complained as James began laughing. "I _could_ be a third year girl. Some girls are smaller, like me."

"Stick some oranges down your jumper then," James snickered. Remus couldn't help but giggle at that. "Nooo, you need to have a higher giggle. You're a girl." Remus tried a higher pitched giggle. "Yeah, that's better. Also, try to look at me like I'm the most amazing and sexiest person in the universe."

Remus smacked James's arm. "I'll look at you like a slug, if you keep that up."

"At least seem _vaguely_ interested," James said, messing his hair up. "I'm not a terrible date. I'll buy you chocolates. Don't roll your eyes at me, I'll really buy you chocolates. I'm a _nice_ date!"

It was 6:40 when they reached the Great Hall, and James linked his arm with Remus's. Remus kept his head ducked low as they went through the door, so the staff members at the door didn't see his face.

"Hello James," said a woman.

"Hello Urja—er, Professor Shafiq," James replied, hurrying through the door, pulling Remus along. "Course it's gotta be my bloody cousin," he muttered. "She's going to write my mum. Oooh, good, Peter and Colgate are facing the door, Sirius and Inkwood have their backs to us. Over here." He guided Remus to a small table, pulling the chair out.

Remus sat down, feeling weird as James pushed the chair in, but all weirdness faded when he saw Sirius whispering in Inkwood's ear. Inkwood, who decided to tell everyone in the world that Remus and Lily kissed. Ugh! He wanted to dump the Bubble Belch in her drink right away.

"You'll burn a hole in the back of her head," James whispered.

Remus glanced down at the table. There were delicate white and pink doilies underneath very pretty china. There was also a little menu with the instruction to tap what he wanted with his wand to 'order' it. There were so many mouth-watering options that Remus thought dressing up as a girl might be worth it just for _this_!

"Merlin!" James said as Remus tapped several options.

"I hardly ate," Remus pointed out, setting the menu aside. His drink appeared almost immediately—well, both of them; one glass of water, one of cherry soda which he quickly took a gulp of.

"She's over there."

"Who?"

"Evans!" James hissed out.

Remus was too distracted by the chocolate-y delights appearing on the table. A piece of fudgey chocolate cake, a frozen cauldron, a honeybob delight, treacle tart, and a syllabub made with grape juice instead of wine.

"Merlin's dirty socks, R—!" James quickly cut himself off. "Are you really going to eat all of that?!"

Remus scooped up a big spoonful of ice cream, shoving it into his mouth. "Yes?"

"A lady doesn't stuff her face like that."

"After trying to get these tights on, a lady can eat whatever she damn well pleases."

James held his hands up. "Okay, sheesh, Got it. How soon should we do this?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you even paying attention?!"

"This frozen cauldron is _really_ good," he said, scooping out more ice cream. "Try it."

James picked up a spoon, scooping up a large amount. "Mm, it is good." He stole another spoonful, and Remus was glad he didn't have to worry about contamination from his wolf saliva. "All right. Ready?" He slid the vial of Bubble Belch over to Remus.

"Can't I finish this first?"

"Oh, _blimey_!"

Remus plowed through the rest of the frozen cauldron, wiped off his mouth, and took the vial. "Ready."

James nodded, glanced over at Lily, and, once she looked his way, he turned to his plate of food, clapping his hands like he was excited to eat it. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw Lily drop a spoon. She bent under the table for a few seconds then straightened up, a picture of innocence. About ten seconds later several rockets whizzed out from under her table, exploding in the air.

Remus pulled the lid off the vial before flicking his wand as discreetly as he could. "Wingardium leviosa."

Everyone was watching the fireworks go off, far too busy to notice the small vial sliding along the floor, floating up the side of a table, and tipping over into Inkwood's glass. Remus jerked his arm, pulling the vial back quickly.

"Success," he whispered, scooping up a spoonful of syllabub.

Professors McGonagall and Flitwick were investigating the area where the fireworks went off, talking to some of the students who were all shaking their heads. The fireworks had shot out far enough that nobody really realized they came from Lily's table. Not that anyone would suspect her anyway!

" _Blast it_ ," James hissed. "Head down, _head down_!"

"Huh?" Remus saw McGonagall making her way over. He swore, and ducked his head low, letting some of his hair fall across his face.

"Mr. Potter," McGonagall said, giving him a dark look. "Did you have anything to do with the fireworks?"

"Regrettably not," James replied casually. "Though I do have some in my bag. May I set them off too?"

Beyond them, Remus could see Inkwood take a swig of her drink.

"No you may not!" McGonagall snapped, then turned her attention on Remus. He practically had his face down in his treacle tart, waiting for her to question him or take off the hat. "If I find out you've lied," she continued, turning her attention back to James.

Inkwood began burping loudly, bubbles of various colors pouring out of her mouth whenever she did. She covered her mouth, eyes huge. Remus could hear Sirius laughing, asking what happened, if she ate some soap before coming to dessert.

"You should give me detention, just in case," James said cheerfully.

McGonagall made a rather irritated noise and swept off to go question Sirius. James swore, and suggested they get out before McGonagall indicated he was there, or blamed them for Inkwood burping up bubbles; it was practically a steady stream at this point. Every time the bubbles burst, another belch sounded, several times louder than the original burp. They echoed across the hall and pretty much everyone was laughing.

"I'm still eating!" Remus protested as James took hold of his arm.

" _Take it with you_! Unless you _want_ Sirius to see you in a dress?"

Remus paled at that HORRIFYING thought. Quickly he dumped all his food on one plate before running out of the Great Hall with James. Running in a dress wasn't the easiest. It was a little restricting, and he would have ruined all his food when he tripped if James hadn't noticed and seized the plate. Remus went down, bashing into the floor.

"I figured you would've rather me save the chocolate instead of you," James said, hauling Remus up on his feet.

"You're absolutely correct," Remus said, taking the plate back.

They took one more peek into the Great Hall to see the bubbles surrounding Inkwood's head, then hurried off, both of them giggling. They went up to the classroom where they had met with Lily, and Remus perched on a chair while James changed. Remus stuffed half the cake slice in his mouth, dropping fudgey crumbs all over Lily's clothes.

"Oophs," he said, spraying more crumbs.

"What's wrong?" James asked. He was changing in the room, not caring that Remus saw him naked though Remus kept his gaze averted.

"Gettin' chocolate all over the thingie. Um, dress." He tried to wipe the crumbs off and only succeeded in smearing the chocolate. "Drat. Who gets white clothes anyway?"

"Evans, apparently. Girls are neater than boys though."

Remus licked his fingers off. "Not entirely true. I'm not very messy."

James stared at him. "First all, _how_ many books are all over your section of the dorm? Second of all..." He walked over, pointing at a large chocolate smear. "Plus you can't dress yourself, and always spill stuff on yourself."

Remus knocked his hand away. "Go put your trousers on. Least I don't leave my pants and dirty socks all over the floor."

"What's wrong with that?" James asked as he finished getting dressed.

He finished licking the chocolate off his fingers and got up, setting the plate on the chair. "It's disgusting, that's what."

It wasn't as much of a struggle getting out of the clothes than it was getting in them, except the tights got shredded even more. He felt horrible for it and hoped they weren't too expensive to replace. Perhaps he could do a few essays for James to get some money to give to Evans.

It felt _great_ being back in his own clothes buuuuut his hair was still a long, shaggy mess. "What do we do about this?" he asked, going back into the room. "It's still blonde. And long."

"I can cut it," James offered, producing his wand.

"You ate the rest of my cake!" Remus cried out, seeing chocolate smeared on James's lips.

"A little bit, there's still a bite or two left. I didn't eat at the dessert." He took a hank of Remus's hair, pulling it out a bit.

"What are you doing?"

"The severing charm—"

Remus hopped away from him. 'I don't think so! We only just started learning them in Charms and when you did it you somehow fused your robes sleeve to the parchment! It took Flitwick ten minutes to undo it!"

James pouted. "It was an _accident_! What, you want to go around with long hair?"

Remus pulled his hair back, holding it like a ponytail. "No. I'll do most of it myself..." He pulled the ponytail around, aiming his wand.

"You could hit your shoulder," James said.

"I'll heal."

James’s eyes went huge at that. " _Bloody_ hell, Remus!"

"What?"

Slowly he shook his head. "Nothing, I guess."

Remus hesitated, not sure anymore. James looked rather upset and was eyeing Remus's wand. "I'll wait for Lily," he said, dropping his hand. He didn't care so much if he accidentally cut himself, but he didn't want to make his friend distressed. Plus, it'd also cut his clothes and he didn't want that to happen. "Besides, she needs to turn my hair back to its normal color."

Lily didn't show up for quite a while, a little surprised to find both boys waiting for her until Remus indicated his hair. Lily chopped it off a little short (he'd have to go to the hair witch, whom he usually tried to avoid; too many images of that stupid Christopher Robin cut. He hadn't had his hair cut since that particular incident until now), and then changed the color back. Remus raked his fingers through his hair, forgetting entirely he still had sticky fingers from the cake.

"You did look cute," Lily promised.

Remus made a face. "Urgh."

"Cassie was so mad, by the way," Lily went on, ignoring Remus. "She left. So did Black. I'm gonna talk to her in a bit, since I think she was crying."

"So?" James grumbled. "She deserves it, for what she did to Remus!"

"I must admit, it's a little difficult to muster sympathy," Remus said.

Lily shrugged. "I know what you mean. Anyway, go away so I can change."

"You changed in there earlier with us here," James said, jumping aside as Lily threw her hat at him. "All right, going. Nobody wants to see that anyway, Evans! I’ll go blind!"

“From what I understand, _Potter_ , you’re practically blind as it is!” she retorted.

Remus clamped a hand across his mouth to prevent the giggling, while James scowled. “Yeah, make fun of the boy wearing glasses, Red, I see how it is.”

Lily smiled back. “Only with your glasses.”

Remus doubled over as he choked, while James snorted. “Glad this truce is over!” he snapped then grabbed Remus, dragging him out. “She’s such a _cow_. Plus thanks for _not laughing_ at her making fun of me.”

“S-sorry!” he snickered, trying to stop. “I am sorry.”

“Hmph.”

The two boys left and once they had gone down the hall a bit, James threw his arm around Remus, obviously over his hurt feelings as he declared it a victorious prank. Remus had thought it was a bit too elaborate for a small payout, but the dessert definitely made up for it, hands down.


	98. Chapter Ninety-Eight - A Personal Question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, sorry, this is a long one. 1. In chapter 97 I have changed a line. Originally it said Lily used the hair color potion until there was no trace of red. I have changed this to tawniness to make it absolutely clear. Basically, Remus's hair in SL is a tawny color. A very light blonde-brown-red-orange type of color. She changed it so it was a light brownish blonde, essentially just getting rid of the red tones. But I changed it so it's absolutely clear. 2. I had Remus discover hopscotch for the first time twice! Rip. So in Book One, chapter 68 (Maraudering), a few lines have been changed from him and Lily playing hopscotch, to playing pin the tail! 3. Sirius's side story! Yes, I intend to continue this however I want to rewrite it. I am not happy with it at all, I thought I was but I'm not. I am currently in the process of rewriting it. I don't know when I'll post the fixed versions but hopefully not too much longer. No promises though. Sorry for the long note, hope you enjoy the chapter!

Remus wasn't sure what to expect as the fallout, however it didn't go in any way he could’ve conceived. Sirius and Peter were in the dorm by the time James and Remus got there, and pretty much right away Sirius wanted to know where they had been. James lied, saying they had gone to the kitchens to nick some of the desserts, indicating Remus's remaining treats as evidence. Sirius told them about the fireworks and the fact someone had given Inkwood Bubble Belch. They had suspected Lily at first, but Lily had been clear on the other side of the room, and he said McGonagall had mentioned James was there.

Peter kept glancing around, visibly nervous. He knew James had been there, but hadn't known Remus or Lily's part in everything.

"Yeah, I went in for a few minutes," James finally confessed. Remus tried not to panic, terrified James would tell Sirius _everything_. "I nipped in briefly."

"Without a date?" Sirius inquired.

James shrugged. "Nah, I took my cousin in for a few minutes. She wanted to see it."

"Your cousin?"

"Eh, second or third cousin, I can't remember, she's a first year," James lied smoothly. "She wanted to see the Great Hall and have a little bit of dessert, so I brought her in since you have to have a date which, by the way, is so stupid."

Sirius eyed James suspiciously. "Who's your cousin?"

"Bridget Bagby," James answered in such a way that Remus wondered if he was lying about this part (James later pointed her out; a Hufflepuff first year who looked rather similar to Remus's disguise). "She's my father's cousin's granddaughter, so that makes us third cousins, right? Or second cousin, once removed? I don't know, I can't keep that straight."

"Yeah, second cousin once removed," Sirius said, and actually believed James to Remus's relief. "You didn't give Cass the Bubble Belch?"

"I promise," James said, finally telling the truth.

"Hmm..." Sirius clearly didn't believe him, but he didn't press it. "She cried, you know."

Remus felt a little bad. Only a little, not too much. He wanted to point out what a huge mess Inkwood had thrown him and Lily into, but didn't want to draw Sirius's attention to the fact _he_ was a prime suspect for revenge.

"I don't think it helped that you laughed," Peter pointed out.

"I couldn't help it!" Sirius grinned from ear to ear. "Bubble Belch is hilarious. I took some, to try to make her feel better. That's when she started crying and ran off."

"Oof, sorry 'bout that, mate," James said, trying to sound sympathetic.

The subject was dropped except, sorta, when Sirius asked Remus why his hair was an inch shorter than it was before and Remus had to make up some excuse of messing up a spell. Then Sirius stared at Remus for a long time until asking, “Why do you have so many bubbles?”

“Hmm?”

“Bubbles.” Sirius pointed at them. “You have eight. You didn’t come to supper, so you should only have six.”

Remus glanced up. The four from breakfast were sagging very low, obviously about to disappear, while the two from lunch were bobbing near his head, and the two from the dessert were still high, happily floating a few feet from his head.

“Er, I went into the Great Hall,” Remus said, hoping he didn’t sound too nervous. “Momentarily. I grabbed some food from the table.”

Sirius studied him while he tried not to panic. “When?”

“During supper. I only went in very quickly. For food.”

“I thought you got food from the kitchens,” Sirius said.

“No, James got the desserts from the kitchens,” Remus said, forcing confidence into his voice. “I got my supper from the Great Hall.” Thank Merlin he _had_ gotten supper from the kitchens, otherwise he’d have ten bubbles and Sirius would be even more suspicious! How did he even know how many bubbles Remus had in the first place?!

Sirius gave Remus another look. “All right, yeah,” he finally said. Remus tried not to breathe a sigh of relief, though he couldn’t help but worry Sirius was skeptical.

At least he didn't seem overly concerned about the fact his date had gone south until the next morning. Lily and Colgate approached the boys at breakfast, informing Sirius that Inkwood wasn't going to talk to him anymore for laughing at her.

"It _was_ funny though!" Sirius protested. "Bubble Belch is _funny_! I took some, to make her feel better!"

"She's still mad you laughed," Colgate said before returning to Inkwood.

"Are you two made up, then?" Remus asked Lily.

"A bit," she said, tucking some hair behind her ear. "I felt bad for her, for crying. Everyone makes mistakes, plus she feels really bad about what happened. She never meant to cause such a big issue."

Remus watched her return to her friends, not sure if he could forgive someone like that so easily. Not for spreading lies and gossip, and forcing him to be the center of attention in a big rumor. Some students had given them looks just then for even talking! It was ridiculous.

"Why is Inkwood so mad you laughed, anyway?" James asked, smashing his toast and beans up into an ugly mess. "It's hilarious."

"I know!" Sirius grumbled. "I haven't the faintest. Hey, if she's not going to talk to me because of that, her loss."

On the way to Herbology, Simon Bones pulled Remus aside to ask about the rumors—especially since Lily had gone to the dessert with Struthers.

"W-we're not a—not a c-couple!" Remus complained. "F-friends! We d-d-didn't kiss." It was a bit bizarre to say that knowing perfectly well they _had_ kissed, a couple weeks ago.

"Everyone says you did," Bones said. "They say you snogged."

"Everyone is wr—wrong!" he retorted.

Bones made a face. "Darn," he said, and Remus made a noise of confusion. "Aw, guess I was hoping for a little girl advice. But if you're not seeing each other..."

"I—I c-can't help you, I really d-don't know much about... about that realm," Remus said, rather awkwardly. "S—sorry."

Throughout Herbology Inkwood kept sending dirty looks at Sirius, who would make faces in return, and they kept throwing clods of dirt at one another, even during the exam which was a bit distracting. Apparently, Sprout thought so too as she asked both of them to stay behind. When Sirius finally emerged he laughed about it, saying that Sprout told him that while shenanigans during regular class was 'barely all right', pulling this sort of thing during a test was wrong. She took twenty points from Gryffindor.

When the Marauders went to lunch, Professor McGonagall was waiting outside the doors, eyes locking on them when they approached. Remus assumed it was about Sirius acting out in Herbology, or maybe James did something... so he was completely shocked when McGonagall told Remus she needed to speak to him privately.

He followed her down the hall, feeling nauseated, not sure what this was about. Did something happen? Did he do something wrong? Was it about the heart bubbles thing? If it was, why wouldn't she talk to the others? By the time they got to the little room where first years waited for the Sorting, he felt like he might throw up.

"Mr. Lupin," McGonagall said in a slightly strained voice that made him feel sicker, "I need to ask you a rather... personal question."

Remus swallowed, wrapping his arms around his middle to try to keep himself from getting too sick. "Wh—wh-what's the—the m-matter?"

McGonagall adjusted her glasses, looking exceedingly uncomfortable, and Remus felt even _worse_. What the _hell_ was going on?

"Please don't think I am judging you," she said slowly, carefully, "but do you care to tell me why you were dressed as a girl and Mr. Potter's date at last night's dessert?"

His hands flew to his mouth, and, as his entire insides began squirming, his whole outside body began burning with humiliation; he knew he was probably turning about a hundred different shades of red. _Oh no, oh no, oh no_! His eyes darted briefly to the door as he wondered what would happen if he ran away. Far away. Maybe to the North Pole.

McGonagall watched him expectantly, and he took a step back. If he tried to speak he knew he'd probably throw up, only he _had_ to say something. Or run away. Except his legs weren't working. They were shaking and weak and not listening to him, the traitors.

"P... prank," he finally managed to get out, in a sort of whispery groaning manner which probably wasn't anywhere near comprehensible.

Sure enough, McGonagall asked, "Pardon?"

" _Prank_ ," he wheezed, feeling his nose beginning to burn as he fought off the tears. This was too embarrassing, beyond embarrassing! This was, without a doubt, one of the worst moments he ever experienced at school, and he wondered how the hell he ever let James talk him into it. He should have _known_ he'd be caught, be recognized; if McGonagall recognized him, who else did?! Though, if any student did surely it'd be spread through the school by now, right? Loopy Lupin, cross-dressing? That'd certainly be a hot topic. So... most likely only McGonagall recognized him. She _had_ been at their table, and looked at him somewhat close up. Hopefully... it was only her, and nobody else. But still, his favorite teacher seeing him like that...!

"Mr. Lupin, it's all right," she said, trying to sound reassuring. "Please calm down."

He shook his head. "I—I d-d-didn't—I was only—"

"It's all right," she said again, gently. "I told you I wasn't judging you. I assumed it was for a prank."

He looked up at her through his fringe, heart pounding hard. "You... d-d-did?"

"Yes," she answered. "The fireworks, and what happened with Miss Inkwood. The only reason I asked was because I was concerned that... you were... coerced into it."

"C... c-coerced?" he whispered.

"I know Mr. Potter and Mr. Black can be insistent—"

"Wh—what?" He straightened up, feeling some of the humiliation falling away as he realized what she was insinuating. Some, not all. Never all. "N... no, they d-d-didn't—they're my friends, they w-wouldn't b-bully me into—into d-d-doing something like that. I—I agreed. I mean, it—it _was_ James's idea t—to get in there but I agreed."

"You agreed," she said, raising her eyebrows. "He didn't pressure you?"

"No," Remus whispered, despite the fact he had blamed James for convincing him about ten seconds prior. "No, He—no. If I had s-said no, he wouldn't have—it's not—yeah. No. It's okay." Then he realized he was pretty much admitting they were the cause of what happened. "Er, about—I mean, about the p-pranks—"

McGonagall held up a hand. "No need to explain, I fully understand _why_ you pranked Miss Inkwood."

"You... d-do?"

"Yes. I was in a similar situation once myself, in my third year."

Remus stared at her in shock. "You _were_!?" He couldn't imagine anyone with the guts to spread rumors around about _McGonagall_!

Professor McGonagall sat down on one of the benches, patting the seat next to her. "Yes," she said as he sat down. "My dearest friend at the time. Dorothy Towler. Oh, we were the closest of friends imaginable. In our third year she started seeing this fellow, and spent less and less time with me. I was... very upset." McGonagall shook her head. "It is very hard when our friends begin dating and spending less time with us."

Remus frowned. "I... d-d-don't understand, wh—what does that have t-to do with gossiping?"

McGonagall blinked at him. "Gossiping?"

"Y... yes?"

They stared at one another for several seconds. "I'm afraid I don't understand, what does gossiping have to do with what happened?"

"She—she sp-spread rumors about me and Lily," Remus answered.

"I _beg_ your pardon?!"

 _Oooh_. "Ah, y—yes," he squeaked out. "That—yeah. That's why I—I w-w-was angry and—and did that." He felt uncomfortable telling her, but explained to her about the hair, him fixing it, her kissing his cheek, Inkwood telling Sirius it was a kiss-kiss, Inkwood telling Spinnet, Spinnet telling Struthers, and also somehow Nettle finding out and thinking it was _snogging_ , and her telling Magpie. It was all very convoluted, and after he was done he swore he heard McGonagall mumble how glad she was that she wasn't that age anymore.

"I see," she finally said out loud, rubbing her forehead. "I wasn't aware of this. I thought it was because of—well, thank you for letting me know."

"Oh... p—please don't—I d-d-don't want anyone to b-be in trouble!" he said quickly, terrified of what might happen if McGonagall lectured Inkwood about everything.

McGonagall remained silent for a moment. "I want to look into what happened, I don't like the idea of my students doing something like that. Kids your age... this is a fairly common occurrence. It's something I've shut down before in previous years. It isn't as though I am targeting this situation specifically."

Remus tugged at his sleeve, feeling ill and hot again. He didn’t want the situation to get worse, even though he was still furious with Inkwood.

"I'll be careful," she promised and Remus nodded miserably. "Was a spell used on your hair? Last night? Would you like me to fix it?" He nodded again. She had him turn away, and used a few quick snipping spells, evening out the raggedy mess Lily had left. "I should remove points for what you did," she said as she worked, "however all things considering I will let this one slide."

Remus tried not to slump in relief, not wanting to mess up the trimming. "Th—thank you, Professor. Um. N—nobody else kn-knows, right? That I—do you th-think anyone else realized...?"

McGonagall's hand rested on his shoulder. "I highly doubt anyone else realized it was you," she assured him. "I know my students best, and everyone else was too busy with their own dates."

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You're finished."

He stood up, touching the edges. "Thank you," he said again, and McGonagall nodded. He wanted to express his gratitude—not just for this, but everything McGonagall did. It was unbelievable to him that he had somehow been given such an incredible teacher and Head of House. Part of him wanted to hug her however that was very inappropriate.

Would knitting her something be inappropriate?

Of course the other Marauders wanted to know what happened, so Remus lied, saying to do with the next day. They all looked at him in confusion.

"The... m... moon?" he reminded them, dropping his voice very low.

" _Already_?!" James said, sounding shocked.

"Doesn't feel like it's been that long," added Peter.

Sirius gave Remus a concerned look. "What was she wanting about tomorrow?"

Remus began piling food on his plate, feeling very hungry. After all, the only things he had to eat the previous night were the desserts. "Making sure I was doing all right, that's all."

"Are you—can we—ummmmm..."

James laughed, elbowing Peter. "Words, Petey-boy."

Peter blushed faintly. "Can we visit you?" he asked, and all three looked expectantly at Remus.

"Er..." Remus stabbed at some vegetables. "I guess it depends on how I look tomorrow. If I—if I don't look so bad, I-I might say it's Mum again." They all looked let down while guilt swept through his body. "S—sorry," he mumbled, ducking his head low.

"It's all right," Sirius said, voice falsely cheerful, and Remus could hear a tinge of disappointment. "The most important thing is what works best for _you_."

The rest of lunch zipped by, and suddenly it was time to deal with the hot wobbliness Prewett caused Remus. He trudged behind his friends, not really in the mood for those horrible, awful feelings especially after the emotion of what happened with McGonagall, and the irritation over Inkwood.

 _Merlin save me_ , he thought, averting his gaze when Prewett flashed a pearly smile at the Marauders.

"Excellent prank yesterday, boys," he said cheerfully.

"Th—" James began, and Sirius stepped on his foot. "Er—what prank?"

Prewett rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Sure, sure. All right, now that everyone is here, before we begin I want to make an announcement." He perched on the edge of his desk, smiling around at the students. "I have a group project in mind. I want to break you into four groups. Three groups of three, and one of four."

James's hand shot up immediately.

"The groups will be random," he said. James's hand went down. None of the Marauders looked very pleased. Remus crossed his fingers he was with at least one of them, or with Lily. The likelihood was high. However his luck was not. Worse: Prewett pulled a bowl out, with slips of paper. At least if Prewett was choosing them himself, Remus _might_ have been with one of his friends. Completely random draws meant he'd probably be with bloody Spinnet and Inkwood, or something like that.

"Group one will consist of..." He pulled three slips. "David Struthers, Alice Colgate, and Eloise Nettle. Group two will consist of... Sirius Black, Remus Lupin—"

Sirius and Remus grinned happily at each other. Remus could _not_ believe his luck! He was actually put with a Marauder, and—

"—and Cassandra Inkwood."

Inkwood put her head in her hands, Remus gave a quiet groan slumping in his seat, and Sirius just laughed. Inkwood glowered at him. _Great_ , Remus thought miserably, wishing they had almost anyone else (except Spinnet). _Well, we have to get along to get a good grade so hopefully it's not a disaster_. He could continue being angry at her after they finished their work.

"Group three will be... Veronica McNab, Peter Pettigrew, and Morrander Spinnet."

"Are you _kidding_ me?!" James yelped..

Prewett shot him a look. "Which means the group of four is—"

"Me and Evans!" James cried out. " _Again_!"

"Like I'm happy about that?!" Lily demanded.

Prewett sighed. "Mr. Potter, Miss Evans, Miss Twycross, and Miss Magpie."

James threw himself back in his seat, crossing his arms and glaring at Lily who glared right back.

Prewett held up the slips. "I'm not doing it on purpose, Mr. Potter. You can thank chance for your partners."

"I guess fate just wants you and Evans together," snickered Sirius, and James gave him the dirtiest look ever.

Prewett explained what the project was. Everyone was to choose a creature from a predetermined list, and do extensive research: its history, biology, habitat—everything. The entirety should be at _least_ eight feet; loads of groans at that, but Remus didn't think that was bad when Prewett announced the project was due March 15th, which gave them four weeks. Remus could knock out four, five thousand words in one evening if he focused. Eight feet was nothing. Prewett continued, emphasizing he expected very good research, and the information put together well. Art of the creature was to be included, however whether it was well-drawn or not didn't matter.

Remus squirmed a little, hoping werewolves weren't on that list. Prewett wouldn't do that, would he?

They didn't get their list at first; instead Prewett lectured for a while, then had everyone practice some spells. When there was about twenty minutes left of class he turned to the blackboard and yanked the sheet off, which had been covering the list.

"Dragons!" James exclaimed excitedly, all annoyance at having to work with Lily disappearing. Everyone in the class began chattering eagerly. Pretty much everybody was interested in dragons in some way or another, so this was going to be a great project.

Prewett grinned. "All right, get with your groups and decide which dragon you want to work on. I'd prefer every group to have a different dragon, so everyone choose two, and if anyone picks the same for their project we can figure out who gets it."

Since Remus and Sirius were already side by side they stayed where they were, and Inkwood came over to them. Sitting next to _Remus_. Once everyone was in their groups, they began discussing which dragons they wanted. Sirius immediately wanted to know which one was the most dangerous.

"The H—Hungarian Hornt—tail," Remus said, doodling on a bit of parchment.

"I think we should do the Opaleye, they're so pretty," Inkwood said, rather stiffly.

"The Horntail would be so cool though," Sirius said.

Inkwood scoffed, tearing at some parchment. "It's always about you, isn't it?" she muttered, partially under her breath.

Sirius sat up straight, glaring at her across Remus. "Ex _cuse_ me?"

"You heard me. You don't care about anyone else."

"I kn—know a great deal about th-the Welsh G-Green," Remus said, but neither of them listened, they were too busy being mad.

"So me thinking Bubble Belch is funny—which it _is_ —is me not caring about anyone?!" Sirius snarled.

"It was _embarrassing_ and you _laughed_!" she snapped back.

"Then I took some myself so you wouldn't be the only one—"

"After you laughed at me!"

"I was laughing at the bubbles—"

Sirius and Inkwood continued bickering while Remus slid lower in the seat, covering his ears. Prewett watched them with a frown, and Remus gave him a pleading look. _Please change groups_ , he tried to convey with his eyes to no avail. By the time Prewett said time was up, they hadn't chosen a dragon at all. Remus had heard what all the groups had decided and Pete's group wanted Welsh Green, so when Remus went to Prewett he claimed the Swedish Short-Snout. Sirius and Inkwood said nothing.

"Right," Prewett said once they were all done. "So the first group has Hebridean Black, group two has the Swedish Short-Snout, group three the Welsh Green, and the fourth group claimed the Hungarian Horntail. Excellent! Good luck, and class dismissed."

James and Sirius stormed out of the classroom quickly with Peter and Remus hurrying to catch up. They were complaining about Lily and Inkwood, loud enough that when the girls passed by they overheard it. Lily didn't care, however Inkwood clenched her teeth, growling at Sirius that he was being immature.

Sirius stared hard at her. "Raise your hand if Bubble Belch is _funny_." He, James, and Peter raised their hand, and Remus reluctantly raised his when James elbowed him. Inkwood scoffed, and stormed off. Colgate followed while Lily hesitated behind.

"Look, it's funny," she said, "but she was embarrassed. You should see it from her side of things."

Remus stared at her in disbelief. She had wanted to do it! Lily must have known what Remus was thinking as she completely avoided his gaze.

Sirius wasn't having it either. He didn't know she had been involved with the prank, but he knew she had been upset about the rumors. "After what she did, you're defending her?"

"Yes," Lily replied, jutting her chin out. "We've made up, she's apologized. I don’t wish it never happened. I'm still upset with what she did, however I can still _feel_ for her. That's something you should try sometime, Black. _Empathy_." With that, she flounced off after her friends.

" _Empathy_ ," Sirius drawled out. "Pfft."

"Do you know what that means?" Pete asked.

"Er... well, maybe—maybe not so much," Sirius admitted.

All three of them looked expectantly at Remus. "Empathy means you understand the feelings of others," he explained.

"OH!" Sirius clapped his hands. "Yes! I'm empathy... emp... I feel that."

"Empathetic," Remus offered.

"I'm not pathetic," Sirius said, sounding slightly offended.

Remus rolled his eyes. " _Em_ pathetic. It means you feel empathy."

"Oh. No, yeah, I'm that." Sirius flung an arm around James, yanking him into a headlock. "Anyway, class is over and we're free. Let's find some Slytherins to hex."

Remus snorted, covering his mouth to hide the laughter.

*

There was more fallout from everything than Remus realized, and didn't think of until it happened. After supper the four Marauders were headed out of the castle for James's practice when a first year Slytherin popped out of nowhere, causing them all to jump.

"Um, I got a message for, uhhh, Lupin," the kid said. "Aegis Silverlocke says he needs to talk to you?"

Remus hesitated since Aegis hadn't been at supper, and he knew Aegis hadn't been feeling great at breakfast. "Where—wh-where is he?"

The kid pointed. "Down that way."

"Why couldn't he come get Remus himself?" Sirius demanded suspiciously.

"I don't _know_! Said someone hexed him, doesn't want anyone seeing him, wants Lupin's help."

Remus froze. "H-h—hexed? Is he—oh. I—I'll be—yeah, uh, I'll c-catch up with you guys," he told the others. "I'll be at the—at the pitch as soon as I can."

He followed the Slytherin down a few halls, worried about Aegis. It must have been bad if he had sent someone to get Remus. _Is he hurt? Why didn't he go to Pomfrey?_

They got to a section of the dungeons somewhat near the Slytherin common room and the first year pointed to a storage room. "In there."

"Th—thank—thank you." Remus yanked open the door, completely stupid, completely oblivious. Completely trusting.

As soon as he stepped into the storage room saying Aegis's name, there was a hiss of a spell and the door swung shut behind him. Then it felt like someone slammed something into his face sending him reeling back into the closed door. He let out a cry of pain as his head struck the door, and collapsed to the ground.

"You—little—crazy— _freak_!"

It was Snape. Remus couldn't see him, but he knew that voice. When he tried to go for his wand, Snape stomped on his hand. Pain shot through, and he yelped, trying to pull his arm back, unable to because Snape was still standing on his hand.

"You—absolute _—wanker_!" Snape began grinding down, and Remus thought his bones might be breaking.

"Wh—pl—please—" he croaked out then his voice broke into a scream as Snape put all his weight down on the foot before pulling away. Remus curled into a ball, hand cradled against his chest.

"How _dare_ you!"

Snape used the levitation spell and Remus felt himself being yanked up by the back of his robes till he was on his feet, then hovering above the ground until he slipped out of the robes. He crumpled onto the ground again, but Snape jerked him back up. Tears were pouring down his cheeks as his hand throbbed in pain, although he could also feel itchiness as his bones began to knit themselves back together.

"If you _ever_ do anything like that again you will regret it, Loopy!" Snape shoved him back against the door, wand in his face. "Got it?"

"I d-d-don't—I don't—I—wh—what?" he whimpered.

"You're so pathetic." The tip of his wand dug into Remus's neck.

"I don't—what—what is—what are—wh-what—"

"Can't even _talk_." Snape let go, and Remus slid down, still clutching his hand even though the pain was fading already. "Nosuhamo!"

It felt like something hooked into his nostrils and yanked upwards. His head snapped back and the 'hooks' kept pulling. It felt like the tissue of his nostrils were going to _rip_ when Snape finally took the spell off.

He grabbed a fistful of Remus's jumper, pulling him close. "You _ever_ kiss her again or ever try to infect her with whatever it is you have, you diseased little toad, consider this a _light_ warning."

"K—wh—kiss?" Remus struggled against him, trying to pull free. For a split second he thought Snape meant the _actual_ kiss they had on Lily's birthday, but then realized he meant the gossip. "N—no, I—not—no—it's not—we d-d-didn't—r—rumors—"

Snape threw him down onto the floor and unlocked the door, sweeping out of the storage room with a slam of the door behind him. Remus got into a sitting position, pushing himself back against the wall as he panted heavily. Most of the pain was gone except for a little bit from being flung down, however he could practically feel everything. The hooks in his nostrils, the stomp on his hand...

He brought his hand up, holding it against his chest. _Mental, he's mental, he's absolutely_ _mental_!

"L—lumos," he got out, and began inspecting himself. Despite all the pain, he didn't have any blood on him except for a few flecks under his nose which he wiped away.

Once he calmed down enough he got up, pulling his robes back on, and headed out to the pitch. Sirius and Peter wanted to know what happened and he told them partially what happened. He admitted it had been Snape, but didn't include the physical altercation; he just said Snape threatened and insulted him because of the rumors. When Sirius offered to hex Snape 'real good', Remus begged him not to, saying he wanted the whole thing to stop. He wanted it in the past.

Sirius sighed, miserably agreeing. Remus hoped he was telling the truth.


	99. Chapter Ninety-Nine - "Maybe You Should Come Home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for weight related issues. Also, again, unfortunately have to rely on google translate for the Welsh.

Remus woke up exhausted on Friday morning; he immediately rolled over and buried himself under his pillow until he remembered the previous full moon. When he had missed class after falling back asleep. Swearing, he forced himself out of bed and promptly tripped over his own slippers. Spinnet laughed. Sirius glared at Spinnet as he helped Remus up.

"You all right?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

Remus promised he was, then got his stuff to get ready for the day. In the bathroom he saw he didn't look great, however he didn't look anywhere near as bad as he did the previous month. It'd be nice to see his friends during the day… but he would once again use his mother as an excuse.

At breakfast, everyone was talking about the Hufflepuff-Slytherin game which was the next day, and Remus was glad he wouldn't be around for the usual pre-game loud chatter that happened the morning _of_ the game. _Though, I have the earplugs now_ , he reminded himself, a small smile spreading across his face. The smile faded when he realized James's next game was on a full moon. _Hopefully I can see it all_ , he thought, taking a bite of Finnan haddie. He had a lot piled on his plate, not overly hungry but knowing he needed the energy for later. He _needed_ to get better at taking care of himself.

"How long do Quidditch games usually last?" Remus asked after swallowing.

"Hmmm?"

"Quidditch games. The school Quidditch games," Remus repeated himself. "How long do they usually last?"

"Eh? It really depends," James replied. "Why?"

"It wouldn't last past four, would it?"

"Four?" James was staring at Remus now. "It... might. It depends. The Slytherins cut the game short with Ravenclaw, so I'm not sure what they're planning tomorrow—"

"I meant, your game next month," Remus clarified.

James shrugged at that. "I really can't say. We didn't get to really see Ravenclaw play. It really depends on how well, and how quickly, we score; their Keeper and reserve Keeper are both pretty good—actually, if you ask me, their reserve is a bit better but of course their current Keeper has been on the team for a couple years. They weren't gonna replace him." He stabbed a potato, shoving it in his mouth. "I expect it'll come down to the Seekers, _and_ how tomorrow's game goes. We'll need to see how many points Slytherin and Hufflepuff get to try to figure out how many we should try to go for before Charmer gets the Snitch and—uhhhh, you all right?"

Remus blinked a few times. "Yeah," he lied. He had been sort've fading out as he failed to follow James.

"What's at four?" James asked.

"I—I'd have to leave by four," he whispered. "I'm hoping to be able to see your whole game."

"Why would you leave the game?"

"Same reason I'll be missing class today?" he said.

James frowned and then smacked his forehead. "I wasn't thinking about next month. Sorry, buddy."

"S'fine. Hopefully I'll be able to see all of it." Remus returned to eating, feeling a bit silly for bringing it up; it was a month away. They didn't need to worry about it for a while.

_I'll be thirteen_ , he realized, chewing at the fish as he stared at the ceiling. Ooh, that was _so_ hard to believe. _Wonder what it will be like_... He knew, of course, from Sirius and Peter (and Lily) nothing really changed. But it was the big ONE-THREE! He'd officially be a _teenager_! Regardless of anything else, that was a big step.

_Then fourteen, then fifteen, sixteen, and then..._

Remus swallowed.

_Seventeen_. An adult. He was only four years away from being an _adult_.

He glanced at his friends. At James urging Sirius, Sirius chugging juice, and Peter cheering him on. _Wonder what they'll be like._ He watched them as Sirius began choking and coughed the juice up all over his plate to a chorus of 'eeeeewwww!'s and laughter. Remus smiled, pulling his plate away from the puddle of spit and juice spreading across the tabletop.

"Damn," Sirius moaned, looking at the spreading wetness on his jumper, and the orange stains on the button-up.

It seemed so far away, yet so close. Remus was closer to being an adult than he was to when he was bitten. _Soon it'll have been ten years since my bite_. He shuddered, resisting the urge to touch his arm.

"Clasp the robes real tight," Peter suggested. "Maybe Sluggy won't notice."

"Brilliant idea, Petey my man!" Sirius quickly clasped his robes tight, hiding the stains. "Ta-da!"

"Yeah, it's not as if all the teachers saw what happened," Remus said sweetly.

"Or that the classroom gets really hot, depending on what we do," added James.

"I'll be _fine_ ," Sirius promised, although an hour later he was soaked in sweat, more than anyone else; Slughorn kept giving him looks however Sirius didn’t take his robes off.

When they went into class, Remus noticed Snape watching him. He ducked his head, studiously avoiding Snape's gaze. He was way too tired to deal with the jerk, and hoped Snape wouldn't try anything else before he could get to Hogsmeade.

After class Lily approached Remus asking if he was all right since he didn't look great. The first thing that crossed his mind was he should tell Lily about what happened, about Snape threatening him—but he figured Lily wouldn't believe him. She trusted Snape for some reason. So then he turned his thoughts to the question, almost replying he had gotten a letter from his mother and he'd be going to see her later, however he managed to hold his tongue before he said anything stupid. The problem was, he'd be able to attend History class. Not Transfiguration. If he left at lunchtime—which would be the most logical—he'd have to miss History. Leaving between History and Transfiguration would be odd.

"Uh, y—yeah, I'm only a little tired," he said, hugging his satchel to his chest. "I was up late studying." Perhaps he could claim a prefect got him between classes? That would be difficult to finagle. He wasn't sure what to do. He really didn't want to be sick, he wanted to save his 'being sick' for when he _looked_ it—and yeah, he did look it some at the moment, however nowhere near as bad as he did sometimes.

Ultimately, he waited till after History. Once Binns dismissed everyone, Remus went slow putting everything back in his bag, dawdling quite a bit until everyone besides the Marauders were gone. He felt completely exhausted by this point, dragging his feet as they left the classroom.

"Could you say a prefect found me and asked me to go see Professor Dumbledore?" Remus yawned.

"Yeah, we can do that," James promised.

" _And not visit you_ ," Sirius muttered very softly under his breath.

Remus pressed his lips thin, not responding to that. "All right, th—thank you. Oh! Here." He got into his bag, getting his History book out, handing it over to Peter. "I don't want to risk that. I'll see you Monday."

They each gave him a hug then headed off to Transfiguration, while Remus hurried to the hospital wing. He had repacked his bag during lunch so he had the box and a couple books with him. Although by the time he got to the hospital wing, to the tree, down the passage, and into the house then upstairs, he was _way_ too tired to read. Nor did he have a lot of time before sunset. He packed everything away in the wardrobe along with his clothes, before scurrying down the stairs (always feeling awkward being in the nude) and diving onto Pete's blanket.

_Better_ , he thought, wrapping the blanket around himself along with a very tattered additional blanket for slightly extra warmth that didn’t really work.

*

The howls became screams and soon he lay in a puddle of blood, panting for air. His body felt somewhat all right. He didn't realize the destruction until he pushed himself into a sitting position and opened his eyes. He was in the kitchen, and the table was practically in splinters. The legs were demolished while the tabletop was broken in four or five places. There was blood, fur, and flesh caught in broken pieces of wood, along with tooth and claw marks everywhere. He glanced down at his body. A slash across his thigh, a few small bite marks (small as in not deep; they were, technically, very large since as a wolf he had a very large mouth and very large teeth), and some scratches on his side. It seemed he took his anger out on the table. Or danced on it, it was difficult to tell really.

Grunting, he got to his feet, blood dripping down his leg. He left footprints along the floor as he limped to the bathroom, small bloodied footprints that felt too tiny to belong to the monster that destroyed the kitchen. He turned the shower on, intending to get one until remembering Pomfrey's words from last time. He watched the water go down the drain, debating whether or not to just get in. The warm water would feel _so_ good...

With a sigh, he grabbed a towel and stuck it in the warm water in order to spot clean his wounds. He was still working on them when Pomfrey showed up.

"I'm glad to see that you listened to me," she said when she came into the bathroom.

Remus had already wrapped another towel around himself to hide his nudity. "I don't f-feel very clean," he mumbled.

"I'll get you cleaned up," she promised, and helped clean the wounds in order to wrap bandages around them. Once that was taken care of she got washcloths, cleaning off exposed parts of his arms, legs, back, and hair. She left him alone to take care of the bits under the towel and his face.

"Still don't feel clean," he said when she brought pajamas for him. He pulled the bottoms on, careful to get them over the bandage on his leg. "Um. M—Madame Pomfrey, I—I was wondering—"

"You still need to go back to the school," she said, not letting him finish.

Remus winced. "I understand. The—the only thing is, it's a Q—Quidditch game today. I know the wing can be, um, can be busy on Quidditch days and—and well, I thought it might be easier for you if I stay here. That way you can focus on the—on anyone else needing aid. I'm—I'm all right."

Pomfrey smiled as she handed him the pajama top. "Nice try, Remus; you're coming back with me."

*

Remus wasn't sure if it was because his injuries weren't extensive or because of spot cleaning instead of a shower, but he didn't feel quite as exhausted as he normally did. He was still very tired, and fell asleep almost right after he had the chocolate shake from Pomfrey. However, when he woke up an hour or two later he actually sat up and read for a little while instead of going back to sleep. Of course, he _did_ go back to sleep eventually, waking back up when Pomfrey brought him lunch.

When she asked if he needed anything else, he admitted he still felt really gross. Like he could still feel blood on him. He begged her to let him use one of the showers, and she told him it wouldn't really be possible. There were other students in the wing, and besides, he still had some open wounds. She offered to bring him a basin of warm water which he turned down.

He slept on and off throughout the next few hours, listening with interest when the victims of the Quidditch match were brought in. It sounded as though Slytherin really put Hufflepuff through the wringer. There were loads of voices in the main wing, though as time went on they slowly died down. There were still quite a few when Pomfrey came to get him.

She wrapped a cloak around him and put a camouflaging spell on him to get him outside, though she left him at the mouth of the tunnel, not wanting to leave the wing for too long with so many patients. He turned his wand on, creeping through the tunnel which felt a little weird since he was in pajamas and slippers. For a brief, terrifying second, he wondered what would happen if he stayed in the tunnel all night. A horrible, disgusting thought which he immediately pushed back. It made him hurry a bit, half-running (and tripping a few times, aggravating his leg wound) until he climbed up into the house. He shut the trapdoor and went straight for the shower. It was only a little over an hour until sunset but he was tired of feeling like this.

The hot water felt _good_ , and he sat under the spray, hugging his knees. It was so relaxing he wound up staying there way too late until the moon began pulling at him suddenly. He had to scramble to shut the water off and get his clothes and bag locked away, somehow managing to do so although the curse hit right when he was heading down the stairs. He yelped and cried out as he tumbled down half the stairwell, crashing to the bottom painfully. It felt as though he broke his wrist, though it didn't really matter as the bones quickly began changing anyway.

*

Saturday night was fairly awful. It was windy and cloudy, and he wound up transforming back and forth a few times. Sunday was spent sleeping a _lot_ , trying to recover from all the energy burnt off his body. Sunday night, however, was even worse. He transformed _multiple_ times. He was in utter and absolute pain on Monday morning, more exhausted than he ever remembered being. He couldn't even make it to the bathroom. The wounds on his body weren't too bad since he hadn't been in wolf form a whole lot; there were only some bites and scratches along with torn muscles. But all the changing had put him through the wringer.

Pomfrey found him in the kitchen, curled in a ball, shivering hard. She took care of his wounds, got him in pajamas, and helped him to the castle. He limped along, not from pain but simple exhaustion and weakness. He knew without looking he had lost weight. The transformations two nights in a row had burned a _lot_ of meat off his bone. It was going to take a while to get back to his normal weight. Especially since even though he was starving, he was too weak to even get the milkshake down. He took a few halfhearted slurps before falling asleep.

His sleep was riddled with nightmares of changing in and out of wolf form, and he kept waking up with cries. At some point he heaved into a bowl, nothing coming out except for the little bit of shake he had had earlier.

Pomfrey forced him to wake up at around ten, demanding he get _something_ into him. She had chicken broth which he managed to get several large spoonfuls down.

"You've lost a lot of weight," she said, watching him trying to feed himself. His hands shook, and broth went everywhere. She got her wand out, flicking it to make the spoon move on its own.

"I kn—know," he whispered.

"Dangerously low."

He swallowed. "I know."

"You're not going to classes today."

At that he turned his head, just as the spoon went forward. It bumped against his cheek, and broth spilled. "I—I f-f-figured..." The spoon twisted around, insisting on going in his mouth. He accepted it, then slid down farther into the bed. "I—I r-really want to sleep some more, please."

"Three more spoonfuls," she urged.

He stared bitterly at the bowl however accepted the gulps of broth. Pomfrey took the broth away, and Remus curled up. His hand lay near his face and he looked at his thin wrist. He reached with his other hand, circling his fingers around his wrist. He hadn't asked how much he weighed now, but... well, he certainly believed the 'dangerous' part. If he was human, that is. Perhaps not so 'dangerous' for a werewolf.

Within minutes, he was back asleep.

*

"...my life I have someone who needs me, someone I've needed so long." A voice filtered through his dark dreams, and he felt a hand stroking his hair. "For once unafraid I can go where life leads me. Somehow I know I'll be strong..." He stirred a bit, struggling as he came out of sleep. "For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of, long before I knew. Oh, someone sweet like you would make my dream come true..."

"M—Mum?" he murmured, then regretted it because whoever it was would laugh at him. If there was anyone really there, maybe his brain had broken again.

"Yes, baby?"

His eyes snapped open and he sat up, staring in shock at his mother. " _Mum_!"

Her fingers brushed against his cheek, and even though she was smiling he could sense she was very upset. "Hello," she said, bending in to kiss his cheek. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

Remus glanced around, terrified he'd find himself back home in Wales instead of Hogwarts—but no, he was still in his little room connected to the hospital wing. "Wh—what are y-you d-d-doing here?!"

"I was very worried when I got the letter from Dumbledore. Your father had some Floo powder. I used the Floo network at the—the pub in Dragon's Field, going to Hogsmeade, and the—the... the, ahh, very large groundskeeper brought me here."

"Hagrid," he mumbled, feeling confused. "Letter?"

"Yes, regarding your health." Her hand trailed down to his too-thin arm. "The last times I got the letters Lyall convinced me not to intrude but I've been feeling so sad and worried about you, I couldn't stay back."

"What... t-time is it?"

"I'm not sure, probably around four?"

Remus shook his head, trying to clear some of the fogginess. "I didn't know they sent letters..."

"Yes, when you've had... particularly bad nights." She began rubbing his shoulder. "We've gotten sporadic updates. Your first full moon here, and—and the night you... hmmm... your—your eye," she whispered. "I wanted to come, as I said, however Lyall said you were getting terrific care here and we shouldn't go running for every little incident. It was hard. You always said you were all right after, but—well, I held myself back. You're almost done with your second year so I thought it wouldn't be too bad to visit this time."

Panic swelled within him. "But—but I've t-t-told people _you're_ ill!" His eyes darted to the door as he wondered how many people saw her. They probably wouldn't recognize her as his mother, would they? James knew what she looked like, however he'd know not to say anything. Did they look too much alike? They had the same hair color and the same delicate build...

Hope's forehead wrinkled. "There didn't seem to be many students around when we came through the castle."

The door opened, and Pomfrey peered in. "Oh good, you're awake. I wanted you to try to eat some more." She brought in a plate with some mashed potatoes and chicken. The chicken was shredded to make it easier to eat and mixed in with some gravy. She set the tray on his lap, and Hope took the fork, promising to make sure he'd eat.

"Mum," Remus mumbled when Hope held the fork up. "I—I can feed myself."

"You're weak."

"I can lift a fork!" he whined. Hope raised an eyebrow, holding the fork closer. He sighed and opened his mouth, glad nobody could see his mother feeding him.

"You need to eat a lot," she said, getting another forkful. "You've lost so much weight. I can't believe what I'm seeing."

"It's h-happened before..."

"I know, but it's always hard to see you like this," she sighed, scooping up plenty of chicken. _You're the one that came to see me_ , he thought a little bitterly. "I hate it. Besides, I don't think you've been this bad off for a very long time."

He obediently ate, feeling weak and tired, not sure if he would have been able to eat so much if he had been feeding himself. Not that he'd admit it. "You get letters every time I have a bad—bad moon?"

"I'm assuming," she answered. "We also received letters on the first—the, well, in September, when you were left alone in the house for the first time."

"You _knew_ about that?"

Hope gave him a strange look. "Of course we did. It was a big decision regarding you, they wouldn't do something like that without asking for our permission."

Remus was kinda surprised by all this. "You n-never mentioned it."

"No..." She lowered her gaze to the plate of food. "Your father made the decision. I wanted to talk to you about it. And also tell Professor Dumbledore no. Your father thought it would be good for you." She scooped potatoes up. "I was relieved when they wrote back saying they changed their minds, though they never explained why."

"Th—they didn't tell you why it changed?" Remus asked hesitantly. Hope shook her head. "Oh." He quickly took the bite to avoid any explanation.

"Miss Pomfrill said you've lost fourteen pounds," Hope said, and Remus began choking. The last time he had lost weight like this he had lost seven pounds, and _that_ had been dangerous enough.

"I d-d-didn't realize it was that bad..." He looked down at his wrists then pulled his shirt up to see his ribs. Hope winced and reached out, pushing his shirt back down, not wanting to see what he was going through.

"You'll be fine," she promised, leaning in to kiss his cheek again. "Miss Pomfrill told—"

"Pomfrey."

"Miss Pomfrey told me that someone named Slug? Made a potion to help weight gain? It'll be done this evening."

"Slughorn," Remus supplied.

"Maybe this will help." She balanced the tray on his lap then bent down, picking her handbag up. She produced a bag with a dozen biscuits ( _bisctits_ , he thought, trying not to snicker), and another bag with brownies.

He perked up, immediately taking the bag of brownies. The gooey chocolate tasted so good, and he managed to get an entire brownie down. " _Thank_ you," he said and Hope beamed.

He wasn't able to finish the rest of the chicken and potatoes, and, after a quick trip to the little toilet room attached to his room, he felt far too drowsy. Hope tucked him into bed and began stroking his hair, singing quietly until he drifted off, which really didn't take that long at all.

*

Hope was still there when Pomfrey brought more food. This was another shake which had potion in it that would help him gain some of the weight back. Remus drank half of it, then asked when he'd be able to leave.

"Leave?" Pomfrey asked, confused.

"Yes, g—go back to the dorms," he answered.

Pomfrey gave him a rather pitying look. "Not tonight," she said, and held a hand up as he began protesting. "Remus. You need to stay here overnight. I'm sorry. You're in no shape to leave."

"But—classes—"

"You'll miss tomorrow's classes," she said gently. "Certainly the morning ones, probably the afternoon ones."

Hope took one of Remus's hands in both of hers, squeezing gently. "Darling, you're in no position to be going to classes like this."

"I—I feel _fine_ , just a little tired is all," he argued. "I'll eat plenty. I _promise_!"

"We'll see in the morning," Pomfrey said in the tone that meant 'no'.

Remus frowned, worry filling him up as he thought of the other Marauders. They were expecting him back today! He could possibly try to send them a note, except that could be suspicious. After all, there was no 'time limit' for the illness, so why would he send a note saying he'd be late? He had been gone four nights before. No... sending a note might arouse suspicion.

_What are they going to think_? Remus glanced down at the shake, not hungry anymore. They would worry. What if they went to McGonagall, or Pomfrey? They wouldn't, would they? It'd be suspicious.

Hope urged him to drink more. He shook his head, carefully setting the glass on the table; he was shaking from weakness, and if the glass had been full it definitely would have spilled.

"I—I want to go back to sleep," he said, plucking at the blanket.

Hope reached out, and he withdrew from her, trying not to notice the hurt filling her face. Her hands fell, and she sighed. "Maybe you should come home. For a few days."

"No!" he cried out. "No! Mum, I—I'll be fine. I won't go to class tomorrow, I promise. I'll listen to Pomfrey!" He snatched the glass, intending to finish drinking the potion-shake but it slipped from his fingers and crashed to the floor, glass and liquid going everywhere. " _Damn_."

"Remus, language!" Despite snapping that, Hope jumped up, rushing around to the other side of the bed to clean the mess up. Remus tried to get out of bed to help, feeling awful. Hope told him he had to rest. "Darling, it's going to take a few days to get you back to—back to full health," she said, dumping the glass in the rubbish bin. "Wouldn't you feel more comfortable being at home while you recover?"

_I'm going back to the dorms tomorrow night no matter what_ , he thought angrily. "I'd rather be here," he said and he heard his mother give a little intake of breath. "I mean—I wouldn't mind being home," he lied, "but I don't want to shuffle back and forth is all."

The door to his room opened and Pomfrey came in. "I thought I heard something," she said.

"I dropped the g-glass. Mum got—she cleaned it," he said.

Hope stood up, glancing at Pomfrey. "Dwi ddim yn deall pam eigh bod chi mor ystyfnig," she told Remus.

Pomfrey raised her eyebrows at the sudden Welsh. Remus wasn't sure why his mother didn't want her listening in—it wasn’t anything awful—but he answered, "Rwy'n addo y byddaf yn iawn. Fe wnaf yr hyn y mae hi'n ei ddweud."

"I'll go," Pomfrey said, though she flicked her wand first, making the mess on the floor disappear. She gave Remus a smile before shutting the door behind her.

"Mum," he moaned.

"I'm only worried—"

"I'll be _fine_. Please. I—I just want to go back to sleep right now."

Hope rubbed her forehead as she sank back into the chair. "Very well. However, if you're not much better by tomorrow night I think you should come home for a little while. I'm sure the headmaster would be fine with that."

Remus slowly nodded. "Yes, I can—that's f-fine."

Hope kissed his forehead and gave him a hug. "I should get home before too late. I might come by tomorrow, if we have enough Floo powder."

"All right. I love you, Mum."

"I love you too, baby. I'll stay until you get back to sleep."

They hugged again then Hope sang to him, running her fingers up and down his arm gently until he drifted back into unconsciousness.


	100. Chapter One Hundred - Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Trigger warning for weight related issues in this chapter as well.

_Darkness pressed down as Remus wasted away into nothing; he was locked up in his cellar room, starving. He wasn't sure how long he had been in there, only that his body was getting thinner. He cried and pleaded to be let go until, finally, he heard something unlocking. There were whispers on the other side, and a door swinging open..._

"Remus?"

He woke up with a gasp, jerking upright. He was in his hospital room, and no one else was there—except the door was open. Only for a second. He watched it close on his own.

"G—guys?" he asked, their smells drifting past his nose. The cloak was jerked off, revealing the Marauders staring at him in shock. Remus pushed himself into a better sitting position, frowning. "What in Merlin's name are you doing here?"

"We were about to ask you the same thing," James said.

Sirius rushed to Remus's bedside, grey eyes enormous. "What the bloody hell happened?!" he demanded, seizing Remus's hand. He picked Remus's arm up, fingers touching the too-thin wrist; it looked like it would snap in Sirius's hand. "What the hell? Remus?" He sounded upset and horrified. "What the _hell_? You look—"

"I know," Remus cut him off. "I'm fine. You can't be here!"

"We were worried," Peter whispered, coming to the other side of the bed. "You said you'd be back..."

Remus used his free hand to push his hair out of his face. "I know, I'm sorry. The—this moon was really rough."

"No _kidding_ ," James said, eyes sweeping across Remus's frail body.

Remus shrank back slightly, resisting the urge to yank his hand away from Sirius. "I'll—I'll be fine, it's okay. You have to get out of here before Pomfrey—"

"What _happened_?" Sirius asked, turning Remus's hand over as he kept examining him. "You've never looked..." His eyes met Remus's, and he looked away. "Like this," he finally finished, the worry very clear in his tone. "You've looked bad before. But not like this."

"I lost weight, that's all," Remus said. "It's fine, I promise. I have to stay here a bit. But you _have_ to go. Now! If Pomfrey finds you in here, it'll be _bad_! If they know you know..."

"Can we come visit you tomorrow?" Pete asked.

"No! They can't know you know I'm here," Remus hissed out. "I d-don't know how long I'll be here but—but hopefully I'll be back tomorrow. I can't come to classes—"

"The horror," Sirius grumbled.

Remus shot him a look. "But hopefully she'll release me in the evening if I rest and eat loads."

"You—you're sure you'll be okay?" James asked.

"Yes, but none of us will be unless you go _now_!"

Peter gave his shoulder a squeeze and James leaned in to pat his arm. Sirius wrapped his fingers around Remus's hand, not quite squeezing. Obviously (probably?) he didn't want to hurt Remus. Finally, he set Remus's hand down, and, after some goodbyes and well wishes, the three of them disappeared back under James's cloak. The door opened and shut, and pretty much as soon as it shut he heard Sirius say how he hoped next month Remus would say he's the ill one so they could visit.

Remus settled back in bed, tucking his hand—the one Sirius had been holding—against his chest.

*

In the morning he didn't feel very hungry, however he drank the entire shake that Pomfrey brought, determined to be well enough to leave the hospital wing. He waited for Pomfrey to complain about his friends breaking in and when she didn't say anything, he figured they were in the clear.

_Cannot believe they did that_ , he thought as he lay very bored. No... he could believe it. It was stupid and reckless, which was very much them. _Hopefully they don't try again_.

He was very bored until Pomfrey brought him a book to read, and even then he grew antsy. He wanted to go to class, or the dorms, or _something_! He got out of bed pacing around, trying to ignore how big the pajama bottoms were on his legs. After hitching them up for the umpteenth time he gave up, tired of having to hold the waistband. Grouchily, he returned to the book. Which turned out to be a very good thing.

Sometime after lunch he got to a section regarding the history of autopsy magic. It briefly mentioned how healers would use a spell to block the smell if the corpses were particularly bad.

Remus bent forward, rereading the line a few times. _There is a spell, then_. He scrambled for his bag before remembering he didn't have it with him—then realized he left it back at the house in Hogsmeade! _Oh no_ , he thought, covering his mouth. He didn't want to wait a month—

_MY WAND IS STILL THERE_ , he realized, grabbing at his hair and swearing loudly. _Blast it and curses_! He'd have to go back to get it. That was going to be weird... going to the house when it wasn't a full moon...

_Right, well, simply memorize this._ Remus examined the book closely, making careful mental notes of everything revolving around the one line. It was going to be difficult doing research into this without much else to go on, but it was better than not having a lead at all.

*

When Pomfrey brought Remus's supper, she checked his weight and vital statistics. The vital statistics were pretty much fine, though his weight hadn't really gone up much. Not as much as Pomfrey would have liked.

"Please," he begged. "I don't want to stay another night in here. I miss my friends. Please!"

Pomfrey sighed. "I'll think about it."

Which probably meant no.

Remus grumpily ate his supper, pouting until Professor McGonagall came to see him. He hoped she was there to tell him he could leave, but apparently she just wanted to check up on him. She sat by his bed, smoothing her robes out, trying to keep her expression neutral however he could tell she was a bit concerned seeing him. She asked how he was doing, and he informed her he was very bored. She looked down her nose at that.

"Your health is very important, Mr. Lupin," she said sternly.

"I—I know, I'm n-not trying to say it isn't," he said, twisting the blanket up in his hands. "But I'm all right, only a bit—bit underweight. I'm not bleeding, or have any broken bones. I can eat outside the hospital wing. I d-don't want to miss any more classes."

McGonagall sighed, adjusting her glasses. "I understand that and appreciate your work ethic. However, if Poppy thinks you're unfit to go back to your dorm, we must trust her judgment. Personally... you don't seem quite well enough to return to classes. Not yet."

"I have to spend another night in here?!" he asked, horrified.

"Yes, at least another night, and it is doubtful you can come to classes tomorrow. I'm sorry."

Remus slumped down, biting back a swear. "What if—what if I agree to spend my free periods here in the hospital wing?"

She hesitated, and a spark of hope lit within him. "I... shall speak with Poppy about that. If you do... you need to think of what to tell your friends and classmates, including as to why you've grown so thin."

Remus puzzled over this for a moment, then suggested saying his mother had been so ill he hardly ate anything. McGonagall wasn't sure if it was believable enough that he lost so much weight that way in such a short time, but if he was confident about the excuse then it was his decision to go to class, not hers.

At that moment there was a knock at the door. When Miss Fawley came in, Remus realized he was supposed to have Occlumency at this point, and was grateful someone had written to her since he had forgotten all about it.

"Hello Mythana," McGonagall said.

Miss Fawley tilted her head. "Minerva. What a pleasant surprise!" She offered her hand, and McGonagall shook it. "It's good to see you again. In a manner of speaking," Fawley added with a laugh.

McGonagall rose, and offered her chair to Miss Fawley. "I need to speak to Poppy—"

"I hope I'm not running you off."

"No, no," McGonagall assured her. "I'll be back momentarily."

Fawley sat down, giving a gentle smile towards Remus. "I hear you had some issues this time around. It was a windy night?"

"Yes," he answered. "I'm sorry I didn't write to you. It's been a strange day, I—I guess I was distracted."

Fawley shook her head. "It's fine. Albus informed me you were in the hospital wing. May I?" She put her hand out, and Remus gave her his. "Oh dear," she said, running her thumb along Remus's wrist. "I'm so sorry, dear. I know how bad those nights can be. I remember one full moon... Morrigan lost _so_ much weight, it was quite terrifying."

"I've only lost fourteen pounds," he promised.

Fawley pressed her lips together at that. "Considering how little you weigh, that is a great deal, Remus," she chided.

He ducked his head. "I've gained almost two pounds back. Though Madame Pomfrey says it's not enough. I might have to miss _tomorrow's_ classes too."

"No wonder you sound so grouchy," Fawley said with an amused smile, and Remus glowered. "I know. I know how important your classes are to you. That is _fine_. But you need to focus on getting better—"

The door opened, and McGonagall came back in to inform Remus that Pomfrey said it depended on how he was doing in the morning, which again probably meant no. He tried not to sulk, didn't want to sulk in front of Professor McGonagall (or Fawley, but Fawley saw all his worst sides anyway so it wasn't as much of a deal). Fawley and McGonagall stayed for a short while, both of them chatting to Remus, and after they left they stood out in the hospital wing talking to one another for a good forty minutes. He heard them reminiscing over shared school days.

Remus tried to go back to the medical tome but he was bored and grumpy, and kept glaring out the window at the waning moon. Since he didn't have his wand he just pointed his finger. "Flipendo," he snapped, pretending to shoot the hex at the moon. "Flip—bloody— _endo_!"

At least his mother hadn't shown up to drag him back home. He supposed his father must have convinced her not to.

*

Remus had nightmares that night. Nightmares of being locked in the cellar again, of wasting into nothing. This time no Marauders showed up to interrupt the terror, and he saw it through till he was nothing but skin and bones. Only then he woke up, gasping for air. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, bending forward, tears dripping down his cheeks. It sorta reminded him of the nightmare he had of his parents taking him to America, and him withering away in solitude.

He ran his fingers down his arm, feeling the bones. He slid his hands across his stomach and up into his shirt, brushing his fingertips against his ribs then down to his jutting hip bones. _Need to do better about taking care of myself_ , he thought miserably. Perhaps if he had done better, he wouldn't have lost quite as much weight and he'd be able to be in classes again. _Even when I'm released I can't go to class, not until I get to the house and get my wand_. He felt so stupid for leaving everything. How could he do that?

_Oh_ , he thought, closing his eyes. _Right_. He had been a shivering ball of exhaustion and fogginess, unable to think of anything.

*

When Pomfrey brought his breakfast (as well as a letter from his mother, saying how sorry she was she hadn’t come back; Lyall thought it would be best if Remus stayed at the school and she had reluctantly agreed. Thank _Merlin!_ His mother was obviously upset in the letter, but Remus was ecstatic) and checked his weight, she decided he could go to classes. As long as he came back to a checkup during the meals. This startled him into momentary silence, then finally he swallowed and explained he needed to go get his stuff from the house, would he be able to do that? She considered this while he worked on his breakfast (lots of bacon, sausage, eggs and toast) finally agreeing with the understanding that if he wasn't back before a certain time she'd go and look for him to make sure he was safe.

"I don't have any clothes," he said, and Pomfrey summoned a house-elf who fetched one of Remus's uniforms that had been down in the laundry room. Remus watched with interest when the house-elf returned, his uniform folded neatly in her arms. Remus was super curious how she was carrying the clothes, and asked, since he assumed house-elves couldn't even touch them. The house-elf squeaked and wrung her hands, explaining that there was a difference between handling clothes as part of their job and being given clothes.

_That makes sense_ , Remus thought, after thanking her. Even if you used magic for everything there'd still be the risk of touching the clothes, even by accident. Pomfrey expressed surprise that Remus didn't know this, and he pointed out he didn't have a house-elf at home, had never met any until starting school.

"All I know is what I read, and the books all say they—that being given clothing frees them," Remus said. "I wasn't sure." Personally, he was glad they didn't have a house-elf. The whole thing made him uncomfortable. The books all said house-elves were happy doing what they did, but it was still... not so great in his opinion.

Once he was dressed he left the castle, finding it still a little difficult to walk. His clothes were even baggier than normal on him and he had to stop every few minutes to yank his trousers back up. After too many pauses, he got to the Whomping Willow where he chucked rocks at it until he gave up. Instead he used a long stick, diving out of the way of the branch in order to poke the knothole. He banged his knee doing that, and limped into the passageway.

_Whew_ , he thought, leaning against the tunnel wall. It felt like he had run a marathon already, he was so tired! _Maybe Pomfrey was right_. He had Charms and Transfiguration today, and unless they were solely lectures/written tests it was gonna be difficult.

Shaking his head, he pressed on, trying to go as fast as he could to the house. He got everything out of the wardrobe upstairs, wrapping his fingers happily around his wand. It felt as though he was complete again. As if part of his body really had been missing, which, he supposed, for a wizard that was true.

Remus returned to the hospital wing as quickly as he could, resting in his room until it was time to go to Charms.

"Are you certain you feel up to it?" Pomfrey asked.

"Yes," he lied, tucking his shirt into his trousers and his messed up tie into his jumper. "Do—do I look very awful, with the robes on?"

"Not too terrible, but it's obvious you're unwell," Pomfrey told him.

Remus brushed his robes off and shouldered his bag, realizing he had never gone to the dorm so he didn't have his Charms book. _I can borrow Sirius's_ , he thought as he headed off to class. It was still a bit early by the time he got there, and the only one there was Flitwick, who said it was good to see him again, as well as making sure he was okay. Remus promised he'd be all right, then asked if there were any extra books he might be able to borrow since he had come straight from the hospital wing. Flitwick rummaged around in a cupboard and produced a well-worn copy of _The Standard Book Of Spells, Grade Two_.

The first ones in were Lily, Colgate, and Inkwood. Lily screeched when she saw Remus. "I've been so worried, you've been gone so long!" she cried out, hugging him gently. "You look—oh!"

"I'm fine," he promised. "Mum wasn't doing well, and I hardly ate over the past few days. It's been very stressful."

Her eyes raked over him. "You—are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes, th—"

"REMUS!"

The Marauders galloped in, unceremoniously shoving Lily out of the way to crowd around and hug him, expressing their happy surprise he was back. Remus was buried in their arms and laughed, trying to wriggle free. Finally everyone settled down, and class began. At first it was fine: a lecture from Flitwick with lots of note-taking, but then they practiced some spells and by the time the lesson was done Remus was wiped. His friends were concerned when he said he needed to go back to the hospital wing, however he assured them it was only a formality really, explaining the agreement with Pomfrey.

Except when he got to the wing he lay down in his little room, falling asleep before he even got lunch. Pomfrey woke him up half an hour later to eat, asking if he wanted to skip his next class. It wasn't until two so he shook his head, meekly asking if she could wake him up at one-forty. After eating all the food (which he wasn't very hungry for and only did it to try to get better) he fell back asleep until it was time for History.

*

"Okay, so _what_ happened?!"

It was after Transfiguration and the Marauders were in their dorm, all on Remus's bed as he slithered under the covers.

"Wh—when I transform it takes a lot of energy. It—it burns off energy. Like, um, you know, exercising?" He smoothed the blanket out across his lap and settled back against his pillows. "When it's windy and cloudy I t-tend to transform more than once. When the clouds cover the moon, I transform back to human, and when they blow away I go back to—er, yeah. On Saturday it happened three times which was bad enough, but—but Sunday night it happened six times."

All three had expressions of worry, which embarrassed him a little.

"Does that happen often?" Sirius asked softly.

"No. Especially not like Sunday," Remus replied, fighting off a yawn. "It's a bit complicated, it's not—it's not as simple as clouds cover the moon then blow away, it also depends on how long they cover the moon for? I _think_? I'm fairly certain if they only cover the moon for a short period of time, or if some of the moon peeks out, I won't transform back. Typically... I'd say I have multiple transformations in one night maybe half a dozen times in a year?"

"Six times?" James asked. "I mean, have you ever had it happen six times in one night?"

Remus bit his lip, shaking his head. "Th—that's the first that's happened, as well as two nights in a row." He looked down at his wrists, moving them so they were under the covers. All afternoon his classmates had approached him wondering what happened, and he prayed his excuse of not eating and being stressed was believable enough. The other Marauders said it was, but he wasn't quite sure if they were telling the truth or not.

"So, um, it burned off your energy and you lost weight?" Pete asked.

"A _lot_ of weight," James added.

"Yeah—er, I mean, really not that much if I was..." Remus trailed off, going a little pink.

"Not so small to begin with?" Sirius teased, and Remus elbowed him. "I dunno, it looked like you lost enough to matter even if... well, is there anything we can do to help?"

"Erm... wake me up for supper if I fall asleep?" he asked with a smile, and they assured him they would.

They stayed in the dorm room while Remus napped with his earplugs in, blocking out the sound of their chatter and the music. He didn't sleep as much as he'd like, as he kept worrying about breaking the earplugs; breaking the wooden section which adjusted the sound. So he took them out and rested with his eyes shut.

*

Over the next couple of days, Remus had to go to the hospital wing three times a day, at each meal. He ate his meals there the first day—meals lightly laced with potion to gain weight, but on Thursday night Pomfrey told him he could eat in the Great Hall as long as he came by after for a checkup.

Thursday, at one point in the halls, Remus heard his name shouted and he turned, seeing Aegis pushing past some students to approach him. He said he was very glad Remus was doing all right, having been worried since he heard loads of different rumors. Lily had tried to explain at Study Group the night before, but Aegis had been worried anyway. Unfortunately, though, Remus admitted that while he was back, he wasn’t quite well enough to go through their adventure plans. They had made the plans for the weekend of the full moon and Remus had hoped to be able to do it _that_ weekend, except it was obvious he wasn’t up for it. They agreed to put it off their adventure till the _next_ weekend, the first weekend in March.

"Adventure?" Sirius asked after Remus and Aegis parted ways.

Remus shrugged. "Exploring the school," he replied, still not wanting them to know he had brought Aegis to the Pits Passages. "We've been doing some... research."

"Ew," James said. "That takes _all_ the fun out of exploring."

Remus rolled his eyes, smiling. "That's why I'm doing that with him and not you guys."

After his checkup that night he went to James's practice and told Sirius and Peter the good news about being able to eat in the Great Hall again. They both gave him pats, and sat very close to him. There was a sharp, cold wind, and even bundled up he was freezing cold. Sirius and Pete sat on either side of him, arms pressed against his, helping him stay warm. He wound up falling asleep, head lolling onto Pete's shoulder. They woke him up when practice was over, and Sirius gave him a piggyback ride back into the school.

"You don't _need_ to," Remus murmured, not really putting any effort into the protest. It was kinda nice not having to walk, considering how many times he had tripped on the way _to_ the field.

Friday morning, and he was finally in the Great Hall again after a _week_. He couldn't believe how long it had been. Nor could he believe how much he had missed eating with his friends. Lily, Colgate, and Inkwood even joined them for lunch and that's when Remus found out two things about Sirius.

One: Sirius had gotten revenge against Snape over the weekend, using the flaming ink James nicked from Filch's office. _Somehow_ —very mysteriously—Snape's desk caught fire during an exam, burning up his test papers, quill, and some of his robes's sleeve. Lily made it clear she suspected James and Sirius, though they completely denied it (and later Sirius told Remus that yes, he did it).

And two: Sirius and Inkwood had made up sometime during the week. While it was obvious they weren't as close as they had been before the Bubble Belch incident, Remus suspected they'd soon be back to nearly-dating.

"He gave her flowers," Lily explained as they headed to History later that afternoon. "And a card with an apology. I don't know if it was his idea or not—honestly, it sounds more like your idea but you've been gone. By the way, I'm sorry your mother was so bad..."

Remus wondered where Sirius got the idea too. "Thank you. She's a lot better now. I suppose I wasn't feeling too great when I was there, so that didn't help much."

Lily bumped against him. "I'm glad you weren't sick at least. When I saw you like... like you were... I was rather frightened."

"Yes, it's... well, I'm getting better, and Madame Pomfrey is happy with my weight gain." He glanced down at his wrists which were still far too thin, but not _quite_ as thin as they had been Tuesday.

After Transfiguration, McGonagall asked Remus to stay behind. She wanted to see how he was doing, how he was feeling. He was tired of talking about his health at this point but answered her question, making it clear he was happy to be back in classes and the dorms. He added that Lily had given him notes from all the classes, and he'd get the homework done as quickly as possible. McGonagall sighed, reminding him he shouldn't rush or worry about getting it done right away.

"I—I don't mind," he said, wriggling a little bit. "Homework is fun."

McGonagall raised her eyebrows, and it looked as though she were suppressing a smile. "I see. Well, still, there's no need to push yourself."

Remus lied, promising he wouldn't.


	101. Chapter One Hundred-One - Potter Rabbit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more weight-related stuff in this chapter, though not very much

It was weird being back in Study Group. Most of them were happy to see him back, including Twycross and Craft although his welcome was in a very sneering voice. He also got a little bit of a smirk when they began working on their homework and Remus was _very_ lost. He had been trying to catch up with the notes Lily gave him, but had spent a lot of his free time sleeping or hanging out with the Marauders since he had missed them so much.

"He's so annoying," Lily complained after they left the library. "That stupid, insufferable look he got every time you seemed confused. _URGH_! You've been gone a _week_! Anyway, you're a million times smarter than him—oh." She stopped walking, and Remus almost ran into her. "Can I help you?"

Regulus was blocking the hall. "Lupin, could we talk a moment?" he asked.

"Er..." It was past curfew for the first year, but Remus opted not to point that out. "Of course. I'll c-catch up with you, L—Lily."

He followed Regulus to a rarely used corridor where the younger boy simply stood and looked at him, as if expecting something. Remus shifted, not sure what to say.

"S—sorry I w-w-wasn't able to help Sunday—"

"No, it's fine," Regulus interrupted. "Ah, I know you were—" He stopped, tugging awkwardly at his tie. "In any case, I wanted to tell you that you don't need to help, I figure you're probably busy—"

"Oh! I d-d-don't mind, honestly, if you w-want to get to—get together this Sunday," Remus cut in quickly. "I enjoy h-helping."

Now Regulus had a _very_ strange expression. "Er, well, if you really don't mind..."

"I don't," he promised. "Besi—sides, it helps me. Tutoring, I m-mean. Going over the—the things I've l-learned before."

"All right. That—all right. I better go, it's after my curfew."

"I'll help, I kn—know back r-routes to avoid pre—prefects," Remus offered, and Regulus accepted.

Remus guided him through secret passages leading down to the dungeon, and left him down the hall from the Slytherin common room. Once he saw Regulus disappear through the door, Remus turned to head back and ran right into someone. It was a main hall, not a secret passage, so it didn't surprise him that anyone else was there.

Unfortunately, it was Malfoy.

"What are _you_ doing, snooping around our area?" Malfoy demanded, grabbing Remus's arm tightly.

"N-n-n-nothing, not—not s-snooping!" he yelped, trying to twist his arm free. "Was h-helping—"

Malfoy twisted harder, and Remus gasped as it was turned back in a painful, awkward manner. "I don't like Gryffindors trying to nose around the Slytherin common room. Especially someone like _you_ or your friends." He jerked Remus's arm higher. "Don't even think about trying to break into our common room, Loopy, because you can't get in."

Remus quickly bit back the retort that he had been in the Slytherin common room already. He wasn't that stupid. "I w-w-won't, now pl—please—"

Malfoy pushed even more, and Remus thought his shoulder might pop out of socket. It felt on the verge of doing so when Malfoy let go, giving Remus a shove. Before Remus could react, Malfoy's wand was out and there was a crunching sound as pain exploded in his nose. Malfoy swept past, laughing as Remus staggered and clutched at his face. Blood poured down through his fingers. He glared at Malfoy's back, wanting badly to hex him back. Instead he turned and headed back to the common room, glad he didn't need to see Pomfrey to get it fixed; she'd want to know what happened, and he didn't want to turn it into a his-word-against-Malfoy's type of thing.

By the time he reached the seventh floor he was healed up, though there was still blood all over his hands and clothes. As soon as he went through the portrait, Lily was on him, originally wanting to know what was going on with Regulus but getting worried when she saw the blood.

"You ran into a wall again, didn't you?" she asked with a frown. "It certainly wasn't Black, was it? The Slytherin, I mean, not Sirius."

Remus swallowed, shaking his head. "Not him. I—I t-tripped." He hated lying but didn't plan on telling anyone what really happened, not even the other Marauders. It was over and done with. Getting revenge against Malfoy for what he did to Aegis was one thing, getting revenge for what he did to Remus wasn't as important.

"How come Pomfrey didn't clean the blood up?"

"Oh! Er, I—I didn't go," he said nervously. "It's not too bad, more blood than anything else. I've got some potion up in my dorm. I—I didn't want Pomfrey to know I did that again, especially after everything that happened when I was at home."

Did that sound all right? Was it too suspicious? She was looking at him with a semi-suspicious expression. Had he messed up?

"At home?" she asked.

"Y—yes, when my mum wasn't doing well? I lost the weight from stress?"

Lily gave him a _very_ odd expression now. "Er."

"Er what?"

"N—nothing..."

"What?" he demanded. "What is it?"

Lily sighed, pushing some hair back. "Remus, everyone knows you were in Saint Mungo's, all right? Everyone knows you were sick again, really bad this time. I understand—"

"What?" he asked again, this time annoyed. "What do you mean?"

"It's... obvious." She gave him a once over. "You lost so much weight. It was from your illness, right? A very bad relapse? You went to Saint Mungo's, didn't you?"

All Remus could do was stare at her.

"That's what people are saying—"

"N-no they're not," he stammered. "It—I'm not—nobody—nobody does." He tried to remember if he heard anyone say anything about Saint Mungo's. "How come this is the first I've heard about it, then? If everyone says so?"

Lily screwed her face up. "Your friends," she informed him. "Wednesday at lunch. They sort've... told everyone it's none of our business what was going on with you, we shouldn't bother you, and if anyone harassed you about what happened then Black was going to put fireworks in their underwear and bulbadox powder in their beds. As well as a few other less savory threats. I mean frankly, I agree with them, it's nobody's business but—"

"Excuse me," he said and stormed up the stairs where his friends were kicking a Quaffle around. He slammed the door shut, and folded his arms, glaring at them.

"Welcome back!" James said brightly.

"What's with the glaring?" Pete asked.

"YOU SAID MY EXCUSE ABOUT THE STRESS WAS BELIEVABLE!" he shouted, and immediately all three looked guilty. "YOU LIED!"

"Um, wh—what makes you think your excuse wasn't believable?" Sirius asked lightly.

"Lily _told_ me you _threatened_ everyone on Wednesday!" he snapped. The guilty faces became guiltier. "I thought—"

James stepped forward. "All right, yeah, okay, we did. We wanted to help." Remus scowled at him. "Look, we knew it would make you stressed out if you were worried what others might think, so we... er, took care of it. We made sure nobody would bug you about it. To help."

Remus shook his head. "It's not—I wasn't—"

"You've got blood on you," Sirius noted.

"Don't change the subject!" Remus took a few steps, needing to sit down since he was feeling really exhausted. "Why didn't you tell me I looked so terrible? I..."

"You what? Would have missed classes?" Sirius pressed. " _You_?"

"It would have been nice to know my excuse wasn't believable," he muttered, rubbing his head.

"You lost a _lot_ of weight," Peter said anxiously. "I mean, a lot a lot. What were we supposed to say? That you looked like a skeleton and should stay in bed? Would you have _listened_ to us?"

Remus sniffled at that, knowing perfectly well he wouldn't have.

James sank down on the bed next to him. "Remus, we care about you, and maybe we should have tried to convince you to stay in the hospital wing, but we didn't expect you to come back so quickly. I mean, we only knew when we came into class and _bam,_ there you were. Where the other Gryffindors already saw you." He put a hand on Remus's too thin shoulder. "Telling you nobody would believe your excuse would do what? People knew you were back. At that point all we could really do is try to help you not worry so much."

"By threatening people?" He tried to sound angry but his voice fell flat.

"It _is_ our specialty," Sirius pointed out.

Remus stared down at his hands. They were so small. His wrists were still thin. Everything about him was still thin. He had been extremely delusional to think he could get away with it. No wonder McGonagall tried to talk him out of it. He should have listened to her. He was such an idiot. A delusional idiot. He fooled himself into believing what he wanted to believe.

"Don't worry about it." Sirius crouched in front of him, smiling. "The worst thing people think is that you were at Saint Mungo's."

"Really sick," Peter added. "That's all."

Remus twisted his hands in his lap. "I'm sorry, I—I shouldn't have gotten so mad.

"It's fine," James promised. "Now, let's get your mind off of it. Party a bit tonight."

"I'm just going to go ahead and get ready for bed—"

"But it's so early!" James said.

"Yeah, we were gonna stay up in the common room," added Pete.

"I'm too tired for that tonight," Remus said as he gathered his wash bag, a towel, and clean pajamas. "Besides, I have a whole week of homework to catch up on, and I need to study for the makeup test tomorrow."

"What makeup test?" James asked.

"I missed the History exam on Monday? I'm going to take it tomorrow."

James made a face. " _Oh_ right yeah, that. I didn't study for it, and I got an O."

Sirius snorted. "You got an A."

"Er, close enough."

Remus arched an eyebrow. "There's an entire grade between A and O, how is that close enough?"

"If you cut off its legs and round it out, the top of an A can look like an O," James said with a cheeky grin. Remus rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh at that.

"I studied and I got a P," Peter grumbled, and Sirius pat his back.

"A P looks even more like an O," James said, completely not helpful in any way. Peter gave him an exasperated look. "Look, Binns is a dull bit of rubbish, and History doesn't matter."

Remus whipped his head around. " _What_?!"

"Bloody hell Jimsy, don't start him on that," Sirius muttered under his breath.

"History _matters_! How can you—why would you even—that's such a—okay, look—"

"Hoo boy," James moaned. "Go get your shower."

"No, you look—history is important, and—"

James jumped to his feet. "And yadda-yadda-yadda." He grabbed Remus's shoulders and turned him to face the door. "Go get your shower before you work yourself into a fit."

"History—"

"History's important, all right? That better?"

"No, you don't—"

"Great!" James gave him a gentle shove and shut the door behind him.

Remus stood in the hall, glaring at the shut door. "YOU WILL LISTEN TO MY LECTURE WHEN I COME BACK, JAMES POTTER, YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

"Okay Professor Lupin!" James's muffled voice shouted back.

Remus swore and stormed off to get a shower, knowing perfectly well what would happen when he was done. Sure enough, when he returned back to the dorm they were all gone. He crept down the stairs, peering into the common room. They were by the fireplace, chatting with some third years. There was nobody in the way, making James a perfect target.

Remus flicked his wand, whispering a spell, and watching the bit of light shoot across the room to get James. His hair began writhing and twisting, moving upwards to form two bunny ears. Remus covered his mouth and ran back to the dorm, laughing. He was about to throw himself onto his bed before changing his mind and rushing into the bathroom. He waited in the shower, not having to wait too long before hearing James storming up the steps, calling for him.

He draped his towel around his neck and stepped out of the bathroom, toweling his hair. "Yes? _Oh_!"

James folded his arms tightly. "Don't you 'oh' me, you did this!"

Remus gave the most innocent look he could muster. "I was in the shower."

"You were not, you did this! I know you did!" Every time he moved his head the hair-ears swayed about, and wriggled. Remus began giggling. "Evans started calling me Beatrix Potter."

Now Remus burst into laughter again, doubling over. "That's _brilliant_!"

"No it's _not_!" James whined. "I don't even know what that means!"

"It's—oh, it's a Muggle thing," Remus wheezed out. "She wrote books about rabbits. Perhaps some chamomile tea will help—YAHHHH!" James had produced his wand, and Remus dove past him into the dorm, not wanting to go to the common room in his pajamas. "I'M SORRY!"

James chased him around, shooting out the rosodorus spell which was vastly unfair since Remus was the one to introduce it to them in the first place. Finally it hit, and Remus began sneezing rose petals all over the place.

"Serves you right."

"S'worth-CHOO! it, Potter Rabbit."

*

Despite being tired, Remus stayed up rather late studying, and probably would have skipped breakfast Saturday morning if he was at his normal weight. He knew skipping would mean bringing the wrath of Pomfrey down on him, so he showed up with his History book to read while he ate. Not that he got much reading done, as the others discussed perhaps sneaking into Hogsmeade that night in order to hear the screams of the damned at Remus's house. Remus glanced up, asking if perhaps they could put it off another week since he was still pretty tired.

"You stayed up last night," Sirius pointed out.

"In bed," Remus argued. "Not traipsing all over the place."

"Ah, yeah, we can do it next week then," James said, mussing his hair up.

_And hopefully next week I can figure out a way to put it off another week_ , Remus thought, returning to his book.

The test went pretty smoothly and Remus finished it up rather early, giving him more free time in the day. As usual, he had no clue where his friends went, and while he considered going to find them he wound up going to the library instead to work on all the essays he needed to do. All right, they weren't due _right_ away but he didn't want them to sit too long. Aegis showed up at one point, and they worked on assignments together while whispering ideas about the pits.

After his lunchtime checkup with Pomfrey, he met up with the Marauders and they went out to Fort Dragon; it had been ages since they had been, and the weather was decent enough that they weren't frozen sitting on Dragon Rock. Especially when Remus placed some bluebell flames in the middle. Peter had also brought an enormous thermos of tea which they rationed out into four flasks, sipping at the hot liquid while they talked and listened to James's radio. Things were very relaxed until a certain song came on.

_Full Moon Howl_.

Remus had heard it several times since it came out, however typically it was in a more public setting like the common room. They hadn't heard it with it being just the four of them, not since the others found out the truth. As the words pierced the air James, Sirius, and Peter sat there staring at the radio with slightly slack-jawed looks.

Remus hunched over his flask of tea, trying to pretend like it wasn't a big deal as Kaeso sang all those awful things.

_I'm a beast, my darling, and you make me do the full moon howl! AWOOOOOOO_!

James dove off the rock, swearing loudly as he banged his knee against the stone, trying to get to the radio. He snapped it off and then turned to face Remus. " _Shit_ , Remy. I'm sorry, I—Merlin that must have been awful for you, all those times I sang it..."

"S'fine," Remus replied. "You didn't know when it first came out."

"You could have said something," Peter said, forehead furrowed.

"Like what?" James asked. "We didn't know—couldn't know—so there wasn't much he could've said."

Pete frowned. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But, um, same as James, I'm _real_ sorry for getting into the song."

"Honestly, it's all right. It's in the past." Before Pete or James could say anything else, Remus glanced at Sirius. "You already suspected at that point, didn't you? About me? When we first heard it?"

Sirius nodded, folding his arms. "Yeah, that's why I didn't like it. Was hoping that you'd tell me, around that point—"

A memory triggered in Remus's head and he jerked forward, eyes narrowing. "You mean when you suggested the every flavor bean of raw meat for werewolves?" he accused.

Sirius flushed faintly pink, rubbing the back of his head as he looked away. "Er, um, ahh—y-yeah, that, uh—that might've been one of the times I tried to secretly tell you that I knew."

"Ooh! I was so _freaked out_! I spent the next few days trying to figure out if you suspected or not!"

"What convinced you I didn't suspect?" Sirius asked curiously.

"When I asked you if—" Remus stopped quickly.

Sirius tilted his head. "When you asked what?"

They stared at each other for several long seconds then Remus said, quite loudly, that he was hungry and perhaps they should get back to the school? He slithered off the rock, trying to make a break for it.

Sirius quickly snagged the back of his coat. "Don't you do that, Lupin! You tell me right this second—"

"Leave me alone!" Remus yelped as he stumbled. Sirius still had a hold of his coat, and fell off the rock on top of Remus. "It's stupid!" he complained as they untangled their arms and legs. "It's not important!"

"Are you all right?" Sirius asked, extremely concerned. "I didn't break anything, did I?"

"No, I'm fine," he said, pushing away from Sirius and sitting up. "I may have lost weight but I'm not _fragile_."

"You _look_ fragile," Peter pointed out.

"Hmph."

"Right well, come on, tell us," Sirius pushed.

"Yeah, _I'm_ curious now," James said, and Peter agreed. Sirius grabbed hold of Remus's ankles, refusing to let go until he told them.

Remus groaned and covered his face, knowing they'd pester him until he caved in. _Might as well get it over with_. "Fine! It's when I asked you if you thought I was evil. You said _no_ , so I assumed you didn't suspect. All right?"

Sirius blinked several times and released Remus's feet. "Wait a minute, really? That's what convinced you?!" Remus nodded. "You assumed since I thought—rightfully so—that you're a good person that I didn't suspect you were a werewolf?"

Remus peeked through his fingers. "In my defense, 99 percent of the magical population _hates_ werewolves and thinks we're evil. So yes."

"In my defense, 99 percent of the magical populations are bloody _idiots_ who should be thrown into a pit," grumbled Sirius. " _Merlin_. No. I never thought you were _evil_! I've said before, since October!"

"None of us did," Peter pointed out. "We've _all_ said loads of times!"

"I—I know that _now—"_ even though he'd never understand it, "—but of course I never imagined in a million years anyone would _accept_ me!" He sat up, hands falling to his sides.

James clamored over, falling into the ground very unceremoniously, and hugged him. "Course we accept you," he said, squeezing carefully. "You're a Marauder, after all. All for one—"

"One for all," Sirius added.

"And four to end," Peter finished with a grin.

*

Remus intended on sleeping in, but at around nine in the morning a school owl pecked at the window until Sirius let it in, and the owl dropped a note on Remus's face. He floundered a bit, nearly rolling out of bed before snatching the note and sitting up. It was from Regulus, saying he wouldn't be able to meet up that day. No explanation.

_Probably doesn't want to risk being seen with me_ , he figured, yawning and swinging his legs out of bed. After debating for a moment whether to go back to sleep or not, he finally got to his feet to get ready for the day. After swinging by the Great Hall on the way to grab some muffins, he headed to the Quidditch Pitch.

"You're up earlier than I thought," Sirius said as Remus plonked down on Peter's other side.

"Owl woke me up," he yawned.

"Everything all right?" Pete asked.

"Eh? Oh, yeah, it's—" Remus hesitated, remembering he wasn't supposed to let Sirius know, "—I was supposed to help someone with some homework today but they couldn't make it," he said, not really telling a lie, just leaving out the who.

Sirius's hand snaked out and he took one of the many muffins from Remus's lap. "You could charge people for tutoring. That _is_ a thing, I believe."

"May I have a muffin too?" Peter asked.

"I'm glad you asked," Remus said, offering one of the muffins. "'Least someone here has manners."

Sirius stared Remus dead in the eye as he crammed the entire muffin in his mouth.

Remus tried not to laugh. "How _elegant."_ He picked one up, breaking it in half and biting into the warmth. After chewing and swallowing he said, "By the way, Sirius, you, Inkwood, and I do need to work on our Defense essay.”

_"Ugh_!" Peter moaned. "Don't mention that, I've met with McNab and Spinnet once and it was a di _saster_! Okay," he said, when Remus asked what happened, "so Monday evening we met up 'n the library and Spinnet started complaining right off the bat, I mean he was _complaining_ about having to spend his time working on this 'dumb' project and how it's _ridiculous_ it's a month long." He shook his head, taking a bite of his muffin. "McNab said it was super easy, said we should throw information down without, um you know, making a list and not making it—basically coping it without using our own words, do a doodle, an' say it's done."

Remus winced, hoping Sirius and Inkwood took it a little more seriously. He remained silent, though, since he knew if he said those exact words Sirius would just make a pun with his name.

Peter glanced at Remus. "I mean, I know I'm not smart or anything but we should make it our own words, shouldn't we? That's what you say all the time, when you help us with our homework."

" _Yes_ ," Remus hissed out. "Copying down straight from the books would not only be plagiarism but also obvious laziness."

"Plajer-whatism?" Pete asked.

"Plagiarism," he explained, "is where you write down someone else's work and pass it off as your own."

"Sooooo, what we do all the time with you?" Sirius asked, reaching for another muffin.

Remus scooted out of reach. "That is... well, that is—that's slightly different—I mean, not _really_ completely different but—that is... er," he coughed, "in any case, copying from the books like McNab suggested is _obvious_ plagiarism, and wrong. You will absolutely get a bad grade, not to mention getting in trouble and _not_ a fun sort of getting into trouble.”

Peter gave the bleacher below them a kick. "Drat it! They better not wanna do that! I wanna get a decent grade!"

"I—I could help you," Remus offered.

"Oh! That's real tempting..." Peter trailed off then shook his head. "I dunno."

Remus could tell Peter wanted to say yes, but didn't want to admit it. He nudged Pete gently. "Think about it—hey!" he snapped as Sirius leaned way over, taking one of the remaining muffins. "Very rude!"

Sirius winked and tried to throw part of the muffin in his mouth but it missed and smacked his face instead. Remus and Peter burst into laughter until Peter began coughing on his food. Remus had to smack his back until he could breathe again.

"Smooth, Sirius—real smooth," Pete giggled once he could speak again. Sirius took the rest of the muffin, smooshing it into Pete's face. "Remus, avenge me!" he shrieked as he fell off the bench, wallowing on the floor.

"I am _absolutely_ innocent!" Sirius protested, pushing himself farther from Remus.

Remus took the last muffin and tried to dive for Sirius but Sirius seized his wrists, wrestling with him till the two fell on the floor on top of Peter. The three of them all laughed and flailed until Remus managed to get the muffin into Sirius's face. Sirius tackled him and put him in a headlock, giving him a noogie. Peter tried to get him off but didn't succeed until Sirius was done destroying Remus's hair.

"When's the last time you got a shower?" Remus demanded, crawling back onto the bench, trying to smooth his hair down.

"I swear all he does in the shower is wash his hair," Peter said.

Remus snorted. "I'd believe it."

Sirius fake pouted. "Wow, you are both being exceedingly mean to me this morning. I am telling Jimsy."

"You're the one stealing my breakfast!" Remus pointed out, brushing all the crumbs off his trousers.

He wanted to make a joke about how he had been in the hospital for being severely underweight and Sirius was stealing his food, but he figured that would be a step too far. It sounded too... guilt-tripping, though he'd mean it as a joke. Perhaps making a joke about his size wouldn't be as bad? He _really_ wanted to make it. Dare he risk it? Perhaps if he made it overtly joke-y about himself it might work.

His stomach burned with acidity as he licked his lips and said, "I am but a small child, and you, sir, are stealing my food."

Sirius stared at him for a split second too long and Remus was considering jumping off the back of the bleachers and running away when Sirius laughed. "Oh! Oh you are not pulling that!" He tried to sound intense but he was grinning too much for it to be taken any other way.

Remus smiled back, relieved his joke hadn't been awful. "I shall pull whatever I wish to pull."

Sirius extended his forefinger. "Pull this, and see what happens."

Remus scoffed and balled up his napkin, throwing it at Sirius who giggled, swatting it away. All three of them were quite giggly for the remainder of the practice. He was worried having such a nice morning would mean something would go wrong later in the day, but the rest of the day went nice too. The Marauders spent pretty much every waking moment together except for an hour when James and Sirius had to go write lines; Peter and Remus hung out in the Great Hall waiting for them, playing cards. Other than that, they barely left one another's side, and there was a lot of joking, laughter, giggles, and fun.

Remus hoped the rest of the week would go like that, but considering the fact Sirius and Inkwood were friends again (or whatever they were) he knew working together for the group project would be difficult. Especially if Sirius decided to spend the entire time flirting. Though he had to admit them flirting was probably easier to deal with than them yelling or not speaking with one another. Well, easier for the project. For him? Maybe not so much. Which he needed to get over, because it was absolutely ridiculous.

_Maybe I'm going about it the wrong way_ , he thought in the late evening. The four were in the common room, playing board games. _Perhaps I shouldn't try to think about girls—obviously I'm not there yet. Yet. Soon, not yet. Thinking about them isn't going to help. Perhaps I should focus on school. If I push myself more into school, and coming up with pranks, and all of that, maybe that will help diminish my brain thinking about how aesthetically pleasing Sirius is_.

Yes. That was a great idea.

Besides, thinking about school was _loads_ easier than thinking about girls.


	102. Chapter One Hundred-Two - Big Strong Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: First of all, there was no beta for this chapter so I apologize for the mess.  
> Second of all… well, I debated whether or not to make this note or wait and see how the next few days went. However, I thought I should say it as soon as possible. I may need to go on a short hiatus soon. There were some things said recently involving some story aspects and unfortunately they got into my head. It completely halted my ability to write. I’ve been trying to shake it off but it’s been difficult. Before anyone says to ignore the haters, it wasn’t any hate comments directed at me, just about these story aspects and it just really hit me hard. Anyway, if I’m unable to get past this in the next week or so I will have to go on a short hiatus until I can write again. I’m really hoping this note has been for nothing, and I get to writing again soon!!  
> Also sorry if this chapter seems kinda weird, it’s the first one I’ve written using libreoffice. I used to write in wordpress but since that’s changed a lot I needed a new way of writing. Hopefully it doesn’t seem too off!

After lunch on Monday Sirius, Inkwood, and Remus went to the library to _finally_ work on their project which was due in 17 days.

"Half our time is already gone," Inkwood complained as the three sat down.

Remus couldn't believe it. All right, so part of it was his fault—nearly an entire week was his fault. But after the full moon and hospital stay, Inkwood had been the one putting off them getting together!

"We've got Brains so, we only realistically need maybe two days at the most," Sirius said, poking Remus with his quill. "Right Brains?"

"Probably a l-little more than th—that," he muttered, setting several books down.

Inkwood propped her chin on her hands. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Wh—what do you m-mean?" Remus asked.

"If you're doing all the research and writing, and I assume Sirius is doing the art stuff, what am _I_ doing?"

"I—I'm not—what? No, I—I'm not doing all the—the writing and r-research!" Remus said, pushing one of the books towards her. "All th-three of us are working on it. _Together_."

Inkwood looked down at the book with disdain. "Oh." She sounded _very_ disappointed, and Remus tried not to get too annoyed. "I don't know much about dragons."

Remus wondered if being with James and Lily would have been a better choice. "Hence the—hence the _research_ part of it," he said slowly.

"Right, yes," she agreed absentmindedly, then began giggling as Sirius tried to balance one of the books on his head. "You going to walk like a proper girl?"

"Maybe you could show me," Sirius said with an irresistible grin.

Inkwood giggled more and got up, balancing the book on her head. She took two steps, and it slid off. "Oops!"

"Here. It's about your spine..." Sirius got up and gently put his hands on her back and shoulders. "Like this."

"You know how to walk like a lady?"

"I know how to walk with good posture. Watch." He put the book on his head and began walking around the table, grinning. "Ta-da!" He flourished, and the book fell. "You try."

"Um, we—we're supposed to—to be—um—" Remus tried, but Inkwood was putting the book on her head again.

"Now, how am I supposed to have my shoulders?" she asked. “Could you show me?”

Sirius went to her side, adjusting her position which, in Remus's opinion, was exactly how she had been standing in the first place. She very slowly took a few steps then turned, and the book fell. "Ahhh!" She began laughing. "I almost got it."

Sirius laughed too, quietly clapping his hands. "You did good."

" _Well_ ," Remus muttered, angrily flipping his book open.

"What was that, Remy?"

Remus forced a smile on his face. "Nothing."

"Mmm, maybe we should help with the research," Sirius whispered to Inkwood.

"I _was_! I was... absorbing the book's contents through my head," she whispered back, smacking his chest.

Sirius poked her back, and the two returned to their seats. "You know what would be great?" Sirius asked and then answered without waiting. "We should listen to _Pearled Scales_. That'll get us in the right mood for studying... uhh... what dragon are we studying?"

"The Swedish Short—Short-Snout," Remus said through gritted teeth. "Anyway _, Pearled_ _Scales_ is—is about Opaleyes, not—not Short-Snouts."

"Close enough," Inkwood said.

"Th—they're not even remotely al—"

"I _love_ Ash and Fire! They're one of my _favorite_ groups," Inkwood continued, ignoring Remus.

They began discussing the band at great length so Remus hunched over his book, writing down information they might need. It was hard to focus with them giggling, and his irritation grew stronger until he couldn't take it another minute. He shut the book, gathered his stuff, and got up.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked immediately.

"To go st—study," he answered, trying to keep the sharpness out of his voice.

Inkwood rolled her eyes. "That's what we're doing, though."

"Can I s-see your notes, then, if you've been d-d-doing the research?" he asked before he could stop himself.

Inkwood looked taken aback. "Er—well, uh—"

"I guess we have been goofing off a bit," Sirius said, giving Remus a sheepish smile. "You know that's how I study."

He wasn't lying. Anytime Sirius 'studied' it was usually him goofing off with James, Remus wasn't really sure if he ever saw Sirius _actually_ study. But it was different for a group project. It wasn't only Sirius's grades on the line. Sirius did pretty well in classes but was definitely lower than Remus, and Inkwood—he wasn't sure how well she did but knew it wasn't amazing. He had expected them to pull him down a little but had also expected them to at least _try_.

"I could d-divide up the various sections of resear—search, that w-way we have a clearer division of work," he suggested, twisting his quill round in his fingers. "Sirius, you c-could focus on—on its history, discovery, those s-sorts of things. Inkwood you—you could focus on stories. Famous Sh-Short-Snouts, myths, and that. I'll work on—on biology, habitat, diet—"

"Habitat: Sweden," Sirius said, and Inkwood dissolved into giggles again.

"It sounds like you've got the easy part though," Inkwood told Remus once she finished. "All you need to do is write down the facts while I need to go through loads of stories and tons of books to find this stuff out."

"Do you w-w-want to sw—switch?" Remus asked, trying to keep his temper down.

Inkwood frowned at that. "Er, not really. Oh! I know, Sirius and I can work on the myths and stories, and you can do the rest!" She gave Sirius's sleeve a little tug, beaming up at him.

"I don't know," Sirius said before Remus could talk, "that puts a lot on Remy."

"No," Remus cut in quickly. "It's—it's fine. I—I can—I can do that."

Sirius's eyes bore into Remus. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Remus promised, stacking the books again. "You two can do the stor—the stories parts. I'll do the—the rest. Oh, and the—the art. Sirius, you—if you don't mind..."

"No, but—"

"Great." Remus stood up, sweeping his paper, ink, and quills into his bag. "L—let's meet up Sunday and we can—can figure out what we've got then."

"All right!" Inkwood said cheerfully.

Sirius didn't look very happy. "Is it—"

"See you in c-c-class!" Remus quickly left the table, unable to stand being there another second longer. The books nearly slipped out of his arms, and he struggled to keep them against his body until he got to the front desk. They slithered out all over Farrow's desk, and Farrow opened his mouth to complain until he saw it was Remus.

"All right, then?" he grunted as he gathered the books to sign them out.

 _No_ . "Y—yes, sir." Remus's nose burned as he felt the desire to cry. What had happened back there? He couldn't really be mad at Inkwood for how she was acting, since that was what he was used to with James and Sirius. Though they never had a proper _group_ project together, so... maybe that's why it felt different. Since it was _his_ grade on the line too.

He heard footsteps behind him and knew they belonged to Sirius. Farrow handed the papers to Remus and he quickly began scrawling his name on the slips.

"Remus," Sirius said gently.

"Hmmm?" He bent forward, writing his name more slowly to avoid having to look at Sirius.

"I'll help with your stuff, you know."

"No, it's p-p-probably easier if we—if it's—no, it's fine." He pushed the four slips back to Farrow and put the books in his bag. Finally he turned, glancing up through his fringe. Sirius looked very concerned. "Besides. If I—if—if I do it, it'll be do-done faster anyway."

"What's that in your pocket, boy?" Farrow suddenly said, slamming his hands on his desk and leaning forward to glare at a slight bulge in Sirius's pocket. "Is that a firecracker?"

"What? No, it's my wand!"

"Let me see."

"What?" Sirius said again, anger tinging his voice. "I don't have to show you—"

"It's a firecracker, innit? You're one of the ones what does that and I won't have you setting 'em off in here again!"

" _No_! Fine! Look!" Sirius pulled out his wand, brandishing it. "Wow, what a weird looking firecracker, eh?"

"Don't give me that attitude!"

Remus slipped away as they argued, finding somewhere quiet to hide until History began. He was purposely _almost_ late to the class, to avoid Sirius, and slid into his seat right when the lesson began. Two seconds later a note flittered onto his desk.

_are u mad? - SB_

_No? Mad about what?_

_ill help with your stuff ok? - SB_

_No, it's perfectly fine. We missed half our time anyway because of me, and if I do most of it that will help ensure we get it done on time. Don't worry about it._

_its not really your fault you know not like you did it on purpose - SB_

_On purpose or not it is still my fault we were not able to get together for a while. Focus on the myths, famous short-snouts, tales, etc, etc. Plus the art. I think if we include not only a drawing of the dragon itself but also some of the anatomy it might bump our grades up a bit if you don't mind doing that as well. Either organs, the skeletal system, muscular system, etc._

_anatamy. penis? - SB_

_If you want to give Professor Prewett a drawing of a Swedish Short-Snout's penis then by all means, go for it, but I will make sure he knows it is from you and only you. Also, you had the word anatomy right in front of you and you still managed to misspell it? Very impressive._

_hah hah dragon dick - SB_

*

Occlumency began with a horrible, twisty, squirmy stomachache as Remus prayed she wouldn't see Valentine's day. McGonagall knowing was bad enough, he doubted he'd be able to stand it if Fawley knew too—even though most likely she would find out. The first few memories they went through were, thankfully, _not_ the dessert thing. Mostly various memories over the past week about other stuff.

"It seems overall you've been doing very well since you got out of the hospital wing," she remarked after another few memories. "They've been quite happy memories."

"Yes, it's actually been a few really nice days," Remus admitted, not wanting to think of the library disaster. "For now."

"For now?"

"It's bound to go wrong soon."

Fawley shook her head. "I'm sorry you feel that way, dear. I wish I could convince you that isn't how it works, however I know it's not something easily accepted with anxiety. I know it's easier to be pessimistic, but you shouldn't be waiting for the next problem."

Remus shifted a bit, deciding not to respond to that. He wasn't _waiting_ for problems to happen. It was just he _expected_ them to happen. That… wasn’t the same thing, right? He wasn't sure and didn't really want to argue semantics. Not with his on and off headache forming from the lesson. When he remained silent, Fawley resumed going into his memories. At one point it was Valentine's day, but at breakfast when they watched their prank succeed. Fawley grinned, congratulating them on their success.

Memories flipped through, none of them with him in a skirt. Near the end of the lesson, they were in the room with James and Lily, and then suddenly they were out of his head. He had managed to push her out. Before she saw what was going on—before she saw him in the dress.

"That was a good defense," Fawley said, clapping her hands.

"Th—thank you," he mumbled, rubbing his head. "It really hurt..."

"I imagine so. Do you want to end the lesson here?" She pressed her watch and it announced it was fifteen till seven. "There are only fifteen minutes left, and if your head is hurting that much it might not go so well."

"Yeah—um, yeah. I don't feel good." He bent forward, clutching his head. "It hurts a lot. It's never hurt this much."

Fawley rested a hand on his shoulder. "You _pushed_ me out, quite forcibly. It was a strong effort and something you haven't done before. Not like that. It's natural for your head to hurt."

Remus sucked in some air, seeing the room go blurry as his head pulsed on and off in pain. "I'm g-glad I managed."

She squeezed his shoulder. "You did wonderfully. I'm very proud of your progression. Go get some rest. I'll see you next week."

He grabbed his satchel and staggered out of the room. _Is it really supposed to be like this_? He pressed one hand against his head, the other outstretched towards the wall. The pain faded and spiked until he couldn't stand it another minute and began running (which made the pain even worse) to the nearest bathroom, not able to make it to the toilet. He got sick into the sink instead.

"Something wrong?" He jumped, nearly falling over as Myrtle drifted through one of the stall doors. "You don't look so well."

"Hi Myrtle," he moaned, then coughed out the last of the bile before rinsing out his mouth.

"I haven't seen you in _weeks_ ," she accused.

"No, I—I was sick for about a week, last week," he explained, knowing it wasn't the best of excuses since the last time he had talked to her was the first week of February, and it was now the end of the month. "And then I was recovering. I'm sorry, I should have visited." He tried to visit Myrtle every week or two, same with his other ghost friends. He used to talk to them a _lot_ more in his first year. This year had been a lot more... Marauder-y.

Myrtle floated next to him, hands behind her back as she watched him. "You're still sick."

"No, it's... it's something else." He rinsed his mouth out one more time then grabbed a paper towel, wiping his mouth off. "How have you been?"

"Oh, pretty good." She gave a giggle. "I saw your good-looking friend earlier."

Remus frowned, not liking it whenever she referred to Sirius like that. It felt like a reminder of his own (unwanted, unfounded) thoughts. "He should be at the pitch, watching James's practice."

"No. He was in a fight."

Remus straightened up. " _What_? Where? When? How?"

Myrtle gave a long sigh. "I don't know. Earlier! Time isn't as important to a ghost, you know. I am _dead_ . It isn't like I need a _watch_!"

Remus was used to her outbursts like that, and it didn't bother him. "Was it after supper?"

Myrtle glared at him another few seconds then lowered herself till she was sitting on the sink next to him, legs swinging. "Yes. There were some Hufflepuffs, and a Slytherin who looked a lot like him, only not _as_ good-looking. Maybe in time, when he's a bit older."

 _He was fighting with Regulus_? "What exactly happened?"

Myrtle shrugged. "I don't know. I was in some pipes and heard shouting, and went to investigate. The good-looking one was punching a Hufflepuff."

"Are you—?" Remus felt his headache get worse. "Merlin's bloody BEARD! He _punched_ a Hufflepuff?"

"Uh-huh. You know, he looks so brave and strong like that... Does he have strong arms? He looks like he has big, strong arms." She wrapped her arms around herself, probably imagining they were Sirius’s.

"I have to go. Thank you, Myrtle. I'll visit soon, I promise!"

He bolted out of the bathroom, not sure whether to go to McGonagall or not. If they were caught fighting, McGonagall would know. If they _hadn't_ been caught then he'd essentially be snitching on his friend. Did he go to the pitch, if practice was still going? Gryffindor had a game in a couple of weeks so their practices were going over. Sirius would probably have gone there after. Or to the dorm?

Ultimately, he went to the dorm, which was empty. He paced around for a while before getting a long, hot shower, changed into pajamas, and then returned to the dorm where he paced until the other Marauders showed up.

"What happened?" he asked as soon as they came into the dorm.

"Practice went great!" James replied, pumping a fist in the air. "We worked on some new formations—"

"Not you, with _Sirius_!"

Sirius looked guilty, and he began tugging at his collar. "What do you mean?"

Remus folded his arms, giving him a look. "You punched a Hufflepuff?"

"WHAT?" James shrieked.

"When was this?!" Peter demanded.

Sirius groaned and flung himself on his bed, kicking his shoes off. "Bloody hell, Brains, how'd you find out?"

"If you tell me what happened, I'll tell you how I know."

They had a bit of a stare-off, then Sirius caved in and explained he had gone to meet Regulus to chat a bit. He arrived at their usual meeting spot in time to see some Hufflepuffs drag him into a bathroom. Apparently one of Regulus's friends had harassed one of the Hufflepuff's little sister the day before, so they were getting revenge on Regulus. Sirius jumped in, wanting to break up the fight but the Hufflepuffs ("Who were third years, by the way, _third_ years abusing a _first year_!") decided to fight with Sirius too. He had been disarmed and wound up punching one of the guys right in the eye before grabbing Regulus and hauling him away.

"I wanted to keep fighting, but I didn't want Reg getting hurt too," he said, pushing his hair back. "How did you find out?"

"Myrtle was in the bathroom when the fight happened," Remus said, sitting on his bed. "She told me."

Sirius shuddered. "Am I the only one who finds it creepy a girl ghost likes to haunt boys' bathrooms?! She's probably seen us _pee_ . She's probably seen our _cocks_ and we're none the wiser."

"Thanks, Sirius, for giving me something else to be paranoid about," Peter grouched.

"You're welcome."

James frowned at Remus. "She doesn't do that, does she?"

"I haven't the faintest." Remus suspected she _might_ , but wanted to think the best of her. "Were you caught? Sirius?"

"Dunno, they might have told Sprout but I dunno," Sirius yawned. "We'll find out tomorrow, I guess."

"You're not worried?" Pete asked.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "I'm willing to go to detention for protecting Reg. Might not have the—the best of relationship anymore but he's still my little brother."

Soon the four of them were discussing prank ideas (including getting back at those Hufflepuffs) but Remus could tell Sirius wasn't doing great. There was a slight stiffness, a fakeness to his voice when he spoke, and Remus wanted to make sure he was okay except he wasn't sure how to do it without making it a _thing_. Finally he did get the courage to ask, and Sirius was very confused, insisting he was fine. Remus had his doubts but didn't press.

*

On Wednesday when the four of them went to their usual late breakfast, Sirius asked if they should get together with Inkwood for more research for the project but Remus reassured him no, they didn’t need to get together until Sunday. He then clarified he meant the three of them, and suggested Sirius _did_ get with Inkwood to work on their part of the project since they were doing one section while Remus was doing another.

“Honestly, though, we _should_ help you with all of it,” Sirius said with a long sigh.

Remus shook his head. “No. It’s better this way, I promise. I can work faster on my own—”

“But it’s a _group_ project, isn’t it?” Peter cut in.

“Red’s divided the work up between the four of us,” James said, stuffing bacon in his mouth. “’e achs oike ‘e’s gween.”

“ _What_?”

He swallowed. “She _acts_ like she’s _queen_. Though I’d rather her in charge than Twycross. At least Red attempts to be… um… you know… er… fair and… tries to make sure we get along…”

“Diplomatic?” Remus suggested.

James stared. “Did you just call her a dip-a-matic?”

“ _No_! Diplomatic, it means—oh, never mind.”

“Right, well, yeah, ’least Red is _slightly_ less annoying than Twycross.” James poked at his food, scrunching his face up. “Merlin, though, nobody tell her that, okay?”

Remus hoped the topic of his own group had fallen to the wayside but unfortunately Sirius picked it up as they headed to Charms class, again offering to help. Remus swore up and down he preferred it this way, and Sirius pointed out it _was_ a group effort, shouldn’t they work in a group?

“We are,” he sniffled, trying not to get annoyed again. “We’ve divided the work up. Like Lily and James’s group did.”

“Yeah but I doubt one person is doing _most_ the work there,” Sirius whispered.

“Please. Let me do this, all right?”

“Are you mad at Cassie?”

Remus hesitated, that question puncturing his chest like a giant needle. “No,” he finally said, honestly. “I’m not mad. Part of it is guilt over being gone so long.”

Sirius prodded him. “It _isn’t_ your fault though.”

Remus smacked his hand away. “Just because I can’t control it doesn’t make it my fault. Now shh, class.” He swept into the classroom and dropped his stuff on his desk, glad for an out. Sirius pushed a note his way while Flitwick lectured and Remus wrote back that unless Sirius dropped it, he wouldn’t help with anything at all.

_ok ok you win – SB_

_Thank you._

*

Sirius got into trouble for punching the Hufflepuff. When McGonagall confronted him when they went to Transfiguration that afternoon, he admitted it and explained exactly what happened. She didn't seem very impressed by his 'rescue' and removed fifteen points as well as giving him a night of detention.

In Study Group a couple hours later, Remus could tell something seemed a little off with Simon Bones. Bones kept glancing at Remus with a frown on his face, not even bothering to hide the fact he was staring. It made Remus feel more and more awkward. He still stuttered in Study Group and it was made worse with the staring until he could hardly even speak; he eventually stopped trying and only wrote, hardly interacting with the others. What was wrong with Bones? Had Remus done something to upset him? Did Bones have anything to do with the Hufflepuffs that Sirius punched?

After they dispersed Remus started to leave with Lily, however Bones ran after them outside the library. "Hey, uh, Lupin, wait!" Bones easily caught up with them since they weren't too far. "Can I ask you something?"

Remus clutched his satchel to his chest, feeling rather nauseated. He couldn't tell if Bones was angry or what. "Er... I—uh, um, I g-g-g-guess..."

"Privately?"

That made him feel worse however Lily was shrugging and walking away, not realizing how panicked Remus felt. "Um, is—did—did I—"

Bones cut him off. "Black punched Catterick, right?"

Remus stepped back, eyes huge. "Ah—what? I—I don't kn—know—I th-thought I heard he—he punched a—a Hufflepuff but—"

"Cause Catterick's a jerk," Bones said, again interrupting. "Had another question. Were your friends planning on revenge? Or breaking into the Hufflepuff dorm?"

"If—um, well, if—if Sirius punched him that's r-revenge—"

"Right, yeah, are you gonna break in?"

"Ah—what? N-no, that—ahh, that's sil-si-silly!"

"Aw, come on, I'm not dumb. I figure you guys have done stuff to the Slytherins, and you tried getting into the Ravenclaw dorm."

"No—no, we were only—c-curious about—curious—"

Bones grinned. "Okay, yeah, sure."

Remus swallowed, worried Bones would start yelling at him or something. "We're not... p-p-planning anything, I p-promise." That was true. They intended to do it one day, however they definitely didn't have anything concrete yet. "And I—I've not heard anything—anything about revenge..."

"Ahh, all right then. Gotcha. I'll see you later."

Remus watched him run off, feeling rather dizzy with confusion and fear. Did Bones... Was he going to go to Sprout or something? Or—or try to get the Marauders back before they even did anything? And what was that bit about Catterick and revenge?


	103. Chapter One Hundred-Three – The Hufflepuff Plot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things… again haha. First of all, I am glad I posted that note on Friday because I’ve had some words of wisdom thrown at me and sense knocked into my head. I’m still having some trouble writing but I am starting to do better so most likely, no hiatus! :D We’ll see how this week goes and I’ll probably update you for sure next Tuesday.  
> Second of all… I have heard from members of my server that people have been posting positivity about this story on tiktok. I just want to say thank you so so much for enjoying the story and sharing it! One in particular I know really likes my James which is amazing~ so again, thank you for all the love and encouragement! If you post about SL on tiktok and feel comfortable sharing feel free to drop your tiktok name in a comment! I don’t want to say any names myself because I don’t know if anyone is comfortable with that. But again, thank you. <3 I am very appreciative of all this love.  
> Okay three things, I guess, sorry for such an early chapter. My sleep schedule has been really out of whack and I’d rather an early chapter than a late one!

Remus didn't mention anything to the other Marauders about what Bones said. He wasn't sure what it had been about and didn't want to possibly stir up trouble. Except, in Herbology the next morning he was _well_ aware of Bones's eyes on... them? On all of them? Or just Remus? It made him nervous all over again and he began dropping things even more than usual. He felt incredibly uncomfortable and once Sprout dismissed class he tried to hurry away.

"Oi! Marauders!"

Remus had gotten a decent distance from the greenhouse, quite far from his friends. He turned, biting his lip when he saw James, Sirius, and Peter stopping as Bones and his friend Rivers approached them. Remus glanced at the castle, then reluctantly slogged through the mud back to his friends.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked.

"Can we all talk alone?" Bones asked, eyes darting between the four Marauders while Rivers kept his eyes on the ground.

"What _for_?" James asked.

Bones grinned. "I'm not going to say in public."

_He's going to accuse us of trying to break in_ , Remus realized. He didn’t want to go with them but his friends agreed, so the five of them headed towards the castle. Not towards the doors, but towards one of the walls a decent ways away from the main path. Remus trudged after them, heart going faster with trepidation, although he didn't really know why he felt so afraid. What was the worst that could happen? A duel? The four Marauders would probably win. But... he had the feeling something was happening that _wasn't_ a duel. What, though?

Once they were situated, Remus noticed James and Sirius were in slightly defensive positions while Peter didn't seem too concerned. Bones didn't seem concerned either, although Rivers kept kicking at some of the mud.

"What's the big secret?" James demanded, folding his arms.

Bones raked his fingers through his curly red hair, an awkward expression crossing his face. "Er, so—so the thing is, we were wondering... were you planning on getting back at Catterick even more? Revenge? Or breaking into the dorms?"

It was the exact same question he had posed to Remus the night before, and the Marauders seemed as surprised as Remus had the night before.

"What?" James laughed.

"Doesn't matter," Remus heard Rivers mutter.

Bones sighed. "Okay, look. I have a proposition for you." He shuffled a bit, probably trying to figure out how to explain whatever it was he had in mind. "Look," he said again, "I'm going to cut to the chase. Catterick—the guy you punched, Black—and his gang have been giving Donnie a hard time. We want to do something to them but... let's face it, you lot are the mastermind pranksters in this school. Anything you come up with is loads better than anything we could. We get you into the Hufflepuff dorms, you prank the tossers. Deal?"

Bones's hand shot out, hovering uncertainly in the air.

All the Marauders gaped openly. Remus was _very_ startled by the request. It wasn't what he expected. Of course, he wasn't sure what he expected... but it definitely hadn't been that.

James looked at Bones's hand then at Sirius. "Can we confer for a moment?" James asked, tugging at Sirius's sleeve.

"Sure, of course," Bones agreed.

James dragged Sirius off with Peter and Remus following close behind. He pulled the four of them into a huddle. "Okay, what do we think?" he whispered. "Think it's a trick?"

"Yes," Sirius answered immediately. "It has to be. Catterick probably put them up to it, as revenge for me punching him."

"We don't need their help getting in anyway," added Peter.

James nodded at both of them. "Cool, yeah. Remy, you study with Bones. What do you think?"

"I—I'm n-not sure. He's never seemed v-very dishonest to me," Remus said. Was this really why Bones had been watching Remus? Wanting them to prank on his behalf? "We could ask what—why they want revenge on them."

"So... you trust it's not a trick?" James asked, eyes glued on Remus.

"I don't _know_."

They returned to the two Hufflepuffs, and asked them to expand on what happened between them and the older Hufflepuffs. Rivers seemed mortified, while Bones scowled, wanting to know what it mattered. James shrugged, saying they wanted details before agreeing to anything. Bones and Rives exchanged looks, and then Bones groaned.

"I don't want to go into _exact_ details but they were harassing Donnie about something," he said. "They were teasing him."

"I thought Hufflepuffs were supposed to be the loving, nice ones?" Sirius asked.

Bones stared straight into Sirius's face. "And I thought Gryffindors were supposed to jump at the chance of doing something adventurous and dumb."

Rivers and Remus both snorted at that. Rivers caught Remus's eye and he gave an amused smile.

Sirius, however, didn't look amused at all. "If we're dumb, why would—"

James smacked Sirius’s chest to shut him up. "We'll do it," he said. Sirius glowered at him.

Bones perked up. "Yeah?"

"Yup, we can hammer out the details at lunch?"

Bones offered his hand again and this time James shook it. They agreed to meet up for lunch together in an unused classroom at noon, then the Hufflepuffs went to the castle. As soon as they were out of earshot, Sirius whirled on James.

"If it's a trick, so what?" James asked before Sirius could say anything. He jammed his hands in his pockets and started strolling towards the doors; the other Marauders followed. "If they're telling the truth that means they're desperate enough to ask for _our_ help, which means whatever happened is probably pretty bad. All right, so if they're not and it's a trick, we can get them back."

"I don't think it's a good idea," Peter said.

"Me either, I have a bad feeling," Sirius agreed. "But I guess we can. James is right. If it is a trick, ehhh, we can just get them back."

*

When they went into the unused classroom at lunchtime, all of them were on edge in case _that's_ when the Hufflepuffs pulled their trick, but Bones and Rivers were waiting without any trick in sight. The six of them sat on the floor with a pile of sandwiches and crisps in the middle. They chattered about various things before finally getting into the details. Catterick and his two pals (the three that had jumped Regulus) shared a dorm without anyone else, meaning the Marauders could get them there without risk of anyone else being pulled into the prank. Rivers even had a copy of their timetable so the Marauders would know when the third years were out. Remus began to grow a bit suspicious of this too. James seemed really eager.

Plus, Rivers also seemed really distressed. Remus didn't know him very well, they only ever interacted briefly in Herbology. Usually, he seemed pretty bright and vivid—a lot like James—but now he was sitting next to Remus, hands shaking very slightly as he ate. He kept giving Bones a distraught look whenever Bones mentioned the older boys. He smelled afraid too.

Either he was a damn good actor, or he had gone through some major bullying.

"Well, we have a few prankish ideas," James said, studying the third year Hufflepuffs' timetable closely. "I'd say Thursday would be a good time _buuuut_ we might not be ready."

"What kind've ideas do you have?" Bones asked.

James peered over the paper, a smirk on his face. "You'll find out. We'll make it good, don't you worry."

"What's in it for us, by the way?" Sirius asked.

Bones blinked, opening and closing his mouth a few times. "Er, you get to pull off a fantastic prank in the Hufflepuff dorms and get back at the idiots who tried to hurt your brother?"

James started to say something, but Sirius clamped a hand over his mouth before giving the Hufflepuffs a very charming smile. "We'll need a little more than that."

Bones gave a slight huff. "What do you want? Besides access to the Hufflepuff common room."

"Well, that's something we could get on our own," Sirius said, hand still over James's mouth. "How about... reimbursement. Supply reimbursement. You won't need to until after we pull the prank since we're not sure what we're going to do."

Bones perked up. "Yeah, that's fine! As long as it's that and not, you know, you guys trying to convince us you needed five pounds of Honeydukes finest for the prank."

"Hmm, well there goes the chocolate prank," Sirius joked, and Bones grinned. Sirius finally let go of James, who sat back, fixing his glasses and scowling at Sirius.

The six of them continued talking as they finished eating; Remus didn't talk much, mostly due to feeling awkward, however when they headed out of the classroom, Remus asked Bones for a moment. Bones paused, waiting for Rivers to walk far enough ahead. Remus asked him how bad it was. Bones frowned, glancing at Rivers then back at Remus.

"Really bad," he said. "I've told him to go to Sprout, but..."

Remus looked at Rivers who had his arms wrapped around his middle, watching Bones and Remus with concern.

"We'll g-g-get them good," Remus promised, and Bones smiled.

*

After Defense was over, the Marauders planned to hide out in the Pits Passage to begin their revenge plans. However, as they hurried off Inkwood called out Remus’s name. Remus stared at her in shock, glancing at Sirius then back at Inkwood.

“Me?”

“Can we talk a minute?” she asked. “Privately?”

“Um…”

“Please?”

“You can meet up with us when you’re done,” James said, and he and the others left, whispering about what it could be about.

Inkwood went the other way, pausing to make sure Remus was following her, then led him into a side corridor where she began shifting her weight from foot to foot. Remus stood there in utter confusion, waiting for her to say something. When she finally did, he was shocked for the second time that day.

“I’m sorry.” She pushed back some of her hair, face full of worry. “About what happened in the library. I was acting awful and dumb.”

“Um. Er, no, it’s—“

Inkwood smiled. “I know I was. I wanted to apologize for it. To you. I wasn’t focusing on the project. I don’t know, I guess…” She sighed, crossing the hall to sit down on a bench. Remus followed suit. “I just wanted Sirius to notice me.”

Remus couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Believe me, he n-notices you—“

“I know. But sometimes it feels like you lot are more important. Which is fine!” Inkwood added quickly, holding her hands up. “I get it. Lils and Ali are more important to me than Sirius, so I understand that. I definitely don’t want to come between any friendships. I guess I got a little too jealous of you.”

“Of… _me_ ?!” Remus had _no_ idea what to make of that. “I—I’m sorry, what?”

“With how protective he is of you,” she said simply. “Plus since you are best friends, I was a little afraid when we got together to study it’d just be you two and I’d be the third wheel. So I guess I acted up. To get his attention.”

Remus hadn’t thought of it that way. Suddenly her attitude made a lot of sense. Before he could respond, she continued talking.

“I want a fairer division of work,” she said with a nod. “Please.”

“Um. N-no, it—it’s—it’s f-fine,” he stammered out, feeling like he was sliding down a slope with nothing to hold on to. “I’m v-very happy with—I’m happy with what we—with the—er, I like what we’re doing.”

“It’s not fair on you—“

“Please,” he managed to get out. “I do l—like it. Besides, we should—should use what we—we do best. You’re not that into—into facts about dragons, so—so stories would be g-good for you. Sirius is good at art, and I—I’m a quick researcher. We’re simply… utilizing the—the team the best we can.”

Inkwood studied him for a few seconds then gave a gentle smile. “Do you accept my apology?”

“Of course,” he said.

She bent in, kissing his cheek. “Thank you. If you need help with your stuff, please let me know, okay?”

“Ah—“

She stood up, grinning. “See you later.” She rushed off, trainers pounding against the stone.

Remus slowly reached up, touching where she had kissed. It felt… it felt…

_Disgusting_.

He made a face, wiping his cheek off as he headed towards the Pits Passage, surprised but pleased by what just happened. It would make the rest of the project go a lot smoother.

The others hadn’t started plans yet, they were waiting for Remus. They wanted to know what Inkwood wanted, and Remus replied that she had apologized if she had seemed overly rambunctious in the library, and that he forgave her. Sirius smiled at Remus, and he smiled back.

“Revenge!” James said, stretching his legs out. “Shame we’ve already used up a mandrake. That’d be _perfect_.”

“We could use bulbadox powder,” suggested Sirius. “That’d be pretty fun.”

“That gives boils, right?” James asked, and Remus nodded as he wrote it down. “Oooh. Yes. Put it in their beds, or pants! Boils on their—”

“You could mix it in with their shampoo,” said Peter.

James laughed. “ _Yes_!”

There was a stretch of silence after that. Remus doodled along the edge of the paper then asked if there were any ideas besides the powder.

“It’s a little hard to come up with pranks on demand,” James pointed out.

“You come up with stuff all the time,” Remus said.

James shrugged. “Yeah, when the mood _strikes_. This is a requested prank. It’ll take a bit of time for the creativity to strike.” He took his glasses off, wiping the lenses on his shirt. “The thing is, I want to do something big. You know? We’ve been doing really _simple_ things lately. Put a potion in the drink, put the spell on the object—it’s been so… drab. Dull. _Boring_. We need something… complicated!”

He grinned at his friends, the grin faded as he realized they were all staring blankly at him.

“What?”

“Something _complicated_?” Sirius asked. James nodded. “You mean like Remus inventing an entirely brand new spell that hasn’t existed before in the time span of two weeks?”

“And us getting an adult to help us out by enchanting some ribbon with a powerful spell in order to _do_ the prank?” Remus asked.

“And all of us sneaking out early in the morning under the cloak to stick the ribbon around the entrance hall to the most used room in the castle without getting caught?” Peter finished.

James stammered for a few seconds before looking away, obviously embarrassed. “Er—okay, well, uh, maybe we’ve done something complicated recently. But you know what I’m talking about, what I mean, right? I don’t want to, say, dump some powder. Oh! Don’t get me wrong,” he added quickly, smacking Sirius’s arm, “it’s absolutely brilliant and I want to put bulbadox powder into _someone’s_ bed or pajamas. Snape’s. But for this I want it to be…” He spread his hands out, eyes practically glowing. “ _Big_.”

“Flashy?” Remus asked, chewing at his quill.

“You got an idea there, Brains?” James asked eagerly.

“I _might_ …” He drew some swoops along the parchment before nibbling at the quill again. “I’m thinking perhaps setting something up so when they open the door fireworks go off, and confetti explodes everywhere. We put up a big banner stretched across the room, and a plate with some cupcakes.”

“You… want to… reward them,” Sirius said slowly. “You want to throw them a party.”

Remus grinned. “Sticking solution everywhere so the confetti is glued down, the banner says ‘congratulations on being jerks!’ and is coated in itching powder—or bulbadox powder, if you wish for that route—and underneath the cupcakes is a note saying ‘hope you enjoyed your _special_ cupcakes’. I mean, we don’t _do_ anything to the cupcakes but it should make them quite paranoid.” He paused, then added, “If you want to put something in the cupcakes that’s fine, I won’t complain. I doubt they’ll eat them anyway. I mean, who eats random cupcakes sitting out like that?”

All three of them were laughing hard, James clapping his hands.

“That’s _beautiful_!” Sirius said, elbowing Remus. “Except the banner should say ‘congratulations on being arseholes’.”

Remus snorted. “That’s fine, whatever you want.”

Immediately everyone began talking about the possibilities, adding tweaks and additions. Peter thought enchanting noisemakers to fly around (just out of reach) would be fun, James wanted there to be a fanfare when they opened the door, and Sirius suggested they fill balloons with something and stick them to the ceiling so when the Hufflepuffs tried to pull them down it would release whatever was in the balloons.

Remus was really pleased that his idea had been accepted so easily. He felt that familiar thrilling shiver going through his body, and he couldn’t stop grinning while he wrote down every idea they threw out for the ‘party’.

*

“Are we still exploring the passages tomorrow?” Aegis whispered as Remus slid into the seat next to him Friday morning. Slughorn asked everyone to pair up and since Sirius joined Inkwood, Remus went to Aegis.

“Yes, if you still want to,” Remus answered. “We could meet on the fourth floor at ten? That entrance is closer to the one pit I told you about.”

Aegis nodded excitedly. “I can’t wait. I still think your idea is mental, but I rather hope it works out.”

“It _should_ … we’ll test it before we go into one, of course. Oh, oof…”

“Are you all right?”

Remus covered his nose. “Yes. That really stinks.”

Aegis bent in, sniffing at the ingredient. “Yes, it’s rather smelly though it's not very bad for me unless I get close. I am sorry your nose is _that_ sensitive. Isn’t there anything you can do about it?”

Remus pulled the collar of his jumper up, not caring about the strange looks he got. “I might. I read about a spell healers used to use when they studied corpses and performed autopsies. I haven’t had a chance to properly research it yet, though.”

“Do you need help?”

“Er, if—if you really want to, I wouldn’t say no. But you don’t need to go out of your way to help me.”

Aegis gave him a smile. “Helping you is never out of my way.”

Remus smiled back. “Likewise. Anything you need, I’m here.”

“Including dying Malfoy’s hair.”

He snorted and began giggling. “ _Especially_ dying Malfoy’s hair.”

The two kept giggling, trying to keep it quiet though some of the students around them gave them dirty looks. Remus heard behind them Mulciber call them a rather nasty name. Remus glanced over his shoulder, scowling at Mulciber and Avery’s smirking faces.

_Just ignore them_ , he told himself as he turned back to the cauldron. _They’re not worth it_.

After class, however, he hit them both with the tripping jinx almost as soon as they started going up some stairs. They both stumbled and fell, falling down the few steps they had gone up already. The other Marauders laughed as they passed them, and Avery accused James of hexing him.

“Whoa there,” James snickered, “no way. I’ve got more important things to do than trip up some baboons.”

“Rather pathetic, thinking they’re that important,” added Sirius.

Avery growled and lunged forward, pulling out his wand. Sirius quickly hit him with the disarming spell, and James got Mulciber with it as well. Their wands went flying, and the Marauders breezed past them.

“With some of the spells we’ve been learning, it’s getting easier to slip things into food without anyone noticing,” Remus said, pretending to be quiet but purposely being loud enough for the two Slytherins to hear him. They both give him rather uncomfortable looks, and he tried not to laugh.

“Like what happened—” James began, then stopped. “Er.”

“Oh, I was saying it only to make them worry,” Remus explained as they were out of hearing.

“You’re _vicious_ ,” Sirius said, tousling Remus’s hair.

There was a spike of _those wrong feelings_ trying to overturn the box. Remus began mentally reciting the ingredients they used in today’s potion and focused on the potion, which helped keep the box firmly down. His original plan had been thinking about school instead of worrying about girls, but thinking about school whenever that box was threatened also seemed like a good idea.

“Like what happened when?” Sirius continued, turning to face James.

“Huh?”

“You said ‘like what happened’, then stopped talking.” Sirius jammed his hands in his pockets, gazing curiously at James. “What was that about?”

“Oh, I dunno—”

“Yes you do.”

James cleared his throat and began fiddling with his glasses, muttering under his breath.

“Like the Bubble Belch?” Sirius asked, lips twisting in an amused smirk.

“Eh?”

“The Bubble Belch,” he said slowly. “That you put in Cassie’s drink at the Valentine’s dessert. Is that what you mean?” James’s face remained utterly impassive. “Aw, come off it, I _know_ it was you.”

“No. I didn’t do that—”

“It’s fine, really—”

Remus coughed. “Actually, I—I did that,” he admitted, and Sirius and Peter’s jaws practically dropped.

“ _You_?”

“Uh, y—yeah.” He began tugging at the cuff of his robes, feeling awkward about all this but not wanting Sirius to blame James. “Cause of the whole… gossip going on. The kiss thing.”

Sirius blinked a few times then raked his hair back, frowning. “Oh. Wow. I didn’t even think—I assumed it was James all this time.”

“No,” he whispered, ducking his head.

“Huh. All right. Sorry, Jimsy.”

“Nah, it’s fine, Siri.”

Peter scratched his head, face screwed up. “But I didn’t even see you! I saw James—”

“You did?” Sirius interrupted.

“Um…” Peter turned slightly pink. “Yeah. Uh, yeah, I did. But I never saw Remus!”

_Thank Merlin_ , he thought, tugging at his collar now. James was very entertained and kept giving Remus _looks_ , obviously waiting for an explanation. “Cloak,” he finally said. “James’s cloak.”

James gave a soft snort and turned away, shaking his head a little.

“Ooh,” Peter said, accepting the response although Sirius still seemed a little suspicious.

“You’re not mad at me for doing that?” Remus asked, glancing at Sirius.

“Of course not, I thought it was _hilarious_ ,” he said, punching Remus’s arm lightly. “Cassie’s over it, so it’s in the past now.”

Remus gave a slight sigh of relief.

Sirius kept talking. “I’m impressed, more than anything. That it was _you_ , I mean. Although, I guess I should’ve guessed considering what happened. Cassie thought it was Evans but neither of us suspected _you_.” He cracked a broad grin. “Course, you’re a Marauder so I don’t know why I thought you could be innocent.”

“Speaking of not being innocent,” James began, and Remus had a bad feeling. “We need to sneak into Hogsmeade tomorrow to get supplies. Confetti and stuff. Buy some firecrackers, if they’re gonna be paying for them.”

“We’ll need material for the banner too,” said Sirius.

“Ooh, and the balloons and stuff,” added Peter.

All three of them gave Remus an expectant look. “Wh—what?”

“You coming in with us?” James asked, brow furrowed. “It was your idea.”

He swallowed, growing rather nervous. “I d-don’t know. Um, maybe… I did have plans tomorrow morning with Aegis…”

“We could go in the afternoon,” James said.

Remus sighed, fingers running up and down his satchel strap. “Maybe. Um, maybe.” Then a bright idea struck him. “If we sneak in for supplies we probably should wait to sneak in to listen to those screams.” He knew it was on their minds, since James had mentioned it the evening before.

James opened his mouth, then shut it. “We can go in twice on the weekend.”

“Sneak out, sneak back in, then sneak back out in the same day?” Remus asked, raising his eyebrows. “I dunno…”

James folded his arms. “Do you have something against going to listen to the screams of the damned?”

He faltered slightly in his step, nearly tripping over his feet. “I have something against sneaking out to Hogsmeade in the middle of the night,” he said, trying not to sound panicked. Sirius was giving him a strange look that made him feel even more panicky.

“There isn’t any big difference between going in during the day and in the evening,” James pushed.

“What? Yes there _is_!” Remus stopped walking completely, very frustrated. “Sneaking out of the school is breaking a rule and being out after hours is another rule. That is doubling up on two very important school rules!”

James rubbed his chin. “You can only fill a jar so full.”

Remus blinked, feeling like James completely changed the conversation. “What—I’m sorry, what does that have to do with anything?” Before James could answer, he realized what his friend was getting out. “No, that—getting into trouble isn’t a _jar_! It’s not as if you can only get into a certain amount of trouble! If we get caught sneaking out of school and get x amount of detention, it’s not like we can’t get even more for being out at _night_!”

James squinted. “Are you—”

“Yes!” Remus wheezed a little, feeling dizzy with having to listen to this stupidity. “Yes, I’m _sure_! Merlin! How is that—where did—I don’t even know how you came to that conclusion that there’s a limited amount of trouble you can get into! You can get into an infinite amount of trouble!”

James and Sirius exchanged excited looks while Peter gave a little moan. “Remy, stop giving them _ideas_!”

“Infinite amount of trouble, you say?” Sirius asked, rubbing his chin.

“No! I didn’t mean—” He wracked his brain for a response. “No, there is a limited amount, you’re right. It’s called being _expelled_. All right? There _is_ a limit, and it’s being _kicked out of school_! Which I would prefer not to do, thank you very much!”

Sirius crinkled his nose up. “Yeah, I’d prefer not to be expelled either. Brains has a point.”

“We’re not going to get expelled for sneaking into Hogsmeade at night,” James said.

“Are you… sure?” Pete asked.

“Er—not… not so much, I guess,” he admitted.

“So… _are_ we sneaking out tonight? Or tomorrow night?” Pete continued.

James’s face brightened. “Tonight! We can sneak out tonight, and tomorrow sneak in—or Sunday, if that’s better. Would that be acceptable?” he asked Remus.

“It—it’s not… safe though,” he whispered.

"Look,” James said, “we’d probably only be caught in the castle and then they’d never know we left the _school_.”

“He’s got a point,” Sirius said, and Peter nodded.

Remus tried not to panic, trying to figure out a logical way out of this. He could simply say no, go in without me. But he didn’t want them going at all! He didn’t want them hearing the sounds, possibly hearing a wolf howling. Didn’t want them to know that’s where he went. They already knew his big secret, they didn’t need to know _where_ he went…

"If you're not going to give us a reason..." James trailed off, raising his eyebrows. Remus said nothing. "You don't have to go. But we are going." James sounded very resolute, roughly his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“Wait…”

He felt sick and knew it was time to give up. They all stared at him and he turned, going to a nearby bathroom, motioning for them to follow. He checked the stalls to make sure they were alone before locking the door. His hand was shaking hard when he used the locking spell, and Sirius asked if he was all right.

“No,” he croaked out. “I’m not okay.”

“You really this anxious over us going out at night?” Peter asked.

Remus sucked in a deep breath and leaned back against the wall, one arm around his stomach. “S’not the screams. Of the damned.”

"What do you mean?" James asked, sounding a little annoyed.

Remus took in a deep breath, closing his eyes. "It's not screams," he repeated. "It's a spell."

All three of them stared at him with varying levels of surprise. "Spell?" Pete got out.

"How do you know?" James inquired, very suspicious.

Remus looked down at the floor, winding his fingers into the hem of his jumper. He mumbled incoherently, flushing hot from the confession nobody understood. He had to say it again. "It's me," he said, as loudly as he dared.

The room went utterly silent.

Remus's nose itched and he felt the familiar tears welling up. He turned away, turning his back to all of them, wrapping his arms around himself as he hunched forward. "It's where I go," he choked out. "D—Dumbledore put spells on the—the house so p-people hear screams and—and—" he broke off into a whimper, then managed, "—and howls all through the m-m-month. Ss-so when it's a—a f-full m—moon no one su-suspects." He dug his fingernails into his sleeves, wishing they were sharp enough to pierce through to his skin. "No damned souls. Just... just me. My damned body."

He felt worse with each word he got out. Him being a werewolf was _his_ secret, but the house was more of _Dumbledore’s_ secret. It was a betrayal. Even though they’d probably figure it out sooner or later, it was still a betrayal. Another betrayal. He seemed to be getting good at those.

He felt Sirius coming closer. “The house was built for you,” Sirius said simply, and Remus nodded. “That’s why it’s all sealed off and nobody can get in.” Remus couldn’t speak, so he nodded again. “I… wondered. I mean, it appearing the summer before we got here. And the way you talked made it seem like you didn’t transform in or near the castle.”

“How do you get all the way to Hogsmeade, though?” Peter asked.

“Secret passage,” Remus mumbled. “I can’t tell you where. I—I shouldn’t’ve even told you I went to the house in Hogsmeade but—well, I figured you lot would figure it out anyway.”

James cocked his head to one side. “Who are we even going to tell?”

“I—I know, I—it’s—” He sniffled a little and shrugged. “You already know the biggest thing. It’s probably silly for me to be so—so upset over one of the smaller ones.” He explained a little about it not being _his_ secret, really, and the others nodded, hopefully understanding.

All of them gave him hugs, promising it wasn’t silly at all. That they understood his worry. They were curious about _why_ it was in Hogsmeade of all places, and Remus said he had wondered the same. He explained everything Dumbledore told him when he had questioned the Headmaster. Then he told them how strong the protection spells are on the house, how it's _impossible_ to get in and out aside from the secret entrance. How the sound spells were there to hide his screams and howls.

“How come he didn’t just silence the house?” Peter asked.

“I think be—because he wants everyone to think it’s violently haunted,” Remus said, feeling weary now. “Helps keep people away. Or… tries to.” He wanted to bring up the fact they had tried to get into the house one time when he was _there_ , but they were on the verge of being late to class at this point. Besides, he wanted to end the conversation. The guilt was too powerful.

Sirius started to say something but Remus cut him off, pointing out they _needed_ to get to class _now_.

“We—you aren’t planning on still sneaking in though, right?” he asked as he picked his satchel up.

James snorted. “ _Nooo_ , I guess not,” he drew out but gave Remus a wink and an elbow nudge. “Kinda brilliant you’re there, though. Sometime you’ll have to show us.”

“Wh—”

But the others were leaving the bathroom before he could protest. _Oh dear_ , he thought, reluctantly following them. By shutting down one problem it seemed he had accidentally started an entirely new one.


	104. Chapter One Hundred-Four – It’s The Pits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason AO3 has started putting spaces in around italicized words. I try to fix them all but occasionally I might miss one; I apologize for this. Hopefully whatever this glitch is stops soon!

Remus was way too shaken up to pay much attention in Charms, and when it came time for practicing spells he didn’t do so well. He was glad when Flitwick dismissed everyone, though figured his friends would want to talk more. Sure enough, they wanted to grab some food and hide out somewhere in order to question him more about the house. He described the interior as best he could, accidentally adding how amazed he was over the fact he had a whole house _with_ furniture. They wanted to know why it surprised him, and he explained about his cellar at home.

All three of them fell quiet at that.

“Just… an empty… cellar room?” Sirius asked slowly.

“Uh, y—yeah?” Remus shifted a bit, peeling his sandwich apart to poke at the food. “Anyway, it is nice in the house—well, for the most part. It’s not—I mean, it’s being ruined by me so maybe not _nice_ -nice anymore but you know what I mean.”

“An empty cellar?” Sirius repeated.

 _Why are they going on about that_ ? “Yes? Our house isn’t exactly _big_ , there’s not anywhere else in the house I can… transform,” he said, tearing apart the chicken now. “I thought you wanted to know about the house in Hogsmeade.”

“It just seems a little awful to be locked up in a little cellar,” James said. “Unless it’s a big one? Our cellar at home is huge.”

“It—it’s not like I care much as a wolf,” Remus hissed out, not wanting to admit how tiny it was.

“But you’re sometimes human all night, right?” Pete inquired. “You said so. That’s why you liked the blanket so much.”

“Yes…” He scowled, slumping down a bit. “It’s not important though. If you want to talk about the house we can, however I don’t want to sit here rambling about the cellar at home, all right?”

Thankfully they dropped the subject of both the cellar and the house. Remus, feeling a little bad for snapping, considered apologizing—though he wasn’t sure if he needed to or not. When he finally did, they wanted to know what the apology was for, laughing a bit when he explained and promising it was fine.

Sirius tousled Remus’s hair. “You _can_ tell us to shut up if we’re bothering you, dummy.”

“Or we cross a line,” added Pete.

Remus shrugged, not answering that. The others returned to chatting about Operation Arsehole Party (as Sirius had dubbed their prank) or, OAP for short. James and Peter began shrieking ‘OAP’ loudly until it sounded like they were chanting oapaoapaoapa; it sounded really weird and Remus finally gave into laughter.

“You’re still gonna come to Hogsmeade with us for supplies, right?” James asked once they got ready to leave the secret passageway.

“Yeah,” he promised, not really _wanting_ to but feeling like he had to. “We can do it Saturday afternoon or Sunday.” He paused, frowning. “Tomorrow afternoon would probably be better since it’s not a school night.”

“When will you be done doing stuff with Silverlocke?”

“I don’t know…”

“What exactly are you researching?” Sirius asked as they ducked out into the main hallways. “You never did tell us.”

“Er—the school,” he replied cautiously. Then, “We’re trying to figure out anything we can about the Chamber of Secrets.” That was the truth, and didn’t mention the Pits Passage.

“The what of what?” Pete asked.

“Chamber of Secrets. It—”

Sirius cut Remus off with, “A secret place Salazar Slytherin supposedly made to hide some monster that preys on Muggleborns.”

Peter paled slightly. “Wha—? That’s—what? No! There can’t be anything like that in the school, can there?”

Remus gave him a reassuring smile. “No. It’s only a legend, but it’s fun pretending like we can find it.”

Though he wondered about what Sirius said. He was a little surprised Sirius knew anything about the Chamber, even if it was basic stuff. _His family has all been Slytherins_ , he thought as they headed to History. _Maybe he knows something about it_?

He decided not to ask, not yet. Maybe if he grew a little more curious, but he didn’t want to bother Sirius with Slytherin stuff; it would probably annoy him.

*

After a long night of staying up with the other Marauders, Remus was a little grouchy when his alarm went off earlier than he thought. He turned it off and rolled over, drifting back to sleep when he remembered he was supposed to be meeting Aegis.

 _Shoooot_! He dove out of bed and got ready as quickly as he could since he had laid in half-sleep for a good fifteen minutes. Sirius and Peter were still asleep, though James was awake. Remus assured him he was still up for their afternoon plans, and he’d see them later.

Ten minutes later he was outside the portrait on the fourth floor where Aegis was waiting with a piece of toast in one hand. The two climbed through, ignoring the portrait who complained bitterly about annoying students, then went to the second pit, staring at the large gap.

“It’s a couple pits down that way,” Remus explained as he pulled the bag out of his pockets. “We’ll need to cross two of them.”

“Have you tested this?” Aegis asked.

Remus shook his head. “No, but I will now.” He got his wand out and conjured up a length of rope, tugging at it to make sure it was solid. Then he opened the bag of LiftAways.

Aegis watched with worry. “This has got to be the riskiest plan I’ve ever heard.”

Remus tied the rope around his waist. “If you don’t want to, we don’t need to. I mean it…”

“No, it’s—I will,” Aegis sighed. “It’s just a little frightening.”

“That’s why I am testing it first.”

He firmly tied the string of the LiftAway around himself and then pressed the little lever. The LiftAway began inflating. The second it tugged at him Remus stopped. It was about halfway inflated, and he could feel it pulling at him. He pushed the lever again for a second to get a little more air in, then shut it off.

He was hovering a few inches off the ground, one hand gripping the string just in case, even though the LiftAway string was enchanted to stay attached to him.

“All right,” he said. “Ready.”

“I—I don’t know if I can,” Aegis blurted out, glancing over at the pit. “It’s too dangerous.”

“I’m already up here,” Remus pointed out.

All right, so using partially inflated, slightly banned balloons that lifted people in the air in order to get across the pits as well as out of them wasn’t the _safest_ of ideas Remus ever had; nonetheless it seemed better than trying to nick a broom. Not just steal the broom, but get it to the Pits Passage without being seen and then _back_ to the Quidditch supplies. While it was the _safer_ route, it was also the one where they’d probably get caught. At least this way they didn’t risk a teacher catching them.

He only risked plummeting into a pit, breaking his bones, Aegis freaking out and getting Pomfrey, as well as Aegis possibly finding out that he could heal.

But Remus was ninety percent sure it’d be _fine_.

“J—just give me a push. Please?”

Aegis bit his lip, nervously taking hold of the end of the rope before giving Remus a little push. Remus bobbed through the air across the pit. He dipped slightly when he went over the hole, making his heart begin pounding super fast, his fear of heights threatening to consume him; but then he floated over to the other side, safe.

Aegis perked up. “It worked!”

“It _worked_!” Remus laughed which caused him to bob a bit more. “Pull me back?”

Aegis gave the rope a yank and Remus floated back. He released the lever, coming back down, relieved when his feet touched the floor. Aegis had reached out, taking hold of Remus’s sleeve to help him as he descended.

“That looked… scary,” Aegis said.

“Actually, it was quite fun,” Remus admitted as he untied the rope from his waist, offering the end to his friend. “Do you want to try now?”

Aegis took the rope. “I suppose I must, if I wish to see that passageway.” He tied the rope then the string around his waist and then adjusted the LiftAway’s lever until he was floating. “Oh! All right, yes this is—this is kinda fun.”

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

Remus gave him a push. He floated to the other side of the pit, laughing, and suggesting Remus join him. Remus anchored Aegis’s rope around one of the heavy pots—far too heavy for Aegis’s body weight to move—before conjuring up another rope. He tied one end to another pot and the other end around his waist. He got another LiftAway, tied the string to the rope, then pushed the lever until he was floating near the ceiling.

“How are you going to get over here?” Aegis asked, putting more air in his own LiftAway until he was at the same height as Remus.

Remus rubbed his chin, thinking. “Ah! Locomotor LiftAway!” He flicked his wand, making the LiftAway jerk towards Aegis with him being dragged along. He began laughing, especially when he didn’t stop in time and he banged into Aegis. They grabbed hold of one another as they began spinning around, their ropes getting tangled. “Oops!”

They began twirling the other way as the ropes unwound. They floated farther until the rope tightened and the pots kept them tethered.

“Good thing that works,” Aegis said, looking relieved.

Remus grinned and shoved Aegis away. He yelped, flailing as he flew backward, and Remus went backward as well, laughing. Aegis whipped his wand out, using the locomotion spell to send Remus in another direction. Remus got his wand out and the two sent each other flying around the ceiling, close together until they decided to cut the ropes. The two bounced all up and down the passages, laughing as they crashed into one another for a good forty minutes. It was so much more fun than Remus ever imagined, and by the time they descended to the ground they were both exhausted.

They slumped against a wall, shoulder to shoulder, both breathing rather heavily.

“I don’t believe that was our initial intention,” Aegis said, brushing hair from his sweaty forehead.

“No,” Remus giggled.

After a few minutes they got back up, creeping to the edge of the pit where the tunnel was. While they certainly had fun up in the air, it was something else entirely using the LiftAway to go down into the pit, and Remus felt slightly nervous. He conjured rope, anchoring one end to a pot and letting the other end dangle down.

The excitement had faded. Aegis was worried again as Remus got the LiftAway back out.

“I’ll be fine,” he promised, attaching the LiftAway once more to himself. He inflated it until it barely pulled at him. He jumped up and slowly floated back down.

“I don’t like it,” Aegis said flatly.

Remus looked down into the dark pit, remembering how deep it was.

“There is nothing down there, except the tunnel,” Aegis continued. “Now that I think about it, perhaps it would be stupid to do this. What is there for us to see?”

Remus knew if he faltered any longer he would let Aegis convince him, and he wanted to see the tunnel again.

So he jumped.

Aegis screamed, but Remus was still in sight. The LiftAway was inflated _just_ enough that while Remus wasn’t floating, he was in a slow descent, bobbing wildly under the balloon.

Aegis gasped for air, clutching his chest. “You _scared_ me!”

“It’s working,” Remus pointed out, one hand on the rope dangling down, allowing it to slip through his fingers as he sunk. It was terrifying slowly falling into the darkness, seeing Aegis’s pale face peering over the edge getting smaller and smaller. Then he ran out of rope with a good ten feet left to go. Swearing, he lit up his wand to watch the floor come closer until his feet touched the stone.

His legs were shakier than he expected, and he collapsed down onto his knees. He didn’t want Aegis to know how scared he had been otherwise he’d never do it.

“I’m good!” he called out. “I’m coming back up!” He inflated the LiftAway till he began going back up, reaching the surface without any issue. “Easy.”

A few minutes later they were both down in the pit, deflating their LiftAways and tucking them into their pockets. Aegis wanted to go around the pit, touching the walls and examining the floor before they plunged into the tunnel. They wound through till they reached the cave-in at the end. After making sure there really wasn’t any way through, Remus pulled Aegis over to where Peter had tripped over the book. There wasn’t any other evidence there; no quills or ripped pieces of paper or anything.

Finally, they returned up to the passage and from there Remus showed Aegis more of the place since he hadn’t seen anything beyond the area near the trophy room. When they got to the little side corridor with the painting of the sleeping dragon, Aegis agreed there was something strange about it.

Then Aegis noticed something Remus hadn’t.

“ _Look_!” He stood on tiptoes, shining his wandlight near where the wall and ceiling met.

Aegis was several inches taller than Remus at this point; he was actually about James’s height. “What?” He squinted, trying to see what Aegis saw.

Aegis looked down at Remus, frowning. “It looks like there is a seam. I suppose it would be rude of me to offer to hold you up. Not—not _pick_ you up. Er… here.” He tucked his wand into his ponytail then cupped his hands, holding them low. “Would this be all right?”

Remus held onto Aegis’s shoulder as he stepped into the cupped hands. Aegis lifted him up so Remus could see. There _was_ a seam!

“I think it’s a door!” he exclaimed, accidentally moving a bit which put him off balance. He began flailing. Aegis swayed and the two went crashing down, both yelping in pain. Remus rolled off of Aegis, terrified he had hurt his friend.

“I’m fine,” Aegis promised, sitting upright, rubbing his hip.

“You’re bleeding!”

Aegis touched his nose, frowning at the crimson on his fingers. “I believe your elbow clipped me.”

“Oh _no_ , I’m so sorry—“

“No, it isn’t your fault—“

“What?” Remus got up, helping Aegis to his feet. “Of course it’s m-my fault!”

Aegis shook his head. “Accidents happen. I am fine, I promise! It only hurts a little. I have some potion in my bag.” He picked his bag up, rummaging through until he got a small pot of salve out. He dipped his pinky into it and touched it along his nose. “That will help.”

“O—okay,” Remus said, rather dubiously. “Good thing you have that.”

Aegis put it back into his bag and muttered, “Best if I keep it with me anyway,” in such a low tone Remus knew he wasn’t supposed to hear it.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Aegis said brightly.

Remus glanced at Aegis’s bag then back up at his face. “Why do you need to carry that with you?” he asked, hoping the question didn’t make it too obvious he heard what Aegis didn’t want him to hear.

“Er—I, ah, well, just in case. Of—of accidents,” Aegis stammered.

“Accidents?” Remus folded his arms, narrowing his eyes. “Or bullying?” He waited, but Aegis didn’t reply; he was studiously ignoring Remus by pretending to look for something else in his bag. “Aegis—“

“It is fine, Remus, I am—it’s fine.”

“If you’re having to carry healing potion with you—“

“It’s _fine_ ,” Aegis repeated, this time in a very firm ‘this conversation is over’ tone. “Do you think there is a hidden room behind this portrait? Or perhaps it opens up into the castle, as another entrance?”

Remus wanted to keep pushing, wanted to _help_ Aegis. Wanted to go and hex every Slytherin that was giving him problems. Wanted to go hex Malfoy, since it was probably Malfoy causing the most problems. Instead, he turned to look at the sleeping dragon, trying not to sound anxious as he spoke.

“I think it’s a hidden room. Honestly, James and Sirius are _very_ good at finding things like that—they have some sort of sixth sense about—“

“The Marauder sense?” Aegis joked.

Remus laughed. “ _Yes_! If there is something behind here, I think they’d be able to figure it out. I’ll bring them back here sometime this week. By the way—have you ever seen a dragon like this?”

“Hmm?” Aegis tilted his head, studying the creature. “It looks very much like a Swedish Short-Snout however it is red, not blue. It is probably simply the artist doing as they wished.”

“Yeah.” Remus felt a bit disappointed since he had the feeling there was more to it than that. “You’re probably right.”

“Come on, it is past noon and I am _very_ hungry—“

“Past noon?” Remus reeled back. “Merlin’s socks, I need to go! I’m supposed to meet the others at twelve-thirty—“

“It is twelve-twenty.”

“ _Bloody hell_! Sorry, I have to—sorry!”

They rushed back through the passage as quickly as they could with the LiftAways, going to the fourth floor passage since Remus was supposed to meet them at the mirror passageway if they didn’t have lunch together. He bid Aegis farewell then ran as fast as he could, not getting there until nearly twelve-forty. The three of them were waiting in a nearby nook, playing cards.

“There you are!” Sirius said when Remus crashed into the wall. “Be _careful_!”

“S—sorry I’m late!” he gasped out, collapsing onto the bench next to Peter.

“Only by ten minutes,” James noted, checking his watch. “Did you have fun?”

“Huh? Oh. Y—yeah. We had loads of fun.” He sank back, resting his head against the wall.

Sirius poked him with his foot. “Did you find the Chamber of Secrets?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Yes we did, actually, it’s smaller than you’d expect. There’s a painting of Slytherin in there, wearing a miniskirt and bra.”

Sirius burst into laughter. “That’d be brilliant to see. Or maybe not so much, depending on how _mini_ the skirt was!”

“Maybe the monster Slytherin locked up in there was himself,” said Peter, scooping the cards up.

“Wouldn’t put it past him,” snickered James as they went to the mirror. “Immoralize himself to kill Muggleborns.” He fogged the mirror up and wrote **open** , and they quickly went into the passage.

“Er—while—while it does seem to be true that Salazar Slytherin could possibly be immoral—personally with his viewpoints towards Muggles and Muggleborns I believe he was quite immoral—I believe the word you mean is _immortalize,_ ” Remus said.

“Thank you, dictionary,” James teased.

“It _is_ nice to have a walking dictionary with us at all times,” Peter said, elbowing Remus. “And… umm... thes… thessa… thes…”

“Thesaurus?” Remus offered.

Peter grinned. “Yes, that.”

“And encyclopedia,” Sirius added. “Pretty much an all-around library.”

“Libremy?” James asked, and they all laughed.

They made their way through the tunnel towards Hogsmeade. The closer they got, the sicker Remus felt. He had told himself he wouldn’t do this again yet here he was, flouting the rules, throwing Dumbledore’s trust away. _Again_.

When they reached the exit, Remus climbed up the rope ladder and nearly fell into some mud; James caught him before he did, thankfully. Sirius was the last to come through the stump, and soon the four were headed into town. It was a very chilly day, a rather icy wind biting against their skin, the threat of rain or sleet looming in the heavy clouds above them. Not quite cold enough for snow though.

To Remus’s surprise they didn’t go to any of the shops first. Instead they went to the house. _Oh no_ , he thought once he realized where James was leading them. Was he going to insist Remus try to get them inside?

“Why are we here?” Sirius asked when they reached the fence, though his eyes were on Remus, not the house.

“I just wanted to look at it,” James explained. “Knowing that’s where—that’s, you know.” He sidled over to Remus, bumping against him lightly. “Wanted to see it, now that I know. It makes it… different.”

The four gazed at the house for a moment, and then Peter said, “S’long as it’s nicer inside than out, that’s what matters.”

“It is,” Remus assured him. “C—come on, let’s do the shopping before it gets too late.”

James tore himself away from the fence. “It’s hours away from sunset.”

“Still.”

Sirius flung his arm around Remus and gave him a noogie. “You can’t rush Hogsmeade! This is only your second trip, you need to _savor_ it. You didn’t last time.”

“He savored the butterbeer, that’s for sure,” Peter said, and James laughed so hard he choked.

They turned away from the house, James and Sirius plotting the route they’d go. They asked Remus if he wanted to go to the bookshop and he shook his head. Really, he _wanted_ to go, except he couldn’t afford it. He had a handful of knuts—way too many since he couldn’t carry sickles—which he planned to use at the Three Broomsticks to get something to eat. He initially wanted to buy sweets from Honeydukes except he missed lunch and was _very_ hungry. He thought he had enough for at least an order of chips and was fairly sure a glass of water would be free.

The first stop was Dervish and Banges, a little shop at the far end of town that sold a variety of odds and ends… including party noisemakers enchanted to go off on their own. James bought half a dozen of the noisemakers and a very broken trumpet that, when touched by human hands, blared out _Flight Of The Bumblebee_ , not stopping till it played it ten and a half times. James got it for a sickle.

“We’ll make it float, and when they grab it to get rid of it…!” James laughed instead of finishing the sentence, putting the carefully wrapped trumpet into his bag.

“Shame there’s only one,” said Peter. “We could put a dozen in the Slytherin dorms. Imagine that racket.”

Sirius elbowed him. “Aw Petey, you heard the shopkeep. Touched by _human_ hands. Your plan works if there’s humans in the Slytherin dorms, which I find there to be a distinct lack of!”

All three of them laughed while Remus wondered what would happen if he touched it. He glanced down at his fingers, not sure if he was considered human enough to set the cursed object off. He glanced at James’s bag, partly tempted to try, partly terrified of what would happen—how he’d feel—if it _didn’t_ go off.

It still floated around his head by the time they got to the stationary and paper shop, which also sold party supplies, where they purchased a large banner for Sirius to decorate, two large containers of glitter confetti, and balloons. Next up: the ingredients shop, where they bought the things needed to make a Super-Stink potion.

Finally Zonko’s, which Remus had never been in. The second he stepped in he knew it was James and Sirius’s idea of heaven. There were jokes, tricks, and japes as far as the eye could see. It was like Honeydukes but with pranks. James and Sirius went straight for an entire wall covered with firecrackers of all kinds. They picked out several no-heat wet-starts which they put in one basket, then they began going through others which they put in a second basket.

“This one is the one for OAP,” James explained, giving Peter the basket along with a couple of galleons. “Go ahead and get them, and make sure to get a receipt.”

Peter and Remus went to the counter and the clerk gave them looks as she rang them up. “Bad enough older students sneak out, aren’t you two a bit young?” She stared pointedly at Remus.

Neither of them said anything. Peter squirmed uncomfortably, while Remus was too embarrassed. The clerk held out the change which Remus muttered for Peter to take, and he obediently took the sickles while Remus took the bag. They waited for the other two to finish and soon they appeared, Sirius carrying two bags.

Second to last stop was Honeydukes, of course, although Remus opted not to go in. He didn’t want to see all the chocolate and sweets tempting him. Instead he sat outside with all the purchases, a book propped open in his lap. He could smell the sweets inside, his nose twitching and stomach grumbling to the point where it was hard to concentrate on the words.

Eventually he gave up, tucking the book back in his bag and taking in the sights of Hogsmeade while he waited. It really was a quaint little town. No Muggles around for _miles_. _Wonder what it’d be like to grow up here_. He knew there were a couple of his classmates who grew up and lived in Hogsmeade. _Did they go all the way to London for the_ Hogwarts Express _, only to come back here?_ He’d have to ask. That seemed a little silly.

James, Sirius, and Peter burst through the door, bags bursting with sweets swinging from their arms.

Last, but certainly not least, the Three Broomsticks. They took a table with a booth seat which they used to store the bags, the four of them taking seats. Sirius and Remus went to order stuff, and Remus tried to buy himself a plate of chips and a glass of water however Sirius wouldn’t even let him talk. He ordered loads of food to be split between everyone and four tankards of butterbeer.

“Jimsy’s paying,” Sirius said, putting the money down on the counter.

“I c-can pay for my own food,” Remus hissed out.

“Take it up with James,” Sirius said, putting two tankards in his hands and carrying the other two back.

Remus set the two down and dumped all his knuts onto the counter. “Th—this is—this is for—um—this—“

Madame Rosmerta laughed, eyes twinkling as she swept the knuts off the bar. “I understand, darlin’. When they order more food I’ll put this towards it.”

Remus blushed, quickly grabbing the butterbeers and hurrying back to the table.

“What did she say to you?” James asked, taking one of the tankards from him. “You’re so red!”

Sirius snorted. “As if she needs to even say anything.” He held his hands up to his chest to indicate Madame Rosmerta’s chest. “That’s enough to make ol’ Dumbles blush.”

Remus felt himself going even redder. “N—no! She—no. I—“ It was useless to protest. And besides, they were all glancing at Rosmerta while she worked, not even paying attention to Remus anymore. He glanced over too.

 _She is apparently gorgeous_ , he thought, sipping at the foam on his butterbeer. He tried to see it. Tried to see what they saw. Tried to see what was so interesting or attractive about her or her enormous bosom, but as much as he tried he just _couldn’t_. Sighing, he turned back to the table, turning his thoughts to school—the main thing that helped when these miserable, broken feelings started invading his brain.

After several platters of food—and only one tankard of butterbeer for Remus, thank you very much; after that he had water—the Marauders tumbled out of the Three Broomsticks and made their way out of town, back to the stump that would leave them back to Hogwarts.


	105. Chapter One Hundred-Five - Engorgio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised to let you know today and the good news is, no hiatus! I’ve been able to write again! I’m very happy haha. Also I don’t know if this needs a warning or not but I know emetophobia is a thing and while there is no actual sick in this chapter, there is someone pretending. I’ll be tagging that in chapters now and if there are any trigger warnings you guys need please let me know! There is some “adult” humor in this chapter but I don’t know if it’s the sort of thing that needs warnings for, so if this extent of adult humor does need a trigger warning for you please let me know and I’ll do my best. Thank you!

_I'll be thirteen in six days_ , Remus thought as he brushed his teeth on Sunday morning, staring at his pale reflection. It had been about two weeks since the full moon, and he was finally back to his normal weight. His normal _light_ weight. Pomfrey had stopped giving him the weight gain potion several days ago. He rather wished he could still take it. Maybe bulk up a little bit. Maybe not be so… _tiny_.

He spat the potion out then stepped back, trying to flex his scrawny arms. Right when he started doing that, the door swung open and James came in. Remus jerked his arms down, red creeping across his face, hoping James hadn't seen.

James's grin proved he had seen it, and Remus turned away, burning hotter. It was disgusting, him being caught out like that! And now James was going to tease him mercilessly. Unless, for some reason, James decided to be nice—

James smacked Remus’s back roughly. “You’ll get there one day, little buddy.”

“I w-wasn’t—I—I was—it wasn’t—“

“I won’t tell.” James winked at him then moved to the next sink over, dumping some tooth cleansing potion in his mouth. “You know,” he said, mouth full of toothbrush, “it’s okay to do that, right? Flex? Admire yourself? I do it all the time.” He stepped back and pulled his pajama top off, flexing his bare arms. “Hoo-yeah.”

Remus covered his mouth, laughing as James flexed and posed multiple times.

“Can you believe we’ll be thirteen this month?” he asked when he finally stopped laughing.

“ _No_!” James shook his head, yanking a hairbrush through his unruly mess a couple times, only succeeding in making it messier. “I can’t wait though. Can’t believe I’m going to be thirteen. Thir _teeeeen_! We’ll be _third_ years soon.”

“Six months,” Remus muttered. “Then we get to have new classes.”

“Blimey, Brains.”

“What?”

James shook his head, amused. “Nothing. Oof. I dunno what classes I want to take, I mean—it depends what Sirius wants, of course. What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know, we don’t need to decide for sure for another month,” he sighed, uncapping and recapping his bottle of tooth-cleaning potion. “It’s going to be hard to decide which to take.”

James tapped his hairbrush against his chin. “Let me guess. All of them? I’m thinking at least Muggle Studies. That’s supposed to be an easy class. I mean, I don’t really care about Ancient Runes or Divination. Arithmancy might be neat but… seems kinda confusing. Mum loves it. But I dunno. Care of Magical Creatures would be exciting though. Muggle Studies and Care of Magical Creatures, I’m thinking. But as I said it depends on ‘xactly what Sirius wants.”

“What depends on me?” Sirius asked, sweeping into the bathroom.

“Electives, next year,” James said, messing his hair up even more. “Thinking Muggle Studies and Magical Creatures.”

Sirius perked up, dumping his stuff on a chair. “Care of Magical Creatures is definitely something I’d like to take.”

James gave him a thumbs up. “Brilliant.”

“What are you thinking, Remy?”

“Whaddaya think he’s thinking?” James laughed.

Sirius grinned. “All of them?”

Remus grabbed his stuff, giving a theatrically offended sniffle. “Why not? They all seem interesting.”

“Can you even take all of them?” James inquired.

“Er…” Remus bit his bottom lip. “Yes? If… if the student has shown… themselves to be… exemplary and deserving.”

James pointed his toothbrush at Remus. “You’re the geniusest student in the school. If anyone is examplary it’s you.”

“I agree,” Sirius said, giving Remus an encouraging smile. “Out of everyone in our year, you are certainly the best candidate for that—why are you frowning?”

“Oh, nothing. I—er, I need to finish getting ready.” He dove into one of the shower stalls to change out of his pajamas and into clothes for the day, hoping they wouldn’t question him further. Grades wise he did agree with their statements. He knew he had the mental capacity and intellect to keep up in _all_ the electives. It was what happened outside his academic interests that worried him. To be exact: his actions as a Marauder.

All right, he didn’t get anywhere near as much detention as James and Sirius. However, he still caused problems, the teachers _knew_ he caused problems, knew he was in league with the biggest troublemakers. Regardless of how much they knew, they knew, bottom line, he was a troublemaker.

He knew about ninety percent of all students who took all the electives usually went on to become Prefects, and often Head Boy or Girl. That… wasn’t an option for him. All right, that left a select few who didn’t become a prefect—but even then they were students who went on to do amazing things. Something he couldn’t do.

Plus he was a werewolf. He didn’t deserve a ‘pass’, didn’t deserve to be given a chance like _that_.

Therefore, he needed to make a decision. He figured ultimately he’d just choose whatever the others chose. Or maybe one class with them, and one with Lily. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking.

_Aegis is going to get his cousin to talk to us soon_ , he thought as he yanked his jumper over his head. _To help us figure things out_.

The others were still talking about electives as they swung by the Great Hall to grab some food to take to the Quidditch pitch for James’s practice. Sirius, Peter, and Remus were waiting till they sat down, but James munched on bacon as they went. Peter didn’t care about the electives, saying he’d go with whatever they went with, though Muggle Studies did seem like a good class for him.

“Maybe I’ll finally make an O,” he joked, with a bitter sort of laugh.

Sirius jabbed him with his elbow. “You’ll probably get an O in Potions one of these days, you’re _real_ good in that class.”

Peter shrugged, stuffing a scone in his mouth to avoid answering that. At least that’s what Remus assumed, since it was the sort of thing _he’d_ do—stuff food in his mouth to avoid saying something. Though Pete did look quite pleased with Sirius’s compliment, and continued to do so long after the three boys were in the bleachers watching James’s practice.

*

At two pm Remus, Sirius, and Inkwood met up in a little nook of the common room. Inkwood didn’t really see the need to go _all_ the way to the library. So they sat around a small table, Remus trying not to let the sounds of the common room bother him while he set out all his research. He had dozens of pages of notes written down, each section with a title written in large words so he could keep it organized. He rather wished he had multiple colors of ink. He could write biological information in one color, habitat and diet in another, etc, etc. But he only had black ink. The cheapest black ink Lyall could find and he was getting low; Remus wasn’t sure if what he had would last for the rest of the school year since he had broken the one bottle in January. If he was _very_ careful with his note-taking and didn’t re-write so many essays he’d probably be able to make it last.

He studied his quill, considering the possibility of asking for a better one. Most of the quills the wizarding world used were magicked to hold ink so one didn’t have to constantly dip in every other word, but some were better at storing ink than others. More expensive quills had stronger, better spells on them. Perhaps it would be best if they invested in a better quill to save on ink? Of course, the _best_ quills wouldn’t be allowed in Hogwarts. They were the ones with multiple spells on them to keep them sharp, intact—all sorts of stuff on them. The _only_ spells on quills permitted to be used in classes were the ones to store ink.

“ _So_!”

Sirius’s loud exclamation jerked Remus out of his thoughts. Sirius had his chair balanced on the back two legs, wobbling a bit as he tried to keep balance.

“Sirius and I have plenty of information,” Inkwood said, plopping six pieces of parchment down which looked rather paltry compared to the thick stack Remus had set down. “Did you know in the 19th century, the Swedish Council of Magic held an emergency meeting and had to obliviate an entire village because Henrik Kvastson petitioned to gift King… err, something or other, two Swedish Short-Snouts to help in a Muggle war?” Inkwood flipped through the pages. “He brought the dragons right into a Muggle village. And there’s another story about someone from ummmm…” Her finger ran down the paper. “Someone in the 17th century trying to gift a Swedish Short-Snout to the Muggle king.”

“What’s with Swedes trying to give Muggles dragons?” Sirius asked with a yawn, chair wobbling even more.

“It’s a c-common occurrence in several countries, actually,” Remus said, tracing his finger along the tabletop. “It’s h-h-happened in the UK sev—several times. In the fifteenth century the Wizard—Wizards’ Council had to prevent a Welsh community from—from trying to use Welsh Greens in the War of the—the—the Roses.”

“Really?” asked Inkwood. “Huh. Did people just not care about the Statute of Secrecy orrrr…?”

Sirius laughed, while Remus snickered. “I g-guess them w-wanting certain side to—to win was t-too tempting. Anyway, well, ri—right, I think we sh-should work on—on compiling all of—“

“I had an idea!” Inkwood cut him off. “A super fun one! I was thinking we could make a scale!”

“A… scale?” Remus asked.

“Uh-huh!” Inkwood nodded excitedly. “We could make it out of paper and turn it to wood, and Sirius can paint it. Make it look as realistic as we can. That’d be so neat, wouldn’t it?”

Sirius’s chair came down with a thud. “Hey, that’s a terrific idea! What do you think, Remy?”

He shrugged; he doubted it would add much to their project but it couldn’t hurt. Maybe Prewett would like the extra effort. “That—that would be fine. That’s a—a really good idea, Inkwood.”

Inkwood gave him a bright smile. “Thank you! Short-Snouts are _so_ pretty. I’d like to see one in person someday. I’m glad we ended up with them.”

Sirius folded his arms on the table, resting his cheek against them. His inky waves splayed out across the parchment. “We ended up with them because you and I kept arguing, and Remy had to make a decision on his own.”

Inkwood bit her bottom lip, gazing at Sirius through her lashes. “Well, we aren’t arguing anymore.”

Sirius’s eyes glittered, a smirk spreading across his lips. “No, we aren’t.”

Remus ducked his head so his fringe hid his eye roll. He asked for Inkwood’s notes and pulled them close, going through them. There really wasn’t much there; he knew there were loads more stories of Short-Snouts throughout history; Inkwood hadn’t even included the fable of the Short-Snout and the Troll.

“Sirius, did you do—did you do _any_ work?” he couldn’t help but ask, since all the notes were in Inkwood’s handwriting.

Sirius was balancing on the back two legs again. “Hmm? Yes, of course I helped! I read while she wrote.” Remus glanced at Inkwood who held her forefinger and thumb very close together to indicate he had done very little. “OI!” Sirius complained, while Inkwood and Remus giggled.

“Right, well I—I’m going to compile every—everything together, if that’s ok—okay, while you continue t-to do research. Sirius, you should—you two can start on the sc-scale and other art too?”

Inkwood clapped. “I’m so glad you like my scale idea! I was worried you wouldn’t.”

Remus put all the papers together, straightening them. “No, it—it’s brilliant,” he promised, and Inkwood beamed. Sirius looked quite happy too. “S-so shall we meet—meet—er, meet later this w-week?”

“Thursday, after Defense?” Sirius suggested, and they all agreed.

Remus took all the papers up to the dorm and spread them out on his desk. He hoped the fact he was writing everything would be all right. That as long as he made it clear the others did a lot of work too, it’d be all right for him to do the writing part—although… perhaps Sirius should copy everything over? He had the best handwriting. Did handwriting count for anything?

He glanced down at his horrible scrawl compared to Inkwood’s rather swoopy writing. Nowhere near as pretty as Sirius’s handwriting, but a hundred times more legible than Remus’s mess.

_Something to think about_. He pulled out fresh parchment and began making up new notes with everything collected together.

*

Remus stayed up very late working on the project and was quite tired through a very smelly Potions class. When he trudged to Charms he expected to be pretty out of it, however that wasn’t in the cards.

"The engorgement charm," Flitwick announced after he made sure none of the students were absent.

James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus all immediately began laughing. None of them could help it, and everyone in class stared at them. Peter was sliding down in his seat, James was pounding on his desk, Sirius had fallen completely out of his chair, and Remus had his arms folded across his section of the desk with his face buried in them.

"Is there something funny about today's lesson?" Flitwick asked.

"N—no P-P-Professssor!" James gasped out, tears streaming down his cheeks. He yanked his glasses off to wipe them off.

It took a minute or so before they managed to calm down but then Peter whispered, "Told you we'd be learning it soon." which set them off again to the point of Flitwick asking them to please go sit out in the corridor until they could conduct themselves in a proper manner, and removed two points each for disrupting the lesson.

They filed out of the classroom, managing to keep themselves together until they sat down and looked at each other. They promptly began laughing again. Remus pulled his jumper up over his face, wheezing into the wool.

"Come on, we need to calm down—Remy’s thirteenth is on Saturday and Jimsy’s is only a couple weeks away—we need to learn it!" Sirius exclaimed, and they all wound up on the floor. They were so loud that Flitwick stuck his head out, removed more points, and asked them to sit way down at the end of the corridor.

It took them a while to finally get to the point where they could go back in the class. Every time they thought they stopped laughing they'd simply look at each other and start up again, or at one point Remus said they really _should_ get back which set them off again for some reason. Finally, though, they were all laughed out—Remus felt quite exhausted—and they crept back into the class, trying to pretend not to notice all the curious stares. Lily raised her eyebrows at Remus and he hoped she wouldn't ask him about what happened, though knew she would.

"Are you four calmed down?" Flitwick asked.

"Yes, sir," Sirius said. The other three nodded in agreement.

"I won't go over everything I said already however a quick explanation in case you need it: the engorgement charm is a fairly simple spell which causes the object to swell to various sizes—"

They were kicked out once more for laughing, lost more points, and missed the rest of the class.

*

"Okay." Lily plopped down next to Remus at the Gryffindor table shortly after lunch began, setting a pile of notes down in front of him. " _What_ was that?"

"Wh—what was what?" he asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

She glared. "You missed an entire class because you couldn't stop laughing!"

"Er..." He picked up the notes, pretending to read them though he knew a great deal about the spell already. "Inside joke," he finally settled on, and the other three Marauders began giggling.

Lily gave a long sigh. "I can't believe you missed a class for that. An important one too!"

"Making things swell up is definitely important," Sirius said, somehow with a very straight face.

Remus and Peter began choking, while James spit out his drink _all_ over Remus and, unfortunately, Lily. She jumped back, nearly tripping over the bench, giving squawks of anger. James practically had his face pressed into the table as he shrieked with laughter. Somehow, he managed to raise a hand to give Sirius a high five.

"You absolute _twat_!" Lily looked down at her damp uniform. "That is _disgusting_ !" She faced Remus who had collapsed against Peter, the two of them clutching each other to stop themselves from falling off the bench. Remus was far too amused and embarrassed to even think about saying anything to Lily—thankfully she didn't know what they were talking about or Remus would have _died_ , except then she said, "You know what, I have the distinct feeling I _don't_ want to know one _bit_ what you lot are on about!"

"You probably don't," Sirius managed to say.

Lily harumphed, and flounced off out of the room.

"Th—that was m-mean," Remus gasped out, trying to get oxygen back in his lungs.

" _Please_!" James said, shaking his head. "They teach a bunch of 13 year old boys this spell and not expect a few dirty jokes?"

"I wonder if it would actually work though," Peter said.

Remus started to say how dangerous an idea that was but James spoke first. "I know the spell to make someone's head bigger, so it's not like... you _can't_ make specific body parts bigger."

Sirius rose a little out of his seat so he could lean way over the table, practically in Remus's face. " _Is there_?" he whispered.

Remus shrank back, heat flooding his body. "Ah—I—I highly doubt—"

"What's the Latin word for... you-know?" James asked. “ _Penis_.”

He knew he was going red, couldn't _stop_ himself from going red, and hoped he wasn't as red as he felt. He tried to answer, but couldn't. It got worse when Sirius said, "Look how _red_ he is. Breathe!"

"It's—it's n-n-not—not—not— _oh_!" He yanked his jumper back up over his mouth and lower face, burning up thinking about what they were talking about. Joking about it and the whole... Sirius's birthday expectations were one thing, but _this_ was too much, and he didn't think he _could_ breathe. All he could think about was the pictures in _Your Body At Hogwarts_ and the various penises, and it felt as though his entire body would disintegrate into tiny crumbs of humiliation. He _wished_ he would. He wanted to disappear.

"Is there a problem?" a nearby prefect asked.

"No, none at all," James promised.

"You spit all over two other students," the prefect said, looking down his nose at him.

James smiled sweetly. "I was _choking_. It was an accident. Remus is fine."

"He looks like he's dying. Are you all right?"

Remus considered bolting out of the Great Hall and realized he had a good excuse. "Y—yes, f-f-fine, just—just need—clean uniform!"

He grabbed his satchel and tripped over the bench trying to get up. There was quite a bit of laughter which made him go redder as he ran from the Great Hall. He ran all the way up to the tower where he dove for the window, throwing it open for some fresh air. Fresh, _cool_ air that felt _so_ good against his burning face.

_Merlin_. He sank down to the floor, pulling his robes and damp jumper off, fanning himself. Why was he so _hot_? Just the embarrassment? It had to be—why else would he be like this? He unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it open, letting the cold breeze from the window wash over him until he heard footsteps. He quickly buttoned the shirt back up, finishing the top button as the door swung open.

"Everything all right?" Sirius asked.

"Uhh—yeah, yeah," Remus mumbled, getting to his feet. "T—talking about—I mean, in front of _Lily_..."

James snorted, scampering over to elbow him. "Embarrass you in front of the missus, eh?"

Remus scowled and elbowed back, a little sharply. " _Don't_ call her that, she's—we're _friends_ , is all! For the _millionth_ time!"

Sirius's lips quirked up. "Your hair is a disaster."

Remus reached up, trying to smooth down his messy hair. "I need to get changed. I've still got James spit all over me."

"Sirius's fault," James said.

"Technically this is all Pete's fault," Sirius said, pointing at Peter, "for being the one to say it in the first place on my birthday."

Peter grinned, fluttering his eyelashes. "You're welcome."

"Ehhh, we all know the spell anyway," said James with a yawn. "Least, I can do the skull version. I've never tried the regular version. Hmm." He scanned the room and grabbed a piece of parchment. "It's just engorgio, right?"

"Yes," Remus said, pausing from getting clean clothes to wave his hand in the proper wand motion. "Like that."

"Engorgio!" James tried, and nothing happened. "Ugh."

Remus got his wand out. "Engorgio." The parchment grew a good bit, going about three times its normal size.

"Show off," James muttered.

“I—I do know how to do it, remember? I _did_ use it last year, on a certain set of yellow knickers,” Remus pointed out.

The others laughed at their Dedenne prank while Remus whisked out of the room to get changed. He didn't have much liquid on his trousers but he changed everything anyway, pausing for a few minutes in nothing but his pants to try to cool down. Finally he threw the new uniform on and returned to his friends, glad the conversation was no longer about penises because he didn't think he could deal with it.

*

That afternoon, James and Sirius played a game during History of Magic where they shot the engorgement spell through Binns, making the pieces of chalk behind him grow bigger and bigger. Remus considered trying to get them to stop, but he was tired and half dozed with his head on his arms while Binns droned on. A year ago he'd never imagine he'd become one of _those_ students... but _blimey_ was Binns ridiculously boring, and Remus was quite tired.

" _Would you stop_ _that_?" Lily hissed out.

"Stop what?" James asked, flicking the spell making the bit of chalk get even bigger until it clattered to the floor.

"Aren't we supposed to practice anyway?" Sirius asked.

James snickered. "Why does he even need chalk? He can't touch it."

"Don't be rude!" Lily grumbled.

"Wingardium leviosa." Sirius got a piece of chalk floating and began drawing very shakily on the board. Several Gryffindors began giggling. Twycross raised her hand. When Binns called on her, she said Sirius was causing problems. Binns blinked at Sirius who sat quietly with his quill poised over some parchment, face as innocent as an angel. Binns went back into the lecture, and Sirius went back to using the levitation charm to try to draw a lion on the chalkboard; at least it wasn't anything inappropriate, and considering how the day went, Remus was a little surprised.

James and Peter started playing cards while Remus yawned quietly, putting his head back down on his arms, vaguely listening to Binns. Soon a note fluttered onto his desk. _you cant engorgio a ghost right?_ Remus glanced up at a grinning James, and mouthed the word 'no!'. James's grin faded to a frown, and he snapped his fingers.

"How's that?" Sirius asked, letting the chalk drop. When it broke in half, the sound caused Binns to falter in his lecture. He glanced back and saw the fully drawn lion. Everyone waited to see what he'd say... and he just turned back, continuing.

"Does _anything_ interrupt his talks?" Peter asked.

James crumpled up a piece of parchment into a large ball. “Are you kidding? Not even this stops him. See?"

James chucked the parchment through Binns. There were a few gasps from other students, and Binns went silent, staring at James. James stared back, not even breathing. He and Sirius had done similar things before, but not with something so big or through his _head_.

"Mr. Platter..." Binns looked down his nose at him, "do you have a question?"

"Um. What—what page number are we on?" James asked.

Binns sighed. "493." And he went back to droning.

James, Sirius, and Peter all covered their mouths to stifle the laughter. There were several giggles, and Lily snapping at how rude that was. Remus agreed with Lily, asking how Sirius would feel if someone threw something through him!

Sirius beamed. "If something can go _through_ me, I highly doubt I'd _feel_ anything!"

Remus scowled, unable to really argue _that_ , and grew rather irritated by the smug look on his friend's face. He crumpled up some parchment and threw it at Sirius. Unfortunately it sailed over Sirius's head, hitting Nettle instead. Sirius laughed even more while Nettle gave a furious sort of grunt. She grabbed the ball and threw it back. She had considerably better aim than Remus and it would have hit his face if he hadn't ducked.

"Don't throw stuff at my friend," Sirius said and threw a crumpled ball of paper at Nettle.

Soon paper balls were going everywhere to the point where Binns noticed and had to raise his voice a little. This didn't work at all and balls of parchment kept flying through the air. Nobody noticed when Binns disappeared through the wall until the door swung open and a Gryffindor Prefect came in. Everyone froze, some of the students in mid-throw. Nobody had points removed, however the prefect suggested they please leave the class, and Professor McGonagall _would_ be informed.

It was near enough to Transfiguration that everyone just headed there to wait, most of them irritated at the Marauders.

"Nettle threw it first," James said.

"Loopy did!" Nettle protested.

"He was trying to hit me," Sirius pointed out. " _I_ wouldn't have thrown anything back."

Nettle glowered at him. "Well exc _uuuuuse_ me!

A few minutes later the door to Transfiguration opened and the previous class trooped out. The second year Gryffindors slunk in, expecting a lecture and certainly receiving one. McGonagall glared at each of them before launching into a stern talk about how she was informed of what happened, and she was surprised to hear the entire class had acted out like that! She took two points from everyone, resulting in twenty-six points lost. In addition to the ones the Marauders lost from Charms.

Though the fallout from what happened in Charms wasn't over yet.

McGonagall kept all the Marauders behind after Transfiguration, wanting to know what had happened in Charms. James came up with a ridiculous story about some Slytherin attacking them with amphyr petals while Remus put his head in his hands. McGonagall absolutely did not believe him, and Sirius finally admitted they had an inside joke about the engorgement spell. James chimed in with how sorry he was but they couldn't stop laughing.

"And do you care to share the joke?" McGonagall asked, adjusting her glasses.

All four boys sat in embarrassed silence. Remus slumped down in his seat while Peter gave a very faint squeak.

"I see. I regretfully agree with the twenty-four points lost and ask you to _please_ conduct yourselves appropriately in the future. I understand you are the ones who began the... parchment war in History. That is _two_ classes today you've disrupted! I am beyond shocked, and disappointed. You are Gryffindors. Take pride in that, and act thusly."

She took in a deep breath. "I _also_ expect two twelve-inch essays from each of you." Sirius, James, and Peter stared in horror. "Both on why what you did was wrong, and they cannot be identical. One for Charms, one for History. Included in the essays will be an apology to Professors Flitwick and Binns. They are due Friday."

"Yes, Professor," they chorused.

She dismissed them, and they hurried out. James _immediately_ asked Remus if he'd help them, and Remus gave him a slightly exasperated look. "I—it's not... it's easy, you don't need to research anything. There isn't even a—a right or wrong way. It's two feet about behaving appropriately in class."

"Two feet of boring," said Sirius, tossing his satchel over his shoulder. "Least give us a guideline."

"I—I don't think it's a good idea," Remus muttered.

"I agree with Remus," Peter said. "I mean, this is supposed to be from our heart—"

"Ew," James and Sirius said at the same time.

"—and if they're too similar we could get in more trouble. You heard her, they can't be similar."

James groaned. " _Fine_! I'll write a sincere, heartfelt, profound apology!" He then faked throwing up.

"What _is_ appropriate behavior in class?" Sirius asked with a smirk.

"Maybe _not_ shrieking with laughter for twenty minutes straight?" Remus suggested. " _Or_ starting parchment wars?" Though... technically, he was the one to blame for _that_ one.

Sirius pouted and gave a big thumbs down at that. " _Boooo_!"

"Fifteen minutes is fine, twenty—" James swept his hand through the air, "—is right out."

"Besides, if you can't laugh about cocks in class, what's the point?" Sirius asked, and James nodded in agreement.

Remus and Peter exchanged looks, both of them rolling their eyes.


	106. Chapter One Hundred-Six – Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise chapter! I didn’t intend to do one but then I got excited for this one. I was going to get it out tomorrow for Thanksgiving but then wasn’t sure when I’d be able to. So I figure for people who want a small break tomorrow you can save this chapter to read :)  
> Trigger warnings for emetophobia and gore.

Of course everyone in Study Group wanted to know what the _heck_ happened with the laughing in Charms. Twycross also complained about what happened in History, making it obvious she placed all blame on the Marauders—or really, Remus specifically. He didn’t bother arguing that he hadn’t meant to hit Nettle. There just seemed to be no point in arguing with Twycross.

After Study Group Bones jumped up, asking Remus to talk privately for a moment. Remus told Lily he’d catch up with her, and then went to a corner of the library with Bones, suspecting what the Hufflepuff had to say.

Sure enough, “When are you going to do the—the you know?” he hissed out.

“Soon,” Remus promised, hugging his satchel to his chest. “We—we g-g-got supplies over the—the weekend. We need to prac—prac—practice a couple spells to make sure we get them right. We also n-need to make a potion that takes—takes a couple days to brew. Hopefully bef—before the end of the—the week but it might not be until next week.”

Bones’s face fell slightly. “I guess I kinda hoped it’d be done quickly.”

“I—I’m sorry. We have a big—see, we c-could have done something simple and—well, rather bor—boring. We came up with a big pl-plan.”

Bones tilted his head. “Big plan? How big?”

Remus smiled. “Decently b-big.”

“Can you tell me?” Bones pressed, and Remus shook his head. “Not even what potion you’re making? Drat. Is it really awful?”

He shrugged at that. “The potion is. The rest… w-well, it c-could be, depending on their—their outlook.”

“Hmm…” Bones rubbed his chin. “If it happened to you how would you feel?”

Remus thought of the noisy items, the Stink Potion, and the sticking spell with the glitter confetti. “Very angry and—and _extremely_ annoyed. Furious.”

Bones began giggling. “Ahhh _yessss_!” He smacked Remus’s shoulder rather hard causing Remus to nearly drop his satchel. “Okay, sorry for bugging you. I was only, you know—they were bothering Donnie again.”

“This—this p-probably won’t g-get them to stop,” Remus reminded him.

“I know, but it’ll be nice to know they had some crap thrown at them,” Bones sighed. “Thank you. By the way. For doing this, you and the others.”

“D-don’t thank us yet,” Remus said, pulling the strap of his satchel onto his shoulder, letting the heavy bag smack against his hip. “Wait till we—we pull it off. Maybe you’ll th-think it’s a r-really stupid prank.”

Bones smiled. “If it’s something that would anger and annoy you, I trust your judgment. I don’t trust _them_ , mind you, ‘specially Black, but I trust you.”

Remus hesitated, wanting to ask why he didn’t trust Sirius even though he knew the reason was probably because of his name. “Er, right. Um, no problem. Really. I—I’ll s-see you tomorrow.”

*

The Marauders weren’t able to start on the Stink Potion until the next day after Herbology. They holed up in the Pits Passage—across the first proper pit—where James and Peter began working while Sirius and Remus watched. Remus pinched his nose while the other two prepped ingredients and fought hard not to get sick down into one of the pits.

“You don’t need to be here for this,” Sirius said, noticing Remus going slightly green. “We could go do something elsewhere.”

Remus scrambled to his feet. “Yes, that’d be best. I’m sorry.”

“S’fine,” James promised.

Sirius took James’s broom, intending on flying back the way they came, but Remus asked to go deeper into the passage. He wanted to take Sirius to the painting of the red Short-Snout. Sirius obliged, flying them over several pits until they ended up at the junction. They walked down the dead-end corridor and Remus pointed the seams out to Sirius.

“Huh!” Sirius stood on tiptoes for a second, then hopped onto the broom, flying up to inspect the seams closer. “There’s definitely something behind here. Can you move the painting?”

Remus took hold of the frame and tried pulling. The dragon stirred, lifting its head to see what was going on. Remus tried another tug before giving up.

“I might be able to if I put all my strength behind it but it might destroy the painting…”

Sirius laughed, landing so he could mess up Remus’s hair. “All your strength. Right.”

Remus opened his mouth then closed it, going slightly pink. This would be the perfect time to tell Sirius the truth, about his strength. Confess how dangerous he could be even as a human. Before he could, Sirius began talking again.

“We need to figure out a way to get past.” He stood in front of the dragon, studying it carefully. “Figure out the password or whatever it is we need to do. It’s probably some kind of password.”

“You’re good at figuring that out,” Remus noted.

Sirius grinned at him. “Me and James together, yeah. Come on, we’ll come back later.”

But by the time the Stink Potion was ready to leave bubbling on its own, they didn’t have much time left before class. They had to skedaddle out of the Pits Passage to get some lunch before Defense.

*

Once Defense was finally over the Marauders wanted to go back to investigate the dragon painting, except when they ran out of the classroom Lily blocked the way. She informed James that his group wanted to get together to do some work in the library.

“Right _now_?!” James demanded. “No can do. I have plans!”

“We have a lot of work left to do,” Lily reminded him. “I don’t want a bad grade simply because you’re lazy.”

“I am _not_ lazy!” James snarled. “I have _plans_ with my _friends_!”

“We’ve hardly done any work together. We still have _loads_ left to do!” Lily gave Remus an exasperated look. _“_ You surely agree with me, right?”

Remus swallowed, unsure of how to answer. Yeah, he thought if they hadn’t done much they needed to do work; if he was in the group he’d certainly be pressing to meet up together as soon as possible. But he also wanted to see if James and Sirius could find a way past the painting—see if there was more to the passage. He was completely torn and had no idea what to say.

Thankfully he was saved from answering by Spinnet. “Hey, Pettigrew, we’re meeting up at the library in fifteen minutes,” he said.

Peter frowned. “Um, I have—“

“Fifteen minutes.” Spinnet walked off, not waiting for an answer.

Lily looked quite smug, giving James a ‘see?’ look. James sighed, shoulders slumping. “ _Fine_! I guess I’ll see you guys later. We can… er, do our plans tonight. Come on, Petey.”

“James, I can’t—“ Remus tried to say but James and Peter were already walking off, with Lily behind them. “I can’t do tonight…”

“Why not?” Sirius asked then smacked his forehead. “Ooh, never mind. It’s Tuesday. I forgot. Well, we can go tomorrow morning before Charms. Or after lunch, before History.”

“Have you started your apology essays?” Remus asked as he and Sirius began walking down the hall, neither of them really sure where they were going.

Sirius snorted. “Yeah, _right_. I’ll knock it out Thursday night. Don’t sigh like that. Let me guess, yours is already done?”

“Both of them are finished, yes.”

“How long are they?”

Remus bit his lip, choosing his words carefully. “The requirements were twelve inches—“

“Uh-huh.” Sirius elbowed him. “How _long_ are they?”

Remus ducked his head, feeling his cheeks heating up. “One is twenty inches, the other twenty-three. All right? Happy now?”

Sirius began laughing, shaking his head. “Nerd. Did you tell Flitty why we had our… outburst?”

“ _NO_!” Remus shrieked, absolutely horrified and wanting to die just thinking about it. Then a horrible thought entered his head, and he reached out to grab Sirius’s sleeve. “D—did _you_?!”

“Merlin, no! Though, I might’ve, if it had been Binnsy. You know, for a laugh.” He stuck his hands in his pockets, impossibly long legs striding as Remus hurried to stay caught up. “I don’t think it would phase Binnsy at _all_. Think he even reads our essays? Maybe I should draw a picture and hand it in, see what happens.”

“Someone grades them,” Remus said, having to go even faster since Sirius was walking a little quicker than normal. “Not Professor Binns—at least, he can’t put our grade on the paper. Someone else does that.”

“Do they read them or just do what Binns says, you think?” Sirius asked, turning to walk backwards, which thankfully slowed him down a little. “Having a ghost as a teacher must be _very_ difficult. He can’t physically grade our papers. He can’t go through our papers.” Sirius stopped, and Remus ran into him. “Well, he can go _through_ them!” he laughed as Remus bounced off of him. “Oops! You all right there?”

“Fine. Yes, it does seem to be a terrible inconvenience. I wonder who does help him?”

“Thinking about volunteering for the job?” Sirius teased.

Remus’s eyes widened at the suggestion. “That—that would be really interesting. I wonder if it is on a volunteer basis? Perhaps I should ask Professor McGonagall.”

“If it is a volunteer basis, I can’t imagine many people jumping at the chance,” muttered Sirius as they began walking again. “You probably need to be older though.”

“Yes, of course, I—I wasn’t meaning _this_ year, or anytime soon,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. “If there is something like that I imagine it’s for a sixth or seventh year, like the volunteers in the owlery.”

“Hmm, if I had to volunteer anywhere in the school the owlery wouldn’t be too bad. Or something with Quidditch. Or even, you know, perhaps helping out with decorations for the holidays. Not, you know, reading a dozen boring essays while having to interact with _Binns_.”

He wanted to say something, to explain his side. However dumping all his thoughts out like that would probably be annoying, and he didn’t want to irritate his friends with the huge spouts of thought and information that filled his head.

But it _would_ be very interesting to help Binns. Reading various essays wasn’t boring at all! Seeing what several different people wrote about the same events. The different opinions, the different research, the different approaches—it’d be absolutely fascinating to have so many various thoughts about the subject, even if some of them were probably lifeless like James’s history essays. All right so yeah, not a lot of students took History seriously, he knew that, but it’d still be—

He was suddenly jerked back, and blinked several times, realizing he was practically in Sirius’s arms which sent frantic waves of discomfort and panic through his entire body.

“You almost walked off a staircase again,” Sirius said, rather angrily, pointing at the stairwell right in front of them. “How many times do we need to tell you to watch where you’re walking!”

“Oh.” He ducked his head, embarrassed. “Oops. Th—thank you. Sorry.”

Sirius sighed, knocking his fist very lightly against Remus’s head. “Just pay attention, dummy. Okay?”

“Y—yeah, of course. Yes. Sorry.”

*

Occlumency went fairly well. Fawley informed him his barrier felt a little stronger though of course he wasn’t able to prevent her from seeing him sneaking into Hogsmeade, or planning the prank on the Hufflepuffs. She sighed when she saw the prank preparations but didn’t complain. She did say she felt rather defensive of her old house until he showed her the memory of Bones and Rivers asking for help, including Bones explaining about Rivers being bullied. She asked if he knew what was going on, and he shook his head, informing her that Bones wouldn’t say.

“Well,” she finally said, “just be careful, all right?”

When the lesson ended, Fawley pulled a small box out of her bag and put it in his hands. “Don’t unwrap it until Saturday though,” she commanded.

He curled his fingers around the present, wondering what was inside. It didn’t seem to be the right size for a book, though it could have been magicked to hold something bigger. “Th—thank you so much, Miss Fawley. I’ll wait, I promise.”

Remus was worried the others had gone into the Pits Passage without him, but he found them in the common room. When James wanted to go check it out immediately, Remus pointed out they had less than an hour before curfew and if there was more secret passage behind the painting they wouldn’t really be able to explore much.

“Fawley give you a present?” Peter asked, noticing the wrapped gift Remus held.

“Hmm? Oh, yes. I have to wait though. Unfortunately.”

Sirius’s eyes twinkled. “How will she know if you open it a bit early?”

Remus shot him a look. “Yes, it’s not as though she can see my memories or anything.”

James and Peter laughed while Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, mumbling incoherently, obviously a little embarrassed. “Er, right, well. A-hem.” He raked his fingers through his hair and quickly changed the subject back to the card game the three of them were playing.

Remus took the present to his dorm, setting it carefully on his desk and marveling over the fact he was _almost a teenager_! All right so Sirius, Peter, and Lily all said nothing really changed but it was still a _big_ change, and he couldn’t help feel excited.

*

Flitwick glared at the Marauders when they went into class Wednesday morning and when he began the lecture, everyone eyed the four of them as if expecting another outbreak of hysteria. They managed to keep their mouths shut. The fact Flitwick was teaching the shrinking spell instead of the other one certainly helped. However, when he handed objects out for everyone to practice on, he informed the Marauders that since they were a lesson behind they needed to do the engorgement spell first.

“En—engor—engorgio?” Peter tried, and nothing happened.

“Engorgio!” James said with confidence, and nothing happened.

“Engorgio!” Sirius said with equal confidence, and his feather caught fire. “ _Shit_!”

“Five points for language, Mr. Black,” Flitwick sighed, putting the fire out. “Mr. Lupin?”

“Engorgio,” he whispered, and the feather grew to cover his entire desk.

“Very good. Mr. Lupin, you may practice the shrinking spell. The rest of you… continue on the engorgement spell. And please, no more fires.”

“Not like I do it on purpose!” Sirius hissed under his breath as Flitwick went back to his own desk.

“Reducio,” Remus tried, and the feather shrank. “Engorgio. Reducio.” He prodded the feather, making it bigger and smaller for several minutes until Flitwick gave him something a little more complicated to practice on: a beetle. Remus stared in shock. Usually they didn’t move on to living creatures so quickly! Slowly he looked up at Flitwick.

Flitwick gave Remus an encouraging smile. “I have confidence in you.”

Everyone in class was watching, Twycross looking quite jealous. Remus cleared his throat, trying not to get shaky. “Engorgio.” He held his breath as soon as he finished the spell, terrified something would go wrong… but the beetle began growing. It didn’t get as big as it probably should have, however Flitwick was very impressed and rewarded him with five points.

“That’s quite good work, considering you wouldn’t normally be on insects yet,” Flitwick said, giving Remus a vase to work on for the time being.

*

Thirty-five minutes after Charms ended, James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus were in the Pits Passage. They had stolen food for lunch, swung by the dorms to get James’s broom, and were eating near the hall that led to the dragon painting. They didn’t have to worry about History for at least an hour and a half.

Once the pies were all gone and their hands wiped off on their trousers, James took them over one by one until they were at the painting. Remus pointed the seams out, and James studied the painting with a frown.

“You say it’s not really a species of dragon?” he asked, and Remus shook his head, explaining the color thing. “Hrm. I mean, there’s _got_ to be something behind here.”

“What if we change it to blue?” Peter suggested, and all three of them stared. “If it’s s’posed to be blue, maybe we change it to blue.”

“You are _brilliant_!” Sirius said. “Remy, you’re best at that.”

Remus was already getting his wand out. “Peter, you are brilliant,” he agreed.

Peter gave a squeak and yanked his jumper up to hide in.

Remus pointed his wand, trying to change the dragon’s color to no avail. All he succeeded in doing was annoying the dragon. James and Sirius tried the spells too even though they weren’t as good as Remus.

Peter was very disappointed. “I thought—I mean, it—oh.”

Remus put a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “No, it was a terrific idea and made a _lot_ of sense.”

“I GOT IT!” James shrieked, causing the others to jump. “Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus.”

Sirius slowly began grinning. “Ha! Yes!”

“Oh! That’s the, um, school motto!” Peter said. “Never tickle a sleeping dragon.”

James shrugged, stepping closer to the painting. “Can’t hurt to try.”

In hindsight, those words should have set off alarm bells. Remus should have stopped James. Those words were what one would call ‘famous last words’. But in the moment, Remus had _no_ idea.

James reached up and began tickling the dragon. The dragon turned its head, opened its mouth—

And fire burst out from the painting. _Real_ fire. Real, actual, hot, burning _fire_ -fire. A _real_ fireball that slammed into James, sending him crashing to the floor screaming in pain, his hair and sleeve on fire. His voice ripped through the air, cracking with anguish as his body spasmed. The others began screaming too, and Sirius yanked his robes off and dropped them on James before falling on top of him, trying to put the fire out. James was still screaming in pain, a hoarse, gut-wrenching scream that tore into Remus.

Sirius rolled off of James, peeling the robes back. Which peeled some of the skin off of James’s cheek and he gave a shuddering sort of intake of breath, his head tipping backwards; his glasses frames seemed to have melted onto him though Remus could have been seeing things in the—the horror. Everything was running at a thousand times the normal speed, yet somehow also in super slow motion. James gave anguished sobs as his body twitched, a few guttural wails emerging as well.

Sirius scooped James up, swearing repeatedly until, “—hospital—hospital—hospital,“ was all he could say. James was gasping for air and wailing in pain as Remus dove for the broom. Remus didn’t even think, he just swung his leg over and held onto the handle as Sirius got on behind him, James’s shaking body between them; Remus felt fingers sliding against his hip, James trying to grasp onto something in his pain.

Remus shouted he’d be back for Peter then took off. He flew as fast as he could, darting across the pits towards the trophy room exit. He deposited Sirius who began running with James in his arms. Remus turned the broom, flying back for Peter. Once they were both at the end of the passage they began running, everything wiped from their minds as their legs pumped. Remus didn’t realize he had tears dripping down his cheeks until they were right outside the hospital wing.

Sirius had just arrived, screaming for Pomfrey as he placed James on a bed. James was screaming again, and sobbing, and begging for it to stop. His right hand—the one not burnt—scrabbled on the bed cover, fingers twitching. Sirius’s voice pierced the air as he kept screaming for Pomfrey even though she was running for them. She saw James before she could ask what was going on, and was at his side in an instant.

Before Remus knew it, curtains were shut around the bed. Shutting them out.

Sirius began pacing, fingers restlessly running through his hair, lips forming words that had no sound behind them. Peter had his arms wrapped around himself, shivering and giving little whimpering sounds as he rocked a bit. Remus stood stock still, James’s broom still in his hand, face wet from tears.

He kept seeing the fireball in his head. Hearing James’s scream. James going down. The flesh pulling off his face.

Remus’s legs gave out and he sunk to the floor. He wished they could go in and hold James’s hands, like they had been allowed for Peter with his appendix. Remus supposed with James’s burnt flesh it wouldn’t have helped much. They wouldn’t really be able to hold him.

There had been a few other students in the hospital wing during all this, and all of them were watching the Marauders with big eyes.

“What are you staring at?!” Sirius snarled. “It’s not a damn stage show! Bugger off!”

Peter noticed Remus on the floor and went over, sitting next to him. Not helping him up, which was good since Remus doubted he could stand, but sitting next to him. Remus put James’s broom down so he and Peter could wrap their arms around one another.

“He’s gonna be fine,” Peter whispered, more for himself. “He’ll be fine.”

“Yes,” Remus agreed, not sounding as though he had said it. Not feeling as though he was even there. None of this felt real. How could—how did that happen? Why? What had _happened_?!

 _The fireball_.

His memories slid back to his first year, when he had burnt his arm. He had passed out from pain and by the time he woke up he had been healing pretty well. Not—not an option for James. Well. Sort’ve an option. Not on his own. There were potions to heal burns. There were loads of potions to fix James up. Quickly and easily. James would probably be back in class within a day or two probably.

There had to be a potion to fix what happened to his cheek, right?

 _Dark magic_.

Remus’s arms tightened involuntarily around Peter. Dark magic was harder to heal. What if the fire was dark magic? Nobody with good intentions would set a—a defense mechanism like that, would they? What if it was dark magic and Pomfrey couldn’t fully fix James’s face? Or worse… what if she couldn’t heal him at all?

He spasmed slightly and then scrambled to his feet, running to the bathroom to be sick in the toilet before crumpling to the floor, crying. The fear for Peter had only lasted a couple minutes. Pomfrey had given him pain medicine to help and then came out with the diagnosis pretty quickly, promising them all that Peter would be fine. This had been—

How long had it been? Ten minutes?

Twenty?

An hour?

Time was mixed together in a weird muddy slush that he had no idea whatsoever how long it had been since—

He covered his face, trying to get the image of James’s burnt face out of his head. _He’ll be fine, he’s gotta be fine, Pomfrey can heal him_. He dug his nails into his skin, rocking back and forth. This felt like one of his nightmares. One of his gory nightmares and any second he would wake up screaming.

Except it wasn’t a nightmare, it had actually happened.

After another moment or two he pushed himself up and staggered back into the hospital wing, hoping the curtains would be pulled back but they weren’t. Sirius was still pacing while Pete huddled on the ground. Remus sat back down, and he and Peter went back to clinging to one other.

“Dumbledore hasn’t shown up so it—it can’t be that bad,” Peter said slowly. “Cause he came in for me, and that was pretty bad. I had to go to Saint Mungo’s. So, no Dumbledore means it’s not as bad?”

Remus nodded, unable to speak. Pete was right. Dumbledore had shown up for Peter, and if the Headmaster wasn’t there surely it couldn’t be… _that_ bad, right?

Right?


	107. Chapter One Hundred-Seven– Sassy Agreement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for gore in this chapter

The clinking sound of curtains opening penetrated Remus’s thoughts, and he glanced up to see Pomfrey looking over at them, one hand pushing back the curtain a bit. Before she could say anything, Sirius rushed past her.

“ _James_!”

Peter and Remus got up quickly, hurrying over. Pomfrey frowned, and Remus had a heart-stopping second of terror, convinced that she wouldn’t allow them to see him.

“Please?” Remus asked, not even meaning to.

“For a quick moment,” Pomfrey sighed. “After that he can only have one, all right? He needs to rest. He’s got a lot of healing potions in and on him.”

Peter and Remus ran in. Sirius was hovering next to the bed, one hand clasping James’s right hand, his other hand resting on the side of James’s head. James had bandages wrapped around most of his face and around his arm and chest, from what Remus could see under the hospital pajamas. His hazel eyes peered through the cloth covering his face.

“James,” Sirius whispered, climbing into bed with him without any hesitation.

James let out a ragged breath, raising his right hand to give them a half-hearted thumbs up. Then he slumped against Sirius, clutching at him. All three of them stared silently at James. Remus’s eyes flicked to James’s chest, anxiously watching it rise and fall.

After a couple of minutes, Pomfrey returned to inform them they needed to go. Sirius frowned, asking if he could stay. Couldn’t James have _one_ visitor? Pomfrey pointed out first of all James needed to rest, second of all they had classes, which made Remus look at the clock. History had already started!

“I’m not going,” Sirius said stubbornly. “He can have one visitor, you said, so I’m staying.”

Pomfrey looked quite weary. “Mr. Black—“

Sirius sunk down against the bed, arms crossed. “I’m not leaving James. I don’t care about class, he’s more important.” Pomfrey eyed him, probably trying to figure out if it was worth the argument or not. “You can kick me out of the hospital wing but I won’t go to class,” Sirius continued, “I’ll just stay outside the doors.”

“Very well, Mr. Black, you may stay.” Pomfrey pulled out three slips of paper, writing quickly. “Mr. Lupin, Mr. Pettigrew, here are your slips for why you’ve missed your class, and this one is to give the teachers for Mr. Black.”

“We—we only really have T—Transfiguration left, after History,” Remus explained, taking the notes.

“Ah, I see. Professor McGonagall already has been informed about Mr. Potter. I doubt she’d be surprised at Mr. Black’s insistence to stay… still, if you don’t mind giving that to her?”

Peter and Remus left the hospital wing after giving James very careful, very light hugs. Remus picked up the MoonGlide which had been sitting on the floor for the entire time they were there. Neither boy spoke as they went through the corridors, though Remus figured they should probably take James’s broom to the dorm even though it’d mean missing _all_ of History instead of just part of it.

Remus slowed before turning down a corridor, heading to a bathroom instead of the Pits Passage to get the carrying case. Peter followed in confusion. Once in the bathroom Remus crouched down, hugging his arms around his knees, and crying into his arms. Peter crouched next to him, a hand on his back.

“James, James…!” Remus moaned.

“I know.”

Remus knew he was all right for the most part. At least he had been awake for a moment. He wasn’t… _dying_. But—God. _God_. He had—he had been—his flesh—he almost—

Peter hugged him tightly and the two remained there for probably far longer than they should have. Eventually Remus wiped his face off on his sleeves and got up.

Peter had managed to stay dry-eyed until after they fetched the broom’s case and returned to the dorm. That’s when it was Peter’s turn to get distressed. Not full out crying like Remus had, just a couple of tears sliding down his cheek.

“I thought—James—“

Remus slid the broom under James’s bed then knelt back against his feet, studying his shaky hands. “I did too. He looked…”

Peter plopped down onto the floor next to him. “He could have been killed,” he whispered. Remus swallowed and shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to think about it. “The fireball was so big! Why would anyone do that? Rig a—a—a painting to _do_ that?”

 _Someone who really wants to keep whatever’s behind it a secret_. “I don’t know.” He twisted to face Peter, and then they were hugging tightly again, Peter crying onto Remus’s shoulder. “He’s okay though. He’s fine.” He wasn’t sure if he was saying it for Peter or himself.

“I _know_ but—but he—but—“

“Yes, I know.”

They stayed in the dorm until they had to go to Transfiguration. Neither of them wanted to go. Remus certainly didn’t want to go to class. He _wanted_ to go back to the hospital wing and insist on staying with his friend. Couldn’t Pomfrey make an exception?

Instead, he found himself shuffling alongside Peter to McGonagall’s class. Lily and her friends had arrived about the same time, and Lily demanded to know where they had been—accusing the Marauders of skipping History _again_. After what they had pulled Monday, did they really think that was a good idea? Did Remus really think it was fine to skip History?

She was going to keep going until Remus cut her off. “James is in the hospital wing,” before going past her into the classroom. Lily fell silent, her mouth still slightly open. Remus handed the three notes to McGonagall.

“P—Peter and I—we—we m-missed all of—of History.” It was hard to talk. Not because of the stutter but because he simply didn’t feel _present_. At least when Peter was sick it had been on the weekend so they didn’t have to deal with classes, and it hadn’t been so… prominently in his face.

Remus could still smell James’s burning flesh.

It wasn’t fair to have to be in class. Which McGonagall apparently agreed with.

“That is fine, Mr. Lupin,” McGonagall assured him. “You two don’t need to be here if you don’t want to. Nobody will blame you. You won’t be in trouble.”

Remus hesitated, glancing at Peter who gave a half shrug in return. It was tempting to leave. Very tempting. However, he knew even if they went to the hospital wing the likelihood of them being allowed to sit with James was next to none. This way there’d be a slight distraction.

“I think I’d like to stay. If Remus is, too,” Peter mumbled.

“Yeah, I—th-thank you, Professor, but—but at least it’s s-something to—to focus on instead of…” He didn’t finish his sentence, and McGonagall nodded.

“ _I’m sorry_!” Lily whispered after Remus sat down. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t—is he all right?”

“Um, y—yeah, he’ll be fine,” Remus said, slowly getting his books out. His limbs were heavy and it felt like he was trying to maneuver through molasses.

“Is Black…?”

“St—staying with him, refused to budge,” he said, finally giving a small smile. “Being stubborn.”

Lily squeezed Remus’s hand. “Is it like what Pettigrew had? That kind of—of medical thing?”

Peter stiffened a little, making a soft whimpering sort of sound. “No. Um, no, it’s not—it’s not like that.”

“James is still here, he didn’t need to go to Saint Mungo’s,” Remus added.

“What _happened_?”

Remus chewed his bottom lip. “I’ll t-tell you after class.”

He was very distracted all through the lesson; Peter was too. Neither was able to do well and when Remus tried turning his crab apple into a crab all that happened was the apple grew legs and scuttled off. He folded his arms on his desk and rested his head on them until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

McGonagall stood over him. He thought he was in trouble however she motioned for him to follow her; Peter too. They obediently trailed after her into her office.

“Are you two certain you’re doing all right?” she asked after shutting the door.

Peter and Remus exchanged looks. “Er, I—well. I don’t know,” Peter squeaked out.

“We know he’ll be all r-right…” Remus twisted the hem of his jumper around his hands, grateful they weren’t in trouble however still feeling guilty as if he _should_ be in trouble. “I thought—thought staying in class w-would help but… I can’t st-stop thinking abo—about it.”

“I received a note from Poppy. She said you were present when the accident happened?” McGonagall raised an eyebrow, giving them both a curious look.

“Accident,” Peter said distantly.

“Do you mind telling me what happened?” she asked.

“No.” Remus’s voice was rather hoarse and probably too soft. “He was… he—he…”

Suddenly two cups of tea appeared, and she pushed them across her desk. “It must have been hard, seeing it happen.”

Peter took his cup though he was shaking so bad some of the tea sloshed out onto his trousers. He yelped, dropping the cup which shattered on the floor. “Oh _no_! P—Professor, I am so _sorry_!”

McGonagall repaired the teacup and made the liquid disappear before conjuring up another one for him. “It is perfectly all right, Mr. Pettigrew. I imagine it’s very distressing, seeing your friend like that.”

Remus stared down at his own tea, trying to force burnt-James out of his head for even a brief moment of respite. Except the knowledge—the guilt—that it was _his_ fault pounded into his brain, like waves slowly beating down a boulder. If he hadn’t have pointed out the seams—if he hadn’t made it suspect there was something behind the painting then James would be _fine_.

He quickly set the cup down and buried his face in his hands. He wasn’t aware he was speaking until McGonagall asked him why he thought it was his fault. That’s when he realized he had been saying the words over and over. Slowly he lifted his chin, his fringe clinging to his face due to his tears. He pushed his hair back, head aching as he tried to figure out an answer without telling the truth. He knew he should tell the truth, but what if James and Sirius were telling Pomfrey something else? Of course they needed to say what actually happened, however he also didn’t want to make worse trouble by saying one thing when they said another.

He remained silent for a few seconds to figure out what to say before burying his face in his hands once more to cry.

McGonagall came around the desk and crouched down, putting an arm around him. “You two may sit the rest of class out,” she said.

“N… no, we can—can… we can c—continue… please…”

After a few more minutes of McGonagall consoling them and trying to lift their spirits, they returned to class where neither of them bothered to even try the spell again. Well, Remus tried once then gave up, instead spending the lesson with his head in his arms. Maybe he _should_ have sat the class out.

Finally McGonagall dismissed everyone and Remus gladly gathered his things up. Peter asked if they should go right to the hospital wing to get an update and Remus nodded, agreeing with that plan. However, as soon as they left class they found Spinnet standing there with a frown.

“Potter’s in the hospital wing?” he asked, rather bluntly.

Remus clenched his teeth, not wanting to deal with this. Not wanting to talk about it, only wanting to see James again. To know if… “Y—yes. He sh-should be—be back s-s-soon.”

“Is he all right?”

 _You don’t sound very concerned_ , he thought, annoyed. “He w-w-will be. Excuse me—“

“Is Black injured too?”

“N—no, he’s staying with—with James. Excuse me.” He brushed past Spinnet and would have walked off completely if it wasn’t for the fact he heard Spinnet talking to Struthers.

“Of course those three get to miss classes because their friend is a little hurt, that’s completely _fair_. Plus those two did _nothing_ in class today, McGonagall didn’t even care. It isn’t right.”

Remus stopped in his tracks. Peter stumbled a little, giving Remus a confused look since he hadn’t heard what Spinnet said. Everything inside of Remus screamed to let it alone… except for the wolf stirring for the first time since Valentine’s day events (well, aside from the full moon). Anger rushed through his body, rising up to consume him as Spinnet’s words echoed through his mind.

Remus turned around, finding himself walking back to Spinnet, the words spitting out before he could stop himself. “Excuse me, what did you say?!” he demanded, then didn’t wait for an answer. “You think it’s unfair we missed History? And Sirius missed Transfiguration too? Un _fair_?”

Spinnet looked completely bewildered. “Er—“

“Well, perhaps it _is_ a little unfair but excuse _us_ for being upset over seeing our best friend’s _flesh_ being _burnt_ off his _body_. That was a wee bit of a shock to the system. Maybe you’d be fine going to class after seeing that but we were just a tad bit perturbed over our friend being set ablaze.”

Spinnet’s eyes were huge, he looked completely shocked. Struthers’s mouth hung open too. Peter looked quite startled as well.

Remus took in a deep breath, regretting what he just said. But he couldn’t take it back.

After a few awkward silent seconds he turned and stormed off, red creeping across his face. He probably made a huge mistake doing that. Also, James might not have wanted anyone to know what happened. _Crap, crap, crap_. How could he have blurted it out? One of the things he should never do is blurt things out! His whole life depended on _not blurting things out_!

“You okay?” Peter asked, hurrying to stay caught up.

“Yes. He made me mad.”

“What he say?”

Remus sighed, repeating what Spinnet had said. “It wasn’t very bad. It just got under my skin for some reason.”

Peter’s nose wrinkled. “No, that was kinda rude to say. ‘Specially since he didn’t know why James was in the hospital wing. Should we have stayed in class? I couldn’t do anything.”

“I don’t know. I thought it would help—”

“I thought so too,” Peter admitted. “I thought hearing McGonagall talking would make me feel better. That’s why I wanted to stay. It did. For me, I mean. A little.”

Peter was right with that; hearing McGonagall talking _had_ been nice, even if they had been unable to do anything. Having someone talking even if he wasn’t fully listening maybe helped a little more than he realized.

They got to the hospital wing, seeing the curtains closed around James’s bed. Remus went to Pomfrey’s office and asked if they were allowed to visit James for a short while; she agreed, as long as they kept quiet. They went back to the room, cautiously opening the curtains to find James asleep though he stirred when they stepped closer.

“He’s been asleep most this time,” Sirius whispered. “He was awake a bit ago to take more medicine and talk to Pomfrey, I wasn’t able to be there for that, and—”

“No… wake…” James stirred again then sat up slowly. “I’m awake.” He had a very strange tone to his voice.

“You’re okay!” Peter cried out.

“You’re awake,” Sirius said gently.

“Yeah. Hard to talk, can’t nove jaw.” That’s when Remus realized James was talking through his teeth, not moving his lips. Or jaw.

“You’re okay,” Remus whispered, repeating Peter’s words mostly for himself. James was awake. He was _talking_!

“Yeah,” James said again. Then, “Oooww, okay, can’t snile.” He shifted, and Sirius helped him into a better sitting position. “I’n okay guys, really.” He then made a few strange noises before making one of frustration. “Can’t say nane. Okay. Nurse. Nurse says I’ll heal ut real quickly when she gaje ne nedicine earlier. It’s not that dad.”

“Not that _bad_?!” Peter ogled James. “You—you—“

“I’n _fine_!” James promised. “I took a… a… er, a totion so I’n not in—in—uhh… hurting.” Sirius carefully put an arm around him, holding him. “Nurse says it’ll take all night for the durns to conletely heal and I… I… ugh, it’s hard not deing adle to say sone letters!” His right hand smacked weakly against the bed as he gave a grunt. “Not. Fair. Anyway. I should de adle to cone dack to class on Friday.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius blurted out, and James gave him a puzzled look. Remus realized Sirius’s eyes were a little bright too, but that was from tears. He wasn’t crying, not yet, only a little wetness in his eyes. “I didn’t know what to do. I—I remembered last year, Peter putting the fire out.”

“You’re… sorry for rescuing ne?” James asked, sounding as confused as Remus felt.

Sirius went silent and then a tear did fall. He jerked his head, quickly wiping the tear away. “I ruined your jaw. Your face. I pulled the skin off. It’s my fault.”

“No!” James grabbed Sirius’s hand. “ _No_! Don’t you—you—you h—you—you got the fire _out_! What else could you do?! Let ne durn?!”

“No,” Sirius whispered. “But I should have been more careful. Your jaw…”

“It’ll de _fine_ ,” James whispered back, and Remus felt like maybe he and Peter should leave. It seemed like a rather private moment. “You _sajed_ ne fron worse.” He wrapped his right arm around Sirius tightly. “I’ll heal. Conletely. Not ejen a scar, Nurse said.”

 _So, it wasn’t dark magic_ , Remus thought, not saying anything. That surprised him a little bit.

“Not ejen a cool scar to nake ne look like a hero,” James continued, teasing. Sirius gave a faint smile. James moved his hand so it was on Sirius’s cheek. “You hod—you—you nost likely sajed ny life, or at least sajed ne fron sonething loads worse. Okay? _Okay_?”

He slowly nodded, wiping his nose off on his sleeve. “Yeah, okay. I—okay.”

They hugged (carefully) and then James turned back to the other two. “Okay, so what are we telling Nurse?” He sounded really exhausted but was obviously determined to keep talking.

“Huh?”

“Nurse. She asked ne what ha—how this ha—ha…” James gave another frustrated noise.

“Occurred?” Remus offered, thinking of an alternative to ‘happened’ with sounds he could make.

“ _Yes_. How this occurred. Thank you, Reny. I told her I couldn’t renender anything. Anyway—“

Remus rubbed his head, exhausted from all the emotion, and feeling even more confused than before. “We—we have to tell her the truth. She has to know what caused the burns.”

 _"No_!” James narrowed his eyes. “No. She said I’ll de fine so we can’t tell the truth. If they know we know they’ll dlock off—they’ll—they’ll seal the—the… they’ll seal it off. I’n not going to let that ha—ha—I don’t want then doing that. I like it there. It’s herfect. No, we are not telling the truth. All in fafor?”

James raised his hand a little, and Sirius and Peter followed suit, all of them looking at Remus who took a step back. He began winding the hem of his jumper around his fingers, a bad feeling sinking into his body.

“Najority rules,” James said with a nod. “Got it, Reny?” Remus remained silent. “Renus?”

He let out a miserable sigh. “Yes, I’ve got it. We won’t tell Madame Pomfrey what actually happened to give you vicious burns over your face, arm, and chest which could have _killed_ you.”

James stared at Remus in silence for several seconds before nodding again. “A sassy agreenent is still an agreenent.”

Remus turned away, folding his arms. He couldn’t believe James! No. No, he _could_. Still, it was utter insanity not to tell Madame Pomfrey exactly what gave him the burns! What if he _didn’t_ heal properly? She needed all the information in order to give him proper medical care!

“We could say we were practicing a potion for class, and you fell in the fire,” Sirius suggested.

“Yeah, good, that’s a good excuse,” James agreed, then made a sleepy sort of sound.

“We should go,” Remus said, tugging at Peter’s sleeve. “You really need to rest.”

“Yeah… goodnight guys…”

James was asleep before they even stepped away from the curtains, head resting against Sirius’s shoulder.

*

Remus had forgotten all about telling Lily about what happened after class—the Spinnet stuff had distracted him—so when he got to the common room he sought her out, telling her the lie about James falling into the fire while working on a potion. He also informed her he probably wouldn’t be at Study Group that night.

It seemed the adults who had been told about the fire lie believed it, judging by the fact Dumbledore had an announcement at supper. He wanted everyone to understand the need for safety when working on potions, and that there’d be a mandatory lecture about it Friday at supper.

As soon as Pete and Remus finished eating they went back to the hospital wing since a couple of hours had passed and they wanted to see if James had improved any. Professor Shafiq was there instead of Pomfrey, and she informed them that Pomfrey had left a note stating that the two boys were permitted to visit with James for a short while.

James was sitting up in bed when they slipped past the curtains, a tray across his lap with a bowl of soup half-eaten. Sirius had a tray too, still in bed with James.

“Heya guys!” James said cheerfully, sounding a million times better than he had earlier. “Guess what? I can talk now! Kinda. I gotta be careful and not move my mouth too much, but I can actually say B. And P. And M.” Despite the fact he was speaking a little bit slow and carefully, the excitement in his voice was clear; it made Remus so happy. “Also, Remus, you flew?”

Remus was busy dragging two chairs over and he froze at those words. “Wh—what?”

“You flew, Siri told me. Sirius carried me, and you flew my broom. You _flew_ my broom?”

Remus sat down, feeling very awkward. “Your broom is okay, I promise—“

“Nono, not like that. I’m just impressed you flew. I wish I had been more aware to notice it. Petey, you look miserable. What’s wrong?”

Peter jumped a little. “Oh! Um, no. I—I’m not. I mean, I guess I feel bad all I did was panic. I didn’t help at all.”

“Not much you _could_ have done, really,” James pointed out. “All four of us wouldn’t have fit on the broom. Which Remus flew. Over pits, and not just hovering a few inches off the ground.”

Remus glared. “If you weren’t severely injured I would smack you.”

“Besides, you did help. In a sense.” James gave a half-shrug. “If you hadn’t put the fire out in our dorm last year, Sirius wouldn’t have known how to put me out.”

“I… guess…” Peter still looked upset though, but didn’t press the matter.

They chattered for a while about various things, James laughing when he was told about the mandatory lecture (then whimpering in pain, lightly touching his gauzed jaw). Sirius brought up the Stink Potion, reminding them they had to do stuff to it the next morning. James looked at Peter, saying _he_ had to be the one to do it on his own.

“M— _me_?” Pete squeaked. “No! I’m not—I can’t…”

“You’re perfectly capable of doing it,” James said. “Either that or we ruin the batch and need to make a new one, and I only bought enough spadetail scales for one so we’d have to go back to Hogsmeade.”

Peter gave a little groan. ‘I’ll do it. But who will fly the broom?”

“ _No_!” Remus snapped when James gave him a look. “Sirius can. I will _not_. It was an emergency, I wasn’t even thinking! It happened so fast.”

“How did Petey get out?” Sirius asked with an insufferable smirk. Peter pointed at Remus which made the smirk worse.

“I—I went back, but I still wasn’t thinking clearly!” he protested. “All I thought was get you out, James, and I couldn’t leave Peter behind. I forgot I even _had_ the broom until here! It—it’s in its case under your bed, though, don’t worry.”

Peter was still very concerned about having to take care of the Stink Potion without James around. He muttered about it after they left the hospital wing, all the way back to their dorms. Remus still had time to make it to the library except he was not in the right mental space to deal with it. Peter didn’t want to go to Photography Club either. So the two of them huddled up on Peter’s bed playing cards.

Sirius finally came in right before curfew, complaining bitterly about being kicked out. “I wanted to stay overnight but Pommy wouldn’t let me,” he grumbled, throwing himself across Remus’s legs and upsetting the card pile. “I might try to sneak in tonight to see him.”

“Are you doing all right?” Peter asked as Remus tried setting the pile back right.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You were rather upset earlier, blaming yourself for—for his cheek,” Remus pointed out.

Sirius frowned, averting his gaze from both of them and focusing on the cuff of his shirt. “It _was_ my fault his cheek—well, anyway, he’s healing and will be back tomorrow. Er, tomorrow night I mean. Not in classes, Pomfrey said he can’t go to classes until Friday. She also says I have to go to classes tomorrow! That isn’t fair. I want to stay with Jamesy.” He flopped backwards even more, more or less in Remus’s lap. “Besides, all we have is Herbology and Defense tomorrow, I can miss those without much problem.”

When Remus tried to push Sirius off his lap, Sirius somehow gained a hundred pounds, refusing to budge; Remus could have easily shoved him completely off the bed however he didn’t want to push too hard, so he gave up. “You shouldn’t miss classes—“

“Says the nerd,” Sirius said, grinning up at Remus. Remus scowled down at him then reached over, grabbing Peter’s glass of water. “You _wouldn’t_!” Sirius gasped, then shrieked as Remus dumped it on him, flailing a bit before rolling off. “Tosser!”

“Twat,” Remus retorted without even thinking.

Sirius looked amused. “You’re so evil and mean. Petey, look what he did!”

Peter was eyeing the wet spot on his bed. “I am looking.”

Remus gave a slight giggle, sliding off of Peter’s bed. “I’ll change your bed, I’m sorry.”

“You are not sorry at all,” Sirius sniffled rather dramatically.

“Okay, yes, you’re right, I’m not!” he laughed as Peter took the cards off and he began stripping the sheets off. “It was worth it.”

“Hmph.”

*

Remus wasn’t at all surprised to have a horrible nightmare that night. He dreamt he was a wolf, chasing James through the castle until James jumped into the Great Hall’s fireplace to avoid being eaten. He went up in flames, screaming as his body burned, falling out of the fireplace. Remus pounced, to finish him off—

And woke up screaming. The smell of burnt flesh clogged his nose, and he could almost taste seared human flesh in his mouth. His screams broke off as his hand covered his mouth, trying too late to keep himself quiet. He waited for Sirius… and waited…

After a few minutes stretched on in silence, Remus lowered his hand, looking at the curtains. _Did he sneak out to the hospital wing_? Surely he would have heard the door, right? He slithered out of his bed and saw Sirius’s curtains were open, and his bed completely empty. James’s curtains, however, were shut.

Curious, he went over and peeked into James’s bed. Sirius was curled up, sound asleep. He stirred a little and Remus quickly let go of the curtains, returning to his own bed. He was a little disappointed—a sort’ve empty feeling—but then how selfish was that? _Expecting_ comfort?

Remus crawled back into bed, feeling even _worse_ thinking how he felt this way when James was in the hospital wing. He clutched Gwyllgi tightly, trying not to cry again over what happened to James.


	108. Chapter One Hundred-Eight– A Vicious Threat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for… sort’ve self-harm? It’s… intended self-harm but not intended as harm to self but more of to prove a point. Also warning for an ill pet.

Sirius was in a _foul_ mood Thursday. He skipped breakfast to spend time with James, then stomped into Greenhouse Two, threw his bag on the bench where James usually sat, and scowled all through class. He kept muttering under his breath, swearing occasionally.

When class ended, all three went straight to the hospital wing where Pomfrey let them all visit James for a while; Sirius immediately climbed into bed next to him. James no longer had most of the bandages on, though he still had one stuck to his cheek where his flesh had been pulled off. He had some faint scarring along his face and all over his left hand but he said it would be gone before the next morning. He had new glasses on—or rather very old ones that didn’t fit too well. He later explained they were from when he was ten, but he’d be getting new ones soon.

The Potters were also there.

They had greeted Sirius happily, and both of them hugged Peter. Then they looked at Remus, who stood there, unsure.

“Remus Lupin, right?” Mrs. Potter asked, holding out her hand. “We met once before. Sort of.”

“Um, y—yeah,” he said faintly, cautiously taking her hand, burning with shame as he remembered how his mother had acted on the platform about a year ago.

“We’re glad you boys were there for him yesterday,” Mr. Potter said, shaking Remus’s hand roughly once Mrs. Potter was done. “We didn’t get here until around seven last night.”

“We were in Germany on business,” Mrs. Potter explained. “I feel awful—“

“Mummy, it’s fine,” James promised. “Sirius was with me the whole time, and Pete and Remus visited whenever Pommy let them.”

“Pomfrey,” Mr. Potter chided gently. “ _Madame_ Pomfrey.”

“Pommy,” James said stubbornly. Mr. Potter rolled his eyes, while Mrs. Potter snickered a little as she took James’s hand.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Mr. Potter said to Remus. “I’ve met Sirius a couple of times, and Peter here stayed in the summer, but while James talks endlessly of you, we’ve not really met.”

“N—no, s-s-sir.”

“Monty, please, not sir,” Mr. Potter said pleasantly. “Any Marauder is as good as being in the family.”

Remus shot a nervous glance at James, wondering how much James shared with them if they knew about the Marauder thing. James looked insufferably smug, though that wasn’t very unusual.

“As long as you are aware his full name is Fleamont,” Mrs. Potter said.

“Yes, thank you for the reminder, dearest one,” Mr. Potter sighed, adjusting his glasses.

Mrs. Potter smiled sweetly at her husband. “Anytime, darling. Now, I’m sure these boys have plenty of stuff they want to talk about without adult ears around.” She stood up again then bent down to kiss James’s cheek. “We’ll be back in a little while, sweetheart.”

“Okay Mummy. Love you. Love you, Dad.”

“Love you too,” they both said, then Mrs. Potter pulled Mr. Potter away.

“Your parents are great,” Sirius said once they left the hospital wing.

James grinned. “Yeah, they are. Now, how are things going? I’m so _bored_! Tell me everything.”

After about ten minutes of chatter, Pomfrey announced James had another visitor, and to everyone’s shock Lily appeared. She stood awkwardly at the foot of the bed, looking faintly disgusted. Nobody spoke for a long time until James broke the silence.

“Need something, Red?”

“I—I wanted to see how you were doing,” she replied, rather stiffly. “For the project.”

James raised his eyebrows. “Ooh, for the _project_? Is that all? Or did you really just miss me that much?”

She glared at him. “Does one miss a wart when it is removed?”

“I dunno, I’ve never had one so you’d have to tell me.”

“ _YUAAAGH!_!” she shrieked, fingers curling into fists. Remus was a little impressed at the shades of red she turned. “I came by to say I hope you feel better soon but for _get_ it, James Potter, you are a horrible slug! I can’t believe I felt _sorry_ for you!” She whirled around, her twin braids slinging around her head with a heavy sound, and she stormed out.

James and Sirius both burst into laughter while Remus frowned. “That—that was a little rude, she was only trying to be nice…”

James shook his head, picking up a box of chocolates from his side table. “She probably came to lecture me about doing work for the project. Here, Mum and Dad gave me these.” He offered the box out. Sirius and Peter each took one of the truffles. James wriggled it at Remus who reluctantly took one. “How did the Stink Potion go?”

Peter’s face went white. “ _Blast_! I forgot all about it! I’m so sorry! I better go now.” He jumped to his feet but didn’t go anywhere; instead he stared at Remus who was stuffing the truffle in his mouth. “You coming?”

“Me?” He quickly swallowed the chocolate, disappointed he didn’t get a chance to savor it. “Why?”

“Someone needs to fly the broom,” Sirius snickered.

“What?! No! Not me—“

“I’m _crap_ at flying!” Peter whined.

Remus stared in horror. “So am _I_! Why can’t Sirius?”

Sirius snuggled closer to James. “I’m staying with Jimsy.”

Peter tugged Remus’s sleeve. “Please? I can’t do it. I can barely do the potion by myself, I can’t fly too. Please?”

Remus looked from him to Sirius then back at Peter. “I—Sirius, come on, it’s—it’s only a short while…?” But Sirius was looking extremely stubborn. “I _can’t_! Please, Sirius? _Please_?” He knew it was futile, Sirius wouldn’t do it. Remus would have to give up and attempt to fly James’s broom.

Except to his surprise, Sirius wavered a little. “I really would like to stay here though.”

Remus widened his eyes, unable to believe the unsure tone in Sirius’s voice. “Pretty please?” he pressured, trying to sound as pleading as possible. “Please?” Sirius bit his bottom lip. “ _Pleaaaaase_?”

He closed his eyes, groaning. “ _Fine_!”

 _WHAT_?! Remus fought to keep his expression impassive but he was absolutely shocked. Sirius swung his legs around, glowering at Remus as he got up.

“You better be grateful.”

Remus smiled as sweetly as he could. “I am. Very much so.”

Sirius huffed a bit, then left with Peter. Remus watched them go then looked at James, both of them shrugging before Remus sat on the edge of the bed.

“How did you manage that?” James asked, looking very impressed.

Remus wished he could answer but frankly, he had no idea. “Guess he was feeling charitable. Or he really did want to use your MoonGlide again.”

“It _is_ an incredible broom,” James giggled before tugging at Remus’s arm. “Lay down with me.”

Remus felt extremely awkward as he pulled his legs up into the hospital bed and stretched out next to him. It did tug a little at the box inside of him but not too bad, nothing too threatening. Nothing like if he was laying in bed with Sirius.

James felt very warm next to him, and his knobbly limbs kept poking against Remus’s side. How James managed to have such knobbly elbows and knees was beyond Remus. Lately it seemed like his elbows and knees were becoming knives. Remus subconsciously rubbed his own elbow, remembering the bit in _Your Body_ stating there’d be physical changes— _painful_ physical changes.

 _Are they as painful as becoming a wolf_? he wondered, glancing down at his legs. He doubted his human bones would start poking through his skin, though. _Then_ he wondered if he’d have growing pains. He was _used_ to feeling his bones growing and body changing. Would it really bother him? It couldn’t be as bad as the wolfy transformations, could it?

“You seem deep in thought.” Remus glanced up, startled out of his thoughts. “Whatcha thinking about?”

“Puberty.”

James blinked a couple times then rolled his eyes. “You’re really weird, mate, you know that, right?” But he gave a grin to show he was only teasing.

After a few minutes of talking about various things, Remus cleared his throat and asked, “What all have you, uh, told your parents? About me, I mean. I—I know you’d never say that,” he added in a whisper, “I was just wondering what they do know.”

“Not much,” James promised, linking his arm with Remus’s. “Only that you’re my good friend. Part of the group. Um, you’re super smart. And that you’re sick but you don’t like talking about it, and I respect your privacy.” James squeezed his arm. “They’ll respect your privacy too. I promise.”

They talked for nearly an hour before the other two returned, Peter a little flushed from having to work on such an important potion by himself. They hung around until nearly lunchtime, when Pomfrey shooed them out. Sirius and Peter went right for the Great Hall for lunch but Remus went to the dorms for a shower, feeling grimy from Herbology. It kinda grossed him out that Sirius and Peter didn’t want to get cleaned up, but oh well. To each their own.

*

In the late afternoon, Remus insisted he wanted to do some studying in the library and left Sirius and Peter. He went to the dorms to get a LiftAway before going down to the Pits Passage. He went to the first real pit then blew up the LiftAway until it just barely tugged at his body. He wrapped the string multiple times around one arm—tying it tight—and then took a running leap across the pit, coming softly down on the other side. He continued jumping across the pits until he wound up at the dragon painting. He let the LiftAway rise up to the ceiling while he approached the painting, heart pounding hard.

“Hey, w—wake up,” he said as the dragon snored loudly. “Wake up.” He purposely poked the dragon. “Or—or I’ll dump paint thinner on you!” The dragon looked at him and, knowing what was about to happen, he ducked down as the fireball shot past his head. Slowly he stood up, panting hard at the near hit. “Yeah, wanna try that again?” he snapped. The dragon glared at him. “I know you’re g-guarding something.” He hoped he sounded braver than he felt. “I get it. Someone set you up to—to protect whatever you have behind you, but you could have killed my friend.”

The memory of James on the ground filled his head, and fury rose hard; the wolf rose too, itching for revenge, which was strange since it was a painting.

“I am _very_ angry right now. Secret entrances should not be set up to—to nearly kill people. Or kill, because you—you could have easily killed him if it—well, I don’t know who did it, and frankly I don’t care right now. All I care about is my friends are going to w-want to keep trying to get behind you because they are absolute idiots, and I have zero intention of letting you burning them up.”

He yelped, ducking quickly as another fireball went past. He could feel the heat across his head.

“St—stop it,” he said firmly. The dragon tilted its head. This was going nowhere. He needed to pull out the heavy spells. Almost literally. “For your information, hitting me with fire? It won’t do much. Won’t do anything lasting.” The dragon took in a breath and Remus stepped back quickly. “Don’t believe me?” He got his wand out and pointed it at his hand, wincing at the thought of what he was about to do, trying to steel himself for the pain coming. _I’ve had worse, it won’t last long, it’s not that bad._ He grit his teeth, and—“Incendio!”

The flames hit his hand and he cried out in pain, immediately slamming his hand against his robes, beating the fire out. Shakily he raised his burnt hand, holding it out for the dragon to watch it heal. He had considered letting the fireball hit his hand but it seemed riskier than being able to control the fire himself.

“I’m a werewolf.” The dragon narrowed its eyes, a puff of smoke wafting from its nose. It emanated the aura of not caring. “I can—I can rip you off the wall and tear you to shreds, and you can’t do a thing about it. Still don’t believe me?” He punched the wall and the stone cracked, some of it crumbling to the floor. “I’ll tear you down and take you with me when I—I transform, We can go snout to snout if that’s what you want. I’m tempted to do it anyway because of what happened, but I’m going to ask you _nicely_. Whatever you’re hiding isn’t worth it. I’m sure it’s been _decades_ since whoever put you in charge of whatever is behind you. Whoever did it is graduated and gone. And either it was important what they kept there and they took it with them, or it doesn’t matter. Either way whatever you’re hiding isn’t that important. So.”

He stepped closer and reached up, grabbing one corner of the painting.

“Your choice. Give up or deal with a _very_ angry werewolf.”

The dragon stared at him for a long time and then gave a snorting sound, smoke pouring out of the painting. No heat, no flames. And then the stone around the painting shifted until a doorway formed, the painting lifted nearly to the ceiling.

Remus stared in surprised, unable to believe what happened. He took a hesitant step forward, sensing something more than simply a passage beyond the entrance… the temptation was super strong.

“Thank you,” he said, forcing himself to step back. The painting lowered as the stone formed again. The dragon looked _furious_. “When we come back, you will open up or else I will destroy you, got it?”

The dragon yawned and curled up, giving a rather rude-looking flick of its tail.

Remus sucked in a deep breath and grabbed the LiftAway string to go back across the pits, feeling rather delirious over the fact _it worked_! He felt absolutely euphoric, even though he only succeeded by burning his hand and punching stone. Still, a victory was a victory and soon they’d be able to see whatever was behind the painting, assuming he was right in James being determined. Which he was about ninety-nine percent sure of, since James was an idiot.

*

James returned to the dorms that night, excited to be back but angry he was missing another practice. The only evidence left of what happened was some faint scarring along his face. Still, despite his annoyance, he was in a very bouncy mood. Literally. He spent several minutes jumping on his bed and talking a mile a minute about the upcoming game, switching briefly to birthday plans for Remus, then his own birthday plans.

“We—should—sneak—into—Hogsmeade!” he panted as he bounced. “Celebrate there! Please? Please, Remy? For my birthday!” Remus ducked his head, pretending to focus on his homework instead of James. “Stop acting like you can’t hear me, we all know you’ve got mega-hearing.”

He set his quill down, glancing up at his friend. “When will the Stink Potion be done?”

“Tomorrow!” James leaped off his bed and crashed onto Sirius’s bed. “Should we attack the dorms after Transfiguration or wait till Monday?”

“I vote Monday,” Peter said. “That way if we get caught it doesn’t ruin our plans for Saturday.”

Sirius flung a paper crane at Peter. It fluttered a bit, then fell short. “Who says we’ll be caught? That’s so—so—um, you know—negative.”

“Pessimistic?” Remus offered, suspecting that was the word Sirius was trying to find.

Sirius flung his second paper crane at Remus, and it once again fell short. “Yup. That. What’s wrong with these cranes? The paper is _not_ working!” He held up the package of charmed paper, rereading the instructions. “Am I doing the crane wrong?”

“Nah, maybe Petey’s got the right idea— _ow_!” James fell off of Sirius’s bed, thudding hard against the floor.

“Merlin’s bushy beard, Jimsy, you wanna go back to the hospital wing already?” laughed Sirius, though there was definitely concern in his tone.

James wallowed back and forth, clutching his knee. “It’s your fault, your blanket is too slippery!” Remus got a healing potion out of his desk and handed it to James. “Thanks.” He just pushed his trousers down, sitting there in his pants as he rubbed the potion on his knee. Then he kicked the trousers off completely. “Anyway, yeah, there’s a tiny slim chance of us getting caught and if we do, we’ll definitely get detention Saturday because McGonsie hates us, and then we can’t properly celebrate Remy’s birthday.”

Sirius tried another paper crane, carefully folding it up. “Yeah true, we don’t wanna ruin birthday plans. AH!” This time the paper crane fluttered around the room. “Yes! Right-o, Monday. When do they have class that we don’t?”

Peter got the third year Hufflepuff timetable out and carefully smoothed it out. “Ummm, let’s see. They have… Care of Magical Creatures at one? And it says all three of them in the dorm does have—er, take that class, but some of the other third year Hufflepuff boys don’t?”

“Mmm, that’s a bit of a risk,” sighed James. “Anything after Transfiguration? Our Transfiguration?”

“No, free period,” he mumbled. “Tuesday they have Defense at eleven, which is free for us.”

They agreed on Tuesday, and Remus said he’d let Bones know. Sirius frowned, and suggested he _not_ tell Bones when, in case it was a trap. Remus shrugged, agreeing not to tell Bones exactly when. Except the next morning on the way to breakfast Bones grabbed Remus and pulled him into a side corridor.

“Soon,” Remus promised before Bones could say anything. “The p—potion will be d-d-done tonight. It—it should be sometime next week.”

“No, not… uh, no, I wanted—um, Potter didn’t fall into the fire for that potion, did he?” Bones asked, forehead wrinkling.

“Huh? N—no, no, not that one,” Remus promised. “They—it w-was something—something else.”

Bones looked very relieved; apparently he had been worried since he heard the rumors about what happened that it might be in relation to the prank. He promised it was fine it hadn’t been done yet, he was still excited to see what happened.

Shortly after Remus took his seat at the Gryffindor table the owl post came, and Arthur was one of the last owls in, haphazardly fluttering while trying to carry a box. He kept dipping and jerking, and then there were shrieks as he crashed into the table. Remus let out a cry of worry, jumping to his feet.

Arthur wobbled, standing up and shaking out his body. “ _Arthur_?” Arthur hooted, depositing the box before huddling. “Arthur, are you—?”

“Is he all right?” Peter asked, and James and Sirius chimed in with their concerns.

“I—I don’t know…” He carefully picked Arthur up, gently touching along his body. Arthur stared intently up at Remus during this, not complaining. “I—I better take him to the owlery, I don’t think he can make it on his own.”

“We can go with you,” offered Sirius.

“No, it’s fine.” He jammed the box in his satchel and, cradling Arthur in one arm, headed out of the Great Hall. Most people were watching him due to the crash. He slipped out, going as quickly as he could up the too-many stairs. Arthur hooted whenever Remus asked him how he was doing, but definitely seemed out of it.

Once in the owlery, he carefully put Arthur in his nest and pet him again, determined to write his parents and suggest they not use Arthur anymore. He could use school owls. Somehow.

There was a side room where a lot of owl care supplies were held and it also had a board where students could leave notes about the owls. Remus went in, grabbing a piece of parchment.

_Arthur Lupin, C. 302N. Concern over health_

Remus paused, trying to remember everything his parents had said about Arthur’s age.

_Est. Age: 26?_

He knew Arthur had been given to his father when he graduated Beauxbatons, and was _fairly_ sure Arthur was about a year old at that point. How long did snowy owls live? He struggled to remember, and couldn’t.

He poised the quill over the parchment again but didn’t know what else to add. Finally, _Please get back to Remus Lupin (Gryffindor, Y2) as soon as possible. Thank you_.

He stuck the note onto the board and returned to the main room, looking up at Arthur who had fallen asleep. He wanted to go over and cuddle him but didn’t want to wake him up. Part of him wanted to cry. Arthur had been there his whole life and was pretty much the only animal he had come across that didn’t despise him.

Once he left the owlery, instead of going back down to the Great Hall, Remus collapsed onto one of the benches, covering his face. His nose burned and itched though no tears came out. It was longer than he meant before he got up, and he had to run all the way down to the dungeons but was still a couple of minutes late and lost five points. Three for being late and two for his sloppy tie as well as the fact his shirt wasn’t tucked in.

“Everyone saw what happened with Arthur, what a _tosser_ for taking points off,” Sirius grumbled when Remus slid into his seat, tucking his shirt in as best he could.

Remus was quiet through class, more anxious than usual so his potion (which was made by himself) was even more of a disaster than usual. It kept belching orange smoke that smelled like burnt flowers. Slughorn gave him a P, one of his worst grades ever since Professor Dedenne left the school. Remus’s heart sank, and he once again felt like crying.

After a long Charms (mostly long due to him being so hungry) he swung by Great Hall to grab a very quick bite then went back to the owlery to check up on Arthur. A shiver of trepidation went down his spine as he went up the stairs, terrified he’d find Arthur dead. For a split second Remus thought he was, then noticed his owl breathing gently.

Remus left him alone, not wanting to disturb him. He checked in the room to see if his note was still up (it was) before heading back down to the Great Hall. He was pretty worn out by that point, collapsing down at the Gryffindor table from going up and down all the stairs so many times!

“He’s all right,” he promised before his friends could ask. Then he folded his arms on the table, dropping his head down. “I’m going to rest a few minutes…”

He wound up falling sound asleep, waking up when Peter gave him a gentle shake.

“Why don’t you take a nap before History?” Sirius suggested.

“The potion—we need to bottle it up, don’t we?” Remus yawned.

“We can take care of it,” James said.

Except as they were leaving the Great Hall, a seventh year approached them, asking if he was Remus Lupin. Remus recognized her as someone who worked in the owlery often, and his heart plummeted. He had seen Arthur just a few minutes ago!

“Arthur is fine,” she said, noticing how white he went. “It’s in regards to your note. I can’t tell if there is anything particularly wrong, but I was wondering if you wanted the veterinarian to come see him.”

He opened his mouth to say _yes_! Then shut his mouth. Then, “H—how much… how much would it be?”

“Three galleons base fee, and then more depending on how much medical care he needs,” the seventh year replied.

He swallowed, curling his hands into fists. Immediately, he wondered what present his parents had sent him, and how much he could get for it if he sold it. Not enough. Surely not enough. Could he sell anything else? Nothing that could make up that much money. It would take a couple days to write his parents and get a reply, and would they be able to send much? Perhaps combined with anything he might find to pawn off in Hogsmeade—

“Yeah,” James said. “That’s fine.”

“James—“

James turned, staring hard at Remus. “You are going to take the damn money, Remus, okay?” Without waiting for an answer, he flashed a smile at the seventh year. “He would like the vet to see Arthur.”

The seventh year gave Remus a glance, and Remus gave a reluctant nod. “All right, I’ll send a letter, and let you know as soon as I hear from him.”

As soon as the girl disappeared, Remus started to tell James he’d pay him back, do his homework, anything he wanted to make up for it but James immediately put his hand over Remus’s mouth.

“I just won’t buy you anything next time we sneak into Hogsmeade,” he said, removing his hand. “Is that an acceptable deal?”

“James, I—“

“Is that an acceptable deal?” he repeated, firmer.

 _No_ , he thought, wringing his hands. James bought him sweets all the time and sometimes bottles of butterbeer, but definitely not three galleons worth. “I’ll do some of your homework too.”

James gave Remus a pat on the head. “All right, then. Deal. Also, we’ll help out with whatever medical care he needs, all right bye!”

He grabbed Sirius and Peter and took off down the hall before Remus could say anything in return.

“GO TAKE A NAP!” Sirius shouted over his shoulder before they clattered up the stairs and disappeared.

*

The rest of Friday was spent worrying about Arthur, worrying about money, listening to the short lecture about safety around potions and fire (with so many students shooting James looks, and James smiling innocently the whole time), and forgetting until after Study Group he had a birthday present to open up. He finally did after getting ready for bed, opening up the package to find a nice card, and two wrapped presents. He knew one was a bar of chocolate, and the other was a book. _Knitters Book Of Spells_. The cover showed two knitting needles knitting by themselves in one corner, and in the other corner it showed a handful of leaves turning into yarn. This was a _very_ happy distraction from the Arthur problem!

Remus eagerly opened it up, flipping through. A lot of the spells were ones he wasn’t too interested in—spells to make needles knit on their own, that sort of thing—but then it led into more spells, spells that were super useful. Spells to keep yarn untangled which was pretty much the Holy Grail until he found a spell that turned things into actual yarn. Like leaves.

Leaves.

Into yarn.

He could go outside and gather up leaves and turn it into a skein of yarn!

“ _Ow_!” he yelped when he tried jumping out of bed and got tangled in his blanket, landing face-first on the floor.

“You all right?” Peter asked, while James and Sirius helpfully laughed.

Remus pushed himself up. “Yeah.” He brushed himself off and grabbed a piece of parchment, considering showing his friends the present he got but then decided not to; while he wasn’t ashamed of knitting, getting a book like that did seem possibly a little awkward. It wasn’t that interesting or cool.

Once in his bed again (the curtains shut) he began practicing the spell. He managed to get the parchment rather woolly but not into proper yarn at all before it grew way too late. It was on the verge of midnight when he decided to give up, putting everything away and curling up under his covers.

Right when he almost drifted into sleep he heard quick footsteps outside his bed, then his curtains opened, and someone dove on him. He gave a yelp of pain as knees smacked into him, and he wriggled a bit, trying to get free from the warm, heavy body on top of him; a split second later he froze as he realized who it was, by scent. Panic swept through him, and the box was practically thrown aside at the extremely uncomfortable sensations zapping through his body.

“Sirius, gerrof!”

“Happy birthday!” Sirius whispered, climbing off of Remus and kneeling in front of him, eyes sparkling.

Remus rubbed his side, shifting into a sitting position. “What?”

“It’s midnight. Happy birthday!” Sirius grinned now. “I wanted to be the first to wish you happy birthday. I wanted to do it to Petey, but he wasn’t here. I’ll do it for James too, so don’t say anything.”

Remus blinked a few times, the words sinking into his head. Midnight. It was his birthday. He was thirteen. “Oh! It—oh.”

Sirius laughed, settling into a cross-legged position. “Congratulations on the big one-three.”

“Thank you.” He leaned back against the headboard, drawing his knees up, wrapping his arms around them. “It’s going to be a strange birthday though.”

“Because of Arthur?” Sirius asked, and Remus nodded. “Understandable. I’m sure he’ll be fine.” He clamored over, sitting right next to Remus against the headboard. “He’s tough, like you.”

“Sirius, I—I cry over everything and literally run away from my problems,” Remus replied flatly. “I am not tough.”

“D’you want one of your presents early?”

“Wh—what?”

Sirius pulled a small lumpy gift out of his pocket, pushing it into Remus’s hands. “Here.”

“I—“

“Open it!”

Remus tore the paper off and found four galleons. His hand shook as he stared at them, the metal clinking softly together.

“For Arthur,” Sirius said, pulling his knees up and imitating Remus’s previous position. “The base fee, and for anything extra needed.”

He slowly shook his head, thrusting his hand out to Sirius. “I can’t accept this,” he croaked out. “I can’t, it’s too much.”

Sirius’s eyes narrowed and he sounded slightly accusatory as he said, “You accepted it from James. Besides, one of those galleons is from Jamesy anyway. I won it, in a bet.”

“I can’t—“

Sirius grabbed his hand, curling his fingers around Remus’s fingers, making him close his hand around the money. His hand was very warm, and felt so _good_ around Remus’s hand. Really, really good. Uncomfortably good. Zappy.

“Please,” Sirius said softly, still squeezing his hand. “I know you don’t like getting stuff like this because you can’t ‘repay’ us but that’s not what it’s like, all right? We don’t give you presents because we expect to be repaid. We give you presents because we like you. And we like Arthur. Besides, I flew that broom for you the other day and you said you owed me. So, accept my gift as repayment.”

“That doesn’t make _sense_!“ But he didn’t push any further, knowing it was pointless to argue. “You can’t give me anything else for my birthday.”

Sirius looked elated. "Too late, I already got you other presents.” Laughing softly, he climbed over Remus to slide out of bed, twisting a little. He leaned in close enough that his face was a mere two inches from Remus’s. Remus felt his breath catch in his throat at the sudden closeness, and he squeezed the galleons tightly. “Goodnight, Remy, and happy birthday.” He disappeared through the curtains, padding quietly back to his bed.

Remus stared at the curtains then slumped down, heart racing faster than he ever remembered it going. It was thudding hard, practically bursting from his chest. He couldn’t breathe properly either, and was so hot he felt his armpits and palms go all sweaty. Gulping, he reached through his curtains to put the money in his desk drawer, then he curled up on top of his blankets. He was _way_ too hot to go under the covers, and it took a very, very, very long time before he was able to fall asleep.


	109. Chapter One Hundred-Nine – Happy Birthday Remy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internalized homophobia in this chapter. Also mention of emetophobia in this chapter but it doesn't happen, just a couple brief dialogue lines. Finally, I am rewriting Sirius's side story and the new version of chapter one will be posted probably sometime this weekend; I will be deleting the old story. Just a head's up for that.

Remus’s dreams all night were foggy, hot, and uncomfortable. He woke up multiple times, debating going to get a cold shower; when he awoke at around seven he gave up trying to sleep and despite having a shower the night before, got another one. This one cold, getting rid of all the tingly feelings he didn’t want to have. Everyone else was still asleep when he returned, but it was almost seven-thirty so he just got dressed and went first to owlery (Arthur seemed really weak, but otherwise all right) before going to breakfast.

He had his nose stuck in a book, stuffing blood pudding in his mouth when his friends fell into seats around him.

“What’re you doing up so early?” James asked.

Remus jumped a little, dropping his fork. “Oh! Er, m—morning. I, uh, didn’t sleep well.” Then he was worried Sirius might somehow know why, might somehow suspect how flustered Remus had gotten over the hand and the—the close face.

“Too worried about Arthur?” Pete asked.

_Thank Merlin_. “Yes,” he said swiftly. “Oh. Er, James, I—I won’t be needing the, um, mon—money.”

James slapped the table. “Don’t you bloody well back out of—“

“I gave him enough to cover it,” Sirius cut James off before he threw a fit. “I know you already bought loads of presents—“

“What?!” Remus demanded.

“—and I didn’t have much—“

“That doesn’t matter!” he hissed out, but of course Sirius ignored him.

“—so I gave it to him.”

“I would have helped too!” Peter protested. “I’ve got a couple sickles in my—“ He stopped, and began going red, “—oh. Oh, yeah, I’m stupid.”

Remus gave him a smile. “I appreciate it though, thank you. I _really_ don’t need any more money, though. And if I’ve any change you can have back, of course.”

Sirius gave his head a light thump. “It’s a present, you don’t give presents back. Save it for next time we go into Hogsmeade.”

“Which will _definitely_ be on my birthday,” James added with a snap of his fingers.

Sirius started to say something else however Lily appeared, looking bright and excited. “Reeeemus!” She flung herself onto the bench between him and Sirius, shoving Sirius aside in order to make room.

“Oi! Watch it, Evans, you could’ve asked _nicely_!” Sirius complained as he almost fell off the seat.

“I didn’t know you or Potter knew the meaning of asking nicely,” she said, then flung her arms around Remus, hugging him tightly right there in front of everyone. “Happy birthday!”

“Ahh—th—thank you!” he squeaked, trying not to blush as he gave her an awkward hug back.

“You’re up early…” She settled back, getting a plate. “You lot up to something?”

“Aren’t we always?” James joked.

Lily rolled her eyes at him. “Anyway… I know you probably have plans with them most the day, but I was wondering when we could get together?”

“Ooh, er.” Remus glanced down at his food, not really sure what the Marauders’ plans were. “Perhaps after lunch?”

They both looked at the others—well, James and Sirius—who shrugged, saying they weren’t doing much of anything until after supper. So, Remus and Lily agreed to meet in the entrance hall after lunch to spend some time together for his birthday.

“Not like mine though,” she teased, standing up.

Remus choked on nothing, watching in horror as she went down the table to join Spinnet and Struthers for breakfast; mostly just Struthers. Why would she say that? Now his friends would be curious. Of course they would be, a thing like that said, they’d be bound to—

James bent in close. “What did you do for her birthday that’s got you all red?”

Remus swallowed, quickly grabbing his fork. “We—we t-talked about some personal things, is all.”

He looked rather disappointed. “Ah, well.”

“Like what?” Sirius asked, not letting that be the end of it.

“Personal things, as in I’m not saying,” Remus retorted, nose in the air. “I’m not going to betray her secrets.”

“Gotta admit, I am kinda curious what kind’ve secrets Evans might have,” said Peter.

“Pfft, I know her secret,” James snorted, pointing his fork at Peter. “She’s really a slug in disguise. Watch carefully, she’ll leave a slime trail, just like her slimy git of a boyfriend.”

“We haven’t done anything to him for _ages_ ,” Sirius pointed out. “I bet he’s getting lonely.”

“Once we’re done with Operation Arsehole Party we should definitely give Snivellus a prezzie or two,” snickered James. Then he suddenly gasped. “I have a _brilliant_ idea. Ohhhh!” He began banging his hand against the table, gaining the attention of several nearby students. “Oh! Oh! It’s so good, yes! Oh!”

“You going to share or just yell ‘oh’?” Peter asked, causing Remus to snicker.

James shook his head. “Okay, I can’t give all the details since Remus will say no, but—“

“If it involves Lily then no!” he snapped

James ignored him, “—I have a brilliant plan that also pranks Evans.”

“No!” Remus snapped again.

James stared hard at Remus. “Why must you always try to stifle my creativity?”

“Why must you always try to prank one of my best friends?” Remus said right back. “All right, if it isn’t very bad… _perhaps_. However since you’re refusing to give me details I get the feeling it is very, very bad.”

James bent in, and the others followed suit. “We steal her knickers—“

“NO! Absolutely _not_!”

James gave a whiny sound. “Can I please finish? We steal her knickers, put’em in Snape’s room, take a picture, and send it to her. Without any evidence attached. You know, make her think he somehow got’em.”

“No, no, that is a NO! No! That is—no! No!”

Sirius nudged him. “Calm down a little, Remy.”

Remus shook his head wildly, furious at James’s ‘brilliant’ plan. “I don’t ask for much, but can one of my birthday presents be you _not_ stealing Lily’s… under… things?”

“If you can say ‘Lily’s knickers’ then we won’t do it,” James said.

Remus went brilliantly red. “Th—wh—w-what?! Y-you—wow, th-that—All right, you’re being very rude this morning and I do not appreciate it.”

“I’m with you, I don’t think it’s a good plan,” Peter said, and Remus thanked him. “Cause I don’t really know her real well but I don’t think she’d think it was Snape anyway.”

“No,” Remus added, “I don’t think she would either. He would deny it—honestly—and I think she’d believe him. I don’t know _who_ she would blame, but she wouldn’t be angry at him.”

James threw his hands in the air. “Fine, fine, no knickers. Okay, how about we steal Snape’s—okay not even gonna finish that or I will throw up.”

“I think we _all_ would,” moaned Sirius, clutching his stomach.

“Yeah, I think I lost my appetite,” mumbled Peter, poking at his food a little miserably.

James dropped the subject of Snape and the four instead discussed the upcoming Gryffindor game. Remus promised to be there as much as he could, but reminded James if it ran on _too_ long he would have to leave. He also swore he’d be the one sick this time instead of his mother so they would be able to visit, which made them happy.

Then Sirius casually asked if Remus was spending any time with Aegis that day, for his birthday. Remus shook his head, admitting Aegis didn’t know when Remus’s birthday was. Nor did Remus know when Aegis’s birthday was. Sirius shrugged, not saying anything else on the matter though seeming a bit pleased.

Since it was a fairly decent day out, the four wound up sneaking into the Forbidden Forest to spend some time at Fort Dragon, though they mostly chattered about various things and kicked at the ground. Remus worked on his yarn spell, which wasn’t going too well.

_It’s for adults so I shouldn’t be too distressed I can’t get it yet_ , he thought when they finally left to return to the castle for lunch. Still… it was an exciting spell and he hoped to get it down soon. Not having to worry about buying as much yarn would be _great_!

After lunch, Remus told the Marauders farewell before going with Lily to sit outside. They chose a nice rock overlooking the lake and ate the biscuits Lily had gotten from the kitchen; she apologized for not baking them herself, but Remus didn’t care. If Peter hadn’t been in Saint Mungo’s they probably wouldn’t have baked him anything anyway.

Once the last biscuit was gone, Lily wiped her hands off and handed him a present that was definitely a book. He accepted it, a little awkwardly.

“Okay,” she said before he opened it. “I don’t know if you’ll like it, and if you don’t I’ll take it back I promise. I won’t be upset or anything. You probably already have something like it.”

“I’m sure I’ll love it—“ he started.

Lily shook her head. “No, don’t say that please. Wait till you open it and _please_ be honest, I won’t mind.”

Curious now, he ripped the paper off to reveal a prettily bound hardback of Welsh fairy tales and mythology. _Muggle_ fairy tales and mythology! “Oh!” He opened it up and began flipping through, very excited. “This is so neat! This is Muggle, right?”

“Uh-huh…” Lily was chewing at the end of one of her braids. “You probably have something like that though, don’t you?”

“Um, not—not really. We have a few fairy tale type books at home which belong to my parents, but nothing this extensive, and only a couple of them are Muggle. This is so _cool_! I know a lot of the stories, of course, but I don’t have my own copy of any of them. _Thank_ you!”

“R—really?”

He set the book down so he could hug her tightly. Not too tightly though. “Yes, it’s _wonderful_! I love it!”

Lily beamed, hugging back. “I’m so glad you like it! I was worried it might be a bit silly…”

“No, no, it’s perfect.” He picked it back up, flipping through, gazing at the illustrations. “I really like that it’s Muggle too, I don’t know how alike some of the things might be—well, the Mythology is the same I think—so it will be fun to compare their fairy tales to some of the wizarding fairy tales I grew up with… oh! Muggles have Gwyllgi too!”

“Do what now?”

“Gwyllgi,” he said.

“I have no idea what…” She peered at the small section. “ _That’s_ how it’s pronounced?!”

Remus couldn’t help but giggle. “Yes. Gwyllgi. I had no idea Muggles knew anything about it. That is fascinating…” It didn’t take him long to get deep into the book, forgetting entirely Lily was there until she cleared her throat a few times. “Oh, er, sorry! I… ahhh, sorry.”

She leaned against him, her arm warm against his. “It’s all right, I’m very happy you like it. I was scared it’d be boring.”

He shut the book with a snap. “I highly doubt any book you could get me would be boring. Most books I own are old, use copies anyway so if it’s something I already have I probably wouldn’t mind an upgrade. Er, except for a couple of books that have sentimental value behind them however it would still be nice to have newer copies to read, and the sentimental ones to keep. I’m babbling. I’m sorry.”

She slid her arm through his, squeezing. “I don’t mind when you talk,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder. “Happy birthday.”

He squeezed her arm back. “Thank you so much.”

“That’s all I have for you…” she said slowly, and he was about to say it was more than he’d ever expected, but she quickly added, “Unless you’d like another kiss.” Then she burst into laughter as he turned brilliantly red, spluttering out incomprehensible words as fear and panic consumed his entire body. She fell over, clutching her sides as she wheezed.

“LILY EVANS!”

“I’M SORRRRRYYYY!” she squealed, rolling back and forth. “Your FACE! HAHA! THAT WAS PERFECT! EeeEEEEK!” She tried to roll out of the way as he threw a dirt clod at her, but of course missed due to his terrible aim. “Awww, I’m sorry! I am! Mostly.”

“Uh- _huh_!” He gave a sniffle, pretending to be annoyed but unable to keep it up for long. “You’re _wicked_.”

“A bit, but you’re one to talk,” she teased, brushing the grass and dirt off her trousers as she sat back up. “You four haven’t been doing much lately. I expect you’re planning something _really_ big.”

“Er…” They were, but only for the three Hufflepuff boys. “Would you believe it if I said we weren’t?”

“No.”

“Ah, well. We aren’t.”

She snorted, knocking lightly against him. “Some of the pranks are pretty funny though. But some are just kind’ve… _mean_.” Remus remained silent, picking bits of grass off his own trousers, unable to really defend or argue. It was true. “I am glad Cassie is over what happened last month. I mean, what _she_ did to _us_ was awful. But I’m glad she didn’t stay fighting with Black for long. Ooh, I wonder if they’ve kissed again. She said she spent a lot of time with him last night.”

_Did they_? he wondered, laying back on the cold ground to watch the clouds go by. Lily lay down too, their heads close together.

“She’s gone back to talking nonstop about him though, which _is_ annoying,” Lily continued, lifting her hands up to study them against the sky. “That was one nice thing when they were fighting. She was moping, but at least she wasn’t going on about how _amazing_ he is all the time! All right, he does look good, but that doesn’t mean she has to say so every hour, right? And if I hear one more word about his hair…!” She gave a disgusted sound.

“He does have nice hair though,” Remus said quietly.

Lily didn’t say anything for several seconds and then she propped herself up on her elbows, looking down at Remus. He realized what he said, and the fact he probably should not have said it.

“That is be _sides_ the point!” Lily finally complained. “He does, but how anyone can spend so much time thinking about it is beyond me.”

Remus swallowed, feeling rather guilty as if she could somehow know that Remus occasionally thought about how nice Sirius’s hair was. Not that often, naturally. Only once or twice. Sometimes. That probably didn’t count, right?

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m going on about this when you probably don’t even care about it.”

“If you care about it, I care too,” he said.

She flopped back, her braids falling across Remus’s hair with how close their heads were now. “Same for you. I mean, if there’s anything you want to talk about and worry I might not care or be interested, I—I’m always happy to listen, I promise.”

He felt her hand searching so stretched his out until their fingers met and linked together. Unfortunately instead of it feeling nice, all he could think about was Sirius’s hand around his the night before. How could it feel _so_ different? They were _hands_! Why did Sirius’s hand around his make him feel so—so—so _confused_ and _wobbly_ and _hot_ , whereas Lily’s just felt _comforting_ and _pleasant_? He thought he could hold Lily’s hand forever, but if he held Sirius’s hand for too long he’d probably burn up into ashes. Which made zero sense whatsoever, and he hated it.

For a split second he considered talking to her about his feelings. His confusion. All the strange ways his body reacted when around Sirius, or Professor Prewett. Then he squashed _that_ down as quickly as he could, knowing it would be disastrous to even _hint_ at such a thing. He couldn’t have _anyone_ think he _might_ sorta be like that, especially since he _wasn’t_ like that at all.

Eventually, (after ages talking, not about feelings) the chilliness drove them back into the castle where they sat near the Gryffindor fireplace to warm up. There weren’t many students around, so they were able to squeeze into a large armchair together fairly close to the fireplace. They spent the next hour pouring through the book she had gotten him while he pointed out various differences between the Muggle stories and the wizarding ones he had grown up with.

At around three a prefect came to get him, informing him that an older Hufflepuff needed to speak with him about something. Immediately his brain jumped to Operation Arsehole Party, and he was absolutely terrified.

“Wh—who?”

“I don’t know,” the prefect sighed. “She works in the owlery.”

_Oh_! He quickly got up, promising Lily he’d be back as soon as possible. He had to run up to the dorm to get the galleons, and ran back down, falling out of the entrance hole when he tried to leave.

The owlery volunteer gave a slight snicker which Remus chose to ignore. “H—hi, is—is—is—“

“The veterinarian is here,” she said. “Well, will be here in about an hour.”

_Didn’t need to run, then_. “Do I j-just meet them in—in the tower?”

“Yes, a few other students will be there too,” she said.

Remus climbed back into the common room (not falling this time, thankfully) and went back to Lily, explaining to her what was going on. Her hands flew to her mouth as he spoke and as soon as he was done she asked if Arthur was going to be all right.

“I d-d-don’t know,” he admitted, pulling his feet up onto the chair so he could wrap his arms around his knees. His comfort position, he supposed. It made him feel safer, making himself smaller. “I hope so.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“I—if you w-want, but the others might want to. If they come back before four. I mean, I wouldn’t mind if you were all there. If you wanted to. it—oh. I’m—er, you know what I mean.”

Lily put an arm around him. “I know what you mean.”

The Marauders were still missing at fifteen till four so Lily accompanied Remus up to the owlery. His hands were shaking a bit by the time he got there, and he felt his nose burning. He hoped if it was bad news he wouldn’t simply burst into tears. But he doubted he’d be able to keep himself calm.

The vet introduced himself to the four students, and said he would look at Arthur first, since Remus was the reason he had been summoned in the first place. The other three students left while Remus whistled for Arthur. Arthur stirred in his nest and tried to fly—

And crashed to the ground.

Remus gave a cry of fear, running over to pick him up. “Arthur?!” Tears began welling up in his eyes already. Arthur gave a rather feeble hoot, and tried to nibble on Remus’s finger in reassurance.

“Let me see’im,” the vet said, and Remus carefully gave him to the vet.

The next fifteen minutes were agony. Remus clutched Lily’s hand while the vet examined Arthur carefully and did multiple diagnosis spells. He even drew a little bit of Arthur’s blood, doing some spells on that. Finally he removed his gloves, turning to face Remus with such a grim expression that Remus’s heart dropped through the floor. Through the entire castle.

“He’ll be all right.”

Remus swayed, nearly falling over; he might have fallen over if Lily wasn’t there. “Wh—what?”

“You said he’s around twenty-six? He’ll be all right.” The vet nodded, pulling a pad of paper out of his pocket. “He’s just a bit weak is all, nothing to worry about. He’s still got a good couple of years left in him.” The vet scribbled some stuff down, handing the paper to Remus. “What you’ll need to do is give him a dilution of strengthening potion, the combination amount is written down. The first four weeks you’ll need to do three drops twice a day, three days a week. I suggest starting today and doing Saturday, Tuesday, Thursday. After the four weeks drop it down to two drops once a day, every three days. He should be right as rain by the time your Easter holidays are over. Don’t work him for the first four weeks, and after that only close flights. Within the school or Hogsmeade, understand? After the last of the medication he should be up for regular flights but _only_ with light letters, no packages.”

Remus clutched the piece of paper, feeling dizzy. “Ah—ah, y-yes. Yes, sir.”

“I’ve got a vial of strengthening solution here…” The vet pulled a vial out. “This should last you the eight weeks. Or if you know someone who can make a potion perfectly, you can have them make it.”

Remus frowned. Lily and James were both terrific at potions however he didn’t want to assume they’d help out, so he agreed to buy it—depending on the price. It wound up costing twelve sickles while the visit cost three galleons and two sickles. The vet handed three sickles back… or tried to.

Remus had no clue what to do. He regretted not trying to find the Marauders since he could easily say something about Sirius taking the change since it was his or something. He couldn’t really ask Lily!

He had to take a risk. A big risk.

The jumper he was wearing was kinda big on him and the sleeves went past his hands. When he moved his arm he slid his hand a little into the sleeve so only the very tips of his fingers poked out as he stretched his hand out for the change. His gut clenched tightly as the three sickles dropped down. Their heat radiated through the wool… but he remained unharmed. He quickly jammed them down in his pocket, feeling them through the denim. Sickles weren’t technically silver all the way through—just as galleons weren’t gold all the way through. However, they were coated in silver; pure enough that he could certainly feel them.

“Th—thank you.” He took Arthur back to his nest and put three drops of the solution carefully on a treat. Arthur snapped it up before nuzzling against Remus’s face. “Love you,” he whispered, stroking Arthur. “I hope this helps. Please be okay.” Arthur hooted, biting the tip of Remus’s nose very gently. Remus smiled and left with Lily, hoping desperately the vet was right and everything _would_ be okay.

*

The Marauders were quite distressed when Remus informed him the vet had seen Arthur, as they had wanted to be there. But they were glad Arthur would be all right. They apologized for being away and Remus said it was fine, though admitted he was curious what pranks they had pulled.

“Messed with Snivellus,” James said quietly. “Broke into his dorm. Sprinkled bulbadox powder into his sock drawer.”

Remus closed his eyes tightly, resisting the urge to yell at them. It was pointless, really. Besides. They had already done it anyway. Plus a tiny part of him felt Snape deserved it after what Snape did to Remus over the whole kissing Lily rumor on Valentine’s.

After they all ate, Remus was dragged to the mirror passage on the fourth floor. He protested immediately, stating he was NOT sneaking into Hogsmeade! They promised they weren’t planning on it. Sirius had thought the room beyond the mirror would be a great place to hang out and celebrate without their dormmates interrupting.

“Less risk of being caught than if we used an unused classroom,” James added as the mirror swung open.

The celebration was much like Sirius and Peter’s. There was music, board games, card games, and sweets. There was a cake and instead of candles the three others lit their wands while they sang, and Remus pretended to blow the wands out.

“Nox!” they chorused, with much laughter. They could have gotten candles this time, but it was obvious this was now going to be a Marauder tradition.

Then after eating the cake there was, of course, presents.

“Before we do that, though… I had some change left over from the vet. Sickles. I—I can’t use them so one of you can have them. Sirius, it was yours…”

Sirius frowned. “I suppose.”

“They’re in my pocket.”

That, for some reason, made Sirius hesitate. “Your… pocket? You want me to reach in and get them?”

It was Remus’s turn to frown. “I don’t want to risk touching them. It felt too close a call with my jumper sleeve.”

“Er, right—yeah. All right.” Sirius reached into Remus’s pocket which felt incredibly odd. Also upsetting. And hot. And confusing. And wobbly. All those stupid things he had been thinking earlier. Suddenly he one hundred percent regretted asking Sirius, wishing he had asked James or Petey. But then Sirius pulled the sickles out, putting them in his own pocket. Sirius seemed rather upset too, which made the whole thing worse.

“Um—th-thanks…” Remus squirmed a bit, regretting everything. He should have waited till he took his jeans off at night and dumped them out. That would have been the smarter move. Why hadn’t he thought of it sooner?!

Now that he was feeling incredibly awkward, it was time for presents. He hoped he wasn’t too noticeably red as several packages were dumped in front of him with three eager faces watching. He ducked his head, knowing he _was_ blushing but he could pass it off from embarrassment over the presents.

“Whoa! Pete, when did you take this picture?”

It was a framed photo of Remus and Lily sitting on one of the common room sofas together, obviously enjoying a good conversation.

“Last month,” Peter said, toeing the ground.

“It’s _wonderful_! Thank you! It’s so _good_! Did you do something to the colors?”

“Yeah, um, I made the whole thing look—look warmer, I guess is the best way to say it,” Peter explained, sounding both excited and nervous at the same time. “You really like it?”

“I love it! You’re really good.”

There were also some sweets from Peter, a small bottle of ink, and a bottle of cherry soda. Remus thanked him again, very excited to show Lily the picture. Also, he didn’t look quite so sickly in the photo. He supposed it had something to do with the warmer thing. It was rather nice seeing his skin not look like he was on the verge of death.

Sirius went next since James insisted on going last. “There better not be much in here,” Remus threatened.

“What are you going to do if there is?” Sirius retorted with a deplorably smug expression he must have learned from James.

Remus thought about this as he peeled the paper back. “Put something in your shampoo,” he finally answered, and Sirius stuck his tongue out.

Sirius’s presents were three hand-drawn bookmarks, sweets, and a small box which contained a very nice looking quill and bottle of ink.

“I know you wanted a new quill so I hope that one is all right,” Sirius said, rubbing the back of his head.

“How—how in Merlin’s name did you know I wanted a quill?!” Remus asked, knowing perfectly well he never said anything. A stab of fear went through him at the idea Sirius was a Legilimens. He couldn’t be. Fawley would have noticed. Right?

“You frown at your quill a lot,” Sirius explained. “I guess I could have been wrong but I assumed…”

“No. I mean, I—yes. My quill I use isn’t… yes, I wanted a new one,” he finally settled on. It still confused him on how on earth Sirius could figure that out. Did he really frown at his quill a lot? _How did Sirius notice_?!

“MY TURN!” James began jumping up and down. “Wait just you WAIT!!! Remus you’re going to LOVE ME!”

Remus laughed as he opened his final present. There was a package with three bottles of ink (how did they all know? Did Sirius figure out he was low on ink somehow too?), a really lovely scarlet notebook with the word **Marauders** imprinted on the front in gold leaf, a pair of socks with a book pattern on them, two skeins of yarn that subtly changed various hues of red, and of course some sweets. “I love _all_ my presents. I really do, they—”

“HHHYAAAA!” James shoved another present at him. “One more!”

“James, are you all right?”

“NO! OPEN!”

Remus sighed, tearing the paper off what he knew was a book. It was Ariadne Quillers newest book! A brand new hardback copy! “Wow, thank you!”

James flailed around. “OPEN! OPEN!”

“I did open the—“

“THE BOOK!” James screeched.

Remus opened the cover, staring in absolute disbelief at what was scrawled on the title page.

_For Remus, Hope you like this one! Ariadne~_

James was jumping again, punching the air. “YES! HIS FACE! YES! HA! HA!”

Sirius and Peter were both shrieking too, laughing. Remus was dimly aware Peter had taken a photograph.

“How—how—how—“ was the only thing Remus managed to get out.

“MY GREAT-AUNT KNOWS HER!” James yelled. “Sorta! My great-aunt knows her grandmother! That is your favorite writer, right? Oh shit, did I mess up?”

“No! I mean—she is! She—she is,” Remus somehow got out, still shaken up by the book. “She definitely is. Th—thank you. Wow. Oh wow, yes, thank you! Thank you _all_! Honestly, this is… more than… more than I could ever… and—and thank you. Holy hippogriffs! This is—oh my God."

James was still punching the air victoriously while Peter hugged Remus, and Sirius messed up Remus’s hair. Even with all the excitement over the book, the celebration seemed a little lower key than Peter’s had which was exactly what Remus wanted. Actually, it was still a bit _much_ in his opinion.

Remus made sure to thank them all again, making it clear he loved _everything_! Yes the signed book was awesome (very awesome) but everything was beyond wonderful. The photo was probably the best photograph of himself Remus had ever seen, and the bookmarks from Sirius were absolutely gorgeous.

After some dessert, more games, more music, and more laughter, they finally went back to their dorm about an hour after curfew. They snuck cautiously through secret corridors with Remus keeping an ear out, managing to get to the Gryffindor tower safely. Then, James snuck Remus right back out under the invisibility cloak after he realized he needed to give Arthur his evening drops. He realized that he might need to ask McGonagall for a permission slip, in case something like this happened again.

It was very late by the time Remus went to bed. He crawled between his sheets feeling exhausted, but very happy and unable to believe he was lucky enough to have such amazing friends.


	110. Chapter One Hundred-Ten – Operation Arsehole Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my friend Ander for helping me come up with an Italian wizarding community name! HollowNightmare on AO3. Also, the new Sirius side story is posted! It's called Blackened Sky and you can find it via my profile!

Of course the school was getting excited about the upcoming Quidditch game, and when Remus joined his friends at lunch on Sunday afternoon it was all James could talk about. He pointed out the Ravenclaw team members while rambling on about how excited he was to play them. Since the Slytherin-Ravenclaw game had barely lasted long at all, it made it a bit difficult to make plans on how to fight against them. They couldn’t tell what sort of strategy the Ravenclaws might be going for. They had to be prepared for anything.

The afternoon was spent with Sirius and Inkwood, doing more work on their project. Sirius had finished the art (which looked amazing), and he and Inkwood were almost done with the scale. Inkwood had done more research into myths and stories, giving them to Remus who collected everything together with the plan of writing the entire essay over the next day or so, and polishing it as the week went on.

That went out the window pretty quickly when he read the second story that Inkwood copied down. It was about a variant of the Swedish Short-Snout called the Frankish Short-Snout which looked identical to the Swedish Short-Snout… only it was red. It had died out well before the end of the first century. Some people said it was only a myth, others insisted it was real. Nobody knew for sure.

Remus bolted down to the library as fast as he could, searching up the book Inkwood had read the story in. She had copied most of it down word for word so there wasn’t much new, just that the Frankish Short-Snout had lived in the kingdom of Francia.

_Francia, that was… France… Germany…_? Remus struggled to remember, and went looking for a history book. It took him a while but finally he found one that gave information about various countries and their border changes. He sat down right in the aisle, flipping through the pages. _Yes, France, Germany, Netherlands, Luxembourg._ He shut the book, deep in thought. Interesting. The painting was not an imagined dragon, but a real one? Was it painted that long ago? Surely not. It couldn’t be _that_ old.

Remus wandered back to the dragon section, looking through indexes to find anything else about the Frankish Short-Snout. He supposed it didn’t matter at this point since they could get past it (if the others ever wanted to go back, which Remus suspected they would) but it was interesting. Very interesting.

_No way that painting is a thousand years old_! he thought, shaking his head. The Frankish Short-Snouts (if they existed) would have died out before Hogwarts was even founded. No. It was impossible for the painting to be _that_ old! So, how old was it?

Remus checked two books out about Frankish Short-Snouts and headed to the passage, feeling rather prickly with excitement and fear. He’d probably have to duck some fireballs. But he wanted another look at the painting.

_Shoot_. He stood at the first pit, feeling stupid. No LiftAways, no broom. Sighing, he returned to the common room. He’d have to look later, probably whenever the others decided to go since he didn’t have anymore LiftAways. James did, but Remus didn’t really want to steal more of them.

He settled down at his desk to try to work on the essay, though his mind was definitely far, far away.

*

To Remus’s great surprise, none of the others mentioned the Pits Passage. Remus had kinda expected that once James was fully healed up and after Remus’s birthday celebration they’d want to, but Monday morning came with no mention of it. Remus decided not to mention it either. If they didn’t make any indication of going back before the Easter holidays, Remus figured he’d at least go by himself.

_Oof_ , he thought as he worked on his potion in the morning. Easter holidays. He didn’t want to go home. He wanted to stay and do homework; the teachers seemed to like dumping loads of assignments for the Easter holidays. _I’ll write to them and ask if I can stay_ , he decided, knowing perfectly well they wouldn’t agree.

Remus drifted through the day, not really paying much attention to anything aside from visiting Arthur at lunchtime. Arthur seemed to be doing all right. Maybe a little better? It was hard to tell so soon. At least he seemed _okay_.

“I’m sorry, Arthur,” he said, giving his owl a nuzzle. “I have a letter to send later, and I can’t use you. You need to get better. Okay?”

Arthur hooted miserably in response.

Remus wanted to send the letter now, but didn’t want to harass any of the school owls. He hoped one of the other Marauders would help out. When he returned to the Great Hall and asked if one of them could attach a letter for him, they all said they’d help. Peter then volunteered Cocoa’s services which Remus unfortunately had to turn down, as much as he appreciated the offer.

“Hogwarts’ owls are almost always barn owls,” he explained. “If I use a tawny owl they may get suspicious.”

“Oh,” Peter said, nodding. “Yeah, that’s understandable.”

Curious about their plans, Remus asked them what they were all doing for the Easter holidays, wondering if any of them were planning on staying. Last year Sirius and Peter had stayed, and James had gone home for a few days then returned.

“I’m going on holiday,” James replied right away. “Mum and Dad have planned a trip to Torre Strego for my birthday! But it’s only for a week, so I might come back for the last week.”

“Toh what?” Peter asked, staring.

“Strego,” James repeated. “Italy. We’re going to Italy! I am _very_ excited. Molto bene! I think that’s right, I don’t really know Italian. I probably accidentally called you a toilet head. I haven’t been to Italy since I was six.”

Peter snorted. “The farthest I’ve ever been from home is ummmmm… here.”

Remus couldn’t help but giggle. “Don’t worry, same for me.”

“We’ve been to France a few times, that’s about it,” Sirius remarked. “Unfortunately I think I will be going home for the holidays. I think my parents have some big thing planned and want Reg and I both there.” He made a face at that, looking quite disgusted. “I’d rather jump in the Black Lake.”

“Am I gonna be the only one to stay, then?” Peter asked, sounding horrified.

“I—I doubt my parents will let me stay, though that is the contents of the letter I wish to send,” replied Remus. “I’m _hoping_ they let me stay. There is going to be a lot of homework, or so I assume.”

Peter gave a groaning sort of sound, throwing his napkin down. “ _Ugh_! Well, if you have to go home too I might as well go home, I’m not staying here by myself.”

“I wish you could all come with me to Italy,” said James rather sadly. “That’d be absolutely brilliant.”

“Even staying here would be brilliant,” muttered Sirius, angrily ripping apart some of his food.

Remus silently agreed with him on that, already dreading going down into the cellar.

*

Remus got the letter out after Transfiguration, with Sirius attaching the letter to one of the school owls while Arthur watched with disdain. Remus made sure to give Arthur loads of love before leaving the owlery, and Sirius said he thought Arthur looked a bit perkier already. Remus didn’t think so at all, but appreciated the support.

After Study Group Bones pulled Remus aside, curious about when the prank would happen. Remus promised very soon, insisting it would be before Friday.

“You _are_ pulling a prank, right?” he asked, rather dubiously.

“Y-yes! We have—have everything ready, we’re wait—waiting for wh-when they all have c-c—class,” Remus promised. “Even the—the ones who are—are not in th-their dorm, we need to b-be careful since it—it has a lot of s-setup.”

Bones nodded as Remus spoke and when he finished Bones said, “Okay, yeah, sorry if I seem doubtful it’s…”

“It’s f-f-fine,” Remus said when Bones remained silent. “I understa—stand.”

He really hoped Operation Arsehole Party was a good enough payoff for Bones. What if Bones thought it was a dumb prank? Not worth it? Well, either way the Hufflepuffs would be pranked and that was worth it in itself. Though he also didn’t want another Study Group member annoyed at him. Er, or whatever Twycross and Craft’s problems were.

When Remus returned to the dorm, his friends wanted to play some games with the girls however Remus flat out refused, saying he _needed_ to do work on the project due Thursday.

“We can work on it tomorrow,” suggested Sirius. “Come on, come have fun with us.”

“This is Remus, writing essays is fun for him,” muttered Peter, then flashed an innocent smile when Remus glared. “Am I _wrong_?”

He couldn’t deny what Pete said. “N—no,” he admitted. “All right, so I do find working on homework to be loads of fun. But that is beside the point. The point is I have a _lot_ of work, it needs to be done, and I wish to have time to make edits if need be. I don’t want to hand in the first draft on such an important project!”

“First what?” asked James.

“First draft?” Remus looked at him, rather confused. “The first version of an essay? Then you rewrite it, polish it up—“

Sirius punched his arm lightly. “Mate, you’re the only one here who rewrites essays.”

“Yeah I scribble stuff down and throw it at the professors hoping for the best,” laughed James.

“That’s not true though!” piped up Peter. “Remy helps us rewrite essays all the time! He helps us with our homework. It’s not _always_ scribble and throw.”

“True, true,” James relented. “Right well, _are_ you going to have fun with us or are you going to disappear into your homework?”

“Disappear into homework,” Remus replied with a shrug. “I ought’ve done this over the weekend, really, but I didn’t have everything until yesterday and—“

“Oh come _on_!” Sirius tugged at Remus’s arm. “It’ll be no fun without you!”

It was tempting, but Remus refused. The project was too important. The Marauders gave up trying to convince him and left the dorm. Remus put some music on and sat at the desk, getting out his new quill (which was amazing), new bottle of ink, pile of parchment, and went to work.

*

When Remus’s alarm went off a little earlier than usual, he was a little confused. He turned the alarm off and rolled over, intending to get another twenty minutes or so of sleep until—

_Arthur_!

Remus sprang out of bed, rushing to get ready. Sirius was the only one up at that point, getting dressed, and looking up in surprise when Remus fell out of bed.

“I need to give Arthur his medicine,” he explained, rushing to the bathroom to get ready.

Once dressed he grabbed his school things and Arthur’s medicine before hurrying out as quickly as he could. He knew he wasn’t on a timer or anything, there was no set time of _when_ to give Arthur the medicine, however he didn’t want to risk not having enough time between finishing breakfast and needing to go to Herbology.

“No running in the halls.”

He had reached the owlery and was sprinting to the door when a deep, vaguely familiar voice interrupted him. “Oh!” It was the Ravenclaw prefect who had helped him when he ran into the wall back in January. Shacklebolt? Very tall. Broad shoulders. Soothing voice. He was standing in the doorway to the owlery, a letter in his hand.

“S—sorry, wasn’t—wasn’t p-paying attention.”

“It’s all right, I won’t take points off this time,” replied Shacklebolt with a smile. “You seem in a hurry.”

“Ah, y-yes, my owl—he—he needs medicine.”

“Well then, I understand the rush.” Shacklebolt stepped aside, letting Remus pass. “I hope your owl is all right?”

“The—the v—vet said—um, yeah, I think he w-will be…” Remus went over to Arthur who woke up at the voices. Sirius’s words from the evening before repeated in Remus’s head but he _still_ wasn’t sure if Arthur looked any better or not. “Hey.” Carefully he stroked Arthur’s head, and Arthur nuzzled back. “How you doing today? Any better?” He put three drops of the potion on the treat, holding it out. Arthur poked at it then snapped it up. “There’s a good boy.”

After Arthur finished the treat, Remus picked him up to take him over to one of the benches. There he sat with Arthur in his lap for a bit, petting and snuggling with him.

Shacklebolt finished tying his letter to a school owl, sending it off. “Lupin, right?” he asked, turning towards Remus.

“Hmm? Y—yes…”

“You’re friends with ahh… Potter? And Black? The two troublemakers, right?”

Remus ducked his head, feeling awkward. “Er, r—right,” he mumbled, hoping they hadn’t done anything to Shacklebolt. They wouldn’t attack a Prefect, would th—what was he thinking, of course they would.

Shacklebolt laughed, a strong sort of laugh that filled up Remus’s chest. “They’re quite a duo. Caught them a couple of days ago trying to transfigure doorknobs into potatoes. When I asked them why, they replied with why not. I couldn’t really argue that one.”

“I—I t-try to stop them—stop—stop them from doing t-too much. It’s d-difficult,” Remus whispered, feeling like the prefect was too much for the room.

“I imagine it is. I doubt there’s anything that could stop them. Well, I must be off. I hope your owl recovers soon, Lupin. Have a good day.”

“Yours too—I—I mean, you t-t-too.”

Urgh, yours too? Why had he said that? It was embarrassing. The whole encounter felt a little embarrassing though. Kinda like the only reason it happened was because they were, by chance, in the same room. Or maybe Shacklebolt actually enjoyed making small talk? He supposed people did do that… for _some_ reason. Talking to strangers. Which seemed very odd to him.

Either way, Remus felt a little better when he was left alone with Arthur, and he went back to cuddling his owl.

*

Remus was worried when he went down to breakfast and didn’t see Lily anywhere; usually she was there early. She didn’t show up before it was time to go to class, nor was she at Herbology when they went. Worry for his friend wiped away any excitement for OAP. Alice Colgate did hand a note to Professor Sprout, and when she walked down Remus gathered his courage to stop her, asking her about Lily.

Colgate looked _very_ awkward. “She’s—she’s fine. She’ll… be back before long.”

“B-back?”

“Er, in class.” Colgate didn’t say anything else, she just dove into her seat next to Inkwood, whispering, “What was I supposed to say?!”

Inkwood gave Remus a slight glare and he shrank back. “It’s none of his business,” Inkwood whispered back to Colgate.

Remus twisted around to face the front of the greenhouse, more worried than ever. And then confused when Lily showed up halfway through class. She whispered an apology and hurried to her seat. As she passed Remus he suddenly realized—or suspected—what the problem might be, and realized Inkwood was right. It _wasn’t_ any of his business. It was…

_That._

When it happened to his mother he tried his best to pretend he couldn’t sense the hormone changes, pretend that he didn’t know. She knew he knew, because he had asked when he was younger why she smelled so different sometimes, and she had gotten very upset about it. He had been told at first he was too young to know, but overheard things as he grew up to piece together what was going on.

Some of the girls in their year had that happen already and when they did, Remus just pushed it into the abyss in his mind. But now Lily—the girl he actually spent time with. What was he supposed to do?! Obviously do his best to _ignore_ it, but would he be able to act normal if she sat with him and chatted? Or would the awkwardness—and embarrassment of knowing—take over?

_Oh, stupid wolf senses, damned wolf senses, why, why, why_?! It took a lot of effort to resist banging his head against the desk.

He was still a bundle of uncomfortable nerves when class ended and forgot about OAP. When they got to their dorms he almost went to get a shower until James asked him what he was doing. Remus blinked a few times before noticing the bag of balloons in Peter’s hands, and the banner in Sirius’s.

“R—right, sorry.”

He dumped his stuff onto his bed and helped pack away the party decorations. Hopefully Filch didn’t try to search through any of their bags on the way!

Down the hall from the Hufflepuff entrance was a storage room which the four of them ducked into to put the cloak on. James was quite giggly, having to cover his mouth when they left. Remus felt on edge from a mixture of what happened in Herbology, and the fact they were about to do this prank. It was like tingles of electricity all over, excitement and nerves mixed together filling his body.

“You remember what Bones told us?” Peter asked anxiously.

“Mmmrrrph!” snickered James.

“I remember,” said Sirius, though sounded rather nervous.

“Don’t get my cloak covered in vinegar!” James whispered.

“ _Yes_ , please,” said Remus, shuddering as he remembered a particular vinegar-y incident from his first days of school!

Sirius took in a deep breath and knocked on one of the barrels in the rhythm Bones had shown them. When he got to the final tap all four boys braced themselves in case Bones had lied about the pattern—

But the round door swung open. It reminded Remus a lot like a hobbit hole if he had to be honest. Which seemed to suit the stereotypes of Hufflepuffs.

Next up was all four of them trying to get through the hole without being seen. It was extremely difficult, and Remus knew for a fact if anyone had been paying attention they would have seen glimpses of feet and legs. Finally, the four stood on the other side, the door swinging shut behind them as they took in the sight of the Hufflepuff common room.

It was round, very round, and full of warmth. Remus had thought the Gryffindor common room was cozy but this had it beat. Every single place to sit looked comfortable. Even the wooden chairs had loads of squashy cushions on them! There were plants everywhere too, making it feel very fresh. Round windows looked out at almost ground level though right now there was mostly just-past-winter grass and mud to look at.

The ceiling was low which added to the coziness, in Remus’s opinion, and the whole place felt warm without being hot. Hufflepuffs were sprawled out everywhere—not just on couches and chairs but on blankets spread across the floor. There was pleasant music playing from a radio, and a lot of laughter.

James tugged at Sirius who tugged at Remus who tugged at Peter, and the four shuffled along towards the stairs Bones had said belonged to the boys. This was the second test: had Bones been telling the truth? Would an alarm go off? They stood at the bottom until James put his foot down on the stairs.

Nothing happened.

Quietly—very quietly—sighing in relief, they made their way up the low staircase. Instead of a winding staircase with rooms set in a tower like the Gryffindor dorm, or even similar to the Slytherin dorms minus the tower part, at the top of the stairs was a long hallway with other hallways branching off. Bones had told them to turn left at the first intersection, and the third year boys dorms would be there.

Indeed, there were a few doors down that hall. There were three dorms for the fourth year boys (quite a large class!) and two dorms for the third year boys. The victims were the last door on the left.

The dorm was round, like the Gryffindor dorms, and full of earthy colors as well as lots of yellow and black. There were clothes everywhere (very stinky) and a poster of a half-naked girl pinned up by one of the beds.

“Right.” James whipped the cloak off and pushed the bundle into Remus’s hands. “You go keep a lookout, right?”

_Oh_. Remus felt a little dejected, realizing he wouldn’t be helping with the prank. “Yeah,” he said, pulling the cloak back on. “I’ll tap if anyone is coming.”

“We need him for some of the spells,” Sirius reminded James.

“Yes but not till later, then Pete can take over,” James replied.

Remus went back into the hall, feeling irritated although he should have known. He did have the best hearing, and _should_ be lookout… but it was still very disappointing. He leaned against the wall, watching down at the intersection. The others were hard at work in the dorm, he could hear faint sounds and giggles, and spells being used.

_I want to help so bad_! He tried not to sigh, did his best not to make any noise. _No, it makes sense, it makes the most sense. They’re not doing anything complicated until the very end_.

It didn’t help. He still felt left out.

After a minute or two he heard footsteps, and straightened up, staring down the corridor intently. Bones and Rivers appeared at the intersection, talking—well, complaining really—about some girls. Rivers was doing most of the complaining, while Bones nodded a lot; Rivers seemed to be doing a lot better. They went down the other hall, disappearing into a dorm.

Remus settled back against the wall again, kicking his foot against the floor, trying hard not to feel bitter. After a couple more minutes, more boys appeared. Older ones. They came down _that_ hallway, and Remus was ready to tap at the door. However these boys were fourth years, and went into one of the other dorms. Still safe.

After what felt like an eternity, he heard Sirius whispering to get in. Once inside he gave Peter the cloak, and helped put enchantments on the noisemakers to get them to float. They would be activated by strings being pulled, and all the strings were connected to another string which James was setting up at the door so when one of the Hufflepuffs opened the door, the noisemakers _should_ go off.

Everything hinged on the door, really. By opening the door the Hufflepuffs should set off the noisemakers, the glitter confetti, and the fireworks. The glitter confetti waited in small air cannons which were hooked up to similar strings as the noisemakers, while the wet-start fireworks had a string leading to a cup of water which should knock over. The Marauders had tested it out in an unused classroom twice (sorta; they hadn’t put the glitter confetti in the air cannons, only a few ripped up bits of parchment) and it worked. Hopefully it worked this time.

Banner? Check. Balloons rigged to dump stink potion on whoever tried to pull them down? Check. Glitter confetti, fireworks, noisemakers? Check. Trumpet that Remus enchanted to hover in the air? Check. Small cake with note underneath? Check.

They surveyed the room once more before calling Peter back in so they could get under the cloak. They left, closing the door almost all the way with James’s nimble fingers tying the main string to the handle before cautiously closing the door. No sounds went off, so it seemed it was good to go.

Trying not to giggle, the four of them hurried out of the Hufflepuff common room, hoping that Operation Arsehole Party would be good enough for Bones and River. Even if it wasn’t, they were _very_ proud of the big event and that was rewarding enough in itself.


	111. Chapter One Hundred-Eleven – Weird and Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since I've been getting the same questions repeated multiple times over the past couple months I am going to do a very quick FAQ and hope that helps :)  
> 1\. Remus is Gay. Not Bi. This will be the last time I say this in an A/N  
> 2\. Marlene, Dorcas, and Frank are in the story, they will become prominent characters! They will be coming in later. They are in a different year from the Marauders because I feel it's odd to have everyone from the Order be the exact same age.  
> 3\. Remus's scars are actually not book canon! They are movie canon only. So he does not have them in Shifting Lines, other than his bite mark.  
> 4\. I'm sorry but Kingsley is not a Gryffindor in canon. It never once said his house. I like him as a Ravenclaw so he is a Ravenclaw.  
> 5\. And finally I update every Tuesday and Friday currently! Sometimes I'll get a bonus chapter out on Sundays depending on how I'm feeling.
> 
> Thank you so much everyone for all your support, I appreciate it so much. I am slowly catching up on comments I promise. And PLEASE feel free to keep asking questions, I honestly don't mind them. I just got so many of the same ones recently I wanted to do a quick rundown. Thank you!

It was way more of a reward than any of them could imagine. By the time Defense Against the Dark Arts let out, half the school was talking about what happened. Of course, most of what was said was exaggerated rumors but it was very clear that the Hufflepuffs were _livid_. Several Hufflepuffs even glowered at the Marauders as they walked through the school, clearly blaming them.

“We have _such_ a lovely reputation!” James laughed after passing a group of fifth year Hufflepuffs, all of whom gave them dirty looks. “What on earth did we do to be so popular?”

Not all of the badgers were mad. There were quite a few who found it entertaining, as the third years who had been attacked were apparently bullies. Remus wanted to find Bones but didn’t see him until supper. By then the rumors had gotten so out of hand that one would have thought the Hufflepuff dorms had been blown clear out of the castle! It was very hard for the Marauders not to laugh.

Bones was waiting a little ways down the corridor near the Great Hall, and darted out as soon as he saw them. He grabbed Remus, yanking him down a side corridor with the others following closely. Remus’s heart began pounding as he worried Bones didn’t like the prank.

“That was absolutely _incredible_!” Bones wheezed, doubling over. “Bloody HELL! You shoulda SEEN how FURIOUS they were! After lunch when they came back, oh man—all of a sudden—“

“Screams,” said another voice, and all five boys jumped, but it was only Rivers. He had followed them, eyes shining. “Brilliant, completely brilliant.”

“So many screams and shrieks and explosions and—I swear I heard that one fast-paced song!” Bones added.

“ _F—Flight of the—the B-Bumblebee,_ ” Remus said.

Bones snorted, clapping his hands. “Yes.”

“The stench,” Rivers snickered.

“Oh the STENCH! What in Merlin’s name did you DO?!” Bones demanded. “I could smell them clear down the hall! They spent forever in the showers trying to get cleaned up. They still stink a bit though!”

“I take it the arsehole party was a big success, then?” James asked.

“Biggest success ever! Apparently there is glitter stuck everywhere?” Bones looked at each of them, and James nodded. “Yes, haha! You guys are terrific. I don’t even know how you came up with something like that. Ooh, that was—that was perfect.”

“Thank you,” said Rivers. “I know it’s not going to change anything. I mean, regarding _me_. But it’s nice to know they got something done to them. Something super awful.”

“Do they suspect anyone?” Sirius asked.

Bones shrugged. “Some of the others are blaming you, but I mean… if anything like that happens in the school it’s pretty much time to blame your group.” That, of course, made James and Sirius puff up with pride. “I wouldn’t worry about it. Sprout says it’s very unlikely anyone outside Hufflepuff got in—“

“Most secure common room in the castle,” added Rivers, with an amused smile.

Bones waved his hand. “Pfff, yeah as if half the older students don’t sneak their boyfriends and girlfriends in? Please, most secure dorm my _foot_. But yeah,” Bones turned his attention back to the Marauders, “Sprout thinks it was another Hufflepuff. Course, they are bullies, everyone knows they’re bullies, so if that happened to anyone it isn’t _too_ shocking.”

“How much do we owe you?” Rivers asked, cutting Bones off. “Before we forget.”

“Ooh, er… I—I don’t remember,” James said.

“We kept the receipts but I’m not sure where we put them,” Sirius added.

“Eh, two galleons?” James asked.

Bones seemed surprised. “Two? It had to be more than that… er, not that I’m complaining if it was two…”

“It wasn’t really,” said James, rubbing his chin. “I am sure we got everything for under two galleons. It’s probably less, we can let you know tomorrow—”

Bones dug some galleons out of his satchel, handing them over. “Nah, keep it all. S’worth it, it really is.”

James and Bones shook hands, and the six parted ways. When the Marauders stepped into the Great Hall there was quite a bit of a buzz from the Hufflepuff tables, and many other students were giving them curious looks. McGonagall gave them a look too, though remained seated so Remus figured she didn’t truly blame them.

Ten minutes or so into supper, three Hufflepuff boys came in. Remus knew immediately it was their victims by the way they were walking. Even if he hadn’t, the fact a group of Slytherins began humming _Flight of the Bumblebee_ very loudly as they passed would’ve ticked him off.

Sprout and Slughorn had to rush down to intervene in the ensuing fight between the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins. The biggest third year tackled one of the Slytherins who had been humming, and soon both groups were in a rowdy fight while other Slytherins jumped out of the way.

Remus had a hand over his mouth to contain the laughter, while the other three weren’t even bothering. Peter looked ready to fall completely off his seat from laughing so hard.

“Twenty points from Hufflepuff,” Sprout said when she finished getting her students away from the Slytherins.

“Ten from Slytherin,” added Slughorn.

“They fought back!” protested one of the Hufflepuffs.

Sprout puffed up, somehow looking bigger than any of the students. “And you were the ones to instigate it! Don’t tempt me into making it more. Go sit down.”

When the third years took their seats, a couple nearby Hufflepuffs pinched their noses and waved their hands in front of their faces. The third years looked beyond angry, while down the table Bones and Rivers both looked beyond happy.

The Marauders exchanged low fives under the table.

After they were done eating and headed out the door, they were stopped by Regulus. He was waiting at the top of the stairs, his expression hardening when they emerged.

“Sirius,” he said, sounding anxious. “A moment?”

“Uh, all right, what’s going on?” Sirius asked.

Regulus’s eyes flickered towards the others then back to Sirius. Remus expected Regulus to take Sirius away to talk privately, but instead he gave a sigh. “Did you… do it?”

“Do what?”

“The… the Hufflepuffs.” Regulus shifted from foot to foot, and Remus realized that _yes_ Regulus absolutely sounded different when talking around Sirius than when Sirius wasn’t around. Without Sirius, he sounded fine. But with Sirius he sounded so much more anxious and worried, as if he might say something wrong around his brother. “They’re the ones that… you know…”

Sirius raked his fingers through his hair. “The ones who were hurting you?”

The muscle in Regulus’s cheek twitched a little. “Yes,” he said slowly. “You punched one of them. Now they have been…”

“Pranked?” offered James.

Regulus took a step back. “Yes. That _was_ you, then?”

Sirius and James exchanged looks. “Do you think we could get into the Hufflepuff common room?” Sirius asked, quite smoothly.

Regulus rolled his eyes, making a little huffy sound. “Sirius, you could probably break into a Gringotts vault. I’m not _stupid_.” There was a bit of annoyance creeping into his voice.

Sirius looked a little awed, hand going to his chest as a smile spread across his face. “You really think that?”

“It wasn’t supposed to be a compliment!” he hissed out.

“Sounded like a compliment to me,” James muttered so quietly under his breath Remus doubted anyone else heard, except Peter gave a snort and covered his mouth, turning away.

Regulus frowned, straightening his shoulders. “I suppose that’s the answer I’m looking for.”

Sirius gave him a look. “Does it _matter_? Is it important?”

“I’m only _curious_! It—it doesn’t matter, really. I…” Regulus took another step back, clearly wanting to leave. “I just wanted to know if it was revenge.”

“Oh.” Sirius tilted his head. “Hmm. Well. They _are_ bullies so I guess whoever did do it was probably out for revenge.”

Regulus narrowed his eyes. “Right. Yes. I’d best get supper. I’ll—I’ll see you later.” He gave Remus a look, hesitating for a second before striding off.

Sirius watched him go, arms folded.

*

Remus was expecting Occlumency to go normally until two minutes after he stepped into the room, when Fawley asked if he enjoyed the book. Remus stared blankly at her for several seconds before gasping, covering his face.

“YOUR PRESENT!” he cried out, sinking onto the couch. “I _knew_ I w-was forgetting something! Oh, Miss Fawley, I—I’m so sorry! The weekend—I—Arthur—I’m sorry!”

“It’s all right. Remus, calm down!” She grabbed his shoulder. “Please calm down, it’s _fine_! I’m not upset in the least. Did something happen to Arthur?”

He sniffled, wiping his nose off on his sleeve as he explained everything—including the fact Sirius had given him the money for the vet. Even though his birthday had otherwise gone really well, he figured the stress over Arthur had made him forget the present. Fawley rubbed his shoulder, promising it was fine. He still felt guilty though. How could he have forgotten?

One of the first memories she saw was the vet, and another early memory was Operation Arsehole Party which made her laugh a lot.

“It’s nice seeing the Hufflepuff dorms again,” she admitted once she managed to calm down. “It’s got _quite_ a few more plants though. I suppose that is Pomona Sprout’s influence. She was in school at the same time as me, although a few years ahead. Four. She was Head Girl in my third year, and I remember one night she caught me—ah, you don’t want to hear my rambling.”

“I do though,” he said, wondering what she had been caught doing!

Fawley tucked some hair behind her ear, getting a mischievous smile. “I was caught sneaking back into the common room very late at night. It _may_ have been four in the morning. I _may_ have been… what was the word you used? Happy? I _may_ have been a bit _happy_ and messed up the pattern and was soaked in vinegar.”

Remus stared at her in disbelief. “You w—were drunk? At thirteen?”

“Happy,” she corrected him, with a wink. “It was the night after my first Hogsmeade visit. My friends and I purchased a great deal of Butterbeer, and stayed up late. We played some truth or dare, and I was dared into sneaking out to the Great Hall and nicking one of the candlesticks from the High Table. While I was gone, Pomona came into the common room, found my friends, was informed of _my_ whereabouts, and waited for me.”

Remus covered his mouth. “ _Miss Fawley_!”

“I _told_ you I caused a bit of trouble in my day,” she said, trying to sound serious. “In any case, Pomona finally came out of the common room and found me sitting in the hallway covered in vinegar and crying, clutching the candlestick. It was quite embarrassing, but she helped me back in, got me into a shower, gave me an earful, and didn’t remove any points. I thought I got off lucky. However when morning came, she handed me the candlestick and told me I had to put it back on the table in front of _everyone_. Professor Diggory—my Head of House at the time, Arithmancy teacher—questioned me _very_ intensely afterwards. I wound up with quite a few points removed along with detention.”

“ _Wow_.” Remus stared at Miss Fawley in absolute awe. “That’s a—a brilliant dare.”

“I was not telling you this story to inspire you to dare your friends into doing the same,” she chided, very lightly. “I suppose at least the Fat Lady won’t douse them in vinegar. I always felt bad for Professor Diggory, for dealing with me, however I truly have sympathy for poor Minerva dealing with you lot.”

The rest of Occlumency went pretty smoothly, though he did have a headache afterward. He promised to open her present immediately, and indeed as soon as he finished giving Arthur his evening medicine he ran to the dorm. The small present was inside his desk. Either it was enchanted, or else a _very_ small book.

When he took the paper off _For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow_ began playing, and a book popped open in his lap. It had been enchanted paper! There was a card stuck to the front of the book which he forced himself to read before looking at the book. It was a fairly simple _Happy Birthday_! And _Hope this helps your endeavors_.

The book was a thick book on magical theory, hypothesis, and conception. Basically, a book any hopeful spellmaker would need in their library.

He ran his finger along the cover then flicked it open, getting quite dizzy at everything included in the tome. There were even essays written by famous spellmakers, including a long chapter by Miranda Goshawk about how she developed some of her spells. It was all incredibly fascinating, and he lost himself in the book until his friends showed up. It took them several times calling his name before he finally looked up. Despite the fact none of them were really interested in that sort of book, they all said they were excited since he was so excited.

“We need to come up with our next big plan,” James said, falling back on his bed. “Everyone seems to have liked Operation Arsehole Party, so we should spread the love!”

“We should do something for the pre-Easter holiday feast,” suggested Sirius. “That gives us a month to plan and prep. Hmm, we could throw eggs at people.”

“Make it rain eggs,” giggled Peter, and Sirius gave him a thumbs up.

Remus dug out his notebook. “What are things we associate with Easter?” he asked. “Chocolate? Sweets?”

“Eggs. Pastel,” James yawned. “Ham. Hot cross buns.”

“Bunnies and lambs,” said Peter.

“Misery. Horrible family dinner parties,” Sirius muttered.

“What?” James asked.

“What?” Sirius glanced up. “Eh, nothing. Eggs. Was that mentioned?”

James narrowed his eyes. “I heard what you said, Sirius.”

“We all did,” Peter added. “I mean, I assume since James and I both heard, Remy definitely heard.”

“Yes, I heard,” Remus said, worried. Trying not to worry. But definitely worried.

Sirius glanced around at the three of them staring. “Right. Well. We all know I dislike my family. Of course the dinner parties are going to be horrible. Not important.”

 _Yes, but misery_? Remus kept his mouth shut though hoped James would at least say something. Except James didn’t. James just stared at Sirius before talking about Easter things again. Sirius settled back, relaxing a little. Remus pulled his legs up, balancing his notebook on his lap, keeping his head low. _Misery…_ He chewed his bottom lip as he doodled Easter eggs along the edges of the page. Yes, they all knew Sirius didn’t along with his family—didn’t like them—yet it felt like something _more_.

He couldn’t press though. That would only serve in annoying Sirius, and he didn’t want to do that. Didn’t want to hurt him.

Yet, two days later he accidentally did just that.

*

Wednesday had gone without much of a hitch, except the entire school was talking still about the Hufflepuff prank. Several people asked the Marauders if they were involved, while a couple outright blamed them. McGonagall even interrogated them briefly on Wednesday after Transfiguration, but it was obvious she didn’t actually blame them.

Then Thursday started out fine. Remus was still riding on happiness from the successful prank, excitement from Fawley’s present, and exhilarated over the planning for the Easter prank. _Plus_ Saturday he’d be able to watch James’s game. He knew he’d be tired, but he’d have the earplugs and hopefully be able to watch everything!

Herbology was terrific, as one of the plants they worked on was the honeybob plant and Sprout permitted them to snack on the unneeded bulbs they trimmed off. All four Marauders liked honey so it didn’t take long for them to become sticky, full, and maybe a little sick. Sprout did take off a couple points from James since his plant only had one bulb left.

A couple hours later, Remus steeled himself for being around Prewett, hoping it would be a good day. Except as soon as he saw his redheaded professor he felt a quiver inside that he tried hard to ignore. He slid into his seat, gritting his teeth, reciting facts about various creatures they were working on.

All the projects were put on Prewett’s desk, and Remus’s group was the only one that had anything besides paper with their realistic-looking scale. Prewett glanced at it then gave their group a smile which made the quiver worse. His chest hurt a little too.

After some lecturing, Prewett asked everyone to partner up. Sirius beat Peter to choosing Remus, so Peter went with James. All the students began putting their things away as Prewett explained what they would be working on.

“The full-body bind,” he said cheerfully. “One of the most devastating spells you can learn… providing you can get past the enemy’s barriers. It’s very easy to block. But if you manage to hit them with the full spell, most likely your duel will be over.”

Remus could smell a very strong scent of fear radiating off of Sirius’s body. He had gone very pale, and his arms were stiff at his sides as if he had already been hit by it. In their first year, Remus had managed to get Sirius with the spell and, after removing it from him, he _knew_ Sirius had been terrified by being put under the spell. Remus didn’t know why, but the fact was Sirius was afraid of this spell being put on him.

Everyone lined up (Lily, Colgate, and Inkwood doing their best as the trio) and Remus found himself looking into Sirius’s anxious eyes. Overall he seemed fine, but even separated like this Remus could still smell the fear and the sweat.

Prewett asked for a volunteer and most of the girls raised their hand. All of them except for Twycross were wearing trousers, as Prewett had asked them last class to please wear them. He chose McNab and put the full-body bind on her. Her arms snapped to her sides as she fell to the floor, stiff as a board. Prewett quickly removed the spell.

“At this point you probably won’t be able to much more than lock up the limbs a little. At most.” Prewett paced while he talked. Sirius shifted, smelling even worse as he gave a vaguely panicked glance at Remus. _He_ knew Remus could successfully perform the spell. “You probably won’t be able to properly do this spell for a good long while, so don’t feel too bad if you don’t manage. It’s just I want you kids to get used to dealing with this spell. All right, this side first.”

It was Sirius’s side. Remus spent the next five minutes having a mildly uncomfortable feeling spread through his body as he debated what to do. Part of him wanted to show off that he _could_ do the full-body bind. Very effectively! The other part of him didn’t want to do that to Sirius.

Prewett had them switch, and Remus watched Sirius wipe sweaty palms off on his trousers. His hands were shaking very slightly. The smell was even stronger. Could humans really not smell that scent of terror? It was so strong!

Remus bit his lip as he got into his stance. “Pe… pefriblus tolalus,” he muttered, flicking his wand. Sirius flinched but of course nothing happened. Sirius opened one eye, surprised. Remus gave a small shrug and ‘tried’ again. “Pelfilberus totylus.” He also purposely did the wand movement wrong which turned out to be his big mistake.

“Mr. Lupin.” Prewett approached him, a deep frown on his face. “You’re doing it wrong. Let me show you. Like… this.”

Remus couldn’t say the spell wrong in front of Prewett! He was on the spot. Sirius waited, and Remus’s stomach tightened. He couldn’t do it. He _couldn’t_! Not knowing what it did to Sirius’s emotions. So when he did the spell he purposely messed up the movement and aimed wrong.

Prewett looked confused. “Hmm. You’ve still got it wrong. Here, let me show you.”

Remus considered the possibility of dying on the spot as Prewett stood behind him, taking Remus’s arm and guiding him along the movement. Prewett’s warm hand was gently on Remus’s wrist and part of his hand. His arm was along Remus’s arm. He was _right behind_ Remus! He was warm, and his arm was touching Remus’s arm, and his hand was touching Remus’s hand, and his scent was strong, almost overwhelming—his soap, cologne, he smelled so nice—and Remus’s breathing became wonky while heat flooded his body. He was dizzy, and _so_ hot, and _so_ quivery, and parts of him like his chest and—elsewhere—ached.

“Got it?” Prewett asked?

Remus made a strange wheezy sound as a response. When Prewett let go, Remus’s wand bounced everywhere from being so shaky.

“Mr. Lupin, are you all right?”

He blinked a few times, feeling as though he might faint. He wanted to faint except if he fainted Sirius would probably be put with someone else, and the spell would be put on him. Or could he get Sirius out of the class too?

“N—no,” he croaked, breath and voice both catching in his throat. He knew he looked very flushed. “Don’t—don’t—don’t f-f-feel g-g-good.”

Prewett narrowed his eyes, knowing damn well Remus couldn’t get sick. “What’s the matter?”

Everyone was looking at him, the other Marauders beyond confused. Remus took a nervous step away from Prewett. “I—I’m n-n-not—I’m not—I don’t—could—could—could I g-g-go to the hospital—hospital wing?”

“Ah.” Prewett gave him a _look_. “If you think you can’t finish the class…”

“I—I can’t.” He dropped his hand to his middle, breathing getting harder with each passing second. Both from what happened with Prewett (his _body_ so _close_ and _touching_ ) as well as humiliation from everyone watching him. “I don’t—I’m s-sorry. I don’t—don’t feel—and—I can’t—I don’t think I c-c-can walk—walk well. Would—would—could S-Sirius help—help me? My legs—I don’t—I’m not—“

“Very well.” Prewett’s voice had a touch of stoniness to it, and Remus couldn’t imagine what was going through his mind other than the fact it was obvious Remus was trying to miss the remainder of class. “If Mr. Black doesn’t mind, of course.”

Sirius was at Remus’s side in an instant, and to Remus’s horror he put an arm around him. “I don’t mind.”

 _Blast it all_! Remus thought, feeling the world tilt away from him from—from all of this. It wasn’t fair, wasn’t fair, wasn’t right! For the second time in the span of what felt like five seconds Remus thought he might die from overheating in addition to his heart pounding so hard it felt like it might explode. He was so dizzy he doubted he _could_ walk normally, and he did nearly fall as Sirius helped him out.

Sirius carried their bags in one arm, his other arm firmly (too firmly, make it _stop_ ) around Remus’s waist. Neither boy spoke until they got several corridors away from class. Then Sirius let go, and Remus collapsed against a wall, wondering if he was even still alive.

Sirius folded his arms. “All right, Remy. What the hell is going on?”

“I d-d-d-don’t—don’t—don’t f-feel good—“

“You don’t have to lie to _me_. What, you get in the mood to skip class again?” He elbowed Remus gently. “You have to do that sooner in class, we’re only missing about twenty, thirty minutes at most.”

Remus shook his head. “No. I really d-d-don’t feel good.”

“Uh-huh. Is that why you couldn’t do the spell?”

“No.” Remus swallowed, staring steadily down at his trainers. “I w-was just trying to—“ He stopped quickly.

“Trying to what?” Sirius leaned against the wall next to him. Remus pressed his lips thin. “Aw, c’mon, trying to what?”

He sighed, glancing up through his fringe. “Help you.”

Sirius’s smile faded, and his body stiffened. “What do you mean?”

“I—I know you don’t like the—the spell put on you…”

“Says who?” he asked rather sharply.

 _Uh-oh_. Remus realized he shouldn’t have said anything. “Er, well—I—I mean—you—you… you never _said_ , but it’s pretty obvious…”

Sirius’s entire face hardened. “Obvious?”

“Well, no—no, I mean… I doubt it’s—it’s obvious to anyone else—“

“So why did you say that?”

Remus looked back at his shoes, panic overwhelming him in addition to everything else squirming through his body. “I—it’s just… I c-c-could smell. Um. That you—you were afraid. That’s all. When I put the spell—“

“Smell?”

“—on you before and—and yes. Yes, you, um, you smelled afraid?” Remus’s stomach twisted, knowing how much of a mistake he was making. He should stop talking, make some joke, stop the train before it went off the cliff in an explosion. “I didn’t—I didn’t want to put you through that—“

Sirius pulled away from the wall, standing in front of Remus. _Staring_. “I am _not_ afraid of the spell,” he snapped, face going red, panic creeping into his voice. “I _never_ said that.”

“Yes, I—I know, I’m—I’m sorry. I th-thought since—since you smelled afraid—“

“No, I didn’t.” He sounded furious now. Remus had _majorly_ screwed up. “How can you even smell that?!”

He gave Sirius a desperate look. “I—I—I-I-I-I—I t-t-told you—I—I told you I have—have a—a sensitive—sensitive nose—a—I—I said—“

“You can… _smell…_ that sort of thing?”

Remus’s whole body shook. “Y… yes?” he whispered.

Sirius was breathing hard, fury filling his face and eyes. “That—that—what in Merlin’s—no. No, that’s—you can’t—that’s weird, that’s _weird_! That is so bloody _weird_!”

The word pierced right into Remus’s chest, and he shrank against the wall. Sirius barely noticed, too upset. He was pacing now, raking his fingers through his hair.

“Don’t—no, that is—how is it possible for—that’s so wrong. That’s _wrong_! What the hell, Remus?! That’s not…! Don’t—don’t ever—you should never have—I’m not afraid of the spell, why would I be afraid of a damn spell?!”

Remus tried to apologize, tried to get the word out, tried to get the first syllable out but all that came out was a sobbing sort of hiccup.

Weird.

 _Weird_ and _wrong_.

His nose began burning as he fought to keep the tears back, and the wolf rose inside of him.

“Don’t do anything like that again!” Sirius’s voice was squeaky and loud, somehow still filled with rage. “It’s an invasion of fucking _privacy_!”

“S—s-s-s-s-s—sss—sorry—“

He doubted Sirius could even hear that.

“Just—just don’t do it again. Don’t. Ever. It’s wrong, okay?! What the hell is wrong with you—no. It’s—no, don’t. Okay? _Don’t_!”

He wanted to explain it’s nothing he could help, not something he could control. But he couldn’t talk, couldn’t even breathe. His nose was getting clogged up with snot, and tears finally dripped down his cheeks.

Sirius didn’t notice, or didn’t care. He whirled around, storming off, disappearing around a corridor.

Remus collapsed to the floor, a gasping sound emitting as he tried to suck in some air before he doubled over, sobbing into his hands.


	112. Chapter One Hundred-Twelve – Agony And Advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for maybe depression? It’s more of melancholy from what happened but just in case, I wanted to let you know. Brief mention of sick. Also in this chapter it mentions once students reach their third year they get 8am classes added to their timetable. I do need to go back and adjust a few things in book one and two to match this new decision I made, but I haven’t changed it yet. Nothing big, mostly just a couple small tweaks here and there.

Weird.

Wrong.

Invasion of privacy.

Don’t.

_Don’t_.

Remus lay on the floor in the dark, blood smeared across his face. He stared blankly at the ceiling, unaware of how he wound up where he was—not sure even _where_ he was until he tipped his head to one side. The little room behind the bench. As far as he knew he was the only living person in the school that knew about the room, so he didn’t need to worry about being found.

It was like his cellar: no light whatsoever. The only entrance was the one shut tightly by the bench, though he did sense there was some sort of ventilation. Not that he liked his senses at the moment. His stupid wolf senses had ruined everything. Still, after thinking about his cellar for a moment he got his wand out, lighting it up. He set it to one side so it wasn’t in his face, then pressed his face back into his satchel.

He tasted blood in his mouth. Part of the blood was from his nose. He vaguely remembered his vision going blacker and blacker until that cooling _snap_ inside his brain, and blood pouring out of his nose. He thought he also bit his tongue at some point.

Slowly he brought his arm up, wiping some blood off on his sleeve. There was quite a bit of dried blood clogging his nose and he had to blow his nose a few times before he could somewhat breathe. What he _wanted_ to do was rip his nose right off his face, to destroy it until he stopped being so—

Weird.

_Don’t. Invasion of privacy._

_INVASION OF PRIVACY!_

_Wrong._

_Weird_.

_Well_ , he thought, pushing himself into a kneeling position. _Guess he’s finally realized_.

Part of him felt that rushing sort of feeling, like he was flying through the air. An unfortunate dizzying exhilaration at the knowledge his friend (friend? Were they still friends?) finally got it, finally understood that Remus—his whole being—was _wrong._

But he also felt so empty. Drained.

He kinda wanted to cry again, but didn’t think he had tears left.

_Deserve it_. _I deserve it_. _Shouldn’t have brought it up, you’re different, you’re so bloody different, you’re not human and now it’s been pushed in his face so he can’t pretend otherwise anymore. You shouldn’t have done it but you did and now everything’s destroyed._

He wiped his face off, adjusting his position until he sat on the floor with his legs stretched out. Would Sirius tell James and Peter? Probably. He _should_. Should explain to them how _wrong_ Remus was.

_Is this it_? He looked at the blood on his sleeve. _Is this how our friendship ends_?

It wouldn’t be as painful as other ways, really. Remus had screwed up big time, but at least he had gone down—so to speak—trying to help Sirius. He got what he deserved, but at least the hurt he caused was out of a _good_ place in his heart. Right? Or did that not matter?

After what felt like an eternity, he began to wonder what time it was. How long had it been? Since he wasn’t sure how long it had been since everything had gone fuzzy—right after Sirius stormed off—nor how long since he came to. Long enough that his stomach was growling. He hadn’t eaten much lunch due to all the honeybob bulbs he munched on in Herbology, so it might be _before_ supper, though he guessed it was around five.

His stomach growled louder. _No, don’t want to_ , he thought, staring bleakly at the exit. The thought of going to the Great Hall and potentially seeing Sirius (being rejected by him) was too crawly. After another ten minutes (maybe?) he remembered having sweets in his bag. Slowly he pulled his satchel over, digging through until he found a box of pear drops. Probably not the healthiest with the honeybobs earlier, but it didn’t matter. Not like too much sugar could do anything detrimental to him. He could eat nothing but sugar for the rest of his life and be fine.

One by one the pear drops disappeared into his mouth without him even tasting them. His stomach hurt for a few minutes after, but at least it wasn’t growling anymore.

He lay back down on his side, curling up, trying to think of anything except what happened. Trying to get Sirius’s angry face and angry words out of his head. He wanted to try to claw the thoughts out of his head, which he would be in a couple nights anyway. The full moon was Saturday. Then, providing the clouds didn’t cover the moon, he’d shrink into nothing for a while.

Not that it’d really _feel_ like a while for him, the time as the wolf seemed to pass by in the blink of an eye. He would technically get a break but it wouldn’t feel like one for him. He’d be in pain, everything would go black, then after no time at all he’d be in pain again and back to human. Back to dealing with this.

Suddenly he felt a sharp pain inside of him and he bolted upright. What if—what if Sirius was so angry he didn’t care about Remus’s secret? What if he said something to somebody? He didn’t talk to people outside the Marauders except for Kim on occasion, but what if—

Would Sirius do that? As angry as he was (and as much as Remus deserved that anger) would he betray Remus? Remus didn’t think so, however perhaps that was him holding onto hope. Perhaps he was being delusional, stupid, and naive. Should he be afraid?

Should he go to Dumbledore?

Or was he thinking too much about it?

Was it really as bad as he thought it was? Was he reading too much into it? Was he hurting so much from Sirius realizing how inhuman he was that he was blowing what happened out of proportion? Maybe it wasn’t as bad as he thought?

Remus let out a moan, feeling too confused to figure anything out. Too hurt to think about what might be going on through Sirius’s head. The best course of action would be to try to talk to him again, but that also seemed like the worst course of action at the same time. He _knew_ Sirius would reject him, reject any attempts, and it would _hurt_.

It was better to lay in a shuddering ball of agony in a dark room by himself than deal with it.

*

Remus drifted in and out of consciousness till one point he opened his eyes to find Theodore in the room with him. He yelped, jerking back and bumping his head. Theodore frowned as an apology, then motioned towards the blood.

“I—I’m f-fine,” he muttered, sitting up. “Nosebleed.” Theodore tipped his head to one side, frowning more. “Nothing bad,” Remus promised and Theodore gave him a look. “I—I upset one of my friends. That upset me.”

“Hmm,” Theodore said, which was about as much as he usually said on the rare occurrence that he made noises.

Remus tried his best to judge what the sound meant. “It was my fault. It—oh, well, it’s a long story.” Theodore looked around the room before shoving his hand through his own chest, then rolling his eyes along with a shrug. “Right. You… have no where you need to be.” Theodore shook his head. “It’s complicated.” Another _look_. “I made assumptions. I—I assumed something of him, and tried to protect him from something he didn’t like. He was angry at me for invading his privacy. Which I _did_. I absolutely did. He yelled at me. I was distressed about it, so I came here to be alone.”

At that Theodore pointed at himself then pointed at the door, his eyebrows raised. Remus knew what it meant.

“No, you—you can stay. Yes, I’m sure,” he added when the ghost gave another frown. “It is easier to talk to you than… them. I suppose it’s less frightening. I mean. I worry all the time about messing up my friendships. Then I go and do just that!” He felt his nose begin to itch again. “I’m a self-fulfilled prophecy. All right, I didn’t _mean_ to hurt him,” he said when Theodore _looked_ at him, “it was an accident. As I said, I made assumptions. I should not have acted upon those assumptions. That was wrong to do.”

“Talk,” Theodore said, to Remus’s shock. He wasn’t sure if he had ever heard Theodore actually say anything besides his own name. Once. Over a year and a half ago.

“Wh—what? Um. Talk? I am? About what?” he asked, but Theodore shook his head. “What? Talk about what? I don’t—oh. _Oh_ , you mean to _him_?” He was rewarded with an eager nod. “I don’t think he wants to. He was quite furious with me. If I try to talk to him he’ll probably ignore me. Or tell me to go away. I don’t—I don’t want to deal with that.”

Theodore gave a very broad shrug, looking annoyed.

“It’s easier to hide from my problems,” Remus whispered.

Now Theodore looked angry. He began shaking his head vigorously, pointing at the door.

“I—I c-can’t. I don’t want to.”

Theodore stared at him for a few seconds before opening his mouth… then shutting it. He gave a sigh, then made a motion Remus couldn’t really decipher. He assumed it meant Theodore couldn’t tell Remus what to do. Though it could have meant he thought Remus was an idiot.

“I’ll _try_. All right? Later. Not—not right now. All right?”

Theodore shrugged again. It seemed acceptable.

Remus settled back, massaging his temples. The two sat in silence for a while which was nice. Comforting. Having another being nearby without the need to chat helped Remus calm down a bit more. Eventually he curled back up, knowing he needed to go before long—it was probably getting close to curfew. He couldn’t be missing after curfew again. He didn’t want a repeat of what happened at the end of his first year.

After another stretch of silence, he got up, shouldering his bag. “I’ll try,” he promised Theodore, who gave him a smile in return and a thumbs up which looked a bit odd with his eighteenth century uniform.

Remus crawled out from the small room, hurrying along the hallways and going faster when he passed a clock and saw it was almost nine! Curfew was eight! Oops.

He avoided main hallways and ducked behind things whenever he heard voices, though first he went to the owlery to give Arthur his medicine. When he finally reached the Gryffindor tower he fell through the entrance hole, banging his elbow on the way. There were a few usual snickers as he got back up, trying not to look too phased.

_Maybe they’re not back from James’s practice_ , he thought as he approached the stairs. With the game that Saturday there was every possibility the practice was still going.

But when he approached the door he could hear the Marauders’ voices mingling with the music. Mostly just James and Peter. Was Sirius in there? Swallowing, Remus put a hand on the doorknob. Then didn’t move. Couldn’t move. His feet felt stuck to the floor as a thousand scenarios went through his head, all of them ending with Sirius not wanting to be friends anymore.

He opened the door, and his friends’ voices went quiet.

“Remy, there you are!” Peter exclaimed. “We were getting worried!”

James and Peter were on James’s bed playing cards, while Sirius wasn’t in view although his curtains were closed.

“Everything all right?” James asked, rather lightly.

Remus glanced at Sirius’s bed then back at James, shrugging. James pressed his lips thin, averting his gaze back down to the cards. Peter bit his bottom lip, eyes darting from Sirius’s bed to Remus.

_He must have told them something_. Remus crossed the room, setting his bag down on his desk. He felt both floaty and buried at the same time, a strange sensation he didn’t like at all.

After removing his tie and his shoes he sat on the edge of his bed, watching Sirius’s curtains. He knew Sirius was behind there. He could hear him breathing. _Another stupid wolf sense_.

Weird. _Wrong._

Gritting his teeth he got up, slowly walking over to Sirius’s bed. His legs wobbled quite a bit and not in the way they did when Sirius was looking particularly nice. Dread filled his body, and he tried to prepare himself for rejection.

“S—Sirius?” He stopped by the bed, trying not to throw up. Silence behind the curtains. “Sss-S—Sirius?” he tried again, to no avail. James and Peter were watching. “Hey. Um. C—c-c-could we—could we maybe t-talk?” Silence. “A little b-b-bit?” Nothing, except Sirius’s breathing sounded a bit odd, as if he were trying to keep it quiet. “Okay. Um. W—well I w-w-wanted—um—I wanted to s-s-say I was—was s-s-s-sss-sorry. Again. Um. I am. And um… I’m sorry.” Absolutely nothing. “I—I um… yes. Um. Okay.”

He quickly grabbed his wash bag and fled from the room, not wanting to deal with the looks from the other two, not wanting to risk seeing any pity in their faces. At least Spinnet and Struthers hadn’t witnessed that humiliation. It was very obvious to James and Peter. They _knew_ Sirius was there. So even if Sirius hadn’t told them everything, they knew now it was bad. It was where Sirius didn’t even want to hear Remus’s apology.

After being sick into a loo, Remus curled up in the shower trying not to cry again.

*

It was very late when Remus left the shower. He was wrinkled all over from spending so much time under the water and shivering from the cold. Slowly he dried off, wishing it wasn’t Thursday, wishing he didn’t have to deal with a _nother_ class with Sirius at the moment, but unfortunately they had Astronomy. He shuffled along with the other Gryffindor second years, up to the Astronomy tower where the nearly full moon stared down at them, almost accusatory.

Spring yammered on about constellations and planetary movements without Remus really hearing him. He just stared blankly ahead, hoping Lily would be able to lend her notes since there was no way he could remember anything Spring said.

Sirius’s sullen presence on the other side of the tower filled everything.

_What do I do_? he wondered when they were back in the dorms, everyone preparing for bed. He knew perfectly well he’d be having nightmares that night. No way he wouldn’t be! And if Sirius slept in his own bed, he’d be awoken by the nightmares. Then Remus would be laying there knowing Sirius was ignoring him which was _fine_ , it was _understandable_ —but it also would hurt. Besides, he didn’t want to wake Sirius up. Didn’t want to annoy him any more than he already managed.

He climbed into bed, sitting in the darkness, mulling over possibilities. Leave? Go to the hospital wing? Pomfrey probably wouldn’t let him stay because he was afraid of having a nightmare. Could he convince her he had another moment of fear or panic? Like he did before?

At around two in morning, long after everyone else fell asleep, he quietly packed his school bag for Friday’s classes as well as putting in a clean uniform and a sheet before tiptoeing out the door. His head pounded with each step he took as he made his way through the school, using his dumb, stupid, awful senses to avoid getting caught. He didn’t go to the hospital wing, though; instead he went back to the small room where he did his best to put silencing spells on the exit, not sure if it would even work. Silencing spells were fairly advanced and he hadn’t really done them before. There was no way to know for sure if it worked or not, he could only hope.

He set his satchel on the floor, wrapped himself up in the sheet, and lay down using his satchel as a pillow. It was dark, and rather cold but not as cold as his cellar so he figured he could get to sleep. Eventually he did, and sure enough he woke up shortly after with haggard screams from the nightmares. From Sirius betraying him to the Ministry. Pointing at him, calling him a freak of nature. _There, there! A werewolf_!

Remus curled up into the smallest ball he could manage, shivering hard as tears wet his cheeks.

After a while he fell back asleep, only to wake up from another nightmare of being handed over to the Ministry. _WEIRD! WRONG! LUNATIC! FREAK! LOOPY LUPIN_! He clutched his head, trying to force the overlapping voices out but they kept getting louder even though he was awake. _MONSTER! WRONG! FREAK_!

The rest of the night went by like that, and Remus thought he probably only got maybe one full hour of sleep at most. Maybe— _maybe_ —two. It felt like he was dragging himself out of hell itself when he crawled out of the room. All his limbs felt heavy, and his whole body felt slow. It was going to be a _long_ day.

The first thing he did after checking the time at the nearest clock (almost 7, the earliest a second year was permitted out, only five hours after he had snuck out of the dorm) was go to a nearby bathroom where he rinsed his mouth out and tried to smooth down his hair as best he could. He was already dressed in his uniform.

Remus stared at his reflection as he worked on his hair. Despite the full moon not being till the next night, he already looked at death’s door with as prominent as the dark circles under his eyes were, in addition to his horribly pallid complexion and miserable expression. Nothing to be done about it. Well, possibly he could do something about the miserable expression but he knew he’d never be able to smile today.

_Maybe he’d be willing to hear an apology, now that he’s slept_ , Remus wondered as he made his way to the Great Hall. It was crowded with older students, as once a student reached their third year 8am classes were added to their timetable so most students ate between seven and eight. But no second years.

No Marauders.

Not that he was very hungry. He only managed to eat a piece of toast, and a couple forkfuls of egg. _I should eat. If I don’t_ — _if I lose weight_ — _then Pomfrey won’t be happy._ He managed to get another half a piece of toast down, then literally couldn’t stuff anymore into his stomach.

Potions didn’t start for at least another hour so he went off to the library to wait, trying to read—trying and _failing_. He kept jiggling his foot, thinking about Sirius and what might happen in Potions. If Sirius didn’t want Remus to sit with them, where would he sit? Lily? Aegis? He could probably sit with Aegis. Actually, maybe he should do that anyway. Not even give Sirius the opportunity to reject him again.

Remus waited until almost last minute before hurrying to the dungeons. Sirius, James, and Peter were at their usual desk. James and Peter gave Remus wide-eyed looks while Sirius kept his head pointed straight at Slughorn. _Still angry_ , Remus thought as he went to Aegis’s table.

“Is everything all right?” Aegis whispered when Remus sat down.

“N—no.” Remus put his Potions book and the kit out on the desk, not sure how much to say. “S-Sirius is m-m-mad at m—at me.”

“I see.” Aegis glanced at the other Marauders. “I am very sorry to hear that.”

At least Slughorn didn’t force any pairings, and Remus was able to stay with Aegis. The potion was rather smelly, however Remus was so distressed he didn’t really notice… but that also meant he could barely pay attention to the potion. Aegis did most of the work, not complaining, and when class ended he walked out with Remus.

“If you wish to have lunch together somewhere, we could meet up somewhere,” he said at the end of the hall.

“S—sorry, I d-d-don’t know if I’m up—up to it,” Remus said, seeing the Marauders walking towards them. Lily was watching him too, obviously wanting to talk.

“That is fine,” Aegis said. “I underst—”

“Remus!” James jogged over, slapping Remus’s back before Lily could get in. Aegis gave Remus an encouraging smile before walking off. “Bloody _beans_ , buddy, where have you _been_ all morning?”

Remus clutched at his satchel, trying not to look at Sirius. “I—I woke up v-very early. Went to the—the library.”

“You went to bed super late,” Pete said. “And you were missing a lot last night?”

_What all did he tell them? Wasn’t it obvious enough when I tried to apologize_? “I—I—I’ve b-been doing re-resea—re—research,” he said carefully, hoping it wasn’t too obvious he wasn’t looking at Sirius. “We should g-g-get to c—class.”

James frowned, his forehead wrinkling. “Siri, Pete, you go on ahead,” he ordered, and Remus flinched slightly.

Sirius remained absolutely silent as he strode ahead. Peter babbled a few rather incoherent words out before hurrying after him. Once they were gone, James put his arm around Remus’s shoulders. No escape.

“James, I—I’m n-not—not in the mood to—not—I don’t really—“ But how could he tell James to go away? He didn’t want to ruin another friendship.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Ab-b-bout what?”

“Don’t give me that,” he said firmly. “I know perfectly well you and Sirius are having a row.”

Remus sniffled, hugging his satchel tighter. “Don’t kn-know what you—you—you mean—“

“Right,” James laughed, “I may be dumb but I’m not stupid. Sirius said he was angry with you—didn’t say why—then you tried to apologize last night, he snubbed you, you disappear for ages… what’s going on?”

He watched his shoes as they walked, though they weren’t walking very fast. The other Gryffindors easily passed them until he knew they were going to be the last ones going into Charms. Lily cast him a look as she passed, and he gave her a shrug. “You’ll have to ask Sirius,” he said once they were alone again.

“Remy…”

He grit his teeth, annoyance flaring up—or trying to. He quickly tamped it back down. It would be ridiculous to get upset at James. He wasn’t even that upset at him, only overwhelmed by everything else going on. “I—“ He paused, glancing around to make sure they were alone. “I c-can—can smell emotions. All right?”

“Huh?”

It felt awful to be admitting this. “Like—like—like d-dogs do. Hormones. And—and emotions. I c-can smell—sense—if—if—if someone is up-upset or—or happy or other things.” Why was it so hard? It felt like even though he tried to get the words out, they got tangled on his tongue. He swallowed, trying to do better, not wanting James to get impatient. “I… sensed Sirius was—was-was—was feeling a certain way. Assumed. I-I—I was—I was wrong. He d—did not like it at-at all.”

He was glad to finish, glad to stop speaking. He kinda felt like he had slipped back to the first part of his first year, when talking to people—anyone—was an impossible task. It was difficult still with people he didn’t know, but this was _James_!

James stopped walking, looking at Remus with a puzzled expression. Remus expected James to blow up too; he expected to be shouted out and called things again. Instead, James asked, “What? That’s what’s got his wand in a knot?”

Remus stopped, turning back to face him. “Yes? R-r-rightfully so. I—I over—overst-stepped boundaries.”

“How do I smell?”

He rolled his eyes though felt a little relieved _that_ was James’s reaction, and not calling him weird, but it was obvious James didn’t quite get it. “L-like you only r-rinsed off after your—your Quidditch practice last night, and—and didn’t properly scrub? It—it’s not an exact thing. I can’t instantly tell. Except for a—for a-a-a few, um, things. I don’t—I—I don’t _blame_ Sirius for-for-for being upset. I simply don’t want to be—to be around him r-right now—I can’t. I-I don’t want to—to trot after him apol—apologizing every hour unt-til he caves in from—from harassment. If he chooses to forgive me, I—“

“WHAT?!” James shrieked. “I’m sorry, if he what?”

“Ch—chooses to f-forgive me?” Remus whispered.

James put his hands in an X form. “Hold your broom for a second there, _if_ he chooses? He’ll forgive you! Of course he’ll forgive you, he’s got nothing to be upset about—“

“James, he—he’s got _everything_ to-to be upset about!” Remus hissed out. “I—I—I invaded his privacy. Very much so invaded his—his privacy. You know Sirius, he—he doesn’t like t-to talk about cer-certain things.”

“His family,” James said bluntly, and Remus gave a small nod. “How did you smell anything involving his _family_ on him? Was he upset over Regulus?”

“No, it—I can’t say. It’s—it’s his business.” No way was Remus going to betray Sirius like that, even though he had assumed Sirius would have told James! _Assumptions are BAD_! “You c-can tell him I’ve—I’ve told you this—this much, perhaps he’ll t-tell you the rest. That’s not for—for me to tell.”

James yanked Remus in for a half-hug. “You a good guy, Remy, you know that?”

“I—"

“Nope, no insisting you’re not. I’m James Potter, and I say you’re good, and nobody can argue against me.” James stuck his tongue out before giving Remus a bit of a noogie which sent waves of discomfort through Remus’s body; being touched was _uncomfortable_. “I’ll try talking to him. But I really doubt he’ll stay mad at you.”

Remus wasn’t sure. He hoped James’s words would prove to be true, but even though James didn’t seem completely disgusted by the fact Remus could smell things like that, Sirius’s experience was vastly different, and Remus _had_ intruded. Maybe things would get better, but Remus figured they wouldn’t, and he deserved it to be that way anyhow.


	113. Chapter One Hundred-Thirteen – James’s Second Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief mention of feeling sick

Sirius didn’t speak to Remus, didn’t even _look_ at Remus as the day progressed. In fact, it sorta seemed like Sirius was angrier than he was the evening before. Peter grew very unhappy once he realized that Sirius and Remus were not making up instantly.

The afternoon was agonizing. Free period after lunch was spent in the library, History and Transfiguration were spent wishing he wasn’t there, between classes was spent trying to avoid everyone as much as possible, and once Transfiguration let out he pretty much ran back to the library—under one of the tables, to avoid any possible confrontations. Avoiding James and Peter too, which was probably wrong but he simply couldn’t. He was also avoiding Lily which made him feel guilty. He skipped supper then left the library because he didn’t want to risk running across Study Group. Couldn’t deal with them.

Couldn't deal with _anything_.

He kept seeing Sirius’s cold eyes, and the harsh tone. The anger, the hurt. The emptiness when Remus tried to apologize. It battered his heart, mind, and soul over and over, never relenting. It probably wouldn’t have been as bad if the full moon wasn’t the next night. It just added to the aching exhaustion and made it hard to _think_.

Shortly before curfew he crept up to the tower, trying to avoid the Marauders. All three were in the common room when he stumbled in, and he managed to at least get to the bottom of the boys’ stairs before he was noticed. Peter called out his name before running over.

“ _There_ you are!” he said rather breathlessly. “I’ve been looking for you all night. You weren’t in the library. Um, Evans said you weren’t at Study Group.”

“No, I—I d-didn’t feel like it.” Beyond Peter, James was watching them while Sirius studied the cards in his hands. “I’m not… it’s fine.”

“Can I come up with you?” Pete asked, rather stubbornly.

“No, I—I’d rather b-be alone.”

Peter trailed after Remus anyway, joining him in the dorm. He chattered about various things (never talking about what the Marauders got up to in Remus’s absence) then put on some music while Remus helped him with homework; which was agony because he _really_ wanted to be alone. While they worked, Remus realized he’d need to ask someone to look after Arthur the next day.

 _And Tuesday_ , he realized with a sinking heart. It was a four night full moon. With everything going on, that had somehow slipped his mind. _Bloody hell_.

“Remy…?”

“Ah?” He blinked a few times, then rubbed his eyes. “Sorry. I’m v-very tired.”

“Did you get any sleep last night?”

He thought of the few snatches in the little room. “Not mu—much.”

Peter scooted his chair over and nestled his arm up against Remus’s arm which would have been nice if touch wasn’t so horrendous at the moment. It felt awful, like a blade-y kind of pressure digging into him. It made him want to scream, though he kept it down.

He considered asking Peter to check on Arthur, and trusted Peter would probably be fine, but he’d feel better if he had James help too. If they would. Actually, he’d most like to ask Lily however he couldn’t say ‘by the way I’m going to be sick for the next four days could you give Arthur his medicine?’. Unless he managed to the next day. Perhaps he could… though, if that failed then Arthur—well, he’d have to see.

After another ten minutes of agony that was Peter brushing up against him while they worked (he was just trying to be comforting; Remus knew this, and that’s why he remained silent even though it was painful), Peter finally moved away, telling Remus he ought to take a nap. Remus agreed, thanking Peter for hanging out with him, then practically dove into his bed. That’s where he spent the rest of the evening, curtains tightly shut, arms wrapped around Gwyllgi.

At some point Spinnet and Struthers came in, chattering about various things. Their voices dug into Remus’s skull and he buried his head under his pillow. A little bit later the other Marauders came in, their voices making it worse. Sirius’s voice making it worse.

Remus wasn’t actually sure what _would_ be worse. If Sirius sounded normal, like it hadn’t affected him, or how he _did_ sound: slightly tense and upset. Even after over twenty-four hours, even with just the Marauders he wasn’t angry with. James and Peter were trying to sound normal. They were definitely acting like nothing was wrong. It seemed to be going fine until—

“Where’s Loopy?” Spinnet asked.

Remus’s chest seized up, knowing Sirius wouldn’t defend him. Not _expecting_ Sirius to defend him.

“Don’t call him that,” James snapped, and Remus’s heart sank a little bit that Sirius was silent. “None of your business where he is anyway.”

“Seems like he hasn’t been around you for a while,” Spinnet continued, ignoring James’s vague warning. “You guys having a fight or something?”

“Pete, did you hear something?” James asked.

“Nope, not a thing,” replied Peter.

Spinnet grunted, muttering ‘twats’ under his breath. Remus rolled over, hugging Gwyllgi tighter as everyone else in the dorm had fun. Or some semblance of fun. Spinnet and Struthers were playing cards, while the Marauders were playing a board game. Sirius was very quiet as they played, and Remus debated trying to apologize again. He probably should try before he disappeared for four nights…

Long after Spinnet and Struthers went to bed, the Marauders stayed up. Eventually they moved down the common room for a while before returning at around one in the morning. Remus listened to them getting into their beds. Peter was the first asleep, followed by James. He _thought_ Sirius was still awake.

 _Right_ , he thought, sliding out of bed, putting weight on his shaky legs. He stared at Sirius’s closed curtains, trying to muster the courage to be rejected again. _Right_. He took a few steps across the floor, his breathing a little more like panting than anything else. Anxiety consumed his body as he tapped lightly on Sirius’s bedpost.

“S—Sirius?” he whispered as he forced himself to stay there, forced himself not to run off to the bathroom to cry. Or throw up. Or, most likely, both. “Sirius, please, can—um. I’m s-s-sorry. I r-really am. I’m so sorry for—for what I did. I—“ He wanted to say he’d never do it again but he couldn’t _help_ his nose picking up stuff like that! “I won’t—I won’t make assumptions like that again, I—I p-promise. I won’t bring it up again. It’s—I’m sorry. I r-really am. I d-don’t want to—I—I w-want to be friends again, please.”

Silence.

Remus closed his eyes, pressing his hand against his stomach.

“Okay, yeah, I—I get that—I—I deserve that. I’m sorry. I won’t bother you again.”

He turned to leave then noticed Sirius’s slippers were not by his bed. And the silence beyond his shut curtains was more silence than there should be.

“Sirius?”

He pushed back the curtains to find an empty bed. He had been apologizing to Sirius’s pillow! The curtains fell back into place and he glanced at James’s bed. Sirius’s slippers were there. He was sleeping in James’s bed again.

Not wanting to wake James up, Remus scurried back to his own bed. It took him ages to get to sleep. He didn’t mind the risk of nightmares since Sirius never heard the screams when he was behind the spells of James’s curtains. Sure enough, he had several nightmares that woke him up. Two with screams, one with crying. It wasn’t _as_ bad as the night before, but considering how little sleep he got Thursday night, coupled with how little sleep he got this night, and the moon coming up… he was _beyond_ exhausted come dawn.

*

Aside from going to give Arthur his medicine while everyone was at breakfast, Remus stayed in the dorm for a good long while, not going down to eat until nearly game time. He was wearing a long-sleeved undershirt, the Potter shirt James had gotten them all for the first Gryffindor game, and a thick yellow cardigan over it to stay warm while also showing the front of the shirt. While he didn’t want to risk messing up his somewhat decent jeans, he did enchant his belt to be glittery gold, as well as enchant his shoes to be scarlet along with gold shoelaces; same glittering gold as the belt. And, of course, the earplugs hidden under his hair.

Even if he felt like hippogriff poop, he wanted to show support.

The whole Great Hall was abuzz with excitement, a sea of either scarlet and gold or blue and bronze. James, Sirius, and Peter were sitting together, James in his uniform already, practically bouncing in his seat. Peter caught Remus’s eye and gave a wave, but Remus shook his head, going past them (with a quick good luck to James) to sit with Lily, Inkwood, and Colgate.

“Is it o—okay if I—“

“Remus, what the hell?!” Lily demanded, not letting him finish.

“Um—wh-what?” he squeaked, terrified he had upset her.

Lily stared at him, absolutely aghast. “You should be in the _hospital wing_!” she hissed out, seizing his wrist. “You look terrible! You looked bad yesterday, but you look—oh, Remus, you can’t be okay.”

Remus swallowed, knowing perfectly well how bad he looked. “I’m—I’m okay f-for now. I’m not d-doing great but—but I really want to see the game.”

“Don’t be daft! You should be resting!” Her fingers tightened a little. “I don’t know what’s been going on, only you’ve been missing more or less since you left Defense on Thursday, and you won’t even talk to me—but, please, Remus, don’t push yourself.”

“I—I won’t,” he half-promised, half-lied. “If I start to—to feel any worse—“

“ _Worse_?” Lily looked him up and down. “How could you possibly look worse?”

Inkwood leaned forward to look past Lily. “Lupin, no offense, but you look really bad. I think Lily’s right.”

“Yeah, you probably shouldn’t go to the game,” Colgate agreed, frowning.

Remus shook his head. “N—no, I’m f-f-fine. I promise. I—I know my limits.”

The girls reluctantly agreed, and dropped the subject. Lily did ask why he was sitting with them and not the Marauders, and Inkwood said she thought Sirius and Remus were fighting. Remus miserably affirmed that and admitted that’s why he had been avoiding people.

Lily gave him a gentle hug. “You can sit with us. Ooh, do you want a headband?” She pulled one out of her bag, offering it to him. All three girls were wearing them. They had lion ears sticking out the top.

Remus hesitated then accepted the headband, putting it on carefully so as not to bother the earplugs.

“You’re so _cute_!” Colgate squealed.

He blushed, ducking his head to quickly get a few bites since half the Great Hall was leaving already. Soon he was heading out with the girls, crossing the grounds to the pitch. It was grey and very chilly out, and Remus was shivering a bit until they got the stands. With all the bodies packed in it was a little warmer. He was sat between Lily and Inkwood, and shortly before the game started Inkwood turned to him and said she was very sorry they were fighting.

“He didn’t tell me anything about it, though,” she added. “We haven’t really talked much, actually. I hope you two can make up really soon.”

“Th—thank you,” he said, and felt a little guilty for the Bubble Belch.

He had to adjust the sound levels for his earplugs when the commentator began talking, her voice booming and rolling across the stands, and then adjusted it even more when the students began cheering. He cheered when James strut onto the field. It was exponentially easier to pay attention with the sounds muted. It still felt slightly loud, but _so_ much better than it would be without! It just felt like he was listening to the radio at the normal volume his friends liked to have it at. Loud, but not painful.

“JAMES POTTER! JAMES POTTER! JAMES POTTER!” he chanted, clapping his hands. It felt great to be able to join in! The only way it’d be better was if he were with Sirius and Peter. Even without them he was determined to enjoy himself at least a little.

The game started, and he lost track of what was going on. He had no idea what half the commentator said meant and just focused on James. His friend dove, rose, plummeted, spun, jerked to the side, hung upside down, caught the ball, threw the ball, blocked the ball—it was confusing, but brilliant. Remus cheered loudly whenever James got the ball through the hoop! On Inkwood’s other side Colgate had a noisemaker she kept spinning wildly above her head. Remus wished he had a pennant or something he could wave.

Except… the game kept going.

Remus grew nervous after an hour and a half, glancing over at the large clock by the commentator’s box. It was going on two pm! The latest he could stay was four. At this rate, he wouldn’t be able to go back to the castle to celebrate a little if they won—which, really, wouldn’t be the worst thing. He didn’t _feel_ like celebrating. Didn’t want to be in the same room as Sirius. Still, he hoped the game would wrap up before he had to leave!

During one of the timeouts, Remus turned to Lily. “Could I ask you—you for a-a favor? A really b-big favor?”

“Hmm? Of course, anything,” she said, squeezing his arm.

He explained about Arthur’s medicine, saying he’d need it sometime in the evening. “And if I’m not—not back by T-Tuesday, would you be able to—to give it to him—him Tuesday?”

Lily took the vial. “You know I’m glad to help out. Three drops, after supper tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Three drops Tuesday morning and evening?”

Remus nodded. “Yes, I—thank you.” He gave her a very grateful hug. “Thank you s-so much. Hopefully I—I’ll be back by Tuesday. Honestly, I’ll p-probably be back to—tomorrow, I don’t think I’m doing as-as-as bad as I look.”

Lily narrowed her eyes. “Considering the fact you look ready to die, that isn’t a very comforting thing, you know.” Then she gave him a light elbow bump. “I am teasing though. I mean, sort of. You do look bad but—oh, you know what I mean.” She pulled a face. “I hope?”

“I understand,” he said, feeling guilty for having to lie to her. He wished he could simply tell the truth. But even though the Marauders accepted him…

The game continued, and Remus tried not to worry about the time. Two turned to two-thirty, and neither team seemed ready to stop. _Come on, Seekers_ , he thought, scanning the sky for the little flash of gold. He knew that sometimes the teams would wait till they had a certain amount of points, to be ahead… at least, he assumed that was a thing from what he was told. Currently the score was 130 – 110. The Snitch was worth… two hundred points, Remus thought? So it could go either way.

At one point the Seekers did go after the Snitch, but they both lost it when the Gryffindor Beaters got the Ravenclaw Seeker with some Bludgers, and one of the Ravenclaw Chasers got in the way of the Gryffindor Seeker.

Then James got hit in the leg by a Bludger bad enough to knock him completely of course, and flag down. Bell flew up to him, then waved at Madame Hooch. Another time out.

Remus swore under his breath, rubbing his arms from the chilly wind. He’d have to go at around four. There was plenty of time but he couldn’t help worry. He wanted to see the end of the game! He watched James, seeing him putting weight on his foot, and nodding at Bell. He seemed okay…

“Ravenclaw is so good this year, they didn’t get a chance to show off against Slytherin,” Inkwood was saying. “Honestly, we might lose.”

“No, we won’t,” Lily said confidently. “Gryffindor has good players.”

“Even Potter?” Colgate asked.

Lily grunted. “Unfortunately. But Charmer is a really good Seeker, she’ll get the Snitch soon. I know it.”

James scored one more time before the Seekers went into dives. Everyone was on their feet, watching the Seekers zip through the air. Charmer was inching ahead of the Ravenclaw Seeker. Both their arms were outstretched…

Then suddenly the two Seekers slammed into one another and went spiraling. There were gasps, shrieks, and shouts of foul play from both sides. The Ravenclaw Seeker got control of his broom first, pulling up. Charmer spiraled a bit more before yanking herself up only a few feet from the ground.

One hand was in the air, the Snitch firmly in her fingers.

“GRYFFINDOR GETS THE SNITCH! CHARMER GETS THE SNITCH! 280 TO 110 GRYFFINDOR WINS!”

The stands went wild and Lily threw her arms around Remus, hugging him tightly as she jumped up and down. Even with the earplugs, her scream _right_ in his ear was rather deafening. Then Inkwood and Colgate were hugging too, and Remus was squashed between all the girls.

It took _forever_ to get down to the pitch. As Remus wove his way through the crowds he thought this was a benefit to being small. It was easier to duck under arms. He pushed and wriggled his way to the team, seeing Sirius hugging James, spinning him in a circle while Peter bounced next to them.

“J—James!” Remus pushed past a couple of seventh years. “James, congrat—congratulations that was—was amazing!”

James pulled away from Sirius so he could hug Remus tightly. “We won!” he shouted.

Remus managed a laugh. “Yes, I saw! You were b-brilliant! I think. As far as I could t-tell!”

Peter wrapped his arms around James and Remus both. “It was beyond brilliant, it was absolutely—ummmm—beyond brilliant!” he laughed.

Sirius hung back, arms folded, shoulders hunched.

Remus gave James another hug. “I have t-to go—“

“Come party with us!” James begged. “I know he’s mad at you but please?”

“I—I c-can’t,” Remus stammered. “It’s—it’s nothing to do w-with Sirius. I’m not feeling too g-great. Really bad, actually; I pro—probably shouldn’t have come to the game but I really w-wanted to. I should go see Pomfrey. I might need to—to stay in the hospital wing overnight.”

James hesitated, then hugged him again. “I thought you weren’t looking too great,” he said. “All right, I hope you feel better soon. If you are there overnight, I’ll come visit you.”

“Yeah, we’ll come visit you,” Peter agreed.

Sirius said nothing even though he was close enough to hear.

The jubilation of watching the game and seeing James win was starting to fade again. Even if Sirius was mad at Remus he could at least keep being happy for James instead of looking like—like—like _Snape_ , all grouchy and sour.

Remus slipped away from them, glancing back. Sirius’s face broke into a smile when James returned to his side, and that hurt Remus. The two were hugging again then Sirius joined with Onyx Hooper—the other Beater besides Kim—to get James on their shoulders. Litten and Faircauldron had Charmer on their shoulders and she was pumping the Snitch above her head.

Sirius looked so happy, arm around James’s leg, face upturned towards his friend.

Remus bit his lip, hurrying away from the crowd. He wriggled his way through until he found the girls, and told Lily he was feeling faint and would be going to the hospital wing. “If I’m not at supper, I’m going to say go ahead and take care of Arthur,” he said, having to shout in her ear to be heard above the crowd. “I should be back tomorrow though.”

“If you’re not by Tuesday it’s Tuesday, right?”

“Yes. Again, th—thank you so much—“

“And Thursday?” she asked, turning wide eyes to him.

“Um, y—yes,” he said. He couldn’t very well say he _knew_ he’d be back by Thursday, especially if he was mentioning Tuesday! “Thank you. Again. You—you’re absolutely am—amazing.”

She gave him a very quick peck on the cheek. “Get better soon!”

*

Even though the earplugs completely helped, it was sweet relief when he went into the quiet hospital wing. Well, not _super_ quiet. Shortly after he arrived the victims from the game began showing up. There were several bystanders who had gotten hurt at various points, as well as several members of _both_ teams, James included. He waved merrily at Remus, hurrying over to join him.

“The Bludger walloped me,” he said. “I need to make sure nothing’s broken.”

“You’re w-walking on it,” Remus said.

James sat down next to him, propping his leg up and pulling his boot off. Remus cried out, seeing James’s foot was swollen as well as black and blue.

“ _James_!”

“Beautiful, isn’t it? I had Pete take a picture.”

“WHY?!” Remus yelled, ignoring the looks everyone gave him.

James shrugged, stretching his legs out. “Victory wounds! It makes me happy.”

Pomfrey soon came over, informing James his ankle was sprained. She gave him medicine, told him to _try_ to stay off his foot until the next day, then sent him on his way. James punched Remus’s arm before running off, most definitely not keeping any weight off his injured foot.

There were so many people in the hospital wing that four pm came and Pomfrey was still busy. Remus fidgeted, not sure what to do. He didn’t want to bother Pomfrey, however it was getting late. It wasn’t as if he _needed_ Pomfrey to get under the Willow… though it’d probably look weird if he simply left the hospital wing. How was she even going to get him out with everyone there anyway?

Then suddenly she was at his side. “I’m so sorry,” she said, smelling even stronger of medicine than usual. “This was a rough game. I don’t have very long, so we need to hurry.”

Remus followed her into her office. From there they went to her private rooms, and then out into the school. Remus had a large cloak wrapped around himself to keep him somewhat hidden from view as he followed Pomfrey who was taking quick steps. They made their way outside. Everybody was inside at this point and there wasn’t much chance of them being spotted. She left him after opening the passageway, watching until it closed behind him.

“Lumos.” He crept down the passageway, his satchel banging against his side. He always felt small going along the passage alone, even though it was a fairly cramped passage.

Once inside, Remus sat down on the couch as everything poured back into him. The fight, Sirius’s anger, the happiness from the game, the pain from Sirius being so—so distant.

He curled forward, burying his face in his hands. He was too tired to cry, too tired to do much of anything but dwell on the misery until finally he forced himself to go up to the bedroom. He stripped off, putting everything in the wardrobe. He tucked a pillowcase in the metal box (Sirius’s box) and put the earplugs in there. He put that in the wardrobe too, knowing he’d be unable to read.

Peter’s blanket was downstairs, and Remus trudged down there. He was naked, cold, and on the verge of passing out. The sunset would be coming soon so there really wasn’t much time, but once he wrapped himself in the blanket he wound up falling asleep anyway until the wolf began ripping itself out of his body, tearing apart his delicate human skin, and twisting his body into the canine shape. He screamed and cried until the wolf took over, and everything faded into emptiness.


	114. Chapter One Hundred-Fourteen – Spinnet’s Insult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought I'd get a bonus chapter out for the holidays! Tw: Gore, body horror and period accurate homophobia in this chapter

Pain.

Immense pain.

Remus whimpered, trying to shift his broken body, trying to get himself into a position that didn’t hurt so much but no matter how he moved his body he only succeeded in hurting himself More.

He finally gave up, and waited for Pomfrey. He couldn’t even move to cover his nudity. When he opened his eyes, everything was a sort of red haze, so he closed his eyes again. Besides, the light hurt. At least he _could_ see, though. He hadn’t torn his eyes out again. He thought he had concentrated on his midriff, as his stomach was especially burning, making it hurt every time his chest moved to breathe.

Soon he heard Pomfrey’s gasp. He didn’t know how bad it was, only that it _was_ bad. Very bad. He screamed in pain when Pomfrey pressed her hands to his middle. It felt beyond anything he ever felt before, and he blacked out until more pain brought him back when she moved him onto a stretcher, her apologies a fuzzy whisper somewhere past his consciousness.

The trip back to the school went by quickly, as he kept fading in and out of consciousness. When he came to properly he was in the little room off the hospital wing. Pushing himself into a sitting position (which was agony), he took in the injuries along his body. There were bandages around both calves, one on his left thigh, bulky ones around his middle, smaller bandages up and down his arms, and one plastered against his chest. His middle hurt the most. He had hoped the game would put him in a good mood, but obviously _that_ hadn’t happened…

Nervously he tugged at the bandages around his stomach, wanting to see.

Then regretting it when he saw the carnage underneath. He had obviously gutted himself.

_Why_? he wondered as he tried to fix the bandages. _Why would I do that to my own body?_ He understood the wolf being angry about not having any victims, he even understood scratching and biting at himself. But—but like with his eyes, this amount of violence didn’t make sense.

Pomfrey came in not long after, giving him a chocolate shake to slurp down. While she was concerned about his injuries, at least he hadn’t lost much weight. His blood loss was pretty rough though. She informed him she had mixed a potion into his shake to encourage blood replenishment. He asked if she had sent a letter to his parents—worried his mother would be showing up. She replied that yes she had, however as his injuries were one he’d heal on his own it wasn’t a very urgent letter.

“Your weight loss was worrisome since that isn’t something you could heal in a day,” she explained, taking the empty glass once he finished drinking it all. “These are extensive however I imagine you will heal… if not tonight, then not long after the final full moon…”

“My stomach h—hurts,” he said. “How bad—how bad was it?” He didn’t want to admit he had looked, but he wanted to know what Pomfrey had seen that morning. If it still looked that bad, he couldn’t imagine what had really happened.

“You had a very deep gash there,” she explained hesitantly, as if it were more than that and she was trying to hide something.

“Madame Pomfrey—”

“That’s all,” she said, firmly.

“I have a right to know what happened to my own body,” he said, just as firmly.

Madame Pomfrey eyed him then closed her eyes, turning her head. “Does it matter that much?”

“Yes.”

She gave a sigh. “I—I had to push some of your—your intestines back in.” Remus’s breath caught in his throat, and he felt sick. “Not much, only a little. You had a horrible… horrible gash. Very… open. Now, please. Try to get some rest.”

Remus lay back down, drifting in and out of sleep as the day progressed. Whenever he drifted into sleep he dreamt of yanking his own guts out, and kept waking up with gasps and, occasionally, screams. He gave up trying to sleep and just lay there, staring at the clouds through the window. At least now that it was heading towards summer the days were a bit longer, and he didn’t need to rush directly back to the house. Perhaps his stomach would heal up well enough...

He must have fallen back asleep since suddenly he was waking up again to James arguing very loudly with Pomfrey. Pomfrey informed him that Remus was in no shape for visitors, and James argued that they could come see him, it’d be fine, and wasn’t Remus in there? Pomfrey answered yes, Remus was in the hospital wing however he really needed his rest.

“I’m afraid you two will have to wait to see him,” she said.

_Two_. Remus gave a slight whimper. _James and Peter. Not Sirius. He isn’t even…_

“But POMFREY!” James whined.

“Mr. Potter, don’t make me take points off your house!” James muttered something. “What was that?”

“Nothing, Madame Pomfrey. Can we see him _tomorrow_?”

“If he is better, yes. Now _go_.”

“BYE REMUS!” James yelled.

“BYE REMUS!” Peter also yelled, confirming that the other Marauder out there was, in fact, Peter.

Remus settled back, feeling ill that Sirius hadn’t even—well, not that it mattered. It was fine. Remus didn’t—Sirius had every right not to visit. Or talk to him. Or forgive him.

Ever.

It was his right.

He was perfectly right to do that.

Remus tried not to think about it.

*

That afternoon Pomfrey took him all the way to the house since his midriff was still giving him issues, and he properly saw the destruction everywhere. A _lot_ of new bloodstains, and he saw bits of flesh and torn fur. Pomfrey didn’t say anything about it. She made sure he was all right before heading out. The moment her footsteps faded, Remus leapt into action. He gathered cleaning supplies and began trying to scrub the place clean, ignoring the extreme pain in his stomach.

He cleaned, and cleaned, then cleaned some more until he felt the moon pulling too much. He had to run upstairs in order to get stripped in time, yelping in pain every time his foot hit the stairs. There was barely any time to throw the pajamas into the wardrobe and shut the doors—locking them—before the wolf began coming to the surface. There was something surreal about transforming in the bedroom, seeing the large bed as he writhed on the floor in pain, the normal looking bedroom furniture while his skin split, his bones grew, and his body changed.

*

It wasn’t so bad on Monday morning. Not great. However he could at least sit up, fumbling around for a blanket, or what was left of it. This was the last of his vaguely intact blankets (minus Peter’s) and now it was ripped up into the smallest of shreds. There wasn’t enough left to even _call_ it a blanket. He yanked the remains over his groin before glancing around. He had left the cleaning supplies out and they were all ruined. If he wanted to clean again, he’d have to ask for more cleaning stuff… which wasn’t exactly a pleasant though. He hated asking for things for the house, it always felt uncomfortable.

Groaning, he got up onto one of the couches, looking at the blood all over his body. There seemed little point in getting himself to the bathroom, as he couldn’t get a shower. _Unless I did_ , he thought, rather stubbornly. It wasn’t like blood loss could kill him. He was still considering it when Pomfrey showed up, and he flushed with guilt, as if she could know what he had intended to do.

The ‘spot cleaning’ she helped him with did not make him feel any cleaner, and when he was back at the school he tried to clean himself off in the bathroom. It didn’t go so well. Instead of feeling clean all he managed to do was make a mess and feel grouchier.

_Ugh_. He mopped the mess up, throwing the towels in the laundry bin, and then stomped back to his bed, jolts of pain shooting up his leg. Just as he settled back into bed, there was a knock at the door.

“Mr. Lupin?” Pomfrey opened the door. “You have visi—“

James didn’t even let her finish, he just ducked under her arm and wriggled his way into the room. Pomfrey rolled her eyes, pulling her arm back to let Peter in. Again, no Sirius. Remus’s heart sank a little, though he wasn’t surprised.

“Try not to be _too_ rowdy,” she sighed, shutting the door behind her as she left them alone.

James bounded over to the bed. “You look somewhat good today,” he said cheerfully as he sat on the edge before swinging his legs up, being very cautious not to bump into him.

“It wasn’t that bad last night,” he said, moving a bit to make room for James. “Not like the night before.”

“Yeah, we tried to visit. We snuck into Hogsmeade yesterday, when Pomfrey said we couldn’t.” Peter happily pulled sweets out of his bag. “What happened?”

“I w-was really banged up,” Remus said, sitting up again as Peter dumped the sweets on his lap. “There wasn’t any way to hide my bandages. Thank you!”

“How bad was it?” James asked, grabbing a cauldron cake and ripping the cellophane off.

“Very bad.”

“Is it ‘cause of Sirius?” Peter asked as he shoved a liquorice wand in his mouth.

Remus stiffened at the question, knowing Peter didn’t mean anything by it. “I—I’m not sure. It’s difficult to tell. I was in a fairly good mood from the game—again, congratulations James!—so I didn’t expect it to go that bad.” He tugged at the wrapper of a bag of gummy cauldrons and the entire thing split in half, little cauldrons bouncing all over the bed. He stared at the sweets laying everywhere, feeling suddenly extremely exhausted. “I’d r-rather not talk about that.”

They actually listened to him and instead talked about other things. Mostly the party in the tower, some of what happened the day before including sneaking into Hogsmeade. They talked rapidly about a new shop opening up, one dedicated to games of both wizarding and Muggle kinds! Apparently it was run by the person who invented the new, insanely popular game _Wild Adventures_ which was being talked about everywhere. It would be open that weekend, and James was excited to go visit when they snuck in for his birthday. Then, after a short bit, Peter said something about trying to figure out what he and James should do that night without Remus _or_ Sirius around.

James shot Peter a dark look, and Peter gulped. “Er, I mean…”

“Is… he not around tonight?” Remus asked, not really wanting to say Sirius’s name. He ached to know what was going on with him but didn’t want to be so obvious by asking.

“He has detention,” James said, in a very strange voice.

Remus looked between him and Pete. They were _definitely_ not saying something. “For what? A prank?”

“Um—“ Peter began, and James coughed. Peter looked distressed as he squeaked out an obvious lie of, “I think so?”

“Did something happen? You can tell me.”

“He got into a fight,” James said, carefully peeling open another cauldron cake.

Remus frowned. “Did he get hurt? Is he okay? I can tell you’re hiding something.”

“No, he’s not—not hurt,” Peter promised. “Not bad. A black eye but that was about it for him. You shoulda seen what he did to—“

“ _Peter_!” James warned.

“He’s gonna find out about it anyway—“

“No, it’s fine,” Remus said, trying not to sound hurt. They were hiding something _big_ from him. “It’s none of my business. As long as Sirius isn’t hurt, that’s all that matters.” He shoved the remainder of the cauldron in his mouth, too upset to really enjoy the burst of fruity yumminess on his tongue.

James gave a long sigh, setting down his sweet. “He’s an arsehole, all right?” he asked.

“Wh—what? Sirius?” Remus asked.

“No!” James pushed his glasses up, obviously nervous. “It doesn’t matter.”

“He’s going to find out,” Peter whispered. “There’s no way he won’t, considering.”

“I’d like to know!” Remus insisted. “If something’s happened to Sirius—“

“S’not Sirius,” James said. “It’s about you.”

“ _Me_?!”

James twisted to look into Remus’s eyes. “You really want to know what happened? Because it _doesn’t_ matter.” Remus nodded, needing to know like he did with his stomach the day before. “Right. All right. Spinnet was… making fun of you last night. Loopy Lupin and all that. He also said some things about what you wore to the game Saturday, and the fact you got sick right after. Sirius punched him without any thought and they got into a big fight. Some Prefects heard since the door was open and got them apart. They both have two nights of detention, and fifteen points each removed. Again, it’s Spinnet. He’s a _twat_. Nothing he says really matters.”

“What was he saying?” Remus asked, feeling rather lightheaded. What little information James gave didn’t sound awful, didn’t _sound_ like anything that needed hidden. There was obviously more.

“It’s all poop,” Peter said. “All that comes outta his mouth is poop.”

Remus locked eyes on James’s until James caved in. “Is it really that important?” he whined. “It’s dumb, it’s all dumb.”

“I’d like t-to know what my dormmate was _saying_ about me, especially if I should prepare myself for him saying it when I come back!” Remus pointed out. He didn’t want to be blindsided! “It wasn’t anything close to the truth, was it?”

“What? Oh you mean… the moon thing?” James asked, and Remus nodded. “Merlin no. It was mostly about—about your clothes Saturday.”

“My… clothes.” That really wasn’t what Remus expected. Even though James included it in what he had said, Remus assumed the worst part would be the sickness thing, or the loopy thing. “What about them?”

James angrily messed his hair up, averting his gaze from Remus. “He—he said things like how you dressed made it a bit obvious that you kissing Evans was only a rumor.”

“I—I don’t understand.”

He didn’t. That was the thing, none of it made any sense whatsoever! What did his clothes have to do with kissing—or rather, not kissing—Lily?! Why would Sirius punch him for that? Over clothes?

Peter chewed violently at his lip. “He c-called you a—“

“A what?” Remus asked when Peter fell silent.

“A poof,” James said flatly. “And that’s when Sirius decked him.”

“He went _flying_!” Peter laughed nervously. “Head over heels. It was great.”

“That’s why we did this, if he’s going to make fun of clothes.” James stuck his foot out and Remus saw James’s shoelaces were super glittery. “This too.” He pushed aside his robes to show off his glittery belt. Peter had them too. “Sirius too,” he said brightly.

“I… I don’t…” Remus felt like he was floundering. “Poof?” The term sounded familiar, but he wasn’t entirely sure what it meant. For once he felt stupid regarding a word’s meaning.

James and Peter both went _very_ noticeably awkward. Peter cleared his throat, toeing the ground, while James sniffled loudly as he picked apart the cauldron cake.

“I will look in a dictionary,” Remus said sternly.

“I doubt _that_ meaning’s in a dictionary,” Peter mumbled.

“You really don’t know?” James inquired. “It—it means—“

The door opened and Pomfrey stuck her head in. “It’s getting late, boys, you should probably head out.”

It was only one, and a long time till they had another class, but James and Peter leapt to their feet. “Yes Madame Pomfrey!” they chorused.

“W—wait!” Remus said, sitting forward as they quickly gathered their stuff. “Just tell me what it means!”

“See you tomorrow!” James said, yanking Peter out of the room.

“COWARDS!” Remus shouted as the door swung shut. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE GRYFFINDORS!”

He threw one of the pillows at the door even though they were long gone, then settled back to angrily eat the sweets they left behind.

*

He was sound asleep when he got his next visitor. Not that Pomfrey announced this one. Remus woke up as the door quietly opened and shut, and footsteps tiptoeing across the floor. He rolled over, opening his eyes, then bolting upright.

“Sirius?”

Sirius froze. “Er—didn’t mean to wake you,” he mumbled, raking his fingers through his hair. “Was going to leave this.” He put a card and a small box of fudge chocoballs on the bedside table. Then stood there with his hands in his pockets, looking adamantly at his shoes.

Remus stared at him.

Sirius rocked back and forth, whistling a bit.

Neither of them said anything for ages then suddenly they both said, at the exact same time, “I’m sorry.”

Sirius’s eyebrows arched while Remus shrank back a little.

“What?” Sirius asked.

“I—I’m s-sorry…?” Remus began twisting the blanket in his hands, sweat prickling under his arms. “I am. I—I am. I really am—“

“Remus—“

“—I shouldn’t have done that, I completely regret doing that—“

“ _Remus_!”

“—and I only—“

“Can you please let me bloody well apologize?” Sirius snapped, and Remus went silent.

_Is he still angry then_? he wondered, although he had apologized which was a rare thing for Sirius to do so it was hard to tell.

Sirius sank down onto the chair. Remus noticed his belt and shoelaces were both very glittery. “I’m sorry too,” he muttered. “I overreacted. I said things I—that weren’t… well. It took me by surprise, and I wasn’t thinking.” He began rubbing the back of his neck, twisting his head this way and that. “I shouldn’t—shouldn’t have called you—called you weird.”

“It is weird though,” Remus whispered, not sure if Sirius could hear him. “I’m weird.”

Sirius finally looked at him, his silvery eyes penetrating into Remus’s soul. “It’s not,” he said. “ _You’re_ not. Okay? You’re not weird. Well, you are, but in that Marauder way we all are. You’re not any weirder than me. In fact, you’re less weird than me.”

“I—“ What the hell was he supposed to say?! That was absolutely untrue! Sirius was completely off his broom! “I’m _not_ —“

“I don’t want to argue about it,” he said in what sounded like it was supposed to be a teasing, light tone, but came off more as strained. “I know you don’t like being wrong but face it, Lupin, you’re wrong about that.”

Remus took in a deep breath, starting to grow dizzy. “Please—“

“Even if you think you are,” Sirius continued, ignoring him, “even if others say you are, you’re not to me. You’re not. You’re not weird, and you’re not… wrong. Blast, I really put my foot in my mouth with that, didn’t I? Merlin. You—I know you—I know you have trouble with feeling that way and I went and threw that at you. Shit. I am so sorry.”

Remus wanted to take his hand or hug him. Both would probably be inappropriate so all he could manage to do was give Sirius what he hoped came across as an infinitely grateful look. “Sirius—”

“I screwed up royally. Big time royally. Like, ten centuries of royal family royally.”

“You don’t need to apologize. Really. I did something completely out of line—”

“No. You tried to help me.” Sirius gave him a faint smile. “Even though your assumptions were utterly wrong,” he added quickly, “you were trying to help. I overreacted. Badly. I _am_ very sorry for saying those things. I really am. They’re not true. I swear they’re not. And I don’t want to—to be fighting with you.”

“I don’t either,” he answered in a small voice.

“And—and I—I shouldn’t have gotten angrier, Thursday night, after you—I mean, I understand why you ignored me. I ignored you earlier.”

Remus frowned. “Ignored you? When did I ignore you?”

“When I tried to apologize,” Sirius said in a voice that meant he expected Remus to know what he was talking about. “You ignored me. I got stupidly upset about that, even though it’s completely hypocritical of me because I ignored your initial apology and—”

“I’m sorry, _when_ did you try to apologize?” Remus asked. “I don’t remember that! I wouldn’t have ignored you! I—I would have forgiven you immediately!”

Sirius’s forehead wrinkled. “You did ignore me though.”

“ _When_!?” he demanded desperately.

“Thursday night!” Sirius said, exasperated. “Or, Friday morning I guess. It was about two-thirty, maybe three in the morning. I went over and apologized. Or tried to. You ignored me.”

Remus stared at Sirius in shock. “I—I w-wasn’t there.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t there,” he said again, plucking anxiously at his blanket. If he hadn’t’ve run off like a coward then this would have been long resolved! “I left, at around two in the morning. I—I didn’t want—I—I knew I’d have nightmares so I left the dorm because I didn’t want to wake you up. I wasn’t _there_ , Sirius.”

Sirius was staring at him now. “You—I—I was—you weren’t?”

“ _No_! Didn’t you check?”

He blinked a few times then looked away, obviously embarrassed. “No. I assumed you were there. I—oh. Oh Merlin.”

“That’s why you seemed angrier on Friday,” Remus whispered.

“Yes. Merlin’s beard, Remy, I—shit. I should have checked. I didn’t even think you might not be there!” Sirius slowly shook his head. “You really left because of having nightmares?”

Remus nodded. “Yes, I was worried about waking you up and upsetting you more, so I—I slept in a secret passageway.”

“Oh.”

“I—I did that too.”

“Did what?”

Remus shifted a little, tugging at the blanket again. “Friday night I t-tried to apologize to you again, But then I realized you were in James’s bed, and—and I had been apologizing to nothing.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “So we did the same thing.”

“It seems so,” Remus answered softly, and they both got a little smile at that. “I am sorry—”

“No, no, no more apologizing over it,” Sirius interrupted. “You’re not—you—I was the one who really messed things up. I was stubborn about it, and stupid. I really… I did bad.”

“No—”

“I did, I know I did, I said things that really hurt you—I mean, really, specifically hit you where it hurt—and then—then I should have made sure my first apology was to your face and not your curtains.”

“It—if—” Remus struggled to figure out how to express what he wanted to say. “I forgive you. I do. And—and you forgive me, so—so, it’s okay now, right?”

“Yes,” Sirius said, looking relieved. “I hope so.”

“Me too. I want it—”

“Yeah, I do too.”

“Yeah.”

There was a stretch of very awkward silence, then Sirius mumbled something that might have been another apology before he got up and suddenly gave him the hug he had wanted a moment before.

“I have to get to class. You can ignore my card. It’s dumb. I’ll—I’ll see you tomorrow. I hope tonight goes well.”

With that he hurried out of the room, leaving Remus in a state of complete bafflement.

After a moment or two he reached over to grab the card. It was full of a long, rambling apology, saying similar things to what Sirius told him. Several times he had underlined words or phrases such as how bad he felt, and he was stupid to say those things about Remus. He said he accepted Remus’s apology even though he didn’t think Remus _needed_ to, and he was sorry he had ignored Remus Thursday night and Friday. He had been acting like an idiot. There was also a doodle of a sad face.

Remus lay back down, glad that Sirius wasn’t still mad but confused over why Sirius felt like _he_ needed to apologize.

*

It was very cloudy Monday night until around three in the morning when Remus finally transformed, so when he transformed back shortly before six-thirty he was in decent enough shape. He slept most of the morning and was pretty happy when his friends visited him during lunch. It was nice they were all together. Sirius was a bit awkward at first but then began relaxing as time went on. Neither of them spoke about their fight, nor their conversation from the afternoon before.

Remus considered getting them to talk about Sirius’s altercation with Spinnet, however whenever he tried to bring it up they changed the conversation. It was clear none of them were going to tell him what poof meant; he’d have to figure it out himself.

Since Remus wasn’t too injured and they were all excited at everyone being friends again, they wound up getting a little rowdy to the point of Pomfrey flinging the door open, right when Remus and Peter balanced precariously on the headboard of the bed, while James was standing on the edge of the bed about to fall backwards into Sirius’s arms. James hesitated then flailed, falling. Sirius, too distracted by Pomfrey, did not catch him, and James smashed into the floor.

“I think it’s time for your visitors to leave,” she told Remus, going over to check James. Nothing seriously injured, only a few scraped and perhaps a bruise. She told him she’d give him some bruise balm then shooed the three of them out, giving James and Sirius dirty looks. “Back into bed, Remus,” she ordered.

Remus climbed off the headboard, obediently sliding back between the covers, glad that it seemed things were somewhat back to normal.


	115. Chapter One Hundred-Fifteen – We're Okay, Aren't We?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some blood stuff mentioned, also period accurate homophobic slur referred to.

The final night of the four moon stretch was about the same as any fourth night of a four moon stretch. Remus was exhausted, miserable, in pain, and glad it was over. Thank Merlin it never lasted longer! When Remus returned to the school he was informed he wouldn’t be allowed visitors after what happened the day before, but about half an hour before Charms started, Pomfrey allowed Lily in to see him. The No Visitors thing seemed to only be about the Marauders.

They mostly talked about school and the lessons Remus had missed, and she promised she had taken care of Arthur. Not only on the days he needed his medicine; she had visited him on Sunday as well. After twenty minutes—just before she’d have to go in order not to miss class—he asked her about Sirius and Spinnet.

Lily chewed at the end of her braid. “Black punched Spinnet. They got into a big fistfight.”

“Do—do you know what started the fight?” he asked, trying to sound casual. “What was said?”

“No, I’ve _no_ idea,” she sighed. “You know them, though. They don’t get along at all.”

_She’s telling the truth,_ he thought after she left. I _f Lily doesn’t know, I don’t know if I should ask her…_ He was worried if he asked her what poof meant she’d want to know why. Maybe he could say he heard it elsewhere? It was—it seemed too much of a risk. If nobody knew what was said during the fight, he preferred to keep it quiet. _I’ll find out,_ he thought, determinedly.

*

Pomfrey didn’t allow Remus to go to Charms on Wednesday, though gave him permission to attend his afternoon classes after he ate a hearty lunch and had another rest. His right arm and wrist were pretty injured, and he had bandages wrapped tightly around his forearm. There was a very deep gash making it hurt to move his hand. Thankfully his first class was History which didn’t involve any wand-waving; note-taking, yes, but he could borrow Lily’s notes. Transfiguration… well, he’d deal with it when he got there.

His friends were very happy when he went into History, though he couldn’t help glance at Spinnet who kept his head firmly pointed towards Binns, refusing to look. Struthers was giving him rather anxious looks.

Instead of paying attention to Binns, Remus pulled his little dictionary out of his bag. When he swung by the dorms to get his History and Transfiguration books he had snatched it up, determined for an answer. Unfortunately the only explanation in the dictionary was about things disappearing. Going ‘poof!’. That certainly wasn’t the problem. Unless Spinnet was saying he wanted Remus to disappear which, while sounding like something he’d say, was most likely not the issue.

_I wonder what Spinnet would do if I asked him directly_ , he pondered, foot jiggling, quill tapping against his desk. It hurt to write notes so he gave up after a few minutes of trying. A tiny part of him _wanted_ to, wanted to look Spinnet in the eyes and have him explain exactly what the insult meant. Ooh, that’d be _nice_. If it was something really bad it would probably be uncomfortable for Spinnet to explain to Remus’s face. However, the thought of doing that also made his insides shivery, and his stomach hurt. It would be nice, but he doubted he could. _Some Gryffindor I am._

The other Marauders sent notes back and forth, and eventually Remus sent a note to Sirius asking what poof meant.

_I know Spinnet called me that. James and Peter refused to tell me what it means, they said it doesn’t matter. It sounds as if you know. I’d like to know. Please?_

It took ages to get a note back.

_its a really rude insult – SB_

Remus closed his eyes, frustrated _._ It hurt too much to write, so he didn’t send anything back. After class when the Marauders were slowly making their way to Transfiguration alone, he tried to broach the subject again. Sirius tousled his hair, promising him it didn’t matter. Remus wanted to snap that it _did_ matter! Except he didn’t want to push his friends. Definitely didn’t want to irritate them. Whatever the reason was for not saying, they didn’t want to, which meant he’d have to find out elsewhere. It was annoying, although if poof was something really bad he could understand the hesitation to explain. If Lily came to him and asked him what mudblood meant with no knowledge whatsoever of it, he’d probably find it difficult to say.

_Fawley might know_. Remus walked absentmindedly down the corridor, staring at nothing. She’d probably see this anyway, so he might as well write to her. Explain what happened. Ask what it meant.

“Would one of you mind if I borrowed an owl to send something to Miss Fawley?” he asked, stumbling a little from not paying much attention to where he was going and knocking into a statue. Some students nearby snickered as he pulled back, his cheeks a little pink, and his arm very sore from where it hit the statue.

“You can borrow Cocoa,” Peter offered once Remus shook himself off.

“Thank you so much.”

His arm ached pretty badly all the way to Transfiguration, and when he raised his wand to try the spell (transfiguring metal into shapes), a few droplets of blood fell on his hunk of metal. He blinked a few times before setting his wand down and pushing his left hand up into his sleeve. It was hot and damp. When he pulled his hand back out there were red stains across his palm. Bumping into the statue must have torn open one of the wounds.

“Yes?” McGonagall asked after he wiped his hand off and raised it.

“M—may I please go to the bathroom?”

“Of course.”

He dashed out of the room, going to one of the nearby bathrooms. After making sure it was empty, he locked the door then shed his robes, jumper, and began unbuttoning his shirt. Almost as soon as he started doing that there was a knock at the door.

“Oc—occupi—pied!” he cried out, shrinking back.

“It’s me,” said Sirius.

Remus bit his bottom lip. His injury was on his right arm so he’d be able to keep his left arm covered, but he didn’t really want Sirius seeing his bare chest. “Give me a—a minute.”

“What? It’s me, it’s Sirius.”

“I know.” He stared at the door then flicked his wand to unlock it before diving into a stall, swinging the door shut as Sirius opened the main door. “L—lock the door, please.”

He heard the click. “Why are you taking your clothes off?” Sirius asked. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m _all_ for it, just wondering what’s with the stripping.”

“One of my wounds reopened, I need to put fresh bandages on it.”

“Oh, I thought you were just trying to skip class.”

Remus shot a glare at the door as he carefully pulled his arm out of the sleeve. “That would be you and James. Ouch!”

“Do you need help?”

“No.”

“All right. Um. Well, I also wanted to talk to you privately.”

“So you chased me into the loo?” Remus gave a small smile at the thought. “Awkward place for a private conversation, don’t you think?”

Sirius walked to the stall, leaning against the door. “I wanted to make sure things were—that we were…”

Remus made a face at the red blossoming across the bandage. “We were what? _Oww_!” he yelped as he pulled the bandages off. Some of the scabbing stuck to the cloth. One of the deeper gashes was indeed split wide open, oozing blood. He tossed the bandages in the rubbish bin, trying to figure out the next step. The stinging in his arm plus Sirius being there both added up to a distraction.

“We were okay,” Sirius replied, a bit stiffly. “We haven’t had time to… to talk without the others around. Things seemed all right yesterday and today, but that’s with James and—and Peter—are—are you sure you’re all right?” he asked when Remus let out a hiss of pain from trying to clean the wound with the toilet paper. It wasn’t going well.

“Yes, could you hand me some wet paper towels?”

“Yeah hold on. You’re not still mad?”

Remus unlatched the door, opening it a crack so he could take the paper towels. Sirius peered in, face pale, brow furrowed. “We already talked about this. We already made up.”

“Yes, but…” Sirius trailed off uncomfortably.

It was evident he needed more reassurance, which was really surprising to Remus. Was he really that worried? “I was never mad,” Remus replied honestly. “I said before, I know perfectly well I deserved what—what was said. I crossed a line.”

“You didn’t—“

Remus shut the door, locking it again. Maybe Sirius was anxious because _he_ was still mad, so he thought Remus might still be mad? “Well, are you still cross with me?” he asked, wiping his arm off carefully.

Part of him felt rather trapped like this, and he didn’t like it. He wished Sirius would _drop_ the subject. They already talked about it, already forgave each other, why was Sirius pressing about the ordeal? Wasn’t it _done_ with? Except Sirius _was_ pressing, and Remus couldn’t do anything about it. Couldn’t even run off to the library or make some excuse and disappear.

“No,” Sirius muttered and, after a few seconds of silence, added, “I mean, okay. I’m not cross. I’m not mad. Maybe... a little upset still about your completely wild assumptions.”

Remus tried to ignore the tightness in Sirius’s voice, knowing he was lying about it only being an _assumption_ ; Remus had been right. “I’m very sorry for that, for making the assumption.” His chest ached a little, wishing he _could_ confront Sirius about everything

“I know. The thing is, I know I said really horrible things and I wanted to—“

“We both said things we regret, and perhaps it’s best if we— _damn_!”

“What?”

“It’s a little difficult with my left hand.”

“Are you _sure_ you don’t need help?”

Remus looked at the awkwardly wrapped bandages. He tried the spell Pomfrey taught, to tighten the bandages, but it wasn’t easy doing a spell with his left hand. The movement was rather wide and wobbly, and the spell failed. There was something vaguely familiar about the movement, though not familiar enough to place it.

“Could you do the sticking spell?” He cracked open the door again, holding out the very end of the long bandage. “Just there, and there?”

Sirius did so, and Remus shut the door again, doing his best to wrap the bandage around tightly. While it wasn’t the best, it would work. Sort of. He stuck the end down to keep it in place, and then pushed his arm back into his sleeve. There was blood stained on the sleeve. Hopefully the house-elves would be able to get it out.

“As I was saying… we’re both sorry for what happened. I think we’re okay, aren’t we? I don’t want to be fighting with you—“

“I don’t either,” Sirius said quickly. “Never again. I—I guess I’m still worried you’re—I said those things when I really shouldn’t have—the—well, you forgive me for the things I said?”

_I could probably forgive you for anything_ , he thought as he finished buttoning up his shirt. “Yes. I said before that I do.” He opened the door fully, and Sirius’s eyes landed on the bloodied sleeve. “Do you forgive me for crossing the line.”

“Of course,” Sirius said with relief as he offered Remus’s jumper. “Is your arm going to be okay?”

“Yes, it broke open when I banged into the statue is all.” Remus shimmied into the too-big jumper and yanked his robes back on. “Is the blood noticeable?”

“Not really.”

Remus smiled, and Sirius grinned back.

“You’re sure you don’t want to bunk off?”

Remus hitched his satchel up over his left shoulder. “Positive. We need to return to class.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, starting to say something then stopping. “ _Fine_ ,” he sighed. “If I _must_.” But he tousled Remus’s hair, and cheerfully followed along behind him.

*

Remus went to the owlery shortly after Transfiguration, mostly to see Arthur rather than sending the letter. Arthur hooted happily when he walked in, spreading his wings to fly down. Remus ordered him to stay where he was then hurried over, carefully picking him up. He looked really good. A lot healthier already! His eyes were bright, and he wasn’t very droopy.

“Good boy, good _boy_ ,” he murmured, nuzzling the snowy owl. Arthur nibbled happily on his nose. “It’s good to see you too. I’m sorry I was gone for so long.” He sat down on a bench, balancing Arthur in his lap. Peter was taking care of Cocoa, not bothered by Remus taking his time with Arthur.

The two cuddled for quite a long time until finally Remus put him back, promising to come up again in the evening. Arthur watched with annoyance when Remus attached the letter to Cocoa.

“I know you want to deliver this, but you can’t yet,” he said, carefully tying the string. “If you go out too soon you could hurt yourself.”

Arthur hooted, settling back though still glaring.

“It’s real good to have you back,” Pete said as they left the tower. “I always miss you when you’re gone.”

“I miss you guys too.”

They chattered as they made their way to the Gryffindor tower where they assumed the others were waiting, and Remus considered asking Peter about the word. Perhaps _he’d_ say on his own. However he felt he might as well wait for Fawley’s response. If Fawley didn’t know then he’d try cornering Peter and needling him about it. Pete was awful at keeping secrets from the other Marauders, so it might work.

James and Sirius weren’t around so Peter and Remus hung out until supper. After supper the four roamed the school which was when James brought up the possibility of trying to get behind the dragon painting again. Remus had been wondering how long it would be until it was mentioned!

“What about the fire?” Peter asked.

“We can duck or jump out of the way,” James said, waving his hand lazily. “It’ll be fine.”

“James, you were se—very injured,” Remus said, forgetting for a split second he had taken care of the fire issue and there was no need to convince them not to do it. In fact, he needed to _encourage_ them. He wanted to know what was behind the painting! And if they didn’t have any interest then he’d go by himself.

“You almost said seriously didn’t you,” Sirius asked with a smirk.

Remus pressed his lips thin. “Perhaps. But I didn’t. In any case, I do think we should try again, we could try tomorrow after Defense?” All three of them stared at him in what seemed to be disbelief. “What?” he asked.

“Is that _really_ you?” Pete asked suspiciously. “No speech about how we need to think about this before we go do it?”

“Aren’t you going to lecture us about safety?” James asked, pushing his glasses up. “Suggest we research fireproof spells or something?”

“No trying to convince James not to do something stupid and dangerous?” Sirius asked, tilting his head to one side. “No offense, but do you maybe get a little confused after there’s been four full moons in one go?”

Remus groaned, taking a step back. “All right, yes, we need to be cautious and safe. However, I think interacting with the dragon _itself_ is what caused the problem. It’s probably a spoken password. Or perhaps something to do with the frame? Like the painting on the sixth floor, where you need to press the four flowers in the corners of the frame to get past?”

“Touching the frame seems to be a bad idea,” Peter said, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “It’ll probably blast us. Maybe we should research fireproof spells.”

“Er, well—we can’t do it tomorrow afternoon anyway,” Sirius said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve got detention at three-thirty for the whole Spinnet thing.”

“Thursday night is a no-go cause of practice,” sighed James.

“Friday then? Oh, you’ve got Study Group,” Pete said, glancing at Remus.

Remus was about to say he could skip but James spoke first saying, “I’ve got detention after supper.”

“For what?” Remus asked.

James shrugged. “I don’t _know_. For being me? I’ve stopped asking the teachers why they give me detention. I could skip though—“

“No,” Remus said firmly, and James made a face. “Saturday. That will give us plenty of time to explore if there are extensive passages behind it.” He began to grow eager, all the anxiety over being called a poof (whatever that was) and the exhaustion from the moons slipping away as he thought about exploration. About maybe finding out some answers. What was behind the painting? A passage that led somewhere super secret? Another passage to Hogsmeade?

“You are weirdly looking forward to it,” Peter noted.

“No, I—look, I am _very_ curious about what’s going on there,” Remus pointed out. “Most likely we won’t ever get answers—it’s probably simply going to be a passage to another part of the castle... but the possibility of something is really exciting.”

“ _Right_ , you’re nerding out about this,” Sirius said, snapping his fingers and pointing at Remus. “Never mind, it’s definitely you then.”

“I still think we should look up fireproofing spells,” Peter said. “Remy, is this how you feel all the time suggesting research? It feels very weird.”

“It _is_ weird hearing _you_ say it,” Sirius laughed. “Maybe sometime we should pull a prank where we act like each other.”

“That’d be great,” snickered James. “Right, so Saturday we try the painting? If you _want_ to research spells, that’s fine. Ooh, maybe Sluggy’s got some kind’ve fireproof potion? That’s a thing, right? We could break into his storeroom and nick it.”

Remus gave him a look. “Or we could simply try it? Breaking into the storeroom is too risky.”

“We’ve done it before,” James reminded him. “First year. We could do it again.”

“Let’s do it,” said Sirius, clapping his hands once.

“You don’t care about being safe, you just want to break in!” Remus accused.

James flung an arm across his shoulders. “Naturally!” he said, then recoiled. “ _Oh_ shoot, did I hurt you? I’m sorry, I forgot you were still healing up—“

“I’m all right,” he said. “It’s mostly my arm and some scratches on my legs, not my shoulders. How about a compromise? If we can’t get past the painting Saturday, we can try stealing some potion. Or make it ourselves. Or I’ll research fireproof spells.”

Peter frowned at him. “How come you don’t want to do the research first?”

_This is ridiculous, what’s with the inquisition and not everyone jumping on me not demanding we wait_?! It wasn’t that strange, was it? “Because I think we’ll be all right if we don’t physically touch the dragon,” he said, tugging at the strap of his bag. “That’s all. I’ve put a lot of thought into it. The dragon didn’t seem concerned until we touched it.”

“Saturday it is,” James said before Peter could say anything else, though Pete was giving Remus some odd looks. “Hopefully we get past that ol’ dragon!”

“I have a good feeling that we can do it,” Remus said, excited as well.

“And if not… steal from Sluggy,” added Sirius with a grin.

*

Remus skipped that night’s Study Group. He really didn’t feel like being around a lot of people (even if he liked most of them) so he spent the evening with James, since Pete had Photography Club and Sirius had detention. Once the Marauders were all reunited, they mostly just wandered around the school until curfew, then spent a long time in the common room. Remus didn’t want to go to the dorms, and his friends seemed to understand this. Finally, though, they couldn’t put it off any longer, and they trooped up the stairs.

Struthers was on his bed with a magazine, glancing up when they came in. “Lupin,” he said, smiling. “I’m glad you’re better.”

“Th—thank you,” he replied, trying not to look at Spinnet’s bed, though as he crossed the room he noticed out of the corner of his eye that his curtains were closed. The curtains were still shut tight even after Remus came back from the bathroom, and were still shut by the time Remus went to bed. There wasn’t even a goodnight to Struthers. When morning came Remus noticed Spinnet sat by himself, and Struthers sat with Lily.

Remus didn’t want to inquire as to whether or not they were fighting, though he got his answer later in the day. After Defense, Remus was feeling really tired and went to go take a nap while Sirius was in detention, and James and Peter went off to probably cause trouble. After only about ten minutes of sleep, he was awoken by music playing. Really _good_ music.

He yawned, pushing his curtains back to see Struthers flopped back on his bed, feet wriggling along to the song.

“Is—is th-that Elton J—John?” Remus asked.

“YAAARGH!” Struthers jerked, knocking his head against the headboard. “Bloody _hell_!”

“S-s-ss-sorry!”

He sat up, rubbing his head. “Ahh, I didn’t realize you were in here. I thought you were with—oh gosh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“It’s f-f—fine, I mostly just didn’t want to go around the school…”

Struthers gave him a small smile. “Yeah, it’s Elton. His newest record. My brother sent it to me the other morning! Here, I’ll start the song over.” He got out of bed and adjusted the needle to the song restarted.

_I remember when rock was young, me and Suzie had so much, holding hands and skimming stones, had an old gold Chevy and a place of my own. But the biggest kick I ever got was doing a thing called the crocodile rock, while the other kids were rocking round the clock, we were hopping and bopping to the crocodile rock!_

Remus tapped his toes to the music, enjoying the song. Struthers was bobbing his head along to the tune and when it was over the two exchanged grins.

“I didn’t know you liked Muggle music,” Struthers said, reaching over to pull the needle off.

Remus nodded. “Yeah, I—I’m—I’m half-and—and half.”

Struthers gave an embarrassed laugh. “Oh right, I forgot about that. You like Elton?”

“Yes, very m-much. I mean, when I catch his s—songs on the radio. My mum isn’t r-really into… rock music… so I d-d-don’t get a chance to—to hear new songs very often. Especially s-since coming to school. Muggle songs, I—I mean.”

Struthers’s face broke into a huge grin then he opened his trunk, pulling out several albums. “Pick your poison.”

Remus wound up sitting with Struthers on the floor as the two jumped from album to album, excited over songs they both really liked. Struthers had a really good collection and when Remus said he hadn’t ever heard him play anything, Struthers admitted he never did when anyone else was around.

“Andy thinks Muggle music is kinda weird, and I figure Potter and Black wouldn’t like it either,” he confessed. “I’m still trying to figure out what’s, you know… socially acceptable in the wizarding world when it comes to Muggle stuff.”

“Th—they’re into music s-s-so I think they’d like it,” said Remus. “It’s—it’s really not that d-different, really. It’s the same only without—without some of the references. Though I expected things like a Chevy would g-go over their head.”

Struthers shrugged as he switched albums again. “That’s what I thought but Andy—well, anyway, I’m glad you appreciate the music!”

“I d-definitely do. As I said, my mum… I think the—the Beatles and Elvis is pretty much th—the extent of her rock’n’roll.” He was kneeling on the ground, examining some of the albums. “Is—is Spinnet… I know you haven’t b-been sitting with him at—at meals…”

Struthers snorted. “I don’t know. I’m guessing your friends told you what happened?” Remus nodded. “I’m not really happy with it. With him. He’s mad at me for not automatically defending him. I might have told him he deserved being punched. I think… I think he knows he went overboard though, but he’s too sulky to admit it.”

_Perhaps I should ask him what the word means_ , Remus thought, except if it was really bad that’d make things awkward and he was having too much fun to risk bringing the mood down. “I d-don’t think I’ve ever heard of this—this group,” he said, changing the subject before he risked asking.

Struthers took the record and as soon as the song started, Remus laughed.

“Never mind, I h-heard the—the beginning of this song and—and my mum went mental. She v-very quickly turned the radio to another st—station, since it was ‘inappropriate’.”

“Sounds like my auntie,” Struthers snickered. “Rock music is the devil’s music,” he said in a high, nasally voice and a shake of his finger, which sent Remus into a fit of giggles which he tried to suppress since he didn’t want to seem odd, but Struthers was laughing too.

_Well you’re dirty and sweet, clad in black don’t look back and I love you. You’re dirty and sweet, oh yeah. Well you’re slim and you’re weak, you’ve got the teeth of the hydra upon you. You’re dirty sweet and you’re my girl_.

It sounded amazing, and was exactly what Hope would screech about being unsuitable and disgusting. When Remus gushed about the song, Struthers gave him a strange look.

“You know I always pictured you as enjoying classical music. Beethoven and that sort of thing.”

Remus sat cross-legged, hands on his knees. “Er, I mean I—I enjoy classical music. I really l-like Chopin especially. But I really l-like rock.”

“I guess it’s since you’re so quiet and studious,” Struthers said as he put a different song on. “You never play music around the dorm. Not that I’ve noticed.”

“I’m n-not fussy… Whatever everyone else w-wants to listen to. Generally they listen to the—the sort of thing I like. And when it’s not, I don’t—I don’t want to, ah, make a—a big deal. As long as it’s not interrupting my concentration or st—studying then it’s not a bother.”

He didn’t want to add that his mother’s dislike of his musical tastes made him feel uncomfortable about talking about it around other people. Especially James and Sirius. Unfortunately, he kinda agreed with Struthers in that he was a little worried James and Sirius would think Muggle music was dumb, and judge Remus for it.

It felt strange to even be talking about it around Struthers, but he _had_ been playing Elton John, and Elton John was probably one of the best artists that ever existed, in Remus’s opinion. If it had been any other artist, Remus might have kept quiet. He was glad he didn’t, though. It was rather nice talking about Muggle music. Perhaps he should be more vocal about it. Or introduce it to his friends. Peter probably knew a great deal. Lily did, he knew she loved the Beatles. He wondered about her opinion on some of the others though!

“You should play the music you like more,” Struthers said, cutting into his thoughts.

“You should too,” Remus retorted.

Struthers rolled his eyes. “Okay, yeah, maybe. Anyway, your turn. You pick. Anything you like.”

Remus gazed at the pile of albums and without hesitation reached for _Don’t Shoot Me I’m Only The Piano Player_. “More Elton?” he asked, a little afraid Struthers would say no.

Instead Struthers took the album. “ _Perfect_ ,” he agreed, and soon they were quietly bopping along to _Crocodile Rock_ again.

Remus felt really good for the rest of Thursday. The other Marauders asked about his cheerful mood, and he simply said he had had a really good nap. He wasn’t ready to tell them about the hour and a half spent with David listening to Muggle rock. After all that time rocking out together, they both sort of agreed it was silly to not use first names. David said he felt weird using last names all the time if one wasn’t good friends, since that wasn’t a thing at his Muggle school, and Remus said he wasn’t really sure what was proper and what wasn’t, and just went along with what everyone else did in order not to make some sort of social blunder.

By Friday at lunch, though, he did notice David and Spinnet were eating together so they apparently made up. Remus wasn’t annoyed by it, nor did he blame David. It was awful fighting with a friend.


	116. Chapter One Hundred-Sixteen – Beyond The Painting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More period accurate homophobia/internalized homophobia; also sick in this chapter and vague gore (in a nightmare).
> 
> That being said, happy holidays everyone!

_Dear Remus_

_I apologize for taking a little longer to get back to you than I should, but your letter took me by surprise. First of all, I am glad to know you got through the four nights well enough. I know how tiring those can be. Second of all… that term. I will be frank with you. The term is a very rude term for a homosexual man, used in a derogatory manner. Typically used towards one who is very effeminate. You said it had to do with what you wore to the Quidditch game? Some people seem to think certain colors or styles indicate that, which is ridiculous and wrong. Don’t think anything of it. It is only a bully being a bully. I am not for violence, however I am a little glad Sirius walloped him. Please don’t let this get to you. I know you anxiety can consume you, and it is nothing to get anxious over. It is only someone trying to use rude and offensive terms to hurt you, that is all. Not even you! He couldn’t even say it to your face! He had to say it to your friends. That is evidence that he is a coward._

_I hope you’re recovering well._

_M. Fawley_

Remus slowly lowered the letter down, staring blankly at his bed curtains. Then he lifted the parchment back up to reread the words that seemed to be glowing.

_A homosexual man_.

What?

_What_?

He gripped the paper tightly, hands shaking. It was so close to his deep-down fears that it brought them rapidly to the surface. He swallowed, trying to fight off the urge to—to what? Run off? Go under his bed? Run into the bathroom and be sick? All of it, somehow, at once?

How did—why would Spinnet _say_ that? What did his clothes have to do with anything? Fawley said they didn’t, but it sounded like Spinnet had been using the clothes as an excuse to use the term. That seemed to be the root of it, or so he assumed. His clothes. Sparkly belt and shoelaces. Why did that mean anything? _Dumbledore_ wore sparkly, glittery things all the time! A—a purple cloak with gold trim. He had a very glittery hat he wore the first time Remus ever met him. He had deep blue robes that had glittery, sparkly stars all over, enchanted to match whatever the constellations were in the current night sky.

_Homosexual man_.

He tried to reread her words about the clothes, how it was ridiculous, but he couldn’t see. Couldn’t focus. Thank _Merlin_ he decided to wait until he was alone to look at the letter. If he had opened it that morning he would have—in the Great Hall, too! In front of everyone! Then dealing with thinking about it all day Friday. Now it was late afternoon, and all he had left was supper and Study Group… _if_ he went to Study Group. He planned on it, but with this inside his head… worming into his brain…

_Homosexual man_.

Pain began stabbing somewhere deep within his skull, and the nausea grew worse until he couldn’t take it anymore. He crumpled the letter up and shoved it under his pillow before bolting to the bathroom, ignoring the stares from his friends.

_Homosexual man_.

He collapsed on his knees in front of the toilet and was sick. Very sick. His sides heaved and when he was done his throat burned. There was a bit of blood in the sick from his throat being torn up. Tears prickled out of his eyes as he slumped back, pressing his hands against his mouth.

_Homosexual man_.

He heard someone coming in, and knew by the footsteps it was Peter. _Great._ He wiped his eyes and mouth off on his sleeve before flushing the toilet.

“Remus?”

“I—I’m all right,” he lied, trying not to sound like he had swallowed glass. Trying not to sound like someone had torn his entire soul into pieces and scattered them to the wind. _Homosexual man_. It was close to—no, not close, nothing close. It wasn’t close. It was _nothing_. It meant nothing.

“Are you sure? Did you empty the cauldron again?”

Again. Of course again, he was always throwing up. “Yeah. It’s all right though, I promise.”

“Do you need, um, a cloth?”

“No, I’m fine, thank you. I’ll be back in the dorm in a minute.”

“Ooookay,” he drew out. “If you need anything…”

“Yes, thank you.” Remus watched under the door as Peter’s feet hesitantly walked to the door, then left. When the door shut, Remus got up.

_I just wanted to show effort and pride in being a Gryffindor_ , he thought as he staggered to the sink to wash his face off. Glitter didn’t mean anything! It couldn’t! That was stupid! And even if— _even if_ it did, it didn’t for Remus who had no idea. If he had any idea it _could_ mean something like—like that, he wouldn’t have done it because he wasn’t like that at all. He liked girls. He wasn’t—

_A homosexual man_.

Remus rinsed his mouth out, wishing he could rinse his whole being out. Wishing he could go back in time and stop himself from wearing something—

_What? Something what_? He spat out in the sink then lifted his chin, staring at his pale reflection. _Fawley said it meant nothing. Dumbledore himself wears things like that. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s only Spinnet being dumb_.

But why? Why, of all insults, had Spinnet decided on _that_? How had he known the dark, ugly, disgusting fears that had taken hold in the abyss of Remus’s mind? How did he know it would hurt? Was it a guess? Why that and not loopy, lunatic, or crazy? Those weren’t great but Remus knew he had at least done things to earn those insults by being so strange. Being called a—(homosexual man)—poof was so out of the blue. Right? It was… _right_?

Also, why had Sirius punched him for it? Simply defending Remus? Or was there more to it? Was the thought of Remus being—like _that_ —so terrible that Sirius’s first instinct was to punch Spinnet for accusing him?

_Not that I’m like that_ , he thought quickly, grabbing a towel to dry his face off. He liked girls. Would like girls. Perhaps it was time to try again? Not kissing Lily. They were too much of friends for it to ever mean anything, that was obvious. Except kissing _any_ girl still felt squidgy and gross. Not that he had to kiss. He could…

Could what? Flirt? Flirt like Sirius did with Inkwood? He didn’t want to! He certainly didn’t want to date. He was too young for that. Wasn’t he? Was thirteen too young? No one else in his year was dating, as far as he knew. Sirius and Inkwood were the closest thing and _they_ definitely weren’t a couple. Not yet, at least.

_Homosexual man_.

Maybe there was a different meaning for the word poof? Maybe it was some sort of slang meaning Spinnet wanted Remus to disappear?

He sighed, knowing damn well those were some pretty thin straws he was trying to cling to there.

_Ugh_! This wasn’t anything he expected from school. Insults, jabs, bullying, gossip, rumors… He should have known it would happen, though; he read plenty of books that took place in schools and in Hogwarts. Yet somehow he never thought it would involve _him_. Not like this or the rumors of him and Lily.

_Thank Merlin nobody knows what was said_! he thought suddenly, stomach twisting again.

He turned around, leaning against the sink, head in hands. Everyone knew Sirius had punched Spinnet, that they got into a fight. Nobody knew what was said except for the five boys who were in that room, and then Remus. And now Fawley. Hopefully Spinnet didn’t say anything to anyone. Thankfully he didn’t seem to be?

Then, as if Remus did some sort of accidental magic, the bathroom door opened and Spinnet stepped in. He froze, staring at Remus who stared wide-eyed back.

“L—Lupin,” Spinnet said stiffly, the first thing he had said to Remus since he had come back.

“H’lo.” Remus stayed where he was, eyes locked on Spinnet as the other boy walked to one of the stalls. Remus stayed where he was, reaching back to grip the sides of the sink. _Should I ask him_?

The toilet flushed and Spinnet came back out, hesitating when he realized Remus was still there. His cheeks went a little red and he shuffled to the farthest sink away from Remus to wash his hands.

“Spinnet…”

Spinnet didn’t look up, didn’t respond.

“Spinnet,” Remus tried again, voice trembling. His legs felt weak, like he might collapse. “I—” What should he say?

_A homosexual man_.

Why?

“I know wh—wh-what you ss-s-said about—about me,” he forced out.

Spinnet dried his hands off then turned the faucet off, still not looking at him. “Figured you did.”

Remus took in a deep breath, straightening up a bit. “You—you called me—called me poof.”

Spinnet finally looked at him, face cloudy. “Yeah, well, I wasn’t thinking, all right? I was—I was mad at Black and Potter.”

“So you—you insult me? Wh-when I’m n-n-n-not even there?” Remus felt the wolf growing inside of him, giving him a little bit of courage. And probably too much anger. “About my clothes?” he demanded, folding his arms.

“I’m not—“

“You know, if you—if you—if—if you think—if you think clothes mean—mean anything l-like that then—then you’re a—a piteous fool. Did you c-c-call Professor Dumbledore that too?” Spinnet’s face paled a little at that, and the wolf grew stronger. “No, you pick on—pick—you’re—you—you pick—“

“I’m _sorry_!” Spinnet snarled before Remus could continue. “I made a mistake, Merlin’s beard! I said something dumb. Not like none of you never said anything when you were mad before!”

“Mad ab—about my—my clothes?!”

“It was a little—“ Spinnet stopped, pushing his hair away from his face. “Face it, Loopy, it was a little poofy.”

Remus flinched at that. “It’s c-called I do—I d-don’t have many clothes, I hardly have—have anything so I enchanted a few accessories to—to show off some Gryffindor pride! To show m—my support for—for the Quidditch team. P—people go _all out_ for the—the games! I’ve seen some w—wild clothing ch—choices on game days before!”

“Shut up! I said I was sorry—“

“But no, you—you—you go after—you go after the one who’s not even there—“

“Just accept the damn apology!”

Remus stopped, panting heavily. Part of his screamed to stop all of this, to accept the apology, to say it was done with. He wanted things to calm down, to stop poking at Spinnet before Spinnet did something or said something worse. He should accept the apology, and move on.

Instead he said, very calmly, “I do not believe it was a very sincere apology so I think I shan’t, thank you.” Then whirled on his feet, walking out the door, leaving Spinnet goggling at him in disbelief.

Remus didn’t go back to the dorm. _Couldn’t_ go back to the dorm. The wolf was slobbering and howling inside of him, and he took off, running through the common room to the nearest secret passage. He hid inside, falling to the ground where he clutched his hair, curled into a ball, and fought the furious wolf back. Everything hurt. His vision was wonky, slowly blackening around the edges. He gave a shout and stretched out, pressing his body down against the stone—

And then that _snap_.

When he sat up there was quite a bit of blood pooling across his lips.

_I messed up big time_. He wiped the blood off miserably. _Oh boy did I make things worse_. Spinnet was going to be furious. What he started saying—spreading rumors? What if he said that word to other people, get it in their head? What if he—

_You can’t do anything about it now, unless you apologize_.

He drew his knees up to his chest, leaning back against the wall. He didn’t want to apologize. Didn’t think Spinnet deserved one, unless _he_ made a proper apology and not an angry, demanding one.

Except he also didn’t want there to be trouble.

He also didn’t want Spinnet to think that that particular insult got to him. Not that it _did_. Not that it _meant_ anything. But it was something he needed to try to… obviously shake off. It was a dumb insult, that meant nothing other than showing that Spinnet was a jerk.

It was well into suppertime before he left the secret passageway. His uniform was all right except the sleeve of his jumper was stained red. He snuck up to his dorms to put a clean one on before going to the Great Hall, joining his friends there. They were all worried about him since they knew he had been sick, however none of them seemed to guess that Remus and Spinnet had a confrontation.

Spinnet was down the table, angrily stabbing his food with a fork while David talked.

_If I tell them what happened, they’ll get mad._ Remus put food on his plate, deciding to deal with it on his own. Eventually he’d try talking to Spinnet again. Perhaps not that night, but maybe Saturday. After the dragon painting thing, of course. _Ooh_! A shiver of excitement went down his spine. He wished Aegis could come with them. That’d be fun.

*

Remus wasn’t in much mood to go to Study Group and he spent the evening with Sirius and Peter, and then James when he returned from detention. The four stayed up very late, playing cards and board games until they were the last ones left in the room. James suggested they take the cloak and go to the Pits Passage right that minute, but Remus shot the idea down, saying he didn’t want to be too tired.

“You think there’s something back there?” Peter asked.

“Yeah, you’re acting as if you know already,” said James.

Remus looked at his cards, thinking of the dark entrance. “There might not be. I know there probably won’t be. But _if_ there is, I want to be wide awake.”

“Ehh, we probably won’t get past the painting right away,” Sirius said, slapping some cards down and exchanging them for new ones. “I have the feeling it’ll take a while.”

Remus pressed his lips thin, remaining silent.

They stayed up till nearly four in the morning before crawling into their beds. It didn’t long for Remus to fall asleep...

_He was in the Pits Passage, only there were bridges across the pits for him to walk over. The passageway was dark even with his wand lit. There were voices echoing out of the pits, whispering that Remus Didn’t Like Girls. He reached the dragon painting, reminding it of their agreement. The dragon opened his mouth but instead of fire, it was Spinnet’s voice calling him a_ homosexual man _, and a poof. Fire began raining down while Remus covered his head, trying to protect himself. Bits of fire sizzled on his skin, sinking in through the muscle all the way to the bone. Spinnet’s voice grew louder_ —

Remus woke up with a loud cry of, “STOP!” He jerked forward, arms covering his head. “I’m not! I’m—“

There weren’t any drops of fire burning into him, and certainly no Spinnet’s voice. There was Sirius’s voice on the other side of the curtain, asking if he was all right.

“Yes,” he whimpered.

Sirius flicked the curtain back and climbed into his bed. “You don’t sound okay. Blimey, Remy, you’re soaked.”

That’s when Remus realized his pajamas were sticking to his body from sweat, and his hair was clinging to the back of his neck. He reached up, running his fingers through his hair to let some cool air flow across his neck. That helped. Then he lowered his arms, sliding his right hand into his left sleeve.

“You’re not scratching again, are you?” Sirius asked, hand darting out to seize Remus’s wrist.

“No. I had a nightmare about the dragon painting,” he replied honestly. “It rained fire. I can still sort of feel the burning on my arm still.” He pushed his sleeves up revealing smooth white skin. “No scratches.”

“I shouldn’t have…” Sirius trailed off, scooting closer. “I got worried. I don’t want you doing that again.”

_And I do_? Remus didn’t say that. He sighed, stretching his legs out. “It wasn’t a very bad nightmare tonight. I don’t need to… I should be able to get back to sleep easily.”

“Hmm. Okay.” They sat in silence for a moment until Sirius started talking again. “Can I ask you something? You seem strangely confident about getting past that painting. I mean, _Pete_ suggested trying to research safety measures,” Sirius said, elbowing him. “I know you’re curious but it just seems odd.”

Remus bit his bottom lip. “I was the first to go into that tunnel, remember?”

“Yeah, I suppose…” Sirius stretched his legs out too, his right leg almost flush against Remus’s left on. His ankle and foot stuck out way past where Remus’s ankle and foot were, showing how ridiculously long Sirius's stupid legs were. The close proximity was extremely discomforting, especially with his new knowledge of—( _homosexual_ )—that word. “You’re hiding something.”

“I am not!” Remus protested, his voice rising into a squeak.

Sirius raised his eyebrows, smirking. “Yes you are. About the painting. You _know_ something. I know you do.”

_That’s what he means, I’m hiding_ — _right, of course, that’s what he means, not… not that_. Remus let out a breath of relief, then leaned back against the headboard. Suddenly he remembered Fawley’s letter, still crumpled under his pillow next to Gwyllgi. What if it somehow rolled out and Sirius saw it? Very stealthily (or, trying to be stealthy) he reached under the pillow, feeling for the paper.

“I am,” he admitted, mostly to distract from his fumbling hand. “I know we’ll get past it.”

“You do?”

His fingers curled around the paper and he drew it close. “I went back.” He gave Sirius a grin. “I threatened the dragon.”

Sirius let out a surprised scoffing sound, then covered his mouth. “You _what_?!”

“I threatened the dragon. With—with paint thinner,” he said, sliding into lies now, since he didn’t want to admit his strength. “I also told it I was a you-know-what and the fire wouldn’t do much harm.” He quickly pushed the parchment past the waistband of his trousers. There. Hidden! “Don’t tell the others.”

“ _Hah_! I _knew_ you were hiding something about it,” Sirius whispered victoriously, punching Remus’s arm. “Right, I won’t. Ooh, we’ll get past it then. That’s exciting. No wonder you’re eager!”

Remus smiled. “Yes…” He then gave a big yawn. “Maybe we should go to sleep, it is… what, five in the morning?”

“Yeah, I’m tired too.” Sirius maneuvered himself off of Remus’s bed. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

The curtains swung close, and Remus reached into his trousers to pull the paper out. Quickly he shredded it into little bits which he shoved into his mouth. He chewed at them until they were soggy, mushy, incomprehensible messes, then he threw them in the rubbish bin.

_I’m not_ , he thought, curling back up. _I’m not_.

*

Five hours later, the Marauders were headed down the passage where the dragon painting waited for them. Peter was very nervous, while James was practically hopping from foot to foot. Sirius kept giving Remus swift, smug glances which Remus pretended not to see.

“Hello again!” James said brightly, standing right in front of the dragon like a moron. “Remember me? The guy you tried to fry up?”

The dragon lifted its head, glaring. Remus positioned himself behind James in order to glare right back.

“Right, any ideas what the password might be?” James asked.

“It might be something to do with Francia,” Remus suggested.

“France?”

“No, Francia. It was a country that—it covered a lot of places, centuries ago,” Remus explained. “I found out about this dragon. It’s a Frankish Short-Snout, related to the Swedish Short-Snout. It died out in the second century.”

James blinked a few times. “Huh.”

“So, you think the password might be Francia?” Peter asked from where he stood as far from the painting as he could while still being in the hallway.

“Francia!” James said then grabbed Remus, yanking him down to the floor. Peter shrieked and dove to the floor, crying out in pain when his knee banged against the stone. Only Sirius didn’t end up on the floor. He stayed where he was, casually leaning against the wall.

The dragon made a huffy sound, glaring at Remus the entire time the entrance formed. James gasped loudly, right in Remus’s ear.

“It worked. It worked! Remy, you—you absolute _genius_!”

“He’s an absolute something all right,” Sirius said, winking at Remus.

Remus coughed, getting back to his feet. “Um, yeah.” He brushed himself off before turning to Peter, helping him up. “Are you injured?”

“Only a little bruised, I think,” Pete said, rubbing his knee. “Yeah, it’s okay. Holy hippogriffs it worked though, look!”

There was a dark entrance, leading to who-knows-what. All four of them stood there, staring into the blackness until James whipped his wand out, lighting it up. It penetrated some of the darkness, revealing what seemed to be a passageway.

“Onwards, my good fellows!” James said in a deep voice before plunging forward.

Sirius followed behind him, with Remus and Peter walking together. Peter grabbed hold of Remus’s arm, muttering about the possibility of more pits. Then he shouted ahead, telling James to maybe not run? James just laughed in return, not caring.

As it turned out, he didn’t need to worry about pits. The passageway opened up, becoming extremely wide—or so they thought. A second later the light from James’s wand revealed a chair.

“Lumos!”

All three of the others lit up their wands and began looking around. It wasn’t a passageway, it was a _room_! There were chairs, a table, bookshelves, pictures stuck up on the wall, and a large blackboard. The room smelled a little musty, but Remus could tell there was ventilation.

“Hey, there are candles,” Peter said.

They wandered around the room to light up the candles, and soon the entire room was well-lit enough that they didn’t need their wands.

“Reeeemus,” James sang. “We need your brain.”

Remus had started going for one of the bookshelves, and got a little annoyed that he had to turn around. “What is it?”

“What’s ‘Wall-purge-is’?”

“ _What_?” Remus looked at where James was pointing. Scrawled in lovely handwriting across the blackboard was _Knights of Walpurgis_. “Walpurgis Night? That’s—that’s another powerful night for witches and wizards,” Remus said, going towards the blackboard. “It’s at the end of April. It’s a night where—it’s very magical, like Halloween. Strong magic sort of thing.”

James flapped his hand in annoyance. “What’s that got to do with this?”

“I’ve no idea,” Remus answered with a shrug. “Though it does make the painting make a bit of sense, as Saint Walpurga was well known for being in Francia, and that is who Walpurgis Night is named after. So whoever made this… group… I am assuming also put the painting up.” He studied the blackboard. “The Knights of Walpurgis… I’ve never heard of that before. Perhaps it was a group who intended to do powerful magic on Walpurgis Night?”

“End of April?” Sirius asked, turning around. “Maybe we should come back here that night. See if something happens.”

“Oh, I don’t like that,” Peter whined. “It sounds creepy.”

“First of all, whoever these Knights are… they’re _long_ gone.” Remus ran a finger across the table, holding up a dusty finger. “It’s been ages. I doubt anything would happen. Second of all—“

“Let me guess, don’t want to sneak out at night?” James teased. “Come here at midnight, see if something happens?”

Remus looked down his nose at James, a difficult feat to do when James was a few inches taller than him. “I wouldn’t be _opposed_ to it, however I highly doubt anything would happen. Most likely it was a group of students getting together like—like a gang. Like us. The Marauders.”

“Ye Olde Marauders?” Sirius laughed.

“Perhaps not too Olde,” Remus said, smiling. “Chalkboards only go back so far. Besides, none of us would set up a painting to shoot real fire.”

James and Sirius stared blankly at him.

“Right?” he demanded.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” they both agreed, quickly turning away.

Rolling his eyes, Remus turned his attention to the table. There was an empty vase, an empty water pitcher, and a teapot. Remus picked the teapot up, turning it over. No dates were stamped on it. Sighing, he set it back down and moved on to some papers at the end of the table.

“YAAAAAH!” Peter screamed, scrambling over and jumping into James’s arms. “SOMETHING MOVED!”

“Probably just a rat, flobberhead!” James said, staggering around a bit.

“Past the pits?” Sirius asked dubiously.

“There’s probably cracks in the wall or something,” James said, setting Pete down. Pete trembled, clutching James’s sleeve.

Sirius gave Peter a big poke in the shoulder. “I thought you _liked_ rats, Petey!”

“I _do_ but I don’t think it was a rat!” he moaned. “It didn’t move like one. It—it _slithered_! Like a—a snake or something!”

“Right, a snake deep inside the castle in a hidden room,” James said, shaking his head. “It’s probably a shadow, from the candles.”

Peter stared at the corner, not protesting anymore but obviously shaken up. Remus went over to inspect the area, sniffing the air a bit. He didn’t smell any rats or mice. Or snakes, for that matter. It probably _was_ just a shadow. He said this, and Peter crinkled his nose up.

“I _saw_ something,” he muttered, but didn’t press the issue.

Remus continued exploring the room. The bookshelves were mostly empty, although there were a few books there. He gathered them all up, stacking them on the table to carefully sort through them. The first thing he did was check the publication dates.

“The absolute earliest these ‘Knights’ can be is… 1938,” Remus said.

“What makes you say that?” James asked, only partially interested.

“The most recent book here was published in 1938,” Remus explained, holding the book up. It was a book on ancient Celtic sources of power. “Ergo, that’s the absolute earliest they could have been. Unless someone else came in here and added these books later… never mind,” he sighed. James and Sirius were already bored, and pretending to sword fight with candelabras they found. Peter, though, raised his hand. “Er… this—this isn’t a c-classroom,” Remus said.

“It looks like one,” Peter said. “What’s ‘ergo’ mean?”

“Therefore.”

“Oh. Okay, thanks.”

Remus slipped into a chair, carefully going through the books. He wasn’t reading them, mostly looking for any hints or indications what the Knights were. Most of the books seemed to be about power, though two of them were about dark magic which sent an uncomfortable shiver through his body. One of the books was a very thorough biography of Salazar Slytherin which made Remus think about the Chamber again.

“Are we done yet?” Sirius asked after James knocked his candelabra aside.

“Um, yeah, sure, I—I can take these with me,” Remus said, restacking them carefully. “I doubt anyone would miss them. Although I probably ought to be careful since two of them may be illegal, so—“

“Illegal?” James dropped his candelabra immediately. “Illegal books? What? Really?”

“They’re on very dark magic,” Remus explained, and James was at his side in an instant. “I suspect these would be in the Restricted Section of the library.”

“Oooh… what are they about? Why do you say that?” James took one of them, opening it up. Sirius and Peter crowded by him, peering over his shoulders. “Oh. Sacrificial magic. That’s lovely. And you—you want to take these?”

Remus shrugged. “I could leave those two behind, if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Why do you want a book on sacrificial magic?” Pete asked.

“I _don’t_. Not really. I’m just a bit curious about the contents of the books. I had assumed this room was used as a secret meeting place for students however it seems odd. Too much for students. A guardian that could kill anyone trying to get in plus books on sacrificial magic? I don’t think that students would have books like these…” He took the one from James, setting it back on the stack. “It’s creepy.”

“Um, this place is _very_ creepy,” Peter said. “I don’t like it here. It gives me goose bumps all over.”

“Yeah, it’s boring here anyway,” James agreed.

“Do you want to leave yet?” Sirius asked Remus.

_No_. There was a cupboard he hadn’t checked, and a pile of seemingly blank parchment on one of the shelves, and there was so much more to explore. “Yes,” he said reluctantly, putting the books in his bag. “Erm, could you carry some of these? My bag isn’t big enough.”

James pushed his glasses up, giving a rather wry smile. “Remy, you’re the only one who carries your school satchel around on the weekend. Sorry, mate.”

Remus made a face. None of them had their robes on either, which would have had enough room in the pockets. He’d have to make room in his satchel. “Right. Hold on.” He wriggled the books until he managed to shove all of them in, his bag practically bursting at the seams. One of the books was smaller so he was able to put that in a pocket.

They left the room, and Remus decided he’d come back by himself sometime to check out every little cranny later. James flew them across the pits then they headed to the dorms so Remus could dump his stolen—er, borrowed books in his trunk. Underneath some things to keep them further hidden. He was ninety-nine percent sure nobody would miss them, was quite sure nobody had been in that room for a couple decades at least. Possibly three. Hopefully it would be all right and he wouldn’t be in trouble.

Or get in trouble for having a book on literal blood magic.


	117. Chapter One Hundred-Seventeen – Wild Adventures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was late today I am having internet and computer troubles. There may be a small chance I won’t be getting Friday’s chapter out, it just depends on how things go. I’m trying to at least get my computer issue fixed but the internet thing isn’t anything I have control over.
> 
> Anyway, warning for a bit more homophobia revolving around the slur incident.

James was _extremely_ grouchy on Sunday morning. Remus woke up to his grumbling, not sure what the problem was until he noticed the heavy rain pattering against the window. The plan had been to go into Hogsmeade after James’s practice, to celebrate his birthday a bit early.

“Guess we’ll have to wait till Saturday,” Sirius said, standing between his and Remus’s bed, staring out the window at the black sky.

“I’m going back to bed,” Peter said, rubbing his eyes. “Sorry, James.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” James didn’t really mind when they missed his practices. He had told them before they absolutely did _not_ have to go, it was just something they all enjoyed doing. Showing their support. Just… maybe not so much in a storm.

Remus didn’t go back to sleep. Instead, he continued reading one of the books he had borrowed. He was reading Slytherin’s biography, feeling as though this book out of all of them would give him some sort of hint. Since the copy of _Hogwarts, a History_ had been missing the Chamber of Secrets pages then perhaps there was a clue in this? _If_ the books were from the same person; there was every possibility they weren’t.

Most of the day was spent in the book, when he wasn’t working on homework or spending time with Lily, and Monday was much the same. Slytherin’s biography was _very_ interesting. It was obviously written by someone who worshiped him. All of the nasty stuff was glossed over or presented in other ways. Slytherin’s absolute hatred of non-purebloods was reworded in a way that spoke of how the purity of magic was vital, and those who were not born into families with a magical ancestry were never going to properly understand. It was all hippogriff poop, but Remus could see why people fell for it.

_Still fall for it_ , he thought Tuesday morning when he saw the _Daily Prophet_ ’s headline was about the possibility of more Squib protests. Remus barely paid attention to his porridge as he gazed across the table at the newspaper in the hands of an older student. He couldn’t see the article contents from there, but there were a few sentences which were bold for emphasis. _More Pureblood Riots_? and _Push For Muggleborn Equality_.

Remus blinked, tearing his gaze away from the paper, not wanting to think about that on an otherwise happy day. James was now thirteen, and all the Marauders were officially teenagers.

“It’s not fair my birthday doesn’t fall on the weekend,” sighed James as they headed to Herbology after breakfast. “Let’s skip classes today.”

“I’m all for that,” laughed Sirius.

When they walked into the greenhouse James went up to Sprout. “Professor, it’s my birthday, can I miss class?”

Sprout stared at him in disbelief, as did most the students who had arrived already. “No, Mr. Potter,” she said slowly. “You may not.”

There were several giggles which James ignored. “Can’t hurt to try,” he said as they went to their usual table.

“It was a good attempt,” Sirius reassured him, patting his shoulder.

Lily leaned across her table. “It’s your birthday? I _must_ mark it down on my calendar.” She pretended to write on a piece of parchment. “Note to self: the twenty-seventh of March is a national day of mourning.”

James blew a loud raspberry, giving her a two finger salute which lost Gryffindor a couple points. Twenty minutes later he tried to sneak fertilizer into her satchel, only to have a bucket full of slimy mud dumped over his head. He shrieked, flailing around.

“Oops, sorry Potter, didn’t see you skulking around on the floor there!” Lily gasped out quite innocently. “Did you lose your glasses again?”

James straightened up, shaking the mud off his arms in her direction. She gave a squeal, jumping out of the way. “You did that on purpose!”

“I did _not_! I had no idea you were there!”

“What, you were just dumping mud on your schoolbag?!” he demanded.

Lily waved her arm at the tray of plants on the edge of the table. “I was putting mud in there, or trying to. It was an accident, Professor,” she added as Sprout had come over.

Sprout gave Lily a _look_. “I’m sure it was,” she said as she waved her wand, making most of the mud disappear off James. There was still some stuck in his hair and clinging to the back of his neck. “The rain will wash the rest away. Five points from Gryffindor. Please stop causing disturbances!”

James stuck his tongue out at Lily, and she stuck hers right back.

“Cow,” James muttered when he returned to the desk.

But he was skipping through the rain after class, not letting Lily get him down on such a wonderful day. Once all four of them got their showers, they crowded on James’s bed to watch him open the presents his parents had sent him that morning. Inside a large box were half a dozen more boxes. He spread them out, rubbing his hands eagerly.

“What shall I open first?” he asked.

“That one,” Peter said, pointing at the biggest.

“I could tell you which one has sweets,” Remus offered.

James picked up the big one. “Which one has sweets?” he asked, and Remus pointed at the one giving off delicious smells. “I’ll get that one next.”

He ripped off the paper revealing the brand new board game all of them had heard of from the newspapers and magazines. _Wild Adventures_. The Mega Deluxe version. It involved creatures of all kinds, and the creatures would move on their own. James opened the board and it was a great big map with real hills and a very realistic stream. Sirius stuck his finger in a pond but didn’t get wet. It only looked like it. There were enemies hidden on the board—a new configuration each time—and the first to reach the other side won. Then they found out that every time you opened up the map it had a new layout, though essentially it was all the same sort of thing just in different spots. Though once when James reopened the map there was suddenly a lake, so sometimes things were completely different.

“We’ll play in a bit,” James said, giving the box of creature tokens a longing look. Then he opened the box. “ _Cool_!” He dumped them out and the pieces wriggled about, hopping to their feet, claws, hooves, or fins. They all looked so realistic… even the little werewolf that made Remus’s chest seize up a little.

The others saw it too, and James silently picked it up and plopped it back in the box. “Look at the _griffin_!” He picked the griffin up, admiring the feathers and the realistic talons that prickled across his palm.

“Oh, I love this one!” Peter picked up a chimaera then dropped it. “Um, it won’t bite, will it?”

Remus picked up the box. “No, they’re of no danger to us.”

Peter picked it back up, lightly stroking the lion’s mane. Sirius chose a hippogriff, and Remus picked up the nearest token to him which was a little demiguise that kept fading in and out.

“It actually turns invisible,” he gasped out. “These pieces are amazing.” He didn’t add that this game must have been extremely expensive with all the enchantments on it. He couldn’t imagine how pricey it was.

The four of them spent the better part of ten minutes checking out every token and every bit of the map. James put a piece on the board and rolled a dice, moving the piece. A shadowy sort of creature jumped out and they watched the two fight. James had a list of his token’s moves and he had to command his token what to do. Once his token won, he put everything up so they could move on to the other presents.

Nothing else was as cool as the game. The next box was chock full of sweets that would have probably used up all of James’s allowance. Then he also got a new waterproof cloak in Gryffindor colors, new trainers, a purple-pink-and-red paisley shirt with a very pointy collar, and finally a new poster of the Appleby Arrows which James immediately stuck up on the wall.

Then they began playing the board game. There weren’t turns, so all four were rolling dice and commanding their creatures at the same time which felt quite chaotic, in a fun way. All of the creatures had pros and cons, and Remus’s choice of demiguise had the advantage of being able to hide from enemies with the con of it being very weak in fighting. He tried guiding the little thing as best he could, darting between trees and hiding in bushes.

“SLASH! KILL!” James was shrieking as his griffin came into battle against Sirius’s troll.

“BASH! USE BASH!” Sirius shouted. The troll swung its club, knocking the griffin out of the air.

While they were locked in battle, Peter won since Remus was being a bit too cautious. Peter whooped happily, pumping his fists in the air. They all congratulated him and then played again, choosing new pieces. By the time Sirius won with his ashwinder that burnt down half the board (killing Remus’s acromantula in the process) they barely had time for lunch. James closed the board then opened it quickly to make sure it wasn’t still burnt (it wasn’t, it was all fresh and new) then they put the game away before running as fast as they could to the Great Hall.

They barely got any food down before needing to get to class where James tried his birthday request again with Professor Prewett, who seemed more amused than anything else.

“If I don’t get my birthday off from classes, Mr. Potter, neither do you,” he said merrily.

“Awww! You know, _you_ could take the day off too, you know, and we could celebrate.” James cracked a very brilliant Potter grin. “A good ol’ Gryffindor party.”

“Now, what makes you think I was a Gryffindor?” Prewett inquired.

“Aw, most Prewetts are Gryffindors,” James answered, waving his hand. “Come on, Professor. You could party with us.”

“As fascinating as it would be to see what one of _your_ parties would be like, I must decline.” Prewett shook his head. “Take your seats.”

Remus knew Prewett wouldn’t, but was still glad he didn’t need to worry about it. The room beyond the dragon painting and the books he found had pushed aside the whole (homosexual man) _poof_ thing for the most part (though it did lurk in the back of his mind) but sometimes it bothered him when he was close to Sirius, and it was bothering him again being in Prewett’s class. He wished he could forget it, could forget what it meant, could forget it was used against him.

Remus glanced to the side at Spinnet, who was taking notes though obviously bored. He yawned and stopped mid-yawn when he noticed Remus watching him. His mouth snapped shut and a slight flush spread across his face. Quickly he looked away, turning back to his notes. Remus ducked his head, going back to his own notes as well.

After Prewett dismissed everyone, Spinnet was the first one out of class, however he was waiting across the hall by the time the Marauders emerged. Remus didn’t think anything of it until Spinnet took a step forward, directly in front of Remus. Before anyone could react, Sirius wedged his way between him, standing at full height.

“What do you want, Spinnet?” he demanded.

Spinnet took a step back now, eyes darting between Sirius and Remus. “To apologize,” he said. “A—a real one.”

Remus clutched the strap of his satchel, not sure what to say in response. It sounded pretty genuine. It wasn’t full of anger…

“Apologize for what?” James asked cheerfully.

Spinnet glowered at him. “You know what.”

“Nah, I think you should make it clear what you’re apologizing for,” James said, still grinning but his tone was extremely firm.

Spinnet looked uncomfortable. “For what I said. What I called you. I shouldn’t have said it, and I’m sorry. All right, L—Lupin?” He stuck his hand out, eyes focused on Remus.

Remus still wasn’t quite sure, and still felt hurt and angry over the whole thing. He wanted to say no. To throw it back in Spinnet’s face again. To point out how _awful_ what he said was. However, as much as he liked that, he didn’t have the wolf’s anger backing him up this time and he took Spinnet’s hand.

“Yes, all right,” he said, shaking once quickly before pulling his hand away.

There were other students coming, needing to get into the classroom, so the Gryffindors headed off in opposite directions. Spinnet towards a stairway to take him up, the Marauders towards the main stairway to head upstairs in a different route.

“How weird was that?” Pete asked as soon as they were alone again.

“If it’d been me, I would have refused,” said Sirius, sticking his hands in his pockets. “You should have refused.”

“It’s fine, it’s done with,” Remus muttered. “I’m angry but I want it in the past. I already refused him once anyway, and this time at least it felt more genuine.”

“He’s such a twat,” James grumbled. “He shouldn’t be a Gryffindor, he should be a Slytherin.”

Remus looked at the floor. “Not all awful people are Slytherins. Just as not all Slytherins are awful people.”

“Most are,” Sirius said as they passed a group of older Slytherins, all of them sneering at the Marauders. Sirius gave them the two finger salute along with a raspberry.

They played _Wild Adventures_ for the rest of the afternoon, blasting music on James’s phonograph player. James wanted to sneak into Hogsmeade right then, but Remus reminded him he had Occlumency later.

“I still need to meet with her,” James sighed, rolling the dice. Even though there really weren’t turns in the rules, they were taking them now so they could talk while playing. “It’s just so hard with her coming in on a Quidditch night—oh! I know, maybe we could meet in Hogsmeade Saturday? D’you think she’d be willing? I mean, if she can’t, I can be half an hour late to next Tuesday’s practice.”

“I don’t want you to be late,” Remus said, watching James’s acromantula get an enemy in its web. “She suggested coming in early, and meeting with you at five-thirty or so. If you’re willing.”

“Yeah, I could probably do that,” James agreed.

But that night one of the memories Fawley saw was the plans to meet in Hogsmeade, including what James said, and she told Remus that if James wished to meet in Hogsmeade she could come in. Remus said he’d ask.

Then the worst thing possible happened: one of the memories was of Valentine’s day. It had been about a month and a half—four nights of Occlumency managing to avoid the instance, but suddenly Fawley was seeing James and Remus fleeing from the Great Hall with the desserts and Remus in full pink-and-white frills.

Fawley ended the memory and Remus curled away, covering his face even though she couldn’t see him. He had hoped to avoid this ever happening. Fawley seeing this—knowing this—wasn’t as awful as McGonagall, but it was still embarrassing.

It felt like forever until she spoke. “What prank were you doing?”

Remus swallowed, twisting around on the couch. “Revenge. Against Inkwood. For all she did with the—“

“Lily kissing your cheek,” she supplied, since she knew all about that issue.

“Yeah, uh. Yeah. It was—it was James’s idea. You need a date to—to get into the dessert,” he explained. “He couldn’t really pass for any girls easily, so it had to be me.”

“I understand,” she said. “What was it? What was the revenge?

“Bubble Belch.”

“Oof,” she giggled. “That must have been embarrassing. Poor girl.” Fawley let out a sigh, fingers twitching a little as she tried to smooth down her skirt. “May I ask, if—is—if your recent letter had anything to do with this?”

“My…? You mean, being called that? No, it was because of what I wore to the Quidditch game,” he said, a little confused. “Didn’t I say in my letter?”

“You did, however I wasn’t sure since seeing that perhaps it was really because of the dress,” she said, shaking her head. “I am sorry that happened. I really hope you’re not taking it to heart. People—children—can be very cruel for no reason.”

Remus shrugged. “No. I mean, it—it still upsets me but Spinnet apologized. I accepted.”

Fawley found his hand, giving it a squeeze. “You’re a good kid, Remus. Not many people would do that.”

“I—I’m still upset.”

“That’s only natural,” she reassured him. “And it doesn’t make you any less of a good person. Now, let’s continue.”

*

The Marauders took over the dorm once James returned from his shower. Music blared while they celebrated with noisemakers, some party poppers, and a cake stolen from the kitchens. Sirius, Peter, and Remus lit up their wands and sang _For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow_. James blew on the wands, and they turned the lights off.

“You know, one time when my cousin was blowing out candles on her cake she blew so hard her loose tooth was knocked out and landed _plop_ right in the middle,” Peter said as Sirius cut the cake. “Blowin’ candles out off a cake never seemed too keen to me since. I like this better.”

“Lovely story to tell while we’re eating cake,” James teased.

“Technically we’re not eating it yet,” Peter replied then gave a squeak, ducking as James flicked some frosting at him. “Just _saying_!”

“Remus, you’re infecting Petey with logic-brain,” James accused.

“That’s probably the only thing I have that I’d be happy to infect others with,” Remus said without thinking. Before he could realize he had cracked a lycanthropic joke, the others were laughing hard. Something warm blossomed inside of him, and he ducked his head, putting cake in his mouth to avoid looking at his friends. It—it felt good to make a joke about _that_ and it be responded with laughter instead of shouts of anger and horror.

After cake came the presents. Remus hoped his would be okay. He had knitted a Gryffindor-colored glasses case and embroidered a wonky pair of glasses in the style James wore on the front, a pair of socks, and he also got a deluxe wand dip package (courtesy of Sirius, using the sickles leftover from the vet earlier in the month). Wand dips were one of James’s favorite sweets at the moment. As it turned out James loved everything, hugging Remus tightly and putting the socks on right away.

Peter’s present was, as usual, a picture. A beautiful action shot of James getting a goal, done in a mixture that Peter tried himself: a mixture of magic and Muggle. So the shot kept repeating without photo-James having the typical ‘mind of his own’ thing magical photographs did. It was amazing, though Peter insisted it wasn’t his idea. The idea was mentioned in loads of photography journals however the magical folk who did it kept their secret close at hand, so nobody knew the proper amounts to use.

“I spent ages until I got it right,” Peter said. “I hope it’s okay.”

“Peter, it’s absolutely _brilliant_ ,” James said, hugging Peter tightly. There were some sweets, too.

And from Sirius: a jar of broom handle polish, a bucket full of various pranks, some sweets, and a cool drawing of one of James’s favorite Quidditch players.

James hugged Sirius tightly. “These are brilliant, I love everything so much!”

“It’s no _Wild Adventures_ ,” Peter said with a fake laugh.

James picked up the photo, the drawing, and the glasses case. “No, these are _better_ ,” he said, clutching them all. “You guys made these. It—it means a lot. A lot a lot. It’s a million bazillion times better than _Wild Adventures_ , and I mean it.” He hugged everyone again, yanking them in for a group hug. “You guys are the absolute best. Now come, let’s _dance_!”

They danced for a while, even getting Remus to awkwardly dance for a bit until Spinnet and Struthers came up. The Marauders turned the music off and headed down into the common room to continue the celebration, taking _Wild Adventures_ with them. The common room was getting empty so they snagged the best table. Almost as soon as James spread the map out, a bunch of the remaining students began crowding around.

“Is that _Wild Adventures_?”

“Sure is!” James said, plucking the griffin token out of the box before handing it to Peter. “Got it today.”

“Wow, that’s _amazing_!”

Remus felt uncomfortable as they had an audience watching them play, though James and Sirius certainly enjoyed being watched. Lily, Inkwood, and Colgate even came over to watch and after James won the round, he offered to let them play too.

“Us?” Lily asked, disbelieving. “You’re actually inviting us to play?”

“I think it’d be more fun with more people. Honestly, I’d just ask Inkwood and Colgate, but unfortunately you’re part of them,” James said right back. “You have to sit next to Remus though.”

“Gladly.” Lily plopped down next to Remus who quietly explained the rules to her.

_Wild Adventures_ with seven people was quite a bit more chaotic than four, especially since Colgate really had a knack for what she was doing. She demolished James, Peter, and Lily’s tokens, crippled Remus’s centaur, and then won without any trouble.

“YES!” she shrieked, curly hair bouncing as she jumped up and down.

“Bloody _hell_ that was a game, Colgate!” James said. “You’re good at this.”

“Thanks,” she giggled, sitting back down. “Can we play again?”

They played multiple more games, well into the night. Slowly the crowd around them dispersed as students went to bed until it was quite late, and they were the only ones up aside from a couple seventh years studying in a corner. The seventh years continually hushed the second years whenever they got too loud. Finally it was too late—nearly three in the morning—and the seven of them decided to finish up.

“Final tally,” Peter announced as James began putting things up. “Colgate, three wins.” Colgate put both her arms in the air victoriously. “Sirius, two wins. And James, Lily, and me each with one win. Remus and Inkwood: naught.”

“We’ll get you next time,” Inkwood said, giving Remus a nudge. “Right? Especially if some people don’t cheat.”

“I did not cheat,” Sirius said, very affronted. “There is _nothing_ in the rules stating we cannot blind ourselves when fighting a basilisk. I took a risk, sacrificed some hit points, and voila. A win.”

Inkwood pursed her lips. “Voila, an idiot.”

Remus couldn’t help but snicker at that. Sirius shot him a look. “Traitor.”

“It—it was a b-bold move, I will g—give you that,” Remus admitted.

“What you give me doesn’t matter, because what I got?” Sirius stepped up onto the chair, doing a victory pose. “Was the victory! Two wins, oh yeah!”

“And Ali won three,” Lily reminded him.

Sirius sighed, arms dropping to his sides. “And Alice Colgate won three. I shall bow to her, the reigning queen of _Wild Adventures_.” He gave a very theatrical bow which turned into flails as he fell off the chair.

All six of the others (and the seventh years still studying) burst into laughter. James helped Sirius up. “You all right, buddy?”

“Might need some bruise balm,” he moaned, rubbing his butt.

“Hey, maybe Cassie can help you,” Lily said and Inkwood gave a shriek, smacking Lily who dissolved into giggles.

“Goodnight, boys!” Inkwood snapped, shoving Lily towards the stairs. “I am going to murder you in your sleep!” she hissed out while Lily laughed harder.

“Goodnight,” Colgate said, hurrying after her friends, also giggling. “Lils I can’t believe you said that!”

“Sooooorr-eeeeee!”

“No you’re _not_!” Inkwood moaned as they disappeared up the stairs. “You say anything like that again and I’ll—“

What she’d do was lost as they got too far for Remus to hear their very quiet whispers.

“You want Inkwood to rub bruise balm on your butt?” James snickered to Sirius.

“Shut _up_!” Sirius said, pretending to be annoyed but clearly enjoying all of this. “Either way, happy birthday, Jimsy.”

James beamed. “The best one ever. Till next year at least, eh? Now come on, let’s go get some sleep.”


	118. Chapter One Hundred-Eighteen – Bellatrix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to my friend Tsu (M_Tsu on AO3) for coming up with the idea for the treasure chest additions for Wild Adventures in the amazing concept art he did of the game!! I don’t know if he’s posting the image anywhere else, but it is posted in the SL discord server if you want to hop on over and hang out with us too! :) https://discord.gg/cQXf2fuF9U  
> Also, Happy New Year!

The next few days rushed by in a whirl of homework and _Wild Adventures_. Pretty much all of their free time found the Marauders playing the addictive game. In Study Group Wednesday night, Buckling asked Remus if it was true that James had a copy of the game. When he confirmed it, jealousy swept through pretty much everyone there. That’s when Remus discovered just how expensive it was. Apparently the mega deluxe version (named so for the bigger map with more landscape options whenever you opened it, as well as more tokens) was ‘new broom’ sort of expensive. Not a high end broom, like both of James’s brooms—no, more like the common brooms for everyday riders. Which was still pretty pricey. The regular version of the game was still fairly pricey. Like, expensive cauldron sort of pricey. In addition, there had only been one batch released and since it wasn’t mass-produced there was a limited amount which had been snapped up within twenty-four hours of its release. At the moment only twenty-five copies of the regular edition existed, along with five of the deluxe version, and three of the mega deluxe.

Of course James Potter was one of the owners of the mega deluxe version.

“Maybe you could convince him to play a game or two somewhere public?” Pierce asked, eyes wide. “I’d like to see it. I mean, I know that’s a big request…”

“Man, even if I could see it, that would be amazing,” Bones sighed.

Thursday afternoon James brought the game to the Great Hall where there was a huge crowd watching them play. Remus sat those games out, sitting a little ways away to read. James, Sirius, Peter, along with Kim, Charmer, and Litten from the Quidditch team played for the group of students. Pierce, Bones, Buckling, and Craft were all watching with excitement. James even let some of the students examine the beautifully crafted tokens.

“You know what would be fun to watch?” James asked. “The bookworms play.”

“The… what?” Peter asked.

“Remus!” James shouted. “You and your group should play a round! It’d be fun to see how the brainiacs play.”

“Us?” Pierce asked, in absolute disbelief.

Remus stiffened, his heart pounding hard at the thought of being in that crowd, being watched so closely. “I’m—“

But his Study Group was staring at him like puppy dogs. While James hadn’t explicitly said he would only let them play if Remus joined, it was clearly insinuated.

“I d-don’t…” He swore Bones was practically whimpering, and knew it would be a huge disappointment to them if he said no. Sighing, he closed his book. “A-a—all—all right.”

“YES!” Pierce shrieked, tackle-hugging Remus the second he was close enough. “You’re the best!”

Aegis was in the crowd too, so Remus made sure he came over to the table to play. Lily sat down as well. The only one not there was Twycross, who made it clear she thought the game was silly and childish.

“I bet Lupin destroys everyone,” he heard a Hufflepuff whisper.

“Naw, I watched him last night, he plays way too cautious,” replied a Gryffindor.

Remus tried to play more aggressively but with everyone watching he was too nervous, and besides Aegis pretty much swept the board. The Slytherins all cheered when Aegis put his token past the finish line, and he looked a little stunned at his house being happy he did something.

“Way to show’em who’s the best house, Silverlocke!” a Slytherin shouted.

Aegis glanced wide-eyed at Remus who smiled back, happy Aegis was getting encouragement from his house.

Despite losing spectacularly, Pierce, Buckling, and Bones were all very happy to have been given the chance to play, and they all thanked James profusely. Craft muttered to himself, scowling at Aegis, walking off without even thanking James. Aegis thanked James too.

“No problem, that was fun!” James said. “It’s really neat to see how different people play.”

Aegis was still taken aback by what happened the next morning in Potions class. He and Remus partnered up, and Aegis admitted how nice it was to have positive attention like that from his fellow Slytherins.

“It got me thinking… perhaps I should try more,” he said, slowly stirring the cauldron.

“Try more?” Remus asked.

Aegis shrugged. “Perhaps I should try out for the Quidditch team next year.”

Remus nearly dropped the potions book. “I thought you didn’t like the Slytherin team.”

“I don’t. However… perhaps if I try to… integrate myself more I would not be as much of an outcast.” Aegis peered into the cauldron, adding some knarl quills into the potion.

Remus had a queasy sort of feeling in his stomach about that. “If it makes you happy I say go for it. But if you’re only doing it to make others happy… or feel like it’s the only way to fit in…”

“I don’t know. It was just nice being cheered for and not insulted for once.”

He stirred the potion again, a little too fast. Some of the bubbling liquid spilled over the edge and into the fire, causing a large poof of smoke to explode in their faces. There was a lot of coughing and Slughorn cast a wind spell to clear the smoke. When it did, Aegis and Remus found themselves looking at each others’ blue-dyed faces. They both began laughing, along with the rest of the class, but since the color wasn’t hurting them Slughorn made them finish out the class like that.

*

That evening Lily was quite annoyed that most of the Study Group seemed more intent on talking about James and _Wild Adventures_ than they were their assignments.

“’James Potter is so great’,” she mimicked as she and Remus headed back to the tower. “’James Potter is so cool’! For Christ’s sake, all he did was let them play a board game!”

Remus chuckled. “A very expensive and currently impossible to get board game.”

Lily groaned. “ _Fine_ , yes, a very expensive and impossible to get board game but come on.” She walked a few quick steps so she was in front of him, walking backwards to face him. “It’s a bit much. Acting as though he’s so magnanimous for doing what we all learned in early primary school!”

“I didn’t go to primary school,” Remus couldn’t help say, trying not to grin.

Lily gave him a dirty look. “Ooh, you’re being very particular tonight.”

“I’m sorry—”

“It’s fine,” she giggled, returning to walking next to him. “I’m only teasing. Do you want to do something tomorrow, by the way? I feel as though we haven’t done much together lately. I miss you.”

Remus clutched his books to his chest, feeling guilty. “Ahh, well, we—we have plans for James’s birthday.”

“So what was Tuesday, then?”

“More plans,” he clarified. “Big celebratory plans. We should be finished before too late, so you and I could do something in the evening when I ge—when we finish?” He almost said ‘get back’.

“Yes, sounds good. Maybe the great James Potter will _grace_ us with the gift of his board game again.”

They both giggled at that, and Remus shook his head.

*

Saturday started out grey and a little drizzly to James’s dismay, but the clouds parted and it was clear by eleven-thirty. Cold, but clear. Remus tucked a jacket into his satchel just in case it got colder, though for now his thick jumper over a lighter one seemed to suffice.

“Ol’ Hengist of Woodcroft got outta town on the double, for those Muggles were hell bent on causing some trouble,” James sang as they made their way through the passage past the mirror. “He jumped on his broom and he flew through the sky, all account on the fact…”

“HE DIDN’T WANT TO DIE!” the others joined in.

“He flew all day, he flew all night, he flew until he was all outta flight! He flew all the way to his old school, but there he found he was now a fool! There was no where to live, and there was the rub. What could a guy do?”

“BUT GO TO THE PUB!”

They sang the old silly song of the founding of Hogsmeade, marching to the odd beat with much laughter. They sang it several times getting faster and faster each time until they got to the stump.

The first place they went to in Hogsmeade was the clothing shop. James wanted some new clothes, or so he claimed; what actually happened was he urged his friends to try on clothes too. Just for fun, he insisted, giving them each a pile of clothes.

Remus uncomfortably stripped off, pulling on the brown trousers and the brown and tan paisley shirt. It was very silky, and felt nice against his skin. It looked decent on him, but definitely James’s style and not his own. Well, it was like James’s style with Remus’s preferred colors.

“Looking damn GOOD, Brains!” James said when Remus nervously left the changing room. James put his fingers in his mouth and gave a piercing wolf whistle. Remus ducked his head, wrapping his arms around himself “Come on, Blithe, I know you’re done.”

Peter crept out in similar trousers and a mustard yellow shirt with a super pointy collar.

James cheered and gave another whistle. “Yes, look at you, so sexy! All right, Beauty, let’s see you.”

Sirius flung open the curtain, posing in the doorway in white trousers and a blue silk shirt with bright purple flower print. He tossed his hair back, doing another pose.

“Eh,” James said, tilting his hand back and forth.

Sirius blew a loud raspberry. “Wanker,” he said, laughing. “You _do_ look good,” he added, gazing at Peter. “Very good,” he finished, eyes on Remus, though at that moment his voice went squeaky and he turned away, pretending not to be embarrassed. Though he had nothing to be embarrassed about, his voice had been fluctuating since the Christmas holidays, it wasn’t anything new.

Remus just tried to ignore the squirmy feelings inside of him. It wasn’t fair Sirius’s compliment made him feel this way while James’s hadn’t.

James scrambled into a dressing room and emerged with new clothes on too. Red and yellow wavy print top, so bright it didn’t seem possible. He flung arms around Peter and Sirius, dragging them to the mirror. Peter grabbed Remus, pulling him too. “We look fantastic,” James said, grinning at their reflection.

“I look idiotic,” Remus grumbled, tugging at the pointy collar. “I look ridiculous. I’m changing back—“

“Oh no, we’re wearing this out,” James said, grabbing Remus’s wrist.

Remus stared at him in horror. “What? No—“

“James,” Peter whined. “I can’t afford this.”

“No.” James turned to him, adjusting Pete’s too-pointy collar. “But I can. Aw, come on, lads! Consider it a birthday present for me.”

“What, _you_ buying _us_ clothes is _your_ birthday present?” Peter demanded.

James pat his cheek. “You bet your grandmother’s cauldron it is.” He whirled around, arms spread out. “Siri, you’re on my side, right?”

“If you really want to,” Sirius said, peering at his reflection. “It’s your decision. It’s _your_ money.”

James gave two thumbs up. “I’ll take that as a yes. Petey? C’mon, Captain Pete.”

Peter gave a moan. “I don’t—well—I mean, it is your money, Sirius is right.”

“Two down, one to go. Remy?”

“No.”

“Aw, come on.”

Remus shook his head. “No. I’m sorry. I—I can’t accept this.” He tugged at the sleeve, fingers sliding along the smooth surface of the fabric. It felt so _good_. “It’s too much. Far too much. Besides, you’re going to try to insist on buying us food at the Three Broomsticks too, aren’t you?”

“Pfft, of course I am,” he laughed, putting his arm around Remus’s neck. “I _want_ to. Please? You look good. You deserve to have some clothes that fit.”

Remus knew he didn’t mean it as an insult, but it still hurt having it pointed out to him how _poor_ he was. “James, birthday presents should be something given to you, not something you give others.”

“Says who? You got me presents, wonderful presents. And I got _loads_ of birthday money from my family.” He grabbed Remus’s shoulders. “Don’t think of this as _me_ buying you something, think of this as hah now cousin Bore-My-Arse has less money. This is money from Uncle Charlus and Aunt Dorea. Look how _good_ you look.” He spun Remus around to face the mirror again. Behind them, Sirius was posing again, looking _very…_

 _Er, very nothing_ , Remus thought quickly, switching his gaze from Sirius’s reflection to his own.

“The autumnal colors make you look a little less sick,” James said, hands on Remus’s shoulders again.

Remus swallowed, wanting to say no, _needing_ to say no. It was too much money, too _much_! He’d never be able to make up anything like this to James.

“Brings out your eyes,” James whispered.

Remus grit his teeth, knowing James was going to just cause problems if he said no, knowing James was not going to give up. Even if he did, he’d simply whinge on about it for days. Hating himself, Remus said, “Well, it _is_ your money—“

“YES!” James hugged him from behind. “Yes! Perfect! Hey, miss? Ring us up, please! We’re wearing these out! Ooh, we need some bags for our old clothes.”

James strut out of the shop, very proud of himself. Sirius and Peter cheerfully followed, with Remus trudging in the rear, tugging continually at his shirt. It felt so light. He sort’ve felt _naked_ , almost as though anyone could see his vicious scar on his arm. He kept looking down, making sure it couldn’t be seen through the fabric even though he knew it couldn’t. Plus he was rather cold… but he also didn’t really want to put his jacket on. Not yet.

The next shop they went to was a new one, only recently opened. The one James had been talking about. _Finch & Wild Games and Wonders_. Games of both wizarding and Muggle kind, and it was where the Potters bought _Wild Adventures_. A bell jangled as they went through the door, and a plump elderly witch came out from a back room to greet them.

“James!” she said, holding her arms out.

“Aunt Flossie!” James said, hugging her tightly and revealing how he managed to be one of three people to get the mega deluxe version. “Guys, this is Flossie Wildwand. She’s not really my aunt, only really good friends with my mother.”

“These must be the boys Effie’s told me about,” she said, beaming at the three of them. “Such handsome young men. May!” A very willowy witch, a little younger than Flossie, emerged from the back room, sitting in a Muggle wheelchair. She had a _Wild Adventures_ token in her lap. “May, dear, it’s young James.”

“Last time I saw you, you were a toddler,” she said, eyes crinkling. “Do you remember me?”

“No, Miss,” James said.

“May Finch is my dearest companion, my closest friend,” Flossie said, reaching down to take May’s hand. “She’s the one who came up with _Wild Adventures_. I’m guessing that’s why you’re here.”

“That was you?” Peter gasped.

“That’s me,” May laughed. “Partially named after Flossie.” She put her other hand over Flossie’s hand still holding hers. “Wild.”

Peter’s mouth formed a big O while Sirius looked very impressed.

“Now.” Flossie clapped her hands. “How are you enjoying the game?”

James, Sirius, and Peter exclaimed happily about how much they loved the game and how exciting it was. May showed them the newest token she was working on: a runespoor. Then Flossie showed them a new addition map May was working on, one that had a couple new areas such as swamps and canyons. There was also the rough idea to add treasure chests scattered around the maps with items to help them, or hinder them. People who already owned the game could bring their old map in and get it upgraded for a very small fee, though they told James his would naturally be free.

Then they wandered around the store, looking at other games. Several of them James and Sirius never heard of and Flossie explained they were Muggle games, since May was a Muggleborn. They were fascinated by some of the Muggle game concepts, and James wound up buying a copy of _Snakes and Ladders_ with the insistence of buying other Muggle games next time.

Finally they left, May promising to send the runespoor to James when she finished, as a present. Flossie gave James another tight hug before stepping back, hand on May’s shoulder as they watched the four of them leave, May whispering what nice young men they were, and Flossie whispering she was glad James had such good friends.

They went to Honeydukes, of course, and Zonko’s. James seemed to have a never-ending purse, constantly pulling out galleon after galleon. By the time they were headed to the Three Broomsticks for supper it was very cold, and Remus pulled his jacket on.

“When and where are we meeting Miss Fawley?” James asked as they walked.

“Five-thirty, at the edge of town in the direction of—of the stump,” Remus said.

“Plenty of time for food,” Sirius laughed.

“Yes, I am _starving_ ,” Peter said, rubbing his stomach. “I can’t wait to have some of Madame Rosmerta’s chips.”

James put Pete in a headlock. “And get an eyeful of Madame Rosmerta too, right Petey!” He gave Peter a noogie, the two of them laughing.

Only Remus noticed Sirius had stopped walking.

“Oh, shit,” Sirius whispered.

Remus stopped in his tracks, following Sirius’s eyes to see three hooded figures coming in their direction. Two men, and a woman who was staring at Sirius in astonishment.

“Sirius!” she said when they got close enough. She pulled off her hood to reveal long black curls, and her brilliant red lips twisted into a smirk. “What a surprise to see you here.” Her heavy-lidded eyes took in the other three. “There’s not a Hogsmeade trip, is there?”

“You know there’s not,” muttered one of the men.

She gave a high-pitched giggled, fingers twitching across her lips. “Right, and you’re only twelve anyway—“

“I’m thirteen.”

She shrugged, eyes twinkling. “So what _are_ you doing here? Sneaking in?” She looked him up and down. “And in such… horrible…” She reached out, tugging at the pointy collar. “What in Merlin’s name are you wearing?”

“Clothes,” Sirius forced out through gritted teeth.

“Mm. You must be the Potter heir.” She gave a vaguely pleasant look towards James but when she turned her face to Peter and Remus there was obvious disgust in her face. “And the two dirty half-bloods. I heard you were spending time with rubbish. I hate to see it’s true. Oh, Sirius, you always did have trouble knowing what was best.”

“I know perfectly well what’s _best_ ,” Sirius hissed out.

Peter took a step closer to Remus, the two clutching hands nervously. James stepped closer too, but standing partially in front of them, as if to protect them. Remus wondered if they needed protection with the way she addressed them, with venom dripping in her voice.

The woman giggled again. “You know, you really do have the making of a truly great wizard in you. There are plenty of Gryffindors that have made something of themselves.” She stroked his cheek, her long red nails on the verge of scratching his face. Remus shuddered, suddenly seeing those nails as blood-soaked claws. “I’m always here for you, you know. Always glad to help you.”

“I don’t need help,” he said.

She smiled, fingers twitching, and a faint scratch did appear across Sirius’s cheek. Remus jerked as the wolf rose up quickly inside of him at the sight of the very light red line on Sirius’s face. Somehow, he managed to push it down before he did something stupid. Something insanely stupid.

“You do,” she whispered. “You should be on the right side, dear cousin.”

“The… _what_?”

She continued speaking, ignoring his question. “You’re the Black heir. You really need to learn to act like one.” Her fingers were touching his hair now, and twisted into it a little bit. “Stop being such a disgrace. You know, it’s never too late.” Then suddenly her hands were back on his shirt, tugging at the collar again as if fixing it. “Now. Tell you what. If you do me a favor, I’ll do you a favor.”

“What would that be?” Sirius asked, voice cracking slightly.

She smiled broadly. “I won’t tell Aunt Walburga and Uncle Orion you’ve snuck into Hogsmeade. Not in those clothes. Not with…” Her eyes snapped briefly to Peter and Remus before returning to Sirius, “…that company.”

“And what could I ever possibly do to return such a generous favor,” Sirius asked, every last syllable full of sarcasm.

She put a finger to her lips. “You don’t tell anyone you’ve seen me here either. Deal?”

Sirius frowned, brow furrowed. “Yes, well—I suppose. Yes.”

“Perfect.” She pat his chest. “I’ll see you in a couple weeks.” She stepped aside, giving James a smile then giving Peter and Remus a frighteningly murderous look as she walked past them. “Come on, we best get going.” The two men followed after her, both of them purposely banging into Peter and Remus, the bigger one sending Remus to the ground. The wolf was raging inside, and a slight growl slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it. Thankfully, nobody seemed to hear.

“Oh yeah, big strong men knocking kids down!” James shouted after them as Sirius helped Remus up. “Pathetic twat!”

“You all right?” he asked, brushing the dust off of Remus’s clothes. He gave Remus a rather worried look, as Remus’s entire body was shaking. “Remus?”

“F-fine,” he forced out through gritted teeth. “I’m fine. Are _you_ okay?” He looked up at the scratch, and Sirius touched the spot, though promised he was fine.

“Who—or should I say, _what_ was that?!” James demanded.

Sirius clenched his teeth. “My cousin, Bellatrix.”

“The crazy one?” Peter asked.

“The crazy one,” Sirius affirmed.

Remus looked over his shoulder. She was also looking over her shoulder, dark eyes locked on Remus. She was smirking again, but not a smirk of smugness. More like a _you’ll regret it one day_ sort of smirk. She twisted back around, pulling her hood up over her black curls before she and the two men whisked around a corner.

“I don’t care if she’s crazy, he hurt Remus!” James snapped.

“Trust me, I’d like to hex him to next week,” Sirius said, hand still holding Remus’s arm. “But when I say crazy, I mean crazy. I don’t want to cross them. She _really_ hates anyone not pureblood. It wouldn’t surprise me if she tried to hospitalize Remy or Petey.”

“With the look she gave us, I’d say worse,” Remus snarled, and Peter gave him a scared look.

Sirius nodded, pulling Remus close to give him a half-hug. “Don’t worry about it, though. She won’t bother us again. Come on, let’s get food.”

Pretty soon the hot butterbeer, salty chips, and gravy-filled pies warmed away the ice Bellatrix Black left inside of them, and calmed the wolf down. They were laughing, joking, and Sirius was unashamedly flirting with Madame Rosmerta every time he went to get more drinks or food.

“I swear, James, you made his ego ten times bigger putting him in that outfit,” Peter said as they watched Sirius lean across the counter to whisper something at Rosmerta. She laughed, shaking her head as she pushed four glasses of water towards him.

“She’s cut us off,” Sirius said when he came back. “No more butterbeer.”

“I wonder why,” James teased, prodding Remus.

“Don’t blame me, I’m not giggly this time,” he protested.

“I thought it was happy,” Peter asked and Remus kicked him. Peter laughed and threw a chip at him. Remus squealed and ducked, but the chip smacked his hair. Remus threw it back, and it actually hit Peter’s chest. Peter lobbed it back and it missed Remus, flying over his shoulder.

“Boys, stop throwing food!” Rosmerta called out in a good-natured way.

Sirius stood up, waving across the pub. “Sorry, Madame Rosmerta!”

Ten minutes later they left the pub, Remus carrying the bags of leftover food, Peter carrying the bag with four bottles of butterbeer—the most Rosmerta allowed them to buy. Not long after they were hanging out at the entrance of a park, though they didn’t need to wait long. Miss Fawley showed up only a moment later, her cane sweeping ahead of her.

“Miss Fawley!” Remus called out.

“Hello boys,” she said, reaching their bench. “First of all, I have to say… it is _very_ wrong of you to sneak in. Understand?”

“Yes, Miss Fawley,” all four of them chorused.

“Good.” She sat down. “Have you been having fun?”

“Loads of fun,” James said and proceeded to tell her everything, describing the shirts he bought for everyone in detail. Fawley took Remus’s arm, feeling the sleeve, saying how comfortable it felt. James babbled about the games store, and Honeydukes, and Hogsmeade. He offered her one of their bottles of butterbeer, but she shook her head, saying she’d get one of her own after their meeting.

Fawley’s talk with James was the only one Remus didn’t get to listen in on. Sirius, Peter, and Remus went into the park to muck about until the discussion was done. They messed around on the playground, going straight to the hover-circle, teetering it wildly back and forth until Remus with his poor balance went flying, crashing into the ground. His weight being flung off messed up the balance and Peter went head over heels, and that caused Sirius to go tumbling too. All three of them laughed, getting to their feet.

Near the entrance they saw James jumping up and down, punching the air, kicking at nothing, and obviously getting very wound up over whatever they were talking about. However, he was grinning and Fawley was smiling so it couldn’t be too bad.

The three of them settled on the swings. Remus had never been on a swing before, and the others taught him how to pump his legs to get it going if he didn’t want to use the button to make the swing go by himself (which apparently only very little kids did, according to Sirius, since the swings wouldn’t go too far). Sirius was soon sailing through the air, his hair streaming first behind him then all over his face. Remus managed to get his swing going pretty well but not as good as Sirius. Peter was just spinning his swing one direction then letting it spin back.

Finally they returned to James, and Fawley thanked them all for coming in. “I’ll talk to you on Tuesday, Remus,” she said. “Goodnight boys, be safe getting back to the school.”

Soon they were back in the tunnel, Sirius wanting to know what James and Fawley talked about. It sounded like much the same as the others. His dedication to helping Remus, that sort of thing. Peter asked about all the punches and James laughed, saying he had been trying to explain his most recent game to her. Sirius and Remus exchanged amused looks at that, while Peter tried to disguise his snort as a cough.


	119. Chapter One Hundred-Nineteen – Exceeds Expectations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late in the day I haven’t been feeling well. This chapter had a lot of editing to do and it overwhelmed me. Also I apologize if some of the sentences seem off, my beta read the chapter before I edited it. It’s still not great but hopefully it’s not horrible. Also tw for brief mentions of feeling sick.

“Oh _no_!”

Remus had slept in on Sunday morning, missing James’s practice and meeting up with them after for lunch. He had just slapped together a sandwich when James’s cry of dismay pulled him out of his thoughts.

“What’s wrong?” Pete asked.

James got up, going a little ways down the table. “Excuse me, can I borrow this a minute?” he asked of an older student, indicating her paper. She handed it to him and James returned. “Look.”

At first Remus looked at the main headline which was about a Quidditch team then he noticed one of the lower headlines. **Finch in a Pinch**! There was a photograph of Flossie and May’s shopfront: absolutely vandalized.

“I don’t—it was—it was fine yesterday!” Peter said.

“It happened last night,” James said, sitting down, setting the paper. “An unknown amount of people broke into the shop and destroyed everything. The Muggle games were set on fire while everything else was blasted to smithereens. There was writing in the air and on the walls saying things about—about…” James bit his lip, motioning at the picture.

_MUDBLOODS HAVE NO RIGHTS_! was scrawled across the broken door. _YOU DON’T BELONG HERE_!

Peter shivered, while Remus clutched his stomach. Sirius stared at the picture in silence.

James returned the paper to the girl then sat back down, shaking his head. “Poor Aunt Flossie! Poor Miss Finch! It’s so bloody _ridiculous_!”

“Who would _do_ such a thing?” Peter whispered.

“Arseholes who believe only purebloods should exist in the world,” James muttered, shooting an obvious look towards the Slytherin table. “Because of people talking about pureblood riots again.”

“Do you think anyone was hurt?” Remus asked.

James blinked a few times. “I think if they were hurt the paper would have said something.” But he sounded a little unsure and began messing up his hair in an anxious manner. “I’ll send a letter to Mum right away.”

“I’ll go with you,” Peter offered, following James out of the Great Hall.

Remus picked at his sandwich, not very hungry anymore. Sirius was silent, arms folded as he stared blankly at his plate. Remus picked off half his crust before he spoke.

“Sirius—“

“Don’t.” Sirius pushed his plate away, getting to his feet. “I know what you’re thinking and I really don’t want to talk about it.” He left the Great Hall too.

Remus stared at the doors then turned his head to look at the girl reading the paper, at that awful picture. He heard Fawley’s warnings from his first year about how awful the Blacks were and Sirius’s voice saying how his cousin hated everyone who wasn’t a pureblood. Then her voice, asking Sirius not to tell anyone she was in Hogsmeade. It—it was a very logical conclusion.

And he was probably right.

But what was he supposed to do about it? There was nothing he _could_ do. What, tell someone ‘hey Bellatrix Black was in Hogsmeade’. As if that would work. No, there was zero evidence. Only a gut instinct. One Remus knew was correct, but still just a gut instinct.

He sighed, pushing his plate away and leaving the Great Hall as well, heading to the owlery to join his friends.

*

A few people seemed to be talking about the events in Hogsmeade, though mostly everyone was discussing the upcoming Ravenclaw-Hufflepuff game. There was also chatter about all the pranks James and Sirius had put around the school for April Fools. Though news about the attack certainly had gotten around, as when the Marauders returned to their dorm they found David sitting dejectedly on his bed and Spinnet next to him, hand on his back.

David glanced up when the door opened then looked back down. Spinnet stood up. “Could you go cause trouble somewhere else?” he asked rather angrily. “We’re in no mood for your damn pranks today!”

“Did something happen?” Sirius asked.

“Merlin, ‘did something happen’!” Spinnet scoffed. “As if someone like _you_ didn’t know.”

“Andy,” David said softly, getting up. “Don’t, please?” He glanced over at the Marauders. “There was a shop in Hogsmeade attacked. A—a Muggleborn owned shop.”

“Finch and Wild,” James said, shoulders dropping a little. “Yeah, we know about that.”

“Some dumbarse pureblood causing problems for Muggleborns,” Spinnet muttered, giving obvious glances at Sirius.

Sirius narrowed his eyes. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Spinnet shrugged, turning his attention back to David. “No reason.”

James said in a stage whisper, “Probably because he thinks we’re dumbarse purebloods.”

“Right,” Sirius agreed with a nod. “I forgot, he judges people by their bloodlines and family.” He rubbed his chin in fake thought. “Hmm, now why does that sound familiar?”

Spinnet jerked forward and James stepped between them, but it was David who prevented anything from anything happening.

“Stop it,” he said. “I’m not in the mood.” He shook his head and slumped forward, putting his face in his hands. “I get shit about the color of my skin and now I gotta worry about my blood too. It’s so damn—“ He stopped, taking in a deep breath, then muttered under his breath.

“Hey.” James went over, sitting next to him. “You know that’s all they are, right? Dumbarse purebloods. Pathetic and cowardly.” He put a hand on David’s shoulder. “If anyone gives you trouble, Spinnet’s not the only one who has your back, okay? You’re our dormmate. A Gryffindor. We’re here for you.”

David looked into James’s face and gave a faint smile. “Thanks,” he said. “I appreciate that.”

The Marauders left the dorm, figuring it’d be best to leave them alone. They wandered around the castle, checking nooks and crannies, doing small tricks and japes, and getting yelled at by prefects when they were found where they weren’t supposed to be. James and Sirius dragged Peter and Remus to hang out near the Slytherin dorms just to annoy any Slytherin that passed by with their mere existence. Remus buried his nose in a book, trying to pretend like he wasn’t there.

At supper James and Sirius set off fireworks as the meal started, firecrackers that exploded with whistles and cheers. During the distraction James, Sirius, and Remus all spongified the tables and floor as best they could without being noticed. Remus wasn’t really feeling it, but he was best at the spell so he agreed. Nothing happened until students started moving again, mostly doing things like setting down cups and silverware. Soon dishes were bouncing everywhere, food and drinks going _everywhere_. There was pandemonium as students began shrieking; most of them directed said shrieks at James and Sirius who didn’t even bother hiding their laughter, getting twenty points removed from Gryffindor as well as detention. Which was very immediate: they would have to clean up the mess their prank caused.

“There will be food available in your common rooms,” Dumbledore said once everyone calmed down enough to hear him. “Have a good evening!”

Peter and Remus weren’t in trouble at all, so they said goodbye to James and Sirius once McGonagall made it clear they weren’t allowed to stay and help. There were tables with fresh food set up in the common room when they returned to the tower which was very awkward for Peter and Remus, as most the Gryffindors glared at them as they gathered their food. Rather than dealing with the probability of being complained at while eating, the two of them took plates up to their dorm to eat in private.

*

On Monday two things happened. First of all, James’s voice began changing. It wasn’t as all over the place as Sirius initially had been (and still sometimes was), but it was quite humorous. And second, the papers announced there was no evidence found at all to indicate who destroyed the game shop. Despite what happened, Finch and Wildwand were planning on reopening as soon as they could which really angered some people, as Remus found out later in the day.

After Charms James and Sirius wanted to go do some ‘fun’, which translated to ‘causing mischief’, so Remus and Peter were left alone. They got a quick lunch then went to one of the courtyards since the weather was pretty fair, sitting under a tree as they chattered. Then Peter climbed up in the tree, goading Remus to join him. The lower branches weren’t too high so he pulled himself up with the help of Peter, and soon the two were hanging out in the branches. Peter sat on his branch with his legs on the same side, while Remus straddled his branch, clutching it nervously and trying not to think about being in a tree.

“It’s weird to think you’re scared of something I’m not,” Pete said, kicking his feet cheerfully.

Remus made a face. “Mmm. Heights are, er, not exactly the easiest thing for me to deal with— _ahhhh_!” he yelped as the wind kicked up. He fell forward, wrapping his arms around the branch.

Peter shrieked with laughter. “Sorry! Sorrryyy! I don’t mean to laugh…!”

“Yeah, yeah.” He pushed himself back up, taking in a deep breath.

“Oh no,” Peter moaned.

“No, I’m fine—“

“Not that.” Peter nodded past Remus. “Slytherins. Ooh, I don’t think they saw us. Maybe they’ll go away.”

Remus got the courage to twist a little so he could see the Slytherins nearby. They were sixth years, lost in their own little world. He recognized them as some of the bullying sort of Slytherins that gave the house its bad name.

“It’s an absolute disgrace,” one of the girls was saying. “I mean, one of the other villages or communities I can _understand_. Those are shared with _their_ kind. But Hogsmeade is the only fully wizarding village in our country. They don’t belong.”

“It isn’t fair that some Mudblood can waltz in, snatch up _our_ rightful property, and act like it owns the world,” sighed one of the boys. “Honestly, what was Rookwand _thinking_?”

“Poor Ewart, it’s a _shame_ his cousin lost his damn mind,” said another girl.

The first girl snorted. “I think Ewart is ready to end that side of his family. Selling property to a Mudblood?” She made a scoffing sound.

“Not all the Rookwands are traitors, there’s plenty of’em who still believe in what’s right,” said the final boy, sounding a little irritated.

The others looked a little unamused. “I _suppose_ ,” admitted the other boy, “but Galba Rookwand is definitely a traitor. He deserves to be blasted to pieces as much as the muddies do.”

All the Slytherins walked away, laughing. Peter and Remus were silent, watching them go. Finally they looked at each other.

“Were they talking ‘bout…?” Pete asked.

Remus nodded. “Yes.” He knew his voice was tense, knew he couldn’t hide it. “The game shop. Miss Finch.”

“Bugger.”

“Yes, I agree.” He slowly shifted his weight so both legs were dangling over the same side as he stared at the doorway the Slytherins went through.

Peter climbed down off his branch and sat next to Remus on his. “Know what I’m thinking, Remy?”

“What’s that?”

Peter grinned. “I think we should suggest to James and Sirius that we prank some Slytherin sixth years.”

Remus grinned back. “That, Peter, is a most excellent idea.”

Unfortunately they both began snickering at that, and Remus automatically put his hand over his mouth which caused him to lose his balance. Peter failed to grab him, and Remus went crashing to the ground. A couple students nearby noticed and ran over to help him. One student took hold of his hand, helping him up, ignoring his stutterings that he was fine. In all honesty, he was fairly sure he had broken his elbow. It was difficult not to scream at the pain splintering in his body from the student’s attempt to help! His vision was extremely wonky and he felt like he might throw up, however by the time Peter climbed down, the pain was beginning to fade a little.

“You all right?” Peter asked, noticing he was holding his arm at an awkward angle.

“Yes, I’ll be fine,” he promised. “But next time you make a comment about me not liking heights—”

“You’re right.” Peter put an arm around him. “You’re too clumsy for heights. Come on, let’s find the others.”

*

James and Sirius were absolutely on board for getting the sixth year Slytherins; James _really_ wanted to do something _big_ and _awful_ to the Slytherins for their slander against Miss Finch. Unfortunately due to their plans for Easter they didn’t have much time to work on two big pranks, so they decided to save the Slytherins for after Easter. That way they could do something very big without distractions.

_In two weeks I’ll be home again_ , Remus realized, wondering where the time had gone. _Nine weeks till final exams_! He began muttering under his breath, plucking at his sleeve, not noticing much of anything until Sirius practically shook him. He blinked several times, jerking his chin up.

“Exams,” he explained.

James made a face. “Ew, don’t remind me. Maybe I can be sick all next week.”

“N—no… not those ones. The final exams.”

All three of them groaned.

“For Merlin’s sake!” Sirius cried out. “You’ve got exams in a week but you’re fussing over the ones three months away?!”

“Two months,” Remus reminded him. “And yes. The exams before Easter holidays aren’t too terrible. I mean, I’ll be revising hard all week however—“

James put a hand over his mouth. “You talk about exams that are two bloody months away, Remus Lupin, and I’ll throw up. Next week’s exams? Fine. But one more word about final exams and I’ll be _sick_.”

“Nooo!” Peter wailed. “I don’t even want to think about _next_ week’s exams. It’s gonna be horrible. I’ll fail everything! I—“ He stopped when Sirius pointed a finger at him. “Er, maybe—maybe not Potions?” he asked, and Sirius nodded then pat his head. “ _Fine_ , not everything. I’ll do okay in Potions. Everything else will suck!”

“They don’t _matter_!” James sang out, voice pitching up and down. “Now, no more exams talk. Forget what I said about the upcoming ones, any exam talk is making me _queasy_! Let’s work on our Easter prank—“ his voice had squeaked for that then suddenly dropped down to a deep, masculine voice to say, “shall we?”

At least James didn’t pout too much as his friends almost died laughing over it.

*

Remus was having vague nightmares that sent him tossing and turning, though not waking upuntil someone shook him. He sat upright, nearly banging into James.

“Sirius has an idea, says it can’t wait till morning,” he whispered, tugging at Remus’s arm. “Come on.”

Remus groaned, sliding out of bed as he rubbed his eyes. He put on slippers and a dressing gown before following the others down into the common room. It was three in the morning. What couldn’t wait until daylight? Though he was a little bit relieved to be out of the nightmares, despite not being sure what they were about…

“The Slytherins,” Sirius said after they all took seats around the fire. “I have a terrific revenge plan.”

“I thought that was going to wait till after the holidays?” Peter yawned.

Sirius shook his head. “That’s if we do something elaborate. I have an idea that’s fairly simple, yet _really_ fun—plus it hits them where their mouth is.” He rubbed his hands together rather gleefully. “Mud.”

Remus yawned, wrapping his robe tighter around himself, while Peter put his head against Remus’s shoulder.

“Mud,” James said in disbelief. “You woke us up at three in the morning for _mud_.”

“Yes!” Sirius stood up and began pacing. “We fill their dorm with mud. Mud covering their beds, in their sheets, in their wardrobes, filling their drawers, filling their shoes, spread all across the floor, on the walls… _mud_! Show them who the _real_ filth is. If they’re going to use that term, then they can deal with real mud.”

“I don’t know… I don’t want to get any Muggleborn into trouble,” Remus said, sleepily scooting closer to Peter. It was very cozy, and he felt himself almost drifting off cuddled up like that.

“There _are_ no Muggleborns in Slytherin,” Sirius pointed out. “Besides, I doubt they’d connect the mud everywhere to them complaining about—about, you know, those words. We can wait until after the holidays to put more time between it but you know, they probably say that word all the time…”

Whatever else was said was lost as Remus fell asleep. He woke up several minutes later when Sirius woke him and Peter up, a little annoyed they had fallen asleep during his Brilliant Plan Explanation. They agreed to discuss the mud thing further—when they were all _awake_. Then they trooped back to their dorm and Remus fell into bed, asleep without taking the time to remove the robes and slippers.

*

Sirius wasn’t annoyed anymore once morning came. He told them he felt bad for waking them all up, he had just been very excited about the whole thing which they all understood.

“Can’t let prank ideas slip out of the mind,” James said at breakfast, tapping the side of his head. “You know, we should all start keeping prank notebooks like Remy, that way when we’re struck with inspiration and can’t talk about… _bam_ , write it down.”

“ _Oh,_ I had a question.” Peter folded his arms on the table, leaning over towards Sirius. “Last night you said there are no Muggleborns in Slytherin. Is that—is that true?”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Yes, at the moment.” When he said that Peter and Remus glanced towards the Slytherin table. “The last time a Muggleborn was in Slytherin, as far as I know at least, was… 1947, I believe.” He stirred his porridge slowly, looking uncomfortable. “Uncle Alphard told me about it.”

“What happened?” Peter asked.

Sirius sighed. “It was his fifth year, when the Muggleborn came to school, and his seventh when the Muggleborn dropped out due to harassment. Er, Uncle Alphard’s seventh, I mean; the Muggleborn’s third, obviously.”

Remus’s chest squeezed at those words though it shouldn’t have surprised him.

“How come nobody did anything?” James demanded. “The teachers, I mean.”

Sirius shrugged one shoulder. “What could they have done? Uncle Alphard said they tried to interfere. Slughorn tried to protect the boy, except it didn’t… all right, so, if you repeat what I am about to say to _anyone_ I will personally murder each of you.” He pointed his porridge-filled spoon at each of them. “Not _all_ Slytherins are horrible, all right? There’s ones like Uncle Alphard, or Andromeda, or Regulus. Or…” Sirius shot Remus a rather dark look. “Or Silverlocke, I suppose. There are some decent ones. But most? Most are so hateful and cling to the old ways of Salazar Slytherin. Uncle Alphard said he was surprised the kid lasted as long as he did.” He sighed, and scooped up more porridge. “I guess Slytherins like to prove themselves.”

“And—and there hasn’t been any Muggleborns in there since?” Pete asked, eyes wide.

“As far as I know there hasn’t, though I could be wrong,” Sirius replied.

_I wonder what happened to the kid_ , Remus thought, absentmindedly chewing on some bacon. He gazed at the Slytherin table, wondering what it would have been like if he had been put there. A half-and-half. _Snape’s half-and-half_ , he thought, gaze drifting over to Snape. He was sitting by himself, reading a book while he ate. Suddenly his eyes snapped up, meeting Remus’s eyes. Remus quickly looked away, wishing Snape hadn’t caught him looking.

*

That afternoon they got their project results back from Professor Prewett. He had made multiple copies of each project so everyone in the group could have a copy with their grade.

Sirius and Inkwood were _very_ happy.

Remus was not.

_E_? he thought, clutching the papers. _AN E_?! It made no sense! The research was _good_ , the essay was well-written, every point had been hit. What was the problem? He scanned through, barely listening to Prewett. After multiple read-throughs he still couldn’t see anything wrong, still couldn’t figure out _why an E_?! He looked up at Prewett, wanting to raise his hand, wanting to ask why? He couldn’t—it made no sense! _It’s good work, it’s O-worthy work_! Perhaps he was getting a bit of an ego, but he _knew_ his work was good enough. He knew it was better than an E. It made no sense.

Remus agonized all through class, hardly able to pay any attention to Prewett’s words. When they finished up with practicing a spell, he had trouble getting it right.

Remus had already planned on staying behind to discuss the grade issue however it seemed like Prewett had the same thing in mind as he said, when class was over, “Would Miss Inkwood, Misters Black and Lupin stay behind? Everyone else dismissed.”

Remus, Sirius, and Inkwood exchanged glances but stayed in their seats. James and Peter both hesitated until Prewett shooed them out to where Lily and Colgate were trying to peer in.

“Your friends will only be a moment,” he promised. “Nobody’s in trouble.” He shut the door then turned, smiling at the three remaining students.

“Is th—this about the—the E?” Remus blurted out.

“Yes.” Prewett returned to his desk, leaning back against it, arms folded as he surveyed the three of them. “As a matter of fact it is.”

“What’s wrong with an E?” Inkwood asked. “It’s a great grade.”

“We sh-should have g-g-gotten an O,” Remus mumbled, tugging at the hem of his jumper.

Prewett sighed. “Again, you are correct. What I was given was… at the very least worth a hundred percent, if not more.”

“Why didn’t we get an O, then?” Sirius asked. He was leaning his chair on their back legs, the chair wobbling.

Prewett’s blue eyes swept across the three of them, landing on Remus. “Why do you think?”

Remus looked down, having a sinking feeling but not wanting to admit it. Sirius and Inkwood were silent too, so Prewett began speaking again. “This was a group project. Cassandra, Sirius, I know you both did a fair amount of research as well as worked on the art—which, by the way, was wonderful. The scale was genius. Remus, you did most of the research and wrote the essay. The _entire_ essay. I did not see the others in it at all.”

Remus slowly looked up, feeling guilty. “I—I th—I thought—I thought—“

“Sir, it’s my fault,” Sirius said, letting his chair smack down onto the ground with a bang. “I didn’t want to do much. I just wanted to do the art, with Cassie. I asked Remus to do everything and convinced Cassie to as well. If the work’s good you should give them Os, and lower mine to an A.”

Prewett raised an eyebrow. “You… didn’t want to do the work? And asked Remus to do everything?”

“Yup.” Sirius put his hands behind his head, smiling. “What can I say, I get put on a team with a genius, let _him_ do all the work.”

“Is this true, Miss Inkwood?”

Inkwood was breathing a little rapidly and her hands were curled into fists tight against her thighs. “Y—yes,” she squeaked out.

“Mr. Lupin?”

Remus looked at Sirius who grinned back. “No.” He shook his head, ignoring the fading smile on his friend’s face. “I—I w-w-wanted to do as much—I—it was me. I divided the—the work up unfairly. It w—it was me. No—not them. I—I thought I was… doing the—the r-right thing. I rewrote all—all their research. It was—it was my decision.”

“Oh come on, Professor!” Sirius stood up. “Who are you going to believe? Me or him?” He paused then gave a chuckle. “Okay, I _know_ he generally seems like the most trustworthy one but that proves you should believe me. I’m lazy and no good. Come on. How many times have I _not_ done the work? Remy’s just lying to keep me out of trouble.”

“Or you’re lying to keep him out of trouble,” Prewett said.

Sirius sniffled slightly. “That’s too much effort—“

“Sirius, stop.” Remus rubbed his head, wishing Prewett had talked to him alone and he didn’t have to deal with this. It was nice of Sirius to try but completely ridiculous. “I made the choice. They—they d-did the work, they d-deserve a b-better grade.”

“You _all_ did good work,” Prewett said, pushing himself away from the desk. “Excellent work. However, there is not enough ‘group’ in the group project.”

“Could—could we have—could we do it again?” Remus blurted out.

Inkwood groaned softly, covering her face.

“No, Mr. Lupin,” Prewett said gently. “Now, don’t worry. Your overall grade has most certainly not been dragged down if that’s what’s gotten you concerned.” He began walking towards the door. “I just wanted to speak to the three of you regarding the grade since it was a rather unique circumstance. Most of the groups, everyone did their work. One group, it was obvious some students were slacking. Yours… well, it was obvious it wasn’t a slacking issue but an overeager mind. So don’t forget. Group… means group. I want to hear _everyone’s_ voice.” He opened the door, smiling. _“_ Have a good afternoon.”

The three of them trooped out, Remus hunched over, stomach twisting into knots. Before any of their waiting friends could say anything, Inkwood grabbed Remus’s arm.

“Do it _again_?” she demanded. “A—a _month_ long project and you— _do it again_?”

Remus stepped away, pulling his satchel up almost as if it were a shield. “I—I wanted—I wanted—I—“

“An E is a great grade,” she said, hand dropping. “What’s the problem?”

“N-nothing,” he muttered. His worst since—since _her_. Of course it was better than anything he ever got with Dedenne, but it still brought back bad memories. He had been getting Os, perfect Os, perfect grades up until now!

_It was my fault, I should have let them do more…_ He barely focused as they walked, needing to be yanked back into reality twice. The first when he almost walked into a statue, and the other when he almost walked off a stairwell.

“Maybe look where you’re going?” James teased.

“Y—yeah, sorry,” he muttered.

Then promptly stopped paying attention again as he thought, _All because I had to make sure everything was perfect._ He had truly thought it was the right thing to do. Utilizing the team, and all that. But… it was wrong. _He_ was wrong. And now his grades were going to—well, all right, maybe an E wouldn’t bring down his overall grade. But it still hurt.

_Stop fussing over it, it’s done with, you can’t change it, and everyone else is right. It’s not a bad grade_. Except he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He _knew_ he wouldn’t be able to stop, and that it would be a little blade digging into him for a long time. Which was probably pathetic, but he couldn’t help it. He just hoped that the next time he got a big partner project that included an essay that he’d be able to get the balance right.

*

Remus sulked about the E for the rest of the day. He tried not to sulk when he was with Fawley, though wound up telling her everything. She commiserated with him over not getting an O, though reminded him it _was_ a group project and that Prewett was only trying to be fair. Remus sighed, knowing she was right—knowing Prewett was right—but still felt pretty miserable.

“I know I deserved it. I—I did. I do. I… it just hurts.” He twisted his hands in his lap, unable to get thoughts of Dedenne out of his head. And when Fawley entered his mind, that’s all they saw. Dedenne. Telling him if he failed he wouldn’t get a second chance.

When they emerged, Fawley’s hand went to his back. “Oh, Remus, it isn’t like that,” she said, rubbing his back.

Remus flinched, and forced himself to stay put. He had been feeling yucky with touch as the day wore on, and Fawley’s hand on his back hurt him, the movements sending a cascade of pain through his body. It was going to make Occlumency very difficult.

“I know,” he said, trying not to grimace. “I know it’s not. It—it was just a memory, that’s all.”

Fawley opened her mouth then shut up, fingers curling against the back of his jumper. “Of course. Shall we continue?”

Most of his memories that night were of Dedenne. Her yelling at him, giving him poor grades, punishing him for doing what she asked him to. The big explosion at the end of the year that got her fired. Or… caused her to quit, Remus still wasn’t quite sure.

Fawley ended the session early due to his emotions, and when he got to the dorms he curled up in bed with Gwyllgi. Sirius and Peter were both at James’s practice and Dave and Spinnet were elsewhere so he was able to be completely alone with his thoughts. With the memory of Dedenne. The things she said.

The E didn’t mean anything like that. He knew it didn’t.

But…

He rolled over, burying his face into Gwyllgi, unable to stop the feelings and fears overwhelming him.


	120. Chapter One Hundred-Twenty – You Got Mud On Your Face

Remus threw himself into his assignments, double, triple, quadruple checking everything he wrote down. Most of his free time was spent in the library with piles of books around him as he crammed for the pre-Easter exams. He also had the Easter prank to work on, which took up time too. Though, the most difficult part on his side of things was a conjuration spell. The others were working on the potion.

In order to make time, he stayed up late, practicing the spell in bed over and over until he passed out from exhaustion. It didn’t take long for his friends to grow concerned over the fact the dark circles under his eyes were growing darker and that he started falling asleep during meals. Friday morning he began drifting off when James was reading the letter from his mother (informing them that Flossie and May were perfectly fine, and very determined to open again), and then did fall asleep during lunch.

“No, I’m—I’m fine,” he murmured when Pete shook him awake. “I was just resting my eyes for a minute.”

“How much sleep did you get last night?” Sirius asked.

Remus yawned. “Erm, enough. Stop glaring, I’m _fine_! Pete, you were saying something about—“ He broke off into another yawn. “About your holidays?”

Peter gave him a suspicious stare. “Yes,” he said slowly. “Um, my parents are thinking about going on holiday. Without me. So my options are stay here _completely_ by myself since Spinnet and Struthers are leaving too _or_ spend the Easter holidays with my Muggle relatives since that’s where Grandpa is going. Or I could go to my _other_ aunt’s house—my mum’s sister, magical—but Merlin I can’t stand my cousin, he’s such a _prat_. Between him and the Muggle cousins, I’d rather stay with the Muggles even though that’s still not what I’d like.”

James winced. “Oof.”

“Yeah oof, it means no letters!” Pete wailed, his voice rising a bit. “I couldn’t use Cocoa, couldn’t even _bring_ Cocoa, or get letters from you guys. I’d have to pretend to be Muggle!”

Some nearby Ravenclaws overheard this and one of them leaned over. “That shouldn’t be difficult for a Squib like you!”

James jumped to his feet. “Say that again?”

The Ravenclaw glanced at James, then at Sirius who was also on his feet. “Nothing,” he said, holding his hands up, a smirk on his lips. “Nothing at all.” When he turned to walk away he tripped over nothing, almost smashing face-first into the table but managing to catch himself—barely. “You little—“ He whirled around to yell at James except James didn’t have his wand out. Neither did Sirius.

“We didn’t do anything,” Sirius said, folding his arms. “You’re just clumsy.”

The Ravenclaw scowled and stormed off with his friends, while Remus tucked his wand back into his pocket, hidden by the table.

“Man, perfect timing for _that_!” laughed James as he sat down.

Sirius grinned, flopping back into his seat. “Karma.”

Peter was looking at Remus who scooped up some potatoes. “Karma,” Remus agreed with a smile.

“Hmm.” Peter kept watching Remus for a second then sighed, putting his head down on the table. “Two weeks without letters from you guys. Or—or else being all alone here. Or forced to be around Pratty McPratface. This sucks rotten plimpy eggs.”

“Maybe you could come to Italy with me,” James offered.

Peter perked up for a split second then frowned. “I couldn’t do that. I mean, thanks for—“

“No, really. I mean, I’d love for all of you to come but I know Sirius and Remus can’t, so maybe you can?”

“Thanks, really,” Peter replied. “But I—I don’t know.”

James smiled. “Think about it, at least.”

Remus figured Peter was still going to say no and when he asked him about it later in the afternoon, Peter nodded, saying he didn’t want to be a tagalong for James’s holiday.

“Maybe if we were all going,” he said, “then I would. If it’s just me going I’d feel kinda weird.”

“I understand that,” Remus said. “I’d feel the same. I am sorry you’ve got three awful choices though. I—I wish I could stay with you here. I really do.”

Pete nudged him. “It’s fine, we all get why you can’t. I think I will go with Grandpa though. Pretending to be Muggle will suck but it beats being alone and being around my dumb cousin.”

Remus wondered briefly who Peter’s cousin was. Surely if he had a cousin _in_ the school he’d have said something right? Or was it another one of those things where he just… didn’t think about it? Like Sirius and James being related to people? Actually, Remus had no idea how much of a pureblood family Peter’s maternal side of the family was!

*

Remus was in the library fairly early, having eaten supper as quickly as he could in order to go spend more time studying. So he was already there when Aegis showed up with his cousin in tow. Remus had forgotten completely about him bringing her that night and felt a little uneasy at having to deal with a complete stranger when he was that tired.

“It’s so good to finally meet you!” Pandora Silverlocke had long, floaty, pale blonde hair and enormous blue eyes. When she shook Remus’s hand, the lightness in her touch almost felt unreal. Her voice was equally as soft. “Eej has spent so much time telling me about you, I feel as though I know you already!”

“It’s—it—it—it’s really nice to—to meet you t-to,” Remus managed to say.

Pandora smiled, sitting down on Aegis’s other side. “It makes me happy to know he has such a good friend,” she said, tucking her skirt around her legs carefully. “I hear you’re top in your year.”

“I—uh—I don’t—I don’t know about that,” he said with a nervous chuckle.

Aegis rolled his eyes. “He is,” he said, grinning at Remus who ducked his head. “He is the one who came up with the spell I showed you.”

“The one to make books lie open flat without hurting their spine?” Pandora gave him a surprised look. “You did that?”

“Er, ah—well, um, y—yes…”

“It’s absolutely brilliant!” She clapped her hands. “I had a spell but it was as if I was holding the book open myself, and the spines would crack a bit. I don’t mind my books to be well worn, however I’d like them to last a long time before doing repairing spells.” She tilted her head, eyes scrutinizing him carefully. “Do you often come up with new spells?”

Remus hesitated, unsure what to say since most of his other spells were used for pranks. “Y—yes.”

Pandora beamed at that. “Perfect! You see, there’s another class—it’s not _really_ a class, it’s more of a… hmm…” She tapped her chin in thought. “I’m going to say a bimonthly lesson though it isn’t an elective. Anyway, it’s called _Magical Theory_. It’s a lesson to help teach and educate on everything you would need to know to develop your own spells.” She leaned across Aegis, looking very happy. “I take it. It has been a marvelous help. I love developing my own spells, see, and I always had trouble until I took that last year. It’s only for the third year, although in your sixth year there is another one called _Advanced Magical Theory_. Watch this!”

She tapped her left hand with her wand, saying a spell that sounded Gaelic in origin. Then she trailed her fingers across the table, leaving flowers in their wake.

“Oh that’s beautiful,” Remus gasped.

Pandora reached up, stroking Aegis’s hair, leaving dainty flowers in them. “Isn’t it?” she asked, then removed the spell from her hand. “Eej, stop,” she giggled when Aegis began plucking the flowers out. She picked one of them up and flicked it at him. He laughed, flicking some back.

“You should take it,” Aegis told Remus, and flicked a little flower at him. “It sounds like something that would benefit you greatly.”

“I—I think it might too,” he said, rather excited about the thought. “You said it—it’s n-not an elective? I c-can simply t-take it without—without worrying about—about—without worrying about limiting my elective ch-choices?” Pandora listened without batting an eyelash despite his awful stammering.

“Yes,” she said, tucking her wand behind her ear. “That’s right. It has nothing to do with the electives. OH!” She jumped to her feet. “You must be… Kyra Pierce? And Florence Buckling?”

The other students began arriving and Pandora happily shook everyone’s hands, greeting everyone with a cheerful smile. Even Craft and Twycross.

“So!” She sat back down, bouncing a little in her seat from excitement. “Electives. There are five electives you may choose from. Ancient Runes, Arithmancy, Care of Magical Creatures, Divination, and Muggle Studies. I personally take Ancient Runes and Arithmancy myself. I suppose I should start with the ones I _don’t_ take, so at least I can end my speech on a seemingly intelligent note.

“Muggle Studies,” she said, resting her hands on the table. “Just as it sounds. You’ll learn about Muggles and their culture in that class. My friend takes it and she says it’s very interesting. You’ll learn everything from important events in Muggle history, to what sort of music they’re listening to nowadays. You’ll learn how Muggles make things, their hobbies, their entertainment—all of that. It is primarily focused on UK Muggles though you will learn about stuff from all over.

“Care of Magical Creatures.” She sat back down, winding a strand of hair around a finger. “Again, on the package. It’s a very hands-on sort of class where you learn about magical creatures and how to take care of them. Some creatures you’ll learn about are more for… um… you know, simply learning. Like my friend said Professor Kettleburn once brought in a thunderbird from America, which isn’t something you’d have as a pet. But it’s fun to learn about that. It can be a bit dangerous sometimes though, from what I understand.

“Divination,” she continued, “is where you’ll learn how to use tools in order to see the future. Crystal balls, tea leaves, tarot cards… all sorts of things. Some students think it’s a ridiculous class to take, and though personally I don’t take it, it’s as valid as any other branch of magic if you ask me. A lot of my friends take it since they see it as an easy class. I don’t know, from what I can tell if you _really_ are interested in _actually_ learning then it’s not _that_ easy. Using divining tools can be difficult.

“Arithmancy!” She smiled, perking up. “Arithmancy is… the connection between numbers and magic. It’s also connected with divination as well, as one can use numbers to possibly predict outcomes and events. There are those who feel that breaking things down into numbers can bring one closer to the true origin of magic. Using numbers to… enhance magic, even. Numbers have magical properties. If you reduce everything to numbers, you can unlock more power than simply using words. Or so some believe. I think there is some truth to that, honestly.

“Ancient Runes.” Now she beamed. “My favorite! It is _so_ interesting! You’ll find runes used almost everywhere still, though it’s not something everyone knows. Or understands. It isn’t simply… an old language, as some believe. Don’t get me wrong, that is a big part of it, but runes are more than simply words. They are, in a sense, full of magic themselves. You can put runes down as physical spells, though you do need your wand. You can enchant things using them.” With that she pulled her bracelet off, flipping one of the little stones around to reveal a rune. “This bracelet is inscribed with runes that helps keep me focused.” She slipped it back on. “I had to get permission from _all_ my teachers, of course, to use it in class, and I do have to take it off for tests. It’s nice to have though.

“Now!” She dropped her hands onto the table, a little loudly causing everyone to jump. “Any questions?”

They all had questions. Remus had _loads_ of questions, his head was buzzing, and his heart was pounding, and he knew he had to take everything. _Everything_! They had to! He couldn’t choose! He supposed if he _had_ to choose, he wouldn’t take Muggle Studies or Care of Magical Creatures… except those were the two the other Marauders wanted to take. Besides, he did want to take them anyway. Just, maybe a smidge less than the others. _He still wanted them though_! He wanted all of them! McGonagall would agree, wouldn’t she? His grades might convince her even if his trouble-making friends and the fact he could never be Prefect or do anything impressive after school spoke against him, right?

_Right?_

He was so caught up in his thoughts he barely heard the questions his study mates were asking. Then his hand rose because he finally settled on an important question.

“Wh-what sort of—of runes d-do you st—study? I—I mean, is it—is it G—Germanic/Old English or—or do you study others like C—Celtic and—Egyptian?”

“Mostly Old English,” she said regrettably. “We are learning some Celtic, as it is connected to our land; Gaelic, Breton, Irish, and Welsh. I believe possibly some Greek and Roman. Unfortunately, it’s centered on Old English runes since those are the runes our country’s society has mainly used since before Hogwarts was founded.”

Remus mulled over that as the others peppered her with questions. It didn’t surprise him, and he supposed it would be like learning _multiple_ languages in one class if they taught several various runic languages. At least they would be learning various Celtic runes including Welsh; he was very excited about that. The book on Celtic runes he had gotten was obviously for people who had more advanced knowledge of runic work. Not all of it was within his understanding. Not yet.

When Craft asked which were the most difficult classes, Remus glanced back up. Pandora said it depended.

“If you don’t have a good grasp with numbers, Arithmancy will be your most difficult,” she explained. “If you aren’t good at… learning about other cultures, Muggle Studies might not be so easy.”

Twycross pursed her lips. “Yes, but which one is the best?”

Pandora tipped her head to one side. “They’re all good in their own ways. It really depends on where you’d like to go in life. And remember, you can always drop an elective and pick another one up before your fifth year.”

“I heard Muggle Studies and Divination are the easy classes,” Buckling said.

“From what I’ve heard they are the easiest ones to… get through. If you want good grades you’ll need to put in the work but…” She folded her arms on the table and leaned forward. “You can make some things up for Divination, and only do some basic studying for Muggle Studies and you’ll get an A without any trouble. My dormmate chose those classes for that very reason; she has done hardly anything, and has an A in both.” Pandora shrugged. “She’s happy.”

“ _I’m_ going for all the classes,” Craft said.

“You can take all of them?” Bones asked, surprised.

“Yes, if your Head of House agrees,” Craft said, smirking. “Professor Flitwick will definitely agree that I can take all of them. I am top student.”

“Of Ravenclaw,” Pierce said, and Craft glowered at her. “What?”

“Why did you have to say it like _that_?” Craft demanded.

Pierce smiled. “Because Lupin is the top in our year and the way you said it you insinuated that you were?”

Craft looked furious, while Remus slid down in his seat a little. Pierce looked pleased with herself for having irritated Craft, and Pandora seemed vaguely amused by the whole thing.

“I did no such thing,” Craft finally said, giving a sniffle of disapproval. “I said—oh, it doesn’t matter, you won’t listen anyway.”

Pandora cleared her throat. “Any other questions?”

“What are the teachers like?” Lily asked.

“Well, we have Professor Quirke who teaches Ancient Runes. She is a little… loopy.” At that word, Remus flinched. Aegis and Lily glanced at him, neither saying anything. Pandora continued talking. “She says she’s connected to runes. She’s a good teacher but tends to ramble a lot, and takes time getting to the point. She is retiring soon. I think next year may be her final year? There is Professor Codde, her current assistant who will take over. She’s very demanding... You must be very precise when writing the runes for her. Though, that is good since, well, a wobbly line might mess up the rune’s magic. She is also particular about the translations. Professor Talkalot teaches Arithmancy.”

Remus remembered his only run-in with Talkalot, when Malfoy’s hair had been dyed.

“Contrary to his name, no, he doesn’t talk a _lot_ ,” she giggled. “He likes lecturing and is very patient when you need help with numbers. He’s one of my favorite teachers. Let’s see. Lewis teaches Muggle Studies. I’ve been told she’s a lot of fun and really enjoys her job. She’s really into music especially. Um… Professor Hawkwood teaches Divination. He’s really into the more… hmm, not sure how to put it… I think my friend said it’s like he wants to apply strict logic with Divination?” She spread her hands out. “Don’t ask me how that works. Oh! Like, the physical aspect of divination I guess? He always says to use your mind as much as your instinct though instinct is important, but getting ‘too carried away’ with visions and what you see takes away from Divination in his opinion. Anyway, Professor Kettleburn teaches Magical Creatures. He is wild, dangerous, and, from what I can tell from his injuries, doesn’t have as much concern about safety as he should. Anyway, he’s very well-liked, and no student has died.”

_Yeah, definitely James and Sirius’s class_ , Remus thought.

More questions were asked, nothing that really interested Remus, and he went back to thinking—hoping—about the possibility of taking all of them. If Craft could, he surely could, right?

Study Club broke up early that night, and Pandora went out of the library with Aegis, Lily, and Remus. Pandora talked with Lily for quite a while about Arithmancy, while Aegis kept acting like he wanted to say something to Remus. Finally Remus asked if everything was all right, and Aegis jumped a little.

“Yes,” he said, pulling a piece of parchment out of his pocket. “Here.”

Remus unfolded the parchment to reveal a spell. _Cariabsenium – Healer spell, blocks smells_.

Remus jerked his chin up, eyes wide. Aegis was smiling rather shyly. “I—I’ve been looking for this for _ages_! How d-did you find it?!”

“My aunt,” he replied. “My—my other aunt, not Pandora’s mother. I suppose technically not my aunt. Pandora’s aunt. My aunt’s sister. Er, anyway she worked at Saint Mungo’s for a while and was very friendly with one of the wizards who worked in the morgue. I thought perhaps she may know, or know someone who knows, and she sent me that. I couldn’t get it quite right when I tested it. You are better at spells than I am, though, so I hope it works for you.”

Remus got a sudden urge to hug Aegis. He _wanted_ to hug him, but that was probably _way_ over the line. “Thank you,” he whispered, clutching the parchment. “Thank you so much. I can’t begin—can’t even begin to thank you.”

“No, it is fine,” he replied. “I am glad to have found it. I hope it helps.”

Remus carefully folded the parchment up, tucking it into his pocket. “I’ll be right back.”

He went back into the library and began trying to look up the spell. It took several tries until he finally found the spell in a very hefty medical tome. By his guess of how long it was taking him to get through the medical books, he would have come across it sometime in June, perhaps not till September. Aegis had _really_ saved him a lot of time.

Lily and Pandora were still talking when Remus came back out of the library, and probably would have kept on talking if Remus hadn’t reminded Lily they were supposed to be helping Mary Macdonald with preparing for the exams. They said goodbye to the two Silverlockes and headed to the Gryffindor tower, Lily extremely bouncy as she walked, talking a mile a minute about the classes. She was definitely taking Ancient Runes and Arithmancy, and wanted to know what Remus was thinking. He admitted he wasn’t sure though he was very interested in Study of Ancient Runes.

“Good.” She linked her arm with his. “I was hoping to have at least _one_ elective with you!”

_Maybe both_ , he thought. His mind stayed on all the electives while they worked with Macdonald, though he did his best to help drill history facts into her head. While he did that he briefly thought of Regulus, having initially wanted help with History then changing his mind last minute. He hoped the younger Black would do all right. Perhaps he found a Slytherin tutor? He wished he could ask Sirius, though knew that would cause difficulties, so he wouldn’t.

Fingers snapped in front of his face and he jumped, blinking rapidly at Macdonald. “I can tell you’re not all here,” she said, giving him a rather amused look. “You don’t need to stay.”

“No, n—no, it’s f-fine,” he stammered. “What y-year was the Gargoyle Strike?”

Macdonald rested her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands, blowing a strand of hair from her eyes. “Y’know, it’s so bloody strange, thinking gargoyles are real. It’s downright _spooky._ ”

“Nnnn-not all gargoyles are s-s-sentient,” he explained, tapping the page in her history book. “When, and wh—where was the st-strike?”

Macdonald sighed, folding her arms on the table and flopping her head down. “This is boring. Who cares?”

“Binns does,” Lily said, garnering a giggle from Macdonald. “Your test results will.”

Macdonald threw herself backwards, sulking. “I’ll be _fine_ with History, it’s—I’m fine with an A. OH!” She suddenly sat straight up, staring past Remus. “ _Hi_!”

Someone slapped their hands down on Remus’s shoulders, causing him to jump. He knew before the other person spoke that it was Sirius, as his familiar scent washed over Remus.

“Heya, we need to borrow Remy for a bit,” he said, patting Remus.

“I—I’m helping Miss—Miss Macdonald,” Remus said.

“When was the Gargoyle Strike?” Macdonald asked, looking up at Sirius in the same way most the girls seemed to be looking at him these days.

Sirius bent down, his head resting on Remus’s shoulder. “Hmm? Gargoyle Strike? I dunno.”

“Sirius, we learned it a year ago,” Remus moaned.

Sirius turned his head to look at him, his face _right_ there, right by Remus’s face. Too close. _Far_ too close. When he spoke, his warm breath rolled across Remus’s ear which sent _very_ uncomfortable (and tingly) feelings through his body. “Did we? I seem to have forgotten. Anyway, we need you for important business.”

“If you an—answer the q-q-question I’ll go with you,” Remus said.

“1911,” Sirius replied without hesitation.

Remus pulled away, glaring. “You _knew_ , you little rat, you just—ooh!”

Macdonald giggled. “1911, right. I remember now.”

Sirius straightened up, winking at Macdonald (which made her go bright red) before grabbing Remus’s jumper. “A deal’s a deal. C’mon, Brains.”

Remus barely had time to grab his stuff and send an apology Macdonald’s way before Sirius was hauling him up to the dorms. “What in Merlin’s name is the big emergency?!”

In the dorm there was a good inch of mud all over the floor. Sirius half-shoved Remus inside before following, and Remus stumbled, lifting his feet out of the mud and looking around till he saw James and Peter sitting on James’s bed.

“Might’ve had an accident,” James said with a sheepish grin.

“Wh—what did you do?! Besides alter your fountain of slime spell into a fountain of _mud_!”

Sirius nudged him. “It isn’t a fountain of mud. There’s no gushing. It’s just… oozing.”

“We wanted to transfigure something into mud,” Peter explained. “For the sixth year Slytherins! But, um, well. Yeaahh. It—it didn’t go so well.”

“We didn’t want to get a teacher, since that means they’ll know it’s us if we do it to the Slytherins,” James said then tapped the side of his head. “See? We’re smart.”

Remus looked down at the mud squishing around his trainers. Thankfully the waterproofing spell he had used seemed to be working and it wasn’t seeping in. “Sirius, lift your feet.” He quickly waterproofed Sirius’s shoes and did the same to James and Peter so they could help him. He had Sirius and Peter filling buckets of mud to take into the bathroom to dispose of while James tried to show him the source of the issue.

“It was a bowl of water,” James explained when Remus tried to see what was under the mud. “I tried to transfigure the water to mud but uhhh, oops.”

“It’s difficult transfiguring water into _anything_ , unless it is part of a greater whole—such as blood in an animal’s body, or juice in an apple—or when it’s in its solid state of matter,” he sighed. “We won’t be able to do that until later.”

“Solid what?”

“State of matter. When it is ice. It is easier to transfigure solids than it is the other states of matter—liquid and gas.”

James rubbed his chin, nodding. “Gotcha. We turn the water to ice then transfigure the ice into mud. Hey, Sirius, we got a solution—“

“No, we don’t,” Remus said, shaking his head. “Let’s get this fixed before we do anything else.”

It took him a good twenty minutes to get the bowl to stop oozing mud. By the time he managed, he had stripped off his robes and jumper, and was soaked in sweat, about ready to pass out. His vision was rather blurry from all the advanced magic he was trying to do plus the fact he had been getting very little sleep. But there was more work to do: cleaning. James wanted to summon the house-elves to help which Remus argued against.

“You made the mess, you clean it up,” he said, scooping up a large handful of mud and dumping it into a bucket.

“You’re helping even though you didn’t make it,” James pointed out, leaving a streak of mud across his face when he tried to adjust his glasses. “Aw, shit.”

“Because I’m your _friend_.”

Peter groaned, a hand on his back as he leaned way back. “This _hurts_! Can’t we get a shovel or something?”

“Locomotor mud!” Sirius said, flicking his wand. To his credit, the mud _did_ move.

However it moved right onto James instead of the bucket by his feet.

He staggered back, looking at the splatter of mud all over his uniform. “ _Sirius_!”

“Whooops!” Sirius giggled.

“Locomotor mud!” James snapped, sending mud onto Sirius.

“No!” Remus cried out. “Guys, come on, let’s—“

Mud was flying everywhere. Peter squeaked and jumped back, slipping and falling splat right into the mud. Remus wobbled his way over to help him up, ducking under the sprays of mud the other two were sending. It was getting all over the beds, the furniture, the walls… it looked exactly like the prank Sirius wanted to do, only it was in their dorm instead of the Slytherins!

And all over James and Sirius. They were _coated_.

“You know, any minute Spinnet will be here and he is going to go to a prefect or McGonagall and that will be that,” Remus said when they paused for a moment.

Both looked at him.

“Bloody hell, you’re right,” sighed Sirius, wiping some mud from his face.

“How are we supposed to clean this?!” Peter demanded, looking at the mess.

Remus rolled his sleeves up. “Persistence, and a spell we won’t learn for a couple years. Scourgify!”

He had never attempted the spell before. It was one they wouldn’t be learning till most likely their fourth year, and he hadn’t had any need up till now to learn it properly. In hindsight, learning the cleaning spell was probably something he _should_ have been working on as friends to James and Sirius.

“Scourgify! You lot keep mucking the mud out, please. Scourgify!” He kept trying until his wand produced clean swathes of the wall with each wand movement. To someone who _could_ use it properly it should clean large sections at one time but at least this was something,

He worked on the furniture while the others hauled as much mud out as they could. They eventually returned with buckets full of water and dumped them on the floor. They had mops, as James had summoned some house-elves to at least give them those.

“I hope that’s all right,” he said as he began mopping up.

“That—that’s fine, yes.”

Remus kept working on the furniture, ignoring the fact his head was pounding and his vision was getting blurry until a stab of pain shot through his head. He paused, pinching the bridge of his nose. Sirius asked if he was all right and he nodded, sucking in some air to prepare to use the spell again. He raised his wand, aiming at one of the wardrobes. Instead of the spell he let out a moan as he swayed, then everything went black.


	121. Chapter One Hundred-Twenty-One – "Magic Is Part Of You"

Remus sat upright with a cry of confusion, clutching his chest. He looked at his closed curtains, hearing voices outside of them. James and Peter at least, and music. Pushing the curtains aside, he first glanced at the clock—ten-thirteen—then at the room. Clean.

“You all right?” Sirius asked. He and the other two were on James’s bed playing cards. Dave and Spinnet were in their beds, reading a book and a magazine respectively.

“Uh—yeah.” He rubbed his head as he got out of bed. “What happened?”

Sirius dropped his cards and hopped out of bed, taking Remus’s sleeve to pull him out of the dorm. Once they were alone in the bathroom Sirius hissed, “You passed out again!” He gave Remus a gentle shove. “You bloody idiot! What the hell is wrong with you—“

“I was trying to help!” Remus reminded him, face growing hot. “We had to get everything clean before Spinnet came up. Ugh! It’s late now, I had assignments to finish—“

“Remy, it’s the _weekend_! You have two full days before our next class!” Sirius shook his head. “You need to rest. You look beyond exhausted.” He reached out, as if wanting to touch Remus’s face but his hand quickly pulled back and he looked awkward. “That was bad of us to have you help clean.”

“You didn’t make me,” Remus pointed out. Then, “How did you finish cleaning?”

“House-elves,” Sirius replied, and Remus frowned. “Don’t scowl. We did a lot of cleaning. They simply… finished the job. It’s fine. It was either that or Spinnet catching us.”

Remus folded his arms, hunching his shoulders. It would be terrific to cover the sixth year Slytherin dorms in mud, and if Spinnet had caught the mud then it would definitely be an unusable prank. He hated having to use house-elves like that, though. Though Sirius did have a point. The Marauders _did_ do a lot of the cleanup themselves.

So, without anything else to say on the mud matter, Remus said, “Thanks for not taking me to Pomfrey.”

Sirius groaned. “We should have. You pushed yourself too much.” The irritation in his voice softened as he reached out, putting a hand on Remus’s shoulder. “You’re barely getting any sleep. You look ready to drop.”

“I always look ready to drop.” Remus shrugged. “In any case, exams are next week plus I need to perfect the spell we’re using for the feast.”

Sirius blew up at that, and began lecturing Remus about what he _needed_ was rest. How could he expect to pass anything on so little sleep? Remus said he would _get_ sleep the week of the exams, he needed to _study_. Sirius said no he needed to _rest_ , and Remus countered with the fact he had taken a nearly two hour nap that night already, he had gotten plenty of rest.

“THAT WASN’T A NAP!” Sirius shouted. “YOU _PASSED OUT_! PASSING OUT IS NOT A NAP!”

“It was still rest,” Remus snapped right back. “I’m fine—“

Sirius grabbed him, pushing him towards a mirror. “You’re not fine, you look like—it’s ten days away but you look like it’s tomorrow!”

Remus turned his head away so he didn’t have to look at his exhausted reflection. “The holidays start in a week, I will get plenty of rest then.”

“You will not. I know you, you’ll spend the entire holiday doing homework.”

Remus twisted all the way around, facing Sirius. This was a huge mistake since Sirius put his hands on the sink on either side of Remus, pinning him in. Too close. Far too close. Remus’s heart rate went up, and he noticed Sirius’s did too for some reason. There was something very wrong with the scenario, though he couldn’t explain what.

It didn’t help that Sirius remained silent, making the situation even stranger.

“I’ll be fine,” he whispered, too afraid to speak any louder with Sirius’s face so close. “Please,” he added, looking up through his fringe.

Sirius stared down at him then pulled away. “You’re an absolute buffoon, you know that, right?”

“I learn from the best,” he joked. Sirius rolled his eyes and smiled.

“I don’t like you pushing yourself,” Sirius said after a few seconds of silence. “I don’t like seeing you exhausted.”

“I’m always exhausted whether I stay up studying or not.” Remus ran his fingers through his hair, glancing over as James and Peter came in to get ready for bed. “But thank you for your concern.”

He quickly left to get his wash bag to get ready for bed; as the door shut he heard James say, “’Thank you for your concern’ like we’re strangers putting in a complaint to a shop or something instead of VERY WORRIED FRIENDS!” That last bit was shouted, completely intended for Remus to hear. And ignore.

They were absolute hypocrites though, as all three of them stayed up till at least three. James and Sirius went sneaking out to explore while Peter stayed up to check the door for them. Remus was still awake doing revisions for the exams when they finally returned, and he glared at the curtains even though they couldn’t see.

The next morning he brought up their hypocritical behavior. They simply said _they_ hadn’t stayed up super late every night; it was fine to stay up late occasionally but every single night was too much. Remus sniffled, not arguing any further on the matter. Besides, it was a game day and he already had a headache since he had forgotten his earplugs. The Great Hall wasn’t _super_ loud, but the excitement for the Quidditch game bumped the volume up a few levels. Especially since this was the final game for both Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff.

The others were going, though to Remus’s surprise they were rooting for different houses. James and Sirius were decked out in blue and bronze for Ravenclaw. Peter was in yellow and black for Hufflepuff.

“If Ravenclaw wins, Gryffindor has a better chance at the cup!” James squeaked out, disgusted.

“I don’t want to root for Ravenclaw,” Peter said simply, spreading marmalade thick on his toast. “I wanna root for Hufflepuff. I’m not the only Gryffindor doing that.” He indicated a large group of Gryffindors also in yellow and black.

“You’re a traitor,” Sirius joked and Peter shrugged, not caring.

“If Hufflepuff wins, Gryffindor still has a chance,” he pointed out.

“A very _narrow_ chance,” James reminded him. “If Hufflepuff gets more than two hundred points, we _have_ to be ahead of Slytherin by at least two goals before catching the Snitch! Unless Ravenclaw somehow gets two hundred and fifty points, we’ll be fine if they win.”

“That is a feasible score, is it not?” Remus asked and they stared at him. “Didn’t you win your first game with… two hundred and seventy?”

“Yes but that’s different,” James said. “Our Chasers are better than Ravenclaw’s Keeper, so it was easier for us to get the goals. Hufflepuff’s Keeper is good, and I don’t think the Ravenclaws have a chance to get _that_ many goals off them. Ravenclaw’s Keeper is all right. More than five goals from Hufflepuff is possible, unless Ravenclaw gets the Snitch first. Now, if Ravenclaw gets the Snitch first it will have to be early in the game, see, and they wouldn’t be likely to have _ten_ goals by that point. See?”

“Yes,” Remus replied, a little uncertain. While he got the gist of it, Quidditch scores made little sense to him. He _still_ thought there should be another, final game between the two best scoring teams. It just seemed so weird that if Hufflepuff did really good this game then they’d win, even if Gryffindor did pretty good their final game.

Plus his head ached and that didn’t help trying to figure stuff out.

He wished his friends luck with the teams they were rooting for (which made Sirius call him a traitor too, when he told Petey good luck) then he gladly retreated to the cool, quiet of the library. Mr. Farrow greeted him with a smile, which cheered Remus up since he had never seen Mr. Farrow smile at _anyone_ except for an older Ravenclaw he knew spent most of her time in the library too.

The late morning and afternoon were spent cramming by himself. After Ravenclaw won (one hundred and seventy points, which Remus knew would make James super happy), Aegis showed up to revise as well. Eventually Lily came in, and she and Aegis discussed the game, telling Remus about some of the highlights; all of which he heard again at supper from James.

“Their reserve keeper is too good,” he sighed. “He was brought in for the final bit when Doyle got slammed by the Bludger. After that, Hufflepuff could not score at _all_. It’s going to be rough next year when Doyle graduates.”

“How about we not talk about the Ravenclaw team right now?” Peter asked in a rather bitter voice.

“What’s wrong?” Sirius asked.

Peter began pouring gravy over his potatoes and the gravy spilled all across his plate, seeping into his vegetables and meat. “Nothing, I just don’t want to talk about ’em.” He set the pitcher down then stabbed the bit of beef rather viciously. “Are we doing written Potions first or practical?”

James and Sirius exchanged looks at the extremely blunt change of conversation. “Pr—practical,” Remus replied, trying to ignore what just happened. Peter didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe one of the Ravenclaw team members bullied Peter at some point and he never told them?

“Good, I like practical,” Peter said, brightening up. “The writing stuff isn’t too bad but practical is easier.”

“Hopefully we don’t have to deal with any Mulciber and Avery shit this time like we did in December,” Sirius said, still eyeing Peter.

“Naw, I think we’re doing the potion all in one go,” James said, waving a butter knife around. “Individually.”

Remus thought of the spell Aegis had given him the night before. He hadn’t had a chance to practice it yet. With the practical exam on Monday, he needed to get it down pat. How advanced was it? It was in a pretty heavy medical tome so probably rather advanced. Could he get it perfected by Monday, or at least well enough to help some? On top of working on the Easter spell and revising for all the exams?

His shoulders drooped as he felt exhausted _thinking_ about everything he needed to get done. He hadn’t even gone through his History flashcards yet or practiced some of the spells he was sure would be needed for Charms! All right, spells he could do easily, but still. He needed to practice.

“I—I’ll see you later.” Remus pushed his plate away with one hand and grabbed for his satchel with the other.

“You barely ate,” Sirius noted. “You’re not going off to study more, are you?”

“Er, no, I’m not studying,” he replied honestly. “Bye.”

He went outside, marching across the grounds until he got to a place where there were loads of Griffin Claws, very pretty flowers shaped like bird claws… and with a powerful smell. He sat down by a patch of them, pulling out the note from Aegis.

“Caria-abseni—oh, no.” He squinted, rereading Aegis’s handwriting. “Cariabsenium.” He tapped his nose then took in a deep whiff of the flowers. He could still smell them. “Cariabsenium.”

Remus tried again and again as the sun moved closer to the horizon. He grew exhausted and a little weak, continuing to push himself until he finally was able to block _some_ of the scent out. By that point the sun had set. He had been sitting there for almost three hours.

“Ooof!” He stretched his legs out, rubbing them as the cramps faded. “Finite incantatum.” He hoped that would end the spell. “Finite incantatum!” No, some of the scents were still faded. “Shit.” He scrambled to his feet, panicking a little. “Finite incantatum!” He tapped his nose desperately, then wondered… would it be so bad if the spell remained?

 _Yes_ , he realized, after a few seconds of thinking. Not necessarily _this_ version of the spell when he could still smell things, but if he completely blocked scents out that—he wouldn’t like that to be permanent.

 _Right_. He grabbed his bag and hurried back to the castle, going as quickly as he could, hoping the spell would just wear off on its own. He thought it was a little before eight, and maybe had time to swing by the library; except when he went into the entrance hall he ran straight into a prefect who took points off for him being out of his common room after curfew.

“It’s—it’s n-not eight yet!” he argued.

“It’s _after_ eight,” the prefect said, pointing at a nearby clock. 8:14. “Get to your common room.”

“I need to go to the library!” he said without thinking.

She folded her arms, giving him a glare. “It’s after curfew, Lupin. Common room. Now. Before I remove _more_ points.” She wrote out a quick note saying she had removed points for his infringement, and at what time. That way so long as he went straight for the common room he could show other prefects without losing more points.

Remus debated going to the library anyway, then remembered he still had to go to the owlery. It would be four weeks since he started the medicinal regime, and the last day of giving it to him three times a week. On the sixth floor he had to show another prefect both the note from the first prefect and the note about being allowed to give Arthur medicine. The Gryffindor prefect took him to the owlery, obviously not trusting him.

Arthur was doing loads better. He flew down to Remus’s arm as soon as he went in, snuggling up against him. “You look so good,” he said, stroking Arthur. “So much better. You look several years younger.”

Arthur puffed his chest out, feathers plumping out too. He gave a happy hoot and began nibbling at Remus’s tie, demanding his treat. Remus laughed and sat on a bench, getting the owl treats out as well as the medicine. He carefully put three drops on a treat before feeding it to Arthur who gobbled it down.

“You act as if I starve you,” he accused, and Arthur flapped his wings. “I need to go, I can’t stay. I’m sorry.” He kissed Arthur’s head then stood up, watching him fly back to his nest. “I’ll come by tomorrow.”

The prefect led him to the Gryffindor tower, and Remus stammered out a thanks before slipping through the entrance hole, managing not to fall for once. He scanned the room, not seeing the other Marauders. First he checked the dorm, not at all surprised to find them not there either. Sighing, he trudged back down to the common room to work on his flashcards. A few minutes after he sorted them out, a shadow crossed over the table.

Remus glanced up to see David standing there, looking awkward.

“I hate to bother you but could I get a little help? With—with some revision?”

He didn’t really want to help, feeling more in the mood to be by himself. Feeling too tired to be much of a help anyway. However, if David needed help he’d be glad to try. He liked feeling useful, liked feeling like he was doing some good. “Of c-course.” He scooped up the cards, straightening them out before setting them on the corner of the table. “What do you n-need help with?”

David sank down into the chair across the table. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s n-nothing ever stupid,” Remus reassured him. “Some p-people have difficulties with—with certain things. Nothing wr-wrong with that.”

“It’s stupid because I need help with some of the maths stuff, in Transfiguration,” David admitted.

“Why w-would that be st—stupid?” Remus asked, digging into his bag for parchment.

David shrugged. “Because… I’m—I mean, well. I’ve actually taken maths classes before. You know, Andy said—he says more purebloods don’t. Take classes, I mean. Before coming here.”

Remus shook his head. “No, that’s—yeah. No, they d-don’t. Most families either t-teach their ch—children what they n-need to know or else they—they hire tutors.”

David made a face. “Seems weird to me.”

“Well…” Remus nibbled at his quill, trying to figure out how to say what he meant. “A—a lot of pureblood ch—children c-can’t be trusted to keep their tongues, if they’re in a—a Muggle school. I mean, I c-can picture six year old James r-rambling about Quidditch and—and the Ministry n-needing to swoop in with oblivation spells.”

David grinned. “You’ve got a point about that. Still, you’d think there would be a primary school.”

“Well, in—in a l-lot of communities there’s a—a t-teacher usually, if there are enough kids to warrant one,” Remus explained. “It d-depends on the size. Hogsmeade has—has one, while places such as where P-Peter grew up do not. His mother taught him m—magical stuff at home, however his c-case is a bit different since he did go to a Muggle school. B-but since he’s half-and-half he underst—stood Muggles more than, say, J-James would.”

“What about you?”

Remus averted his gaze. “My p-parents taught me. Which parts of—of the Transfiguration are you—you having difficulties with?”

“Figuring out weight and mass,” replied David. “You know, we don’t even _use_ it when we do the spells. I don’t see why we need to know…”

“If you d-don’t have a basic understa-standing of the calculations your—your transfigurations could go wrong,” Remus said, looking down at the blank parchment. “You d-don’t need to write out the—the additions or divisions every time but as long as you have a—a grasp of the numbers behind what—what’s needed the spell works b-better.”

“That makes very little sense to me! I mean, you know some numbers—in your head—so somehow the spell goes better?” David snorted, shaking his head. “So weird.”

“M-magic is _part_ of you, it’s not—not just… wave your w-wand and something happens. It takes what you know and what you can do. It goes off of that." He had begun doodling on the edges of his parchment which gave him an idea. “Here.” He pushed the parchment over. “Write the word ‘dissimulation’.”

“Dis _what_!?”

“Dissimulation,” Remus said. David hesitated then carefully wrote it out. “Good, now write down your name.”

David sighed, writing it down. “The point of this? Besides probably being amused that I can’t spell diswhatever. Which I misspelled.”

“Doesn’t matter if it’s m-misspelled.” Remus tugged the parchment back. “Using magic and spells is like when you write. How to form the letters is there inside of you, but you had to learn it before you could. You don’t _think_ when you’re writing a letter. Those are the very basic spells. Lumos, and such. You know the spell, you know the wand movement. As we get to more complicated spells it’s like writing down words. When you know exactly how a word is spelled it’s not something you really… call on whenever you write it, it’s a bit automatic. And when you get to words you’re not used to, you have to think of the letters. Write the word—or do the spell enough times—and it becomes easier. Knowing how letters are shaped… or knowing how spells are _done…_ makes it easier.”

David stared at him, and Remus was aware some nearby seventh years were staring at him too. He became extremely self-conscious, and tugged at his collar, wanting to pull his jumper up over his head to disappear.

“Excuse me,” one of the seventh years said, leaning across the armrest of her chair. “What year are you?”

Remus did tug the collar up a bit, just over his chin. He knew his face was bright red. “Um, se-s-s-second.”

“Huh. Good explanation, kid.”

“Th… thank… you?”

She returned to her conversation while Remus debated running up to his room to stay in for the rest of the night; he probably would have if David didn’t still need help. He took in a deep breath, forcing himself to stay put.

“You’re _really_ smart,” David said, impressed. “You really like school, don’t you? Learning and all that?”

“Y-yes, very much so.” He slid down in his chair a little, grateful the only eyes on him seemed to be David now. “Learning new thing is—is one of the best feelings in the world. I love knowing things. Knowing n-new things.”

“Hey, that’s cool,” David said, and Remus smiled a little. “I like learning some things. Magic’s pretty neat but sometimes it is a bit hard for me.”

Remus studied him for a few seconds. “If—if you don’t mind me asking, what was it like for you? Finding out about m-magic.”

“No, I—that’s fine,” David said. “I wasn’t surprised—all right no, I _was_ surprised a bit just not… shocked. I’ve always been able to do odd things. Sometimes I’d have dreams that came true, or I’d say something and it might happen.”

“Like what?” Remus asked, very curious.

David sat back, eyes drifting around the common room as he thought of examples. “Like one time I got really excited over seeing this dog and I kept describing the dog. Nobody in my family ever saw a dog like that until a week later when we got new neighbors and they had that exact dog. Um, one time I told my grandparents not to leave the house. I forget how old I was but I was begging them not to go cause I had this real bad feeling. I threw a fit, holding them up. They eventually left then came back to our house because there was a super bad wreck—multiple cars, a few deaths. If they had left on time they probably would have been in it. Oh, another time I suggested some numbers to my parents who used them and we won two hundred and fifty pounds.”

“You’re psychic,” Remus said, very startled by this. He had lived in the same room with David for well over a year and a half and had no idea.

David looked a little uncomfortable. “I don’t know if I’d go that far. It wasn’t only psychic stuff. I’ve always had this thing with water too. Well, liquids.” He began messing with the cover of his Transfiguration book, chewing at his lip. “One time my sister knocked over a glass of juice and instead of spilling into my lap where it should have gone, it stayed in the cup.”

“Still, th-the other stuff… are—are you going to take Divination? Next year?”

“I might,” David whispered then looked embarrassed. “Andy says that psychic stuff is mostly made up and not actually magic. That Divination is boring and dumb. It’s for people who have no sense of the real world.”

Remus scoffed. “It’s not! Divination is as im-important a subject as any other. It’s important enough to be its own class. Out of all the—the possible things we c-could have been given as an elective, we have Divination. It’s magic in its own right.”

David glanced up, eyes wide. “Guess I didn’t think about it that way.”

“If you f-feel closeness with your possible abilities—possible psychic abilities—you sh-should go for it. If it doesn’t work out you can drop it.”

“That’s true. Are you taking it?”

“I—I might,” he said. “I’d like to. It d-depends on how many electives Professor McGonagall allows me to take. I’d like all of them, honestly.”

David laughed at that. “That doesn’t surprise me. I guess if you take Divination too maybe it won’t be so bad. I know Andy would never.”

“Could… I ask something else?” Remus wondered, and David nodded. “Is Spinnet… I—I know we have our problems with—with each other, but it seems a bit… um… unfortunate for a-a friend to be saying those things, if you have those abilities.”

“About Divination?” David cocked his head to one side. “Oh, he was only talking about the class. Not my—I don’t know if he knows I have those abilities. If I do. I haven’t talked about it with him. Andy—no, Andy’s nice.” He drummed his fingers against the table, frowning. “I know he can be rude and blunt, I get that he does that, I do. It’s just he’s always been very kind to me. He’s helped with a lot of my… trying to figure the magical world out. I _have_ told him off for the things he’s said about you, you know. And about Pettigrew. I was very angry for the things he said about you at the last Quidditch game. Or, erm, after. You know, I’ve always wondered why you’re friends with Black and Potter. I can’t stand them. Wasn’t Potter saying those awful things about you before you became friends?” David raised his eyebrows. “If you can forgive Potter for saying you’re crazy, how come you can’t forgive Andy?”

“Because James has apologized for wh-what he’s said, and _stopped_ doing it,” Remus pointed out. “James has gone above and beyond as a good, kind, caring, supportive f-friend. Spinnet doesn’t seem to _actually_ mean it the f-few times he’s apologized to me. I forgave him for the—“ Remus dropped his voice very low so nobody else would hear, “the poof comment. But I’m st-still hurt that one of Spinnet’s reactions to my—my nightmares was trying to put the full body bind on me. He’s never once apologized for _that_.”

David sucked in some air. “I forgot about that.”

Remus met his eyes. “I haven’t.”

David stared back for a second before averting his gaze.

“I think p-perhaps talking about Spinnet isn’t a very n-neutral conversational topic,” Remus said, and opened his Transfiguration book to a calculations table. “We’ve gone q-quite f-far from the initial topic. Now, what’s the p-part giving you the most trouble? Weight and mass? Th-that’s not too bad. All right, look here…”

*

By the time morning hit, the spell has thankfully worn off. When Remus woke up to find all the scents as strong as they normally were, he let out a sigh of relief. At first he intended on staying in bed but when he heard the others getting ready he figured it’d be better to spend the time studying rather than being asleep, and hauled a satchel of books with him to James’s practice. At least, that was his intention; soon Sirius and Peter had a game of cards going and Remus got sucked into playing after they begged and wheedled about it being more fun with three players.

“I think I’m gonna stay with my Grandpa and Muggle cousins over the holidays,” Peter said at one point, staring miserably at the cards in his hands. “I _really_ don’t want to.”

“That means no letters, right?” Sirius asked with a frown.

“Uh-huh. No letters.”

“Nothing from you, very little from James, annnnnd probably nothing from Remus either, right?” Sirius glanced over.

“Probably not,” Remus said, biting his bottom lip. “Arthur isn’t quite up to anything too long distance and Filibuster _hates_ me.”

“I’ll have a talk with Fili,” Sirius said. “I’m not going through two weeks with hardly anything from _anyone_.” He angrily slapped a card down. “Merlin, this holiday is going to be absolute hippogriff shit.”

“Yeah,” Peter agreed quietly.

Remus thought of two weeks in the house without his friends, of spending the full moon down in that cellar again. “A bit, yeah,” he agreed as well, putting a card down and scooping up another.

“Looks like James is the only one gonna have any fun,” Peter said, glancing over at the team. “Man, I’d _love_ to go to Italy one day.”

“We will,” Sirius promised. “All four of us. We’ll take a big Marauder holiday, go all over the world. Italy, Australia, the Caribbean—everywhere. I’d love to go somewhere tropical the most, I think. How about you?”

“Egypt, probably,” Peter said brightly, picking up two cards. “See the pyramids. That would be so cool! How ‘bout you?”

Remus stared at his cards, thinking. There were many places he’d enjoy. But one especially. “Alaska.”

“ _Alaska_!?” they both shouted.

“Only for a little while, in the summer,” Remus clarified, glancing up. “They’ve got a two month long day there. No night time. No dark.” He set another card down. “No full moon—well, not much of one that’d affect me.”

“Would that work?” Peter asked, tilting his head.

“I think so,” Remus replied. “If there’s not enough of the—the moonlight then I don’t… turn. I think it would work.”

“We’ll do that one summer,” Sirius said, staring intently at Remus. “Two months in Alaska. Hah.” He threw down all his cards, revealing a winning hand. “Shuffle the deck, let’s play again.”

*

James, Sirius, and Pete wanted to spend the rest of the day working on prank stuff (both the pre-Easter prank and also pranking other students) but Remus disappeared back into the library. He sat on the floor in the back, with earplugs in to block out the other students studying, and piles of books around him as he tried to memorize information. He whispered spells, doing the wand movement with his hand without his wand except at one point when he did one of the spells for Charms… it worked. Even without his wand. A book went flying off the shelf, sprouting wings.

“ _Shit_!” he whispered, grabbing for the book. Unfortunately it fluttered above his reach. “Oh no, oh no, oh no-no-no!” He jumped, fingers barely grazing the spine. How did that happen?! No way could he perform wandless magic! _I’m light enough_ , he thought, and grabbed hold of a shelf, pulling himself up. “Hrrrr!” He climbed a bit more, reaching for the book which was still out of reach, then climbed a little higher. “Come—on—almost—there! Ahhhhh!” His left hand slipped and he went falling backwards—

Straight into Sirius’s arms. Sirius was laughing so hard he had tears rolling down his cheeks, and beyond him stood Peter who was doubled over, and James who was twirling his wand.

Remus was so annoyed he barely registered the fact he was cradled in Sirius’s arms.

“You _arses_!” he hissed out, smacking Sirius’s chest. Sirius set him down, saying something so faintly Remus could barely hear him. “What?” Remus tugged the earplugs out.

“You should have seen your face!” Sirius whispered, smacking his thigh.

“He can,” Peter said, wriggling his camera.

“We thought you’d hear us!” James added, flicking his wand to get rid of the spell on the book; it landed with a heavy thud “Didn’t realize you had the earplugs in.”

“Brilliant—absolutely _brilliant_!” Sirius wheezed, sliding to the floor. “Petey give me ten copies of that one please.”

“His face or the fall?” Peter asked.

Sirius wiped his cheeks off. “Everything!”

Remus gave him a light kick. “I hate you. I hate all of you! I thought—“

James sidled up to him. “You thought what?”

“N—nothing!” He knew perfectly well he was going bright red.

James poked him. “You thought you did wandless magic, didn’t you?”

Remus stepped back, theatrically brushing his shirt off. “ _No_! I knew perfectly well I did _no_ such thing! However, I was rather confused at what happened. I didn’t know what caused it. Besides, you shouldn’t be doing these things in a library!” He scooped the book up, shoving it back into its place. “You shouldn’t be doing that to library books either. If Mr. Farrow catches you—“

“He’s busy over in the magical creatures section,” Peter said, referring to a section clear on the other side of the library.

Remus grew suspicious. “And you know that how?”

“Some of the books might have grown legs,” James answered, lips twitching. Peter snorted so hard that he began choking.

Remus shook his head, grabbing James by the shoulders and spinning him around. “Out, all of you! Out before you destroy everything!”

“It’s only a bit of fun,” Peter protested after managing to gulp in some air.

“A lot of fun,” Sirius corrected him, still on the floor.

“ _Out_!”

Sirius got up, giving Remus a mock salute. “Aye-aye _sir_!”

“See you at supper,” Peter said.

“We _better_ ,” added Sirius with a vaguely threatening tone.

Remus watched them leave before settling back down on the floor, rubbing his head. He hadn’t even thought of asking what they were doing in there besides causing mayhem. Hopefully enchanting some of the books was _all_ they did! Except less than a minute later he jumped so hard he knocked his head against a bookshelf as fireworks began to go off in the library.

Farrow shouted, demanding to know who had done it. Remus waited to hear if his friends were caught but couldn’t hear much else over the loud crackling sounds. Sighing, he put the plugs back in his ears and returned to his studies.


	122. Chapter One Hundred-Twenty-Two – Cheater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding the last chapter I made a mistake! A guest account on FFN pointed out I sort of dropped the scent-blocking smell bit and they were right. What happened was I was unhappy with the chapter and rearranged some scenes. I deleted the resolving of that part from one scene and forgot to add it back in to the proper part. So I’ve added a couple lines to the last chapter. When Remus leaves the flowers to go back to the school it says he hopes the spell will wear off, and then the next morning it mentions that the spell has. Sorry for any confusion, it’s fixed now! Thank you, guest account haha

Monday morning Remus woke up a bit tired, as he had stayed up a little later than he intended, then had light nightmares all night about the exams. Nothing that really woke him up, but enough to make his sleep troubled. The other Marauders cast suspicious glances his way as he yawned through breakfast until he told them about the nightmares, leaving out the staying-up bit.

“I had nightmares too,” moaned Peter. “This week is going to be _awful_ , then the holidays are going to be miserable too!”

“We’ll get through ’em,” James promised.

Sirius remained silent as he poked at his eggs.

After breakfast they headed to the dungeon. Remus excused himself for a moment, ducking into a bathroom so he could put the spell on his nose. It took a few tries and when he finished he could still sorta smell things, however blocking out most of the smells would definitely come in handy! He cheerfully hurried off to Potions class, feeling excited when he went in and could hardly smell the ingredients.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Lily whispered from behind him. Remus just grinned at her. Even though his potion wouldn’t be, say, James or Peter level, he might be able to scrape together a Sirius level potion! Maybe a low E!

Slughorn talked briefly about the potion they’d be working on then had them begin. Remus took his cauldron to the faucets, carefully filling it to the correct amount, then returned to his desk to put it over the fire.

_Right_ , he thought, opening his book and getting his kit out. Slughorn had supplied the rarer ingredients that weren’t in the kit the students had. The first one was a smelly liquid that Remus hardly smelled at all! He easily measured out two tablespoons and dumped them into the water, stirring it until it became the correct translucent sort of purple color. _Yes_! He then measured in one ounce of powdered griffin claw and let it bubble while he crushed up the bitterroot. Once that was added and stirred in, he had to boil it for a couple of minutes so he took the time to write down his process.

Remus picked up the quill provided by Slughorn and pressed the tip against the parchment. He intended to write his name, as he was supposed to do, but instead the quill jerked and began writing on its own, pulling his hand with him.

**_CHEATER_ **

Remus stared in disbelief at the word scrawled out of the quill. Before he could do anything about it, the quill wrote another cheater down, and then another. His hand jerked across the page as he was forced to write the word down until he finally managed to yank the quill away from the paper, having to rely on his werewolf strength to do so.

_What the hell?!_ He looked down at the parchment in horror. _Cheater_ was written down over a dozen times and the quill twitched in his hand, obviously wanting to keep writing it.

Next to him, Sirius looked over and Remus pulled the parchment closer, not wanting him to see.

“You all right?” Sirius whispered.

“Y—yes.”

He turned his body a bit, setting the paper back down on the desk. _What the hell_? he thought again, panic bubbling inside of him more than his potion was in the cauldron. _What the absolute and utter hell_?!

It didn’t make any sense whatsoever. His brain could not comprehend the words written down. Or _why_ it happened. Or continued to happen, since he knew if he let the quill get too close to the parchment it would start again.

“Remus!” Sirius yelped.

“Mr. Lupin!” Slughorn snapped.

Remus jumped back to see his potion boiling over. Swearing, he grabbed for the handle without thinking then cried out from the heat. There was a lot of snickering from the Slytherins over the sound he made.

“S-sorry!” He tried to put on his gloves but the quill would not be removed from his right hand.

Slughorn came over, swinging the cauldron away from the fire. “Mr. Lupin, is there a problem?” he asked, frowning at the quill Remus was still holding.

Remus opened and shut his mouth, trying not to break down. He thought if he tried to talk all that would happen was he’d wind up crying. It only got worse when Slughorn’s eyes drifted to the parchment. Remus bowed his head, fighting off the urge to throw up as Slughorn picked the paper up, seeing the _cheater_. There were whispers from the other students as they worked on their potions, wondering what was going on. The other Marauders, Lily, and Aegis all looked very concerned. Remus shrank down, wanting to die.

Slughorn sighed. “Mr. Lupin. Please go to my office and wait there.” He flicked his wand at the fire on Remus’s desk, making it go out. “Misters Black, Pettigrew, and Potter, _please_ continue your work,” Slughorn added, since they had completely stopped what they were doing.

Remus put his things in his bag, trying harder now not to cry. He rose to his feet, going to Slughorn’s office with trembling knees. Once inside he collapsed onto a chair and began crying into his hands (and quill).

_I don’t understand_ , he thought, sniffling into his sleeve. _I don’t understand what happened_! Had someone put something in his breakfast? Snape, perhaps? To get revenge? Would Snape go that far? Remus didn’t think he had been affected by any potions, but Snape was a mastermind when it came to potions; he’d probably be able to figure out a good potion that wasn’t easily detected.

_Shit_ , he thought, wiping his face off. All right, it probably wasn’t that. But what else _could_ it be? Remus didn’t cheat! He wasn’t a _cheater_! Why did the anti-cheat quill react that way? Was the quill defective? Could that be possible?

Remus sat there feeling nauseated and terrified for several long minutes until Slughorn’s office door opened; the one connected to the hallway, not the classroom. He came in with Professor McGonagall who looked very put out.

“—accusing one of my students of doing such a—“ McGonagall stopped, staring in disbelief at Remus. “Mr. Lupin? Wh—what are you doing in here?”

“He was cheating.” Slughorn went to his desk, pushing a piece of paper closer to Remus. “Put the quill to the paper, Mr. Lupin.”

Remus grit his teeth. “S—sir, I—“

“Now,” Slughorn ordered.

Remus swallowed and as soon as the quill was within two inches of the paper it yanked forward, writing _cheater_ down over and over.

McGonagall gave a slight gasp. “Enough!” She flicked her wand and the quill zipped out of Remus’s hand. He slumped back, wondering if maybe he could just jump out a window—except, they were underground, that wouldn’t work.

_Oh God, oh Merlin_! He covered his face again.

“Mr. Lupin… Remus…” McGonagall sat down next to him. “Could you please explain yourself?”

“Nnn-n-n-no, P-Professor,” he stammered out. “I d-d-don’t know what—I don’t understand—I don’t _know_! M-maybe the—the q-quill is—is defective?”

Slughorn made a harrumphing sound. “These quills have all been checked out by the Ministry of Magic. They are most certainly _not_ defective!”

Remus shook his head, staring down at his hands twisting around in his lap. “P—Professor, I—I d-d-d-don’t know—I don’t—I—“

“The punishment for cheating on an exam is suspension,” Slughorn said.

It was like a wave of icy blackness _slamming_ into him, pulling him into some sort of abyss.

“NO!” he cried out. “No, p—please, I—I don’t know wh-why this—I don’t—I never ch-ch-cheated, I s-swear I never—I w-w-wouldn’t!” He looked up at McGonagall with blurry eyes, as more tears were forming and dripping down his cheek.s. “Profes—Professor, I sss-s-swear, I w-w-wouldn’t!”

“How about we try a different quill,” McGonagall said.

Slughorn scoffed. “I never! Minerva, you know I would never allow—“

“I know, Horace, however Remus Lupin is the _last_ of my students I would ever expect to cheat,” she said stiffly.

“He does not do well with the practical side of potions,” Slughorn grumbled as he yanked open his desk, pulling out another quill. “Will this one suffice?”

McGonagall tapped it with her wand and it glowed a faint red. “Yes, thank you. Here.” She put it in Remus’s hand. “Please write something down.”

Remus had a split-second of hope until the tip touched the paper. **_CHEATER CHEATER CHEATER CHE_** —

The quill was yanked away, back to McGonagall. Slughorn looked vaguely pleased. McGonagall simply stared at Remus.

“I—I d-d-d—I w-wou—wo—wouldn’t—“ he whispered, voice hitching with his sobs. “I _wouldn’t_!”

“Obviously you’ve taken some sort of potion or performed some sort of spell on yourself in order to do better,” Slughorn said, hands stretched across his belly.

“ _No_!” Remus cried. “No, I—I’d never—I w-w-wouldn’t, I _wouldn’t_ —“

Except realization dawned on him.

Spell.

_Spell_.

The anti-cheat quill detected any kind of magic in or on a person. Whether it was a cheating potion/spell or not.

Remus paled, pressing a hand to his mouth, eyes going huge.

“A-hah,” Slughorn said rather triumphantly.

“Remus?” McGonagall demanded.

“I—I—I—“ He couldn’t get any other syllables out, and he stopped to take a deep breath. It sounded a bit more like a gasping wail. “Sp—spell,” he forced out in a tiny voice. “I—a—a sp—spell.”

“ _Remus_!” McGonagall gasped.

He burst into a fresh wave of tears, curling forward, pressing his face hard against his hands. “I d-d-didn’t—I d-didn’t—not—not to—not to ch-ch—cheat, I s-s-sss-s-swear! I _swear_!" He felt terrified, like he was going to pass out or die any second. His vision and head both pulsed with each heavy heartbeat. “I only—it w-w-was only—t-t-to—it only—“

“Any magic used to aid a student other than sanctioned excuses due to disability is cheating,” Slughorn said, reciting from the rules of Hogwarts.

McGonagall had a hand pressed to her chest and she had gone a little pale herself. “Remus. What spell did you use?”

“C—ca—car—ca—c-c-c—cari—ca—c—c—ca—“ he tried, to no avail. Everything was becoming increasingly harder to do. Speaking. Breathing. Existing. He was getting hot and dizzy, and it felt like something was squeezing his chest tightly. His hands were shaking hard. “C—caaaaaa—aaaaa—“ He broke into sobs.

“Was it the last spell you used?” McGonagall asked, and Remus managed a nod. “Give me your wand, please.”

As soon as he got his wand out of his pocket, it fell to the floor due to his hand trembling so much. He bent forward to pick it up and pitched right out of his seat, smacking his head against his desk. McGonagall and Slughorn both made loud noises of concern as Remus slid to the floor.

“We need to get him to Poppy,” McGonagall said, her voice distant and fuzzy.

“N—n—nnn—n—“

Remus tried to say no, unable to get the whole word out for some reason. The next thing he knew he was in McGonagall’s arms being carried down a corridor. He felt oddly weak and was unable to pull away from her firm grip. Beyond her, Slughorn was following as fast as he could.

“Remus, are you with me?” McGonagall asked, seeing his eyes opening.

“P—ple—plea—p—p—“

“Shh, it’s going to be okay.”

Then he was in a hospital bed with Madame Pomfrey doing diagnostic spells on him. He heard something about increased heart rate and blood pressure, but he wasn’t sure what exactly was being said. Then he was on his back with a cold, damp cloth over his head and a potion being poured into his mouth. It was cool on his tongue, and almost immediately the panic began subsiding. His body relaxed and the shaking stopped.

“—extreme anxiety and panic—“ he heard Pomfrey telling McGonagall and Slughorn beyond the now-closed curtains. Then she asked what happened, and Slughorn said Remus had been caught cheating. Pomfrey gave a sharp laugh at that. “Remus? Cheat?”

“Unfortunately that is how the anti-cheat quills reacted,” McGonagall said. “Horace, you grabbed his wand, didn’t you? Let me see it, please. Prior incantato! Hmm. I’m not quite sure I know what this spell is—“

“Something to make potions easier, no doubt,” Slughorn sighed. “Minerva, I am sorry, Mr. Lupin is a good student but—“

“It blocks scents,” Pomfrey said flatly. “I learned it at Saint Mungo’s during my training to become a Healer.”

“Deletrius,” McGonagall muttered. “Block smells? You’re certain?”

“Yes,” Pomfrey replied. “Absolutely and one hundred percent certain. It helps us get up close and personal with patients who have odorous diseases, as well as dealing with corpses, without issue. Now, excuse me, I need to see how he’s doing.”

Pomfrey did some spells on him, glad to see his body was calming down. She gave him some more calming potion then tucked him into bed, telling him he’d need to rest for a while.

“C—classes,” he whispered. “I—I have exams—“

“We can see about any other morning exam you may have being given to you at a different point,” Pomfrey said. “You need to rest. Perhaps you can go to your afternoon exams, depending.”

The curtains opened again. “May we speak to him?” McGonagall asked.

“Yes, he’s doing a little better, but don’t push him too much,” said Pomfrey.

McGonagall and Slughorn approached the bed. Remus glanced away, not wanting to—not _able_ to—look at McGonagall’s face.

“Did you use cariabsenium on yourself?” McGonagall asked. Remus slowly nodded, still not looking at her or Slughorn. “Can you tell us why?”

“I—I h-have a—a s-sensitive n-nn-nose,” he whispered, a heavy lump pressing down in his stomach. “I h-have t-trouble with—with the—the sc-scents in—in c-c-class. I—I sw-swear I d-d-didn’t m-mean it to—to—to ch-cheat! I n-never even c-c-considered it t-to be—be ch-cheating!”

“You only wanted to… even the playing field, so to speak?” McGonagall suggested. Remus gave another nod. “I see.”

“I’m afraid—“ Slughorn began, but McGonagall interrupted him with, “A word, please.”

They went past the curtains again, voices dropping. He could still hear them, though; their words were very clear. He clutched as his blanket, breathing a little raggedly as they spoke. The calming potion definitely helped make things easier, at least.

“We give assistance to special cases, Horace. If a child has difficulties due to a disability, we allow them aid.”

Slughorn frowned, smoothing down his mustache. “This is not a disability.”

“It is causing him trouble in class,” McGonagall argued. “It is giving him a disadvantage due to a—a medical condition he has. I say that is an issue we need to resolve.”

“Medical condition,” Slughorn repeated, then snorted. “He’s a werewolf—”

“He is a student.”

“Let me finish. He is a werewolf, which is vastly different from being unable to walk or being deaf! It is not a disability. If this were a Slytherin I wonder if you would be so charitable—“

“I cannot believe my ears!” McGonagall snapped. “I would grant extenuating circumstances to any child regardless of house in this case, and I would hope you would do the same!”

Slughorn tutted. “Ah, Minerva, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean… this hasn’t been mentioned or brought up until now. If it is such an issue, why wait? It’s been a year and a half. He has had ample time to—hrmm—mention it to one of us.”

“Perhaps it is something he does not wish to discuss or admit.”

“He’s told me before he has a sensitive nose, he never once mentioned it giving him problems with my class!”

“I think this is something we should discuss with Albus over the holidays,” McGonagall said, clearly irritated. “In the meantime, we should find a time for him to do a makeup exam—“

“No. I’m sorry. That is going too far. Even if he was not using it with the intentions of cheating, it does not change the fact he used a spell on himself to help him in class without permission,” Slughorn said angrily. “Even if we end up allowing it, it does not change what happened today. Now. All things considered, I will not push for suspension. I do understand his plight. I _will_ give him an incomplete, and normally he would need to receive ninety percent on the written portion if he wishes to get a passing grade for these exams alongside the incomplete, however I will drop that to an eighty percent. Which should be easy for him, as his theoretical potion work is outstanding. I also believe he should be punished, but I will leave that up to you. I must return to my class. Good day.”

Remus heard him leave then McGonagall came back through the curtains, pulling a chair up to his bedside.

“Professor…” Except he didn’t know what to say, besides apologize again.

McGonagall looked down her nose at him. “You are aware of the rules, correct?”

“Y—yes.” He began squirming a little on the bed, feeling strange since he knew normally he’d be panicking badly but the potion wasn’t really letting him.

“I wish you had brought this up with me or Professor Slughorn sooner,” she sighed, pushing her glasses up. “I am going to speak with Professor Dumbledore and Professor Slughorn over the holiday to perhaps see if there is something we can do. Professor Slughorn said you will need to get at least an eighty percent on Friday’s written exam in order not to fail. Is this something manageable for you?”

“Yes,” he whispered hoarsely. “I—I do d-decent with the—the written parts.”

“That is good to know. Now, normally cheating on exams is grounds for suspension.” He cringed back, stomach twisting up even more. “I will not be suspending you,” she said gently. “You clearly did not have any intentions of cheating. But you know you are not permitted to use magic on yourself for class in that manner. You will be given a week of detention.”

His heart plummeted. A _week_?! A full week of detention? For a split second he thought about how horrible that was, then realized it was vastly kinder than suspension and he had _no_ room to complain. “Yes, Professor.”

McGonagall stood back up. “If you are unable to attend your afternoon classes we will figure out times to make them up.”

“Th—thank you.”

He watched her leave then rolled over, pressing his face into the pillow feeling extremely, extremely, _extremely_ stupid. He _knew_ the rule about potions and spells for classes! He should have known, should have remembered, should have _realized_! He hadn’t thought… since it was so—so innocuous it never crossed his mind. Now he was going to have a barely passing Potions grade for an _exam_ , have to do at least one makeup exam, and was facing a _whole week_ of detention. He didn’t think James or Sirius ever even got a whole week all at once for _one_ thing!

At least Slughorn seemed really annoyed about what happened. _Maybe he’ll leave me alone now_ , Remus thought. At least there was a—

_Silver lining_ , he thought with a bitter laugh. _Yeah_. _Great._

*

Madame Pomfrey gave Remus another dose of the calming potion shortly before eleven, just before he’d be going to Charms. It was a good thing she did, as even _with_ the help of the potion he worked himself into an anxious fit. It was worse missing exams for this than it was missing them for full moon reasons.

“W—will the calming potion c-cause issues for my T—Transfiguration exam?” Remus asked, flexing his right hand, terrified of touching another anti-cheat quill. He kept seeing _cheater_ in his head.

“No,” she said. “Minerva told me that you’ll be taking your practical exams this afternoon, and she knows you’ll have the potion in you. You’ll be fine, if you go. You don’t have any others?”

Remus shook his head. Due to the exams, today’s History lesson was canceled and McGonagall’s class was extended so everyone would have time to perform their spells.

“All right. Lay back down. Get some rest, you were in a lot of distress earlier.”

Remus obediently lay back down, sleeping on and off until around twelve-thirty when she brought him lunch. He wondered what his friends had been told, what they were thinking—where they were. He didn’t have long to wait, as the hospital doors burst open soon after he began eating. His curtains were open so he could see the Marauders tumbling over themselves to get to his bed.

“What the bloody hell happened?!”

“Sluggy didn’t say a damn word, he just kept saying it was between you and him, the bastard!“

“We’ve been so worried! McGonagall finally said you were here…”

They crowded around his bed, eyes wide and full of concern.

“I’m f-fine,” he said, moving his food tray to the side table then pushed himself into an even better sitting position. “It—it wasn’t anything b-big.”

Peter frowned, James narrowed his eyes, and Sirius looked like Remus had just confessed to being a Slytherin.

“NOT ANYTHING BIG?!” Sirius exploded, and Remus cringed. “ _NOT ANYTHING BIG_?! SLUGHORN HAULED YOU INTO HIS OFFICE AND—“

“Mr. Black!” Pomfrey came running over at his shouts. “Keep your voice down!”

“Remus, obviously something big happened!” James said, while Sirius kept shrieking.

“—YOU NEVER CAME BACK THEN THE NEXT THING WE KNOW—“

“Mr. Black, stop shouting!”

“—MCGONAGALL SAYS YOU’RE IN THE HOSPITAL WING—“

“You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t anything big,” Peter pointed out.

Pomfrey folded her arms, standing in front of Sirius. “If you cannot remain quiet you will be asked to leave!”

But then someone else was coming through the doors: Lily. She ran over to them, panting heavily. “Remus, what’s going on?”

“—AND YOU LAY THERE AND SAY IT’S NOTHING BIG—“

Sirius was shouting, Pomfrey was talking, James, Peter, and Lily kept saying things, and then _Aegis_ came in as well, though he was silent.

Remus clamped his hands over his ears, all the voices turning into a horrific cacophony in his head, making his skin itch and his soul shudder. _Please stop, please_! He couldn’t handle it, not after everything that happened earlier. He wanted to scream at everyone to be quiet, but didn’t dare speak. His body began shaking and he was worried he’d end up like he had in Slughorn’s office, but instead he just felt ill and shuddery, with sharp pinpricks all over his skin at each word spoken.

Then Sirius was complaining as Pomfrey hauled him out of the wing, shoving him out the door. “If anyone else wishes to cause a ruckus, you may leave as well!” she snapped, and nobody spoke which meant they could all hear Sirius grumbling through the door. “You have five minutes, then he may have _one_ visitor. He needs to rest.”

“So what happened?” James asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. Peter sat as well, leaving Lily and Aegis to pull up chairs. The words still grated Remus though having only one person speaking made it a bit easier to bear.

“I—“ He looked at their concerned faces, his stomach feeling even worse. “I d-don’t w-w-want to talk about it.”

“Remus—“ James began.

“If he doesn’t want to talk about it he doesn’t need to,” Lily interrupted.

James glared at her. “So you don’t care Slughorn practically kidnapped him, now suddenly he’s in the hospital wing?”

“Are you accusing Professor Slughorn of hurting Remus?!”

“All I’m saying is he was _fine_ , then Slughorn took him away for no reason, and now he’s _not_ fine,” James replied, shoving his glasses back into position.

“Yeah, it’s definitely weird what happened,” agreed Peter.

Lily gasped. “Professor Slughorn is our _teacher_! How dare you accuse him of doing anything like that!”

“I’m not accusing him, exactly, only pointing out it’s suspicious—“

“What if it was Professor Flitwick? Or Sprout? Would you be accusing them?” she demanded angrily. “Or is it only because he’s Head of Slytherin—“

“Yeah, actually,” James cut her off. “I’d accuse any teacher, except maybe McGonsie. I’m sorry but it’s weird what happened. He was _fine_. Perfectly fine! Then Slughorn took him to his office now look at him—“

“You cheated,” Aegis said, speaking up for the first time. Even though his voice was soft, his words cut through everything else and caused James and Lily to fall silent. Peter’s eyes got big.

Before Remus could say anything, James was on his feet with his wand pointed right at Aegis’s face. “How dare you?!” James snarled out.

“James, st—stop!” Remus cried out, swinging his legs around to sit up, reaching for James’s arm.

“Potter, don’t hex him!” Lily snapped.

James ignored both of them. “How _dare_ you, you damn Slytherin!”

“I can’t believe you’d say something like that,” Peter squeaked out. “Remus? Cheat? _Remus_?”

Aegis was pressed back in the chair. “I am not meaning he cheated on _purpose_!” His eyes flickered over to Remus. “It was the spell, wasn’t it?”

“You little—“

Now Remus interrupted James. “Yes.”

James jerked back, jaw slack. Peter and Lily made noises of shock, looking at Remus in disbelief. Remus squirmed a little, very uncomfortable.

“You did what?” James asked, voice faltering.

Remus sucked in a deep breath. “I—I accidentally… well, not—not accidentally… see, the thing is, you—you know I am sensitive to smells and—and I thought—but the—the thing is, I wasn’t thinking about the fact one of the rules is not to use—use sp-spells on ourselves for lessons and exams…“

“I found a spell that blocks out scents,” Aegis explained, looking exceedingly anxious. “It is my fault—“

“No,” Remus said quickly. “No, if you hadn’t giv—given it to me, I would have f-found it eventually on my own and I still would have b-been in this—this mess.”

Lily stood up, eyes fixated on Remus. “You used a spell on yourself? Before an _exam_?”

Remus slid back into bed, wanting to disappear. “Y—yes.”

“REMUS—LUPIN—HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?!” she screamed. “WHAT, ARE POTTER AND BLACK INFECTING YOU NOW?!”

“Don’t yell at him!” Peter said protectively.

“I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU’D EVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU—YOU—YOU—“ Lily spluttered, trying to figure out a word that Remus assumed would boil down to ‘idiot’. Before she could find one, Pomfrey was back and this time she kicked everyone out.

“Aegis, please don’t b-blame yourself!” Remus called out. “And James, please don’t hex him!”

The doors shut and Pomfrey stormed back to his bedside. “Your friends are more trouble than they are worth! Though I did not expect Miss Evans to—well. Lay back down. You need to eat your lunch and get some rest if you expect to be up to going to your Transfiguration exam.”

Remus pulled the tray of food back onto his lap but couldn’t really eat, feeling too sick with worry what the Marauders might be doing to Aegis.


	123. Chapter One Hundred-Twenty-Three – What’s A Twiggy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may not be a chapter up Friday, just wanted to warn you beforehand

There was a bit of an argument in the afternoon, as Remus wanted to go to Transfiguration while Pomfrey thought he ought to rest more. He begged her, then finally pointed out that missing his exams would cause him _more_ anxiety. Pomfrey hesitated at that argument then, after some more discussion, agreed to let him go. She told him if he felt like he was breaking down again to immediately tell McGonagall and return to the hospital wing. He was also to come back to the hospital wing as soon as he was finished with the exam. Just for a checkup, unless he was in ‘bad condition’.

 _Bad condition_ , he thought as he trudged out of the hospital wing. Wasn’t that his every-minute-status-quo? It felt like no matter what he did or how hard he tried he was in _bad condition_. In some way or another. Either anxiety, or panic, or sadness, or fear, or—or everything!

And his freak-out in Slughorn’s office! Now that he could properly think about it, he burned with shame at what happened. Not just his babbling and falling over, but McGonagall having to carry him? How humiliating was that! How many people had seen that? How many students were around between the dungeons and the hospital wing?

“Remus…!”

He stumbled, nearly falling over at Lily’s voice. She was hovering down the corridor, the end of her Gryffindor scarf she had tied as a headband rather frayed and damp from where she had been chewing on it.

“Remus,” she said again, running forward. “I am so sorry for yelling at you—“

“N-no, it’s—you—it’s fine,” he mumbled, flinching as she hugged him. Not only were voices too much for him, touch definitely was a major no again. “I deserved it. I was stupid.”

She pulled away, hands still on his upper arms. “I still shouldn’t have yelled. That was so damn stupid of me to do. I—I am so sorry. I really am. It couldn’t’ve helped your state.” They began walking together, Lily thankfully not touching him anymore. “Black’s very angry.”

“Is he?”

“He and Potter seem to be in the mindset Slughorn did something to you still.”

Remus sighed, clutching his bag to his chest. “He didn’t do anything.”

“Were you accused of cheating?” Lily whispered. Remus nodded, and she let out a low whistle. “How bad is it?”

“Oh, no—not too bad, no where near as bad as it c-could have been.” He paused, thinking. “ _Should_ have been. I wasn’t—I didn’t cheat. They kn-know that. I only tried to… to stop how bad the smells were. I wasn’t thinking when I used the spell on myself. I should have thought…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I _should_ have t-talked to someone about it. McGonagall or—er, in any case, I—I could have been suspended or flat out got a failing grade for Potions. But—but Slughorn said if I get at least an eighty percent on the written portion I’ll pass! It—it’ll be a very low grade but I’ll pass. And I only have detention, I’m not suspended which… is such a relief.”

He knew that when you were suspended you got sent home for the amount of time given. Since it was exam week, he figured his suspension would have been fulfilled after the holidays. While his mother would have been happy if he stayed a few extra days, he most certainly wouldn’t have!

Lily sniffled. “I’m glad it’s not so bad. They understood you weren’t trying to cheat, then?”

“Uh-huh. McGonagall was very kind about it. And th-they’re going to talk to Professor Dumbledore about maybe allowing me to use the spell or—or something like it for Potions,” he said, smiling a little until he noticed Lily was frowning. “Wh-what?”

“It’s that bad?” she asked. “Your sense of smell?”

Remus ducked his head, staring at the ground. “Yes. Smells affect me strongly. It’s r-really bad in Potions since it’s so many ingredients in one room and everyone is—is working on them all at once. It’s v-very overwhelming…”

“That must be difficult,” Lily said when he didn’t say anything else. “I mean, I knew you had trouble with the smells but didn’t know it was that bad.”

He nodded, still not looking at her. “Most of the time I can deal with smells because they’re not so bad. Potions is difficult since it’s the same thing on multiple desks, and they’re being manipulated in a way to bring their scent out. Then it’s all in one small room which makes it worse.”

Lily stopped walking so he did as well, turning to face her. “Um. No offense but—“

His chest tightened as he waited for something horrible. No offense but that’s weird, no offense but you’re making it up, no offense but _what_?

“—how the bloody hell can you stand living in that dorm then?”

Remus blinked a few times then began giggling pretty hard. Of all the things for her to say, that wasn’t anywhere on the list!

“It’s hard,” he admitted, still giggling as they began walking again. “It _stinks_! I try not to harp on them too much since I’m guilty of leaving my books everywhere but books and dirty socks are—are two very different things.”

“Socks?” Lily snorted. “I’m talking about the _pants_ everywhere! Last time I was in there I saw at least half a dozen laying around!”

Remus wrinkled his nose. “I was trying to be pleasant by using socks as my example, Lily.”

“Ooh.” Now she giggled. “Right. Though socks are probably awful too.”

“Especially since—er, never mind.”

“Since what?”

He shifted his bag around to put it over his shoulder but the weight of it hurt. Despite his shirt, jumper, and robes it felt like the handle was cutting into his skin. He quickly maneuvered it back into his arms. “Some of them tend to wear dirty socks often.”

“EWWWW!” she squealed, a hand over her mouth. “Please tell me you mean only a couple of extra times past when they get dirty? No?” she whimpered when he shook his head. “Why are boys so disgusting?”

“I d-don’t know…” He suspected if he didn’t have to deal with the smells he’d probably leave his stuff everywhere too, as he already did with things that didn’t stink up the room. “I doubt you girls are super clean though,” he added, knowing their dorm wasn’t exactly spotless.

“Er…” Lily’s cheeks reddened slightly. “All right, maybe not so much. But it’s not as bad as your dorm, I can promise you that!” After a second or two she gave him a sheepish smile. “All right, sometimes I wear dirty socks too, just not, you know, when they’re very dirty, and mostly at home when I have to do my own laundry. Then I might put off wearing clean things sometimes…”

Their conversation ended as they neared the Transfiguration class and were interrupted by the other Marauders running over to greet Remus. Their pats on his back sent sharp pains through his body but he accepted them without complaint.

“Is Aegis all right?” was the first thing he asked, after Lily disappeared into the classroom. “You didn’t hex him, did you?” James and Sirius went quiet while Peter coughed. “ _Guys_?”

“He wasn’t hexed,” Peter promised.

“Jinxed?” Remus asked in case he was being pedantic, even though they knew perfectly well he was meaning any kind of harmful spell.

Peter shook his head. “No. They only threatened him a bit.”

“ _Peter_!” James snapped.

“What? He’s gonna find out anyway,” Peter protested.

“You can’t keep anything secret, can you?” Sirius grumbled.

Peter scowled. “I can keep secrets when they’re _important_ , dumbarse. I think we _all_ know that. And I can keep secrets from other people. Just—just not you guys. It’s different when it’s you guys. And it’s different when it’s from Remus and it’s something he’s gonna find out anyhow.”

“You threatened him?” Remus demanded hotly.

James shrugged. “Only a _little_.”

“Which is more than you should have!” Remus protested. “Aegis only spoke the truth.”

“He gave you the spell,” Sirius said casually. “He set you up.”

Remus gaped at his idiotic friend. “ _WHAT_?!” he shouted. James and Peter at least had the decency to look embarrassed; Sirius didn’t look bothered at all, obviously believing what he had said. “N-no!”

“Remy, he—”

Remus was not giving Sirius the opportunity to smear Aegis’s name like that. “No,” he cut Sirius off darkly. “Absolutely not! Th—that is _not_ what happened! I would have found the spell myself, given enough time! It was the spell I was looking for.”

“Oh come on!” Sirius argued. “He—”

“ _No_!” Remus snapped, the fury in his voice so strong that Sirius went silent. “Don’t you _dare_ accuse Aegis of anything.” Sirius actually took a step back as Remus glared at him; he had no idea how scary he looked when he was this angry, had no idea if the wolf’s anger shone through his eyes. “He was helping me. He is my friend and I am not going to stand by and let you say such things, do you understand?!”

Sirius swallowed, silently nodding.

That cooled Remus’s temper a little. “Right. Well—g-good.” He glanced at the Transfiguration classroom. “We need to get to our exams. But don’t—don’t you dare even think of Aegis being like that because he’s _not_!”

He blazed through the door with James and Peter awkwardly following, and Sirius creeping along in the back. In the classroom, McGonagall gave Remus a different quill to sign in (Remus had never thought of that before, realizing in that moment that no matter what the exam was the teachers had them use special quills in some way or another) then she did some spells on him to detect magic. The calming potion was still active enough to show up, and McGonagall nodded. He had seen this done before for exams, a couple of his classmates who apparently needed some sort of magic in or on them for various reasons. Medications, he supposed.

A few of the other Gryffindors gave him curious looks as he slunk to his desk, glad this would be the only class for the day; he’d be able to go be by himself for the rest of the day after this exam was over. After Sirius’s accusations of Aegis, he _really_ wanted to be alone. Well, after he talked to McGonagall, as once the exam was over she held him back for a moment, wanting to know how he was doing. He promised he was all right, all things considering; being able to take the exam certainly helped him.

After that he spent the rest of the day by himself, feeling a little bad for scarpering off without saying anything to his friends. He just wasn’t up to being social. Instead he curled up in the hospital wing for a bit, lying to Madame Pomfrey about feeling nervous in order to stay there… and also get some more of the calming potion since it had worn off. Was that bad? Needing… wanting more calming potion? Probably. He didn’t care. If he was a normal person it wouldn’t have worn off yet anyway.

*

Remus returned to the dorms right before curfew, quietly gathering his wash bag and pajamas before slipping into the bathroom to get ready for bed; the other Marauders followed, in order to try to talk. They hadn’t really had much of a chance during the day, especially since they didn’t want to pressure him. Remus explained everything thoroughly—sort’ve. He didn’t really go into much detail about the things Slughorn said. They were already furious enough with Slughorn, he didn’t want to give them _more_ of a reason to hate him.

“I can’t believe you got into trouble for cheating when you didn’t even cheat,” James grumbled.

Remus let out a sigh. “I didn’t. I got in trouble for breaking a rule. Which I did. Look, it—I—I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” He knew if they continued he’d probably work himself into a fit again, and he didn’t want that to happen. Thankfully his friends relented and stopped their questions.

Not that it stopped others from asking questions. When Remus returned to the dorm Dave and Spinnet wanted to know what happened, as rumors had been flying around the school all day. Sirius told them it wasn’t any of their business, then Spinnet asked if Remus had cheated.

“No,” Sirius said, standing at full height. As the tallest second year, that was a lot of height. “He did not cheat, or else he would have been suspended, wouldn’t he?”

Spinnet glanced at Remus then back at Sirius. “Er, yeah, I guess. Sorry.”

That’s the answer Remus found himself giving on Tuesday whenever anyone asked. No he didn’t cheat, if he cheated he’d be suspended, right? He’d have lost a lot of points! Therefore it was obvious he hadn’t cheated. He felt a little bad ‘lying’ until James pointed out it was the truth: Remus _didn’t_ cheat. He had gotten in trouble for using a spell on himself for class, not for cheating. That made Remus feel a bit better. James was absolutely right. Not that he’d ever say that, he didn’t want to give James more of a reason to be egotistical!

At lunch Remus sought Aegis out to make sure he was doing okay, since he hadn’t had a chance during breakfast; the two of them talked for a bit, ignoring the looks they were given by other Slytherins. Remus heard some mutters about a ‘half-blood Gryffindor stinking up the table’ which made him feel uncomfortable. Still, he talked to his friend, determined to ignore the whispered comments. Remus tried to apologize for his friends threatening him until Aegis cut him off, promising he wasn’t bothered by what they did. He said he could see why they were angry. Aegis also went on for a while, apologizing for causing Remus to get into so much trouble. It took a lot of talking to convince Aegis that Remus didn’t blame him at all.

“It’s my fault for forgetting the rule,” he pointed out. “I completely forgot.”

“I should have remembered too,” Aegis said.

“Please don’t,” Remus begged. “You were helping me. It’s all right.”

Aegis looked a little dubious but finally somewhat accepted that it wasn’t entirely his fault, which was the best that Remus could do. Of course, if the situation were reversed Remus would feel _terrible_ and absolutely blame himself for getting Aegis into trouble, so he understood why Aegis was being like that.

When Remus returned to the Marauders, Sirius looked like he had been eating something sour, but he didn’t say anything and neither did Remus. Sirius hadn’t apologized for what he had said about Aegis the day before though honestly, Remus wasn’t expecting him to.

*

All of Remus’s free time was spent hiding from people who wanted to question him about what happened the day before and studying. Lots and lots of studying. In the evening he had to take a break to go to Occlumency. Well no, he didn’t _have_ to. Fawley had written asking if he wanted to put it off due to the exams but he wanted to have the lesson.

Before they began he did tell her what happened the previous morning, including winding up in the hospital wing. He confessed to being humiliated over his reaction and she comforted him, telling him he couldn’t help how he reacted to situations.

“You’re a nervous young man,” she said. “It’s not surprising you had such an extreme reaction to a very stressful situation. It’s nothing you could have helped. You don’t have any control over that, Remus…”

He sighed, burying his face in his hands. “I know. It’s just very embarrassing to be carried off by your teacher!”

Fawley nodded. “I understand that. I’m very glad you’re okay. I’m also very glad you were not severely punished for what happened.”

“They were both very kind,” Remus agreed, though he still wasn’t sure how to feel about everything Slughorn had said. It was true his issue wasn’t really a disability. It was a curse, it was dark, it was his monster side. He wouldn’t be surprised if Dumbledore didn’t allow it. “I wish I had talked to them. About the problem. I—” He tried imagining telling Slughorn directly that he needed smells blocked, and shrank back on the couch, feeling ill merely imagining the scenario. “Ahh—oh well.”

The lesson that night didn’t last long because he was so tired and pretty much every single memory was of his panic attack in Slughorn’s office. In any case, his headache grew worse and he was hardly able to put up even a flimsy barrier. Fawley cut things off at the half-hour mark, refusing to go on any longer.

“Perhaps next month we can have an extended lesson,” she said, giving him a hug. “I hope your holidays at home go well. If you need anything, please write to me.”

“I will,” he promised, not really sure what he’d need. Unless she meant if—if his father… But that wasn’t… It—that… “I hope your Easter is nice too,” he added, feeling rather uncomfortable.

“Also, good luck with the prank,” she said with a mischievous grin. “I can’t _wait_ to see the results of that when you get back!”

Remus smiled back. After all the pain of not-quite-cheating at least he had the prank to look forward to. “I can’t wait either. I hope the spell goes all right.”

“I’m sure it will. You’re an extremely talented young man.” Fawley got to her feet, grasping hold of her cane. “I mean that, you know. You’re one of the most talented magic-users I’ve ever come across.”

He felt heat creeping across his face, and ducked his head so his fringe fell across his eyes. “Th—thank you,” he mumbled, no idea what else to say. “Um—happy Easter, er, Miss—Miss Fawley.”

Once he was back in his dorm he considered studying but instead crawled under his bed to curl up. All the events from the day before were still bothering him, and the fact he had messed up in Occlumency hurt too. He supposed, technically, the headaches weren’t really a ‘mess up’, he just _felt_ like it had been.

*

On Wednesday the Marauders woke up a bit earlier than usual in order to go to the mirror passage. Remus felt nervous as he slipped past the mirror, hoping he’d be able to pull the spell off. The opening behind the mirror was nowhere near as big as the Great Hall however they really didn’t have many options.

“Even if you only get half of the Hall it’d be terrific,” yawned James.

Remus took in a deep breath and flicked his wand. The spell worked, filling up the entire room as well as much of the passageway behind it. The Marauders all whooped and cheered, hugging Remus tightly. Sirius gave him a noogie.

“We are ready for Friday!” giggled Peter, clapping his hands. “I can’t wait!”

“Aw, man, it’s going to be _so_ good,” laughed James.

“Should… we clean up?” Remus asked, glancing at the mess.

“I don’t think many people know about this place, I doubt anyone will come by anytime soon,” Sirius said, throwing an arm around Remus. “It should be fine till we get back from the holidays.”

The Gryffindors had their practical Charms exams that day and had to go to class early, though, like Transfiguration, most of it was spent waiting while other students did their spells. The Gryffindors sat on benches, waiting for their turn. Sirius was the first one up, of course.

“Wanna quiet down there, Red?” James complained, as Lily was whispering spells to herself under her breath.

“Wanna go jump in the lake there, Mess?” she snapped back.

“ _Miss_?” James tilted his head. “Did you call me _Miss_?”

“Mess!” she growled. “As in, Messy Hair. Do you ever brush it?”

James messed his hair up even more. “It’s brushed, silky smooth, and perfect. Wild hair is not _messy_ hair. What’s with your hair today? It looks dumb.”

She had recently cut her hair super short. “It’s like Twiggy,” she retorted. “It’s one of Twiggy’s short hairstyles.”

“What the bloody hell is a twiggy?” James wanted to know. “Like a stick? You’re trying to look like a stick?”

Lily groaned loudly. “No! She’s a Muggle model!”

“Are _you_ trying to be a model? Cause you definitely missed the mark—“

“Can everyone shut up please?” McNab demanded. “If you two want to argue, go somewhere else and don’t distract the rest of us!”

James and Lily fell silent, and remained silent.

After Lily and Inkwood it was Remus’s turn. Despite his nerves, he performed each spell perfectly and impressed Flitwick. His time inside the classroom was the shortest one out of everyone, since he hadn’t needed to do anything twice.

Peter went, then James, and the Marauders wanted to go do stuff but Remus said he needed to stay.

“I’m taking my makeup written exam during lunch,” he explained, staying seated. “There’s no need to wait for me. Honest,” he added when they sat back down. “Go have fun. I’ll meet you in the Great Hall once I’m finished.”

Sirius pulled out a deck of cards. “We can have fun here.”

They played several rounds of Sphinxes until Twycross was finished with her exam, then Remus bid farewell to his friends before going into the classroom. The written exam was actually super easy and he finished it with plenty of time to spare.

*

That afternoon they only had their History exam then the rest of the afternoon was free, and they spent it out at Fort Dragon. Remus sat on a rock with his nose in the Herbology book, only half-paying attention to the others until he heard ‘dragon painting’.

“Huh?”

“We’re going to try to go back to that room, on, um, the last night of April,” James said, punching the air. “That is Walpurgis Night, right?”

Remus drew his knees up a bit, frowning. “Y—yes, it is, but that doesn’t seem like a very good idea.”

“You really think something will happen?” Peter asked.

“No.” He shook his head. “I highly doubt anything would happen, which is why it isn’t a good idea. Why go to all that trouble for nothing?”

Sirius shrugged. “What if something does happen, though?”

“As I said before, I assume those knights are merely a group of students much like us,” Remus said, shutting his book.

“They were doing something so big they decided to put a super dangerous guardian for their room,” James pointed out.

“When it was already kinda hidden by all the pits, too,” added Peter.

“Pete, you really aren’t agreeing with them, are you?” Remus sighed.

“Not… really,” Peter muttered. “I mean, kinda. I mean—well, it is weird they put the painting up like that.”

“Perhaps they didn’t,” Remus said, hugging the book to his chest.

James frowned. “You said that the Frank-thing was maybe connected?”

“Yes. The Frankish Short-Snout is from Francia, and Saint Walpurga has to do with Francia. However… perhaps the painting was already there?” Now he stretched his legs out, trying to touch the ground, sighing a bit when he couldn’t due to his shortness. “Perhaps the painting inspired them. Perhaps they happened to find it on the thirtieth of April and made the connection between the Frankish Short-Snout and Walpurgis Night and—“

“Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.” James waved his hand. “That’s a lot of perhaps there.”

Remus scowled at him. “I feel it is more likely the painting was there first.”

James bent in, his face inches from Remus. “I feel it is more likely that these Knights put the painting up. So there.” He stuck out his tongue.

Remus yanked his wand out, quickly flicking it with a spell that made James’s tongue grow flowers. He began choking and sputtering, flailing around until he ripped them all out. Remus was afraid he had gone a step too far with that one, but James grinned.

“BLOODY HELL!” he shouted. “BRILLIANT ONE! Where did you learn that?!”

The three of them clamored around Remus, demanding to learn the spell and they spent the rest of the afternoon making flowers grow on one another’s tongues. Remus noticed that once they all learned the spell, the flowers that grew tended to be the same for each person. Whenever James did the spell he seemed to mostly grow bright, vivid, tropical flowers, while Sirius’s were a magical plant called Moon’s Creeper, which were glowing white flowers with black, creeping vines. Peter kept giving them delicate flowers like cow’s parsley and Queen Anne’s lace. And Remus could produce various ones if he focused hard enough but when simply doing the spell they tended to be a variant of primroses he thought were called starflowers.

They didn’t return to the castle until they realized it was almost curfew and they had missed supper. They had to run as fast as they could, going straight to their dorms. James and Peter took the cloak to fetch food from the kitchens, then the four hid out on James’s bed, eating and laughing about the flower spell, excited to use it for pranking.


	124. Chapter One Hundred-Twenty-Four – Eggsellent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for dreams and reality being confused/blurred at the end of the chapter. I don’t know if that’s something that needs TWed for but I’m putting it in anyway in case. Plus accidental self-harm, in the same scene at the end of the chapter. This happens after Remus goes to bed.
> 
> Also reason for the early chapter: I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep to my schedule for a while. My mom’s in the hospital again and I’m just not sure how things are going to go over the next week or so. So there’s every chance there might not be another chapter for a while, but hopefully everything goes well and I can keep to my normal schedule starting Friday. But since I’m just not sure I figured I should go ahead and get tomorrow’s chapter out now, while I can.

When Remus woke up on Friday he felt nervous because of Potions. At least Thursday had gone decently, since both Herbology and Defense had been written exams which weren’t too difficult; they also had the practical Astronomy exam at night which had gone fine too. Plus the questions about Monday had thankfully stopped, everyone moving on to a more interesting rumor about a seventh year girl and a fourth year boy caught in a broom cupboard together.

But now it was time for Potions again. Slughorn again. He crept into the classroom, feeling Slughorn’s eyes on him as he slid into his seat, keeping his head down. When Slughorn set out the anti-cheat quills, Remus’s heart rate began going faster and faster. He _knew_ he didn’t have any spells on him or potions in him however by the time Slughorn told everyone to begin, Remus was soaked in sweat. He carefully picked up the quill, moving it to the parchment. Slughorn watched him. Taking a deep breath, Remus pressed the quill to the parchment to write his name.

_Remus Lupin_.

He let out the breath, relief flooding his body.

Despite the relief, though, he still felt anxiety clutching at his soul as he carefully penned out answers. He needed to get a very good grade in order to barely pass the Potions exam, and he _knew_ he could—but it was still scary.

Occasionally, he felt eyes on him until finally he glanced back. Snape quickly averted his gaze, a mild smirk on his lips. Remus shivered and returned to his test, trying not to feel sick.

He was one of the last ones writing, finishing up about ten minutes before Slughorn called the time. Remus’s test was the first one Slughorn came for. He picked it up, giving it a frown, and then giving Remus the frown as well, before moving on to collect other papers.

Remus’s legs were shaky when they left, and he needed to go hide out in a bathroom for a few minutes. He tried to convince his friends to go on without him but they stayed behind, which turned out to be a good thing. Within a minute the bathroom door opened.

“What do _you_ want?” Remus heard James sneer.

“Rich as you may be, you don’t own the toilets, Potter,” retorted Snape.

Remus glanced up at the stall door, worried that a fight might break out. Instead, Snape went into the stall next to him, and at that point he decided to simply leave. He exited his stall, but of course Snape didn’t really need to use the loo. His stall door opened immediately, and Remus found himself face-to-face with his sneering face.

“Heard you cheated,” Snape said.

James, Sirius, and Peter were at Remus’s side in an instant, James and Sirius with their wands out. “Bugger off, Snivellus,” James snapped.

Snape glanced at them then back at Remus. “What, can’t speak for yourself?”

“I d-didn’t cheat,” Remus whispered.

“You know, Snivelly, stalking people into toilets isn’t exactly a normal thing to do,” Sirius said rather lightly, despite the fact he had stalked Remus into a toilet not too long ago.

Snape took a step back, lip curling slightly. “It’s rather pathetic—“

“What, you?” James asked. “I agree.”

Snape’s eyes were on Remus again, sending an uncomfortable shiver down his spine. “I shouldn’t be surprised nothing happened.” He spoke slowly, great care being put into each word as if he was saying some big revelation. “With two Gryffindors in charge of the school, there’s never going to be any _real_ punishment for those who deserve it—“

Sirius moved to stand fully between Remus and Snape. “If you don’t shut your disgusting little mouth, I’ll show you what punishment is.”

Snape didn’t seem phased at all. “I’m being forced to look at you, Black; that’s quite enough punishment.”

“Nobody’s forcing you to stay here,” James said.

Snape shrugged. “You’re the ones blocking the exit,” he pointed out.

“You’re the one that followed us in here just to accuse Remus,” Sirius said, though James did step aside and give a grand flourish.

“Is it an accusation if it’s the truth?” Snape brushed past them, twisting to face them as he took a few steps back. “I know perfectly well it’s the truth, Loopy. You cheated, and got no repercussions for it due to you being McGonagall’s little golden pet.”

A violent, rage-y sort of feeling rippled through Remus’s body at the word ‘pet’. The wolf jerked alive inside his head, and he physically jerked without meaning to. Snape smirked at that, seeing his words had gotten to him.

“Don’t be so jealous because he’s smarter than you,” James drawled out, twirling his wand between his fingers.

“Jealous?” Snape raised an eyebrow. “What is there to be jealous of? Looking like a ten-year-old and getting sick every five seconds? He could probably pass as a first year… _next_ year. Why in Merlin’s name would I want to be like _that_? Besides, you may have good grades, Lupin, but judging from your appearance you’ll probably keel over and die before your twentieth birthday. Oh yes. Very jealous.”

Sirius shot out a hex and Snape ducked, the hex hitting the wall behind him instead. Remus assumed that would start a fight, however James began laughing so hard he dropped his wand.

“Jealous of Evans liking Remus more is more like it!”

Snape’s eyes widened slightly, then his face paled and his lips clamped tightly together. “You little—“

_That_ started the duel, and spells began going everywhere. Even from Peter, who had been silent the whole time. James picked up his wand to join in, ignoring Remus saying they shouldn’t be fighting. Four-on-one… or rather, three-on-one at the moment, would be terrible. Snape was holding his own with a shield spell at least, but it wouldn’t last much longer.

Remus darted forward, not caring. James and Sirius shouted at the fact he was basically walking in the line of fire and stopped their spells. Snape looked triumphant, twitching his wand to get a hex at Remus. He dodged the spell easily, yanking open the bathroom door and shoving Snape out. The fairly basic shield didn’t do a thing when it came to physical touch.

Snape stumbled, protesting loudly, and Remus slammed the door shut, turning around to press himself against it to stop both his friends going after Snape, and Snape from coming back in. “Want to tell me what the point of that was?!” he hissed out. “What would that have done? Hmm? The three of you attacking one student?”

“It’s just—“ Sirius began but Remus cut him off. “Just what? Snape?” he asked, and Sirius gave a ‘yeah?’ sort of shrug. “You’re right. It’s just Snape, and he isn’t worth it. He is not worth getting into more trouble. Besides—“

Then he heard Snape’s voice on the other side of the door. “Have fun being late for your exam, Gryffindors.”

Remus stared at his friends in shock. James glanced at his watch then held it up. They had less than two minutes to get to their next exam. _Shit_!

Snape laughed as the four of them took off, James shouting threats over his shoulder. They had the written part of Astronomy instead of Charms, so they had to get all the way to the Astronomy classroom instead of the Charms classroom; the Astronomy classroom was a floor above Charms, and Professor Spring gave them hell when they burst through the doors, removing ten points each for being so late.

Remus slumped in his seat, panting heavily, and feeling furious at himself for what happened. That had probably been Snape’s intention all along, making them late. At least, that would explain why he had been slow and careful when he spoke.

After the exam was over Spring kept them behind to lecture them, and told them McGonagall would be informed about what happened. It didn’t take long for them to find out the result of that, as they had the written part of their Transfiguration exams in the afternoon. McGonagall asked them to please stay behind, and they received another lecture.

“Late to class is one thing,” she said at the end, “being late to an exam is beyond irresponsible.”

“Yes, Professor,” they chorused, all four of them hanging their heads.

McGonagall removed a few more points from Gryffindor then shooed the others out, wanting to talk to Remus for a moment. She wanted to check in to see how he was doing, since she hadn’t had much time to do so since Monday. He promised her he was doing fine, that he was doing a lot better since it happened. Especially since the rumors had died down about him.

“Does it have anything to do with why you were late?” she inquired.

Remus bit his lip, looking down at his shoes, wondering how much she knew. Did she know about Snape? About what transgressed in the loo? “S—sort of?” he squeaked out. “Er. After—after Potions, Sn—Snape followed us and—and accused me of cheating. We… well, th-there was a verbal argument. Nobody got—got—got hurt,” he added quickly, in case she thought there was a duel—well, there had been a duel, of course, but not enough of one to make much of a difference in his opinion. “Nobody got hexed or anything. I g-guess we were—um, that—that’s why we were late.”

McGonagall gave a small nod. “I see. Thank you for informing me. I also wanted to discuss with you something else. When you come back from the holidays, I think we should get together and talk about… any issues you might be having due to your… your…”

Remus looked down at his shoes. “Problem?” he offered.

“Yes,” McGonagall answered hesitantly.

He shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Er, P-Potions is the main issue, really. Th—that’s all. The—the smells.” He tugged at his sleeve, feeling awkward. Snape’s words about being McGonagall’s pet filled his head. “Besides, if—if you s-single me out t-too much that might—might arouse suspicion.”

“I… suppose it might, however I think it is something we should talk about.”

He shook his head. “There’s n-not much to talk about, Professor. Um, I appre—appreciate it, I do, but it’s—it’s fine. I’d r-rather not get sp—special attention for anything. I don’t want to r-risk it.” There were sounds outside of her next class gathering in the hall. “I sh-should go—”

“Very well,” she sighed. “I still intend to get together with you after the holidays, regardless. Have a good afternoon.”

Remus gladly left, whispering to his friends what she wanted after they left, or at least the Snape part of it; he had no intention of telling them the other stuff. James was a little irritated Remus had told her about it, but Remus didn’t really care. They weren’t in trouble for that and besides, it was very likely she already knew judging by her question regarding their tardiness. Then he had to insist again he was fine, as all afternoon his friends had been expressing concern over the things Snape said. Remus wasn’t really bothered by it, though Sirius especially seemed furious.

“Are we still doing it tonight?” Remus asked, wanting to change the subject.

“Of course we are,” James insisted. “Why wouldn’t we? Though we don’t need to do anything for a little while.”

“We should find Snape and make him late to his exam,” muttered Sirius.

“I don’t think he has anymore today,” Remus said, and Sirius grumbled that they should tie him up and dump him in the lake instead, then.

As it turned out, they didn’t have as much time as James thought, since they needed to go all the way to their dorm to get the invisibility cloak and the potion out from under James’s bed, then all the way back down to the kitchens. By that point it was time to take the potion into the kitchens anyway. James and Sirius took care of that, under the cloak, while Peter and Remus sat in a hallway pretending to play cards while they waited.

“S’done,” James’s voice whispered from thin air, though Remus had sensed them coming. “Man, I hope everything goes well tonight!”

The feast didn’t start until six. Pretty much everyone showed up a little early. The Marauders certainly did, and just as they were about to go in, Lily stopped them. She looked distressed, and Remus had the feeling Snape told her about what happened. Probably leaving out the fact he accused Remus of cheating.

“What do you want?” James asked.

“To talk to you,” she replied, folding her arms.

“ _Me_?” James narrowed his eyes. “Why? What for?”

Lily gave a sniffle. “What you—you—oh, why do you have to be such a jerk?!”

James blinked a few times then looked at his friends. “What did I do?” he asked. Sirius and Peter both shrugged. “Look, Red, whatever your problem is, can we deal with it later? We’re kind’ve busy right now.”

“Doing what?” Her gaze raked over all four of them. “Planning some prank, I imagine.” James gave a disgusted sound then turned to walk into the Great Hall. “You should apologize!” she snapped.

“Fine.” James messed his hair up and took a few steps to stand in front of Lily. “I’m sorry that I’m so amazing you feel the need to attack me for no apparent reason. Feel better? I sure do. Come on, guys—“

“You—“ Lily began but Remus took hold of her sleeve, tugging her away from the others. He knew what the issue was, and he didn’t want James and Lily to get into a big fight because of it.

“Is it about Snape?” he asked once they were sufficiently enough away.

Lily’s forehead wrinkled, and she nodded. “He told me that Potter said things about our friendship.” Remus wondered if Snape lied about what James said but to his surprise, Lily repeated word-for-word what James had said. “I know it’s not—not that bad,” she admitted, “and I know perfectly well Potter only said it to make Sev angry. But… Sev… he—he can be—“

“Jealous?” Remus offered as she floundered for a word.

Lily gave a tiny little sound of surprise. “What? No! Why does _everyone_ think Sev is _jealous_? I know perfectly well that’s what was said, by the way! Which is—is absolutely not true. Sev isn’t jealous of your grades—“

“I didn’t think he was,” Remus cut her off before she could rant about that. It was almost six, the feast would be starting any second and they wanted to do the first part of the prank before the food appeared. He felt bad for wanting Lily to hurry up with whatever she had to say, but…! “Sorry. Wh—what did—what were you meaning to say? About Snape?”

“I was going to say…” She glanced around then bent in close. “Insecure. He’s worried, you know, about—about our friendship.”

Remus wasn’t really surprised to hear that. “Did Snape tell you why he was talking to us in the first place?”

“Er, yes,” she said, toeing the ground. “He said he wanted to ask you about what happened Monday…”

“He accused me of cheating,” Remus explained, trying to keep the anger out of his voice. “That’s why the others got so mad at him.”

Lily didn’t try to defend Snape at all which _was_ a surprise. “I was worried about that. He asked me, the other day. If—if that’s what happened. I told him no. Oh! I didn’t tell him anything else, I promise! He knew I knew something but I swear I didn’t say a word. I told him to drop it!”

“I didn’t think you would say anything else,” Remus said. Lily smiled, looking relieved. He felt that this conversation should go on longer, that it was important to discuss exactly what happened. That Snape said the bit about him dying before his twentieth birthday, and how horrible that was. But after such a crap week what he wanted more than anything else was to have the prank happen, to cheer him up. “It’s—the feast is about to start, we really should go in.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.”

“No, you’re fine. I—I am sorry about—um, about what happened.”

Lily flipped her fringe out of her eyes. “I wish things were different.”

Remus wanted to ask her, what things? The fact the Marauders and Snape hated each other? That Remus and Snape hated each other? Or something else? He was on the verge of asking her when he realized it was one till six. All he could really do was give Lily a quick hug then hurry back to his friends.

The Great Hall was full and they found seats near the door, which was where Remus wanted to sit anyway. As soon as they sat down the clock struck six, Dumbledore stood up to make a little speech about the term, the upcoming holidays, etc, etc. Remus’s stomach was twisted into strange shapes, and he began to sweat again like in Potions. He licked his lips, getting his wand out. James kicked his foot gently, indicating for him to do it. Before the food appeared, so the mess wouldn’t get in the food. That wouldn’t be very fair.

Remus whispered the spell, flicking his wand. He was worried that he’d be too upset or anxious over everything that happened, and nothing would happen. A very faint bit of light shot up to the rafters and for a split-second he was genuinely terrified it wouldn’t work—

It hit one of the rafters and there was a fireworks-sounding explosion, and eggs began raining down. Not only part of the room: _all_ over. The entire room! He had done it!

There were shrieks as the eggs began falling and everyone covered their heads but the second the eggs hit anything solid they exploded harmlessly into a shower of pastel confetti. A few messed up and didn’t explode, merely bounced off people or furniture to land on the floor and roll underfoot.

Hundreds of eggs showered down, exploding into a seemingly endless fountain of confetti; it got _everywhere_. It didn’t take long for there to be a layer on every single table, and all over the floor. Some students were standing up, slipping a little on the confetti on the floor. The teachers were pointing to the ceiling, trying to figure out the source of the issue.

McGonagall, naturally, knew the real source and was storming down the aisle straight for the Marauders. Remus was snickering at the prank, and it took all his effort not to burst into laughter at the sight of his stern teacher covered in pale pink, blue, green, and yellow confetti. He quickly sent the counter-spell at the rafter, hoping McGonagall didn’t see who did it in all the chaos.

“These decorations are brilliant, Professor!” James said when she approached them.

“I know perfectly well you two did it!” she snapped, glaring at James and Sirius. Her anger was a little undermined by a particularly large egg hitting her head, the confetti showering down. “It is _always_ you two!”

“Thanks!” James and Sirius chorused.

McGonagall narrowed her eyes. The counter-spell kicked in and the eggs lessened up, though there were still quite a few falling. Everyone was watching the Gryffindor table, watching them, waiting to see what would happen.

“Did you do this?” she asked, folding her arms.

James shrugged. “Would you believe us if I said no?”

“No.”

“Then what’s the point in answering?”

McGonagall pressed her lips into a very thin, straight line, while Remus bit his lip, impressed by James’s audacity. Sirius and Peter both looked impressed as well.

“Detention, Mr. Potter,” she sighed.

“For what, Professor?” he asked sweetly.

McGonagall had no evidence James had caused it, therefore was unable to punish him for it. “Talking back. Give me your wand.”

“My—what?” James’s eyes went huge. “Why?”

“Please hold out your wand,” she said, and James reluctantly held it out. “Priori incantatum,” she said, and a wave of cold dread filled Remus’s entire body. A ghostly echo of the levitating spell emerged from James’s wand. McGonagall frowned, then asked for Sirius’s wand. His revealed the last spell had been the tripping jinx, which he gave a sheepish grin for.

Remus’s belly roiled and he felt on the verge of throwing up as McGonagall glanced briefly at him and Peter…

Then she sighed. “Very well. But you still have detention for talking back.” She brushed confetti off her robes as she headed over to three third year Gryffindors, wanting to check their wands. She also checked a few students from the other houses, students who were known for doing pranks though none of them were as ‘famous’ as the Marauders. Satisfied none of them had done it, McGonagall went to the High Table.

Remus sank a little in his seat, arm wrapped around his stomach.

“Look a little less guilty there, Brains,” James hissed out, kicking him again.

“I c-c-can’t!”

“You look ready to die.”

“ _I feel ready to die_!”

The last egg fell (bursting over some sixth year Hufflepuffs) and Dumbledore got to his feet, waving his wand. The excessive amount of confetti swirled in the air, sweeping into one large pile (very, very, very large pile) and then promptly disappeared. There were still a few bits of confetti, but the majority of the mess was gone.

Dumbledore clapped his hands, and food began appearing on the tables. Everyone settled in, many whispering about James and Sirius, blaming them for the confetti despite McGonagall’s spell clearing them. It was obvious they thought the pranking was over and done with, which made the potion all the funnier.

It didn’t take long for everyone to start growing rabbit ears. There were loads of people shouting, “Are you _kidding_ me?!” as their ears elongated and grew, also growing fur. Some were long and stiff, others were floppy, some were small, some were huge, some only had thin fuzz, others were very fluffy.

James’s ears were tall and stiff with a mess of curly black fur covering them. Sirius’s were floppy and covered in silky black fur. Peter’s stuck out at odd angles with light blonde fuzz.

When Remus first bit into his food, he had been terrified that the potion would somehow give him wolf ears instead of rabbit ears. He was terrified the potion would do something to trigger his lycanthropic transformation. For that reason he had worn his pointed hat to the feast, and had asked the others to sit near the doors in case he needed to take off. When his ears began changing they immediately felt different than wolf ears. They got heavier, and droopier. Once they were done, Remus reached up to feel floppy, huge, and soft rabbit ears.

He tried not to cry, overjoyed he hadn’t done something supremely stupid.

This time James and Sirius accepted the blame. McGonagall had long black ears that quivered in anger as she gave them detention. It was _so_ hard not to laugh.

“Is that the first cat-rabbit hybrid?” James whispered as she walked off, and all four of them burst into laughter, covering their mouths to try to hide it while people glared at them.

“Carabbit?” Peter suggested.

“Bunnitten,” Sirius snickered.

“Felagomorph,” Remus offered, realizing as soon as he said it it wouldn’t exactly be amusing. Sure enough their snickers were more of polite giggles, and Remus ducked his head, focusing on his food again.

Since the ears were not detrimental and it was a potion that would have to wear off, the feast continued.

When Dumbledore dismissed everyone, the Marauders hung back to let the crowd go by first; several students that passed them lobbed complaints about the rabbit ears and the eggs.

Once in their dorm, Remus began packing while the other three goofed off, swearing that they’d pack in the morning. Remus’s ears returned to normal before anyone else’s, so he had to hide out in his bed once David and Spinnet returned. The others joined him behind his curtains, playing a few rounds of _Wild Adventures_ until everyone’s ears shriveled back to human. Still, they stayed up very late—probably too late, but they wouldn’t be seeing each other for two weeks.

Remus didn’t get into bed until around four in the morning, and he woke up about half an hour later with screams of fear. He had had a nightmare of transforming in the Great Hall. Of them pranking a feast with a transfiguration potion, and Remus turning into his wolf, like he had feared.

“Remus?”

Remus barely heard him. Instead he was grabbing at his ears, certain they were wolf ears, because that’s what happened, right? They had turned into wolf ears at supper? That’s why he had worn a hat?

Sirius flicked open the curtains, climbing into bed. “Remy, what—what are you doing? Stop that…!”

Sirius grabbed Remus’s hands, gently tugging them away; that’s when Remus realized he had been digging his nails in, faintly clawing at his ears. Sirius’s eyes were wide, seeing a few streaks of blood on Remus’s fingertips.

Remus quickly yanked his hands away. “Sorry, I—I’m fine—“

“Obviously not,” Sirius hissed out. “What’s wrong? What—what happened? In your nightmare, I mean.” His eyes were locked onto Remus’s ears.

He shook his head. “Nothing, it’s fine, really. I got confused is all.”

“About… your ears?” Sirius tilted his head. “Was it because of the rabbit ears?”

Remus withdrew from him, sitting closer to his headboard. “Sort’ve. I—I dreamt I turned into a—a wolf from the potion. Then I thought my ears had turned into wolf ears.” It was another instance of dreams and reality bleeding into one another. “Did—I _did_ have rabbit ears earlier, right?”

“Yes,” Sirius replied immediately. “Peter got that picture of us, so if you need to see it maybe he can develop it in the morning—“

“No. Um, that—that’s all right,” he mumbled, putting a hand against his ear again, the scratches already healed. “I believe you.” The dream was fading a bit, and it was easier for him to figure out what had been real.

Mostly.

“Remus… are you sure you’re all right?” Sirius whispered, very concerned. “This isn’t the first time a nightmare’s made you confused—“

“Just groggy is all,” Remus lied, not wanting Sirius to worry. “I’m fine! Honest. I’m very sleepy and groggy, and got confused.” Sirius’s forehead wrinkled. “That’s _all_ , I promise!”

“Okay,” he replied, very dubiously. “Do you, uh, need anything right now?”

“No, thank you, I’m feeling better. Besides, we both need to sleep. I don’t want to nap on the train.”

“Me either. All right. If you need anything…”

“I’ll say something.”

Sirius slid out of his bed. “G’nite, Remy.”

“Goodnight, Sirius.”

Remus waited until he heard Sirius go back to his own bed before he curled back up, yanking Gwyllgi out from under his pillow and clutching his childhood companion tightly. He hoped he had convinced Sirius it wasn’t anything bad, but deep down he was frightened that it happened again. And _very_ frightened that he had hurt himself like that again.


	125. Chapter One Hundred-Twenty-Five – A Big Surprise!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mom is still in the hospital and we’re not sure when she’ll be back, so while I did manage to get today’s chapter out I cannot promise I’ll manage on Tuesday, it’s still a… wait and see sort of thing.
> 
> Also trigger warning for abuse in this chapter; mostly emotional.

James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus all slept in the next morning, the latter of which waking up to shrieks and chaos at around ten-thirty in the morning. He sat up, watching sleepily as his friends ran around throwing things into their bags.

“DON’T! SAY! IT!” James yelled when he saw Remus watching. “We know, we know. You told us so.”

“I did,” Remus yawned, slithering out of bed. “I can help.”

He sat in the middle of the room between three suitcases, catching things as they were thrown and putting them in the proper suitcase. Well, ‘catching’, more like being smacked by bits of clothing because he missed. Once they were all done, Remus went to get ready for the day, forgoing his usual shower since he slept in so late.

They barely had time to get food, mostly wrapping stuff up and shoving it in their pockets. Remus found Aegis for a quick goodbye, since he wasn’t going away for the holiday. Lily was, so he’d be able to say goodbye to her properly on the train.

“Urgh,” James moaned when they hurried to the carriages. There weren’t very many left, and the thestrals attached to them seemed a little impatient. Remus silently agreed with James, though he was beginning to think the thestrals weren’t as horrifying as he initially thought they were. He was getting a little more used to them.

Soon, they were settled in a compartment as the train rolled down south. James brought a radio to play and since Remus had his earplugs, the music could be blasted at the loud level the others liked. They ate their stolen food while playing cards, getting crumbs and bits of food all over the compartment until James and Sirius scarpered off to pull pranks. Remus and Peter stayed behind, chattering about various things. Peter spent a lot of time complaining about his Muggle cousins, telling Remus that they tended to make fun of him.

“Call me stupid and stuff,” sighed Peter. “Plus they make fun of me for going to a boarding school. They think it’s some fancy, rich thing, and say that’s the only way I could stay in school, if my parents paid for it.”

“They’re the idiots,” Remus said.

“They’re not completely wrong.” Peter slumped down in his seat, tugging at his lip. “I mean, they talk ‘bout what they’ve gotten from school, and what can I say? They talk about—about chemistry and I can’t talk about Potions. That’s why they say I’m dumb, cause when they talk about that stuff I… can’t.”

Remus reached over, giving his arm a little squeeze. Before he could say anything to try and help, the door burst open and James and Sirius stormed in.

“What happened?” Pete asked.

“Oh, we got snitched on,” Sirius grumbled, throwing himself back into his seat next to Remus, knocking into him.

“That fourth year girl who’s always poking her nose into everything?” James growled. “Jorkins? She caught us before we could transfigure the pebbles into bugs, and got a prefect.”

“I say we prank her when we get back,” Sirius said as he swung around to sit sideways in the seat, his legs across Remus’s lap; James gave him a thumbs up. Presumably for what he said and not for taking over Remus’s personal space.

After several uncomfortable, flustery moments, Remus excused himself to go find Lily. They spent a good forty minutes together before he returned to the guys. A little bit later Lily showed up with Magpie in tow, suggesting they play some games together to pass the time. They paired up for the games and Remus somehow wound up with Magpie like before; at least James was with Sirius so there wasn’t any screaming between James and Lily.

The six of them spent the rest of the train ride together, and James pretty much bought out the treat trolley when it came by. There was still a pile of sweets when the train pulled into Kings Cross, so James divided everything up six ways, making sure everyone got some. Even Lily.

“Feeling generous?” Lily teased, dumping the sweets in her handbag.

“Bribing you to never talk to me again,” James replied.

Lily rolled her eyes then stood up. “Don’t need to bribe me for that.”

“Oh, hey, Remus, can I talk to you privately for a moment?” Sirius asked.

Remus raised his eyebrows, assuming it was something to do with his nightmare the previous night—but why wait till now? “Er, sure.”

He hugged James, Peter, and Lily goodbye which felt a little awkward in front of Magpie. She told him goodbye too, offering her hand. He mumbled a goodbye, shaking her hand. Sirius exchanged hugs with James and Peter, then they were left alone in the compartment.

“Is something wrong?” Remus asked, pulling his suitcase out from the overhead.

“Nah, just figured it’d be better for you if you didn’t exit the train with your friends.” Sirius gave him a wane smile. “Since you’re not supposed to have any.”

“Er…”

“You planned on hanging back again, eh?”

Remus sat back down. “Yes,” he admitted.

Sirius sat down too. “We’ll give them a few minutes. I don’t mind making my parents wait. Besides, they’d probably get all angry if I got off the train with…” He trailed off.

“Dirty half-bloods?” Remus offered, hoping he didn’t sound bitter. It wasn’t Sirius’s fault his family was like that, but it was still frustrating.

Sirius let out a sigh, scooting over to look out the window. “Unfortunately.” He stared out the glass, his profile lit by the compartment lights and the glow from the lights on the platform. “Sometimes I wish—“ He stopped before he finished the sentence, and changed the subject. “You going to be all right?”

“Hmm?”

“The moon.” Sirius twisted back around to face him. “Will you be all right?”

Remus smiled. “I’ve been fine for the past eight and a half years.”

Sirius stared at him. “I forgot for a second how young you were when you were attacked. Merlin. How… how many full moons is that?”

Remus sat back, squinting as he tried to figure it out. “My first would be November of ‘64, so that would be twelve times eight, and add in January, February, March, and—oh.”

“Oh?”

“This—this week will be the hundredth,” he whispered, drawing his feet up onto the seat, wrapping his arms around his legs. “My hundredth stretch.”

“Oh. Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“And it’s… what, three moons each or so?”

“Thereabouts.”

“Three hundred then,” Sirius said, his voice squeaking.

Remus set his chin down against his arms. “Less. I mean, sometimes there are four moons but there are also two moons, and then there are nights I _don’t_ transform, so less.”

“Oh, yeah, a bit less than three hundred, much better,” Sirius muttered, and Remus shot him a look. “You know, there’s bound to be some way to make it easier.”

“Merlin, not this again,” Remus hissed, sliding his feet off the seat to stomp them down on the floor.

“Yes this again!” Sirius grouched back. “I don’t care what you say about ‘it’s been centuries surely someone would have figured it out’,” he added quickly as Remus opened his mouth. “Yeah, well, I don’t care. I’m still going to figure something out.” He bent in close, eyes narrowed. “People invent new stuff _all_ the time, why not a way to help werewolves?”

Remus pressed his lips thin, glaring.

“In any case, you can’t stop me.”

Remus stood up, shouldering his bag. “I should go before Mum gets worried. The others should have gone by now.”

Sirius jumped up too. “Now you’re mad.”

“I’m not mad, just tired,” Remus sighed, pushing his fringe back. “And needing to go.” Sirius held his arms out and Remus reluctantly stepped forward, hugging him. He smelled so nice.

“See you in two weeks, Remy.”

Remus gladly pulled away. “See you in two weeks.” He grabbed his suitcase and went to the pet compartment to get Arthur before hurrying off the train. He saw Sirius’s mother watching the train with a cold stare, and on the other side of the platform he saw James still with his parents. Peter and Lily were nowhere to be seen.

Then his mother was on him, wrapping her arms around him. “ _My baby_!” she squealed, squeezing him tightly. He hugged her back, trying not to pull away from the clinging. “Darling, I was getting worried!”

“When I pulled my suitcase out, it fell and bust open,” Remus lied without even thinking. “I had to put stuff back in it.”

“I see.” She smoothed down his hair then cupped his face, beaming. “You’re looking so well. I’ve been worried since—since that happened in February.”

“I’ve been doing well with my eating,” he promised, scrunching his face up as she began peppering kisses all over. When she stopped he noticed out of the corner of his eye Sirius being hauled to the Apparition section of the train, stumbling as his mother pulled him.

Then he realized his mother was talking.

“…surprise for you which you’ll love, and I have a delicious supper planned.”

“Surprise?” he asked.

Hope grinned. “Yes! A big surprise. Wait till you see it, baby. You’re going to love it. It’s very exciting.” She touched his hair again then reached down, taking his free hand. “Come on.”

As soon as they got in the car, Remus tried to find a station playing music he liked. Hope pursed her lips when rock music began pumping out before they even left the car lot.

“Remus—“

“Just this one trip, Mum, please?” he begged.

She gave a sigh. “All right, but if they start with the… _obscene_ lyrics, we’re switching. Or—what _is_ this nonsense?”

_Hello, hello, it’s good to be back, it’s good to be back! Hello, hello, it’s good to be back, it’s good to be back!_

“They’re just repeating the same thing!” she complained.

“No, there are more lyrics,” Remus said, as the song continued about missing and kissing. Lovely, starting his holidays with an argument.

_And did you love me, yeah, like a good little girl. Did you tell that naughty boy not to call, did you love me, yeah, in your little world_.

Hope gave a loud, disapproving sniffle. “This sounds like nonsense.”

“I like it,” he said stubbornly.

“They’re repeating that hello thing again. What kind of music is this?”

“What are the lyrics to ‘All Together Now’ by the Beatles?” he snapped out. “Other than ‘all together now’ a million times!”

“Don’t give me attitude—“

“I’m _not_ , I’m only—“

“You’ve been back for five seconds and already giving me lip!”

“I’m merely pointing out that song lyrics that are repetitive are in—“

“What did they say that fellow’s name was?!” Hope asked, staring at the radio. “Gary _Glitter_? What sort of name is that?“

“A rock’n’roll name, Mum, it isn’t that strange.”

Hope began searching for a new station, and Remus groaned, covering his face. “Stop that. You _like_ Buddy Holly. This is nicer anyhow.”

Remus glared out the window. “Peggy Sue is rock’n’roll, you know.”

“Yes, it’s _good_ rock music,” Hope said, clenching the steering wheel.

Remus sank lower in his seat, sulking. All right, he liked 50s rock and he certainly liked Buddy Holly. He just wanted something a little more _modern_ at the moment. It wasn’t fair he wasn’t ever allowed to listen to his own music! He wished he had something to play music at home. A player, like James had, and a few albums would be amazing. Even his own _radio_ would be nice.

_Maybe that’s the surprise_ , he thought, knowing it wasn’t but unable to stop the flutter of excitement at the possibility. Maybe someone brought a phonograph player into the shop and his dad decided to give it to Remus instead of selling it! He couldn’t think of anything else the surprise might be, actually. Unless… a new owl?

Remus looked over his shoulder at Arthur sleeping contently in his cage.

Hope and Remus didn’t talk much on the long trip home, only occasionally speaking. Remus drifted in and out of sleep, waking up fully about fifteen minutes from their house. Hope was getting more cheerful, talking again about the surprise she and Lyall had for Remus.

By the time they pulled into the garage, Remus was super excited too. No matter what it was, he was sure it’d be great! But first, supper. It took over three hours to get from London to Dragon’s Field, and none of them wanted to put off their meal any longer.

“Welcome home,” Lyall said, squeezing Remus’s shoulder.

“Thank you!” Remus slid into his seat, glancing around as if expecting the surprise to be right there. He noticed his parents exchanged smirks that were obviously intended to be secret. _What is it_? he wanted to yell. _Show me now_! But he quietly accepted his food, talking with his parents as they ate. He talked about his classes, finding it difficult to make conversation while editing out ninety percent of his life at Hogwarts.

They also wanted to talk about what happened at the beginning of the week, since the school had written to them informing them of his rule-breaking. They weren’t as upset as he thought they’d be. The biggest problem in their head was the fact he had purposely drawn attention to a lycanthropic issue! Then Lyall rambled for a while about how that sort of broken rule would result in suspension at Beauxbatons. Remus explained that was the suggested punishment, as per the rules, however McGonagall had chosen to simply give him detention.

“If you were suspended, what would happen?” Hope inquired casually.

A lump formed in Remus’s chest. “Er, I’d—I’d be sent here for the duration of the suspension.”

“I see,” she said.

“Good thing you weren’t suspended,” Lyall said as he finished off his food.

“Yes, good thing,” Hope echoed, unable to hide the slight disappointment in her voice.

Then Hope began putting away the dishes and Remus jiggled his foot, curiosity burning away about the surprise. He hoped what happened wouldn’t deter them from giving him his surprise! But he supposed if it did, his mother never would have mentioned it in the first place.

“Remus, why don’t you help your mother with the dishes?” Lyall asked in a teasing tone.

“Y—yes, of course,” Remus said, trying to sound impassive and failing. Slowly he got up, going over to the sink.

“These will take a while,” Hope sighed in an exaggerated way.

“It’s not like we’ve got anything to do tonight,” Lyall said.

Remus bit his lip, trying not to beg.

“What do you think, Remus?” Hope asked.

“W-we can do the—the dishes,” he managed to say. “They need to be done.”

Lyall got up, pushing his chair back in. “Or we can show him his surprise.”

Remus let out a squeak.

Hope laughed. “I think we should, before he goes crazy.”

Lyall pulled out his handkerchief. “You’ll need to be blindfolded.”

“Blindfolded?” Remus asked, but didn’t complain as Lyall wrapped the cloth around his head, tying it. “Is it big, then?”

“Very big,” Hope said.

“It’s in the cellar,” Lyall said.

Remus felt a brief second of despair. The _cellar_? _My wolf room_? he wondered as he was guided to the cellar door. Maybe—maybe they put stuff in his wolf room. Something to make it cozier! Perhaps his letters talking about how he was glad there was furniture in the house in Hogsmeade had convinced them to spruce up the room a little bit!

Lyall was in front of him and Hope was behind them, both of them holding onto him as they helped him down the stairs. To his confusion once they reached the bottom they turned him to the left. _The storage room_?

The cellar was actually fairly decently sized. At the bottom of the stairs straight ahead was his _room_ which had been the main reason they chose this house. Apparently back during World War II, the old owners had turned a small part of the cellar into an air-raid shelter with the (unfinished) plans of converting the entire cellar. So what had been a small wine room (from what Lyall understood) was turned into a reinforced bomb shelter which was now a little room for a werewolf to go wild in.

To the left of his little room was what had been storage. It was usually damp and yucky, and Remus couldn’t figure out why his surprise would be there. He heard the door swing open and he was taken in. Immediately he could smell something was very different. It didn’t smell anywhere near as damp or moldy, and he could smell wood—a lot of wood. New wood.

Then the handkerchief was pulled away, and Remus stared in utter disbelief.

The storage room was no longer a storage room, but a bedroom. _His_ bedroom, to be specific. All the furniture from his attic room had been moved down to the storage room. There were also loads of new bookshelves along the walls, a few handmade rugs on the floor, and a little area for Arthur. There was also a small corner curtained off.

Remus blinked a few times.

“I… wh—what?”

Hope wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly from behind. “Your new room! It’s bigger!”

“Room?” he echoed. “My new room?” He didn’t understand— _couldn’t_ understand. He was being relegated down to the moldy cellar?

“It’s bigger,” Hope said again, as if that made all the difference. “Plus your father made you all these lovely shelves. And new books! Come here.” She pulled him across the room to some shelves that had several books on them that he had never seen before. “Someone brought in a trunk full of old books, and Otillie said your father could keep them.”

“My new room?” he asked, still not sure if he knew what was going on. “Wh—what about the attic? Did something happen?”

Hope glanced at Lyall and Remus turned to look at him.

“Remus…” Lyall approached him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re getting older now.”

_Not this again_ , he thought miserably.

“It’s something Hope and I have been talking about for a while. To be frank, this should have been set up as your room from the beginning.”

“ _What_?”

Lyall pulled him over to his bed, sitting down and making Remus sit as well. “Your mother cannot carry you anymore. It’s getting very difficult getting you all the way up to the attic after your—after the full moons. If I’m not here and your mother has to, and you’ve had a bad night where you cannot move… she’s not going to be able to get you up the stairs.”

Hope hovered nearby, wringing her hands.

“I’ve been spending all winter fixing this up.” Lyall smiled encouragingly at him. “I’ve put loads of spells to keep this place dry, getting rid of all the mold and dirt. The last time it rained heavily not a single drop got in, I promise. It’s safe. It’s _exactly_ like your old bedroom, only bigger. It took a _lot_ of work getting everything fixed up!”

“We put in a window!” Hope added, hurrying over to one of the walls, indicating a window that looked out at ground level. Their house was on a slight slope, and that was the only section of the cellar that was technically above ground. Only just. “For Arthur,” she added. “So you don’t need to bring him upstairs. Oh!” She ran over to the curtained area and pulled it back revealing a toilet, sink, and a tub. In his room. Right there in his room.

“That took a long time,” Lyall said, as if that made it better. “I studied a hell of a lot of plumbing books but it all works, though flushing might be a bit weak.”

Remus stared at the toilet _right there in his room_ —but where else would it be in the cellar?

“Wh—why couldn’t you put a—a bed down here?” he whispered without even thinking. “In a corner somewhere? I—I could stay down here after the—the moons then—the rest of—of the—the t-t-time—the time—the—“ He began spluttering, unable to speak.

Lyall frowned. “This was easier.”

“All the work?” he wheezed out. “It was—so much—so much work—?”

“Darling, we did all this work to make it nicer for you,” Hope said, forehead wrinkling as she began wringing her hands once more.

“You could—you could leave me. In the other r-room. When it’s bad. I d-d-don’t mind. You could put a blanket in—“

“Leave you?!” Hope shrieked, and Remus winced. “Don’t even suggest such a thing!”

“Don’t upset your mother like that,” Lyall snapped.

Remus rubbed his forehead, feeling ill.

Hope took in a deep breath, trying again to help convince Remus. “It’s very cozy down here.”

Cozy? _Cozy_?! It was a _cellar_! Right next to his—his _wolf room_! Which was the point, all right, but still!

“We thought it would be better for you to have everything at hand after your transformations,” Lyall said, rather darkly. “Your _room_. Not just a rickety old bed but your own bed. Your own everything.”

“I thought it would be more comfortable.” His mother sounded very sad. “I thought you’d like it.”

Remus held back his feelings, held back what he wanted to say which was how ridiculous this was. Being shunted down into the cellar. Not only on the nights he transformed but every night he was home! He kinda felt like crying.

“What—what about the attic?” he asked.

“Storage now,” Lyall said brusquely, standing up. “The lavatory has been torn up too. Remus, this is how it’s going to be. It is easier for everyone.”

“Easier for you,” Hope said swiftly.

Remus was unable to stop the words from bursting out. He had been doing well enough up to that point and then he couldn’t hold it in anymore. “I don’t _want_ to be down here!”

Hope’s eyes grew watery. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. It’s for the best. I can’t take you upstairs anymore, it’s—I’m not strong enough. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Remus, darling, I—“

Guilt quickly banished the anger and he rushed over to his mother, hugging her. “No, it’s all right. It is. I’m sorry. I understand. I completely understand. It’s just a—a sudden change, is all. A big change. I’ll get used to it.”

Hope hugged him tightly back, pressing her face into his shoulder. They clung to one another for a minute or two before pulling apart.

“It’s fine,” Remus promised, looking up into her face. “It does make sense for me to be down here.” He didn’t want to be. He hated it. He absolutely hated it! But his mother was right. If he had a bad moon and Lyall wasn’t around then Hope couldn’t do anything to get Remus out of the cellar. “Thank you,” he finally added, realizing he probably needed to say that.

Hope kissed his forehead. “I’m glad you’re giving it a chance. I—I think I need to lay down. Love you, darling, and welcome—welcome home…” She sounded unsure saying that.

“It’s good to be home,” he said, hoping he sounded more honest than he felt.

Hope nodded and left the room. She was halfway up the cellar steps when Remus heard her sniffling. He stared at the door then flinched as Lyall grabbed his shoulder, spinning him around.

“You need to apologize to her later,” Lyall said, gripping Remus tightly. “You were being very ungrateful and rude.”

“S—s-sorry!” he whimpered. “I’m sorry. I am, I—I know it’s—it’s better for me down here. I know. It was—it took me by surprise.”

Lyall eyed him suspiciously. “She put a _lot_ of work into making this room comfortable for you. We both did. I worked my arse off getting this place comfortable for you, and she did as much as a Muggle could do to help! Moving furniture, on her hands and knees scrubbing the damn floor—she made those rugs!” He waved his hand at the three knit rugs on the floor. “She put so much effort—“

“I know. I’m grateful,” Remus said, shrinking back since Lyall was practically right in his face. He was terrified of being hit again. “I am. I promise. I love it. I mean, I will once I get used to it,” he added, doubting his father would believe him if he straight up lied about loving it. “There’s so much more room. And—and the bookshelves are wonderful. Thank you.”

Lyall released him and Remus stepped back, shaking a little. “You still need to apologize to her tomorrow,” he warned, and Remus nodded. “I think you should stay here for the rest of the night. It’s getting late anyway.”

“Yes sir.”

Lyall left, slamming the door shut. Remus stumbled back then sank down on the edge of his bed, covering his face. _Grateful_ , he told himself. _I need to be grateful, they put a lot of work into the room, they made it comfortable for me, and it makes perfect sense for me to stay here. It’s easier for them. It’s easier._

Footsteps on the stairs then Remus’s door opened. Lyall had brought his suitcase and Arthur’s cage down. Remus mumbled a thank you, taking them. Lyall shut the door again, storming back up the stairs.

Remus took Arthur out of his cage. “Our new room,” he said, trying to sound cheerful. “You know, if I had been put in Slytherin I’d be underground too.” He took Arthur to his little tree, lifting him up into the nest. “Dad made it safe. It won’t get wet.” He wandered over to the window, having to drag his dresser over and climb on top in order to open the window. There was a screen so he could keep it open if he wanted to without any animals getting in.

He folded his arms on the sill and rested his chin, staring out at the grass and trees, and up at the sky.

“It’s for the best,” he said shakily, and then buried his face in his arms as he tried not to cry.


	126. Chapter One Hundred-Twenty-Six – An Unfortunate And Unwanted Incident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for internalized homophobia as well as mentions of… bodily… reactions which is in the scene that starts off with a Quidditch magazine. Also this contains post-moon scenes for those who need warnings for that.

The cellar was cold. Not as cold as it could have been, but still cold—of course, him keeping the window open probably didn’t help, however he wanted to make it less quiet. He was mostly worried about Arthur until finally he took Arthur upstairs to rest in the living room. Once back down in the cellar (glancing at his wolf room on the way) he tossed and turned for most the night.

It felt like punishment.

He _knew_ it wasn’t punishment, but it felt like one. Or—or that he was unwanted. Like his parents were simply shoving their problem down into the cellar. Which was utterly ridiculous! The room was proof they loved him. All the work they put in, and all to make sure he could get into bed safely after he hurt himself. It was proof of love, not lack.

When morning finally came he was exhausted. While he still had another night before the full moon, it felt like it was _that_ night with as little sleep as he got.

“G—good morning,” he said when he went up into the kitchen. It felt so strange going _up_ stairs.

“Good morning, darling.” Hope kissed his forehead then piled food on his plate, her actions a little stiff.

Remus slid into his seat. “Um. I—I wanted to apologize. For last night. I know my reaction was rude. I am very sorry for that.” He saw his father nodding out of the corner of his eye. “My new room is great, really. I’m excited for it. It’s so much roomier. And the rugs are beautiful.”

Hope beamed, hugging him tightly. “I knew you’d love it once you got used to it! I’m happy you like the rugs, I made them in Gryffindor colors for you. It’s a pattern I learned from my knitting club!”

“They’re very comfortable on the feet,” he said. “Um—um the thing is though…” He glanced at his father who immediately began scowling. “I w-was wondering if we could move the heater down there? I didn’t see it.”

Lyall’s angry face faded into one of ease. “Yes, of course. I’m sure we forgot one or two things. You and I can do some work down there today, any little finishing touches you might need.”

After breakfast, Lyall and Remus went up to the attic room. It hurt a little seeing his old bedroom as storage. All the things that used to be crammed in the cellar were now where he grew up. His little window seat had piles of old clothes on it.

“Ahh, here it is.” Lyall took the small heater that Remus had had for several years, tucking it under his arm. “Anything else?”

“Um, n—not to my knowledge.” Remus went over to the window, peering out at the garden. He wasn’t a fan of heights, but he’d miss the view.

Back down in the cellar Lyall set the heater up, tapping it with his wand to make sure the spell to give off heat still worked. Satisfied it was in good condition, Lyall turned it back off.

“Perhaps tomorrow you can come with me to work to see if there’s anything there you’d like for your room,” Lyall offered. “In the morning, I mean, you’d need to be back in the afternoon.”

It sounded more like a bribe than a genuine offer. “Um. That’s all right, I know we can’t afford much, and I know you’ve spent a lot getting all of this done,” Remus said, and Lyall gave him a vaguely loving look that made Remus feel good.

Lyall pat his head. “You’re a good kid.”

*

It was a drizzly day so Remus had to stay inside, curled up on the living room sofa with a book while his mother knitted next to them, the two of them listening to Muggle music on the radio. When he finished reading he started to go to his old room to get a new book then stopped at the foot of the stairs. Sighing, he turned and trooped down to the cellar, staring at the door to his _wolf room_. He pulled the door open, staring into the darkness for the longest of times before shutting the door and getting a new book.

“Hey, Dad?” he asked at supper. “I was wondering if—if maybe you could put magelight into the room? The, uh, small room,” he clarified. “Where I transform.”

“What for?” Lyall asked, lifting his eyebrows.

“Um—it’s supposed to be rainy all week,” Remus whispered. “If it’s like that then I may not transform?”

“What do you need the light for?” Lyall asked, giving Remus a puzzled look.

Remus looked down at his food. “If—if I’m not a wolf then—then…” He trailed off, not sure how to articulate the problem. “It’s so dark I can’t see anything.”

Lyall shrugged. “It’s an empty room, what do you need to see? You can’t take a book in there.”

“Yes, of course, sorry.” He ducked his head, poking at his food. Maybe he could try to put a magelight in there? He doubted he could without his mother noticing, though perhaps Hope wouldn’t get upset about it?

That night long after his parents went to bed he crept across the cellar, cautiously opening the door. The door at the top of the stairs was closed. If he couldn’t hear his parents sleeping (or rather, his mother’s light snoring), he highly doubted they could hear him. He opened the door to his wolf room, goosebumps rising up all over his skin as he peered into the yawning darkness.

The room smelled of his wolf even though he didn’t spend many moons in there anymore.

“Lumos,” he whispered, stepping inside. It felt unnatural going in before the moon and he halfway expected to transform. It didn’t take long to reach the opposite wall, and he turned around, stomach twisting as he anticipated the door to be shut.

He licked his lips. “Nox.” He wasn’t plunged into darkness as one of the lights in his room was on, and there was some glow coming through the doors. “Lumhalden.” An orb of light shot out, sticking into the corner of the room. Remus tucked his wand into his pocket, staring at the light for a few seconds until slipping out of the room, shutting the very heavy door. No light escaped the cracks. His room was very safe.

Remus crept back into bed, hoping the light would still be there in the morning, and hoping he’d be able to get away with using it. Maybe his mother wouldn’t mind so much.

It took him ages to get to sleep, though. He lay still, staring at the darkness, wishing he were in the attic until finally— _finally_ he drifted off out of pure exhaustion.

*

The magelight was still there when Remus got up, though it was quite weak. He got rid of it before hurrying up to breakfast. Lyall seemed to be in a pretty good mood, offering again to take Remus into the shop to look for more furniture. He was _very_ tempted but didn’t want them to spend any more money on him. Though it wouldn’t be much, if any; sometimes Otillie let Lyall take things home. Like the books. Which were _super_ interesting.

Remus went through them that afternoon, taking them off the shelves and stacking them on the floor around him as he perused the pages. There were half a dozen written strictly in runes he couldn’t understand and he set these aside for when he hopefully got a book for—

_Oh_ , he thought, realizing that if he did manage to take all the electives then that meant more books for his dad to buy. Or more. Would he need his own crystal ball or tarot cards for Divination? How many translation books would he need for Ancient Runes? What would Muggle Studies need?

He flopped backwards, covering his face as guilt consumed him. When he returned to school he was going to hand in his list of elective choices to McGonagall and ask her if he could please take them all. Should he still try? Or should he not? Would it be wrong to ask his dad to buy for all the electives? Maybe—maybe they’d be able to find very used books for cheap…?

_What do I do_? Despite the guilt he still wanted all of them. Needed all of them.

Then he began laughing. What was he thinking? Professor McGonagall wouldn’t agree! He was worrying about nothing.

Shaking his head he sat back up and returned to sorting through the piles of books.

*

About an hour before sunset, Remus snuck down to the basement and put a magelight in the corner of his room; it had been rainy all day, and he suspected he’d be human all night. When his mother brought him down half an hour later, he was terrified of her seeing it.

“You don’t need help?” she asked, cupping his face in her hands to kiss his forehead.

“No, I’m thirteen, I can undress myself,” he said, quickly going past the door. Hope pushed it till there was only a crack as he stripped off. “Thank you though.” He pushed his clothes through the crack and his mother took them. “See you in the morning, Mummy. I love you.”

“Love you too. Can I give you another kiss?”

“I—I’m naked!” he squeaked. “Please shut the door!”

She let out a resolved sigh, shutting the door tight. Nothing about the light. Remus backed up ‘til he hit the wall then slid down, wrapping his arms around his knees and shivering a bit in the cold. It felt kinda weird being able to _see_ everything in the room—like the bloodstains everywhere.

After what felt like an eternity he lay down, curling into a fetal position, shivering harder. It was so uncomfortable being naked on the stone floor. He missed Peter’s blanket, but there was no possible way to bring it with him without his parents noticing.

The next couple of days were spent sleeping during the day and being a shivering ball of exhaustion at night since it was practically non stop rain outside. The light certainly helped him get through the nights better; it was very comforting not being in absolute blackness whenever he woke up.

By the time Wednesday came, all he could really see out his window was mud from the rain. It made him miss his attic bedroom even more.

Wednesday night—the final night of the moon—it stopped raining long enough for the clouds to part, and he was a wolf for a few hours. The light didn’t really help comfort the wolf at all as when he was brought back to his body on Thursday morning he found deep gashes all over his body, and a bite on his ankle vicious enough that he could see his bone. He was unable to put any weight on it, having to hobble to the door to take the bloodied sheet offered by his mother. He wrapped it around himself then hopped out.

Hope’s face filled with anguish. “I thought it rained all night,” she whispered, touching his bloody hair. “I’m so sorry. Come on.” She put his arm around her shoulder, helping him through the door and into the tub. Remus didn’t want to admit how much easier it was to do that than it had been to get to the attic.

“I’ll wait on your bed,” she said, bustling around his room to fetch him a clean towel and pajamas. She set them on a footstool by the tub then closed the curtains to give him privacy.

Remus only put a little water in the tub, carefully wiping off his body then rinsing the cloth off under the faucet. It took ages to get remotely clean, and he resisted the urge to fill the tub and doze in there. However Pomfrey’s stern words were too strong, and he only wiped himself clean.

Cleanish.

He dried off, put the pajamas on, then called for his mother to help him to the bed.

“Is this easier, darling?” she asked, easing him into his bed.

Remus stuck his lip out. “Yes,” he sighed, and Hope looked very happy. “Thank you.”

“I’ll bring you breakfast.”

Remus fell asleep briefly, waking up again when Hope came back in with a tray of food. He pushed himself into a sitting position to eat. Hope chattered about various things, sitting on the edge of his bed while he ate. She talked a lot about the upcoming summer holidays, obviously very excited to have him home for two months.

“Your thirteenth summer,” she said in a strange voice.

“Hard to believe,” he said. Hope frowned, and twisted her wedding ring around her finger. “Are you all right, Mum?”

“Yes,” she whispered, clearly not at all okay. “I’m fine.”

Remus set his fork down. “You seem upset.”

Hope smiled a very fake smile. “I’m always upset around the full moons. I worry about you. I hate seeing you so injured.” She reached over, stroking his hair.

He frowned, anxious about the false cheer. “Is there something wrong about my thirteenth summer?”

“No, no!” she said, then hesitantly added, “It’s—it’s a big thing. You’re a _teenager_ now.” Her eyes grew watery and she began wringing part of her skirt. “A teenager,” she repeated in a whisper.

“Mum—“

“Why don’t you rest?” She whisked the nearly empty tray off his lap, planting another kiss on his head. “Get some sleep. I’ll fix some of your favorite cookies. You can have them with lunch.”

“Mum—“

But she left without another word, and Remus stared at the closed door wondering what the hell that had been about.

He thought all through the day about what his mother might have meant, and was still confused come suppertime. Whenever he tried to bring it up Hope would dismiss his questions and change the subject. He grew suspicious and far too curious, deciding to try to ask his father.

When he brought it up at supper Hope went pale, and Lyall stared at Remus.

“What about your thirteenth birthday?”

“I—I was wondering if there was anything special about it,” he asked.

Lyall rubbed his chin. “Not to my knowledge. Why? Were you expecting something?”

“No. Only wondering,” Remus murmured, though the way his father phrased the question made him think about Sirius’s thirteenth birthday expectations.

_Maybe it is just Mum being sad I’m growing up so fast_ , he thought as he went back to his food.

*

Remus didn’t press the issue the next day, deciding to let it go. Especially since he was tired from not getting much sleep the night before; he was exhausted from the full moon, but it was still discomforting being in the basement. He felt trapped. And sometimes when he was drifting off he could almost hear himself in the other room, growling and slobbering. Several times he woke up, terrified he was _in_ the wolf room, having to light up his wand to reassure himself he wasn’t.

Instead of dwelling on his mother’s comment (and the wolf room), he focused on trying to fix up his room, moving things around to better suit his own aesthetics. Pretty much everything was moved except the dresser, which he kept under the window in order for him to get to the window. He couldn’t move his in-room bathroom either, of course. He did spend forever rearranging the books on his shelves until he was satisfied with how they looked. The room still felt depressing and cellar-ish, but with the furniture in places that felt good, it wasn’t quite as bad even if it definitely didn’t feel like _his_.

That night there was a tapping at the window. Remus dropped the book he had been reading, glancing up in surprise. An owl was sitting on the ground outside his window, waiting patiently.

“Who the—?”

But before he even got to the window he knew it had to be Lily, and sure enough Bessie held out her leg to give him the letter. He carefully untied it then stepped aside, offering her one of Arthur’s perches to rest on. She fluttered in, snuggling up with Arthur.

_Dear Remus, 17/4/73_

_How are your holidays going? Mine have been absolutely TERRIFIC! Can you feel the sarcasm in the ink? Petunia and I have been fighting endlessly. I feel at wits end. Remus I don’t know what to do. It feels as though every single thing I do sets her off whether it’s magic related or not! I did the dishes last night and Petunia comes in and says ‘what not doing a spell to do the work for you?’ then when I asked what she meant she said that she was surprised I was doing anything to help out around the house without using magic. She then went on to say how_ lazy _I was going to become doing magic! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!_

_Then worst of all my mother and I got into a row about my hair! She burst into tears when she saw it. She says she’s heartbroken I cut off all my ‘lovely long locks’. I explained to her that I can grow it back out quickly but I don’t know if she really understood._

_Enough of that, I don’t want this to be nothing but complaints about the difficult things. That isn’t any good for you. It’s just so frustrating. Although I do understand the lazy thing. I mean, not that any of us are lazy. Well not you or me or Cassie or Ali or anyone like that. Okay I mean Potter and Black. I can see them using magic to be lazy. But while yes we can flick our wands and use a spell to clean everything it isn’t ONLY THAT is it? We have all the learning to go into it plus we need to make sure we do the spell right and_ —

_Am I making any sense? I don’t know anymore. As I said I am so frustrated. I feel like I am running in circles. Maybe magic does make magical folk lazy compared to Muggles. Once we know a spell it takes us less effort to, say, do the dishes. Hmm. Except not every witch or wizard can master spells. Some may be able to use magic to wash the dishes but need to put more physical effort into cooking? I don’t know. Maybe this is something I could research. What do you think?_

_There I go rambling again._

_Have you finished marking off your electives? I keep wavering. They’re due when we get back so I need to make a decision! I am definitely going to go with Study of Ancient Runes, it sounds so fascinating! Other than that I’m not so sure anymore. I like the idea of Arithmancy, yet working with animals might be fun. Professor Kettleburn does scare me a little though. He has so many injuries. Surely he’s a safe teacher though, right?_

_I’m really excited for Easter Sunday. Mum took Petunia and I out shopping yesterday and I found the cutest dress! I’ll show you when we get back. Maybe you can borrow it next time. HAH! I’m sorry I couldn’t resist. I’m only being silly._

_I better go before I bore you too much._

_Lots of love, Lily_

Remus read and reread the letter multiple times. The first part upset him though the last bits made him smile, except for the dig about the dress—that rat!

He sat down and penned a letter back, telling her that she never needed to apologize for rambling, that he was sorry about Petunia and wished he could give better advice. He added that he had a new room now, a bigger one—though didn’t say it was in the cellar, just that they switched his old room with another—and wrote a lot about the books his father had given him. Then he finished with the news his mother was severely ill and he wasn’t sure if he’d have time to respond again, so if it was all right they could just catch up on the train? He hoped that sounded natural enough, and a less rude way of saying ‘please don’t write to me’.

After Bessie rested for a while he managed to tie it onto her leg without much issue (by touching her as little as possible) though she obviously was uncomfortable. After hooting a couple of times she hopped back to the windowsill, walked out, and flew away.

Remus watched her go before shutting his window and going back to bed, glad the letter had come tonight and not the previous one when he wasn’t there!

*

Easter weekend was full of baked goods, lots of food, and a decently sized chocolate egg that Hope hid somewhere in the house and had him search for it. He pretended he couldn’t smell it when he first went into the living room, and spent an extra ten minutes searching. For one, he wanted his mother to have fun, and also he didn’t want her to get distraught over him using his wolf senses. That’s why she had stopped Easter egg hunts when he was young, and he thought it was a super good sign she was trying it again, so he wanted to make sure it went well.

As always during his holidays home, the second Monday home marked Hope getting really melancholy and sad over the fact Remus would be leaving soon. She seemed even sadder than normal, and that afternoon he found her crying.

He wasn’t supposed to find her crying. She was in her bedroom, sobbing into her hands. Remus hovered outside the door debating whether or not to go in, but when she gave a particular gut-wrenching sob he couldn’t stand it a second longer.

“Mum?”

He pushed open the door, peering in.

Hope wiped her face off onto her sleeves. “Oh, Remus, darling, I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you calling for me—“

“I wasn’t.” He stepped into his parents’ bedroom cautiously. “I heard you crying and got worried.”

Hope smiled, shaking her head. “No, it’s just me being silly, that’s all.”

“Is something wrong?” He ventured closer until he was at her side, sitting on the bed.

“It really is silly,” she promised, leaning against him. “I’m just being fussy about—about some things.”

He leaned back against her, pressing his arm against hers. “About what?” He wanted to help her, if he could. If it wasn’t about him then perhaps he could do something.

Hope sighed. “My weight, mostly. My face. My appearance.”

That took Remus by surprise. “Wh—what do you mean?” He glanced at his mother, trying to figure out what she was talking about. “You’re beautiful.”

Hope wrapped her arms around him, hugging tightly. “You’re so sweet,” she cooed, kissing his temple. “But I’ve—I’ve lost so much weight… there’s hardly anything left.”

He had noticed his mother had lost weight since he first started school but she didn’t look dangerously thin. “It isn’t bad, is it?” he asked, suddenly worried. “You’re not—it’s not—not like what happened to me, right?”

“Oh! Oh, no,” she promised. “No, not like that. I’m not—I’m still in a healthy range, as far as I can tell. But—well.” She looked down at herself and gave another sigh. “I’ve gotten so many new wrinkles too, and I’m going grey…”

Remus wrapped his arms around her. “You’re beautiful, Mum. Completely beautiful.” Then a thought snagged in his brain. “Dad hasn’t said anything about it, has he?” Lyall _loved_ Hope, in such an obvious manner that it disgusted Remus sometimes. He couldn’t imagine his father making a remark about her appearance in a negative way…!

“No, no,” Hope said quickly, smoothing down his hair. “He still says I’m beautiful too. It’s only me. I don’t like seeing myself like this.”

“Oh,” he said, understanding that feeling; he hated his reflection too. “Well. You are beautiful. The most beautiful in the world, I promise.”

She bent down, pressing her cheek against the top of his head. “You’re such a sweet boy, Remus, love. It’s such a shame. If things were different you’d make some girl such a happy wife.”

A bolt of lightning shot right through his body, and he physically jerked at those words. “W—what? What do you mean a… a shame?” he couldn’t help but ask in a breathless voice.

Hope gave him a strange look and suddenly he was terrified. Terrified that she meant _it’s such a shame you have those perverted thoughts_ , terrified she meant _you’d make some girl a happy wife if you weren’t so loathsome and immoral._

“You can’t,” she said slowly. “You’re—you’re a—a werewolf. You won’t be able to… have that in life.”

He almost let out a sigh of relief. _That’s what she meant, not_ — _of course_. “Yes,” he said, hoping she couldn’t hear how hard his heart was pounding. “Yes, I know. Sorry, yes.”

She went back to stroking his hair and he leaned into her touch, glad she couldn’t see into his soul and see how dark some of his thoughts were.

_I’m not like that_ , he thought, curling up with his head in his mother’s lap while she sang gently, fingers raking through his hair. _I’m not_.

*****

Except that night when he was going through a magazine something unfortunate happened. It was a Quidditch magazine James had given him to ‘help encourage his love for Quidditch’, and when Remus flipped a page and saw some young guy with long black hair and broad shoulders dressed in tight Quidditch trousers and no shirt—

Well, he wasn’t expecting _that_ to happen.

He was absolutely humiliated, and very glad it happened when no one was around! It also made him a little grateful for having the bathroom things right there in his room. He dumped the magazine on his bed and ran—awkwardly—to the tub, filling it with cold water. He hoped the cold water would help.

He stripped off, purposely not looking at his erection, and then slipped into the cold water which did help get rid of the problem.

Remus shivered, staring up at the ceiling, wondering why the hell that happened.

A tiny part of his brain told him exactly why it happened and he shoved it down, shoved it away, buried it deep, and returned to pretending like he wasn’t possibly a complete freak of nature with _those feelings_. The best thing, in his opinion, was to deny it ever even happened; pretend like everything was fine, that _it didn’t happen_ , because it _wouldn’t_ have happened, it _shouldn’t_ happen, it was _wrong_ to happen, so it _didn’t_ happen.

After a moment or two he slumped down until the water came up to his chin, and he covered his face as he he cried.

_I’m not, I’m not, I’m NOT_!


	127. Chapter One Hundred-Twenty-Seven – Another Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to HollowNightmare (on AO3) for the help with the Italian! Also wanted to say that I have slowly been putting some of my fanart up on my tumblr so if you want to check it out [the link is here](https://dovahtobi.tumblr.com/tagged/SL-fanart)! Third, for good news, my mother may be getting out of the hospital this weekend!
> 
> Onto the bad stuff. Warning for child abuse in this chapter.

The rest of Remus’s holidays were spent trying to like his new room (and failing), reading, carefully redoing all of his essays, and brooding around the house missing his friends. He wrote multiple letters, all of which ended up being flushed down the loo. He also pretended that he didn’t notice that the antsier he got, the grouchier Hope got.

On Wednesday he decided to try to cheer his mum up a little bit. He went out into the woods, gathering lots of bluebells and other flowers then snuck the flowers inside. Once the stalks and leaves were carefully trimmed, he tied the stalks together with a length of pink yarn before sticking them into a vase he nicked from the attic. Lyall had put it there since it was chipped, but Remus managed to mostly fix it with the repairing spell, though if you looked closely you could still see an outline of the chip.

When he was satisfied with how it looked, Remus set it on the dining room table. Hope was doing work in the garden and he went out to help her, pretending like nothing happened. He hid his grin, sounding innocent whenever he talked, excited when Hope finished her gardening and headed back inside.

“Oh!” she gasped when she saw the flowers, dropping her gloves. “Is—did you do this?”

“For you!” he said excitedly. “I thought it might cheer you up.”

Her eyes grew a little watery and she flung her arms around him, hugging tightly. “Thank you! Thank you so much. They’re beautiful!”

“Like you,” he said firmly.

Hope gave him a little roll of the eyes but smiled before kissing the top of his head. “That’s what you were up to all morning.” She touched one of the bluebells. “It’s wonderful. Thank you.”

Remus beamed, very pleased with himself.

But the brief respite was very brief. By suppertime she was sighing over him leaving again, and the flowers seemed to have made it worse; she kept saying how he was ‘acting’ more like his ‘old self’ by being home, that she was worried once he returned to school he’d go back to having a bad attitude. This gave him a bad attitude, and he got into a small row with his mother about it which resulted in his father dragging him down into his _stupid_ bedroom and locking him in there for the rest of the night. He spent the night under his bed, something he had never done at home before. It was just being locked up next to his wolf room made him feel _extremely_ uncomfortable and vibrate-y in a bad way, so he disappeared under his bed, clutching Gwyllgi, trying not to cry.

Thursday was also spent sulking, since at breakfast he had accidentally cracked a joke about his lycanthropy, making both his parents angry. Lyall threatened Remus for the ‘inappropriate’ joke, then told him he needed to reread _The Cure For Lycanthropy_. Remus didn’t read it, instead he stormed around his room, grumbling to himself.

“The Marauders would have laughed,” he told Arthur who hooted in agreement.

When Lyall got home he asked Remus if he had read the book again, and Remus lied saying he had. Lyall then made a comment about how he hoped it wouldn’t become an Easter tradition. _That_ made Remus angrier. His father could make jokes like that but _he_ couldn’t say _anything_. Oh no, that’d be _wrong_.

After supper Remus stormed down to his cellar and flung himself around, grouching loudly until he wore himself out.

At least he felt better the next day. After waking up, he felt like he would burst at the seams, missing his friends more than he ever thought possible. Missing them filled his entire being, and he knew that probably wasn’t a very good thing to be missing three boys that much but he couldn’t help it.

 _Tomorrow_ , he thought happily as he gobbled down his breakfast. He wondered how James’s trip to Italy went, how Peter was doing with the Muggles, and how Sirius was… well, surviving would, unfortunately, be the best word for it. He also hoped the rest of Lily’s holidays went better, and wondered about Aegis.

He was on edge all day, packing almost everything away during the morning and then too excited to do much of anything else the rest of the day. He tried reading, tried going over his homework, and eventually sat in the living room with his mother, playing card games.

“It’s a shame they take you back on Saturdays instead of Sundays,” Hope said, chewing at her bottom lip. “It makes more sense for it to be on a Sunday. Oh! Perhaps your father could take you in on Sunday!”

“I don’t want to cause any problems for the school,” Remus said, trying not to get annoyed.

“It wouldn’t be a problem,” she said. “I don’t see why it would be. Your father could use the Floo network to take you into—what’s that place called? Hogs-something? Something alcoholic.”

“Meade. Hogsmeade,” Remus murmured.

Hope nodded. “Yes, he could take you in on Sunday evening. You could have almost two more days with us.”

Remus shifted his weight, gripping his cards a bit tighter. “That would probably draw too much attention—“

“No, it would be good,” Hope cut him off. “You’ve been late to school before, during the—the moon in your first year. Being late back when there isn’t a—a full moon might benefit you.”

Remus felt sick at that logic. It was something he would have come up with, in his first year. Before the Marauders knew. “I d-don’t know—“

“I’ll write to your headmaster!” Hope set the cards down and stood up. “It’s a great idea.”

“We can’t afford Floo powder!” Remus pointed out, jumping to his feet. “Not with wh-what you did for me in the cellar!” He noticed she hesitated at that. “I don’t want to waste money…”

“Oh, a pinch of Floo powder would be less expensive than the petrol to get there and back again,” Hope said, clapping her hands. “This is such a good idea! And you can say you were ill. Isn’t that what you’ve been doing? Pretending to be ill outside of the—those times?”

 _I was_ , he thought, realizing he hadn’t done it for a long time. “I don’t want to be a bother for Dad—“

“No bother!” Hope looked so ecstatic. “He’ll be so happy.”

Remus began panicking, trying to figure out how to stop this. He didn’t want to wait till Sunday night! He wracked his brains as Hope began searching for a pencil and paper, and finally figured out a good excuse. “Arthur isn’t up for the trip!”

That got her to stop, shoulders drooping. “Yes,” she said slowly, very disappointed. “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking of him. I—I guess you’ll have to go tomorrow, there’s no way to contact Professor Dumbledore.”

“No,” he agreed, trying not to sigh in relief or sound happy as his mother looked devastated.

*

Except that night before supper Hope talked to Lyall at great length about it. Remus didn’t hear exactly what his mother said but when Lyall returned to the kitchen with Hope he admitted it would be less expensive to use Floo powder. Remus brought up the fact Arthur couldn’t make the trip, and Lyall said they’d simply send a message via Floo.

“It’ll still be cheaper,” he said, going to grab his hat and coat. “I’ll Apparate into town and use the fireplace—”

“I WANT TO GO TOMORROW!” Remus shouted, and both his parents gave him startled looks. Remus shrank back. “Er—because, I mean, I—I don’t want to cause a bother, with Hagrid needing to fetch me from Hogsmeade on Sunday.”

Lyall slowly put his hat and coat back on the rack before crossing the room to Remus who knew he had screwed up. Lyall grabbed his shoulder, yanking him into the other room. “Don’t you ever raise your voice like that to your mother,” he hissed out, digging his nails into Remus; he could feel them through the cloth. “ _Ever_!”

“I’m s-sorry—“

Lyall opened the cellar door and pointed. “Go to your room.”

“I haven’t had sup—“

“ _Go to your room_!”

“Y—yes sir,” he squeaked, realizing if he didn’t obey he might get smacked for it. Quickly he fled down the stairs, tripping at the bottom. Not that his father noticed since as soon as Remus headed down, Lyall slammed the door shut. Remus lay at the foot of the stairs, hearing Lyall ranting about Remus’s attitude, and Hope trying to defend him.

He crawled back up the stairs, pressing his ear to listen in. It sounded like Lyall was still going to go use the pub’s Floo network to contact Dumbledore. He couldn’t, he _couldn’t_!

“Dad!” Remus opened the door and ran out, knowing how much trouble he was going to get in. “You can’t do that!” Lyall looked completely shocked that Remus had appeared again but before he could say anything, Remus continued with, “We can’t use the public Floo network, it’s too suspicious having us do that, isn’t it? Plus you—you hate us being involved in town.”

“I wasn’t going to use the one in town,” Lyall said, fury tinging his voice. “I was going to Ottilie’s store and use the fireplace there.”

Remus frowned. “We’d have to use the pub’s network on Sunday.”

“Driving to Caerphilly and back is a lot quicker and cheaper than to London and back,” Lyall pointed out.

Remus had a sudden image of this being what happened every time he had to go back to Hogwarts. He wanted to protest further—think of something to stop this! But all he could do was whine as Lyall hauled him back to the cellar. This time Lyall took him all the way down and threw him in his room, telling him he needed to stop with the attitude and shut his mouth.

“I’ll deal with you when I get back,” he snapped before storming up the stairs.

Remus pushed himself back against the wall, knowing he had lost the fight. What would the Marauders think if he wasn’t on the train? They wouldn’t write, would they? They knew not to write. Right?

*

It took forever for Remus to get to sleep that night. The couple of whallops Lyall had given his backside had long healed, but it almost seemed like he could still feel them. Not to mention the humiliation of being spanked at thirteen. He hadn’t been spanked like that since he was nine.

When morning came he was too sad to get out of bed. He simply rolled over to stare at his mostly-packed bag. Lyall had managed to talk to Dumbledore, and there were arrangements for Sunday. Dumbledore had agreed it would help with Remus ‘being sick’ outside the full moon to throw off suspicion.

Hope called Remus for breakfast. She called for him again a few minutes later when he didn’t appear, then again shortly after that. After another couple of minutes passed he heard the cellar door open and his mother’s footsteps coming down. She tapped at the door to his room before opening it without asking.

“Remus, breakfast is ready,” she said.

He rolled over, his back to her. “I’m not hungry.”

“You didn’t get supper last night,” she said. _And whose fault is that_?! he thought angrily, remaining silent. “You need to eat something—“

“I’m _not_ hungry!”

She fell silent. “Right,” she sniffled after a moment, and retreated.

Remus curled up, suspecting his father would come barging down the stairs soon and sure enough within two minutes he was opening Remus door.

“ _Remus John Lupin_!”

Remus pulled his blanket up over his head. “I don’t feel good.”

Lyall stomped over, jerking the blanket off. “Don’t lie to me. Go upstairs, and eat breakfast.”

Remus had curled up even more when the blanket was pulled away and now he peered out from under his arm. “I’m not hungry.”

Lyall glowered at him. “If you’re purposely trying to hurt your mother you’re doing a damned good job of it.”

A flash of guilt at those words.

Lyall sat down on the bed and Remus waited to be smacked again. Instead Lyall asked, “Why does it matter if you go back to Hogwarts today or not?”

Remus rolled onto his back and sat up, hugging his knees to his chest as he tried to think of something that wasn’t _friends_. “Homework,” he finally said. “I wanted to fix my essays. I was going to use tomorrow to do so and now I can’t.”

Lyall pushed his hair back then gave a long sigh. “I know it probably seems we’re being unfair. But… your mother misses you. A lot.”

“I know, b—“

“It’s my fault,” Lyall said, as if he hadn’t heard Remus (or just didn’t care). “I should have encouraged separation between the two of you more when you were growing up… of course we had no idea you’d be going to Hogwarts. I assumed you’d be with us until—well, obviously that’s different now, and your mother has had to go through a lot of adjustment.” He turned his narrowed eyes to Remus. “She just wants to spend time with you so I would appreciate it if you don’t spend the day sulking down here and hurting her more.”

With that he left the room.

Remus got out of bed, miserably getting dressed and going upstairs. It took a lot of effort pretending to stay cheerful, especially when the time came they’d normally leave. Lyall suggested they go take a walk in the woods together since it was a nice day, and Hope loved the idea. Remus reluctantly agreed and soon they were outside, Lyall and Hope holding hands while Remus kicked at stones and twigs on the ground. He did pick a few flowers to give to his mother, hoping that would make up for his sullen attitude, but it was obvious he _was_ hurting her.

He got another lecture when they got back to the house, Lyall once again making it clear Remus needed to stop. He tried, he did try. He helped Hope make supper that night, forcing himself to act as though he was fine. After they ate they retired to the living room where Lyall put on some old swing albums and danced with Hope. Remus watched them with a smile on his face. While he was still very grouchy about being forced to stay home another night, he slowly began relaxing. Swing dancing really looked fun. He had seen them do it before and it always impressed him. He thought it’d be terrific to learn, though with his clumsiness and his strength he’d be more likely to toss his partner clear across the room.

Eventually he got up to dance with his mother, feeling good, at least, that he was able to make her so happy. When he went to bed that night he wasn’t quite as furious as he was the night before, and when morning came he was all excited again because he’d get to _finally_ see his friends!

 _Tonight_! he thought as he ate breakfast, unless his parents found some way to keep him back even longer. But no, Lyall confirmed they’d be going into Caerphilly in the afternoon. Since he was in a much cheerier mood the day went by a lot nicer. He spent as much time as he could with his mother until he needed to finish packing.

It was weird, Lyall being with them. Remus sat in the backseat, watching the countryside pass by as they drove down to Caerphilly. It was a mostly Muggle place with a small wizarding community attached, which was where Lyall worked. Ottilie’s store was rather prominent on the main street going through the wizarding community.

Hope parked carefully and Lyall unlocked the door, letting them in. Remus peered around the shop, not having been there much except a couple of times when he was very little. It looked rather eerie in the dark.

“Miss Crouch is so kind to let us do this,” Remus remarked as Lyall led them through the shop and into a sitting room area where there was a large fireplace.

“She’s even giving us the Floo powder for free,” Hope added to Remus.

Lyall lit the fireplace then found the little copper pot that held Floo powder. Hope let out a quiet sigh before hugging Remus tightly, kissing his forehead multiple times as she began her usual goodbye routine. Somehow he managed to peel away from her and, gripping his bag, stepped into the fireplace with his father.

Remus hadn’t traveled via Floo network before and if Lyall didn’t have a tight grip on Remus’s arm then he wasn’t sure what he’d do. They spun wildly around, seeing glimpses of living rooms which Remus thought was a _horrible_ invasion of privacy, and there was soot everywhere, and then suddenly they were stumbling out into a room with multiple fireplaces. The Hogsmeade Floo Connection was a small building dedicated to people coming and going from the wizarding town.

Remus stumbled around then fell on his butt, coughing into his arm. “I think I prefer portkeys,” he croaked out.

Lyall was brushing the soot off his clothes then pulled Remus to his feet, knocking the soot off his clothes too. “Apparation is the best. Perhaps I _should_ train in slide-along Apparation… though that does mean getting a license from the Ministry…”

Remus couldn’t say much to that, only cough some more as Lyall took him outside. They went down the street towards where they were meeting Hagrid. On the way, as they were approaching a corner, Remus stopped in his tracks. Lyall hesitated, giving him a curious look.

Remus heard voices down the other street. _Marauder_ voices. They must have snuck in…!

“Um.” Remus wasn’t sure what to do. Lyall gave an annoyed sound as he grabbed Remus’s hand, pulling him.

They turned the corner and sure enough Remus could see James, Sirius, and Peter in front of Zonko’s. James was talking loudly about some prank he had in mind, while Sirius and Peter laughed. Sirius was the first one to see Remus and Lyall, and his eyes slowly got wide, his laughter quieting. Peter followed his stare, then James; all three were staring wide-eyed at Remus who was desperately trying not to look at them.

Lyall, having no clue who any of them were, kept walking, pulling Remus along.

Peter opened his mouth. Sirius put his hand over it, yanking him back, and then all three of them dove back into Zonko’s just as the Lupins grew near. Remus could see them peering out the store window. Lyall was staring straight ahead so Remus chanced a look at his friends before being pulled along.

“I’m—I’m thirteen!” he suddenly said, trying to pull his hand away, realizing suddenly what it must look like.

“You were standing around and not moving,” Lyall complained, but let go.

Remus glanced over his shoulder at his friends’ faces pressed up against Zonko’s window, then hurried after his father. A few minutes later they were at the open area where carriages usually gathered for students, and there was Hagrid waiting for them.

“All righ’ there, Lupin?” Hagrid asked pleasantly. “Feelin’ better?”

“Um, y—yes, thank you,” Remus whispered, putting his bag in the carriage. “S-sorry for the trouble…”

“No trouble,” Hagrid promised with a wink.

Remus said goodbye to his father then climbed up into the carriage. Hagrid joined him, and soon the thestral was pulling them along towards Hogwarts. Remus kept glancing around, knowing his friends would be going to the stump to go back but having a weird feeling like he’d somehow see them on the way.

Of course he didn’t, and they arrived at Hogwarts without any incident. Remus thanked Hagrid and began hauling his bag through the school, not seeing anyone he really knew on the way. Aside from Peeves, who followed him for a few floors calling him an ickle firstie (despite knowing perfectly well Remus was a second year) and making fun of his size.

“You’re smaller than me,” Remus snapped on the fifth floor.

Peeves floated upside down. “ _I’m_ supposed to be! Unless you’re part goblin!” Then he began calling Remus a goblin for a bit until he realized Remus was ignoring him and Peeves floated off, bored.

The Gryffindor common room was almost completely empty. That didn’t surprise Remus, since it was an extremely nice day; when they pulled up at the castle he had seen loads of students outside.

Up in the dorm, he dumped his bag out on his bed then collapsed down, head in hands, feeling tired. The extra night away had made it feel like an eternity. He kicked off his shoes and flopped back, digging Gwyllgi out of his pile of stuff. The plan was to curl up and rest but within a few minutes he heard his friends on the stairs. Quickly he put Gwyllgi under his pillow, sitting up just as the door burst open.

“REMUS!” they all shrieked, flinging themselves across the room to crowd around him all of them hugging tightly.

“Hey guys,” he laughed, hugging back. It was so good to see them again, to be with them again. To feel their arms around him. “You didn’t cut your trip into Hogsmeade short because of me, did you?”

“Of course we did,” James said, pulling away. They all sat on his bed around him and Remus pushed his stuff off the bed, deciding to clean it up later.

“What the hell happened?” Sirius demanded.

“We were _so_ shocked to see you there!” Peter added. “I mean, you were missing yesterday and nobody knew what happened except McGonagall said you were sick when we asked which is a big fat lie, but then suddenly you’re walking down the main street of Hogsmeade!”

Remus scooted back. “My—my parents thought it would be a good idea for me to stay an extra night, to pretend I was sick,” he said, editing the real version, not wanting to admit his mother was so… clingy. “I didn’t want to. I tried to convince them, but I didn’t have an argument.”

James pushed his glasses up. “Couldn’t you just say you wanted to come back?”

Remus frowned, not wanting to say how angry his father had gotten when he tried to get them to let him leave. He didn’t want them knowing any of that. He suspected if they knew more about his father they might agree with Fawley, and he didn’t want that to happen. “For what? The only excuse I had was homework. I can’t exactly say ‘my friends will miss me’. Oh, bloody hell, that reminds me, I need to go to the library—“

Sirius reached out, grabbing his sleeve as he started to get out of bed. “Later! I haven’t seen you in over two weeks. Merlin, don’t you run off.”

Remus sank back down on his bed, feeling rather hot and flustered sitting with Sirius in his bed; he was suddenly frightened _that_ would happen again, like it did when he looked at the magazine, but so far while he felt kinda tingly he didn’t seem to be in danger of—of that.

“Right, sorry. I—well, in any case, I’m back now.” None of them look very pleased, and he began to feel awkward. “Um, how were—were your holidays?”

“I get trying to do something to—I mean, I get the idea to—to pretend you’re sick,” James said, stumbling with his words, “but it seems weird they wouldn’t let you come back when you wanted.”

Remus rubbed his forehead. “It’s fine,” he lied. “It’s—it does help. It—I really need to be more cautious. If you three figured it out then… I need to be more cautious.”

“Doesn’t seem right though, making you stay when you didn’t want to,” Peter mumbled.

“No, it’s _fine_.”

“Maybe… maybe you should tell them you have friends,” Peter suggested, and Remus went very stiff. “Um, I mean, if they knew we still care about you even though—“

“No!” Remus snapped, and Peter shrank back a little. “S-sorry. No. That—that wouldn’t go well.”

“Peter does have a point,” James said slowly. “If your parents knew how much we’d do to protect you—how far we’d go—they might not—“

“ _No_!” he said again, curling his hands into fists. “They wouldn’t understand, all right? They wouldn’t. I—I know what you’re meaning but if they knew, even if they knew you were fine with that, they’d—they’d panic, and pull me out of school. No, it—no.”

There were an uncomfortable few seconds and Remus felt sick, hating himself for causing so many problems like this. For causing tension.

“It’s all right,” Sirius said, eyes locked onto Remus. “You’re the one who knows your parents and knows how they’ll react and we need to respect that.”

James and Peter both frowned, but didn’t say anything else on the matter.

“How were your holidays?” Remus asked in a quiet voice, hoping they could move on.

Nobody spoke for a bit until James smiled. “Mi sono divertito tantissimo!” he exclaimed in a grand voice, sweeping his arms out. “That means I had a great time. Um, I think. It took ages for me to memorize that,” he admitted with a laugh. “I probably still got it wrong. Ooh, Remy, you’d _love_ it at Torre Strego! È bellissima! I think that means it’s a beautiful town. So much historic stuff. Real history-history stuff, I mean, like—well, I got you something.”

“James—“

James was at his trunk, digging through. “Shut up, I got everyone something. Ahhh!” He pulled a paper bag out and thrust it into Remus’s hands. Remus pulled out a big heavy book on the history of Torre Strego and the surrounding area. “I hope you like it.”

“I’m sure I’ll love it,” Remus promised, flipping it open. “It seems fascinating.”

James rambled about Italy for a while talking about the various places they went, then Peter grumbled about having to fake being a Muggle and how much he hated his cousins, and finally Sirius said very little about his holidays other than the fact he was glad they were over.

“I’m glad to be home,” he said, stretching out on Remus’s bed.

“My bed is your home?”

Sirius grinned. “It is now.”

Remus shook his head, amused though. “I’m glad to be back too.”

“Meee tooo,” Peter said.

James gave a shrug. “I love being with my parents but it’s definitely better to be with you three. A million times better. One for all, all for one—“

“And four to the end!” all four of them chorused before bursting into laughter.

They all fell back onto Remus’s bed, and Remus was squashed between Sirius and Peter with James on Peter’s other side, their limbs all tangled; he was so happy to be with them again, it just felt so right. All the anxiety and misery from his time home seemed to melt away, and he wished this was the way things could always be.


	128. Chapter One Hundred-Twenty-Eight – Remus Gets The Marauders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering, my mum came home on Friday and she’s been doing well; she’s recovering slowly, but she is recovering!

The Marauders sat with Lily, Colgate, and Inkwood on Remus’s first night back; mostly because Remus wanted to sit with Lily, and Sirius didn’t seem to mind too much sitting very close to Inkwood. Remus and Lily chatted, Lily telling him about her holidays and saying how worried she had been especially since his mother had been ill too.

“Where’s P-Professor Prewett?” Remus asked halfway through the meal, realizing his usual spot at the High Table was empty.

“Oh, he wasn’t around last night or today,” Colgate said.

Remus looked at the empty seat. “I—oh, I hope he’s all r-right…”

“I’m sure if something happened Dumbledore would’ve said something,” said James, and Remus figured he was right.

After they were done eating, all seven of them got up to head out of the Great Hall. The others were talking about playing a few rounds of _Wild Adventures_ when Professor McGonagall appeared by their side.

“I didn’t do it!” James protested immediately.

“Didn’t do what, Mr. Potter?” McGonagall inquired, raising her eyebrows.

James squinted. “Whatever it is you’re going to accuse us of doing.”

“I wasn’t going to accuse you of doing anything, though Merlin knows you probably have done something,” McGonagall replied, looking down her nose at them. “No, I need to speak to Mr. Lupin for a moment. Privately.”

Remus followed her into the room where they had the first years wait before the Sorting, wondering what _he_ had done! Was it because he didn’t come home on the train? Was McGonagall going to talk to him about that? Was he in trouble? Or was it the detention he had received for accidentally cheating?

As it turned out, it did have something to do with that.

“I wanted to speak to you about the incident regarding your Potions exam,” McGonagall said, sitting down and patting the bench next to her. Remus obediently sat. “We still have not come to an agreement. I feel strongly that you should be allowed to use the spell, however Horace thinks the best course of action is to have you undergo a test.”

“Another exam?”

McGonagall shook her head. “Not quite. We’re going to have you make the same potion twice in a row. One where you cannot smell the ingredients, one where you can. If there is an obvious enough difference between the two we’ll be speaking further about it.”

“I see… um, th—thank you, Professor.”

“Tomorrow night after supper?” she asked.

“Yes,” he agreed, feeling a little sad he’d miss the first Study Group back. “That’s fine, thank you.”

“I also wanted to talk to you about what I mentioned before the holidays,” she said quickly as he began to stand up. Slowly he sank back down. “Are you having trouble in any other class?”

“No, Professor,” he replied honestly. “Honestly. I’m fine. I am. It’s only Potions.”

McGonagall gave him a long look. “If you need help with anything—“

“I’ll c-come to you,” he said, half lying. He didn’t want to be a burden! “Thank you. Um, have—have a g-good evening.”

Of course the others wanted to know what it had been about, and he didn’t want to say in front of the girls; he simply said it was to do with his detention. They accepted this and went up to the common room where James got out his _Wild Adventures_ so they could play; they ended up doing so until probably a lot later than they should have. None of them went to bed until well after eleven pm, and the Marauders stayed up a little bit after that to celebrate a belated ‘Marauders Day’, as James put it; the twenty-second of April having been the anniversary of when they became the Marauders.

“Hopefully next year it won’t be during the Easter holidays,” James said after they clinked cups full of butterbeer together. “To the Marauders!”

“To the Marauders,” the others chanted, all of them swigging down the butterbeer and giggling for ages over their friendship until they finally dispersed at about one-thirty in the morning.

*

On Monday morning Professor Prewett was at breakfast, which filled Remus with relief. But something was, again, different. It was like the opposite of what happened after the Christmas holidays: looking at Professor Prewett didn’t do much to Remus anymore. Hardly any wobbly knees or uncomfortable warmth. There was still some, just not as much as usual. _My wrong feelings are going away_! he thought, very happily.

His good mood only grew when he got his pre-Easter holiday exam grade back in Potions: he passed. Barely. _Very_ barely, only one number above a fail. But it was still a passing grade.

“Next year is going to suck with more classes and having to get up earlier,” moaned Sirius as they left the Potions classroom. “Nine am classes are awful enough, why must we get up at eight?”

“Get up at seven,” James reminded him. “Breakfast.”

“Earlier,” Remus pointed out. “We have to get _ready_.”

“Aw, flobberworms!” growled Sirius, kicking at the floor.

“Yeah, with the amount of time you give to getting your hair ready, you probably need to get up at five in the morning,” teased Peter who promptly yelped, making a run for it as Sirius chased him down the hall, threatening the more delicate parts of his body with nasty hexes. By the time James and Remus caught up with them, Peter was ripping flowers off his tongue with purple-spotted hands.

*

Remus spent lunch with Aegis since they hadn’t had much of an opportunity to spend time with each other yet. His holidays had gone very well, since the only second year Slytherin who stayed behind besides him was Snape.

“He spent most of his time sulking in the library so we hardly saw one another anyway,” Aegis explained when Remus gagged over having to see Snape. “It was quite nice not having his scowling face lurking around.”

They talked some more then Aegis said something about hardly believing April was over. That’s when Remus realized it was the thirtieth of April… and Walpurgis Night. Were his friends still planning on checking out the room? He hoped not. He knew nothing would happen, but he didn’t want to be dragged out of bed to go see an empty room for no reason. He thought about bringing it up with them, except if they _weren’t_ planning on it, him dredging it up would make them change their mind.

_Ugh, it’d serve them right if something DID happen_ , he thought bitterly which immediately sparked an idea inside of him. Dare he? If they didn’t go, then it would be for nothing but—

“Excuse me,” he said, jumping up. “I—I need to do something—“ Then another idea hit him. “Do—do you want to help me prank the other Marauders?” he blurted out.

Aegis looked shocked. “Prank…? Oh. Wow, um, n—no thank you. I appreciate it but I think I’d feel too guilty if I pranked them, as amusing as it would be. That is not really something I could do. Thank you, though.”

Remus nodded. “It’s all right, I just thought I’d offer. I need to go. I’ll see you later!”

He took off running to the Gryffindor tower, falling multiple times. It was still lunchtime and they wouldn’t have class again till two. Plenty of time to set something up.

_What, though_? he wondered as he scrambled up to his dorm. The first thing he did was steal a LiftAway from James’s stash. Then he began going through his own things. He had a severe lack of pranking devices, as he couldn’t afford them. He’d have to rely fully on spells.

_But what_? He sat on the edge of his bed, trying to picture the strange room in his head, trying to picture what might be good to get his friends. Something scary, obviously. He thought about Sir Nicholas scaring them on Halloween of their first year. It’d be terrific to do something like that, though obviously he couldn’t ask since none of them wanted anyone to know they were in the Pits Passages.

_Would Theodore help_? he wondered, rubbing his chin. He doubted it, as it would mean making vocal sounds. While screaming was different than talking, he didn’t want to bother Theodore with that, or make him feel like he had to. No, he’d need to do this all on his own.

Slowly an idea formed and he began gathering a few things he might need, then left the dorm to head to the Pits Passage. As he used the LiftAway to cross the holes in the ground, he wondered if the dragon painting would let them past again. It might be a one time thing…

Thankfully when he reached it, it opened up after a small threat, and Remus was able to go in to prepare.

*

With all the work he put in, Remus didn’t want to risk them _not_ going. If it worked, it’d be hilarious, so between History and Transfiguration he cautiously brought it up. He tried his best to sound both innocent and annoyed as he said, “We don’t have any big plans tonight, do we?”

“Plans?” Sirius asked. “Uh, no, why?”

“Oh, no reason,” Remus said quickly, hoping his acting was convincing enough. “I, er, have to do some potions stuff in the evening.”

James narrowed his eyes. “Is that it?”

Remus tried to look as falsely innocent as he could. “Yes.”

“You’re never around Monday evenings anyway,” Peter pointed out.

“Yeah,” James agreed, stopping in his tracks. “Why are you suddenly asking about tonight?”

“I—I’m not,’ he protested, hugging his books to his chest. “I’m not. I only meant…”

“Only meant what?” Sirius asked when Remus fell silent.

“Nothing, forget it,” he said, forcing a laugh. “We better get to class—“

James grabbed him, spinning him around. “What are you hiding?”

“Hiding? I’m not hiding anything,” he said, hoping he sounded right. “I—I was—it was—“ He glanced at the three of them and bit his bottom lip, shifting his weight. “It’s nothing.”

Sirius scoffed. “It’s _something.”_

Remus thought he had dragged it along well enough so he gave a sigh, pushing his hair back. “If I say what it is then you’ll—you’ll want to do it.”

“Do what?” Peter asked.

“The room,” Remus grumbled. “The Knights thing. It’s—it’s Walpurgis Night.”

James’s eyes slowly got wider. “ _Shit_! You’re right! I almost forgot—oh!” He began laughing, and smacked Remus’s shoulder. “Thanks, Remy!”

“No! I wasn’t—“

“We’re definitely going,” James continued, ignoring him.

Remus tried to look irritated now. “Nothing is going to happen—“

“Probably not,” agreed Sirius. “But it’ll still be fun.”

James went forward, talking about how much he was looking forward to sneaking to the room to be there at midnight, and how could he forget about it? He yammered on and on while the others followed, Remus in the back hiding a smile.

*

After supper Remus headed down to the Potions classroom to wait for Professors McGonagall and Slughorn. It didn’t take them long to show up, Slughorn unlocking the door and leading them in.

“I trust Professor McGonagall has informed you what we’re doing tonight?” he asked, looking down his nose at Remus.

“Yes, P-Professor,” Remus replied.

“I trust you will make both potions to the best of your ability.”

“Horace,” McGonagall said in a vaguely scandalized tone. “I do not think Mr. Lupin will cheat.”

“No, no,” Slughorn said, nodding. “I only wanted to make it clear that he needs to do his best for _both_ the potions. And before we begin I do have a question.” He looked at Remus. “I am curious to know why Potions class affects you in such a way, while Herbology does not? I’d imagine the scents to be overwhelming in that class too?”

Remus shifted from foot to foot. “Um.” He supposed just saying ‘it’s different’ wasn’t good enough; he needed to figure out a way to explain. “It— it c-can be, sir. It is, sometimes. The thing is, usually the—the scents don’t… fluctuate so much. They stay re—relatively c-constant. I c-can get used to them after—after a f-few minutes. In Potions the—the smells are always b-being… changed, being—being used. I d-don’t have time to g-get used to one smell when another h-happens. I have a sm-smelly pl-plant in front of me and j-just when I might start being okay w-with it I have t-to cut it open which makes—makes it worse. Then I add it—it in with another scent, mixing th-them together.” He tugged at his sleeve, feeling awkward. “Be—besides, the—the earthy scents d-don’t bother me so much. Natural sc-scents in their—how they’re s-supposed to be. That… that doesn’t seem to bother me v-very much. In Potions they… it’s not as n-natural? Once—once the potion starts being made that—that makes it w-worse for me.”

“And fertilizer?”

“It—it can be bad, yes,” Remus agreed, hoping that would suffice. Hoping he wasn’t going to be accused of making stuff up. But… plants in their natural state (and fertilizer) were not at all overwhelming for him.

Slughorn studied him for several seconds then nodded. “Thank you. Now.” He opened up his potions book to a page, tapping at it. “This one. You’ll make it first without your sense of smell and then again with.”

Slughorn put the book on one of the desks and began putting ingredients out while McGonagall tapped Remus’s nose, using the spell. This time it blocked all the scents which was very bizarre. Remus went over, reading the instructions carefully. The potion only took half an hour from start to finish.

Remus began working on the potion, prepping the ingredients and adding them in. He knew perfectly well he wasn’t doing a terrific job—nowhere near as good as James or Peter—but it definitely wasn’t as bad as his usual mess. McGonagall and Slughorn sat by his desk, watching him as he worked. Finally the timer went off, and the potion was done.

Slughorn set it aside and McGonagall gave Remus his sense of smell back. He began working on the potion again. The ingredients weren’t the smelliest, but they weren’t exactly pleasant. He found himself rushing through the prepping to get them out of his face, and not measuring quite as well. He _tried_ to do his best, tried to make sure he was doing everything properly… but when the timer went off it was fairly obvious they weren’t on the same level.

Slughorn poured a ladle of each potion out into a cup and began examining them. Remus said in his seat, wiping sweat from his forehead and wondering if he had subconsciously done worse when he could smell the ingredients. Maybe it was all in his head. Maybe he didn’t deserve this.

“Hmm,” Slughorn said, setting the cups down. “Both of these potions I would give a middling to high A. The one he made without being able to smell the ingredients is a little better. That being said, they’re close enough, overall, to say that removing his sense of smell doesn’t give him a huge advantage. Either way, he is rather poor at making potions. I _would_ rather him be able to smell things, as some ingredients and potions you need to judge by scent.”

Remus’s heart sank. All this for nothing!

“You do not agree to him being allowed to use the spell?” McGonagall asked stiffly.

Slughorn shook his head. “I don’t know. I know it isn’t much of an advantage… Besides, smelling ingredients is a key component—it’s akin to a chef without a sense of taste. Being able to smell ingredients is very important. Hmmm, let me think about it. Yes. Give me time to think about it, and in the meantime don’t use the spell.”

Remus grit his teeth. “Yes, sir,” he said, since there was nothing else to say. “Thank you.”

“We have to be fair to all the students,” Slughorn said in a lecture-y sort of tone.

_And refusing to let me be on a similar level as them is being fair_? he thought bitterly. But all he said was again, “Yes, sir.” A thought bubbled up in the back of his head, and he wondered if Slughorn would allow him to use the spell if he joined the Slug Club. The mere thought of that made him feel ill.

McGonagall walked Remus out of the classroom and down the hall, not saying anything until they reached the stairs. “I will speak to him again,” she said suddenly. “I know you’re not comfortable with the scents, and I don’t think you should be made to deal with them.”

“N—no it’s f-fine, Professor,” he said. “If he—I’ll be fine, if he decides against it.” McGonagall gave him a level look and he managed to smile. “Really, I’ll be fine. I—I’ve dealt with it for over a year and half, I can—can deal with it for more.”

“Hmm,” was all McGonagall said in response to that. “Whether you _can_ or not doesn’t change the fact you shouldn’t have to. Either way, I did want to discuss with you your detention.” _Oops_. He ducked his head, feeling a bit of heat creeping into his cheeks. “I want to be sure you would be all right with serving it the fifth through the eleventh.”

“Um, it—it’s not my choice, is it?” he asked, perplexed by this.

McGonagall looked around then pulled Remus into a nook. “I know you’ll be… indisposed the week after,” she explained very softly. “I want to be sure you will be all right. From what I have seen you are all right the week before, more or less, however since it will be several nights in a row I was unsure…”

Remus was hardly able to believe what he was hearing, that McGonagall was asking him if he’d be able to deal with the detention because of the moon! It felt… rather nice. “Yes, I should be fine,” he said, wanting to hug her.

McGonagall nodded. “Very well. Also, you have not handed in your choice of electives yet, and I need to remind you they are due relatively soon.”

“Oh!” He smacked his forehead. “Yes, um—yes. I—they’re in my dorm. I’ll give them to you tomorrow. Um—um—the—uhhh—“

“Yes?”

Remus took in a deep breath. “I was—well, um…” Suddenly he lost the courage to say he wanted all of the electives. She’d find out the next day anyway. “I’ll give them to you tomorrow.”

“All right, then. Have a good evening, Mr. Lupin.”

Remus thought of the prank awaiting his friends behind the dragon painting. “I’m sure I will,” he promised, trying not to laugh.

*

Remus was hardly able to sit still as the evening progressed. He and Lily played _Scrabble_ for a while, which resulted in a rather loud argument over the word ‘hawyr’. He pointed out she _never_ once said Welsh couldn’t be used, and Lily huffed saying it needed to be a word they both knew.

“Now you know it!” he complained. “It means sky!”

“English words!” she argued.

“Oh?” He pointed at the board. “Ergo is technically Latin, you know.”

“OH!” She stomped her foot. “YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!”

Their fighting got the attention of the other Marauders. James was definitely intrigued, hurrying over to see what happened.

“Right,” Remus said, folding his arms. “If one does not state the rule is _English_ —and apparently Latin—only—“

“IT’S USED IN ENGLISH!”

Remus ignored her and continued, “—isn’t it perfectly all right to use another language?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” James said.

Sirius squinted at the board. “It’s a game where you put words down?”

“Yes, you’ve never heard of Scrabble?” Lily asked.

“Nope,” Sirius said with a shrug. “Looks incredibly nerdy to me.”

“It can be fun,” Peter said slowly, “as long as you’re playing with nice people and not mean cousins who make fun of you not being able to spell things right.”

“It can be fun, if people aren’t trying to bend the rules,” Lily sniffled.

Remus narrowed his eyes. “I am _not_ bending the rules. Tell me where it says I have to use—“

“I think it would be a given—“

“Is it fair to use Welsh?” Remus cut her off, glaring at his other friends.

“Yes,” Sirius said with a grin.

Lily scowled. “Not fair, of course he’s going to agree with you! Black would probably jump off a cliff for you—“

“What’s that supposed to mean!?” Sirius demanded, voice squeaking.

“Please, it’s obvious the four of you would do anything for one another,” Lily sighed, waving her hand.

“Right,” Sirius muttered, raking his fingers through his hair awkwardly.

“Wait,” James said. “Are you using magic words too? Like… would you allow Muggle? ‘Cause, I mean, isn’t that technically a different version of English and not in your Muggle language?”

“It _is_ a magical variation of English, yes,” Remus said, eyeing Lily who threw her hands in the air. “If we’re allowing that then—“

“Please, this is ridiculous, that’s completely different!” she complained.

Peter studied the Scrabble board. “I think it’s okay to use a different language as long as he shows the word is an actual word.”

Lily brightened at that. “All right, yes, if you can prove it’s a word, I’ll allow it.”

“It’s not like I’m carrying around a Welsh-to-English dictionary!” Remus growled. “Fine, I won’t use Welsh but I am going to get a dictionary someday and then you’ll be sorry! Thanks a lot, Peter.”

Peter gave a ‘what?’ motion but he and the others sat down to watch Lily and Remus finish the game, Lily allowing ‘hawyr’ for the time being. They played another game, then played one with James and Sirius which was… interesting to say the least and ended in the two of them chucking Scrabble pieces at one another until Lily screamed at them to stop. Remus offered to drop out so Peter could play but Peter was content just watching.

“Spelling isn’t exactly something I’m good at,” Peter pointed out.

After a couple more rounds, Lily headed to her dorms while the Marauders stayed up a bit later, retreating to their dorm at around ten-thirty. They didn’t stay there very long. At around eleven they all left under James’s cloak, along with his broom which made it a little extra crowded. They shuffled along to the fourth floor where they clamored into the Pits Passage, James flying them across the pits one at a time. They didn’t go behind the dragon painting right away; instead they ate snacks and played cards until around fifteen till midnight.

“Nothing’s going to happen,” Remus said when they went into the room. He was a little nervous as he lit the candles, eyes darting around to make sure everything looked the same as before. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, thank Merlin.

“Maybe they did the sacrificial magic to do something to the room,” suggested James in an eerie voice, or trying to sound eerie; the squeaking made it sound funnier than anything else.

“Least _we’re_ not doing blood magic tonight,” Peter said, looking at the palm of his hand. “Again,” he added. James stuck his tongue out and Peter did the same.

Sirius stood in front of the blackboard, at _Knights of Walpurgis_. “How long d’you really think they’ve been gone? You said the most recent could have been the late thirties but—“

“But could have been as recent as last year,” Remus finished for him. “I do not think it’s as recent as that, due to the state of the room.”

Sirius looked like he wanted to say something as he eyed the ‘Walpurgis’ part of the message on the board, but he kept his mouth shut.

“Have you looked it up?” James asked.

“What, the knights thing?” Remus asked back and James nodded. “No… er, I’ve been—been busy. Besides, I highly doubt it’s anything beyond a group of students. If we leave something that says ‘Marauders’ written somewhere in the school, in twenty years if someone finds it and tries to look it up they won’t find us—“

Sirius laughed at that. “Nah, we’re all going to be in the history books!” He flung an arm around James and his other around Peter, yanking them close. “Everyone’s gonna know who _we_ are!”

“Only because you are going to do something so fantastically stupid and reckless you’ll probably end up in Azkaban or something,” Remus replied, and Sirius looked very flattered. “In any case, I highly doubt even if you _do_ do something so noteworthy you end up in the history books that it will be connected with the name Marauders.”

The other three discussed what they might do to become famous (Peter saying he’d never be famous for anything, James and Sirius insisting he would become a famous photographer) while Remus sat nervously, constantly glancing at James’s watch until it finally grew very close to midnight. He was a little worried he had messed up the spell delay; he wouldn’t know until midnight came whether the spells went off earlier in the night.

At one minute till midnight the others went quiet and sat down, eager to see what would happen, joking that of course _nothing_ would. It was all just a bit of fun.

Remus bit his lip, trying not to smile, quietly praying everything would go right.

“Here we go,” James said at ten seconds, and then counted down. Remus crossed his fingers under his robe and—

At exactly midnight all the candles went out, and Remus couldn’t believe it worked. The others screamed which made him regret not bringing his earplugs, and he heard them shuffling around, going for their wands. Very quickly he shot a spell at above the blackboard, then another at the ceiling which tipped the bucket over. There were more screams as something warm and wet splashed down, and then _more_ screams when James managed to get his wand lit and all three of them were covered in what appeared to be blood.

They were terrified, knocking into each other as they tried to… well, whatever they were trying to do Remus wasn’t sure. They were panicking; Peter was screaming nonstop while James and Sirius were shrieking about needing to get out of there and repeated ‘Merlins’. Remus lit his wand to guide him to the candles and began relighting them. Once the room started brightening, they saw the white sheet over the blackboard. In red was written,

_ALL MUST DIE_

Somehow they managed to scream even louder.

Remus pulled out James’s camera he had nicked, and took a picture.

“REMUS!” James screamed. “NOW IS NOT THE TIME—WE HAVE TO GO—THIS ISN’T—WHAT THE HELL—WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT—“

Peter was still too busy freaking out to notice. “WE’RE GOING TO DIE WE’RE GOING TO DIE WE’RE GOING TO DIE!”

Sirius was the only one who quieted and was now staring at Remus. “You don’t have blood on you,” he said flatly.

“No,” Remus agreed, lowering the camera.

James and Peter quieted as realization dawned on them, and then all three of them were yelling at Remus who ducked behind the table, laughing so hard it hurt. They began chasing him, slipping in the ‘blood’ and winding up on the floor.

“What _is_ this?!” Sirius demanded, lobbing some of the gunk at Remus.

“Mud,” he giggled. “I enchanted it to be red. It’s very thin mud, kept warm with a spell to make it feel like blood—yaaah!” He dropped to the ground as Sirius threw more of it.

“You WANKER!” James shouted, while Remus began laughing again, rolling on the floor.

“How could you do that?!” Peter wailed, sitting upright. “I was so scared!”

“I’m sorry!” he snickered.

“No you’re bloody well _not_!” James snapped.

Remus thought for a second then shook his head. “No, you’re right, I’m _not_!” And he started laughing once more.

They began protesting, going for him again. Sirius grabbed hold of him to dump a large handful of mud down the back of his jumper. Remus managed to wriggle free before anything worse happened. Then James wanted to know how he set everything up, wanting to know if he had borrowed the broom.

“LiftAways,” Remus said, wiping the tears from his face. “I inflated it just enough so it pulled slightly at me, and used it to jump across the pits.”

“That’s absolutely ingenious,” James admitted, impressed. Remus gave a little bow. “How often have you come here?”

“Here, specifically? Only today to set this up,” Remus said, trying now to get the glob of mud out from his clothes. “In the passage in general? A couple of times.” He managed to get most of the mud out though knew he’d need a good shower. “I used it to explore the one tunnel again, where we found the book.”

“By yourself?” Sirius frowned. “That’s dangerous!”

Remus considered confessing to bringing Aegis with him, then changed his mind. “You two do dangerous things all the time,” he pointed out. “Why is it suddenly bad when _I_ do it?”

“’Cause you’re supposed to be the smart one,” said Peter. “Not the… prank-me-till-I-practically-have-a-heart-attack one.”

Remus gave him a sheepish grin. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“It was terrifying!” Peter moaned. “You know I hate this place! It’s _creepy_ and there’s something really wrong with it!”

“All right, I _am_ sorry for pranking _you_ ,” Remus gave in.

“Not us?” James asked huffily.

“Of course not,” Remus answered as he helped Peter to his feet, trying to get some of the mud off of him. “Next time you can help me get them.”

Peter sniffled. “All right. Um… you _did_ do the candles too, right?”

Remus nodded. “Yes, that was me. I used the time delay spell. I’m a little surprised it worked so well. I wasn’t sure. What?” he asked as the other two gave him looks again.

“Nothing,” Sirius said. “I’m—well, it’s a bit scary how well you can do such advanced magic sometimes. Good scary, I mean. It’s very cool.”

“Beyond cool,” agreed James. “I’m glad you’re _usually_ on our side.”

Remus grinned again. “Speaking of sides… and mud… we do need to get those Slytherins soon. I was going to mention it earlier today however I didn’t want anything to ruin _these_ plans!”

That brightened James and Sirius’s moods for sure. “Hah!” James said, punching the air. “ _Yes_! We absolutely need to get that done this week.”

After they managed to get as much mud off of them as possible, Remus fetched the cleaning supplies he left hidden in order to clean the mud up. He took the sheet down, blew out all the candles, then followed his friends out, still giggling at how well the prank had gone.


	129. Chapter One Hundred-Twenty-Nine – Professor Prewett?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW emetophobia and internal homophobia

Remus was still laughing in the morning, and kept laughing randomly throughout breakfast while his three friends glared angrily at him. He knew they’d try to get him back, so he let his wolf instincts take over. Except he did _want_ to let them ‘get’ him back because otherwise it would escalate into something big. So after Herbology when he stepped out of his shower and smelled something funny in his clothes, he merely checked to make sure it wasn’t dangerous then got dressed. His friends laughed at his cry of disgust at the mixture of oozing mud and itching powder coating the inside of his trousers, he threatened them a bit, then it seemed to be agreed they got his revenge after he got another shower (though he was scratching at his legs for awhile).

He _hoped_ that was all, at least. Due to their focus on getting the Slytherins, he figured they weren’t going to do much more to him.

Just before noon Remus went to wait across the hall from the Transfiguration classroom, clutching his satchel in his lap as he thought about which electives to cut from his list. Soon his foot began jiggling and he felt violently ill by the time her class let out. A stream of older Hufflepuffs and Slytherins went past and then McGonagall stepped out, pausing when she saw Remus sitting there.

“I—I can come back tonight,” he said, nervously getting to his feet.

“No, no, come in, I have a moment.” She stepped back into the classroom. Remus followed, fumbling in his bag for the sheet of papers with the electives written on it. “I am assuming this is more than merely handing in your chosen electives,” she said as she sat at her desk.

Remus put the paper down and stepped back, twisting the handle of his bag around his finger.

McGonagall took the paper, lifting her eyebrows. “I see.”

“I—I know I c-can’t take all of them,” he whispered, “but I couldn’t decide, and thought you might be able to help me ch—“

“Who says you can’t take all of them?” she inquired.

Remus swallowed. “Um, well, I know from—I know that usually it—it’s students who go on to—to become Prefects and Head Boy or Girl, or—or even go on to do—do really amazing things. I… I can’t. I can’t do that, so I… I know it’s not really—I mean, it’s fine that I can’t take them all.”

McGonagall pressed her lips into a thin line. “To be completely honest, I would have been surprised to find you _hadn’t_ chosen all the electives. Most of those who do take all the electives happen to go on to do those things because they are smart and driven. Some do not become well-known or famous. The possibility of doing amazing things is _not_ a prerequisite for these classes. Mr. Lupin… Remus… you are one of the brightest students I’ve ever taught. If I allowed any of my students to undergo the difficulty of taking all the electives, it would be you. Now. That being said… I want you to understand how difficult it _will_ be before making your final decision.” She pulled a piece of paper out of her desk and pushed it over. “That is the current third year Gryffindors’ timetable. Yours would be very similar.”

Remus glanced over it, seeing very few free periods. He quickly counted them. Nine. Nine free periods total, over five days; as opposed to the sixteen the other Marauders would get, and the fourteen they currently had.

“If you continue with all the electives, it is going to get harder in your fourth, and very hard in your fifth,” McGonagall said. “I have every faith that you can do it, however I need you to be aware of the hard work and labor you will be taking on. It is exhausting. Of course, if you choose to drop any of the electives at any time that is—“

“I can take them all?” he asked, lifting his chin, her words finally sinking in.

McGonagall studied him for a second. “Yes,” she finally said. “If you are willing to try, I will more than gladly put your name down for every elective.”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation. “Yes please. Please, Professor, I—I want this so much. I want to to—I—“

“All right,” she said, giving one of her rare smiles. “You’re very eager. Yes, you may take all of the electives.”

“Thank you!” He quickly set the timetable back down before he crinkled it up in excitement. “Thank you, thank you Professor, that—I—thank you.” He knew it was going to put a strain on his family’s finances but that was a worry for another day. “Thank you.”

McGonagall stood up, looking very bemused. “You’re welcome. I am looking forward to seeing how you do next year. Now, let’s get to lunch, shall we?”

Remus practically skipped out, his heart pounding with joy. He was allowed to take them all! He hadn’t thought—he never thought he would be, but she said! And he _was_! _HE COULD TAKE ALL THE ELECTIVES_! He was going to learn about _all_ of it. Muggles and creatures and numbers and runes and divination and—

“Whoa there!” Sirius laughed when Remus banged into the table. “You’re out of it.”

“Ahh, sorry,” he said, sitting down, unable to get the huge grin off his face.

“Your meeting with McGonsie went well, I see,” James remarked.

Remus was practically vibrating with excitement and joy. He wasn’t sure the last time he had felt so much joy! He had been so happy at other times but all those times were mingled with other emotions. Like the Marauders accepting him as a werewolf. That had taken a while to feel joy and it was still mixed in with fear and concern. But this? This was pure, unadulterated joy!

“Did someone hit you with a happiness spell or something?” Sirius asked.

“Maybe he got into our butterbeer stash,” suggested James.

He shook his head, barely aware of the teasing. “No. No, I—I can take all the electives!” he said, the words bursting out like he had won a hundred galleons. James, Sirius, and Peter gave him strange looks which he had been expecting; he doubted they’d understand why this made him so excited. He was on the verge of trying to tamp down his exuberance when they began congratulating him, smacking his shoulders and patting his back.

“I’d consider that a punishment,” James joked, “but I know you’re happy about it so I’m happy for you, mate.”

“Are you going to have _any_ free time next year?” Peter asked.

“Yes,” Remus answered. “It—Professor McGonagall showed me the timetable of this year’s third year Gryffindors. Um, there are nine free periods for me.” He began piling food on his plate, not surprised when they wanted to know about their own schedule. “Sixteen,” he explained.

James punched the air. “All right! That’s more than we do now!”

“That is due to the fact we will be given another lesson slot, plus the fact we currently have two double classes two times a week,” Remus explained, putting together a sandwich. He kept dropping the toppings since he was so joyous. “Herbology and Defense fill up four slots each, instead of two.”

“Will it be the same timetable?” Peter wanted to know. “Exactly the same? What did it look like?”

Sirius chimed in with, “Did they have classes every morning at eight?”

“They did,” Remus admitted, and Peter frowned. “It will probably be very similar, if not identical. I suppose it depends on the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.”

“Wait, you mean—isn’t Prewett…?” Peter glanced towards the High Table.

Remus followed his gaze, pleased that his stomach only did a tiny little flipflop and not the usual loop-de-loop.

“Of course not,” James snorted. “There’s a curse on the position, remember?”

“Professor Prewett is leaving at the end of the year,” Remus said, finally finishing his sandwich after multiple attempts. “He told me during one of my makeup exams in the autumn term.”

Sirius made a face. “Ah, damn. Prewett’s a good teacher.”

“I wonder who will come in next year,” James mused.

Remus didn’t want to think about that though. Prewett was a brilliant teacher. He thought about the fact Prewett was going to be leaving, as they headed to Defense class. At the door, he hesitated, a little afraid to go in. What if once they were in a room together _those_ feelings came back? He didn’t move until Sirius gave him a gentle push since he was blocking the door.

No, Prewett didn’t stir any _wrong feelings_. Not even when he looked up and smiled at the Marauders, welcoming them. The moment he spoke, though, he stirred something.

The wolf, to be specific.

The hair on the back of Remus’s neck went up, and he knew something was wrong. Something was off. Nobody else seemed to notice. The other Marauders were cheerfully placing their holiday assignments on the desk, chattering to Prewett about how it was good to see him again. Remus reluctantly approached the desk, and the _wrongness_ assaulted him. Not the _wrong feelings_ but the fact…

_It’s not Professor Prewett_ , he realized, staring wide-eyed at his… teacher?

It _looked_ like Professor Prewett. Freckles and all. Only there was something wrong about the smile, something wrong about the way he said ‘thank you’ when Remus slowly put his assignments down, something completely wrong about his _scent_ especially. It was all off.

_Not Professor Prewett_ , Remus thought again as he took his seat, all the happiness from earlier replaced with electric nerves. _It’s not him_. _It’s someone… faking… pretending… someone pretending to be him… someone has taken his place!_

Who was it, then? It looked and sounded so much like the real Professor Prewett just… slightly different. _Polyjuice potion_? Remus wondered, chewing at his quill. _Something else? What else makes a person look like someone else? Or—what else could it be? Does Dumbledore know? Surely Dumbledore would know if someone was pretending to be one of the teachers?_

‘Professor Prewett’ began teaching. It was mostly lecturing, some discussion about the exams at the end of the term. His movements were similar to the real Professor Prewett but not quite. The inflections in the way he spoke were wrong too. It was all _off_. Remus began to grow more and more nervous, unable to pay attention. How any else could pay attention was beyond him. How anyone didn’t notice was beyond him! It was so obvious!

Or… maybe not so obvious. Perhaps it was his wolf senses that made it so obvious? Or—or because of how he used to feel? _Oh_ , he thought, realizing that his _wrong feelings_ might not be really gone, it might just be because it wasn’t the real Professor Prewett. It became even more obvious since Remus didn’t raise his hand at all, and the fake teacher didn’t seem confused about it, nor did he ever call on Remus when nobody else knew the answer. He was _so_ obviously fake!

_Is the real Prewett okay_? Remus sat back, unable to even take notes. _What happened to the real one_? Now he grew worried, afraid this impostor had done something bad to the real Professor Prewett. _Do I go to Professor Dumbledore_?

The fake Prewett dismissed class, and Remus was jolted out of his thoughts, shocked that two hours had already gone by. Slowly he packed his things away, confused by his friends acting as though everything was _normal_!

“Hurry up!” Sirius said, noticing Remus was still putting his things away.

Remus glanced at the front of the room where the fake Prewett was going through the essays. Dare he? “A—a moment,” he said, stomach twisting, feeling like a pit of acid. The best course was to leave the room, to go to Dumbledore. Instead he waited; waited until everyone else left the room then he approached the desk. “P—Professor?”

The fake Prewett glanced up. “Er, can I help you?” he asked, an awkward smile spreading.

“I had a q-q-question,” Remus stammered out.

Fake Prewett shuffled the essays, straightening them out. “I’m sorry, I don’t have very much time at the moment. Is it all right if we discuss this next class?”

“It’s q-quick. Um—about my—my assignment. If you t-take it out, I can show you,” Remus found himself saying. He supposed he hoped that for some reason something was going on and it was really Professor Prewett and just—something going on.

“Ah, you’ve already handed it in,” he said apologetically.

Remus shook his head. “No, I—I d-d-don’t want to change anything. I w-wanted to show you quickly. A question. A—about—about something.” Fake Prewett hesitated. “It’s v-very quick,” Remus assured him.

Fake Prewett frowned, and Remus thought he might say no. Then he spread out the essays in a fan, making it clear that Remus was to take his own essay out of the pile.

Because he didn’t know which one belonged to Remus.

He didn’t know the biggest, thickest roll of parchment was Remus’s.

He didn’t know Remus’s name.

_Fake_.

“What’s your question?” he asked, that smile practically mocking Remus.

Remus took a step back. “N—n-n—n-n—“ He was unable to get even one word out. Fake Prewett’s forehead wrinkled, and Remus took another step back. “I h—have—have to—I—“

Then he turned and fled out of the room, heart racing a million miles an hour. He heard fake Prewett say ‘hey wait!’ but he didn’t stop. He kept going. He knocked into his friends then grabbed whoever was nearest and pulled him along, the others following. He wasn’t sure if fake Prewett was too.

_Should have kept my cool_ , he thought, realizing that fake Prewett probably knew now that Remus suspected something. Or perhaps he only thought Remus was weird? That was a possibility. Would he do something?

“Why are we running?” Peter wanted to know, the one Remus had grabbed.

“Did you prank Prewett?” James asked eagerly.

_They don’t know, they have no idea_. Remus ducked down a side corridor and finally stopped, letting Peter go.

“What happened?” Sirius asked, collapsing against the wall next to him. “You bolted out of there. Did Prewett do something?”

_Yes, he disappeared, that’s what he did_. Remus clutched his chest, shaking his head, not sure what to say. How to explain it. Out of everyone in the school they’d understand the most, since they knew his wolf senses. However he wasn’t sure what they’d do if he told them. Perhaps laugh? Or if they did believe them, would they want to do something about it?

Sirius was suddenly in his face, clutching his shoulders. “Remus, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he panted out. “Nothing, really. I—it’s nothing.”

“Did he do something?” James wanted to know, suddenly wary. “Did he say something like—like Dedenne?”

Remus looked past Sirius’s shoulder. “No.” He wished Sirius would let go of him. “No, nothing like—it’s nothing, really. I—I need to—I—“ If he said he needed to talk to Dumbledore they’d definitely know something was really wrong. “I—I had a question, um—um about my—you know, and Prewett didn’t know and I felt—felt awkward about it. That’s all. I—I’ll ask Fawley tonight.”

Was that believable enough?

Sirius let go of his shoulders, moving back. “Is that really all?” he wanted to know, sounding dubious.

Remus swallowed. “Uh-huh.” He hefted his bag higher up on his shoulder, trying to look more composed. They reluctantly accepted this, though he could tell they didn’t fully believe him. He spent a little while wandering around with them, trying to act like nothing was wrong. After sufficient enough time passed, he made up an excuse in order to separate from his friends.

He took the long way to Dumbledore’s office, then stood in front of it, not sure of the password. The previous one no longer worked. After several failed attempts he sat on the bench across the hall until one of the nearby paintings alerted the headmaster he had someone wanting in. The gargoyle opened up, and Remus traveled upward. Every twist of the stairs felt like it was twisting his stomach until he reached the top and it felt like he might throw up.

“Come in,” Dumbledore said after Remus gave a timid knock. The headmaster was standing at his window, looking out at the forest bursting with May newness. He turned, smiling at Remus. “Mr. Lupin, good to see you. Come, have a seat.”

Remus approached the desk, way too keyed up to sit. Instead he hovered a bit, tugging at the hem of his sleeveless jumper. “I—I—I’m s-s-s-sorry to bother, sir, but—but—“ Dumbledore waited patiently, pale blue eyes locked on Remus. Remus took in a deep breath, forcing the words out. “It’s a—about—about Professor Prewett.”

“Prewett?” Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. “Has something happened?”

“Y—yes, sir, I—I believe so.” His voice was raspy and hoarse. “I—I d-don’t know what but—the—the thing is—it—it’s-not-him!” Now Dumbledore’s other eyebrow lifted as well. “It’s not him,” he said again. “Not—it’s not him, sir.”

“Not him? What do you mean?”

“It—it’s s-someone p-pretending to be him.” Finally he sat, one arm wrapped around his stomach to try to keep it settled. “It isn’t him at all. I—I don’t think it’s been him since—since we came back from the holidays. At least since Sunday.”

Dumbledore folded his hands together and rested his chin against them. “What makes you think so?”

Remus ducked his head, sitting down now. “My—my—I—I c-c-can tell.” Suddenly he realized half the reason he knew was because of _those wrong feelings_. Not having them, plus—plus he doubted it was completely his wolf senses that could tell the way the fake Prewett moved made it obvious. Could the wolf tell? Or was it from all the time spent staring at him? Not that he stared at him for _that_ reason, of course. “He smells different. He sounds a little different too. I—it’s mostly the smell. Then he—he didn’t know my name.”

Dumbledore gazed levelly at him, taking all of this information in. When Remus finished, he straightened up. “Thank you for coming to me, Remus, however I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.”

Remus’s eyes went very wide at that. “But—“

“He is probably having an off day.”

“No,” Remus said, not even thinking about the fact he just told _the_ Albus Dumbledore that he was wrong. “No, sir, no—it—it’s something—there’s something wrong, it isn’t him. It isn’t! I know it isn’t!”

“Professor Prewett spent his holidays at home,” Dumbledore said slowly as if speaking to a child. “That probably made his… scent seem a little different.”

“No,” he said again. “I—I don’t mean to argue, sir, but it is not him. It is someone pretending to him. I think it may be polyjuice potion.”

“Polyjuice potion?” Dumbledore inquired.

“Or—or something,” he added quickly. “I’m not sure. I just know it isn’t Professor Prewett, it’s someone _pretending_ to be him. Look, I know it sounds crazy—very crazy—but I _know_ it’s not him. It’s _not_!”

“Mr. Lupin, I promise that everything is fine,” Dumbledore said, rather sternly. “While your concerns are understandable, they are also misplaced.” Remus wasn’t sure how to take that. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” he whispered, chewing at his bottom lip. Dumbledore nodded, beginning to stand up. “But—” Dumbledore sank back into his chair, looking impassive but giving off the feeling of exhaustion. “But it’s—it’s not him—and if it’s not him then—then the real Professor Prewett could be in—in danger, sir.”

“Remus, I think you’re overreacting.”

Remus felt heat creeping through his face and he jumped to his feet. “I’m not! I’m _not_! It—I know I’m right! And—“

“Have you told anyone else?”

“N—no, I—I wanted to come to you first,” he said. “Because I thought you—you’d want to know someone is—has taken the place of one of the—the teachers!”

Dumbledore studied him for several seconds. “You’re not willing to drop this, are you?”

He hesitated, finding that a strange thing to say. “No… I—I know I’m right. I don’t know what hap—happened to Professor Prewett, but if something has, we—someone needs to—to do something to help him.”

Dumbledore got to his feet again. “Very well. Follow me.”

Remus followed Dumbledore out of his office. Were they going to confront the fake Prewett _right now_? With Remus there? Despite feeling safe with Dumbledore, he couldn’t shake the fear consuming him at the thought of doing this…

They made their way to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and Dumbledore knocked. When the fake Prewett said to come in, Dumbledore stepped in. “I’m afraid I need to borrow you for a moment,” he said pleasantly.

“Very well. I’ll be right back, students. Behave,” he added with a laugh that grated Remus’s nerves.

The fake Prewett stepped out of the classroom and was startled to see Remus who backed up. Dumbledore simply turned and went to Prewett’s office, opening the door. The fake Prewett went in first, and Remus went in only after Dumbledore nodded at him. Dumbledore didn’t seem concerned at all, though when Remus went in he could tell the fake Prewett was slightly nervous.

“Is something the matter?” Fake Prewett asked, managing to pretend like nothing was wrong.

Dumbledore shut the door. “It seems Mr. Lupin here is under the impression you are not, in fact, Fabian Prewett. He’s quite insistent, actually.”

Fake Prewett stared at Remus who tried to look brave but he knew he probably just looked pathetic. “How odd,” he said, leaning against his desk in almost exactly the right mannerism as the real Prewett except there was something off about it. He thought the real Prewett preferred to cross his left ankle over his right, and this one had his right ankle over his left; or maybe Remus was imagining that? Why would Remus’s brain keep _that_ as a need-to-know memory!? “I don’t know if this is something to interrupt my class for—“

“Mr. Lupin is a very inquisitive young man,” Dumbledore explained. “I’m afraid this is something he will not simply dismiss his accusations upon my assurance that everything is fine alone.”

That’s when Remus realized that whatever was going on… _Dumbledore knew_! Remus stumbled back, head reeling as he realized he probably made a very big, very stupid mistake. He had— _Oh Merlin_ , he thought, trying to fight the very strong urge to throw up. How could he have made such a monumental mistake?! He had assumed that—and—but it— _it was a fake Prewett though_! His gaze darted back and forth between them, hoping he wouldn’t get in trouble.

“Professor,” fake Prewett said.

Dumbledore smiled. “It’s either tell him the truth, or erase his memory which I am not very inclined to do. He is… a trustworthy young man.” The Headmaster looked at him. “He can keep a secret.”

“I—uh—“ Remus didn’t know what to say besides beg them to let him run away and hide somewhere, dwelling on his utter stupidity.

“I trust you will keep this secret,” Dumbledore continued, facing Remus. “This is a very important secret.”

“I—yes—yes, I—but—but you—you d-don’t—“ Remus fumbled with his words, entire body shaking as his anxiety grew worse. He wanted to disappear.

“Go ahead,” Dumbledore said.

Fake Prewett pushed himself away from his desk. “Very well. Yes, you are right. I am not Fabian Prewett.”

Remus’s heart jumped clear into his throat.

Fake Prewett picked up a framed photo off of Prewett’s desk. There were several photos, most of which the students had seen. Those were the pictures of Professor Prewett’s two nephews, whom he sometimes gushed about in class. The one fake Prewett chose was not one of these. It was one Remus hadn’t seen before.

Two young men and a young woman squashed together. The two men were almost identical. The only real difference was that one had his red hair long and in a ponytail, while the other had his red hair cropped at around his ears.

“I’m Gideon Prewett, Fabian’s twin,” the man explained, very kindly.

Remus blinked, unable to breathe.

“You see, Fabian is doing me a favor,” Dumbledore said. “A very big, very important favor uniquely suited to his investigative skills. Unfortunately, it is taking longer than either of us expected and he was unable to return at the end of the Easter holidays. Due to the nature of the favor, it is _imperative_ nobody knows he is gone. That nobody suspects he is… possibly doing what he is doing.”

“Albus contacted me, asking me to take Fab’s place until he returned,” fake Prew—no, real Prewett, another Prewett, Gideon… Gideon Prewett said. “I had some leave due, so I took a few days off, spinning a story about traveling by myself for a little bit. That way nobody is suspicious about _my_ disappearance from the Ministry.”

Professor Prewett was doing work for Dumbledore? His twin took his place so nobody knew? _What could it possibly be that makes it imperative to pretend Professor Prewett is still here_? he couldn’t help but wonder.

“Is—is it—is it dangerous?” he squeaked out. “What—what P-Professor Prewett is—is doing?”

Mr. Prewett coughed, averting his gaze. Dumbledore looked down his long nose, directly into Remus’s eyes. “I won’t lie to you. Yes. It is very dangerous, especially if… certain people realize he is doing this. Which is why…” He trailed off and motioned towards Mr. Prewett.

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry, my brother is very tenacious,” Mr. Prewett said. “He’ll be fine. He should be back here tomorrow night, actually, providing all goes well.”

_Dangerous_ , he thought, chewing once more on his lip. “He—he’ll be back t-tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Mr. Prewett said.

“You won’t tell anyone, correct?” Dumbledore asked.

“Oh, no,” Remus promised. “I mean—yes. I—I mean—I w-won’t tell anyone, not even—no, nobody, I swear.”

Dumbledore reached down, fingers brushing against Remus’s shoulder. “Thank you. I knew I could trust you.” That filled Remus with fuzzy warmth. Dumbledore trusted him?

“Do you mind if I ask you how you knew I wasn’t him?” Mr. Prewett asked. “We’re usually very good at switching places, nobody else has ever guessed before. We’ve even fooled our own mother before.”

Remus swallowed, knowing he couldn’t explain everything. Not the smells, and certainly not the… feelings. “Ahh, you—you never c-called on me, in class,” he finally said. “You didn’t know my—my name after either.”

Mr. Prewett nodded. “I was a little worried about that. Albus called you Lupin. Remus Lupin?” he asked, and Remus nodded. “My brother’s spoken of you.”

“Ah?” he squeaked, flooding with a heat that was very different than the warmth from Dumbledore’s compliment. _What_?!

Mr. Prewett smiled again. “He says you’re very smart, and have even more of a knack for this than we did when we were your age.”

He knew he was going redder than a tomato. “Ahhh,” he got out, voice strangled. “Th—thank—thank you…” Professor Prewett had said as much before, but hearing it from someone else that Prewett was saying these things? It was too much. He wanted to disappear again, for very different reasons. Also the knowledge was making him feel wobbly feelings, and sending tingles through his body to places that should absolutely not have tingles over the idea of his male Professor thinking he was so smart. Which meant his wrong feelings were not gone.

“We should let you get back to class,” Dumbledore said, opening the door. “Thank you for the help. Come along, Mr. Lupin.”

Remus gladly scurried out of the room, wanting to rush off to a bathroom to cool down before anything became too… noticeable. Like what happened over the holidays, because it felt like that was going to happen. According to _Your Body at Hogwarts_ that was a common occurrence for boys going through puberty. Though he wasn’t sure whether it was a common occurrence when what caused it was a shirtless male Quidditch player.

But it did say sometimes it happened without any triggers? So that was probably it, right? Maybe—maybe just the idea of someone thinking he was so smart regardless of gender was what made him… excited. That was a possibility, wasn’t it?

He had _no_ excuses for the magazine though, and did his best to deny it ever happened.

“Mr. Lupin?”

He froze, then slowly turned to Dumbledore. “Y-yes?”

“Thank you for coming to me with your concerns,” the headmaster said. “I am very glad to know you do trust me.”

“Of—of course, Professor. I’m s-sorry…”

“No, it is quite all right. Have a good day.”

“You t-too.”

Remus walked off at a normal pace until he turned a corner and then he bolted for the nearest bathroom to try to calm down from all the conflicting, strange feelings happening inside of him.


	130. Chapter One Hundred-Thirty – KerPOW!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emetophobia warning and also internal homophobia in this chapter.

Remus was very glad he hadn’t said anything about Prewett to the other Marauders, it made it _so_ much easier to keep the secret. He did, however, dwell on the secret for the rest of the day—wondering what on earth Professor Prewett could have been investigating that would be so dangerous.

When evening came he realized that there would be a _lot_ to unpack for Occlumency. In addition to trying to keep the Prewett stuff a secret, there was also the entirety of his Easter holidays. Fawley wouldn’t be pleased with Lyall shoving Remus around and—and other things. Hopefully he’d be able to convince her to exit any memories from the weeks at home.

It _was_ good to see her again, though, and they hugged tightly before settling on the couch. They spoke briefly about their holidays, and Remus talked about his new room, framing it in a very good light. While Miss Fawley’s lips pressed into a thin line much like McGonagall’s often did, she refrained from commenting until he was done.

“Are you happy with your new room?” she asked.

Remus considered fully lying then discarded the plan; he suspected Fawley would realize the truth. “It’s going to take time to get used to. It is a lot easier on my parents. Mum—Mum she can’t really get me up the stairs anymore.”

“Hmm. That is understandable,” Fawley murmured, tucking some hair behind her ear. “I hope you’re able to be happy there. Did you have any… issues… over the holidays?”

He looked down at his lap, knowing she was referring to his father. “No,” he lied. “Um, I would prefer you not to see any memories from home.”

“Remus,” she sighed.

“It—it isn’t my father,” he said swiftly. “Other things.”

“Like what?”

He thought of the incident with the magazine. “Personal things,” he finally mumbled, knowing he sounded embarrassed, praying she’d never see that. “Very personal things.”

“Very well…”

The next forty minutes were tough and gave him a nasty headache. His memories were all over the place, several of them from the holidays which Fawley kindly jumped out of (including the time he was reading the magazine, but before anything happened). She also saw his prank on the others from the previous night, making her laugh so hard she wound up having to gasp for air. She told him she was very proud of him for getting them, and glad to see he had gone through with it. She said it was evidence of how much he had grown.

She also saw the whole Prewett incident, which made Remus feel bad. She first saw him running from Prewett then it shifted to Dumbledore’s office. He managed to kick her out at that point, and explained to her that the whole thing had been settled and that it was a secret, so if those memories came up again could she please leave them?

“Professor Dumbledore and Professor Prewett secrets,” he explained, wringing his hand. “Not my own.”

“I understand,” she promised. “I’ll leave if they come back up again. Also, congratulations!”

“On… what?”

She looked very happy. “Kicking me out again.”

He had been so worried about accidentally revealing the secrets he hadn’t even thought about the fact he had done it, and he glowed with quiet happiness until it was time to go back into his memories.

At about ten till seven his headache was at the point where he literally couldn’t go on anymore. He wanted to ask if the headaches were normal, but was worried if they weren’t she’d want to stop having the sessions until they sorted it out. So he downplayed how bad it was, insinuating it was ‘just painful enough’ to warrant ending the lesson a bit early. They exchanged hugs again, and Remus left, drooping almost as soon as he left the room, hand pressing against his forehead.

Thankfully the others were at James’s practice; Remus flopped onto his bed with a cold, damp cloth over his forehead and eyes, his curtains shut tight so as not to let much light in. His headache faded but he stayed like that until his friends showed up, and their noisiness made him rather grateful for his healing abilities getting rid of the pain and making him able to hang out with his friends for the evening.

*

The real Professor Prewett did return sometime during Wednesday. Gideon Prewett was at breakfast and lunch, but at supper when Prewett walked in Remus felt the old wibbly-wobbliness returning to his knees. He covertly watched his teacher go up to the table, feeling both relief Prewett was all right, and irritation that the _feelings_ were still there. Also why the hell did Professor Prewett make him feel like that while his _identical twin brother_ did not?

Remus dwelt on this as he ate, gazing thoughtfully up at the night sky while chewing on his food. If—if it wasn’t purely something _physical_ (i.e. his looks) then that helped prove that—that simply… well… er, actually that made the whole ‘aesthetically pleasing’ aspect a little less likely. Remus grunted, no longer hungry.

His gaze drifted over to the Hufflepuff table, at Kioko Tanaka whom he knew was one of the prettiest girls in their year besides Inkwood. She was talking to one of her friends, her chin-length black hair sweeping across her cheek until she tossed her head back, laughing at something.

_She’s pretty_ , Remus told himself, because everyone else said so.

Then Tanaka turned, her eyes locking with Remus’s. Remus quickly ducked his head, blushing slightly at being caught staring. When he ventured a glance back up she was back to talking to her friend.

“You all right?” Sirius asked as Remus slumped in his seat.

_No_ , he thought miserably. _Everything is confusing and makes no sense and why did I get all_ — _like that_ — _from a shirtless guy in a Quidditch magazine it’s wrong, it’s WRONG, and why do I have these feelings about you and Professor Prewett but not Professor Prewett’s identical twin brother it makes no sense, it makes no DAMN SENSE_!

“Yes,” he said, far too miserably. Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Er, stomach’s a bit… I don’t feel too good.” He poked at his food a moment then pushed his plate away. What he wanted—wished for—was to be able to _talk_ to them, to tell them what he was thinking, what he was feeling. But—but those thoughts and feelings were wrong, so wrong, so absolutely wrong, and if he ever even hinted that he might have them (which he _didn’t_ ) then his friends would toss him aside quicker than a garden gnome.

A werewolf was one thing, but—

No, he wasn’t even going to think it. Refused to even think it!

He was miserable through Study Group, trying not to feel distracted by all the thoughts swarming his brain like an unwanted infestation. The others’ voices got on his nerves, and he spent most of his time staring blankly at his notes and remaining silent. After they broke up for the night, Lily tried talking to him as they headed back to the tower. Remus didn’t want to talk about it— _couldn’t_ talk about it—so he made an excuse of wanting to go meet Peter after his Photography Club. This wasn’t unusual for Wednesday, so Lily didn’t question it.

Remus headed back the way he came but instead of going to the room where Pete’s club met, he wound up wandering around, wanting to be alone. Whenever he heard voices he’d go down a different corridor to avoid other students. That… _was_ his plan, at least, until he wandered to the ground floor and heard arguing. Arguing that he intended on ignoring, except one of the voices was Aegis.

Well, Aegis wasn’t arguing. He was yelping in pain, and being shouted at by someone. Remus followed the sounds till he turned a corner and saw Malfoy hurting Aegis. Malfoy had a fistful of Aegis’s hair and was bending him backwards while he leaned in, yelling right in Aegis’s face. His wand was out, pressed against Aegis’s throat.

“—TELL YOU TO DO SOMETHING YOU DO IT, YOU LITTLE BASTARD, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!”

“Y—yes!” Aegis whimpered, squirming in Malfoy’s grip. There was a trickle of blood dripping from one nostril. “P—please, you are hurting me—“

“Aw, am I _hurting_ you?” Malfoy mocked, then yanked Aegis back even more. “Forgive me, I don’t mean to hurt you… I mean to _destroy_ you!” Another yank, and Aegis was practically forming an upside down U.

Remus whipped his wand out, fury enveloping him. He hadn’t been feeling great to begin with but seeing his friend being bullied and hurt like made everything even worse. “L-let go of him!” he snarled.

Both Slytherins glanced over, and fear filled Aegis’s eyes while amusement entered Malfoy’s face. “Little Loopy Lupin, is it? I think you’re a bit far from your dorms. I think you should be on your way.”

Remus leveled his wand. “I th-think you should let g-g-go of him!”

Malfoy narrowed his eyes then switched his wand’s aim from Aegis to Remus. “Go away, Loopy, if you know what’s good for you.”

Remus started to demand Malfoy let go, but Malfoy used the disarming spell. Remus’s wand launched out of his hand, spiraling through the air till it clattered several feet away from him. Malfoy marched towards Remus, dragging Aegis with him.

“You don’t seem to understand,” Malfoy hissed out, and Remus backed up against the wall. “This is none of your business, you stupid little cub. Do I need to spell it out for you?” He jerked Aegis up a bit (still by the hair) and Aegis whimpered. “Tell your… _friend…_ to fuck off, or I’ll do it for you. And neither of you will like how I do it.”

“R—Remus you sh-should g-g-go—“ Aegis gasped out.

The wolf had been stirring and rising, raising its head inside of Remus’s. It growled out, teeth barred as it began slobbering for revenge, slobbering for blood. Remus looked up into Malfoy’s smirking face, and the wolf grew stronger. Remus struggled to keep it under control, to push it back. It was strong, though, and fought against him.

_Bite, slash, kill_! it howled in his ear.

“Fine then,” Malfoy said, and threw Aegis against the wall, face first. Aegis made contact with the stone and went down, blood flowing freely from his nose now.

The wolf snapped.

Not the breaking, cooling sensation of Remus getting control but a violent, furious sensation as the wolf _screamed_ (or Remus silently screamed? They were so close, so intertwined it was hard to tell) at the sight of his friend being hurt.

Remus surged forward, fist swinging before he even thought about it.

It connected with Malfoy’s face with a _crunching_ sound.

Malfoy went flying back—literally flying through the air—and then crashed to the ground. His head lolled to the side, his eyes shut as blood poured from his mouth.

Remus stared in utter disbelief as the wolf retreated, leaving him alone with this disastrous mess.

Aegis pushed himself into a sitting position, staring in disbelief as well. Slowly, he looked at Remus then back at Malfoy’s unconscious body. Or dead body.

_Merlin, did I kill him_?

Remus lowered his fist, chest rising and falling as panic seized him. He had physically attacked another student! He had knocked him out, or—no, he couldn’t be _dead_ , could he? Remus looked at his hand. He was very strong. Was it… possible…?

“Remus?” Aegis whispered in shock.

Remus staggered back. “I—I—“

Then Malfoy groaned, head flopping to the other side. One leg twitched. He wasn’t dead, only unconscious.

“I didn’t…” But what could he possibly say? He didn’t mean to hurt Malfoy so bad? He had purposely punched him! He sent Malfoy flying, he—bones crunched. _Bones crunched_! He had done _something_ bad. There was too much blood on that pale face to really tell what happened.

Remus took another step back, then another. He continued backing away until he reached his wand then he grabbed it and ran, too terrified of what might happen when Malfoy woke up, knowing he was being a coward by abandoning Aegis! But all he could do was panic; all he could think about was getting away from there.

From what he had done.

He ran, feet pounding against the floor as the scene kept replaying in his head. Malfoy—he attacked Malfoy—he had punched Malfoy—he had severely injured Malfoy!

_What’s going to happen_? He had gotten into fights before but never like this, never… just bashing someone’s face in.

Malfoy would go to Slughorn, and Remus would get into so much trouble. Or worse—after the ‘cheating’ thing, would he be expelled? The first time he ever attacked anyone (Spinnet, he remembered dimly) he had assumed he’d be expelled. That had been so long ago…

_That was different though_. He slowed down, realizing he was near McGonagall’s office. _I should turn myself in_ , he thought, since the teachers would be finding out anyway. Perhaps it would go easier if he did? Perhaps he’d only get points removed and detention?

Panting for air, Remus stumbled to McGonagall’s office then saw a notice on the door saying she was in the classroom. He went there, and she told him to enter after he knocked on that door. He went in, a little surprised to see another student there, cleaning one of the desks. A third year Gryffindor that seemed vaguely familiar.

“Um, s-sorry to bother—“

“Please continue your work, Mr. O’Kelley,” McGonagall informed the Gryffindor, then took Remus out into the hallway. “Is everything all right?”

“C-c-can we t-t-t—ta—talk?” he wheezed out. “Privately? P-please?”

McGonagall took him to her office where he collapsed in a seat, staring at his right hand once again. It took several seconds of her saying his name for it to penetrate the fogginess, and he glanced up.

“What is the matter, Mr. Lupin?” she asked.

Remus curled forward, unable to form the words to explain to her. “Hurt…” he finally managed to say.

“You’re hurt?” she asked. “Did someone hurt you?”

He shook his head, tears squeezing out the corners of his eyes. “N—no. I—I—I h-hurrrr—urt—I hurt s-s-some—s—one. Merlin—Merlin—I d-d-didn’t—I—“

“Remus, please calm down,” she said firmly. “I cannot understand a word you’re saying.”

He took in a deep, hiccuping breath and tried again. “I hurt s-s-someone,” he said, the syllables at least recognizable this time.

“You?” she asked, frowning. “What happened? Was it a prank mishap?”

He moaned, covering his face. “No. No, no. He—he was—he was h—he—hurting—he—“

“Take another deep breath. Here.” She handed him a damp cloth and he pressed it against his face, the coolness helping calm him down a little. “Do you need some water?”

“No,” he whispered.

“Who did you hurt, and what happened?”

Slowly he told her mostly what occurred. That he had come across Lucius Malfoy hurting Aegis, that he tried to intervene, that Malfoy disarmed him, and that when Malfoy threw Aegis into the wall he had punched Malfoy. He admitted he should have gotten a teacher or prefect but he had lost his temper. He also admitted he had left Malfoy.

“Just now?” McGonagall asked, visibly startled. Remus nodded. “Remus—we need to go, take me there right now.”

Remus miserably led McGonagall through the school, back down to the ground floor where he had left the two Slytherins. Neither of them were there, though there was some blood smeared on both the wall where Aegis had smacked into and the floor where Malfoy had fallen.

McGonagall spun about, motioning for Remus to continue following. He trudged along, heart sinking more and more as they grew closer to the hospital wing. By the time they reached the doors he felt ready to throw up, and almost did when they went in and saw Malfoy sitting in one of the beds getting looked at by Pomfrey. Slughorn was next to them, glancing over when McGonagall and Remus came in.

“I see,” McGonagall said, coming to a stop.

“Ah, Minerva, what brings you here? Hello, Mr. Lupin,” Slughorn added pleasantly. “Is everything all right?”

Malfoy was giving Remus a strange look, probably due to the punch.

“We are here for the same reason you are,” McGonagall explained as she went closer. “Mr. Malfoy.”

Slughorn frowned. “Why would you be here for Mr. Malfoy?”

“Because,” McGonagall sighed, “it seems it was Mr. Lupin that attacked him.”

Slughorn looked very bewildered at that, turning to face Malfoy again. Pomfrey pulled back a bit, staring hard. “You told us you were hit with a bludger,” she accused.

Malfoy stuck his chin out. “I was,” he said fiercely. “I _told_ you. I—ah—took bludger from Gary. I was messing with it. It got out of hand—quite literally—and…” He reached up, motioning towards his face. “I haven’t the faintest why Lo—Lupin here would pretend he’s attacked me, when he most certainly has not.”

Remus stared at him in utter disbelief. “I—I _p-p-punched_ you!”

Malfoy snorted. “As if someone as small as you could do this damage.” He laughed, wincing a little in pain.

“I—“

“Look,” Malfoy cut him off as he tried to speak, “I’m sure you want to feel _important_ or strong, but I do not appreciate you trying to do so by demeaning _me_! Find someone else to pretend to hurt, and use _them_.”

Remus blinked several times, confused. Why wasn’t Malfoy throwing him under the bus? Surely he would be ecstatic to get a Gryffindor into trouble!

“If—if I didn’t hurt him, how—how c-could I—how—how c-could—“

“If he is not injured he should not be permitted to be in here, gawking at me!” Malfoy protested.

“Minerva, I think you should take Mr. Lupin out,” Slughorn said, frowning in disapproval at Remus.

McGonagall asked Remus to please wait outside for a moment. He did so, still confused, still trying to figure out what was going on. When McGonagall emerged a minute or so later he tried to protest again once the doors were shut, insisting he _had_ hurt him, and pointed out that if he _hadn’t_ hurt him then how would he know Malfoy _had_ been hurt? McGonagall listened to all of that, staring down her nose at him until he finally finished. That’s when she informed him that she believed him.

“You—you do?”

“Yes,” she said, pressing her lips thin. “I believe Mr. Malfoy has conducted the story of the bludger to protect his pride. His lip was busted open—that is what caused the blood—however his jaw was also broken. In such a manner that it is difficult to believe someone your size could possibly do.” She began walking, and Remus stayed in step with her.

He stared down at the floor. That made a lot of sense. Someone like Malfoy, having a jaw broken by someone like Remus? “You d-d-don’t think he—he suspects I—that I—“

“I don’t think so,” she said. “I don’t know what is going through his head. I am hoping that he thinks you took some sort of… strengthening potion. But whatever his thoughts, he is denying you are the one who broke his jaw. I will try speaking with him privately, to see if I can figure out what he is thinking. But I do not think you are in danger.” She stopped suddenly, and he almost ran into her. “I will also speak to Mr. Silverlocke, as he was a witness. Perhaps I can get it into his mind that it was a strengthening potion.”

Remus nodded slowly. “Y—yes, I—I will too.”

“I don’t think I can punish you directly for this, since Mr. Malfoy is refusing to admit the truth,” she added, glaring at him.

Remus ducked his head. “You c-c-could say you c-caught me in the—the middle of—of—of a pr-prank or—or something?”

“You are offering advice on how best to explain punishing you?” she asked, and chuckled. “There are days it is clear Mr. Potter and Mr. Black have had a bad influence on you, yet it’s very obvious you are still _you_.”

What was he supposed to say to _that_?! “Um, I—er, well—well—I _should_ be punished.”

McGonagall smiled at him. “You should. I will consider the best thing to do. In the meantime, I think you should go back to your dorm and try to… relax. Calm down. You’ve had quite an eventful evening.”

“Yes, Pro—Professor.”

Remus scurried through the castle as quick as he could, realizing it was getting quite late. Not past his curfew, not yet, but almost. When he reached the tower, he wasn’t sure what to say to his friends. Tell them the truth? Tell them he had punched Malfoy and broke his jaw? They still didn’t know his strength, plus with Malfoy denying it it might not be the best course of action…

So when they asked how his night went—where he had gone after Study Group—he simply told them he wanted some time to himself and wandered around the castle. He probably would have gotten away with his lie if Sirius didn’t point out it was obvious Remus had been crying. _Damn him_ , Remus thought, scowling. Why did he have to go and notice that?

“I cry over everything, this isn’t an unusual turn of events,” he finally said.

Sirius pressed his lips together tightly, reminding Remus too much of McGonagall. “Very well,” he relented. “If something _did_ happen…”

“Nobody did anything to me, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he said, this time very truthfully. “I need to finish some homework, excuse me.”

He managed to avoid talking to them about what might have happened for the rest of the evening, doing his best to act like everything was fine; somehow he managed. Until everyone went to bed and he was left alone in the dark with his thoughts.

With the realization of what he had done.

_I punched him_. He covered his face, rolling onto his side as the image repeated itself in his head. He… really didn’t feel _that_ guilty over punching Malfoy. Which he probably _should_. It was probably not good he didn’t really feel too bad about that. No, the problem was why he had punched him.

_The wolf_. He looked at his hands in the darkness, remembering the feeling of the raw anger, the breaking feeling inside of him. He had barely even been aware of punching the twat. If it had been the wolf (and not him) that was bad. Very bad. Very, very bad.

_What if it happens again_? He rolled onto his stomach, burying his face into the pillow now. _What if the wolf takes over again like that? What if… I lose my temper with someone else and hurt them. Hurt them worse._

Whenever the darkness started the wolf wanted violence. It called for blood, and this time Remus gave it blood. What if next time it was worse? What if next time… it wasn’t his fist but his nails and teeth? What if the wolf simply took over everything and he became feral?

The pillow grew damp as tears slipped out, and Remus barely got any sleep that night.

*

When morning came he wasn’t sure how much sleep he had gotten. Maybe an hour or two? It didn’t really matter. What mattered now that it was morning was one thing and one thing only.

After getting ready, he went down to wait across from the Great Hall. Every time a student from the dungeons came up he’d glance up, then settle back. Finally Aegis appeared, and Remus leapt to his feet.

Aegis jerked back when Remus approached him, a flash of _something_ going through his eyes. Fear?

“C-can we t-talk?” Remus asked, tugging at his hem.

Aegis lowered his gaze, shrugging slightly. Then turned and went off to a side corridor. Remus followed, wondering if everything was ruined between them now. Was it the show of strength? Or the fact he had bolted without even seeing if Aegis was okay?

“M—Malfoy is saying it was a bludger,” Aegis said as soon as they were alone.

“I kn-know,” Remus admitted, scuffing his shoe against the stone. He was terrified that everything had fallen to pieces now. He didn’t want to lose Aegis! “Um. I’m s-sorry if I m-made things worse. I l-lost my temper and—and I—“

“Things were already terrible between us,” Aegis interrupted. “I doubt there is much to be done to make it _worse_.”

Remus couldn’t tell if there was anger in his voice or not. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I sh-should have stayed behind to—to help you.”

Aegis shook his head. “No, it is fine, I understand fleeing. I… ran off too. I left him. His… jaw was broken. From what I heard. His jaw was broken.”

Remus gulped, a shiver of fear going down his spine. “It was a potion.”

Aegis raised his eyebrows. “A potion?”

“Um, y—yes,” Remus said anxiously, hoping he sounded convincing enough. “I—the—we were—we had made a strengthening solution, we were going to—to try to use it for a prank, and we tested it out earl—um, earlier in the day. It was still… I—I guess it was still in me enough when I punched him. I—I didn’t—I forgot—I—I am sorry, I—“

“Remus, you do not need to fall all over yourself to explain,” Aegis said gently. “I am not upset by what happened. In all honesty, I found it to be… well, to borrow a phrase from Mr. Potter… bloody brilliant!”

Remus blinked several times then laughed. “I—I’m glad you found it to be, er… bloody brilliant.”

Aegis smiled. “It was. It was fantastic seeing him flying back like that. And he was skulking about the common room all evening last night, rubbing his jaw and muttering to himself. He often sent glares my way, which did not bother me. I can only hope he does not cause any issue with you.”

“I’m j-just glad you’re not upset with me.”

Aegis took a step closer. “Never,” he promised. “Only worried about you. If he tries anything…”

“I—I’ll tell him I’ve taken more of the—the potion,” Remus said with a faint laugh. Aegis laughed at that, and then the two headed into the Great Hall.

Remus wasn’t really sure _what_ to expect from Malfoy. He assumed something would happen and sure enough after Herbology, as the Marauders headed back into the castle, Malfoy and two of his goons popped up out of nowhere. Before Remus could react, he was being grabbed by his jumper and shoved against the wall at Malfoy’s height, his feet dangling.

The other Marauders reacted, or tried to—Malfoy’s two friends easily got in their way, fighting with them while Malfoy said what he wanted to say.

“You ever fucking do a thing like that again, I will kill you,” he hissed out into Remus’s ear, fingers tightening around Remus’s jumper. “Understand, Loopy?”

“I—“

“ _Do you understand_?”

Remus squirmed, fury whipping through his body as the bigger Slytherin punched Peter. “Y—yes,” he gasped out. “I _understand_!”

Malfoy let him drop to the floor then walked off, snapping his fingers for his friends to follow. They disengaged from the fight, hurrying after Malfoy.

“What the _hell_ was that about?!” James demanded, wiping blood from his mouth.

Sirius, however, wasn’t having it. He had angry welts across his face from a hex and his right arm was very wobbly from the jelly-arms curse. But he flopped it everywhere, shooting hexes after the Slytherins. His aim was completely off, the hexes hitting the walls and ceiling instead.

“Go after them—“

“No,” Remus said, grabbing Sirius’s wobbly arm. “No, it’s over—“

“I repeat,” James said, helping Peter to his feet. “What the _hell_?”

They were all looking at Remus now expectantly. Remus got his wand out, trying to get rid of the jelly-arm curse, mostly as a way to give him time to think of how to explain. Finally he told the barest of truths. That he had come across Malfoy beating Aegis up again, and interfered. He had gotten Aegis away, and Malfoy had been upset about it.

“Wanker,” James spat out. “We should get him—“

“I don’t think I can do anything about the welts,” Remus said, after fixing Sirius’s arm. “You’ll have to go to Pomfrey. Pete, let me see…” He inspected Peter’s nose carefully. “I don’t think it’s broken but—“

“Pomfrey,” Peter sighed, tipping his head back to prevent the blood flow from getting worse. “What did you do to him?”

“I—I threatened him, is all,” Remus lied, wiping his sweaty palms off on his trousers. “I’d rather not exacerbate the situation by pranking Malfoy. I don’t want to possibly make things worse for Aegis either. Besides, we—we have other Slytherins to prank right now. Perhaps later in the month, or next month we can—can prank Malfoy, when he’s forgotten about it.”

He doubted Malfoy would forget though. He just hoped that Malfoy _would_ chalk it up to a strengthening solution and not look further into the whole tiny-sick-kid-with-super-strength…


	131. Chapter One Hundred-Thirty-One – A Close Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn’t get this chapter out Friday. Some stuff happened and my mental health suffered. I’m… doing okay now, I suppose, or at least well enough to get a chapter out. I decided to go ahead and release this one today and then get back to my normal schedule on Tuesday. I am sorry for the delay!
> 
> I also wanted to say regarding Blackened Sky, yes I will be continuing it, I had every intention of getting a couple chapters out a month for it but my backlog for the main story dipped very low and I wanted to focus on that. Now that my backlog for the main story is getting better I hope to get back to Blackened Sky very soon.
> 
> Also TW for internal homophobia in this chapter as well as mentions of cis male body problems.

As soon as Remus walked into Defense Against the Dark Arts on Thursday afternoon, he was hit with a wave of feelings and wobbliness for Professor Prewett, especially since Prewett gave him a really big smile _and a wink_. It was a blast of hot, unwanted air all over his insides. He kept his head low through class, studiously taking notes until it was time to practice spells, and then he did his best not to look at his teacher. It worked somewhat well until Prewett dismissed class, and asked Remus to stay behind.

_Crap_.

Remus gathered his stuff, eyeing his friends with jealousy at their escape. Once the last student left, Prewett closed the door.

“I heard you were my champion when I was gone,” Professor Prewett said, going over to lean against his desk. Remus looked at his shoes, giving an almost imperceptible shrug. “It was your… werewolf… instincts? Or abilities? That gave it away?”

“Yes, sir,” he whispered, really not wanting to talk about his werewolf side. He could still feel the impact of his fist hitting Malfoy. _It took over_ , whispered a voice in the back of his head. _It howled for blood and you provided!_

“Gideon was very impressed.” For a second Remus had no idea what Professor Prewett was talking about. The punch? Then he realized and felt stupid. “I didn’t tell him, of course, that you’re a werewolf.”

“I—I d-didn’t mean to m-make things worse or—or difficult for you,” Remus said quickly, glancing up through his fringe.

Prewett took a few steps towards Remus which sent the feelings into an even wilder state of being. “You didn’t. It’s fine. Everything went fine. I do appreciate that you did look after me, though. Albus said you were very adamant about it.”

Remus ducked down again, blushing from embarrassment and wishing this were over.

Then Prewett was in front of him, his warm hand on Remus’s shoulder. Remus felt incredibly dizzy and uncomfortable. And tingly. In fact, he felt like he might have a problem soon. He also wanted Prewett to hug him. To hold him. That was not good. Very not good.

The tingly feeling _down there_ grew worse and he knew if he didn’t escape soon it would be obvious.

“There’s nothing wrong with going to someone if you think something is amiss.”

“I—I know,” he somehow managed to say.

Prewett tilted his head a bit, trying to look into Remus’s face. “Thank you again.”

“Yourewelcome,” he wheezed out.

“Have a good day, try not to get into too much trouble.”

It was, thank Merlin, a dismissal. Remus bolted out of the classroom, crashing hard into James this time and sending both of them tumbling to the ground.

“You’re all sweaty,” James complained when he disentanglement himself from Remus.

“I—I’m still—I still don’t f-feel great after the—the incident this morning,” Remus lied.

They wanted to know what was going on—why Remus stayed behind again—and he made up something about Prewett wanting to double-check part of his essay. It was believable enough, and the conversation switched to the mud prank and when they should do it. Sirius was quite certain the sixth years had class at that moment so he thought they should do it now. Or at least check the dorms.

James agreed, so the four of them went to their dorm in order to fetch the cloak. Remus tried to think of an excuse to not join them. Finally, he suggested he be the lookout outside the common room. James disagreed, wanting Remus to be the lookout outside the dorms. It’d be easier that way.

“I don’t f-feel good,” he complained again. All he wanted to do was get a cold shower to get rid of all the heat Prewett caused. To get rid of the problem he was hopefully hiding well enough by how he held his satchel. “Besides, I don’t think the sixth year Slytherins have class right now.”

“The least we can do is check,” James pointed out.

“Maybe you should go to McGonagall about Malfoy,” Peter suggested, giving Remus a worried look. “What if he does try to attack you again? Or—or about Silverlocke?”

“Aegis d-doesn’t want anyone involved for some reason,” Remus said, and Sirius muttered something under his breath. “Wh—what?”

“Nothing,” Sirius said with a false smile.

Remus was overruled, and he gave in, leaving the dorms with them to go down to the dungeon. At least they didn’t mind him taking a bathroom break which was spent trying desperately to calm his body down. As he plunged his hands into cold water he recited all the Latin names of plants they had learned in Herbology this year. After splashing the cold water on his face, he dried off and felt a little bit better. The worst part of the problem was gone, and he was able to return to his friends. He hoped that the prank would be enough to distract him from thinking about what happened.

James and Sirius had pretty much stalked the common room every week or so to keep up with the password, so there wasn’t any difficulty getting in once they got the cloak on. There were mostly first and second years hanging around, and a few older students studying.

The four of them cautiously went through the common room, trying to stay as quiet as possible. Remus couldn’t believe that _nobody_ was able to sense them! The other three still stank a bit from Herbology, and all four of their hearts were pounding hard, and Remus knew he was soaked in sweat.

They crept up the boys’ side, searching for the sixth year dorms. There were two of them, due to the amount of sixth year boys, and both were empty.

“Which one is right?” James asked.

“This one,” Sirius said, indicating one of the rooms. Peter and Remus had pointed out the culprits shortly after it happened, and Sirius knew their names so he was able to tell by the names on the trunks.

Remus stayed in the hallway under the cloak while his friends muddied up the rooms. A few Slytherins came down the hall, though none were the sixth years. He grew antsy, shifting from foot to foot, a bad feeling filling his stomach. Just when the bad feeling reached the boiling point, the door opened a crack. He lifted the cloak so they could scurry under (beyond them he could see that mud coated every single surface) then they headed to the stairs.

“Someone’s coming up the stairs,” Remus whispered, and the four staggered back, pressing up against a bathroom door as the sixth years whose dorm they ruined appeared down the hall. All four Gryffindors held their breaths as the Slytherins passed, laughing and obviously having a good time that would shortly be ruined.

“ _Go_!” James urged once they were far enough down the hall.

They hurried down the stairs but they could clearly hear the Slytherins’ screams when the door was opened. Everyone in the common room could. Heads swiveled, and everyone stared at the boys’ stairs where the Marauders were emerging from. Remus felt terrified, as if they were staring at _them_.

“Merlin,” Peter gulped.

“ _Shh_!” Sirius hissed.

They stayed close to the wall, huddled close together—as close together as they could get. Remus was grateful he was pretty much physically wrapped up with James and not Sirius, not after the Prewett thing.

A male prefect hurried to the stairs only seconds after the Marauders got out of the way, followed by several other boys. The passing had been so close that the prefect actually paused, glancing where the Marauders had stepped, a frown on his face from having felt _something_ so close. Then he shrugged it off, going up the stairs.

The Marauders scooted along towards the door, jumping back a little then the door opened to let some other students in. As soon as they went by, the Marauders hurried out, almost colliding with a couple more students.

They ran down the hall, away from the main corridors and into a secret passage where they collapsed on the floor, all of them laughing rather hysterically at the extremely close call.

“We should’ve tried to put the blame on Snape,” snickered Sirius. “Shame.”

“Right, and we probably _would_ have been caught if we stayed any longer!” Pete said, smacking Sirius’s shoulder.

James was rolling back and forth, clutching his sides. “It was so close—absolutely brilliant—bloody brilliant!” That triggered the memory of Aegis saying ‘bloody brilliant’ which made Remus laugh harder. “My blood is pumping so hard, Merlin!” James continued, sitting up. “That was as thrilling as scoring a goal!”

“Adrenaline,” Remus explained, wiping tears from his cheeks. The scent was overwhelming for him; he couldn’t really understand how the others didn’t smell it. He wondered what they could smell, if anything. He almost asked them, but due to the incident of them finding out he could smell some hormones and emotions he opted not to.

By suppertime it had gotten around the school someone had slathered one of the Slytherin dorms in mud. Slughorn and the Slytherins were all quite irritated, and everyone was trying to figure out who had done it. James and Sirius’s names were offered up, of course, but the age-old _password protected_ prevented them from getting into any real trouble.

_Why do they think it’s so hard to get into common rooms_? Remus wondered, glancing up at the teachers. The hardest one was really Hufflepuff, because you’d need a really good visual on the pattern, which was difficult to do considering how the hallway was set up. Gryffindor and Slytherin were simply listening in, while Ravenclaw was being able to guess a riddle. Why were those so hard?

_I suppose there aren’t a lot of places to hide near the entrances_ , he realized, thinking about the passageways near the Gryffindor and Slytherin entrances. Plus the fact they’d be seen in the common rooms, there was almost always someone around… the fact the teachers didn’t know about the cloak did give the Marauders a huge advantage. All right, maybe the whole ‘another house could get in and do the pranks’ wasn’t as likely, unless one knew about the cloak. Maybe the teachers weren’t really being that oblivious.

*

Friday morning everyone was still talking about the mud, mostly due to how covered everything in the dorm had been. Apparently, all the desk drawers and the wardrobes and even trunks were filled up. James confirmed this to Remus with a whisper, since Remus wasn’t sure if it was an exaggeration or not.

“They deserve it,” Remus said as a school owl floated above him, dropping a note in his lap.

“What’s that?” Peter asked.

“Looks like paper,” Sirius snickered, and Peter threw a scone at him.

“Probably my detention information,” Remus sighed, opening it up. “Yes it is.”

James frowned. “Detention? _You_? For what?!”

Remus glanced around then bent in. “Accidentally cheating? While they agree it was not my intention, I am still in trouble for breaking a very big school rule! Oh, good, it’s with Professor Sprout.” He folded it up, carefully tucking it in his pocket. “I was a bit worried they’d make me have detention with only Professor Slughorn, considering it was his class.”

“Better Sluggy than Filch,” James pointed out. Remus normally would agree with but was worried spending any extended period of time alone with Slughorn would make him bring up the Slug Club thing again.

Later in the day, when he was spending time with Lily, she asked about the detention too, then wondered how _much_ detention he got. When he informed her a full week she gave him a long look.

“I know, I deserve it,” he said. “I’m not denying it.”

“I _still_ can’t believe you did that!”

They were outside, listening to Lily’s record player. She was borrowing the most recent Hufflepuffskien’s album from Colgate, and kept repeating her favorite song, dancing to it. She kept twirling and kicking her feet out, trying not to fall over.

“I wasn’t thinking,” he protested. “Let me guess, that is obvious?”

Lily smiled at him, twirling in another circle. “Next month are final exams.”

“Ohhh! Don’t remind me. I’m already really frightened about them.”

She laughed, and wriggled her fingers in an eerie manner. “Finnaaaalll exaaaaaams!” she drew out in a spooky voice. Remus grabbed a flower and threw it at her. Giggling, she spun the other way, her hair streaming around her. She had recently had it grown back out to her shoulders. “What electives did you decide on? I don’t think you ever told me your final decision.”

Remus drew his knees up, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his chin on them. “All of then.”

Lily stopped moving, staring mouth agape at him. “ _All_ of them? You did? What—has McGonagall said anything?”

“Um, yeah, she—I can—I’m taking all of them.”

Lily gave a squeal then dropped to her knees, throwing her arms around him. “That’s fantastic! I know that’s what you wanted but said you wouldn’t be able to!”

Remus hugged her back. “I didn’t think I could! Because of—because most students who take all of them become Prefect, and typically Head Boy or Girl, and even if they don’t they go on do to do amazing things—“

Lily folded her arms, giving him a dirty look. “Remus, you’re a bloody genius! First of all, you are bound to become Prefect—“

“No, I—“

“Second of all,” she continued, ignoring him, “you are bound to go on to do amazing things. You’re going to become famous for being super smart.”

“No,” he whispered, wishing she wouldn’t say it. “No, I—I can’t. On both accounts.”

She plopped down next to him and tilted her head so she could braid her hair. “Why not?”

Remus shook his head. “I won’t become a prefect due to the fact I am very ill and that will get in the way of prefect duties, and I am not only friends with the two biggest troublemakers in the school, I _also_ cause trouble. I won’t be able to go on to do amazing things after school due to the first reason.”

Lily’s hands dropped and the corners of her lips tugged down. “Is it… really that bad?”

He shrugged, averting his gaze. “It could be.” He picked up a flower and began plucking the petals off. “I’d miss so much work I probably wouldn’t be able to hold down a proper job.”

“You don’t get sick that often…”

“It—my—my mother does. It might turn out like that. It could progress.”

“Oh.” Lily scooted closer to him, pressing her arm against his. The music player was still going, a really bouncy, cheerful song playing as if mocking the situation. “You don’t need a job to do amazing things. You could write books. You’d be brilliant at that.”

He couldn’t resist a smile, and also thought she was right. He _could_ write and maybe publish under a pseudonym. “Perhaps,” he relented.

She nudged him. “Not perhaps. Probably.”

He wondered what one needed to do for that. Obviously he’d need to be in contact with someone, a middleman. Would that be possible? Could he secretly write books? Was that feasible for someone like him? Or was it another pipe dream?

“What do you think you’d like to do?” he asked, purposely changing the subject, not wanting to think about it.

She blew some of her hair out of her face and fell back into the grass. “I’ve no idea. Severus—“ she began, then stopped, flushing a little pink.

“What about Snape?” he asked, laying down next to her, their heads close.

“He—he talks often about opening up a potions shop. Together, I mean, since we’re both so good.” She gave a laugh, as if the idea were silly.

“I—well, uh, he’s a twat but… you’re definitely good with potions,” he said, trying his best to sound encouraging instead of gagging over the idea of Snape doing anything. “You’re best in our class.”

“No,” she said, reaching up as a butterfly fluttered above them. She put her finger out but it was flying too high. “He’s best.”

“You’re still _very_ talented. Better than everyone else, no matter what you say. Which is amazing, you know. I bet it makes a bunch of the really snobby purebloods really mad that the two best potioneers in our year are a half-and-half and a Muggleborn.”

He could feel her smile though couldn’t see it. “I bet it does,” she giggled softly. “And our most brilliant student in everything else is a half-and-half.”

Now he smiled, tilting his head a bit. _And a werewolf_ , he thought, briefly imagining everyone’s faces if they ever found out about that. Before they turned into a murderous mob, of course. _One of the reasons I want my grades to be so good._ Not that anyone _would_ find out, of course. Hopefully. Besides the Marauders. But it did feel nice to secretly know a ‘slobbering beast’ was doing better than them.

“What electives are you taking?” he asked, realizing he never even asked her. Everything that happened the past week had wiped it from his head. “Did you decide on Ancient Runes and—“

“Arithmancy, yes,” she confirmed. “I’m _so_ excited and—oh!!!” She bolted upright, a huge grin on her face. “You’ll be with me!”

“Yes,” he laughed, then squeaked a bit as she hugged him.

“Sorry, I—well, I figured you’d simply end up sticking with _them_ ,” she said, settling back down. “I’m happy we’ll have those classes together. Cassie is taking Arithmancy, but Ali’s not taking any of the same as me. I was _really_ hoping you and I would be together but I wasn’t sure because as I said I figured you’d be with them.” She plucked a bit of grass, tearing at it. “By the way, what are the others taking?”

“Magical Creatures and Muggle Studies.”

She gave a snort. “Potter and Black? Muggle Studies?! Ooh, right. Easy class.”

Remus wanted to argue that that wasn’t why they wanted to take it but then realized he couldn’t, since that was the exact reason they were taking it. “I’m sure it will be interesting,” he settled on saying.

“Ali’s taking it too,” she said, blowing away all the torn-up bits of grass.

Remus couldn’t help reign in his curiosity. “What… what electives did Snape choose?”

Lily plucked some more grass. “Ancient Runes and Arithmancy.”

Remus wondered if he had chosen them before or after Lily chose hers. “I am very excited for all the electives.”

“I hope you don’t push yourself too much—oh!”

A shadow fell across them. Remus had heard footsteps approaching, however since it was a nice day out and there were loads of people out and about he hadn’t thought twice about it. He had assumed the person was just walking around. But he glanced up to see Snape looming above them, a slight sneer on his face. He almost felt like he summoned the Slytherin because of his question.

“Lily,” Snape said, folding his arms, conspicuously avoiding looking at Remus.

“Hey Sev. Want to join us?”

His gaze remained unwaveringly on her. “I needed to speak to you a moment. Alone.”

Lily glanced at Remus who shrugged. Sighing, she held out her hand. “Could you help me up?”

Snape took her hand, a very faint blush sweeping through his cheeks as he pulled her up. The two of them wandered off, out of hearing. Well, ‘out of hearing’. He could hear everything, though he pretended not to. Apparently, Lily was supposed to be having supper with Snape in ‘their usual spot’ but he couldn’t make it, since Malfoy apparently wanted the Slytherin Slug Club members to sit together. Lily wanted to know why Snape couldn’t say no. Snape said he couldn’t, because what was he supposed to tell them?

“That you had a prior engagement,” she said rather sharply. “With me.”

“I—“ he started, then fell silent.

“You what?” she demanded. “You can’t? You can’t tell them you’re having supper with a Muggleborn?”

“Lily, I did not mean it like that.”

“ _I’m_ a member of the Slug Club,” she pointed out. “Though I expect some of them would rather I not be.”

Snape looked aghast. “Lily, I did not mean…”

“Mean what?” she asked when he didn’t say anything. They stared at each other then, “Fine,” she snapped. “Fine. Have supper with that arsehole Malfoy.”

“ _Lily_! You shouldn’t call him—“

“He _is_ an arsehole!”

“No…”

“No he’s not? Because he is. A total and utter one at that.”

Snape shuffled his feet, obviously discomforted. “I’ll meet you for supper. I shouldn’t have—I wasn’t—no, I will meet with you.”

Lily sniffled loudly. “No need.”

“Lily!”

She turned on her heels and stomped back to Remus, face flushed with anger. Snape stared after her with big eyes until he noticed Remus looking; then he glowered, and whirled around to stomp off, his cape billowing behind him. Lily didn’t say anything until he was out of sight and then she gave a frustrated grunt, punching the ground.

“Is… everything all right?” Remus asked, trying to act like he hadn’t heard everything.

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” She covered her face and fell backwards. Soon she began crying and Remus panicked, having no idea what to do. He never knew what to do when she cried. He couldn’t take her hand, since they were both still over her face. He couldn’t give her a hug since she was laying on the ground. Finally he lay down next to her, scooting closer.

“Do you want to talk about it, or just be here in silence?” he asked, thinking of what the other Marauders sometimes offered him when he was distraught; an offer he always enjoyed being given.

“Silence,” she whispered.

He got even closer, his arm flush against hers. “Okay.”

After a moment Lily rolled over, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his shoulder. He tried his best to hold her, remaining silent as she cried into his shoulder.

After several more minutes Remus said, “Malfoy’s jaw was broken earlier this week.” He tightened his hold on her. “Just thought that might cheer you up.”

Lily’s sniffles turned into slight giggles and she tilted her head to look up at him, her face very close to his. “It does, thank you.” Then she pulled away, wriggling free from his hold. “I—I appreciate the comfort but I realized what this must look like to others.”

“What do you mean?”

She got onto her knees, rubbing her face again. “Cuddling.”

“It was?” he asked, confused. Wasn’t it?

“Yes,” she agreed rather awkwardly. “I liked it. However most people seem to think only couples should cuddle. I—I don’t want to set off another Valentine’s rumor.”

Remus swallowed, realizing she was right. “Oh, yeah. That—yeah.” He thought of when James went under the bed with him and held him, and how nice it felt. He liked holding Lily too. It didn’t _mean_ anything. Why should it mean anything?!

“Thank you though.” She reached over, taking his hand and squeezing gently.

He sat in silence for a moment, trying to sort through his thoughts, trying to figure out how to say what he really wanted to say.

“If—if you ever need to—uh, um—if you—well, I mean… I wasn’t—I didn’t—“ He struggled to figure out the words, and even if he wanted to say the words. “I didn’t mind doing that. It didn’t mean anything to me, I—no! I mean, it didn’t—it didn’t mean anything like _that_ ,” he quickly amended. “I—I don’t think that’s something only—I—friends should be able to—oh, never mind.”

“I think I know what you mean,” she said softly. “I don’t think cuddling is only for couples. I liked it too. Not like that. As friends.”

“I don’t mind,” he admitted. “Cuddling I mean.” His voice dropped, as if he were confessing to a shameful secret even though he knew it wasn’t shameful. “As friends.”

“Nor do I.” She tucked some hair behind her ear, smiling. Then she bent forward, hugging him again and he hugged back, feeling embarrassed for what he said but also a little… good. He probably _shouldn’t_ be cuddling with _anyone_. Especially not someone like Lily who didn’t know the truth—didn’t know _what_ he was. But it _had_ felt nice and comforting, and it’s something he thought he’d like to do again.

Even with one of his other friends like James or Peter or—

Well. Maybe not Sirius. Cuddling with Sirius did really seem like a lovely thought, just… not until he got rid of whatever was wrong with him. Not—not until he sorted out his unwanted issues regarding his mental and physical reactions towards Sirius. So it didn’t ruin anything. ‘Course Sirius probably wouldn’t want to anyway. He seemed less inclined towards that sort of thing than James did, or even Peter.

Remus sighed quietly, part of him wishing to curl up against Sirius, part of him knowing it probably wouldn’t—and really _shouldn’t_ —ever happen.


	132. Chapter One Hundred-Thirty-Two – Over The Balcony

Remus began his week of detention on Saturday morning. He had to be at the greenhouses by eight in the morning which was, in his opinion, far too early for detention. James’s Sunday morning practices were worse, but at least all Remus had to do was sleepily watch his friend fly around; he didn’t need to really _do_ anything.

It was quite chilly and very foggy when he trudged out of the castle. He got lost once before finally stumbling into Greenhouse Three, the one he was supposed to go in. Sprout was already there, looking disgustingly cheerful for such a miserable hour. At least the hour made sense when she explained what he was to do: help her replant some plants that could only be moved during the morning hours.

“After around eleven, noon hits they become very testy being touched,” she explained.

They went to the back of the greenhouse where there were several tables set up with loads of plants that were getting too big for their pots. They were a magical variant of morning glories. The second years hadn’t studied them quite yet, but Remus recognized them from the book. In the afternoon they started curling up on themselves and their razor-sharp leaves would attack anyone who tried to bother them.

At the moment they were perky, their petals quivering with joy as Sprout complimented them.

“You need to compliment them,” she explained as she handed him some gloves.

“Is this detention or a lesson?” he asked, intrigued. If it was more like a lesson then he definitely didn’t mind.

“Both, I suppose,” Sprout laughed. “You’ll start with filling the pots. I need a mix of 70 percent plain dirt, twenty percent Grade B compost, and ten percent dragon fertilizer.”

Remus began mixing everything together, being careful with the measuring. He began dumping the mix into the pots as Sprout began moving them, then when he had all the pots filled he helped her with moving the biggest, sturdier plants. They finished up a little after eighty-thirty and after that Sprout took him to one of the storage rooms to mix compost. There were dozens of enormous barrels that needed turning, and a sickly rotting stench in the air that made him gag a bit.

“Isn’t this done by magic?” he asked.

“It can be,” she said. “Just as there are also spells used to clean trophies. This is detention, Mr. Lupin. Start cranking.”

He grabbed the handle and tugged, hoping he wouldn’t need to rely on full werewolf strength to turn the barrels! However, while the initial pulls were a struggle (mostly due to his height), once he got it going it wasn’t too difficult. He did work up quite a sweat and by the time Sprout released him, he was completely soaked.

*

The next couple of days were a blur of hanging out, playing pranks, playing _Wild Adventures_ , preparing to study for the exams, starting to study for the exams, and doing his best to avoid Malfoy who continually glared at him whenever they were in the same vicinity—minus the Great Hall, thankfully. Mostly when they happened to pass each other in the halls. There was also, of course, detention.

On Sunday it was with McGonagall, writing an essay on why what he did was wrong. Since it only took about twenty minutes he was afraid he’d be made to do cleaning afterwards, as twenty minutes hardly seemed to be a decent detention. But after McGonagall looked it over, she discussed with him the finer points of the essay, then reminded him of the dangers of using advanced spells on himself. All he did was nod in agreement, not pointing out he couldn’t do any damage to his body. She also tried talking to him about everything, however he didn’t really know what to say in response; that discussion sorta fizzled which he felt guilty about. The detention only lasted about thirty-five minutes total.

On Monday, he had to write lines along with Sirius who spent the entire time balancing the quill on various parts of his body, until Professor Talkalot yelled at him and Sirius wound up with more detention. Remus asked him after what his lines were supposed to be, not sure why Sirius had detention.

“I shall not dump toads on first years attempting to use the loo,” Sirius laughed.

“When did…?”

“Friday, when you were at Study Group,” Sirius explained, throwing an arm around Remus. “We get very bored when you’re not around, you know. In fact, if you look at it that way, it’s _your_ fault.”

“Oh, it’s _my_ fault _you_ dumped toads on first years who were trying to pee?” Remus asked, feeling very tired at the accusation though not surprised.

“No,” Sirius said, holding him a finger. “It’s your fault I dumped toads on first years who were trying to poop.”

“ _Sirius_!” Remus moaned, and his friend burst into laughter.

James was pretty busy too, since the final Quidditch game—Gryffindor versus Slytherin—was coming up fairly soon. Remus hauled his schoolbooks with him to the practices, trying to cram information in his head while also trying to ignore Sirius teasing him for studying a month ahead.

On Tuesday Remus realized a problem: he had detention with Flitwick at six that night… and Occlumency. He hadn’t thought about it until breakfast, and quietly panicked, unsure as to what to do about the situation. He didn’t want to go to Dumbledore about the problem but perhaps McGonagall could help him? She knew about his Occlumency lessons. He hoped to simply put off detention, though was very aware of how unfair that would be. Except he’d be missing the next Tuesday’s Occlumency lesson and did not want to miss so much!

After Herbology Remus excused himself from his friends and rushed to the Transfiguration classroom, waiting until the students finished pouring out. There was one student left, talking to McGonagall, and then Remus was able to go in to explain the issue. McGonagall listened carefully, frowning as he spoke.

“I had not thought of that,” she admitted, walking over to one of the windows to look out at the grounds.

“I—I know it—I know it’s wr-wrong to ask for d-detention to be another night,” he said, awkwardly tugging at his sleeve, “but—but I’ll be missing next week—“

“I understand,” she said, turning around to face him. “Occlumency is extremely important for you. I’ll inform Filius you’ll be unable to attend detention tonight, and instead you will have detention on Saturday.”

Remus felt rather weak with relief. “Th—thank you so much, Professor. I c-can’t even begin to thank you.”

Sirius found it _very_ unfair when Remus explained to them what he run off for. “I want to miss detention tonight too!” he complained.

“Like you won’t try to skip it anyway,” Peter muttered.

Sirius shrugged. “Fine, I want to legally skip it.”

“First of all, I am not skipping it, I am merely doing it another night—“

“Pffft.”

“And second of all, not doing your detention last night is why you have detention tonight,” Remus pointed out.

Sirius made a face, sticking his tongue out. “Nnenenennanenee,” he whined out in a mimicky sort of way. Remus just rolled his eyes, trying not to give in to giggles.

At Occlumency, Fawley and Remus spoke quite a bit about the fact he would be taking all the electives; last Tuesday they hadn’t really discussed the electives much. She was excited for him, and proud of him which made him glow.

“What have your parents said?” she asked.

“They haven’t replied yet,” he said. “I sent Arthur—since the school owls hate me and I hate continually asking my friends for help—anyway, I sent Arthur but he’s slow now so I probably won’t get a response for a while.”

He worried about if Arthur made it home safely to Wales. The vet had said Arthur would be fine after the Easter holidays, and it was only a small letter. It had been a week now. If it took Arthur an extra day or two to get there, _and_ a couple days of rest, then a few days to get back then he figured Thursday at the earliest.

“I hope they’re not too mad…”

“Why would they be mad?” Fawley asked suspiciously.

“Er… the money,” he explained. “The expense.”

Fawley went silent for a minute then started to say something. He knew what she was going to say before the words came out. He considered cutting her off however if she _wasn’t_ going to offer to help it’d be a bit embarrassing to act like he expected it.

But no, she indeed said, “I could help.”

“Miss Fawley—“

“Remus,” she said firmly, frowning deeply. “You’re a very intelligent young man. Consider it an investment rather than charity.”

“Investment in _what_?” he asked bitterly. “My fancy Ministry career?”

Fawley pushed some hair back, laughing very softly. “Your future, whatever it is you decide to do with it. Besides sassing people, I mean.”

He ducked his head, twisting the hem of his sleeveless jumper around his finger. “Ah, er, s—sorry.”

“I don’t mind,” she promised, reaching over to put a hand on his arm. “It’s more than fine. I enjoy your attitude, it’s very nice to hear you giving lip. You… you’ve changed so much since we first met.”

“I—it’ll be two years, in about four months,” he said, marveling at how fast time had gone by. Two years (almost) already!

Fawley shook her head. “Hard to believe. You’ve gone from a very frightened eleven year old, to a thirteen year old coming into his own.”

Remus smiled at that. “Have I changed that much?”

“Very,” she said, squeezing his arm. “You could hardly speak when we first met, and were terrified of getting into trouble. Now look at you.”

His smile grew more, and he felt a little heat in his cheeks. “It is really… bizarre to think back to how I was.” His first few months at Hogwarts almost felt like a dream. Something that didn’t happen. He remembered being so adamantly intent on following his parents’ rule of no friends. Well, that didn’t work out so well.

“It’s going to be wonderful to see you grow even more as the years go on.”

He knew she meant his personality and attitude, yet he couldn’t help think about the word in any other form but physical. “Yes, well, hopefully I do _grow_ a lot. I’m the second shortest in my year! The only one shorter than me is a Slytherin girl, and only just barely.”

“You’ve got plenty of time to get taller,” she reassured him.

“According to _Your Body at Hogwarts_ most boys stop getting taller in their sixth year. _Sixteen_!” He clutched at his hair miserably. “That’s only three years away!”

“Remus—“

“ _And_ the average growth per year is two and a half inches. That’s only seven and a half more inches, if I grow at the average rate.”

“Remus—“

“Which puts me at around five foot fourish. James is almost that tall. Sirius is already taller than that! I’m going to be a _shrimp_.” He flopped back, folding his arms, kicking his heel against the couch. “Though,” he added with a sniffle, “considering the fact most of wizarding society seems to think werewolves are all great big hulking brutes, that _does_ work in my favor.”

Fawley waited for a few seconds, looking very amused. “Are you done?” she finally asked.

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“Feel better?”

“A bit.”

She nodded, leaning forward so she could reach out for his temples. “Good. Now. Let’s begin, shall we?”

It wasn’t until he was headed back to the Gryffindor tower that he realized he never convinced her _not_ to help with the expense of his books. Perhaps she’d forget about it. Hopefully she would.

*

“I didn’t tell them why.”

It was Wednesday morning. Remus had woken up early (well, early for a Wednesday) to go to the library with Lily and Aegis to study together, since he missed Monday’s Study Group and would be missing the rest of the week. He wondered what the others knew, and Lily told him they knew he had detention. Just not what for.

“I can imagine the smugness of Twycross and Craft if they knew why,” sighed Remus, tapping his quill rather angrily against his parchment, leaving little splattery dots everywhere.

“When are they _not_ smug?” Lily asked, causing the two boys to snicker. “Honestly, sometimes I think they drive me crazy more than…”

“Than who?” Remus asked with a grin after she trailed off. Lily stuck her lower lip out, not saying anything. “James?” he continued. “Do they annoy you more than James annoys you?”

“No, nobody can annoy me more than Potter,” she said rather huffily. “I was going to say Black. They annoy me more than Black.”

“Aren’t Misters Potter and Black pretty much one and the same?” Aegis inquired.

“No,” Lily snapped, while Remus tried not to laugh too hard. “Potter is a thousand times worse. A million. More than a million!”

Before Remus could remark on this, Aegis said, “I do not know if I can fully agree with you on that one. Though Mr. Black has been less abrasive towards me of late, I think I still prefer Mr. Potter.”

Lily looked a little uncomfortable at that, obviously not knowing what to say in return.

“I thought you said they were one and the same,” Remus said to break the awkwardness, or attempt to.

Aegis shrugged. “Oh, if you are meaning in the manner of annoyance, yes, they are the same. However Mr. Potter seems to be a little nicer towards me than Mr. Black is. Therefore, I prefer Mr. Potter. Though, that is apt to change. Of course, neither of them have done anything to me by way of pranking whereas I know they have pranked you, Lily.”

Lily made a face. “Ugh, I still think Potter’s to blame for the custard in my dresser. I don’t know how, but I just _know_ he is!”

“By the way,” Remus said, turning to Aegis, not wanting Lily to talk about the custard in case she saw anything in Remus’s face, “you never did say what electives _you_ chose.”

Lily narrowed her eyes but he was saved by Aegis’s response. “I have not said. I am taking Study of Ancient Runes, Arithmancy, and… Muggle Studies.”

Lily’s eyebrows darted up. “Muggle Studies?”

“Yes,” he confirmed with a wry smile. “I am very aware of the fact I am the only Slytherin in my year to take it. Professor Slughorn was rather surprised by my choice.”

Remus started a little, forgetting completely that of course Aegis would go to Slughorn to hand in his elective choices. “Did he try to talk you out of it?” he asked.

Aegis shook his head. “No, no, quite the opposite. He was pleased, in his own way. He said it has been a long time since a Slytherin has taken the class. Though if you ask me, I suspect it is more from peer pressure rather than disinterest. I am a little worried about what will happen when my classmates discover I’ve taken it.” He twisted the quill even more then dropped it, frowning. “Or others.”

“Other Slytherins?” Lily asked, and Aegis nodded.

Aegis left first, as he had a class at ten, and after he left Lily asked if Remus knew why the Slytherins treated Aegis so poorly. He said he didn’t know, that he really had no idea, and all he really knew was about the same thing Lily knew: it had something to do with his bloodline.

“Sirius knows, I think,” Remus said, scratching doodles on his homework. “I haven’t asked. It isn’t really my business, unless he wants it to be.”

Lily stared at him for several long seconds. “You don’t want to intrude on him? Aegis, I mean.”

He shook his head. “No. If—if he wants to tell me he will. I think that’s best.”

“Yes, that makes sense,” she agreed.

After lunch Remus caught up with Aegis, wanting to ask if Malfoy had been bothering him anymore. Aegis chuckled, saying that no, Malfoy was still avoiding him for the most part. He knew Malfoy would start up again sooner or later, but in the meantime it was nice. He did add that the previous evening something had happened in Malfoy’s dorm, but Aegis had had an alibi since the last time Malfoy had gone in, so Malfoy couldn’t really blame him. Then Remus and Aegis made plans to do something on Saturday, depending on when Remus had his final detention.

_Last night, when I was at Occlumency_? Remus wondered. _Did the Marauders prank his dorm_?

When Remus asked them before History, James and Sirius both denied it, but he could tell they were lying. So he turned to Peter, which the others declared to be vastly unfair, and questioned _him_ until Peter admitted that yes, they had gone into the Slytherin dorms again and filled Malfoy’s wardrobe with dead spiders and insects along with sticking solution. They also enchanted his homework to say ‘Pratty Malfoy’ instead of Lucius.

“He threatened you,” Sirius used as a defense when Remus glared.

“That is no reason to escalate the situation _or_ risk Aegis being accused!” Remus snapped back. “Enough! Okay?”

James and Sirius exchanged glances. Then, “Okay,” they agreed.

They went into class, Remus hoping that would be that.

*

Detention Wednesday night was with Professor Spring up in the Astronomy tower. Professor Spring rarely left the tower, so the only interactions Remus really had with him were about the class; it was a little strange helping him sort through the storage room. Spring didn’t really talk much, mostly he grumbled and complained about various things, none of which seemed to have to do with Astronomy. Soon Remus realized he was complaining about the possibility of having to retire.

“They won’t get to me,” he said firmly, shaking a lunascope at Remus.

Remus shrank back. “N-no sir,” he agreed.

In Remus’s opinion, it was a miracle Spring even still taught. He had to be in his early hundreds at the very least, probably mid! Remus kept his mouth shut, not commenting on his teacher’s various mumbles. Finally, after forty-five minutes it was over, and Remus bolted out of the tower, nearly colliding with James and Sirius who were waiting at the bottom of the steps.

“All right there?” Sirius asked, grabbing hold as Remus almost fell over.

“What are you doing here?”

“Throwing a party,” James replied, rolling his eyes. “What do you think? We’re waiting for you.”

Remus immediately grew suspicious. “For what?”

Sirius folded his hands together, smiling pleasantly. “Because you’re our friend and we missed you,”

Now he knew something was definitely up. “What did you do this time?”

“Nothing,” they chorused.

Remus folded his arms. “It wasn’t anything to do with Malfoy, was it?”

“No!” they both promised. Remus narrowed his eyes.

Sirius was the one to give in. “All right, we _might_ have maybe accidentally did a sticking charm— _maybe_ a permanent one—to the library door handle and now some Slytherin is stuck there. No, it had nothing to do with Malfoy, we promise. The fact it was a Slytherin was mere chance.”

James grinned broadly. “You should’ve seen her screeching, it was very funny.”

Remus rubbed his temples. “Why did you—oh, never mind, I don’t want to know. Hiding out then, are you?”

“A bit,” Sirius said, then grabbed Remus’s wrist. “Come on, Peter’s club lets out soon, let’s go meet him then we can hide out somewhere until everyone goes to bed!”

Remus let himself be dragged along. “You can’t hide forever, you’ll be caught tomorrow.”

James turned, facing them as he walked backwards. “Yes but tomorrow maybe some tempers might have cooled down and it won’t be as bad.”

“James—“ Sirius and Remus both tried to warn him.

“You’ve got to look on the positive side of—oof!”

He had walked backwards right into an older Slytherin. There were three of them, all looking quite furious.

“Are those the Slytherins that got stuck?” Remus whispered.

“Um, he’s dating the one who got stuck,” Sirius replied, indicating one of them.

James was being gripped tightly by said boyfriend, a fourth or fifth year who looked particularly awful. “Think it’s funny, do you?” he demanded, whirling James around. “Could have permanently damaged her! She’s in the hospital wing now, trying to get the door handle removed without _too_ much damage to her skin!”

James tried to wriggle free. “It’s not that difficult to get a sticking spell off someone!” he chuckled.

“It is when it’s permanent!”

“Oh, was it permanent?” James asked lightly.

The Slytherin shoved him so hard he fell to his butt, then suddenly wands were out. Remus yanked his own out from his pocket, heart racing at the thought of fighting with such older students! Spells were being shouted out furiously, and most of them didn’t seem very innocent. One of them blasted off a bit of wall when it hit.

Remus felt sick, and very scared. He thought the best course of action was to run and fetch a teacher, but there was obviously no getting out of this! So he began shooting spells, advanced spells that James and Sirius couldn’t do yet. He began shooting the full-body bind though the Slytherin he accidentally paired off with was good with shields, blocking the spell easily.

_What do I do_!? Remus sucked in some air and whispered a spell, shooting it past the Slytherin who laughed at the ‘terrible aim’. Remus shot another spell, ‘missing’.

“Pathetic!” the Slytherin laughed.

Remus darted forward, shooting spells as rapidly as he could. Nothing too wild, simply doing spells for the sake of driving the Slytherin back. The moratempium spell went off, and fire blasted upwards right as the Slytherin stepped back into it. The timing couldn’t be more perfect. The shield spell couldn’t protect him from an attack from below! He screamed, jumping back as he tried to put the fire out. As he was distracted, Remus quickly hit him with the full-body bind, and put the fire out though it was very tempting _not_ to.

Remus whirled around, panting heavily from all the spells he had done, sweat trickling down his forehead. He wiped his forehead off, staring at the sight of the others locked in their duels. James was bleeding rather profusely from his arm, though was easily holding his own. Sirius and his enemy were at a greater distance, flinging spells back and forth while trying to keep themselves safe.

Sirius looked more tired than James, but James was visibly injured so Remus turned to help him first. Having two enemies was a bit too difficult for the Slytherin and within a minute he was flagging. Remus tried to use the full-body bind but the shield was too strong. Then he maneuvered around, trying to get a better angle. The Slytherin now had James in front of him and Remus nearly behind him and didn’t know what to do. He whirled around, putting all his focus on Remus.

“Nasusmusca!” James shouted, and bogies began climbing out of the Slytherin’s nose, attacking him. “Engorgio skullus!” The Slytherin had a difficult time fending this spell off thanks to the bat bogies, and his head began swelling up.

Satisfied James could finish him off on his own, Remus turned around just as Sirius’s enemy hit him hard with the flipendo spell. Sirius went flying backwards over Remus’s head and his heart almost stopped.

They were near a balcony that overlooked the floor below.

Very near.

Feeling as though everything was in slow motion, Remus began running as fast as he could which, thankfully, was pretty fast, as long as he didn’t trip. Please _Merlin_ he didn’t trip! The Slytherin Sirius had been fighting turned to fight James who had defeated the other one and was ready to fight the third.

“Locomotor robes! Wingardium leviosa!” Remus cried out, running after Sirius, trying to slow him down so he’d land sooner and not—

But no, he was going to go over the balcony.

Remus dropped his wand and dove, grabbing onto the railing with one hand and seizing hold of Sirius with his other. Sirius’s pale face went past him and then suddenly his full body weight yanked hard. Remus cried out at the feeling of his shoulder wrenching in a painful way, but held on tight to Sirius.

“Shit!” Sirius cried out, dangling now from Remus’s hand, over a one-and-a-half-story drop. “MERLIN—WHAT—THE—MERLIN—“

Remus grunted, pulling Sirius up. The pain flared in his shoulder, and he wanted desperately to let go of his friend to stop the pain. It hurt so _bad_. “Shit—“ he hissed out through clenched teeth. “ _Shit_!” Tears streamed down his cheeks as he gave another hearty tug, then slight relief as Sirius managed to grab hold of the balcony railing.

Remus cried out at the pain as he kept pulling until Sirius climbed over the balcony, falling on top of him. Remus went down, not caring.

“What the hell—what in Merlin’s name—what—fuck—what—“ Sirius panted out.

Remus wrapped his arms around him, trying not to cry, relieved that Sirius was okay, not caring how much it hurt to hug him. He didn’t realize at first he was whispering, “You’re okay,” repeatedly until Sirius pulled back, getting into a sitting position to hug Remus back.

“I’m okay,” he said, holding onto Remus tightly. “What the bloody hell just happened?!”

“Thought you were g-g-going to—thought—you almost—“

“Guys?!” James had finished off the final Slytherin and was hurrying over, not realizing Sirius had almost had a very dangerous fall. “What—why is Remus crying?”

Sirius suddenly pushed Remus back a little. “Your shoulder is hot,” he said, putting his hand gently on Remus’s left shoulder.

Remus flinched in pain. “No, it—I’m f-fine—it’s fine—“

“It’s hot, and swelling up,” he said, face darkening.

“What _happened_?!” James demanded.

“He saved me,” Sirius replied, getting up and gently helping Remus up—by his right arm. “I would have gone over the side if Remus hadn’t—how—how did you do that? Should you go to Pomfrey?” he added, when Remus reached up to gingerly touch his left shoulder.

“I d-don’t know,” he admitted. He rotated his arm, yelping when it felt worse. It didn’t seem to be healing up.

“Yeah, we’re going,” Sirius said, not giving Remus a choice.

“S—someone needs to g-get Peter,” he pointed out, deciding not to argue. The pain was coming and going in waves which meant whatever the problem was, his lycanthropy couldn’t fully fix it. Which didn’t make sense, since he knew he could heal broken bones. What _happened_?

“I’ll get Peter,” James offered.

“You’re _bleeding_ ,” Sirius said.

James looked at his arm. “Er, only a little, it’s mostly stopped.”

Sirius shook his head, then glanced rather miserably at Remus, as though he didn’t want to leave Remus’s side. “I—I guess I’ll get him.”

“I can get him,” Remus offered and both of them stared at him. “Oh. Er. Right.”

The three of them walked together until they reached the floor where Peter’s club met, then James and Remus moved on. He was expecting the pain to go away by the time they reached the hospital wing but it hadn’t, and he began panicking. The only thing that ever lasted this long was a dark art injury (aka himself, as a wolf).

“Pomfrey?” he whimpered when she came over to see who had come in. Remus glanced around for Slytherins and saw one bed had curtains around it. Probably the girl with the door handle stuck to her.

“Mr. Potter!” Pomfrey exclaimed, ushering James over to a bed. “What happened?”

Remus stood there awkwardly, not knowing how to say _he_ was the one who needed tending to. James tried to explain, pointing at Remus while Pomfrey rolled his sleeves back. “Madame Pomfrey, Remus—Remus is—he—“

“It’s not too deep of a gash,” Pomfrey said, getting some potions out.

“Remus is hurt too,” James said a bit loudly.

Pomfrey blinked at him then turned towards Remus. “My—my sh-shoulder hurts,” he muttered.

“Your shoulder hurts?” she repeated, disbelievingly. “Oh. Well. Let me see. Here, Mr. Potter, rub this potion in to disinfect the wound.” She hurried over, doing a spell over his shoulder, eyes widening when she saw whatever the problem was. “Oh! Your shoulder is—is dislocated. It is out of its socket. Er, hold on. This may hurt a moment…”

She flicked her wand, doing a spell which shoved his arm up in a strange way. He screamed at the blast of pain which immediately began fading.

“That should feel better,” she said, then handed him a potion. “Rub this into your shoulder to help the muscles and the bruising.”

Remus sat down, putting some of the salve onto his fingers and pushing it into his shoulder, having to go through the mime since Pomfrey couldn’t know James knew Remus could heal on his own. _Dislocated shoulder_ , he thought, which made sense as to why it couldn’t heal on its own. He supposed his body was having a hard time putting his shoulder bone back into its socket, so to speak. _Huh_. He’d have to look up how to fix dislocated bones on his own for emergencies. It probably would have slid back into place eventually, but he definitely didn’t want it to happen again and have to _wait_ for it to pop back on its own.

Right when Pomfrey finished up with James the doors burst open and Sirius and Peter ran in.

“REMUS! JAMES!” Peter screeched, dropping his bag. “Sirius said—“

“We’re both better now,” James said cheerfully. “I had a gash and Remus’s shoulder was dislocaled..”

“Dislocated,” Remus corrected, not that James really cared about the proper term. He just hoped Pomfrey would let them go soon and not ask what happened, because everything was beginning to overwhelm him now that the adrenaline was dying down, and the pain fading.

The realization of what almost happened to Sirius settled into Remus’s stomach like a rock. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, bending forward, seeing Sirius plummeting down in his head. He was dimly aware that Pomfrey was questioning them about what happened, and James making up some story. The words didn’t penetrate the fog in Remus’s brain so he wasn’t sure exactly what was said.

After Pomfrey told Remus to return in the morning for a checkup, the Marauders left the hospital wing. Sirius had a hand on Remus’s back, guiding him; it was pretty obvious Remus was out of it. Except he shouldn’t be, it should be Sirius who was out of it—Sirius who almost…

Peter was demanding to know what happened, and James told him about his side of things. What he knew. When he finished, Sirius supplied the rest. That he had been flung over the balcony, and Remus saved him. Peter whistled, apologizing for not being there to help (though sounding slightly relieved he hadn’t).

“Are you okay?” Pete asked Sirius.

Remus was glad Peter asked, since he didn’t seem to have the words.

“I dunno, I guess,” Sirius replied, restlessly running his fingers through his hair. “It’s all a bit of a blur, to be honest. Except—well, let’s wait till we’re alone. Actually, here—down here.”

Sirius led them down a side corridor then another side corridor. Remus staggered along, barely noticing where they were going, sucking in deep breaths as he repeated, _it’s over, it’s done,_ to himself.

At least he thought so, until Sirius stopped in his tracks and said, “So, wanna tell us what that’s about?”

It took several seconds for Remus to realize Sirius was talking to him. Slowly he turned, confused, especially when he realized they were in a dead-end corridor that, as far as he knew, didn’t have any secret passages. Why were they there? “What? My shoulder?”

James and Peter both seemed as bewildered as Remus, but Sirius was staring at Remus, arms folded. “No. The fact you—“ He paused, glancing around, then continuing with, “you held onto me—my full weight—then _hoisted_ me up with no trouble whatsoever, other than a dislocated shoulder.”

Remus stared.

“You lifted me up,” Sirius repeated. “You _lifted_ me up, Remus. You’re practically half my size, and you—you held onto me as I fell—you caught me and held onto me—then you pulled me up without trouble. My full weight,” he said again, to hammer the point home.

James and Peter turned their gazes to Remus who took a step back.

_Well_ , he thought rather miserably, not wanting to deal with this revelation on top of everything that happened, _shit_.


	133. Chapter One Hundred-Thirty-Three – Re’emus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very close to finishing writing Remus's second year! I am currently writing chapter 151 and I am guessing I will probably be finishing it up by chapter 155/156! I'll definitely let you guys know when I finish the last chapter :)
> 
> Now on to the TW. Some cis teen boy problems mentioned after Remus goes to bed, and again when Remus is in Defense, as well as very vague internal homophobia.

All three Marauders waited for a response while Remus silently panicked. In the moment he hadn’t even thought about what he did though, in retrospect, he should have been a lot more careful. Had the Slytherins seen it? _Slytherin_ , he corrected, as only one had been up at that point. But he couldn’t ‘be careful’ when his friend was about to be thrown down one-and-a-half-stories and probably break all the bones in his body (or worse); he had needed to act fast. Which he did. And now this.

Then, _They know now_. They didn’t look afraid or hateful, merely confused—waiting for an answer.

“Ah—“

He stepped back, tugging at the end of his sleeve, knowing he couldn’t get out of this one. Aegis and Malfoy might have believed a strengthening solution, but not them! Perhaps he could get away with claiming it was adrenaline but…

“I—I’m—I’m st-strong,” he forced out, the confession probably sounding very silly in such a small voice, from such a small person. Indeed, James and Peter both began giggling. Sirius kept up the frown and furrowed brow. “I am,” he said, a little louder. “It—it’s from—because I’m—you know.”

“You’re strong,” James said, still amused. Remus nodded. “Right.”

“Wait,” Peter said, his amusement fading a little. “You _are_?”

“Yes.”

“What do you _mean_?” Sirius asked. “You—I wouldn’t believe it if you hadn’t—“ He stopped, frowning even more. “You held me up. You lifted me up.”

“I mean I…” Remus licked his lips, eyes darting around the corridor, figuring a show of strength would be the best way to prove to them. He went over to a large, very heavy stone bench and grasped the edge with his right hand. His left shoulder was probably completely healed, but he didn’t want to risk anything. Grunting slightly, he pulled the bench halfway off the ground without much trouble at all. He kept it held up for a few seconds then dropped it with a very, very loud _thud_.

They were staring again, this time with huge eyes and a slack jaw in Peter’s case.

James immediately went over and tried to lift it with one hand. Nothing happened. Grunting, he grasped the edge with both hands and pulled upwards; he managed to get it maybe an inch off the ground before giving up.

Remus rubbed his hands together a bit then sat down on another bench, the dizziness becoming too much. It wasn’t anywhere near as bad as _that_ night, in October. But this would change things. Hopefully… not too much.

“Damn,” Sirius said.

He ducked a little, wrapping the hem of his shirt around his finger now. “I—I sh-should have told you sooner…” That sounded very awkward, and probably unconvincing.

“Why didn’t you?” James asked, messing up his hair as he took in what just happened.

Remus shrugged. “When we—when you asked me all th-those questions about—about it, I guess I wasn’t thinking about it. Then… you—you made it clear you didn’t see me as a—a—a mon—monster, or some big evil thing. I guess I was afraid if you knew what I c-could do as a—a human you might… ch-change your minds about that.” He hunched over, unable to look at them anymore. “That you’d be afraid of me.”

Sirius had been pacing a bit while Remus spoke and when he finished, Sirius stared at him incredulously. “Afraid of you? What? Are you _mad_?!”

Remus tried not to flinch, halfway wanting to say, _Well according to most the school, yes_. Instead, he gave another small shrug, not saying anything.

“Bloody hell, Remy, that’s—“ Sirius yanked his fingers through his hair, giving a slight groan. “No. _No_! We’d never be afraid of you! Why would you even think that?”

“Yeah, you’re—you’re _Remus_ ,” James added quickly. “Strong or not, you’re still our Remus!”

“Plus it is kinda cool,” Peter said, and when Remus gave him a slightly shocked look, Peter smiled rather crookedly. “Er, well, it _is_. I mean, you’re super _strong!_ That is so _cool_!”

Sirius was suddenly on the bench next to Remus. “You’re not—we’d never see you as some big evil monster! Merlin, that’s bloody ridiculous!”

Remus clenched his teeth at that, now irritated at his fears being called ridiculous. “Not that ridiculous,” he said rather sharply. “I can pick up this damn bench, Sirius! Most people would be terrified!”

“I think we’ve made it pretty clear we’re not most people,” Sirius said.

Remus just shook his head, getting up now. Mostly to get away from Sirius. _You hated me for the scent thing_ , he wanted to accuse. _You got so mad!_ “Yes, you—you are, but—I was still worried, all right? I can’t _help_ it! I—I’m not _normal_ , and every time I do something or say something I’m so scared of being—of being—being—“

“Weird and wrong,” Sirius said, rather flatly.

Remus wrapped his arms around his middle, turning his head away, silent again.

“Shit.”

“Sirius—“

He got up, hands curled into fists. “No, it—I—it’s—it’s because I said—“

“It’s not because of what you said,” Remus growled. “This has been something I’ve been afraid of telling you three since you found out I was one!”

Sirius wasn’t going to let it go. “Except I didn’t help anything at all, did I? I messed up, I totally messed up—“

“It’s _nothing_ to do with that, I promise! I was afraid before!”

The two stared at each other while James and Peter tried to pretend they weren’t in the middle of the argument, quite literally as they were standing between the two of them. James was rubbing the back of his head while Peter looked awkwardly down at his shoes.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said, the word he barely ever used.

Remus felt his nose burning as tears threatened to well up. He bit down on his tongue, trying not to cry like a baby. “You’re fine,” he whispered, since speaking at a regular volume felt like it would release the waterworks.

Sirius crossed the hall, putting his hands on Remus’s shoulder. “I am though.”

“I know. I forgive you, I do. It’s—it’s fine, it really is.” Remus wanted to push Sirius away and go and hide somewhere. This was too much. Way too much. “As I said, I’ve been scared to tell you guys since October. It—it was nice… you three not thinking of me as some brute and I thought if I told you about this, it would change everything.”

James snorted. “Remy, I don’t think anyone would ever think of you as a brute.”

Remus tugged at his sleeve, chewing at his bottom lip. “I can pick up—“

“Yes, you can pick up that bench,” Sirius cut him off. “You can also grab me when I’m about to fall and break all the bones in my body, _and_ lift me up with a dislocated shoulder.” Remus averted his gaze. “There is _no_ possible way we’d _ever_ think poorly of you. Okay? O _kay_?” he drew out when Remus didn’t answer.

“Okay,” Remus whispered.

They looked into one anothers’ eyes for probably far too long that was sensible, then Remus jumped as James lightly smacked his back.

“I agree with what Petey said earlier,” he said cheerfully as Sirius and Remus pulled apart. “It is cool.”

“Yes!” Peter said excitedly. “I mean, look what you can do! How is that not cool? Do it again! I mean, um, that sounded rude. Only if you want.”

Remus couldn’t help but smile at Peter’s exuberance and went over to pull the stone bench up again. Peter clapped, clearly very impressed. This time Remus set the bench down gently.

“You could pick us up,” Sirius murmured, rubbing his chin.

“I—I could, probably,” he said, not sure why Sirius brought that up. “I did technically, earlier.”

“No, I meant—“

“Yes, I know,” Remus said. “But—but c-could we… tomorrow? I’m pretty wiped emotionally and mentally with what happened.” He couldn’t believe they weren’t absolutely exhausted, but when he looked at them he realized James and Sirius both were too. Of course Peter wasn’t, he hadn’t been involved with the duel.

“Yeah, we should get back to the dorms,” James agreed.

Going the rest of the way to the tower didn’t even register in Remus’s head, and before he knew it they were in the dorm. He collapsed down on his bed, beyond fatigued. Everything was rushing through his body, which should have made him all keyed up and anxious, but he was simply too _tired_ to be all keyed up. He was anxious, though; _very_ anxious.

Since David and Spinnet were still down in the common room, Remus rolled out of bed in order to wriggle underneath, curling up with a blanket and pillow. Peter started doing homework while James and Sirius went into James’s bed, whispering to each other about what happened.

_I can’t keep more secrets from them_ , he realized, but didn’t think he wanted to confess another weird fact. He’d tell them tomorrow, about how his hearing was better than they probably realized.

Sighing, he rolled onto his side, burying his head under his pillow as he tried to relax. When he closed his eyes all he saw was Sirius flipping over the balcony. Then he remembered they had left the paralyzed Slytherins on the sixth floor. Oops. Surely someone would come across them, right? They’d be found. It was a well-used corridor.

Remus fidgeted, growing more and more nervous until he couldn’t handle it another minute. “Merlin,” he moaned, sliding out from under his bed.

“What is it?” Peter asked. “Are you okay?”

“Y—yes, I—well, um, we did leave those Slytherins,” he said.

James’s curtains pulled back, his and Sirius’s faces peering out. “So?” Sirius asked. “They nearly killed me, let them stay there.”

Remus sat up, rubbing his forehead. “Leaving them there could get us in more trouble.”

Sirius swung his legs out, eyes narrowed. “They could have killed me. Honestly, we should have stuck them in a secret passage or something.”

“You want to go rescue them, don’t you?” James sighed, adjusting his glasses. Remus nodded. “Bloody hell. Fine.”

“I can go by myself—“

“And when they spring up and attack you?” Sirius asked, putting his shoes back on.

“I w-was going to remove the spells from a distance,” Remus muttered.

“Zap and run,” giggled James.

Peter frowned but got his shoes on too. “I’m not gonna let you guys risk another fight like that,” he said when Remus said he didn’t need to go too. “Least maybe I can do _something_ to help.”

It was pretty much at curfew by that point so they needed to hurry. They went down to the sixth floor, going to where the Slytherins had been left—but they were gone. The only signs of the fight were some of James’s blood on the floor and a burnt mark where Remus had won his fight. The four Marauders exchanged looks then returned to the dorms, just as curfew hit.

“Welp, looks like we’ll be in more trouble then,” James said as they got back into their own beds. Their dormmates were there now, which meant Remus had to get into his bed instead of under it.

“More trouble?” Spinnet asked. “What did you do this time?”

“Defend ourselves,” James replied haughtily.

“Sure, of course,” Spinnet mumbled, rolling his eyes.

Remus disappeared into the bathroom to get ready for bed, zero intention of leaving the dorm again. He crawled under his covers, shut his curtains, and curled up with Gwyllgi. Everyone else was wide awake, but he had no energy for conversation or social interactions of any kind. He didn’t even have the energy to read or study.

Eventually, he drifted into an uneasy sleep full of nightmares of his friends being flung off cliffs. He thrashed in bed, waking up when Lily’s body was dashed into pieces. Music was still playing. Everyone else was still up. He glanced out the curtains to see it was only a little after nine.

Groaning, he fell back, covering his face. It took a while to get back to sleep and this time he slept for longer, waking up not from nightmares but the sound of someone doing something, someone making noise. It was very dark now, and everyone else sounded asleep, so it was late. Thinking that perhaps Lily was there to play another prank on James, he peeked out from behind the curtains.

Sirius was yanking the blanket off his bed, muttering under his breath as he did so.

“Sirius?” Remus whispered.

Sirius jumped about fifty feet in the air, dropping the blanket. “What the—?” He turned, eyes huge. “Re—Remus!” His voice was very squeaky, and he quickly turned back around, messing with the sheets. “Wh-what are you—why are you—“

“Is everything okay?”

Sirius shoved his bedclothes behind his curtains, keeping his back to Remus. “Yes, fine. I—I had a nightmare.”

“Oh—“

“Got sweaty is all. Very sweaty. Want to change the—um, anyway, yeah, it’s fine. Everything’s fine. Go back to sleep.”

“Do you need help?”

“ _No_!”

Remus frowned. “Is—“

“Fine,” Sirius said quickly, dumping his blanket into the laundry bin, shoving it down to the bottom. He then got into their shared wardrobe, yanking out pajamas. “Fine, go back to sleep.”

Then before Remus could say anything else, Sirius darted out of the room. Within a minute Remus heard a shower going.

He then realized there was a vaguely familiar scent in the air, one he was starting to smell more often in the dorm room. It had taken him some time to figure out what it was and once he did… he most definitely did not want to smell it. _Oh Merlin, oh no_ , he thought miserably, quickly shutting his curtains and diving under his pillow, wishing he didn’t have to smell _that!_ It was just as bad knowing when girls were—were having the—their problem. Both were extremely awkward, personal things he most definitely didn’t want to sense.

*

Remus had _no_ idea how to act the next day. All he really could do was act like nothing happened. Sirius seemed really awkward too, though hopefully he didn’t know Remus figured out the… er, problem. He certainly tried to seem like nothing was wrong. Still, he didn’t talk as much to Remus as usual, and looked uncomfortable whenever their eyes met.

On the other hand, Peter was really excited about Remus’s strength. When they ate lunch in the Pits Passages, Remus demonstrated by picking up the heavy pots without any trouble. Then he also picked Peter up who laughed, clapping when he was set back down.

That’s when Remus admitted how good his hearing was, cautiously bringing up the fact that when James and Sirius talked behind their curtains—even James’s curtains—he could hear.

“It—it’s like whispering, in James’s bed,” he explained. “When you’re talking at a normal level. If you whisper quietly enough I shouldn’t be able to hear. I—I’m sorry for not saying sooner…”

“It’s fine,” James said, though he seemed a bit annoyed.

Remus looked down at his food, guilty flowing through him. “I never listened in. I mean, I heard some things however whenever you started talking I’d put my earplugs in or put my head under my pillow to avoid hearing you.”

“Anything else you’re not telling us?” James asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m _sorry_!” He picked at his sandwich, feeling frustrated. “It’s not that—that I don’t trust you it’s… I’ve said before all I’ve been told is to keep everything secret because otherwise I’ll be killed—“

“Remus,” Sirius tried.

Remus ignored him. “Talking about my abilities is new to me. I know you wouldn’t hate me—“ of course he knew no such thing, as he suspected one day something would happen to make them hate him, “—I’m just scared easily! And yes, actually, I can see in the dark very well.”

He slumped back miserably. Peter reached out to touch his arm in comfort, and it took a lot of effort not to flinch since it was definitely a ‘no touch’ sort of day.

“Er, sorry, I didn’t—I shouldn’t have put it like that,” James said, rubbing the back of his head. “I guess I sounded rude.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to talk about certain things,” Sirius mumbled. “Whether you trust someone or not. There are things… we prefer to keep to ourselves.”

Remus tore apart his sandwich, his body practically vibrating from those words, knowing perfectly well Sirius was subtly referring to his family and his secrets that he kept close.

“Or information that I’m afraid would change everything despite your reassurance it wouldn’t,” he added after a few seconds.

“Well, being strong is definitely cool and not scary,” Peter promised.

“I am sorry if I sounded rude,” James said with a sheepish smile, and Remus shrugged, saying it was fine. He understood their side of things.

The conversation changed, thankfully, and the others discussed James’s upcoming game while Remus continued dismantling his sandwich until it was nothing but crumbs. He pushed his plate away, not really hungry anyway. At least his friends were all caught up with his lycanthropic abilities… unless he was forgetting something else, which was very possible.

Remus pretty much checked out for the rest of their lunch, only coming back mentally when it was time to go. As he got up, brushing the crumbs off him onto the plate, he froze up. There was a sound coming from down the corridor. He tilted his head, peering at the darkness beyond the pits—then realized the sound was coming from downward. From inside one of the pits. Tentatively he went over. It was the pit just beyond the one they were next to, and it sorta sounded like whispering.

“What’s going on?” James asked.

“Do you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

The sound stopped. He waited for a moment, then shook his head. “Nothing, I thought I heard something.”

“Like a snake?” Sirius asked, prodding Peter in the ribs.

Peter jumped, swatting at Sirius’s hand. “Bloody hell, Sirius, I know what I saw!” He hesitated, then frowned. “Okay, I think I know what I saw.”

“I believe you,” Remus said.

“ _Thank_ you,” Peter said, glowering at Sirius who giggled.

The Marauders hadn’t taken into account returning James’s broom to the dorms, so they were a couple of minutes late hurrying into Defense Against the Dark Arts. Prewett took two points off from each of them, giving them disapproving looks as they sat down. Lily frowned at them too, and Remus noticed Twycross rolling her eyes.

Prewett cleared his throat and started on his lecture. Remus quickly got everything out to take notes, feeling a little bad for being so late; he could have gotten to class in time if he had abandoned the others, but that would have been wrong.

_Re’ems can be found in N.A. and Eastern regions of Asia._ Remus chewed at his quill, squinting at what he wrote down. _Are they native to both regions?_ he added, thinking. _Were they brought to one from the other?_ He tried to think of any other creatures that were native to both regions but before he could a note landed on his desk.

_Re’em is your new nickname – SB_

Remus scowled at Sirius, giving a small shake of his head. Sirius nodded. Remus crumpled the note up, tossing it at him. It hit his leg, falling to the ground while he tried not to laugh.

Remus looked back up at Prewett, wondering what he had missed during that little exchange. Prewett was pacing back and forth, his slender hands waving through the air as he spoke. Remus put his elbow on the desk, resting his chin on his hand as he watched Prewett. He really was a good-looking man. There was something about his slender frame and broad shoulders, and the shape of his nose with his broad forehead…

Remus blinked a few times then returned to his notes, burning a little with the shame of his wrong thoughts. _Not wrong thoughts_ , he debated to himself. _Only facts._

He glanced back up, since Prewett was writing on the blackboard. His back was to the class, and he wasn’t wearing robes or a cape so the class had a good view of his backside, clad in well-fitted brown trousers.

Another note. Remus was grateful this time for the distraction because he did not want to think about—about—

_Re’em Lupin, the golden Gryffindor_. _Fits you you know – SB_ (along with a winky face).

Remus carefully drew a big frowning face over the whole thing and sent it back. What happened to Sirius being uncomfortable with interacting with him like he had been all morning?! Obviously the embarrassment of what had happened the night before had worn off.

Remus shuddered a little, going back to his notes again as he tried not to think about it. Tried not to think about Sirius— _Sirius_ —having that issue. Tried not to think of the fact most likely sooner or later he’d have the same issue. He wondered vaguely what girl Sirius had been dreaming about. He wondered what girl _he’d_ dream about, when the time came. Not that he wanted it to happen, but from what he read in _Your Body_ it was bound to happen.

His eyes drifted back to Professor Prewett. _He’s had the issue too_ , his brain whispered, and Remus dropped his quill at the sudden, shocking thought that invaded his head.

_NO_! he thought desperately as he reached down to pick his quill up. He nearly banged heads with James who was reaching down to pick the quill up. Remus mouthed a ‘thanks’, hoping he wasn’t too red, and then ducked his head over his desk as he hurriedly scribbled down information about re’ems.

_Professor Prewett has had that happen_ , his brain continued. _He’s probably done things_.

_No, stop, oh Merlin, no_!

_He has, he’s probably done sex things—_

Remus scrambled for a mental distraction. _Oh my darling knock three times on the ceiling if you want me, twice on the pipe if the answer is no! Oh my sweetness thump thump thump means you’ll meet me in the hallway. Twice on the pipe—tap tap—means you ain’t gonna show._

But then he couldn’t remember the rest of the lyrics so well, as it had been a long time since he heard the song. Then he vaguely recalled there was a line about being in someone’s dreams, which wasn’t exactly the most helpful considering why he needed the distraction in the first place.

_Why is my brain doing this_? he thought miserably, resisting the urge to bang his face against the desk. All he wanted to do was get through one lesson—ONE LESSON!—without thinking about Prewett like… like that! Let alone with those thoughts! It wasn’t fair, it really wasn’t.

Unfortunately, every time he tried paying attention to what Prewett said, his brain would whisper those awful things so Remus had to spend pretty much the entire lecture time singing songs in his head. By the time Prewett had everyone standing up to practice spells, Remus basically had zero notes and very little idea of what Prewett said. Thank Merlin Lily took good notes!

“Re’em,” Sirius said as soon as class (mercifully) ended.

“ _No_!” Remus snapped.

“Er, what?” Pete asked.

Sirius grinned. “Re’emus,” he explained, which caused James and Peter to both giggle.

Remus angrily yanked his bag over his shoulder. “I hate all of you!”

“Glad to hear you’ve come to your senses,” Lily teased as she walked by, and Remus gave her a vague smile. “What did they do now?”

Sirius pointed at Remus. “Re’emus Lupin,” he said proudly.

Lily snorted, clapping her hand over her mouth while Remus glowered at her. “Er, th—that’s very rude, if he doesn’t like it,” she said, her giggles betraying her.

“I hate you too,” Remus informed her.

“So what are we doing now?” Peter asked.

“Pranks!” James laughed, stretching his arms behind his head. “Wanna come with us, Red?”

Lily rolled her eyes. “No, I have much more important things to do with my time other than spend time with _you_! I’ll see you later, Remus.”

“Re’emus!” Sirius shouted after her as she left.

Remus gave him a light smack on the arm, though he wasn’t really that upset about it. The nickname was a little irritating but at least he was getting away from Prewett! He was just glad he didn’t have any detention with him tonight; he had detention with Prewett on Saturday which he was dreading, but at least that was a couple days away and hopefully by then these weird, unwanted thoughts would go away.


End file.
